#my mom always did say that i don’t get sick often but when i do get sick i get REALLY sick

[calico-kiwi]

someone save me (i am sick)

[curiosity-killed]

This is the last grumbling I’m going to do about my birthday I swear BUT I’m still just mildly flummoxed by my call with my parents last night where like. It’s my birthday. And I have COVID. And they insist on FaceTiming and then just….vent about our extended family and how hard their life is, never once asking a question about *my* life to the point that I finally gave up and while my mom was doing her “and well now what other family news is there…” hmming and hawing, interrupted her to be like “I got offered a trainee position with this dance company” and then they just were like “😶😐 oh. Well. Are you going to take it? You do work full time too and need to have balance in your life…” instead of saying a single positive thing

[deesseshesca]

PAC :How will your partner treat u during pregnancy ? (18+)

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PILE 1 

Ace of wands

3 swords (reverse) 

First he is going to be hella proud. Like it boots his ego when he knows you are walking around carrying his offspring. Anybody that’s laying their eyes on you knows you are pregnant and y’all must be pregnant by them because everyone knows you and him go together real bad. No question required. Plus he is so giddy about eventually having the proof of your love walking around. I am hearing : ‘’ Yeah … I did that. Remember when I told you I was going to marry her and give her babies’’. Not in a cocky way but a more loving and boastful way. Maybe you were always the type of person to never settle, that would run at the thought of committing to one man, you would just throw up at the thought of opening up to a penis… Now what do we have here: a wedding ring and a waddling mother. Y’all may be in your maneater era don’t worry babe … enjoy. Mother era is waiting to be unlocked. Plus they are extra horny for you. They want you whenever and however. If you guys have a BDSM or quite experimental relationship, good for you. You will wake up often with a tongue between your legs. Which to some point will actually annoy you because y’all may suffer from morning sickness. I see you standing hair in a perfect bun (important to mention because in all my vision your hair is tight up. Maye because you usually have your hair down … who knows) and you are complaining about all your pregnancy symptoms, especially the heat. I am channeling a summer pregnancy for a lot of y’all , whether it be your first or your last. He just out here staring at you like a vampire in need of blood because all he's thinking about is taking you to pound town. Warning to all my future plus size mama, is going to be even harder for you. Your man is going to be IN LOVE with that ass. Everytime he sees you walk away, he grows a little harder. ( I am serious, let's hold hands for all our plus size baddies … Amen). Also his heart is overflowing with love. I actually see him going crazy every time he sees a cute outfit. I am hearing : ‘’ Babe look at this … Omg soo cute. No look at this is fucking cuter … No baby baby look … it’s say - I HEART DADDY’’. You just stand there behind with a tight smile blaming your mom brain fog because you know to always skip the kids section. Now the 15 minutes run has become 30 minutes and your feet hurt already. A lot of rituals will be created and you better not take his place. He loves rubbing oil on your stomach and after making sure you are sleeping … he always makes sure to remind the baby to allow you to rest. Whatever you need he’s on it. You speak once and it’s done. You can’t handle meat during pregnancy … ok the whole house is now vegetarian. You can’t sleep … ok he is dealing with the morning shift of the household. You hate when people approach you and public … ok activated mean muggin husband. You want, you got it babes. 

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PILE 2 

5 swords (reverse) 

Hierophant (reverse)

This news is going to bring you guys together. I don’t think there would be distance between y'all. But stress is winning in this relationship. You guys are both thriving in your profession and ego is getting the best of y’all. Like you both think that the other is not doing enough romantically and that you respectively are doing too much. Nothing extravagant nor toxic but the honeymoon is not honey no more. Still a lot of love but the focus is not it no more but more who is right. 

They are going to love seeing you work while being pregnant. Is important for you to go to work not because it is necessary just in your bones to work. So you want to do it until your body tells you to stop. They are going to support you to the best of their ability. They will prepare your outfit the night before, add belly cream in your bag, make sure to pack a healthy and big lunch for you and the baby, will try to always drop you off and pick you up from work. Lowkey giving house husband don’t be a fool he still very much a bossbabe himself because I can only picture him in suits. Y’all are definitely a power couple. Anyway he loves your dedication so he does everything he can to ensure the baby's protection and help achieve your goal. What’s wrong with y’all partner … they out here having the nastiest thoughts for all of you. First they are going to try to control their needs. I do think when y’all usually go at it … it gets pretty animalistic and they fucking love it. But they are trying to keep a distance between their thoughts and action but y’all are going to be needy and are going to ask for it. Not your men trying to keep it together while you are teasing him and you don’t give a fuck about it. I see y'all eating maybe at dinner with your friend and you ask ‘’ Are you going to fuck me tonight ?’’ Somebody is choking but your husband is unfazed.

 ‘’ I put my stiletto heels on today, you know how much they hurt my feet.

Babe I told you not to wear those’’, he adds while feeding you. ( By the way … y’all have a cute pouting face

But babeeee’’

The reality is he was actually scared to hurt the baby. He needs got darker and you’ve been needier and that’s a scary mix in his opinion. 

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PILE 3 

Ace of swords (reverse)

9 wands (reverse)

Y’all are not in a committed relationship when this bundle of enjoy arrives in your life. 

Is going to be a life changing experience. Like theirs is clearly before the baby and after the baby in his life timeline. I think he was always serious about his feelings for you but was too scared to end up hurt that he would push you away subtly. Funny enough I would be the first to call bullshit, I ain't never been scared to do that … y’all know that. STAY is not giving bullshit. Is giving a broken boy. He is scared you are going to walk away in his life or that he is going to lose his mind 2 just like the people that were supposed to raise him but end up abusing him. He keeps you away to protect you and you know it. Something about y’all relationship, y’all are not together but everyone knows it is just to 2 of y’all. He doesn't talk to no other, he doesn't look at other girls, I don’t even think he interacts with any other girl but you. You are the only one he craves, wand, need and desire but he is too scared to break you. So you accept the no name relationship so he can slowly come to term with the fact that you are not going anywhere. Then a miracle knocks on the door. I can clearly see their mouths wide open when they are listening the baby's heart. Like they just have a life epiphany. You are laying on your back like a stick observing nervously their reaction because you want to keep it. They may walk in extremely nervous and a bit dismissive but the sec that they heard that baby … they are coming out the most confident man. They change forever. They used to be apathetic about life and now they are all about living each day like it is their last. They will do extra shifts at work to give you the dream experience. Babymoon, baecation, push present, being a SAHM, everything is given. They don’t play about their baby's health, they are coming at every baby appointment, they are asking all the damm questions. They also don’t want drama around you. You know when you are pregnant everybody becomes an adviser which can be quite annoying because fuck off this is my baby. I am hearing: ‘’ I don’t want to breastfeed but your mama- ‘’Fuck what my mama said. Do whatever you want (name)”. I can clearly hear them going on and on about how all they care is to make sure they 2 babies are always fulfilled.

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[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Wibta if I told my mom she loves a cat more than her own children.

I do feel like an asshole for this. I’m 17f and I have a younger sister 15F. My parents are married and for the most part good. When have a 12 year old cat that my mom just adores.

This part is all speculation, but when I very young like I was 5 or something my mom had an event that changed a lot. She stayed with her parents and would visits us. My grandparents would help out and no one really ever explained what happened to her but she lived there for like a year, she did move back in with us. My dad got her a cat to cope while she was away. The speculation is she had really bad post partum depression and had a break down. The reason I believe this/and this is my own theory, was when I was struggling mentally, my mom encouraged me to go to a therapist and they asked family history and she said she had struggled with depression/episodes and had tried medication but never stayed on. She just said when she was younger she had a hard time regulating emotions, and she wants me to worry about me and my own emotions. The post patrum comes from the fact that I asked my dad why did you two have kids and he admitted he wanted kids and my mom was more on the fence. I also find it weird she gets really nervous around Mother’s Day and will often try to not celebrate. (She always says she could be a better mom)

My mom is a good mom don’t get me wrong. She’s always encouraged my sister and I to try and do our hobbies. She’ll drive us where we gotta go. I know she works overtime when she wants to make sure we can do stuff for the family. It’s just sometimes, she seems more like a distant mom. She’ll listen to us, do anything asked, but idk how to put it into words.

But she really loves this cat. And I do love our cat too, but this cat and my mom are bonded. The second my mom comes home and the cat greets her and my mom picks her up and kisses her. She calls the cat her pretty princess and a hundred other nicknames. She calls me my dad and sister honey, bunny, and sunny. I know the cat actually makes my mom happy. Her eyes light up when she sees the cat. I know she looks forward to coming home to the cat. When we go on vacations she’ll miss the cat, or if she goes on a work trip she’ll always ask for pictures of the cat or ask to see the cat on FaceTime. She throws a small birthday party for the cat every year and makes a cake. For our birthdays she’ll ask what we want and sometimes she resorts to store bought desserts.

So this is where it gets bad. Our cat is now sick and probably has a year left to live. The vet told my mom she’s a good cat owner and has always done right for her, but with her age, treatment isn’t really the route because it’s not gonna prevent death, so just focus on making the cat happy and comfortable (this vet appointment was her 6 month check up.) My mom hasn’t been doing well mentally. She’s always struggled with mental health. She just seems to have a shakey mind at times if that makes sense. She very much before would hide her struggles, but we knew she’d have them. Before she would like stand still just gripping the counter with one hand. Now my mom is definetly depressed. She will come home be greeted by the cat, and go to her room and cry with the cat. She’s been just not happy.

My sister and I kinda decided to see if telling her we got good grades would cheer her up, and she’ll say good job and will sometimes offer to cook something or get something for us, but her eyes are just like very tired. (There is also an app she can use to check out grades but she never once used it and will just take our word face value) We’ve talked to my dad about this and he basically said that our mom has always loved animals (she use to work with her grandpa at a pet store he owned, but apparently her grandpa wasn’t a good person to most people in the family except her, so that was hard on her). I asked my dad what he thinks and says it’s normal for someone to be sad about this and that he’s gonna work hard or make sure we get all our needs handled. Which is nice, but I kinda wish it was my mom. I don’t feel dire need of anything, I’m just annoyed/jealous a cat can destroy my mom mentally.

My mom has gone over load for the cat. She cooks for her, makes her dinner buys the best food and mixes then. She often cries while cooking, and asks the cat if she likes the food.The cat doesn’t even know what’s happening.

