#i really thought tms would fix my brain

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

so i have managed to get zero writing done, bc i'm out of my adhd meds. and cvs says they are on backorder so it could be a while before i get them. but i NEED them. and the store just expects you to personally call every other cvs nearby and ask them if they have what you need. you know, instead of just doing it themselves, like they should bc it's their goddamn job to see their clients receive their medication. and i cannot function without it. but i hate making phone calls, my social anxiety is so bad that i get super nervous and can barely make it through the conversation without crying. it's not fair. adhd meds like adderall have been hard to get for over a year. and my goddamn insurance won't pay for it anyway, so I'm gonna have to pay out of pocket.

[gotholdladywithadhd]

Unpopular opinion, probably.

So I've read many metas, and thought a lot about it and have come to my own personal conclusion about the final 15.

I'm taking it at face value.

Because it was the most human Crowley and Aziraphale have probably ever been and I think that is at least part of the point. Love makes people stupid and they are navigating a very human thing in very unhuman circumstances, and it's hard enough to do as a human in human circumstances!

I think Aziraphale believed the Metatron about Crowley bc he was expecting the worst when TM mentioned Crowley but instead got the one thing he wanted most (him and Crowley together and safe, not Crowley being an angel. ) Crowley was absolutely the carrot here. (and no I do not think Crowley would have been safe or happy, but that's besides the point.) I can't tell you how many times I've believed patently ridiculous things because I wanted to believe them so badly even though if I was looking at the same situation objectively from an outside POV I would see how ridiculous it was, so I totally get it. This isn't to say I think Azi had a real choice to go to Heaven or not and I think he did understand that as well, but I get the temptation the Metatron threw out to him, I really do.

As for Aziraphale literally saying all the wrong things to try and get Crowley to come with him? Um yeah been there done that too, the nerves take over, the brain shuts off, the mouth goes into autopilot pulling stuff out its ass, and "WITAF did I just say?" happens.

Crowley not taking any of it well and only hearing what he expected to hear (I'm not good enough for you bc I'm a demon and you only really want me if I can be an angel) *and* also being more able to see through heavens bullshit bc he has lived it, and can see it from the outside, *and* all whilst being the most honest and vulnerable he has ever been with Aziraphale in 6,000 plus years (or in fact possibly to anyone, ever. the closest before this admitting he was lonely to Azi during the Job minisode,) *then* hearing what he took to be the same Heaven will save us line from Azi was enough to trigger a massive bout of RSD and a broken heart. Everything was supposed to "vavoom and sorted! " and instead the stupid awning broke and everything went wrong. I think I've said it before that at this point Crowley can't hear anything over the sound of his heart breaking into a million pieces.

That's a whole lot to pack into the brief moments before Azi has to leave with the Metatron (who let's be honest was rushing him before he could change his mind) esp when neither of them are used to discussing their relationship openly. They didn't have time to think, to ask questions, to share information, (like hey guess what really happened to Gabriel?) Crowley tried to communicate as much as he could about his feelings with the kiss but Azi didn't have the time to properly process all that and said the wrong thing again and Crowley was rejected (he thought) again and it all just went so very wrong. You can't fix a 6,000 year relationship in 15 minutes, you just can't no matter what the story books say.

It's about two people wanting the same thing but not being able to get it (yet) because of circumstances and personalities. All of S2 was about them seeming to be closer than ever (and in many ways they were) but really they were opposed at almost every turn. (in RL not the minisodes, those actually showed them working together and coming out okay mostly, if you don't count wee Morag or Crowley getting dragged to hell) The way they both handled the Gabriel situation, how they both worked to solve the mystery, even how they tried to make Nina and Maggie fall in love were all either done alone, or in opposite ways. I've said it before and I'll say it again, as it was pointed out right in ep1, their exactlies aren't the same and until they are, they aren't going to be able to be together. The one time they did work together in the season, they produced a 25 lazuri miracle. That is the point of the final 15, and the whole season 2 in my opinion.

They'll get there in the end though!

[fox-guardian]

Can we hear more thoughts on Oliver Banks pls

I love him so much he is literally so funny and fascinating like we all talk about how wild his ep 121 statement was with the impersonating and sneaking onto a boat to take a fat nap and how that was hilarious, but see also this bit from his ep 11 statement:

"Even more surprising was that my forward motion brought me over the edge of Canary Wharf’s roof and I fell. I plummeted, I don’t know how far, until I hit the ground with a crack. I would have expected this to wake me but instead I simply lay there, spasmed by dream-pain, you know, the knowledge of pain without the white heat of nerves."

He went splat. He just. Fell and went splat in his dream. And just laid there for a while. That's so fucking funny to me, man.

Also the entire thing with ep 168 like literally what was up with that. Out of every domain Jon Looked At and gave a statement for, Oliver was the only one (that I recall) where someone Gave the statement to Jon. That was Oliver speaking to and through Jon, telepathically beaming his gay little coroner's report into his brain like Why Do We Not Talk About This Why Did Oliver Get To Do That. It is both fascinating and very funny because how exactly did that work. Was it

A) Oliver beaming the formatted report into Jon with his own weird mind powers he has for some reason

B) Jon finding a physically written report with his eye powers and reading off that

C) Oliver just sitting very still in his domain thinking really hard about his gay little report ever since Jon stepped foot into his domain to prepare for Jon's supernatural IBS

Also I just looked over a smidge of the 168 transcript and I just. I wish so badly he could've had a voice appearance. Like if you think about it there wasn't too much reason they couldn't have done it in terms of like. Episode structure, and not much would've changed. The way Oliver talks about his emotional state and state of being tells us he wouldn't have run away like Simon did should Martin be present to start threatening murder, and there's a chance he was also Physically Incapable Of Moving. Like. "I am a fixed point" How Much So, Mr Banks. Are you vibing in your gay little goth treehouse?? Are you tangled in death roots, binding you to a spot in your domain, unable to move?? Are you simply so sleepy and constantly fading in and out of consciousness in a fancy death bed?? Please tell me I would love to know.

And of course the idea of Martin actually meeting Oliver has so much potential to it obviously. Martin getting more jealous because Oliver is Hot(TM), Oliver being basically dead inside apart from being very into Martin once he sees him and Jon fucking with both of them as a result because it's funny, etc. Also I just miss his voice and wish he had more of it. I love him so much. I need more juxtaposition between his statement manner of speaking and his normal one. Give me all the Oliver stutters. I need to hear a yawn.

[violentviolette]

i think i have aspd or traits . but i dont wanna go to a psych and be like " btw here are my symptoms ive never told u about before , have fun ! ( insert the entire ASPD criteria here ) . sorry " because that makes me look bad & i appear the opposite ( passive , fearful , not aggressive ) , & dont want to appear as a threat and i most definitely dont want them to think im manipulating them when im not ( like for example when im just telling them my symptoms regarding other conditions ) . and i dont want to admit to committing crimes incase they report me or i have to go through a security clearance for job reasons and they go thru my stuff . anyways as far as anyones concerned i seem nice but weird but not the type of person to have those kinds of symptoms , and i want it to keep my Good Girl(tm) image . but also . i dont want to start having legal issues , become dependent on substances , pursue any illegal occupation , etc since it would suck to get caught and im only 21 so i keep trying my best to avoid it everytime i almost continue with it , but i need help bad lol . any idea of what i should or can do ? anything helps

okay real talk but literally do exactly the opposite of everything ur doing and also get out of ur own head and stop overanalyzing every thought u have to find justifications for not doing the very simple basic first step towards what u know is the right thing to do but just dont want to because being vulnerable feels yucky and ur scared

i say this with genuine compassion and no judgement because i *absolutely* did and still sometimes do the same thing but unfortunately the only way to get urself out of that cycle is to get over urself and touch grass (encouragingly) so that u just Do The Thing u know u need to do

being open and honest with a therapist about ur thoughts and feelings is the only way to get any actual positive growth or help out of it. u cant fix what u dont talk about and keeping it all to urself will only drive u more and more insane. staying cooped up inside ur own mind without telling other ppl what ur thinking out loud creates a feedback loop of crazy. u gotta hear urself talk to another person sometimes to actually really *hear* urself, u know? ur brain is where the crazy is and u cant stay there alone and expect it to work out and get better. u have to talk it out and be confronted and challenged with other viewpoints to realize where urs are disordered if u look for reasons not to do something u will absolutely find them, and while i could offer rebuttels to a lot of ur concerns, things like how ur medical records and psych details are not that detailed. u doing illegal behavior like stealing or doing drugs is not something that gets listed on those and falls under patient confidentiality. the only thing that gets documented is the official diagnoses name which most therapists are going to be very reluctant to hardline diagnose someone with aspd (and even then it only gets logged with that practice and submitted to ur insurance only if ur seeking care like meds or hospital stays or get incarcerated. otherwise, if u dont tell someone "i saw dr.x at yclinic from 2019-2022, then they have no way of knowing or finding out what that dr wrote on their internal records/notes. there is no centralized database of "medical history" outside of ur insurance company and specific practices internal networks) individual symptoms like "illegal activity" do not get listed and unless ur planning on enrolling in the military or working for the feds no job is looking more deeply than that into ur history unless u personally volunteer it. what comes up when specific companies do background checks with a medical history is ur insurance records. ur insurance only knows what gets submitted to them specifically, if ur therapist doesnt file paperwork with ur insurance to list aspd as a diagnosis they are looking for ur insurance to pay them to treat u for specifically (instead of more generalized things like "depression" "anxiety" or just "mental health care" ect, which they have to get ur permission to do) then there's no paper trail of what u two talk about in that office or how ur "good girl" image is legitimately worthless garbage and will grant u absolutely nothing in life and clinging to it in the false hope that other ppls perceptions of u will change who u actually are and make u happy is only gonna lead u to looking at ur shitty unhappy life in 5 years and being filled with nothing but regret and anger and wanting to kill urself or that while u cant know or control how ur therapist sees u or reacts to the things u share with them, u can control who they are. if u fuck up with this therapist or it takes a turn u dont like or they start treating u badly, u can very much just get another one. u can request a different person at the same clinic for any reaosn or u could switch clinics entirely. most insurance in the us is taken by more than 1 provider in an area and there are almost always multiple practices that take the local insurance. and even then, if u wanna drive 45mins to see a therapist a town over cause u burned a bridge with this one u can do that. ur not beholden to a single person, u can get dozens and dozens of opinions. ive had over 15 different therapists in my life. if u fuck up with one u can always get another

