#my brain is so rude and it just will not let me
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WIP Wednesday
Tagged by: @skyrim-forever @hircines-hunter @dirty-bosmer
Tagging: @did3lphis @tiredela @ladytanithia @thequeenofthewinter @elavoria
Let's go girls! Okay, maybe not so much. I'm damn tired, my brain is goo due to migraines on Sunday, Monday and today so... Hate that for me. I will write some Nevri x Morotar Hurt/Comfort but at the moment that is still all in my head. Instead, I'm going with a snipped from next weekend's new DwD II chapter! Ancano is, as always, an ass (ugh, I love him). Also under the cut because of spoilers.
A knock sounded. Ghash narrowed his eyes and stared unblinking at the door. Nevri sat rooted to her chair. Who wanted anything from her in the evening? Granted, it wasn't too late, so the visit wasn't rude, but it was certainly unusual. Maybe it's Colette, she thought and got up from her chair. Another knock followed. Nevri turned the key in the lock, pressed the handle and took a step backwards and stumbled back another. The Thalmor stood in front of her door, his face expressionless and his hands clasped behind his back. He looked different as he had taken off his long, pitch-black coat with the gold trim. Underneath was a dark purple tunic, as Nevri now realised. He had rolled up his sleeves, exposing sinewy forearms.
“Ah, you’re still awake. May I come in?” he asked, his tone as monotone as his countenance.
“What do you want?” Nevri immediately blurted out. Anxiety pressed on her stomach and made it queasy.
“I just wanted to enquire about you.” The corners of his mouth lifted into something resembling a smile. But it didn't inspire confidence in Nevri. “Since I was involved in your rescue, it is my duty to look after you.”
“So, you've been looking after me. I'm standing upright. Is that it?” she said. Had he really been there? She did not remember him in the slightest. Only how she had been spewing water from her lungs and that the pale Altmer had been far too close to her.
“Is that it?” he mimicked and made a step towards her, entering the room. “A little more gratitude might be in order.”
“How I remember it, you weren’t the one to pull me out of the ocean. Nor carry me to Colette,” she spat, but made another step back, the back of her knee hit her bedframe. Ghash sat next to her, his tail whipping.
Ancano closed the door behind him, then inspected her chamber with a look of depreciation. Everything in here seemed to displease him, but so did the whole college. In the one week that Nevri had been here, she had heard his lamenting often enough. He stopped by her desk, his slender, golden fingers gliding over the two letters, keen eyes scanning them. A barely visible crease formed between his eyebrows as he read the second letter. Nevri bit on the inside of her cheek and thanked herself, that she had only written vague suggestions of the matters. He looked up, fixed his citrine gaze on her, staring her into the ground. Rarely had she encountered such a penetrating glare; only one other pair of eyes had had such a devastating effect on her. But that had been azure.
“To answer your question, yes, I have not been the one to recue you from the sea. My fellow agent had that honour, even though I deemed it hopeless.” His tone had become as sharp as his features, cutting like the keen edge of a blade. “A fall from such height, it's almost a miracle that you're standing in front of me.”
“It was pure luck,” Nevri answered quickly, maybe a little too quickly to not to raise suspicion. “And fast help. I would have drowned without it.”
Ancano took a few more steps towards her, stood right in front of her. He was not much taller than her, but he knew how to make himself look towering. A hint of lemon reached her nose, accompanied with pine needles. Under other circumstances, she would have described it as pleasant, but right now Nevri felt like she was shrinking under his scrutinizing gaze.
“I’ve seen people fall in similar conditions.” He paused, observing every movement in her face. “I have thrown people from comparable heights. It is a death sentence. No matter if there is stone, sand or water beneath them. The impact should have killed you, Dunmer.”
