#or I switch and the amnesia gets worse

[seasonallydefective]

Something that happened twice now in my life is able bodied people saying they want to help me, that they’ll take care of me in some capacity, coaxing me into situations where I end up reliant on them in some way, and then getting ANGRY and violently trying to get rid of me when it’s clear that my chronic health issues are difficult and not going anywhere.

And this isn’t a thing I’ve ever downplayed. Like many people suffering chronic illness, I have days where I seem pretty functional, and days where I need a mobility device or just plain can’t get out of bed. I also have days where I am putting all my energy into getting things done that Need to Get Done, but at the expense of everything else (I can work, but then I’m not going to have the capacity for conversation or feeding myself later that day). This is my normal. I’m pretty vocal about how much it sucks.

So when able-bodied people tell me that I’m being a downer, that I’m just laying around and doing nothing for my health, that they don’t see me actually trying, that me being honest about how I’m feeling is hard on them and they don’t want to deal with me any more …

It’s all really impacted the way I view myself and the treatment I feel like I deserve. Especially since these weren’t people I had some emotional distance from — this was a long term partner and a friend who called me family.

And just pure proximity to me was enough for them to decide that I’m a burden, my illness is my fault, and I deserve to have nothing because of it.

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

Apr 19th

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1. Hi, I'm looking for fics where WWX is drunk/high and LZ noncons him @thehappyyellow

the sweetest dream would never do by honeyandviscera (E, 2k, WangXian, Modern AU, Dark LWJ, Somnophilia, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, Body Worship, Breaking and Entering, Drugged Sex, Stalking, Come Eating, Unreliable Narrator, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat)

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2. Hey, hope you guys are well. For itmf, any opwwx! recs? Preferably completed please. Thank you for your time!! @tinyfoxpeach

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3. Helloooo Just came here jajsjs I'm desperate, lately I was thinking about some caveman! Or prehistoric ice age wangxian but I could not find something like that :( any rec? (Tysm for this page)

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4. more fics like lwj's big dick agenda? or just fics lwj being possessive. thanksss!

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5. Love your blog!!!!thank you for the hardwork!

Would love some disabled/chronic health issues wei wuxian pretty please 💖💖

🔒 the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break by RoseThorne (E, 91k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Soulmates, Self-Esteem Issues, Fix-It, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, PTSD, Handfasting, Panic Attacks, Getting Together, First Time, Aftercare, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, /Referenced Torture, Scars, Chronic Pain, Golden Core Reveal, First Time, Switching, sex-related injury, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, LSZ is a Wèi, Good Sibling JC, Dissociation, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Disability, Scheming NHS, Disabled Character)

🔒 a star called sun by thelastdboy (E, 120k, wangxian, SL/XXC, JC & JYL & WWX, JYL & LWJ, WWX & WN & WQ, JYL/JZX, Canon Divergence after Xuanwu Cave, Fall of Lotus Pier, But worse!, Power Imbalance, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Not Everyone Dies AU, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Canon-Typical Violence, Sunshot Campaign, Miscommunication, Heavy Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Major Character Injury, Loss of Limbs, Chronic Illness, Seizures, WWX’s Three Months in the Burial Mounds, Wēn Remnants Live, Wēn Remnants Deserve Better, WWX Creates a Sect | Yílíng Wèi Sect, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note, Hurt/Comfort, Selectively Mute LWJ, Service Animals, Crows)

The Darkness Before Dawn by PsycheStellata707 (M, 113k, wangxian, Angst with a Happy Ending, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, BAMF WWX, Attempt at Humor, PTSD, Oblivious WWX, WWX-centric, Blind WWX, Sentient Burial Mounds, Everyone Lives AU, Except Those Who Deserves to Die, Oblivious Pining, Not Canon Compliant, WIP)

🧡 the river brought you here by chilianxianzi (Not Rated, 11k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, POV Outsider, Amnesia, Past abuse, Strangulation, Found Family)

please don’t let me be misunderstood by sysrae (T, 3k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, getting hit by cars, Past Child Abuse)

some foolish thing I've done by sysrae (M, 4k, wangxian, Modern, College/University, partial hearing loss, Past Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, the real OTP is everyone x therapy)

🔒 how to make your dad fall in love with your high school teacher in five steps; the complete and bulletproof guide by ravenditefairylights (T, 90k, wangxian, modern, coffee shop au, nonbinary LSZ, hurt/comfort, trauma, past abuse, past domestic violence, healing, hurt WWX, found family, hospitalization, therapy, single parent WWX, pining, teacher LWJ, unreliable narrator, chronic pain, queer platonic relationship, genderfluid WWX, autistic LWJ, fluff & angst)

🔒 some things go forward by everythingispoetry (T, 73k, WangXian, Modern AU, Hospitals, Teenage Drama, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending)

Cure by Yukirin_Snow (M, 100k, WangXian, XiCheng, XuanLi, Modern AU, Hurt/Comfort, Sick Character, Cancer, Medical Procedures, Medical Jargon, Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Love at First Sight, possible trigger warnings) Wwx has cancer, happy ending. It's a really good fic. I love it.

Rest is Resolution series by MarbleGlove (T, 32k, JC & WWX, JYL/JZX, JZX & JGS, LQR & LWJ, wangxian, Fix-It, Post-Sunshot Campaign, this might be crack, Niè Cultivation, BAMF NHS, BAMF JYL, Canon Divergence, Madam Lan Backstory, Getting Together), but especially the first one, Elder, an Aesthetic It's WWX without his golden core leaning into needing assistance

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6. Hiii! For the next itmf, I’m wondering if anyone has read fics inspired on creative reality shows? I’d love to read about wangxian having to team up for something like baking impossible or blown away. I hope y’all are having a great day, thanks!

❤️ Knight Hunt! Phoenix Mountain by travelingneuritis (E, 51k, wangxian, modern, dating show, Modern Cultivation, but in the silliest way possible, Reality TV, the juniors are interns, Smut, Illustrations, low-stakes pining)

Wangxian Strictly AU Series by Selenay (E, 135k, WangXian, Modern: No Powers, Dance, Strictly Come Dancing Fusion, Ballroom Dancing, Dancer!WWX, Violinist LWJ, Pining While Dancing, Oblivious WWX, Gratuitous Costume Descriptions, Gratuitous dancing descriptions, Slow Burn, Ballroom dancing, Established Relationship, Romantic Fluff, [Podfic] Falling to the Rhythm by semperfiona_podfic (semperfiona))

Previously, on LEGO Masters by trippednfell (M, 55k, wangxian, Reality TV Show Contestants/Judges, Modern, Mutual Pining, Forced to compete together, strangers to reality show contestants to lovers, there's only one bed, Platonic Cuddling, Autistic LWJ, WWX Has ADHD, Grief/Mourning, Wangxian miss their moms, so much pining, More Pining than LEGO in this LEGO fic, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, POV Alternating, Lego Masters AU, Not YZY friendly, Dysfunctional Jiang family dynamics)

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7. Do you by any chance know if there's any fic about the kid playing hanguang-jun role and the kid playing to be the yiling patriarch of that bunch of kids playing to be cultivators? As they have no names idk where to start looking. I'm in the mood for something wholesome 😌 Thanks in advance!

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8. Itm A) miscarriage fics where it causes problems in wx marriage.

B) girl dad wwx

C) cat dad wwx

Please find all of them in >20k or atleast 10 k. Please. Thankyou.

Rise of the Divine Oracle by BlakSalt (T, 291k, WangXian, Boy Love, Hurt/Comfort, Romance)

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9. hi! :3 itmf junior-central fics :) can be any combination of the quartet. ship fics are fine but no sizhui/jin ling pls bc they are cousins in my heart. thanks!! @monstergreentea

🔒 blue flies buzzing by RoseThorne (T, 2k, JL & LJY & OYZZ & LSZ, JC & WWX, wangxian, LSZ & WWX, LSZ & LWJ, LSZ & LXC, Gossip, Rumors, Mentioned Wen Remnants, Sect Leader Yao Bashing, JC & WWX Reconciliation, NHS is a Little Shit, POV LJY, POV Third Person, Threats, Justice, Cultivation Discussion Conferences, LWJ is LSZ’s Parent, LJY Being LJY, Podfic Welcome)

🔒 hills and rivers are waiting by LtLJ (T, 15k, wangxian, Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Domestic Fluff, Family Feels, Canon-Typical Violence, the family that hunts demons together stays together, and doesn't murder each other, Case Fic, BAMF WWX, Mojo's post)

💖A Dramatic Reading by pupeez4eva (Not rated, 5k, wangxian, post-canon, humor, public confessions, curses, getting together)

❤️ Tragedy is Not the End by Hobbsy3 (T, 358k, wangxian, Time Travel, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Golden Core Reveal, Canon Divergence from Qiongqi Pass, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Yunmeng sibling bonding, good dad wwx, good dad lwj, JZX Lives, JYL Lives, Junior Quartet Dynamics)

Would You Come Home? by s6115 (Not rated, 46k, WangXian, Junior Quartet Centric, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Junior Quartet Dynamics) Might work, though it's a little more Sizhui centric, but it's a very lovely showing of their dynamic in a low stakes setting

❤️ grow by cafecliche (T, 14k, WangXian, Age Regression/De-Aging, Character Study, Post-Canon) link in #12

You Bring the Colour by fuddy_duddy (rainier_day) (G, 12k, wangxian, art school, art restoration)