but all those rebuttals dont really matter because if u want to, i have no doubt u could find counter points to all those points. i know i could if i tried. so really it just comes down to the simple question of are u going to keep standing in ur own way or are u going to cut the bullshit and take it seriously and do the hard thing because u know its what u need to do? ur young still, uve got so much time, dont waste more of it waiting for the perfect solution or situation because it will never exist. do it now, do it messy, do it scared, fuck it up and get it wrong a bunch, and then try again and again until it works

[safyresky]

So, I've been working on and off for roughly. Oh, a year I should think, on a two-parter focusing on The Call. It's sort of the "origins" for the Season Sisters, or at least, who created them and how they came to be with Mother Nature. (a sort of rewrite of this)

Part 1 is shaping up and just about finished! I'm hoping to unleash it some time in the next week or two. Part 2, I think, will follow much faster as there is one particular scene I am very excited to write and is the scene that has been giving me ALL THE DRIVE to write this thing, as if the angst each Season has to deal with when they're all under one thousand ISN'T enough >:)

Anyway, I had a reason for making this post when I started it? Then got hella distracted while typing the first paragraph. What is WRONG with me.

I know I was thinking that in the original, it was pretty okay up until the second part. I HATE the second part now and will be making HUGE CHANGES/already HAVE made some huge changes. I think maybe I wanted to ask the crowd something about that?

But I follow that line of thought and it leaves, lol.

I go from "Man I need to fix up Hollow Eve based on how they were characterized in Jacqueline Dies Part 2", then I got all frowny about the way Gaia and Tara interact, then there's a blank space and then I thought "Oh! Let me ask the buds about that!"

I thought that would help but it did not.

INSTEAD what my brain keeps thinking of is where to post the twofer. Given that hellsite tm is now chill with ai trawling, I'm a little...wary about posting oneshots here. I've shut off the third party trawling on all my blogs, but idk how reliable that actually is.

I don't want to add it to the smile shot collection on ao3/ff dot net, because it isn't really focused at ALL on characters from tsc, with the exception of Mother Nature, though she's just Tara for the first half of this story!

But then like, where do I put it, you know?

Probably I'll end up posting it here but I'm very. Hmm. IDK MAN. Any pals have any thoughts there?

[astralartefact]

Making sense of the "Abortion is bad"-Scene in Kamierabi because it doesn't leave my brain and I really don't want Yoko Taro to be an Anti-Abortionist

Why am I still trying to give the ugly show nobody but me watched the benefit of the doubt?

I don't know either. It has to be wishful thinking.

Okay, I know exactly why, it's the scene after all of the Lall BS where Ryo fcking 'kills' Ono and tells him that that's her wish and he doesn't get to grant it, that shit slapped and it singlehandedly keeps my hope alive that that whole previous scene was supposed to be bad so it can be 'debunked' in the next season.

Because if they actually thought Lall's monologue was it and they were spilling some hard truths about abortion being murder, women just shouldn't cheat and how society has gotten selfish bc evil evil smartphones then not only is whoever wrote that shit either downright evil or missing the forest for the trees - they're also a horrible writer.

Like Lall's whole thing is her tearfully boasting about how nobody there listened to other's wishes, how everybody else is just selfishly trying to become god for their own goals and that's why Ono Goro is so good and smart and different and deserves to become god.

But like - that's wrong. And it's wrong to an almost comical degree. Almost none of them are in this for themselves.

From what we've seen almost everybody wants to make the world a better place by becoming God - and sure we don't necesarily really know what they wished for, but from their actions and characters none of them really fight for themselves.

Sawa wants parents like hers to die because they literally killed her brother - she fights for her brother and not for herself. Akitsu literally let himself die so Goro could win and fix the world. The only thing we really know about Ama is that he is too good for this world. Chika fights for Ryo who fights for Kyo. Iyo is literally another guy who let his favorite Idol overwrite his entire existence.

Like typing this out I'm almost feeling stupid for even entertaining the thought that they could actually mean what Lall is saying - especially since Yoko Taros recent themes (that are also in kamierabi) just fly in the face of any conclusion like this - but to me the episode framed it just sympathetically enough that I'm just not all that sure.

this is literally that one crossroads meme but it's between "Kamierabi is criticizing the white savior complex" and "Kamierabi is an alpha podcast that thinks Abortion is murder, women should just stop being sluts and single mothers are ruining society by raising bad men" and it's going to take months until they finally reveal which one it is

(and i think part of my problem is that turning this into 'ono goro is just a white guy(tm) (yeah i know he's asian but you know what i mean, in his social sphere he's a white guy) who thinks only he can solve all of society's problems because he listened to a woman once' would make this a killer story. like that would make so much sense. they could bring the whole thing with him being the one good iyo stan back so we finally have an anime talking about how all oshi-ism is bad q_q but like. what if it isn't. what if these people just fully drank the alpha podcast cool-aid???)

[journalsona]

i wish i was better at setting boundaries/triggers even when the boundaries are “dramatic” or w/e because ive been having really bad Episodes tm and have had trouble organizing thoughts and have had a touch of Word Salad and it makes my brain shut off when im talking to my friends and i spend like 5 full minutes typing a message and analyzing it and reading it out loud to see if its comprehensible and then when i finally send it they just go “huh” “h.” “what” and so i retype the message and apologize for not being able to do it right the first time and they go “huh” “h.” “what” and i ask them what needs clarifying so i know what to fix and they just go “oh i understood the message” and it turns out they think “h.” is an actual valid response to someone trying to speak and now i wasted half my daily spoons on that interaction. i feel like im an ass/controlling if i were to say “you cant say what/huh to me unless you actually didnt understand me” but its not like im saying “you must always reply with full sentences and give me all your attention” because thats insane. i just wish they would say like “wow” or “oh no” instead of “HUH” every time i speak

[shunshuntaiga]

Awww!! :33 So glad you still find me bothering you charming. ❤️ right back at ya'. Seeing your replies gives at least just as much serotonin tbh. We're in the same boat then here, because 'adult stuff' is also the reason my fic is not done yet either. AaaaAAahHH!!! You're on chapter two, good for you!!! I am so happy to hear, can't wait to read it. 😌Honestly, our dicking around is also a huge part of my inspiration too. It's fun to think what what your reaction to some of this insanity i am coming up with will be. >:) SPADI DESERVES TO GO FERLA HE HAS EARNED IT!! <33 Man's been through enough and kept a relatively level head, now it's his turn to turn the world upside down. In mine it's the other way around-- Aurelia is the one who has to keep calm then he gets to go absolutely Wild in his quest for revenge (if i get around to writing that lol). I really like s2&3 Aure too. <33 I mean, he's still an idiot, but it's more.. contained. He's learned to keep his temper in check, he's more grown up. S1 Aure is fun to throw in angsty plots and let his emotions take over though, because he is just so... Feral, there's no other word. All that bleach has seeped into his brain and is blocking his synapses from firing properly. Ok, look... i am just going off of what you said, but i had an.. Evil (kind of) thought... You're right, s1 Spadi and Aurelia would NOT be emotionally ready for a baby.. So just imagine the emotional turmoil LOOSING the baby would be, because.. Like... On the one had, they wanted her, so they feel devastated ... But on the other hand, they knew they were not ready, so they would also feel relieved.. And the cognitive dissonance this would cause, because How can they feel relieved about Loosing their little girl? What kind of monsters feel Relieved about something like that, a baby dying? (Idk if that makes much sense, i am sleep deprived at the moment, sorry :)) ) I love that every time we talk our "Spadeliano fic idea" list just gets longer and longer :))) Good for us! Duuude... that being the catalyst for s1 Aureliano truly becoming the polished version we see in s2 and s3 is just... It makes so much sense. After all, what forces you to mature more than a kid on the way? Nothing. Also.... Manfredi and Adelaide would one hundred percent try to take advantage of the situation, try to use it against Spadi. Kind of like when Alex tried to use Teo as a bargaining chip or something. Ok.. so... my fix-it... It now has a life of its own... I spent waaay to much time looking at maps of Rome and researching how to properly write whump.. Because that is what it has turned into lmfaoo. I am giving them such a hard time there is literally no other way for them to move forward BUT to openly talk shit out for once. 😌 Time loops are SO hard to write, but also SOOO rewarding!! I have been thinking about this au non-stop since coming up with it, because the setting is just Perfect for it. Still, coming up with a way to Break the loop is challenging af :)))) *insert 'Same hat' meme here* Lmfaooo, that's my jam too!! Absolutely wrecking people with my story ideas knowing full it all ends up alright is Evil and Fun. 😈

Anon let me tell you my reactions to your messages either leave me screaming into my pillow in or physically resisting the urge to roll around on the floor with how good your ideas are. They are amazing and very Evil and Fun (tm)

Aure and Spadi loosing Rubina v. 2 ...... ouch. Ouch ouch. I am taking psychic damage just thinking about the pain of that. Although you're totally right, that mixture of sadness and relief that makes them feel guilty for even imagining it, when in this scenario they've actively choosen to have a baby...