#dealings with daedra#my writing#tesblr#the elder scrolls#elder scrolls#ao3 writer#fanfiction#skyrim fanfiction#my art#ao3
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guys send me writing vibes again, this time like a million vibes okay
#i want to WRITE#my brain is so rude and it just will not let me#i want to yell and screm#i will yell and screm#mushie speaks
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🐮
#@ comment directed to me in a tag. i have not talked abt them anywhere publicly but if u were deep enough in the paint in 2020ish theyre#like not super surprising. i think i wanna get back around to the trolls in my reread (so itll b a while) before i say anthing solid#just so i can go in w intent to pay closer attention again but like#overall have a low opinion on most the troll boys insofar as i see that the narrative seems to also not care for them. they seem to exist#to serve narrative purposes & end up discarded when no longer relevant. ie they dont end up very interesting and thus i view#many fans with suspicion when they have 'boys disease' ie having an outsized focus on the boys of the story despite hs being by the end#an extremely female dominated text with a lot to say about masculinity as an opressive force#tavros and gamzee are the biggest bugbears here (only really beaten out in eyebrow raising by cronus and the male dancestors)#on account of fans of them often downplaying gamzee's misogyny that is core to his role as a charismatic cult leader (or worse#sending trans women death threats when they made the factual assesment that gamzee was written to be a weird misogynist calling it#character assassination etc. man 2020 was wild.) tavros mostly just ends up being an accessory to this crime tbh. though his genuinely#complicated relationship w vriska oft being flattened to villify vriska + an inability to actually read what tavros Says...#like. if you get rid of tavros' quirk. stammering and all. and read his lines. he's kind of fucking rude? and yeah its alternia they all ar#but i have my hesitancies wrt how people seem to infantilise him (a disabled character) to the point of ignoring his dialogue and flaws#when one of tavros' core conceits (u can argue if this is . like. something hussie should have stayed out of. like its not their lane) is#that shitty ppl online will be assholes but will be allowed to get away with it due to unrelated disability. which like. it was 2010 ig#but this is hit upon again with mituna being distinctly a 4 channer with real brain damage and speech issues & all his friends letting him#get away with shit he still clearly has the cognitive capacity to know is wrong. its very messily handled but. i dont rlly like tavros ig.#will b amazed if tumblr doesnt eat these tags i went on wayy too long. but im not putting this in plaintext for obvi reasons#lucabytereads
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You’re new to the Princess-Rescuing business, aren’t you? (P1 | P2 | P3) (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#The Captain#DAX#My brain presented me with a punchline and then stepped back to let me figure out how to get there#And then had the audacity to feel silly for making the path!#How rude#Lol#Well I did it anyway! And it was in fact silly but in a good and fun way! So there brain! Lol#It was admittedly a bit touch-and-go for a while - I love silliness so much! But it kept turning out in a way I wasn't satisfied with#And then I'd draw the next thing and be like ''No actually that's funny/cute'' and everything was fine - and then it'd repeat! Pfft#But I'm happy with it by the end so it's fine >:3c Trust the process!#Anyway - the the Actual Thing lol#Considering the various SCII/adjacent vibes lately it might not surprise you to hear that alt outfits have come back into my crosshairs#Cough cough Pirate Fic cough - but those aren't the only vibes! Make something similar but not the same! Why not fantasy!#It is a classic go-to lol#It was fun thinking how the Captain's uniform could be translated into a more Princely aesthetic haha#I didn't do the same for DAX but that's mostly 'cause I just wanted to put him in human clothes lol#Plus I'm sure you can imagine who else will feature :3c And they couldn't just match! Part of the comedy is appearance-based!#Which is part of why it's funny for DAX to answer in the first place haha ♪ That's no dragon!#The Captain always bursting onto the scene without thinking things over first haha - what were you expecting Captain!#Also hey rude don't look so relieved that DAX wasn't the princess! What if it was a test and he /was/ the princess!#He'd be in so much troubleeeee ♪ Well he still might be hehehe
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thinkin about how rarely I draw elyss and june together anymore
