#my friend’s interpretation of my work was AS valid as mine was as the author

[thatswhatsushesaid]

i think the best and most terrifying part of writing anything, whether you’re writing fic or something original, is that your readers will always find something in your work that you did not intend to put there.

sometimes what they find will delight you, and sometimes it will infuriate you. you will never have control over how your work is interpreted by others, and over time, your opinion about how your work is interpreted will matter less and less and less.

our interpretation of what we make is just one of many, and it is NOT the most important interpretation, and i think the sooner we as creative types make peace with this, the more fulfilling our experience with making and enjoying creative works, both ours and other people’s, will be.

[i-heart-hxh]

Hello! I hope AX is fun!

I have a question along the lines of some that you probably have already gotten before. If so, sorry. Mine is basically: do you think people who say there's queer/gay subtext in Gon and Killua's relationship are reading too much into it, or are otherwise biased to an extent that it's effecting objectivity?

The reason I ask is: usually people who say these sorts of things are the borderline homophobic sort that insist kids their age can't be gay or make fun of people who like to engage with anime fandoms, but I have come across someone (in private, friend of a friend, lol) with a couple of arguments which I think leave out all that, and I thought it would be valuable to ask, both just to have a discussion and because I don't quite trust my own skills.

One point was that the famous shinjuu line isn't as romantically charged as the English speaking fandom makes it out to be, and that the word contemporarily refers to multi-death tragedy or dedication resulting in death generally, especially in the context with which Killua said it (being that he was about to follow Gon into a fight with Pitou which he knew they'd lose without any prior mutual agreement). The argument was that a romantic reading of the line comes from bias and unfamiliarity, and as a result isn't as paid attention to in Japanese HxH communities as it is in English ones.

The other was that a lot of the moments showcasing the intensity of Gon and Killua's feelings (such as the dodgeball or "you are light" scenes) are very typical/standard of shounen anime, which often have central themes of friendship that are frequently "overestimated" by fandom to be intentional romantic undertones, and that these two characters are not unique in that respect. They said determining romance-establishing purposes to scenes like the ones Killua shares with Palm is projection that interferes with analysis for all the reasons mentioned above. Part of the argument was that a romantic interpretation ignores a subversion of 'the power of friendship' shounen trope, as Gon and Killua have a comparatively tragic "end" (in quotations because obviously the story isn't done), where Gon pushed Killua away, Killua could not stand up for himself, and Gon ended up defeating a powerful enemy without him; adding romance to it obscures and misses the point of this subversion. They also said it was very unlikely for Togashi, should he want to explore queer themes like this, to be so subtle about it, and to not ascribe intent to the author.

The way I see it is that reading romance between Killua and Gon is just one of many interpretations someone may get from a culmination of moments from the text, and that a lot of meta analysis will inevitably be biased by someone's own experiences. For example, a lot of people can relate to the experience of having a baby gay crush, and so see themselves in Killua and read the character with that background in mind. I think the arguments I see here (on tumblr, but also your blog) are well-substantiated and well-explained, which I think are all that's needed for a "valid" interpretation.

Anyway. I apologize for the long ask. Thank you for reading all that!

Hi! AX was fun, thank you!! I caught a cold so I've been slow to recover this week, but I'm starting to feel better.

So, I've answered similar questions with a lot of different reasons why I think the subtext is intentional, and I think it's worth reading that first because it helps when thinking about Togashi's mindset and interests in his works. While of course I can't put words in Togashi's mouth, there is validity in examining things he has actually said and included in prior works and deducing some of his tendencies and patterns based off of that. I do not think it's a stretch or leap at all to read queer themes into the work of someone who has stated an interest in creating queer works, expressed that he enjoys and is influenced by queer works, is married to someone who created a work known for its queer themes, and has previously included queer themes in his works as well. And I mean, KilluGon isn't even the only queer inclusion in HxH by far either.

The thing is, I can understand where this person is coming from...up to a point. If you take any one or even a small handful of these points in isolation, sure, it's not difficult to say that perhaps the romantic reading of those moments is incidental and not intended to be taken that seriously.

I think the real problem with this attitude is that when you start adding up the number of times something with a romantic implication is included between Gon and Killua and look at the picture as a whole, it does reach a point where it gets increasingly ridiculous to claim it isn't intentional or has no real weight. Why would someone like Togashi, who has such an eye for detail in his stories, bother including these implications over and over and over again if he didn't want it to be read this way? Especially when he is someone who has expressed interest in writing queer stories? I struggle to look at the full picture and accept that there isn't a strong degree of intention to the decisions he makes.

I've seen tons of other anime, including lots of shounen, and while I understand that person's perspective with the fever-pitch friendships that the fandom then takes and interprets as more (something I believe Jump intentionally fosters as a marketing tool), personally I do see HxH as being several notches above other shounen series with regards to both how much subtext exists and also how seriously the bond between the characters is portrayed. To me, it does feel distinct from even many other series where male characters are commonly shipped for these reasons, and I'm actually rather skeptical with regards to the majority of these ships being considered canon or even close to it even when there is some basis the fandom is going off of. But I do think HxH leans into this aspect even more than most other shounen do, both in the series itself and in related offshots like the musicals and marketing and even how both versions of the anime were approached.

Also, I will say that I follow the Japanese side of the fandom pretty closely and read tweets frequently, and I do see people bring up the shinjuu line with regards to Killua's feelings and especially what it says about the gravity of how he feels towards Gon. I would actually agree there is less emphasis on it in the Japanese side of the fandom because the word (including the subtext) is already familiar to Japanese audiences and so they just see it upfront and then either take it that way or not, while it has to be explained to a non-Japanese audience due to the lack of cultural familiarity and also the inadequacy of the English translations to capture the meaning.

Regardless of the fact that it technically can be taken either way, I do strongly feel like the word was used by Togashi with intention and knowledge of how it's normally used in a literary sense. I believe Togashi made a choice to use that word on purpose and let his audience take it as they will. It's also worth noting that Gon and Killua directly parallel another lovers' suicide--that of Meruem and Komugi, who do use romantic language towards one another. Komugi says "I may not be much, but please, let me accompany you," which is an old fashioned way for Japanese women to accept a marriage proposal. This echos Killua's "Gon, you are light. Sometimes you shine so brightly, I must look away. But even so, is it still okay if I stay at your side?”

I also think Gon and Killua's friendship can be and is still a subversion of shounen friendship tropes while at the same time being romantically coded. In fact, that it is so close to romantic is a bit of a subversion itself. I don't think the coding gets in the way of the shounen friendship subversion or takes away from it--both can exist at the same time. I still say that the way the Palm subplot is constructed doesn't fully make sense if you remove the intention of the exact nature of Killua's feelings being explored. Otherwise why bother to have so much emphasis on romance as a theme? Why not construct things differently? Why not have Gon make a platonic friend for Killua to get jealous over instead? Why essentially give Killua a romantic "rival"? Why have Killua "stalk" them on their date and point out that's what he's doing? Why have him freaking out at the thought of Gon going on dates and then saying he wants to be with Gon forever literally the next panel? Why make his jealousy come off as romantic in nature because of the way the whole situation is set up? These decisions matter! Togashi could have approached this entire subplot from any angle, and yet he chose to keep repeatedly referencing romantic love when the focus is on Killua's feelings for Gon.

Obviously as someone who ships Gon and Killua, I do have a certain degree of bias, though I like to think I am able to step away from that and look at the series more objectively as well. I do have moments where I go, "I am I being a little delusional here? Do I need to re-assess?" and think over all of what we've been provided again and...honestly I just come to the same conclusion every time no matter what angle I try to look at it from. I do believe that Togashi writes the KilluGon dynamic in such a way that people who would rather ignore the romantic subtext can do so. It's a perfectly beautiful and complex friendship regardless of whether you acknowledge the romantic subtext or not. I think Togashi enjoys playing with the ambiguity of it. But just because it's ambiguous doesn't mean the romantic subtext doesn't exist or have meaning/intent behind it, and to me, adding up all the different choices made in the series, it does reach a tipping point wherein I seriously believe Togashi includes it with full intention and knowledge of what he's doing. And for what it's worth, I don't think it's actually that subtle. A lot of people notice it and wonder about it and connect with it, even including some people who don't actually want to see it (think about all the dudebros who post online going, "Is it just me or does Killua seem kinda gay???").

I hope this response is helpful to you! I wish I could provide more concrete examples in this post, but I feel like it's getting awfully long as it is. I do sincerely believe that the romantic interpretation is a valid and meaningful one that has legitimate merit when looking at the series. If others would rather ignore that aspect, they're allowed to feel that way, and of course no one is obligated to ship Gon and Killua in a romantic way no matter how much subtext exists. But I don't think that perspective erases the existence of the romantic implications, which are fairly heavy in my opinion when you add them all together.

[orieriee]

Get to Know Trafalgar Law! A Character Analysis ✮

Masterlist here

Author's note: disclaimer, this is my own interpretation based on what I've seen and some information I gathered from blogs here and there on the internet. I've wanted to do this for so long because I like to make and read fictions about certain characters but sometimes it can get too OOC (which is not my preference) so I'm making this to help me understand about the character more and write more accurate fics! Starting off with Trafalgar Law from one piece. Also english isn't my first language so forgive me if I worded it badly :'

I might do more when I'm free so let me know which character(s) to do. I'm planning on Ace's 😋

warnings! do not repost anywhere, sl4very mentioned, some minor spoilers

Please read the disclaimer beforehand, I don't want people to misunderstand :'') and before that, I've seen people interpreting him as a dark character, neutral character, a tsundere, a cold character, a cocky d0m, a mean d0m, even a sub etc. Now I don't blame people for making him have those "stereotypes" because it's a fic, it's up to their interpretation and it's fun. But I wanna dig a little deeper on his CANON characteristics.

Overall Personality based on data

Based on personality database, he's an INTJ. But some blogs claim that he's ISTJ. For those who don't know, those are Myers-Briggs type personalities. Whether he's INTJ or ISTJ, it's ok because sometimes someone's traits can be pretty uncertain. Take a quiz at sakinorva and you'll know! For example, mine's INFP but the P is very faded because I can be INFJ or INFP.

☆ INTJ - Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging.

INTJs are very complex and I agree that Law is a complex character. Based on what I read, INTJs are rational and quick-witted. INTJs minds are never at rest and they are thirsty for knowledge and they aren't afraid to break the rules to make discoveries. Some may even call them nerds or bookworms (in which we know that Law is a huge nerd for germa) and they prioritize success and rationality rather than politeness and popularity.

They are blunt or to the point when it comes to social interaction. Not to mention, they often have a sarcastic sense of humor. Which I admit, those points are very Law and you can see evidence of these traits throughout one piece.

☆ ISTJ - Introverted, Observant, Thinking, Judging.

Reserved yet willful. When they commit to something, they make sure to follow through. Which is a very Law thing to do. Basically a logistician. They have the ability to stay grounded and logical even in the most stressful situations. People with this personality type believe that there is a right way to proceed in any situation, make plans.

They strive to meet their goals and obligations so they tend to have strong work ethics, and take responsibility for their actions and choices. ISTJs also have a deep respect for structure and tradition, and they are often drawn to organizations, workplaces, and educational settings that offer clear hierarchies and expectations.

In conclusion? Whether he's INTJ or ISTJ, both are valid. The only difference is that INTJ uses intuition and ISTJ uses logic. Which I can see both in Law on how he handles things - both with logic and intuition.

Law is rational and quick-witted even when things don't go his way, if you watch stampede, you'll know how quick he came up with improvisation or coming up with a new better approach when things don't go his way. Well, he always does. And how ISTJs have a deep respect for structure and tradition and are drawn to settings that offer hierarchies and expectations? We can see how Law respects the Hippocratic Oath as a doctor, which is an oath that emphasizes the importance of ethical and professional standards in medicine.

He avoid unnecessary murder and save lives like Luffy's even though he wasn't a friend of Luffy back then. We also know that he aims his goal towards taking down the four emperors, which is a moment of "you want to take on the emperors of the sea?!!" for me. Even applying to be a warlord before that just for his evil little plan.

About Him

Ok, enough learning from the data, let's talk more about Law that we can see from One Piece. I made a timeline analysis on Law's character development but it was too long so I'm just going to summarize it.

Tbh we really don't know what this man is thinking. He's kinda a tough character to read. He's very cocky and laid-back from pre-timeskip but then we have our all serious, kinda stressed out Law. But that's due to the straw hats' influence too so we aren't going to talk about that sadly😞.

☆ Well in summary, I might say that he's a man who plans ahead, a strategist I would say. A man who sees opportunities but also self-preserved. He's also calculative and takes what benefits him more. He can be blunt but he only speaks what's on his mind. But tbh we really don't know what this man is thinking.

After Sabaody, we get to see him during the marineford arc where he saves Luffy's life. And his reason for saving Luffy when he wasn't a "friend" of his (yet) was because he "acted instinctively" and that "it was a shame" if his rival dies there. Honestly I don't know what this man's real motive was. It could be his future investment or his way of networking. I mean look at them now, they're thriving as pals. He even goes out his way to "protect" the strawhats from Doflamingo during the dressrosa arc.

Overall, I think he's genuinely a good man. I mean that guy is WEAK for cute things (like Bepo). He took in those who don't have a place to go. Like Jean. Jean was a slave to the celestial dragon as we can see during the Sabaody arc. Law took him into his crew because Jean didn't have another place to go.

He may have a scary reputation, but he builds those up to protect his crew away from danger. He has a submarine because he wants to avoid unnecessary fights and danger away from his crew. He doesn't involve his crews on dangerous missions, he even sacrifices himself so just his crew can be free (Wano arc). I can't emphasize enough on how he SO protects his crew.

He don't like the idea of unnecessary murder. In fact, when he uses his power, he cuts at non-fatal places. I might be biased but a man with broad knowledge is my kink. And he's a doctor so he's very knowledgeable about stuff. He got some big brains if those "3 AM" thoughts are keeping him from sleeping, like we can see the dark eyebags Law🙄 go to sleep for once. He might be restless too.

What I Recommend - A Headcanon

Now here's the talk where I think how Law would be in a non-canon setting but is not OOC of him. I saw a lot of fics about him and tbh it's kinda my pet peeve that he's OOC :/ from how his character actually is.

Romantic tropes that I can see him in are slow burn, enemies to lovers, and liked each other but never made a move. But truthfully speaking, his character isn't one that thinks about having a romance. I don't see him "being in a romantic relationship".

If he does fall in love, I don't think he's the type to admit it out loud either. He would just show more of like a platonic love where he cares about your well-being just like how he cares about his crews'. You = the crews. More like a family love, not as a partner of interest. But it might be more complex than that and it's already a headcanon.

But talking about the headcanons where he is in a relationship, I can see him being the chill one (not especially laid-back but the calm, more mature one). Especially in a modern setting, one trope that I think suits him best is the smart cool boyfriend with glasses, books, and coffee and wears a dark brown coat or a jacket/hoodie. He can be flirty but only when it's necessary, not the fboy type of flirt and it is the right amount.

