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maidenofsophia · 1 month

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The Magdalene

Who is She?

This is a question I've been asking since I was a little girl. Despite going to a Christian primary school, I have few memories of being taught about her, other than her being a penitent prostitute and the first witness to the resurrection.

When I was ten I watched an animation movie called the Miracle Maker starring Ralph Phiens as Yeshua and Miranda Richardson as the Magdalene. In that movie she's portrayed as being a mentally ill woman tortured by hallucinations, is healed by Yeshua and becomes one of his closest disciples. I should also add the two are VERY touchy feely with each other in that movie, it's a beautifully chaste semi-romantic bond.

In 2003, when I was getting into Wicca, I met someone in a Pagan chat room who called himself a Gnostic Christian Witch. He said that the Magdalene was his goddess, that she was the Holy Mother Spirit (Sophia) incarnate in her Daughter form, just as the Father was with the Son; Yeshua. This....blew my mind. And led me down a rabbit hole of a bunch of Gnostic and heretical texts.

Then the Da Vinci Code came out and this whole belief about Magdalene being Jesus' wife came into the mainstream. But while everyone seemed to be obsessing over their romantic and sexual life and what children they might have had, none of this really phased me because it the first Gnostic Witch I met already held this belief - but he stressed that it came secondary to who Magdalene was as a spiritual leader in her own right.

Since then I have heard so many different versions of who the Magdalene "really" was that it's hard to list them all but I'll give it a go:

- She was originally from Egypt and trained as a priestess of Isis. Yeshua met her on his travels as he was studying before coming into his role as a teacher himself and they formed a strong bond, she anointed him in the name of God the Mother and he in turn helped to heal her chakras (seven demons), something which he had learned after having travelled to the East. It was at Yeshua and Magdalene's own wedding where he turned water into wine, they had a daughter called Sarah who Magdalene escaped to France with following Yeshua's death.

- Another Gnostic path I came across believed she had no human birth but was Sophia come down in human form, just as the Logos came down as Yeshua. While the Logos returned to the heavens, Sophia remained incarnate as the Magdalene with the promise to keep returning in woman form upon her death until the Second Coming.

- Another believed her to have been a priestess of Asharah, whose temple was sacked and she was subjected to horrific abuse, SA and being cast out and nearly stoned to death until being saved by Yeshua.

- the Ecclesia Pistis Sophia have an oral tradition which was written down into a book by Tau Malachi which said she was born into a wealthy Jewish family, had great spiritual gifts but was forced to suppress them, was forced into marriage by her wicked father and then was attacked and assaulted. These "Sophians" believe that she accepted the spirit of Lilith into herself in order to survive and upon meeting Yeshua he healed her and she became the 'fulness' of the divine feminine with Eve and Lilith becoming one in her. She became Yeshua's "Holy Bride" and they had a son called Michael, rather than a daughter. The same story of her travelling to France occurs.

- Kaia Ra, author of the Sophia Code, claims to have channeled the spirit of the Magdalene who revealed her upbringing to her. That she was the daughter of wealthy parents who, as opposed to her origins in the Ecclesia Pistis Sophia, decided to nurture their daughter's spiritual gifts, that she was given lessons at her home but also travelled with her father to various places and connected with many faces of the divine feminine. She meets a fellow priestess, Mother Mary, who becomes like a second mother to her. She meets Yeshua and joins him on his mission of revealing gnosis but she is not beneath him in any way, it is very much a co-equal journey they go on but in the patriarchal society he is the one who is elevated. She and Mother Mary travel to France after Yeshua's death.

There are probably more that I've forgotten and sadly most of the websites I used to come across in the 00's are now lost.

But all of these stories have shaped my relationship with the Magdalene in some way. Parts I've agreed with, others that don't sit right with me. I don't know if we'll ever know the full truth. Even the ancient texts can only tell us so much, being written decades if not over a hundred years after the Magdalene lived and not even in the language those who knew them would have spoken.

The "canonised" gospels tell us that the Magdalene was the first to see Yeshua after his death. For me that at least speaks of his importance to her. His wife? His best friend? His co-preacher and partner in ministry? Personally I don't think it matters, it speaks of the same thing. Love. He loved her. Whether that love was romantic or platonic or something else, it was love and respect and the deepest trust.

They also tell us that she supported him and the men by her means, implying she was very wealthy, and yet she is not mentioned in relation to any man, neither as daughter or wife of mother. She is simply the Magdalene, ie from Magdala, a fishing village. The name also means Tower, which gives an image of strength and earnest faith.

Luke and Mark both say that Yeshua healed Magdalene of seven demons. I find it interesting how this event takes place off page, as opposed to a lot of other miracles we see Yeshua perform. For me this implies it was a rather intimate healing session between the two of them rather than one the public or disciples witnessed. But this could have been either some sort of exorcism as depicted in the Miracle Maker, or a healing of her mental and spiritual health with something similar to chakra healing as was believed by my Gnostic friend.

Interestingly the gospels do not say that she was the woman who anointed Yeshua's feet and head, this seems to have been either Mary of Bethany or the unnamed 'sinful' woman and it doesn't really make sense why the writers would name Magdalene specifically later but not state it to be her here. But given there is contradictions on where this happened as well as who did it, I don't think it's a stretch for anyone to still believe the Magdalene did anoint him herself at some point.

And then you get to the Gnostic gospels and the apocryphal texts and these just elevate the Magdalene even further when she was clearly already an important figure before. The Gospel of Philip connects her to Sophia and says that Yeshua would kiss her often and the disciples were jealous that he "loved her more than them". The Gospel of Thomas has Yeshua refusing to heed Peter's request to send Mary away as "females are not worthy". In The Dialogue of the Savior, it is said that she "spoke this utterance as a woman who understood everything." In the Pistis Sophia, the Magdalene is constantly questioning and offering up her own visions to Yeshua who heaps tons of praise on her for her insight and says "You are more blessed than all women on earth, because you will be the fullness of fullness and the completion of completion." And again he becomes protective when Peter's sexism makes her afraid. And all of this culminates in her own Gospel, which very little remains but is so fascinating. In this text, it is the Magdalene who stands up and takes on Yeshua's role while the men weep in fear and loss of what to do. Peter voices that they all knew Yeshua loved her most among women and pleas for her to share her visions. Sadly most of what she shares with them is lost but what remains seems to be a vision of how the soul rose above the seven demons that struck her to its Higher Self. Peter and Andrew reject what she shares but Levi defends her.

What does all of this lead to for me in the end?

It leads me to see the Magdalene as any other goddess. As many have contracting legends and myths and origins, the same is true of Her. And to me she is a goddess, she is Zoe Sophia - the Divine Daughter - in a human form, an ascended master and high priestess. She is not the first or only instance of this, but she is the one I most connect with. Whatever the "true story" of who she was is irrelevant, at this point it's all these various beautiful legends that inspire the mind and spark the soul's ascension.

Many people focus on the Magdalene for her faith and devotion. Many focus on her "sacred marriage" to Jesus and see her as a figure of romantic and faithful love, as well as motherhood, as well as what intimate and potentially sexual spiritual experiences they may have had together.

For me, the Magdalene is a balance of dark and light. While many I see position her as just "Christ with a feminine face", or another form of Mother Mary as a loyal follower and caretaker, for me she has an energy and personality that is so unique to herself and separate from them. Though of course they are a huge part of her life and her story, I don't have either Yeshua or Mother Mary in my personal pantheon, and I don't believe it's necessary to in order to connect to the Magdalene. She was very much a powerful spiritual woman before she met either of them.

For me the Magdalene is passion, she is fire, she is strength and wisdom and courage. She is in no way passive, she is a constantly active eternal flame. She was not just a student receiving knowledge but also inspiring Yeshua and others around her, a seeker and dreamer, a spiritual shield maiden. I don't believe Jesus cast any demons out of her with a wave of his hand, I believe he taught her how to heal them herself. Because we all need help from time to time. I do believe she may have had traumatic experiences that impacted her mental health, this is something I very much connect with and feel her with me when I am at my lowest. She has met those demons and conquered them. And anyone who calls upon Her to protect them from demons, she will descend like a mother bear. The Magdalene is loyal but not submissive. Patient and caring but not meek and mild.

I do believe she loved Yeshua and was devoted to him, whether as a friend or lover it makes no difference, it was a powerful love. But while she called him Teacher out of respect, he revered her as a priestess just as much and they were fully equal. I do not believe as the Sophian Gnostics do that she subjugated herself before him. She was not his Holy Bride or Consort. Her relationship with Yeshua was her great love but not her only one. I believe she and Mother Mary loved each other as mother and daughter. I believe she had close and powerful friendships with female disciples such as Mary of Bethany and Salome. I also believe she had a daughter, Sarah, who may have been Yeshua's or not, but either way she would raise her as a single mother (with her community of friends). The Magdalene also loved God. In that, she is a goddess of divine love but in all its wonderful and various forms.

I felt compelled to write all this out for my own benefit as I've come to embracing the Magdalene back in path and my pantheon. Having tried my hardest to search around, most of those who claim to be Magdalene Priestesses all have their own beliefs about her and charge a fortune just to interact with someone looking for Her. In the end I felt called to save my time and money by trusting my own intuition and experience with her. I love having her back on my altar, only this time it's Cernunnos who sits opposite as the divine masculine. I respect Yeshua but he is not part of my faith and the Magdalene has told me that's okay.

Hail, Lady Magdalene. Blessed art thou.

#mary magdalene #long post is long #unverified personal gnosis #gnostic christian #filianism #goddess #mother goddess #holy daughter #divine feminine #déanism #lady sophia #christopaganism #zoe sophia

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gyarucoded · 11 months

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quick loki preview bc i have fallen down the rabbit hole since i have nothing else new to watch

the way loki used his magic was such a serve omg

i'm still in love with b-15 ♡

i appreciate the subtle humor, the jokes in other new mcu contents (minus the guardians of the galaxy) annoy me but here it's well balanced yet funny👍

when brad said "playing dress up" to loki idk what he fully meant but my mind wandered to teen loki switching fem presenting & borrowing [stealing] frigga's clothing to try them on for funsies n shit (i used to do that w my mom's wedding clothes as a child 2 lol)

when brad was messing w/ loki he had the opportunity to do the most suicidal thing ever and add sth like "who isn't even your real mother" after bringing up frigga (bro would have gotten ANNIHILATED Ijbol)

the slap was so funny & satisfying at the same time. i didn't saw it coming but i love this side of mobius

this ep's genuinely the most TERRIFYING loki has been in the mcu. in the chase scene and both of the interrogation. i absolutely support it idgaf !! he was more intimidating then he was in the first avengers movie which says a loooot

when loki mentioned the new york incident that was either lazy writing or babe got brain damage cuz i am pretty sure when he was mad at thor & odin that was in new mexico?? when he sent that metallic shit down or wtvt💀 to prevent thor from returning. but i forgive only because he mentioned tony lmfao

i love seeing sylvie finally being content. even if it was thru fuckass mcdonalds. i hope she won't be reduced to the "weird love interest" cuz her chara has potential and you can tell she's tired of this bs as well...

another episode of sylki being forced, toxic, keep disagreeing with & avoiding each other with rather tense chemistry instead of a romantic one they supposedly meant to have & being one sided as hell. their "romance" makes zero sense in this series' context & i could go off for longer regarding this topic but i'll save it for a seeperate post, later!

o.b & casey are so wholesome

bro i'm starting to ship lokius i think? (not in a fetishzing way i just like their dynamics and they just both happen to be dudes/male presenting) cuz i am sensing romantic & soulmate-ish undertones. sad that disney is a coward to make it canon...

overall i loved the 70s-90s vibes they seem to be going for. this show deffo has the best aesthetics we've seen in marvel phase 5 so far and i can't wait to see what's coming next.