I was looking at prom dresses online and asked my mom to look with me and she was just out of it. She would just say she’d like one or she’s not a fan but don’t let that discourage me. She’s just kinda lifeless. I try talking to her about it and she’ll aplogize and says she’ll get better. (It’s been like a week)

It boiled over when my mom’s sisters came over. (She’s the youngest. One sister has kids and one doesn’t) My mom tried to be happy and perky but ended up crying about the cat. Her sisters kinda said that she’s gotta be strong for her family and my mom just cried saying everything’s gonna be so much harder without the cat. I wasn’t in the room, they were in the basement, and there’s a vent where you can hear everything down there. My sister and I do easedrop to see what they say (her sisters are loud but we can never hear what my mom is saying without the vent. Normally we do it because my mom is a more different interesting person and again we don’t know our mom well. Away from us she kinda puts down the facade and actually talks). I was just angry. Her life isn’t hard. We’re middle class, if she wants to go to therepy she can afford it. We all deal with grief and loss. Yes I’m gonna be sad when our cat passes, but she is an older cat. I don’t imagine my life becoming “harder” other than my mom being depressed, but she is an adult who will heal from this.

After her sisters left and she was doing her night routine, I asked her if she loves the cat more than my sister and I. She said that’s not true and if she could do something more for my sister and I please name it. I told her that that’s the problem is that she does stuff for the cat without thinking, but for us it’s all asking us and she’s the adult she should know. She’s said she’s not a mind reader and she’s gonna rely on the information I give her to help me out where she can. I went to my room because ovbiosuly that conversation wasn’t going anywhere. I feel like my mom understands a cat more than her own daughter.

My dad came in a little while after and we talked. He assured me my mom loves me and this cat has been like an emotional support animal through the years. He mentioned my one friend who has an emotional support dog and compared them and told me that the cat has helped my mom emotionally with emotional regulation and just helps her steady herself. I asked if we were enough, or if my mom regrets having a family and she would just be happier if she just left us for the cat and lived by herself. My dad told me she loves all of us, but depression can be hard to navigate. I asked him about how he wanted us more than our mom and he just said that he was more excited, but my mom wouldn’t have had us unless she wanted us (which I don’t think is totally true.)

I went into my parents room and my mom was there with the cat. Again going to the cat for comfort. I told her I was sorry for saying she loved the cat more than us and she apologized for how her treatment towards the cat can seem that way and if I ever need anything please ask. It made me mad because she again is relying on me to know what’s wrong/ or ask, instead of her just idk taking initiative. I didn’t say that.

I get people can be mentally ill, but she’s also my mom. I do feel bad about telling my mom she loves a cat more than me, but I also don’t feel too reassured.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Dirty Work 20

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as bullying, familial discord/abuse, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You start a new gig and find one of your clients to be hard to please.

Characters: Loki

Note: weekends aren't for rest, they're for being sick and anxious so Monday will be a treat.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

As you enter, you try your best not to make too much noise. You set the bags down lightly and ease the inner door shut. You can hear your dad and the soft sound of puzzle pieces meeting the table.

“Ya know, thirty years almost, but I can see her just like yesterday,” he says.

Your heart clutches. You never heard him talk about your mom. When you were a kid and didn’t know better, he just ignored all your questions about her. When you got older, you stopped asking. You figured it’s easier for both of you to pretend she never was.

“I’m sorry, hon,” Leslie comforts, “you know, in my line of work, I’ve seen it over and over. It’s a wound you can’t heal.”

“Oh yeah,” he grits, “yeah, I’d say…”

You swallow and lean back on your foot, crinkling the bags behind you. You cringe as you hear sudden movement. You turn and work to slip off the white loafers. You pretend like you weren’t listening as Leslie’s shadow looms from the archway.

“You’re home,” she proclaims, “we didn’t think you’d be so early.”

“Me either,” you say as you face her. 

Her lashes flick and her mouth opens, “oh my, you look so good! Weren’t you working today?”

“Uh, did some work,” you lie, “I got a few hours off so I… did some running around.”

“Oh, gosh, come on, you have to show your dad,” she takes you by the wrist and tugs you around, “Charles, look at your girl.”

She presents you with her hands on your shoulders. You can’t even look at your dad as the couch creaks and he grunts at your appearance. He snorts and pushes another piece into the puzzle.

“What am I looking at?” He sneers.

“Charles, don’t be like that. Look at her hair, and this dress,” she touches your hips, “must be a nice job, huh?”

“It’s alright,” you shimmy out of her grasp, “I just… needed something more presentable–”

“Something shorter,” your father scoffs, “so when she’s bending to tidy the floors you can see right up.”

“Charles, that’s gross,” Leslie reprimands.

“Truth can be like that,” he snickers, “think some man’s buying her fancy clothes so she can sweep? We both know how she pays for you.”

“No… it’s not…” you shrug and give up, “I’m gonna put my stuff away and start dinner. If you want, you can head off early too.”

“Oh, I don’t mind sticking around,” Leslie says as she once more sits beside your dad, “let me know if you need any help with dinner. Don’t wanna get anything on that nice little dress.”

You nod and hesitate. You can’t tell what she means by that. For as much as she can call out your father, she often speaks with an edge of her own. Just like the cigarettes, she must assume his insults are your fault.

You leave the room and grab the bags. You carry them up the stairs to your room. You shut the door and sit on the end of the bed. You bend and cradle your head, trying to set it straight after the dizzying day.

👠

The bus provides a momentary break from your hostile world. There is no safe place for you. Home is barely that and work is… confusing. Your only escape is to focus on your tasks and get through them. Get through Mr. Laufeyson’s list then come home and the chores left untouched. 

Your look at the time on your phone and black the screen. You get a glimpse of your reflection off the glass as you do. You didn't do too bad with the makeup. It looks okay. You tried not to use too much as you recalled Eliana's instructions.

You shake off your doubts and airy feeling around your legs. You're not use to the skirt or the pretty fabrics. You feel overdressed and out-of-place, but the latter is so new to you.

Through the gate and along the edge of the drive, you hear your name flutter in the air. You stop short as you see Frigga strolling along the hedges, caressing the petals of a rose. She draws away and strides towards you, an ivory skirt paired with a golden brown blouse and nude heels.

“You do start early, don’t you?” She approaches and takes your hand, “come, let’s have tea.”

“Oh, uh, I…” you let her tug you along the walkway towards the front door, “the carpenter is coming today–”

“Ah yes, Loki mentioned you were working on restoring the gazebo. That’s lovely. We used to have tea there, me and… his wife. She was a laugh.”

“Mm,” you hum. Whoever this woman was, she must’ve been very special. You imagine a beautiful woman with silky hair and long legs like Frigga. She must’ve fit right in.

“I suppose if it was meant to be, it would be. I only hope my son can find happiness again,” she squeezes your hand before she lets you go. 

She opens the door and waves you in ahead of her. You slip out of your flats much easier than your usual lace-up sneakers. She steps out of her heels and sighs.

“That’s his problem, you know? He’s lonely but too proud to admit it,” she sidles around you and leads you down to the kitchen. You follow and watch as she goes to the counter and pours from the waiting teapot. “Though I haven’t seen him today. I suppose he’s sleeping in, it is the weekend.”

You tilt your head but don’t comment. For as long as you’ve worked for him, not very long at all, he’s never slept past your arrival. Well, not so far as you know.

“I do love this skirt,” she comes back around the counter and touches the tweed, “wonderful pairing,” she touches the blouse with the petal shaped cutouts around the high-collar, “you’re learning.”

“Um, yeah, all the clothes are so pretty,” you say.

“Please, have your tea. I’m sure you have time before the carpenter,” she urges.

“Right, er, I’ll just take my bag upstairs first,” you say, “out of the way.”

“Sure,” she accepts with a kind smile, “how about I take this out to the patio, we can enjoy the sun?”

“Alright,” you agree and hike up your bag, “thank you.”

You quickly flit off and head upstairs. You weren’t expecting her to be there. You just hadn’t thought of it. You only dreaded facing your unbendable boss and his persistent stare.

You go into the library and tuck your bag under the writing desk. You double check the schedule in your phone; Ronan, 10. You have an hour before he arrives.

Your mind is already on the gazebo as you scurry back into the hall. As you shut the door gently, you hear a groan. You peer down towards the unusual noise and blink at the slightly ajar door. The main bedroom. Mr. Laufeyson’s. It rises again before a drawn out exhale, his timbre rumbling low.

You quickly set back to your path and flee downstairs. Maybe he’s talking in his sleep, or more likely, stretching out a few kinks. Your curiosity quickly dissipates as you pass through the dining room and out into the patio.

Frigga sits with large pointed sunglasses over her eyes. She tilts her face up to the sunlight as you sit before the other cup of tea. You pull it close and look out at the yard. A streak of green catches your gaze.

You watch the hummingbird hover over fuchsia petals. You stare dreamily, lulled by the peace of the moment as Frigga merely sips and basks. This isn’t so bad. The bird zips between flowers before disappearing behind a tree. In his stead, the skittish chipmunk scrambles along the railing of the patio. You smile at his fluffy tail.

“I’ll be off tomorrow,” Frigga states, “my husband will be expecting me. Oh, but I’ll miss you, darling.”

“Is it very far?” You wonder.

“Four or five hours,” she answers, “not very far but enough. It’s so lovely up where we are. I wish you could see. Perhaps one day. When things are better.”

Before you can answer, there’s a subtle click behind you.

“Morning,” Mr. Laufeyson’s voice is unleashed onto the scene as the patio door swings inward, “mother,” he pauses before he enunciates your name, “beautiful day out.”

Your shoulders stiffen and nearly touch your ears as you sit straight. He pulls out the chair at your other elbow and sets down another teacup with a clink. He sits and smooths back his dark hair, tucking the spiralled ends behind his ears.

“Late morning,” his mother remarks, “any tea left?”

“Some, shall I–”

He puts his hands flat, moving to stand but she shoos him as she’s quicker to rise, “I’ll get it myself. And you darling,” she dips her chin in your direction, “more?”

“Oh, no thanks, I’m still… working on mine. Thank you, Frigga,” you say, mindful of each syllable.

She leaves and the door clicks shut behind her. You stare at the brim of your cup, turning it slowly between your hands as Laufeyson raises his own to his lips. He drinks carefully before putting it down again.

He’s quiet. He shifts and plants an elbow on the table. He turns his attention to the yard and watches. You dare to look up as well, the chipmunk poking his head out from the bush where he hides. He ran away at Mr. Laufeyson’s arrival.

“Cute little fellow,” he remarks as he faces you again. You quickly lower your eyes.

“Uh, yeah…”

“Mmm,” he drones and taps his fingers on the porcelain teacup, “you… that’s a nice shirt.”

“Thanks,” you lift your cup and drain most of it, gulping painfully as you put it back down, “I should go start. Ronan will be here shortly–”

“The carpenter?”

“Yes, Mr. Laufeyson, I have him penned in–” You explain.

“And? He is a carpenter, he knows what he’s doing. I doubt he needs you watching over his shoulder.”

“I know, uh, but I should be there to let him in,” you slide your cup off the table.

“You’re not even done your tea.”

“I’ll finish on my way in–”

“You’re avoiding me,” he accused and you wince.

“What?”

“You’re running away? Why?” He challenges.