Talking about a type, that's up to your interpretation but one thing to keep in mind is that I think Law definitely finds smartness sexy 😉 *wink wink*

Yeah, basically that's all I can brain for Law. I might be biased but do let me know more in reblogs, comments, or ask box about your opinion because I would like to hear about Law more ☝️😩 Law's appreciation post <3

[andypantsx3]

hi andie !! ! asbsjdk so sorry if this ask is weird, or if this topic is kind of forbidden 😧 but i kind of want to know your perspective on it because youre honestly one of the best shoto writers ive ever seen, characterization? literal perfection so… here goes !! !

okay okay so how realistic (or unrealistic) would it be for shoto to cheat? would he even cheat in your opinion? ? because i honestly dont think so *cries* its just that sometimes whenever i read your fics, (‘cause your shoto is too good to be true) i *occasionally* think about this one fic i saw about a cheating shoto and it was lowk scarring not gonna cap 😵‍💫

you dont have to answer this if you dont want to, theres zero pressure !! ! just wanted to know your perspective on the matter 😔

anyways have a spectacular day !! ! <3 and thank you sm for reading !

Lmao hello my love!! I think any character is up for interpretation, really, and my opinion is just one of many opinions lol. Even very good people make mistakes, and I have actually been in a relationship with a partner who cheated. Even though in retrospect I think that no one should get back with a cheater, we were together and pretty happy for a couple of years after the cheating and I do still think he’s a good person even though we are broken up now.

Anyway, that disclaimer being said, my opinion is HELL NO lol. I have such a visceral hatred for cheat fics!! Again, it’s totally fine if you’re into that, I don’t mean to invalidate anyone’s likes or dislikes lol, but I personally just can’t see it for him. 

Canon Shouto is a loyal friend, kind in the extreme, and becoming rapidly more intuitive and empathetic with every chapter, constantly centering other people’s emotions rather than his own. I have a hard time reconciling those traits with the type of person who would cheat. I think cheaters at the time of their indiscretions think largely only of their own emotions and experiences, and canon Shouto seems quite the opposite, always watching his friends and his family carefully, thinking about how experiences will affect them, and actively working to help them through those things.

The Shouto I write in my fics, too, is single-minded and attentive. I couldn’t reconcile that type of man with any type of cheating. He’s focused only on the reader, deeply in love, and in some of my fics, smugly satisfied that he’s locked her down lol. He’s a one woman kind of a guy, and I like to think of him and Reader as living very happily and healthily ever after!

I am a death of the author kind of a girl, though, as I’ve previously stated, so your interpretations of both canon Shouto and Andie fic Shouto are just as valid as mine!!

[rahleeyah]

I thought I'd taken CM saying E's just figuring out how he feels for Liv ok. But somehow, this has been eating at me all week. Because IF I'm supposed to assume E didn't have romantic feelings for Liv all along, how tf can we excuse his behavior all this time? All the ghosting and avoiding and choosing other ppl only makes any sense if it was too complicated to face. Otherwise he just... doesn't deserve her. Makes me wanna hate him, but I still think he's her happy ending so it's not goin well..

i'm really glad you asked me about this bc it gives me the chance to say something that's been on my mind a lot lately:

it literally doesn't matter what chris says.

it literally doesn't matter. they do these interviews and the actors and producers give what are essentially their headcanons in answer to questions that have not been answered in the text but until those answers become text? they aren't real.

the only things that are real are 1) the actual, textual scenes and 2) your interpretation of them. you know that whole thing about how ten people can see the same thing and describe it ten different ways? that is so true and it applies here. your perspective on the scene is not less valid than someone else's. not even chris's.

chris said, off the cuff, in response to a question he presumably did not prepare remarks to answer, that he thinks elliot is figuring it out right now. does that mean that the actual canon character of elliot literally never thought he might be in love with olivia before now? does it mean that he's never been allowed to be in love with her before and he's figuring out what that means now? does that mean that he's figuring out how to be in love with her?

it's open to interpretation bestie!

what chris and mariska and the writers and producers think the characters are feeling, what they think their motivations are, inform what canon becomes. but again, until those thoughts become text, they are only one interpretation.

i throw a couple of phrases around here all loosey-goosey and i wanna talk about two of them you may have heard me use before. the first is "word of god". word of god refers to statements made by people with power in connection to the show. some fans treat those statements as "word of god", that is, as immutable truth that cannot be questioned and must be taken into account when viewing/analyzing a piece of media. some fans need word of god, want that affirmation that their perspective is the Correct(tm) one. and i understand it! we want to believe the creators are on our side, that our vision of what we think the show is and what it's trying to do is what's gonna happen.

i am not one of those people. i am interested in what they have to say but if i disagree with them i do not think that i have lost something, or that i am wrong bc the creators don't agree. i think we all have our headcanons and mine are as valid as anyone else's.

the second thing you'll hear me say a lot is "the author is dead". this is an actual theory of literary criticism that argues we should separate the work from the context of the author's identity and intentions. whatever an author intends, their work can have multiple meanings, perhaps even some meanings they didn't intend at all.

when i engage with a piece of media, i am engaging with what has been done on screen, and what i interpret from it. it doesn't matter if the producers and writers don't think elliot was in love with olivia, or think he didn't know he was; i've seen fault. whether it was intentional or not elliot's behavior in that episode can be interpreted as him being all too keenly aware of that love, and being afraid of it. that's how i interpret it. no one else, not even chris, saying otherwise will deter me from believing it.

so does elliot love olivia? how long has he known he does? does he deserve her?

you tell me, friend.

[the0therspace]

Joy and Letting Go

“Balance” artwork credited to blogger. Replication/modification is not authorized.

I find linguistics to be an interesting subject. I think language overall is fascinating. Some of the thoughts that run through my mind:

Who created these words? Who decided to put a string of them together to create syntax? Why do we accept these rules and meanings as they are?

We use words such as “joy” to describe a feeling of pleasure and happiness per the Oxford Dictionary. I wonder if we ever contemplate what joy feels like. Not just using other words to describe joy. What does happiness and pleasure feel like within the body? What is it associated with? Do we as humans experience joy and happiness the same way within our bodies? What do people feel when they are spending time alone with themselves? Is there a sense of enjoyment? When I say feel, I mean the feelings within their bodies.

I’ve been busy with work lately. Couple that with the every day life tasks that we perform to exist in a society- I haven’t really had time to myself for enjoyment. If I’m not working, I’m doing things that help me move towards my goals. It was late last night when I had the urge to paint, but because it was so late, I opted to wake up early this morning before work to give myself that time. It was so needed. I think one of the best things I did was to invest in my own painting tools. (Easel, paintbrushes, paint, canvases, cart to hold all these items)

In that space, I was able to be. Not think or do. I originally started painting as a way to channel the strong emotions within me onto a medium- anything other than journaling, talking to a friend or loved one, walking and so on. It allowed me to express with no expectations. I purposely went into it with the idea of letting go. No control. I wasn’t going to force an image onto a canvas that had to look the way it did in my mind. I ended up with my first painting. I will say that the overall context of the painting came from a dream I had. If you’re into dream interpretations, and after some research aka google. I discovered that seeing the moon and the sun at the same time in my dream meant balance of the inner and outer world. Sometimes my dreams can be prophetic, or give some insight to what I am feeling deep inside. At that time in my life, I was in need of balance. Intuitively, it felt like my life was out of balance. As I started to paint and placed the sun and the moon onto my canvas, I began to feel centered and grounded. I didn’t complete the artwork in one sitting either. For a while, it was just the moon and the sun in the sky on the canvas. At some point I decided to add clouds. A couple of days later, some stars. I found myself fixating on the way the clouds looked because they didn’t look like the clouds I see elsewhere. I noticed this and relaxed into it, letting go of the feeling of it being perfect.

If you asked about my practice of letting go, it’s something I struggle with. It feels good to see that the act of painting gave me an opportunity to practice. I think my artwork has also allowed me to have something that was just mine to be proud of. To not share with others for a sense of validation because I’m giving that to myself. I’m sharing it here under the guise of anonymity. I also don’t know if I have readers or not.

Just some thoughts on a Wednesday night. :)

[piristephes]

Hellenic Divination - Ornithomancy

 Khairete, friends!

 By request of a lovely friend of mine (Hey, Adri) I decided to write down what I know of divination. However, I must say that the pagan Tumblr community has no shortage of content on the arts of predicting the future! You can find plenty awesome posts about the art of reading cards (cartomancy) or even bone-throwing techniques that will give you omens that you’ve been seeking.

 Regardless of wheter you are a hellenic polytheist or not, this post may suit your needs of a very particular kind of divination: Ornithomancy - the art of divination that studies omens delivered by birds.

 But before we get to why in the name of Apollon would you like to watch birds flying to predict if that job interview will turn out ok as you’re trying to survive admist a deadly plague ravaging the entire planet, I feel like we need to define why Ornithomancy (called Augury by the romans) is a thing in the first place.

The seer, Calchas, about to sacrifice Iphigenia to the goddess Artemis, who saves her and replaces the girl with a deer to be sacrificed in her place.

For starters, ornithomancy is quite the fancy word - ornithos (bird) and mantis (seer) - but it serves its purpose: This divination art is practiced by watching birds fly in the search of various omens regarding your inquire. One of the most well known examples of a ornithoskopos (literally bird interpreter) is the mythic seer Calchas from the Illiad, who was regarded as the best in the art, his abilities so praised that it is said that he could tell past, present and future just by watching the omens of the Gods admist the birds.

 But why birds? One may ask.

 Sarah Iles Johnston’s Ancient Greek Divination tell us that birds inhabit both the earthly domain and the heavenly domain, being capable of delivering omens from the Gods to us. As a matter of fact in Hellenic Polytheism plenty Gods have sacred animals which you really would like to look into if you’re asking for some sort of sign from the Theoi. Crows for Apollon, certain species of owls to Athena, others to Hades, roosters and vultures for Ares...That list goes on and on.

 Reading unusual signs is a valid way to interpret signs of the Gods, really. In a A Companion to Greek Religion by Daniel Ogden there’s quite the list of the complex divinatory ways of Ancient Greece. But, to list a few, one could watch out for signs in nature, natural phenomena, body signs and animal behaviour. Watching birds was but one of the many fields of specialization a mantis would seek out in order to predict the future.

 Some authors, like Plutarch in On The Cleverness of Animals, tell us that the Gods sometimes warn us through the usage of birds, sending signs in our way of various meaning through the flight of birds. Alexandra Nikaios, a brazilian hellenic polytheist of the RHB - Brazilian Hellenic Reconstructionism tell us that an inscription of a sanctuary of Artemis in Ephesus (current Turkey) from the 5th or 6th century BCE offer details on how to read the bird omens, just as many other sources like Hesiod on Works and Days, advising a farmer to “judge the birds” before taking an important decision.

So how does one do it?

 Usually a mantis could ask the Gods, pray for Zeus for some signs or spontaneously spot an unusual bird activity. Sometimes the seers would prefer to sit in a proper and sacred place to do it, others would do it anywhere. The various sources here listed will vary in some accounts, but most agree in some very valid points like:

Coming from the right side. - Good omen. Coming from the left side. - Bad omen.

The Greeks would look to the north to seek for answers, where as the Romans would look to the South.

Coming in your way - Good sign. Coming from behind you - Bad sign.

 All of the above could change depending on the bird or the question you’re asking. Now take into account some valid questions when going through an ornithomantic session.

Is the bird associated with some particular deity?

How commonly do I see this bird around?

How was the bird behaving? Was it flying, roosting or just jumping around?

Was it only one bird or an entire flock?

What was the colour of the birds I observed?

Does this bird mean something in particular to me or to my culture?

If I was that bird, doing what it was doing, what does that mean to me?

 Those questions may enlighten you on what kind of omens you’re receiving, it differs from person to person, really. A hummingbird would be a lovely sight for someone, where as here in the brazilian northeastern state of Sergipe if one enters your home three times in a row it could mean incoming death - possibly by a heart attack.

This is a highly personal kind of divination with several things to take into account but I really like it. The Gods delivered some of the most dramatic signs to me in the form birds flying around or doing unusual things. The first time I received a sign it was night, I was by the lagoon and my heart was aching with some decisions that I took regarding a toxic friend of mine - so I prayed to Athena and Apollon, asking for some sort of sign. And then boom, an owl flied over me towards the north and screeching very loudly into the gloomy night.

 In that moment I felt the confirmation that I was doing the right thing on not talking to this friend anymore! Right now, however, I could interpret it differently: It was a barn owl, or a Rasga-Mortalha (Pall-tearer, quite an ominous name) as we call it here in Brazil. Taking into account what followed during such year I could say it meant “Yeah you’re taking a wise decision but by no means expect this to be an easy route”

So, yeah, it can be quite the dramatic way of predicting the future.

But historically speaking it’s been such a huge part of divinatory history! It’s a very strong method of looking into the will of the Gods and communicating with Them.

If you have any more additions, feel free to enrich this post with even more information. May Apollon bless you with wisdom when trying to do divination and good luck!

Sources used: Ornitomancia (by Alexandra Nikaios); Ancient Greek Divination by Sarah Iles Johnston; The Seer in Ancient Greece by Flower Michael; Works and Days by Hesiod; A Companion to Greek Religion by Daniel Ogden; On The Cleverness of Animals by Plutarch.

[thedreadvampy]

Tbf on the Martin thing while i know that's not what you meant the reason alot of people got pussy was cause it was right about the time they'd been an issue with acephobia in the greater fandom already and the way you phrased it tbh did really feel like you were equating ace!Martin and Martin being infantilised in a post about martin being infantilised being bad. Basically it kinda sounded like you didn't want people hc-ing Martin as ace because it was infantilising (which also then linked back to some shit that happened with ace discourse) and the post blew up a bit and that mixed with you Knowing Jonny and you coming off pretty aggro or not wanting to give a straight answer on what you meant (or that's what people felt you were doing) yeah that's why that went that way.

Tbf I'm not really interested in relitigating who was right and who was wrong in that particular argument, I feel the way I feel and other people feel differently and I think everything's pretty much already been said like six months ago. I asked because I couldn't remember what happened not because I was longing for the days of pointless arguing.

however because I can't resist digging myself deeper Ever I'll relitigate it anyway under the cut

I have little to no involvement with the wider fandom so I'm not sure how their acephobia was on me in any way

I could have worded the post better but I maintain it takes a pretty bad faith reading of the post to think that my problem is with ace Martin hcs when I specifically said both in the post and the tags and further clarifications that I was talking about the way that people desexualise fat, queer and abused people OUTSIDE of ace hcs

I have said about a zillion times that me knowing Jonny doesn't mean I know shit about TMA and that we've literally never talked about it. which being the case it is pure wild that people think it's a reasonable reason to treat me like some sort of voice of authority.

