#my entire personality at this point
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the chosen + the disciple whom jesus loved
#my entire personality at this point#it was a long time coming#so happy y'all are here to experience me like this#john the apostle#the beloved disciple#jesus#jesus x john#the disciple whom jesus loved#the chosen#the chosen tv#christianity#religion
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need to exist in your warmth (id in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#blood tw#ruporas art#love u when i get to cuddle u and love u when i get to feel ur blood soak into my hands#being this close to one another means the eternal suffering of trying to separate love and mission. love for one and love for humanity#i like to think of pre-vol8 vash as someone who struggles with his feelings for ww bc as equal and as trusted he is -#vash knows his responsibilities and he knows/expects ww wouldn't let him stray from it either. for that he can't take to any romantic incli#and i think itd make him view ww in a stricter non-personal way... If that makes ANY sense.#for ww - take someone who youv gotten close to and ended up liking more than you expected#someone who has a belief and follows it stubbornly - someone who'll get into more fights and trouble more than youv had your entire life#ww thinks of him as a monster but he knows theres a limit he himself can take - i feel like hes considered what might be the limit for vash#for Safety measures. just in case. yknow. whenever he himself might have to load the bullet < him hyping himself up as if he could do it#my point being that the thought of vash being dead crosses his mind more than he'd like. i think its a simultaneous dread drop in his stoma#for failure of the mission - but also an Ok? They can be killed? and also a disastrous gunning of his own heart. considering how much they#both live in their own heads some days are Just the worst ever for them in each others company. but also they lov each other :[ sooo much
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i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
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It's interesting how Buck's love interests are all written in a way that ends because of the reason they meet/happen in the first place and then of course, we have Eddie.
Abby, who changes Buck's view of a healthy relationship but then turns around and ghosts him, making him wait for months on end and letting him realize she's not coming back on his own.
Ali, who meets Buck during a dangerous situation in his line of work and then leaves him for how dangerous his work is.
Taylor, who lashes out at Buck for using her as a fake date and saying she thought she could trust Buck to be a friend who then ends up using him for her career and chose to put his friends in danger.
Natalia, who's there to help him embrace and deal with his temporary death but it leads to their break up because of the constant talk surrounding death when Buck's not comfortable with it.
We can't confirm for Tommy till it ends but it's important to note how he offers to get Buck into his interests like flying and muay thai yet doesn't show effort with Buck's interests like dressing up according to the bachelor party theme despite Buck being stressed about it. And we also have the fact that the entire reason they got together was due to Buck's jealousy for Eddie which he then claims to be was for Tommy. Makes me think they are either going to end because of differing interests OR because of the jealousy issue popping up again.
Funnily enough, every scene above has an Eddie parallel:
Eddie co-parents with Buck and not only does this not stop after a dangerous event but Eddie also has Buck down as a legal guardian (healthy relationship - Abby).
Eddie is in the same dangerous line of work and they have each other's backs. This happens right off the bat too.(dangerous job - Ali).
The Lawsuit era and The Dispatch era - both where they "betray" each other but manage to work through it (betrayal/lie - Taylor).
Eddie doesn't pressure Buck to talk about his temporary death until Buck's ready and is more focused about him living than in his death (death doula - Natalia).
Eddie who has different interests than Buck (poker, basketball and UFC/MMA) but also manages to show interest and actively takes part in whatever Buck comes up with; he suggests their outfit for the themed party AND ends up staying there for Buck even when others leave (different hobbies & showing interest/taking part - Tommy).
Absolutely fascinating when you start noticing that Buck's relationships keep failing for one reason or another and then we have him and Eddie who face the same sort of situations but they still come out of it stronger together.
It's clear that there's a reason Buck is able to overcome anything when it comes to Eddie (that conversation with Maddie about being there for each other even at their worst 👀) and we've already established that everything Eddie looks for in a partner is already something he has found in Buck. So really, all that's left is for them to realize that hey, the one I'm looking for is right in front of me! 🤷🏽
And yes, it's been said to death (hah) but you don't find it son you make it. And Buck and Eddie have already made it.