“I’m not, I– I have work to do.”

“Work I give you. I’m your boss, you may sit and finish. I’ll permit it.”

You falter and set the cup on the table. You lower yourself back to the seat and fold your hands. You look at your lap and push your shoulders back. He is back to his haughty demands, you find that part of him easier to handle.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Laufeyson, I wasn't running away.”

He scoffs thinly and his nostrils flare as he stares off at the hedges that edge the patio, “I wonder why you can be so quick to flee me when you sat and let my brother feel you up.”

“Huh?” You blanch, stuck by the accusation. “Mr. Laufeyson, I–”

“I know him well and I’m not as blind as my mother. I saw it. You didn’t say a word. You just let him do it,” he clucks, “why?”

Your eyes round and you bat your lashes. You nearly choke, the acidic flavour of the tea drying on your tongue. Was it that bad? You tried not to think about it, to let it affect you, even as the memories flashed in your head, you just tried not to feel anything about it.

“I didn’t… well… he’s your brother, Mr. Laufeyson, I didn’t want to assume… to offend–” you stammer.

“So you let him do what he wants?” He snarlss as he turns his sights on you, a brow arch tritely. “You do not work for him, you work for me.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to do,” you sputter, confused by his anger. “I tried to…”

Your voice trails off. No, you didn’t try. You were too afraid too. He’s right, you let Thor keep touching you and you didn’t say anything, you didn’t move, you just froze up.

“It makes me wonder,” he cups his chin, leaning on his elbow, “how far would you let him get, hm?”

“Mr. Laufeyson,” you whimper, “I’m sorry–”

“Did you like how he touched you?”

“N-no, Mr. Laufeyson, no, of course not,” you plead.

“You do not want him to touch you?” He prompts.

“No, I… didn’t know how to say—”

“Shhh,” he hushes you, lifting his chin from his hand and pressing his finger to his lips. He pulls his hand away to point at you, “I’ve a better question…” He reaches towards you and you flinch. You quiver as he traces the cutout along the top of your blouse, “how far would you let me go?”

You squirm as he hooks his finger inside the teardrop window in the fabric. His fingertip brushes you as he gives a slight tug, looming closer as he draws you towards him. He smirks as you stare dumbfounded. What is he doing?

“My brother will not touch you again,” his voice is low and rocky, “I will make sure of it.” He tickles you slightly and rescinds his hand, “and you will make sure to remember who you belong to.”

He sits back and hooks his fingers in the handle of the porcelain mug. As if on cue, the french doors open behind you and Frigga trills as she emerges, “oh, just enough tea,” she announces, “I added a dash of honey this time.”

She places the cup by her empty chair but does not sit. She twirls and paces around the patio, going to the flower boxes along the rail. She leans in to examine them.

“Perhaps the carpenter could have a look here, it’s crooked,” she declares. “And I dare say the guest room has a loose floorboard right near the bed.”

“Mm, perhaps, mother,” Laufeyson drawls as he once more raises his cup, his eyes stuck on you, “my house manager will be sure to ask, won’t she?”

“Yes, Mr. Laufeyson,” you wisp out through your constricted throat, barely registering his command. 

You can only hear his previous words echoing, over and over; remember who you belong to. Belong to… No, you only work for him.

[cowboythighs]

When Wayne took Eddie in, his biggest worry was that he was going to screw the poor kid up even more than his parents already had. After all, what did he know about taking care of a kid? How would he know what his nephew didn’t know- what Wayne needed to teach him? And how was he going to manage raising a whole little human and provide for them both? But to his surprise, Wayne soon found out that Eddie was shockingly self-sufficient. That he’d had to learn how to cook and clean and do laundry for himself, because his parents were too caught up in themselves and their own issues to take care of him.

Wayne’s momentary relief that he wasn’t starting from ground zero was soon replaced by a level of resentment towards Eddie’s parents. It wasn’t fair that Eddie had been forced to rely on himself so much. It hurt Wayne to see someone so young worrying the way he did about not using too much water; hurt watching Eddie silently going behind Wayne to turn off unused lights because he worried about the bills being too high to pay.

When he figured out Eddie's lemonade stand wasn’t set up to fund a new comic or toy, but rather to try and pay his share for room and board, Wayne took Eddie to the local thrift store and headed straight for the toys section. He was stern when he told Eddie to keep his money, and that they were not leaving until Eddie had an armful of his own toys because Wayne was determined to make sure Eddie had the chance to be a kid.

He watched as Eddie slowly pursued through the selection of toys- inspecting them carefully. When Wayne caught on that Eddie was looking at the price tags he gently admonished him; told him these are used toys; they’re cheap enough and that Eddie didn’t have to worry about money with him.

Eddie tried to argue, insisted that he knows how this goes and appreciates the thought, he really does think it’s nice that Uncle Wayne wants him to have fun stuff to play with, but he knew that just because they have money now it didn’t mean they won’t somehow come up short later, and how he’d much rather have heat than a GI Joe.

Wayne tried to be patient, to not to be as gruff as was his nature as he told Eddie “I may not be your daddy, but you're my boy and I’m gonna take care of you”. Wayne told him it was time to stop fussing and enjoy being a kid. Wayne allowed himself a smile when Eddie relented and picked out a handful of toys.

When they passed the book display as they walked towards the register Wayne stopped. “You like readin’?'' he asks. Eddie looks longingly at the books but only shrugs.

“Don’t know, never had any books to read”. Eddie says it like it doesn’t matter, but his face betrays him.

“They had books in school, didn’t they?” Wayne asked. Eddie just gave another shrug.

“Guess so. I didn't get to go to school very often. Mom and dad were almost always too tired or too sick in the mornings to take me. and we moved around a lot. When we lived close I could walk to school by myself as long as I had clean clothes. If you go to school dirty, teachers get too nosey," Eddie stated like it was common knowledge, “and then they call your parents and you get in trouble and have to move again. But mostly it was too far to walk so I couldn’t go anyways.”

Wayne’s heart felt like it was breaking anew with each detail of casual neglect his nephew had to endure. It wasn’t right for a kid so young to have gone through so much and be so nonchalant about it. Making up his mind he directed Eddie over to the books and told him he can have whatever he wants. There's a slim selection of children’s books to choose from, but it's a place to start.

Wayne watched Eddie's eyes as they kept wandering back to a boxed set with dragons and wizards on the spine. Wayne picked up the set of the Lord of the Rings books without a word and took the set up to the register with Eddie trailing behind. They were far too advanced for a kid his age, especially one as far behind as Eddie, but Wayne decided he would read to him every night. would read aloud the stories of Bilbo and Frodo and Middle Earth and watch Eddie's love for learning grow.

Wayne was proud when time passed and Eddie started leaving dirty dishes in the sink and letting his room get messy. He didn’t mind when Eddie took a long shower or stayed up late writing his own stories. Wasn’t disappointed when he got held back in school, or spent his free time playing games of make believe with his friends. Because he knew better than anyone that Eddie had a rough start in life and had been playing catch up for a long while. And besides, it gave him a chance to be a kid just a little longer, and there was nothing Wayne wanted more than that.

[olliev3r]

gonna rant a bit

i am so sick and tired of the exclusivity of gaming spaces. any game that isn’t soulslike or a cod remake is often written off (unless it’s indie, but those are different) i’m someone that enjoys simple games. yes, i like story-heavy and immersive games, but i also appreciate the value in a game that’s just plain fun. games like wukong are very good, but are also relatively niche in the grand scheme of things.

in case you haven’t guessed, this is about astro bot. imo this game 100% deserved goty. i understand that this game isn’t for everyone, but it upsets me to see so many people write it off for being a “kids game.” astro bot had the highest audience rating out of any of the nominations. that counts for something.

astro bot was my favorite game of 2024, so i’m a little biased. i understand being upset that your favorite game didnt win, but writing it off as just an ad or a mario rip off spits in the face of all the talented people that clearly had passion for making the game. having similar mechanics to mario does not make it a mario rip off, it makes it a part of the 3d platforming genre. yes, it is clear some elements are inspired, but saying everything was a direct copy is silly. mario did it first, but others can still do it better. no one cares when the hundredth cod remake comes out, but having a 3d platformer that isn’t mario or indie is blasphemy.

plus, there are so many original things to astro bot. for example, the controller haptics are absolutely insane. i loved playing the game sometimes just to feel the haptics. sony incorporates the controller in their games in ways i’ve never seen before, not even with the switch.

it just upsets me that so many people are so angry at astro bot for winning. i understand if you didnt like it, i understand if you liked the other nominations better, but astro bot won. i think it was earned.

to give a short perspective on how engaging this game is for the average person, this is something that happened the other day. my mom has never been big on video games. the last time she played was in the 1990s with her brother. when she saw me playing astro bot, she not only stopped to watch me for over an hour and a half, she asked to play. this is a woman who hasn’t touched a video game in almost 30 years, and yet she asked to play this game

that is the point i’m getting at. a lot of triple a games are really good, but they aren’t easy or accessible for the average person. even now, i’m apprehensive to get into games bc i am intimidated by the toxicity of the community. i don’t always want to play a 50 hr walking simulator. i don’t always want a super realistic art style. sometimes i want something cute, something simple.

sorry i’m bad at articulating thoughts. i just had a ramble i needed to get out.

i love astro bot with my whole soul

[girlietips]

Hey so I'm gonna start freshman year in a few days so do you have some tips you could give me?

Ofc I’m gonna assume freshman year of college but if it’s highschool just send me another one and I will get back to you 🩷🤍🫶🏻

So college can be scary especially if you are an introvert or haven’t spent that much time away from home but it is also one of the best opportunities for personal growth.

I’m going to break this down by the different categories.

Dorm life

Make sure you talk to your roommate about different rules you have about people staying over, what time you wake up/go to bed, how clean you like your room. Lay it all out as soon as you can so you are on the same page and there is no reason to fight.

You don’t need to be besties with your roommate but I recommend for the first few days you invite your roommate to walk campus and go to different events that way you aren’t going alone.

DO NOT STAY IN YOUR DORM THE WHOLE TIME. I’m so serious only use your dorm for sleep the occasional study and relaxing. Go out and find places around campus to hangout. You are spending all this money on college go and explore.

Keep your dorm clean. It’s a small space it will get messy quick so do a reset routine and tidy often.

Get a medicine cabinet because you will get sick all the time in college. Just ask your mom(or guardian) what medicine you should take and make sure you don’t run out.

Parties

I’m gonna say this parties are so overrated and drinking is so horrible for you. In my personal experience I would go not drink and then end up as a babysitter to all my drunk friends as I tried to keep them away from creeps.

I’m not saying don’t go because they can be fun but definitely don’t go every weekend. I say once a month max and make sure you have a good idea of the people going.

Always wear your gross shoes to parties don’t ruin your nice ones.

