#i really thought tms would fix my brain

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

so i have managed to get zero writing done, bc i'm out of my adhd meds. and cvs says they are on backorder so it could be a while before i get them. but i NEED them. and the store just expects you to personally call every other cvs nearby and ask them if they have what you need. you know, instead of just doing it themselves, like they should bc it's their goddamn job to see their clients receive their medication. and i cannot function without it. but i hate making phone calls, my social anxiety is so bad that i get super nervous and can barely make it through the conversation without crying. it's not fair. adhd meds like adderall have been hard to get for over a year. and my goddamn insurance won't pay for it anyway, so I'm gonna have to pay out of pocket.

[gotholdladywithadhd]

Unpopular opinion, probably.

So I've read many metas, and thought a lot about it and have come to my own personal conclusion about the final 15.

I'm taking it at face value.

Because it was the most human Crowley and Aziraphale have probably ever been and I think that is at least part of the point. Love makes people stupid and they are navigating a very human thing in very unhuman circumstances, and it's hard enough to do as a human in human circumstances!

I think Aziraphale believed the Metatron about Crowley bc he was expecting the worst when TM mentioned Crowley but instead got the one thing he wanted most (him and Crowley together and safe, not Crowley being an angel. ) Crowley was absolutely the carrot here. (and no I do not think Crowley would have been safe or happy, but that's besides the point.) I can't tell you how many times I've believed patently ridiculous things because I wanted to believe them so badly even though if I was looking at the same situation objectively from an outside POV I would see how ridiculous it was, so I totally get it. This isn't to say I think Azi had a real choice to go to Heaven or not and I think he did understand that as well, but I get the temptation the Metatron threw out to him, I really do.

As for Aziraphale literally saying all the wrong things to try and get Crowley to come with him? Um yeah been there done that too, the nerves take over, the brain shuts off, the mouth goes into autopilot pulling stuff out its ass, and "WITAF did I just say?" happens.

Crowley not taking any of it well and only hearing what he expected to hear (I'm not good enough for you bc I'm a demon and you only really want me if I can be an angel) *and* also being more able to see through heavens bullshit bc he has lived it, and can see it from the outside, *and* all whilst being the most honest and vulnerable he has ever been with Aziraphale in 6,000 plus years (or in fact possibly to anyone, ever. the closest before this admitting he was lonely to Azi during the Job minisode,) *then* hearing what he took to be the same Heaven will save us line from Azi was enough to trigger a massive bout of RSD and a broken heart. Everything was supposed to "vavoom and sorted! " and instead the stupid awning broke and everything went wrong. I think I've said it before that at this point Crowley can't hear anything over the sound of his heart breaking into a million pieces.

That's a whole lot to pack into the brief moments before Azi has to leave with the Metatron (who let's be honest was rushing him before he could change his mind) esp when neither of them are used to discussing their relationship openly. They didn't have time to think, to ask questions, to share information, (like hey guess what really happened to Gabriel?) Crowley tried to communicate as much as he could about his feelings with the kiss but Azi didn't have the time to properly process all that and said the wrong thing again and Crowley was rejected (he thought) again and it all just went so very wrong. You can't fix a 6,000 year relationship in 15 minutes, you just can't no matter what the story books say.

It's about two people wanting the same thing but not being able to get it (yet) because of circumstances and personalities. All of S2 was about them seeming to be closer than ever (and in many ways they were) but really they were opposed at almost every turn. (in RL not the minisodes, those actually showed them working together and coming out okay mostly, if you don't count wee Morag or Crowley getting dragged to hell) The way they both handled the Gabriel situation, how they both worked to solve the mystery, even how they tried to make Nina and Maggie fall in love were all either done alone, or in opposite ways. I've said it before and I'll say it again, as it was pointed out right in ep1, their exactlies aren't the same and until they are, they aren't going to be able to be together. The one time they did work together in the season, they produced a 25 lazuri miracle. That is the point of the final 15, and the whole season 2 in my opinion.

They'll get there in the end though!

[cabezadeperro]

Hello. (!!!!!!!) I am marathoning your Jango-long-works because I keep on turning the (stunning) way you write this man in my mind like a rotisserie chicken strapped to a wind turbine. I’m just, like. what is this guy’s deal?? Because I adore (adoreeeeeee), the way you write him as he’s like. Inescapable. (In the sense that im reading ‘ships in the night’ and I love how we’re getting a glimpse into his days pre-bounty hunter, pre-new-lungs, pre-‘my rage has simmered down’). Like, his line about: “Jango finished the job because that's why he’s being paid to do—and he has very little now, but his honor is one of those things.” I want to put it under a microscope because, why is he clinging to this job when surely he could have looked for allies? I feel like he feels such an overwhelming sense of. Guilt? Grief? Responsibility? For how Galidraan went, and he does use ‘selfish’ to refer to himself, could that mean he can’t relate or engage with that Mandalorian, even if their goals partially align, because that will be further defeat and he can’t take it. In short, (and thank you for your patience with my rambling! Feel free to reply or not, public or private is fine) the way he Will fulfill a contract but No he is not your mandalor (or he doesn’t even feel particularly patriotic) is such an odd thing that is deeply compelling and I admire (and it’s maddening) how the narrative (your writing style) is not out to Deus Ex Machina him to get himself fixed. I really love how you show the broken/competent/grim parts of him while also keeping him unapologetically himself (but maybe I am still firmly stuck in that harrowing scene he has with the Goran about Arla, that I’m realising now I’m unconsciously putting next to ‘ships in the night’ even if their timelines differ).

Anyway!! I realise I should close an ask with an actual ‘?’, so: did you have any goals when you set out to write ‘ships in the night’ and ‘Arla and Jango revenge road trip’, and if yes, is there any ‘director’s cut comment’ that you’d like to share?? 🤩🤩🤩

HIIII

i was going to answer privately, but when you do that the ask disappears into the ether forever, and i wanted to have some way to save this skdghkgh

thank you so much for reading and for reaching out!! it makes me very happy that you want to talk about those two fics specifically--i'm pretty proud about them and not that many people have read them dfdsfkj (understandable! they're very niche and no one owns me anything lol).

under the cut because this got Long lol

wecome to the "rotating jango fett like a rotisserie chicken" club. it's hard work but someone has to do it. he's my little meow meow and lives rent free in my brain etc etc. i think he's such an interesting character and has so much potential in the little we see him both in the movies and in other materials (like the comics or the videogame), and i don't want to judge other people's versions of the character but i feel like sometimes the fandom doesn't do him justice. he's just so Interesting, i want to study him like the bug. he's key for The Star War but at the same time he's kind of like illegible--kind of like a blank space but not. we know what he did, we know what happened to him, but we don't actually know any of his whys, and i find that fascinating.

his character as it first appears in the prequels is also very interesting. i love how still and quiet and bland and polite he is! he's just some guy (tm), nothing to see here.

iirc ships in the night was actually written as part of an event. it was a gift for a friend, and that meant that i knew i could get more personal with where i took the story. i thought that it would be interesting to explore his character when he was no longer jango fett, mand'alor, but he also wasn't jango fett, bounty hunter yet. your 20s are a Weird time, and i think that in his case they had to be even weirder. it may be because i personally just got "finished" with mine (i wrote those fics right before turning 30 lol), but i find that decade very interesting. there's a lot of change, a lot of shedding layers of dead skin and old personalities and trying out things and messing up and becoming one thing or another, and in jango's case (someone who's severely traumatised, who's lost and lost and lost, who hasn't actually had the time or the space to grieve properly) those years would be even more key for who he became afterwards. he's very raw. he's very scared and still grieving. but there's also this--coldness about him, this ability to intellectualise and dissect and actively ignore his sense of right and wrong until it scabs over and he can forget he ever had one. he's very young and very clever and completely ruthless, and he has nothing to lose anymore.

also, we don't actually know that much about what happened to him between escaping the spice freighter and doing that job for dooku. a decade goes by, and he becomes the Best Bounty Hunter In The Galaxy TM, and we just have no idea of what actually happens to him, or what he does.

that was also my thought process behind monsterkilling i believe? (sorry, it's been a while lol). i just wanted to write something about jango and arla, about arla finding out what happened to him and just deciding to find jango. i think i didn't quite do her justice, but i wanted to explore what would happen if the fact that she needs to take care of her little brother would make it through the trauma and the programming. they're both incredibly messed up and they don't really know each other anymore, and at the same time they're the only ones left. (also: arla's song in that fic is apple tree by marika hackman, and the last scene with the quince tree and the tombs is directly inspired by the song.)

so yeah. with both fics i think i wanted to explore ideas of growing up, change, vulnerability, grief and trauma. i wanted to write about connecting to people despite yourself, about hurting them and getting hurt in turn, and about taking in both the hurt you give and the hurt you receive and deciding what to do with all of it.

anyway! this is a lot! thank you for everything, for your comments as well ❤️❤️❤️ they made me very happy!!!!

