#my bad days are far apart- which I am so very grateful for

[sparks-chaotic-cove]

I think i've mentioned it before- but I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome- hypermobility type (not the classic or heart one)

but while this usually only makes my joints be able to wiggle out of place quite a bit easier- occasionally, it also makes them hurt.

Today is what I would consider a bad day (concerning my EDS). I was in a car, and as car rides go for me with my little funky brain, I sat with my legs bent.

And bending my legs for that long is not a great idea.

So now I've got one knee that aches really bad- other is not as bad but still not great.

for all of the times I joke about my hypermobility- sometimes I forget that my knees and joints can hurt this bad

[red-viewe]

general lilia x reader thoughts 🔫 (part two✌)

COLORED TEXT IS FAE LANGUAGE (tw: metions of bl99d, swearing)

Part 1 part 3

---

'Fuck my life.'

Here's the tea. You found a half-dead but sexy asf fae on your sidewalk and decided, 'Hey! Let's bring him in, warp him up and fall asleep!' Which was a stupid decision, because now, you're leaning against Mr. Hot Guy's head, pretending to be asleep, because right now, THE FAE GUY IS AWAKE AND HE MIGHT KILL YOU.

After about 5 minutes of awkward silence, this happened.

"I know you're awake."

He said, as he slowly started to get up from the couch. "W-wow, i didn't think you would notice..." God, get yourself together, dude.

"Where am I?" He says, turning to the very sweaty(?) you. God, this man is so hot.

"You're in my house...in the woods, a-and you shouldn't stand up right now, you're still injured.

" You abruptly stand and gently push him down back on to the couch.

"I'm Y/n L/n, by the way... " Mr. Fae still seemed to be om guard.

"Why did you save me? Don't you know about the war going on right now?" He asks in a stern tone (which was kind of hot...).

"Well, war is stupid when you can literally solve everything without death." You say as you walked away into the kitchen.

"...Is that so.." He mumbled.

---

It toke time for the fae to tell you his name, you respected that. You wouldn't tell a stranger your name either. (Expect you did, but we ignore that) Afte a while, he finally said to juat call him Liliy. Being shot in the stomach with an iron arrow, it toke Liliy time to be able to actually move, but it was progress.

Your days suddenly became more interesting, as you spent more time with him, learning more and more about him.

Like how he's insanely good at games, even when he doesn't try, or when he sometimes helps you prepare for the day before you open the bar.

---

"I'm not playing with you anymore." You cry in a joking tone as you lose yet again another game of chess.

"Pft, if you'd like, perhaps you'd desire an easier game? May i suggest rock paper sissors?" Liliy says with mischievous smirk on his face.

"Oh, screw you."

'Is this man trying to poison me?' Was the first thought you had when you opened the lunch Liliy attempted to make for you.

"It can't be that bad..." You say out loud, slightly gagging when you scooped up some of the meal(?) onto your spoon.

---

And...sweet moments, which made your heart beat a little faster and your cheeks warm up.

---

"Sleeping late, beastie?" Liliy said, as he toke some of your hair into his hands and started combing playing with it, making you blush when you felt his breath a little too close.

"Mhm, I'm doing some stinky taxes before i go to bed." You said, writing down information. After a while of liliy playing with your hair, you started to feel drowsy and fell asleep, waking up the next day on your bed, with a half asleep liliy next to you, staring at you with half closed eye lids and a blush on his face.

'How are you so freaking fine?'

---

You honestly did not know when you and the fae started getting so comfortable with each other, but are grateful for your friendship with Liliy.

---

The some of the buildings were set ablaze, others half torn apart, and human bounty hunters were tearing the town apart looking for Lilia Vanrouge. Rumours of the infamous general seeking refuge with someone spread far and wide, wide enough to reach the ears of the royal family. The bounty on his head was more than 9 million thaumarks, and bounty hunters were eager to find the fae.

'Fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck' You screamed on your mind as you swiftly ran back to your home in the woods, running from the danger.

"LIliy!" You burst into your home, praying that your fae would still be there.

"Y/n." Liliy was dressed in the armour you found him in, with his gargoyle mask on this head, carrying his weapon. "I have something to tell you, beastie."

"That you're Lilia Vanrouge, I know." You're not stupid. You saw the bounty posters. Bro.

"Are you leaving..?" You silently said, eyes meeting his.

Lilia stepped closer, his voice now low and soft.