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raineandsky · 1 year

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A Date in Exchange

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7)

The villain turns up on the hero’s doorstep every week as promised after that. They always show up with a bouquet of burning reds and oranges and yellows, each bigger than the last, and the flames always find themselves face down in the hero’s bin.

Each week is something a little different—a movie night, a fancy meal, a game of Cluedo. The villain seems to get more and more disappointed each week. The hero takes enough pictures to appease their parents, and the villain enthusiastically escapes the disgusting cosiness of the hero’s house as soon as it’s over.

“It’s kind of cold, isn’t it?” the hero comments idly. It’s their night of stargazing, as far as their parents know, and the two of them are sitting on the cool grass of the hero’s garden. “Let me go grab a blanket.”

They haul themself to their feet with the dexterity of someone very good at pretending to not be in good shape, leaving the villain to sit on their shared little picnic blanket alone. It’s probably too small for two people, and neither of them are overly enthralled to cram onto the lackluster square—that much is obvious from how the villain contentedly spreads out the moment the hero stands.

There’s a blanket draped over the sofa in the living room, and the hero grabs it without a thought. They turn back to the garden, fully prepared to step through the patio doors and hog most of its warmth for the rest of the evening, but they pause on the threshold.

The villain is leaning back on their hands, their gaze pointed to the sky overhead. Their lips are moving faintly, though from here the hero can’t hear what they’re saying. The hero’s mother was always so insistent on stringing fairy lights through her garden, and the hero had copied her in their own—they’re turned on tonight, washing the villain in a soft, heavenly glow. They look so serene, their focus fixed to the lights above, lit up like an angel, and the hero can’t help themself.

They raise their phone. They were always proud of the fact that it had such a good camera, and they couldn’t be more thankful for that as they frame their nemesis in its lens. With a hushed click, their phone preserves the moment forever.

They stand in the doorway for another solid minute, just watching; they’re not really sure why. They’ve never really seen the villain experience an emotion beyond violence, they suppose. It’s… a nice change of pace, they tell themself. Nothing more.

Eventually they force their legs to move again, crossing the grass with the blanket in tow. The villain glances up at them, still awash in yellow light, and the hero has to immediately revert to their usual ways to avoid saying wow.

“Are you talking to yourself?” they ask shortly, and the villain snorts.

“Constellations,” they say, as if that’s an answer. They clearly realise it’s not after a moment, adding: “My parents taught me the constellations when I was younger. You can see most of them tonight.”

The hero drops the blanket, landing half on the villain’s lap. They don’t bother to sit as they turn their gaze to the sky. “Big Dipper,” the villain points out, as if the hero can see where they’re pointing, “and the Little Dipper on the left.”

“Your parents astronomers or something?”

The villain smiles a little sadly, though their eyes stay fixed on the view. “They wanted to be. Too bad the agency had other ideas.”

Had. The hero doesn’t think they can do this. “Anyway, it’s late. You should go home.”

“Oh.” The villain glances at the clock on their own phone, and the hero notices the three people on their screensaver. “You finally realised you have all your little romantic pictures and I’ve overstayed my welcome?”

“Exactly,” the hero retorts shortly, and they don’t miss the slight frown their response receives. “Same time next week, [Villain].”

The hero can’t get their nemesis out fast enough. The villain seems to dawdle endlessly, picking their things up as slowly as humanly possible, but eventually the hero manages to slam the door in their face. They open their phone as they lean back against the door as if to keep them out, glancing down at the picture they took just minutes before. Some part of them can’t believe they never saw this before, another part disgusted at the thought. The villain is… pretty. It feels like a crime just to think that.

They glance out the window to the side of the door—the villain has already pulled their hood up, a shadow against the evening, anxious to disappear into the city. Their gait is hurried like they’re fleeing the scene as they hop over one of the neighbour’s fences and vanish.

They turn their phone off with a disheartened sigh, their stare locked onto the bin in the kitchen beyond. It smells so floral, so enticing, and it guides the hero towards it like a lighthouse in the storm. They flick it open, looking down at the carefully tied stems and the splash of vibrance beneath, and after a moment of deliberation fuelled by the overwhelming scent of flowers they pull them back out.

There’s a decorative vase on the kitchen table, and after another hesitant inner turmoil they place the flowers inside, slowly, as if they’ll explode if they rush. They’re stunning—matching the autumnal tiles of the room, matching their own hero’s uniform, matching the villain’s usual fire for life. That’s been lacking recently, only dampening each time they appear on the hero’s doorstep, and they haven’t figured out why.

Not that they care, obviously. The hero doesn’t give a damn about the villain. Their parents might get suspicious if they start looking miserable, is all. They just need to fix it so that their mother doesn’t start crying again. That’s all there is to it.

There’s a picture on the hero’s phone and a bright bouquet of flowers on their table that suggest otherwise, though.

(Next part)

Taglist: @criohfreeze

#writing #creative writing #writing community #writers on tumblr #writblr #heroes and villains #hero x villain #a date in exchange #im still tryna figure out the ~logistics~ of multi-parters #i think 3/4 is a good stopping point based on notes??#but if yall want more you know where i am #i love to write and i love to people please. tell me you want something and you will get it

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dramalets · 9 months

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2024 Watch List pt1

Here we go again!

To sir, with love - This is a lakorn so it's appropriately dramatic. The mothers are absolutely foul and do an awful lot of scheming and yelling. Jam/Film are intensely watchable and make wet fish kisses look terribly romantic. Tongtong Kitsakorn as Yang was a revelation. I'm sad he's pm just a lakorn actor/pop star because he is so watchable. I loved that, though they were evil and insane, the mothers all felt fleshed out and realised. You understood why they were yikes. 3½/5 (2/1/23)

A Boss & a Babe - I quit this at episode 2 and then decided to go back to it. I don’t regret doing so. This isn’t top tier but it’s also not shit tier. Cher, the very dictionary definition of toxic positivity, and Gun, an autism coded cat man, enter into an extremely quick romance (like seriously, it’s taken hard worn lesbians longer to say I love you) the catch being they’re intern and company boss. Honestly in another drama that would have been the the huge hiccup of the series, keeping them apart, but it’s consistently shown to be more of an issue for others that it is for them. This is very low conflict, mostly romcom fluff with two weirdly intense, barely explored side stories for support characters. I didn’t loath Force in this and would actually like him to be given more roles where he’s just a soft simp and not a boring sarcastic one. Book does some good comedy work here. 3/5 (4/1/23)

The day I loved you - I know this won’t work for everyone. It’s a bittersweet ten episode love story between a boy with ASL and the ‘rebel’ exchange student at his school. Pinoy BL, for me, either really hits or really misses and this hit. It does use a questionable model of disability, namely the inspiration model, but I cant nit pick too much when this is only ten 15/20 minute episodes. I enjoyed it a lot, you may also if you’re okay with a bittersweet ending vs an out and out happy one. 3½/5 (12/1/24)

VIP Only - Well this was adorable. Slow as molasses and just as sweet. This probably won’t be for everyone, very slow and not much happens other than character growth and a love story, but it worked for me. The edit is horrendous in places and I do wish Taiwan did longer episodes, but those are my only gripes. 3½/5 (19/1/24)

I cannot reach you - I don’t really watch Jbl. There are just styles and tropes that I don’t enjoy watching that Japan uses a lot of. It’s a taste thing more than it is anything else. So keep that in mind. This is full of a lot of the things I don’t like; over action, randomly running everywhere, sudden non-con. But it’s also endearingly sweet and very well acted, so I did find myself enjoying it. I don’t think this’ll awaken a desire to watch lots of Jbl but it has made me consider some others. 3/5 (20/1/24)

Last Twilight - I had a lot of fun with this. The dialogue and acting were all top notch and, as ever with Aof productions, it was stunning to look at. It weaves the story of two broken people healing one another very well with Jimmy & Sea doing beautiful work as Mhok & Day. I think this came a little unstuck at points in the end. I liked most of the romance movie style ending but I remain a little unsure about Day’s ending. Still, this is a show that I enjoyed every week and will have no issues rewatching. 4/5 (26/1/24)

Old Fashion Cupcake - I’m working on trying out more JBL to get a feel for what I do and don’t like. This? This I like. We don’t have enough stories about older people anyway and this does it well. Togawa’s slow courting of Nozue through shared experiences and casual intimacy is delicious to watch. 4/5 (4/2/24)

Pit Babe - I love when I show wholly knows what it is and doesn’t try and be anything but that. This knew it was a big ol’ fanfic and leaned wholeheartedly into that. Whether it was the breeding program subplot or the consistently dumb toothpaste and sausage ppl it handled them both with equal aplomb. It’s also worth noting that was largely really well acted too! Pavel, Nut & Sailub particularly impressed me but there was nobody bad. 4/5 (9/2/24)

Our Dining Table - My journey into JBL continues and this was the best one yet. Soft pining between two sad boy leads with a gorgeous found family story woven in. The treacle slow courting between these two won’t be for everyone but it was wholly for me. 5/5 (17/2/24)

Cooking Crush - The edit on this was criminally bad at points, sometimes I truly felt I’d skipped a part and I hadn’t at all, but it still served up a good little story. If you’re visiting this for the romance it’s not really that, the story is in the friends and their lives more than it is in Ten & Prem’s romance. I loved the comedy in this, it hit those notes well and was never over the top. (Lots of puns that I expect are super good if you speak Thai.) Nobody is bad in this, everyone delivers, but OffGun are as watchable as they always are and the few kisses they do have are perfect. 3/5 (18/2/24)

The Novelist - When I say I don’t love JBL it’s usually because the tropes are just too tropey for my tastes. Apparently I’m a lying liar who lies because this is extremely Japanese and I loved every moody second of it. Kijima is a sad, lonely, messed up man who doesn’t think he’s deserving of anything good and it’s wildly compelling to watch. 4/5 (18/2/24)

Mood Indigo - Fucked up 4 Fucked up. Two broken, sad, lonely men mess up repeatedly, and erotically, that’s it that’s the show and I ate it up with a spoon. Deeply flawed assholes being toxic together, when it’s well written and well acted, is so disgustingly watchable to me and this certainly was. 5/5 (18/2/24)

The Novelist: Playback - Continues where The Novelist ends. I watched the clean version of this, it was what was available to me, and was still deeply entertained. So if you think people watch this series for the heat then you’re incorrect. This is another instalment of Kijima Rio being a horribly broken fuck up of a man. I loved it. 4/5 (21/2/24)

Tokyo in April is… - I love a good destined to be together trope when it’s done well and this is done beautifully. Kazuma and Ren fall in love as teenagers and are separated before finding one another again as adults. The pacing on this is a little rough, I get what they were doing with the sub-plot but it felt mildly unneeded and time would have been better given to exploring our leads generally or even Ren’s painful family issues. This is still a lovely drama that I wholly recommend. 4/5 (21/2/24)

#jen rambles #to sir with love #a boss and a babe #the day I loved you #VIP only #I cannot reach you #last twilight #old fashion cupcake #pit babe #our dining table #cooking crush #The Novelist #Mood Indigo #playback #tokyo in april is...

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ariainstars · 10 months

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Red, White and Royal Blue: A Movie Like an English Waltz with a Kick

I had practically given up on watching stories about same-sex relationships some time ago; for a while, I thought the reason for my growing indifference was that not belonging to the LGBT+ community, I am not directly involved. It took me a while to realize that I was simply sick of watching stories with sad endings, good as they may be otherwise.

Same-sex love stories in my experience very often have a tragic ending, with the possible exception of the Netflix show Heartstopper, which is nice and interesting to watch without being overdramatic. Also, there were Beautiful Thing and Maurice, two enjoyable movies that most viewers today probably hardly remember. Despite their positive ending they are serious in tone however, not exactly fun.

Red, White and Royal Blue burst into my world catching me by surprise and all but sweeping me off my feet; I immediately fell in love with the movie and am fully on page with anyone who is already asking for a sequel.

