#my depressive symptoms worse

[nerdyenby]

Hey squad, #update that I would greatly appreciate if my moots could tag #traffic neg when applicable. If it’s serious, legitimate issues, that’s not what I’m looking to filter, just the sort of “old _____ was better” content that turns my escape mechanism into something that makes me more upset, thanks y’all <3

[mountainhaunt]

forever envious of the bipolar types that have euphoric mania. what do you mean you don't purely feel irate and paranoid and restless the whole time? what do you mean it feels good and you long for it when it's away?? where is ur rage? where is ur depersonalization?? what is this natural high of which u speak

[halogalopaghost]

[doginasillyhat]

wow! so basically i can absolutely tell that my meds are not working for me. it’s been close to six months since my dose got changed and i think that’s enough time for me to figure out that this still isn’t working.

i’m feeling so constantly paranoid and anxious. i’m sleeping more than i’m awake again, i’m eating bad, i’m getting lax on my hygiene, i’m not responding to messages - it’s getting bad again.

i definitely need to take a step back! i think i need to Log Off for a bit and get back into the swing of things. see a doctor and get my medication sorted, get my dog back into agility and get into exercise again. i need to focus on work again and get back into seeing my friends since i’m starting to isolate more than usual.

posting content isn’t going to be a priority. i’ll probably still post things when i have the motivation to write, and maybe i’ll linger a bit and see what’s going on in tags. my absence is minuscule and will Not be missed, but hopefully when i return in a little while when i feel better i can still be Appreciated! sex positive hat has loved the reception its been getting. sex positive hat does Not want to let that go!

anyway. tldr taking a break until my mental health evens out again because i am actually doing so terribly. i’ll be in and out but overall. probably super quiet. i’ll still be around in pms for the people i’m talking to there :)

[domesticated-whores]

time to play a game of "should I go to the doctor's or is my body just being extra silly"

[the-rainbow-of-doom]

.

[sanctfy]

realized that i really don't enjoy eating anymore. i still enjoy the taste of food obv + i still have a desire for it, but the actual act of eating is more of a chore than anything. it's something i do bc i don't want the consequences of not eating, but i don't get any pleasure or enjoyment out of it. i think i'm just so consumed by how something is going to make me feel that i can't really appreciate it while it's in my mouth. the association between food + discomfort has become too strong to ignore 😔

[seasonallydefective]

Something that happened twice now in my life is able bodied people saying they want to help me, that they’ll take care of me in some capacity, coaxing me into situations where I end up reliant on them in some way, and then getting ANGRY and violently trying to get rid of me when it’s clear that my chronic health issues are difficult and not going anywhere.

And this isn’t a thing I’ve ever downplayed. Like many people suffering chronic illness, I have days where I seem pretty functional, and days where I need a mobility device or just plain can’t get out of bed. I also have days where I am putting all my energy into getting things done that Need to Get Done, but at the expense of everything else (I can work, but then I’m not going to have the capacity for conversation or feeding myself later that day). This is my normal. I’m pretty vocal about how much it sucks.

So when able-bodied people tell me that I’m being a downer, that I’m just laying around and doing nothing for my health, that they don’t see me actually trying, that me being honest about how I’m feeling is hard on them and they don’t want to deal with me any more …

It’s all really impacted the way I view myself and the treatment I feel like I deserve. Especially since these weren’t people I had some emotional distance from — this was a long term partner and a friend who called me family.

And just pure proximity to me was enough for them to decide that I’m a burden, my illness is my fault, and I deserve to have nothing because of it.

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

so i have managed to get zero writing done, bc i'm out of my adhd meds. and cvs says they are on backorder so it could be a while before i get them. but i NEED them. and the store just expects you to personally call every other cvs nearby and ask them if they have what you need. you know, instead of just doing it themselves, like they should bc it's their goddamn job to see their clients receive their medication. and i cannot function without it. but i hate making phone calls, my social anxiety is so bad that i get super nervous and can barely make it through the conversation without crying. it's not fair. adhd meds like adderall have been hard to get for over a year. and my goddamn insurance won't pay for it anyway, so I'm gonna have to pay out of pocket.