It's also very politically current, which causes double damage to any reader because it's a very real situation.

But like I said, I love a happy ending. So I think I'll leave that story perhaps to someone who really enjoys Super Mega Angst. (Is it even angst at that point, or just pain?😭)

Also not to mention Aurelia and Spadì are still dealing with The Actual Plot with Cina and Samurai etc. All while Aurelia is very pregnant... on top of Anacleti family trying their very best to manipulate the situation for themselves, and maybe even now a war oncoming with the Sale family, because oopsie, Spadi knocked up the Little Prince of Ostia instead of their daughter :/

(But of course Angè is relieved, and supports them because Spadi and her are still platonic soulmates✨️)

Imagine Angè and Spadino going cradle shopping instead lol Angè would make sure he actually bought something sensible lol

I'm not actually certain what the term "whump" means. I only started writing fics a little over a year ago (and really only reading them during the pandemic, so I'm still very much a baby in this realm)

But that sounds amazing!!

[decepti-thots]

You once asked your followers what did we think Mtmte sale numbers were during publication, and I don't know if I missed a follow-up to that, but what were the actual numbers? How well was Mtmte selling?

AH, thank you for reminding me!! I absolutely meant to post my thoughts and just. Blanked on doing it. brain good tm

So the reason I had asked that is that there's a whole thing about how a lot of folks in this fandom are not like, Comic People TM generally, and perceptions of how comics sell outside the industry/fanbase versus how they actually sell is a big thing. And I had a sneaking suspicion that a) a lot of people in MTMTE/LL fandom think the comic was much more successful than it actually was relative to other comics, and b) that comics period are much bigger sellers than they actually are. (Comics here meaning monthly Western releases.)

And I was right! People gave BONKERS numbers. People said they thought it sold at least 100,000 issues a month on a regular basis. Some people said literally millions. Someone said it 'wasn't that successful' so probably 'only' sold around 75,000.

To give some perspective on those figures, 100,000 is a lot for the best selling comic issue in the entire world that month to sell. If Batman or whatever hits 100k that month, it's probably a big hyped issue or something! One of the things that always astonishes people is that the MCU being the biggest film franchise in the world for like a fucking decade now has in no way changed this. X-Men movies make hundreds of millions. This does not translate into the comics selling significantly more than they used to. (If you want to know more, I highly HIGHLY recommend these two essays by Colin Spacetwinks that go over the historical causes in astonishing detail.)

All that out of the way, let's talk what MTMTE did do numbers wise. In a word: not great, dropping to Very Not Great by the end of LL. Let's cut this, it's gonna get long I think.

MTMTE settled down after its launch at like, around 11-15k shifting per issue month to month. This is... well, for a non big two comic publisher (so, not DC or Marvel), this is kind of average? Not in the sense that this is middling performance, because that's really not great numbers, but in the sense that most comics are not financially succesful period. At DC or Marvel that would be cancellation numbers for a lot of titles. At IDW, it was... well. Average! (Contrary to popular belief, their TF titles were not their biggest seller/license. That was, at that time, MLP by a factor of 2:1. The FiM boom was real.)

This is around on par with exRiD as well, by the way. TF comics just... sold around that much. Steadily, without any great drop off in sales over time once settled, but never really getting more. And the thing IDW spent its whole damn time with the TF license doing was trying and failing to fix this. Every soft reboot, the 2019 reboot, all of it was related to them trying to find a way to bring on and keep new readers to bring the numbers up. And it never, ever worked.

Which sounds surprising, right? MTMTE did bring on new readers. Lots of them. Why didn't the sales figures go up? Well, I have a theory. Which is that the people it brought on were not people who were into other comics and gave TF a go, but instead people for whom TF was not just a first Transformers experience, but their first time with Western comics too. Which matters because comics are sold in a way that is fucking insane that means a lot of the ways people read comics Just Don't Count. And that was especially true back in 2012, when the digital comics industry was much less developed than today.

The reason being: only preorders of individual issues are 'counted' by comics publishers traditionally when tallying up how a comic is performing, really. If you walk into a comic book shop a week after it came out and buy it off the shelf? Does very little for the comic. If you buy it in trades? Nowadays this isn't quite so true as graphic novels have become a much larger part of the market, but traditionally, that really did not help a comic series avoid ongoing cancellation at all. You had to pre-order from a comics retailer, because that dictated how many issues they would pre-order in for future issues, and that was used to judge what series were doing well. Nobody explains this to the average consumer who just wants to read a neat comic. IDW did no work explaining this to new readers. You only know this if you are a Comics Person TM. And a bunch of teen and early 20s new-to-comics people who found and loved MTMTE through word of mouth did not know this, I think! WHY WOULD YOU. THIS IS A TERRIBLE BUSINESS MODEL. (again, there are historical reasons for it; the essays linked explain it.)

This is why Lost Light and Optimus Prime and Til All Are One got the relaunches. An old comics industry standby is to try (and fail) to artificially pump up numbers by relaunching as a new #1 issue and pretend it's a new series to try and attract new readers. That was all editorial fiddling to make the numbers go up. And it failed. Miserably. LL's sales figures infamously fucking tanked compared to MTMTE's early days. It ended at more like 5k a month, which is insta-cancellation levels even for smaller publishers tbqh. I mean that's dire. There were a lot of factors that were at play there. A full analysis is beyond me tbh!

When people say it 'made no sense' to reboot in 2019 and 'cancel their most succesful TF comic(s)' about MTMTE/LL etc, it's just important to know that numbers wise, that is not what happened. Every single IDW TF comic got to cancellation sales numbers and that's what the hard reboot of IDW2 basically was. LL especially was performing atrociously by the standards of its industry (and yes, the comics industry has ludicrous business practices and it's basically impossible to perform well under any circumstances, but that's not the main point here). The cancellation wasn't out of the blue and it wasn't IDW killing off a high performing comic arbitrarily. It cancelled every TF comic performing badly at once; that just happened to be. Like. Every TF comic at the time. And I assume they turned it into a hard reboot because that was like, the one thing they hadn't tried yet.

This got really long, oooops jskhdkjg but. Yeah. Basically, the perception in fandom is often VERY skewed versus what actually happened.

[sunder-soul]

For a request would love to have tom’s pov of the holidays such as the missed kiss and when charlie asked about his feelings and when he found out they actually weren’t dating

Sequel Snippet Spree: Seven Devils

A/N: [I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN ABOUT MY 2K EVENT FROM 100 YEARS AGO, I JUST FOUND THIS SITTING IN MY WIPS FOLDER AND WAS LIKE OMG I SHOULD SIMPLY POST THIS] Also I'm already writing Tom's pov of Charlie's 'confrontation,' and the Christmas night by the fireplace as well bc the angst is simply SO FUN TO WRITE MY GOD THIS MAN I love making him this fucking dramatic, I just really wanted to post this now bc I like it :) [GIF CREDIT!]

･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.

ℙ𝕖𝕣𝕞𝕒𝕟𝕖𝕟𝕥 𝕋𝕒𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥 (there are serious issues with the tagging system atm and idk how to fix it sorry, I tried for like half an hour 😭)

𝔸 - 𝕄 @abhorredlara​ @anakinishotdoe​ @anevrismes​ @arana-alpha​ @bedheadgirl @books-butterbeer @catastrophicalllyy @crazytwentythrees​ @dear-fifi​ @dropssofjupitter​ @dravenwitchmusings​ @emeraldphoenixblackthorn​ @empath-bunny​ @evertiel​ @expectoscamander​ @fish-eg​ @ginasellsbooks​ @grimdevil​ @herfantasyworldd​ @hueanhdang​ @hypnohawke​ @itsjustfics @itzjennieofficial @iwastoowildinthe70s @justhurtnocomfort @kennafild @lemirabitur @like-phantasma @lovelyysiriuss @lucys-brain @mentally-in-northern-italy @mikariell95 @michaels-gardenaesthetic @moatsnow

ℕ - ℤ @niallwrld @nothinghcppens @obliviouspotter @oui-magnifique @pearlstiare @pink-kixxes @qblaughter @rainyroads @raven-riddle @rededfoxy @rinsdesires @saintsha @seriouslyginnychase @shunamai @silverdelirium @sokkasdimples @suicide-sweetheart636 @sunles @sweetpsycho46 @tallyovie @theyoungestchild0w0 @tm-mrvl-rddl @toasterking @twofacesoftheworldbutnotsome @until-the-last-falling-star @valentinecarnage @vampireveela @pure-egotism @vallastempermental @voidmalfoy @weirdowithnobeardo @whentheskyispinkandabitblue @whoevenfrickenknows @whoreforgeorgeandfred @wizardcherryblossom @wymindog @yepitslainie @yourgirl-niah

･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.

