#my endless rewatching to support the show

[inevitably-ineffable-husbands]

Crowley's Bentley = Crowley's Heart?

Putting on them clown damned shoes again, y'all. Had a thought last night while typing out today's additions to my GO S2 Meta...

Is Crowley's Bentley supposed to be a metaphor for his heart?

THINK ABOUT IT:

In Season 1:

The Bentley survives the fire because Crowley believes with all his heart that he and the car will make it to save Aziraphale.

Crowley drives fast because his love for Azzie makes his heart race.

Speaking of driving too fast, when Aziraphale say's "you drive too fast for me Crowley", subtextually he means "your heart moves too fast for me, I'm not ready for you".

In Season 2:

Crowley's houseplants (the only things he supposedly loves) are in his Bentley (home is where the heart is??). He didn't have the heart to throw them away, so... he put them in his heart where they will be loved.

Crowley sends Aziraphale away from the bookshop to protect him from the threat of Heaven, and the safest place he knows is (his heart) The Bentley, which will take care of Azzie. He literally locks Azzie away in his heart to keep Azzie safe and sheltered away from everyone.

Crowley can feel everything happening in and around the Bentley. He knows when his heart slowed down because he wasn't worried about Aziraphale anymore; his heart desires to please Aziraphale and make him happy by driving slow, playing music Aziraphale loves, offering him sweets, and being painted yellow like Crowley's eyes. Crowley only threatens because he's worried Aziraphale will find out that he loves him if the Bentley keeps up with being adoring to Aziraphale. GUYS I THINK WE'RE GOING TO GET A DOTING-HUSBAND-CROWLEY is what I'm getting at, here.

That said, the Bentley ADORES Aziraphale, trying to follow him and keep him safe. And immediately does what Aziraphale asks, just like Crowley usually does.

At the end of S2E6, the Bentley plays the music Crowley is thinking about immediately after their spat and his failed confession, then shuts it off angrily because he’s heart broken... so he “breaks the (love) song” by shutting it off and out of his heart.

BASICALLY what I'm saying is that in the 90 or so years he's owned the Bentley is when he truly realized he was IN LOVE with Aziraphale and poured all that love into the Bentley instead to compensate.

Shax even says to Aziraphale in S2E4:

"Sometime, in the last 80 or 90 years, I remember hearing that you and Crowley were an item."

Very specific numbers, mentioned TO the love interest inside of the damned Heart itself, isn't it? And we know Shax can read into people's hearts (she does it numerous times in the season, specifically with the Crowley mirror, Maggie, in S2E5 and again to Aziraphale in S2E6, revealing more about Crowley and Azzie).

I reckon there's a LOT more, but like... DAMN this feels like Phones and Hearts all over again. I'm not sure if this makes the Bookshop Azzie's heart (right now I'm thinking MAYBE??), but that's something else to explore after another rewatch. That would mean, if the Bookshop was Azzie's heart, that he realized a LOT longer ago than Crowley he loved him. Hmm.

Let me know what y'all think! <3

[crossbackpoke-check]

i've been thinking a lot about the mojoe show, especially how i miss seeing them together and somehow, i stumbled on your blog and all your tags about them (joe in specific) speak directly to me!

no go on... what are the tags saying to you... come join the mojo(e) jojo hive mind...

[captain-sodapop]

The Winchesters: A Post-Mortem

Endings are hard.

I’ve been dicking around, and as I wrapped up another Supernatural rewatch, I finally decided to follow through on something I’ve been threatening to do for a while: watch The Winchesters.  Since the show is dead, done, and dusted, I feel okay about it because now it feels like it’s just some obscure piece of lost media and I’m not actually, you know, supporting it.

I think we have a hard time letting stories end, especially when they have been with us for so long.  We live in an age of reboots and endless spinoffs.  The Winchesters is an interesting case because when the flagship show ended, viewers had all their own feelings about it, but it was over and they knew it was over.  Dead, done, and dusted.

Not so much.

As you know, on June 24th, 2021, about seven months after the end of Supernatural, Jensen Ackles announced his spinoff The Winchesters, produced by his and his wife’s new production company, Chaos Machine.  Robbie Thompson would be heading the project, and it would be telling the “epic love story” of Sam and Dean Winchester’s parents.  We’ve already established that there’s no story here, and no matter how you twist it you will never convince me there is – at least, not in the way they wanted to tell it.  Diehard fans and conspiracy theorist Hellers seemed to end up being its primary audience, but considering its low viewership numbers, I don’t think it ended up attracting many people outside of the established fandom, and was thus canceled. 

This was not a story people cared about.

This fact did not seem to matter to the good people at Chaos Machine and The CW.

Luckily for me, there are only thirteen episodes, and I have nothing better to do, so I am here to present my autopsy of The Winchesters.

The pilot moves so fast.

The Winchesters begins with Samuel Campbell, Mary’s father and Sam and Dean’s grandfather, who we know from the original show.  In the prequel, he’s played by Tom Welling, not Mitch Pileggi, but he’s a mere shadow when we first see him, so we can’t tell yet how poor the casting is.  All that matters is that we know he’s gone missing, and Mary wants to find him.

Immediately, the cold open of the pilot pales in comparison to the flagship program’s pilot.  It really does feel like a cold open to any run-of-the-mill episode of Supernatural.  It doesn’t create that same intrigue as the Supernatural pilot does.

But that brings us to one of the show’s central problems, and it’s something that shows up almost immediately: it is a poor attempt at rehashing the original, filled with Easter eggs that the casual viewer wouldn’t have gotten or cared about.

Right after that, we get the copycat title card and then a sort of awkward transition to John’s homecoming.  He’s having PTSD flashbacks to his time in Vietnam, his tour having just finished, and goes home to see his mother (whose name I don’t even think is mentioned in the pilot, not until the second episode, so I think anyone wasn’t isn’t familiar with the original show might be a little confused.) 

But this is where we hear him: Dean Winchester.

“March 23, 1972.  The day Dad came home from the war, and the day he met Mom.  Now I know this story might sound familiar, but I'm gonna put the pieces together in a way that just might surprise you.  And in order to do that, I have to start all the way at the beginning.”

Um.  Okay.

I’m going to tell you what this is, and it’s really very simple: it’s a justification.

Genuinely, I think these voiceovers are one of the worst things about the show.  Now, Dean isn’t exactly a poet, and even Sam teased him for some of his corny lines, but these bookends are…beyond poorly written.  Just strings of cliches put together, and the first one is the worst one because what it is attempting to do is justify this show’s existence within its very text.

As anyone who is familiar with the situation knows, when the prequel was announced, there was very public backlash – including from Jared Padalecki, who not only played protagonist Sam Winchester in the original show, but was not looped into any of this…at all.  He found out at the same time the rest of us did, and it was pretty clear from the reaction that his was the majority opinion.

The thing about this little intro from the pilot is that it’s not really Dean talking here – it’s Jensen.  It’s Danneel Ackles and Robbie Thompson trying to justify the fact that this show even exists.  That exact sentiment showed up in several press releases and interviews for the show.  Whoever was being spoken to, they’d be like “Oh, we’re gonna surprise you!  It’s not what you think!”

The thing is, the prequel is:

Not surprising

Doesn’t exactly start at the beginning.  That’s misleading.

(“I’m gonna put the pieces together in a way that just might surprise you.”  Jesus Christ, shut up.)

The pilot does do something I appreciated, though, which was to acknowledge that John enlisted underage by forging his father’s signature.  This could have been interesting, but they drop it pretty fast.

I know pilots sort of need to hit the ground running to prove their case, but if we’re going to use the original show’s pilot as a point of comparison, it’s incredibly weak.  Not only were there rumored production issues and they apparently had to do reshoots, forcing them behind schedule for the rest of their run and putting immense pressure on the cast and crew, but it’s simply lacking.  In the original pilot, we are given enough glimpses of the Winchester backstory to make the rest of the pilot interesting.  Sam and Dean are brothers and therefore have history, a dynamic – though strained at the time – and an undeniable chemistry that intrigues us enough to keep us watching.  With the Woman in White, we get an idea of what it is the family does and what Sam has run away from, while giving the episode a plot that isn’t yet mired in the show’s mythology.

The Winchesters doesn’t have that.  What we have is John and Mary, and while a lot of people were rightfully confused as to why they – of all the characters on the original show – would be the ones to get a spinoff, the fact is that they did.  Truthfully, while they would not have been my first choice, if treated properly, I believe John and Mary’s lives before the show could have potential.

What we know about John and Mary from the original show is that they were brought together by a Cupid from Heaven in order to ensure the birth of Sam and Dean, so that Michael and Lucifer would have vessels for the Apocalypse.  In fact, the Cupid states that John and Mary couldn’t stand each other beforehand, but I guess when they bumped into each other outside of Slaughterhouse Five (which does happen in the spinoff’s pilot), I guess we’re to assume that’s when Cupid’s arrow struck and they fell in love.

Basically, their love is…not natural.  It would not have been something they chose for themselves without divine intervention.  The prequel doesn’t hint at this at all.  Instead, the prequel has John and Mary immediately thrust together and John introduced to the world of the supernatural and the Men of Letters and on his first case all in those 42 minutes.

These are not John and Mary.  Not the ones that we could be made to truly care about.

The John and Mary we know are much more complex.  They are interesting, and flawed.  We know from season 12 that Mary was sometimes sneaking out on hunts, even after Dean was born.  We know that John and Mary would sometimes separate for a few days at a time, maybe even longer, probably because what they had for each other was not true love, but something divined by Chuck/God and the angels in order to carry out their plans.  They were pawns, especially when it came to them as a couple.  A story where Mary is struggling to keep her former life a secret while John is dealing with his post-service life, all while trying to be a couple and having these moments of realizing they don’t really know or love each other could have been a good premise.  Instead, what they present is instead just sort of…confusing.

After the pilot, there are a series of Monster of the Week episodes.  This is all supposed to be John’s intro to hunting and the true coming together of the Scooby Gang.  This version of John and Mary are thrown together with Latika (she’s the pacifist who does all their research), Carlos (he’s the stereotypically slutty, sassy bisexual), and Ada (the wannabe witch who’s older than them and I guess sort of a mentor?  Maybe?), and along with John’s mom, Millie, we’re told that they’re this big, happy found family.