I have also said about a billion times and will say again that people aren't in fact entitled to demand a full accounting of a stranger's opinions out of the blue. like it is, in fact, confusing and surprising to me the degree to which people took personally the idea that a stranger could be annoyed or disinterested in discussing something that they wanted them to talk about. that's why I keep thinking there must be more to the anger about me from certain users. but like nah apparently 90% of the reason people get pissed off at me is either a) Using The Wrong Tone To Talk To Myself On My Personal Blog which they interpret as attacking them personally or b) Not Being Constantly Available On Demand To Answer And Reanswer Questions That Shouldn't Even Be Questions In The Full Knowledge That Any Poor Wording Will Be Treated As Malice. Sorry, my tone's getting a tad aggro again, I do recognise that, but I find it really frustrating to have it consistently treated as deeply inherently suspicious and/or malicious to not immediately rattle off a perfect answer to "questions" which are fairly thinly veiled traps. like there is no good answer to "what's your opinion on ace people." "ace people exist" is not a matter of opinion and I could just say "ace people are valid and good and fine uwu" which is like. True. but also utterly trite and validates the idea that point in a random stranger's inbox to grill them about Which Minorities Are Valid Uwu is in any way an acceptable or boundaried way to behave. Which I don't believe it is, and treating it as if it's a totally normal and fine thing to do just to get people to leave me alone would be pretty unprincipled imo.

Like I say I've said all this before, I'm just retreading old ground. But in terms of the Why Did This Blow Up, yeah I hear what you're saying but even trying to step back from my own experience and view this from outside, I'm still pretty surprised that a kind of shittily worded post at a bad time (from a blog that was pretty detached from the wider TMA fandom) followed by an Insufficient Disavowal of extremely nebulous accusations of acephobia, ended up being such a big thing.

Like literally. the majority of the messages I was getting were i n c r e d i b l y broad and vague. they said things like "what's your opinion on ace people" and "are you an aphobe" and I repeatedly answered them saying "I mean ace people exist and are my friends and comrades, what's the question?"

And I hope that when people raised specific issues about my actual conduct I answered them. I certainly tried to, to the best of my abilities - like I got a bit defensive initially but I agreed that my wording in the Martin post was poor and I did my best to clarify my intention (which had been to say "IF WE ASSUME THAT Martin isn't aroace," which I thought was a fair assumption when from context I was talking about a Martin being written in sexual or romantic relationships, but which I phrased as "Martin isn't [list of items including aroace]" bc as with most of my posts I wrote it in one go without reading it back). I kept saying that if people were specific about what was wrong with my conduct specifically, what they wanted explained and what they wanted me to change, I was happy to discuss that, but I wasn't happy to give some sort of Simple Definitive Answer to broad questions that were not mine to speak authoritatively on and which I often was like "I can't even begin to tell you my opinions on the answer until we unpick the question a LOT" (like. yes I could say honestly that I believe that ace/aro people are queer as a topline answer but if we go any deeper than that then we need to unpick what queerness is, what aro/aceness is, what context we're talking in, what is meant by queer spaces, etc etc and it's not something I would feel honest giving a yes/no answer to when a lot of people mean a lot of different things by the question, some of which I agree with and some of which I don't.) And it's not helped by the fact that when I have tried to answer questions in a way which feels honest, which inevitably gets long and ramble bc that's how my brain works, people have repeatedly got really hostile not because of what I say but because I've written an answer longer than "yes I fully agree with every possible permission of your point." like literally I have had people rant about how I'm being defensive or dodging the question when a) they haven't actually read my answer by their own admission and b) I'm literally. answering the question. it's fundamentally baffling to me that giving a short unnuanced answer with the intent of getting someone off your back is seen as less "dodging the question" than giving a paragraphs-long thoughtful and inconclusive answer. like this isn't a fucking debate. I'm not here to win an argument. I'm here to think about what I believe and why, and sometimes an honest answer is neither simple or conclusive.

idk man this post is actively unhelpful to everyone but me, but while I don't WANT to relitigate this every time I mention it I DO want to be absolutely clear that I have thought about all these things at length. some things were my fuckup, some things I stand by, but I still think it ended up with a response wildly disproportionate to the actual mistakes I made.

(which were there. evidently. but it seems like a very strange and spiralling way to react to "person who words things ambiguously and doesn't always give immediate clear responses to broad questions about complex issues")

[mumufic]

My ranty Author Notes to address questions on my Three Sisters fic

So, I feel like I should put up some notes on a number of recurring questions I get in the comments, for those who don’t really read my responses (because I do provide some detailed explanations for why certain things are happening in my fic, but I get it if sloughing through comments for insight isn’t your thing; it isn’t mine either, hence the A/N.)

Why is Lily so stupid / obtuse / blind about Snape? Let’s level-set a couple of things: A) Lily is about as Gryffindor as they come, and some of the more common character flaws of people who belong to that house is that they rather tend to think a lot less of situations before diving in. That’s the case for Lily in this fic. Snape was her first magical friend that she’d ever met. She cherishes that friendship because she knows it’s returned even though she might not agree with a lot of Snape’s beliefs, not to mention Snape was the first person who told her that all the strange things that have been happening to her was the result of her being magical. For a child feeling the otherness of her abilities so keenly around her perfectly normal, muggle working class family, that is a huge thing. For the first time, Lily thought she’d met someone who understood her and the things she could do, and for that to have happened to her as a child, the person who validates that part of her being is going to play a very central role in her life until she reaches a breaking point. In the books, that breaking point was when Snape’s bigotry included her. For the longest time, he’d always excluded her from his hateful rhetoric, and there’s passages in the books that support that. B) Lily is a kid. She’s 11, and she probably met Snape at a much younger age (I’m guessing around 8 or 9) Kids who value their friends can sometimes be stupidly loyal to them even when their friends are behaving badly. Why do you think peer pressure is such a huge thing among young people? It’s partly because they value the person who is their friend to the point of being foolhardy over said friend’s bad actions. C) A lot of Snape’s bigotry goes over Lily’s head, because she’s never been taught to find differences between magical and non-magical people. Her parents obviously love her and Petunia the same and for her, that means they’re no different. She doesn’t understand the superiority Snape feels over Petunia, and because she doesn’t understand it, and also because she’s just a stupid kid who doesn’t really know better or even understands the slurs that come out of Snape’s mouth, she doesn’t think too much of it. Notice that Lily actually does call him out when he’s being mean to Petunia in ways that she can understand, when Snape tells Petunia that he had no place being in Platform 9 3/4 for example. But then Snape follows it up with reasoning that seems to be perfectly sound - Platform 9 3/4 is a magical location; it might not be the best place for Petunia to be. As for the spoon encounter, Lily had some basic understanding of accidental magic, thanks to Holly, and mostly chocked up that unfortunate event to Snape’s accidental magic rearing up from Petunia’s mean-spirited taunting. Petunia isn’t innocent in that scene, if you go back to it and think critically on it, look at it in the eyes of a normal rational adult. She’s just presented as being sympathetic because the narration is from Holly’s POV, and Holly likes this Petunia and hates Snape absolutely. Lastly, pretty much everything I have on Snape during the Summer with the Evanses part of this story have a basis in canon. He was hateful to Petunia, but Lily constantly made excuses for him, thinking that he’s just mean in general because of his difficult family life. The same goes when they get to Hogwarts. Snape spouts the same bigoted things the Slytherin Purebloods say, and Lily makes excuses for him. That’s canon. Lily made excuses for Snape’s behavior to her sister and her friends (especially Mary, who was canonically muggleborn) until she found she couldn’t anymore because his hatefulness suddenly spilled over to include her. Does that make Lily stupid? Probably, yes. Does it make her human? Fucking hell yes, and anyone who thinks that they won’t behave that way have clearly never figured out conflicted love-hate relationships with toxic people, so good for you, but these things happen to others, and it shouldn’t be surprising. There’s a basis for this in reality, and there’s a basis for Lily’s blind loyalty to Snape in canon.  And barring all of that if you don’t agree, it’s my fic, and I choose to write her this way. If that makes her a stupid character and you think I’m assassinating Lily’s characterization from canon, your interpretation is valid, but so is my right to write what I want as long as I’m not making a cent off of this. Thanks.

Why is Sirius spouting the bigotry he vehemently disavowed in OoTP? And why did he call Holly a mudblood? I don’t know about you, but I think Sirius had to have been an extremely sheltered child, growing up in a magical house surrounded on all sides by a muggle neighborhood. I think he started questioning why he wasn’t allowed to play with other children whom he could probably see from his bedroom window, but he didn’t actually know how and why he needed to reason it out with his parents until he met people who taught him how to articulate the feelings he had over his parents’ bigotry against muggles and muggleborns. As for why he called Holly a mudblood, again, has a lot to do with the normalization of hate in the household he grew up in. Walburga and Orion Black taught their children to hate anything and anyone that didn’t subscribe to the same Pureblood rhetoric as they did. And since Sirius thought Holly lived with the Evanses, who were muggle, and not with the Potters who were Purebloods, he didn’t see a distinction for her blood status from Mary or Lily, who were actually muggleborn. Hell, I don’t even think Sirius understood blood status all that well at all as an 11-year-old. He was just repeating shit he heard his parents say because he didn’t know any better. I’m not going to tell you how to interpret your reading of my fic, but generally, I wouldn’t ascribe knowledge that I know of characters and events to the characters within the story, because they can’t be expected to know and understand what I know and understand, especially in a fic written in such a limited POV, and things like Holly’s blood status, would not be known to Sirius because Holly had never actually told James or him about her parents, other than that they were Potters. And while you can make a case for the fact that Holly told Sirius and Regulus in Chapter 7 that she’s not muggleborn, I still stand by the idea that the Black exclusionist ideas that Walburga and Orion taught their children would still have Sirius identifying her as one simply because of where he thinks she grew up in.

Why is Holly so stupidly letting so many details from her timeline out to her friends? I think we should all cut Holly some slack for spilling so many details about her life to Lily and Petunia. She’s an orphan who’ finally met the girl who would be her mother. She can’t shut up about her life because OMG my MUM! I finally got to meet her! On top of that, up until the point where Holly met Fleamont Potter, the last time Holly had been warned about meddling with time had been when she was in third year, and it was rushed and the warning hadn’t even been made to her; it had been McGonagall warning Hermione and Hermione repeating the same information to her. So the meddling about time? Holly didn’t exactly give a shit. Lastly, we have so many references in canon of Harry Potter being an exceptionally impulsive little blockhead to the point where he constantly gets himself into trouble. Running after the Philosopher’s Stone in PS, continuing on to fight the basilisk and look for Ginny while Ron tries to get help in CoS, haring off to the Ministry in OoTP, Sectumsempra in HBP, uttering Voldemort’s name and getting them caught by Snatchers in DH… the list is actually pretty damn long. So why should it not be a character flaw for Holly in this fic to be stupidly impulsive in the information she gives out to a person she thinks is her mother, one she’s loved and idolized and put on a pedestal all her life? Why shouldn’t she spout similarly incriminating information to a boy she knows would be her godfather, whom she trusted and loved up until he got killed? It’s a character flaw, yes, and I’m not here to write perfect characters, because perfect characters who only do the right and intelligent thing make for a dry, boring read. If you weren’t about annoying flaws like this, then you’re welcome to click off my fic and find some other story where Harry is the perfect godsent angel come to save us all. That’s not what this story is about.

Why aren’t you patching up any of these inconsistencies that multiple people have already pointed out? Some of them, because that is how I want to write the characters in my story. Some of them, because there will be points in the future where these things are addressed and resolved. And yet still some of them because I don’t want to. Yes, even the stupid ones that really don’t make sense and should probably be changed. I don’t want to go back and change them. That’s how I am as a fic writer, and last I checked, this is still my fanfic.

Want to have a say in how I’m planning the characterization and plotting out? I’m still looking for a beta who I’d like to be able to help me with things like plot inconsistencies, annoying characterization (ok, shut up about Lily already. I didn’t make her this stupid; JKR did when she wrote Lily insisting on her friendship with Snape all the way up to fifth year!), and just generally talk about how and where I intend for the story to go.

If you’d like to beta for me, hit me up on my main Tumblr, @mumuinc  or DM me on Discord; my profile is mumuinc#7662.

[arofili]

how’d u get into writing? like, writing fic and being part of the silm community, being Known, that stuff? i’m really new to being a silm cc and i’d love to know ur advice! also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs? bc i have a Lot of hcs and meta ideas but also i’m really anxious abt posting them bc yknow anxiety is like that

these are some great questions, anon! I’m gonna go through them one by one :)

how’d u get into writing?

not to be like, super cliche, but I’ve...kind of always been a writer? as long as I can remember I’ve been telling stories, and when I was too young to read or write I would dictate them to my mom, who would type them up for me and help me choose clipart illustrations to accompany them. when I got old enough I would always be writing; I attempted my first novel at age 9, and while that never really went anywhere I did finish the darn thing and it had some pretty sophisticated plot twists for a 9-year-old!

like, writing fic

around the same time I got into fandom! I was deep into Warrior cats (like. really deep) and I believe I started writing my first fics when I was like? 10 or 11? my memory is kind of fuzzy on the order of things, but I know I got an account on the Warriors forums when I was 9, and that I was already posting my fic there when I made my FFN account. I believe I was 12 when that happened, but who knows. I haven’t the faintest idea of what happened with those forums, but uhhh pretty much all of my Warriors fic is still up on FFN lmao. you could probably find that if you want to but um...maybe don’t?

my first Big Fic was a self-insert of...my entire 5th/6th grade class into the then-current timeline of the Warriors books...well. I honestly think that might still be my most popular fic of all time l m a o though I try not to think about it because Hashtag Cringe. though as much as I look back on that time with a “yikes,” I am very grateful for the Warriors fandom in a way? that place was so accepting and encouraging of OCs, of AUs, of completely disregarding canon, of worldbuilding that is completely alien from canon - it was a fantastic sandbox to begin with, there were so many ways to write stories and practically all of them were accepted and had fellow fans invested in them!

and being part of the silm community, 

soooo I wrote Warriors fic until my freshman year of high school (wow sdjfhkdsjfh), which was when BOTFA came out, and I was absolutely wrecked by the ending and immediately started writing my own fixit fic. I was also super hooked on Kiliel! so that was my intro to the Tolkien fandom; and simultaneously, I joined tumblr, and, well, the rest is history tbh.