[sickly-sapphic]

it's so fucking DIFFICULT managing a huge variety of symptoms and illnesses. it feels impossible to keep up with the care for 20+ conditions - im always falling behind or slipping up on something that'll inevitably cause damage to my already abysmal health.

[teardropsonsmyguitar]

.

[thethingything]

it's been just under 3 days since we took that antibiotic and our brain still doesn't feel right.

all I can do is wait it out and hope it goes away soon, but we've barely been able to do anything for the last few days and honestly until the med fucked us up I wasn't even sure we could get less functional in terms of how bad our dissociation and stuff was but here we are.

I have things I need to do. I have things I was meant to organise. I'm gonna have to explain a bunch of stuff at that oral surgery consultation on Thursday and I have to hope the side effects have eased off by then because with the way our brain currently is, I'm not actually sure I'd be able to explain the things I need to or remember to ask about things I need to bring up.

I've missed doses of my regular meds because of both the brain fog and our sleep schedule getting fucked up because the medication side effects triggered a fatigue flare and we're back to randomly falling asleep and repeatedly getting stuck in a loop of falling asleep and then waking up just enough to register that we need to do something but not enough to actually open our eyes and do the thing before falling asleep again several times over the course of a few hours and having really vivid dreams that kind of blur together with reality so we wake up really disoriented.

I'm simultaneously overwhelmed, and too brain foggy and dissociated to really register what's making me overwhelmed, but then I think about something that I know has been stressing me out and I just kind of feel apathetic? I guess? and I've had the same thing with stuff I'd normally be really excited/enthusiastic about no matter how bad our depression gets. it's horrible because it's like, I know I care about this thing, I know I feel strongly about it, but I can't access any of those feelings and it's making me feel like I'm not properly myself and that's freaking me out really badly

[aewrie]

'once a week or more' well rip

my default state of being when i'm not having a bad day is a little tired & nursing a budding headache. i have a headache right now that i'm ignoring

is this going to be another of those 'there is no such thing as a 'mild' concussion, if you hit your head bad enough to black out it is a concussion' lmao???

i get headaches from fucking everything. weather/air pressure (low and high). low/high blood sugar or too rapid changes there. too bright/dim light (at home i am specific about my lights/curtains at different points of the day/depending on how bright it's outside to avoid these). rapid repetitive/jarring physical motions (just jumping a little can be enough/make it worse). muscle tension. doing stretching/exercise that gets blood really flowing. lack of and/or bad sleep, or too much sleep. getting (strongly) emotional. caffeine (a new exiting one! only started regularly drinking coffee fairly recently. how much caffeine is too much is a fucking mystery though). i should wear glasses (myopia, not too severe) but i avoid it unless i need to see that far that well in part bc the glasses pressing on my temples give me headaches more easily than my eyes being slightly tired does.

i'm probably forgetting a bunch more

but every time i've seen people describe migraines i've thought well mine aren't anywhere near that severe/those specific kinds of headaches so No Way it's that

but. i do have other symptoms on that list? i just never thought it might be related to my headaches bc i'd not seen those mentioned, at least not in a way that i could identify as something i should consider in connection to this, and there's always the huge stress that migraines are always extra super bad to the point that a Real migraine completely disables you for a while. while to me it's. it's annoying, it hurts, if it's particularly bad it can make things more difficult but not impossible/near impossible; just, a general It's Not That Bad, therefore normal and i should just deal with it

[5-htagonist]

i love art, im very grateful for adderall for gifting me with the executive function, ease of prioritization, and clearness of thought <3

[duskythesomething]

like back in HS if you were super mentally ill you could get 2 free sessions at the health clinic- and i told the lady i saw that i'm pretty sure i had bpd like i had done my research and everything and she told me i was too young to diagnose and we weren't going to even look into it and i was so mad!! i didn't like her for other reasons so when our free sessions were up i didn't really care but now i feel validated knowing i might actually have been onto something. we didn't touch much on the AuDHD thing though which makes me sad but starting with the depression/anxiety combo might help with those things too