First off, I must say that this is one of the few cases where I found the movie to be better than the novel. I read it after having watched the movie, but I could not bring myself to like the characters.

The novel is told from Alex’ point of view, so we never get to know Henry’s; and I got the impression of following a bunch of rich kids without regular lives and routines having fun being noisy and obnoxious when they’re not busy with wanting to save the world, all of them equipped with their personal therapists and consuming this or another substance. I found it heartbreaking that Henry had been in love with Alex for a long time, never hoping that his feelings could be requited; and it did not shed a good light on Alex that for a long time, he did not realize that being intimate with Henry felt so good because he was with someone who actually cared for him.

The tone and story development of the movie is different and, in my opinion, superior. These Alex and Henry are about ten years older than in the novel: the actors are neither groomed to look younger nor do they act like they were. These are two adults, grown men who know what they’re doing; the feelings between them deepen very quickly (in the book, for Alex at the beginning it seems to be nothing more than a cross between a diversion and a challenge); and they soon take responsibility for each other and their families respectively political surroundings.

Nothing shows this more than the airport scene where they actually exchange ring and key, contrarily to the book where Alex keeps the ring together with the key around his neck. His official speech after their forced coming-out was much more straightforward and convincing than in the book, and he had written it himself, not his sister; also early in the movie, the Texas campaign is his very own initiative, contrarily to the novel where his mother sets him up to do it. All of these are narrative choices which in my opinion make the story much more enticing and the characters more relatable.

The movie Red, White and Royal Blue lives largely from the chemistry between the two protagonists; there is playful banter between them and lots of fun scenes and quips that I looked for in the novel in vain. (Except for a few jokes at Philips’ expense, pitifully.) Even in their most intimate moments, there always seems to be a twinkle in their eyes; the teasing begins when they’re not even friends yet. Their happiness is joyful and carefree, not founded on the intensity of feelings of couples who know they will be torn apart. The movie’s tone is a perfect balance: funny without being silly; serious without being admonishing; romantic without being sappy.

Some well-known clichés obviously are all there: having to talk to one another due to being locked in a room, a first kiss while both are tipsy, the lover hiding in the closet, the intolerant parent (grandparent in this case), the understanding sister… Nevertheless, the story is fresh, well-paced and never boring.

In my personal view, this movie will be remembered as marking a break in the storytelling of same-sex relationships: light-footed, entertaining and touching. While the book is a self-indulgent fanfiction, the movie is in its tone, set-up and storyline for all intents and purposes a fairy tale, except that instead of a princess we have a prince.

One of the things I loved most was that in the end, the couple does not reunite in a castle or a similar luxurious environment, but that for their happy ending they leave their wealth behind and retire to a simple, comfortable home and an everyday life.

I had a smile on my face almost the entire time while watching this movie. And I hope there will be many more light-hearted movies and novels centered on same-sex relationships following this, instead of the usual heart-wrenching dramas. It’s high time.

#red white and royal blue #same sex love #fairy tales #lgbt #taylor zakhar perez #nicholas galitzine #rwrb movie #casey mcquiston #henry fox mountchristen windsor #alexander claremont diaz #henry x alex #narrative technique

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strangeswift · 2 years

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Katya/Goncharov Argument vs. MiIeven Argument Parallels (Hinting at the downfall of MiIeven and Mike and El's sexualities.)

The Duffers have confirmed that they took inspiration from Goncharov (1973) while writing Stranger Things 4. Given this information, the parallels between Goncharov and Katyas and El and Mike's relationships are undeniable.

Katya is in love with another woman, Sofia. While Goncharov has romantic tension with another man, Andrey. Katya and Goncharov are in a toxic, loveless marriage. What does this say about the Duffers intentions as far as Mike and El's relationship?

The most glaringly obvious parallel between Katarov and MiIleven is between the two couple's big arguments. Here I will point out how the MiIeven argument parallels the Katarov argument by presenting the Katarov argument and identifying the parallels.

The Duffers have actually paralleled Mike to Katya and El to Goncharov. For context if anyone hasn't seen the movie in a while and forgot, this is the scene after Goncharov is forced to kill Vasiliy in front of Katya.

Here we go:

Goncharov: You were never meant to see that.

Katya: I know what you do. I know how we make our money... What pays for this house.

Goncharov: Do you know what your mother would've said, if she knew I let you see something like that?

Katya: My mother is dead.

Goncharov: Yes, I realize. At your request.

Katya: It doesn't matter what she would've thought.

Goncharov: It matters what you think.

Katya: I don't think anything.

This section parallels Goncharov killing Vasiliy to El hitting Angela with the roller skate, as well as Goncharov feeling like a monster for being a mobster to El feeling like a monster.

When Goncharov says "You were never meant to see that." he is expressing concern about the way Katya specifically views him due to her seeing him kill Vasiliy. Just as El expresses concern that Mike thinks she's a monster after watching her hit Angela with the roller skate. And Katya's response is just as dismissive as Mike's.

"Do you know what your mother would've said..." is Goncharov expressing that Katya's mother perceived him as a bad person, as a monster. He is worried about other people's perception of him. Just as El is worried about other people's perception when she says, "Everyone looks at me like I'm a monster." Again, Katya is dismissive, simply saying "My mother is dead." and "It doesn't matter what she would've thought." Just as Mike is dismissive, saying, "Well they just don't know you."

When Goncharov responds, "It matters what you think." That is a direct parallel to "You think I'm a monster too." And Katya's response? Parallels Mike's reply.

Moving on:

Goncharov: You don't think anything of watching me kill a man, or you don't think anything of me?

Katya: You know I think the world of you.

Goncharov: (Pauses) All my life, I knew what I was. I knew what I'd become. I became what my father was. I did hope, that like him, I'd somehow still find a wife who loved me.

Katya: You have.

Goncharov: (shakes his head) No. I haven't.

Katya: I don't know what you want me to say.

Goncharov's "...you don't think anything of me?" Parallels El's, "But you don't love me anymore?"

Katya's "You know I think the world of you" parallels Mike's, "You know what I think of you. You're the most incredible person in the world." (Come on Duffers, this one was a little on the nose.)

Goncharov's "All my life, I knew what I was. I knew what I'd become." demonstrates his acceptance of what he is, what he sees as being a monster. Just as El does when she says, "I am different. I do not belong."

Moving on:

Goncharov: I don't want you to say anything. (Pulls gun, but doesn't aim it.) I want you to tell me where you were two nights ago. I know you weren't at Vasiliy's, he told me as much before I shot him in the face.

Katya: (boldy, showing no fear) I was with Sofia.

Goncharov: Do you know what people would say, if they knew...

Katya: They wouldn't say anything! You're Lo Straniero. What can they say?

Goncharov: (examining the gun) I don't want you seeing her.

Goncharov is concerned once again about other people's perception of him when he says, "Do you know what people would say, if they knew..." just as El is concerned about other's perception if her, as discussed earlier.

When Katya says, "They wouldn't say anything! You're Lo Straniero." she is referring to the fact that because Goncharov has power in the mob, he shouldn't worry about other people's perceptions. This parallels Mike's, "They're nobodies, and you're a superhero!" And Goncharov doesn't seem convinced by this, just as El isn't.

End scene.

Now, in this scene Goncharov is implied to be aware of Katya's amorous connection to Sofia. That raises the question of whether Mike and Will's relationship will parallel Katya and Sofia's, as well as whether El knows about Mike's feelings.

There are many more Goncharov (1973) parallels to dissect, but this is just the most glaringly obvious. I find it so interesting that nobody has compared these two scenes yet. Please go watch them both, you'll see the parallels in the staging and the actor's mannerisms as well.

#byler #unreality #abby rambles #analysis #🌈🐦

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wingingfromthezing · 1 month

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My theory on why Drac zinged twice

As mentioned in my little story earlier, I said I’d explain my theory behind Drac zinging again, because I know a few people have issues with it, but honestly I think the concept is completely fine!

Now when we hear the concept of a zing, the idea is that you only zing once right? So for Drac that zing was Martha whom he met by chance, and fell in love with. Martha was Drac’s first love (we assume this because no other person has ever been mentioned) and judging by the rest of the couples in the franchise, they were each other’s first love.

Going by the story of Drac and Martha, with of course Martha’s tragic passing, we know that Drac had to raise Mavis alone and watch her blossom into a young woman, all while grieving the loss of his wife. In fact the whole basis of the first movie was watching Drac build the hotel to protect Mavis. But he even states

“I built this place for my love.”

So it is completely evident here how much of a lasting impact Martha had on him. We also learn so much about their relationship from simple things such as the fact he hadn’t sang in public since Martha had passed. But after coming to accept humans with the arrival of Johnny, Drac does seem to come out his shell at the end during the zing song and gets involved. So already we see that he’s trying to move forward. And that’s what I’m trying to get at here.

It’s okay, to move forward.

Now when we get into Hotel Transylvania 3, Drac is already contemplating his loneliness during the beginning when every couple has someone to dance with at Carl and Lucy’s wedding. The fact that Drac is even considering the concept of being in another romantic relationship means he’s thought about it an awful lot.

My take on Drac zinging with Ericka is that he finally accepted his wife’s death. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect him, of course it will she was his first love. But just like real life, people do move forward and fall in love again, and that’s okay. The thing holding people back is the reaction of family or feeling of betraying their deceased partner which I think is what held Drac back. He wanted to protect Mavis, not only from potentially losing her, but she never knew her mother, and now her father was suddenly in love with another woman which was probably hard on both parts.

Throughout the film Drac is seemingly confused because he zinged twice, but perhaps unknowingly, as he’s come to accept humans, he’s acknowledged his wife’s death and come to terms with it, meaning he can move forward without carrying a burden. But the fear of betrayal still lies because she was and always will be his wife.

Ericka’s reaction was certainly one to take into account as well. The moment Drac tells her his wife died, her instant reaction is

“How old was your daughter?”

And to be fair the same could be said later when Drac is about to get squished. She sees the look of distress from Mavis, and realises that if Drac were to die, Mavis would be left parentless. And I think this is why Drac also feels comfortable being in love with Ericka, because she values the memory of Martha and wants to make sure he still remembers her while being in this new relationship

One thing I will say though is that I have mixed opinions on the proposal at the end, while I think it was a cute touch, it did feel a bit forced. I suppose like you say when you know you know, but I also personally feel it would’ve taken Drac some time to propose, not just because this relationship is new, but he was married for a very long time to Martha. But I don’t hate the idea to be fair! I think it’s really endearing and shows how much he trusts Ericka.

But the takeaway point here is, it’s okay to move forward and fall in love, I love Ericka’s character and I’m sad people hate it! But let me know your guys’ opinions!

#hotel transylvania #hotel Transylvania 3 #zing #Drac #Ericka van helsing #Dracula #drericka #martha lubov #mavis Dracula #hotel Transylvania Dracula #hotel Transylvania Ericka

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guardianbee · 2 years

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RE: your post about nashuri being compared to re//ylo

you're so correct. i think people get caught up in the whole "quite popular ship about enemies who might have a romantic connection" thing and ignore the fact that the romance in rey//lo is completely fabricated and unsubstantiated while namor and shuri are shown as mirrors of each other since the very beginning and the story cannot go on as it does without the connection between the characters.

kyle doesn't care for rey whatsoever and has no qualms with hurting and torturing her even after he realised they were a force dyad (which was so half assed and obviously only done to fabricate a romance that just wasn't there); on the other hand namor sees himself in shuri since the first meeting and never intended to hurt her, not even after the perceived betrayal of her leaving with nakia. him killing ramonda was a response to ramonda's own actions and a fulfilment of a promise he made to her, he never did it because he intended to hurt shuri and knew that would be the surest way (we know from tenoch's interviews that he never really thought about how shuri would see his actions as an attack to her)

it vexxes me when i see fanfictions about "dark namor" where he acts like an unfeeling asshole who hurts shuri on purpose just because he can and he "breaks" her because that's kyle, not namor. he's a king and a man of his word, his actions against wakanda were a reasonable reaction to them invading his country and killing two handmaidens, and he had warned ramonda what would happen if they did so. his actions might have been morally wrong but not unjustified, and if he didn't stick to his word he would seem a weak leader.

anyway, sorry for the big ask. didn't want to add onto a reblog because people on this app don't know how not to be rude lmao

No worries about the long ask! I like getting asks every now and again, so this was a nice surprise.