[fox-guardian]

Can we hear more thoughts on Oliver Banks pls

I love him so much he is literally so funny and fascinating like we all talk about how wild his ep 121 statement was with the impersonating and sneaking onto a boat to take a fat nap and how that was hilarious, but see also this bit from his ep 11 statement:

"Even more surprising was that my forward motion brought me over the edge of Canary Wharf’s roof and I fell. I plummeted, I don’t know how far, until I hit the ground with a crack. I would have expected this to wake me but instead I simply lay there, spasmed by dream-pain, you know, the knowledge of pain without the white heat of nerves."

He went splat. He just. Fell and went splat in his dream. And just laid there for a while. That's so fucking funny to me, man.

Also the entire thing with ep 168 like literally what was up with that. Out of every domain Jon Looked At and gave a statement for, Oliver was the only one (that I recall) where someone Gave the statement to Jon. That was Oliver speaking to and through Jon, telepathically beaming his gay little coroner's report into his brain like Why Do We Not Talk About This Why Did Oliver Get To Do That. It is both fascinating and very funny because how exactly did that work. Was it

A) Oliver beaming the formatted report into Jon with his own weird mind powers he has for some reason

B) Jon finding a physically written report with his eye powers and reading off that

C) Oliver just sitting very still in his domain thinking really hard about his gay little report ever since Jon stepped foot into his domain to prepare for Jon's supernatural IBS

Also I just looked over a smidge of the 168 transcript and I just. I wish so badly he could've had a voice appearance. Like if you think about it there wasn't too much reason they couldn't have done it in terms of like. Episode structure, and not much would've changed. The way Oliver talks about his emotional state and state of being tells us he wouldn't have run away like Simon did should Martin be present to start threatening murder, and there's a chance he was also Physically Incapable Of Moving. Like. "I am a fixed point" How Much So, Mr Banks. Are you vibing in your gay little goth treehouse?? Are you tangled in death roots, binding you to a spot in your domain, unable to move?? Are you simply so sleepy and constantly fading in and out of consciousness in a fancy death bed?? Please tell me I would love to know.

And of course the idea of Martin actually meeting Oliver has so much potential to it obviously. Martin getting more jealous because Oliver is Hot(TM), Oliver being basically dead inside apart from being very into Martin once he sees him and Jon fucking with both of them as a result because it's funny, etc. Also I just miss his voice and wish he had more of it. I love him so much. I need more juxtaposition between his statement manner of speaking and his normal one. Give me all the Oliver stutters. I need to hear a yawn.

[violentviolette]

i think i have aspd or traits . but i dont wanna go to a psych and be like " btw here are my symptoms ive never told u about before , have fun ! ( insert the entire ASPD criteria here ) . sorry " because that makes me look bad & i appear the opposite ( passive , fearful , not aggressive ) , & dont want to appear as a threat and i most definitely dont want them to think im manipulating them when im not ( like for example when im just telling them my symptoms regarding other conditions ) . and i dont want to admit to committing crimes incase they report me or i have to go through a security clearance for job reasons and they go thru my stuff . anyways as far as anyones concerned i seem nice but weird but not the type of person to have those kinds of symptoms , and i want it to keep my Good Girl(tm) image . but also . i dont want to start having legal issues , become dependent on substances , pursue any illegal occupation , etc since it would suck to get caught and im only 21 so i keep trying my best to avoid it everytime i almost continue with it , but i need help bad lol . any idea of what i should or can do ? anything helps

okay real talk but literally do exactly the opposite of everything ur doing and also get out of ur own head and stop overanalyzing every thought u have to find justifications for not doing the very simple basic first step towards what u know is the right thing to do but just dont want to because being vulnerable feels yucky and ur scared

i say this with genuine compassion and no judgement because i *absolutely* did and still sometimes do the same thing but unfortunately the only way to get urself out of that cycle is to get over urself and touch grass (encouragingly) so that u just Do The Thing u know u need to do

being open and honest with a therapist about ur thoughts and feelings is the only way to get any actual positive growth or help out of it. u cant fix what u dont talk about and keeping it all to urself will only drive u more and more insane. staying cooped up inside ur own mind without telling other ppl what ur thinking out loud creates a feedback loop of crazy. u gotta hear urself talk to another person sometimes to actually really *hear* urself, u know? ur brain is where the crazy is and u cant stay there alone and expect it to work out and get better. u have to talk it out and be confronted and challenged with other viewpoints to realize where urs are disordered if u look for reasons not to do something u will absolutely find them, and while i could offer rebuttels to a lot of ur concerns, things like how ur medical records and psych details are not that detailed. u doing illegal behavior like stealing or doing drugs is not something that gets listed on those and falls under patient confidentiality. the only thing that gets documented is the official diagnoses name which most therapists are going to be very reluctant to hardline diagnose someone with aspd (and even then it only gets logged with that practice and submitted to ur insurance only if ur seeking care like meds or hospital stays or get incarcerated. otherwise, if u dont tell someone "i saw dr.x at yclinic from 2019-2022, then they have no way of knowing or finding out what that dr wrote on their internal records/notes. there is no centralized database of "medical history" outside of ur insurance company and specific practices internal networks) individual symptoms like "illegal activity" do not get listed and unless ur planning on enrolling in the military or working for the feds no job is looking more deeply than that into ur history unless u personally volunteer it. what comes up when specific companies do background checks with a medical history is ur insurance records. ur insurance only knows what gets submitted to them specifically, if ur therapist doesnt file paperwork with ur insurance to list aspd as a diagnosis they are looking for ur insurance to pay them to treat u for specifically (instead of more generalized things like "depression" "anxiety" or just "mental health care" ect, which they have to get ur permission to do) then there's no paper trail of what u two talk about in that office or how ur "good girl" image is legitimately worthless garbage and will grant u absolutely nothing in life and clinging to it in the false hope that other ppls perceptions of u will change who u actually are and make u happy is only gonna lead u to looking at ur shitty unhappy life in 5 years and being filled with nothing but regret and anger and wanting to kill urself or that while u cant know or control how ur therapist sees u or reacts to the things u share with them, u can control who they are. if u fuck up with this therapist or it takes a turn u dont like or they start treating u badly, u can very much just get another one. u can request a different person at the same clinic for any reaosn or u could switch clinics entirely. most insurance in the us is taken by more than 1 provider in an area and there are almost always multiple practices that take the local insurance. and even then, if u wanna drive 45mins to see a therapist a town over cause u burned a bridge with this one u can do that. ur not beholden to a single person, u can get dozens and dozens of opinions. ive had over 15 different therapists in my life. if u fuck up with one u can always get another

but all those rebuttals dont really matter because if u want to, i have no doubt u could find counter points to all those points. i know i could if i tried. so really it just comes down to the simple question of are u going to keep standing in ur own way or are u going to cut the bullshit and take it seriously and do the hard thing because u know its what u need to do? ur young still, uve got so much time, dont waste more of it waiting for the perfect solution or situation because it will never exist. do it now, do it messy, do it scared, fuck it up and get it wrong a bunch, and then try again and again until it works

[safyresky]

So, I've been working on and off for roughly. Oh, a year I should think, on a two-parter focusing on The Call. It's sort of the "origins" for the Season Sisters, or at least, who created them and how they came to be with Mother Nature. (a sort of rewrite of this)

Part 1 is shaping up and just about finished! I'm hoping to unleash it some time in the next week or two. Part 2, I think, will follow much faster as there is one particular scene I am very excited to write and is the scene that has been giving me ALL THE DRIVE to write this thing, as if the angst each Season has to deal with when they're all under one thousand ISN'T enough >:)

Anyway, I had a reason for making this post when I started it? Then got hella distracted while typing the first paragraph. What is WRONG with me.