🔒 Yearning by Sanguis (T, 9k, WangXian, LingYi, Modern AU, Professors, Established Relationship, Married Couple, Bunnies, Pre-Relationship Secrets)

climbing up that coastal shelf by Sour_Idealist (T, 15k, JC & JL & WWX, JC & JL, JC & WWX, JL & LSZ, JL & WWX, Post-Canon, Mutually Unrequited Forgiveness, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Family History, Generational Trauma, Discussion of Canonical Abuse, Awkward Attempts at Communication, mentions of past JC/WQ, Fairy is a good dog)

history by tongzhi (T, 16k, LSZ & WN, JC & LSZ, LSZ & WWX, LSZ & LWJ, LSZ & Wen Remnants, LSZ & Juniors, LSZ & MM, Post-Canon, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, LSZ gets angry, LSZ and JL refuse to take their family's trauma forward, jiujiu is the best, Character Study, MM abolitionist queen)

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10. itmf any pregxian fics! thank you for your hard work admins :)

Reluctant partner by sacrificial_fawn (G, 31k, wangxian, LXC/JGY, Modern, Mpreg, Family Reunions, bonding over your shared trauma, Reluctant Bonding, Married Life, Supportive LQR, Past Miscarriage, LXC's excessive use of kaomojis, Male Lactation, non-graphic birth, LQR tries to be a good uncle but he doesn’t know how to, Intersex WWX, JGY can hold the baby as a treat, LWJ can have words and verbs as a treat, Slight OOC) very sweet imo, it has a bit of Meng Yao and Wei Wuxian friendship, it's also a teene tiny bit sad

All I Want by Selenay (E, 47k, wangxian, Modern, Mpreg, Post Holiday Romance, Consequences, Reunions, Idiots in Love, wangxian attempt to be sensible adults about it, they are very bad at it, Teacher WWX, Rating earned in later chapters, Handwavey Biology)

Until The End by abCEE (M, 365k, wangxian, canon divergence, communication, established relationship, sunshot campaign, mpreg, canon typical violence, WWX has new golden core, canonical character death, happy ending, fix-it of sorts) He's not pregnant for a large portion of the fic, but it's not an insignificant amount of time.

Impermanence, Transience, Permanence by Best Bepsy (BepsyGray) (E, 39k, wangxian, canon divergence, unplanned pregnancy, mpreg, gore, sunshot campaign, assumed miscarriage, medical procedures, childbirth, golden core reveal) I'd be surprised if you haven't already read this one, but it's one of the few ones of the genre that I like.

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11. Hi!! For itmf, is there any fic where Lan zhan and wei ying personality swapped? It only temporary but the chaos cannot be contained @chibiizzy

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12. hey admins, any fic recs on wei ying getting injured or sick and lan zhan takes care of him or just anyone who gets very worried about him?? thanks <3

🔒🧡 rain falls and soaks into the earth series by RoseThorne (T, 57k, WangXian, WIP, Near Death Experience, Attempt Drowning, Madam Yu Bashing, Recovery, No war AU)

Rotten Work by ShanaStoryteller (Not rated, 63k, wangxian, JL & WWX, post-canon, Protective WWX, Protective JL, POV JL, JC & WWX Reconciliation, eventually, Reluctant Matchmaker JL, this kid is doing his best, Pre-JL/LJY if you squint)

How to Treat Your Injured Yiling Laozu by merakily (T, 3k, wangxian, Chronic Pain, Whump, Love Confessions, Literal Sleeping Together, Burial Mounds, Golden Core Reveal, LWJ has a lot of feelings about WWX being in pain, Hurt WWX)

hunters seeking solid ground by Attila (E, 23k, wangxian, Canon Compliant, discussion of canon character death, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, bed sharing, Getting Together, Yearning, Literal Sleeping Together, Really Excessive Amounts of Hurt/Comfort)

something left to save by androids_fighting93 (E, 57k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, No Bloodbath of Nightless City, JYL Lives, Not Everyone Dies AU, Hurt/Comfort, single dad wwx, Sick Character, Golden Core Reveal, the lightest d/s dynamic if you squint, handjobs, Anal Sex, Canon-Typical Dynamics)

Heart of hearts series by apathyinreverie (M, 40k, wangxian, WIP, Dark LWJ-ish, Not Cultivation World Friendly, Amnesia, WWX gets to be Not Okay after the BM, Recovery, Possessive LWJ, Possessive WWX, Protective LWJ, not nearly as dark as the tags make it sound, Golden Core Reveal, Hurt WWX, Caring, WWX Goes to Gusu, ridiculously self-indulgent, Canon Divergence, Amnesia, some definite manipulation, but not everything is as it seems, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, Domestic WangXian, Fluff, WWX happily atticwifing away, Sunshot Campaign, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ)

❤️ grow by cafecliche (T, 14k, WangXian, Age Regression/De-Aging, Character Study, Post-Canon)

What's Wrong With Him? by GrapefruitSketches (G, 2k, JYL & WWX, JYL & LWJ, JC & WWX & JYL, wangxian, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt WWX, Pining LWJ, POV JYL, Canon Compliant, Oblivious WWX, Unconscious WWX, Concerned JYL, JYL Knows Everything)

let the yoke fall from our shoulders by occultings (microcomets) (G, LSZ & LWJ, LSZ & WWX, wangxian, LWJ & LSZ & WWX, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Character Study, Mentions of Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Gusu Lan Juniors Dynamics, let capricorns cathart agenda, Happy Ending, Family Feels, Established Relationship)

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13. Itmf serious fics. Where wwx has personality like he has in 12 moons n a fortnight, he's so mature there uk. Ik that fic has funny and crack moments too, but it's mostly feels and serenity there, more fics where wwx is like that please?

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14. Hello. Thank you for all the hardwork.

For the next itmf I'm looking for fics whe WWX is not the only one to be resurrected.

Or where he is resurrected in other people bodies (I have seen the fic comp here ).

Thank you once again @anime-trash-parody

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15. itmf,,, a fic where wwx atracts the supernatural, the divine, the eerie,, like he has a connection with the burial mounds or the dead in general, they like him, they are atracted to him; spirits and deities like huli jins or like the fliwer maiden are also atracted to him or interact with him,,, does what im saying even make sense?

Ad Oblivione by Baph, HikariNoHimeWriter (M, 70k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Multiple, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Identity Reveal, Golden Core Reveal, Cultivation World Critical, Not JC Friendly, Abusive YZY, Angst with a Happy Ending)

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16. itmf any fics where they actually end up meeting baoshan sanren when going to or while doing the core transfer

Can't Tell Me Nothin by natacup82 (T, 35k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Everybody Lives, Family Feels, Communication, BAMF Women) They don’t meet during the transfer so it might not quite be what u have in mind but she does do something about it.

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17. Would love some genius modern wei wuxian extra if the juniors are involved thank you 💖💖💖💖💖

💖 One Can Keep A Secret (If He Does Not Know It’s There)by H_Belle (T, 5k, wangxian, NHS & WWX, modern w/ cultivation, inventor WWX, secret identity, identity reveal, YLLZ WWX, rogue cultivator WWX, pining LWJ, WWX pov)

living in my memory/living in my mouth by tardigradeschool (T, 32k, wangxian, modern w/ magic, reincarnation, college/university au, hurt/comfort, sharing a bed, light angst, nightmares, epistolary, pining, friends to lovers)

🔒 care by everbrighter (T, 35k, LSZ & WWX, wangxian, modern w/ magic, resurrection, family bonding, getting to know each other, past character death, pining)

🔒 The Second Jade of Lan's late but incendiary sexual awakening by KizuKatana (E, 41k, wangxian, First Time, LWJ's Horny Grip,LWJ does not know what hit him, and yet somehow he still realizes it before WWX, canon wangxian dynamics, college AU, LWJ starts off annoyed at WWXBut quickly discovers both his competency kink and a caretaking kink, Genius WWX)

i really want to know (who are you) by Stratisphyre (M, 19k, wangxian, LQR & WWX, Modern with Magic, Golden Core Reveal, Single Dad WWX, Reasonable Authority Figure LQR, Allusions to violence and murder, Hospitalization)

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[googleitlol]

If Dove's store went into the Lmk universe/storyline, how whould dove react to Mk? And Wukong being put into another circlet??

I'm sorry for how off the rails this ask is going to get, I'm including a lot of other stuff besides your questions cuz I've already thought about this a lot.

@marcu-bug and I have brought it up to each other before, and in LMK… Dove is reincarnated. Will I explain why?

…Not yet :D

For this, Dove is sort of like a maternal figure to MK (He's got so many dads, why not add a mom friend?). I have a oneshot planned where I'll go more into her character, but I imagine in the lmk universe, she’d be a paramedic that usually stops by Pigsy’s for lunch. Dinner too if she’s had a long day. Which is most days.

She definitely gets a lot of those ‘worried-parent’ feelings around MK and Mei, with how often they go jumping at the chance to do dumb shit. She’s seen a lot of things, but dear lord do those to take the cake for number of calls she’s had to respond to. Actually, that’s probably how she first discovered the noodle shop, responding to a call Pigsy made when Mei took MK for a ride on her motorcycle and they crashed. I imagine like an old bartender, Pigsy would listen to her rants about her shift with Tang enjoying a bowl next to her. Being a paramedic is tough, having her gift is helpful but sometimes Dove is running into hostile situations on the job. Sometimes she sees something that shakes her, but Pigsy and Tang are there to listen at the end of the day. It also helped her to unwind by hearing Tang tell MK all about the Journey to the West and the Monkey King. It'd be a lie to say she wasn't a little intrigued by his stories, just a bit.

She joins the monkie gang when the pilot begins and helps out when she can, and funnily enough, Red Son gets pretty uncomfortable around her. Not that she gets to join her friends too often, and for a very specific reason. Sun Wukong. At first, Dove thinks he's a generally cold guy, he's always on his mountain, doesn't socialize much, and he's pretty standoff-ish around her. But after seeing how he is with MK, she quickly realizes that isn't the case.

Okay, he's just an ass, then. A confusing one, at that.