He slept badly, of course. He always slept badly. The storm woke him before dawn with the first gust of heavy-handed rain on the windows and he knew the second his eyes had opened that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again. Rain like this always made his stomach sink. At Wool’s it had always meant cold, damp nights followed by cold, grey days, too much noise trapped inside with too many people. Waking warm and comfortable with such a storm outside was still surreal.

Very suddenly Tom remembered the previous night and instantly all remaining hope that he might rest a little longer disintegrated. He didn’t know what it was about the darkness that had made it so easy to say things he’d never say in a well-lit room, telling her about the fear he’d felt seeing Marina at Voldemort’s mercy in the Manor, admitting how much he still thought about it, asking her about her own night terrors –

Tom’s eyes fell shut in embarrassment and he took a long, regretful breath. He shouldn’t have asked her that. Not so indelicately, not without some indication that she even wanted to tell him.

He pushed himself up and swung his legs off the couch, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and then let his hands fall limp off his knees. He didn’t like how they looked, the hands of a stranger suspended on the ends of his forearms. Fatigue clouded dully behind his open eyes and with it, the bitter desire that for once he might wake feeling like he’d ever slept at all.

He looked at her.

The nascent grey dawn painted him a faint picture but he could still very easily make her out, her gold hair across the pillow, the thick quilt half-covering her sleeping face. She was completely still. He couldn’t even hear her breath. Tom grit his teeth and looked away, his stony gaze falling back on his fingers. He’d been extraordinarily stupid to think he could do this seamlessly. He’d been extraordinarily stupid in a number of ways when it came to Marina, actually, stupid in ways he could hardly bear to think about. Thinking things were different to the way they were. Thinking she might be coming to feel things for him that she clearly didn’t.

Misinterpreting things.

He would happily call it ‘humiliating,’ were his pride wounded more than his hopes – but he wasn’t so lucky. ‘Disappointing’ was far more apt, though it fell stratospherically short of describing the feelings that had taken hold of him seeing Charlie lean down and kiss her, and realising exactly how extraordinarily stupid Tom had really been. He stood in silence and turned for the kitchen, leaving Marina sleeping quietly behind him without allowing himself to look at her again.

He should have known better. Marina had met him at his worst, she’d known the depth of his true ugliness right from the very beginning, the selfish, ignorant, ridiculous child he’d been seven years prior. It had been monstrously vain, deluded of him to think that she might come to see him as something… else.

He should never have entertained the notion in the first place, that she might be looking at him the same way he’d found himself looking at her, or that she might feel as he felt when he touched her. The bitter embarrassment overtook him again, the thought that he’d misinterpreted his own feelings as something palpable between them, some corporeal presence or understandingthat she sensed too. It was so shamefully naïve.

Tom angrily yanked the cupboard open and seized a mug, and only just caught himself from slamming it onto the counter in the last second lest he wake her. He placed it down carefully and then stared at it in deep resentment.

He knew he was being ridiculous.

The knowledge did very little to sooth the acidic disappointment seeping out of some fissure that had opened up deep in his chest. He couldn’t stop thinking about Charlie’s arm around her on the couch, her leaning against his chest, their natural playfulness and the seamlessness of how she touched him. It had been an unforgiving reminder that Marina wasn’t like him, she didn’t hoard herself away like he did, and it seemed so painfully obvious to him now that she should be with someone like Charlie, someone like her, who laughed loudly and smiled openly and moved easily.

God, he should have known. That’s what made it even more unbearable. He’d seen the way Charlie had said goodbye to her before they’d left for Azkaban, the fierce concern, the tight hug, the familiar touch. He’d wondered at the time, she and Charlie had been at the Burrow together for months by that point after all, but he’d been so staunchly confident that the feeling prickling across his skin had been surprise, or simply embarrassment at witnessing a moment of someone else’s intimacy, or even (as he had really managed to convince himself one night as he’d laid awake thinking about it) that it was simply surreal to see Marina in someone’s arms just because he’d known her for so long.

Ridiculous, the things he’d tried to tell himself.

It was envy. He knew it now of course, and really he’d known it then, too, in some reserved and much ignored part of his mind. Why else had he offered her his hand like that to Apparate? Just to see what she’d do, how she’d react, if she’d be so at ease with him, too – and he’d turned her reaction over in his mind like a puzzle for too many a night afterwards, the way she’d stared at him in something a little more pink-cheeked than just surprise, how she’d tried to play it off but how she’d not quite met his eyes when she took his hand. That had been his downfall, he thought, that he’d really managed to delude himself into thinking that perhaps it was a lack of ease, not the presence of it, that betrayed Marina’s feelings.

And God, Greece.

Tom exhaled grimly and waved his wand at the silver coffee pot, dispassionately watching his mug fill.

He couldn’t even count all the things he’d misinterpreted in Greece.

Not fully paying attention, Tom spooned too much sugar into his cup and stirred, the crisp little sounds of the silver against the ceramic seeming very far away. Yesterday morning Marina had told him she’d forgotten about Lovegood like she was confessing a long life of stomach-turning sin, like she’d expected him to be disgusted, or at least furious. He’d seen the weariness of it all on her face before she’d rested her head on his shoulder, just like the night after they’d gotten back and she’d fallen asleep against him and he’d not been able to bear moving and waking her –

Shame swallowed him fetid and hot, and Tom’s head hung, his fingers gripping the counter hard. Yesterday Marina had been frighteningly listless, visibly guilt-ridden and exhausted beyond recognition, falling against him like the magnitude of telling him those things had cost her the very last of her energy – and he’d still not been able to stop himself from thinking of how good she’d felt leaning against his shoulder, from wondering if it meant she might feel something for him, from misinterpreting it through his own selfish lens and the thought of it now made him sick.

“Idiot,” he muttered in disgust, before remembering she was only around the corner. His lips pressed together hard.

Just for that he deserved it all, having to watch her and Charlie be together when he…

When he what, exactly?

Tom laced his fingers around his mug, not caring that it was still far too hot and his skin prickled uncomfortably at the heat.

He didn’t care to answer that question.

Things were bad enough already.

･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.

[zombvibes]

Oo oo teammate swap: given any thoughts abt dark world outfits and magic nstuff?

I have!! I’m currently redesigning/tweaking their outfits and weapons though (or at least…I’m trying to. My brain likes to procrastinate ☹️)

I’ll show them off anyways even if they’re old/a wip :

( content warning /j : older art ahead yuckyyyy)

Susie’s magic is fire magic (i mean…yeah) which come from her hand accessory, a braclet! (like noelle’s ring)

Though, her outfit could be tweaked a little, but it pretty much looks like this! I tried to make a nice balance between og!susie’s and og!noelle’s dark world forms and I think I did a good enough job of that? Unlike Noelle and Berdly’s designs, she’s pretty much done! I would only be changing it slightly with barely any differences— Which I may have to do so it would be easier to make it into pixels later

And also because of her fire magic she can breathe fire/smoke and can do stuff like this :

Ok next is Noelle! tms!Noelle’s and og!Noelle’s magic is pretty much the same (ice magic). However, tms!Noelle’s weapon is a spear! Since og!Berdly’s weapon a halberd (a weapon with a long shaft and pointed tip), I was like “Hey…you know what other kind of weapon looks like that?” and chose a spear! Also I thought about icicles too since they’re long and pointy (like…a spear). Past me tried to make it in the shape of an icicle (the spear head at least) but I don’t think I pulled it off well.

However, I was thinking about making it an ice staff since I’ve recently tried to make her an ice mage of some kind but I still like the idea of a spear that looks like an icicle (decisions, decisions 🤔)

OK now to her design uhhh I was recently tried redesigning tms!Noelle’s dark world outfit and um. Was not going that well. This is pretty much the closest for what I’m trying to go for. It was based off of the white mage from final fantasy! Though I never really played FF aside from the chocobo spinoff on the ds (which is gooooood), I always liked the designs of the white/black mages! I also was trying to go for a little red riding hood look? Just wanted a cute and innocent design to clash with her not cute and innocent personality. (Which I did NOT do here. Will fix that soon hopefully.) Somehow I wanted to add some sort of element from Berdly’s design (just like I did with tms!susie’s and tms!berdly’s) but I have NO clue how to do that. Eh, I’ll figure it I always to eventually. (If you can’t tell, I’m having a hard time designing tms!noelle’s dark world form aldjjsjfklaskdjak I’ve always had a difficult time with her designs in general tbh.)

Saving the worst for last (/pos) BERDLY!! Berdly’s weapon is a claymore! (which I may change into a broadsword or another two handed weapon. or at least change the design of the weapon). It was based of off the Knight’s Claymore from Breath of the Wild. Tbh I DESPISE the design I gave his weapon. Hate it a lot. It doesn’t really fit him nor his design at all. So definitely changing that when I get the chance. Anyways, I wanted to give him a two handed weapon that you can swing over you shoulder (like susie’s axe though susie just using her left hand and not both because she’s strong and handsome) and to look like Berdly’s weapon (that’s why it’s a bright pink. og!berdly’s weapon is brigh green). I don’t think it’s “berdly-like” enough though. It doesn’t really feel like a Berdly weapon. (if that makes sense aldjajfhkalfls) So again, changing that when I get the chance!