I know I was thinking that in the original, it was pretty okay up until the second part. I HATE the second part now and will be making HUGE CHANGES/already HAVE made some huge changes. I think maybe I wanted to ask the crowd something about that?

But I follow that line of thought and it leaves, lol.

I go from "Man I need to fix up Hollow Eve based on how they were characterized in Jacqueline Dies Part 2", then I got all frowny about the way Gaia and Tara interact, then there's a blank space and then I thought "Oh! Let me ask the buds about that!"

I thought that would help but it did not.

INSTEAD what my brain keeps thinking of is where to post the twofer. Given that hellsite tm is now chill with ai trawling, I'm a little...wary about posting oneshots here. I've shut off the third party trawling on all my blogs, but idk how reliable that actually is.

I don't want to add it to the smile shot collection on ao3/ff dot net, because it isn't really focused at ALL on characters from tsc, with the exception of Mother Nature, though she's just Tara for the first half of this story!

But then like, where do I put it, you know?

Probably I'll end up posting it here but I'm very. Hmm. IDK MAN. Any pals have any thoughts there?

[astralartefact]

Making sense of the "Abortion is bad"-Scene in Kamierabi because it doesn't leave my brain and I really don't want Yoko Taro to be an Anti-Abortionist

Why am I still trying to give the ugly show nobody but me watched the benefit of the doubt?

I don't know either. It has to be wishful thinking.

Okay, I know exactly why, it's the scene after all of the Lall BS where Ryo fcking 'kills' Ono and tells him that that's her wish and he doesn't get to grant it, that shit slapped and it singlehandedly keeps my hope alive that that whole previous scene was supposed to be bad so it can be 'debunked' in the next season.

Because if they actually thought Lall's monologue was it and they were spilling some hard truths about abortion being murder, women just shouldn't cheat and how society has gotten selfish bc evil evil smartphones then not only is whoever wrote that shit either downright evil or missing the forest for the trees - they're also a horrible writer.

Like Lall's whole thing is her tearfully boasting about how nobody there listened to other's wishes, how everybody else is just selfishly trying to become god for their own goals and that's why Ono Goro is so good and smart and different and deserves to become god.

But like - that's wrong. And it's wrong to an almost comical degree. Almost none of them are in this for themselves.

From what we've seen almost everybody wants to make the world a better place by becoming God - and sure we don't necesarily really know what they wished for, but from their actions and characters none of them really fight for themselves.

Sawa wants parents like hers to die because they literally killed her brother - she fights for her brother and not for herself. Akitsu literally let himself die so Goro could win and fix the world. The only thing we really know about Ama is that he is too good for this world. Chika fights for Ryo who fights for Kyo. Iyo is literally another guy who let his favorite Idol overwrite his entire existence.

Like typing this out I'm almost feeling stupid for even entertaining the thought that they could actually mean what Lall is saying - especially since Yoko Taros recent themes (that are also in kamierabi) just fly in the face of any conclusion like this - but to me the episode framed it just sympathetically enough that I'm just not all that sure.

this is literally that one crossroads meme but it's between "Kamierabi is criticizing the white savior complex" and "Kamierabi is an alpha podcast that thinks Abortion is murder, women should just stop being sluts and single mothers are ruining society by raising bad men" and it's going to take months until they finally reveal which one it is

(and i think part of my problem is that turning this into 'ono goro is just a white guy(tm) (yeah i know he's asian but you know what i mean, in his social sphere he's a white guy) who thinks only he can solve all of society's problems because he listened to a woman once' would make this a killer story. like that would make so much sense. they could bring the whole thing with him being the one good iyo stan back so we finally have an anime talking about how all oshi-ism is bad q_q but like. what if it isn't. what if these people just fully drank the alpha podcast cool-aid???)

[journalsona]

i wish i was better at setting boundaries/triggers even when the boundaries are “dramatic” or w/e because ive been having really bad Episodes tm and have had trouble organizing thoughts and have had a touch of Word Salad and it makes my brain shut off when im talking to my friends and i spend like 5 full minutes typing a message and analyzing it and reading it out loud to see if its comprehensible and then when i finally send it they just go “huh” “h.” “what” and so i retype the message and apologize for not being able to do it right the first time and they go “huh” “h.” “what” and i ask them what needs clarifying so i know what to fix and they just go “oh i understood the message” and it turns out they think “h.” is an actual valid response to someone trying to speak and now i wasted half my daily spoons on that interaction. i feel like im an ass/controlling if i were to say “you cant say what/huh to me unless you actually didnt understand me” but its not like im saying “you must always reply with full sentences and give me all your attention” because thats insane. i just wish they would say like “wow” or “oh no” instead of “HUH” every time i speak

[shunshuntaiga]

Awww!! :33 So glad you still find me bothering you charming. ❤️ right back at ya'. Seeing your replies gives at least just as much serotonin tbh. We're in the same boat then here, because 'adult stuff' is also the reason my fic is not done yet either. AaaaAAahHH!!! You're on chapter two, good for you!!! I am so happy to hear, can't wait to read it. 😌Honestly, our dicking around is also a huge part of my inspiration too. It's fun to think what what your reaction to some of this insanity i am coming up with will be. >:) SPADI DESERVES TO GO FERLA HE HAS EARNED IT!! <33 Man's been through enough and kept a relatively level head, now it's his turn to turn the world upside down. In mine it's the other way around-- Aurelia is the one who has to keep calm then he gets to go absolutely Wild in his quest for revenge (if i get around to writing that lol). I really like s2&3 Aure too. <33 I mean, he's still an idiot, but it's more.. contained. He's learned to keep his temper in check, he's more grown up. S1 Aure is fun to throw in angsty plots and let his emotions take over though, because he is just so... Feral, there's no other word. All that bleach has seeped into his brain and is blocking his synapses from firing properly. Ok, look... i am just going off of what you said, but i had an.. Evil (kind of) thought... You're right, s1 Spadi and Aurelia would NOT be emotionally ready for a baby.. So just imagine the emotional turmoil LOOSING the baby would be, because.. Like... On the one had, they wanted her, so they feel devastated ... But on the other hand, they knew they were not ready, so they would also feel relieved.. And the cognitive dissonance this would cause, because How can they feel relieved about Loosing their little girl? What kind of monsters feel Relieved about something like that, a baby dying? (Idk if that makes much sense, i am sleep deprived at the moment, sorry :)) ) I love that every time we talk our "Spadeliano fic idea" list just gets longer and longer :))) Good for us! Duuude... that being the catalyst for s1 Aureliano truly becoming the polished version we see in s2 and s3 is just... It makes so much sense. After all, what forces you to mature more than a kid on the way? Nothing. Also.... Manfredi and Adelaide would one hundred percent try to take advantage of the situation, try to use it against Spadi. Kind of like when Alex tried to use Teo as a bargaining chip or something. Ok.. so... my fix-it... It now has a life of its own... I spent waaay to much time looking at maps of Rome and researching how to properly write whump.. Because that is what it has turned into lmfaoo. I am giving them such a hard time there is literally no other way for them to move forward BUT to openly talk shit out for once. 😌 Time loops are SO hard to write, but also SOOO rewarding!! I have been thinking about this au non-stop since coming up with it, because the setting is just Perfect for it. Still, coming up with a way to Break the loop is challenging af :)))) *insert 'Same hat' meme here* Lmfaooo, that's my jam too!! Absolutely wrecking people with my story ideas knowing full it all ends up alright is Evil and Fun. 😈

Anon let me tell you my reactions to your messages either leave me screaming into my pillow in or physically resisting the urge to roll around on the floor with how good your ideas are. They are amazing and very Evil and Fun (tm)

Aure and Spadi loosing Rubina v. 2 ...... ouch. Ouch ouch. I am taking psychic damage just thinking about the pain of that. Although you're totally right, that mixture of sadness and relief that makes them feel guilty for even imagining it, when in this scenario they've actively choosen to have a baby...