It seems like Monkey King will do whatever it takes to avoid her, but at the same time, he pushes himself into her life in the most frustrating ways imaginable. Nearly anytime she's invited to do anything fun with her friends or go on any sort of adventure, she gets a call from her building manager that something is leaking in her apartment, or a strange call from her boss asking if she can do another shift last-minute, only for them to be none the wiser about ever asking her to do that. Dove didn't realize who was behind these strange happenings, but when she figured it out, boy was she pissed.

It's not uncommon to see Dove and Wukong arguing, much to MK's dismay. She just doesn't get why he's decided to hate her, he doesn't even know her! One time, he asked her to help a monkey of Flower Fruit Mountain that needed medical help, but when she got there, he left her stranded on the mountain while he went on vacation! Dove couldn't see the mainland for days until MK and Tang visited the mountain for a separate reason about some giant dumpling. It doesn't get much better when the team has to go looking for the Samadhi rings. If anything, it gets worse. Monkey King is so aggravated to even have Dove with them, she'd half-expect that he wanted her left to be frozen in the city with Lady Bone Demon! He doesn't want her anywhere near the ritual where they form the fire. The unfriendly behaviour doesn't stop until, well, Amnesia Rules…

When Monkey King loses his memory and gives her this look of shock, the last thing she expects is for him to scoop her into his arms with the tightest hug she's ever experienced. A flip switched in his attitude towards her, and it's made all the more confusing after he explains that Pigsy is Zhu Bajie and Tang is Tang Sanzang

"Who do you think I am, then?"

"You're my one and only, Love-Dove!"

She's not sure what's worse, that god-awful nickname or the fact that he thinks he's in love with her! Although, as the day goes by… she can't say she's unopposed to seeing this much friendlier side of him. Even if she only got to see it for a little while.

It likely wouldn't be until Wukong is about to face LBD that he finally admits to her why he was so upset about her being there, how she was the reincarnation of his one and only love. A love he lost, in a way that he could only blame himself. He couldn't bear the thought of putting her near harm's way again, not when their mission revolved around a power that was responsible for her past life's death (I might go into it in another ask/post, this is getting long)

After learning all of what they'd gone through in her past life, Dove is… apprehensive, to say the least. Some of his actions from the past, they make sense to her now, but it doesn't make her forgive him completely. Still, she remembers how Sun Wukong was when he had lost his memory… she would like to see that side of him more.

It takes them time to get past their rocky start (these two can never just start off liking each other smh), but in time, Dove starts to see more of that side she'd seen during Amnesia Rules. And she starts to fall for him all over again. He tells her about her past life, their time together on the journey, all of it. He admits how he robbed her of immortality… and how she tricked him into wearing the circlet. Their ups and their downs, he tells her everything. By the time season 5 rolls around, they're happy together. He's even offered her an immortal peach from the tree he's grown on FFM, so that he can finally make up for the mistake he made all those years ago.

Then… Li Jing puts the circlet on Wukong, again.

The moment Dove finds out, she's furious. How could they hurt him like that again?! Wukong tries to put her mind at ease, but it takes a lot to calm her down. "It's fine, Dove… I was honestly pretty disappointed. He put it on and just left, at least you were creative about it back in the day." That night, in the back of Sandy's van, Dove is littering his head in kisses, she can hardly imagine how painful it must feel. You best believe the moment they see Li Jing chasing them, she's aiming whatever she can find straight for his head. If he thinks he can induce some magic migraine on her man like that, she'll find a way to pay back the favour, tenfold. Nobody touches her Sun Wukong but her.

[steddieunderdogfics]

cyclical by cuips_not_cute

@cuips-not-cute

Rating: Explicit

111,111 words, 11/11 chapters

Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Tags: Time Loop, Time Travel, Alternate Universe - Groundhog Day (1993) Fusion, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Eddie Munson Lives, eventually, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gay Eddie Munson, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Homoerotic Wound Care, Smoking, Shotgunning, Eddie Munson Has a Crush on Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington Has a Crush on Eddie Munson, they will figure it out, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Temporary Character Death, Supernatural Elements, Slow Burn, Making Out, Kissing, First Kiss, Virgin Eddie Munson, he's my sweet little loser boy in this one, First Time, Grinding, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, First Time Blow Jobs, Bottom Eddie Munson, Top Steve Harrington, Top Eddie Munson, Bottom Steve Harrington, they're switches bitches, Eddie Munson is a Sweetheart, Inexperienced Eddie Munson, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, put these boys in situations, and by situations i mean extreme trauma, Amnesia, in the sense that only steve remembers the loops at first, Trauma, eddie munson is full of Lust, Mutual Pining, Falling In Love, Rimming

Summary:

There’s a bottle on his neck and a boy pressed against him. Steve should be terrified. He’s shoved higher up the wall he’s pinned to, the boy’s eyes wild beneath his tangled mess of hair, his breath all rasp and spit and fear. The bottle presses closer, harder, almost enough to break skin. Steve knows it won’t, though, because this isn’t the first time he’s been here. Or, Steve keeps finding himself back in the boathouse where everything started, wrapped up in the arms of a boy who can’t stop dying. Saving him means ending his torment, and it also means falling in love.

Thanks for the rec! This recommendation is apart of our Writer's Wednesday! All of the recs today are written by @cuips-not-cute. Want to nominate an author? Fill out this form!

You can submit fic recs to our asks or the submission box!

[syunkissisfaking]

This person is faking D.I.D, and more. and its time we actually talk about it. ( As someone with DIAGNOSED D.I.D. )

CW ; faking disorders, lying, swearing, antiship debates, harassment, mentions of serial killers (as example), mentions of abuse and trauma (unspecified),

DISCLAIMER ; I am aware this will cause a lot of attention if seen by a lot of people in the D.I.D community. a lot of fakers tend to have similar "aspects" to syunkiss, so I expect hate. as well as a lot of syunkiss fans who will run to their defence (for some reason) this is to spread awareness. This entire post is based on SCIENTIFIC FACTS and my OWN EVIDENCE. i am medically diagnosed and have been for 7 years now.

OTHER BLOGS OF NOTE ; @/idonoiyo @/duckduckgoose-exe @/rab1darachn1d (also faking)

syunkiss is a popular blog, being seen in many areas of the bungou stray dogs fandom. and for some reason, barely anybody seems to actually acknowledge the fact they've been faking D.I.D, or OSDD. whatever they "claim" to have. this is proof of them and their lies.

i don't know how this hasn't been brought up before. it is so obvious that they are faking it and yet everybody seems to nod and agree. the same goes for their circle of friends, by seeing how they have acted for a while. they would be faking too.

I am speaking as an actual system. I have a right to speak about this subject. it is bad for our community and it leaves a bad impression. they do not know the struggles we have to face. let's get into it.

AMNESIA

something common among people with types of D.I.D (using it as an umbrella label) is huge amounts of amnesia. most people are not aware that they may be switching or even know who they are.

it is almost physically impossible that you would know to sign off with a emoji every time you have switched alters. much less switch entire blogs, or even know who is speaking.

your alters are not you, some of them would not even remember you had a tumblr account to stay active on. let alone to add an emoji or any types of sign off in general. a lot of the time me and my alters dont even know where we are, let alone able to go on tumblr and answer asks constantly.

an example of this (not to villanise the concept of people with D.I.D) is that many serial killers have some type of D.I.D, some of them are not aware of the people they might have killed at all. because they have amnesia. this is how it works.

USERBOX

I had managed to save the userbox before they had deleted it.

this is just... what? that is now how fictives or any types of alter are formed. fictives/introjects/factives are valid, we have one in our system. however this is not how they are formed at all. D.I.D is caused by trauma, it is not something that can cause you to split into another alter by daydreaming.

D.I.D is developed (begins developing) at a very young age as a result of intense amounts of trauma, both physical and mental. (it is not from something as small as your parents grounding you or hitting you once. it has to be intense amounts of trauma.) and signs only typically show when you are in adulthood.

there is cases of it showing in younger people, but the trauma is usually extremely worse, and the chance of this happening is very low. there would have to be life threatening levels of abuse at the ages of 5 to 10. and still the youngest it can be confirmed is at 17. this is a scientific fact.

this userbox shows ignorance. if you are going to fake a disorder, do some research at least. or talk to people who actually have the disorder. it was so confidently said im in shock nobody picked up on it.

FICTIVES

this one is going to get me a lot of hate. I know that. however it has to be said.

they claim to be a fictive heavy system, but the chances of fictives being present in systems at all is a very unlikely chance. they usually form after some connection with trauma towards that franchise, related or indirectly related.

having so many fictives from bungou stray dogs is extremely unlikely. it is difficult to house 3 normal alters in one body, but this person is claiming to have so many and all of them are from bungou stray dogs somehow. this is a very obvious sign they are lying. this does not happen. it is even more unlikely they will have every single period of a single character as fictives too.

if they just wanted to roleplay they can. but faking D.I.D for this is damaging to my community.

I am mentioning littles here so I do not have to make a new category for it. it typically develop from dissociation caused by prolonged early childhood trauma. having a fictive who also happens to be a little is so unlikely. if it is age regression, then okay. but syunkiss described it as a little alter.

HEADSPACES

this is a little difficult to explain. but I will do my best.

headspaces do not exist. there is something similar, but that is just your subconscious. you cannot have your alters interact in your headspace like it is a minecraft world.

switching alters works like a timeskip, this is because of the memory gaps and amnesia. this is not fully targeted at syunkiss, but mostly at their friends.

you cannot see what is happening in the "headspace", that is just not possible. switching alters is like sleeping in minecraft, you just wake up whenever you switch back with no memory of what happened between the dates.

HARASSMENT

this is a short section, but it needs to be addressed. syunkiss claims to not go out and harass proshippers or people he disagrees with, and he just "blocks them"

that is their pinned post. that is what it says about them being an anti.

that is them going out of their way to harass somebody else in their inbox.

no, syunkiss it wasn't them who even sent the asks. it was one of my friends who also encouraged me to speak up and make this post. you are contradicting yourself.