"I have to. If I don't I- You- my queen needs me, and it's too dangerous for me t-" You hug him, eyes watering. Lilia's arms gently embrace you, and he kisses your forehead. "I swear I'll be back, my love"

Tears fall down your face, as he slowly releases you and leaves, turning back for one last glance of you.

'Please come back'

--

Authors note

This one was a bit sad😭 maybe if i finish part 3 i can make some side stories with crack and stuff 😭🙏Would you like that ?🤔

(Also just comment if you want to be tagged if theres a next one)

(Tag list: @anonima-2)

[diacripticcomplex]

[This is probably the only light hearted story I will ever do, obviously this is not a smut, just light hearted vibes]

Yui’s POV:

My first day as a private teacher in a wealthy academy, I was honestly so shocked that I even got this job but nonetheless I am grateful. When I was younger I always thought I would become a nun, growing up in a church I thought it was the most suited path for me, but one day my father and the rest of the Church elders granted me with an opportunity, to teach a bunch of young children in a private academy, my room and board would be taken care of and it was a well paying job, I did not care much for money but I did like helping charities with the money I already have so this would help me in that aspect.

It was the first day I spent the last 2 weeks decorating the classroom. These children are all around the ages of 9-12. They were very young, I hope to teach them kindness and compassion, I remember when I was first given this class, the neighboring teachers made remarks about the incoming students saying they were all rich, evil, selfish demons. I hope that is not the case, but even if it is, they're just kids they can easily be taught something new and unlearn wrong.

I was on a little chair, putting up a banner. It might be somewhat cheesy but I thought it was adorable. "Ha! What a lameeee banner." a childish voice shrieked mockingly. I turned my head slightly and saw a boy, he had spiky red hair at its ends, he had lively green eyes that look just like a cat's eyes, they were adorable but he already seemed like a nightmare. "Are you a student in this class?" I ask him to try to redirect his comment. "Yep, I'm the great Ayato Sakamaki!" he said, his confidence through the roof, his energy was up there but refreshing. Sakamaki, looking at the attendance I noticed there were quite a few Sakamaki boys in this class, perhaps they were all related? "Ayato, do you have any siblings?" I asked him, he nodded, then started to name them all whilst counting with his fingers. "Kanato, Laito, Shu, and Reiji..oh and Subaru but I haven't met him yet." he explained, which confused me, he has a brother who he hasn't met yet..? "Woah~ Look at this class Kanato, it's nice and colorful and we have such a cute teacher, hello Teacher." Two boys entered the classroom, the one with emerald green cat-like eyes spoke. I smile warmly at the boys. "What are your names?"I asked them, looking towards the boy with the purple hair more, he had an interesting safety teddy bear, it was so cute. The boy with emerald green eyes spoke however in his stead. "I am Laito and this is my brother Kanato, oh I see you already met Ayato, we are all triplets." Laito states, I keep these things noted, just in case it was a part of my training. "Can I sit already?" Kanato asks, I smile and nod at him. "Yes of course, find the seat with your name on it." All 3 of them go to their assigned seats. I feel bad they were all so far apart from each other but they will be able to hang out during lunch break.

"Subaru, this is the classroom." I heard some way say with such a formal tone his voice when I looked at him was just a kid, he had raven hair and glasses, next to him was a shorter boy with pale skin and hair, eyes red like blood, and a taller blonde boy who looked like a prince. The boy with glasses looked right at me and bowed his head slightly. "Ahh that's not needed, please find your assigned seats." I told them and I noticed the raven haired boy went to the seat of Reiji, he sat right next to Ayato. They did not look alike at all but they had the same last name and Ayato did say these were his siblings. The seats of Subaru and Shu were sat in as well, they were right next to each other. “Ayato, these are all of your brothers?” I asked him, he nodded. “I guess so, you must be Subaru, what’s up?” He shouted from across the room. Subaru looked at him and his cheeks flushed slightly then he looked away, I still didn’t understand why he said it like that. “Um Ayato, I’m confused how come you never met Subaru…even though you are brothers?” I asked him. But before he could speak the blonde prince looking boy named Shu spoke “you clearly never heard of half siblings..dimwit” he said harshly, woah kids really can say crude things sometimes.

