#TO BE CLEAR. this is not a self harming thing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dullahandyke · 2 years ago

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I need to start having more normal daydreams bcos rn the main one is about finding someone who will agree to consensually stab me 1. Bcos I wanna know what it feels like and 2. I've never had an extended hospital trip before and it would be a Different Problem to have to my current ones and 3. This is a smaller specific facet subset of the daydream of 'qpr with benefits roommate who I marry for tax benefits and have autism with'

#story im reading: (vivid description of a stabbing)#brain: :/ that should be you #me: oh my god can you PLEASE be quiet #TO BE CLEAR. this is not a self harming thing #while my conviction against self harm is probably weaker than it should be. i do not and do not want to purposefully harm myself #this is an exception almost solely because i am SOOOO FUCKING CURIOUS #ive not felt terribly bad pain that i can remember in a long time so this would be a nice point of reference #like i have a thing where i dont remember how i feel in memories unless i remember consciously thinkint about lik3 'i am happy rivht now'#so logic dictates that if i want to remember what big pain feels like then i should get badly hurt and then wax philosophic about it #maybe record a voice note or something while i waited for the ambulance to come #anyway i was gonna finish these tags w 'no i was lying i dont need to get more normal daydreams' but tbh yeah

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