Lots of telling and not showing here.  In all honesty, John and Mary don’t have great chemistry, and that is not intentional.  (I’m actually not gonna blame this one on the acting, at least not wholly, but I’ll get more into that later.)  John is saying that he can’t live without Mary within something, like, three episodes.  Honestly, he’s got better chemistry with Latika in the pilot than he does Mary.  Actually, I’d say he has better chemistry with pretty much all the other main characters – Latika, Carlos, and Millie – than he does Mary, and that is interesting.  Ya know why?  It’s because it makes John feel like the protagonist.  And John is the closest thing to a Sam-like character we get in this show.

We learn early on that the Big Bad is something called the Akrida, which are these weird, poorly CGI’d spider-looking things (all of the budget on this show went to music and reshoots, I swear), and they are out to destroy the universe – and not just this universe; all the universes are at stake, so it feels like the show is trying to play off what the original program was doing in its last few seasons.  (Which, weren’t all but Earth One destroyed anyway?  Or something like that?)

This is a big thing.  It feels…too big.  The first season of the original show did a good job of building to the reveal of Yellow Eyes, and they let that story breathe with the Special Children in the second season.  We saw that while Sam and Dean were experienced, they were still novices in a sense, in over their heads, and did a lot of learning and had to figure out how to work together again.  We don’t get that feeling here.  They’re too good too fast.

xXx

In the tenth episode, John and Mary go up against a Golem.  The Golem is under the control of a former Man of Letters who performed experiments on humans, and under the guise of helping them defeat the Akrida, he wants to use John and Mary to bring back what the Akrida took from him: his wife, who was killed by them in the late fifties.

When John and Mary dispose of the bodies at the end of the episode, John thinks what the Man of Letters was doing was out of love, trying to bring her back, but Mary says that he was only doing it for himself – that he was being selfish.  And then she asks John if she thinks they’ll ever turn out like that.

Immediately, this seems to be an assertion that what Mary did in the original show – making the deal with Azazel after he killed her parents and John to bring John back – was this awful, selfish thing.  That saving the only person she had left, the only person she could save (because she wanted Azazel to bring back her parents, too), was inherently wrong.  This seems to ignore the fact that Mary had no idea what the repercussions of the deal would be.  All she knew was that the demon was going to “pay her a visit”, whatever that was supposed to mean (probably assuming he would come to collect her soul as usual), and all she wanted was to save just one person, and that was the man she believed she loved.

I know we’ve established that John and Mary’s love was contrived, but to Mary, she believed she did love him, and it is ridiculous to think that her saving him was something that makes her inherently bad, or selfish, or unloving, as the prequel seems to imply.  She could not have known that Azazel would do what he did to her, to Sam, and to their family.  She didn’t even know there would be a Sam and Dean!  She was nineteen years old!

And yet, the prequel takes this opportunity to vilify her.  The fandom already did enough of that.  When Mary made her return in season 12, her character endured endless misogynistic takes.  When even Dean said it was ridiculous of him to expect her to tuck him in and make his lunch, the fandom still didn’t want to accept it.

Mary is a complex character.  She was dealt as shitty a hand as any other character, but still had to absorb a lot of blame.  Oh, god forbid she struggle to adjust to the 21st century, and having adult children, and not being dead anymore, and learning what the consequences of her actions were.  She clearly felt immense guilt for the hurt that was brought on her family, which was something she would have never intentionally done.  She wanted her and her family to be safe and did the best she could with the information and resources she had.  God forbid a woman be complex or have flaws or be anything less than the perfect mommy to her adult sons.  (Who – again – were not as upset about that as the fucking fandom was.)

And now the prequel is piling onto her, too.  Our Mary is better!!  Shut the fuck up.

xXx

The prevailing sentiment I had when watching this show was that none of it mattered.  The plot, the characters, the monsters…none of it mattered.  Not as a story, and not as it related to the original show.  It doesn’t even really succeed at doing what it really set out to do, but we’ll get to that later.

Like I mentioned, the Akrida feel like a really big Big Bad for the first season of a show.  Ultimately, what the Akrida are, are a failsafe for Chuck.  Basically, they were his backup plan if he were to ever cease to be and they would carry out his plan to finish destroying all the universes he had created.  I guess those of us who watched the original show are supposed to gather that he created these Akrida sometime around season 15, when he started getting rid of all those other universes.  And, since the Winchesters and Jack defeated Chuck at the end of season 15 and Jack took over as God, these creatures are supposed to come in and finish what Chuck couldn’t.

Alright.  A little convoluted, but I can follow it.  It’s how the spinoff attempts to connect itself back to the main show’s plot.

But, wait a second – I thought this was the epic love story of John and Mary!

Let me just say this: this is not a love story.  The love story in the show is pretty weak.  Like I mentioned earlier, the show moves so fast, which means John and Mary’s relationship moves incredibly fast, and the show makes no indication that this is because of any Cupid effects (but maybe they knew the clock was ticking and they didn’t have a good chance at renewal.)  We get no sense of how much time has passed here.  I’m being told I should care about this relationship, but I don’t because of how little effort the writing puts into not only developing this relationship, but the characters themselves.  So it’s hard for me to say that the love story matters in any way.

Then there’s John and Mary’s searches for their fathers.  Those of us who have seen the original show know that Henry Winchester died in the future killing Abadon.  We also know that Samuel Campbell first died when he was killed by Azazel in 1973, and then in season six after being resurrected by Crowley to help him search for alphas.  After the show opens with Samuel going missing and Mary starting the search for him (which just doesn’t pack the same punch as the search for John), Samuel’s presence in the show after they find him is negligible.  For one thing, he’s not a great portrayal of Samuel, and doesn’t even look like him – not a bit.  That part isn’t as important, of course, but it does still take you out of it a bit.  This Samuel is still sort of a jerk, but it just feels like he’s sort of…there.  So when they find him, it doesn’t feel like a big deal.

John’s search for Henry is carried out a little better.  The reason for John deciding to go home to Lawrence after returning from Vietnam is because a Mystery Man (who we all know is Dean) gave him a letter that Henry had left for John before his passing.  It leads John to finding an old Men of Letters clubhouse in Lawrence, which he and his new friends use as a base throughout the show and is a resource for them in learning about and fighting the Akrida.  When John finally does see Henry as a ghost (the result of a séance similar to the one Sam and Cas perform to contact Bobby in season 10), Henry is once again portrayed by Gil McKinney, like he was in the original show.  That does help.  Henry is mostly there to give them information to help them with the Akrida, but it does give John and Millie a sense of closure, unlike in the original show, where John spent his whole life not knowing what happened to Henry and hating his guts.

This all happens in the seventh episode – the show’s midseason finale: both John and Mary get answers on their fathers.  It’s supposed to be the episode where all these things start to come together.  Mary finds Samuel, John and Millie find Henry (sort of), we get some answers on the Akrida, and John and Mary kiss.  Woohoo.

After that, there are another few Monster of the Week episodes with Big Bad plot running alongside it, just like in the original show.  It follows a similar structure.  The episode with Richard Speight, Jr. as Loki (not sure if it’s supposed to be the real Loki or Gabriel as Loki, but probably the latter?) is maybe the worst one.  Loki/Gabriel just comes off as an annoying caricature, the plot and his scheme are just sort of confusing, and there’s just…way too much singing.  Part of Carlos’s story is that he wanted to be a musician, and he and his former bandmate do some singing, and the songs don’t even sound as if they fit the time period, so.  That’s awesome.

Carlos is also subjected to more humiliation when in an episode with vampires – and I’m sure those in the know already know where this is going! – he has Latika douse his hair in holy water and he whips it around to splash it on the vampires.  Like…since when are vampires affected by holy water?  Not only is the physics of it stupid (it would be so inefficient to have to be constantly whipping your head around, just fucking squirt them with a water bottle or the water gun Carlos used in the pilot), it’s just not even right.  It’s incorrect within the show’s own mythology.

The penultimate episode is a creepy clown episode.  I will say, the clowns are sort of creepy, but maybe that’s just because I agree with Sam about clowns just being inherently creepy.  It’s an okay case, I guess.  This is also the episode with Rowena.  Ada is trying to find some sort of magical way to deal with the Akrida, and she stumbles into a witch club where Rowena finds her.  Ruth McConnell does what she does, and it’s hard to complain about Rowena because she always plays her well.  She does give Ada the magic to use against the Akrida in return for a bonzai tree that has a demon trapped in it (I know, I know) because the bonzai demon has information on her son.  (Who we know is Crowley, but he doesn’t get a namedrop here, and there’s no further explanation there.  I guess it’s possible Rowena could have known in the seventies that Crowley/Fergus was a demon or otherwise had something to do with demons and hell, but when she sees him in season 10 for the first time, she doesn’t recognize him.  I do think that can be written off as him just being in a new vessel, though, so I’ll give this one a pass.)  Of all the guest stars they brought on from the original show, Ruth/Rowena is by far the best, both in performance and purpose.  She shows Ada how to kill Akrida using magic, but doing so kills off a bit of her soul, similar to the magic used to resurrect Jack in season 14.

And then it’s the finale.  Just like that.  In the final episode, they go up against the Akrida and their queen.  In order to kill them, they either need to use the magic Rowena showed Ada, or they need to use something from another world.  They connect with a hunter, Joan Hopkins, who has been in contact with Dean/Mystery Man, who she has thrown into the portal and destroyed after months of him staying ahead of her, and no living thing can survive the portal (the portal being the thing that the Akrida use to destroy worlds.)  John and Mary find out this hunter is actually the queen.  She and her family have hunted with the Campbells for generations, and we find out that Joan was actually born in 1673 and after losing her entire family and her husband, she turned on humankind and imbued herself with monster essence.  She claimed monsters weren’t the problems, but humans for always needing saving, making it so hunters always paid the price for protecting them.  She was made the Akrida queen when she was cast out of her world, and she is helping them carry out Chuck’s final mission of wiping the universe of universes of humanity.  And now, Joan/the Queen is at full power, and will open up the portal to finish the destruction.

In the end, there’s this battle, and all our new friends are there fighting the Akrida, and they use this thing called the Ostium in an attempt to summon something from another world to kill the Queen, the Ostium being the only thing known to be capable of doing such a thing.  They use Dean/Mystery Man’s journal to try to summon him, but nothing happens at first, leading them to conclude that the Mystery Man is dead.

And then – as we all know – the Impala appears.

Mary realizes the Impala is not from their world, and therefore can be used to kill Joan.  With the portal open, she runs Joan over with the car, but also ends up accidentally going through the portal, which as we know, no living thing can survive.  Womp-womp.

But wait!  The Impala reappears, and inside it is a living Mary – and Dean Winchester.