I honestly do not remember when I first read the Silm, but I kind of got into the more obscure parts of the Tolkien fandom through fandom osmosis, and I do have a vague memory of doodling the Finwean family tree in geometry class so it might have been later on in freshman year? that was also the same time I was having my Queer Awakening, and Russingon definitely contributed to me unlearning my internalized queerphobia, so probably around then.

anyway - queer awakening, tumblr, Tolkien, transitioning from FFN to AO3 - all of that was happening around the same time. I know I dipped my toes in the Silm fandom then, but I was still primarily a Hobbit fic writer focusing on Kiliel. toward the end of high school I kind of shifted to LOTR and (qp) Gigolas...but somehow the Silm fandom is the most active of the Big Three within the Tolkien fandom, and I was getting dragged further and further in.

it wasn’t until @backtomiddleearthmonth 2019, my freshman year of college, that I really dove into writing Silm fic! I picked some Silm-specific bingo cards and never looked back :D that was really not all that long ago but I am obsessed in a way I don’t really remember being even with TH/LOTR, I obviously cannot see the future but I anticipate hanging out here for a long time. the Silm fandom is great overall and there’s just so much material to work with!! <3

being Known, that stuff?

so I don’t really have a whole lot of context on how “well known” I am in the fandom?? definitely within the past year and a half or so I’ve noticed that I like, get asks like this, and get a significant amount of notes on my posts, and I’ve made a lot of fandom friends especially since I joined some Silm servers on Discord (hmu if you want invites; I’m on the SWG server and 2 general Silm servers and the Russingon server) this past year. and I have 3,000 followers as of this month - and while ever since I hit 1k I don’t particularly pay attention to my follower count I can definitely say that I have more engagement now than I used to! but it took me a long time to build this “audience,” I suppose; I’ve been around the Tolkien fandom since late 2014, so nearly 6 years of this, lol.

really the best way to build a following, in my experience, is to just post a lot of stuff. when I started making edits I got a lot more engagement, because for a long time I would post one every day! (I made them in batches and queued them; I didn’t actually make one every day lol...and now I’m too busy to do that, so I just make edits for events and whenever I feel like it) And I have [checks ao3] 145 works in the Silm fandom as of today - I’m fairly prolific! I’ve come to generally expect 3-10 comments on most of my oneshots, which is a lot more than I used to have back in the day. consistency and quantity are more likely to attract people to your work - and quality, of course.

also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs?

I’ve been writing since I was very young, and I’ve been writing fic for like...11 years? I think? in that time I’ve produced a lot of garbage, but imo most of that was in my Warrior cats phase, so I came into the Tolkien fandom with confidence in myself and my writing. I’m also working on original fiction on the side (I hope to eventually become a published fantasy author, but right now school takes up most of my time that I don’t devote to fandom, which gives me more immediate gratification and also is just Very Fun) and I know I’m a good writer.

basically, I’ve been doing this for like...half my life, and I’m still fairly young, so I’ve had time to build up my skill and confidence and I know I’m only going to get better with time. you will get better with practice. like I said, I’ve written a lot of terrible stuff, and it’s only through sucking for a long time that I’ve gotten to the point I am now. and I am far from perfect; I know I still have lots of room to grow!

for meta and headcanons specifically, I started with writing fic, and then when I didn’t think I could stretch something into an entire fic I would just make a hc post. I have a vivid memory of writing my first meta in a notebook during driver’s ed because it was so goddamn boring and I had Thoughts about Tauriel and Thranduil!

in my experience, meta comes from having Opinions and wanting to share them and most importantly to back them up - you need to have sources! you need to have reasons! you need to have justification! otherwise it’s not meta, it’s a headcanon or an AU. which is fine!! I love hc/AU!!! but they are not the same as meta, and I’m a stickler for being accurate when it comes to meta. if you have sources and shit to back you up, that will help you build the confidence to share your meta.

sharing disinformation and passing it off as meta instead of just coming out and saying this is a headcanon/baseless theory/AU or whatever is such a fandom pet peeve of mine; it’s not bad for something to not be Accurate! you just have to have that disclaimer - and even when you’re writing meta, you’re offering an interpretation of the text, and you need to acknowledge that other interpretations also exist and are valid.

um. I hope this answers your questions? and sorry for basically word-vomiting my entire life story, lol. this post got long; the main reason I’ve written so much fic is because I really just cannot shut up for the life of me. sooo if you can tear of that filter of being shy and just. say shit. you can go so far~!

OH and one more thing - I can’t believe I almost forgot this - but part of being a writer is participating in the community. this is code for LEAVE A DAMN COMMENT IF YOU LIKE A FIC. that’s how I made most of my fandom friends before Discord! I follow @ao3feed-silmarillion and stalk that blog for new Silm fics; I read the ones that interest me and comment on them.

I know this is not really the most common way for folks to find fic but it’s so rewarding to interact with new fic, new writers, new commentors, new stories - you can find gems that don’t rise to the top of the kudos/bookmark lists; you become friends with your fellow writers; you can watch people grow and change; you support smaller content creators. yeah, you might not be getting Just The Best Stuff, but it’s so so so worth it!!

and if you make friends in the comment section of other people’s fic - I guarantee you some of them will go to your AO3 profile and check out your fic, too! and they’ll leave comments! this is a fic community, and that’s what I cherish about fandom most of all, tbh.

anyway - again - sorry for rambling so much, but I hoped this helped! feel free to send in another ask, or to come talk to me off anon if you’d like! and definitely send me your stuff if/when you decide to share it; I would love to support you!!! <3

[aboutanancientenquiry]

Herodotus, historian or storyteller?

I see that my “friend” critical-of-herodotus (a sideblog of shatar-aethelwynn) is active again and continues her bad habit of quoting selectively from scholarly sources, rather distorting the overall position of the scholars from whom she quotes. 

It is as it seems for some reason impossible for her to understand that, when we refer to an author and quote from her or him, we must present faithfully her or his overall point of view on a topic, not pick the one or the other phrase or excerpt which, if taken in isolation, may create the impression that it justifies our prejudices. Elementary, my dear shatar...

This time shatar/critical-of-herodotus uses an article of Robbie Pickering (”Is Herodotus an historian or a storyteller? Is this an appropriate question to ask? How far are these separate categories?”  available on https://www.academia.edu/5753909/Is_Herodotus_an_historian_or_a_storyteller_Is_this_an_appropriate_question_to_ask_How_far_are_these_separate_categories )

To clarify things, I will reproduce here from this article the conclusion of Robbie Pickering (the bold letters are mine):

To conclude, Herodotus’ aim through his Histories is to inform. The method through which this is achieved is based on the human need to validate the past in order to better understand the present, and is demonstrated through the previous traditions of both folklore and the epic. As such, these oral formats lend themselves to the coherent framing of Herodotus’ narrative, which has led some to conclude that Herodotus represents nothing more than a logographer, whose tales embellish and dramatize the past in order to entertain and compliment cultural identity. However, Herodotus’ abundance of sources and critical examination thereof is indicative of an unprecedented level of historic validity. He demonstrates veracity with minimal bias in his recounting past events, whilst using the past as a medium through which to interpret the present in a proto-historical demonstration of the concept that history is cyclical.

In outlining the distinction between these two categories, we are able to glean that, though history and storytelling entail differing aims, the two are not mutually exclusive. Historical information is expressed through a narrative framework, and a narrative moral is explored through the events of history, in a symbiosis, which allows us to revisit Herodotus’ proem. By “[discovering] the causes of conflict” between Greeks and non-Greeks, Herodotus contextualises the nature of his contemporary socio-political setting, affording us to glimpse the earliest convergence of history and narrative. Whilst we cannot accept the stories of Herodotus as always being genuine historical events, they nevertheless afford us an accurate portrayal of the causation and motivation of 5th CBCE Greek social, political and psychological life.

I add the remark that, although of course the work of Herodotus contains also a number of tales and anecdotes, something which should not surprise us, given the age in which Herodotus lived and the pioneering/founding character of his work, we should not forget that firstly these tales and anecdotes offer often some deep insights into the worldview of Herodotus himself and his contemporaries, secondly that the solidity and value of Herodotus’ main historical narrative, of his political insights and of much of his ethnography are confirmed and appreciated by the contemporary community of scholars. 

More about all this in another post after some days.

[bisluthq]

*WARNING Domestic violence topic* Could you explain to me why seven could sound queer?, Like I can see how many Taylor songs can be interpreted in a queer way, but with seven I can't see it, like for me it's clearly about domestic violence and the only possible queer thing I can hear it's the closet part...but in this particular case I do not think it refers to sexuality but to literally hiding form your abusive parents. Sorry if this was asked before or if it's disrespectful to ask.

So firstly let me just say that victims of abuse who hear that in the song are so valid. And I’m not here to “take away” a song that speaks to that experience. If it brings you comfort and relief, that’s amazing.

Do I think Taylor meant it as a song about domestic violence or escaping from that? Honestly, no. Because she described herself in LPSS as longing for that time in her life and talked about how she misses being able to throw tantrums and feel more freely and without judgement; in her head she’s thinking about this period in her life very fondly. Now, this is one of those death of the author moments because if you’re an abuse survivor who found comfort in this you... shouldn’t care wtf Taylor meant by it, what matters is what it means to you. Same as how if betty speaks to your sapphic teenage love triangle, it shouldn’t matter that Taylor imagined James as a boy.

But yeah, so for Taylor it was not meant to be about abuse. It was about feeling stuff more freely. And let’s take a look and examine at why it feels so fucking gay to... like... basically every queer woman.

Please picture me

In the trees

I hit my peak at seven

Okay so Taylor is setting up a narrator - presumably herself. Especially in the context of her hyperconfessional marketing and the LPSS explanation we’re literally meant to picture Tay. But tbh that doesn’t matter so much - it could be any little girl. This little girl is “in the trees”... which isn’t really where little girls are supposed to be. In these very first lines Tay is setting up a little tomboy character.... and then she says “I hit my peak at seven” - ergo this rugrat period of abandon, where I was free to play in the trees, is “my peak”. It was the best time in “my” life.

Lots of people feel that, it’s not inherently gay, but for queer women - I don’t know about other shades of queer but suspect yes - childhood often represents even greater freedom than to hets because it’s before we felt deviant. There was nothing to compare ourselves to. Sure, we might’ve played families in het couples like heteronormativity is felt by children too, but that kind of thing was largely asexual and we didn’t know yet that other people felt differently about it all.

Like I only realized I was different in late middle school and I didn’t have the word for it for ages tbh. Like I just knew I didn’t get the fuss about boys. When I was a little kid? I didn’t know what the fuss was really. It was a kind of “peak” so yeah, I feel that in my bones.

Feet

In the swing

Over the creek

I was too scared to jump in, but I, I was high

In the sky

Here we have her playing, once again with reckless abandon - she’s standing on a swing (naughty!) and swinging high over a creek. But she’s slightly nervous. I relate to that too, it’s not a gay thought it’s a little kid thought I think - because while she’s enjoying her freedom and the chance to play, there’s an awareness of the risk. That’s a lot of childhood and what makes her such a greater songwriter is how she’s able to capture these feelings we’ve all had before, in this case the rumbunctious nature of free play paired with the cautious nervousness of knowing you can fall.

With Pennsylvania under me

I mean this simple makes it more autobiographical for her, like if we didn’t know her was her that was the me , now we really do.

Are there still beautiful things?

This is speaks to her nostalgia for this time period and serves to highlight how much she misses it. She wishes she was young and innocent and had that freedom of playing in the trees and above the creek and feeling like she’s flying just because she’s standing upright on the swing. This is meant to be her “peak”.

Sweet tea in the summer

Cross your heart, won't tell no other

The first line is setting up mood again, it’s innocence and suburbia and freedom and the hot days of summer vacation. The second is a common English phrase - for the ESL folks - that means “let’s keep a secret”. It’s extremely common for little girls especially to have secrets with each other. “You’re my best friend and I’ll tell you something I haven’t told anyone else before but cross your heart you won’t tell anyone else” is the kind of thing that has probably happened at a sleepover for every woman (gay or straight). So Tay’s whispering and telling secrets to her best friend aged seven in the heat of the summer and the neat rhymes kinda remind me of those clapping games you play as a kid.

And though I can't recall your face

I still got love for you

Again, I think this isn’t specific to gay kids necessarily - it’s that idea of having lifelong affection for your first best friend even when you don’t know where they are, can’t imagine them in adulthood, maybe can’t even remember their surname and frankly don’t really want to or care... but you still have warm feelings towards them.

Your braids like a pattern

Love you to the moon and to Saturn

So the friend is a girl. And here’s where the non wlw readers will have to work with me a little bit because as I’ve explained before a very common, enteral part of the queer female experience is obsession with other girls’ femininities. We notice things like hair and clothes and makeup on girls far more than straight girls seem to and waaay more than het guys do. A friend of mine who is v butch noticed like minor shit that any of us change in our appearance. Describing in detail a girl’s appearance feels - on a gut level - pretty gay. Now this isn’t a detailed description, but she links this physical trait - this pretty, braided hair her friend has - to loving her.

Now, she is a child in this story. This isn’t a sexual kind of thing in the child’s mind. She’s obviously not “in love” with her friend aged seven. But she is saying her deep, overwhelming love for her friend is inextricably linked - via rhyme scheme - to her feminine appearance.

This incredibly close, quasi homoerotic friendship is a near universal wlw experience and I’m sorry but it differs from straight girls’ close friendships because it’s... a lot. It is “love you to the moon and to Saturn” and obsessing over her clothes and hair and little habits.

And there’s no vocab for this, nothing to prepare you for it and nobody bats an eye because little girls are supposed to be friends with one another but like... you’re way overinvested and often that other girl isn’t and starts to drift away because she isn’t having this language free connection and it’s legit heartbreaking.

Passed down like folk songs

The love lasts so long

This childhood friendship becomes an anecdote, a moment of folkloric storytelling, but it never completely fades away and tapping into this first - not quite sexual but very sapphic - experience is super easy.

And I've been meaning to tell you

I think your house is haunted

Your dad is always mad and that must be why

And I think you should come live with

Me and we can be pirates

This sets up the narrative some people - I understand where y’all are coming from and I am here for it - hear of domestic abuse. The thing is, it’s not Tay’s character who is getting abused. Tay is a small child - and she’s envious of and nostalgic for that era of her life, when she thought that her best best best friend’s asshole dad was simply reacting to ghosts. It speaks to an innocence her character has which may not be shared by her friend, the girl with the braids.

But Tay is innocent and she says “come with me” and run away so we can be pirates together. Now, on a very basic and superficial pop culture level it’s worth noting Keira Knightley in POTC is pretty fundamental to any queer millennial woman’s sexual awakening. However, that’s not what Tay’s referencing here. She’s saying, at least on some level, let’s run away and be gender nonconforming. Again, she’s a small child. She doesn’t know why she wants that. But she doesn’t tell her friend “let’s run away and be princesses” - she wants to be a pirate. It links to the first scene in the song of her being a tomboy in the trees and on the swing, honestly. There were also a number of cross dressing female pirates, many of whom were gay back in the day so it’s a subtle nod to how a lot of childhood fantasies actually are rooted in possible historical fact.

But also come on, every queer girl wanted to be a pirate idk why really we just did. Like I say I can explain it as a desire not to conform to gender norms but it’s also just... another weirdly common fantasy that she’s tapping into.

Like idk this song is so fucking gay and it’s not trying to be but every line is just... felt in my bones. Like little me is seen by this song.

