#my mental clarity is a lot better now but my body felt like it was giving up. it's been hard to get out of the bed😔

[writeyourdarlings]

guess who randomly passed out at ikea? me lmao

[androgynealienfemme]

"When I was eleven or twelve years old, I used to shop in the boy's department at Bloomingdale's, just as the other prepubescent private school girls did. That was where you could purchase polo shirts, Shetland sweaters, and all the other socially acceptable androgynous clothing for our age group and gender. They fit and suited me just fine, but what would have suited me even better was nothing other than an actual suit: the three piece variety mad of thin-wale, beige corduroy with brown simulated leather buttons.

I knew exactly where they hung in the boys' department, and I paid them a visit each time I was in the vicinity. It's funny, but though I can't remember at the time ever seeing a girl or woman in one of these suits, that did not hinder my imagination of what that would look like. Neither did the shortage of real life models ever lead to any questions about why exactly there was one. Somehow I had simply gotten it into my head that such a sight would be wonderful. And, though once again I felt no need to ponder precisely how I knew this, clearly, the most appropriate person to wear such a suit would be me.

Picturing myself in the suit, I was suddenly a lot taller and older and stunningly sophisticated,. The suit seemed to have the almost magical power to make me strong, wise, just. The vision of myself naturally included physical as well as mental capabilities well beyond those of an eleven-or twelve-year-old, but who was I to disbelieve the suit's mystique?

I never tried one on. Although the desire to own one felt perfectly natural to me, it had been met with a mixture of mocking laughter and horror by my mother. Something about her response definitely said, "No." and, "Tell no one." So the suits, like forbidden fruit, remained there untouched by me for years, moved at times from one corner of the department to another, but always just out of reach of my young body's many secret yearnings.

Roughly fourteen years later, as I was walking in the rain, I suddenly realized I was butch. Everything made sense. My butchness came as much more of a surprise to me than my lesbianism, which, despite some years of procrastination on my part as to actually adopting it as a daily lifestyle, I always knew and comfortably accepted.

The way I ever so swaggered and stomped my clunky boots when I walked, and felt sort of proud of it, now made sense. The way I firmly held the umbrella over the woman I love and protected her from the rain as I guided her down the Brooklyn street took on new clarity. The freedom and invincibleness I feel after a close haircut I better understood. The pleasure and vanity I indulge in when I stretch my muscles to lift something that looks heavier than I can manage all at once held new meaning. The childlike glee I feel every time I discover something needing to be fixed in the house and the puffed=up self-importance that fills me each time I fix it had new significance for me. Even my tremendous need for control could now be explained. And my assertive overtures of passion in the dark where I gently bur firmly demand submission most of all seemed to fit.

I gripped the handle of the umbrella tighter and walked along with, I'm sure, the stupidest grin on my face, flashing the woman I love periodic glances of affection as she continued to talk happily, oblivious to the volcano that had just erupted beside her. There, in the rain, as a flood of feelings and enlightenment washed my insides, I had one final glimmer of insight. I at last understood that without ever actually buying the three-piece suit made of thin-wale, beige corduroy, with the brown, simulated leather buttons, I had been wearing one all along."

-"Sweet Suit Suite" Audrey Grifel, The Persistent Desire, (Edited by Joan Nestle (1992)

[carmenpeach]

hm okay something thats been on my mind for like over a year now. sometime last year? or maybe closer to almost 2 years(!?) i started taking antipsychotics cause i just couldnt stand the paranoia anymore it had been ruining my life and i just could not function as a person and i was sick of the daily panic attacks. but like i thought "if i dont like how this makes me feel, i can stop and just go back to being crazy" and obviously i wasnt enjoying it- mostly it made me feel really numb to enjoyment and i found that my special interests were just becoming background noise for me at most and it was really hard like i didnt wanna draw or even play games it was like "wake up go to work come home smoke weed go to bed repeat"

and it was like my stuffed animals quit feeling like sentient and started to feel like just objects and it made me feel sick. like my toys had always been alive in a way and then suddenly they werent, but thats definitly not the reason i was so distressed being sane, since i know that special objects are bound to over the years not feel like friends etc etc <- mentally ill whatever. it was like there was a sudden wash of clarity over me and i hated it.

like it was like i was split in two in a way, and this is the part thats hard to explain unless you personally know the feeling. a lot of schizophrenic people have this feeling of like another person/ self residing in the back of the head or spine. and it gives this sense of paranoia, of being over your shoulders or under your skin just beneath you. and until a few years ago i didnt know this was something other people felt sometimes, and it was terrifying just feeling this entity of sorts possessing me in a way. i had felt it ever since i was a kid (maybe 9? for sure became a hard issue by the time i was 12 though so you know. early schizophrenia if not life long) but i never mentioned it to anyone for a variety of reasons, primarily because there was this feeling that if i outwardly acknowledged it, then it would know that i knew about it, and it would get me. whether that was killing me, torturing me, pulling me into another dimension, or taking over my body. and after 2 decades it just became part of my every day life, this thing within me that would always look for an opportunity to torment me in some unknown but inhumane way. and it was just this all consuming feeling, even feeling its thoughts inside my head, and not being sure where i ended and it began, and i accepted it as just a part of me for better or for worse.

and so starting antipychotics, they did their job and i felt "normal" and i was sleeping regularily for the first time in my life (would lay awake for hours and hours ever sinde like idk 3rd grade. 5 hours a night max usually and then that was plagued by nightmares. and of course the constant hallucinations and delusions in the meantime made sleep even harder) and i even felt less of that endless anger inside of me. and i hated it. it was like after being on it for idk maybe 2 weeks or a month or something i just suddenly in the day felt this clarity wash over me and just like that, the spine creature was gone. it was quiet upstairs. and ive felt hollow ever since. i quit the medication not long after but ive felt the same. its like it got mad at me and left to teach me a lesson for trying to toy with it. and ive been a half human ever since. its spacious in my body and in my mind, used to holding two people and now its just one. and ive spent so much time trying to induce epiosdes and just hoping(?) it comes back, but it hasnt.

its like im being forced to live as a human when im not. "being human" is this like aspect ive always struggled with, like im not gonna go into it but ive been forced to live as a non human my whole life, and every time i start to feel that feeling of "maybe i could be a person" something fucking outlandish happens and kicks me back down. i feel like a cartoon character the way everything is such a "yeah this sort of shit would happen to me" moments all the time. and like in a weird way, i always had this "evidence" i was a non human, with this otherworldly thing living inside of me and it was me.

for a long time i thought of it as the "original" me before all the events in my life forced me to create a new version of myself, and that it hated me. like i was one person ripped in two, and the part you have now (carmen) is the "active" "half" but its only half of a full person. but the other half certainly wasnt a person either. ive had many theories of what it is/ was, but knew i would never know, all i knew was that i could never acknowledge it. and its funny cause knowing that "its just schizophrenia" doesnt ease that feeling. its hard to explain. but what im getting at is that ive spent the last two years learning to navigate myself as only a fraction of what i was before.

its interesting cause i wouldnt say the insanity is gone, every now and then paranoia rears its head and certain topics that would make me have an episode will still freak me out. but i can walk past mirrors now (mirrors were always a 100% episode inducing thing) and i still sleep regularily and ive been eating stable too. but its still with this feeling of hollowness. im used to there being two people inside my body and now its just one, and its too spacious and its almost like i get lost in there. only one set of thoughts in my head, only one person looking through my eyes, only one person controlling my arms. i always felt like an alien and thought i always would. and i found great joy in embracing my schizophrenia rather than hiding it as some terrible secret. and it was the best thing i ever did for myself, was finally being open about my psychosis. ive made so many meaningful connections to other psychotic people, and im so happy ive met ppl that helped me understand myself and that im not the only one that feels this, and also that ive helped other people realize their own psychosis too.

i thought i could play pretend at being a normal person and go back to myself if i didnt like it, but i ended up staying this way. i know its not impossible for that feeling to come back maybe, but my god its horrifying to lose it the way i did. it feels only the more recent months ive started to adapt to being the only me in my body, and to feel like i could maybe be human too. yeah it was scary, but on the other hand now its kind of lonely in a really weird way, and not something i thought was possible either, i can still feel the impression where it was even as it fills in with my own shape now.

[stalkersdiary]

I was amazed by your content, Sir, and I was wondering: How did you find out about the way you feel/view love? Like, as if you dated someone and realized "Wow...I feel this way". Just curious! (If this is too much, please feel free to ignore me)

Pd. Can I be your "🥀anon" for now? (If you are confortable, that is)

This is a bit heavy, so I apologise ahead of time. I feel like I should provide context as it’s really relevant for the escalation of my mental state. I’m not upset about answering this, but you are getting the warning that the answer is… A lot. Honestly, it’s nice getting some of this out of my system so I’m not complaining. ^^ I never really thought I felt different from anyone else, because I didn’t used to. I was probably normal once; I think. It’s just that the feelings became more corrupted and unfortunate due to personal experiences. I had my first crush in middle school. I dated someone we’ll name V. I had no friends aside from them and I was being bullied severely (sexual assault, violence, and just general bullying like people gossiping about me and my body, and stealing my things) so I wasn’t going to turn down V’s request to date me. I figured it would almost feel like I had a normal life, even when I didn’t. Problem was. V was a shitty person who cheated on me, belittled me, mocked me, and manipulated me. I stood up for them a LOT. I would excuse their behaviour because I was lonely and because they treated me better than anyone else. (The bar was that low) I would basically do anything for their approval. Later, they broke up with me because I had found out, and I stood up for myself instead of for them for once. I assumed that because they “loved” me, they’d learn how much I was hurting and be kinder to me. I was very wrong, and I was devastated. I was so deeply upset that I assumed everything they had said about me was the reason I was a "bad partner", why I had no friends, and why they were so abusive. I was too ugly, too clingy, too annoying, too rude, and too “much” in general. I thought I was the problem. I thought that that was why everyone hated me. At this specific point in my life, I decided that the next person I dated or even befriended was going to stay even if it was by force. I’d train them to love me the way I thought love was supposed to be. I’d make sure they didn’t leave me. I read up on psychology, and I was deeply invested on how to make someone actually love me even when they probably wouldn’t. I would then go on to learn about different chemicals and weapons I could use if something went wrong so I wouldn’t have to… Dispose of something incorrectly. I had fantasies of abducting someone, keeping them, and training them to love and respect me, and that if anything happened, I’d end it on my own terms. I’d ruin them. I was so broken and alone that everything sounded better than being tortured for the rest of my life being an ugly, friendless, asshole, who no one wanted around. Keep in mind, this all happened while I was still in middle school.