Watch out for the guys who funnel drinks into girls (lot of times freshman because they don’t know any better) just to get them drunk enough to get in their pants.

Making friends

During move in day I would always walk by girls rooms poke my head in and say something along the lines of “omg your guys room looks so good I love your style” and try and start a conversation most people are desperate for friends on the first day so just being nice and friendly works wonders. I would also invite them to go with my roommate and I down and look for our classes or go to an event.

If I had a class with a person who looked very put together or that took good notes I would walk up and ask if they wanted to review after class at the library or cafe.

Literally just start inviting people to go places and be so friendly.

If you see the same people at a non class place over and over (such as the gym or library) just walk and be like “ I’ve seen you around and you seem pretty cool do you want to do x with me”

Join a club or some kinda extracurricular. Some of you amazing people might be on one of the teams so you already have like built in friends but if you don’t go find a club that seems fun and join. This will give you the same forced proximity friendships.

This might be a bit much but it is something I did. I would be walking somewhere on campus and if I saw someone with cool hair or style I would go up compliment them and ask for their instagram. Then if I saw them again I would give them a different compliment. This actually helped a couple times when I went to a party and ended up alone one of the people I have complimented a bunch came and talked to me and now we are good friends.

Studying

This is the main reason you are in college so this should be the priority. Never party before a test or on a school night in general.

Never take an 8 am class if you have a choice this way you are never tempted to miss class.

Make a study routine that you follow through every day.

Use your calendar app or planner to plan out your day and your hangout time with friends. This way you make sure you get your work done.

Study outside your dorm. I like the library because it’s distraction free but there are so many great study spots on campus.

Go to your professors office hours if you need help. Always ask questions when you have them.

Learn what study methods work for you and do those.

Do your work ahead of time. I always have my assignments done the day before they are due at least this way if something happens and you can’t study you aren’t left high and dry.

This was a really long post but if you would like me to expand I will.

I believe in you college is going to be so fun I promise.

🎧🤍🩷🫶🏻📚

[idontplaytrack]

Janis ‘Imi’ike x burnt out troubled kid reader where readers parents kick them out again and reader doesn’t want to come to their friends with their troubles so they try to stay away from everyone.

Be Alright

Janis ‘Imi’ike x gn! reader

Warnings: fluff, angst, some coarse language, underage drinking + driving, implied depression, mentions of death due to illness

In which, reader is way too independent and doesn’t like asking for help. Even when they really need it

“y/n, talk to me.”

“No. I’m fine. I’m just tired, I slept at 3a.m. last night.”

You hung up on Janis, tossing your phone aside and just closed your eyes.

~~~~~

“Hey, I haven’t seen you at school today. What’s going on?”

“Uh, I— I have the flu so I’m at home.” You admitted painfully.

“Oh, I’ll be by soon with some soup.”

“You don’t have to—”

“I’ll be there very soon.”

~~~~~

“Hey.” Janis nudged you from the back and you got startled awake.

“What time did you get to sleep last night?” She asks, you rested your head on folded arms.

“I don’t know.” You answered incoherently, “4?”

“What?”