I am not a proshipper, I am quite anti. but that does not make it okay.

tdlr ; syunkiss is lying about D.I.D, not even doing research before doing it and he is going against his own word and harassing people.

thank you for reading. my askbox is open if anyone wants any extra questions. i may add to this in the future if more shows up.

[certainlythewolverine]

Things people can't seem to get through their damned heads.

Since Jackie did this, I might as well too.

Persecutors are "evil alters". No. They are not. Just because they're a persecutor doesn't mean they're evil, and shouldn't be treated as such, as it will make it worse. And in our experience, typically it is a trauma response, not actually having genuine hate for us.

All alters with like you if you're friends/dating one/some. No! Especially in a bigger system such as ourselves, not every alter will like you, maybe they'll tolerate you for the sake of the others, but you are not entitled to every alter in a system, especially if they have specifically said they don't like you, or do not want to engage with you.

Alters are different people stuck in the same body. No, every alter is part of one person, split into different pieces. Like it or not, at the end of the day, alters are not different people, yes, they can have different personalities, but that doesn't mean they're different people. This is why systems should hold responsibility for what their alters do/say.

Endos are valid. No, they are not. Plurality is proven to be a response to severe trauma, and cannot be caused any other way. You may not remember some/most of this trauma, and this does not invalidate your experience, and does not make you an endo. Endos, get help please, if you want to be a system there's likely something wrong with you. And while I do believe some 'endos' are systems who've been groomed/are in denial, most 'endos' are invalid, and need therapy.

Having a clear head when switching invalidates you. No, it does not. Everyone is different, and sometimes it depends on the day, typically we have a severe amount of amnesia when switching, but some days we don't have any amnesia at all.

Having an alter from a bad source is problematic. No, it is not. You cannot control when an alter forms, or where they are sourced from. Sometimes an alter can be from a piece of media you don't watch/read/etc.

Having an alter of an object/place can't happen. Wrong. As I said previously, you can't control the source of an alter, or when they form. We have a Texas alter, and we've never been there, it just appeared.

Self-diagnosing is invalid. No. Self diagnosis is very valid, because many people cannot afford an actual diagnosis, or cannot get a diagnosis for their own safety. This doesn't even have to be about plurality, for example, if you're diagnosed with autism you cannot move to some places in the world, and sometimes you're not allowed to adopt a child if you have it.

Have a good day y'all, and remember, I'm open for questions (I need questions I'm so bored.)

[empressgeekt]

Trolls - Accidental Knight and the Time Travel Bodyswap

okay I'm on moble. So apologies in advance.

I recently found a fic on Ao3 about brozone swapping bodies with their younger-selves (specifically during the split up fight) with what I'm guessing is their post TBT selves. I link it when I have the time.

Here's my taken on this awesome concept. In the Field of Forgetmenots AU! Highly recommend looking at the posts for this au before reading on ward. You have been warned.

The plot starts with Floyd's POV. He's in the background of his brothers fighting after Branch's first show. Part of him wants to intervene but at this point he knows it will do nothing. He sees little Bitty standing off the side looking terrified, as he walks over to comfort the young trolling, his vision twists and blacks out. He comes too with a dirt ceiling overhead, with a numb body. He thinks he's been drugged by a crazed fan then kidnapped, and tries to get off the bed he's on only to fall to the floor when his limbs begin to burn with pain. He's found by a green trolling with blue hair and eyes, and he struggles on floor finally seeing the paleness of his limbs and paralyses he feels. A scarred dulled troll comes in. It takes a moment of his fussing for Floyd to realize that he's staring at his grown up baby brother. His grown up baby brother who lifts him with ease and sets him on the bed while checking over his body.

Branch was worried when Keith came running in saying that Floyd fell. The Knight had taken in his older brother (plus Clay) to help Floyd recover from the damage the diamond bottle did to him. Its been a few months and sadly Floyd is still weak and adjusting to the after effects. He can't walk, unable to keep himself warm, and has flare ups when his body re-crystalizes, that for all they know could be fatal. Not to mention, all the psychological damage the kidnapping did, and Floyd insisting that he's fine when he's really not. Needless to say, when Keith comes to tell Branch that Floyd is on the floor panicking, he reacts with urgency. The knight drops what he's doing (making breakfast), and rushes to tend to his brother he runs through all the checks, Flare up? Nope. Nightmare? Doesn't seem like it. He doesn't feel any injuries. However, Branch is extremely concerned when Floyd starts talking like he's confused about the date and how big Branch got. He makes a plan to take Floyd to the hospital to get checked out.

Let's switch gears over to Clay. He's first in heated fight with John and Spruce when his world becomes fuzzy and suddenly he's waking up with his face on top of a work desk. He jerks up, finding himself in an office. A boring office. A troll walks in, calls him "Mr. Clay" says their his assistant and ask if he's okay before telling him about Branch taking Floyd to to hospital so he might need to pick up Keith from school that day, then they leave. Clay is left with many many questions, but it's okay on top of sad books he's read many mystery novels he's fully prepared to handle this. If this was his office it had to have a calendar. He is not pleased to find the date is over twenty years passed what it was a few minutes ago. Then everything that the assistant mentioned settled. Floyd was in the hospital?! Branch had to take him? Branch could take him? And who the heck was Keith?! Why was Clay picking him up from school?! During this spiral, Who of all trolls walks in but Princess Viva (or Captain Viva as he would later learn she was called). Clay asks why she's here, and he learns that Viva heard about Floyd and thought to check in on her Boyfriend. That was not the answer Clay was expecting.

Flipping back to Floyd. Hospitals already freak him out, and now he apparently had a chronic condition, that doctors still weren't sure how it works. Even worse he can see how worried Branch is over this. As such he just doesn't mention the Time travel/amnesia thing going on. Last thing he needs is to stress it baby brother out, especially since it's obvious that Branch had been taking care of Floyd since the diagnoses that he can't remember. On top of taking care of a kid no doubt. Even if Floyd isn't sure how Keith is related to them (He doesn't call Branch dad or Floyd uncle, and doing the math it would mean that Branch would have to have had Keith while he was a teenager), it's clear that Branch is raising that kid. Branch's girlfriend (doesn't that just bring many colorful images to mind) meets them at the hospital. She takes over, calming Branch down easily, and talking to the doctors, who much too everyone's relief nothing physical has changed since Floyd's last appointment. Branch has to leave for work after that, but Poppy takes Floyd back to the hideout he suddenly lives in.

Clay is left reeling, through out the day he's trying to learn all about this modern day. He'd completely forgotten about needing to collect a trolling from the school until his assistant mentions it. He runs out of the admin building looking for the school. It took a nearly twenty minutes to figure out where the school was, and by the time he arrived the teachers were getting ready to look for either him or Branch. He apologize profusely, but thankfully the head teacher assumes his questionable behavior was due to Floyd being hospitalized. Then Clay is saddled with Keith, a little Green and blue trolling that the teacher calls his brother. Clay doesn't really know where Keith came from (he thought his parents were dead), but doesn't question it out loud. He's been a big brother before he can totally take this kid home...if he knew where his new home was. No one was living with grandma now, clearly. Thankfully, Keith knows the way. Clay tries to make conversation, but Keith only really either stares blankly or looked slightly confused. Geez, didn't that make Clay feel good about his relationship with this new youngest brother. Did he ever spend time with this kid?

They arrive at the bunker, finding Poppy and Floyd inside. Keith lights up as Poppy running over and beginning to tell her about his day. Clay however, doesn't pay much attention to this red-headed version of Viva, rather he hones in on his younger brother who's in a wheelchair and looks on the brink of death. Clay demands to know what happened, while Floyd tries to deflect saying weird dream. Clay knows he's lying right away. Thankfully Poppy has pulled Keith into the kitchen to start on dinner and homework. Clay comes clean about not remembering any of the passed 20 years, Floyd breaths a sigh of relief know that it isn't his sickness that caused the memory loss.

Clay: Do you know the kind of day I had? I'm a CPA! twenty years down the line and I'm a CPA, John would hate that! It's a boring job. But I love it. and I'm dating the crown princess apparently.

Floyd: You thought your day was weird? I can't walk Clay. I've been questioning my own sanity since i woke up. Because I have a TBI and could lose my mind any second.

Clay: TBI? How'd you get a TBI?

Floyd: I don't remember. Poppy and Branch have been tip-toeing around me having some sort of accident. But they won't tell me what. and I'm scared to ask because it would make me look crazy!

Branch would come home at that point. They both are surprised by the Forest Guardian Armor, and Clay even more freaked out seeing the scars, muted colors, and blinded eye that Branch was sporting now. Keith is over joyed and greets Branch warmly. It's obvious these two are close in ways that this grown up Branch isn't with his older brothers. Dinner is served but it doesn't comfort the elder two brothers.

Why don't we check in on Vacay Island for a second. Spruce one moment was fighting with john and the next wakes up one morning next to a Giant yellow woman, who claims to be his wife. Brandy immediately figures out her husband doesn't remember the last twenty years. She explains everything to him using family photos to prove everything. Spruce is lost in confusion, as he listens he had no choice but to believe her, he certainly wasn't in his teenaged body anymore. It hurts to learn that the last night he remembered was the night his family broke apart, and only after 20 years was his brothers comfortable enough to reconnect. Then Brandy mentions that Floyd was kidnapped....suddenly Spruce, or Bruce as Brandy tells him he goes by, needs to see his little brothers. Make sure that their all okay. Brandy agrees and he wonders how on earth his heartthrobness managed to charm his goddess among mortals.