#felix: no no she's not wrong#meanwhile in felix's canon limerick's already banging on the door like HELLOOO LET ME IN--#the thing is melliwyk needs it less than elyss tbqh :')#melliwyk in the beyond-4th-wall liminal blorbo waiting room like 'so do you have an actual girlfriend yet or what'#not even looking up from her little projects#while my beloved girl REALLY needs and deserves tenderness and support and keeses but au with june was all she had :')#the thing about elyss and june is that 1) it's still Very Extremely Good don't get me wrong#and 2) I am perfectly capable of holding more than one canon in my brain at the same time-- they don't overlap or intersect#it's just that it feels kind of rude to actually draw them together too much now that june's legit dating someone else's PC lmao#my art#my OCs#elyss#melliwyk#elyss and june#felix and mel#look at my gnomes boy
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Hey this just in? Ptsd sucks balls
#Oversharing on the internet times#Ptsd#-10/10 don't recommend#Ugh#Need my brain scrubbed and shaken out#I would like a new one please and thank you#I promise I won't let this new one be tortured I'll be extra careful#Love how my subconscious has decided that I'm just the worst person on earth all my dreams lately are like#Hey what if you were monstrous? What I'd you personally committed horrific acts against other human beings?#Let's explore that reality in hd#These aren't even the fun nightmares where I can convince myself I'm not seconds from throwing up they were so bad and can decode them#And do dream work with them#Those nightmares always end up having really cool symbolism and are helpful in deeply deeply meaningful ways#I am willing to suffer those nightmares I have made my peace with them it's like a game almost#These ones just shake me up for fucking days and become a never ending spiraling cycle ugh ugh ugh#It's like my intrusive thoughts were made I to a TV show fuck#Me: slightly rude to my gf#My brain: what if you were the same level as evil as rapist#Me: great I'm going to throw up and claw my skin off and have a panic attack thank you brain that was super fucking helpful#The way that my brain is convinced that I'm evil actually is sure is....#Well. It. It seems like my brain learned to abuse myself that it's doing the work of my torturer for her ten years down the line#Mm. Hate that thought a lot actually going#....I was actually going to keep these tags fairly short I wanted this post to be a vague haha ptsd sure is something post and not#Spill my guts in the tags again but what else is new have done this for years so whatever
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thinking thoughts
#mia's ramblings#thinking abt that one time i was so uncomfortable with my friend's pda thing that i left them behind at the koi pond#like i literally just. stood up. started walking away#i still have no idea why it made me uncomfortable and even now just thinking about it makes me sick#for some reason idrk#also thinking about those times where i was so mentally exhausted from everything that i didnt have the energy to stand up so i just#didnt go to school#obviously i told people i was “sick” or “masakit pakiramdam ko” etc which i mean#its a half truth? atleast ???#and thinking about how i just want to avoid Her bc i do Not want to be dealing with their relationship problems at 6am but yk#the moment she starts up conversation i just#put those thoughts at the back of my head and pretend like im not fucking tired of her bullshit#i could be so. mentally drained. to the point that i just avoid everyone by going to coop on my own or going to 7-11 just to Breathe#but the moment someone talks to me like jack or salve or heck even kui my brain just. forces itself to act “normal” and by normal i mean no#-mentally drained yk?#like the moment literally anyone starts talking to me the thoughts of being mentally tired just get pushed back and idrk how to tell people#-that im mentally exhausted without sounding rude so i just#let my brain just bottle it up until im so tired mentally that i literally cannot function#i think its called being overstimulated? yea#which yeah basically this shit happens every. day. until my brain just goes nope youre shutting down no school for today also youre getting#-a fever too#which like??? idk why it happens???#and its not like i dont want to talk to them either#like#obviously i do#but talking to anyone when im like this makes it feel like an obligation#which fucking sucks because i dont like being obligated to do stuff i just want to do it because well#i want to??#and i feel bad for peewee bc usually he'll talk to me when im at my limit so my responses are very short and yea#this is why i always say 'im tired' whenever people ask how im doing
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day 147/547 of seokjin’s military service
this selca was posted on 141202, the day before MAMA, with the caption:
I can't sleep...... The shadow's the main point of this photo
(trans cr: Denise @ bts-trans)
~bonus pics under the cut~
Bangtan group photo.
(trans cr: stella @ bts-trans)
He squeezed himself casually among the presents.