“I don’t know the exact time okay? I drank last night.”

~~~~~

Your Mom has just picked you up from the police station after you arrested for drinking and driving. It was just after 3a.m.— you were tired, so was she. She was angry and so were you. The tension was high and even in your state, you could see that she’s had it with you.

“y/n, this is the third time this has happened.” She sighs while pulling up in the driveway of your house, “I’m sick of bailing you out of these things all the time. What is it with you? Why do you always get yourself in such situations?”

You didn’t say anything but just got out of the car. “I’m afraid I’m gonna have to kick you out. Until you show that you’re actually going to change for the better instead of harming yourself all the time. Your grades are slipping, you barely sleep, you skip school so often. Why?”

“Fuck it.”

Your Mom takes a deep breath, biting the inside of her cheek. She was about to ask you to talk about everything that was bothering you but then she just…“Yeah, okay. Fuck it!” Your Mom yelled back, “Pack up and leave, right now.”

Holding back tears, you ran into the house to pack a bag. Your stepfather stops you when he saw you running up the stairs to asked you what happened but you just ignored him, swallowing the tears. After hastily putting as much as you could into your backpack, you left the house without saying a word to either of your parents.

You made your way to Janis’, angry, terrified and heartbroken. Stepping onto her porch, you rang the doorbell. You saw a shadow in the window of Janis’ room— she was awake. Then, it disappeared before the front door swung open and you came face to face with her. “y/n.” She was shocked to see you like this— red-faced, unkempt, teary-eyed. “Come in, baby.”

You followed her lead up to her bedroom quietly. You sat down on her bed and she shuts the door behind herself. “What happened?” She asked gently, pulling her desk chair up to sit before you.

“My Mom kicked me out. Said she was done with me getting into trouble.” You told her curtly.

“Did you drink again?” She asks you hesitantly. You look at her and tried not to roll your eyes but eventually admitted that you had indeed been drinking— and driving. That was your final strike.

“I just miss my Dad, Jan.” You revealed, you couldn’t help it but sniffle.

Your Dad— not your stepfather. The guy who was your biggest role model and cheerleader — the guy who promised that he’d always be there for you. He had passed away nearly a year ago to an aggressive form of cancer.

“How could he just—” You choked on a sob, head buried in your hands. Janis grabs your hands, her thumbs stroking your knuckles. You shook your head, as if to get rid of the thoughts. “I just— I miss him so much, and my Mom— it’s like she doesn’t even care anymore. All she cares about is her new guy.”

Janis knew. Deep down, she just knew you wouldn’t just act out for the heck of it. You did it because you wanted your Mom’s attention- her love and care. Which she has failed to give you ever since she started dating three months after your Dad passed. You flat out started refusing to talk to her about anything other than stupid stuff like the weather and the time. She’d ask how you were doing, and you just dismissively said you were okay— even on days that you weren’t. Janis knew it. But she didn’t want to push you. She was scared to push you too hard and break you even more. Janis has been trying to help you in any way she could, without you even asking. You appreciated her for it, but lately, you haven’t been showing it really well.

She got into bed with you, holding you in her arms. “You’ll be alright.” She whispers, rubbing your back, “This, I promise you. I will help you with anything you need in order to get better again. Right now, ignore your Mom and the new guy. What you need to do is focus on yourself. Finding healthy ways to cope. I know you’re feeling frustrated and angry because your Dad left so suddenly. But you know that he would never leave you if he could choose. He loves you. That’ll never change. But right now, your own life is in your hands. How you choose to live every day…are you just gonna desperately try to get your Mom to notice you all while harming your own health or are you going to live your best life, the life you’re supposed to live and continue making your Dad proud? I know for a fact that he is so proud of you— I could see it. Okay? There is no doubt in that.”

You listened to her while you laid your head in her chest, one arm around her and your other hand naturally rested on her chest near her torso. “It’s so hard.”

“I know, bubba.” Janis presses a kiss to the top of your head, “But I know I’ll go through all of it with you, just as I have been, alright? You can always come to me— for anything. I mean it, y/n. Anything.”

You nod wordlessly.

“I want you to promise me.” She added on, stroking your hair.

You locked eyes with her, taking in a deep breath, “I promise.”

“Right now, what I want you to do…is get some sleep. Think you can do that? I’ll be right here cuddling you.”

You hummed, “Yeah.”

“Good.” Janis continues stroking your hair, then went smoothly down your back, “Close your eyes. Sleep tight, y/n.”

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

saw you talking about tea the other day and now i'm intrigued 👀 any flavors you're particularly fond of? asking for a friend also. please do ramble about it bc it's delightful :D

Jay! Hi! Fellow tea lover?

Hm… I love lots of teas, but really I prefer simple teas to anything super decadent or elaborate. I don’t ever add anything to my teas unless I’m sick (then I’ll add a bit of honey).

My go-to is just a simple green or peppermint tea, though I’m also a huge fan of spiced chai and earl grey. I adore jasmine tea - jasmine is probably my favourite, but it has to be a good jasmine, so I don’t have it all the time (again, it gets expensive). I always have some green or peppermint tea on hand though - a quality cup is always nice but I don’t as much mind if these are the cheaper kind.

I’m not a huge fruit tea person, though I did have a peach white tea once - that one was lovely cold - and of course a good lemon ginger is always nice. If I’m having bubble tea though, I always go for a mango or lychee green tea if they have it!

I have to say that I can’t remember what pu’erh tea was like - I know it was interesting and I liked it, but I’d need to try it again I think to recall it properly. I haven’t found a rooibos tea I’ve been particularly crazy about, but it’s nice too, just not what I’d gravitate towards.

If you want a sweet or dessert type tea, then any oolong is great, but I think I’m spoiled for that wuyi oolong now hahaha. I’ve had a vanilla black tea - it’s really good. I’d highly recommend that one. I also have this sweet apple-cinnamon tea with nuts. I don’t have it super often, as I’m not a fan of sugary teas but this one is a nice dessert on its own. It’s very nutty which makes it pretty unique.

When I’m sick, I’ve had a couple good teas. One I have for colds is a eucalyptus-mint. I recommend having this one only when you are very congested because boy is it strong. Tastes amazing though. Also my mom had several Korean friends when I was little, so I have fond memories of her making yujacha at their urging when I wasn’t feeling well as a young kid, and boricha for us to put in the fridge and drink cold. I love both.

I don’t usually have chamomile at home, but this is largely because on days when I’m really incredibly stressed (like, shaking with anxiety, actively spiralling, kind of stressed), I like to go for a walk in the evening and pick up a chamomile from a nearby café to take back with me. It’s an indulgence that way.

Other cool teas I have tried:

Butterfly pea flower tea: More of a novelty than anything but this tea is bright blue and changes to red when you add citric acid. It’s a natural pH indicator!

Lavender black tea: Incredibly good. This was another gift from my mom a few years back. Very nice in the evening.

Mushroom tea: These tend to be incredibly overpriced due to purported health benefits so I’ve only ever had samples but honestly? The ones I’ve had are very nice, a smooth, rich flavour. Not convinced they’re worth that price though.

Dandelion tea: People say this can be used as a coffee substitute. I’m not entirely sure I agree with that but it does have a dark roasted flavour that is similar to black coffee. It’s a little sweet though. I like this one a lot, but I only have this with food because if I don’t have anything in my stomach it makes me cramp a bit (as I found out the hard way) :/

Matcha green tea with roasted rice: Okay a friend of mine got me some of this as a gift when she went back to visit family for a bit and. Um. This tea is so incredibly good. We had some together and it was fantastic. I’ve been saving it and only having it at times I know I can really savour it because I want it to last. If you can find some good quality stuff I highly recommend it.

Aaaand sometimes, admittedly, I will enjoy an orange pekoe. It’s nice on occasion. I make it pretty strong hehe

I hope this was fun for you your friend! 😆

What are your favourite teas, Jay?

[writing-with-emy]

also!! could you do a fluffy fezco imagine? where it’s the readers first time getting high with fez and it’s super cute and giggly and stuff🫶🏼

First High. - Fezco x f!reader

Fezco Masterlist | Requests are closed!

(A/N: I finished it at like 5:15 am, german time, and I hope you like it!) Shipping: Fezco x f!reader Summary: You know Fez for quite a while, so it wasn’t your first Time seeing Fezco smoking a Joint, but well, the last time you were over you guys talked. You let it slip that you also wanted to try smoking too, and after convincing Fez to smoke your first ever Joint with him, with the argument that it would be better if it was with him instead with some random person at the next Party you attend. Wordcount: 3,3k Warning: Fluff!, English is not my first language, Use of Drugs (weed), friends to lovers, female reader, talk about shitty family/ drug addicted parent, abusive step-parent, cuss ords, a bit angst at the end (sorry couldn't resist.) Notes: My first Fez one, could be a bit out of character. I never smoked one before, I wanna try it honestly, but all my friends I know who did it stopped. So it’s probably a bit shitty. And I decided it’s going to be a friends to lovers, like a High love confession. NOT PROOF READ!

You walked the pavement to Fezcos house, to be true you are a bit nervous, since you know what is going to happen today, but especially because you don’t know if you could hold your secret you kept all this time alone for you. You know Fezco for a really long time, you've been Best Friends all your life, which also meant that you also took care of Ash and their Grandma. They knew they could always count on you, no matter what. For Ash you became something like a Big Sister, but mostly you became a mother figure to him. Since their Grandma became sick, you were the only mother figure he had left. To tell the truth about their Grandma, the first time Fezco brought you to their Home, she was suspicious about you, she didn’t trust you. She knew your Mom, who was a Junkie back in the days, with an abusive Boyfriend who got your Mother in these things. She first thought you just befriended Fezco, so you could steal from them for your Mother and her Boyfriend, but once she realized Fezco became friends with you and brought you often over because your Stepfather hit you and you sometimes for days alone, she became fine with it. The first time she saw you with a bruised eye, she didn’t need to ask, the one time she saw how her Boyfriend even handled everything with her, how intimidated she was of him. So she kinda raised you two, you sometimes even helped him, mostly so you could faster spend time with fez and ashtray.

Well back to now, to this Moment. You lied to your Mom a couple of Minutes ago, you told her you would sleep over at one of your Friends Houses, better to say at Lexi’s House, since she and Suze are really close Friends. You told Lexi about it, and that she should tell her Mom about it. You Mom became clean a couple of years ago, you loved her for it, but she became more strict because of it, which you didn’t mind. But she became especially strict when Fez came up in one of your conversations. She knew what happened to his Grandma and that he is now the one dealing all the stuff. She doesn’t want you around that stuff, one because she doesn't want you to go the same path as her, second because she doesn’t really think that Fez is that good for you. She is thankful that he and his Grandma took care of you back then, but since she is clean she doesn’t think you need to be around him anymore.

With one last little shake of your head to get the thoughts of your mother out of your head you ring at Fezcos door. Not even five Minutes later, a Fezco in Smarties Pants opens the door. “Hey, smartie pants.”, you smiled looking him up and down. “Hey ma.”, he smiled a bit back letting you in. he closed the door behind you again once you were in. You walked into the Living Room looking for Ash, but he wasn’t on his spot on the Sofa. “Isn’t Ash here?”, you asked, putting your backpack with your Stuff beside the couch. “Nah, he left an hour ago with a Friend to sleep there.”, he said from the kitchen. You sit down on the sofa with a little smile on your lips, you know how Ash is, and how grown up he is sometimes, so hearing that he does stuff that normal 14 year olds normally do makes you smile. “Here.”, Fez stood in front of you with a smoking cup in front of you. “Thanks.”, you took the hot cup out of Fez Hand putting your feet up on the couch. Fez knew you really well, everytime you were nervous you drank a hot tea to calm your nerves, so knowing that you are going to smoke your first joint today, made you nervous which is totally okay. “Does your Mom know you’re here?”, he looked at you getting his stuff out to roll a joint. “No, I told her that I’m sleeping over at Lexis. I’m Happy that at least her Mom is relaxed enough to play along with such little lies.”, you said while taking a sip. “Does Lexi know what you wanna do?”, he questioned while taking the weed out of a little bag. “No..”, you hesitated but you saw a little smile turn up on Fezcos lips. “I just told her that I'm staying with you tonight and that my Mom would kill me if she knew about it.” “Well, she would kill you even more if she knew what you wanna do.”, he said while using the Grinder. “That’s true.”, you hit your smile behind your cup while taking another sip. “You really sure you wanna do it, ma?”, he looked at you from the side, opening the Grinder without looking. “Yeah, I mean I’m here and didn’t back out.”, you said, putting the Cup down. “You can always say no, you know?” “I know Fez, but I'd rather do it with you instead someday at a random Party with some weird ass people.”, you stated while taking the remote to turn the TV on. The next couple of Minutes both of you were silent, it wasn't weird for you two to just sit quietly in the Living Room. Only Existing between the two of you. You loved it, because it can just be as simple as that between you two, you didn’ need words to have a good time. You switched through the TV channels, not really deciding what to watch, so you just switched to Netflix looking there for something. Out of the Corner of your eye you saw, Fezco putting the shredded weed in the Paper, before he rolled it and licked the Paper to close it. “I’m done if you want to start.”, he said looking at you. “In a Minute, I need to change ín something  Comfy, before we start.”, you said, grabbing your backpack going to the Bathroom. You heard him giggle a little, which put a smile on your Lips.