And finally let's get to the eldest. John was in his grandmother's pod, terrified and angry, then he was waking up in a transportation critter in the woods. In the mirror his older self stares back, and he's scared all over again. Time has passed but he doesn't know why or how. Thankfully he finds the journals his older self kept. He spends the day learning what had happened over the passed 20 years. He breakdown when he reads the entry talking about the empty destroyed tree. Only to relax when he reads about the reunion and freeing Floyd.

Rhonda has been watching all of this and sneses something wrong with her owner, against his will she drives strait to troll village.

Once both him and Bruce arrive at the same time and end up explaining that both have the same memory loss. Shockley learning that both Clay and Floyd are the same. Grown up Branch is weird and it hurts to learn where the main scar came from. Floyd is horrifying to his older brothers, they just want to bundle him up and never let anyone touch him. they all talk in Floyd's room about what they need to to do to get their memories back...none of them notice Keith is listening from behind the cracked door.

Branch confronts them at dinner that night. It isn't pretty. Branch is not going to put up with the "We're trying to protect you" routine. And to their shock, takes charge of the room, saying that he and them already had that fight about that topic, and how he doesn't need them anymore. He had Poppy and Keith, and the only reason that Floyd is staying here because branch knows he can't take care of himself. He'll help them, but he won't tolerate arguing. they need to settle their teenaged issues with each other. Because if Keith has to deal with their fights like Branch had to endure, he'd kick them all out.

I'm not sure about how the ending would work yet, but all the brothers would be brought back to the moment they left. And vowed to stay together as a family. In one time line, Branch would have the brothers he deserved.

[itsthesinbin]

Sins in Stardust [Chapter 3: Fresh Start] (Bill Cipher/Reader)

Gonna try smth new. I'll actually post chapters both here and to AO3. If I end up not liking it, I'll go back to just posting the AO3 link.

Genuinely this fic is all I can think about.

Read the fic on AO3 here!

If you like it, reblog it and leave a comment!

----------------------

You managed to get a disguise for Bill, using a hoodie and a face mask that you tied behind his stupid triangle head. You had him walk behind you, saying he was your shy younger brother. Thankfully, he actually kept his mouth shut until you could get into the hotel room. You guessed he had enough self preservation to follow your lead when it came to people.

You dropped your bags onto the floor of your room, and set the to-go boxes on the room’s desk. Both of you flopped onto the bed, tired. Apparently he wasn’t used to having to walk everywhere. You were exhausted from running for both of your lives and carrying your bags and walking the two hours to town. It took everything in you to roll over onto your back. Your stomachs growled in unison and Bill groaned in annoyance.

“How often do I have to eat in this vessel? This shit sucks.” Even though he was face down, you could hear his voice clearly as his body lit up with each word. Like he projected his own thoughts outward instead of actively speaking. Cool in one way, but god damn you wished he’d shut up just a little bit.

You handed him the box with his so-rare-it’s-almost-raw burger and fries, and you grabbed your fried fish. You both shoveled food into your empty stomachs. You didn’t even flinch when he threw fries into his eye-mouth this time. You were too hungry to care.

“So,” you started after you were halfway through your fish. Bill had slowed down his eating as well, burger sauce dripping down his… cheeks, you guessed. Weird. A forked tongue came out to swipe the sauce away. That time you shivered.

“What… DO you remember, Bill?” He swallowed, eye returning as he thought. He rubbed under his eyelid, squeezing the lid shut in an attempt to draw out any memories.

“Well, I remember that night your mom invited me over!” He cackled, nearly doubling over at his own joke. You closed your eyes, trying not to get pissed off all over again. You had just calmed down. He wiped a tear, still tinged with pink, from the corner of his eye.

“Really, though, it’s hazy,” he finally answered, completely snapping out of his mirth. It was unsettling how fast he changed moods. It made you feel a little sick. You picked at your fish as he continued.

“I remember me and the Henchmaniacs were dragging that one guy through the blood ocean…” He half mumbled, trying to sort through the fog of vague visions in his mind. He listed off various memories that grew worse as he went on. Feeding someone their own skin. Stapling a guy’s eyelids open and making him watch his family be murdered for a few hundred years. Making a couch out of flesh as a “pet project”. You held a hand up before he could continue.

“Enlightening, but I more meant… closer to the whole stone thing and the appearing in front of me thing.” He snapped his fingers, as if just now remembering that part of the story. You rubbed your temple as he hummed to himself. His air of confidence and humor dissipated slightly. His “brow” furrowed, hand going to the side of his head like it hurt to try and remember. It made your annoyance soften. He was irritating, sure, but the guy was suffering major amnesia. And also apparently he didn’t have any powers that he had before. You wanted to know more about that, but felt it was inappropriate to ask at the moment.

“I was… I remember being pissed off? There was… a lot of fire…” He trailed off. His expression grew unsettled as he went silent for a long moment. A hand trailed along one of the cracks lining his body. You wanted to reach out, ask if he was alright. Then it was like a flip switched.

“Oh well! If it’s important, I’m sure it’ll come back to me!” He laughed with a wave of the hand. He drowned the remainder of fries in the ketchup packet that came with his meal. You rose a brow, but didn’t argue with him.

“What about you, kid? What’re you out in the middle of nowhere for?” You honestly didn’t expect him to ask about you whatsoever, so that was a pleasant surprise. You washed the breading stuck in your throat away with a swig of pitt as you thought about what to tell him.

“... Just needed a new start, honestly. I was… stifled, back home, for a few reasons. I had to get out.” He seemingly grinned, coming over and throwing an arm around your shoulders.

“I knew I liked you, Stardust! You and I are kindred spirits- meant for greater things than what our homes could give!” You gave him a look at the sudden spiel, and the nickname. He stood on your legs, so you were eye to eye, and placed his hands on your shoulders. You were not as excited as he seemed to be.

“Stardust?” “Yeah, you walking organs are made from the stuff right? And we met on that romantic starry night,” he all but purred, fluttering his lashes at you. You tensed, let out a disgruntled noise and pushed him away. He snickered as he moved back to his spot on the bed.

“Anyway, howzabout a deal? I got big plans for this dimension, and I’m not about to let a little knock to the noggin set me back! You help me bring my friends out here- get my memories and powers back- and I’ll make it so you reach your REAL potential!” The speech seemed too practiced. Too smooth. Then you remembered he had introduced himself as a “dream demon” earlier today. His practiced pitch made sense with that bit of context. You frowned. You figure a proper deal with a demon would be a bad idea. You didn’t even know if it’d be binding with his powers gone- if he was telling the truth- but you chose not to risk it at the moment. You weren’t in the mood to be tied to an egomaniac at the moment.

“Dunno about a deal. I’ll help you find the friends you got in town, but I don’t plan on sticking around too long. A week or two at most.” He blinked, clearly having expected you to be stupid enough to go for the deal right away. The hand he had stuck out to shake fell to his side again. He wagged his finger at you, amused.

“Smart cookie! Don’t trust strangers that easily, kids!” There was a bite to his tone. He was a little angry that you didn’t fall for it. Good. You weren’t gonna just be used by some asshole you were supposed to be helping. You both finished your food, satisfied and full. You broke down the styrofoam boxes before shoving the pieces into the tiny hotel trash can. Your legs protested the movement as you looked for clean clothes to change into, after your upcoming shower.

“Can you remember anything about these friends of yours? Any leads at all?” you asked as you rummaged through your meager bags. Bill hopped off the bed. He paced for a moment, seemingly in thought. The short demon climbed up onto the padded bench under the window and took a peek outside.

He watched the people walk by. You walked up behind him, leaning on the windowsill to stare out with him. It seemed like a charming little town. People waved to each other on the streets, kids ran around relatively unsupervised. You caught two cops kissing on the bench out in public, so at least you knew this place wasn’t openly homophobic. That was fun.

He sighed, annoyed, as he leaned on a hand. He continued to scan people, hoping that SOMETHING would click. You saw the top of him start to turn red in annoyance. As frustrating as the little asshole has been in the few hours you’ve known him, you felt bad for the guy. Even if he was a horrible tyrant and criminal if any of his escapades were true. He just needed some help.

“Hey,” you said carefully, placing a hand on his back to get his attention. He jerked, giving you a frustrated side eye. You flinched slightly at the sudden glare and removed your hand. Swallowing, you continued.

“Don’t try to force it. You just got… free? And we’ve both been through a lot this morning. Let’s just… take the day to rest, okay? We can work on finding your friends in the next couple days.” He huffed, hat drooping as he crossed his arms and pouted like a child. You almost patted his back, but remembered the glare he gave you. You kept your hands to yourself.

“After my shower, we’ll see what’s on tv for a bit and then I’ll get dinner later. I’ll look up takeout places nearby,” you offered. He didn’t look at you, just pouted at the window.

“I want a silly straw to drink with,” he grumbled. “And pizza. With mushrooms.”

You blinked, slightly startled by the odd request of a silly straw. Man, when was the last time you used one of those? You smiled. Maybe a little bit of whimsy was what you both needed.

“I’ll get us matching straws,” you promised. He looked over his shoulder at you like an angry kitten. His lower eyelid seemed to poke out in an actual pout. It was endearing in a kinda gross way. He let out a small grunt and turned back to the window when he saw you were serious.

You left the tv remote next to him, telling him to look for something mind numbing to watch for when you got out of the shower. You left him alone to clean up.

As soon as you were in the shower, Bill’s shoulders drooped. He dragged a hand over his eye, the lower lid pulling slightly in exasperation. He dropped his head against the window, banging it against the glass a few times for good measure. He didn’t like not being in control of the situation. Not one fucking bit. He was Bill FUCKING Cipher and he wouldn’t be reduced to… this… for long.

He just had to get you on his side, and build him his ticket out of here. Or at least build his henchmaniacs’ ticket INTO here. Even without his powers, it should be a piece of cake. Humans were stupid!