Through moments of clarity (usually after hours of crying), I had flashes of being fully aware that my intentions were... Somewhat toxic. I felt really bad that I was about to subject people to my instability. I ended up deciding that all of what I had planned was too drastic and figured out that I was being unstable due to my pain and suffering. I still want the things I once craved. I still want someone who can love me. I still want someone who won’t hurt me. I still want to keep someone and make it so they can’t ever leave me. I want to force someone to accept me, even though I'm still an ugly, friendless, asshole no one wants. That's right, that part didn't change, because I'm aware that those things are somewhat true. When you’ve been hurt, it’s hard to move forward from a mentality that basically works to save and protect you. However, I am working on myself as I know this is from a place of trauma, fear, abandonment, and depression. I’m not perfect. No one really is. I try not to hold my feelings against myself as I usually don’t act on them. Usually… We'll pretend what happened a while ago was just a very interesting dream as I've been on my best behaviour since I'm single again. Oh and as for the "flower anon" thing, you may have to DM me the meaning of that and how exactly that works. I might be 22 at the time of me writing this, but I'm bad at human interaction and I tend to not know what things mean online.

Thank you for opening the Stalker's Diary.

[lord-of-the-harvest]

Pleasure, Pain, and Pleasure Chapter 16

Chapter 16 Ren's Rut Day 2&3

Summary: Cont. of Chapters 14, 15 With the second and third day of Ren’s rut, he gets more clingy and aggressive. Day 3’s supposed to be the start of his two day peak, let’s see if Jasmine can survive it.

Contains: CNC, dubcon, somnophilia, hemophilia, abuse, heat/rut, omegaverse, lots of hurt, mental abuse, breeding kink, manipulation, ED (kind of), feederism, piss kink, exhibitionism, bondage, Ren being a creep, Jasmine getting hurt

MDNI

NSFW

Jasmine woke up on her belly, her back sore, and something smacking against her ass. It took her a moment to realize it was Ren fucking her thighs. “Ren? It’s a bit early, isn’t it?” He was breathing heavily and focused on getting himself off. “S-sorry, Pet. I woke up and-mmm just n-needed this…Hey, ah, at least I’m using your-fuck thighs though, r-right?” ‘Using’ my thighs? Fuck I really am just a toy to him! Jasmine wouldn’t let the comment get to her too badly, as he felt too good for her to really care. His cock slid up and down her clit, and she couldn’t help but squeeze her thighs tight around him. The day before had been full of mostly penetration, and she welcomed the attention to her more sensitive areas. This morning he had a steadier rhythm, and didn’t take much time to make them both cum. He pulled away from her and smeared his cum against her slit with his fingers. He muttered something about knotting her later, and Jasmine’s face flushed red. The way he’d look at her body, the way he touched her and claimed her as his own was so much more animalistic than what she was used to. She couldn’t help but lift her ass up and comply with his touch. “Ren? I need to use the restroom again, can I please get up?” She learned from the day before that she needs to ask for his permission. One time he made her beg for it, and made her hold out as long as possible in hopes she would give up. It hadn’t worked yet, but he desperately wanted her to somewhat willingly give in to him. He growled at the idea of her getting up, but took a moment to look around the nest. He had ripped through most of the blankets on it, and knew he had more in his stash. Wrappers and crumbs littered the sheets, and even he was annoyed by them. “Fine, Pet, but don’t take too long! I’m going to clean up a bit while you’re in there.” It was likely the clarity from finally releasing himself that made him allow Jasmine to go by herself. Whatever it was, she wasn’t going to question it, and she scurried off to the restroom. 

Jasmine closed the door behind her and finally got a good look at herself in the mirror. She was fully nude aside from the tail from the day before. The ears had slipped off while sleeping, and now resided somewhere in the sheets of their nest. Her thighs and hips were bandaged, and dry blood speckled her skin. Fuck, I’m such a sight, he better do something big to make up for this. She used the toilet and stood at the sink, washing her tear stained face and debating on changing her bandages herself, yet deciding against it. Ren, meanwhile, was rushing around the room, trying to make it somewhat presentable for Jasmine. Maybe…maybe if I make it better for her she won’t want to leave again. I can do it, I’ll make it so nice she’ll want to stay in it forever. He brought more food, water, and blankets in. He even found her ears, and cleaned them up before setting them on her nightstand. Wanting to get it all done by the time she came back, he almost neglected to feed himself again. He looked in the fridge, grabbed the first thing he saw, and wolfed it down. His stomach hurt and was breathing heavier. Of course, he knew how to deal with it, as this wasn’t his first rut. Eating, sleeping, and fucking were the only things that could make him feel even a little better. He pulled dirty scraps of fabric out of the twisted sheets, and dumped more blankets in. Sure it helped with the smell, but Ren wasn’t happy with it. Still, he refrained himself from urinating in the bed again, in favor of appeasing Jasmine. When she came out, Ren grabbed her by the waist and led her to the nest again, sat her down, and shoved some cereal in her face. “Here, sweetie, eat up! I’ll fix you up while you eat.” He knelt down on the floor and pulled out the first aid kit he used on her the day before. She ate her cereal and winced as he pulled her bandages off as gently as he could. “Sorry, Pet, this’ll hurt…” He stared at her now bare thigh caked in her own dried blood, and Jasmine looked away. Even though it felt good in the heat of the moment, she didn’t like to look at her cuts and scrapes the morning after. To her surprise, and disgust, Ren gripped her calf and licked up her bloody thigh. He had a lustful look in his eyes, and Jasmine felt him press against her leg. For the first time, she placed a hand on his shoulder and firmly pushed him away. “Ren, give me a break, please. I’m wounded and I need you to take care of me.” She had a sad look in her eyes and pleaded in her tone. The grip on his shoulder could have told told Ren she was irritated with him, but instead he looked up at her with sympathy. “Oh…I’m sorry, Pet, I can make you feel better.” His ears pinned back and had an upset look in his eyes as well. Jasmine had heard beastkins can go through a phase in their cycles of being overly protective and doting on their partners. This she quite liked, and wanted to see how far she could push him. She deserved it with how much of Ren’s nonsense she had to put up with,

Ren finished bandaging her legs just as Jasmine finished her cereal. He seemed as though he was about to go for the second round of the day, but was stopped by Jasmine asking for another bowl. “Thank you for fixing me, sweetie, but some more food would make me feel perfect!” He quickly ran to the kitchen as she giggled at his excitement. Taking in the new nest, she buried herself under a blanket in hopes of fending off her crazed lover. Surely, she could only fight off his sexual advances for so long. Ren came back with a breakfast tray featuring the cereal he promised, her favorite juice, and a side of berries. She sat up when he gave her the tray, and he curled up by her feet, watching her take each bite. Jasmine was kind enough to give her servant some bites of her food, as she could hear his stomach rumbling. “Ren, sweetie, I wish you’d eat something too, you don’t look so good.” Ren smiled at her and sat up. “No, Pet, you need to eat! We need to make sure you get enough food for two.” He had what could only be described as a delusional or crazed hope on his face. He looked happy, but had a glint in his eyes, showing how severely out of touch with reality he was. They had discussed family matters in the past, and both even laughed at the idea of starting one together or separately. Jasmine fought off the urge to correct him, and ate her cereal instead, still not wanting to upset him.

Jasmine finished her food, and as Ren was placing the tray on the floor, she asked him to rub her back. It was still sore from waking up on her stomach, and wanted it better before she was put in any more back breaking positions. She flipped over, and Ren obliged. They were both still nude, but Jasmine made sure to keep her lower half covered with her blanket. Ren started with her shoulders and made his way to her lower back, earning little moans from her. He was about to stop and take her right there, but she mentioned how good he was being for her and how much she appreciated it. “I know you’re going through your rut, sweetie, but I love how you still take care of me no matter what.” Ren whimpered and pinned his ears back, but kept rubbing and pressed himself against her ass for an ounce of relief. Eventually he started breathing heavier than Jasmine, and she noticed. “Ren, sweetie, it’s almost better, just a little longer, alright?” His urges were screaming at him to rip the blanket off and knot her, but he still managed to keep control. Care for her, she’s about to go through so much, you need to tend to her. He put his sexual urges to the side in favor of making her happy. A happy Pet is one more likely to take to the mating, she needs to be healthy for the litter. Sure enough, the power she now held over Ren was getting to her as well as the massage. Him pressing against her didn’t help keep her composure, and she could feel herself getting wet and thinking about him fucking her again like the day before. Jasmine reached back and pulled the blanket off her ass. “Ren…I really think you should eat something…” She didn’t have to spell it out for him, and Ren quickly shifted and stuck his face between her thighs. He brought her hips up a bit so he could easily get to her wet heat. His tongue was even hotter on her lips, making Jasmine moan in pleasure. He licked at her folds and could finally rub his cock with a free hand. Being so worked up, he was already closer than Jasmine. He sat up, keeping his pet in place, and kept rubbing himself above her. The smell, and sight, and the pent up energy all combined together making him cum all over her ass. He hugged her from behind, and reached around to rub his cum into her. She loudly squealed and moaned as he quickly fingered her and rubbed his knot against her ass. It felt good, but he felt something missing as he pressed against her. 