Then you won't have to cry

Or hide in the closet

This is obvi the line people go on about and look. The friend’s dad is clearly an asshole like that’s established. But the line has a double meaning. She’s saying if you run away with me to be a pirate on the high seas you won’t have to cry anymore and you won’t hide in the closet. It’s an innocent thought but it’s also a double meaning, right? You won’t be abused, you won’t be sad. And you’ll be with me out of the closet. It could’ve been “hide under the bed” or “behind the curtains”. But she picked closet. And that word gives this verse a second meaning, which is particularly palpable given as I say this is a very gay song from a thematic standpoint.

And just like a folk song

Our love will be passed on

Again, this is a deeeeep love. This is someone she wants to run away with. And she probably doesn’t know why, she probably doesn’t have the words. She’s a little kid. But this friend of hers is the person she wants to rescue and run away with and be together with even though she - Tay - is pretty content otherwise. In fact, she longs for this time in her life. It was full of beautiful things. And yet despite being happy, she was willing to drop it all for her little female friend she was clearly preoccupied with.

Please picture me

In the weeds

Before I learned civility

I used to scream

Ferociously

Any time I wanted

I, I

Again, this reiterates she is nostalgic for this time period. It was a good time in Taylor’s life. It was a time when she could be herself, before she had learned civility and what was expected from her by society. Which ties back to that thing I said right in the beginning, about how this first quasi sapphic friendship is cherished by queer women because we didn’t know it was weird. We hadn’t “learned civility” yet. We could scream, we could run around and climb trees, and we could ask our friends to run away with us not knowing those thoughts didn’t occur to them with the same intensity.

Sweet tea in the summer

Cross my heart, won't tell no other

And though I can't recall your face

I still got love for you

We’ve discussed this already. It’s still queer coded to me.

Pack your dolls and a sweater

We'll move to India forever

Passed down like folk songs

Our love lasts so long

So she’s once again cementing the fact that this is a little female friend with the dolls, and again suggests running away together and says even though none of that happened and she grew up and realized this... was actually a fairly specific experience not a universal universal one and she learned civility and heteronormativity but this foundational, pure, innocent gay love... will always remain in its complete innocuous harmlessness but immense power.

And so, yeah. This song is probably Taylor’s gayest shortly followed by Treacherous.

But if it means something else to you, I’m by no means taking it away. Anyone can enjoy her music in any way they like.

It’s just weird that most queer women feel their childhood selves are completely seen by this song if it was a complete accident 🤷🏻‍♀️

[mrlnsfrt]

A Storm is Coming

Robertson asks the significant question: “Does the world hate us? If not, why not? Has the world become more Christian or Christians more worldly?” - Nichol, F. D. (Ed.). (1980). The Seventh-day Adventist Bible Commentary (Vol. 5, p. 1044). Review and Herald Publishing Association.

This is an interesting question and one that I will discuss further in this post. This is my third post on John 15, the first one was The One Thing (John 15:1-8), my second post was Love and Joy (John 15:9-17), and on this post, I will be focusing on John 15:18-25.

Hate

“If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. - John 15:18 NKJV

So far in John 15, we have read Jesus’ words about us remaining in Him and bearing fruit, and how as we do that we experience joy, and how remaining and loving God and one another is also deeply connected with keeping God’s commandments. Now, in that context of love, joy, and obedience we discover we will experience hate.

Jesus loves us as the Father loves Him, we are to love Him and one another, yet this will cause the world to hate us. How? Why? Because it hated Jesus, even though that is exactly how He lived. Jesus loved and obeyed the Father perfectly, Jesus also loved those around Him with a greater and more perfect love than anyone ever did, and yet they killed Him. Jesus lived the perfect life, He is our perfect example, yet He was hated and killed!? This is difficult to accept, and challenging to understand. But let us keep reading to see what else Jesus has to say.

Aliens?

If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. John 15:19NKJV

As followers of Jesus, we are not of this world. We live according to different values, we have different goals, we serve a different authority. All these differences cause us to stand apart from everyone else. Many of you may already know this but I was born in Brazil and moved to the US when I was about 12 years old. At this point in my life, I have lived in the US longer than I lived in Brazil, however, people I interact with can still tell that I am not originally from here. The way I talk and interact signals to others that I am a little different. I have an accent, my sentence structure is sometimes awkward, and even in social interactions I sometimes behave differently from those around me.

The interesting thing is that even when I visit my home country, I don’t quite fit in. I have become too “Americanized.” So I am too Brazilian to completely fit in where I currently live in the United States, and I am too American to fit in in Brazil where I was born. It does not matter where I go I am always a little different, different enough to people to wonder where I am from. This feeling is what comes to mind when I read Jesus’ statement that we are not of this world. There should be something about us that causes others to wonder where we are from.

What should be strange about us needs to be shaped by our love for God and those around us. It should be because of our faithfulness to God and sacrificial love for others. (for more on this see Love and Joy)

Persecuted

Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. - John 15:20 NKJV

Jesus is our perfect example, we are called to live as He lived and as a result, we should also expect to suffer persecution as He did. However, I have witnessed a misinterpretation of this text that leads some to believe that persecution is a sign of faithfulness to God. Meaning that if you’re not being persecuted it must mean that you’re not being faithful to God. I can see the appeal of this interpretation, but I also see a danger. Would such an interpretation cause me to go out of my way to make enemies because persecution would validate the faithfulness of my approach?

What about what Jesus said in the Conclusion of the Sermon on the Mount?

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. - Matthew 5:11-12 NKJV

Jesus said we are blessed when we are persecuted for righteousness’ sake! Jesus says that you are blessed when the evil they say against you is false and it happens for His sake. This means that when you are not doing anything evil but are being falsely accused. When you are doing nothing wrong and being persecuted, there is a special blessing there. But there is no blessing when you are harassing people in the name of Jesus. When you make Jesus and the gospel your weapon of choice to attack those who disagree with you I feel like you’re not going to get the promised blessing.

Remember that John 15:20 is found in the context of John 15, of abiding in Jesus and bearing fruit. The persecution here is to be understood in that context. I understand this to mean people persecuting you for being honest, kind, loving, and faithful to God. This does not mean you go out looking for a fight or instigating persecution, but rather that you lovingly and firmly stand unmovable on the teachings of the word of God. You don’t go out of your way to look for trouble, but should trouble (persecution) find you, may it be because of your faithfulness to God, and may you stand firm for your beliefs.

Personal Story

Here’s a personal story that I believe illustrates this,

When I was in high school I worked at a fast-food restaurant. I had explained to them about my religious beliefs and how I would not work from sunset on Friday evening until sunset on Saturday evening since I kept the biblical seventh-day Sabbath. The manager never made an issue of it the whole time I worked there. A friend of mine also worked there. He also kept the biblical seventh-day Sabbath as I did, however, he was fired after a few months. He told everyone at church that he was fired because of religious persecution. I, however, never experienced this persecution he spoke of. I believe that his firing might have been connected to his work ethic. I noticed him coming in late, asking to leave early, calling in sick on Sundays when he went to the beach, etc. Interestingly among our Brazilian friends, he would say he was fired because the manager was racist against Brazilians, something that I also never experienced.

I say this just to say if we want others to respect our religious beliefs we should also make an effort to live up to those beliefs, to be an example among others. I have found that employers are willing to make accommodations for their best employees. When you are honest, dependable, dedicated, motivated, you are preaching the gospel to those at work, even if you don’t stand up to read your Bible out loud at work.

But the persecution can also come when you are behaving the best way possible. When you insist on being honest when everyone else wants you to be a little dishonest. Sometimes the boss wants you to turn a blind eye, or do something that goes against your biblical principles. When you stand up while those around you or above you want to be dishonest it can bring persecution. When you refuse to laugh at a joke that is racist or sexist, you may lose some friends. When you stand up for someone who is being picked on unfairly when you make your voice heard in the defense of those who cannot speak for themselves it may make you less popular or even cause you to be persecuted. I believe that this is what Jesus was talking about.

Whenever I feel persecuted, I stop and think about what could possibly be causing it. Am I doing something wrong or am I being persecuted for doing what is right?

I don’t know all the cases, I am not always sure of the answer, so I believe that prayer and Bible study are essential along with a sincere desire to do the will of God.

For Jesus’ Sake

But all these things they will do to you for My name’s sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me. - John 15:21 NKJV

Ultimately I must understand that those who do not know God will not see things the way I see them. They have a different worldview, different values, and to be honest that even limits the activities I can be involved in. But if I ever find myself persecuted, I want it to be because of Jesus, for His name’s sake, and not because of my personal failures.

Judgment

If I had not come and spoken to them, they would have no sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. - John 15:22 NKJV

Every time you preach the gospel you bring judgment to someone. When they hear the good news and reject it, they bring judgment on themselves. The good news about salvation in Jesus is an opportunity for someone to gain not only eternal life in the future but also a more abundant life right now. However, it is also an opportunity for them to reject God and His salvation and harden their hearts. The gospel demands a decision, a choice, you don’t get to hear it and continue to live life as usual. The gospel not only reveals God’s love it also reveals sin and removes any excuse from the sinner. That’s why reading the Bible is so dangerous, it brings judgment upon the reader by causing her to make a decision for or against God.

Without Cause

He who hates Me hates My Father also. If I had not done among them the works which no one else did, they would have no sin; but now they have seen and also hated both Me and My Father. But this happened that the word might be fulfilled which is written in their law, ‘They hated Me without a cause.’ - John 15:23-25 NKJV

So here is the breakdown of this message. Jesus was hated without cause, and as His faithful followers, we can expect the same. I just really want to stress the importance of the hate and persecution to be without a legitimate cause. It should not be because you’re rude, lazy, dishonest, unreliable. In those cases, the hate would be justified. You must aim to live a life as Jesus lived. A life shaped by love for God and for others, and if people still hate and persecute you, well, they persecuted Jesus also.

How Do I Face Life’s Challenges?

“But when the Helper comes, whom I shall send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father, He will testify of Me. And you also will bear witness, because you have been with Me from the beginning. - John 15:26-27 NKJV

I face life’s challenges by God’s grace and with the power of the Holy Spirit. I just continue to live a life that bears witness to Jesus. I invite Jesus into my heart, I accept Him as Lord and Savior. I remain in Him and allow Him to cause me to bear fruit for Him even if I am being persecuted.

Regardless of what is happening around me, I am called to remain in Jesus. I can leave the final consequences in His hands. God provided Manna for the Israelites when they were in the wilderness (Exodus 16) and caused ravens to bring food for Elijah (1 Kings 17) and I know that He can take care of my needs, after all, God has been providing for me since the day I was born.

I am not saying that following God is easy, I am saying it is worth it. My part is also simple, remain in Jesus, and allow Him to do for me and in me what needs to be done to cause me to bear fruit.

[scgdoeswhat]

A Very Penderghast Halloween – Beckett x Clarette

Summary: The Penderghast gang celebrate Halloween.

Rating: NSFW

Words: 5541

Author’s Notes: Happy Halloween!! I had this idea pop up into my head a few weeks ago to celebrate Halloween with my favorite magickal crew! I didn’t expect it to grow into a behemoth, but here we are. Thanks to @hellomynameisdevi​ @brightpinkpeppercorn​​ for the early help, and I’m also going to submit this for @skyecrandall​​ Choices Horrorween Week!

Hope you all enjoy! Beckett doesn’t belong to me (unfortunately), but the story does. No Beta used.

Sorry if the “Read More” link isn’t working. It’s Tumblr’s fault, not mine!

Tag list: @xo-endlessmayhem-xo​ @grungeisntmything​ @friendlylilshipper​ @felmasri​ @numberonepoetryexpert​ @hellomynameisdevi​ @beckettbaguette​ @siegrrun​ @choicesthatplayyou @retroangxl​ @askdana​ @50shadesofraleigh​ @darley1101​ @kamybelen-blog​ @herdecisions​ @artchoicesreblog​​ @teenytinymagician​​ @choicesfannatalie​​ @itsstillnotwhatyouthink​​ @abigailpoe​​ @flyawayboo @brightpinkpeppercorn​​ @gardeningourmet​​ @harringtons-honey @manateemilk​​ @queenodysseia @thatcatlady0716​​ @divergentofhogwarts​​ @pottershat​​ @topsyturvy-dream​​ @choicesyouplayandmore​​ @zeniamiii​​ @never-neverland​​ @drakewalkerfantasy​​ @syltti78​​ @elementalistshoe​​ @maxwellsquidsuit​​ @sleepingpillcorporation​​ @tabithacarlisle​​ @ludextruction @pbmychoices​​ @wickedgypsymoon @mistychoices @izzycheeese​​ @lady-kato​​ @fluffy-marshmallow-heart​​ @flynnomalleys​​ @walkerismychoice​​ @thefirstcourtesan​​ @drakesensworld​​ @laceandlula​​ @rhymesmenagerie​​ @shainaa00​​ @princessstellaris​​ @itsbrindleybinch​​ @donutsgirl36​​ @liamzigmichael4ever​​ @mckenzie-powell​​ @sunflowergirl05​​ @justendlesssummerfeels​​ @friedherringclodthing​​ @choicesarehard​​ @desiree-0816​​ @elanorwaverley @aworldoffandoms​​ @mrsbriarmarlcaster​​ @star-adorned​​ @wiselight @cloacasexual

Please let me know if you want to be tagged/removed on future fics and I’ll tag anyone I may have missed in the comments. Thank you!

Clarette stood in front of the full-length mirror in her room, putting the finishing touches on her first Halloween costume in three years. She ran a hand down the front of the deep red corset, smiling at how the tight fit pushed up and emphasized her bosom. Turning sideways, she smoothed out the lace overlay over the black tulle miniskirt, the fabric bouncing back to its natural shape after she finished touching it. She threw the high collared, black, satin minicape over her shoulders, fastening the button around her neck before slipping on a pair of matching elbow length gloves to complete her look. Stepping into her black heels, she walked out into the living area of the suite where Atlas was hanging out and Shreya was waiting for her.

Her twin sister glanced at her, peering over the magazine she was reading and raised a skeptical eyebrow at Clarette’s outfit. “You look like a vampire-brothel-hooker all smashed into one.”

Clarette laughed on her way to the kitchenette, throwing a wadded-up paper towel at Atlas. “Well, if that’s the case, then Beckett will be my lucky customer later!”

Atlas groaned in repulsion, her face disappearing behind the page. “I really hate you sometimes, you know that?”

Shreya snorted in amusement at the siblings’ banter while she looked at her reflection in the mirror, touching up her black lipstick to complete her short and skintight sexy witch costume. “You two make me glad that my sister is younger than me. I could never imagine having any type of sex conversation with her,” she said, shaking her head in dismay. “I will say that this is fun to dress up for your Attuneless holiday, Clarette. Believe it or not, what I’m wearing is tame compared to what I’ve seen some sorceresses wear.” She looked over at her roommates’ outfit and busted out into a fit of laughter. “If Priya saw your outfit, I don’t know if she’d be flattered or embarrassed by your interpretation of what a vampire is.”