OH AND HIS MAGIC!! You know how og!Berdly can summon tornados? Yeah tms!Berdly can summon thunder/lightning clouds, smoke, and fog/smog! (and probably tornadoes too lmao) Though I didn’t really think about this too much— (aside from the fog/smog part) Still felt like it was worth mentioning though

OK DESIGN TIME. Berdly’s design (like susie’s) could be tweaked a little bit but this is pretty much it! I tried going for an “Evil King/Prince” (hence the crown) with a mixture of an edgy “Original Character Do Not Steal” look (hence the color palette and “beak fang”). I just think that fits tms!berdly to a tee! I don’t think I pulled off the “original character do not steal” thing but I think I DID pull off the evil king/prince. (I think…). And like with the others, I tried to make his design a mix of Susie’s and Berdly’s outfits which uh, I think I did ok on that? I could do better of course—

Sorry for sounding like a NERD and rambling a lot here ahahahaha 😀💦 Really thought about their weapons and designs and junk—

Tbh all them should be more simplified (for sprite edit stuff) which again again, will work on when I get the chance (or when my brain gives me the chance)

[positivityjediprince]

Modern au where r2d2 is a tortoise who's missing limbs and so instead he's on a little cart and Anikin is the one who makes artoos cart and then when anikin disappears artoo is released into the world (he's just chilling and riding around crashing into things) and then later Luke finds him and is just like a tortoise that goes zoom

Ben kenobi sees a tortoise on a motorized cart and has flashbacks of this same creature trying to take out his ankles and sighs and goes "hello artoo please refrain from biting my ankle I will put you in a box"

And Luke is like ????

I don't know it's just important to me that in modern aus it's the same artoo seeing the skywalker chaos and that he be able to cause Obi-Wan stress

Artoo as a tortoise is genius! And Artoo being a tortoise in a cart that zooms - inspired!! They bite AND make weird noises. It's Perfect. Thank you for sharing it! I LOVE it!

Here are some little bits and HC that come to mind from your idea, hope you enjoy!

When Anakin disapears Obi-Wan searches for Artoo but can't find him, despite a tortoise in a motorised cart being something people would definitely notice and remember. He's not upset. He's not. He just gets upset when something hurts his ankle and it's not a snapping tortoise who wants a cabbage.

Luke is over the moon when he finds Artoo. Poor boy lives in the desert, there is nothing exciting around him. Ever. But then he sees a tortoise in a cart who's gotten stuck in some sand. He takes him home and fixes the cart, and a beautiful new friendship is born.

Well, between Luke, Beru and Artoo anyway....Owen is ready to punt the fucker at a moments notice.

And yes! you bet the moment he sees Artoo again all his 'oh what I wouldn't do to have him bite me again' goes out the window and he is constantly threatening him with The Box TM

I can just imagine how baffled Luke would be that the random violent zoom tortoise knows the random hermit????? And they both knew his dad???? The tortoise has been in battle??? Hidden government secrets???? Is his tortoise a wanted criminal??????

Oh and later on, the rivalry between Din 'Hey this blonde is cute' Djarin and Artoo 'I will zoom at everyone and eat their feet' Skywalker, is the stuff of legends and nightmares. He is the ring barer....Din has to chase him around the venue to get the damn rings you wheeled snappy bastard! Come back here!

I really love that having him as a tortoise means he gets to live throughout the Skywalker disaster liniage! Despite being a tortoise, Artoo knows ALL the drama and gossip. He's very happy to watch the Skywalker nonsense unfold, bully everyone, and eat tomatoes.

Ahhhajnsndmrm so many brain thoughts!!! You're a genius!!!!

[jake-analyzes-classpects]

Prince of Mind

Alright, so the Prince of Mind. I think this'll be pretty interesting. (Disclaimer: Pretty much everything here is speculation. I’m mostly doing this because I find Classpects really really interesting, so this might not be super accurate. Also, I will be looking at cookie cutter examples for personality. Those parts are mostly for 1.) Making characters and 2.) Being like “Oh my god that’s me wow that’s so cool”. Okay anyway lets actually do this thing. WHERE MAKING THIS HAPEN)

PRINCE

Princes destroy their aspect, or destroy with their aspect. They have to be careful not to let their own aspect destroy them. With that out of the way, there are three canon princes: Dirk Strider, Prince of Heart, Eridan Ampora, Prince of Hope, and Kurloz Makara, Prince of Rage. Let's look at Eridan first. He destroyed the Angels in his session, which were symbols of Hope. He also destroys hope by killing a handful of other trolls, and destroying the Matriorb, the only hope of the trolls continuing their society.

Dirk Strider is, due to getting more time in the story, a really good example of a Prince. He destroys Heart, the aspect of relationships and feelings, and he also finds himself surrounded by splinters of himself that he is quite sick of, and in some cases has tried to destroy. He destroys Heart in himself by portraying himself as a hyper-logical being, to the point of one of his "splinters" literally being an AI. Brain Ghost Dirk(tm) is seen ripping Aranea's soul from her body, and Dirk also tears souls out of Gamzee, Caliborn, and Arquiusprite. He also destroys his own relationships.

Kurloz is another Prince, and a generally well accepted concept is that he destroys his own Rage. He is always calm, passive, and slightly smiling. However, I wanted to talk about his moirallegiance with Mituna Captor. Cronus says that Mituna is lucid and coherent around Kurloz, and while this could be the Chucklevoodoos, I also think it's possible that Kurloz helps Mituna destroy his own Rage, therefore allowing him to not be so... Mituna. (Whether this is by Mituna's choice or Kurloz manipulating him is up to you to decide.)

MIND

Mind is one of those aspects that is kind of hard to analyze because there isn't a human player with the aspect. It also doesn't help that one of the Mind players is a Knight, who actively covers up their aspect. Anyway, we do know a couple things about Mind.

Mind is related to thoughts, decision-making, rationality, and the consequences of decisions. Therefore, Terezi, the Seer (Taster?) of Mind, understands the outcomes of decisions. We see this in her killing Vriska, the Dave Strider coinflip god-tier shenanigans, and, of course, the Game Over timeline, where she channels her thoughts to make John fix the timeline. I'm not going to analyze Latula, because there isn't much to analyze.

PRINCE OF MIND - PERSONALITY

The Prince of Mind would likely be the kind of person to be chill, try to be in touch with their emotions, and would basically echo the Heart Aspect, destroying the Mind within themselves. However, a Prince of Mind would also have an effect on others around them. Imagine somebody who would somehow end up inducing really dumb ideas, just with their general dumb vibe.

However, the Prince would eventually learn to draw their destruction of Mind away from other people, and would instead be able to use their natural ability to make people do stupid things for various "noble" purposes, from bartering with a particularly strong enemy, to getting somebody to do something stupid for the Prince's clout. A Prince of Mind could also pretty easily use this to influence a lot of people, becoming a leader which none would question, because they wouldn't be able to.

Speaking of that, Princes, in general, can kind of suck. Eridan was a jerk, Dirk was a jerk, and Kurloz is less openly a jerk but he still basically possesses people. Princes are also pretty likely to flip their lids in a session, especially one that destroys their own Mind. One good thing is that if they do flip their lids, they might be pretty dumb.

PRINCE OF MIND - ABILITIES

Now, abilities. I lightly touched on this in the personality section, but they would be able to make people do pretty dumb stuff. Now, this could also lead to mass destruction of Mind on a battlefield, allowing for all of the enemies to be reduced to a point mentally where they would not be able to form thoughts.

There is a theory that Princes destroy to allow for their Aspect to come and fill in the holes, but better this time. For example, Dirk breaks down relationships and allows for better ones to form, mostly ones not involved everyone wanting to bang Jake English. In this case, a Prince of Mind might destroy harmful thoughts, and allow them to be replaced with better ones.

The Prince would also have to avoid being destroyed by Mind. They might feel superior to all else due to their "higher thoughts", or they might feel so stupid that they think they aren't worth anything anymore. Both avenues cause the Prince to be destroyed by Mind in the end. Basically, a Prince of Mind would be tip-toeing on a thin line to not end up destroying Mind too much, but also be able to destroy Mind in a combat scenario.

CONCLUSION

Basically, Princes in general are scary classes, and Mind is kind of a scary Aspect. And when you combine them, you're either gonna get a hyper-genius who makes everyone around them dumber, or some dude that's, say, always on drugs or something, and still makes everyone stupid, but not in a malicious way.

As for synergy with other Classpects, a Muse of Mind would actively interfere with the Prince of Mind, not allowing them to destroy as effectively. This could be good in a scenario where the Prince has gone rogu- AWOL. Come to think of it, the only Classpects that I can imagine a Prince of Mind synergizing with is the normal Classpects that can help to calm people down, such as the Sylph of Blood.

Feel free to recommend a Classpect, or to ask me about other SBURB stuff. Or just random questions.