@.BTS_twt You're ugly but I'll leave it to you to say that you're cute
(trans cr: Nika & Denise @ bts-trans)
#jin is so rude to his own dog help 😭#also my friends i need y'all's opinion#re: the amount of days in the countdown#I've been using 547 bc google told me thats the amount of days in 18 months#except next year is a gap year so that's +1 day and the discharge dates i've seen floating around say june 12th 2024#which is the 548th day#sooooo should i switch to 548 or should i just wait for an official discharge date?#if i do then that means more posts with the wrong number and my brain is unhappy with that#but if 548 is also wrong then that means changing it twice and having a ton of different numbers and my brain is also unhappy wiht that#so i shall let y'all choose ahrlkzegjh#pls lmk what you think in your tags or in my dms/messages ily ty 🙏#seokjin#jin military countdown#jjangu#trackofthesoul#141202#ot7
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this is the worst fucking trip of my life. i spent a week in russia having a massive panic attack every fucking day and THIS is the worst trip of my life
#ive literally never experienced such rude people im gonna snap so fucking bad soon#it’s EVERY DAY if it was a one off it’d be at least a bit better but it’s EVERY TIME I GO ANYWHERE WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME!!!!!!! oh my god#i am so sorry central maybe it’s not you. well it was you but your shitass contagion has spread around the world#I’ve had like six people cut in lines ahead of me people walk so close they push me into walls i just stop dead now it’s the only thing tha#works some guy walked through my arm and WHACKED his arm on my water bottle in my bag and it HURT him i could hear it it’s the highlight of#this entire fucking trip#i have been hit in a cathedral nearly stood on multiple times kids running into me people trying to walk through me ive just lugged my case#onto a bus where these two old cunts with like cabin bag sized cases managed to move to take up SIX SEATS as i got on the bus with my big#case so i had to stand. then nobody would let me off the bus with my big fucking case so hopefully i broke some toes. and THEN in my three#minute walk to this airbnb i am supposed to just get off the planet apparently and also walk in the road because god forbid other people#develop an ounce of brain matter and not walk four abreast on the pavement im fucking over it. fuck off and die you can see me im 5’9#also the bus people im not done with those fucking bus people like they were in the four seats and one of them went to a two seat but the#one on the four stayed on the edge with his case so i couldn’t get past and there were no other case-friendly seats#like it was fucking intentional what level of fuckhead do you have to be to stop someone sitting on a bus absolutely wank#google translate I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF the next time something happens and i will do it for real#dl
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#does a bear blog in the woods#just phantom period stuff fuckingbw my brain chem i think is whats going on this week !#i knew the new tfb would rip emotions outta me but im messed uppppp .#ive been single the longest ive been in a Long Time now ...#theres good and bad . theres so much cooking in my head from these few months#dealint with grief . bad job . good job now#and still working on getting my life and health togethwr#and im really trying to craft and make shit again . its So necessary for your soul and ive been neglecting#tabletop has helped so much and roleplay will too qhen i get into it#in the mean time though . im LONELY !! im in a mood where being by myself is Torrrtureeee . butnive also been overstimmed !#i was very somber earlier cuz i jusf did Not have rhe energy to be up and do shit ..wjich is why i called out#but was just thinking the thing i miss most abt a relationship is always having some1 to hang out w or be around#especially physical side cause i am very physically affectionate !!! and tryin to get back to it .#its been hard cus of well ...trauma and also the pandemic . overthinking . itd help if i cried i think#i coulsve put this all ina read more ..too late now LOL !#i just want to word vomit . been stuck in a bad nasty rude to myself feedback loop abt NOT venting and NEEDING to reach out directly#but good gd its difficult when we are All exhausted . and when i judt Need the vocal speak vs typing#if u read all this mess thank you LOL . ill be okay . ive got to let myself feel this
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there's this one girl at work who thinks she's the Waitress Supreme literally is convinced the goddess of waitresses shat her out and stuck her in a barely-functioning pub in the arsecrack of england and today i was soooo poorly and sickly and weak and feeble literally on death's door cough coughu oug h etc and still had to do a 12-10 shift bc i need MONEY, so safe to say i was not in the mood for her omd. like this girl is not a manager. she is not even a supervisor. she is a student that, while working full-time, comes and goes in regards to her studies. so tell me WHY she tries to give me orders as if she's not only in a position to do so but also like she's singlehandedly running the fucking military. 'that cutlery hasn't been polished yet' 'why are you making drinks for the chefs when there's tables to clear' 'B2 havent had their menus'. all incredibly valid points when you give each problem at least 2 minutes to naturally resolve itself AND the problem in question is in your section AND you speak to people with a friendly, helpful tone instead of the most patronising bitchy voice you ever heard. i wanted to kill her dead i literally had to just ignore her every time she spoke to me even if it did come across rude like it was either that or lose my job to an ABH charge.