It's also very politically current, which causes double damage to any reader because it's a very real situation.

But like I said, I love a happy ending. So I think I'll leave that story perhaps to someone who really enjoys Super Mega Angst. (Is it even angst at that point, or just pain?😭)

Also not to mention Aurelia and Spadì are still dealing with The Actual Plot with Cina and Samurai etc. All while Aurelia is very pregnant... on top of Anacleti family trying their very best to manipulate the situation for themselves, and maybe even now a war oncoming with the Sale family, because oopsie, Spadi knocked up the Little Prince of Ostia instead of their daughter :/

(But of course Angè is relieved, and supports them because Spadi and her are still platonic soulmates✨️)

Imagine Angè and Spadino going cradle shopping instead lol Angè would make sure he actually bought something sensible lol

I'm not actually certain what the term "whump" means. I only started writing fics a little over a year ago (and really only reading them during the pandemic, so I'm still very much a baby in this realm)

But that sounds amazing!!

[redbullgivesyouwingedkuriboh]

SPOILERS BELOW FOR GX SEASON 2 AND BEYOND

Everyone who follows my blog for more than two minutes knows that Zane is my smol bean, but this take is SO VALID.

Zane is what Kaiba could have been— made cruel by a cruel world, taking it out on the one light that still exists in his life. In some ways, that makes Kaiba better than Zane but I’ll have another essay on that shit later. Moving on—

What follows is the rambling of someone who took one sociology class and got really into how people’s brains function and how their thought processes happen.

Something must have happened tm for Zane to act like that, right? Obviously even with that possibility it doesn’t excuse what an asshole he was to Sy, but I’m thinking, what happened? What shaped his worldview that he would treat Syrus that way?

I wholeheartedly believe, especially considering Syrus’s arc in season four, that Zane saw Syrus as a fucking threat.

(Which makes Zane’s behavior even MORE fucked up, imo.)

Think about it: Syrus can wield the dark deck without causing damage to himself. Zane was weak, too weak to wield such great power. I think Zane knew that, and that’s why he did his goddamn best to make Syrus feel like he wasn’t worthy.

Zane is only every truly friends (in season 1-2 and pre the show, anyway) with anyone that a. He knows for sure 100% cannot beat him in a duel and b. people he can manipulate into thinking they can’t beat him in a duel.

Alexis, Atticus, Fujiwara, the Obelisk cronies, Shroud: all people he chooses to spend time with. He knows none of them will ever surpass him AND/OR (cough atticus cough) he has manipulated them into not even thinking of challenging him.

Aster, Jaden, Syrus, Jaden, Syrus, Aster: ALL PEOPLE THAT CANONICALLY SURPASSED HIM, WHETHER THEY BEAT HIM OR NOT. He is downright mean and abusive to all three.

He has his little hero moment with Camula, which is when I think he initially realizes, “oh I fucked up. I fucked up big time” cause Syrus thinks he could only benefit the battle against the shadow riders by straight up dying but at that point Zane’s in too deep in his opinion and just. keeps digging. cue season 2.

He gets better in season 3, since he starts realizing what he really wants and how he’s been acting, which does not excuse his previous behavior, obvi, and starts to make amends, which. helps. a little. (I did ugly cry when he said he was proud of Syrus. I will take accountability for that. Love watching deathbed fuckup family resolutions, esp since they probably got to talk about it when zane got back)

The one thing I do Really Really like about Zane’s arc is how it takes him facing his own death to realize, “oh I really fucked up and now I need to fix it”, and then he works on it when he gets back.

(can we talk about how goddamn sweet syrus is for still caring for that half dead piece of crap, like syrus. drop his ass. but I commend you.)

Regardless, it’s one hell of a lesson about how short life is and how we only have so much time to be with the people we love. I learned a lot about myself from Zane’s arc (there’s a goddamn theme here, isn’t there *side eyes my kaiba ramblings*).

okie goodnight, I love nuanced characters and analyzing the fuck out of them is clearly my new hyperfixation so if y’all want more please lemme know

You know come to think of it, if anyone should've been giving Zane the business for how he was treating Syrus in the early show which literally everyone should've been but I digress it should've been Alexis.

She knew they were siblings the whole time, she was friends with Zane pre episode 1 probably through Atticus before he disappeared, and she knew better than anybody what their relationship was like, and even if she didn't know everything she at least knew something about the whole thing. She even tried to dissuade Jaden from confronting Zane about it to try and figure out what the issue was and what happened between them. Granted she was worried about Jaden making things worse, but even so she could have and should have just told Jaden what was going on at that point. It would've been very helpful for everyone ultimately if she just spilled the beans quite frankly.

Also she should have played the Atticus card on Zane at some point. Like a whole "My brother is gone and I don't know if I'll ever see him again and I miss him so much and you were his best friend, and you're supposed to be my friend too. You know I'd do anything to have my brother back and here you are treating yours like actual shit and abusing him and wishing he wasn't around and for what? How dare you." Kind of way. Because if anyone could talk to Zane that way and not get their asses kicked it would be her. He wouldn't dare be mean to her, especially when she's right.

But then there's another thought I have often. How dare Zane be friends with Alexis and be so nice to her and encourage her to keep searching for Atticus and then turn around and continue his abusive behavior towards Syrus and say literally anything bad about him around her. How dare he.

Also in my mind it stands to reason that all 4 of them knew each other or at least knew of each other pre episode 1. Because since Atticus and Zane were friends before you know Atty was constantly talking about Alexis because the guy adores his sister, and I feel like at some point it would've just naturally come up in conversation that Zane had a brother and that he and Alexis were the same age. And somehow that info would make its way to Lex and Sy, probably letters or calls home or over breaks and that stuff would just naturally come up at some point. And clearly she and Zane at the very least had met pre episode 1 because they're already friends at that point so she clearly then knows who Syrus is anyway, and based on conversations she had with both Zane and Jaden in episode 7 she clearly knew at least in part what the issue with Zane and Syrus was and was just sitting on it.

I could keep talking and rambling out of my ass here but I guess ultimately my point is Alexis of all people should've been getting on Zane's bitch ass for how badly he'd been treating Syrus for fucking years and still was and is, and Zane just sucks and is a shitty shitty guy. And how dare he be friends with her and practocally treat her like she's his own sister and turn around and abuse his own brother. Especially when he knows better than anybody that she would do anything to see her own again and yet he's treating his like he doesn't matter to him.

[decepti-thots]

You once asked your followers what did we think Mtmte sale numbers were during publication, and I don't know if I missed a follow-up to that, but what were the actual numbers? How well was Mtmte selling?

AH, thank you for reminding me!! I absolutely meant to post my thoughts and just. Blanked on doing it. brain good tm

So the reason I had asked that is that there's a whole thing about how a lot of folks in this fandom are not like, Comic People TM generally, and perceptions of how comics sell outside the industry/fanbase versus how they actually sell is a big thing. And I had a sneaking suspicion that a) a lot of people in MTMTE/LL fandom think the comic was much more successful than it actually was relative to other comics, and b) that comics period are much bigger sellers than they actually are. (Comics here meaning monthly Western releases.)

And I was right! People gave BONKERS numbers. People said they thought it sold at least 100,000 issues a month on a regular basis. Some people said literally millions. Someone said it 'wasn't that successful' so probably 'only' sold around 75,000.

To give some perspective on those figures, 100,000 is a lot for the best selling comic issue in the entire world that month to sell. If Batman or whatever hits 100k that month, it's probably a big hyped issue or something! One of the things that always astonishes people is that the MCU being the biggest film franchise in the world for like a fucking decade now has in no way changed this. X-Men movies make hundreds of millions. This does not translate into the comics selling significantly more than they used to. (If you want to know more, I highly HIGHLY recommend these two essays by Colin Spacetwinks that go over the historical causes in astonishing detail.)

All that out of the way, let's talk what MTMTE did do numbers wise. In a word: not great, dropping to Very Not Great by the end of LL. Let's cut this, it's gonna get long I think.