Oh my gosh, the part about Ramonda's death being a fulfillment of Namor's promise to her.... I completely forgot about that part of the movie hjsdfgsdh. I only watched the movie once so I'm forgiving myself here, but yeah, this makes total sense! Namor is truly a man of his word - he binds himself to it, for better or worse. Also, I've said this before and N'jadaka confirms it, but ultimately, Ramonda did not have to die - she chose to sacrifice herself for Riri.

And yeah, it also makes sense he wasn't thinking about Shuri in that instance - he was thinking about what was best for his people, how to protect them and keep them safe. He made a tactical decision - by submerging the throne room, he assumed either Riri or Ramonda would die. And hey, if both did, even better. Obviously, that had some unintended consequences since Shuri was devastated by the loss of her mother and wanted vengeance, and Namor is the outlet to lash out both her wrath and the unprocessed grief she still carried for T'challa. That's why the ending of the movie is just... MAN, I cannot wait until February 1 to bawl my eyes out yet again!

Their story is eons different to how Kyle and Reyy interact with one another in the ST. For one, Kyle does not seem to resepct Reyy until the very end of EP9 (I never watched it so I'm just going off the synopsis). Man literally told her she was nothing and came from nothing. Juxtapose that with Namor clearly respecting Shuri as a leader of her nation as well as her intellect and empathy.

Then you just have the differences in character - Kyle is quite literally, until the end of EP9, a fascist that will do whatever it takes to control the galaxy and plunge it into darkness for... really vague reasons like emulating his grandfather? He kills because he wants to, because he likes it, all in a quest for absolute power and control. Meanwhile, Namor is an anti colonialist/anti imperialist who loves his people and will protect them however he can. As an anti hero, that means getting his hands dirty and killing those he sees as a threat to his people's safety, whether they were good people or not, whether they deserved it or not (the contrast between him killing US soldiers plundering his ocean for vibranium vs Ramonda and possibly tens of hundreds of Wakandan citizens). While they both kill, their motivations are fundamentally different and incompatible. Namor would see Kyle for what he is - another white man thinking of only his desires, trying to take what is not his and subjecting communities to unspeakable violence and misery.

Then you got Shuri and Reyy. Both are motivated by love and grief, but in different ways. Shuri is motivated by the deep love she has for her family and her people. Reyy, however, is motivated by the absence of love - she wants love, she wants community. She grieves what she's never had. That's why the scene between her and Finn before Kyle finds them in TFA is so memorable to me. She thought she found someone who could be hers, who could be a part of her community, and Finn seemingly walks away from it. Contrast that with Shuri, who is grieving what she's lost, who is slowly hardening herself to these losses, who is allowing the grief to control her, to slowly consume her, until it might be too late. Shuri and Reyy are fundamentally different characters that tell two different stories about the human experience and its eternal quest to be loved and find purpose within that love.

In fact, the ST and BPWF tell two incredibly, fundamentally different stories. And sorry not sorry, but BPWF is just more impactful, more insightful, and more in-tune with the human experience and nature than the ST ever could be. While BPWF is about grief and honoring loved ones, it's also about rejecting the ideals and methods of a white patriarchal society, about communities of color building and healing and joining forces to combat the erosion of their cultures, their resources, and their rights. It's why Namor and Shuri have an honest albeit complicated connection, while Kyle and Reyy have hastily shoved in forced conversations to get them to a place where it's possible (but definitely not probable) that they can be allies and more.

Now, about dark!namor... I haven't read any fics like that and I'm not going to if I can help it, but that shows a writer's lack of skills in writing complex characters. They're most likely projecting and just place Namor in that "bad boy" cookie cutter mold because that's what they've known and read all their life. This is similar to when I read zutara fics as a kid - there were a lot of people who just could not write Zuko without turning him into a bad boy, obsessed with Katara, and cornering her until she fell in love with him. A lot of complex anti-heroes/villains can easily get watered down in fanfics, especially by people who don't care so much for the characters but rather the tropes they seemingly represent. I like Namor and Shuri both as individuals and as a ship, so shoving them into tropes and situations they canonically would not subject themselves to (unless it's a straight up crackfic) is a no-go for me.

You can make Namor darker, a little more unhinged without going against the character's very nature. He doesn't hurt people just to hurt them - if he did, I doubt his people would love him so unabashedly, or there would be some active resistance against him and his leadership. At the end of the day, people can write whatever they want to write and ship whatever they want to ship and consume whatever they want to consume, but if they write Namor as an abuser (which is problematic for a whole host of reasons other than he would canonically never do that) and Shuri as some hapless victim who will fall in love with him anyway, they are doing a disservice to the characters and are perpetuating the violent ideals BPWF blatantly emphasizes we need to dismantle.

#i made my answer wayyy longer than your ask don't feel too bad now ksjdfhjkhsdf #namuri #anti reylo #seaprincess #naylor #asks on the run #wow who knew I could still analyze media in a meaningful way?#not me that's for damn sure #anyway kyle ain't shit he's never gonna be shit and namor would punch him in the face given the chance

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kimmysurveyblog · 4 months

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What's for dinner tonight? We did breakfast for dinner! Pancakes, breakfast sausage and strawberries.

Do you prefer cold or room temperature drinking water? Cold.

How many different things have you had to drink today? Water, cold brew, iced coffee lol.

When you read a book, do you use a bookmark or simply dog ear/fold the top of the page? My boyfriend got me a super cute Stardew Valley bookmark for Mother's Day!

What's the nearest city to you with a population of at least one million? Toronto.

During the pandemic, did you use reusable or disposable masks? Both. I use disposable now if I'm forced to go out when sick or going to a crowded place during cold & flu season.

What is your favourite local restaurant? Not comfy sharing.

Have you ever been harassed while minding your own business walking down the street? I'm a woman, so yes.

Do you own a gun? Have you ever thought about getting one? Noooooo. No.

Do you know anyone who owns a gun? Perhaps for hunting?

What year is/was your 10 year high school reunion? Will you (or did you) attend? 2018. I did not attend.

Do you cut your sandwiches into triangles or rectangles? I don't cut them.

Have you ever seen a panda in real life? Where was it? No.

Are there any postcards hanging around the house? If so, where are they from? From a friend I met off of Twitch in England.

Does it snow where you live? Yes!

When was the last time you took a flight? Where did you go? I've never flown, nor do I want to.

Is there a flight path over your house? I think so.

Does your neighbourhood have a lot of hills? I'd say no but I had an online friend visiting from a different province and he told me it definitely does, so maybe.

Have you ever had Covid? What was your experience like? I think we've managed to avoid it somehow. We haven't tested the last few times we've been sick though.

Do you have any alcohol in your house right now? A few IPAs.

Do you tend to keep alcohol around the house for when you might want it? Not typically.

Has a romantic partner ever given you a pet as a gift? No.

Do you ever talk on the phone with friends? Sometimes! I do a every-few-weeks catchup with one of my friends, and an every-couple-of-months catchup with another.

What was the last thing someone said to you in person? My boyfriend complained about something one of our neighbours did.

Are you hungry right now? What would you like to eat? I'm still full from dinner.

How far away are your parents right now? They died.

Do you believe in aliens? Yes.

Have you ever been bitten by a spider? Perhaps as a child.

Do you own any clothing made from animal products like leather or fur? No.

What's the best vacation you've ever been on? I'm not sure.

Do you have any plans for tomorrow? Boyfriend's dad/stepmom/sister are coming over. His dad is helping fix a couple of things in our house and his stepmom & sister are visiting with my kiddo & I. :) I've been enjoying how much time we've been spending with them lately.

What's the longest movie you've ever seen? Nooo idea.

What movies did you watch a lot as a kid? ^

How many rooms are in your home? Two bedrooms.

Do you ever experience imposter syndrome? Sometimes.

What was the last place you rode to in a car? Grocery store.

Do you have a PayPal account? If so, how often do you use it? Yup! Once or twice a month.

Are you cold right now? Not really.

How old will you be at your next birthday? 33.

Before this one, when was the last time you took a survey? Earlier today.

Can you skip rope? Maybe. I don't know the last time I tried.

Have you ever participated in a charity fundraising event? No.

What is your hair like at the moment? In a bun, as usual.

Do you like cucumber? Yes!

What do you like and dislike about your job? (or your last job) I liked that it was super chill. I hated the night shift though.

Have you ever had a dream job? If so, did you give up on it, and why? Or do you happen to have that dream job? I really wanted to be a PSW and became one but couldn't handle it.

What's the last sitcom you watched? Friends.

What car did your parents or guardian drive when you were growing up? I don't remember.

Do you have milk in your fridge right now? What kind? Yes. 3.25% for my daughter.

Are you left or right handed? Right.

If you have your ears pierced, how old were you when you got them done? I was a baby. I don't know what age.

Do you have any other piercings? Not currently.

What was the last thing you wrote down in the notes app on your phone? Added something to the grocery list I share with my bf.

Have you ever been on a winery tour? Yes.

When was the last time you were hungover? A few months ago.

Do you still have Facebook? If so, how often do you check it? Yes. Once or twice per day.

Are you wearing your favourite colour today? No. I just want to add this because it made me smile today. I'm wearing a Pikachu shirt and I went grocery shopping this evening. A kiddo, probably 8 or 9, gasped when he saw me and said, "I LOVE YOUR POKEMON SHIRT!!" It was very sweet. :)

Would you ever want to visit South Korea? Yes.

How many times in your life have you been in love? Twice.

Do you like your name? No.

#survey #surveys #personal survey #bored #personal surveys

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madchild-dennis · 2 years

Text

So, I watched a movie called "A Sunday Affair" and it TRIGGERED ME. Ok not the whole affair and stuff. Yes I was upset and shouting at the TV and stuff at the drama. Ok maybe not all that but my eyes did water at the end.

But the BIGGER triggerment was what Toyin said that was relatable. Along the lines of:

After DOING ALL THE RIGHT THINGS. To then end up with the SHIT end of the stick.

That is my FUCKING LIFE, then God making it worst. The EASIEST to explain is me waiting to have sex till marriage. Being VERY picky and intentional with who I date, entertain or put my time and effort into romantically. Then God chooses an undeserving ASSHOLE AND HIS ASSHOLE MOTHER.

Then you have my FUCKING PARENTS. Throughout their BULLSHIT, I've turned the other cheek, I've forgiven, I've given them a 3rd+ chance which is far more than a 2nd chance. I've done the toxic christian shit. They got much more than they deserve as well.

The other cheek:

youtube

The 3rd+ chance:

youtube

That included their shit ass friends from the Adventist church I grew up in and neighbour:

I've been kind, forgiving and patient while they act all self-righteous or endangered my life OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I mean I worked at Seymour's bookstore for almost a year FOR FREE. Helping out when they needed me and fixed so many issues. Went to his wife's birthday while she plot plan my demise. Then you have the Cameron's smiling in my face lying to me when I was forced into the house I did not want to go into. THEN I was poisoned by them. While I allow them to use the washing machine over and over again. I went to help fix shit or more. That's even after I knew they poisoned me. They literally gave me a $1000 (which I returned) when they saw this post:

Talking about:

Mrs. Cameron: we are just like you trusting God for our meals and more. This is for the light bill for using the washing machine. *gives me $1000 in cash 5-$100 bills and 1-$500 bill."