Apparently, the Impala somehow protected her (I don’t know how, it’s not explained, don’t ask me), and Dean tells them all he’s already dead, so it’s not like it could do anything to him, and I guess that tracks.  He was stuck in between worlds after being tossed into the portal by Joan, waited by the portal, and gave Mary a ride out.

I’ll let Dean explain the rest:

“I'm a Hunter, just like you.  But I'm not from this Earth…When I died, I made it to heaven.  And [the Impala] was waiting for me.  So I went for a drive, and then I took a little detour.  Through the multiverse…I was looking for my family.  See, I come from a long line of Hunters.  I guess I was hoping that somewhere out there was an Earth that had a version where my family had a shot at a happy ending.  When I was driving, I caught wind of the Akrida.  Turns out that they were one of Chuck's last creations...basically, he's a real dick.  He left the Akrida behind to wipe out all of existence in case he failed.  Well...he failed.  Eventually the Akrida were going to make their way to my world, and I got family there, so I couldn't let that happen…I took my little detour.  The rules were simple.  Don't mess with anything.  Well…I gave it a little nudge.  Thought it might need a little help.  Looks like it worked out pretty well.  So now that the Akrida are gone, you all can choose your own destiny.  You can write your own story.”

Then Bobby and Jack show up.  We already saw Bobby at the beginning of the episode, and he more or less feels like Bobby, but it’s still like…what are you doing here.  What’s going on here.  This scene at the beginning of the finale shows us when Dean gave John that letter from Henry, when he’s dressed like a Bond villain, setting the story in motion.  Bobby reminded Dean then that they weren’t supposed to meddle, but Dean is Dean and does whatever the fuck he wants, apparently, and Bobby says he’s off to get the cavalry, a line I’m still not completely clear on because who is the cavalry in this situation?  Is it Jack?  Can’t be Gabriel/Loki because they’re dead, can’t be Rowena because not only is she Queen of Hell in the main timeline, but nothing about her appearance here suggests that she was the current iteration of herself from the original show.  So I don’t know who the hell the cavalry is in this context, but I’ll let Jack and Dean take it from here:

JACK: Dean. DEAN: Yeah.  No, I know.  I know, Jack. JACK: When I restored things, I wanted mankind to make their own fate.  That meant no interference from on high, anywhere...no exceptions.  DEAN: I couldn't let our world get destroyed.  Sam's still down there, okay?  He deserves a good, long life.  Hell, they all do.  So, if you want to cast me out of heaven...so be it. BOBBY: If we're taking a vote, I'd say you give the guy another chance. JACK: There's always another case with you Hunters...even in death.  Well...if you're going to meddle in things, finish what you started.  After this...it's time to get around to the..."there'll be peace when you are done"…part of the song.

Jack then hands Dean the journal he had been writing in and the Colt.  Yes, the Colt.  Dean gives them to John and Mary, telling them to use the Colt if a Yellow-Eyed Demon ever comes to them, and to use his journal to help guide them as hunters.  The journal is what we see Dean with in the final episode of the pilot, and what he says in voiceover at the beginning and end of each episode (which are just these platitudes and cliches about hunting and family) are written in that journal.  They ask his name, Dean tells them it’s James Hetfield (founding member of Metallica), and then he, Jack, Bobby, and the Impala disappear.

 The episode ends with all of them happy the Akrida are gone and free to make their own decisions about their lives.  John plans to keep hunting with the gang, but Mary isn’t sure.  She got into Kansas State earlier in the season, but she needs time and space.  But she does show up at the Winchesters’ repair shop at the end, and she and John go on a drive while “Ramble On” plays over a montage of scenes from the show.

And that’s it.

xXx

Okay.

What becomes abundantly clear at the end of this show is that all that mattered – all that ever mattered – was what the fuck Dean was doing.  It wasn’t John and Mary’s love story, it wasn’t the search for their dads, it wasn’t the question of whether to hunt or not, it wasn’t the Scooby Gang’s found family.  It was just…Dean.

Now, don’t get me wrong: I love Dean.  I think he’s an interesting character.  I also think his death was appropriate.  But one person was so frustrated by his ending that he decided he needed to do something about it.

The logistics of the finale are…weird, to say the least.  I can understand the logic behind the Impala being capable of killing Joan based on the show’s rules.  It’s of another world, and Joan really gets her shit rocked by it, like Regina George getting hit by that bus, so I can buy it killing her.  Sure.  And I guess Dean waiting by the portal in the space between spaces or whatever is…plausible, I guess, since we don’t know how anything works between universes, so I’m willing to buy that.  (Notice I’m not buying anything here with much enthusiasm, however.)  But what the fuck does Dean mean, he heard about the Akrida while he was driving around?  What does he mean, he took a detour?  Did Jack tell him what was happening?  Was he the one who set the rules?  If so, did he not take care of the problem himself because of his own self-imposed resolution to not meddle?  Did Jack want Dean to give John the letter?  I don’t think he did because Bobby seemed to think that was meddling, which Dean was expressly told not to do, but how does any of this work without some level of meddling?  And speaking of Bobby, I know we see him in the original show’s finale, but what the hell is he doing this whole time?  Did he get caught by Jack doing something offscreen that we’re not told about, or did he run to him and tattle?  (Super out of character for Bobby to be a narc, by the way, if that is the case.)

Or, maybe I’m supposed to interpret this another way, as something Dean stumbled upon while he was taking his Heavenly drive.  He said he took a little detour and went looking for his family.  That he was hoping there was a version out there that had a happy ending.  Maybe he somehow found this potentially happy version of John and Mary and learned their universe was being threatened by the Akrida when he did?  I don’t know.

I am baffled.  Befuddled, even.

This episode is the only one to acknowledge Sam, and what’s funny about that is that for as much as the show excluded him, it inadvertently reinforces the idea of Sam as protagonist.  Dean wants to stop the Akrida not to save this universe, necessarily, but because he’s worried about the Akrida getting to Earth One and getting to Sam.  He did it all for Sam.  It’s fucking poetic, is what it is, and I don’t think they did it to be poetic.  I think they did it because they knew that:

They were stupid to leave Sam out of it in the first place, and

They had to justify this whole thing somehow.

In the end, none of it mattered.

xXx

At the beginning of this, I mentioned how hard it can be to let things end.  While we can joke about how ridiculous Carlos whipping his hair back and forth to spray vampires with holy water is, or how Mary was dressed like a knockoff Claire Novak in the pilot, or the vanishing Impala, or how bad the Akrida looked, or how convoluted the premise of the whole show is, I think there’s something more we can take away from this: The Winchesters is a study in both vanity and poor media literacy.

Dean Winchester dying at the end of Supernatural makes perfect sense within the text of the show.  This is a tragic character completing his tragic arc.  His death also symbolizes the end of an abusive cycle, but in order to acknowledge that, you have to acknowledge that something very complex exists within Dean’s character.  Many fans do not want to acknowledge that Dean continued the familial cycle of abuse.  Do I believe he loved Sam?  Absolutely.  Do I believe he was unfairly parentified?   Yes.  Do I believe he was also a victim of neglect?  One thousand percent.  But that doesn’t change the fact that Dean continued these harmful cycles.  That’s part of the tragedy.  His death made it possible for Sam to break those cycles and live a life he had been continuously guilted and shamed and ostracized for wanting to live, and while that’s in a sense a win, it comes about in a tragic way.

The tragedy is the point.  The hurt is the point.

But Jensen Ackles just didn’t like that.  Of all the people on the cast and crew, he was the only one who it didn’t seem to click with, and look – I can understand that maybe he needed to take some time to sit with it because he brought that character to life for fifteen years and that character has a rough end, and it also marks the end of fifteen years of his life.  It’s tough stuff.  But what Jensen and the producers of The Winchesters did didn’t add to Dean’s story or his character, it didn’t add to the original story, it didn’t improve upon anything, or clarify anything, or rehabilitate anything.

It was Jensen’s attempt to get the last word, and it failed spectacularly.

I said earlier that I don’t want to blame a lot of the show’s problems on the acting, and I think that’s true.  The main cast are young actors who haven’t been in a ton of projects (Meg Donnelly, who played Mary, has the most experience with ABC’s American Housewife and Disney’s Zombies movies), and I don’t want to blame cast and crew for just wanting to get work, and the main case certainly isn’t unwatchable.  They have to do and say some pretty cringy shit at times, but that’s not on them.  The supporting cast is generally serviceable to forgettable, and only truly bad a couple of times (the guy who plays Ada’s half-djinn son is…not great.  He sounded like he was having lines fed to him and wasn’t comprehending any of what he was saying).  Carlos and Latika aren’t particularly bad characters or poorly portrayed or anything, even if they do rely on some stereotypes (again, not on them), and might be fine in another context. 

I will also say, though, that while Meg Donnelly isn’t like…a bad actor, she’s not a good Mary.  The Mary we know from the flagship program is sweet, and hopeful, and resourceful, and very capable.  I could absolutely believe that the Mary portrayed by Samantha Smith or Amy Gumenick could both kill a monster and struggle to break out of the life she was raised in, and absolutely, 100% want out of that life and apply to Kansas State University behind everyone’s back (just like someone else we know!)  Donnelly’s Mary just feels like a Claire Novak rip-off.  Which was a weird choice to make, and I guess they could try to justify by being like Oh, well this is a Mary from another universe, but that’s not gonna fly.  We got a Mary that could certainly kill monsters, but otherwise doesn’t really feel like Mary Winchester at all.

Then there’s John, portrayed by Drake Rodger.  He was my favorite of the main cast, and the one who seems to be the true protagonist, which I noted earlier.  Rodger had mentioned having watched the original show, and he has that sort of gentle giant quality that Sam had, and even does a good job of picking up on some of his mannerisms that make him at least feel like a Winchester.  Does he feel like John?  I mean…that’s harder to say than it was with Donnelly’s Mary.  We know from the original show that John before hunting was a pretty different guy.  He was probably struggling with PTSD after his tour, but Mary repeatedly refers to him as a sweet, open person, so I can believe that this John could be more like Sam: generally a very nice, gentle guy who you need to watch out for when he’s angry or scared.  As far as performances go, he did pretty well – or, as well as he could, considering the writing.

So, yeah, I’m not gonna pin the show’s downfall on the acting because that wasn’t it.  And I’m not gonna pin it on the crew, either.  Sure, the special effects and editing weren’t always great, but they weren’t always the best on the original show, either.