[mellometal]

Is it time to tear ANOTHER Dhar Mann video to shreds? YOU BET.

I've been sitting on this one for a bit because I wanted to make sure I talk about this tactfully. The subject of parents abandoning their disabled children is a very touchy one.

Parents abandoning their disabled children simply for being disabled is way too common. Like, I understand that not everyone has the resources to care for a disabled child (which is why you reach out for help, and why people like me, who work with disabled people, exist), but it doesn't mean you just walk out of their life. There are exceptions, like if you truly didn't want children or something like that, but just flat-out walking out of your kid's life BECAUSE they're disabled is fucked up.

I know someone personally whose biological mother abandoned her when she was born. Why? Because she's disabled. Physically, and mentally, to a point. I work with this woman on a daily basis. I don't really know WHY exactly her biological mother abandoned her, but I do know that her being disabled was part of it. It's sad. It doesn't affect her, thankfully. I'm happy that she's got her biological dad, her brother, and another maternal figure in her life, at least.

ANYWAYS. Before we get to the topic at hand, I need to put an obligatory trigger warning, like I do with EVERY Dhar Mann post:

This post will be talking about parents abandoning their disabled children simply for being disabled, treating disabilities like they're tragedies (in this case, we're talking about autism...again), divorce, and some SPICY ableist bullshit from an allistic (nonautistic) PIECE OF SHIT.

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable in any way, you don't have to read this post. This isn't worth putting yourself in a bad state mentally. I would never ask for any of you to put yourselves in that position all for a post. Put your mental health and well-being first. Consume media that sparks joy for you.

As far as my response goes, it's definitely more calm than normal. Funny....since this video is about autism spectrum disorder again. (Third time's the charm, huh, Dhar Mann? NOT.)

LET'S FUCKING GET IT.

The video starts off with these two parents (Gwen and Allen) in a psychologist's office. The psychologist tells the parents that their son (Chance) is autistic, and she tries to explain what autism is to the parents, but Allen cuts her off. Why? Because he teaches at a prestigious university, so he AUTOMATICALLY knows what autism is from that fact alone.

Um, excuse me? Just because you're a teacher at a prestigious university, it doesn't mean you're an expert in everything. It doesn't make you an expert in ASD or anything like that. Unless you SPECIALIZE in that area. Even then, shut the fuck up. The people who know about being autistic are AUTISTIC PEOPLE THEMSELVES! SHOCKER.

Hey, Dhar Mann! QUIT WITH THE VIDEOS ABOUT AUTISTIC LITTLE WHITE BOYS AND YOUNG WHITE AUTISTIC CISHET MEN! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF IT. It's annoying, ignorant, and it feels like you're doing this on purpose at this point to piss people off. If you're so uninformed about autism in women and girls, FUCKING ASK AUTISTIC WOMEN AND GIRLS! DO BETTER RESEARCH THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE AUTISM SPEAKS. The Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and the Autistic Women and Nonbinary People Network (AWN) are great organizations to go to for any kind of research on ASD in women and girls. STOP GOING OFF OF THE BRAINS OF AUTISTIC WHITE BOYS AND AUTISTIC WHITE MEN.

I don't feel I need to go too deep into the fact that autistic women, autistic girls, autistic nonbinary people, autistic BIPOC, autistic AAPI, autistic LGBT people, autistic teenagers, and autistic adults exist. Y'all already know.

Gwen asks the psychologist if that means Chance isn't healthy. (I understand not knowing about autism, but don't treat it like it's a terminal illness. Please.) The psychologist tells her that Chance is fine, but he just learns differently and might need more support compared to his peers.

Yeah, autism can affect how you learn about certain things (limited and repetitive patterns), but there are other disabilities that can affect learning as well. Like how dyslexia can affect your ability to read, dyspraxia can affect your ability to do math, and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can affect your ability to focus or on impulse control. Autism affects how your brain is developed, it affects you socially, behaviorally, and how you communicate.

Allen is upset, says that he can't have a son "with a learning disability" (ASD is a neurological disability, not necessarily a learning disability), and treats Chance like he's stupid for being autistic. Gwen tells her husband that autism doesn't make you any less intelligent, WHICH IS SO FUCKING TRUE. ABSOLUTE FACTS. I was totally with her until she began that little monologue with "Just because a person HAS autism". SAY "JUST BECAUSE A PERSON'S AUTISTIC" INSTEAD! IT'S NOT HARD. PERSON FIRST LANGUAGE ISN'T WHAT EVERY DISABLED PERSON PREFERS. Allen says that "they could have another kid" and "put Chance up for adoption". Gwen obviously wasn't down with that. Allen gives his wife an ultimatum that it's either HIM or their son Chance. Gwen says that she can't choose between the two, but she will stand by her autistic son. Allen gets up and leaves the office, saying he wants a divorce.

Years pass by, Gwen is single and taking care of her autistic son Chance, and Allen has a new life with a ✨perfect son✨ (Samuel). He never mentions the son HE abandoned (Chance). He's completely forgotten about Gwen and Chance. (YOU OWE SO MUCH CHILD SUPPORT, ALLEN.)

Hey, Allen, how much do you wanna bet that your ✨perfect son✨ Samuel is autistic too?

There's the SATs, they're announcing a winner, and guess who it is? IT'S OBVIOUSLY CHANCE, OF COURSE. He's got the highest score in the country, with Samuel in second place. Allen is PISSED.

Chance gives a speech about how his mom really helped him, he struggled with autism, how Allen LITERALLY ABANDONED HIM, and THE CROWD GOES FUCKING WILD. Samuel, instead of being a sore loser, APPLAUDS FOR CHANCE. Stay humble, Sam.

My thoughts on the video? If you cannot tell by my tone throughout this post, IT WAS DOG SHIT. This video was insensitive to the true reality of parents abandoning their disabled children just because they're disabled. What do I expect from Dhar Mann at this point?

Here's my response to his video below. Don't worry, I will fully type out my response soon for anyone who cannot read the screenshots easily. It's a lot easier for me to do that on the desktop site than it is for me to do it on my phone.

For anyone who can’t read my response, I’m typing it out for you. Like I said, it’s easier for me to type it out on the desktop site than it is for me to type it out on my phone. It’s a real royal pain in the ass. But because I’m trying to make my posts easier to read for people, I’m doing this anyway. /lighthearted

First, second, and third screenshots (broken up into paragraphs):

Hey, listen, I appreciate the message you’re trying to go for, but can you please stop putting autistic people into a box? Can you stop treating being autistic like it’s a tragedy? Not every single autistic person is a little white boy in elementary school who’s considered “wild and unruly” or “super quiet and makes no friends”, nor are they a young white cishet man who’s a super genius or is how Chris Chan was before she came out as trans. (For anyone who doesn’t know about Chris Chan, there are many documentaries people have made on YouTube, and I highly recommend Geno Samuel’s docuseries, if you’re really interested in learning about Chris Chan.)

Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, BIPOC, APPI, LGBT people, teenagers, and adults all exist too. 

It’s very apparent now that you get your resources from Autism $peaks, a hate group that spends the vast majority of their money on funding eugenics instead of helping autistic people like they claim, claims that only little white boys and young white cishet men are autistic and ignores all other autistic people who don’t fit that description, have no autistic people on their leader board or on any board for that matter, have members who have actually fantasized about k1lling their autistic children, treat autism like it’s a tragedy or a disease someone can catch (completely false), act like autism should be cured (there is no cure, and ABA therapy is a total shit show in itself), and treats autistic people like they’re broken and need to be fixed. Also, not every autistic person is a Super Genius(tm). That’s so demeaning to autistic people who aren’t seen as intelligent in any way. I’m autistic and seen as smart; however, there are subjects I’m stronger in than others.

If you can’t handle the possibility of having autistic children, or just disabled children in general, DON’T HAVE CHILDREN. If you can’t handle working with or alongside disabled people, including autistic people, maybe find a different profession. Even if you do that, you’ll never get away from disabled people. Disabled people aren’t a disease. We’re human beings just like neurotypical and able-bodied people.

Fourth and fifth screenshots (broken up into paragraphs): 

I would highly suggest getting resources from reputable organizations for ASD, such as the Autism Self Advocacy Network (ASAN) and the Autistic Women and Nonbinary People Network (AWN). Talk to any autistic person who isn’t a little white boy or a young white cishet man. 

Instead of using the puzzle piece, which is a symbol that many autistic people, myself included, are offended by (because of Autism $peaks and other organizations before them using it, plus it symbolizes that only autistic children exist and that we’re “missing a piece” like we’re broken), use the rainbow infinity sign (for all neurodivergent people) or the red and gold infinity sign (just for autistic people). Instead of “lighting it up blue”, light it up red or gold. Do both if you want. 

I’m actually really sick and tired of seeing just autistic little white boys and young autistic white cishet men being represented in the media, and y’all manage to fuck that up too. 

Before anyone mentions Sia’s movie “Music”, that’s also very poor representation of autistic girls. Besides, the actress who played the autistic girl isn’t even autistic. She MOCKED autistic people. I know she’s a kid, but that’s still super fucked up. I hope she’s able to turn that around. 

If anyone would like to discuss this topic with me or ask any questions, feel free to. I’ll answer as best as I can. Thank you and have a good night.

