#my brain hurts so fucking badly | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

maidofmetal · 10 months ago

Text

insane what birth control will do to a motherfucker

#metal speaks #permanently getting off of birth control on account of the history of suicide attempts #n the severe n treatment resistant mood n dissociation disorders #fucked up how bad i got just trying to reduce the amount of pain i experience #disability is exhausting #i’m exhausted #my brain hurts so fucking badly

3 notes · View notes

ravenpureforever · 14 days ago

Text

So guess who finally watched JJK

#I went from watching Dungeon Meshi earlier this month to watching JJK and I haven’t watched a shounen in literal years so #I can found dead in a ditch after being beaten bloody and raw holy shit #I like knew it would but dark but like Jesus fucking Christ on a cracker I was not expecting that #I still need to read the manga but like damn I need a moment after that #so far I can say JJK is in fact worth the hype and has consumed my soul #Yuuji Itadori my absolute beloved I love you so much I would die for you with zero hesitation #he’s my favorite character and I only want good things for him so so badly and I also want to torture him #I have a deep love hate relationship with Sukuna that kinda haunts me #Megumi is so funky I like him a lot #an absolute madman pretending to be the straight man in bits and no I will not be taking criticism on this opinion #kugisaki my girl you deserve more screen time please let her shine #nanamin you will also haunt me #I didn’t want to like Gojo I was like I am above simping for him and then I’m putting on the clown make up and THEN #They put him in a box just as I went goddamn it I am down bad for Gojo Satoru like COME ON #Anyway Suguru and his eye bags and depression and deeply rooted issues compelled me #Satosugu brain rot is in fact and real and can hurt me #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #shibuya arc #itadori yuuji #megumi fushiguro #nobara kugisaki #gojo satoru #geto suguru #nanami kento #satosugu #ryomen sukuna

24 notes · View notes

varilien · 1 year ago

Text

@azurecitrus OKAY THIS MOVIE ABSOLUTELY BROKE MY HEART AND I GOT CARRIED AWAY THANK YOU FOR THE REC LMAOOO

reminded me of a dream i had once, about vash and wolfwood being schoolkids together and wolfwood scaring off all of vash's bullies,,

#trigun #trigun anime #trigun fanart #vash #vash the stampede #wolfwood #nicholas d. wolfwood #vashwood #asks #azurecitrus #movie night with v #always a wild thing to have a movie that p much the whole time is like. oh okay very sad very uncomfortable.#and i'm failing to get much out of the experience. UNTIL!! the last twenty minutes or so #where the ending officially cements the story in my brain forever dfkjghdfk #goddddd the scene where he learns to hit back..... and that final triumphant ''HIS ARM IS MINT!! >:D''#I'M TEARING UP JUST THINKING ABOUT IT......... OUAGH....#EXTREMELY GOOD MOVIE IT HURT VERY BADLY LMAO #the black phone also gets extra points of favor with me for the scene the main character was watching my favorite william castle movie lol #alsooo week one in my first apartment babeyyyyyyyy i have not fucking slept at all dfkgjhdfjg

285 notes · View notes

ahalliance · 4 months ago

Text

my roman empire is that one moment smth smth qsmp lore happened and étoiles responded to a chat message by saying smth along the lines of “bah baghera me fait pas confiance” and laughed tersely but i can’t remember when that fucking happened and maybe i hallucinated it . but i need to try and find it again . to satiate my qetoiles qbagz relationship and larger qfrench messy family dynamic illness

#anyone remember when they saved kameto and cellbit warned the fed may try and take him again and kameto was immediately like ‘no etoiles #will protect me’ and etoiles said ‘if they take kamel i burn everything’#anyone remember the pre purgatory where kameto ran up to bagz and lied to her by saying etoiles wanted to hurt pomme #and she confronted etoiles and he told her wtf no i don’t why did u believe him and she said well u never know have u seen ur arm #head in hands . qbagz paranoia and distrust even when u want to trust so badly . une méfiance envers tout . seeing ur friend as a ticking #time bomb bc his arm is getting up by code . fuck #qsmp #jay rambles #étoiles #baghera jones #if anyone can magically find the moment i mention in the actual post i’d love u forever btw #i have practically nothing to go off but it’s post first etoiles code scar skin . maybe in late october after his and bagz convo about it #ive has a webweaving sat in my drafts for months i need to finish it . the worms in my brain

13 notes · View notes

vilelittlecritter · 8 months ago

Text

Helllo please come into my house it is a normal house with normal things like tangible interiors and grounded in reality there is nothing to worry about this house it is very normal:)

#my house.wad is currently rotting my brain #gunna pick up a copy of house of leaves tomorrow if i can #ngl ive considered dabbling im writing and id love to write something horrific like house of leaves #i love things that mess with your head so badly it starts to hurt to think #love stories where every detail is just apart of some horrible game of thematicrics where the author is just fucking with you with meanings #cosmic horror my beloved #random rambles

8 notes · View notes

sugared-violets · 3 months ago

Text

my mental state at the moment is such that as long as i just keep moving, as long as i stay focused on a puzzle or tv show or podcast or chore or some combination of things (ideal), i'm Fine. i'm coping and i'm fine.

but if, god forbid, i stop distracting myself for one (1) second, i fall directly into the pit of despair.