This is a project that never should have been greenlit, for one reason because it would have saved that crew member from getting struck by lightning.  The crew member sued, naming Ackles and the other producers in the lawsuit along with the network for not following proper safety measures.  Director John Showalter, a Supernatural alum, decided he wanted a scene shot in the rain, even though there was lightning in the vicinity.  The show had already dealt with reshoots and short filming windows, so Showalter, the producers, and the network decided to risk everyone’s safety, and a crew member literally got struck by lightning and woke up in the emergency room.  I hope he gets a giant settlement.

It also shouldn’t have been greenlit not just because it was apparently poorly run and unsafe (which, really, is the worst thing about all this – the show’s not even good, and you’re endangering people for it), but because it was a petty little vanity project.  Jensen Ackles just couldn’t let it go, couldn’t stand that he wasn’t the protagonist, and had to try to get in one last word.

But he couldn’t do it.  He was never going to be able to do it.  This wasn’t a project driven by love of storytelling, but by spite.  He wanted everyone to be thinking Where’s Dean?  How does Dean fit into this?  What’s he doing there?  He didn’t want to explore this weird, difficult relationship, or the original show’s major theme of autonomy; he just wanted attention.  That’s what comes through in all of this because the story itself doesn’t matter.  If these characters don’t reveal anything about the original characters or story, then it doesn’t matter, and it’s certainly not written or performed or produced well enough to make it matter. Why should I care about this John and Mary? I don't know, and the show doesn't, either.

And the kicker is that all of Dean’s voiceover bits are stupid cliches, it doesn’t make sense how he even got himself into this mess, and it all still comes back around to Sam in the end, anyway.  So there was literally no point.  It was all a waste of time and money and a man got struck by lightning.

This show was doomed from the start.  Dead, done, and dusted before it even made it to your screen.

[thef1diary]

oh my gosh congrats on 3k, lovely!! it makes me so happy to see you getting the love and support you deserve 🫶🏻

if i may i’d like to request prompt 8 from fluff list 3 <3

You’re My Home | D. Ricciardo

a/n: thank you lovely!! I mixed this request with “I was thinking this fluff prompt from list one #3 because I just know Danny ric gives amazing hugs” requested by @faithshouseofchaos because both prompts fit so well together.

prompts: "Nothing feels as good as coming home to you." "Nothing feels as good as having you come home to me." & Those tight hugs they give you after coming home, and you just squeeze back and melt in them because they are your home

wc: 900+

masterlist 3k celebration

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It had been a very long, stressful trip. Your days were filled with meetings, flights, and endless tasks that had left you feeling exhausted. Near the end of the trip, the time felt unbelievably slow, the kind where every minute dragged on. You have glanced at your watch too many times to count, seemingly checking it every few minutes only to realize only a few seconds passed.

Your suitcase thumped heavily behind you as you trudged up the stairs, the elevator in your building having decided to break down just when you needed it most. The only thing stopping tears of stress and frustration from streaming down your cheeks was thinking of the comfort of home, the solace of his embrace.

You finally reach the door, unlocking it quickly and stepping inside. The familiar scent of home greeted you, immediately putting you at ease. The sound of the tv murmurs from the living room, where you know Daniel is probably unwinding after his own long day. Your shoulders relax a little, the weight of the trip beginning to lift.

"Hey, I'm home," you called out, slipping off your shoes and leaving your suitcase by the door. You stifle a giggle when you hear a yelp from him, followed by a muttered curse as he bangs his foot on the corner of the coffee table in his rush to reach the door.

His eyes light up with joy when he sees you, and he closes the distance between you in a few strides. He pulls you into a tight hug, his arms wrapping around you in a way that makes you feel safe and cherished. His embrace is strong yet tender, his body warm against yours, and you can't help but melt into him, clinging to him as if he was your lifeline. You can feel the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, a calming presence after the chaos of travel.

"Nothing feels as good as coming home to you," you murmured against his chest, breathing in his familiar scent.

He pulls back slightly, just enough to look into your eyes, his hands still resting on your waist. "Nothing feels as good as having you come home to me."

You smile up at him, your heart swelling with affection. His eyes are soft, filled with the kind of love that makes everything else fade away.

As you're admiring his gaze, seeing him in person again, his eyes narrow. "Hold on.." he murmured, playfully pulling back further as he looks at you from top to bottom. "How are you here already? I thought you were coming tomorrow."

You grin, enjoying the look of intrigue on his face. "Why? Am I interrupting your plans or something?" Then you gasp, smacking his chest as you question. "Don't tell me you were going to host a party here."

Daniel laughs, throwing his head back, and you couldn't help but join in, always finding his laugh contagious. He shook his head, "sweetheart, do you really think I'd host a party without you here? And no, you are not interrupting any plans, well, considering my plans included sulking and rewatching our favourite show, then yes, you did interrupt—in the best way possible."

You tugged him closer, feeling a warm sense of contentment wash over you. "Well, I'm glad to be your best interruption."

"Not that I mind, but I hope you didn't ditch work to come back early," he asks, bringing the conversation back to you.

"If it were up to you, I'd quit and travel with you," you comment, earning a toothy grin and a nod from him. "But, I managed to wrap up everything ahead of schedule. And honestly, I just missed you too much. I couldn't wait another day to come home."

His expression softens, his eyes filled with warmth and love. "I missed you too," he says, brushing away a strand of hair from your face. "Every minute you were gone felt like an eternity."

You nudged him playfully, even though you felt the same. "Alright don't be such a sap."

He laughs, holding onto your hands and pulling you close again, wrapping his arms around you. “Just for you, darling,” he commented, watching the blush rise to your cheeks.

Just as he was about to lean in to kiss you, his eyes widened as he remembered something. “Oh, I didn’t prepare anything for dinner since I wasn’t expecting you tonight.”

You raised your eyebrows, “then what were you planning on having?”

He shrugged, scratching the back of his neck. “Takeout?” He stated more as a question. You smiled, leaning into him and pressing a kiss to his nose. “Then takeout it is, I wanted to cuddle anyways.”

His eyes light up at that word, and he immediately picks you up in his arms with a playful grin. “Cuddling it is,” he says carrying you towards the couch.

You wrap your arms around his neck, laughing as he carefully maneuvers you to the soft cushions. He sets you down gently before plopping himself beside you, pulling you close. His arms envelop you as you snuggle into his chest, feeling the warmth and security of his embrace.

“Wait,” you say, suddenly remembering, “I need to take a shower. I just came from the airport.”

He tightens his hold, refusing to let go. “No way,” he says firmly. “I’m not letting go of you now. You can shower later.”

You decide against arguing, after all, you’re comfortable and don’t want to move either. Daniel kisses the top of your head, his voice tender as he continues. “You know, this is how I want to spend my life after I retire from racing. Just you and me, cuddled up like this.”

Your heart swells with love, the thought of a future filled with such simple, beautiful moments. “That sounds perfect,” you whisper, feeling completely at peace in his arms.

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taglist: @nikfigueiredo @wonnou @jointhehunt67 @gxuh @67-angelofthelordme-67 @kigieri @lochnoch @llando4norris @monsieurbacteria6 @namgification @lilymurphy03 @sargeantdumbass @hiireadstuff @racingheartsposts @d3kstar @xjval @namjoonswaifu @isabellewinchester @thedecalcomania-blog @casperlikej @khaylin27 @mlioravanfleet @mehrmonga @tellybearryyyy @wobblymug @bokutos-babyowl @chilling-seavey

[glowettee]

they loved her better when she bled | elena gilbert

༒༻༒༺༒༻༒༺༒༒༻༒༺༒༻༒༺༒༒༻༒༺༒༻༒༺༒༒༻༒༺༒༻༒༺༒༒༻༒༺

i've been rewatching the vampire diaries again (for like the 5th time, don't judge me) and something hit me at 3am last night while i was wrapped in my blanket with my laptop balanced precariously on my knees… elena gilbert is the ultimate tragic girl. and maybe… that's why everyone loved her so much?

it's weird how we're all drawn to her pain, right? like, we literally watch a show about supernatural creatures who are magnetically pulled toward her suffering. and i can't stop thinking about what that means for us... the girls who relate to her, who see ourselves in her endless capacity to hurt and still love.

༒༻༒༺༒༻༒༺༒༒༻༒༺༒༻༒༺༒༒༻༒༺༒༻༒༺༒༒༻༒༺༒༻༒༺༒༒༻༒༺

✧ the pretty, bleeding heart ✧

have you ever noticed how elena was most desired when she was at her lowest? stefan fell for her when she was drowning in grief. damon's obsession peaked when she was torn between two brothers. and everyone, literally everyone... wanted to protect her when she was breaking.

it's the uncomfortable truth nobody talks about: sometimes people love us more when we're hurting than when we're whole.

❀ the pattern i've noticed:

elena crying = everyone rushing to comfort her

elena making decisions = everyone trying to "protect" her from herself

elena showing strength = everyone suddenly having opinions

elena expressing needs = everyone telling her what she REALLY needs

this isn't just a vampire diaries thing. it's a human thing.

✧ the mystic falls phenomenon ✧

i call it the mystic falls phenomenon, when your pain becomes your personality to others. when people get so used to seeing you bleed that they don't recognize you when you're healed.

think about it… elena's humanity... her tears, her journal entries, her constant losses was what made her the center of the supernatural universe. the moment she turned her humanity off as a vampire, everyone lost their minds trying to "fix" her.

because they didn't want elena. they wanted the elena they could save.

🕯️ for the girls who are tired of bleeding 🕯️

here's what i've learned from elena's journey that nobody tells you:

⛓ uncomfortable truths about being the "tragic girl"

people will romanticize your pain but fear your power

they'll call you "strong" for enduring but "difficult" for demanding

they'll love the version of you that needs saving, not the one who saves herself

they'll use your trauma as proof of your depth but your happiness as proof of your shallowness

i see this with my friends all the time. the moment a girl stops performing her pain, stops being the elena gilbert in everyone's story... people get weirdly uncomfortable. like, who are you if you're not the girl we get to rescue?

✧ the salvatore brothers syndrome ✧

both stefan and damon were drawn to elena's humanity, her fragility, her mortality. they both wanted to protect her, save her, keep her "pure". even as they literally drained the life from others around her.

isn't that just… the perfect metaphor for how the world treats girls?

we're expected to bleed beautifully. to hurt poetically. to break in ways that make us more lovable, not less.