After giving Jasmine a quick orgasm of her own, he found the box from the day before and pulled out the realistic fox tail butt plug. He was kind and thoughtful enough to lube it up before forcing its way into her tight hole. “R-Ren! Aah!” Jasmine screamed out in shock and pain, not expecting the sudden foreign object. Although, once she settled, it started to feel good. Ren gently tugged and twisted it, giving her subtle stimulation. He gripped the tail and pulled it up, making Jasmine follow so her ass was high up in the air. This was one of Ren’s favorite positions, as it showed trust and obedience from his Pet’s side. Now with the added degradation of the fox themed plug, he felt even more of a sense of ownership over her. He pressed against her and bent over to reach for her ears again, making her moan at the pressure. He strapped them to her head yet again and positioned himself properly against her. It was hard pushing his way into her, with the size of his knot and butt plug working against him. When he finally pushed past her entrance, Jasmine let out a guttural moan as her walls closed around him. If it had been under any other circumstances, she may have been embarrassed by it, but now, she couldn’t begin to care how she sounded. Ren was heavily panting, and stared down at Jasmine. His Pet, his conquest, his property, his bitch. Her loud moan only added to the satisfaction he felt in knowing she was all his. His to bite, scratch, hold, knot, and breed. He slowly pulled himself away from her, only to ram himself back in, earning another nasty moan from his bitch. She wants it just as much as I do, dirty bitch, she must be in heat too! The thought of her being in a similar state as him only fueled his hunger, and he started slamming into her faster and harder. Jasmine lost track of the amount of times she came, the stimulation was all too much for her to handle. Just as her brain was turning to mush, Ren pulled her up by the back of her hair and brought himself down to her ear. “You wanted this more than I did, I can tell, you filthy bitch. You’re in heat, right? My bitch is caught in her own fucking heat!” Jasmine couldn’t bring the thoughts together to question or debate, and instinctually followed him instead. “Y-Yes Ren, fuck, I needed this, I wanted this, aah~” He kept ramming into her as hard and as far as he could go. “Ren-ah, you’re hitting m-my c-c-cervix! Y-you’re going to bruise m-me!” She tried speaking as best she could, but stuttered along the way. Ren growled and gripped her hair tighter. “I'm going to break through your fucking cervix and knock you up, bitch!” Jasmine screamed in pleasure, getting off to the idea of him breeding her. “P-please, Ren, bruise me, bite me, leave a d-dent in me! Mmmm I wanna f-feel your c-cum in me so ba-aah!” She was screaming again as she came harder than before. Ren shortly followed, cumming deep inside her and knotting her in the process. The pressure hurt, but Jasmine was too horny to care. Neither Ren, nor the tail could be pulled out of her, so she would need to lay there and accept it for the time being. She gained a little composure, and the humiliation of it set in again. Ren hugged her from behind and rolled off of her, while still keeping her close to his chest. Jasmine looked up and saw the two of them in the mirror above. Her tail rested on her thigh, her ears were crooked, and Ren rested his face in the crook of her neck, still inside her. Her cheeks flushed hot in embarrassment at the sight of the two, but that humiliation only served to turn her on even more. Ren could feel it, and lightly rutted into her again from behind. ….

Morning came, and Jasmine roused, not feeling Ren pawing at her for once. In fact, it didn’t even feel like he was in bed with her. She tried sitting up, but quickly realized her arms weren’t just resting above her head, but were in fact tied to the headboard. She twisted around, but couldn’t find Ren or free herself. “R-Ren? Where are you?” Her voice trembled and she felt more vulnerable than ever. She looked at the mirror above her to see her naked and bruised frame as she shrunk in on herself. Suddenly, Ren swung the door open and growled under his breath. Jasmine twisted herself around to look at her very angry owner. His ears pinned back, his tail fluffed up, and he was holding her broken phone. “Ren? What’s wrong? Why am I tied up?” He made his way to the bed and loomed above her. “What’s wrong? What is wrong, Pet?” He held up her phone, displaying a message from Kangaroo from the first night. Jasmine squinted and tried reading the message. “Call me if you need help this week, Fox’s orders.” She was confused, with the excitement of the past few days she hadn’t even thought to check her phone or call for Kangaroo. I know he said his rut would be bad, but I didn’t think it was “call for help” bad. “Ren, I didn’t see that, did you really tell him to send me that?” He threw her phone down again, this time definitely breaking it for good. “Of course not! Why the Hell would I order him to talk to you? Besides, you don’t need help, you’re safe! Here, in the nest, you’re safe with me, right?” His tone fluctuated from furious to an almost desperate mania. As though he was trying to convince even himself the situation was under control. His last sentence ended with a bite, though, and told Jasmine to answer fast. “Right! I’m fine here, in the nest, with you looking after me. I don’t care about Kangaroo, I don’t need him.” Now it was her turn to desperately make herself believe things were under control. Ren sighed with relief. “Good, good… Well, I do need him, so I invited him over.” Jasmine, now concerned and afraid, couldn’t keep her emotions off her face. “Sweetie, you’re fine! We just needed more groceries, and I need to remind him of something…” He bent down and kissed her forehead, Jasmine decided not to question him.

Ren disappeared and came back to give her food and water, but never untied her. He spoon fed her yogurt and granola, obviously enjoying taking care of her. “You’re so sweet like this, I wish I could just keep you here forever...Oh wait, I can!” Ren giggled to himself, and Jasmine tried to laugh along with him. As long as she could keep him happy, she figured there would be a chance he’d untie her. Eventually, the time came where she needed to get up to use the restroom, but weighed her options. I could ask, but I risk making him upset, I don’t think he’s ready to untie me. I could also just…ugh- He had his hand on her thigh and the other in his lap, no doubt subtly rubbing himself. Jasmine couldn’t take it anymore, and felt like she was about to burst. She was tied right in the middle of the bed, and Ren was sitting on the edge to the side of her. She shifted towards him and twisted herself onto her stomach so she wouldn’t have to see herself in the mirrors above. Ren, of course, welcomed the sight and pawed at her ass. Jasmine couldn’t see, but could tell by his deep breathing he was rubbing himself even faster. Again, she ignored it, and relaxed her body. Ren gasped as he watched a puddle form around her heat, and palmed at his aching knot. Jasmine whimpered as she felt him grope at her harder. He bent down and kissed her thighs, whispering about how good she is and how happy he was. Soon the smell and the groping got to him, and Ren came in his sweatpants. He moaned and his hips bucked, while Jasmine’s face flushed with embarrassment and disgust. He’s a fucking creep, but did he really just cum in his pants from this? That’s disgusting, but hopefully he’ll untie me now. Jasmine broke away from Ren’s grip and flipped herself over, but he wasn’t done yet. Ren was panting as he climbed on top of her and sunk down to her lap. She tried keeping her legs shut, but Ren forced them open and shoved his face in between them yet again. He started eating her out like a madman, all too happy to be in between her soiled thighs. It didn’t last long though, as he soon heard a knock at the door.

Ren quickly got up, apologized, and scurried off to meet Kangaroo at the door, leaving Jasmine panting and alone. This was too much whiplash for her, and he was behaving so erratically. She couldn’t wait for his rut to be over and for some kind of peace and routine to be restored in the house. She could hear them talking in the next room over, accompanied by cupboards being opened and closed shut. The wait for Ren to return felt like forever due to her outstretched arms and aching heat. Finally, the bedroom door swung open and Jasmine looked up to see a horrified Kangaroo. Ren was holding him by his jacket collar, forcing him into the bedroom and onto the floor. “Hey! What the-what the fuck are you doing?!” Jasmine twisted and turned, trying to cover herself as best she could. Kangaroo’s jaw dropped as he looked at her scratched hips and soiled bed. “Jasmine! Are you al-” Ren kicked him down again, silencing him. “She’s not your fucking concern, Kangaroo!” Ren shouted at him and slammed the door shut, making his way to the bed. “She’s mine, and you’ll learn that one way or another…” His words trailed off as he cast his sweatpants to the side and climbed on top of her. “Re-uh-Fox? What are you doing?” Jasmine’s voice trembled with fear as her gaze darted from Kangaroo to Fox. “I’m doing what should have been done a long time ago, Pet, I’m setting an example.” He grabbed Jasmine’s legs and lifted them up. Her knees were touching her shoulders as she groaned out in pain, but Fox didn’t seem to notice or care. He was all too concerned with making sure Kangaroo was watching him take what was his. Jasmine shut her eyes tight, expecting a sharp penetration and Ren’s painful knot, but the pain didn’t come. Instead, she felt something hot on her stomach. She opened her eyes to see Fox on his knees, pissing on her stomach and chest. Jasmine screamed in disgust, and tried pulling on her restraints again, but with no luck. Fox had a satisfied and devilish look on his face as he looked from Jasmine’s body back to Kangaroo. She couldn’t see him, but she could tell he was mortified. She was too, the only one enjoying or getting off to their humiliation was Fox, who was now laughing at them. He must have really enjoyed it, as not even a moment after emptying himself onto his bitch he was forcing himself into her. Jasmine screamed again, now repulsed and in pain. Tears pricked her eyes, Fox was saying something but she couldn’t listen. Jasmine turned her face away to hide her shame, but Fox brought it right back. “Darling, you should-unh-be happy to-mmm belong to me, instead of someone so-fuck-spineless!” He turned his attention back to Kangaroo, and shouted more claims of ownership at him. It was hard for her to think, but Jasmine scoured her brain on the best way to diffuse the situation. “Y-yes Fox…I l-love being y-yours!” Fox turned his attention back to her and momentarily paused his thrusting. “I-I want to be all yours! N-no one else’s!” She looked at him with the biggest doe eyes she could muster, made easier with her tears. “Please, Fox, make him leave, I want you to myself~” Her manipulation worked as he threw a plate at Kangaroo, shouting for him to leave. Kangaroo leapt to his feet and rushed out of the room, thankful he sill had his life. He was hesitant on coming over, as for the employee tasked with this during Fox’s last rut, didn’t exactly make it out in one piece. 