#character meta#relationship meta#think whatever you want it's up to you#but narratively tommy is a plot device#there's no if's or but's about it#I'm saying it like it is#the parallels between Buck's LIs and Eddie is insane#i just thought about making one about it since we mostly talk about how Buck fills all the things Eddie needs in a partner#this is my interpretation of how they've basically written themselves into a corner and the only possible way to go forward is with Buddie#doing anything else is a disservice to the characters and narrative so far#as Tim said#it's only natural and this is it#buck and eddie just naturally embody the ideal partner for each other#tim minear if you make me go through another destiel i will actually personally come and eat your kneecaps i can't do it anymore bro#it's literally all there!!#it's a masterpiece#i don't trust you enough but in Oliver ryan and jlh i trust#buddie#911 abc#eddie diaz#evan buckley#evan buck buckley#911 spoilers#I'm too lazy to tag all the characters because they're unimportant#the entire point of the post is Buck's LI vs Eddie anyways#so there
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neurotypical people will be like "yeah loud noises bother me too" and meanwhile i once had to sit in a closet clutching a pillow sob-rocking for 2.5 hours because a fire alarm went off for a few seconds
#this is an extreme example but it says something i think#actuallyautistic#yes many of the sensory issues that bother me are also mildly annoying to other people#the issue is that's what a mild annoyance to you is a cause of pain and extreme distress to me#it's a medical issue that can disrupt my entire day and ability to function--at which point i get told i'm 'overreacting'#and listen that is not how sensory processing disorder works#it's not ME overreacting it's my sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems malfunctioning on a biological level#and buddy you are WELCOME to try arguing with them but i personally have spent years not getting results from that#they are Stubborn and they do not give a Damn what you have to say
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Zionists want you to conflate Judaism and Zionism. Zionists want you to believe that Judaism cannot exist without Zionism and that all Jews are Zionists. Zionism would have Jews believe that a Jewish state is the only way that they can be safe from antisemitism and will point to any instance of antisemitism as proof that Zionism is the solution- so Zionism wants gentiles to be antisemitic in their support of Palestine. They want you to conflate all Jews with Zionism and the state of Israel, and they want you to treat all Jews regardless of political affiliation as the face of Israel. Antizionist Jews exist, and incidences of antisemitism ostensibly acting against Zionism will not help dismantle the forces propping Zionism up.
Don't do their work for them.
#red rambles#viva palestina#antizionism#i haven't actually seen a lot of antisemitism personally. not recently anyway. but that's more a feature of me not following antisemites#i DO however see a lot of people talking about the people they're seeing throw their support behind antisemites using palestine#as an excuse to conflate all jews with israel#and i cannot stress enough that that is literally what israel and zionist forces abroad WANT.#i am jewish. my entire family is jewish. i want to see palestine free. and i have SEEN how the jewish community gets conflated with israel#both from the inside and out#and i am dead serious when i say that every time someone is antisemitic it strengthens the conviction from people abroad#that it's a terrible sad situation but there's 'no other choice'#if you're being antisemitic you are doing the enemy's work for them. Stop it.#like... look. i am putting this in the tags bc im talking in the tags but i mean this. I do not give a single flying fuck if you personally#are a giant raging antisemite at the moment. Your personal beliefs are your problem and not mine. I do not fucking care. But if you are#being openly and loudly antisemitic *in your support of palestine* you are absolutely not fucking helping. I am so dead serious right now#if you want to raise awareness and you're being antisemitic because of deep held beliefs or whatever i want you to look around and read the#fucking room. Do you understand how much of Israel's international support comes from the idea that they are the only country where jews ar#safe from antisemitism? do you see how every time palestine comes up people point at incidences of antisemitism in anti-genocide actions to#discredit the entire movement? do you not understand how your actions are cutting the movement down at the knees?#i'm jewish and proud of it. i don't like antisemitism. but there's a genocide on and i'd rather work against it than quibble over who i#work alongside. i dont fucking care. you can be as antisemitic as you like in private. stop fucking the movement up.#there are bigger things to worry about here. if i can put aside my own concerns as to who i'm talking to you can hold your tongue#and fight the good fight instead of handing weapons to the people who are trying to fucking flatten gaza.