Me: you know I don't need it. I don't even pay the light bill. You know what.

Mrs Cameron: just take it you know you need it.

I didn't realize what they used to poison me nor the full reason until now. Plus I figured it out, by time I thought it was too late for a test. Then I remember science is BEAUTIFUL. Guess who knows another way to get her proof long AFTER. These fuckers KNOW too. Hence why I'm being recommended to be at a nursing home for so long and more. They are hoping the time for that expires and that evidence is gone.

Or so they thought...

Anyways.

I've done the kind thing, the nice thing, the toxic christian thing. And ALL I got is BULLSHIT and more fuckery.

You know how long I've told ALL those bitch asses that I'm not mentally ill. Gave them proof upon proof and more.

Unlike Toyin from the movie, I can't just give up. I don't have a cope out like cancer, nor do these people let me live my FUCKING LIFE. I'M LITERALLY 27 YEARS OLD. Then, I am too much of a fighter to kill myself. Trust me the closest I've been is to let crocodiles eat me or someone try kill me if I fail defending myself (that's highly unlikely). I NEVER failed to protect myself, fight or dodge injury; no matter what.

So, what would piss me the fuck off is if I FOUGHT, FIGHT AND KEEP FIGHTING and all I get from my OWN FUCKING PARENTS, their friends, their minions and more not just get away scotch free plus continue and I'm in shit.

I will NOT tolerate it!!!

(God knows this, hence asking God for death in 2021. Life is unfair and more. Plus nothing good seems to be rewarded in this fucked up world. So, my decision to fight means I'm going to FUCKING WIN!!!)

Hence why I am NOT patient anymore with this lawyer. I already know something ain't right. Plus God lead me to him. Which means REPLACEMENTS WILL BE MADE, IF NECESSARY!!! The replacement is ALWAYS better than the first pick. That's seen with Jesus (replaced lamb sacrifice) and David (replaced Saul).

#Youtube

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oldsoulobjective · 2 years

Text

A Think Piece on Love

Love? I've recently begun to read All About Love by Bell Hooks, and it's got me thinking not just about love, but what it's supposed to be. At my young, yet old, age of 20, I've begun to question everything I've previously learned. When I first came to college I thought I had found some convulsed version of love. But that's because that was all I knew, this perverted masculine version of love. A plot in a movie, the first glance from a stranger, or that seemingly perfect couple on Instagram. That's not love, but, growing up with a single mom ,and an absentee father, didn't exactly tell me what love was actually supposed to look like, all I had was fantasy.

Now the real problem with that fantasy, wasn't the existence of it but it's perspective. I had watched my mother my whole childhood, date men who she could care for, yet never seemed to care for her, at least in the ways she needed. She would take pride in the fact she could become exactly what they needed, until she realized she didn't want to. Mirroring my mother, I'd come to find that love for me becomes something I have to earn not that I'm given. So to explain, my recent experience with love, romantic love at least, it's quite simple. I became addicted to trying to prove myself, worthy of a place in someone else's life, which is unfair to not only them, but especially me. To make a long story short, because that's not really what this is about, I loved someone more than they ever even thought about me. Now in society, love is such a strong, and heavy, word it no longer carries the same positive connotation it used to, and I think it's because heartbreak in the 21st century it's hard to truly know what love is, but boy did I think I had it figured out. As to be assumed, it didn't work out, for many reasons, the biggest one being he simply just didn't like me. But, in my own ethnocentric way, it took me so long to fathom why that was.

If I loved, and intensently desired this person so much, why didn't it work out? I know, I'm crazy, but there was this voice in the back of me head, telling me this was my one and only shot at true love, and if I couldn't make him love me, no one ever would, or I wouldn't ever want anyone to be in love again. It was the manifestation of the endless extentil pressure I put on myself, that I couldn't even live up to. The pain of love felt meaningless, and once this voice had become silent, I'd realized that love can't be controlled, more importantly something that can't be rushed. I've always been a quick person, rather impulsive or unmoving, and I found myself impulsively choosing to try and force someone to show up for me.

I found myself having a conflict with two different people, none of them being the person of my interest. Instead, there was one person inside of my telling me to fight to let go, and another telling me something would give. However, the person who was fighting to let go, the person writing this now, and the same person who's decided to look in the mirror. Unbottling all these emotions I had for fear of upsetting other people, or being honest with myself, dismissed a lot of emotions that would've helped me process this, and take myself out of that cycle. Most of all though, I've dismissed a lot of people who I thought were going to break my heart again.

I'm learning to let that go though, this idea what I think love should be, and instead trying to fulfill, and understand, whatever love means to me. I don't have it totally figured out yet, in any capacity. Love for me is unknown, unexplored, but I there's an urge to dive into the vastness of love, to experience all it's quirks and kinks, and work every single one of them out. The impossible, truly, the perfection and longing I feel are only kinks I need to workout within myself, and I've come to discover, I'm the only person I want to save me. I'm challenging the narrative I've given love, and that it has to be picture perfect. I'm rather interested in diving into an ocean of raw and honest truth of love that baptises, and saves me. I'm more interested in the realistic outlook on love that offers me honesty, and not the fantasy that's stuck in my head, however hard that may be to face.

#love #all about love #bell hooks #healing #letting it out

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anyaeras · 2 years

Text

Always there for me || N.Romanoff

Summary

Natasha comfort you over a fear and Nightmare, And you kinda give away your crush on her, but she feels the same and stays with you, helping you sleep again <3

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

friendly/romantic

2k words

Warning ( mention abuse, nightmare, and fluff)

[Reader POV]

I was Enjoying being an Avenger It was a way for me help other people, But It wasn't always this luxury superhero life I was living, Growing up in the midwest states with only my mother, it was her and I she taught me everything to read to write to fight, Defending myself if They where to come for us, when I was ten I was taken away from my mother, my home, To become a "widow" The forced me into the "red room" and I know what you're thinking the red room isn't that in Russia? well once the American government found out how these girls were doing in Russia they decided to make their own prototype taking certain girls that showed up on the radar and putting them in but it wasn't the same as the Russian one it was different it was more like science experiments on objects then training, And every day was just another injection or experiment to see what you could do, they wanted these little girls to be The worlds best murderers pretty much, and that's what we were only 10 of us came out of it alive, and to this day, Only I still live, in the middle of this all of these experiments and fighting in just the life that I have created for myself I have managed to show up on Furry radar, But not in a good way, I was Taken once again,but for some reason I didn't put up a fight, They sent someone who at the time I knew as Another widow by the look of her suit, She offered me something No one has ever, it was help, a New start, A Shield Agent, and Eventually an Avenger myself , as I continued I learned who this women was, Natasha, she did have a hard shell and a strong demeanor but if you got to know her super soft and caring, deep down inside she was always there for me when I need her, and I was there for her there was a small chance I developed feelings for her but I can brush those to the side we have a great friendship there's no need to ruin it, right? And that's where we are now

[Present day Readers POV]

We, meaning the Avengers and I were having a movie night, this type of thing happen often as a way of 'team bonding' It was fun most of the time, team bonding would change sometimes, From a movie to a game night, or a party things like that.

I walk down into the man room to find, Natasha, Clint, and Maria talking on a couch, Tony, Capt, and Bruce on the other, as Wanda and peter sat with blanket wrap around them on the floor, we waited for Vis and Bucky to walk in before starting.

I took a seat next to bucky who was like my best friend, he knew everything, Including my crush on Natasha, I would tur and lie and say it was small but when she gives me butterflies by looking at me, well- it's not so little.

Peter had gotten to pick the movie, which was not an Advantage to me, I might try and act like a badass, cold, assassin, But I just can't do Horror movies, and what did Peter pick, a horror movie! and damn Horror movie.

the movie had started and I was doing okay, I did my best to hide my fear, I really don't feel like getting picked on by the team for being weak, But as I watch the killer in the movie drag away one of the Movie characters and Kill them off, I let out a small yelp, quickly hiding my face, I knew the team saw this, and with that a group of Laughs. came my way.

Everyone but Natasha was laughing at me, I only knew this when she was the one to walk by me kicking me and bit before motioning for me to follow. I reluctantly got up, followed into the kitchen.

"you alright?" she asked a wave of concern in her voice as I nodded

"It's okay to be scared, you know that right?" she said after I just looked down, I wasn't gonna let my guard down so much for the whole team to see, and I was definitely not going to chicken out.

"N-nat can we go finish the movie please" I said giving here a small smile as it was now her turn to nod.

we snuck back to our spots in the Main living area, where everyone was still, eyes glued on the movie, other then Bucky who was smile at me, I rolled my eyes sitting back down. trying to not focus on the screaming and other sound affects coming from the movie.

finally it was over, 2hours later and I was quick to rush to my room, not wanting to be bothered, more so taunted about tonight, so I made the choice to sleep.

I laid down in my bed, It seemed like things we're staring at me and I couldn't get comfortable tossing and turning constantly, It was making me go crazy, until luckily I passed out in my bed

[A little later]

"No no stop...pl- NO!" I let out a murdering scream as I jumped up now sitting up in my bed, My room was dark, only the moonlight shining through the curtains brought a dim light into the room definitely not enough to light the entire room but a little light close by the window, I stayed sitting curled up in a ball, my legs pulled close to my chest Laying my head down on my own legs trying to quiet my sobs but it was a little late certain somebody who's room was just across the hall from mine at the compound had Heard me....

[Natashas POV]

"No no stop...pl- NO!" followed By a screen was all that was heard before silence, I was confused but nonetheless quickly Rose from my own bed, A little startled from the odd awakening but made my way to the door, I slowly creep across the hallway sobs grew louder as an inch closer to someone's door

"Y/N?” are they- Crying? Was the only thought that came to my head at the moment, I took a moment to think what I was about to do through but I wanted to get to Y/N but I didn't want to startle them, I slowly pushed open their door.

"Y/N?" I said softly, not knowing exactly how they react I've never seen them cry they were always so strong and independent but still, Loving. I watched the small body that was curled up on the bed move to look at me before looking away.

"I-i'm sorry if I woke you, i'm fine" they said to me stuttering a bit in the doing of so.

I didn't believe that you don't need to be a train spy to see through something like that, it's quite transparent, slowly inching closer to them, still being careful of the situation, I sat down on the bed close by

"n-nat?" they questioned themself saying it to me

"yes Sweetie?" And like that I had pulled y/n onto my lap letting them cry into my chest. occasionally hushing them

"shh it's okay sweetie"

once's I had gotten them to calm down a bit Still siting in my lap, Rubbing her back as y/n sobs came down to small hiccups

[Readers POV]

I felt really bad about waking Nat with one of my Nightmares, But it felt great to be in her arms, She was comforting, I clung to her like a baby onto it mother, she rubbed my back as we stayed there in silence until she finally spoke up once again

"wanna talk about it?" she asked me not pressing at all, waiting for me to open up

My response was to move back a little so she could see face as I took a moment to speak

"It was like the movie but you where with me, we were in the red room and the room you away and I had to watch them kill you, with all the things they did to me once, I didn't wanna lose you, I cant lose you" I paused as I realized what I just said and I looked up to her to see if she showed any emotion her face had one of her signature smirks, but I try to pretend I didn't just say that and continue

" they took me and strapped me down just like in the movie, and you were on the table as they injected you with who know what, you screamed and I lost you, Before I- i died, but it was so real, Like that was our real faith!" I tried my best not to sob, I already looked so vulnerable.