❀ signs you're caught in the elena gilbert trap:

you apologize for being happy

you downplay your achievements but highlight your struggles

you feel guilty when you're not the one needing support

you've become the emotional center that holds everyone together

you instinctively know how to make your pain palatable for others

✧ turning your humanity back on ✧

elena's most powerful moment wasn't when she sacrificed herself (again and again). it was when she chose herself, when she embraced being a vampire, when she stopped apologizing for her darkness.

so here's my personal advice for the girls who are tired of being loved for their wounds:

༒༻༒༺༒༻༒༺༒༒༻༒༺༒༻༒༺༒༒༻༒༺༒༻༒༺༒༒༻༒༺༒༻༒༺༒༒༻༒༺

🌷 mindy's healing grimoire 🌷

stop making your trauma digestible for others. your pain doesn't need to be pretty or poetic or understandable.

practice saying "i'm doing really well actually" without adding a self-deprecating joke or problem afterward.

notice who stays interested in you when you're thriving vs. when you're struggling.

create a "no rescuing" policy with new people in your life. see who sticks around when saving you isn't part of the relationship dynamic.

whenever you feel the urge to journal about your pain, write about your power instead. what would vampire elena write about?

ask yourself: am i katherine or am i elena? (sometimes choosing selfishness over sacrifice is the revolutionary act)

༒༻༒༺༒༻༒༺༒༒༻༒༺༒༻༒༺༒༒༻༒༺༒༻༒༺༒༒༻༒༺༒༻༒༺༒༒༻༒༺

the truth is, elena's story isn't really about vampires or doppelgängers or supernatural curses. it's about a girl who everyone loved more when she was bleeding than when she was whole.

and maybe that's the real curse we all need to break.

so tonight, i'm lighting a candle for all the elena gilberts out there. the girls who everyone loves a little more when they're breaking than when they're building. the girls whose tears are more valuable than their triumphs.

your humanity isn't just your pain. it's your joy, your rage, your ambition, your selfishness, your darkness, your light, all of it.

and you deserve to be loved for all of it, not just the parts that bleed.

--mindy xoxo

[veeveenoceda]

my thoughts on daeho in season 3 of squid game (major spoilers)

thinking about how fucked it was that they handled dae-ho's character the way they did in season 3. maybe this is a hot take, but if you want to establish an antagonist they cant just become evil in like one episode. dae-ho is a character that supported the cast and contributed a lot to the story througout the show, him being used to further gi-hun's arc was fucked. dae-ho was meant to provide some?? introspection for gi-hun on his actions, and even such, killing him immediately was defeating the half-baked purpose they attempted.

erasing dae-ho's character from season 2 also pmo. we have established a strong character, and by ripping away core elements of it in favor of deception is CRAZY to me. how are we just going to say he's NOT a marine? where is the claim in this evidence, squid games? he could have faked a tattoo, sure, but given how he acted in season two, it makes NO logical sense for him not to be (this I could rant on about for ages). it completly strips away the complexity and beauty of the season two finale, and makes it feel cheap and shallow. this also churns dae-ho's character into a flat 1-dimentional version of himself, meaning that if you rewatch his actions in season 2, no more are they tied into a deeper sense of belonging and understanding that he never got in his father, moreso an endless chase for gi-hun.

yes, dae-ho wanted to fit in. this is not his only trait. he is strong, independent, emotional, and had a lot of complexity to himself and the way his backstory shaped his actions, dialogue and the world around him. to say that fitting in was his only motivation was an awful reduction of his character. to supress him to that in season three fucked me beyond belief.

i think mainly, it took away how it felt to struggle. dae-ho was real, and understandable character. dae-ho had seen major hardships, traumas, and pain. it caused him to seek comfort in others, the way a normal person would. it caused him to seek conformity, to seek refuge in others, to seek an end to his past by burying it in the games. to say that those elements of him never existed made no sense. I watched him struggle on screen with my own eyes. to erase his struggles physically hurt me. in favor of what? story progression? gi-hun's introspection? shock appeal?

trust me I think people notice when your character acts and is treated very differently by the cast from the finale of one season to the beginning of another.

how I mostly felt was that the vibe of his character quickly went from "this beautiful nuanced character is desperately pushing himself to the limits because of past events that happened to him (which are cited multiple times in the season) which causes his inevitable break in a scenario he was fighting to keep afloat in, leading to the inevitable downfall of the rebellion not on only his part, but the parts of others as well. this highlights the cast's lowlights, and shines a view on gi-hun's weaknesses as well, showing how quick he is to jump into something with little to no regard for consequences, which makes gi-hun's actions more understandable in the games as well through dae-ho's. dae-ho's character also highlights the instability and person by person dependency the games cause themselves, and the realistic expectations of what is to come in the aftermath, while not showing he is weak for failure, only that he is human." to "LMAO >< DAEHO SUCKSSS,, LUH BOI GOT SCARED BOI TS PMOO WHAT THE GURT OH BTW HES EVIL >< BOIS EVIL AND HATES GIHUN >< LMAOOO THE GURT"

i think that really shows how shallow and depriving the season is. it set the tone for how we can strip away nuance in favor of palitabilty. everyone wants a villain and a hero, why not strip someone of their core and force that role onto them? why take the time to set something up when shock appeal is all that matters?

dae-ho deserved better in season 3.

[h2ojustaddmako]

Little life update (it's H2O related I swear)

So obviously I wasn't very active here and there's a plethora of reasons but mainly I kinda moved to Australia

And by kinda I mean I moved to Australia

Now there are endless reasons why I moved and why Australia of all places but I think my inner child found this place so hopeful and limitless in a way. It promised this fantasy feeling I've been chasing my entire adult life, and while obviously the show is made up, I think the magic it imprinted on me (and y'all) will forever make me filled with child-like awe and wonder here. I felt it when I first came here 2 years ago, and I still feel it now, even though so much has changed.

In a way, I think I did it to give the reins back to someone younger and happier in my self-consciousness, maybe by doing so life will feel fulfilling again, I guess? I'm not sure. But at 25, I feel like I'm ought to find a path that feels right by now. I know a lot of people my age still feel lost, and I'm still coming to terms with accepting that I shouldn't know what my end game is yet. Not necessarily, at least.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm very hopeful for the future as much as I'm terrified of it. I'm all by myself in a foreign country and I'll have to work my ass off to make ends meet. I still have support, but my family and closest friends are very far away now. This show has this kind of eternal magic, even after 20 years and endless rewatches, it is still very much alive. I can only hope I find a way to rub that magic onto my day to day life. After all, I'm only an hour of a drive away from Cleo's house; that must be worth something!

Stay fishy, my beloved h2ohoes

[somedayillbepeterpan]

For Bonus Polinweek Day 5 | Favourite hand scene + Nicola appreciation Day | The Marie Claire AU shoot (sorry if the edit is not good and it has no music. Just think of this as a photo carousel)

I start this appreciation post for this goddess by saying that I hope that every person who deemed it right to ignore her in her 20's are eating glass right now for not giving her the opportunity to shine back then. I could have had Nicola a long long time ago but these clowns kept her from me.

I never expected myself to be this addicted to Polin but I got to say that it really all started with Nicola. S2 brought my attention to Pen because she was sooo messy in that season but I loved how Nicola played that dichotomy. And I really really wanted to know what Pen said to Colin after that awful line.

This led me to the book, to the countless fanfics, to falling in love with the characters, to admiring the actors. I was so excited for Polin season but I did not realise the intense chemistry Nic and Luke had until the press tour started in my backyard, Bowral, Australia. I always thought that they looked great together but that day, when I saw the photos and the clip where Luke showed his tank top to Nicola changed me and I haven't had a proper sleep since.

But this is an appreciation for Nicola so I'll keep my mouth shut about Lukola/Polin 😂

There are only a few actresses that I am dedicated to (meaning, I have seen and supported most of their work). I tend to be picky with the actors I support and I focus on the ones who can successfully disappear in their roles making the character iconic instead of the other way around (think of the reason why some actors become typecasted). I see this so clearly in Nicola and it's why I have rewatched most of her work (honestly, how iconic can you get when most of your work are easily re-watchable?). I see the character and the work that Nicola has put into it. She makes character journals for all the roles that she plays and if that is not dedication, I don't know what else to call it.

For the first time in my life, I bought a fashion magazine so I can have these deliciously gorgeous photos of Nicola. I like fashion in a way that I like looking at aesthetically beautiful things but I would not spend any money on that. But, I bought the Marie Claire AU because I loved this cover shoot. I especially love what Nicola says in the interview: "It is important for people to know I wasn't an overnight success."

She is soul-stirringly beautiful to me. I legitimately always have goosebumps whenever I see a photo of her. I've posted it here before that I genuinely question my sexuality whenever I look at an image or video of her.

Am I just projecting my desire to get over my insecurity over my body on her? Definitely. I cannot even begin to describe the confidence that I feel about myself now because of the mirror scene. I know Nicola doesn't explicitly accept her being a representation of full bodied women but it is her portrayal of Pen in S3 that I finally understood what media representation meant for the first time in my life.

Have I rambled on too much? I will for this woman because there are endless things that I love about her.

I hope she's happy. I hope she is able to rest. And I hope that even more of her dreams come true 🥰

[asgardian--angels]

just rewatched steven universe future (and the movie) and I just gotta say.

I still have no idea why fandom was so upset about the show, why opinion turned against it, or anything. I didn't understand it then, I don't understand it now. I've enjoyed every single minute of that show, start to finish, all iterations. A show hasn't left me sobbing like that in a hell of a long time. It handles heavy, dark emotional topics with incredible finesse and heart in a way that all of us could learn from. It remains one of the most aesthetically beautiful animated series I've ever seen, and the soundtrack is so incredibly moving. I'll never get why shows with the most hopeful themes, like this one, end up with the nastiest 'fans' that harass creators and artists for making something that encourages us to be kind to each other. like, insert good omens meme i guess, yknow? but I will always love this series (the OG, the film, and Future). I'm glad I was never really involved with the fandom back when it was airing so I didn't have to hear any of the shit that people were tossing around. But knowing that this series basically got thrown to the wind after it was done airing - like, no one even talks about it anymore, as if there were some Game of Thrones effect WHEN THERE WASN'T - breaks my heart. It was so incredibly influential, for animation, for queer representation, for creativity in art, and for helping a lot of people feel seen and teaching us a better way to be towards our fellow human beings. I don't know who the fuck can be angry about this show, but whoever they are, I feel sorry for them that they have nothing better in their lives than to be senselessly cruel to people who are trying to make the world a kinder place.

anyone out there who hasn't watched Steven Universe before, and maybe was intimidated or put off by how it's talked about on here, please don't listen to that. It's one of the best made series, animated or not, in the modern age. It touches people of all ages. It inspires hope, and forgiveness, and working towards a better world. It has incredible character development, intergenerational trauma, dismantling colonialism, the horrors and fallout of war, xenobiology, troubled families, damaged people trying to grow and find new meaning, building community, nature vs nurture, perfectly done slow-burn plot arcs and reveals, and an art style that's so gorgeous you'll mourn the current state of the industry that stifles creativity like this. And it does all of this so profoundly and intelligently that it defies summary. Give it a try.