MTMTE settled down after its launch at like, around 11-15k shifting per issue month to month. This is... well, for a non big two comic publisher (so, not DC or Marvel), this is kind of average? Not in the sense that this is middling performance, because that's really not great numbers, but in the sense that most comics are not financially succesful period. At DC or Marvel that would be cancellation numbers for a lot of titles. At IDW, it was... well. Average! (Contrary to popular belief, their TF titles were not their biggest seller/license. That was, at that time, MLP by a factor of 2:1. The FiM boom was real.)

This is around on par with exRiD as well, by the way. TF comics just... sold around that much. Steadily, without any great drop off in sales over time once settled, but never really getting more. And the thing IDW spent its whole damn time with the TF license doing was trying and failing to fix this. Every soft reboot, the 2019 reboot, all of it was related to them trying to find a way to bring on and keep new readers to bring the numbers up. And it never, ever worked.

Which sounds surprising, right? MTMTE did bring on new readers. Lots of them. Why didn't the sales figures go up? Well, I have a theory. Which is that the people it brought on were not people who were into other comics and gave TF a go, but instead people for whom TF was not just a first Transformers experience, but their first time with Western comics too. Which matters because comics are sold in a way that is fucking insane that means a lot of the ways people read comics Just Don't Count. And that was especially true back in 2012, when the digital comics industry was much less developed than today.

The reason being: only preorders of individual issues are 'counted' by comics publishers traditionally when tallying up how a comic is performing, really. If you walk into a comic book shop a week after it came out and buy it off the shelf? Does very little for the comic. If you buy it in trades? Nowadays this isn't quite so true as graphic novels have become a much larger part of the market, but traditionally, that really did not help a comic series avoid ongoing cancellation at all. You had to pre-order from a comics retailer, because that dictated how many issues they would pre-order in for future issues, and that was used to judge what series were doing well. Nobody explains this to the average consumer who just wants to read a neat comic. IDW did no work explaining this to new readers. You only know this if you are a Comics Person TM. And a bunch of teen and early 20s new-to-comics people who found and loved MTMTE through word of mouth did not know this, I think! WHY WOULD YOU. THIS IS A TERRIBLE BUSINESS MODEL. (again, there are historical reasons for it; the essays linked explain it.)

This is why Lost Light and Optimus Prime and Til All Are One got the relaunches. An old comics industry standby is to try (and fail) to artificially pump up numbers by relaunching as a new #1 issue and pretend it's a new series to try and attract new readers. That was all editorial fiddling to make the numbers go up. And it failed. Miserably. LL's sales figures infamously fucking tanked compared to MTMTE's early days. It ended at more like 5k a month, which is insta-cancellation levels even for smaller publishers tbqh. I mean that's dire. There were a lot of factors that were at play there. A full analysis is beyond me tbh!

When people say it 'made no sense' to reboot in 2019 and 'cancel their most succesful TF comic(s)' about MTMTE/LL etc, it's just important to know that numbers wise, that is not what happened. Every single IDW TF comic got to cancellation sales numbers and that's what the hard reboot of IDW2 basically was. LL especially was performing atrociously by the standards of its industry (and yes, the comics industry has ludicrous business practices and it's basically impossible to perform well under any circumstances, but that's not the main point here). The cancellation wasn't out of the blue and it wasn't IDW killing off a high performing comic arbitrarily. It cancelled every TF comic performing badly at once; that just happened to be. Like. Every TF comic at the time. And I assume they turned it into a hard reboot because that was like, the one thing they hadn't tried yet.

This got really long, oooops jskhdkjg but. Yeah. Basically, the perception in fandom is often VERY skewed versus what actually happened.

[sunder-soul]

For a request would love to have tom’s pov of the holidays such as the missed kiss and when charlie asked about his feelings and when he found out they actually weren’t dating

Sequel Snippet Spree: Seven Devils

A/N: [I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN ABOUT MY 2K EVENT FROM 100 YEARS AGO, I JUST FOUND THIS SITTING IN MY WIPS FOLDER AND WAS LIKE OMG I SHOULD SIMPLY POST THIS] Also I'm already writing Tom's pov of Charlie's 'confrontation,' and the Christmas night by the fireplace as well bc the angst is simply SO FUN TO WRITE MY GOD THIS MAN I love making him this fucking dramatic, I just really wanted to post this now bc I like it :) [GIF CREDIT!]

･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.

ℙ𝕖𝕣𝕞𝕒𝕟𝕖𝕟𝕥 𝕋𝕒𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥 (there are serious issues with the tagging system atm and idk how to fix it sorry, I tried for like half an hour 😭)

𝔸 - 𝕄 @abhorredlara​ @anakinishotdoe​ @anevrismes​ @arana-alpha​ @bedheadgirl @books-butterbeer @catastrophicalllyy @crazytwentythrees​ @dear-fifi​ @dropssofjupitter​ @dravenwitchmusings​ @emeraldphoenixblackthorn​ @empath-bunny​ @evertiel​ @expectoscamander​ @fish-eg​ @ginasellsbooks​ @grimdevil​ @herfantasyworldd​ @hueanhdang​ @hypnohawke​ @itsjustfics @itzjennieofficial @iwastoowildinthe70s @justhurtnocomfort @kennafild @lemirabitur @like-phantasma @lovelyysiriuss @lucys-brain @mentally-in-northern-italy @mikariell95 @michaels-gardenaesthetic @moatsnow

ℕ - ℤ @niallwrld @nothinghcppens @obliviouspotter @oui-magnifique @pearlstiare @pink-kixxes @qblaughter @rainyroads @raven-riddle @rededfoxy @rinsdesires @saintsha @seriouslyginnychase @shunamai @silverdelirium @sokkasdimples @suicide-sweetheart636 @sunles @sweetpsycho46 @tallyovie @theyoungestchild0w0 @tm-mrvl-rddl @toasterking @twofacesoftheworldbutnotsome @until-the-last-falling-star @valentinecarnage @vampireveela @pure-egotism @vallastempermental @voidmalfoy @weirdowithnobeardo @whentheskyispinkandabitblue @whoevenfrickenknows @whoreforgeorgeandfred @wizardcherryblossom @wymindog @yepitslainie @yourgirl-niah

･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.

He slept badly, of course. He always slept badly. The storm woke him before dawn with the first gust of heavy-handed rain on the windows and he knew the second his eyes had opened that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again. Rain like this always made his stomach sink. At Wool’s it had always meant cold, damp nights followed by cold, grey days, too much noise trapped inside with too many people. Waking warm and comfortable with such a storm outside was still surreal.

Very suddenly Tom remembered the previous night and instantly all remaining hope that he might rest a little longer disintegrated. He didn’t know what it was about the darkness that had made it so easy to say things he’d never say in a well-lit room, telling her about the fear he’d felt seeing Marina at Voldemort’s mercy in the Manor, admitting how much he still thought about it, asking her about her own night terrors –

Tom’s eyes fell shut in embarrassment and he took a long, regretful breath. He shouldn’t have asked her that. Not so indelicately, not without some indication that she even wanted to tell him.

He pushed himself up and swung his legs off the couch, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and then let his hands fall limp off his knees. He didn’t like how they looked, the hands of a stranger suspended on the ends of his forearms. Fatigue clouded dully behind his open eyes and with it, the bitter desire that for once he might wake feeling like he’d ever slept at all.

He looked at her.

The nascent grey dawn painted him a faint picture but he could still very easily make her out, her gold hair across the pillow, the thick quilt half-covering her sleeping face. She was completely still. He couldn’t even hear her breath. Tom grit his teeth and looked away, his stony gaze falling back on his fingers. He’d been extraordinarily stupid to think he could do this seamlessly. He’d been extraordinarily stupid in a number of ways when it came to Marina, actually, stupid in ways he could hardly bear to think about. Thinking things were different to the way they were. Thinking she might be coming to feel things for him that she clearly didn’t.

Misinterpreting things.

He would happily call it ‘humiliating,’ were his pride wounded more than his hopes – but he wasn’t so lucky. ‘Disappointing’ was far more apt, though it fell stratospherically short of describing the feelings that had taken hold of him seeing Charlie lean down and kiss her, and realising exactly how extraordinarily stupid Tom had really been. He stood in silence and turned for the kitchen, leaving Marina sleeping quietly behind him without allowing himself to look at her again.