"It's okay, nothing will happen, i-i'll be right here with you" Nat said to me Laying me back down into my bed pulling the duvet back on

"Взаперти все мои мысли Дождь, внутри слепые искры Не вернешь своей улыбки Хэй, Хэй, Хэ, No way, way! Проснись, только проснись Не оставь меня одну здесь Не дай упасть вниз Верю в нас, ты коснись Только коснись Я лечу вниз Вниз" Natasha song softly

(Vzaperti vse moi mysli Dozhdʹ, vnutri slepyye iskry Ne verneshʹ svoyey ulybki KH·ey, KH·ey, KH·e, No way, way! Prosnisʹ, tolʹko prosnisʹ Ne ostavʹ menya odnu zdesʹ Ne day )

it was almost easy enough for me to go back to sleep, I was half asleep laying there when she stuck I felt movement in the bed and she laid me down out of her arms completely, as she started to leave, I went for her arm pulling her back.

"Stay please- I mean umm if you'd like of course, I'm so-" she cut my off but crawling back into my bed, and under the covers, pulling me into her arms as I snuggled more into her chest taking in her spicy sent

"Go to sleep Dorogoy" she whispered

"t-thank you, for always being there" I said sheepishly back to her before sleep over took both of us....

A/N two one shots one day score! i hope you are having a great day request are open!

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incomprehensiblelentils · 2 years

Note

i need recommendations for some lesbian movies. My wife wants to watching something gay, but is tired of gay men's movies

oh gosh I am so sorry I'm just now getting to this - I was out of town the whole weekend and got back yesterday evening, when my brain was melting out my ears from the heat. without further ado!

I have categorized this list into a few sections:

Well-Made/"Good" Movies I Can Vouch For

Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019): you have probably heard of this, but in case you haven't, it's a French historical drama about a painter who is commissioned to do a wedding portrait for a reluctant bride-to-be. It's lush, emotional, bittersweet, and breathtakingly shot. Content warnings: mention of a minor character's suicide, brief abortion scene featuring a secondary character, one scene of the leads doing drugs together.

Saving Face (2004): This is a lovely film about a young Chinese surgeon who is juggling her secret relationship with the drama her mother causes. Content warnings: intergenerational trauma.

Carol (2014): Again, you've probably heard of this one - it's another historical drama, this one based on Patricia Highsmith's novel The Price of Salt. A young aspiring photographer is captivated by a mysterious woman named Carol. After Portrait came out I find myself not as enamored of this one (I think Rooney Mara is not very good in it lmao), but it's a lovely film worth a watch. Content warnings: period-typical homophobia, Carol's shitty husband.

The Half of It (2020): From the director of Saving Face, this is a high-school coming of age movie inspired by Cyrano de Bergerac, in which a second-generation Chinese girl ends up volunteering to write love letters to her crush, "from" the jock who is also in love with said crush. Some really beautiful stuff about immigrant Chinese families in here, and I was really touched by the friendship between the two leads. Content warnings: racism, homophobia, bullying, intergenerational trauma.

Professor Marston and the Wonder Women (2017): This is based on the life of William Marston, creator of Wonder Woman, and his partners Elizabeth and Olive. I am given to understand that the relationship between the two women was probably not romantic IRL, but I really love the way the movie treats both the triad and the women as a couple. I also think the BDSM stuff is cute. Content warnings: age gap/power differential romance (two professors and their TA), homophobia including a brief violent attack, brief cancer subplot towards the end of the film.

Summerland (2020): A WWII movie about the bond between a reclusive writer and the young boy she is reluctantly forced to care for due to the London evacuations. I will spoil this for you because it gave me severe anxiety: the lesbians both live to the end, and they get to raise their son together! My main complaint is not enough Gugu Mbatha-Raw. Content warnings: WWII imagery/setting, parent death (offscreen but significant part of the plot), brief child peril.

The Favourite (2018): This is a weird little black comedy about two cousins who are vying to be the favored paramour of Queen Anne in 18th century Britain. It's some fun fucked-up drama. Content warnings: animal abuse/death (toward the end of the film), manipulation, non-consensual drugging.

I Can't Think Straight (2008): I haven't seen this one since college but I remember liking it - it's about two women, one Palestinian and one Indian, who meet and fall in love despite unlikely circumstances. Content warnings: cheating (one character is engaged to a man).

V For Vendetta (2005) - in case you forgot, this has lesbians! Content warnings: torture, attempted sexual assault, hanging, child death, panic attack, homophobia/dead lesbians

Birds of Prey (2020) - Harley Quinn is canonically bisexual! Also I love this movie. Content warnings: cartoonish violence, graphic torture including of a child, child death (implied/heard), implied sexual assault by the villain (of a minor character).

Booksmart (2019): High school comedy about two best friends who decide they're sick of being dweebs and want to go to a cool party before they graduate. I think it's largely delightful and I love the lesbian character's story. However, the subplot with the teacher who has sex with her (19yo) student is BAD and I won't defend it, nor will I judge anyone for wanting to skip based on that. Content warnings: extended non-con drugged sequence (played for laughs/nothing bad happens to them), aforementioned age gap/power differential romance (secondary characters).

But I'm a Cheerleader (1999): Clea Duvall and Natasha Lyonne star in a satire of conversion therapy camps, also featuring young Dante Basco. Personally I think it keeps things light and silly enough not to trigger me with the religious rhetoric. Content warnings: conversion camp setting and corresponding conservative Christian rhetoric, general homophobia, uh, RuPaul is here at one point?

In the Heights (2021): This movie is very much not perfect, chiefly for the colorism in the casting choices. BUT I like that Daniela and Carmen are gay now. Content warnings: racism, prejudice against undocumented individuals, grandparent death.

Movies I Think You Should Watch Maybe - Are They Good? I Couldn't Say!

D.E.B.S. (2004): This is a deeply silly movie about an all-girls' spy school in which the star pupil falls in love with international supercriminal Lucy Diamond, directed by queer icon Angela Robinson and featuring lesbian grandma Holland Taylor as the headmaster. Content warnings: cartoonish (PG-13) gun violence.

Imagine Me & You (2005): This was baby's first f/f movie for me, and so it has a very special place in my heart even though it is Problematic because it's about a lady cheating on her husband with Lena Headey, and also nobody remembered bisexuality exists so they say "lesbian" pretty exclusively and that sucks. Lena Headey and Piper Perabo are so good together though, and I genuinely like everyone in this movie. Content warnings: cheating (one character is married to a man).

Happiest Season (2020): Do not @ me this is MY movie!!! Kristen and Mackenzie are PERFECT. Content warnings: homophobia, manipulative behavior, one weirdly intense interrogation scene with mall cops that frankly should've been cut, mentioned fish death.

A Simple Favor (2018): This movie...it is batshit. If you like trashy drama, you will probably like this movie! Linda Cardellini plays a lesbian artist and I love her so much. Content warnings: manipulation, murder, incest (adult half-siblings not raised together), intense discussion of murder-suicide, gun violence

The Falling (2014): This movie is also batshit and not good, but I need more people to watch it, because I've seen it four times and I have no idea what it's trying to say. It features Maisie Williams and Florence Pugh as British boarding school teens who have an intense "friendship" and then suddenly everyone in the school starts having collective fainting spells. Please, I just need to find the person out there who gets what this movie is doing so they can explain it to me. Content warnings: unexplained medical issues (fainting), seizures, incest (consensual? sex scene), attempted suicide, grief, discussion of sexual assault and trauma therein (secondary character)

A New York Christmas Wedding (2020): This movie is ALSO batshit in a completely different way than the other two, and again, I need someone to explain it to me. It's, uh, sort of It's a Wonderful Life but with a bisexual heroine, and some batshittery along the way? Content warnings: suicide (secondary character), teen pregnancy, weird pro-life vibes, parent death, way too much church, homophobia, Chris Noth

Movies I Haven't Yet Seen Which Have Been Recc'd To Me

Crush (2022)

Pariah (2011)

Ma Rainey's Black Bottom (2020)

Fear Street Trilogy (2021)

The Handmaiden (2016)

#mrdistracted #sometimes I watch movies

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ramp-it-up · 3 years

Text

It Takes Two

Pairing: Soft Dark!Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI. Curate your own experience. Cursing, drinking, cheating, breakups, rehab, recovery, deception, lies, celibacy, manipulation, wedding planning, semi-public explicit, rough, sex, oral sex (m receiving), degradation kink, breeding kink, choking, dubiuous con (b/c of deception). Darkish! Scott Evans. This is not proofread!

A/N: @lovebittenbyevans gave me a great idea about still dealing with Chris when commenting on The One. I thought that the Chris in that fic could really go left and get pretty Dark and dirty. And then....

Anonymous asked:

Imagine Chris cheating on Y/N …

That made me think up this fic. It is a sequel to The One. I hope you like it!

-----

You left him.

You flew to Montreal to surprise him on set, trench coat and lingerie and everything, and when you opened the door to his trailer, you saw Heidi on her knees giving Chris a blowjob.

You cussed him out, threw the ring back in his face and turned around and left.

You blocked his number, moved out of his house and cut off all contact. You were done.

The audacity of Chris being indignant about your warnings about Heidi when he was boning her all along.

You loved Scott, but you had to cut him off too after he tried to explain that Chris was drunk when you found him, and was going to rehab to deal with his issues.

It was classic celebrity bullshit and you didn’t have time for it.

You decided to center yourself, and swear off all relationships and sex. You wanted to purge your mind of all that weighed you down.

You concluded that love, sex, and Chris Evans made you feel heavy as fuck.

You moved to New York City. It was far enough away from Chris and your folks in Houston to give you some peace.

You could still run your business and even think about a storefront. It was the perfect location to live your best life, eat healthy, exercise, socialize and network.

You fell in love with yourself, and you didn’t think much about Christopher Robert Evans at all.

Only every time you went on IG or Twitter, even though you blocked him and his hashtags. And every time you went to Target, because his fucking movies and merchandise were everywhere.

But you were cool, because you were doing you. You weren’t looking for love.

Of course, that’s when it found you.

Six months after you left Boston, you were at a natural beauty products expo in Brooklyn hawking your wares.

Your business had taken off, with almost a half million dollars in sales, and you were being interviewed by a major news outlet of color when one of the correspondents caught your eye.

You flirted, exchanged numbers and ended up going on a date. In another three months you were engaged to him.

Kevin Watts made you feel safe, protected and loved. And he wasn’t just after sex. He was well off, and secure in himself and you. It just felt right.

When Kevin proposed, it was just you and him at your favorite restaurant. So romantic.

Not like the rowdy family 4th of July party at which Chris asked you to marry him last year, in front of both your parents.

The laughter and the joy was just a little much.

This was perfect. You didn’t miss Chris at all. You set about planning your wedding with a profound sense of peace and safety.

You and Kevin were meant to be.

----

Chris was nothing without you.

Nothing but an award winning actor and producer, a multi-millionaire and founder of a major organization dedicated to bringing opposing political viewpoints together.

All of that was cool, and it kept him going, but when he lost you, he lost his motivation.

Chris didn’t take any more roles after the sequel with Heidi, and he dumped her post haste. He did enter rehab and realized that he depended way too much on alcohol to dull his emotions.

He got drunk off his ass when he was away from you because he missed you so much, and that led to him letting Heidi think that she could have him.

She’d had him physically, but never his heart. Or his mind. You owned those.

Chris followed your business closely, and was proud of your success.

Of course he followed your social media on burner accounts and saw that you were doing well.

You looked like you enjoyed being single and seemed healthy and happy.

He couldn’t ask for anything more for you.

Except to be his again.

Chris was just biding his time for your reunion, deciding to give you a year before he made his move.

Now he felt every emotion, and he knew that you must still love him too.

You just needed to realize that your life would be even better with him back in it.

The year apart would be just punishment for what he’d done to you, and when you came back together, it would be better than before.

Everyone speculated on his bachelorhood, wondering if he would settle down, speculating and gossiping about who he was with, but he just played coy and kept quiet.

No one would know that he was yours and yours alone, and that you were still his.

You just didn’t know it.

But you weren’t going along with the plan that you didn’t know about.

About seven months into his self-imposed purgatory, a complication started popping up on Chris’s feed.