That's all I'll say. I never post about the show anymore bc I'm not a part of the fandom and I don't know how active it is on here anymore. But I've always cared deeply for Steven Universe and I always will. I hope outside of the insular bubble of toxic online fandom that it continues to have a steady mainstream following. Rebecca Sugar deserves accolades and a big thank you for bringing this show into the world. I'm sure she did not get a fraction of the praise she should have, and instead had to endure endless vitriol. The bar's always too high for some people who want something to be mad at, who want to blame and hate instead of supporting the few brave artists out there trying to make queer shows and pave the way for the future. The enemy of queer rep is so often queer fandom spaces themselves. Let's not let this life-changing show fade into obscurity if we can. It was groundbreaking in so many ways. It brought joy and hope to so many. I hope new people will continue to watch it and be uplifted by it, as I have all these years.

[gffa]

The latest ending of Ahsoka really made me realize one of the big problems with Felony's writing and why so much of the Masndo-verse and Felony's modern writing falls flat compared to OWK and Andor. Shock value. A BIG twist cliffhanger that leaves us all mouth open and HYPING up the next episode in hope and filling the forums with discussions in anticipation. Understandably, he can't write what we wrote in our heads for 7 days and top that. 1.

2. But once that shock is gone when the story has moved onto the next big thing, or you watch it again when you know what it pays off in, or watch the whole series or season again, it just doesn't hold up. It's empty. Vapid. Because it's all about the shock. The twist. The discussion. The hype fodder. It's not saying anything or adding anything. OWK and Andor was a lot better at that, without the use of the nostalgia baiting that Felony relies on. 3. It becomes an endless circle of low lows and high highs, while OWK and Andor both slowly built up to the crescendo of discussions and speculations and both have stayed in the fandom consciousness alot longer thanks to that. And because they have something to say, both to the world and to the viewer. While with the Felony and the Fraudrou verses, it's just a constant barrage of oh wow, moving on, what's next? ehh, it's over, let's move on.

I feel like one day I'm going to do a longer analysis on why exactly Filoni's writing feels weak to me (where I try to be more fair than I'm usually feeling about his writing), because I don't think he's without a lot of talent and there's certain things he really does get about Star Wars, but I think so much comes back to that he's a writer who is caught in a difficult position--playing in someone else's sandbox but has to now establish his own new corners of that sandbox and I'm not sure he's strong enough to be a big picture kind of guy when he works better in smaller focus. His work on TCW and Rebels is content that we do come back to again and again for analysis, during my rewatches of both those series, those shows hold up! But I think they're ones where he had stronger guardrails up, and he was forced to stick to things in one place. I think live action has been bad for Filoni's writing because of the way so much is structured, that there are multiple series going on and I feel like his writing doesn't have the patience to actually tell a story in a single space, that's why we get Grogu's story being split between The Mandalorian and The Book of Boba Fett, that's why we get Mandalore's story being splintered across Rebels, The Mandalorian, The Book of Boba Fett, and now Ahsoka. We still haven't even seen half of the events that happen in the Mandalore bigger story! And you're right that he and Favreau both lean too hard on the cameos and echoes/rhymes for nostalgia's sake. And those reference points are often extremely fun in the moment! And I'll grant that the Luke episodes are ones I go back to fairly often, because I think there's some really good content in there about what attachment actually means. But I don't think it's that surprising, looking back, how quickly the Favroni shows fell apart for us and how it doesn't feel like they're establishing anything that can support a bunch of books and comics. I suspect that Disney's not allowed to have books/comics/etc. based on Favroni's shows because they want creative control over those characters while they're still actively writing for them, but also I look at the OT and the PT and look how much was built off those movies+TCW as a foundation, I look at how much you're able to still watch those and find new things to analyze, and I just don't feel that with Filoni's writing anymore, not since Rebels, not to that level, anyway. (I'll grant that I've been a lot more excited about the Ahsoka series and what we can say about it/find in analyzing it than I expected, I expected nothing but shitposts like we did with Mandalorian s3, but I've had fun with serious meta in Ahsoka! I was genuinely excited to come on-line after episode 4 and talk about themes and structure and how well Filoni did with that there!) Ultimately, I think Filoni (and Favreau) both have a lot of talent, but I think they're being pushed too hard to make too much too quickly and that it shows that they're making this up as they go along, rather than that they had a vision they've been crafting for years and any kind of idea of where they want the end goal to be. Like, yeah, Lucas wrote some stuff on the fly, he changed his mind about things along the way, but he had an end point in mind for his story, so the echoes/rhymes felt more resonant for me. Favroni don't feel like they have any idea where they're going and so much winds up feeling like shock value and self-reference for nostalgia bad for me instead of something that's Going Somewhere.

[ohmyspacesailor]

Little things I've noticed on my rewatch of 1x01

So, it's been a while since I've actually watched the show and I've started to miss Crowley and Aziraphale something fierce. So I've finally started at the beginning and here are some small things that stood out or that I didn't notice to that extend before. Nothing revolutionary, but maybe you'll enjoy / be devastated by it anyway.

Eden: Crawley saw Aziraphale before their talk on the wall since he mentions seeing him with a sword. They kept hanging around the garden for a while, but haven't talked that much since Az asks Crawley's name?

After receiving the Antichrist: Crowley is devastated. The way he days "Already?!" gets me every time. Is barely able to keep it together infront of Hastur and Ligur (terrific acting by David here). Immediately tries to call Aziraphale.

Park, going up the stairs: "It's not some little temptation I've asked you to cover for me while you're in Edinburgh for the festival". Their arrangement is so casually lived in by then. And the way Aziraphale lights up when he's invited to lunch. Also, Crowley's hair is stunning in the sun here.

After lunch: Az gets totally distracted by Crowley's company, forgets all about Armageddon or their disagreement over it. Wants to open a bottle for a "special occasion", tone indicating inside joke / hidden meaning. There's a theory about that being sexual, but while I support that headcanon I think it's more of a joke along the lines that it isn't actually a special occasion, because they drink together all the time.

Infront of the bookshop: "this is purely social" Sure Az, as if that makes it any better in heaven's judgement. Now you're just being silly! (see what I did there?)

Making the pact: How cute is Crowley here?!? I already knew that and think about it constantly, but seeing it again is something else still. I mean, seriously:

Babysitting Warlock: How somehow Nanny Ashtorath is able to sing so much better than I've ever heard David Tennant do (no offense) is a proper mystery to me.

Meeting on the bus: Why don't they talk on their job as nanny and gardener lol?They must have endless opportunities and still they hang out even more. Ok, probably more like a plot hole for coolness than being meant romantically on purpose here, but still.

Bus and dinosaur park: Crowley can't bring himself to tell Az the whole ugly truth about the antichrists power / the dog not to frighten him too much. This is really sweet and very telling about how he sees him as kind of naive and innocent. Also, he's protective snek. Another amazing thing here is how he doesn't even consider killing the Antichrist himself although he is been working against hell all along anyway. Ties nicely to the bandstand scene later.

In the shop: "Crowley: Would I lie to you? - Aziraphale: Obviously, you're a demon, that's what you do". While his is pretty hurtful towards Crowley and typically blindsided of Aziraphale, it's also so devastatingly accepting of him as well.

In the shop at the end ("he's named the dog"): Crowley is really, really afraid and that respectively makes Az nervous (the looming doom in his delivery of "welcome to the end times").

That was all for this round... In general it blew my mind how much of their story is already in episode one!

And I'll never get tired of mentioning how David and Micheal disappear completely into their characters. I try to admire their work in the moment, but I keep forgetting it's them. Only because I have seen so much of them by now can I spot them as the actors in tiny moments that last mere half-seconds. That's always a weird triumph. "ha! I've seen a glimpse of Micheal's smile there!" or "the way Crowley says 'helly hellhound' sounded very David" and that's basically it.

[mrabubu]

Don't mind if I ask this, but how were you introduced to ROTTMNT, and how did you becane a fan of it?

HO HOHOHO

It started with me being bored xd I can't remember how I came to this though, but at some point I decided I wanted to rewatch TMNT 2012. I've been watching it while it was airing back in the days, but stopped at some point. While rewatching it, YouTube started to recommend me videos about tmnt overall and there were some compilations with moments from Rise.

Unfortunately, I didn't gave Rise a chance when it was airing, thinking that it looks weird and all, well, like a lot of people... But when I was rewatching TMNT 2012 I also watched scenes from Rise on YouTube and got intrigued by it's animation.

So when I was at the beginning of season 5 of TMNT 2012, I was already bored xd I don't know, the show was fun at first, but then I got tired of all these plots with mutations, Kraang, SHREDDER, APRIL, endless action and all those new characters and villains popping up. I didn't like how it was overly explicit with mutations (Ice Cream Kitty is my nightmare..). I skipped the entire adventures in space plot because from the beginning it felt too inspired by one of the creator's own show. To be precise, Ciro Nieli made a show called Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force Go!, which also was my favorite show when I was a child, and he added a lot of easter eggs from it into TMNT 2012. At first it was really fun to see these easter eggs and even hearing some of the voice actors from SRMTHFG, but then, I don't know, it felt too much, like, "okay dude I get it you love your show but it's too much already..."

So when season 5 literally began with the plot about Shredder's resurrection I was like "haha ok I'm done", and began to watch Rise... ... You know how this turned out xdd The only thing I'm regretting is that I didn't gave Rise a chance back then. I would've tried to support it however I could. But, oh well, what's done is done, I'm still glad I watched it after all.

[werewolfdog]

top five memories with me >;)

5. It was such a small but special moment to me, but the time when we gathered our Eevee related stuff for us to count and take photos of the collection on my rebirthday two years ago, it brought me so much joy to sense your soft quiet happiness for me while you'd encourage me to ramble about Eevee[lution]. You have always been so supportive and encouraging for me to be loudly and openly passionate about anything and anyone I love, and with Eevee, it just made me incredibly happy. This comment you made as well after I showed our close friends our collection held a special place in my heart.