Clarette stopped in her tracks. “Whoa, wait. Priya LaCroix? As in the fashion designer? She’s a vampire? Vampires are real???”

Shreya nodded, gently patting her on the head. “I forget you didn’t grow up in this world, but yes, yes, and yes.”

The dark-haired twin stood in shock at her newfound knowledge. “I swear, I’m always learning new things around here.”

“Are you serious? Out of everything we’ve been through the last two years and it’s vampires existing that throws you for a loop?” Atlas chortled.

Clarette shrugged, a broad grin on her face. “I only know the bad vampire stereotypes, like this one!” She ran over to Atlas, and in a bad accent that sounded like the Count from Sesame Street, she yelled out “I want to suck your blood!” while tickling her.

Atlas screamed at the tickle attack. “You ass! You know I hate being tickled!” She cried out before shooing her sister away.

Cackling, Clarette got up and straightened her top out before she had a wardrobe malfunction. “I promise, no more tickling for the rest of the night. But seriously, are you sure you don’t want to come tonight? Please?” She affixed the puppy dog eyes on her sister with one last plea.

The light-haired twin rolled her eyes in response. “You know that face doesn’t work on me. Do I look like Beckett to you? And nah, thanks. I’m good. I’ve had my share of roughing it out in the woods, at night, with demons and crazy psychopaths after me to last me a lifetime. You guys have fun in the forest and whatever.”

The doorbell rang at that moment, signaling the arrival of the rest of Motley Crue. Clarette and Shreya made their way to the door, opening it to their group of friends.

“By the way, if it wasn’t obvious, you two look absolutely absurd,” Atlas continued, “at least the others had enough sense not to dress-“ she looked up and stopped midsentence, where she was greeted with the sight of Zeph dressed up in a skeleton costume complete with face paint while Aster donned a headpiece resembling a unicorn. “At least Griff and Harrington had enough sense not to dress up,” she rectified her statement.

Griffin stood in the doorway with a full bag of mixed elixir in hand, laughing at Atlas’ unimpressed expression. “I would’ve dressed up if I knew everyone else was going to!”

Beckett scoffed. “You couldn’t pay me to dress up.”

Clarette pranced over to her boyfriend, noticing Beckett’s eyes darken as he took in her entire costume. “I’m sure I could convince you otherwise,” she replied, a sly grin on her face. “Besides I know what you could dress up as. You could be the police!”

He raised an eyebrow at her suggestion. “And why, may I ask?”

“Because sometimes you’re the fun police!” A mixture of groans and laughter were heard at her bad joke while they all waved ‘bye’ to Atlas. Clarette giggled, bounding out the door and down the long corridor, leading Beckett by the hand while the others followed their path.

The evening sky was the deepest shade of midnight and the moon was hidden behind the cover of clouds as the six of them made their way through the Penderghast campus. They continued walking into the woods beyond the lake, the lights of the university dimming behind them with every foot before being swallowed by the foliage.

Clarette bounced excitedly with each step, wanting to savor her first real Halloween since being introduced into her current magickal world. The last two years had comprised of shadow monsters, maniacal Blood Atts, and power-hungry Sources, all of which diminished any desire to celebrate one of her favorite times of the year.

This year was different. With no threats on the horizon, she decided they would all be celebrating spooky season with her. She took solace in now knowing who she was and where she came from, which gave her the security to enjoy the festivities. The last time she felt so carefree was when she was a child, and Halloween had no pretense; it was only about how many treats she could fill in her goody bag.

Moving to a new area for high school had given her a different reason to enjoy Halloween, when she embraced the dressing up aspect the most. In a smaller city where she was one of the few minorities and the only Asian American girl in school, she relished the opportunity to be someone else for one day. She found she was comfortable dressing up in any manner she wanted, and that usually equated to a getup that conformed with her party girl label.

As Clarette thought about ideas for her costume this year, she knew it was going to be one of those stereotypical sexy outfits, but she felt assured about making her decision. The difference between dressing up in a sexy costume now and a few years prior? Her actions were now on her terms and she was finally comfortable in her own skin. She was dressing up for herself and not to fit in.

Over the last two years, she had regaled the group with stories about Halloween, from urban legends and folklore to the revelries in the Attuneless world such as haunted houses, mazes, and hayrides designed to scare people. Convincing Shreya was easy; she didn’t need to be asked twice to be her partner in crime in dressing up and looking good while doing it. Griffin, Zeph, and Aster were always down for some hijinks, and surprisingly Beckett didn’t try to make a logical argument to get out of it. Only Atlas rejected to partake in it, citing her very valid reasons of already living through enough nightmares.

Griffin led the way through the brush, smoothing out the path to make sure the girls of the group wouldn’t trip over any loose rocks. “So Clarette, what are we doing? You didn’t exactly lay out the plan.”

“I don’t really have one. I was thinking about lighting a bonfire, telling some scary stories while we drink, pretend to do a séance…. I don’t know, whatever comes to mind, I guess.”

“A séance? Are you sure this is a good idea?” Zeph asked with hesitation. “My abuela always said you don’t mess with these types of things, especially since the veil is the thinnest this time of year.”

Shreya scoffed while adjusting the sparkly witch hat she wore on her head. “It’s not like we’re actually summoning anything. Besides, Clarette already talked to a dead Dread last year and nothing else came from it.”

Clarette shivered at the mention of Raife, memories of her and Atlas destroying his corrupted essence doing little to soothe her mind.

Beckett wrapped his arm around her, noticing her shiver. “Are you alright?”

“Just a little draft, nothing more,” she fibbed, not wanting to worry him about the thoughts in her mind.

The evening had started innocently enough, with the bottles of elixir being poured and stories being told from the Attuned side of things. They all shared stories of how ‘The Dread’ was used as a bogeyman in their different upbringings, all of which were terrifying in their own right. Silence reigned after the last tale was told and they all took a sip of their drinks, the silence enhanced with the effects of their beverages.

Zeph turned his head to the right, on alert. “Did anyone else hear that?” His eyes flickered across the group.

“I didn’t hear anything,” Clarette answered. “Come on, Zeph, stop trying to scare us.”

A distant rustle echoed through the night.

“I heard that,” Griffin interjected as he stood up and dusted his pants off. “Zeph, come on, let’s check it out.”

Zeph grimaced, steeling himself. “Fine. But if I die out there, it’s on you.” He got up and joined Griffin past the shrubbery.

The other four looked at each other with uneasy glances as the minutes ticked by.

“Yeah, this isn’t creepy, at all,” Clarette commented, snuggling more so into Beckett’s side.

A moment later, the flames extinguished, leaving them in complete darkness.

“Very funny, Shreya,” Beckett remarked. “Would you please turn the fire back on?”

Shreya looked at him with her mouth agape at the accusation. “I didn’t do that, Beckett.” She snapped her fingers to reignite it, but nothing happened.

The branches where Griffin and Zeph walked into shook, the disturbance causing them to jump at the sound.

“And very funny, you two!” Clarette hollered towards the direction of the bushes. “You can stop with the cheap scare tactics already!”

Aster branched out, the shadow lingering on her face. “It is not them.”

“What do you mean it isn’t-“ Before Shreya could finish her sentence, the undergrowth parted, a giant shadow monster appearing before them.

“Holy shit!” Clarette jumped up and ripped off her gloves, blasting the apparition with her Sun magick. The beam that came from her hand went straight through and did not cause any damage, to her disbelief. “It didn’t do anything!”

“Clarette, go!” Beckett stepped in front of her, shielding her from the monster. “Aster, make sure she stays safe!”

Aster nodded, grabbing Clarette’s arm. “Come on, I know a safe place!”

“I’m not leaving you, Beckett! I can help!” She tried wriggling out of Aster’s unhuman, strong grip, to no avail.

Beckett took a few steps towards Clarette, never turning his back on the monster. “I told you before, I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, my love, and I never break my word.” He kissed her hard, channeling his feelings into the singular action. “Just remember, I love you.”

Before Clarette could respond, Aster dragged her further into the forest, the trees camouflaging their retreat.

Clarette ran through the trees, complete darkness engulfing her surroundings. She wasn’t sure if she could hear a faint laughter echo through the expanse of thicket, but she knew there was no way she would stay in one place to find out. Her pulse raced in her ear and her lungs burned as she weaved through the cover of the forest, her survival instincts kicking in.

"Don't turn around. Don't stop now. And whatever you do, don't turn around." The thought repeated itself in her mind. She had watched enough horror flicks in her days to know one of the rules of survival.

How could a shadow monster be chasing her? They had eliminated the different threats over the course of their Penderghast careers, including those using essences to create corrupt forms. She frowned at the memory of her attack going right through the monster’s center, its red eyes and sadistic grin smiling at her inability to vanquish it.

It turned out Atlas was the smart one that evening, opting to stay back on campus instead of joining the Crue in the woods. Their evening was supposed to be full of harmless fun and Halloween shenanigans.

Or they were supposed to be shenanigans, until that fire went out without explanation and the giant shadow monster appeared through the trees. It seemed to laugh at her with glowing, red eyes and the sinister smile on its warped mouth, its intent bent on destroying everything in their path.

The monster must have taken both Griff and Zeph down quickly, as the rest of them didn’t even hear anything from where they had disappeared. There was no scream to signal trouble, and the only shout she heard was from Shreya. Her shrill shriek rang through the woods until it was cut off with a stomach dropping abruptness.

Clarette’s mind raced with thoughts of what happened to her friends, her brows furrowing when she thought of Beckett. She should never have left him, despite his urging and insistence. She and Aster were nearly a Thief-field length away when she heard his voice ringing through the foliage, telling the monster to stay away from her. Clarette had stopped in her tracks, ready to turn back when she thought she heard him scream, only for the forest to stifle any identifiable sounds.

She shook her head to clear her mind. The current circumstances gave her no time to think and instead, she concentrated on winding in and out of the hedges and trees. Now it was just her and Aster, thanks to Aster's abilities to navigate the forest where she grew up.

"Clarette!" Aster huffed through exertion, the flowers in her hair downcast and sodden. "The trees are telling me there should be a cabin 50 feet that way. You should go there while I go for help!"

Clarette stopped in her tracks, giving Aster an incredulous look. "You want me to go to a cabin, in the woods, in the middle of the night??? I am not going to die like some cliché, slasher movie!"

Aster frowned, the reference going over her head. "Movies can cut you in the Attuneless world? I have to remember this for later! But in the meantime, I'll go track down Atlas and the shadow monster won't get me because I know these woods like the back of my hand! The cabin should be over there!" She ran off in the opposite direction, leaving before Clarette could get a final word in. “I’ll be back!”

"Shit!" Clarette whispered to herself, knowing that anyone who ever says “I’ll be back” never returns according to the rules of horror films. Looking around after taking a steadying breath, there was no sign of the shadow monster and she quietly made her way through the trees. The 50 feet she crept through felt like a mile, but Aster was right; there stood an abandoned cabin in the middle of the woods.

"This is what I get for watching all those Freddy Krueger - Scream - Friday the 13th movies when I was in high school," she grimaced as she approached the solid oak door, trying to peek through the tinted window. "No, this isn't scary at all."

Opening the door, her eyes widened as a feeling of astonishment overtook her. The darkened interior of the cabin was illuminated softly by elegant, taper candles in metal, gothic candelabras while the glow of strategically placed jack-o-lanterns added to the ambience. The hazy flame from the fireplace cast a warm light over the entire room, highlighting the black, satin sheets that adorned the bed against the far wall.

In the middle of the room stood one Beckett Harrington, a proud smile on his face after having everything go according to plan for the evening. He held his arms out wide, showcasing the result. “Surprise! I know you love Halloween, so I wanted to give you one to remember.”

Her shock quickly dissolved into anger as she marched over to him, pushing his shoulder hard and backing him against the wall next to the bed. "You ass! I can't believe you made me think you were hurt and then you made me run through the woods thinking everyone else was hurt!"

Beckett rubbed the back of his neck as he watched his idea blow up spectacularly in his face. "I thought you would appreciate the Halloween scare since you've been so excited the entire month. Between you regaling us about your Tuneless traditions of going to haunted houses and watching scary movies with me, I just wanted to bring a little piece of that to you because you've missed it."

Her face softened at how much thought and planning he had undertaken to pull this off, though her arms remained crossed. "Well, the haunted houses I used to go to weren't real because they're played by actors and I love watching scary movies with you because I get to snuggle and bury my head into you when it gets too much. It's all make-believe!" Before she continued her tirade, a light bulb went off in her head. "Wait. Does this mean everyone was in on it?”

Beckett nodded. "Indeed. I asked for their help to execute everything. Shreya extinguished the fire with no effort after Griff and Zeph’s cue of disappearing.”

"What was Atlas' role in all this? Summoning the shadow monster?"

Beckett chuckled, his cheeks red. He remembered the day he went to Atlas for help in pulling this off and while she initially refused, she had relented in the end.

“Hey, Harrington,” Atlas paused after helping him with the illusion, “you really love my sister, don’t you.”

Beckett flushed. No one had asked him about their relationship point blank after he and Clarette had exchanged ‘I love yous.’ Looking at Atlas, he replied in a confident tone, “I do. I love her very much.”

A wry smile crossed her face. “I know. Just making sure.”

She made him swear to not tell a soul she helped him with this, knowing that her sister would never let her live it down.

"Griff and Zeph helped with the illusion of the shadow monster. Atlas had absolutely no part to play in this. When she heard the beginning of my plan, she held her hand up and said 'no' outright. She wanted no part of 'whatever freaky sex thing' I had in mind, even though it hadn't even crossed my mind."

“I don't know if I should punch you or kiss you," Clarette laughed, none the wiser to his masterplan.

“I definitely think I should be rewarded with the latter, but I may be slightly biased,” he beamed.

She closed the distance between them, placing her arms on his shoulders as she brought him down for a slow kiss. "Well, now that your plan has been executed, did any 'freaky sex thing' cross your mind?"

"I don't know if it would be considered freaky, but you already know I think about you quite frequently in that way."

Clarette gleamed at him, her eyes shining in the dim light as she comprehended in full how much preparation was needed for him to pull the entire evening off. “I can’t believe you really did this all for me.”

“You know I would do anything for you,” he replied as a tender look fell on his face.

“As twisted as your plan tonight was, I do know that.” Her fingers trailed down the lapel of his blazer as an idea of her own entered her mind. “Hmmm, you know, I don't think I ever told you what the best part of Halloween is."

He wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her close. "Oh, and what's that? I thought you said the best part was dressing up?"

She brought him down for a kiss, their mouths moving against each other in hypnotizing fashion. His tongue teased her bottom lip, asking for entrance and she moaned in acceptance, their tongues dancing with the deepened kiss. His hands roved down past her short skirt to her ass, squeezing it and bringing her closer to his frame. She gasped as she felt his erection pressing against her lower abdomen, his hardness causing desire to shoot through her veins. They broke apart after a few minutes, both feeling dizzy and lightheaded from their kisses.