#its like yayy im being productive im using my brain im leaving the house #but as soon as i stop.#as soon as i allow myself to think about the last month #i'm fucked.#because if im not distracting myself i'm thinking about her.#how much i loved her. how quickly she gave up on me. how badly i want to see her and how badly i wish we never met #everything i loved about her and everything she did that hurt me #the sound of her voice and the sound of her crying as she broke up with me #the gifts she got me and the places i hid them so i don't have to see #it's like i have a very thin shell keeping all the hurt and sadness inside and all i can do is try to keep it from breaking #ugh.#dani.txt

3 notes · View notes

fooltofancy · 9 months ago

Text

figuring out an injection schedule through clenched teeth and a haze of tears 'cause if my body's gonna fuck something up it's gonna do it at the least okay time possible

#changed my set earlier because there was a problem with the last one and like. it hurt so badly i almost passed out lmao #i had to put my face on the floor #and sensitivity is fucked there apparently because my blood sugar isn't coming down #and i don't have another set until APPARENTLY WEDNESDAY when i put this order in thursday #my blood sugar's been high long enough that i'm so so angry but also in tears it's so frustrating #i really. really don't want to do injections for three days #i have so much to do this week and now it's just gonna be that i don't have enough brain to do more than be alive when i have to manually #wanna break something but like. a bone.#/rational fucked up blood sugar impulses #i don't wanna use the insulin pen agaaaaaain i hate the fucking insulin pen #okay i'm gonna be. an adult now.#three days is so long i don't think i have enough lantus for three days.#actually i have so much lantus this is a miracle

5 notes · View notes

moe-broey · 3 months ago

Text

Ohhhhhhhhhhh okay. Bursts jnto tears screaming crying throwing up

#this is about my wip again. on the brink of fucking losing everything.#the state of things are so fucking dire i'm considering posting spoilers just to illustrate what fucking happened here.#AND I AM BEING DRAMATIC. but to be fair THIS MEANS A LOT TO ME AND THIS WAS. A FOCAL SHOT. HUGE FUCKING SHOT #also i might just die badly. give up. lay down. no guarantees that i will get into it. i do want to. but like.#ohhhhhhhhhhhhh. my god. my brain hurts and i'm devastated and i'm gonna cry. okay. love you goodbyw ☺️

2 notes · View notes

fellhellion · 1 year ago

Text

conchata saying neither of my sons were worth much in a fight...im so fucking unwell...

#the fact shes saying this in response to gabriel getting brutalised by the fucking cops aughhhhh head in hands conchata u make me so unwell #u have so many Issues. tried to protect your sons from a violent man but there was nobody left to protect you except Yourself #you did things you were ashamed of to leave a place you wanted to forget augh...#miguel :handshake: conchata: simultaneously finding gabriel's softness something they want to protect but also viewing him as a bit weak #im so fucking unwell...#ive dealt w bullies like you all my life conchata says as she slaps a literal child across the face. like kron is a shitty fucking kid #but thats still a CHILD. ough. conchata striking kron and conchata striking miguel and conchata being a victim herself of a man who hurt he #so badly and TOOK her son from her. conchata who goes to threaten tyler stone w a bullet in the brain for hurting her sons (epic W)#but who also cannot look her own physical violence against miguel in the face for what it is #tunes talks 2099

13 notes · View notes

hauntingblue · 8 months ago

Text

ANOTHER DEATH BY INMOLATION???? ENOUGH!!!!