In the Bathroom you put your hair in a Bun, changed your jeans into some shorts, and your shirt in one of Fez ones which you stole a few weeks before. With your Backpack you go back to Fez who looked at you with a little smirk. “Is that mine?”, he asked, pointing to the Shirt. “It was yours, now it’s mine.”, you smiled, sitting down next to him. “It looks better on you than on me.”, he said while a little blush creeped on your cheeks. “Oh shut up.”, you pushed him on the shoulders. “Why? It's the truth.” You tried to hide the grin which was coming up, but you couldn’t. “So what you’re we starting now or do wanna drink out your tea first?”, he asked, looking at you taking the Joint from behind his ear.

You thought for a moment, putting a random Series on. “I can drink it while we do it.”, you stated finally. You watched Fez putting the End with the Filter between his lips, you already saw it a million times, you even were with him when he smoked his first one, but no matter how often you saw it you could never not watch him. His look was concentrated on lighting the Tip with the Lighter. The Flame lighting his Face a bit while burning the paper and already some of the weed smoke rising up from it. Every Time you saw it, it felt like the first time a bit, but instead of not taking the Joint, you sit here years later trying it for the first time. You watch him closely how he inhaled the smoke, taking the joint away, putting his head back blowing a cloud of smoke out. You watched the smoke dancing in the air while fading slightly, everytime it looked beautiful. A sight you neve could get enough from.

“You ready, ma?”, he looked at you holding the Joint to you. “Yeah.”, you said, coming back from your  kinda trance. You took the joint out of his Hands between your thumb and index finger. “It’s easy once you know how, it could sting a bit once the smoke is in your lungs and your throat is probably burning.”, he explained while turning.

“I know, I saw how you coughed after your very first hit of one.”, you said smiling. “So I am allowed to laugh?” “Yeah because I did it too.” He just smiled a Moment at you before continuing. “So it’s easy, you put the end between your lips, just inhale the smoke in your mouth before you take the Joint away to Inhale it in your Lungs. But don’t inhale for too long.” You did as you were told, you put the End between your Lips and started to Inhale it. You felt the Smoke fill up Mouth, then you took the Joint away and inhaled and there it was the Burning in your throat and the little Sting in your Lungs which made you cough up. Fezco started laughing while taking the Joint back from your Hand, you grabbed your CUp, with your warm tea to take a sip, so once you came down you put it down. “You good ma?”, Fez looked at you. He studied your face, like he often did when you were with him, the frown between your lips slowly goes away while your Face muscles relaxed again. No matter how often he looked at your face, it was like he always spotted something new on your face, even if it was already there and he had seen it a million times. “Yeah, I think my Lungs need just time to calm down.”, you said laughing slightly.

The Next minutes you just looked at the TV, both of you didn’t really pay attention to it, so you already missed the first episode and half of the second one. The next time you wanted to give it a chance, you just took the Joint out of Fezcos Hand and put it between your lips. You inhaled the smoke again, just like Fez told you a few minutes ago, but this time you didn’t cough as much, it still burns and stings a little but it was better than the first time. “See it’s better.”, he said while putting an arm around you. “Yeah.”, you said laughing slightly. Fez took the Joint Back to inhale the smoke, it was already halfway done by the second hit you took because he smokes most of it. You took the remote and ended the Series you were watching. “What are you doin’?”, he asked with a confused frown putting itself on his face. “This shit is boring. I wanna watch somethin’ funny.”, you said looking at him. He looked in your eyes, seeing them getting redder and more hooded by the time and to tell the truth, you felt yourself getting relaxed by every second that passed. Your Body sank more into the couch and into Fez, you became a light headed feeling and just in all you felt relaxed.

You turned your face back to the TV and put on the ‘Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood’(While I’m writing this I watched it btw) to watch. It might not be the best decision but the Movie was funny and you loved it. A while later you took the Joint again and took a hit without coughing. “Hey, you gettin’ better Ma.”, he smiled. You just grinned at him before turning back to the TV.

You both just couldn’t stop laughing, from the beginning on the Movie was hilarious as hell. “Fuck, how can this be your favorite Movie?”, he laughed looking at you. “Let me, this Movie is Funny as hell! The part where he punched his Grandma in the Face or his Cousin with the bunny shoes?! That shit is Funny!”, you laughed. “Nah man, there are movies funnier than this one.”, he said grinning. “You didn’t just say this.”, you gasped, widening your eyes as best as you can. “Yes I did.”, he just laughed. You took your Pillow you always took with you when you sleep anywhere out of your backpack and started to hit him. “Hey, Okay- Okay Stop.”, you got it that he was laying down on the Sofa and you were sitting. “Say that the Movie is good!”, you said grinning. “Will you stop then?”, he asked. “Yes.” But faster than you can react the Pillow was out of your Hand thrown on the other empty sofa next to yours, you jumped up trying to get to the Pillow, but since the Joint hasn’t really the same effect on Fez as it has on you, he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you back on the Sofa next to him.

“Hey, that's unfair!”, you said laughing. “Nah it’s not.”, he laughed with you. The pull from Fezco pulling you back plus you being High, made you fall down on the Sofa, so you changed your position to look at him slowly coming down from your laughing fit.

“What’s up?”, he looked at you with a smile. “Nothing, I just like it… Like that, y’know?”, you smiled looking at your Hands. “Like what?”, he put his arm on the sofa back. “That, you and me. This all to be honest.. Shit, even if it never was really easy with our lives, I’m happy that we always had each other and that you were always there for me.. Even your Grandma.though she didn’t really liked me at the beginning.”, you laughed slightly. “I’m Happy too ma. You know, I bet Ash wouldn't have been half as he is now, when you wouldn't have been there.”, he smiled at you in his eyes, nothing more than adoration and softness. He put his Hand on your knee drawing little circles with his thumb on it. “Oh shut it, I bet he would’ve turned out as much as he is now, even if I wouldn’t have been here.”, you said, rolling your eyes. “Nah, never ever probably worse than now.” “Wow, you have much hope in your Brother.”, you said sitting up. “Not him, me, I don’t know what I would’ve done without you. I probably turned him worse after everything with Grandma and shit.”, his Hand never leaving your knee. “No, don't think of you like that. You were perfect, shit. You were there for your Grandma, Ash and me, I have no Idea how you did all this shit at such a young age but you did. I was just a little help for Ash and your Grandma.”, you said, putting your hand on his. “You know, that she would kill you right now? Hearin’ you call her only my Grandma, when she told you more than once that you can call her also Grandma?”, he laughed. “Yeah, especially after I also washed her. But let's not talk about that too much or else she is gettin’ up on her bed comin’ over and slap me right here.”, you giggled. “If she could, she definitely would.”, he said grinning. “Fuck, remember the one time you snapped at me because of all the stress and out of nowhere she just hit you at the back of your Head?!, you laughed. “Shit, yeah I sometimes feel that hit still.”, he laughed. “Grandma was a really great Person, fuck I wish she wouldn’t have gotten that shit.”, you said laughing. “Yeah, than would everything different now.”, he said grinning. You have no Idea how long you two sat there just talking about Fezcos Grandma, she really was a person where you needed to be sure to be on her good site, because you really didn’t wanna be on her bad site.

“Fuck, she really was one of a kind.”; you laughed holding your belly who hurted. Once you both calmed down you just looked at him grinning, moments like this were your favorite ones, and as you found out they were even better when you were high. You don’t know what made you say the next couple of words, if it was out of the moment, the weed or just something in you finally wanna spitting it out, all you know is that you just did it. “I love you, Fez.”, you said smiling looking at him. “I love you too, Ma.”, he said smiling at you, but by the way he looked at you, you knew he didn’t really get it. “No, like love love, not platonic.. more like in a I had a crush on you for a couple of years..”, you said, your smile slowly fading a bit. “Shit, you’re high you don’t mean it.”, he said laughing slightly. “Well, wrong. Like yeah I’m high, but the love part is true. I probably shouldn’t have said it, but it just came out. I’m sorry.”, you said, kinda realizing what you just have done. “Shit really?”, he asked, looking at you. You just nodded. You put a bit of space between the two of you, not knowing what is coming next. “Why are you telling me that now?”, he asked just looking at you. “I don’t know why it just came out, maybe it's the Weed, maybe the heat of the Moment. I have no plan.”, you said, nervously playing with your hands. “Shit, couldn’t have told me that earlier?”, he asked, putting the second joint out, you two just smoked. “What do you mean?”, you asked. “Than I hadn’t listen to about all that Heartbreak of the last few years.”, he said smiling. “Oh shut up, you could’ve done also a move.”, you said, hitting his shoulder. “Well, I can do one now.”, he just stated. Just before you could ask what it meant, you felt two lips on yours, you were shocked at first but you came fast back to earth and kissed him back. You tried not to giggle, because of his beard but once you two separated you giggled. “What?”, he asked. “Your beard tickles.”, you giggled at him. “I can shave him off.”, he just stated. “No, I like it, plus without the beard, you would probably like sixteen.”; you stated. You both started to laugh again, your head against his chest feeling how it raises and sinks down through the laughing.

Once you calmed down, he put his arms around you pulling you on his lap. “We should do this more often.”, you said grinning, while putting an arm around his neck. “What?” “Smoking, I like it.”, you said, smiling at him. “Well, that means that you need to lie more to your mom then.”, he said with one hand around your waist and the other one on your thigh. “Mh, I'm just balancing the lies part of our relationship out. Y’know for all the times she told me she was gonna leave her ex-boyfriend and stop doing drugs when I was little.”, you said.

The Evening, ended with you and Fez falling asleep on the couch and Ashtray coming home finding the both of you cuddled up together with the blanket around you guys. Even though he has no Idea what happened last evening, he could tell that something changed between the two of you just by the way your faces looked while you’re sleeping. So when he saw you guys kissing once you woke up and made something to eat for the both of you because it's already afternoon, he couldn’t resist smiling. He loved the both of you and it just made him happy to know that y’all are now a full family, even more now than before.

[snuffydoo]

Dimentio’s backstory

This post will explain the origins and past of Dimentio and how he came to be prior to Super Paper Mario. I would like to make it clear that everything I say here is not canon and it should not be taken as clear facts or evidence. This is my telling of his story so if you disagree with certain points of the document… that is perfectly okay. I am not here to force anyone to tell the same story as I do. However; I do take a lot of inspiration and points from Garson/Carson. 

>Another thing, I might change some things in the future, especially in terms of designs or names. I will keep this document updated whenever I make any said changes.

Also please don’t go through my doc picking apart my grammar and english mistakes. I know I’m not a professional writer. Thank you

Enough rambling/disclaimers

Let’s begin

The Beginning

The story starts off with a small family of four. 

(The dad’s design is not finished)

(Will update it when I do)

A mom, a dad, a daughter and a son. The dad was an all-powerful magician with the power to bend and create dimensions while the mom was an ancient who had the power to produce illusions. They were both named Universi and Illumina. They then named their kids Damon (Dimi) and Poppy respectfully as they were born. The family was a content family with only the goal to help the other ancients and provide a safe, healthy economy. Using their magic, they would help the civilizations. However, fate had other plans. 

Around the time Dimi was 10 he would come crawling to his mom about certain nightmares he has been having. Each new nightmare shares very similar attributes and traits to the previous one. They all had a forbidding message about a heart made of chaos that would wipe out everything as we know it. Of course these were just dreams right? That’s what Illumina thought of at first until she started getting visions with the same descriptors. 

This grew worry in her as she anxiously watched over Dimi as he continued to live his childfree life. The fear only seemed to grow as the visions got worse for them both. Universi soon caught wind of what was happening and quickly asked what they all meant. He would then ask Dimi the same questions making sure everything was all right. The story was always the same in these visions/nightmares of a masked man who would use the heart of chaos to live out a prophecy that would wipe out every dimension. Once it was clear that Dimi would be that man one day- the terror grew quickly.

Universi quickly disposed of that thought and decided to fight the future. He went into action to start taking more responsibility in leading Dimi the right way. He would direct him to doing the right thing and nag him constantly about what was right or wrong. His punishments were harsh when he did mess up and his words were stern despite Dimi still being really young. Their relationship grew really shaky as both parents had all their attention on him. This only caused more issues than good. 