He should have known better. Marina had met him at his worst, she’d known the depth of his true ugliness right from the very beginning, the selfish, ignorant, ridiculous child he’d been seven years prior. It had been monstrously vain, deluded of him to think that she might come to see him as something… else.

He should never have entertained the notion in the first place, that she might be looking at him the same way he’d found himself looking at her, or that she might feel as he felt when he touched her. The bitter embarrassment overtook him again, the thought that he’d misinterpreted his own feelings as something palpable between them, some corporeal presence or understandingthat she sensed too. It was so shamefully naïve.

Tom angrily yanked the cupboard open and seized a mug, and only just caught himself from slamming it onto the counter in the last second lest he wake her. He placed it down carefully and then stared at it in deep resentment.

He knew he was being ridiculous.

The knowledge did very little to sooth the acidic disappointment seeping out of some fissure that had opened up deep in his chest. He couldn’t stop thinking about Charlie’s arm around her on the couch, her leaning against his chest, their natural playfulness and the seamlessness of how she touched him. It had been an unforgiving reminder that Marina wasn’t like him, she didn’t hoard herself away like he did, and it seemed so painfully obvious to him now that she should be with someone like Charlie, someone like her, who laughed loudly and smiled openly and moved easily.

God, he should have known. That’s what made it even more unbearable. He’d seen the way Charlie had said goodbye to her before they’d left for Azkaban, the fierce concern, the tight hug, the familiar touch. He’d wondered at the time, she and Charlie had been at the Burrow together for months by that point after all, but he’d been so staunchly confident that the feeling prickling across his skin had been surprise, or simply embarrassment at witnessing a moment of someone else’s intimacy, or even (as he had really managed to convince himself one night as he’d laid awake thinking about it) that it was simply surreal to see Marina in someone’s arms just because he’d known her for so long.

Ridiculous, the things he’d tried to tell himself.

It was envy. He knew it now of course, and really he’d known it then, too, in some reserved and much ignored part of his mind. Why else had he offered her his hand like that to Apparate? Just to see what she’d do, how she’d react, if she’d be so at ease with him, too – and he’d turned her reaction over in his mind like a puzzle for too many a night afterwards, the way she’d stared at him in something a little more pink-cheeked than just surprise, how she’d tried to play it off but how she’d not quite met his eyes when she took his hand. That had been his downfall, he thought, that he’d really managed to delude himself into thinking that perhaps it was a lack of ease, not the presence of it, that betrayed Marina’s feelings.

And God, Greece.

Tom exhaled grimly and waved his wand at the silver coffee pot, dispassionately watching his mug fill.

He couldn’t even count all the things he’d misinterpreted in Greece.

Not fully paying attention, Tom spooned too much sugar into his cup and stirred, the crisp little sounds of the silver against the ceramic seeming very far away. Yesterday morning Marina had told him she’d forgotten about Lovegood like she was confessing a long life of stomach-turning sin, like she’d expected him to be disgusted, or at least furious. He’d seen the weariness of it all on her face before she’d rested her head on his shoulder, just like the night after they’d gotten back and she’d fallen asleep against him and he’d not been able to bear moving and waking her –

Shame swallowed him fetid and hot, and Tom’s head hung, his fingers gripping the counter hard. Yesterday Marina had been frighteningly listless, visibly guilt-ridden and exhausted beyond recognition, falling against him like the magnitude of telling him those things had cost her the very last of her energy – and he’d still not been able to stop himself from thinking of how good she’d felt leaning against his shoulder, from wondering if it meant she might feel something for him, from misinterpreting it through his own selfish lens and the thought of it now made him sick.

“Idiot,” he muttered in disgust, before remembering she was only around the corner. His lips pressed together hard.

Just for that he deserved it all, having to watch her and Charlie be together when he…

When he what, exactly?

Tom laced his fingers around his mug, not caring that it was still far too hot and his skin prickled uncomfortably at the heat.

He didn’t care to answer that question.

Things were bad enough already.

･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.

[zombvibes]

Oo oo teammate swap: given any thoughts abt dark world outfits and magic nstuff?

I have!! I’m currently redesigning/tweaking their outfits and weapons though (or at least…I’m trying to. My brain likes to procrastinate ☹️)

I’ll show them off anyways even if they’re old/a wip :

( content warning /j : older art ahead yuckyyyy)

Susie’s magic is fire magic (i mean…yeah) which come from her hand accessory, a braclet! (like noelle’s ring)

Though, her outfit could be tweaked a little, but it pretty much looks like this! I tried to make a nice balance between og!susie’s and og!noelle’s dark world forms and I think I did a good enough job of that? Unlike Noelle and Berdly’s designs, she’s pretty much done! I would only be changing it slightly with barely any differences— Which I may have to do so it would be easier to make it into pixels later

And also because of her fire magic she can breathe fire/smoke and can do stuff like this :

Ok next is Noelle! tms!Noelle’s and og!Noelle’s magic is pretty much the same (ice magic). However, tms!Noelle’s weapon is a spear! Since og!Berdly’s weapon a halberd (a weapon with a long shaft and pointed tip), I was like “Hey…you know what other kind of weapon looks like that?” and chose a spear! Also I thought about icicles too since they’re long and pointy (like…a spear). Past me tried to make it in the shape of an icicle (the spear head at least) but I don’t think I pulled it off well.

However, I was thinking about making it an ice staff since I’ve recently tried to make her an ice mage of some kind but I still like the idea of a spear that looks like an icicle (decisions, decisions 🤔)

OK now to her design uhhh I was recently tried redesigning tms!Noelle’s dark world outfit and um. Was not going that well. This is pretty much the closest for what I’m trying to go for. It was based off of the white mage from final fantasy! Though I never really played FF aside from the chocobo spinoff on the ds (which is gooooood), I always liked the designs of the white/black mages! I also was trying to go for a little red riding hood look? Just wanted a cute and innocent design to clash with her not cute and innocent personality. (Which I did NOT do here. Will fix that soon hopefully.) Somehow I wanted to add some sort of element from Berdly’s design (just like I did with tms!susie’s and tms!berdly’s) but I have NO clue how to do that. Eh, I’ll figure it I always to eventually. (If you can’t tell, I’m having a hard time designing tms!noelle’s dark world form aldjjsjfklaskdjak I’ve always had a difficult time with her designs in general tbh.)

Saving the worst for last (/pos) BERDLY!! Berdly’s weapon is a claymore! (which I may change into a broadsword or another two handed weapon. or at least change the design of the weapon). It was based of off the Knight’s Claymore from Breath of the Wild. Tbh I DESPISE the design I gave his weapon. Hate it a lot. It doesn’t really fit him nor his design at all. So definitely changing that when I get the chance. Anyways, I wanted to give him a two handed weapon that you can swing over you shoulder (like susie’s axe though susie just using her left hand and not both because she’s strong and handsome) and to look like Berdly’s weapon (that’s why it’s a bright pink. og!berdly’s weapon is brigh green). I don’t think it’s “berdly-like” enough though. It doesn’t really feel like a Berdly weapon. (if that makes sense aldjajfhkalfls) So again, changing that when I get the chance!

OH AND HIS MAGIC!! You know how og!Berdly can summon tornados? Yeah tms!Berdly can summon thunder/lightning clouds, smoke, and fog/smog! (and probably tornadoes too lmao) Though I didn’t really think about this too much— (aside from the fog/smog part) Still felt like it was worth mentioning though

OK DESIGN TIME. Berdly’s design (like susie’s) could be tweaked a little bit but this is pretty much it! I tried going for an “Evil King/Prince” (hence the crown) with a mixture of an edgy “Original Character Do Not Steal” look (hence the color palette and “beak fang”). I just think that fits tms!berdly to a tee! I don’t think I pulled off the “original character do not steal” thing but I think I DID pull off the evil king/prince. (I think…). And like with the others, I tried to make his design a mix of Susie’s and Berdly’s outfits which uh, I think I did ok on that? I could do better of course—

Sorry for sounding like a NERD and rambling a lot here ahahahaha 😀💦 Really thought about their weapons and designs and junk—

Tbh all them should be more simplified (for sprite edit stuff) which again again, will work on when I get the chance (or when my brain gives me the chance)

[positivityjediprince]

Modern au where r2d2 is a tortoise who's missing limbs and so instead he's on a little cart and Anikin is the one who makes artoos cart and then when anikin disappears artoo is released into the world (he's just chilling and riding around crashing into things) and then later Luke finds him and is just like a tortoise that goes zoom

Ben kenobi sees a tortoise on a motorized cart and has flashbacks of this same creature trying to take out his ankles and sighs and goes "hello artoo please refrain from biting my ankle I will put you in a box"

And Luke is like ????