His bad mood vanished quickly, and he grinned as he watched a raccoon jump out of a trash can at an unsuspecting child. He couldn’t help but laugh as it knocked the kid to the ground. Suffering was funny when it was someone else. He leaned back on the side of the bench, watching the show with his arms behind his uppermost point. Yeah, he’d be back to his old self in no time.

[circular-bircular]

(How fucking topical. I wrote this post apparently 6 hours ago and saved it as a draft to edit later. Here we are…)

Kinda a weird just thoughtful post here but-

Had someone asked me like 10 years ago (Jesus fuck I can’t believe that I’ve known this for 10 years) what the hardest part of being a system is, I probably would’ve said some shit about switching, or dissociation, or even just the issues I have between my parts.

If someone asked me maybe five years ago, I would’ve said something about the trauma and how it’s difficult to deal with that.

But I think, where I am currently, the hardest part is forgetting where I’ve been.

I constantly find myself needing other people to validate the changes I have gone through because, at some fundamental level, I don’t remember the changes I’ve gone through. I don’t know how I’ve changed because it’s so hard for me to remember where I started. There’s a reason so many of my posts are just shit that has happened to me — it’s because I don’t remember.

And I guess that could be boiled down to struggling with “amnesia,” but… just saying I struggle with amnesia doesn’t get to the emotional problems that come from forgetting everything about yourself constantly. I try to look toward who I am now and ask if I’ve grown, and I can’t tell, beyond hating who I used to be for reasons I don’t understand. Maybe only because people tell me I used to be worse.

I wish more people talked about this part of amnesia more. 

[testiculartorsionlover]

Discussing my experiences with DID

hello! this is a longer post of mine. i don't really post anything on Tumblr usually, but ive seen a lot of romanticization and some overall nasty stuff about DID/OSDD-1 online. i wanted to share my experiences in order for people to understand that this disorder isn't fun. now PLEASE keep in mind this is for awareness, this is not a vent post. ive been in treatment for years related to dissociative traits and trauma. apologies if this is confusing, writing this was extremely difficult and i zoned out a lot while making this.

Background

i am turning 19. i have been diagnosed with DID since i was 17, i managed to get lucky as i was able to intellectualise my struggles and articulate them very young. i also had access to therapy and mh resources since i was involved with social services as a toddler. years prior, i was diagnosed with Dissociative PTSD, or PTSD: Dissociative Subtype (i forgot the actual medical name, but it should be something like that.) i was diagnosed using the A-DES, SCID-D and a variety of other tests.

i have atleast ~4 active parts, however the actual amount is unknown (i suspect to have a little over 20, most are dormant.)

i experience forms of dissociation (fugue, amnesia, dp/dr, etc.) regularly.

as of writing this i am waiting to get reevaluated for my DID soon as i want to work with a professional to get another opinion.

The Flashbacks

growing up, ive had flashbacks that i couldn't comprehend very well. sometimes these flashbacks are mundane, but there's times i start to vividly remember flashbacks that are terrifying. it would always bring up some confusion, such as "when did this happen, why don't i remember it?" especially when i remember things that should be important.

it's like a chunk was taken out of my brain, and then that chunk would be thrown against my brain.

sometimes i feel these flashbacks in my body, as if im really reliving it and i would experience such strong reactions from them.

i sometimes experience emotional flashbacks, i think these are the most common ones for me, i might not remember specific events but I would remember how the events make me feel. they're so conflicting, because you never really know what's making you feel certain emotions unless you really dig deeper.

Amnesia

it's so hard to talk about amnesia because i get amnesia about literally having amnesia. it sucks and makes things more complicated.

i honestly feel like my amnesia might be worse than i think it is, and i feel like that's the case with a lot of people with DID.

also i realised that depending on the type of switches i have and who i switch in/out with, it impacts my amnesia, but let's talk about my experiences first.

it seems subtle at first. i might forget where i left my phone, what the day is, or what i did the whole day. then it becomes deeper.

i forget who people are to me, or even if i don't fully forget, i don't comprehend or feel my relationships with them. like i might get confused on who certain people are, like i would intrinsically know that my father is my father, but i don't comprehend that relationship. i just feel numb. it's like i experience a form of emotional amnesia with him. sometimes during really bad dissociative episodes i completely forget who he is. like he is a stranger. this goes towards almost everyone in my life, and myself included - i would forget who i am, what i like, what im supposed to be like and so on.

i struggle in school. i actually had to repeat a grade due to how bad my dissociation is that i would forget days or be unable to work on anything. i don't process the material i learned nor do i remember anything. it leaves everyone frustrated because they see me as someone who is very capable. im afraid of working sometimes, because i know my amnesia will get in the way.

i lose a lot of time, and the scariest part is that i never know what i did during that lost time. sometimes i find myself in the middle of doing things but being confused on what im doing or why im doing the thing im doing. during the time i lost i could have acted out of character and ruined my own life, that's my greatest fear.

people see me as unreliable due to my memory issues.

i am constantly left confused and lost on what i do or have to do as a result. it's often very jarring whenever i realise i lost time and memories, i don't really realise it until like days or weeks after, sometimes much longer. sometimes im lucky enough to remember some parts of my memories but i still hold no emotional attachment to them.

when it comes to my parts, amnesia starts to differ a little more. whenever i switch in with fragments or parts i am more integrated with, i sort of only partially have total amnesia. i can remember parts of what i did but hold no emotional attachment, and sometimes those memories gradually go away. i also have a lot of non possessive switches compared to possessive switches. with possessive switches i experience total amnesia, but it doesn't really feel like i forgot anything until a much longer time. with non possessive switches i retain some information.

dissociative fugue also comes into play. i go places but don't even remember ending up in them. this happens to me a lot. but i also don't realise i dont remember ending up in them until a while later. this goes onto our next segment:

Fugues

during my fugue states, it's like i lose who i am. i may feel disconnected or even forget who i really am. there's times i might forget my sense of self. it's like i feel as though im an empty husk, a shell of a person.

during these states i apparently forget who people are. i struggle remembering them. i apparently one time forgot who my therapist was when i entered dissociative fugue. im never able to be aware of when i enter these states, everything i know about them is anecdotal from my therapist and other loved ones.

i may wander aimlessly, i apparently did that a lot when i lived with an ex of mine. i would go outside during these fugue states and walk for a mile. then come back with no memory of it whatsoever. everyone around me was concerned about me having no memory over what i did.

i still have more research to do about fugues as well as some trauma work to do in order to figure them out more...

DP/DR and other dissociatives

depersonalization and derealization are probably the symptoms that impact me the most.

i dont ever feel real. it's like i never existed. other people dont feel real to me either. i lose a lot of awareness at times. i feel emotionally numb and apathetic a lot of the time. generally i feel disconnected from everything around me and i barely know who i am. i have no sense of identity at all. it's like looking at life through a lens or like playing a video game. i witness myself outside of myself.

time feels unreal. i don't really realise the passage of time like ever. life feels like a dream that i never woke up from and sometimes it feels so surreal.

i struggle to react to things. i don't feel like i belong anywhere, it's like im stuck in a limbo. i always feel so anxious about it, because it's like something is wrong but i can never pin whats wrong. sometimes it's hard to physically speak because i am so dissociated that words barely come to me, it's like an effort to be made.

sometimes i don't understand my body, like my bodys needs. it doesn't register to me unless im in a lot of discomfort. even then, i dont comprehend that discomfort

i struggle with my memories as well, because i can never tell if i dreamt them up or if they're real. or if they're fake either.

i never feel in control of myself. i just feel like im not actually there. combined with dissociative fugue i just don't know how to function effectively. its so hard to put into words sometimes. it's such a strange feeling overall.

as a result i feel so confused and lost about my identity. who am i? is that really my name? what am i? why is this happening? it feels very helpless. i feel chronically bored and empty inside.

Alters and Switches

this portion might be brief, because i still don't know much about my alters..

my experiences with my alters range from mundane to catastrophic. some of them are more self destructive than others. i only switch when it's necessary, i switch maybe a couple times a week but potentially more. its rare i realise when i switch until after i come back.

i have had alters spend hundreds of dollars due to feeling chronically bored and empty, for example.

i have had alters attempt suicide and do selfharm.

it feels so weird having alters. like it genuinenly is just severe dissociation and not literal different people, as much as it feels that way.

my alters aren't super distinct from me, most of them seem similar to me except with different names, ages, genders, sexualities and memories. some quite diverge from me. they may talk differently as well.

they have different worldviews from me. like, some of them genuinenly have different opinions and biases from me. i dont exactly know what these views are at the moment (as i'm writing this i am crazy dissociated) so if i find anything ill update this post.

whenever i have non possessive switches, its like mentally i'm right beside the alter that's in "control." i have some control over what i'm/the alter in control is doing. it's like im watching myself from the backseat of my mind, essentially. depending on the alter thats in control it can dictate how much amnesia and dissociation i feel between alters.

i start to wonder why im doing the things i'm doing, or why i talk differently at times or why i have beliefs i normally never would. it also feels like a general state of wrongness, like it's as if i'm existing "wrong" from the way i'm "supposed" to exist.

my possessive switches are hard to explain, considering i end up blacking out from them half the time. i don't exactly feel control during these switches, and i completely lose myself. sometimes im able to retain some memories for a short period of time before forgetting. or sometimes i forget and then out of nowhere i get memories of my experiences back.

i have very little way of being able to tell who's fronting whenever i have possessive switches. when i have non possessive switches i can sorta guess. if i'm lucky enough, they might announce themselves and leave notes on my digital diary.

it feels a little like i'm being spectated over. this used to create really bad paranoia when i was younger and wasnt aware of what was going on.. as i'm writing this i feel like im watching myself from afar, watching my hands type more and more and i can't really register that as me. realistically, i know it's me, but it doesn't feel that way.

i experience so many intrusions. memories from other alters is weird. whenever i'm able to tell when i switch (which is usually kind of rare) it's like i feel my own memories going away and they're getting replaced by the other dissociative part of me. or other alters' emotions feel almost foreign, it's like an invader intruded my mind. its so interesting, my other alters feel emotions kind of differently from me, or they atleast comprehend emotions differently from me.