A few more boys came in, 4 came in at the same time they clung to each other. “We’re the Mukami siblings, nice to meet ya teacher~” a spunky blonde haired boy exclaimed. I liked his enthusiasm. “Please take your assigned name seat” I tell them in a welcoming tone and they do do. It was an interesting dynamic. Reiji, Ayato and the boy Ruki said in a desk row together, Shu, Subaru, and a boy named Yuma all sat together, Kanato sat next to Azusa, he had strange marks on him I hope everything is okay at home… and Laito and Kou sat together. Supposedly there was supposed to be 3 more students perhaps they were lost..? When I started to lose hope, 3 boys came in one had long white hair and the other short spiky strawberry blonde they both had similar eyes, they must be brothers, and the boy without a last name Kino, he refused to sit in his assigned seat.

“Welcome students my name is Ms. Komori, I will be your teacher for the year, it’s a pleasure to meet you all.” I say warmly. The silence was killer…”hm let’s start with an ice breaker, everyone say their name and something they like to do, I’ll start my name is Ms. Komori and I like to read.” I say, causing some of them to scoff and snicker. “How lame, I’ll go now! My name is Ayato and I like to win cause’ I’m the best at everything!” He says, I couldn’t help but notice this kid has some serious narcissistic tendencies. The next boy went “My name is Sakamaki Reiji and I enjoy reading as well, but I prefer to conduct experiments.” He states, well he will definitely like the science projects I have planned then. “I’m Mukami Ruki, I like reading as well.” He says briefly, I noticed him holding a book. “Oh what book is that?” I asked him, he looked dead at me and said it wasn’t my business…okay then.

“Laito here, pleasure to meet you Miss Bitch, my favorite thing is to watch girls change” when he said that my eye twitched a little, he’s like 10 years old saying things like that…what on earth is wrong with this child..? “I’m Kou, I like to dance” he says, I smiled at him. I think Kou would like the talent show aspect I have planned for the future. “Azusa…I like pain…” the next boy said. “Okay I think we have to talk about this briefly, you shouldn’t like pain it is not a good thing” I tell him, he looks at me confused.

“Alright kids, ice breaker is over, don’t be upset I’m sure we will all get to know more about each other, for now I want to focus on this lesson. You all need to understand that pain is never a good thing, in life we must do good things to make other people feel happy and comfortable, hurting ourselves does damage both in the heart and the mind.” I say and point to both my heart and mind. “Father didn’t tell us our new teacher was a simpleton human…” Reiji said to Ayato, causing all the boys to snicker. These kids really are something else….

[moonstruckme]

Okay sorry I don’t want to burden anyone I know irl so rant below ! Cw for anxiety maybe? Please feel no need to read, everything is fine in my part of the world :)

I’m graduating on Saturday and that’s already more scary than exciting unfortunately, but a couple of days ago I got turned down for the only position I wanted in the city I live in now, so I’ll officially be moving away at the end of the summer. The thing is, I have no idea where !! I’ve always wanted to move out of my home state so it was never the plan to stay here, but there was a weird sense of comfort in the idea that I could potentially just stay where I am right now, continue to hang out with my friends who are doing grad school, kinda sorta pretend to just still be in college for another year or so. Which maybe wasn’t the best idea, but the familiarity was like a security blanket. Now, I cannot stop thinking about how I have no idea what I’m going to do.

I really hoped I’d have a job lined up by now, but as it stands it seems like I’m going to be working 3 jobs until my lease ends in August and after that I have no clue where I’m going. Jobs in my industry are worryingly scant and while I’m trying to make my peace with working in like a coffee shop or a bookstore or something (which I think I would be perfectly content with, at least for a while) the amount of decisions that leaves me with is stressing me out so bad. I have to figure out where I want to live, get a job there, go and find an apartment with some roommates, make all new friends, etc, etc. I’m terrified.

I have literally one friend who isn’t going on to some kind of higher education and she’s already gotten her dream job after applying to two (2) places, and I’m genuinely happy for her but it makes me feel like such a failure that I’ve applied to dozens and not even gotten an interview. I want so badly to just do something I care about but I feel like soon I’m going to have to settle for whatever pays rent. I keep telling myself that that’s fine, because plenty of people live that way and I’m sure that so long as I keep writing and have some good people in my life I’ll be happy, but it’s so so scary to know that in a couple of months I’ll be leaving all my friends and family behind but have no idea where I’ll be going.