Kevin.

And a couple of months after that, a post of a proposal, in a restaurant.

The asshole probably didn’t even ask or involve your folks. Chris was in a rage for a week.

He almost started drinking again, but as he got ready to drive to the liquor store, Kevin’s face flashed on his screen doing a report on the election.

Instead of making him even more angry, he smiled, elated at the thought that came to him.

Chris had a new plan, and it was going to be even better than before.

-----

The last three months had been a whirlwind, and you never thought it would turn out this way.

You were planning your wedding with your mother, discussing the seating at the reception, and you deciding where Chris Evans and his date would sit.

What a time to be alive.

Your mother only let it slip a couple of times that you should be marrying Chris, but for the most part, she kept it cute.

You explained to her that everything was squashed between you and Chris, and that he and Kevin had a great relationship, were friends, even.

They’d bonded over politics when Kevin interviewed him, and became buds before Chris even realized that you and he were together.

Kevin knew, but he wasn’t the jealous type, and he didn’t want to make things awkward. Surprisingly, Kevin insisted that he be at the wedding.

You thought about it and decided it would be the ultimate closure for Chris to watch you marry someone else.

You were pleasantly surprised at Chris. He was handling this very well. He never tried to contact you, and according to Kevin, never even mentioned you. That was growth.

Maybe you too could be friends.

You felt good about it. So much so that you unblocked him and started a dialogue.

-----

Hi.

Chris saw your number come across his apple watch and he practically did a dance. It was 9:24 pm. He picked up his phone and stared at the word, forcing himself to wait and not respond. He went to work out.

47 minutes later, he responded.

Hello?

This time, he sat and waited for your response, which came 7 minutes later.

I just wanted to say, I appreciate the way you're handling this.

Chris bit his lip, imagining you sitting there, thinking of what to say and staring down at your phone.

I’m sorry, I don't know who this is. You may have reached a wrong number?

He grinned at the play.

-----

Your heart dropped. Did he no longer have your contact?

Why would he do that?

You don’t know why you felt some kinda way; you’d blocked him.

Maybe he had changed his number and this was no longer his. Your heart was beating fast when you texted back.

Is this Chris? This is Y/N. I was just texting about Kevin Watts.

You anxiously watched the thought bubbles on imessage.

----

Even though you’d texted back almost immediately, Chris kept you hanging for just a couple of minutes. His dick was hard at the thought of communicating with you.

Fuck, you were such an aphrodesiac.

Oh shit! Y/N I’m sorry. I got a new phone.. You know how it is…

He knew you wouldn’t believe that. That’s why he said it.

You just stared at the phone. That was bullshit. You can easily port your contacts into a new phone. You just never believed that Chris would really move on. And you didn’t know why.

You had.

You took a deep breath and continued.

Lol, No worries! Just wanna say thank you for being cool with my Boo. I’m gonna turn in now. Check you later.

You tried to keep it light.

Chris ignored the ‘my Boo’ comment and focused on the thought of you in bed.

You usually slept in a tank top or t-shirt and panties, and the top would invariably come off because you got hot.

And then things would invariably get hotter if he was in bed with you….

Cool! Sweet dreams. Check you later. 😉

Chris made sure to exit your message thread and come back so that you wouldn’t see the thought bubbles that he saw when you kept staring at the text.

You were lost in the times that Chris always used to say that to you, and when he whispered “Sweet Dreams” in your ear when he was far away, you always had wet dreams about him.

And that wink.

How could a fucking yellow emoji turn you the fuck on?

You reached for your bullet vibrator as you continued to stare at the interaction.

Chis had already started stroking himself when you told him you were going to bed.

Knowing that you were thinking exactly what he wanted you to got him close, and he didn’t even have to pull up your old videos to get off.

Not tonight.

-----

Over the next few weeks. you’d texted a few times, Chris ‘made amends’ and you accepted his apology.

Then, you started texting more regularly, mainly joking around about sports, your Celtics/Rockets rivalry ever raging.

From your perspective, Chris was always appropriate and respected your relationship with Kevin. You were glad because you’d missed your friendship with him.

You felt giddy that your life was working out so well, and you traveled to your weekend getaway in the mountains for your bridal shower with a light heart.

Chris attended Kevin’s bachelor festivities with only a week to go until the wedding.

——

From Chris’s perspective, things were working out better than he’d hoped.

Scoring an invite to the wedding was more than he’d imagined, and Kevin inviting him out to his Bachelor party was just icing on the cake.

Maybe he could make Kevin slip up enough so that you would dump him before the wedding. Chris was hopeful.

If not, Plan B was the nuclear option.

-------

Kevin was following the stripper’s ass like a puppy. He was lit on booze and pills (that Chris provided) and his guard was down.

Kevin considered Chris a friend.

Chris just wanted to keep Kevin close because he was the enemy.

They were talking about you.

“She’s so fucking innocent. A sweeter angel there never was. I’ll have to teach her how to fuck.”

Chris almost choked on his water.

“I'm sorry. What now?”

Kevin just barreled on, ignoring the question.

“That's how I know I need to wife her.” He was talking to Chris, but still staring at the stripper.

“She would never chase the D. Hell, she won’t even touch mine. You know, her being celibate and all.”

Chris raised his eyebrow and smiled, which Kevin never noticed. Chris shook his head at your antics. His little beautiful love.

“That’s why I was never pressed that you are her ex. I mean, I’m impressed you were with her as long as you were.”

Chris just smiled and nodded, curious as to where this was leading.

“A man like you don’t have to put up with that. You must have punani lined up for days, bro.”

Chris’s heart lept. This dullard did not have access to your pussy. HIS pussy. Never has.

Chris could fuck a lot of people a million ways from Sunday with one text. Except for you. And you were all that mattered.

“I don’t know about all that.” Chris put on his best, ‘aw shucks’ act.

Chris was over the moon. You were still his. In every way.

Kevin kept tipping the stripper and was trying to call her over. He asked her about a private lap dance. Chris’s eyes lit up. This asshole was making it too easy.

The stripper nodded and went back to finish up her set. Chris walked over to the bar.

“Aye!” Chris summoned tha bartender over.

“What can I get you, Sir.”

“I don’t need a drink. I wanna take care of my friend over there. He’s gonna have a lap dance with Star. It’s his bachelor party. I need it to be extra special.”

Chris started peeling off hundreds so the barkeep could see.

“And I need him to have some keepsakes, so he’ll remember it always.”

More hundreds came off. The bartender’s eyes got bigger and bigger. “That’s no problem.”

Chris flashed his famous smile.

“Great, let me tell you where to send them. Wanna make them a wedding present.” He wrote down an address on a napkin.

He was now on Plan C. And it was perfect.

------

A week later and the rehearsal at the church was more fun than you thought it would be. You weren’t allowed to participate, just watch, as the result of an old wives tale.

The church secretary found you in the pews. She handed you a manila envelope.

“This was mailed here yesterday, probably an invoice of something for the wedding, I put it aside for you, sweetie.”

You smiled back at her and tucked it into your purse, not wanting to distract yourself with more wedding bills.

Later, when you and Kevin were in the back of the car to the restaurant for the Rehearsal Dinner, you pulled it out and opened it. You couldn’t believe your eyes.

“What the ENTIRE FUCK KEVIN!”

You threw the pictures of him fucking a stripper in his face, startling him out of staring at his phone.

He picked one up, his mouth dropped open and started talking.

“Look, Baby, Baby! I can explain!...”

“DO NOT FUCKING LIE TO ME KEVIN! WE HAVE OVER 300 PEOPLE HERE FOR OUR WEDDING TOMORROW MORNING.”

Kevin was on his knees in the back of the suburban.

“Listen to me.. Listen. I’m a man. I have needs…”

“Kevin, I swear to god….”

“Okay, okay… I admit it…”

You listened to him and your heart went silent. You couldn’t even absorb what he said.

When you pulled up to the restaurant, you straightened your dress and looked at him coolly.

“I am NOT going to deal with this tonight. Tonight was supposed to be a fun celebration of our wedding. I will decide later if it's still going to happen.”

Kevin was terrified.

“Right now, you and I will go into this place, greet our friends arm in arm and pretend that you are not a fucking narcissitic asshole who just ripped my heart to shreds. Got it?”

“Yes, but I-”

“Do NOT speak to me unless I speak to you first. Or it's automatically off.”

Kevin just nodded and cleared his throat.

You raised your chin and said, “Let’s go.”

-----

Two hours later, dinner was over, and you were lit on your way to TURNT.

Chris observed you, from the moment you entered holding hands with Kevin to the second you dropped his hand in disgust, to the way you held yourself away from him at dinner, but then put on a sweet face when everyone spoke, to Kevin, who was an absolute mess.

He figured you got the pictures. He suppressed the glee that was coursing through him.

But he couldn’t figure out why you were still going on with the charade.

Chris didn’t make a beeline for you like he wanted to, he just let the natural flow of the party lead you to him. He was talking to your cousin when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around.

“Hey you.”

You cocked your head at him in that way and looked up at him, your smile brightening your face. Damn, he had to plant his feet. You smiling at him like that made him feel faint.

You both heard your cousin say something, but you didn’t pay attention, caught up in your own orbit.

“Hey.”

Chris crossed his arms, and you swore that he was recalling the time when you told him your forearms made you horny. Fuck. Chris made you wet and you were fresh out of fucks tonight.

“So, I can’t have a hug?”

Chris shook his head at your line and opened his arms to embrace you, keeping a respectable pressure and distance until you hugged him tight and pressed close.

He couldn’t help but pick you up, but he put you down immediately, cleared his throat and backed up, looking uncomfortable.

That wouldn’t do. You wanted more of his scent, his warmth, his HIM. You pouted unconsciously in your buzzed state.

Chris’s cock stirred. That fucking mouth had haunted his dreams for almost a year. He was pleased that you were flirting, but he had to work the plan. Couldn’t go too fast.

“You look… great. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow in your wedding dress. You will be a beautiful bride.”

Chris broke his voice in just the right place to convey a wistfulness, making you think that he thought he lost you.

You felt bad. Chris was so sweet. You thought about him and you thought about Kevin.

What was the difference between what Chris did and what Kevin did?

And who did you have more chemistry with? Chris.

Why were you even marrying Kevin?

You looked over at him looking at you and Chris like a lost dog.

You had no idea why you were marrying him.

“You look… Like Chris fucking Evans.” You two laughed.

“I bet you’re fighting them off with a stick.” You sideyed him.

Chris reveled in your interest in his sex life.

“Well, you know. After rehab, I’ve laid off the... physical part of my life. It only brought chaos, you know. I’m trying to be more… zen. Haven’t really had… that for the better part of a year.”

He watched your eyes get big.

“Word?” You smirked. “So you…”

Chris held up his hand. The one you knew he jacked off with. You grabbed it and started drawing on his palm. Chis pulled it back and cleared his throat again.

You pouted again. Him being hard to get made you wet.

And Chris knew that.

“So… you ready to marry the love of your life?”

Chris’s sea blues looked you deep into your cocoa browns. You were transported back in time.

“Yes.”

Then you snapped out of it.

“I mean… the church is set up, the dress is bought, everyone’s here. I guess so.”

Chris laughed as if you were telling a joke.

“I miss your sense of humor.”

You all made small talk and you caught up a little before you asked what you wanted to know.

“So what are you up to tonight?”

Chris looked at his watch.

“I’m actually about to go to my condo an turn in. I get up early to work out.” He felt your eyes sweep up and down his body, and he flexed even though he was fully dressed. It was true. Working out was a regimen. He wanted you drooling for him.

“It’s the Marvel condo in Brooklyn?”

You nodded, remembering good times.

“So you have a car picking you up?” Your mind was whirring.

“I actually have a rental.”

You gulped your drink down, not daring to look in his eyes. Now, not only was your pussy wet, your nipples were hard as hell.