#and bc i was so ill i literally couldn't even control my face in time like normally im actually a very good actress#my skill for being a two-faced bitch is held back only by my pride and morals#so normally id find a way to politely be like 'shut the fuck up and go to your own section you're not in charge here and im HANDLING IT :)'#but today i cannot express the extent of couldn't be arsed radiating from me#had me on a 10 hour shift (6 HOURS OF WHICH WAS RUNNING FOOD) when im SICK#and im one of those people that physically im very healthy never have any problems but when i DO have problems cor blimey do i have them#so like my head was swimming had total brain fog kept getting dizzy and nauseas on top of having a stuffed nose and an awful cough#at WORK. at a WAITRESSING JOB. hell i tell you#so yeah this girl was pushing my last limit and i just knowwww i was so rude to her all day#she'd tell me to do something and id fully not even respond id just give her a LOOK#like imagine me polishing cutlery she comes over tells me to do something in my section (NOT HER BUSINESS)#and i just. pause polishing a second. look at her like she shot my dog. and then continue polishing like she never said anything#AND THAT WAS THE GOOD OUTCOME BC IF I DIDNT JUST TOTALLY BLANK HER I WOULDVE STARTED AN ARGUMENT#I WAS SO FUCKING DONE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND#like i feel like a lot of this is dumb waitressing hierarchy/social no-nos so just TRUST ME that the shit she was doing was not on#if you've ever worked the catering industry ESPECIALLY floor staff then you'll get it#like the only right you have to another staff member's section is if you outrank them#if you're just another random fucking waitress let alone a STUDENT JUST LIKE ME#LIKE SHE DOESNT EVEN HAVE THE AGE ANGLE TO GET THE HIERARCHY ON ME#then literally just. shut your fucking mouth. YOU DO NOT MESS WITH ANOTHER WAITRESS'S SECTION#i have literally ignored tables before bc the waitress on section is one im iffy with and if i 'steal' her table it can genuinely#effect your social life at work#it's so fucked#so yeah i was rude and borderline mean to this girl but WHAT WAS SHE EVEN PLAYING AT TO BEGIN WITH#hella slaves to capitalism
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hi abram I'm back with yet another swiftie ask bc now you've listened to folklore I can finally yell about the folklore long pond sessions to you :D
basically she played folklore in a mini concert around september 2020 and there's an explanation of the inspo and wriiting process for each of the songs in between tracks, it's very lovely and definitely worth a watch (also you get tay in her wine aunt era)
alsooo listen to marjorie while thinking about wille and erik :))))) <-about to inflict pain
<3
hiiii sea! OOMF that is on Disney+ I will have to figure out how to watch it ;;; but still feel free to yell about it all you like!!
also how Dare You. this isn't allowed!!!! no!!!!!!!! :(
they deserved so much better!!!
ive got so many thoughts going about "and if I didn't know better, I'd think you were singing to me now" cus im just like,,,, "Remember" was Erik's favorite song (according to the prp interview with Ivar Forsling I think?) and just ,,, Wille listening to that song whenever he's sad and just wishing he could hear Erik's off-key singing along side it. and sometimes feeling like if he focuses hard enough, he can still hear his brother's voice behind the lyrics ;;;; but of course it isn't real and that goes back to "you're alive, you're alive in my head"
and im gonna stop ranting now but I'm >:'(((
#i had my sister's disney at some point but they started emailing codes instead of just letting you put in a password#and i got a new computer ;;;;#so i no longer have it#rip me#as you can see also my brain decided to take the music to heart. how rude.#askers#daylightsimon#shh ac
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Is it normal to be so obsessed with the idea of being a good or I guess even unproblematic person, to the point where you’re nit-picking every single little thing you say or do and feel like shit about yourself for not always fitting your own idea of being a “perfect” person? …what do you mean “no”?