I don't know it's just important to me that in modern aus it's the same artoo seeing the skywalker chaos and that he be able to cause Obi-Wan stress

Artoo as a tortoise is genius! And Artoo being a tortoise in a cart that zooms - inspired!! They bite AND make weird noises. It's Perfect. Thank you for sharing it! I LOVE it!

Here are some little bits and HC that come to mind from your idea, hope you enjoy!

When Anakin disapears Obi-Wan searches for Artoo but can't find him, despite a tortoise in a motorised cart being something people would definitely notice and remember. He's not upset. He's not. He just gets upset when something hurts his ankle and it's not a snapping tortoise who wants a cabbage.

Luke is over the moon when he finds Artoo. Poor boy lives in the desert, there is nothing exciting around him. Ever. But then he sees a tortoise in a cart who's gotten stuck in some sand. He takes him home and fixes the cart, and a beautiful new friendship is born.

Well, between Luke, Beru and Artoo anyway....Owen is ready to punt the fucker at a moments notice.

And yes! you bet the moment he sees Artoo again all his 'oh what I wouldn't do to have him bite me again' goes out the window and he is constantly threatening him with The Box TM

I can just imagine how baffled Luke would be that the random violent zoom tortoise knows the random hermit????? And they both knew his dad???? The tortoise has been in battle??? Hidden government secrets???? Is his tortoise a wanted criminal??????

Oh and later on, the rivalry between Din 'Hey this blonde is cute' Djarin and Artoo 'I will zoom at everyone and eat their feet' Skywalker, is the stuff of legends and nightmares. He is the ring barer....Din has to chase him around the venue to get the damn rings you wheeled snappy bastard! Come back here!

I really love that having him as a tortoise means he gets to live throughout the Skywalker disaster liniage! Despite being a tortoise, Artoo knows ALL the drama and gossip. He's very happy to watch the Skywalker nonsense unfold, bully everyone, and eat tomatoes.

Ahhhajnsndmrm so many brain thoughts!!! You're a genius!!!!

[mellometal]

Is it time to tear ANOTHER Dhar Mann video to shreds? YOU BET.

I've been sitting on this one for a bit because I wanted to make sure I talk about this tactfully. The subject of parents abandoning their disabled children is a very touchy one.

Parents abandoning their disabled children simply for being disabled is way too common. Like, I understand that not everyone has the resources to care for a disabled child (which is why you reach out for help, and why people like me, who work with disabled people, exist), but it doesn't mean you just walk out of their life. There are exceptions, like if you truly didn't want children or something like that, but just flat-out walking out of your kid's life BECAUSE they're disabled is fucked up.

I know someone personally whose biological mother abandoned her when she was born. Why? Because she's disabled. Physically, and mentally, to a point. I work with this woman on a daily basis. I don't really know WHY exactly her biological mother abandoned her, but I do know that her being disabled was part of it. It's sad. It doesn't affect her, thankfully. I'm happy that she's got her biological dad, her brother, and another maternal figure in her life, at least.

ANYWAYS. Before we get to the topic at hand, I need to put an obligatory trigger warning, like I do with EVERY Dhar Mann post:

This post will be talking about parents abandoning their disabled children simply for being disabled, treating disabilities like they're tragedies (in this case, we're talking about autism...again), divorce, and some SPICY ableist bullshit from an allistic (nonautistic) PIECE OF SHIT.

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable in any way, you don't have to read this post. This isn't worth putting yourself in a bad state mentally. I would never ask for any of you to put yourselves in that position all for a post. Put your mental health and well-being first. Consume media that sparks joy for you.

As far as my response goes, it's definitely more calm than normal. Funny....since this video is about autism spectrum disorder again. (Third time's the charm, huh, Dhar Mann? NOT.)

LET'S FUCKING GET IT.

The video starts off with these two parents (Gwen and Allen) in a psychologist's office. The psychologist tells the parents that their son (Chance) is autistic, and she tries to explain what autism is to the parents, but Allen cuts her off. Why? Because he teaches at a prestigious university, so he AUTOMATICALLY knows what autism is from that fact alone.

Um, excuse me? Just because you're a teacher at a prestigious university, it doesn't mean you're an expert in everything. It doesn't make you an expert in ASD or anything like that. Unless you SPECIALIZE in that area. Even then, shut the fuck up. The people who know about being autistic are AUTISTIC PEOPLE THEMSELVES! SHOCKER.

Hey, Dhar Mann! QUIT WITH THE VIDEOS ABOUT AUTISTIC LITTLE WHITE BOYS AND YOUNG WHITE AUTISTIC CISHET MEN! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT. It's annoying, ignorant, and it feels like you're doing this on purpose at this point to piss people off. If you're so uninformed about autism in women and girls, FUCKING ASK AUTISTIC WOMEN AND GIRLS! DO BETTER RESEARCH THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE AUTISM SPEAKS. The Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and the Autistic Women and Nonbinary People Network (AWN) are great organizations to go to for any kind of research on ASD in women and girls. STOP GOING OFF OF THE BRAINS OF AUTISTIC WHITE BOYS AND AUTISTIC WHITE MEN.

I don't feel I need to go too deep into the fact that autistic women, autistic girls, autistic nonbinary people, autistic BIPOC, autistic AAPI, autistic LGBT people, autistic teenagers, and autistic adults exist. Y'all already know.

Gwen asks the psychologist if that means Chance isn't healthy. (I understand not knowing about autism, but don't treat it like it's a terminal illness. Please.) The psychologist tells her that Chance is fine, but he just learns differently and might need more support compared to his peers.

Yeah, autism can affect how you learn about certain things (limited and repetitive patterns), but there are other disabilities that can affect learning as well. Like how dyslexia can affect your ability to read, dyspraxia can affect your ability to do math, and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can affect your ability to focus or on impulse control. Autism affects how your brain is developed, it affects you socially, behaviorally, and how you communicate.

Allen is upset, says that he can't have a son "with a learning disability" (ASD is a neurological disability, not necessarily a learning disability), and treats Chance like he's stupid for being autistic. Gwen tells her husband that autism doesn't make you any less intelligent, WHICH IS SO FUCKING TRUE. ABSOLUTE FACTS. I was totally with her until she began that little monologue with "Just because a person HAS autism". SAY "JUST BECAUSE A PERSON'S AUTISTIC" INSTEAD! IT'S NOT HARD. PERSON FIRST LANGUAGE ISN'T WHAT EVERY DISABLED PERSON PREFERS. Allen says that "they could have another kid" and "put Chance up for adoption". Gwen obviously wasn't down with that. Allen gives his wife an ultimatum that it's either HIM or their son Chance. Gwen says that she can't choose between the two, but she will stand by her autistic son. Allen gets up and leaves the office, saying he wants a divorce.

Years pass by, Gwen is single and taking care of her autistic son Chance, and Allen has a new life with a ✨perfect son✨ (Samuel). He never mentions the son HE abandoned (Chance). He's completely forgotten about Gwen and Chance. (YOU OWE SO MUCH CHILD SUPPORT, ALLEN.)

Hey, Allen, how much do you wanna bet that your ✨perfect son✨ Samuel is autistic too?

There's the SATs, they're announcing a winner, and guess who it is? IT'S OBVIOUSLY CHANCE, OF COURSE. He's got the highest score in the country, with Samuel in second place. Allen is PISSED.

Chance gives a speech about how his mom really helped him, he struggled with autism, how Allen LITERALLY ABANDONED HIM, and THE CROWD GOES FUCKING WILD. Samuel, instead of being a sore loser, APPLAUDS FOR CHANCE. Stay humble, Sam.

My thoughts on the video? If you cannot tell by my tone throughout this post, IT WAS DOG SHIT. This video was insensitive to the true reality of parents abandoning their disabled children just because they're disabled. What do I expect from Dhar Mann at this point?