“It’s in the parking garage down the block.”

“Well, I need to clear my head. I’ll walk you there, and you can drop me back?”

Chris looked down at your cute face, and then around the room, spotted Kevin and gave him a nod.

“You sure that’s a good idea?”

You looked at Kevin, too. You wanted to stick your tongue out, but you just took Chris by the arm and headed toward the door.

“I’m a big girl. Nobody owns me.”

You looked up into Chris’s eyes and instantly regretted that statement. You played it off and pulled him through the door.

You didn’t talk at all the entire way, both of your heads deep in the clouds of you and him. The chemistry was crackling the air between you.

You held on to his arm, and he let you, reveling in your touch.

When you reached the parking garage, Chris pressed the button with his knuckle and you got in, headed for the top deck.

You just stared at each other, both thinking the same thing. Chris chuckled.

“You’re dangerous, night before your wedding, you probably have cold feet, I’m here. Maybe you want to be sure that you’re sure…”

You cocked your head. “Who said I wanted to fuck you, Chris Evans?”

Chris cocked his head too, mirroring you. “Who said ‘fuck?’ I was thinking you wanted to talk.”

He smirked and you scowled as the door opened.

Chris left you in the elevator stewing as he walked over to the black Tesla he’d rented. There was no other car on the deck.

You scoffed, and followed him out.

He was about to walk around to the driver's side door when you grabbed his arm before he made it. He stopped directly in front of the car.

“Do you mean to tell me that you don’t want me?” You were hot, in more ways than one.

Chris leaned back against the hood.

“That’s not what we’re talking about, y/n. You’re getting married tomorrow. To someone else.”

You smiled and reached up, fingers grazing his neck and playing with the hair at his nape. You ran your fingers through his beard. Kevin’s couldn’t compare.

“That’s tomorrow. Tonight I’m single as fuck.”

You stood on your tip toes and brushed your lips against his, reveling in the moan that came from his throat.

Chris fought to control his urge and continued with his act. His fingers tightened around your waist and you thought this was it. He turned you around in front of the car and then let you go, stepping back to pace back and forth.

“What? What is this? You’ve had almost a year. Kevin’s my friend. What do you want from me?”

He advanced on you, and you had to remember to breathe. He knew what you wanted.

“You. I want you, Chris.”

Chris attacked your lips with his own. He took two seconds to savor them before he ravaged your mouth with his tongue. You moaned and he broke from your mouth to re-discover your face, your neck, your cleavage. He had to control himself not to rip the bodice of your blush pink chiffon dress.

He had a raging hard on, which you were feeling up, remembering how you always struggled to take him. You wanted him to hurt you with it now.

“Give me this Chris… please…”

You were reaching into his pants, thumb caressing his wet, thick tip. He was leaking for you.

“Remember when you told me that I would meet you in a parking lot, and let you fuck me over the hood of your rental car? Even if I was with someone else?”

You pulled your hand out and started sucking your thumb, closing your eyes at the taste of Chris after so long. You pulled it out with a pop.

“You were so right.”

Chris practically growled, grabbed your arm and spun you, pushing your back until your chest hit the hood of the Model X. He leaned over you, pushing his covered crotch into the back of your dress, you moaned, wanting more. His mouth was at your ear.

“Oh, so you want to be my cock whore on the eve of your wedding to someone else.” You moaned because it was true.

“It’s been so long, Chris…”

He reached down in between you and flipped the flouncy skirt of your dress up, exposing you to the wind of New York City. He looked at it for a minute, your ass always his favorite.

He caressed it with both hands, pressing into you with his thumbs.

“So you want me to feel you up?” He pulled his hand back and sucked one of them, practically jumping for joy when he tasted you.

“You want me to pull your panties to the side….” and he did so, seeing your slick shine in the moonlight, and playing in it for a minute, tracing your lips and making you quiver around nothing.

The way you were moaning his name was everything right now.

Your face was pressed against the cool metal of the car, and it was the only thing tying you to the earth.

“Oh yes, Chris…. Please please yesss...fuck me… damn...stretch me out…”

Chris’s dick pulsed and he needed you around him. He moved close again and unzipped his pants, the sound making your knees weak.

He teased your cunt with his tip, collecting your arousal and smearing it not only around your pussy, but around your asshole.

“I know you’ve fucked him, but have you let him have your ass? Am I still the only one…?”

Chris was still playing the game.

“No, no, no… I haven’t let him… I haven’t given him anything. I’ve been celibate, too. It’s still yours Chris. All of me is still yours.”

Chris almost came just hearing you say it out loud. He already knew, but hearing you say it was the shit.

He pushed into you with a grunt, and it was difficult. He didn’t make it. Your cunt squeezed him out.

“Ffffuck, y/n. You’re practically closed down. Is it true?”

He started rocking his tip into your pussy slowly, both regretting and reveling in the fact that he didn’t stretch you out with his fingers beforehand. Then he decided that he wanted you to feel this fully.

You couldn’t answer, only responding with moans has he painfully breached you. You welcomed it, though.

“Ah, ah, ah, ah… yes Chris. Only you.. Since you and I….” Talking about it and the fact that you were taking him again made you wetter, and eased Chris’s way, although your pussy was already stinging with his girth. Your eyes rolled back in your head.

You would never get over this and were so grateful for the feeling again.

Chris watched you and had to grit his teeth to hold back from the reality that he was taking you again.

He leaned over you, hot breath huffing in your ear, puffing and groaning as he fucked you slowly. He was trying to feel every sensation. He wanted you to know that each and every millimeter of your glorious wet, tight pussy was his.

‘Ohhhh. Fuck Chris… YESSSS!” Your voice echoed off the concrete walls, and Chris wanted you louder.

“This what you wanted? You wanted your thick cock inside you again. Hunh? You wanted me to stretch your walls and fuck you raw, hunh?” He started speeding up in time with your moans.

“Such a fucking filthy cockslut for me, baby.” Chris grabbed your neck from the back. “Why didn’t you let Kevin hit, hunh?”

You didn’t answer, you just moaned and Chris smacked your ass, hard.

“Chris! Fuck!”

You screamed. You missed his ruthlessness when you fucked, you missed him making sure that you knew that he knew that you knew. You belonged to him.

“Please!”

“I know why.”

Chris stopped fucking you and pressed down harder on your back, reaching around to find your clit. He swirled around it once, then started to press down slowly.

“Because you would never beg him for that subpar dick that he has. You’re MY whore. You belong to me.”

He pressed down roughly, and you detonated around his dick. He didn’t have to move. Chris pulled out, leaving you cold and bereft.

You turned around and leaned up against the hood, panting and still desperate for him. He stood there in front of you, dick sticking out of his pants, which were ruined, and still rock hard and ready. He was in a quiet rage.

“Why did you leave me?”

You searched his face. He sounded like he was about to cry. You couldn’t quite see his entire face, but his eyes shone, bright with liquid. You went toward him.

“You hurt me Chris. I couldn’t stay. But let me take care of you now.”

You got on your knees in front of him, the hard concrete of the parking structure digging into your knees.

Again, you welcomed the physical pain, distracting you from what you were doing to Kevin, to Chris, and to yourself.

Chris felt like he could fly. You on your knees for him again was a dream.

He took his cock in his hand, stroking it, while moving close to you. In no time, the back of your head was in his palm, and you opened wide to accept him, hand coming up to stroke what you couldn’t fit.

“Ah, ah. Let me.”

You looked up at him to see an evil grin shine down on you.

Chris looked down on an angel trying to swallow him whole. He brushed the tears away from your eyes as you struggled to breathe. You were perfection.

Moaning around him, you relaxed your mouth and throat and let him use you. It was difficult, because you were out of practice, but you welcomed the letting go of all thought.

You dripped down your thighs as Chris pumped into you, ready to accept what he had to give.

After a few minutes, he stopped, and pulled out, grabbing you up to your feet.

Then he bent down and grabbed you by the back of your thighs and you wrapped your legs around his waist, kissing him and trying to grind down on his still-erect cock as he backed you to the car.

Your ass hit the hood, and Chris reached between you to first tear your panties off. He put them in his pocket as he swiped his dick up and down your dripping wet folds.

He looked back up to watch your face as he pushed inside you, now, an easier path to nirvana.

He pulsed as he watched the pleasure take over your face, with your mouth slack and your eyes glassed over. This was his main purpose in life and he almost lost it.

He brought his hand up to bring you closer, breathed into your mouth as he squeezed your throat. You were high instantly, and clamped down on his cock as your body was wracked with waves of pleasure.

Chris let your body descend back down to the car as he pumped his seed into you, his mind fantasizing that he was impregnating you.

He shook your body as the last ropes of cum spurted out of him. He ran his hand down your body as he pulled out, zipping up his pants as you came back to your senses on the hood of the car.

You stared at the stars as you realized what you had done. You sat up and adjusted your dress, gingerly climbing back down to the ground.

Chris kissed you on the forehead, and this time you let him get into the driver’s seat. You got in the passenger side and Chris reached into the glovebox and handed you some wet wipes.

“Fix your face. And your knees.”

He nodded down to your legs, which were dirty from the parking structure floor. He watched you wipe your knees off, but stopped you as you went higher.

“No. I want you to feel me all night long.”

You wanted to be a brat, but you didn’t feel like sass right about now. You felt kinda terrible.

You got another wet wipe and fixed your makeup as best you could as Chris drove you back to the restaurant.

“Chris, I…”

“I know. None of that meant that we’re back together. That was for some kind of something, I dunno, something Kevin might have done?”

You looked down, ashamed. Chris lifted your chin up with his hand.

“I want you to come to me on your own. You’ve gotten that out of your system, and I’m glad to be of service.” You looked up into his eyes and at his wry smile.

“But remember, you still have a choice. I’m here if you choose me.”

He leaned over and gave you a tender kiss in front of the restaurant.

You smiled at him and climbed out of the car, watching as he drove off.

Chris’s heart was beating out of his chest as he watched you turn and go back inside. He fought the urge to turn around. It was better this way.

----

You walked in the restaurant, and pulled Kevin over to the side of the restaurant in dark alcove.

“Listen. Do you still want to marry me?”

He looked you up and down, taking in your state, from the faint marks on your neck to your scuffed knees. He knew exactly what was up.

You raised an eyebrow at him.

-----

Three hours later, a sleepy Chris answered the doorbell in Brooklyn.

He smiled at you, in the Captain America t-shirt and jeans that you’d stolen from him after a photoshoot, looking like his favorite Disney princess. You.

You took him in, clad in grey sweatpants that hung off his magnificently cut body. He blinked at you sleepily.

“The wedding is off. Chris, I….”

He reached out and grabbed you, pulling you in the brownstone and shutting the door behind you. He had you pinned up against the wall as you tried to speak.

“Shut up and let me taste you.”

You grinned and wrapped your legs around his waist as he carried you upstairs.

---

The next morning, Chris was on the phone with Scott.

“Yes, tell the workers at the warehouse to dump all the products….I don’t care, the river, the landfill…. Y/N can’t find out that I bought up all her stock…. We’re going to be married..... I know what the fuck I’m doing Scott. We leave for Aruba this afternoon. Listen, I’ll call you later.”

Chris hung up and turned to find you in the doorway, frowning and rubbing your eyes.

“We’re going to Aruba?”

You smiled and yawned, sleepily stretching. That was all that you’d heard of the conversation.

Chris gave you his stunner smile.

“Yes. It was going to be a surprise.”

He reached down and swung you up in his arms, carrying you into the bathroom bridal style.

“Now let’s get in the shower. You’ve been very naughty, gotta get you clean for your wedding day.”

You giggled as you relaxed in Chris’s arms. “It takes two to be naughty, Chris.”

He winked at you as he turned on the shower. “Don’t I know it.”

-----

I know it’s different. Let me know if you like it. Like, comment, reblog!

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