Ren turned his attention back to Jasmine, who was still muttering tear filled words of affection. After a particularly rough session that ended in a knotting, Ren untied Jasmine and cuddled her. She asked him to bring her food, but told him not to be gone too long as she would miss him. As soon as he left, Jasmine buried her face in a pillow and sighed. She knew she couldn’t cry, since Ren would be back soon with more food than she was comfortable with eating. What happened to him? He’s usually sweet and level headed, why is he acting this way? When will it be over? Jasmine, of course, knew all the answers to the questions as was asking, but was having a hard time dealing with her reality. Seemingly for the rest of her life, she was going to have to deal with Ren’s ruts each year, and couldn’t do a thing to stop them. Did he really tell Kangaroo to check on her? Did he really not trust himself that much? Did he really forget, or was he just being delusional and possessive? Ren came back shortly, this time with two trays of food in hand. “I kinda forgot to eat yesterday, so I’m making up for it today.” He said, with a slight chuckle to it. Jasmine came out from her pillow and started eating with him. She looked down at her stomach, and almost wretched at the smell. In hindsight, she should have used the time Ren was gone to wash herself, or at least wipe it down. She debated asking him for a shower, but decided against it. This would be the start of his two day long peak.

Notes: Can you guys tell I don’t know a thing about the omegaverse and heat/rut lore? I don’t worry too much about canon things with it, this is just how I see it playing out with Ren. Also, my friend told me they read my entire fic! Mortifying!

Also, is Ren calling Jasmine his “Bitch” cringey? I thought it fit, but felt a bit odd to write, since he usually calls her literally anything else.

Anyways, sorry to kinda cuck Kangaroo on the third day, but I’ve been dying to write some exhibitionism in :)

[rin-and-jade]

Hey, I've been questioning whether I'm a system or not recently. I just wonder if you have any insight of how you discovered you were plural and how hard it was to deal with the realisation/coming to terms with it.

If this has already been discussed im so sorry for wasting your time

It has never been discussed so don’t worry it isn’t going to waste my time, it will be in a form of a story you can learn from, so why not indulge in a simplified story (in parts) of how we discovered and come to terms about it ourselves shall we;

Part one, the backstory

As a kid, we had numerous amounts of stressful events that shouldn’t happen to a child, it started since kindergarten as i recalled and even that was already hectic, there used to be fights among adults and that scared the hell out of us. Middle school was fine until kids started bugging us with those milder forms of bullying and whatnot, they actively felt like excluding us as well as taking advantage so that isn’t nice, we bared with it along side the horrors of home that teachers and counselors didn’t know as we grow up. Our mom is one monster, i believe if it wasn’t for her we wouldn’t have been plural. She had daily bickering and punishments just for us free of cost, lovely. Now couple this with the depleted mental health, school and house had taken a toll on us which nearly made teachers think we gotta drop out for good. This is where the funny things happen..

Part two, the discovery

Due to the impending doom of staying a year back at the same grade we took on extra teaching lessons on evening after school is over, we have made an online friend in this time. Now the thing is, we would have different states telling how they feel unconsciously to our friend here, and thats funny,, singlets don’t do that. Until one day we started getting threats from our own head and thought to ourselves “this isn’t right.. it feels way too alive and real” and thankfully we’re correct, for the better and the worse, it also knew it was alive only to instantly threaten this same friend to f off. It want us to be miserable, to fail, to suffer in general means. This is more than just a negative inside voice..

Part three, the aftermath

We instantly googled with whatever coherent sense for this situation and found DID, it aligns with most of our troubles such as unnecessary memory gaps, out of body feelings, internal dialogues, which what we thought was normal. We thought we’re the same person but the truth is we are all trying to be a person we remembered as, that we are not. It feels like everyone was panicking, having immense denial, but the truth cannot be avoided so we slowly worked on accepting the truth for 4 months before actually fostering cooperation. Boy, we used to fight lots because of it, so authority in-system is also created, in this time there are many hidden parts that made their appearance known, the dormant back alive again. It has been atleast 3 years from where we officially self diagnosed as a system now, everything has been going well and persecutors repented to heal their wrong deeds.

This may serve as an answer because its actually hard to do it in a different form, i really hope you had taken the highlights (are bolded for clarity) to use it in figuring out if you truly are a system!

- j

[samtran1022]

Life updates…

About every 6 months I reflect upon the titles of my life, the feels I’ve felt, the insight I’ve gained, and how these titles impact me and my headspace.

The theme of the second half of 2023 & what I’m seeking for/needing in my life: communion (ie, the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially when the exchange is on a mental or spiritual level).

Life as a mom… PJ is about to turn three years old and LT just had his first birthday a couple months ago. Literally each day they get older, the better mom life gets. I feel mostly like myself, yet somehow a more actualized/evolved version. PJ still loves dinosaurs and has a budding obsession with monster trucks; he is entering his threenager phase, with very loud 15-20 minute emotional meltdowns. LT is walking and learning to do so much more on his own, he will often wedge himself to be as physically close to us as possible (ie, when we’re doing dishes, cooking on the stove, etc), he is more prone to crying when he doesn’t get his way (which still triggers me, yet I grit my teeth thru it and validate his emotions). Watching the two interact with each other has plenty of comedic content; naturally, they are as alike as they are different. PJ will independent play, Lucas will antagonize, and the conflict will usually be resolved with violence lol my goal is to teach them the tools to peacefully resolve conflict without the need for an adult to step in and referee every single battle. A task that will take many years, yet with consistency, dedication, and many… many deep breaths, I think we got this. Check again in 10-15 years lol the truth is, I believe that sometimes violence is the answer. Hence my goal to eventually put the two in whatever sports they request, whether that be dance, Muay Thai, or golf. Oh at this time, Lucas does seem highly attuned to basketball! He also is prone to hit his head a lot, so football seems a highly probable route as well, we shall see. My ultimate parenting goal is to have a secure relationship with each son, one where we can call each other as adults and make plans to see each other simply because we enjoy each others company. The older they get, the more I find I don’t have to push myself to seek out a sliver of joy.

Life as a wife… a lot of this may sound like waffle and that’s intentional, for I have learned not every issue needs to be unloaded for everyone to have an opinion on; my journey into marriage has provided the most difficult of life lessons with regard to the traits I initially lacked understanding on; from patience to discretion, security to safety, physical touch to body acceptance. Anything worth having is certainly worth putting in the work to achieve, which seems to bring about the fact hardship is necessary in any relationship. Considering the fact my parents were divorced when I was 3 years old should shed some light to my feels on marriage. Nearly 15 years into this relationship (8 of those married), I now hold a much more warm and trusting relationship to the institution of marriage. Life isn’t just about me; each and every single day, I make the choice to prioritize love and heart over ego and pride. Don’t get me wrong, there are still several times a week I want to snap about something that annoys the shit out of me lol yet I’ve found it’s in much less frequency than our early years and it’s much easier to either make a clear request of something that bothers me or recognize the pettiness of it and bite my tongue. From what has grown into the favorite romantic relationship of my life, I’ve had the opportunity to learn how to love heartbreak, as paradoxical as it sounds. Relationships aren’t JUST about communication in and of itself, it’s largely the nuance, the clarity and specificity of my observations and requests, the ability to own how I feel and recognize what needs are or are not being met. To deliver all the above with kindness and consideration is incredibly difficult, yet I’m fortunate to share the goal to improve communication with my partner. Fortunately I’ve never much cared for exclusivity, I do not absolutely care to always be right and have things my way. Perspective is everything, it’s unbelievably cool to have someone I look forward to spending time with, one that matches my energy to simultaneously support yet gently push, one that I constantly laugh with and express my appreciation towards. We just finished a 6 month round of marital therapy, I especially appreciate how our therapist was rooting for us to develop our own tools and solutions to address any issues, while also encouraging us to agree to disagree at times. Living with and loving your best friend can be weirdly beautiful.