#really happy about being wrong about oden. normally when you see something is badly written it is true but here oden being alive being bad #writing was a trally a gotcha moment.... well unlike with pell and laki and wiper..... and conis' dad....#ashura....... and kanjuro is still alive...... this man deserves an execution #is this orichi??? the beheaded one was a kanjuro drawing too???? jesus #orichis fruit is a dragon with a lot of heads.... maybe he can regrow them lmao....#omg double hakai.... goodbye my brave soldiers.... ZORO?? ENMA IS A GODSEND YOU OWN ALL YOUR LIVES TO HIYORI....#zoro got hurt and luffy is on the offensive again..... exactly..... YES RED ROCK!!! BUT DON'T MISS!!!#talking tag #watching one piece #episode 1025 #oden and kin on a flower field..... okay......#luffy stopping the attack meant for zoro.... oof #kaido's face knowing this was gonna hurt....#kid and traffy catching luffy too..... everybody loves luffy.....#how can luffy just stop kaido's attack like that's insane....#the others attacking big mom... that was such a big brain move.... they made teams here... luffy and then the brains (everyone elseÑ #jesus. that was something else #luffys giggle and smile when kid and tragfy catch him... he is so happy when people are there for him..... he loves fighting with friends :)#episode 1026 #OMG GOODBYE BIG MOM!!!! SHE IS IN THE SEA I CANT BELIEVE THIS!!!!!#TRAFFY RATHER LET THE MISSION FAIL THAN ONE OF THEM DIE??? OMG #HOW IS PROMETHEUS IN THE WATER?????? FUCK OFF!!!!#they are bullying zeus lmaooo INTERNAL FIGHTING!! INTERNAL FIGHTING!!!#luffy knocked out and atill looking at kaido again.... ooff #this is insane. luffy just saved zoro and told him he wont need to die and here he goes again. oh this time i migh fr die. take care goodbye #the bleeding... oof THE SCAR JUST AS THE ONE HE HAS.... goodbye zolo..... rip bozo... don't fall like that man..... ass up like sanji...#he got a 2x1 hit..... goodbye law too.... kaido's eye when he notices luffy is up again.... also haoshoku..... i dont wanna look it up.....#nvm is the conqueror's haki.... i do not remember the og names AT ALL #episode 1027

4 notes · View notes

ningningkittie · 8 months ago

Text

i cant stop thinking abt him... have been doing that all daynd i feel so sad nd my heart hurtsso bad nd i long for him sm it's just a bad day :((

#it's bc i saw that he #uploaded his background which was just nothing. and said that he feels empty #and a couple of months ago before i ruined it all #he said that he had me as his background #so now i feel so fkn sad #i dont know why im like this but i feel so crazy about him i wanna die #i think about him constantly and i'venever ever wanted to be with or know someone this badly #and to know that he sees me as a disappointment... and not good enough for him... and that he doesnt love me enough to wanna fix it #or even have a 'it' with me #hurts so bad #so now im just in an awful headspace...#i hate myself so much #i wish i could go back and not do what i did #i did it bc i thought it'd bring me closer to him #but i was wrong and i didnt understand that until now #and instead it caused him to think im not what he thought i was or what he wants me to be #and no matter how much i try to explain i realize thatonly i understand #bcmy brains broken and no one could ever understand why i do what i do #i am alone. always and forever i will never know closeness or intimacy #the thing is thatbefore i met him i was fine w that #i kinda longed for it but i had resigned myself to a life without it #then i met him nd it felt real nd like it could bereal for me #plus i genuinely like him sm i feel sm for him so i desperately want it w him #but then..... it turned out that im not good enough for him #it just rlly hurts that the ONLY time i've ever wanted someone #and it started w them wanting me back #who i am was a disappointment nd i fucked it up bc of a misunderstanding #that i cant clear up bc i cant make anyone understand my fucked up broken reasoning #i will bealone forever and i just wanna die

4 notes · View notes

piplupod · 9 months ago

Text

head in my hands. i promise i am not a scary unhinged person fdsgjkl, and none of my silly happy posting is fake, i am just very good at repressing and partitioning things. i can be having the worst day of my life and still enjoy jokes and be genuinely having a good time with my silly little characters and stories i come up with. this brain LOVES to section off shit that is genuinely unbearable (because how else do you live with that? if not putting it in a place where you cannot feel it?) so that i can cope and find joy in life still fsdjkl i simply love having a good time too much to ever make it up

#pippen needs 2nd breakfast #i want to make friends and be a pleasant person to be around so badly but fhdsjkl then . this household hurts me as it is wont to do #and i have a small breakdown here bc it all feels so awful and i feel like if i keep it locked inside and hidden i will actually CrackTM #and then i feel like that is . well. understandably! a lot! for other ppl to see #and it is very upsetting and scary and awful to read. i know. im so well aware fjdskl #but also augh. augh augh augh. i try very hard to not post abt things as much as i humanly can avoid doing so #but i am very silly and fuck up my own rules for myself when i have a particularly bad experience w mother o' mine #i am worried that if i say anything to the effect of ''life is terrible and i am straight up not having a good time''#then it makes all my other posting look disingenuous or smth. i am literally just posting what is on my brain currently when i post stuff #and oftentimes my brain is like... a silly little swirl-patterned rubber bouncy ball with a happy face on it HDSGJKL #that is like... a lot of my whole deal as a part of the brain fsdfjkl #even with all the grief and upset i can still have a good time bc we stay silly !!!! by god we stay silly through it all !!!#i will shrug my shoulders and say ''ah well what can ya do!'' after getting screamed at or told i'm a disappointment to the family lmfao #because honestly... what can you do dsfkl it is what it is and theres rly nothing i can do about this all #anyways i am talking toooooo much sorry fdsjgkl once again i will delete all this later so i dont upset ppl too much dsjkl augh augh sorry