#like there has to be a term for this 😭#I feel like I’ve become so self-aware that I’m ruining my own life with it#it’s for the dumbest shit too. oh I didn’t make eye contact with someone I passed by on the sidewalk??#well clearly I’m a rude absolute bitch and they hate me now and I have no manners#I don’t think this makes sense#I’ll think in terms of what I wrote in my post about other people too not just myself#like sometimes I’ll start to think someone’s not a good person over like one thing they’ve said or done#and applied it to other scenarios like ‘oh well if they were willing to say/do this then they would do xyz too’#…or like ‘if they’re willing to say/do this then they’re probably even meaner in their head or with people other than me’ you know#I’ve done and said things I’m not proud of so many times just like EVERYONE ELSE#but for some reason my brain will just not let it go and I always think I’m a terrible person and a disappointment#but then on the other hand I’ll think oh well I can’t be that bad if I’m always calculating how I react to things#and am actually bothering to think critically about it#I feel like there’s so little goodness in the world and I try to be a nice person but I feel like a fake and that I’m not really one#can’t even stand up for myself or make a joke without constantly chewing myself out#gets tiring but I’ve thought like this for a while now#well that’s my writing goal for the week done#personal#txt
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lol uni accom sent an email saying that theyve ‘received many complaints from staff students & guests’ & it just makes me laugh but they DID include a place accommodating me feeding them at the end of the car park which is fine bc that is all i wanted to be fair. this was ALWAYS ABOUT POWER like 😭😭 it’s deadass so miserable living here we are all postgrad students so 22+ but we literally have room inspections 2x a semester like we’re fucking 12 to make sure things are ‘clean’ as if the building isn’t as old as our parents & literally falling apart. they restrict u so much like u can’t have a kettle in ur room …. but those guests can ??? ur putting a like 3 inch suicide bar on my window ? that i PAY FOR ???? girl … ‘it gives ppl anxiety & diseases …” & ???? having no fucking security here gives ME anxiety & these mfs are givin ME diseases shut the fuck up !!! THE ASBESTOS IN THE WALLS CAN HEAR U & IT’S LAUGHING
#diary#ALSKDJLASJLASKJDKLASJLDKASD#like it just makes me laugh#i started this petty journey when they told me to take down the fucking feeders in like may or june#solely to get the birds to shit everywhere#bc they then ONLY DORM CHECKED ME !!!!!! & told me RUDELY i can’t feed the birds so i was like ok yea i took down the feeders LOL they still#know MY window & i will let them come there bc its the windowsill not a birdfeeder#but then i big brained then just started going doenstairs to feed them at the benches#& then there were so many that i moved to the grassy patches these past few weeks lol#& now im going to have them follow me to the end of the parking lot AD:ASJKLJDALSDAJSLKDAJSLKDJLA#BC THATS WHERE THEY SAID I COULD#swag#‘i aint get no sleep cause of yall yall aint get no sleep cause of me’ except w respect#YALL THINK I FORGOT ABT YALL NOT FIXIN MY SHIT FOR. A MONTH BC I DIDNT#YALL SUCK DIE#im sooooo happy#my lasting legacy: pigeons#i can walk by this shithole everytime bc the entrance is right on the road that i take rn to get to school so ill just walk by dump a bunch#of seed then continue walkin LAKSJDLASJDKLAJDLJASLDKJALSDJAJSLDAJLDKJA#like ummmmm this is the BACK entrance achtualy 🤓#& the gate that doesnt lock IS the security issue but yall pretend someone smoking weed by themselves in their room is the security issue#one of the best things i learned from law or contracts is that if its not explicitly prohibited they must provide u w reasonable#alternatives to conduct the point of what ur doing#like mostly it falls under protest like protestors outside a building on the sidewalk: well u cant bar protesting on the sidewalk bc u#simply dont like them - the sidewalk is public so bar ANY loitering within like 20ft of entrances thats fine bc its w everyone u know what i#mean#so u can still protest … just not within that 20ft bc also nobody is doing anything w/in 20ft bc ur not allowed to & thats fine bc nobody is#so basically w me in this regard its the fact that there is no clause in my lease prevtning bird feeding nor are there ‘no feeding the bird’#signs so … ur WELL within ur rights. but here is uk law ur allowed to feed the birds its protected unless stated like they can say damage or#whatever but its irrelevent bc the damage is from a wild animal not from ur pet or ur direct harm to the building causing damage. it’s
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GRRR GRRR GRRRRRRR