With all this attention on Damon, Poppy started to get neglected. She was often placed aside because the fears of Dimi’s future were more worrisome than hers. The parents never meant to do this to her but the consequences will take a toll. One day, Poppy started to get very sick as she lay to rest hoping it was just a fever. Not too long after, it took her life as Illumina screamed in terror. Grief quickly took over the family as the dad mourned his daughter for days upon end. With the family completely in shambles, both parents were once again focused on other things as Dimi finally had a chance to breathe and do his own thing. He really didn’t do much aside from locking himself in his room, reading or studying magic. This is where he starts to come up with a book that will be detrimental to super paper mario as a whole. The dark prognosticus. 

Now… At the time it wasn’t really much. It was just a bunch of random notes and diary documents about what his dreams were like and certain spells he jotted down. It was supposed to help him get an understanding of his future and basically get his visions onto paper so he wouldn’t forget them. He even recorded some of his spells that his dad had been practicing. Even an important one that was supposed to bring the dead back to life in a new body. Whatever that meant. While he was researching that, both Dimi and his mom didn’t have much to do so Illumina decided to promise Dimi that he would take him out on a little vacation. It was probably the only time in such a long while that Dimi would be excited for something. 

A couple weeks passed and nothing much has changed. Luckily it was the day of vacation as Illumina beckoned Dimi to come with him. It would help calm both of their nerves as well as maybe rekindling their relationship. She was hoping to help apologize for being a terrible mother as she guided him towards one of the dimension doors. 

The next events came as a surprise.

Before the two could make it to the door, a large explosion happened. At the time, no one knew what caused it. (Frankly someone hypothesized it was faulty wiring to old broken machines). 

Illumina was now dead.

The accident caused an uproar amongst many as people far and wide came to debate and decipher the events of the explosion. The magician’s wife was dead and his son now was nowhere to be seen. News caught wind to Universi as he began to now mourn the death of his entire family. Everything was taken away from him in the span of a couple years. 

Dimi, although presumed to be dead by the public, was actually not really dead. He was caught in the explosion, yes, but he ended up surviving. (Warning for wound depictions and injuries.)  When the explosion happened, it burned his face and his arms were deeply scarred. He didn’t seek help right away, afraid of his father’s reaction so instead he ran away and lived in a shack far from the town. He wasn’t really sure what to do now. Both his mom and his sister were gone, his father was in heavy grieving, and now his own body was injured. He waited it out nonetheless. He didn’t want to go back. Not now. 

Time passed as things at the village started to settle down. Universi became consumed in his work as he was seen to never leave his house aside from calling forth an assistant he hired to help him out. Even the people at the town have become shaken by the events that transpired before them. Silence was thought to have been forever until Universi had an epiphany. 

Once again he refused to let fate describe his future so he did the unthinkable one day. Taking his daughter, he was able to transport her soul into a new corpable body in which he proclaimed as the first ever pixl. He named her the pixl queen and finally came out of his house to shout the praise of his new work. 

News spread fast as the Magician taught his discovery to various other ancients his power of creating pixls. Building tools and ways to bring dead ones back to life as a second chance. A way to preserve the souls of family members. It was a huge success and soon ancients across multiple dimensions were practicing his ways. Universi couldn’t have been happier as he rejoiced at bringing his own daughter back. There was one big issue though, she had no memories or relocation of her past. When she became the pixl queen, all her thoughts and past were erased from her mind. She did not know who he was, or where she came from. All pixls didn’t seem to remember who they were previously. This would soon become an issue later on but let’s get back to Dimi. 

Damon was actually seemingly doing better as he thought that he would finally return home. He got up and headed back with a heavy sigh in his breath. When he came back he couldn’t believe his eyes. The civilization has flourished since he left with people everywhere exclaiming about how the pixls have vastly improved everything in their lives. Dimi, bewildered, went back home to see his dad once more. Of course Universi was even more ecstatic to see his son was actually alive. He helped him settle back in as he helped tend to Damon’s wounds. 

(Not an important note but I wanted to say this anyway. This is where Dimi gets his floaty hands since his arms were way too damaged. His dad helped him out with this) 

Dimi wasn’t too fond of what his dad was doing however. Pixls? Reviving dead members? Assistants? He was completely delusional from grief that he didn’t even have a grasp on what he was actually doing. Damon’s own sister doesn’t even recognize him anymore. Dislike for his father started to become hatred as he quickly started to separate himself from Universi again. 

His relationship with Poppy or well.. The Pixl Queen wasn’t even the same anymore. She was very derogatory of him and often would want nothing to do with Dimi. She had a strong hatred for the ancients for some reason and Damon didn’t get a pass. He started to hate her too as isolation got the best of him. He would go back to what he was doing before all this went down and idly sit in his room. Ashamed of his own face he tried finding a cure and even began wearing a mask to hide his injuries. He couldn’t look at himself anymore in the mirror.

Things played out normally after that or well.. Somewhat normally. Universi would continue to do his own work as both Damon and his sister did her own things. Dimi however was starting to lose it as he became more and more enamored in darker forms of magic. It completely enthralled him as he finally found perhaps a spell that can finally fix his broken face. Upon practice, it worked. His face finally healed and he no longer had scars that plagued his skin. That’s what happened at first at least. Time passed and everything seemed to have gone wrong. The magic backfired and completely corrupted his body. His face especially was now only void. Damon was no longer the same person anymore as this was his last push over the edge. He officially ran away and didn’t look back. 

That’s basically the main gist of what I wanted to write here. A couple years into the future he would soon dawn his new jester attire for he was enamored by the theatrical arts. He then would go completely insane and wish to wipe out all the dimensions and become ruler of them all. I could also get into the nitty gritty of the Pixl Queen revolution against the ancients, how the war was started, or how the Pixl queen became Shadoo  but this document is long enough. (Maybe in the future I’ll explain that too who knows)

But that’s all I wanted to explain today and I thank everyone who read it. 

[ecargmura]

The Apothecary Diaries Episode 5 Review - Color-Changing Fire

Oh, this is the first time an issue is a two-parter. The mystery behind the color-changing fire and the weird rashes haven’t been solved in this episode as it seems to be linked to the garden party for the culprit is definitely a woman with the man who discovered this finding a torn dress at night.

I do like that the people in the Jade Pavilion are loving Maomao a lot. She eats mushrooms with the quack doctor, gets tasked to sew pockets for hot stones in their under robes for the garden party, and gets the other maids to put makeup on her by force. I can tell that while she’s a bit cold, she’s someone you cannot hate. She’s a bit of a cynic, but she’s very kind as she does these things because she wants to (and the fact that she doesn’t want to be executed as well) and also has a hard time saying no. She’s a bit of a tsundere.

Honestly, seeing Jinshi shirtless was not on my bingo card. It’s a weird feeling as well. He’s always seen with his clothes on and he has a beautiful face, so the fact that he’s jacked underneath is really hard to imagine, but it makes sense in a way? Like this guy moves around all over the palace, so it makes sense he’s athletic as the palace is gigantic; one needs titanium legs to get around daily. It’s also sort of nice to see him whipped as heck for Maomao. Seeing Jinshi as a pathetic wet rag of a man around her is hilarious, but I actually don’t ship them. However, he does seem to feel bad about Maomao having to put on fake freckles just so she wouldn’t be assaulted. The commoner life is a harsh world compared to the rich and extravagant.

The reveal of Maomao having fake freckles was a bit surprising, but it makes sense why she was dancing without them in the opening now. Freckles and other ‘imperfections’ may be seen as a good thing these days, but back then, especially the ancient days, they were seen as undesirable qualities, especially for women. Maomao seeing freckles as an unsightly quality reminds me of my upper arms. I have freckles on my upper arms. When I was younger, my mom thought I had a weird condition on my arms and would often ask healthcare professionals if I had any sickness or such. Some of my friends had pointed out how weird my upper arms look at the time, so I did have a bit of a complex about them growing up. I had a habit of wearing jackets and hoodies in my teen years because of how much my upper arms have been pointed out. However, the discomfort disappeared as I got older. It wasn’t until I was around 17 that I learned that limbs could have freckles too. 

I do feel like the culprit behind the color-changing fire will be revealed in the next episode. I’m pretty bad with guessing, so I’m not going to do so this time. However, it is interesting to learn that fire can change colors if substances are sprinkled onto it.

I also like learning that there are two more consorts in addition to Gyokuyou and Lihua. One is Ah Duo, a graceful looking lady with long purple hair and looks almost like a female version of Jinshi. The other is Lishu who looks way too young to get married. Like, I guess the Emperor just wanted her to be a consort for the heck of it? Like, doesn’t he like busty women given how stacked some of the consorts are? 

Overall, this episode feels more of a buildup to the garden party and to see how Maomao is doing in the palace after helping out Lihua. I honestly can’t wait to see who the culprit is and what is going to happen. What are your thoughts on this episode?

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey, cas!

I think I need some advice. Apologies in advance if this sounds too urgent or something. I know one of your boundaries is to not feel pressured to answer immediately and I don’t want you to feel like that’s what I’m doing.

So school started again about three weeks ago but I was sick the entirety of last week, so I’ve only actually been to school for two. Where I live the school system is a bit different from America, but you could say that this is my first year of high school, only that I didn’t have to change schools.

Even though it’s only been two weeks, I’m already immensely stressed out. Now that I’ve been sick for a week, I’m scared I missed too much stuff, especially because the level of things we need to do has doubled since last year. I’ve always been pretty lazy and never really studied for anything except sometimes math. I never needed to because I got Bs and often As anyway. Now however I’m completely overwhelmed.

Last night I panicked so much about having to go back to school today, that I almost threw up. When I realized, I found myself thinking about forcing myself to throw up to prove to my mother that I was still sick so I wouldn’t have to go to school.

When I realized that that was what was going on I had another breakdown and didn’t do anything. I felt almost disgusted at myself for even thinking about that.

This morning I wanted to fake a headache, but ended up not because my mother kept insisting I go to school.

When I was on my way to school, my bike had issues, so I asked my mom to come help me. I had a breakdown before she even arrived. When she did, she tried to help me and understand what was going on, but I couldn’t really speak or listen to anything she told me. I think I may have had a panic attack of some sort.

When I’d calmed down enough to explain what was going on, she tried to reassure me that everything would be alright and that my grades didn’t matter to her. I knew all of that already, but it did calm me down a bit.

After we agreed that I can stay home today as long as I promise to go tomorrow, no matter what, she suggested that I go to therapy, which I was planning on asking for anyway.

All in all it doesn’t sound as bad anymore now that I’ve typed it all out like this. The only issue is that in my country Therapy waiting lists take an average of 6 months. I don’t know how I’m supposed to wait that long.

Do you have any advice on how to get my anxiety under control until then. Or how to feel less stressed about school in general. I can’t talk to my teacher because she’s very strict and her method of teaching people who don’t know stuff yet is to repeatedly call on them and throw them in ice water basically. I’m sure she means well, but it only increases my anxiety by a tenfold. What would you tell your students if they were having trouble with something?

I definitely struggled with this when I was younger, so I completely get it. I think one of the things about feeling overwhelmed like this is you feel like you have to get it all done in one day. So instead, could you maybe make a list of the things you need to get done, but then separate it into manageable chunks? Like Make up all your math work on Monday, science on Tuesday, etc? You could even show your teacher your plans to let her know you're working toward getting caught up.

Honestly, I would tell my student that you need to go easy on yourself. If you push yourself too much, you're going to end up learning less because you're too stressed! The people what expect you to be perfect aren't worth it. Take breaks, do a little at a time, and remind yourself that it's just as important to take care of yourself as it is to catch up <3

Sending love and naming you catch up anon!

[askbensolo]

So... Hows ur mom?

…Where do I start.

So…uh…as you know, I was…not very responsive last week. I had a couple of missed calls from Mom, which happens so often when I’m mentally well anyway, that I guess it just doesn’t worry her anymore.

But I called her back. And, since the last time we talked went really well—she basically agreed that she didn’t need to hound me as much, because she knew she could trust me to tell her if I’m ever in trouble—I was honest with her about…about my little sadboi week.