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This Twitter MLP human redesign drama is a mess, leave me the fuck out of it.
#saw people posting my designs to put down other artists' designs saying that i'm the “correct way” of doing things#don't do that#i don't give a SHIT if people are redesigning these HORSES to be fat or “”“ugly”“” people they're all valid#this whole thing is so dumb just say “i don't like the art style” and move on#“hey op i spent 4 hours of time and effort to redraw your shitty redesign and show you how it's really done” you're fucking weird#you know that right? dedicating that much time to cash in on a hate trend when you could be creating something unique and original with lov#your insistence that human redesigns need to be attractive and symmetrical and anything deviating that is woke psy-op brainwashing#is fucking weird. saw an entire tweet reposting my designs listing off how i “got it right.” bullet point: “looks like real people”#the black fat pinkie design with braces that went viral looks more like a real person than any of my designs you asshole#or maybe you spent too much time in high school bullying people who look like that to notice#personal#delete later#do not use my art to belittle artists who've done nothing wrong this legit made me really angry today
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I've had Ludovicas girlfriend on the brain for months and finally sketched her out. I see her as the opposite to machete in that she has dark colours and softer shapes. Her ears and facefur kinda blend together and she gets big soft browneyes..
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#you've had Ludovica's girlfriend stuck in your brain for months??#oh no now I feel kind of bad about being so vague and noncommittal about her design and personality and everything#I should've made up my mind ages ago#I like her expression here#she looks like a calm and quiet but no nonsense type of lady#at least to me I mean#I'd love to make her uniformly black/dark grey#but I know from experience that it would make her facial details and expressions hard to see#it's entirely possible to make it work but it takes some extra effort#adding even a small focal point (some kind of marking or lighter eyes for example) to anchor the viewer's attention helps a lot#I'm rambling sorry#I think about her often but keep going in circles#but the same thing happened with Ludovica and her design so I'm optimistic that this one will sort itself out eventually as well#I'm flattered ypu find her interesting! I promise I'm working on it#gift art#featherfrond#own characters
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Everlasting A5
#when I tried to post this tumblr signed me out of my account???#all that work and I wasn't even happy with it halfway through but now I love this thang. yay#X's clock hand has no gears on it for lore reasons and not because I didn't wanna draw it I swear#this is actually the first time I've drawn both Abram and Abel. Abram was a darling to draw and Abel had his face redrawn 14 times#I believe it's physically impossible not to make Adam look real pretty in literally anything. plus I took tattoo liberties and I like em#he's barefoot in my heart but unfortunately I cannot draw feet.#anyways. justifications:#Time Duck as an abno has its event centred around what one perceives it to be - a rabbit or a duck#this links to Fau in how it can be unclear when it is her and when it is the Gesellschaft. who she is at any one point is somewhat up to yo#and I think it links very similarly to the A5 - are they truly all one in the same#or are they different people with the same - or similar enough - starting points#especially for X - which is why he's the goopy-est - is he simply Ayin once again or has he changed to the point of being his own person#that goes for every loop's X as well. can the same shape change enough in ones eyes to become an entirely different animal#also the time theme and Fau's corrosion quote 'Thus. You cease to move. Trapped in the stopped time. For eternity'#is an obvious reference to the time loop shenanigans at L Corp HQ#they are all trapped by him in the same 50 days. never to move forward with the rest of the world. for a practical eternity#also doomsday clock on Fau's corrosion is a reference to how A and D keep paralleling eachother and probably know eachother from somewhere#the tremor on the E.G.O is like how each thing that happened brought him closer to the brink [aka the stagger threshold]#and the sinking on the gift [gestures at Abram]#plus the mechanical theme connects to how Ayin looked towards the seemingly infallible idea of the machine in his time of need#fanart#ayin lobcorp#abram lobcorp#abel lobcorp#adam lobcorp#x lobcorp#lobotomy corporation#limbus company#🌑🌘🌗🌖🌕#NEVER DRAW GEARS PLEASE JUST TRUST ME ON THIS ONE IT IS NEVER WORTH IT