#personal i am in bipolar land and in reality this is probably not a big deal. but i am making it one in my brain.#tmi#bipolar fucking thoughts ahead get the hell out while you still can because im back home and i hate my brothers pregnant wife#she is literally the most rude and inconsiderate and useless piece of shit ive ever met.#who the fuck freeloads in a house for free and eats for free and lives for free and has no job and then complains about the dishes#who the FUCK do you think you are YOU ARE NOBODY! YOU ARE NOTHING. YOU DO NOTHING YOU BRING NOTHING TO THE TABLE#ALL YOU ARE IS PREGNANT. and youre not even that far along you are so fucking RUDE#using my fucking parents as a shield like that matters. they can speak up for themselves. jesus christ i hate you#i hate her. i hate her. i hate her. i will straight up fight her i hate her.#if she didnt say anything i wouldnt have said a word.#but you made a FUCKING MISTAKE#I AM HOME#I AM HERE.#I AM NOT STANDING BY WHILE YOU PRETEND TO NOT BLAME OTHERS ABOUT FUCKING CHORES YOU SHOULD HELP WITH!!!!!#YOU ARE SO FUCKING STUPID#fucking HELP AROUND HERE#GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#god better fucking be with me tomorrow because i might just let the bipolar thoughts win@#for FUCKS SAKE
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Weight talk tw I guess idk how to describe the post sorry im a little high
It’s so weird being around people who talk about weight problems (IOP) and like idk it brings up weird shit in my brain almost anxiety that I should feel bad about myself somehow like I’m doing this wrong being confident idk. Weird self doubt thing that happens when you’ve loved yourself (hmm. Rephrase. I don’t care about being fat. let’s say that.) and then you’re in a room full of people having a group discussion about how they avoid living their life in happy ways because they don’t want to become like you. But you love yourself. But everyone in your life since you were little has been dieting and talking about weight and specific numbers (someone was anxious about gaining seven pounds! SEVEN. If they saw my scale they would shit themselves. I put on seven pounds taking a big bong rip Jesus fucking Christ seven pounds. I wanted to rip my hair out.)
Next time weight issues come up in IOP I’m stepping out of the room. Like idk how to explain it cause it’s like not a trigger but I guess it is ? But it’s just so weird like the way I’m triggered makes me want to cry why does the world hate me for being fat what the fuck !!!!
#me when I gain weight issues through thinking about my own body in a group setting#ughhh#whatever fuck it#taking an anxiety med chavas at work Levi’s on a train (EXCITED!!!!) I’m gonna take my little sedative friend and try to take a nap bc six#and a half hours after the last two days I’ve had is fucking nothing. going to nap city will fix me.#also taking my morning med. I haven’t done that yet I need to eat *stares into camera* to take my meds gahhhh I hate having a human form an#intestines just take the med with one cracker and not get sick what the fuck body I’m so sick of heart burn I want to burn down the world#and now that I’ve had a med increase I get fucking withdrawal symptoms if I miss a morning dose which I found out bc I left my meds at home#accidentally on Monday when I was so overtired and forgot to put them back in my bag for IOP (cause they have food at IOP so I take them#there once I’ve eaten) and then I had a headache for like half of the day and I was so overtired I was crying on the drive home cause I#wanted to sleep so bad and then I got home and my brain wouldn’t shut the fuck up even on the sleep meds until I talked to kath and she#calmed me down just existing the little sweetheart god I love her okay anyways babble over I’m very overtired and a little cranky and my#brother has been in a very bitchy mood recently idk what’s got him on edge but everything is setting him off into little fights like not#just with me he was fighting with mom this morning he’s just kick to getting worked up recently which leads to me being angry wanting to be#rude which means do the opposite which means show extra compassion woohoo coping skills 🗣️🗣️#anyways. post panic attack sedative nap (my beloved) or perhaps work on editing my vlog#I’m high I forgot you can’t hit comma on tags. edit my vlog. vacuum. (I always spell vacuum with two c’s and not two u’s and I think#autocorrect should not correct me on that one bc I think I am right in my soul idk why#there’s another word I’m like that with but I forget what it is . okay bye thank you for listening to my type words goodbye goodnight mwah#it’s nap time babyyyyyy#idk if I have to trigger tag this ? someone let me know if I do please
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