Before I get attacked for mentioning Chris Chan in my response, I bring up Chris Chan because allistic people think that every autistic person is like her (especially before she came out as trans). That person is part of why I wasn't open about being autistic or talking about my diagnosis until this year. I didn't want to be grouped up with Chris Chan because I do have very similar interests to her, I've been seen as cringey for having said interests, and just the way Chris treated autistic people who were formerly diagnosed with A$p3rg3r$ $yndr0m3 (like I was) really made me feel even more alienated.

Also, S1a supports A$ (Autism $p3aks). She's not a very good person to support. Some of her music is good, but her as a person....no. Her movie "Music" was gross, from what I've read about it and seen pictures of.

If you've read this far, thank you so much!

[sir-crocodile-smile]

Nobody requested this, I just... was feeling the angst this morning. Here’s this. Idk my heart was just telling me to like. Put a character through some hurt/comfort TM this morning, and I chose my sweetie, Killer.

TW: reference to past domestic violence, abuse, angst, hurt/comfort

Punching Bag (Killer x reader)

    He fucked up. He knew he fucked up big time. He had already apologized to you, but you were still angry at him. If only he had kept his mouth shut. The crew had been poking fun at your jealous behavior towards anyone who even thought about flirting with Killer, making jokes about how laughably territorial you were. 

    “Like a dog chomping on the end of it’s chain!” Kid laughed, slapping the table. He was drunk as hell, but what else was new. “Really Kil, you should sic ‘em on the next hooker that looks at you. That’s a fight I’d pay to see!” 

    “Wouldn’t be a problem if Y/N knew how to share,” he laughed, a little too drunk to think better of it at the time. It made his stomach turn to remember it. You had told him a while ago how you felt that you weren’t enough for him, that he would find someone better and it was only a matter of time until then. He reassured you, over and over, that only you had his heart, but he should have known that it was still a sore subject for you. As a man with so many insecurities about his face and laughter, he should know better. He was determined to do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness. He sat on the edge of your shared bed, waiting.

    You walked into your room, spying Killer immediately. Though you saw his mask snap up in your direction, you ignored it and went about your business. There were a few minutes of silence, then he spoke up.

    “Sweetheart?”

    “Killer?” Hearing his name never stung so bad before. His heart ached. He just wanted you back in his arms, wanted to hold you and never let go. Watching your back turned to him, he racked his brain to think of a way to fix it, only one thing coming to mind. It worked with his last lover. Maybe it would make you feel better. He unclasped his helmet, removing his mask and setting it beside the bed. He approached you cautiously, only closing about half the distance with you before freezing in place. He waited for you to turn around, holding his arms out to the side slightly. 

    “Go on,” he muttered. “I know you’re mad, and I deserve it.” You blinked at him in confusion.

    “What?”

    “I’m sorry for what I said,” he mournfully explained. He closed his eyes, turning his cheek to you. “You can take it out on me. I want you to.” Your eyes widened in horror as you realized what he was trying to get you to do. You saw the muscles of his neck twitch in anticipation of being struck across the face. What on earth? Yes, you were angry, but there was no world where you could be angry enough to raise your hand against the man that you loved.

    “I can take it, baby,” he egged you on, unaware of the horrified look on your face. His mind was somewhere else, some time in the past, thinking of words someone else once said to him. “I’m supposed to be your punching bag.” Tears pricked at your eyes. Thoughts like this don’t just come from nowhere. He learned this from somebody. You closed the distance to him, gently reaching up to take his face in your hands. He flinched.

    “Killer, sweetheart, no,” you whispered, rubbing his cheek with your thumb. His eyes opened and stared at you, wide and a little confused. “I would never, never hit you. No matter how angry I am, I still love you. And people don’t hurt the ones that they love.” Killer stared into your eyes, slowly processing your words and the pained expression on your face. A drop of water fell on to your face, strangely, and he gently wiped it away. It took watching another drop appear on your cheek to realize that they were silent tears. Falling out of his eyes. His body couldn’t hold the tension any longer. His knees buckled as he fell into your arms, the weight of him sending you both to the ground, kneeling. You soothed him gently, stroking his long blonde hair as he buried his face in your neck. He clung to you desperately, completely silent except for his shaky breathing. You stayed like that until the storm of emotion in his chest was calmed by your soft voice and sweet caresses. His head lifted to look you in the eyes.

    “I love you,” he whispered, leaning his forehead against yours. “I’m so sorry. You’re everything to me. You know that, right?” You kissed both his cheeks gently, his face still wet with tears.

    “It’s okay, I forgive you. I love you so much,” you reassure him. “Do you… wanna talk about what happened just now?” He shakes his head weakly, picking you up effortlessly to lay on the bed with you in his arms. He hid his face in your chest as your arms wrapped around him tight.

    “Not now. I just… want you to hold me.”

[lloydskywalkers]

let me just start out by saying i love ever single one of your stories!!! i’m pretty new to the show and your works just add so much more feeling to everything and it’s sooo good!!! i don’t know if you ever do requests or not, so don’t bother with this if you’re busy!! but if you ever get a chance could you write smthg abt Jay and Kai? their friendship is so underrated but so good and i live for the moments in the show when Kai’s big brother instinct(tm) kicks in for him as well as Nya and Lloyd

aH thank you so much!! i’m so glad to hear that :D and this isn’t...exactly what you asked for, but Kai and Jay have this fun of dynamic that reminds me a lot of me and my brother, and i’ve been tossing around little bits of interaction between them for a while now, so i tried to make something coherent out of those :’D

Jay likes to think he’s pretty good at the whole compartmentalizing thing, for the most part. Mainly because he actually knows what it means, and it is not, for instance, locking your team up in a literal compartment while rushing off to fight the other compartment that is your resurrected homicidal father into submission.

“That was one time,” Lloyd will grumble, as if he’s only almost-died once. And then Jay will flinch, because that’s where his compartments come into play.

(Nadakhan gets one, Unagami gets another, the whole fun-times adoption reveal another, and everything else can get stuffed into the metaphorical attic since they won’t pay rent.)

Unfortunately, the attic is where the bad stuff lives.

Metaphorically.

If Jay had a nickel for every time he almost lost all of his friends, he’d have two nickels, plus another nickel for Cole falling into the fog, and another for Lloyd getting crushed by a roof, and another for Zane blowing up, and another for Nya in that awful dress with paling skin as her breathing stutters and the light in her eyes draining and —

And Jay is way, way too familiar with how it looks when his family dies, and all the nickels in the world won’t help that.

So while Jay likes to think he’s pretty good at compartmentalizing, he also thinks he’s got a valid excuse for the way he reacts when Lloyd goes down in the fight that afternoon. Sure, some vague part of his mind remembers that they’ve got a plan they’re running, and Lloyd should easily be able to handle a tiny little stumble — but Jay’s mind is stuck in glaring oranges and health bars, the unsteady gasping noise Lloyd had made before he went down, dissolving into digitized cubes just like everyone else, and Jay—

Jay can’t handle that, compartments or not, so he clears the space between them in a heartbeat just in time to take the bullet that comes hurtling Lloyd’s way.

It’d probably be a very noble and touching scene, if one) Jay didn’t make a hideous squeaking noise when it hit because bullets hurt, and two) the bullet would have missed Lloyd by a good two feet anyways.

Ah well, he thinks, as everything devolves into panicked yelling. It’s the thought that counts.

Except thoughts do not count when Kai is involved, apparently. Or any of the rest of the team, for that matter.

“What is wrong with you?” Kai hisses right in his face, eyes wild and sparking. “I was covering Lloyd, what were you doing?”

“Filling in for you, obviously,” Jay retorts. He has an excellent followup to that, real snappy and all, except that’s the moment Kai’s hand clamps down on the bullet wound in his arm to stop the bleeding, and Jay ends up stifling a shriek instead.

Great, he thinks, fighting back stinging tears of pain as he tries not to take Kai’s apparent wrath too personally. At least Cole looks worried, along the the rest of the team, who are dutifully concerned for his wellbeing like proper teammates should be.

“He’s going to need the hospital,” Zane informs them, his voice a lot steadier and calmer than his words make Jay feel. Zane’s eyebrows furrow as he studies his arm. “Stitches, probably.”

Jay swallows, trying not to curse. There’s a sharp scream as Nya finishes taking out another attacker just beyond them, and Jay figures that’s good enough.

“Okay,” Lloyd says, squeezing Jay’s wrist briefly. Either in comfort about the stitches or thanks for trying to cover him, Jay’s not sure. It’s a nice gesture, nonetheless. “Kai, Cole, can you get him there while we finish up? Sooner the better.”

Cole gives a sharp nod, and offers to take Jay from where Kai’s got him in a death grip. Kai shakes his head, and Jay’s stomach sinks. Sure enough, as soon as they’re clear of the scene, Kai starts going off.

“What did you mean, ‘filling in for me’,” he grinds through his teeth, clearly not about to let this go.

Jay bristles in response at his tone. “I meant,” he bites out, through a hot flare of pain in his arm. Kai’s always merciless with the bandages, even when he’s not in a mood. “That you weren’t there. So I covered.”

He should leave it at that, but Jay’s in a foul enough mood to finish with a condescending, “You’re welcome.”

Kai’s expression grows thunderous. “You didn’t need to. I was right there, you shouldn’t have — you weren’t needed, you should’ve held back.”