"The best part of Halloween," she purred, while starting to unbutton his shirt, "is definitely the treat. After everything you put me through tonight, I deserve something tasty to put in my mouth, don't you think?” She planted kisses on his now bare chest, her fingers tracing down his torso before landing on the front of his pants, grasping his arousal through his trousers.

A strangled sound came from Beckett's throat, his voice shaky with each squeeze of her hand. "Yes, oh - you definitely deserve something tasty as a treat," he managed to get out with difficulty.

Clarette unbuckled his belt, undoing the button and sliding the zipper down with care, all the while kissing a path down his stomach. His muscles flexed involuntarily when she trailed the outline of his abs with her nails and flicked her tongue against the flat plane of his lower abdomen. His pants hit the floor and he groaned after she kissed him through his underwear, her face rubbing against his prominent bulge through the black fabric.

Standing up straight for a moment, she unfastened her cape, dropping it to the floor in between them. His gaze went down to her chest, her breasts inviting his touch. His hands roamed up the corset before caressing the swell above the garment with his thumbs, the soft skin smooth to his fingertips. He bent over to kiss her again as her hand cupped him through his underwear, and once again she placed kisses down his body.

Her knees came to rest on the soft fabric of the cape she had dropped, and she looked up at him through thick lashes, the glint in her eye causing him to bite his lip in anticipation. Seeing her in this position was one of his favorite things in the entire universe.

She lowered his boxer briefs in an unhurried manner, licking her lips as his glorious cock sprang free from its constraints. His hand found its way to the back of her head, tangling in her luscious, raven locks as he guided her mouth to him.

"My, someone's eager," Clarette chuckled as she wrapped one hand around his dick, licking the underside of his shaft from base to tip. His jaw hung agape as he let out a sharp breath with the sensation of her tongue on his taut flesh. Stroking his length, she wet her lips before placing a kiss on his velvet tip, their eyes locking as he was met with a seductive smile.

Beckett watched in awe as she twirled her tongue around his tip slowly, before taking him in and sucking on his head. She bobbed back and forth with a gradual pace, her hand working over his impressive length before releasing him with a pop from her mouth. Gripping his cock in her hand, she opened her mouth and slapped him against her flattened tongue, the move eliciting a groan from him as she then licked the precum off him.

Once again, he found himself past her lips, her fingers wrapping tightly around him while moving up and down in tandem over his hardness. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall, enjoying the attention his girlfriend was slathering upon him, his other senses heightened with pleasure at the sound and feel of her mouth around him. His eyes opened when he felt her warmth leave him, and he looked down to see the marvelous sight of her licking his tight balls. He groaned as she sucked on one, followed by the other, her hand never stopping the rhythm on his erection.

Beckett’s eyes were glazed with desire as she returned to sucking his cock, her tempo picking up with each twist of her hand. He couldn’t help himself as his other hand entangled itself in her hair, giving him a firm grip on her head. He started thrusting into her mouth, stretching her out with his thickness, filling her with more of him after each buck of his hips. Her hands left his cock, sliding around to grab his ass as he took total control. Fucking her pretty, little mouth, he came hard as he hit the back of her throat, a deep moan accompanying his release.

Clarette swallowed his entire load, gasping for air after he pulled out, her lips swollen and mouth raw. This was rougher than what she was used to with him, but the truth was that she loved it. Beckett was usually so in control and the knowledge that she could make him lose it excited her greatly, if the wetness between her legs was any indication.

He helped her to a standing position and held her against him, wrapping both arms around her while kissing the top of her head. “Clarette, you’re magnificent,” he whispered as he cupped her jaw and kissed her gently.

She returned the kiss with fire, whimpering into his mouth as his hands wandered up her skirt and rubbed her through her soaked panties. “God, Beckett, I want you so bad,” she murmured against his lips. Taking his hands in hers, she led them towards the bed, her pupils dilated with need. She looked up at him with a hazy look, her tongue darting out to wet her lips before asking her next question. “How do you want me?”

His nostrils flared at her implication and he swallowed before giving his answer. “Like this.” He kissed her hard before turning her around and bending her over the side of the bed, her ass facing him. Quickly shrugging out of his blazer and shirt, he knelt behind her and slid down her skirt and underwear slowly, revealing her glistening center to him.

Massaging her thighs, he moved his hands further up until he reached her apex, running his thumbs over her lips and spreading her juices over her mound. He traced the inside of her long legs with his fingertips, widening her stance by moving her feet apart, using his tongue to make his way back to her sex.

Clarette’s eyes fluttered shut as she felt him rub her slit, his name leaving her lips as he opened her up before he delved in with a long lick. He wrapped his arms around her legs, his fingers drawing circles on her clit as he ate her out from behind. She grinded back into him, her orgasm building quickly from how aroused she had been earlier. Her eyes snapped open when he stopped, only to close again when she felt him stand behind her, his big, thick cock pressing into her entrance.

Beckett leaned over her back, nipping at her ear, while rubbing his head against her sopping pussy. “Trick or treat, my love.” Straightening up, he pushed into her in one fluid motion, shuddering at her tightness. He started out with long, powerful strokes, burying himself deep inside her with each thrust, a feeling of intoxication coming over him as she enveloped him in her wet heat.

She screamed his name in pleasure as he stretched her out, filling her to the brim with his slow pace. Her hands pulled at the satin sheets as she breathed heavy, lying face down into the bed as he pounded her from behind. The familiar electric buzz coursed through her body, ready to give in to him.

Beckett gripped her hips, his fingers leaving imprints from the pressure he was holding onto her with. He groaned in pleasure as he alternated his strokes, speeding up then slowing down when he felt her getting too close to the edge. Looking down, he got a thrill at seeing her bent over for him as he fucked her in this position, her body still clad in the corset from her costume and her long legs still accentuated by her black heels.

Clarette started pushing back against him, and he stood still, watching his swollen cock disappear into her with her movements. He could feel the tightness in his balls building once more, and he bent over her back, his broad frame pinning her petite body against the bed. Grabbing her arms, he held them to either side of her head as he drove into her throbbing pussy.

“Tell me what you want, Clarette,” he growled in her ear, his voice low and animalistic.

“Fuck me harder and make me come, my love,” she moaned, her sweat laden body writhing under him.

Groaning, he reached a hand between her legs, gliding his fingers over her clit as she grinded against him. He rubbed her nub back and forth, sliding her bundle of nerves in between his middle and ring finger, the action making her body tense under his touch.

“God, Beckett, that feels so good,” she scrunched her eyes shut, concentrating on his rigid dick pounding into her and his hand working her pearl. She could feel her orgasm coming, her body buzzing, ready to explode.

He closed his eyes as pumped her faster with his thick shaft, her pussy gripping him like a vice, her walls pulsating around him. He sped his fingers up against her clit, urging her to come around him. Slamming his hips into hers, his dick hit her perfect spot repeatedly and she clenched around his hard cock, her scream muffled by the bunched-up sheets under her.

Her body glowed as she reached her high, and Beckett continued to fuck her through her orgasm, his own rapidly approaching. He held her down as he buried himself in her over and over, before exploding in her after one final thrust. He collapsed over her, his chest to her back, closing his eyes as he peppered kisses on the curve of her neck.

After staying in her for a few moments, he pulled out and climbed on the bed, pulling her up to his chest. She gave him a small smile, kissing his chest with a sigh of content. “That was fun.”

“It wasn’t too much?” He asked with trepidation, knowing that this was the first time they had made love in this frenzied manner.

“Not at all. I like it when you’re in control.” She trailed a finger over his heart, sitting up as she started unhooking the corset. “Though maybe you could’ve taken this thing off me before we started to, you know.”

A tinge of red dusted his cheeks, although it was barely visible in the darkened room. “Ah, yes, about that…” With a swipe of his hand, the hooks undid themselves as the garment fell away. He pulled her back down onto him, wrapping his arms around his faux vampire vixen. “You may have played to one of my fantasies, and you’re right, I do see the validity of Halloween, after all,” he admitted. “But I have been wondering about something all night.”

“Fantasies, hmm? We’re going to have to revisit that sometime. And by the way, that’s one more tick in the ‘I’m right’ column,” she smirked, moving her head to look up at him. “But what were you thinking about?”

“I loved looking at you in your costume, but what made your outfit a vampire? You didn’t have fangs and you weren’t sucking on blood or anything-”

“I seem to recall that I was definitely sucking on something earlier,” she interjected, a playful smile crossing her face.

He held her close, the reverberations from his low laughter rumbling through him. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

“I do, and you love me for it.”

He couldn’t deny her as they laced their fingers together, engaging in pillow talk until they both fell asleep in each other’s arms.

The cabin was now dark and silent, the flames from the candles and fire long extinguished. In the midst of their activities that evening, they paid no attention to the metal candelabras twisting and falling to the ground because of his attunement, nor did they pay attention to the glow she gave off because of hers… but a pair of flashing red eyes just beyond the clearing certainly did.

[amoralto]

I've been reading your posts from the past year, and I have to ask: Why do you even do this blog? Why put so much time and energy into writing about Paul's relationship with somebody you don't like? I'm serious here. Every snippet you post about John, every comment you write about him, is critical. If you truly believe John deserves all the blame in the relationship, while Paul is the sainted victim, you have a right to your opinion. But I think the truth is much more complex.

My spontaneous and simplistic response to this ask is that I am very surprised, and that I honestly find it difficult to see how one could glean a clear and obvious (even glaring, as you imply) bias against John or in the dynamic of his particular relationship with Paul. Not in the last year’s posts - which appear predominantly to consist of scattered anecdotes and accounts from varied sources, and clips of John’s own measured and matured introspections - and certainly not in the several previous years’ - which host a cornucopia of John’s best and bad sides, often concurrently.

I am still rather shy about how far I raise my head above the parapet in this place, but I’ll try to be clear as I can on this apparent bias that you suggest, and the closest I have to a stance: I stand myself definitively and decidedly apart from any factioning that may occur in this fandom/community. Not above, just apart. I am not in the “Anti-John” camp. I am not in the “Saint-Paul” camp. I am not in the “Witch-Yoko” camp. I am not in the “Ungrateful-George” camp. I do not weigh anybody in the Beatles or around them in currencies of blame and what they do or don’t deserve. I do not reduce them down solely to their so-called worst tendencies, nor do I ignorantly glorify them by their so-called best.

And I would like to argue that I have not, in this blog, if I felt I could muster a better argument than just pointing out old posts to you, like the ones personally (pathologically) written (waffled) by myself, which have gone into kaleidoscopic (deathless) account about John and Paul alone and together, and how it’s less about victims and villains and easy delineations and more about the entanglement of preoccupations and issues and enabling/disabling behaviours of both parties, pushing and pulling, for both positive and detriment, from both sides. Because that may just come across as passive-aggressive, and I don’t wish to be, especially when I’m unsure where exactly anon is coming from.

You seem to be expressing a frustration with how people in this story are painted within parts of the fandom and without it, how John/Paul can tend to be deified and vaulted where another can tend to be John/Paul demonised and disregarded, which is one I am entirely in commiseration with. I’m frustrated with it too, immensely. But I have to express my surprise at being the brunt of this (and even anxious dismay, if only because I’m an emotional basketcase and wracked with imposter syndrome and doubt over my own competency of credibility).

I agree, truth is complex, as it is also often unwhole. The contents of this blog have, foremost, been about multiplicative perspective and dimension. It has been about complexity, and deconstruction, and reflexivity. Account and empathy. Critical and not condemnatory judgment. Just as human beings are multi-facted, the examination of them (and reexamination) has to be as well. Now, as the curator of materials and very occasional writer of “meta” or “discourse”, my own latent thoughts and interpretations and even speculation will seep into any lofty ideals of neutrality inevitably. I am aware of and understand this, viscerally, which is why I make (or like to think I have made) appreciable efforts into maintaining a balance while also expanding scope.

I source and archive and then have myself and others who browse the blog to try to derive corroboration and context and further speculation from there, but sourcing and archiving first also entails documenting any manner of opinions and accounts that I may not necessarily agree with or believe by people whom I may not necessarily find reliable in one or another particular context, but which I nonetheless determine is intriguing or important as a point of view, as a point in time, as a facet of the vast frame. Intrigue does not equate to endorsement. I provide contextual description on such posts, off and on, sure, which can at times be conjectural, but for the most part I refrain from opinion and if anything try to stress not jumping to conclusions. 

And this is what still makes up the vast majority of the posts on this blog: quotes, anecdotes, interviews. Scattered, inconsistent, varied. And for all that I try to maintain an overall balance of perspective in the content, I can’t deny that my actual logistical posting habits are imbalanced, which is another thing which may have impressed negatively/wrongly upon anon - crucially, that I don’t unfortunately space the posts out evenly by “content perspective”, where a negative anecdote about somebody will be followed up immediately by a positive one. I just post things as and when I’ve looked them up, or finished working on them, or such. I may read a book and post a few quotes from it, successively, and then perhaps a clip I’ve just transcribed, and then a video a friend of mine requested that I found I had in my possession. I’m not operating on any ingrained biases, Amoralto’s Active Agenda For The Day, I’m just operating on what I have in my possession and capacity to post at a given time.

And perhaps this is a real fault on my part that I can take into hand, that I should try to be more evenhanded in my dissemination, but – basically, if a few consecutive posts that seem to be critical/negative of John or any other particular person at one given point in time is what has convinced you of some untoward bias of opinion I may hold, then I can only say that this is not the case at all.

You talk of the time and energy I put in - if I didn’t love John, and any of the Beatles for that matter, I would not be spending all this time into finding more facets for the frame, acquiring more vantage points, searching for nuance. I’ve even discussed in this blog before, more than once, about affinity and relatability, and about how I can relate to John’s emotional hedgings and compulsions (and the other Beatles for that matter, in other ways, for other reasons). I don’t like myself very much for all kinds of reasons, but it doesn’t make me project upon John for reflecting some of my more shameful tendencies back at myself, or further embolden his; if anything the relation only fosters better understanding of them because I can see more clearly how things can spiral and have repercussions that were not entirely meant at all, well or ill, and I can see why it would be entirely valid for John to feel this way in that circumstance, or do this with what little he’d perceived to receive, and on. And this applies for Paul and the others as well.

I’m not sure how to conclude this, so – this is my general case, anon. I think the least we can agree on is that I am a little more familiar with what I post than you are, and can thus speak with more about authority about them. I have tried going over my own posts with your eyes and have failed to see the same criticisms you do, and I can’t hope that you will see things from my perspective when you read this either. However, I do hope it will at least have broadened your perspective in some way, if it hasn’t changed your mind about me or the opinions I appear to prescribe.

(… And you know the phrase “paranoid troll logic” is meant in the most exasperatedly fond and not at all sneering way, right? I’ve tagged Paul as an “emotional disaster ocean” before too, I do not consider emotional disaster oceans remotely saintly. I allow myself to be glib and cavalier every once in a while, because the Beatles story can be so existentially absurd at times; I would hate for it to be interpreted as a deride.)