Closing

obviously, this isn't all that i experience, and i plan on updating this eventually. i might use this page as a diary of sorts, or to share my own thoughts and opinions. if you go through something similar, feel free to share! i'd love to be friends. i use discord a lot.

[theswiftheartsystem]

How to bring up plurality to a friend you think is plural.

okay, so I would first like to say, this is going to get into some negative sides of plurality. This blog focuses a lot on positivity, but sometimes being plural and not knowing is scary. This is based on our own personal experiences and feelings as a traumagenic system, although some of this advice can be used with other forms of plurality.

keep in mind We do not think you should do this unless the person is reaching out, or it’s a risk for their safety.

Tw: a mention of abuse, and alluding to abuse, flashbacks, dissociation, alluding to childhood trauma.

So often times plurality is hidden from the host(s). This can be done for their safety and mental health, but many reasons can cause this. A lot of the times in traumagenic systems when out of the abusive situation and/or in an environment the system isn’t used to, cracks can start to emerge. There’s many things that may be a sign (but are not always one) This can be:

Flashbacks.

Rapid switching.

Very noticeable switches in personality.

Blackouts/Greyouts/Amnesia.

Lack of sense of self.

Constantly changing what triggers them.

Reporting hearing voices internally that aren’t theirs.

And much, much more.

If you have a friend experiencing these things it can be scary to witness, but be aware it is much scarier for the person going through it. Please have empathy for your friend/loved one.

so how to go about bringing this up?

their is no set in stone way to do this. We cannot give you a way to do this. Also keep in mind, if you do bring this up, this could cause worse barriers and the ending of that relationship.

Try to talk to them about it. Avoid using language regarding plurality. Tell them what you have noticed. And ask them if they have noticed anything similar. (Note: if they don’t want to talk about it, you have no right to push. Accept their boundaries.)

When they seemingly “change personalities” try to ask them simple questions, like “how is your day” or “what’s your favorite color” make sure they feel safe, especially traumaholders and littles. They may share their names eventually, but that’s not something they are required to do.

Slowly introduce the idea of plurality, maybe not directed towards them, but just mention it casually.

Try to avoid triggering conversations, words, and places. These are hard to pinpoint, and if you are close enough to the person, you may be able to ask and they may know some, but still keep a look out for those.

Make sure they know that you are here. And that you believe them. And that you aren’t going to leave.

Eventually, it may be a good idea to suggest that it’s a possibility of plurality, although this is going to take awhile, and something you’d have to choose when the right time to bring it up would be.

And a message to all systems who are newly discovered and struggling, I promise you it does get better. It can be very scary sometimes and confusing. But it does get better.

-Anthy and Revolution

[orphanlavinia]

I’m heavily medicated

It feels as if I’ve been defeated.

I was so happy with five pills a day.

Feels like such a step backwards or several

My psych finally broke down and gave me benzodiazepines, I pick em up today

I can’t sleep my body is exhausted and my eyes are closing but this feeling in my legs is killing me at night.

It feels like hell

I have to kinda journal somewhere so I guess here it is almost nobody knows this account is mine.

Thank you internet.

Anyways I’ve spend these past few days locked in the bathroom binge smoking weed.

It all started really when I got diagnosed with did. I was in very serious denial and what my brain did out of boredom or god knows what is flood me with memories that I would have rather not remember.

Is it my brain or miss Steiner? We don’t know

The portrayal of this illness in TikTok and shit tends to be too cartoony and I didn’t relate with it at all until I found other lesser known people that talked about it.

And then there it was, symptoms that I have that are DID.

The blackouts, the feeling of not having control in my body.

The amnesia

All of them.

And then everything inside me got worse as I watch my life outside of me getting better and I cannot join in cuz the past pulls. Hard and cruel.

And I am so tired

I have so much work to do and I will

I am just so tired all the time

My neuropathic pain medication got switched and it has caused me a great deal of physical pain.

Also just fyi I am in clinical rest.

I do have to do some stuff do.

Everything is very hard I just want to be alone and not think and not be here maybe?

I’m leaving angel alone tho

He very much understands

But it’s still not cool

I am very frustrated, I feel like I am not going anywhere and the more I dig in my history even tho it answers why I get rabid, furious.

I was the kid, I was too young, I was modeled to be the perfect victim, I was too naive, too autistic, too mentally ill.

It is not fair that I have to carry the pain and the hurt that was given to me until this point. It isn’t fair that I’ve lost a decade or decades of my life because of everything that has been done to me.

And for them it was a fucking Tuesday man.

How’s that?

It’s not fair that I met angel and I felt like Molly in the last unicorn.

Why do you come to me now that I am all broken and used? Why did t you come earlier?

I feel broken, defective.

I keep making plans for a healthy sane woman or whatever I am

But no, I am sick and broken and don’t function like someone whole.

So I gave up, I’m trying to follow my clinical rest, sleep and rest, I haven’t dared doodle or go get some sun but I’m working on it, I am taking half a pharmacy, forcing myself to eat even if all food looks like fucking poison,

I am in extreme burnout, I am audhd, have a very serious depression, I have bpd, I have did….

I have more stuff cuz I’m just god’s favorite

But I guess this is a journey or acceptance and exploration.

I am having coffee cuz it makes me happy tho i shouldn’t.

I think I should stop writing here, see you next time, void.

[themothmancassettes]

Augh so over on twitter and in the official vast error discord, people have shown interest in my evil ellsee/elleon au so i thought id make a post about it!! For the sake of this post, its more of a tldr/ref post about the au!! ^^

In essence, my au is essentially what if Ellsee tried to do an essential ritual midgame with the corrupted version of her book and it went Horribly Wrong(tm) and got her corrupted by Gaiaeon?

Thus creating: Elleon

WHO THE FUCK IS ELLEON?

Elleon is the result of that ritual gone wrong. She is essentially Ellsee, but corrupted by the Naught Father but with insane powers. His corruption is NOT a possesion; more like an infection. Her biggest changes is in behavior and appearance- at the end of the day, they're still Ellsee.

Elleon cannot use her staff; it was made for followers for Khepharia, so when a being corrupted by Gaiaeon tries to use it, the staff renders itself unusable.

The corruption gives her powers similar to the Gaiaeon, the most distinct being the power to influence, but not directly take control of a person. While under the Naught Father's influence, Ellsee’s frustrations are heightened, her impulse control is frighteningly low, and they're much more likely to act on their intrusive thoughts. Think of Gaiaeon's corruption as a parallel to Grimdark, but more fucked up looking. Elleon is completely unaware of her power to influence and completely thinks she's just more persuasive than previously thought.

Elleon is extremely bitter about all of the misfortunes they've endured, from Murrit's various murder attempts to Arcjec's amnesia to Occeus ignoring them, anything bad that's happened to them is all the more reason to go apeshit. Everyone who has hurt her WILL pay the price, and so will anyone who stands in her way- especially Murrit.

NO ONE GETS TORMENTED MORE THAN MURRIT HOLY SHIT. This is because her crime is by far the worse than the others. At somepoint, he attempts to kill Elleon again and all it does is piss them off bc yk. God Powers. It doesnt work.

Thus, the cast is divided- those Elleon is able to get on her side via Gaiaeon's influence (think spreading the infection, but to a much lesser extent), and those on Murrit's side, who wants to stop her and save their session. Those under Gaiaeon's influence are much less tolerant of those who have wronged them, so who better to convert to her side first and become her partner in crime than Calder Kerian.

Team Elleon: calder, dismas, albion, eventually sova and serpaz

Team Murrit: laivan, occeus, jentha, taz, arcjec

Team murrit largely spends time trying to get in contact with Khepharia (occeus+laivan), and jentha getting her radiation powers back in hopes to even out power. It doesn't work.

Important Note: those under Gaiaeon's influence via Elleon do not have powers nor any physical changes. They do, however, have a dark green haze over their pupils. This is moreso for artistic purposes to make it more clear who is and isn't under Gaiaeon's influence.

Calder and Elleon enter a moiraillegiance, becoming the best worst evil duo ever... until Elleon burns down his planet and he realizes this isn't what he wanted.

Calder in this AU is exhausted beyond belief from the pressures of his everyday life and wants it to end. When Elleon approaches Calder, they're on a cliff overlooking the Depths (angst writers, you're seen and Heard here). Elleon promises to make things better for the both of them and get his revenge. Because his planet is a hiding spot that Gaiaeon can't see and by extension, Elleon is weaker there, so she burns it down to give her opposers nowhere to hide. This act is Calder's breaking point, causing him to realize this isn't what he wants for anyone, let alone them, thus causing him to switch sides and help take her down.

Ultimately, the group who takes Elleon down is Arcjec, Occeus, and Calder, potentially Taz too but I don't have strong enough opinions on pitch Tazsee to include that canon ship. They play into Ellsee's true desires (occeus paying her attention, reconnecting with arcjec, etc), and with the help of Void Powers, get them back to normal. She does get knocked unconscious though from how much Elleon took out of her and is scarred to shit (ellsee 🤝 hunter: getting scarred to shit by evil thing)

For Calder angst likers, Calder does end up getting the blame for like. Most of Elleon's bs and saying the ritual went wrong because he was the last one who spoke to her before the ritual. (He told her to make the right decision as a form of encouragement bc in the situation, the ritual WAS essential but Ellsee was having doubts. Neither had anyway of knowing this would happen.) Ellsee clears his name when she wakes up and finds him on the same cliff as Elleon met him on and I'm leaving it up to yall whether or not she makes it in time ;] (personally, i love happily ever afters just as much as a destating loss, BUT. since calder is a cc of mine i lean fake out, looks too late, but he's actually fine and calsee win!)