I’m really not trying to whine, I know that I’ve been extremely lucky to go to college and enjoy barely paying for anything the last few years (I have a scholarship that pays for most of my rent and my parents help me with grocery money). There are genuinely awful things happening all over the world right now, and I live in a country that affords me a good amount of safety and have parents who I know would step in to help me if I were literally starving. I’m just sort of coming to terms with this being the first time in my life that I’m completely on my own. I’m confident that I can find something to keep myself alive, but I’ve been very lucky to have great friends and a very contented life so far, and I’m both grateful for that and terrified it’s going to end soon.

I can sort of feel myself on the edge of a wee breakdown and that really cannot happen right now because my family and my long-distance bestie get here tomorrow for graduation so I’m going to have to be very smiley and confident for at least the next few days ! And anyone I shared this with would be taking on the burden of feeling some kind of guilt, which of course I don’t want to put on anyone. So yeah. Sorry to do this here, but I really felt like I had to externalize this somehow and you guys are my unfortunate victims!

[typingdyslexiaisathing]

A Crime In the Devildom (Obey Me!) fic part 1

Part 1 is this post. Part 2 here.

content: Diavolo has the human exchange student stand trial for a crime. Established relationships, mention of violence, mention of blood, mention of injury, blood, injury, character ends up throwing up, mention of death.

The Demon Lord's Castle was far from peaceful this night. Several voices shouting and growling in the main room for Diavolo to be sitting in his office. Barbatos standing next to Marzena as she sat in a chair. Her hands cuffed and knuckles split open for her to also have a bloody lip. Several burn marks on her clothes and flesh for Barbatos to be tending to her injuries as Diavolo watched. The current ruler of the Devildom frowning to then sigh. "Marzena. I am grateful that you decided to come in quietly. Despite the protests of your pact demons. It makes this a bit easier on all of us. But I am very upset over all this."

Marzena nodded to flinch when Barbatos started cleaning a cut on her knee. Yet the human didn't complain to just stay seated. "Valid. You didn't want to deal with a trial for someone getting attacked and murdered. I know the others were trying to keep the serial killings going on from me. But Solomon left the case files out for me to notice. Not his fault by the way. I tugged the file out from under his stack of papers to read it." Barbatos looks amused as Diavolo rubs a hand over his face and grumble. "And yet here we are. Three demons tortured and one possibly going to die from the damage they took. Damage done by you."

The human shivered to then shake her head and rub at her eyes with her shackled hands. Barbatos pausing to take off his coat and place it over her shoulders before he spoke. "Take it slowly, Marzena. Breathe. We know you would never willingly harm another. So just breathe and speak when you are ready to tell us what happened." Marzena took a few deep breaths to then nod her head. her words wavering but clear. "One of the students said they hadn't heard from their sibling all day long. So Simeon and I volunteered to look for them around the school. But I ended up getting this super bad feeling to head for the arena and text Simeon where I was going. I saw someone being dragged away and down to the locker rooms. So I ran after them and shouted for them to stop where they were. When I got to the locker room, I could feel a barrier or curse blocking the door. I used the Ring of Light and borrowed power from my pacts to punch the door down. There were three demons on the ground. And one bigger demon about to rip them apart. Next thing I knew, Lucifer was pulling me off of the bigger demon to pin me to the wall."

Barbatos considered Marzena's words as Diavolo closed his eyes. The butler sounding rather thoughtful as warm words poured from his lips. "So you moved to act without thinking or knowing. I've heard that happens when someone panics in a dire situation. From what Satan and Mephistoles reported, the demon was taken by surprise to end up severely burned. Both his clawed hands were nothing but charcoal stumps and bone. Like someone stuck his hands into lava. As well as... Well... Other specific areas of importance." Diavolo blinks a few times to then visibly flinch at the given implications. His own words sympathetic as he notes out loud and with some trepidation, "So that's why his eyeballs and lower body were roasted and covered in melted rock. You conjured actual lava over the important bits to keep him from using said appendages. Very tactful, Marzena."

The human nods to then shake her head and start to retch. Which has Barbatos whirl Marzena around so she may lean over and vomit into a bucket by her chair. the butler keeping her hair out of her face as she loses all the contents of her stomach right there. So Diavolo gets up to hustle over and rub her back as she cries and heaves. The two keeping Marzena in the chair until she is just giving dry coughs and sniffles. Her words aching and sad. "Sorry... Solomon and Lucifer have told me to make sure an enemy can't act if I get in a fight. So I have been doing some off the cuff comic book research on what spells to use." Barbatos gives a hum of amusement to add in, "As well as tons of manga and webcomics about fantasy superheroes? Leviathan mentioned you have been reading many a series with battle scenes that include spells."