4. This is rather a series of memories rather than single, but I will always extremely appreciate us having a few years of roleplaying together between Astricus and Caine along with other canon + especially original characters. You are so incredibly creative and talented, and I have loved doing everything with you creation and development wise. The endless idea exchanges and fun conversations that we had with our roleplayed characters, they're just so wonderful. I'll always most love everything that we have done with Astricus and Caine while they're our most special original characters. Honestly, without you, they may not exist or at least they likely wouldn't be as deeply developed as they are now.

3. I love the time when we went to the summer annual fair last year! It was really fun and awesome going on these rides with you. You encouraged me to go on this one ride of a hammer-like structure that would swing the passengers around even upside down at such a crazy high height, and honestly, I likely wouldn't have gone on it if it were not for you and your insane ass jansdgkmsgndjgkm but you shared so much happiness and excitement with me that while I felt pretty dizzy and lightheaded from it, this told me how much joy you were getting out of this event with me, and that was a huge thing to me as I only wanted you to have the best time with me.

2. Our constant watching of Abigail ( 2024 ) during the spring season. You absolutely ADORED this film that I even loved it just as much as you do lmfao we watched this film together six times. My specific favourite memory in this rewatches is when at late night, we counted Frank's "fuck" words as we took shots of the mango Monster energy drink each time he said the fuck word sjngkmdgnjkm it was so funny that we would quote him in our text chat and make fun of Frank together. We actually finished not one but TWO energy drinks as it took us two nights to get through his fucks, which was fucking hilarious. We kept smiling and laughing throughout, and, just, ugh, this memory's so lovely to me.

1. Us watching show ! Moon Knight together! This was our first ever bonding experience after I discovered our cluster including you. I watched this already before the discovery and was grown deeply interested in the Moon Knight System, but watching it with you like a month later was my first highest delight of interaction with you. You were so fun and hilarious about it, and us getting to match with Marc Spector ( you ) and Steven Grant ( me ) while associating ourselves with them was an absolute grand joy to me. I'll never forget about you making fun of Steven in the icecream truck scene LMFAO... but going through the show again but with you was so lovely and delightful. This was the special moment when I truly started to see we would have a beautiful life together.

[adventurespots]

Season 11 Part 2 (The ice chapter)

Positive take on the 11min era, more specifically the ice chapter of season 11. It’s chill, literally. 

I like the setting, the new realm. The icy mountains, the cozy villages and battles on the snow and icy lands. 

Surprisingly, I thoroughly enjoyed the side characters. Sorla, the two arguing villager friends. Akita, and Kotaru were really nice additions to the story and loved every minute of their screen time. 

Ice emperor Zane was dangerous and cold. I can’t get over his spine-chilling voice. His design is well done.

When the ninja were brought up or old memories were mentioned I appreciated how the writers made his voice hesitant and his eyes making it seem like the gears in his head were questioning, causing him to doubt. Felt like such a Zane characteristic thoughtfully included.

The other ninja had a fair amount of screentime so I never felt robbed of that. They put focus into Cole’s depression and struggle to accept himself and his failure. Kai and Nya, the sibs, were struggling with their elemental powers and doubted themselves. 

Humor was fairly simple and had a couple of laugh out loud moments. Enjoyable.

Lloyd and Akitas travels across the realm are my favorite parts. Lloyd making friends with wolfAkita was so sweet, I honestly wish their travels lasted longer. Lloyd’s character is about persevering through life with friendship and trust. Creating a buddy bond with wolfAkia was a nice way to include that Lloyd can’t go to save Zane without support. I treasured that short-time buddy bond they had.

This season showed bits of Lloyd’s trauma, something that isn’t touched on too much. Talking about how his life is an endless source of unlucky streaks was so nice to hear. They finally portrayed Lloyd being affected by his unlucky life and it being long-lasting. His anger towards Akita for hiding the truth is a favorite scene, because he is still affected by Harumi’s betrayal and his trust issues. LOVE IT.

A common hatred fans didn’t like. Lloyd getting the spotlight once again. 

You see it however you want to see it, but I just recently found a new way to look at it that changed my opinion of the season. 

When Lloyd goes off on his own to find Zane, it reminded me of season 1 memories. Back then Lloyd was a bratty kid who had family issues and led a lonely life, solo traveling Ninjago in search of the serpentine tombs. From dry desert, to dark forests, to snowy mountains. I feel like for season one purposes, Lloyd’s survival skills are slightly more refined compared to the other ninja. His travels with Akita reminded me of the old days.

Soundtrack

I am someone who judges the performance of a series mainly on the soundtracks. I consider them the foundation of the show. I thoroughly enjoyed the soundtracks of the Ice chapter. Zane’s were as spine-chilling as the ice emperor was dangerous. Half the soundtrack was very …. Mm… Tranquil. Like I was standing outside on a  cloudy day and the warm summer breeze was passing by. Very calming and peaceful.

Giants

I have no idea why but I really loved the giant mech that Lloyd was using for most of the season. Super cool.

Boreal was awesome, really neat design. His summoning soundtrack and Zane tapping his staff on the ice. Man, that was cold.

Little drama. I love Ninjago so I can say this with confident meaning of offense, I felt none of the soap-opera drama that ninjago usually is. I am very content with this season all the way with no complaints. (Minus the Wu and Pixal episodes. They were nice additions, but boring). 

Overall the Ice chapter is 10/10 and I can totally go back and rewatch it again. 

[deuterium51614]

RobiHachi Rewatch Part 1

Watching subbed, though one of these days I want to do a rewatch of the dub but with subs to compare scripts...

(Also changing my rewatch posting date to Sundays!)

Episode One

AU where the whole show is a coma dream after Robby gets hit by a truck lol

The sign for "Hotel Stars" in the background gives me Happy Kiss and Remote Host vibes.

Okay, so. How much of Neo Tokyo is actually advanced, and how much only looks like that for the sake of tourism? Cause we see all the other planets throughout the series that changed their image because of the tourism bureau... Like are "space potatoes" an actual thing, or are they just Earth potatoes being marketed like that? Is all of this futuristic stuff just for the sake of making Earth look more interesting to aliens?

Might make an endless loop of Robby eating fries lol

Also, the sign behind him I thought said Umatani, but I think it was Umatatsu?

Hatchi's so fabulous, strutting with his coat over his shoulder fjdhdhd

For someone who claims to have bad luck, Robby's extremely lucky that Hizakuriger is air-tight/can sustain life in space. Imagine if it really was purely decorative!

Forgot that Hatchi's last line in the first episode was questioning why he's the bottom half lol

Man, everybody would be fun to color with alcohol markers... (Recently got Ohuhu markers, they're very nice!)

Episode Two

Forgot the first mention of Haccone was this early!

When Hatchi's excited for the takoyaki to potentially be made from Martians, Robby's just looking at him like "that boy ain't right" fkdhdhd

Hatchi ends up in your average Disney Creepy Pasta. (Seeing the backstage area and actors without their costumes, and getting taken.)

Robby's so perverted early on, that back when I was writing the Support Group fic, I thought I was overexaggerating. But no, he's just like that. Wonder when he stops...

Again, Robby's lucky that the girl he's talking to happens to be the daughter of the tourism bureau chief.

Plus he basically performs a Love Shower...

Imagine if Yang's group just waited on Haccone. Not sure if it'd raise or lower the stakes by having them closer on Robby's tail, but it'd be funny to see them on the planet at the same time as Robby and Hatchi, and have like. A Scooby Doo hallway chase scene gag.

Episode Three

Robby talking about his lawyer helping with the loan contracts makes me think of either Io or the guy Takara stayed with as a child...

This whole episode makes me want to do an Umatani-themed AMV set to Tom Cardy'a "H.S."

Another instance of Robby being perverted.

The penguin reminds me of the broth monster from Happy Kiss!

Love how the seats just pop up at their console dhejdhd

Again, Robby's lucky that Hizakuriger is stronger than the Mr. Pluto robot. They're in the head! That punch would've demolished them.

Forgot the Luna Guard was brought into play this soon, too. So much of my experience with this show is thinking things happen later than they actually do lol

Episode Four

Yang's got the Kurotama faucet in his collection lol

I always feel like the candies are chewy and individually wrapped (kinda like botan rice candy), but they're hard and whenever Yang bites down it puts me on edge lol (Then again, last time I had botan rice candy, they ended up getting hard as a rock...)

Just realized Ikku has a dish with a power cord in front of him, since he said all he needs is an outlet lol

Robby's actually really pretty when he's collapsed on the ground. Something about the way his hair flows against the floor. Also thought that in the first episode when he was passed out on the sofa lol

With how Allo and Gras have matching suits, you'd think they got them together, but Allo got his first. Did Yang send him out to find someone else to join the business, having fabric for a matching suit ready?

Robby's not as perverted here, since the nurse is initiating a lot of it, but he does make that goofy face and you can tell there are only horny thoughts in his head lol

So I thought they were in the head based off the last episode, but they're actually in Hizakuriger's torso?

Once again, Robby's lucky it was just food poisoning, and he's lucky Hatchi befriended Gyo-Gyo who saved them. Also lucky that the oarfish went into Hizakuriger. It's like he's destined to get the Akafucrystal's luck...

Also, didn't realize Gyo-Gyo shares a seiyuu with Ibushi...

[justamessedupdisneyprincess]

Bad memories part 1

This is a self indulgent short fanfic about my si x canon. WARNING! This will be dealing with trauma, bits of bullying (with d*ath threats), toxic fandoms and emotionally abusive friendships will be mentioned here and there. Truth is…well you probably already know but I have had it real rough. 2019 was like the worst year of my life honestly and to this day I still do have a lot of trauma behind it. I know in my heart that Barley would definitely be the kind of BF who would be kind and understanding about this sort of stuff. He would be there to support his lover if they went through any hardships. I was feeling it again so I wrote this to help make me feel better. It actually works pretty well for me personally I find. Again, TW about trauma, bullying, d*ath threats, manipulation and emotional abuse will be mentioned briefly.

Just ignore it. Just ignore it.

That is what Izzy kept telling herself over and over again as she tried to push herself to keep drawing. Just ignore it. Just ignore it. It echoed through her brain and then all of a sudden she felt a tear run down her cheek. ‘Damn it. Why am I like this?!’ She thought to herself. She closed clip studio down in frustration.