Life as a corporate customer service rep… I’ve finally reached one of my life goals! I feel so fortunate to say I like my job; in this commodified world we live in, NGL this is quite the flex. I appreciate and enjoy speaking on my subject matter expertise, if y’all ever wanna know anything about Clinical Microbiology (ie E.coli, MRSA, UTI, sepsis, etc) just lemme talk for 5 minutes, see how much I compel you. I’ve lived a lot of my life in a career where I had the Sunday scaries, I was tied to a time clock and treated like a third grader. I can promise you overt monitoring does not seem warranted in many scenarios, work included. I am no stranger to the heaviness of a distrustful work environment, how it tarnishes your soul and crushes your spirit. No wonder it’s so easy for me to express gratitude when I sit in my own car (listening to my own music with climate control) on the way to a customer site, I don’t mind remoting in and assisting for a few hours, nor do I mind being in a hotel for a week to support a customer who has well surpassed their project timeline. The customer service component of the role holds the largest source of contention, yet I am persistent in building trust throughout my SoCal customer base, I’m okay with being patient. If it takes 5-15 years to build trust, that’s reasonable. Thems are the consequences of commodification, counteracting fear and anxiety with understanding and empathy. It might be a larger energy investment upfront, yet I’ve got hope it’ll pay off exponentially in the long run.

Life as a daughter… this might be where I’ve felt a large release of emotional baggage in the past few months. I chose to visit my mother when we went back home for LT’s first birthday, I felt like it was somehow my duty, to provide an opportunity for my mother to be a grandmother. I found being around my mother brought about such a large disparity of emotions; I finally saw outside myself, forcing any relationship (including mother-daughter) will inevitably spread me thin. I continue to say it again and again… I need the people I choose in my life to match my energy, I’m all about that balance yo. I’ve finally come to a level of acceptance; I used to say the words in therapy yet I was not fully intentional nor convinced of their conviction. I no longer yearn for relationships that aren’t there, I clearly see what I deserve, I can mourn the loss of what will not come to be because of others inability to change, grow, and take accountability.

Life as an individual… the time spent in my home town lead me to deactivate my Instagram. I just did it, no warning, which is surprising; I’m not often impulsive. As the months went on, I found a quietness in my mind and natural state of mindfulness. I’m sleeping better, haven’t had issues with insomnia or alcohol addiction, haven’t had as many body image issues nor am I often plagued by inadequacy demons. I’ve come to learn I am the type of person who seeks meaningful connection; IG likes, comments, and viewers were only providing a vapid infusion to my needs. Without constructive feedback, I was left to my own devices to fill in the blanks; it caused too much outside noise of discernment. The community I’ve been longing for has come together with the work I’ve put in to maintain contact (contradictory thanks to IG), from middle school to coworkers to mom friends in SoCal; I’m grateful for the incredible, beautifully complex folks who show up for me just as much as I show up for them, I appreciate how much we support each other from life issue to life issue. Otherwise, I have the same personal goals I’ve always had: lift 3x/week, walk 10k steps, bang out 10 body weight pull ups; diet has been a bit of a yo-yo cuz I knew I wanted to go full YOLO on vacation. I plan to reestablish my calorie deficit when we return home on my birthday, I’ve found a new love with ice baths and cold showers (especially helpful for recovery and any lingering pain, tension, or headaches) and I finished therapy with my third therapist. I keep thinking of reestablishing journaling, yet another goal for future Sam to keep in mind.

Life as a sister… is still a work in progress, and it’s intentionally last on this last. Here’s where baby steps and patience have been my best friends. Similar to the growth I’ve experienced as a daughter, I no longer yearn for what is not there. I can grieve what is lost and move toward acceptance of the present.

[saddie-to-baddie]

January 15, 2023

Before I start my little A.I.P. experiment, I need to be honest about what my starting point is, otherwise I KNOW I'm not going to think there's any progress and quit.

For anyone stumbling across this and cares for a little background info, I have Multiple Sclerosis (Dx 12.2019) and have now been off medication since 11.2022 (thanks to an insurance hiccup/moving) and I'm eager to resume treatments because things have been ROUGH.

But being off meds has reminded me that I can and still need to take steps to keep myself under control as much as I can. So I decided to try out the Anti Inflammatory Protocol elimination diet again. 😅

So here's my baseline check-in:

1. I'm absolutely tired. I'm sleeping like trash, sometimes my own fault (energy drinks, going out, scrolling on the phone) and sometimes I just wake up in the middle of the night and that's it, I'm up. Right now I've been up since 530am after going to sleep around 1am.

Fatigue: 7/10.

Quality of Sleep: 4/10.

2. Physically I don't feel as symptomatic in terms of loss of sensation and balance, but I feel SO bloated all the time, very 'crunchy' and constantly cracking and popping my back, fingers and more often than usual, my left hip. The hip is always unintentional but is loud and takes me by surprise. My skins been a dumpster fire and was breaking out all over, especially jaw/neck (most painful and persistent), back, side and shoulders and especially my hairline.

My left tonsil has been swollen and painful and producing a LOT of tonsil stones, body constantly aches, feet hurt, seems to be a permanent headache at play.

Bloating: 8/10 (Definitely look pregnant, but not very painful).

Pain: 6/10. Only occasionally using ibuprofen.

Weight: 191 lbs /pant size~16

I really am considering tracking body measurements but I feel like I'm going to lose my focus on feeling better if I don't end up losing weight so I'm going to try not to focus on these areas as much. Weightloss would be a welcome side affect of the diet since I've been struggling there, but my overall goal is to find the foods that make me feel so bad.

3. I've been trying to increase my water intake by using teas and Mio to flavor it but I have not really felt any improvement. My mouth is always dry, and I feel like no matter how much I take care of my teeth right now, my breath smells.

Hydration: 4/10

4. My mental health feels like a JOKE. There's not been a lot of time for just me, to be able to breathe. Between work, momming, struggling to square out my medical needs, and just life, I feel like I'm constantly in a state of panic and on the verge of bubbling over. I either cry or shut down completely mentally. Still have to be mom and take care of the dog, and get work done. But I don't even have the energy to stay up after the little one goes to sleep. I'm pretty confident that I'm asleep before she is lately. My patience is soooo thin.

I've been considering trying to get back on antidepressants but the idea of that scares me because I know it's a guessing game until we figure out the right dosage and med. The last time I tried antidepressants certain thoughts were at an all time high so I completely quit cold turkey.

Happiness: 4/10

Anxiety: 6/10

Depression: 7/10

Mental Clarity: 3/10

Ability to Focus/Understand: 4/10

Overall I feel like a trash bag of a person, mentally and physically. I don't feel like me, so let's see how much of that improves. 😬

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Buying more not only saves you money but also ensures you stay stocked up, so you're not running out when you're seeing results!

TestRX Coupon Code

Who doesn’t love a good deal?

If you're looking for a TestRX coupon code, keep an eye on special promotions on their website or subscribe to their newsletter for updates.

Sometimes they offer limited-time discounts that can save you even more cash!

Imagine saving an extra £10 off your first order—that could be a nice little bonus towards something else!

Real-Life Experiences

Still wondering if it's worth it?

Let me share a couple of real experiences from guys who took the plunge:

“I’m Mark, 34 years old.

After hitting my thirties, I felt like my energy levels were plummeting.

I tried TestRX after hearing about it from a buddy.

Within weeks, I felt like myself again—more energy at work and better gains at the gym!”

— Mark T., 34

And here’s another:

“At 45, I thought my best days were behind me.

But after using TestRX for three months, I've noticed significant improvements in my workouts and overall mood.

It really works!”

— James R., 45

These testimonials show that guys just like us are finding success with this supplement.

It’s not just hype; it delivers real results!

Why Choose TestRX?

You might wonder why TestRX stands out among other testosterone boosters out there.

Here’s why:

It uses natural ingredients known for boosting testosterone safely.

No weird side effects—just pure performance enhancement.

Backed by positive reviews and testimonials from everyday users who have seen real change.

When comparing options, it's clear that sticking with TestRX gives you both safety and effectiveness without breaking the bank—or should I say breaking your wallet?

Final Thoughts

So there we go! You know where to buy TestRX, what it costs, and how to snag some sweet discounts with those coupon codes.

Don’t wait around while others take charge of their health and fitness goals.

Be proactive and grab your bottles today!

Your body will thank you later!

👉 BUY TESTRX AND UNLEASH YOUR POTENTIAL

Testrx Vs Nugenix

When it comes to testosterone boosters, two of the big names that pop up are TestRX and Nugenix.

I get it.

You want to know which one packs a better punch.

Let's break down what each brings to the table.

Key Ingredients: What’s Inside?

Both products claim to boost your testosterone levels, but they do it in different ways.

TestRX is known for its natural ingredients like:

D-Aspartic Acid: This amino acid is often highlighted for its role in hormone production.

Fenugreek Extract: A herb that may help improve libido and overall sexual health.

Zinc and Magnesium: Essential minerals that support muscle recovery and testosterone production.

On the other hand, Nugenix uses a blend of ingredients like:

Testofen® (Fenugreek Seed Extract): Similar to TestRX but marketed differently.

L-Citrulline Malate: Often used for improving blood flow and endurance.

So, if you’re looking for straightforward natural testosterone support, TestRX's formula might resonate more with you.

Effectiveness: Real Results

Now let's talk about effectiveness.

I've seen people rave about their experiences with both products.

For instance, take Jake, 34:

“After using TestRX, I noticed an increase in my energy levels within weeks. My workouts improved, and I felt more motivated.”

Contrast that with Mark, 29:

“I tried Nugenix, but honestly didn’t see much change until after a couple of months.”

While individual results vary, many users seem to find quicker results with TestRX compared to Nugenix.

Side Effects: What To Watch Out For

Every product has its potential downsides.