Jay feels his chest go tight. His head is clouding with anger, and the pain in his arm isn’t helping, but — ‘you weren’t needed’? Kai really didn’t skimp on the jerk juice this morning, did he.

“Oh, like you could’ve done so much better,” Jay glares. “Lloyd would’ve been toast by the time you got to him.”

“I could’ve made it!”

“Yeah right—”

“I would have, and I wouldn’t have gotten hit!” Kai snarls back. Something in Jay snaps. Or maybe it’s just the steadily increasing blood loss, but of all the nerve—

“Well you didn’t, ‘cause you weren’t there!” he snaps back. “You were too slow, which is real funny since your brain is too!”

It’s not his best comeback, he’ll admit, but Kai looks as if he’s about to light him on fire, if he weren’t stuck carrying Jay like the cover of some awful romance novel, blood getting all over his uniform as they both scream at each other. Maybe Jay will get lucky, and Kai will combust, and they’ll both go up in flames before they can remember that Cole is right there watching them.

“Cut it out, now!”

Oops, too late. For all the incensed authority in Cole’s voice, there’s still a traitorous falter that lets them both know they’ve screwed up. They fall silent, the atmosphere heavy with the lingering tension and new sense of guilt.

And the disgusting sound of Jay’s blood leaking through the makeshift bandage and hitting the ground, truly revolting, he hates blood.

“Just…no more. Please, shut up until we’re at the hospital.” Cole marches forward, snatches Jay from Kai’s arms, and proceeds to beat the fastest route to the hospital at a militant pace.

Jay still looks like some helpless romance cover heroine, dangling from Cole’s arms like he is. It occurs to him that he doesn’t even need to be carried — it’s his arm that’s hurt, he can still walk—

But any protests die rapidly at the look on Cole’s face. And at least this way, Jay thinks sullenly, he can fixedly ignore Kai.

Then again, Kai’s got a killer glare, and Jay’s always been garbage at ignoring people when his feelings are hurt.

* * * * * * * *

Despite the fuss everyone makes, Jay’s arm really isn’t that bad. They hook him up with some pretty sweet meds so he remembers zero of the actual arm-fixing, and he wakes up just in time to complain about being held in the hospital for ‘observation’ or whatever.

“It’s to make sure there’s no infection, or that you don’t rip your stitches out,” Nya tells him pointedly. Jay cringes under the look she gives him at that last part. Geez. You get kicked in the stitches one time after sneaking out early and suddenly no one’s got any faith in you. Typical.

“Why couldn’t we have just gone to medbay,” Jay grumbles. “Pixal gives way better stitches than this, anyways.”

“Gun wounds get hospitals,” Nya reminds him. “And it’s not fair to put that kind of pressure on Pix when we can avoid it.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

Nya glares at him. “It most certainly was that bad.”

“Oh, so when you get your arm crushed by a car, it’s fine,” Jay glares back. “But when I get a tiny little bullet nick, it’s that bad.”

Nya rolls her eyes, ignoring him. “Just think of it this way,” she says. “Now you have a little more time before Lloyd starts weeping apologies all over you.”

“Aw, no,” Jay groans, leaning back in the hospital bed. “Tell me he’s not blaming himself, Nya.”

“I think we had a promise about not lying to each other, or something,” Nya says, sympathetically. She winces. “Pretty sure he made the connection, too.”

Jay frowns. “What connection?”

Nya shifts, her eyes darting from side to side. “The, uh, the whole…Prime Empire, thing.”

Jay stares at her for a beat, trying to reconcile his blatant shock with the roiling nausea at the mention in his stomach. Nya looking at him all kind and sympathetically isn’t helping, either, because she might have made it down to the final two, but she was never all alone, and the reminder that she’d have been fine if Jay hadn’t gotten her killed twice is—

Bad. Real bad, not good, zero out of ten stars. Maybe he can take a bullet for Nya, next, and that’ll — that’ll help things, maybe. Equivalent exchange? Restitution? Some kind of fancy word that means Jay swears he’s gonna make it up.

In the meantime, he smothers the rising sickness in his throat and sinks lower into the bed, sulking. “It’s too easy to recognize trauma in this team.”

“I hear you,” Nya sighs, wearily. She nudges his shoulder, rising from her seat near the bed. “Speaking of. Someone’s got something they want to say to you.”

It takes Jay a second, but his eyes widen as Nya heads for the door. “Wait, wait wait wait, don’t you dare—”

“Love you,” Nya says cheekily, before taking her merry leave of the room. There’s a brief scuffle from outside, and the sound of Kai yelping, before Nya shoves him through the door, slamming it shut behind him with a damning click.

For a second, Jay’s tempted to hit the ‘call nurse’ button as hard as he can, in some desperate attempt to escape. Then he gets a good look at Kai, who’s turned a pale, queasy color that frankly looks awful on him, which is saying a lot ‘cause there isn’t much that doesn’t look good on Kai, but the expression he has on now—

Aw, man, now Jay’s feeling guilty and it isn’t even his fault. Stupid moral conscience center, he curses himself.

“So, uh…” he begins, because far be it from him to let this kind of awkward silence stretch on any longer. “Nice, ah, weather we’re having?”

Kai doesn’t respond, staring fixedly at the floor, and Jay sizes up the ‘call nurse’ button again. Just for the both of their sakes, of course.

But then Kai takes a deep breath, blows it out, and rocks back on his heels, fiddling with his hands. “I, um. I’m sorry.”

Jay’s jaw drops open. Which is probably an overdramatic move, all things considered, but unless he’s suddenly lost the ability to understand words, Kai just apologized to him.

Kai apologized. To him.

It’s not that Kai apologizing is some great big deal — Kai might have his pride, but he’s also an intuitive and good-hearted person who knows when he’s messed up. But to him?

Jay knows how he and Kai work. Kai knows how he and Jay work, and he’s breaking the rules. Because Kai and Jay don’t apologize to each other. Unless it’s some awkward expression of sympathy, they’ve never needed to. They fight dirty, aim for each other’s kneecaps, swear eternal vengeance and hatred at each other before storming off, then an hour later Jay’s bounding into Kai’s room to show him dumb meme videos and neither of them even remember what they were fighting about.

Acknowledging said fight with something as gushy as apologizing is not only useless since they both forget what they’re apologizing for anyways, but also useless because it’ll take too much time, and counterproductive on top, because it’ll most likely end in another fight about who apologized better. So for Kai to walk in and say sorry—

“Oh no, who did you kill?” Jay says, paling.

Kai spears him with a look, but it’s so pathetically watered-down and miserable that Jay forgets to glare back.

“Sorry, sorry,” Jay mutters. “I just—”

“No, no, I’m the one who’s sorry,” Kai interrupts. He hesitates, then sighs. “But that’s fair. I — I was unfair. To you, back there. Like, really unfair, in a bad way, ‘cause you were shot and I know you meant well, but you—”

Kai gestures wildly with his hands, his stream of words cutting off. Jay is left to stare open-mouthed at him again. Babbling like this is Jay’s thing. Kai is breaking all the rules today, huh.

“I just…” Kai trails off, ducking his head. “I don’t like watching you guys get hurt. I don’t — I don’t like watching you get hurt. And I get scared, but it comes out angry, and then I make a mess of things so I’m — sorry. Really sorry, for biting your head off.”

He exhales, a little shaky, fingers balled up in tight fists as his head hangs low, refusing to meet Jay’s eyes. Something softens in Jay’s chest, like gooey melting butter or something else equally pathetic. But it’s rare that Kai vocalizes this stuff, despite the fact that Jay knows he cares, and it’s nice to hear it, so he figures he’s entitled to all the butter he wants.

Jay’s own gaze falters, and the something starts to twist. He bites his lip, tugging half-heartedly at the bandages around his arm.

“Well,” he pauses, thinking of the way his brain had shifted to autopilot when he’d watched Lloyd falter, the razor-sharp shard of terror that always splinters through him when any of their teammates come too close to the awful images of death left in his head. He swallows. “I guess I don’t really have any room to talk,” he murmurs. “Be pretty dumb if I blamed you for that.”

He’s preparing to sink back into his own well of self-pity and loathing, resigned to spending the next few hours until they check him out of the hospital replaying bad memories in his head, when Kai’s next to him all of the sudden, shoving him over on the hospital bed.

“Hey, hey, what’s the big idea—”

“Move, c’mon. You don’t need that much room, you’re a stick,” Kai grumbles, before grinning brightly in success as Jay makes him space. The contrast in expression is enough to startle Jay into silence, and Kai takes advantage. “I know that look. But you already got shot, so you gotta cheer up now.”

“So you’re forcing me into cheerfulness by stealing my hospital bed,” Jay scowls, but the sting is lost in the sudden surge of affection as Kai elbows his way on the bed with him, a steady warmth by his side.

“I’m gifting you my presence, you should be celebrating,” Kai huffs, as he pulls his phone out. “Now stop looking so sad and watch this video I got of a bunch’a geese chasing Zane at the park the other day.”

“You’re such a jerk,” Jay says, but he’s already snickering as he leans his head against Kai’s shoulder to get a better look.

He’s forgotten to tell Kai he forgives him, but like most things between them — Jay doesn’t really need to say it out loud.