#my incorrect marvel quotes

[couldvebeenus]

[incorrect quotes]

Pez: Henry, "fuck, marry, kill" with famous people you have met, go!

Henry: Alex! *no hesitation* Claremont-Diaz, in case there was any doubts.

Pez: For which one?

Henry: What do you mean for which one?

[everwalldigan]

(Dick coming to collect Jason after he’s been “wrongfully” captured by the justice league while Batman is off world:)

Dick: Listen, Hood might be a criminal, but he’s one of Gotham’s. And he’s my brother.

JL: he killed 80 people in two days.

Dick: …he’s adopted?

Jason, glaring while bound to a chair: SO ARE YOU???

[chaxan08]

Yelena: Our relationship is strictly professional.

Kate, sitting on Yelena's lap: Absolutely, only business.

[thewrittenpodcast]

Principal: unfortunately we had to call your mother in

Peter: may won't pick up

Principal: no not your aunt. your mother

Peter: i don't... have one?

Principal: says here one Viginia Potts is listed

Peter: i have never met a virginia in my life

Pepper, walking in: i was called

Peter:

Peter: your name is virginia?

Peter: my life is a lie

Peter: how can I go on

[tremordusk]

Lilia: oh fuck

Rio, slinging an arm over her shoulder: Lilia and I go way back~

Jen, surprised: What’s your guys history?

*The history in question*

Lilia, fighting Dracula in the woods: *slaps him in the face*

Rio, watching from afar behind a tree: You are sick-

Lilia stabs him with a stake

Rio: I’m in love with you, I’m in love with you, I love you

Lilia, gets bitten but tosses him off her

Rio: You feel nothing you’re just dead inside

Lilia, going in with the RKO move

Rio: I love you, I love you, I just love you

Lilia, standing triumphantly over Dracula’s dead body

Rio, breathily: Take me, I love you…take me, birth me inside of you and pull me out—

[hurtspideyparker]

Tony may be a genius academically, easily understanding anything he sets out to research or create, but street smarts and common sense just do not come naturally to him.

And then there's Steve, who may not understand anything about astrophysics or calculus, but is extremely clever and sharp. His practical intelligence and strategy helps him outwit even the greatest of brilliance.

Steve, watching Tony bump into the same coffee table for the third time this week: You good there?

Tony: Yeah don't worry about it, I do that all the time. Practically have a permanent bruise on my thigh from it

Steve: Why don't you just... move the table?

Tony:

Tony: Huh.

[mobius-m-mobius]

it's a fair question 🙃 Lokius Incorrect Quotes [12/∞]

[1nkpen]

*Avengers playing never have I ever*

Bruce: Never have I ever seen Stark naked.

*Rhodey, Natasha, Pepper, Loki, Steve, Bucky, and Stephen all take a shot*

Tony: In my defence i have a very appealing body.

[idkimboredrnsodoomscroll]

Jac Shaffer: ok guys we are going to film you guys falling top speed straight down on a broom presumably to your deaths, please give me your best scream.

Everyone: *screams terrified*

Aubrey Plaza: *witch cackle*

Producer: Aubrey no it’s a-

Jac Shaffer: No, let her cook

[minimarvelh]

Tony: please don’t be mad

Pepper: what. happened?

Tony: I lost Peter

Pepper: you did WHAT?

Tony, on the verge of breakdown: I don’t know, I swear..he was just here near me, I turned my head to the left and then he just..vanished?!? *starts pacing the room, almost pulling out hair* I-I-

Pepper: Tony-

Tony: I swear i have already called Fury and all iron man suits are ready to-

Pepper: Tony!

Tony: —we will find him? we will find him! I hope so. god, he must me so scared right now-

Pepper: TONY!

Tony, finally paying attention: what?

Pepper: Peter is here.

Tony: what do you mean HERE? where??

*Pepper, pointing with her hand in Tony’s direction, on whose back was sleeping one particular spider, sticking to him with a web.*

Tony:

Pepper:

Tony: don’t look at me like this, he’s like two inches tall

[born-in-neverland03]

Teen wants to see if Agatha can still drive after Wanda's hex: Okay, you're driving and Lilia and Jen walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?

Agatha: Obviously Jen. Why would I want to hit Lilia?

Teen: Why would you want to hit Jen either?!

Agatha: ...

Teen: The correct awnser is the brakes Agatha. Again. What would you hit?

Agatha: Jen.

Teen: AGATHA!

[fandomnerd9602]

Y/N drunkenly approaches Natasha at a party…

Y/N: hey

Natasha: hey yourself

Y/N: you’ve been staring at me all night

Natasha: and?

Y/N: I’m just curious. Are you single?

Natasha: I’m married…to you

Y/N cries…

Natasha: what’s wrong?

Y/N: the girl of my dreams is married!

Natasha:

[i-a-q]

Peter: So… if you were a sandwich, what kind of sandwich would you be?

Tony: *without hesitation* A clubhouse, obviously. And you?

Peter: I’d probably be a peanut butter and jelly.

Tony: Of course, you would.

[chaxan08]

Yelena: *feels arms around her waist*

Yelena: *putting a knife against the stranger's throat*

Yelena, turning around: I have a girlfrie—

Kate, already so fucking turned on: Hello, love.

Yelena: Oh, hi girlfriend!

[thewrittenpodcast]

Peter, sitting next to Tony: check your messages i sent you a meme

Tony, opening the message: ha funny

Peter:

Peter, tearing up: you didn't respond to me

Tony: yes I did i said "ha funny"

Peter, tearing up: no you didn't

Peter: you left me on read in chat

Tony: Kid-

[stargatesimp]

AGATHA ALL ALONG SPOILERS (Episode 4)

.

.

Rio: That boy isn’t yours.

Agatha, holding adoption papers: yet