iamespecter

[iamespecter]

THIS.... OH MY GOD. THIS.

...THIS IS SUCH A GREAT ANALYSIS. THIS MAKES ME LOVE JAX EVEN MORE EVEN THOUGH I HAVE THE TENDENCY TO HATE ASSHOLE CHARACTERS.

And admittedly enough, if this analysis needs proof that this can happen to people in real life, I think I'm proof enough of that. I'm a person who doesn't really deal with what life throws at me very well, like yeah sure, I can act silly and goofy online but the moment I step away from the screen and reality seeps in?

... All I can really say is that I don't have a good coping mechanism for all the trauma I went through growing up in an abusive household. I even remember how it started: Memorizing the entire Kung Fu Panda movies and going to a secluded area, pretending I'm the characters because it came from a place of wanting to beat up my physically and verbally abusive, asshole of a father.

I'm not even kidding; sometimes when things are really really bad for me, I'll stare off into a wall or the floors and imagine an invisible audience that can hear my thoughts as they observe me like you would a TV show, and those thoughts slowly devolve into a third person narration that's either describing my motivation, my plans, my next move, or talking like it's an entirely separate entity from me.

When I'm in the bathroom, I talk to myself like I'm in a talk show in order to lessen the buzzing thoughts occupying my head. Keeping silent so that my cover isn't blown.

I've even entertained my friends that I prefer to be an NPC and while I don't say it to them often (because of fear of being thought of mentally insane, who could imagine), it always crosses my mind when I walk down a street, thinking "what if I was a background character, experiencing the world that I'm meant to be worldbuilding fodder for".

Listening to music helps stop these thoughts because the music blasts it all out, leaving no space for any crazy thoughts like that.

But to hear this analysis and to finally understand what pulls me to Jax that other asshole characters can't.... it's... I don't know how to feel. A part of me feels seen, but a part is also just... preventing me from further spiraling at the realization.

It's scary to admit this. It's downright horrifying, even, that I have a pit forming at my stomach as I tell this. To not only admit it to myself, but to also admit this publicly, where people would think I'm not mentally sound. Perhaps I am, perhaps I actually need help as much as I wanna say I don't, but I still wanna get this out there.

With Gooseworx all but confirming that the Jax being an AI thing is bullshit, I personally want to talk about an interesting part about Jax that a lot of theorists used as "evidence" that validates the theory:

Jax's fourth wall breaks are a common topic brought up amongst the "Jax is an NPC" theory. After all, Caine broke the fourth wall in the pilot, knowing full well that the world of The Amazing Digital Circus isn't real and is talking to some unseen viewer as he introduces the Circus Crew.

There's also this bit of official art surrounding Jax's pin:

Where everyone else is inside their room, Jax is outside as pieces of the circus fall apart around him and all of reality to crash. Certainly lends itself to this idea that Jax knows he's not a real person and that his presence could cause great disruption to this world. And he doesn't care because none of it is real. Might as well have fun and cause chaos in a world that doesn't exist.

And I'll admit, all of this seems like valid claims for how the theory could be true. I saw it all and thought that it surely COULD be possible...but there are some things that stop me from being convinced.

Firstly, Caine breaking the fourth wall in the pilot doesn't really seem like an AI talking to the audience. It looks more like an AI programmed to talk to a player as a game boots up. What we saw in the opening could be more like a morning routine that he has to do at least once a day. Plus, we've yet to see any other NPC talk to the audience like Jax has. He explicitly called out the viewers in episode three, knowing full well he's being watched by SOMEONE. Or, at the very least, acting like he is. What do I mean by that? Well, to explain, I'd like to use one of my favorite fourth wall breakers as an example:

Deadpool, in most adaptations, knows fully well that he's a fictional character. He'll talk to the readers/viewers, move the camera around, and constantly talk shit to the writers/studio for occasionally screwing him over. It's all in good (Sometimes bloody) fun...but there's a canonical reason for this. It's not like She-Hulk where the fourth wall breaks are a way to tell HER stories HER way. You see, Deadpool...is just fucking insane.

No, really, that's the reason. Due to the trauma of gaining his powers, Deadpool's mind breaks and he's led to believe that he MUST be a fictional character. In comics, he actually gets voices in his head that makes him think he must be some comic book superhero, and the movies implied that something similar happened given how he never broke the fourth wall ONCE before getting his powers. This means him breaking the fourth wall could be seen as a coping mechanism. After all, it's better to believe you're a fictional character designed to entertain some invisible audience than believe that all of the shitty things that happened to you and people close to you is just a cruel joke from the universe.