Here's my response to his video below. Don't worry, I will fully type out my response soon for anyone who cannot read the screenshots easily. It's a lot easier for me to do that on the desktop site than it is for me to do it on my phone.

For anyone who can’t read my response, I’m typing it out for you. Like I said, it’s easier for me to type it out on the desktop site than it is for me to type it out on my phone. It’s a real royal pain in the ass. But because I’m trying to make my posts easier to read for people, I’m doing this anyway. /lighthearted

First, second, and third screenshots (broken up into paragraphs):

Hey, listen, I appreciate the message you’re trying to go for, but can you please stop putting autistic people into a box? Can you stop treating being autistic like it’s a tragedy? Not every single autistic person is a little white boy in elementary school who’s considered “wild and unruly” or “super quiet and makes no friends”, nor are they a young white cishet man who’s a super genius or is how Chris Chan was before she came out as trans. (For anyone who doesn’t know about Chris Chan, there are many documentaries people have made on YouTube, and I highly recommend Geno Samuel’s docuseries, if you’re really interested in learning about Chris Chan.)

Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, BIPOC, APPI, LGBT people, teenagers, and adults all exist too. 

It’s very apparent now that you get your resources from Autism $peaks, a hate group that spends the vast majority of their money on funding eugenics instead of helping autistic people like they claim, claims that only little white boys and young white cishet men are autistic and ignores all other autistic people who don’t fit that description, have no autistic people on their leader board or on any board for that matter, have members who have actually fantasized about k1lling their autistic children, treat autism like it’s a tragedy or a disease someone can catch (completely false), act like autism should be cured (there is no cure, and ABA therapy is a total shit show in itself), and treats autistic people like they’re broken and need to be fixed. Also, not every autistic person is a Super Genius(tm). That’s so demeaning to autistic people who aren’t seen as intelligent in any way. I’m autistic and seen as smart; however, there are subjects I’m stronger in than others.

If you can’t handle the possibility of having autistic children, or just disabled children in general, DON’T HAVE CHILDREN. If you can’t handle working with or alongside disabled people, including autistic people, maybe find a different profession. Even if you do that, you’ll never get away from disabled people. Disabled people aren’t a disease. We’re human beings just like neurotypical and able-bodied people.

Fourth and fifth screenshots (broken up into paragraphs): 

I would highly suggest getting resources from reputable organizations for ASD, such as the Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and the Autistic Women and Nonbinary People Network (AWN). Talk to any autistic person who isn’t a little white boy or a young white cishet man. 

Instead of using the puzzle piece, which is a symbol that many autistic people, myself included, are offended by (because of Autism $peaks and other organizations before them using it, plus it symbolizes that only autistic children exist and that we’re “missing a piece” like we’re broken), use the rainbow infinity sign (for all neurodivergent people) or the red and gold infinity sign (just for autistic people). Instead of “lighting it up blue”, light it up red or gold. Do both if you want. 

I’m actually really sick and tired of seeing just autistic little white boys and young autistic white cishet men being represented in the media, and y’all manage to fuck that up too. 

Before anyone mentions Sia’s movie “Music”, that’s also very poor representation of autistic girls. Besides, the actress who played the autistic girl isn’t even autistic. She MOCKED autistic people. I know she’s a kid, but that’s still super fucked up. I hope she’s able to turn that around. 

If anyone would like to discuss this topic with me or ask any questions, feel free to. I’ll answer as best as I can. Thank you and have a good night.

Before I get attacked for mentioning Chris Chan in my response, I bring up Chris Chan because allistic people think that every autistic person is like her (especially before she came out as trans). That person is part of why I wasn't open about being autistic or talking about my diagnosis until this year. I didn't want to be grouped up with Chris Chan because I do have very similar interests to her, I've been seen as cringey for having said interests, and just the way Chris treated autistic people who were formerly diagnosed with A$p3rg3r$ $yndr0m3 (like I was) really made me feel even more alienated.

Also, S1a supports A$ (Autism $p3aks). She's not a very good person to support. Some of her music is good, but her as a person....no. Her movie "Music" was gross, from what I've read about it and seen pictures of.

If you've read this far, thank you so much!

[sir-crocodile-smile]

Nobody requested this, I just... was feeling the angst this morning. Here’s this. Idk my heart was just telling me to like. Put a character through some hurt/comfort TM this morning, and I chose my sweetie, Killer.

TW: reference to past domestic violence, abuse, angst, hurt/comfort

Punching Bag (Killer x reader)

    He fucked up. He knew he fucked up big time. He had already apologized to you, but you were still angry at him. If only he had kept his mouth shut. The crew had been poking fun at your jealous behavior towards anyone who even thought about flirting with Killer, making jokes about how laughably territorial you were. 

    “Like a dog chomping on the end of it’s chain!” Kid laughed, slapping the table. He was drunk as hell, but what else was new. “Really Kil, you should sic ‘em on the next hooker that looks at you. That’s a fight I’d pay to see!” 

    “Wouldn’t be a problem if Y/N knew how to share,” he laughed, a little too drunk to think better of it at the time. It made his stomach turn to remember it. You had told him a while ago how you felt that you weren’t enough for him, that he would find someone better and it was only a matter of time until then. He reassured you, over and over, that only you had his heart, but he should have known that it was still a sore subject for you. As a man with so many insecurities about his face and laughter, he should know better. He was determined to do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness. He sat on the edge of your shared bed, waiting.

    You walked into your room, spying Killer immediately. Though you saw his mask snap up in your direction, you ignored it and went about your business. There were a few minutes of silence, then he spoke up.

    “Sweetheart?”

    “Killer?” Hearing his name never stung so bad before. His heart ached. He just wanted you back in his arms, wanted to hold you and never let go. Watching your back turned to him, he racked his brain to think of a way to fix it, only one thing coming to mind. It worked with his last lover. Maybe it would make you feel better. He unclasped his helmet, removing his mask and setting it beside the bed. He approached you cautiously, only closing about half the distance with you before freezing in place. He waited for you to turn around, holding his arms out to the side slightly. 

    “Go on,” he muttered. “I know you’re mad, and I deserve it.” You blinked at him in confusion.

    “What?”

    “I’m sorry for what I said,” he mournfully explained. He closed his eyes, turning his cheek to you. “You can take it out on me. I want you to.” Your eyes widened in horror as you realized what he was trying to get you to do. You saw the muscles of his neck twitch in anticipation of being struck across the face. What on earth? Yes, you were angry, but there was no world where you could be angry enough to raise your hand against the man that you loved.

    “I can take it, baby,” he egged you on, unaware of the horrified look on your face. His mind was somewhere else, some time in the past, thinking of words someone else once said to him. “I’m supposed to be your punching bag.” Tears pricked at your eyes. Thoughts like this don’t just come from nowhere. He learned this from somebody. You closed the distance to him, gently reaching up to take his face in your hands. He flinched.

    “Killer, sweetheart, no,” you whispered, rubbing his cheek with your thumb. His eyes opened and stared at you, wide and a little confused. “I would never, never hit you. No matter how angry I am, I still love you. And people don’t hurt the ones that they love.” Killer stared into your eyes, slowly processing your words and the pained expression on your face. A drop of water fell on to your face, strangely, and he gently wiped it away. It took watching another drop appear on your cheek to realize that they were silent tears. Falling out of his eyes. His body couldn’t hold the tension any longer. His knees buckled as he fell into your arms, the weight of him sending you both to the ground, kneeling. You soothed him gently, stroking his long blonde hair as he buried his face in your neck. He clung to you desperately, completely silent except for his shaky breathing. You stayed like that until the storm of emotion in his chest was calmed by your soft voice and sweet caresses. His head lifted to look you in the eyes.

    “I love you,” he whispered, leaning his forehead against yours. “I’m so sorry. You’re everything to me. You know that, right?” You kissed both his cheeks gently, his face still wet with tears.

    “It’s okay, I forgive you. I love you so much,” you reassure him. “Do you… wanna talk about what happened just now?” He shakes his head weakly, picking you up effortlessly to lay on the bed with you in his arms. He hid his face in your chest as your arms wrapped around him tight.

    “Not now. I just… want you to hold me.”