It had been almost a year now since she finally deactivated her old social media accounts. She couldn’t handle the crap she kept getting from haters and false friends online. One of her main reasons of deactivation was because she wanted to run away from a certain fandom that caused her nothing but horrible pain. There may be a few good memories sure but many of them have turned bitter after some falling outs with so called friends. Izzy is easy to manipulate and it seems like no matter how many times it happens she falls victim to it every time. Even if those memories did not turn bitter though she definitely had more bad memories by far, so much so it was not even a competition in the slightest. Ironically though if it wasn’t for the fandom she probably never would have met Barley for she wouldn’t be there that night. That painful and terrifying night.

She was still interested in one of her old interests and still drew for it from time to time, she had never been bullied once within that other fandom, perhaps she did encounter a troll or two but blocking them and moving on was simple, aside from that there was literally no drama. But her main old fandom was literally like hell. Death threats daily, manipulation, rumour spreading, name calling, black mail. It was all an endless madness and it was there where Izzy met some of her abusers as well. She used to love that show dearly and even made a self insert that was hated on constantly. She had a self ship that got constant hate before she met Barley. She now hates that show and the mere mention of it makes her sick. She had tried to rewatch it but it simply hurts too much. The fandom ruined it all for her. The fact that her friends who had the same interests turned out to be fake was her breaking point. She knew she did not matter and was only their friend for their own benefits. An object. A tool. Nothing more, nothing less.

She didn’t even care that she had over one thousand followers. She wanted to run as far away from that fandom as possible. She wasted her money on so much merch and it is now all packed away in boxes as she tries to forget.

Although she did miss sharing her ideas, even if she got endless harassment in her main fandom her ideas got much more praise and support regarding her other interests. She wanted to share that at least. Even if she barely interacts with social media she wanted to at least post every now and then. So she tried to slowly get back into life online. She started a new deviantart account and she had been slightly discouraged to not get much attention there at all, maybe people had trouble finding her? Who knows. Tumblr was a different story though but she did fear that website for it is where most of the torture took place. She was on high alert, waiting for things to go wrong. Yet oddly enough nothing happened. Not yet at least.

However there was something that did upset her. A trigger. Nothing happened, no hate or harassment at all. It just appeared on her dash without warning…content from her old abusive fandom. The mere mention of it was a trigger and the type of content she saw was extra triggering for it was something she had been bullied over horribly. There have been major shipping wars and people used to bash her for self shipping with a character they wanted to ship with some other canon character. As a result she has grown to hate that ship and even the mention of it makes her sick since its fanbase harassed her. She did not want to see anything to do with that show ever again! So she looked up the tag and proceeded to block every single blog that had to do with that fandom. She had to do it or else she won’t feel safe. Even if they do not seek her out and target her the sight of it still hurts her at this point. Her love for that show became something beyond hatred. A fear, a type of painful sensation. It was like a stab to the heart as god awful memories came flooding back to her.

Just ignore it. Just ignore it. She kept thinking. She tried so hard to get herself back into drawing but she couldn’t. She needed to cry or else her eyeballs will explode. She shut down her laptop and turned off her bedroom lights so it was dim. She usually takes plenty of depression naps, it helps at least a little bit. But right now she felt like she needed more than that. She needed help and desperately. Her boyfriend practically forced her into making an oath where she comes to him when upset like this. So she rang Barley up and he answered instantly. “Hey babe! What’s up?” He says cheerfully through the phone. “Did you feel like going on another adventure? It’s a bit late now but I’d be down for it.”

“B-Barley.” Izzy managed to choke out. He instantly knew something was wrong.

“Iz? What’s wrong? You don’t sound too good.” Barley says worriedly.

Izzy sniffles as she took in some deep breaths. This isn’t the first time she cried to him about things related to her trauma and it probably won’t be the last either. “I-it’s just- my trauma is acting up…”

“N-n-no! No one hurt me!” She blurted out forcefully. “I just- I just really do need you right now…I-I feel so thankful-“

Barley smiled weakly as he started up the van. “Of course, little imp. Y’know I will always be there to rescue you no matter what.”

Izzy sniffles a bit more, it was hard to talk given how much she was crying. “D-drive safely though. Don’t speed. I-I want you to be safe.”

“Oh babe, you know safety isn’t my thing.” Barley joked. “But if that is what my lady wishes then so be it. I’ll stay on the phone with you until I get there, ok? You’re on speaker now.”

“O-ok.” Izzy croaked out as she clenched her phone. She suddenly felt a bit stupid now for bugging him like this. Then again she did know that Barley would argue against her for belittling her own feelings like that.

“Alright, we are on our way, milady. Now did you wanna talk about it? Like did something prompt this or did it just suddenly hit you like a surprise sneak attack from a masterful rouge?” Barley says.

Izzy struggled to wipe the tears from her eyes, it felt like more and more kept coming. “I…I was browsing the internet and I saw…I didn’t even look it up! I-it just came to me.” She sniffled for a moment and took in a deep breath, her nose was completely blocked up now due to all the crying. It made it much more challenging to breathe and talk at the same time. “It was…stuff to do with that old fandom…t-the one where all those people d-did all those god awful things to me.” Another violent wave of sobbing occurred as her brain forcefully replayed the memories once more.

Barley was saddened to hear her cry like this but he had a great skill when it came to these things. He had some experience with emotions when taking care of Ian as his older brother and fatherly figure. He has learned to be patient and open minded with things regarding anxiety and mental health. He remained calm as he spoke, his voice gentle and caring. “I see. So it was a trigger.”

Izzy sniffled and nodded her head but was quick to realise how he wouldn’t be able to see her nodding. “Y-yes!”

“Oh sweetheart.” He says sadly. “Worry not though, I am almost there and I will do everything in my power to make you feel better. I will keep you safe always.”

A few more tears leaked out but this time they were tears of gratitude. “T-T-Thank you…a-are you sure you d-don’t mind?”

“I don’t mind at all! You’re my princess and I’m your knight who is there to recuse you. It’s my duty, y’know?” Barley says with another gentle smile to try and reassure her, even if she couldn’t see it now she could definitely hear it. That gentle expression that tells her everything is going to be alright.

Izzy was struggling to stop herself from crying so much. “Y-you’re literally the kindest person I’ve ever met.”

Barley frowned a little as he heard her cries but he was touched by her words. “Oh I’m the kind one? I dunno about that because you are definitely the kindest person I’ve ever known or met.”

Izzy was a bit surprised to hear him say that, even though he does mention her kindness often in his poems for her she is still shocked each time. “Are you really sure about that? Because sometimes I feel like I must be a monster and don’t realise it. Why else would so many people want me dead then?” She thought back to the way many people had treated her.

Barley was hurt when he heard of the way she doubted herself. “Don’t say that! Don’t ever say that…please.” He then took in a deep breath, but it didn’t seem to help much. Instead he could feel some anger rising up inside him. “The only monsters here are the ones who had hurt you like that. What kind of heartless witch would go out of their way to torment others online?!” He gripped his steering wheel angrily.

Izzy was taken aback to hear the rage in his voice at first. “A lot of people actually.” She said sadly after a pause.

Barley clenched his steering wheel some more. He knew there were horrible people out there but he never imagined any being as toxic and controlling as the people Izzy had to deal with. With the stories she shares it is no wonder why she is so traumatised. Abusive friends, hundreds of bullies, internet wars. He heard of some toxicity online before but nothing on that level. “Oh those aren’t people. Those are in fact, the monsters. I won’t ever let a single one of them touch you ever again, you have my word.” He sounded so serious as he said that.

Izzy sniffles, she was touched to hear how he was willing to protect her but deep down she knew no one can truely save her from the world online. “I…I don’t know, Barley. I mean that is very sweet! But it’s just…there’s so many of them out there. Even if I have nothing to do with that evil fandom…I still know they are out there laughing at the memory of me, looking back at me and feeling disgusted…I feel so scared…what if they find me and recognise me? What will they do to me then?!” Her fears grew stronger and stronger as she continued to dwell on it all.

Through the crying and rapid breathing though, Barley’s strong voice was able to cut through it all. “I don’t care how many of them there are.” Izzy went silent for a moment, confused as she continued to listen. “I will fight for you always and forever! I don’t care how many foes I will have to face or what dangers I may get into if it means you are safe! You could be the most wanted criminal in the entire universe and I wouldn’t give a damn. I love you, my princess and I always will.”

A few more soft sobs could be heard from Izzy’s end of the line. The mixture of pain from her past and gratitude to the present was an odd combination to feel. “God I love you…I love you so much….” She says suddenly.

Barley smiles sweetly. “I love you too, Isabel. I love you so so so much. I don’t want you to ever forget that.”

Izzy finally began to smile a little, there was no word that could possibly describe how blessed she had felt to have met Barley. To her he was like a light in the darkness, he came into her life after so much pain and despair. He saved her. “T-thank you…” she says softly.

The tender scene was cut short though as loud jostling could be heard. “W-what was that?!” Izzy cried out in a panic.

“Don’t worry, my love. Gweni and I are just traveling through the forest that shrouds your haven…I gotta admit though. I dunno how far this poor old girl can go through here. These roots aren’t too good for her tires.” Barley stated casually.

Izzy chuckled a little bit, this was music to Barley’s ears and an eager grin appeared on his face for a moment. “Yeeeeah, I don’t think it’s a good idea. You might have to walk the rest of the way like you usually do, sorry. Ummm…if it’s easier for you…did you want me to come to you?” Izzy asked politely, she was always so worried if she was a handful for anyone.

“Don’t be ridiculous. After crying like that I think you deserve plenty of rest. Besides I’m not that far now.” Barley says as he hoped out of Guinevere. “Thanks for the ride my mighty steed. Just rest here till I get back.”

Izzy couldn’t deny that she did already feel exhausted from all the crying. She sat in silence as she continued to listen to Barley.“Luckily I know this secret path like the back of my hand!” Barley said next, his voice broke the lonely silence instantly. Izzy lightly nodded, still very quiet. The silence made the elf worry. “You there?” He asked sweetly.

“Y-yeah! Yeah…I’m right here. Sorry I-I just…I am feeling pretty tired I will be honest.” She says.

Barley caressed his phone, he wanted to hold onto his girlfriend right now. “Then get plenty of rest my princess. Don’t worry, I’m almost there. And once I have arrived to rescue you from your despair we are free to do whatever you please.” He says heroically.

Izzy giggles a bit, she felt safer already when listening to his voice. “Just some cuddles while we watch some videos would be nice.”