Marzena nods for Diavolo to pat Marzena on the head. While Lucifer opens the door to the office to go wide eyed. The fallen angel turned demon soon beside Marzena and wiping her mouth with a cloth. "Just focus on breathing, Marzena. We have you if you need to fall over. Lord Diavolo. The locker room victims have given their full testimonies. They were cursed and held against their will by the one we suspect to be the serial killer. A bag of trophies from the previous victims was also found in a hidden nook of a locker. The investigating police team has concluded the demon that Marzena almost killed is their culprit."

Diavolo nods to then heave a sigh of air. Taking the file Lucifer holds up to skim through it with all of his focus. Flinching at the photos to then turn and set the file onto his desk. "So once again, Marzena solves our murder cases by fate and nearly getting herself killed. This does not help my mood. If anything, it makes me even more vexed. Yet we have the serial killer in custody. Unable to escape or harm anyone else. If he survives what Marzena did to him." Lucifer nods to then slip Marzena off the chair to then sit himself in the chair. Marzena moved into his lap for him to hold close and rock her back and forth. While Barbatos finished with cleaning the injuries on her hands. Diavolo looking over all the case files and reports on his desk to then shake his head. "I got a direct message from one of my police force. The family of our serial killer is out for blood. They insist that the one who has done serious harm to their family be executed. Which is not going to happen. It is obvious that Marzena is no killer and the one harmed is. So there will be no charges that hold up against you, Marzena. I will have the police force interview you in two days. While you are placed under house arrest for Satan and Lucifer to be your personal jailers."

Marzena nods as Lucifer gives a soft smile into Marzena's hair. While Barbatos stands at attention to finish where Diavolo left off. "We will request the witches to help Solomon with the secondary investigation as well as Raphael to oversee it all for us. That way no one may openly claim we are playing favorites. So we will leave things here and see to the rest at a later time." Lucifer nods to lift Marzena up and cradle her close. The noise level returning for Lucifer to turn and head out of the office. Diavolo noting the happy sounds of the brothers seeing Marzena to notice that Barbatos is holding the magic shackles that were on Marzena's wrists. The Ruler of the Devildom relaxing to say, "Well done. Now we should see to preparing a get well basket for Marzena. Including roses."

[javascribbles]

This is the story of how I found out I was a system.

The first time there was someone "other" in my head was in mid 2022. I had no idea that DID or OSDD existed back then. I remember thinking,

"Oh my god, my parents were right, I am possessed!"

That first headmate (who had just come out of dormancy) was like gasoline on a fire. I was already in a bad place mentally, and I guess I just sort of broke. I don't remember what triggered me, but all of a sudden it was like I switched personalities and went from a very people-pleaser and kind person to typing about how I wanted the whole world to burn.

This happened on Discord. I'd been texting my friends at the time, and they all got a front row seat to what probably looked like an extreme mental breakdown. Within the span of half an hour I went from agitated and basically saying "I have no idea what's happening, I feel different" to Exe fully fronting and demanding recognition as her own person.

She also didn't know what was going on or who she was, and called herself a "virus" because that's what it felt like. It was as if I had been infected. I was somewhat co-conscious but unable to do anything, and I was panicked, watching my identity fall apart and seeing her intentionally try to sabotage my friend group by saying (probably cruel) things.

My friends took it really well, and I'm still grateful for that. They were just as confused as I was, though. Exe was consistently co-con or fronting with me for at least a full week after that. I was blindly feeling my way around, and I called her a "persona" and honestly, we did not get along well.

Sometime after this, a second headmate came to light. Her name was Julia, and her coming out of dormancy was much more peaceful. She was gentle but firm, taking over things for me when I couldn't muster up the energy.

Then there was a good chunk of time after that- six months or more- where I was clueless and confused. I did eventually begin looking things up, and while what I was experiencing kind of matched up with DID, I wasn't having any amnesia, which seemed like the deal breaker to me. A couple months went by where I was scared, thinking that I had somehow made everything up.

Exe was fronting forcibly often and her personality and preferences began to affect mine to the point where I couldn't distinguish my feelings and emotions from hers. This was when- and why, I would later realize- I decided to break up with my boyfriend. (That's another story for another time.)

One day on Discord I wound up talking to someone with DID and tentatively asked if there was a way I had "half DID" and they suggested looking up OSDD. I did, and I almost cried with relief. Everything was checking out. I was able to find answers to my questions.