With any supplement, it's crucial to be aware of possible side effects.

Some users have reported mild issues with both products:

For TestRX, common mentions include slight digestive discomfort or headaches.

As for Nugenix, some folks have experienced increased heart rate or restlessness.

If you're concerned about safety, checking out customer feedback can provide insights into the real-world experience of others using these supplements.

User Experience: The Overall Vibe

How do these products feel in daily life?

With TestRX, users often highlight how easy it is to incorporate into their routine—just a couple of capsules daily.

Many appreciate not having to deal with complicated dosing schedules or special meals around taking the supplement.

Conversely, some users report feeling overwhelmed by the number of pills required for Nugenix when combined with their other supplements or medications.

It's all about finding what fits best into your lifestyle without adding unnecessary stress.

Pricing Comparison: Getting Value For Money

Let’s talk money because we all care about getting our bang for our buck.

Typically,

A month’s supply of TestRX hovers around £40.

While Nugenix usually runs closer to £50 per month.

When evaluating price versus performance, many feel that TestRX offers better value given its effectiveness and simpler ingredient profile.

You want something that works without breaking the bank—at least that's how I see it!

Final Thoughts: Which One Should You Choose?

At this point, you should have a clearer picture between these two options.

If you're after solid results backed by natural ingredients without any fuss—go for TestRX.

It seems to deliver quicker results while being easier on your wallet too!

But hey,

Everyone's body reacts differently. So consider what matters most to you—ingredients, speed of results, or cost—and make your choice accordingly.

Remember,

The best decision is one based on your personal needs and experiences!

👉 BUY TESTRX FOR INCREASED MALE VIRILITY

FAQ

What are the benefits of TestRX?

TestRX is designed to naturally boost testosterone levels. Users often report increased energy, improved muscle mass, and enhanced libido. It’s all about feeling more like yourself again.

What ingredients are in TestRX?

The main ingredients include natural herbs and nutrients like D-Aspartic Acid, Fenugreek Extract, and Vitamin D3. These elements work together to support healthy testosterone production without any harsh chemicals.

How should I take TestRX?

For best results, it’s recommended to take two capsules daily with a meal. Consistency is key here. Stick to the routine for a few weeks for noticeable effects.

Are there any side effects of using TestRX?

Most users tolerate TestRX well with minimal side effects. Some have reported mild stomach upset or headaches initially. Always listen to your body and consult a doctor if anything feels off.

Where can I buy TestRX?

You can purchase TestRX directly from their official website or select health supplement retailers. Just make sure you’re getting it from a trusted source to avoid counterfeits.

Is there a money-back guarantee for TestRX?

Yes! TestRX typically comes with a satisfaction guarantee. If you don’t see results in a certain timeframe, you can return it for a refund. That’s confidence in their product!

How does TestRX compare to Nugenix?

Both products aim to boost testosterone but differ in formulation and marketing. While Nugenix has its fans, many prefer the natural approach of TestRX due to its specific ingredient blend.

What do customers say about their experience with TestRX?

Feedback on TestRX tends to be positive overall. Many users rave about the energy boost and improvements in mood and strength after consistent use.

Can women use TestRX?

While primarily marketed towards men looking to increase testosterone, some women may benefit from its ingredients too. It’s always wise for anyone considering this supplement to chat with their healthcare provider first.

Is there any special discount or coupon code for buying TestRX?

Occasionally, there are promotional offers available on their official site or during seasonal sales events. Keep an eye out for those discounts; saving some cash is always nice!

👉 BUY TESTRX TO BOOST YOUR TESTOSTERONE

[lovedvra]

Hi lovelies! May is Mental Health Awareness Month, Child’s Month and Mother’s Day is in this month too. In Jamaica, we recognize October as Mental Health Awareness Month since it has Mental Health Day and Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month is afterwards in November, so it makes sense to do things that way. In addition to that, it is a good idea to give people relevant resources and coping skills before S.A.D season really takes a toll on their emotional and mental well-being during the autumn/winter months. This May I am reflecting on my mental health journey. I am grateful that it is better, but it took a toll on my holistic development. I wish I had listened to my body more. It knows. I could’ve avoided a lot of challenges if I had known how to listen to my body and trust myself at an earlier age. I now know, that my mental health is linked with my physical health. Once I move my body through dance, pilates, yoga, walking, running, weight lifting or cardio in the gym, it improves my mental strength and clarity. What I eat and how I eat matters. When my body aches, stiffens or lags, I listen to it. None of us need to wait until things reveal themselves in detrimental ways before we decide to make better choices to sculpt our minds, bodies and lifestyles. Our lives are glued to screens now more than ever before. We are so distracted, desensitized and unfortunately insensitive to our own needs that some of us are blinded from the solutions. In turn, it makes us insensitive and critical of those around us, especially when they need more support, a break, compassion, patience or a listening ear or show up differently than we prefer. The pandemic reminded me how much we need to change things for the better and that I can start with me. I aspire to be more intentional about how I care for my body, emotions and health versus what others dislike about me. Even though S.A.D season was managed a little better in 2023, I mentally gave up when my body gave out last year and earlier in 2024. I tried new things to alleviate the dreariness from S.A.D season, like a USculpt session at Body by TLS in the Life Store. The layout of the space feels calming and healthy. There is something about white walls, greenery, light wood and natural light in a room- the combination makes everything calm. When you enter a courteous employee will hand you a thin black shirt to wear and instruct you to lay on the bed. At first, the machine looked like an iron to me. It was strapped onto my abdomen before the assistant turned it on. Guys, I didn’t know what to expect, but it felt so weird I started laughing! The USculpt machine uses electromagnetic waves to stimulate muscles, in this case, it was on my abdominal muscles, so they contract like an ab workout. I work out sporadically, so I’ve not seen any muscle definition in that area. As a model, pageant girl and now carnival babe, muscle definition adds some finesse to the final look. I took the opportunity to try this service because I’ve always wanted defined and strong core muscles. The USculpt service from Body by TLS is a good option for sedentary patients, models, bodybuilders, new moms or anyone with abs separation, and curious folks like myself lol. Natalie is such a light. Her energy is invigorating. While you’re there, check out the supplements and healthy snacks available. I really need to visit soon to grab a few items to try. The benefits include muscle definition for models, bodybuilders, fitness enthusiasts, and carnival revellers who want to show off their abs on the road. It is a good option to repair separated abdominal muscles (abs separation) that can happen to postpartum moms, wheelchair patients, elders or anyone who has weak muscles. The machine will help exercise lax muscles for those with arthritis, fibromyalgia or paralysis. We see certain technologies or creations and immediately think, “Why would anyone need that?” We forget the vulnerable people who deserve access to basic things some of us may overlook. That was the revelation from my firs...

[businessconsiderations]

Recap of *Stay Sane in an Insane World*

The book--subtitled How to Control the Controllables and Thrive--by University of Michigan sports psychologist, Greg Harden, influencer of Tom Brady, Michael Phelps, Desmond Howard and more

It's short, easy to read, broken up into 37 chapters, interspersed with testimonials from his disciples that reinforce points Harden makes in the chapters.

I read the book in spurts over about a month or so--highlighting and dogearing along the way--stopping to reflect on its key points a few times, sharing its wisdom with my wife and kids a few times.

I then left it on the ottoman for a month or so, knowing I wanted to digitize my notes, summarize its lessons to memorialize it in my brain, but I felt like reading other things. So I did, I read two other books over the next month, but Stay Sane kept staring at me. So over the last few days, I typed up my highlights in my note-taking app and will do my best to summarize here.

A lot of its message feels obvious and trite, but like I've written earlier, I'm not living in this obvious and trite way that would substantially improve my life, which makes me think its message feels deep and profound.

In its penultimate chapter, he lists 7 things to remember, which I list below. I then attempt to pigeonhole my notes into 7 sections based on those 7 things. Most of the remainder of this post are quotes or near-quotes from the book with a few paraphrases thrown in.

Greg's key message is 7 things:

Become an expert on yourself - so you can become the best version of yourself

Control the controllables - it's right there in the subtitle, you are the only person with control on your mind, i.e. your thoughts and feelings...a combination of the "focus on what you can control" conventional wisdom with a little Adlerian psychology mixed in

Practice relentlessly - giving 100% effort, you'll outwork and wear down the average people

Commit to improving your life - make incremental improvements, maintain those incremental improvements, move on to the next one, Albert Camus in theory, James Clear in practice

Stop being afraid - courage is facing your fear

Love and accept yourself - replace your self-defeating attitudes with self-supporting attitudes

Be your own best friend

1. Become an expert on yourself

Resolve your trauma, let go of your baggage, prove it yourself that you did so by i) being able to talk about it without returning to the original emotion state you were in when traumatized, ii) clearly articulating what you did to overcome it, and iii) identify how the experience made you stronger.

Forgive your parents for not being perfect. If not for their sake, then for yours. This is one of the keys to mental health.

Expose your psychic vampires into the light, the things from the past that are holding you back. If you really want to become the person you've dreamed of becoming, you have to destroy your psychic vampires and break their hold on you mind, body and spirit. This will take bravery.

If you believe in yourself it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

2. Control the controllables

No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. They can create conditions to make you more likely to feel that way, but they can't force you to feel that way. It's your choice, they can't have power over you unless you give them permission.

You are the only person with control over your own mind.

Tom Brady says focus on the positive and face your challenges with a enthusiasm.

Be assertive, value yourself, communicate with i) confidence, ii) clarity and iii) calmness.