[smolbeandrabbles]

Diligence: Moderation - Gerry x Reader (Mississippi Grind)

🎉 YOU ARE FINALLY OUT OF MY DRAFTS GERRY!!! FINALLY!!! 🎉

Author’s Note: Requested by @sufferthesea ❤😘 And... I’m so so so so so SO sorry it’s taken me so long! Considering you requested as soon as I opened them up!

OH GOD! How dare you make me chose between Gerry and Danny this song is just SO GOOD for both of them depending on how you interpret it. But... This is where we’ve ended up..! I hope you enjoy my decision! 💙💜🙊

I couldn’t have done this without @3134045126 - I wrote 800 words of this when it was requested and... it stayed at 800 words. Because I wasn’t feeling it. Thanks to discussions with her she inspired a brand new idea (and much happier I gotta say!) and this was born. Although, I’m not gonna lie, it took me a while and life experience to put it down on paper Considering the sweet Sufferthesea sent this to me as a song: Moderation by Florence + the Machine should probably be the place you go first...!

Disclaimer: Mississippi Grind (& associated characters!) not mine! Lyrics (and song idea!) also not mine!

Premise: Having sworn himself off Gambling his life away... Gerry needs something new to fixate on... Words: 2889

Warnings: Angst (my old friend!) / 

Want me to love you in moderation Do I look moderate to you? Sip it slowly and pay attention I just have to see it through You got me looking for validation Passion's new Want me to love you in moderation Well, who do you think you're talking to?

And little girl, who do you think you are? You think you need it, you think you want love You wouldn't want it if you knew what it was

I've never made it with moderation No, I've never understood All the feeling was all or nothing And I took everything I could Can't hold it back, I can't take the tension Oh, I'm trying to be good

I don't see the worth And I'm still try'na figure out if it Always, always, always has to hurt

---

noun

     1. careful and persistent work or effort.      2. the avoidance of excess or extremes, especially in one's behaviour or         political opinions

Gerry was obsessed. When wasn’t he? Obsessed with the game. With winning. With that hit gambling gave. He hadn’t known that kind of rush, been able to get that kind of fix from anything else. But he had promised… Curtis, his daughter... himself that he was done. That this time cleaning up his life really meant just that. There was only one problem. YOU. All that nervous energy, that need to obsess and want something so badly... that kick... he’d poured it all into you.

You didn’t know this yet. In fact he’d barely worked up the courage to talk to you yet. He liked that. The almost. Every conversation you had had been initiated by yourself - short, sweet... everything her craved... and yet never long enough. He would sit in the corner of the cafe you worked in and just watch you. He felt a little safer sitting all the way back here; like he could deny he was doing what he was doing. But he did it often enough for you to one day ask if he had an office that he could work from. Whereupon he blushed and looked to the table with a nervous giggle; “I guess so...”

Trouble was, he was never productive in the office... because he could only think of you. Whenever he had to go back to showing people around houses he would make sure to stop by for a coffee either on the way or on the way back; just so he could see you. You’d become accustomed to this routine so much that you had his order ready for him the second you saw his car pull up in the lot. But he’d always make sure to stop and talk to you for a little while, even when he knew he was running slightly late.

The worst days were when you weren’t working. Or on occasion you would swap tables with someone else, and suddenly he wasn’t waited on by you.  That felt as bad as losing did. Only he supposed he wasn’t losing money; so it should have been better. The problem was it toyed with his emotions, so it felt worse. Sometimes you would catch his eye and smile even when you weren’t waiting him. And he liked that.  You loved the smile he gave back too; his pretty blue eyes, the sweaters sometimes you wished you could wrap yourself up in. It was a strange thing to think about someone you barely knew. But you thought it all the same.

Gerry didn’t like it when you turned that smile on someone else; because sometimes he felt that it was just for him. But, what if it wasn’t? What if every joking comment you made him wasn’t cute and flirty? What if it was something you just did? Because you were kind and gentle... not because you might actually like him. What if you didn’t really notice him at all? Sometimes you were so busy you didn’t even acknowledge him, and then that hurt even more. Because what if everything else was just because of circumstance? What if he didn’t really matter to you at all...?

He guessed he could walk away at any time, and nothing was keeping him coming back. But Gerry couldn’t walk away without knowing. He had to know. That was like walking away from a table... you can’t walk away when the odds could still swing in your favour (not that they did that often in Gerry’s experience, but there was always that chance), even if the game is over there’s still an opportunity to play one more round. Although, the point was he was trying not to play games here. But you... made them so hard to resist. But the tables so easy to leave...

 So he started staying on your shifts until closing. And because this was both new and something that you’d witnessed on 5 consecutive evenings, you started to worry. For him, and for his intentions; “Gerry... you know this is the fifth time you’ve stayed this week right? Is everything okay?” “Yeah... Yeah... everything’s fine...” He slid his laptop closed and looked to you; that same utterly adorable smile you couldn’t help but fall for. “Are you sure? Will you be here tomorrow night too? I’m worried...” “Oh you... don’t need to worry about me...” He bit his lip and looked away from you “Can I, uh... get one more coffee?” “Coffee?” You repeated slowly “at this time of day?” “Mm hm.” You sighed gently; “Okay. Sure... but then you gotta leave... it’s past closing time and I gotta get home...” “W...Well why don’t you have one with me?” It was about the most confident thing he’d said “No...” Ouch-! “I’m okay... but... that’s sweet, thank you...” “Well then come sit with me...” “Gerry I gotta clear up...” you headed back to the counter “I’ll bring it over though.” “No-! That’s okay I can come sit up by you.” He stood “Gerry it’s okay I can..” you didn’t have the opportunity to finish by the time he was within inches of you. And even he realised that was a little too close. “Sorry...” He lowered those blue eyes to the floor and ran a hand through his hair, bashful. You searched his face for a minute; what was going on with him? “Are you sure you’re okay?” “Y-Yeah... Everything is fine...” he flushed and you got the picture; everything was both fine and far from fine... and that was your fault.

You shook your head and took his hands in yours; which snapped his eyes immediately back to yours; “Come on… Sit down… I’ll get you a drink…” Gerry sat tentatively at the bar, tapping his fingers nervously on the surface; “You sure you want coffee? You look like you could use something a little stronger…” You pulled down a mug and set about making something for him. You had just the thing. “…Why, do you have anything stronger-?!” You laughed to yourself; “Noooo…! Why, what’s your poison?” “Oh, uh… Woodford is pretty good.” “Bourbon-!?” You turned and studied him for a minute “Mmm… I can see that…” You finished mixing your concoction and placed it in front of him; “Oh. Is that hot chocolate?” “Mmm hmmm.” You leant on the counter with a smile; “You look like you need it.” “Thank you…” His voice was so gentle and again his look away from you was shy. You felt you could both be skipping around feelings here. And yet both of you were apparently okay with doing this…

“Gerry…” Your voice was soft and calm, “You had me real worried for a minute…” He attempted to take a sip but it turned into a gulp and the too hot liquid burned, making him wince; “…Oh…?” You leant on your hands and tilted your head; “What’s wrong… Tell me what’s wrong…” He laughed, but it wasn’t genuine “What isn’t wrong.” He turned away from you for a minute “…I dunno… Maybe you should just ignore me… Maybe its nothing…” “Gerry…” You were gentle again, placing a hand on his arm “Talk to me… Is it me? It kinda feels like it’s me…” Maybe you should bite the bullet on this one. Maybe you had done something without realising, or maybe he was just reading into something too much. “No… You? You’re kidding… It’s just I…”He shook his head; removed your hand from his arm, but, kept it in his own “I am NO good for you…” It felt like rejection. It was painful. Even though you know he’d meant it to warn you away. Even though he’d not actually told you that he had any feelings for you yet he clearly did; you wondered if he’d even realised he’d not outright said it “Gerry… Do you have a crush on me?”

He opened his mouth and then hesitated; had he not already… made that obvious? Wait, no, he hadn’t yet told you-!? SHOOT! He began tripping on words; his heart screaming at him to say yes; but the temptation to deny it too great. You hushed him gently; “Sweetie, calm down… It’s okay…I don’t mind…” “You should…!!” Gerry slipped his hand from yours, looking like he’d just said a million things he wished he hadn’t “I’m no good for anyone…” He twisted back to the bar and picked up his mug again. “Why?” You leant back on your hands; “I think you’re kinda cute.” “W-“ He paused and looked at you uncertainly for a minute; “You do?” You nodded “Mmm hmmm… But now I completely understand why you watch me so much…” “You noticed-!?” pink dusted his cheeks, making you giggle; “Yeah, I noticed…” He tilted his head; you were suddenly unfathomable, and he had to let you know that; “…But you… I don’t get it… I don’t think I understand… you…” You raised an eyebrow “Why?” He shifted in his seat, almost nervously “Because… You… Somehow you make me want to keep straight… And… it’s not fair on you for me to-” “Gerry, hold on a second… Me?! I… Me?!” You weren’t exactly sure how to react to that. Seconds ago he’d basically been telling you the reasons you shouldn’t want to love him. Now he was telling you that because he had feelings for you; that he was trying to be a better person for you, he was sitting at your tables, and not gambling tables.  It wasn’t like you could help that you had fallen for him. It hadn’t exactly been something you’d had control over.

“Y/N…” He laced his free hand with yours, leaning closer to you he lowered his voice “…I can’t… DO things in half measures…” His eyes flicked to several of the tables “…I’m not. I’m not a moderate person. It’s intense… And I don’t think I can put you through a thing like that.” That sentence came with a promise. That his love would also contain no moderation. Was that not what love was about, though? Love wasn’t meant to be moderate? Was it? Wasn’t it meant to be a no-holds-barred thrill ride? Intensity… That was a whole part of it wasn’t it? He almost laughed; “You’re gonna get nothing but trouble…” He grinned “I’m sure you’re not gonna put up with that more than once.” Finally he made you laugh “It just, sounds like you need some diligence.” “Oh- uh huh! And where do I get that.” You gave a gentle shrug; "Well, I mean I studied psychology..." you pushed yourself forward on your elbows "So maybe I can listen and help out..." "Like a therapist?" "Haha-! If you think a therapist would help you...! I'm not qualified though!"  you leant on your hands with a smile at the intrigue on his face; "I dunno, I think you'd be more than capable of... Listening to my problems... Though I don't know if I particularly want to burden you with them..." "Nonsense..." your next smile was encouraging "Besides, I like the sound of your voice..." There was that nervous, jumpy flicker across his face again. Cause and effect "Y- You do?" "Mmmm..."

So he began his story. Shortened considerably, he told you about his gambling habit, meeting his lucky charm, and setting out across the Mississippi, culminating in winning a hell of a lot of money... But also his constant fear that he'd not be able to resist the pull back. But you realised, as he talked, and as he hinted, and his eyes almost pleaded with you to understand, Gerry had a new pull now. And it was the reason he was always here. Not moderate indeed. It bordered fixation... But healthier than his other one. Still, he'd also sat here and tried to give you a bunch of warnings. Self-deprecating warnings that would impede his goal. Just like gambling... With his feelings not his money... Could you date a man like that? Could you let yourself pass up this chance? That was just as big a question. He hadn't asked it of you yet, but it was hanging in the air. That he could get those words out. That he could really confess. Maybe that would be a gamble too far... You wish you could tell him it would be worth it. Part of you didn't want to influence this. If it became something more would all that energy be poured into your relationship? Into love for you? Or would that obsession grow too much... Or manifest itself elsewhere?

* 

It was long after closing by the time you both even had the inclination to look at the time. "Oh my god! D-did you have to be anywhere?" Gerry looked slightly horrified that he'd kept you, even though you had told him one more drink and he had to be gone. Considering how closely you had watched him drink it, he must have finished hours ago. You chuckled, "Nowhere more important than here... " "But somewhere-!?" "Doesn’t matter now, does it. Gerry don't worry about it. I'm happy I got to spend time here with you." His smile was bashful and you liked that, he was just so cute. "Thank you... It was good spending time with you too..." He slid off the bar stool and collected his things; "Guess I might be back tomorrow... Anyway?" You laughed, rounding the bar to him; "Ahhh-! You’ll be disappointed I don't work again until Thursday." "What-!? What am I gonna do for 3 days-!" Although he said it jokingly, and then laughed "Well, it's good you have some days off you deserve it... Guess I might see you Thursday then." "Oh," you gave him a sweet smile "I'm counting on it..." There was that blush again, and this time when he bit his lips together he couldn’t stop himself from smiling. And this time it was you who was making that gap too small; but it was comfortable now, there was no too close about it. The first move became all yours as you wrapped your arms around him; he tensed and jumped all at once – even though you moved slow – to feel your embrace like this. You tried not to giggle into his shoulder as he dropped his bag; holding him there as you snuggled into him. If you’d imagined it even half as much as you thought you had – it was just as good in real life. Hesitantly he moved his arms around under yours; and soon they were wound around you. That only made you pull him closer – revelling in the warmth of his body against yours. And if that was the way you were feeling... If Gerry’s heart was anything to go by, and you could feel it here… Everything was blank – his brain and his heart. Although his heart was beating on overdrive and it felt as good as knowing he was just about to deal the winning hand. He simultaneously wanted to push you away and pull you desperately closer and never let go. And oh, OH, it felt so good-! It was only when you ran your hands into his hair that he let out a noise; somewhere between a soft sigh and a whine it was barely audible but it was there as he melted into you. “It’s okay…” You murmured it; “It’s all going to be okay…”

 You let him go far too soon, and you both knew it. And that proximity left heat in both your cheeks. Your head was rushing and you thought for a moment that your idea maybe wasn't such a great one... You walked him to the door, slowly. It’d already been about half an hour since he'd said he better leave. It didn't matter to you, now you wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. "So..." Gerry turned at the door, stepping down and out into the street "Thursday? I'll be here..." You nodded "I hope so...!" He smiled and began walking away but you took his hand and pulled him back "Gerry, wait..." you held him there for a minute; and he couldn't help but entwine his fingers with yours - it was instinctive... Something he ached for. "Call me...." This time he just let himself smile at the piece of paper he could feel transferring from your hand to his; “…if you ever need some diligence…” “Call you?” “I’d like a little moderation myself.” You gave a wink as you unlaced your fingers from his and folded your arms “Maybe we can figure this one out together?” He smile turned into a grin and he laughed, truly laughed “I’d… like that a lot.” “Good, cuz I don’t know who else is going to take care of you. But I better be making sure someone does it.” That had him looking away from you again, but the blue in his eyes was considerably brighter this time; “Thank you…” You stood in the doorway of the café watching him leave, and he turned back to wave as he stepped into his car, making you smile and offer him one back; Oh, Gerry…  you shook your head, loving the way you could now feel your heart beating, because he had done that… Warning or no, I want the chance to love you anyway…

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THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING! And oh my god, once again I’m so sorry this took an age! I hope he was worth the wait 😘😘

3 Virtues down! 💜💙

@multifandom-writings - Appropriate as you asked for him!

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