I fell down a rabbit hole of reading articles and listening to psychologists break down what DID and OSDD were, and watching Youtube videos about people with the disorder. Things started to make sense. I could look back at my childhood and find the moment where Exe was first formed, where she fronted for well over a year and completely locked me out, followed by Julia doing the same thing to both of us the year after that as we struggled to cope.

I did experience amnesia back then, so when they went dormant and I got frontstuck, I didn't feel like anything was off and went about living my life until Exe practically exploded out of dormancy and back into the front space.

Simply existing is still a massive struggle, but we've come SO far since then. Writing this down has made me see that.

[cosmic-chelonian]

Thoughts on the new Who episodes

The Good

Ncuti. So charismatic and watchable, captures that zany Doctor energy. His episodes so far have been very light-hearted but in the moments where it's been required so far it seems he can do serious and lonely well too. I love how the character seems to be trying to be upbeat but when he goes quiet and serious you get a glimpse of the burdens he is carrying inside. Amazing

Millie. Ruby's character is very likeable and her dynamic with the doctor is a joy to watch.

The mystery!!! Ruby, the Toymaker family, Susan Twist... I love theorising and speculating and am excited to see how the puzzle fits together.

Jinkx Monsoon. Was initially afraid she was going to be annoying (the Toymaker started to grate on my nerves a bit) but i soon found myself loving her deliciously over the top evil. And she actually felt scary, unlike most of the classic who overacting villains.

The Bad

Plot? What plot? These episodes just sadly felt like a lot of whiz-bang spectacle plus exposition supported by just enough story bones to keep then standing. I am here for the interesting stories. Thankfully the next episode looks like it has a bit more room for a story.

No meaningful side characters. I liked Nan-E so much because much of the joy of Doctor Who is him interacting with side characters. We meet this week's relevant people, get to know their motivations and see them decide whether to trust the doctor. These people are flawed and self-interested but the doctor has to win them over and make them do the right thing. Unfortunately these stories have so far been Doctor- and Ruby-centred. It feels like the settings they travel to are just backdrops for their shenanigans because they don't interact with the setting's characters in a meaningful way. They don't encounter any difficulty in blending in to the new environments they enter. The conflict between the Doctor's interests and the problems posed by the physical or social environment of the time/place they are in is what makes the setting relevant and interesting. The Devil's Chord could just as easily been set in the present day without much change.

Changing rules. I know Doctor Who is hardly hard sci-fi, but now we're bringing gods and laws beyond the universe into it, it feels like it changes the way we see the threats. If suddenly we rely too much on solutions like 'the power of song' or fairytale logic to defeat our big bads, the villain actually seems less scary because we have no rules within which to quantify the threat posed. If a big space monster is coming to eat your ship, you know exactly what is required to defeat it: enough fuel, piloting tactics etc. And thus by making those things fail, the writers can effectively give a sense of the desperation of the situation. With the kind of threats presented in these new episodes, however, the key to defeating them is just working out the narrative meaning of the threats. The doctor has to work out what the point of the story he is in actually is. (Children need stories? The love of sharing music is the greatest power?) And because the viewer is aware that this is a story, having the resolution of the conflict hinge on the fact that stories have a point and an ending makes the defeat of the big bad feel like an inevitability. It makes it hard for us to have the same suspension of disbelief that we entertain when the resolution of conflict is rooted firmly within the reality of that episode's setting.

That dance number. Ohhh no. I can appreciate goofiness in my silly show, as long as the writers at least give some kind of in-universe explanation for why loads of randos suddenly joined in for an impromptu Strictly session. I need at least some sense of logic to the show's universe. My only explanation is that this season is so deliberately meta and 4th-wall-trampling because the fabric of the show's universe is being torn apart by the Toymaker's lot? I just want some recognition by the characters that this is all a bit weird, to confirm that this is a choice rather than a very unfortunate new direction for the show. If you make your characters somewhat self-aware you have to acknowledge that this will affect the way they act. I want the Doctor to notice and be worried by these developments.

I love that RTD is trying to explore social issues like abortion and the refugee crisis, I think sci-fi is perfect for that kind of thing, but it feels like he is slipping them in haphazardly without really making a point. "People still care more about the idea of life than the people born" "people don't care about refugees until they're their problem" we know these things are bad! But why not be brave enough to have a story that more directly deals with people's reasons for acting this way, that shows the trauma this treatment can cause, that shows what leads people to treat others this way. This is all still possible to do delicately and kid-appropriately. Sci-fi doesn't need to be intelligent all the time but it shouldn't pretend to be just because a character says 'abandoning babies bad'.