3. Practice relentlessly

Think back to a time you went into an extra gear to accomplish something. Now imagine making that your permanent level of effort. That's what makes a champion.

Give 100% effort, 100% of the time. If you commit to this mindset, on your worst day you'll be better than an average person on their best day.

Tom Brady says obstacles are an advantage, because most people will back down in the face of obstacles. So if you keep a good attitude and push through, the obstacle actually helped you by getting your competitors out of the way.

Desmond Howard says you should always strive to get better at what you do. Never settle for good enough.

Opportunity will knock at some point. Make sure you have put yourself in the position to take advantage.

4. Commit to improving your life

Be humble and hungry to learn. Commit to the process of continuous self-improvement. Believe that you possess that special extra gear.

Your life belongs to you, and it's up to you to make the most if it. No one else can do this for you. Taking responsibility for your own life should be your highest priority.

Tom Brady say if you're not where you want to be in life, it's up to you to make it better. Your positivity and enthusiasm will help you toward your outcome.

5. Stop being afraid

If you believe in yourself, then there's only one way to change, you need to start doing everything different and stop caring about what anyone else thinks. If a coach believes in you, great. If not, don't get distracted by it. What you believe is all that matters.

It's not enough to dream big, you need to believe big.

How fun would it be to shatter everyone's expectations of you?

Desmond Howard says don't just be the best player on the field, be the most dominant. Think and behave that way, separate yourself from the rest.

Tom Brady says once apply a positive and enthusiastic mindset to all areas of your life, fear has nowhere to go.

Create your ideal self. Culture, media and politics is trying to program you, why not program yourself?

Get out of your own way. Those times when you were thinking nothing and having fun, that's when you were having the best games.

The best athletes have a short memory. When you make a mistake, give yourself permission to feel bad about it for a fraction of a second then get back to work. If you are someone that gets down on yourself after a setback, feeling sorry for yourself, how's that working out for you? Unless your objective is to be miserable, then stop beating yourself up, because the answer is it's not working for you.

Once you start to predict your self-doubt and fear, you can manage it.

6. Love and accept yourself

Your sport is not who you are, it's what you do. You will have an amazing life with our without your sport.

You can't let your self-worth be determined by the trappings of this world because those will ultimately fail you.

Ward Emanuel says it's important for young student athletes to understand at some point it could all be taken away from you.

You can't let your sport become a false god, or God will take it from you.

Love being an outlier, accept being one as a challenge, love being the person that broke the stereotype.

7. Be your own best friend

As you make these life changes, don't try to change anyone else. This project is between you and yourself.

You can rely on others for help sometimes, but you ultimately you have to rely on self-love and self-acceptance above all else. You have to be your own best friend.

To be a good teammate, you must believe in yourself first.

Summing it up

At then end of the chapter about psychic vampires, I wrote that mine is mediocrity. That I am mediocre. And if I step outside myself and take a risk, people will roll their eyes at me, I will be exposed as someone who is mediocre and in denial of my own mediocrity.

There was a worksheet in the middle of the book about what success looks like. I wrote some notes down one a separate piece of paper. Below are those notes...

My purpose is family, living long enough to see them thrive as adults, to meet my grandkids, doing interesting things along the way.

Success to me is good relationships with my wife and all three of my kids. After that, health: getting down to a better weight, more running. Then fun: travel, other. Then I wrote money with a colon too, but didn't write anything after the colon.

For measurable goals are wrote weight loss goals, running goals, money goals and family travel goals. I didn't write what those goals were. But I am already working toward a weight loss goal, 13 lb down, 8 more to go. I think it was Naval Ravikant that said the universe is good at giving you one thing, but only one. So maybe I can work on the other goals next, one at a time.

The self-defeating attitudes and behaviors holding me back from reaching my goals are i) I'm not good at networking, ii) making more money will require more/harder work and that's what killed my dad, and iii) life is boring without alcohol and unhealthy food.

Three things I will stop doing were i) drinking while weighing over 175 lb, ii) taking the easy way out at work, and iii) giving attention to things before my family, e.g. phone, computer.

Self-supporting attitudes and behaviors I want to cultivate are: people like me, I can make friends, I am fun not boring, and I can take steps to make more money.

Three things I will start doing, I wrote four: money/budgeting, weight loss/running, work development plan, family stuff. I didn't get specific

I am sort of meandering my way through a lot of that stuff. I could probably tighten a lot of this up and make my life better.

Like I wrote at the top, a lot of this is trite and obvious. The hard part is doing it.

[dyshiro]

Life Lately - Anxiety - Silva Method

I had a realization that I was dragging things. I felt like I was biting more than I could chew.

A lot of people talked about mental health at work, and I disregarded it.

I thought, how could you have a healthy mental with empty pockets.

The truth is, it's better to prevent than to cure.

You can't heal when you don't know what was wounded.

Now that I took some rest for a few months.

I'm yet healed. But it's been progressing for the better.

It feels as if once you have the anxiety you're body forgets how it's like without it. And now I came to realization that the process of healing an invisible pain could take a long course.

From being a practical person, you've turned into a one man battle because the battle happens within mind against itself. And you're now overthinking the smallest thing.

But overthinking slows down the progress. Does it ring anything? Does it sounds as if we're on the same boat, then, for what it's worth here's what has been helping me.

-- continous meditation.

When anxiety creeps in and you get overwhelmed, find a comfortable position and clear it.

As you close your eyes, feel free to be as anxious as you can, and remember the things that makes you feel so. This gives you the awareness of the present.

Then imagine a line graph that gets higher and higher as your mind wonders to the tasks or whatever it is that brings up anxiety.

And then you find the courage in you to take control because the lines are indeed of your control and once you're aware, it's now in your hands to push the lines towards the bottom of the graph.

Until it's clear. The lines should represent your anxiety and you must be aware of this.

When I do this, somehow the anxiety wears off. So I thought to post it for someone to read or for me to remember

I learned this from Silva Mind Control Method Book.

Also note that it does not have to be a line graph, you can have a different representation.

My practical perspective of this is that the brain needs to see some sort of a trigger or a thing that represents a feeling so it can command with clarity and has a better understanding of you.

I might have a different way of explanation or could be a different interpretation but it worked for me so far.

Your brain works in a way it thinks is best for you but he doesn't fully understand so you also need to do the work so you two can work harmoniously.

[tarotbykim]

hello! P 🐞 here, thank u so much for the reading! half way through reading it i began to cry, especially on the parts where you mentioned how i felt nobody would be there for me and my view of myself in general. i realize that i do have this hurt in me and when i think about it, many reasons as to why i may feel this way come up in my head but they all come up in a sort of jumbled mess if that makes sense? i cannot seem to get clear on it at all. if possible, could i please have another reading on what could have caused this hurt that made me internalize it to this level and possible steps i can take to heal from it? only if it’s okay, if not i totally understand! thank you again!

Hi P! 🐞

I 100% understand the reading must’ve been very overwhelming, and that there are additional questions you have now. I’ve gone through the cards again and quite a lot of them came out, so I’m not mentioning each of them specifically (will drop them in the tags, in case you’re interested), but rather I’ll give a summary down here.

Before diving in, I do want to mention that the tarot is a great guide to find more clarity, but in no way is it equal to professional (mental) health support and/or therapy. So if there’s a part of you that tells you it might be helpful to consult a professional to help you along that healing journey, I would always advise it.

What seems to have caused the pain is that in your past - most likely in your formative years - you’ve had to endure a lot of change. It was a very tumultuous period in your life without a firm ground to stand on. It caused a lot of overwhelm & anxiety for you, and although there were people there to help / make the changes work (rather efficiently, even), somehow you’ve had to resort to self-discipline & you developed a fear of not living up to the expectations that were put on you during this time.

You’ve internalized this feeling because there was nothing, during that period, that you could do to make it better. You’ve probably clung onto the belief that fulfilling those expectations & being self-disciplined were ways to keep on going. It felt like you against the world, and that feeling has stuck with you since.

At this moment, you’re either taking too much time for introspection and reflection (isolating yourself), or too little (trying to ignore the issues that are there). It’s very important you find a balance in this. Choose practices that help you feel connected to yourself, use them, and at the same time keep investing in your social circles too. You don’t have to be out there all the time, but as was suggested earlier, don’t isolate yourself completely. The basis of finding this balance is self-care. Make sure your needs are met. Rest. This may be uncomfortable at first if you are not used to it, but it’s absolutely key. If your needs are left unmet, your mind & body will not have the space for growth & healing. (PS. If you send me a DM, I can send you a few helpful resources regarding taking care of your needs. Think about it ♥️)

Then last but not least, it will take effort to choose this path. Expect setbacks, and hard work. However, the deck definitely assures you it’s the right path to take.

Good luck 💪✨♥️♥️

-Kim

(PS. This reading is free, and I hope you've found value in it! In case you wish to sponsor my work you can buy me a coffee! Of course, this is not mandatory nor expected! I also really appreciate any constructive feedback!💫)

[catsnotebook]

Feeling like my age

I am currently 24 years old, and in April I will turn 25. This is basically halfway to 30 which means I am halfway through my 20's. While this feels slightly terrifying and strange, because... 30? It also feels somewhat like a relief.

My late teens and early 20's were an extremely difficult time for me. Especially because I was struggling with my mental health but also trauma I was caused by people around me (both as a child and young adult). Finding my identity was also on my plate full of other thoughts residing in my small brain.

There is a quote I heard not too long ago on TikTok that resonated with me:

"Your 20's are for figuring out your trauma. Your 30's are for figuring out who you are."