Sound familiar?

Going back to the pilot, remember how Pomni's first instinct was to say that the Circus was all just a dream? To her, it's better to live in a lie that everything around her isn't real than to accept the reality that she's stuck in digital purgatory. Jax very well could be going through something similar, but unlike Pomni who seemed to just accept her reality, Jax never did. The trauma of being stuck in the Circus had led to his mind breaking just like Pomni's, Kinger's, and anyone else's. It's just that, for him, he thinks he's coping with it better because he discovered the secret that no one else did: None of this is real.

They're not actually people trapped in some hellscape while an AI unintentionally tortures them. They're all just fictional characters whose tragedies and silly antics are used to entertain viewers. I mean, it's either that or they're real people forever trapped in the circus with the closest thing to death being a full, psychotic break as they give up their sanity because they no longer want to exist in this hell anymore...But that possibly can't be true. Because if that IS true, then Jax has to face that he's a real person stuck in a real, awful situation that he can't joke his way out of. So, it's best to think nothing is real and nothing they do matter. So, might as well have fun with it.

Going back to the pin...

I don't think this is damning evidence about Jax being an NPC. Actually, it perfectly captures who he is as a character. He knows the circus isn't real. He even thinks HE isn't real. So instead of grappling with that, Jax lets himself believe that if nothing is real than nothing he does matters. He can break things, ruin lives, and assist in torturing the others in the circus. It's what he thinks will make the show more entertaining, even though all he's really entertaining is himself so his mind doesn't break more than it does.

Now, could the same apply if he's an NPC? Well...maybe. Gumigoo definitely proves how far someone could fall when they're told their world is fake. He was about ready to give up on life because he didn't think he had one. If Jax was an NPC, I could see him having a similar break, but going in the far opposite direction where, instead of giving up on life, he chooses to live the way HE wants it. Instead of being some one-off NPC for a lame adventure, he could go off on adventures of his own and ruin the lives of others now that his is thoroughly ruined.

However, Gooseworx makes a good point: "...a lot of people come up with theories based on how unexpected they'd be, and not because they make sense or align with the show's themes."

If Jax is an NPC, it would harm the overall message of the show. That there's meaning to be found in a stagnant life, and you find that meaning with people close to you who make that life worth living. Jax represents a sort of foil to that idea, with his way of coping with the madness being pure chaos and breaking others. It's his coping mechanism, and it works because it shows how human Jax really is. They're ALL human and they have human desires and wants, with the Circus pretty much stripping that away and leaving them...as they are now. They're emotionally broken, their sanity is decreasing, and some of them are losing all sense of self. By making Jax an NPC, it would definitely be surprising, but it would take away from that idea. It no longer makes him a human facing his own tragedy but instead an AI that's just as broken as Gummigoo. More than that, it gives the others an easy out. All the crew has to do is tell Caine that Jax is an NPC and POOF! No more annoyance. So making him someone who HAS to stay with the others and they're forever forced to deal with him also adds more to THEIR tragedy and torture.

Jax being an NPC is an interesting theory, but I don't think it's one that SHOULD be true. To me, it's more fascinating watching Jax treat the world around him as meaningless knowing he's a human instead of a rogue NPC breaking everything. And Gooseworx made it clear how they feel about it. Now, could it potentially be a mislead to get fans off the trail? Genuinely...I don't think so. That sounded very "I don't like this idea so it's not gonna happen" type of response. Still, we won't know until the show wraps up. Anything can happen, but don't get your hopes up if a character who does bad things to people that don't deserve it is more human than you think.

[iamespecter]

we're 200$ behind on our bills payment, if anyone wants to commission me or donate to my paypal it would help a lot

DONATION LINK

[iamespecter]

reblog to fucking bite the person you reblog from

[iamespecter]

Ahahaha heyyyy sooooo

remember when I said I was writing a 10-parter showtime fic and then I lied and made everyone think it was only 5 chapters and it was never gonna be updated ever again but then I lied again this time with the truth because now chapter 6 is out?

Yeah

There's a reasoning attached to the fic about why this story never went past chapter 5, despite chapter 6 being written in advance. Though, please enjoy the read. I hope it being a long chapter makes up for the long absence of update :3

[iamespecter]

*bursts through the door* Hello excuse me doctor? Yes I need episode 7 injected into my bloodstream and into my brain STAT or I will DIE of DEATH

God I hope Pomni and Caine kiss

[iamespecter]

I screamed, and then screamed again. But this time I tapped my knees because I was stimming. I love this sm

six from little nightmares!