I haven’t had an episode like that in a long time. The last time I got that depressed was two years ago, in senior year of college, when I was facing graduation and didn’t know what I was doing next.

It was bad. It happened during midterm season, and I literally just failed all my midterms that semester. All of them. I showed up for one of them hungover (don’t drink when you’re depressed don’t drink when you’re depressed), showed up for the next with an active panic attack, and then when I saw how horrendously I did on both I stayed in bed the rest of the week and didn’t even show up to take the other three because I was convinced my life was just over at that point—

Which was so stupid of me, because this is my second time getting hired, and no one has ever asked me about my GPA, not even once—

But anyway—all that to say—ever since that time in college, I’ve had a great track record of, you know, not wanting my life to end.

So...I don’t know why it hit so hard last week. I think maybe it was just too much at once. Getting the flu and being bedridden and not being able to do anything I love, missing Fannie and not having any sentient contact for several days, thinking about my new job and my new roommate and my new relationship (situationship?) and thinking to myself—wow—I am winging it—I don’t know what the hell I’m doing—I’m not a real grown-up, I’m just three kids in a trenchcoat—

So anyway. I told Mom about getting depressed. And...she got really worried. And she asked tons of questions.

“Did you have anyone with you?”

“No, Poe delayed his move-in since I was sick.”

“Did you message anyone for help?”

“No. Mom, you know how it works—”

"Did you reach out to your therapist?"

"Mom, I'm not her client anymore—"

"Do you still have access to the university counseling services?"

"Why would I, I graduated—"

"Did you try to see your doctor?"

"For the flu, or for the depression? Because the doctor wouldn't have been able to treat either—anyway, no—"

“Were you eating?”

“Uh. No—”

“Were you suicidal?”

And I stopped and didn’t say anything for a second, because, well, it’s not really that simple; it’s not always a yes or no question—but a second’s hesitation was too long for Mom, I guess, and her eyes flew open, and she said, alarmed, frightened, in a voice like an approaching tempest, “Ben Organa Solo.”

“Mom,” I said, trying to stay calm, trying to keep her calm, “Mom, listen. I know it sounds scary. But you gotta understand that there’s, like, levels to it. I had thoughts, flying around in my brain, sure, but I was never going to do anything—”

“No,” she interrupted, as seriously as if I currently had a blaster in my hand. “No. No. No. You should have called me.”

“Mom. Mom. What am I gonna do, call you while you’re on the senate floor just because I’m sad—”

“If you’re suicidal? Yes. Or call Dad. Call emergency services. Call anyone.”

“Mom. I wasn’t going to do anything—”

“I’m not interested in taking the chance,” she told me solemnly, her eyes somehow boring into me through the hologram.

“So...you don’t trust me,” I said, frustrated. “You don’t trust me to not just do any damn thing that comes into my head. You don’t think I know how to sort my thoughts into things that belong in reality and things that don’t.”

“You’ve attempted before—”

Geez, not that little nugget!

“That was almost seven years ago!”

“You just told me you weren’t eating, Ben! That doesn’t sound like you were making choices to try to keep yourself in this galaxy—”

“Mom, first of all, I was sick, and second of all, if I was gonna kill myself, I’d sure as hell find a faster way to do it than starving to death!”

It was the wrong thing to say. She seemed to go pallid—I couldn’t see it in the hologram, but I could sense it in her energy.

“…Listen to me,” she said, her lips tight. “Ben. You can’t let this happen again.”

I stared at her. “Mom…do you think I got depressed on purpose?”

“I mean, if it happens, you can’t just keep it to yourself and not tell anyone,” she said anxiously. “And you can’t miss my calls anymore. I just thought you were busy with work—I had no idea—Ben, you cannot miss any more calls from me, do you understand? And I want to hear from you every day if possible. Just a short little message.”

“Mom! You want to me to text you every day? What am I, eighteen? You promised me you were gonna get off my back—”

“Well, you promised you were going to keep me in the loop, and you didn’t, so that little agreement is over now as far as I’m concerned. I’m not asking for a lot, Ben. I just need to know that you’re okay—”

“Well, it sure feels like a lot—”

“Do you still write your blog?” she cut in, all of sudden, catching me way off guard. And I wasn’t sure why she was asking, but it definitely had something to do with wanting to spy on me. Yeah, yeah, I know it's not really “spying” if my blog is up here for anyone to read—but even though I'm happy to let you, a perfect stranger (well, you guys are more like friends to me now), wade through all of my trauma and my mental issues and my (lack of?) sexuality and my first time falling in love at age twenty-three and tons and tons of embarrassing poetry, I think even a chronic oversharer like me has the right to not have his mom reading all of that—so, I found myself lying before I could even decide whether or not to tell the truth.

“No,” I said. “No, my blog was so dumb. Nobody blogs anymore. Everyone's on Twi'ktok now. I stopped being popular. I haven’t touched that thing since I was, like, nineteen or something.”

Oh my Force, I thought. I just lied to my mom. And what a stupid thing to lie about, too, ‘cause all she has to do is not believe me and look it up and then I’m toast—

But I don’t think she had any time to ponder my answer, because then another question came to her—

“When does your new lease start?”

Oh. Oh. Not this. She was trying to get me to move back home again.

“Mom, it already started,” I said. “On the first.”

“Maybe you could still get out of it—”

“And what, Mom? Leave Poe to pay two thousand credits a month on rent all by himself? I don’t even think he has a job right now, to be honest—”

“He could find a new roommate. Dad and I could help cover some of the cost—”

“Mom, no! This is ridiculous—” and I was going to explain why, but then her eyes flashed, and then The Question hit the ground, the mother of all questions—

“Ben. Ben. Did Snoke try to contact you?”

And I knew the answer to that immediately. It was “no.” Because it had to be “no.” Because “no” was my only option if I didn’t want my life to suddenly hard-redirect straight into a wall and to go to pieces. And I’d already lied about my blog anyway, so, telling something that wasn’t even fully a lie was easier.

Because...it wasn't a lie. The full answer was “No, I didn't see Snoke, I just had a dream about him,” but that would have caused my mother to go insane, so I was just, you know, giving her the abridged college notes version—

“No,” I said, sounding so sure of myself that I convinced whatever part of me wasn't already convinced. “No, Mom, he didn't reach out to me.”

And I guess I convinced her too, because she relaxed a little.

“Good,” she said, looking like she was taking her first deep breath in several minutes. “Good.”

But, hoo buddy, I did not feel good in that moment. There’s a lot I don’t tell my family—I still haven’t even told them about me and Fannie yet—but I try not to lie to them. Usually.

…I’m talking about the part where I lied about my blog. I didn’t lie about not seeing Snoke. Because having a fever dream about him doesn’t count as seeing him.

I agreed to text my mom every day. Or…try to. Which...I've been doing, but…it’s been super painful, for reasons I can't fully explain. And get this—Mom said she’s sending over Threepio this weekend. Indefinitely. She tried to play it off like, oh, Threepio’s been getting in my way recently, maybe you could use a protocol droid around, I’m sure he would enjoy Theed—no, Mom, no, I can see this for what it really is. You are sending the family protocol droid to babysit your adult son. Seriously?? My apartment isn’t that big. We’ve already got another droid rolling around and getting under our feet all the time. Throw in Threepio, who never shuts up, and maybe I really will kill myself—

Sorry, bad joke.

Yeah…I have half a mind to just shut Threepio down once he gets here, and leave him powered off in the closet. But the idea of having a dead protocol droid in the closet kinda freaks me out, so…probably not.

And all this, just because I dared to be honest with my mom about still dealing with depression sometimes. Yeesh. I know I shouldn’t be, but…I’m kinda glad I didn’t tell her about anything else.

I thought about asking Fan whether she thought it was ever okay to lie. Like, in a situation where you know that everything’s fine, and telling the full truth would just stress everyone out for no reason. Fannie always seems to know what’s right and wrong, when I find myself wondering a lot of the time.

But...I was pretty sure I knew what she'd say, so...I didn't ask. And, besides…things are still kinda rough between us right now.

We made up about me not replying—I apologized for dropping the ball and not thinking about how that would hurt her, and she apologized for getting angry at me right away instead of trying to understand what was going on with me—but—but—the latest development? She asked me if I thought she weighed too much.

Like, randomly. No context. No lead-in. No nothing.

What??

WHY????

She’s never seemed to care about that before. I said, uh, I don’t know, I think that’s kind of up to you, how much do you want to weigh? If you’re happy the way you are and your weight isn’t negatively impacting your quality of life, you’re fine? If you want to change, you can?? I don’t know why you’re asking me???

But this must have been some kind of mysterious trick question with some mysterious right answer, because then she dissolved into tears and now it’s a whole big thing and I’m starting to think girls just speak a different language sometimes where all of the words are Basic but they just mean something totally different from what I think they mean and I don’t know what they mean and I still think I like things better this way, at least I’m pretty sure I do, I definitely did when we were—ha—kinda making out on the couch or whatever you call that—but things were way easier when we were just friends and things are way harder now that we’re apart and sometimes—sometimes, I just don’t know what the heck is going on.

[emtb319]

Day 6 of Fishtank week, Is it just me or did this week fly by fast?? Today's prompt-memories ---

I’m circling back a little bit to my story from the other day, where Gordon was healing up and restless.  Part of this story is based on my little guy, and my pregnancy with him.  He too wouldn’t (and still doesn't) sit still, tried to come very early, and blew his nurses a kiss while I was in recovery from general anesthesia.   ---

‘Here Gords.  I got you some of those watermelon candies you like.’

‘Thanks.  I think I’ll have 2’s bin of stuffed animals fully stocked soon.’

‘Good.  I found that picture for you by the way.’

‘Oh yea, lemme see.’  Virgil handed him a tablet with some pictures and videos.

‘Mom always knew that you’d take off running.  She let me go with her to some of the appointments.  Dad was back and forth with work, and I wanted to see you.  They’d try to look at your head, so you’d waive your hands in front of your face.  Or, you’d fold up your legs every time they tried to get a look at your bones.’  Virgil took a moment to regroup.  They didn’t talk about their mom very often.

‘Then Mom got sick.  I remember her calling her doctor, then she was gone for a few days.  Dad didn’t tell us much, but looking back, I remember her swollen feet and how she just looked really tired.  When she came back home, we all tried to make sure that she could relax and rest as much as possible.  Dad mentioned that you were almost born that night she was admitted.  She had a lot more appointments after that, but I wasn’t allowed to go.  Dad’s job let him move most of his duties remote, so that he would have the flexibility to go with Mom.’

‘Oh wow.  I remember some stories, but no one told me any of this.  Makes sense though.’

‘Yea.  Mom was looking better for a few days, but then she got sick again.  She spent another 3 days in the hospital.  I remembered Dad saying that you were almost born the last time she was there, so I thought she’d be bringing you home this time.  I’ll admit I was a little upset when she came home, and you were still in her belly.  I know now that was a good thing, but back then I was pretty upset.’

‘Sorry Virg.’

‘I wasn’t anyone’s fault.  You still had to bake, so it was good that she didn’t come home with you.  I was just too young to understand.  I didn’t have to wait too long after that though.  I overheard Dad talking to Grandma one night.  He mentioned something about failing tests and doctors arguing.  After another failed test, they told Mom to head to the hospital.  This time, the doctors all agreed that you were better off on the outside than trying to keep you in.’

‘Dad told us to behave for Grandma, and that he’d call when he had news.  I wasn’t having any of it though.  Scott tried his best to distract me, but I kept bugging him to go to the hospital to see Mom and you.  So, after Grandma went to bed, the 3 of us snuck out with the spare keys that Scott found for Mom’s car.’

‘Oh boy.  I can see Dad’s face when you guys showed up,’ Gordon chuckled.  ‘And, Grandma’s when she realized that the house was empty in the morning.’

‘Yea, we were grounded, but it was worth it.  Mom was pretty out of it after you were born, but they let us come in the back to see you before they took you upstairs to the NICU.  That’s when Scott got the picture of you blowing the kiss.  Dad and John took turns taking videos, until the nurses shooed us out to finish doing what they had to do for you.’  

‘I knew back then Gords...you were my buddy then, just like you are now,’ he said, bumping shoulders with Gordon.

‘Thank you Virgil.  I know I haven’t been the easiest to deal with lately, or maybe ever by the sounds of it.

‘Gordon, you’re fine.  We just need to direct your energy into something productive until you’re back on your feet.  You’ll be fully healed soon, don’t worry.  Trust me, I’m just as ready as you are to have you back.  There’s nothing wrong with having Scott or Alan as my co-pilot, but neither of them are you.’  Gordon wrapped him in a big squid hug.  

‘I had a thought, Virg.’

‘Really?  We need to call the presses.’

‘Oh funny…ha…ha, but really.  You know how the NICU’s sometimes ask for stuff?’

‘Yes.  Donations are always helpful.  The NICU isn’t just for the babies, but for the families too.’

‘I saw an article about these crochet octopi that they use for the babies.  Apparently they help their breathing, help stop them from pulling on their monitors, and just help keep them cozy.  I found a few patterns, but I can’t seem to get it right.  I must have frogged one like 5 times.’

‘Ok, give me a few to take a quick shower, then we’ll work it out together.  Why don’t you call the hospital you were at and ask them if they have a preferred pattern and how many they may want.’

‘I can do that.’