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what are your favourite movies? Do you have a letterboxd? X
i don't but a brief list of films i'm always thinking about:
the way he looks (dir. daniel ribeiro)
before sunrise (dir. david linklater)
the godfather (dir. francis ford coppola)
pacific rim (dir. guillermo del toro)
the double life of veronique (dir. krzysztof kieslowski)
pan's labyrinth (dir. guillermo del toro)
taste of cherry (dir. abbas kiarostami)
in the mood for love (dir. wong kar-wai)
ida (dir. pawel pawlikowski)
pain and glory (dir. pedro almodovar)
potrait of a lady on fire (dir. celine sciamma)
the tale of the princess kaguya (dir. isao takahata)
la llorona (dir. jayra bustamante)
arrival (dir. denis villeneuve)
gruff (9 min short film, but including it because it made me bawl my eyes out)
#ask#Anonymous#not including The Mummy 1999 directed by stephen sommers bc that film is my entire personality to a point its meaningless to include it her#here* like in all honesty im never NOT thinking about that one its in my veins atp
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You can read about mental disorders and conditions for the sake of fun research but watch out!! the realization.
#There's this one where I match the entire criteria to a T to the point where it feels like the blueprints of my person laid out#Like ok then you don't need to go and do that but alright#sp-rambles#Like it's been four/five years since I discovered it and it's only gotten more relatable as time went on
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some of you need to hate ai way more than you currently do
#i see so many tags like ‘this is ai :/ but its still cool!’ like how are you not absolutely filled with dread#how can you see what could be a beautiful image by an incredibly talented photographer-#realize it wasnt art created by a human and not immediately wanna kys#the very definition of art is HUMAN CREATION how the fuck can you stand shit with no meaning no talent no personality NOTHING#it gets fucking personal when the ai is of nature it makes me so fucking mad#mountains forests deserts oceans wildlife insects trees THERE IS SO MUCH OUT THERE AND SO MUCH YOU WILL NEVER SEE#AND BECAUSE OF THIS YOU DONT FUCKING QUESTION IF A PHOTO OF A WILD ANIMAL IS AI#YOU CANT SEE THE AI IN THE HANDS YOU CANT SEE IT IN THE ARCHITECTURE THERES NO HUMAN FLAWS TO POINT OUT#INSTEAD YOU JUST ACCEPT THAT ITS REAL BECAUSE WILDLIFE AND NATURE IS SO INCREDIBLE THAT IT DOESNT EVEN OCCUR TO YOU TO QUESTION IT#there are trees with trunks as big as houses!!!! we have only discovered 7% of the ocean!!!#nature is fucking insane and my favorite way to learn about it is through photography and i fucking HATE ai for taking that from me#GO OUTSIDE AND TAKE YOUR OWN PHOTOS OF WILDLIFE STOP FUCKING MAKING AI STOP REBLOGGING IT STOP STOP STOP#i did not make my entire college senior thesis a short film about birds of prey for you to make shitty bullshit ai images of an owl#kill yourself
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day 129
so was anybody going to tell me @adorkastock had their own random pose generator now or was i just supposed to find that out on my own
#day 129#year 5#aradia megido#homestuck#so hey genuinely i think adorkastock taught me to draw???#well among other things obviously. BUT.#in high school when i was just starting to like. understand anatomy as skill that i could Actively Practice#instead of just drawing whatever the hell i wanted and hoping it looked okay#i spent entire art classes just TEARING thru their deviantart page and drawing my blorbos in the poses i found#because my art teacher didnt know what to do with me since i was blowing through all the regular assignments WAY too fast#so she really just let me go nuts#and this was still homestuck mind you. like. it was 2013-2014 i was very much in the rabbit hole already#so fundamentally i have changed as a person in the last decade but also no i havent#ANYWAY it was adorkastock and line of action that basically got me Actually Improving at art at that point. cant recommend them enough trul
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Making a birthday cake for a friend tonight (something I haven't done for a while), and I forgot how much I love baking & cake decorating. I'll post pics when I'm done, I'm very excited. 🥰