5 notes · View notes

dullahandyke · 2 years ago

Text

I need to start having more normal daydreams bcos rn the main one is about finding someone who will agree to consensually stab me 1. Bcos I wanna know what it feels like and 2. I've never had an extended hospital trip before and it would be a Different Problem to have to my current ones and 3. This is a smaller specific facet subset of the daydream of 'qpr with benefits roommate who I marry for tax benefits and have autism with'

#story im reading: (vivid description of a stabbing)#brain: :/ that should be you #me: oh my god can you PLEASE be quiet #TO BE CLEAR. this is not a self harming thing #while my conviction against self harm is probably weaker than it should be. i do not and do not want to purposefully harm myself #this is an exception almost solely because i am SOOOO FUCKING CURIOUS #ive not felt terribly bad pain that i can remember in a long time so this would be a nice point of reference #like i have a thing where i dont remember how i feel in memories unless i remember consciously thinkint about lik3 'i am happy rivht now'#so logic dictates that if i want to remember what big pain feels like then i should get badly hurt and then wax philosophic about it #maybe record a voice note or something while i waited for the ambulance to come #anyway i was gonna finish these tags w 'no i was lying i dont need to get more normal daydreams' but tbh yeah

8 notes · View notes

borgeslabyrinth · 2 years ago

Text

It's so funny how having been raised deeply religious but no longer being Christian will linger later on. Like I just tagged a post with my constellation/stars tag from back when we all had artsy tags for everything "come close listen to the story" is about an obscure song about Jesus. Or like I was talking to a Muslim classmate of mine about what she does for her prayers when she has evening classes and I was secretly brimming with envy about the whole concept of Islamic daily prayers. The whole ritual of it, having to do it five times a day, having to face the correct direction, the rakat, that would make me so satisfied having to do that every day. I would revel in that so hard. I would really enjoy that. It's making my brain light up just thinking about.

#actually this might have started as a post about the after effects of me being christian but it ended in my weird #i like to call it my ''i have a heart for god but god doesn't have a heart for me''#meaning like i desperately want a religion to center my life around but i've been so hurt by christianity that going to church #makes me actively suicidal #so like the salah is so appealing to me because that's the absolute height of basing your life around your religion #which is so appealing #also i LOVE little rituals the idea of having to do a certain specific intricate task at the same time every day #it would feel so nice #make my brain go brrrrrrrrrrr #but i also understand that i shouldn't convert to islam just because i like the praying #just like i know i shouldn't return to church #but my heart yearns for god i don't know what to tell you!#i don't WANT to want religion so badly i don't WANT to yearn for it so desperately #like i get it's really bad for me #but i can't help it #i yearn for the divine #and you know what?#it's a fucking shame that christianity is such a harmful religion that has harmed so many people including myself #that i CAN'T throw myself into religion #this desire for religion is so deeply rooted in me that it can't be ignored no matter how i try #and i should be ABLE to revel in that part of myself #but because christianity is so harmful because it's members are so horrific #i can't #that's really sad #and still i'm typing this out and my brain's like #just do it #just start being religious again it'll feel so nice you'll feel so happy #but i won't! it's a trap! the religion is too dangerous!#oscar talks to himself #religion mention

13 notes · View notes

the-kipsabian · 1 year ago

Text

can i just sleep the next two and a half weeks i dont want to feel things before its london weekend and i can just focus on the positives

#anxiety is so high rn and i dont know why #but its (alongside with the current depressive episodes) affecting me physically and mentally so badly right now #i have everything taken care off i shouldnt need to do more than figure out my cat sitter stuff and check in for my flights #i could just sleep. the world doesnt need me before i can maybe see kip again. please #..also dont even get me on that depressive tangent of potentially not being able to see him cause i cant do that right now #im just so negative and im very aware of it and its eating me up im sorry #just. my brain. it hurts. im so fucking mentally exhausted i cant think #night is an absolute mess on main

3 notes · View notes

lilowoof · 1 year ago

Text

Being mentally ill sucks so much. I'm trying to sleep but the anxiety is making me cry OTL

#I havent vagued about wanting to die in a while so i deserve to whine on main #as a treat #but i still want to. kinda badly. this pain is fucking unbearable and is getting worse!!!!!#i cant handle all the stupid small things and my fucking past trauma that has been destroying me for the past year or so #auuuuuuuugh #the only good thing about now compared to before is that my health is ao bad that i cant hurt myself anymore #ok hopefully opening up a lil will help unstress my brain so i cam #ssssleep. help me sleep

2 notes · View notes