This, I feel, seems pretty spot on in terms of what I am going through right now in my mid 20's. When I was in my late teens and early 20's, I often felt lost and confused; clouded with negative emotions and negative experiences. I was very angry about many things in my life. Things I couldn't control, people I couldn't control. Always feeling like I could not have any say in my own life.

When I moved out, things changed drastically for me. But not without hardship. When I moved out, it was the first time I really could feel myself detaching from who I was at the time: a person I longed (for what felt like forever) to no longer be.

I did not like who I was, and what my life was like.

And while I was during a detachment process to become the person I wanted to be, there were still forces (cough, people) around me that kept pulling me backwards. These forces are still around today, but less prevalent than before. I feel today that I have more power over my life now than I ever did a year ago. I am however not yet in full control. Keyword: Yet.

A year ago I would sometimes nearly slip up and say I was 21 or 19 if someone would ask me my age. Somehow, I felt like I was much younger than I actually was. Even though my physical age was 23 or 24, it was this feeling of being younger. A feeling saying "Hey, you're growing up too fast! Your mind hasn't caught up with your body yet..."

Today, in January 2023, I feel like my age.

I feel like my mind has caught up. The only factor to credit for this is the fact that I gained a lot more independence, life experiences, and a deeper understanding of different, but all vital, aspects of my life.

Doing the work to truly and deeply understand my adult relationships around me as well as my own wants and needs unlocked a clarity I didn't have before. I learned to identify patterns and problems well before they occurred. I learned to emotionally regulate better, to be critical of others' behavior and mine too. I learned to better say no, to distance myself from what harmed my mental health.

I also unpacked trauma I didn't even know I had. This was, however, primarily possible because I now have a support system (which I did not have prior to this) that helps me feel safe and allows me to express myself without any fear of rejection.

When you have a support system bringing you safety, repressed memories no longer become repressed because your body is no longer in survival mode. And when these memories resurface, that is the time to talk about them and process. Confronting memories, but also people, is difficult. I try to take it one step at a time. It is rarely easy.

None of this I did with therapy, of course. Just educating myself (thank you Internet) and keeping safe people around me. And a guidance counsellor. But had I had therapy, which I hope to have very soon, I believe I would have progressed much further in my life and mental health compared to now.

Still, I will not discredit my journey and achievements thus far. I am proud of myself and how far I have truly come. Detaching myself from the person I once used to be: unhappy, angry, feeling out of control.

My path is still long, but look how far I have come.

As such, the TikTok quote currently rings true for my life. My 20's have been, thus far, spent trying to figure out my trauma. As I am halfway through my 20's, I would like to imagine I am halfway through figuring out my trauma. Wishful thinking. 💭

I am looking forward to figuring out who I am when I am 30.

Love, Cat

[ruminate88]

This has always been me until this past year, really since last October, I’ve realized how many health issues I’ve had and everyone wondering what in the world is going on with me… my mom said, “You’re sick all the time…” I was super defensive, I didn’t wanna accept that. In October I had a horrible headache that lasted about 3/4 days straight and nothing took it away!!! That was only the start. By thanksgiving, I had fallen off a ladder putting up Christmas lights and was super bruised like deep bruises on my legs and it was bad for two months. My mom says “healing takes time”… Little did she know what she was saying to me and that’s the FIRST time I heard that. It really gave me clarity and compassion for myself in healing my past trauma from my exes.

At Christmas, I’m still bruised but my stomach acts up badly again, taking the focus away from my legs. My stomach was real bad… I couldn’t eat anything and it’s the holidays 💀 all the Christmas parties I went to, I had to watch everyone else enjoy sugar cookies, pies, casseroles and appetizers. I ate hardly nothing. I lost more weight and I’m so upset at myself. Christmas Day, my stomach starts to feel okay but I have a bad tooth now. It was literally one thing after the next. Really since my last relationship, I’ve been so sick with various crazy things happening. Coincidence?? Maybe. My stomach issues didn’t start till “covid” but I felt very disconnected within myself already and had already been losing a bunch of hair.

Around Easter, I had stomach issues again but realized it’s a mental thing. However, mental or not, I still struggle with some foods and what not but now my tooth that was bad is to the point I have to get it pulled 😩 ugh it is what it is.

Every single video I’ve watched on emotional abuse AND everywhere I read, there’s so many health issues related and idk why it took me so long for all of it to happen. I mean, I broke up with Andrew and blocked his number, then I get married directly after and I try so hard to trust my new man. He’s not perfect but he’s by far the nicest guy I’ve ever met. (Which is saying a lot) I feel like for the most part, I’m safe and it’s almost like my body just gave way. Plus covid was frustrating and isolating.

Part of me feels ridiculous blaming my health issues on my past experiences but then I find so many videos confirming my experience and the aftermath. All the stress Andrew would dump on me. Texting me how hard he’s studying for his exams and how busy he is but when I tried to give him space, he got more upset at me and just kept making me feel terrible all around. I couldn’t do anything right yet he wouldn’t break up with me, kept promising me I was his priority but made me feel like scum. I never felt loved and cared for by him. I stayed hoping for change but I realized he is who he is…. He can never feel what I do or reciprocate my feelings back to me. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 the disappointment of that alone caused me so much turmoil and heartache. I’m trying to get better now. I know I’ve made so much progress just don’t know how much further I have to go but I pray to always be learning and growing no matter what. I’m trying to take better care of myself. It’s been hard to do. I realize my exes made me feel so inadequate and worthless, no wonder it’s easier to ignore myself. I am trying so hard to learn to love me now ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

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[justmochi]

Babying

pairing :: rosie x dino

word count :: 0.8k

synopsis :: rosie takes care of dino on their tour.

warnings :: mentions of overworking oneself. rosie being a good maknae. fluff

The tv played faintly in the background as the young couple got comfortable in their hotel room. It was another night after their show that Rosie was taking care of Chan. She always found herself watching him while onstage, making sure he was okay. She was in good health minus her ankle. She was doing all she could to look after herself, now she wanted to make sure her members were healthy.

She stayed close by as he showered, knowing how dehydrated he was he could have an accident. He could dress himself for the most part, but after coming out of the bathroom, he was exhausted. He plopped down on the bed, taking a few minutes to catch his breath.

Rosie took a spare towel, patting his head with pressure to dry his hair. She pressed the back of her hand against his forehead, frowning as he still had his fever. “Still feel bad?”

He nodded, contorting his face in discomfort as all the stress from the day came pouring down on him.

“I have your medicine ready.” She helped him sit up, grabbing the water bottle from the nightstand and making sure he had a tight grip on it. She grabbed the assorted pills in her hand, Chan holding his hand out for her to pour them into his palm.

He quickly popped them into his mouth, taking a drink of water to get the pills down. Rosie supported his hand holding the bottle, looking down at him attentively. “Do you need a straw? I can get you one.”

He shook his head, waving his hand as he took another swig.

“Drink up. Even just the tiniest bit can help your body right now.”

He exhaled heavily, mentally beating himself up. Even though he didn’t desire water, he knew that it would give her some peace to see him drinking.

She crawled into the bed next to him, getting comfy against the headboard with pillows stacked. She held her arms out as her sign he could relax against her. He sighed, shifting around until he laid comfortably between her legs, his head against her tummy.

She wrapped her arms around him, hugging him close while swaying side to side. She felt so helpless.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s so frustrating.” Chan sighed, patting his hand gently against her knee. She softly patted his chest while humming.

She pouted, knowing there wasn’t much she could do to ease his worries. She hoped that her hugs and affection could at least give him some clarity. “I’d take it all from you if I could.”

Her finger traced over his inner arm where he was given an IV. The site was bruised already and she couldn’t even begin to imagine how he felt.

“How’s your foot?” He considered her state too. He knew she didn’t think of it as big of a deal compared to the other members. He was still worried.

“I’m fine. I can tolerate a lot. Don’t worry about me. I just want you to look after yourself.” Rosie flattened his hair down, kissing the top of his head.

He wanted to say he was trying, but he was still blaming himself for being so weak during this time. She watched him push his limits so many times while on tour.

“It’s not a crime to rest, Chan. We understand if you need to take time to catch your breath.” She reassured him, her fingers brushing through his hair.

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?”

“Everyone is worried about me. I feel like I’m dragging you all down with me. You shouldn’t have to take care of me like this.” His hand found hers, rubbing circles around her wrist.

“Are you kidding? I love taking care of you. You’re my baby.” She chuckled while Chan smiled for the first time in days. “Everyone’s been taking care of me for years. It’s my turn now.”

“Of all times I had to get sick.” His grin faded, the guilt creeping up on him again.

“It’s okay. It is what it is and we just gotta focus on getting you better. This will pass.” She shimmied out from underneath him, helping him cover up with the blankets. “I’m gonna take a shower. Just try closing your eyes, you need all the rest you can get.”

He knew it was gonna be difficult to fall asleep on his own, but he couldn’t ignore her demands no matter how hard he tried. She stroked his cheek, pushing his hair out of his face as she kissed his forehead.

She set the room, turning off all the lights and making sure his phone was charged on the bedside table so he wouldn’t feel inclined to get on it. She started the hot water, feeling all her worries melt off of her after their long day.

When she opened the door, she saw Chan fast asleep. Even his mouth was hanging open and she knew that he was sleeping well.

She did her routine before sneaking into bed with him. She tried not to make too much noise or movements that would wake up. Rosie updated the group chat on how he was doing before setting her phone down and watching the quiet tv before falling asleep herself.