Any specific questions about my AU, I'll happily answer!! My inbox is always open! I do have more specific notes on ellceus, sovalbion, dismurrit, jenthmas, laipaz, and some other stuff I couldn't fit in this post + I'm working on some more designs for the cast! That's all for now! Thanks for reading<3

Please credit me if you use any of my designs/concepts! My blog may be small, but this au is very personal to me. Thank you!

[melverie]

⸺ LESSON 8 ⸺

Nightbringer

Solomon & Barbatos

MC's magic

situation in the Devildom

strange feelings & soup

the 'MC is human' situation

misc

- lesson 7 || lesson 9 || all posts so far -

Hi! It sure has been a while, huh? So sorry about that, I thought that maybe taking a break would make it easier for me to NOT somehow try and connect every single detail to who I want Nightbringer to be, but nope, it just made things worse. Oh well... Also, I decided to stop counting when Solomon wears his human world clothes. While it is weird that he switches that often, I don't think when he wears them has any significant meaning Also also, I know we most likely won't ever see him again, but Adam, I have my eyes on you... General spoiler warning for all of Obey Me Nightbringer, as well as for the original Obey Me

⸺ NIGHTBRINGER ⸺

once freed from the grave and inhabiting Mammon's body, Adam tells us what happened to him, and tells us a little about Nightbringer [8-16; all pics below] -> he also points out that while he does remember Nightbringer's name, he "can't be certain that was his real name" [8-16]. Interesting detail to include

Nightbringer somehow knows that MC has the Ring of Light [8-16] -> fun fact! If you're on the amnesia route, you get a flashback of Solomon briefly explaining what the Ring of Light is to MC. Also this is how I found that I was apparently on the amnesia route while replaying -> upon seeing it, the Gang™ recognizes the ring as Lucifer's, only to immediately gaslight themselves into thinking the opposite. Thank god they're all allergic to braincells

Nightbringer entrusted Adam with a message for MC; "It's not yet time for you to return" [8-18] -> I know that's probably not how they meant it, but timing-wise it kind of sounds like it's not time for MC to return to the Celestial Realm

⸺ SOLOMON & BARBATOS ⸺

disregarding the insult he throws in right after, Barbatos does speak with some respect about Solomon, and suggests that if MC wants to stay in the Devildom, it's best if they talk to Solomon about it [8-1] -> btw not him telling MC that after he teleported Solomon away

⸺ MC'S MAGIC ⸺

MC is able to pull magical power from the brothers and succeeds in opening the gate to the Celestial Realm [8-18] -> sure would be a shame if something like literally opening the gate to the Celestial Realm just like that had no repercussions whatsoever later on, huh :)

Adam says the following [8-18; pic below]. What do you mean by that, Adam???

⸺ SITUATION IN THE DEVILDOM ⸺

we learn that the relationship between the Devildom and the Celestial Realm were nearly at the breaking point, and while they are still far from stable, at least a war could be avoided [8-1] -> and yet, Simeon talks about good relations between the Devildom and the Celestial Realm back in lesson 6

we also learn that the Demon King suddenly fell into his slumber, meaning all responsibility of governing the Devildom fell onto Diavolo's shoulders. The House of Lords thinks he is too young for that though [8-1] -> apparently the Demon King fell into his slumber right after the brothers got their ranking [8-9; pic below]. Interesting timing to say the least -> this lesson in generall talks a lot about where the Demon King is

⸺ STRANGE FEELINGS & SOUP ⸺

Simeon greets MC with a "welcome home" [8-4], meaning he on some level somehow knows that MC originally lives at the House of Lamentation

MC's future room has apparently become a regular meet-up spot for the brothers, and Lucifer even takes naps in there [8-9] -> Asmodeus also describes it as "a favorite spot from your past." Interesting wording [8-9; pic below]

⸺ THE 'MC IS HUMAN' SITUATION ⸺

Diavolo claims that he can "sense something" in MC [8-1]. He himself isn't entirely sure what it is, but I'm guessing it's the angelic qualities that MC inherited from Lilith. In OG season 3 (lesson 52 iirc?), illusion angel!Lucifer also points out that MC possess those qualities

⸺ MISC ⸺

Luke claims that angels can tell when someone lies to them [8-4], yet he still 100% believes that MC is a demon

thinking about it, it is kind of interesting that MC actually wants to stay in the past. We have no option of saying that we want to go back [8-4; pic below]

MC writes a goodbye letter to the brothers that promptly proceeds to be so irrelevant to the story [8-11]

after MC successfully opened the gates to the Celestial Realm, Adam tells them this [8-18; pic below]. IN THIS WHAT, ADAM.

there's some talk about finding happiness between Lucifer and Simeon [8-A]

Lucifer is unaware why Simeon is now an archangel [8-A] -> while not stated in the lesson itself, we know that Simeon got demoted because he covered for the brothers

we learn that most past demon kings died in battle [lesson 8 hard mode]

they also bring up that humans live such short lives in comparison to demons and angels [lesson 8 hard mode]

[dyke-quixote]

got any Ishmael/Don/Heathcliff headcanons you wanna talk ab?

I love them sooooooo much...

Don is very much a mediator for Heathcliff and Ishmael. Acting both like Bari did for Sancho and Quixote when they had spats and when Sancho is fronting, acting more like a referee like she did for Bari and Quixote. It's to the point other sinners will call in Don for help if Heathcliff and Ishmael get at it when she's not around or they will actively seek out Don to handle dumb fights.

Family is a HUGE thing to both Heathcliff and Don and Ishmael is just pulled into it. Heathcliff and Don constantly drag Ishmael into doing stuff with them and hanging out. She doesn't mind but she will pretend to be annoyed.

Heathcliff is way more involved since his Canto, being almost needy. He's scared of forgetting and this is something that gets even worse when Don's own amnesia is revealed. Heathcliff starts to get into journaling and scrapbooking. Don buys him stationary and gel pens. Ishmael buys him a camera. He's not very good at taking pictures but he tries.

All three of them are very very close to their Shi IDs. R Corp (for Ishmael and Heathcliff) and W Corp (For Don) are their next closest and share a universe so they were close in this Mirror World as well.

While Ishmael seems to show a slight preference to Don, this is only in public. The three of them are all very very close.

Heathcliff is a he/him butch lesbian to me... all three of them are butch lesbians in different ways.

They tend to hang out in Don's room, since both Ishmael's and Heathcliff's can be wet... slumber parties are common.

They are all such switches it's insane. Don is actually the most submissive out of all of them but only because she is very much a power bottom and service top. She is more concerned with pleasing her partners even if she's very needy. Ishmael tends to be the most dominant, often topping both of them. Although they both like to spoil Don. Ishmael and Don really like to gang up on Heathcliff.

Both of them let Sancho drink from them even if she fusses about it. Dante often has to roll back the clock for bites so no one becomes a bloodbag. Sancho drinks from Ishmael's neck or chest (Carmilla style) but Heathcliff really likes when Sancho drinks from his wrist.

They're all really into gardening actually...

I think they would totally be the types of people to get themselves matching scars or tattoos....

Ishmael often has to explain things to Heathcliff especially when it comes to mental issues or body things. Heathcliff doesn't really understand his own body or kinks, let alone Bloodfiend or part-mermaid specifics or plurality. But he catches on very fast and is very understanding and very eager.

Despite everything, Ishmael is the one into puppy play. Heathcliff is pretty awkward with it and will only be a handler but he's very good at it. Don is also a good handler but treats it like warrior cat roleplay. Sancho is an excellent handler but can be too serious.

Both Ishmael and Don can regress but Don does it wayyyyyy more often. Heathcliff enjoys taking care of both of them and likes acting like Nelly. Ishmael regresses very rarely and tends to be mentally older than Don.

[granulesofsand]

We dissociate hard when we’re around family — which we are currently (not by the time you see this) — and it includes a heavier denial of our multiplicity. This is like rewinding to before we knew we were a system but after we learned about CDDs.

Getting ready for an appointment that happened over a week ago, never once doubting where I was (not where the appointment was)

Trying to go to class over spring break (and packing my bag and locking the door) despite not being on campus

Walking to school (we haven’t attended this school, or any school in walking distance, since the 7th grade) on a weekend

Always having the date wrong, sometimes by every digit, and blaming it on ADHD

Zoning in without any idea where I am, chalking it up to regular forgetting

Coming to with a mouth full of meat, which makes me queasy to even smell, and feeding it to the dog — didn’t try to excuse it, just thought it happened to everybody

Making a bowl of food without meat, ‘suddenly’ has beef in it — I pass off most blackouts as kinda weird and move on

Having fully immersive conversations with other system members down to the details of the building and the dust in the light, simultaneously believing that everyone there was a person and that all of us were the same person (we couldn’t agree on who, that was the conversation)

Walking a littlie through a vivid flashback, feeling the heat of the fire and smelling the rotting trash, then slamming into front and deciding it was a dream

Thinking I’m not acting myself and then waking up two days later

Got into a fight about whether I had a country accent (with outsiders, and I don’t, but a few of the others do)

Checking in to a fight about whether I was resisting closing the garage door (we might’ve, seems weird though)

Blips of scenes from outside, switching in and out and feeling that this is fine and how everybody remembers ‘boring’ life events

Disoriented mood swings, remembering one moment and not the next as states came and went

Most of these were me, but not all of em, and this was within the last week only. And we were much worse before we were medicated for ADHD, and when the collective opinion was that we did not have amnesia.

We’re going to have to beg professors for extensions for all the switching, and most of them will say no because we aren’t registered with the disability office. They know we have DID, and we’ve filled out the registration form at least three times, but we have to meet with someone in person and we have the luck of a CDD system.