#archivist talk#the archivist regrets starting nursing school#the archivist#the archivist is a tad stressed but also this fun thing is happening so that's just dandy#i think i might have to give up on the kitchen being a place where one can sit and eat#i never use it for that personally#not because i don't want to#it just lacks the space for it and i don't have a real dining room#(my kitchen is long and narrow)#if i can figure out a good reasonable way to re-arrange the living room such that i can have both a living room AND a small dining corner#i may do that#however given the amount of bookshelves i've got going on & all my other lusts i imagine this won't happen#le sigh#i love my apartment so much#i think if i had a small dining area/dining room that would make the kitchen perfect#and if i had a den that i could put my desk/file cabinet/all adulting work in#that would free up my bedroom to be even more coquettish & focused#and also entirely comfortable#that would change a lot actually goddamn#but alas this building is not going to change#so maybe if one day i could afford a 2 bedroom that had a den .... bonus points if it has wood floors#and those arched doorways that i so love#i would be in heaven#i have to finish nursing school so i can pay for things with less stres#and also help my siblings more#and then maybe so i can get a nice home that would be super cool#but for now i must simply chill as they say
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"The podcast is about our neighbours being murdered." "Yeah, but you made it sound cozy."
That's it. That's the show.
#if ever two lines have summed up an entire show...#this one felt a bit all over the place but i LOVED it. i actually teared up at that convo between charles and doreen oh my god#i don't have a big age difference with my brother but still. siblings. you get it#i CAN'T BELIEVE the actors got it. they pointed out all the stuff people on here have been saying for ages!!! vindication!!!!!!!!!!#and i think they're right AND that this person that has been watching the trio since s1 is *one* person.#unsure about the westies and dudenoff. it might be a murder on the orient express situation but i don't buy that for some reason#this feels like a scheme but not a murder cover-up? maybe when dudenoff stopped responding to them they decided to keep up the illusion#and get his money so they could continue paying a low rent? idk it doesn't make sense to me that they would kill him#i'm not sure they even know that he's dead. but hey! what do i know! ive gotten plenty of things wrong this season#also loretta and oliver... OH my god i really thought they were through for a moment there my goodness#don't scare me like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#so much in this one i didn't even mention THE DOLLS. or bev melon. oh my god so much#omitb#omitb spoilers#omitb s4
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last night i got home kind of tipsy and very much in tears and my mother told me the force you exert to keep someone in your life is proportional to the force with which they will leave your life. if you have to fight tooth and claw to keep them, their leaving will be just as hard, just as harsh, and just as definite.
#she said it like a law. its just momentum.#also she told me to get a therapist and start archery ASAP bc i need to get it together#and also she said even granting that this person u were in love w was So Special . as in hot motorcycle-riding iranian masc lesbian in ldn#they arent the only one on earth and that once i start my proper adult life outside of studies etc etc i will probably no longer live in th#UK. she said most non straight iranians u would like have left the country anyway . where do you think they went? theyre out there#and also she asked me to imagine how many hot gay iranians there may be in italy or amsterdam or smth and i was like ok points 😭 maybe#ur right. anyway i was having a feeling of dread bc crying into the arms of ur strict asian mother while buzzed usually results in#death chaos destruction etc in the next few days but actually i think maybe she has genuinely changed as a person and the fear is#unwarranted#anyway i need to eat breakfast and study w the date person i met yesterday#they are so nice ??? genuinely so so sweet i dont feel attracted to them at all omg i genuinely think i have a thing for hot evil ppl 😭#but we could b besties . theyre a lot more romantic than the ex situationship person too like generally . ugh they should be perfect but#alas it appears i am shallow as fuck or potentially a lesbian actually#OH THEY MIGHT ALSO BE POTENTIALLY A LESBIAN BTW#i think i just tend to not date cis ppl entirely by accident#....feel free to rb if u want btw sorry for the rant
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