[iamespecter]

At first I didn't understand this and was sorely confused but then I slowly began to understand

Ok when I'm talking about my love and appreciation for the Lady I mean it both in the way people on here act about 60 year old men but also in the way dudes on tiktok use the guy from American Psycho as pfp claiming to "literally be him" without understanding his character except I actually do understand her character. But she is literally me. I dont kin her though. I think I have outgrown wanting to kiss her on the mouth too like at the point she is a part of my being

[iamespecter]

Stomach hurty today, so have some doodles of the Digital Circus cast in my style being silly and chilling

close up of the Gummigoo plush message:

[iamespecter]

yo, we sharing human Caines like yu-gi-oh?? this is pretty epic chat

Day 14: Human. Here we two version of human Caine, here we have again @00belle00lovely00’s Caine and the we got my own human Caine- - wait did i give mine the ‘why hello dear’ eyes?

[iamespecter]

Oh thank GOD. I REALLY love Mouthwashing, but the amount of shipping..... it literally made me so uncomfortable that I barely check the tags since I'm a person who wants to see, know and understand canon stuff as much as possible before anything else. And knowing what happens in canon is being twisted into something this disgusting for people's amusement in fanon, it's just hard to stomach it man.

I think about making a "Curly and Anya talking about what they went through and repairing their broken friendship post-crash if they survived and Jimmy didn't" all the time as a more wholesome and lighthearted scenario because I want a palette cleanser from how tragic canon is, but I dread the possible misinterpretation it may receive so I keep putting it off.

ANYA DOES NOT NEED A PARTNER. WHAT SHE NEEDS IS HELP AND SUPPORT. Really, the only ship that I can somewhat accept is Daisuke and Anya (though I personally see them as younger brother-older sister dynamic), but again. ANYA DOES NOT NEED A PARTNER. Especially with what she went through.

DON'T SHIP JIMMY AND CURLY EITHER. It's not a quirky "complex and complicated relationship" that you "want to explore", it's just an abusive one with a clear toxic power dynamic. I am so tired of having to scroll through tags, wanting to see more mouthwashing content, only to get face-blasted with shipping shit.

I genuinely think Mouthwashing fandom is a good example on how real life misogyny is very wired on people brains and influenced how they engage with fictional misogyny.

You have a story about a woman being assaulted and telling a man he trusted but being dismissed because he is friends with the attacker, and people fixate on shipping her with either of those me.

You have a story about how men that downplay their male friends violence, assume neutrality is the safer option, unintentionally help create an environment that's unsafe to vulnerable people, at a risk becoming a victim themselves. And people make it about toxic yaoi.

You have a character kill herself because she didn't want birth the child of her abuser. And people make AUs where she happily keep the baby.

Misogyny isn't just "I hate this women", it's also downplaying their trauma, defending those who caused it, and reducing them to mothers or wives against their wished under this idea of what womanhood is about.

I don't think we can separate fandom misogyny from it's real world influence, not yet.

[iamespecter]

Mushy I had a vision and I need you to hear me out

who’s gangles favorite actor? Not like- best friend, but who does she like doing shows with the most?

Pomni breaks down on stage a lot and Gangle thinks that she's just really good at acting ToT

ko-fi🎭

Gangle and Pomni see each other as colleagues/coworkers!! Pomni frequently stars in her shows, as they are both the King's entertainers by profession.

[iamespecter]

"stress" by yoan capote - made of bronze and concrete

[iamespecter]

Sent ya a bit of scratch I can spare, I really hope shit gets better for ya dude. I'm real sorry you're being put through the ringer like this.

Thank you. I know I'll eventually be okay and it'll pass, but man does it still suck so bad going through all this. Again, thank you :')

[iamespecter]

THE ASK BOX IS OPEN!

READ THE RULES AND BRING ON THE REQUESTS

[iamespecter]

We got broken in again. Everything's gone this time, and apparently, there's a footprint at the scene of the crime, but it's a small footprint, and looks to be about the same size as a child's footwear (according to my mom).

I'm going to surrender my dignity and my happy facade for a moment just to ask for financial help. This business is our very livelihood, and we were just about to recover from the initial break in but this second one has run us completely dry, as all the supplies are just fucking gone. And if this business goes down, I don't think I can handle being the sole breadwinner for 9 people ever again.

I've already told my mom to report this to the police immediately, as it's obvious we're being targeted.

If any of you would like to donate, my paypal's https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/especterofficial . Sorry for being low energy, I'm sure you all understand why.

Words can't summarize how absolutely, monumentally pissed and devastated I am right now. My mom's business was broken in to, and according to her the 'thief' stole most of the supplies, 2 cashboxes and presumably used the back window of the store to break in.

She suspects that the thief is the only boy staff we have, because of many things, but it's mostly because he's a convicted felon with 2 counts of murder, out for "good behavior".

Other reasons include: failure to act professionally in a professional setting, not dressing in proper work uniform, bad personal hygiene (refraining from taking a bath), refusal to perform daily tasks, taking and eating parts of the food he's supposed to ONLY cook, talking back against my mom --who is his employer-- when she talks to him about these things, misogynistic and predatory behavior against the female staff (and even to my mom, I witnessed this firsthand) and even trying to conspire with my brother to take money from the cashbox FOR CIGARETTES.

And before anyone points out why my mom couldn't just "fire him" on the spot, 1) My mom was forced to take him in because he was recommended to her by a relative of ours, thinking his good behavior was good enough to be hired in a proper job, 2) HE'S A CONVICTED FELON WHO'S ALREADY MURDERED 2 PEOPLE. MY FAMILY COULD BE NEXT so right now, we're walking on eggshells around this fucker.

Why am I fucking talking about this? BECAUSE NOT ONLY WAS OUR LIVELIHOOD COMPROMISED, I'M ON THE FUCKING RECEIVING END FROM ALL OF THIS. I HAVE TO GET MONEY TODAY TO IMPROVE THE SECURITY OF THE STORE, BECAUSE THE CASHBOX --WHICH CONTAINS MOST OF MY MOM'S MONEY-- WAS STOLEN BY THIS SHIT STAIN OF A HUMAN BEING. AL-FUCKING-LEGEDLY.

I'm at a fucking loss on what to do. Everytime something slightly good happens, a worse problem presents itself at my door and it's getting harder and harder to live positively. I know this is all private matter but how can I fucking keep this all to myself when I have to deal with all of this shit life keeps throwing at me? I'm just broken.

I don't know what to do. I don't fucking know what to do.

[iamespecter]

Seeing your post about Jax I wanted to ask what advice you would give me for furry art. I feel that it makes it spectacular.

I don't think I'm the wisest person to give furry advice of all things-

but it is very good to learn from other furry artists or typically considered furry medias and see what aspects of those styles you like. Do you like 'realistic facial structure with human proportions' type of furry? Semi-realistic? Toony like Don Bleuth?

Do you like how fluffy they make the characters or do you prefer the kemono/anime furry style where they look like sculpted clumps of gorgeous clay? Maybe you want to start your own zany way of making furry expressions/faces?

if you can't seem to decide, try sketching them and see what works and what doesn't work for you. And if that doesn't work? Draw the same thing again. Get used to the feel of the flow of the characters' structure. You'll see that with every attempt, you will improve and eventually, you'll find that one comfortable style you want to go with.

The number one reason why furries exist (other than the erm... 34th rule of the internet-) is because of how spry, fun and how dynamic the designs tend to get, and how much you could get away with their expressions/features that human faces could never.

Don't be afraid to mix-mash fictional and non-fiction species either; you'd find that once you remove that barrier, your creativity for character designs will crash through the roof at unprecedented levels.

You wanna make a badass eastern-dragon/monkey hybrid that's always hanging from rooftops? Fucking go for it.

You want an deep sea critter/land-based mammal mix? Hell yeah.

A racoon with deer antlers and bio-luminiscent fur patterns? Cook to your heart's content, my friend. COOK TO YOUR HEART'S CONTENT!

Unless ofc, what you actually mean is how I rendered the Jax piece, which is just using an ever so slightly modified round brush and turning down the opacity to allow for better blending. That's literally it. This is the brush setting I used for that, if you're curious.

Also, use Sai v2. Sai's blending is GOD-TIER. Procreate is the only thing that comes close to dethroning Sai in terms of painting and blending with your artworks.

[iamespecter]

Finally learning that one furry art style from twitter I've always dreamed of mastering

Oh yeah and did I ever mention I'm actually a Jax fan, he's my second favorite next to Caine for a completely different reason (I want him on his knees)