[twistedwonderlandobsession]

Hello!! Could I request a match up? :)

I am non binary and use she/they pronouns; I am about 1,65 meters tall (I believe that’s 5‘5 feet?) with long, layered blond hair, very pale skin (like seriously, I am very close to paper white) and greyish-blueish eyes (like a stereotypical German hahaha)

Personality wise, I am ambivert; I absolutely adore Partys, especially village party’s, they hit different, and to hang out with friends a lot, but need an equal amount of alone time to recharge! I tend to usually have a lot of energy, despite always being really tired, and can get easily exited about the littlest things (like seeing a cat, or a store having my favourite snack in shop!) but I’ll admit that I’ll cry just as easily, even over stuff like a sad Poem or seeing a character, even if I don’t necessarily like them, suffer even in the slightest. I try to be the best version of myself that I can be, but I live by two very specific rules: treat others how you want to be treated, and treat others how they treat you. I will treat everybody with kindness and respect when first meeting, if they don’t return the favor, I’ll treat them exactly how they treat me (this includes teachers and old people). I am also very ambitious, I already have my future planned, and do my best to be good in school! I’m not the best with written exams but I always have an A for anything oral :)

I do have depression, because of which I struggle to properly take care of myself, and have days were I cannot even leave my bed, and it makes it hard for me to stay on top of things; my room is almost always a mess and I often have to do homework and similar last minute to avoid my grates falling. It’s not that I enjoy my room being a mess, in fact I hate it, but I am genuinely physically unable to clean it. Because of that, there are days where I’ll cancel last minute or I’ll act down the whole time, because of an especially bad episode; i also have trouble texting people first in fear of annoying them. I almost forgot, I also have insomnia because of it :,)

I also have highly suspected autism(can’t get diagnosed at the moment :[) so I’m very peculiar about my interests and the way stuff is; I hate doing group works because I already have a whole plan in my head on how I wanna do it. While I understand basic sarcasm and jokes, if I’m jokingly insulted or the sarcasm isn’t really obvious, I’ll take it seriously and to heart, and it can make me cry and/or avoid that person. This also means that I can go for hours talking about my interest, but the moment something doesn’t necessarily interest me and I don’t view it as important (like my Spanish lessons) i will just zone out

Hobby’s wise I’m a very creative person! I do paint occasionally, but it isn’t necessarily my hobby of choice;

I love to write! I currently have two books I’m working on, both thriller, that I’ll tell anyone that will listen about

I love acting and dancing: I’ve been apart of a musical group for quite a while now and ADORE it, especially acting!! Can’t say I’m much of a singer tho

Fashion design, I love designing and sewing my own clothes! So far I only know the basics but I am actively trying to learn more!!

Later in life I do want to do one of these full time; wether it is being an actress, an author or a designer doesn’t matter to me.

For icks, I cannot for the live of me be with someone who smokes; I have sensory issues and am sensitive to smells, not to mention I have already lost multiple people to smoking, so it’s an absolute deal breaker. I’m ok with drinking, I drink too, just not excessively

I need someone who is openly affectionate with me, wether through touch or words, and is okay with me being physically affectionate!

Also, please no Lillia, that man is a father figure to me haha

I think that’s it- thanks in advance and sorry for how long this got!!

I match you with Cater Diamond

The First Impression:

Honestly, Carter thought that you were cute your general enthusiasm about even the smallest of things made you super enjoyable.

Why He Fell:

Cater didn't fall for a while, trust, no matter how open or friendly this ginger may appear, there was always a distance he put between everyone. Even the closest of friends weren't all that close to him, knowing next to nothing about his childhood or upbringing. Though you had somehow managed to get beyond all that.

It was your kindness and respect for his boundaries that caused him to fall. Seriously. All of his life, the people around him (aka his sisters) have always forced their interests, likes, lifestyle and more onto him, pushing his boundaries and forcing him to do stuff he didn't want to do so to meet someone who one of their main goals was specifically respecting people was....nice

The Relationship:

When Cater had asked you out he had presented it in a playful lighthearted joking way to mask his way too deep feelings for you- after all how embarrassing would that be if he gave you his heart and soul aka actually expressed his feelings and you said no.

...but apparently you had said yes.

So now here you were, and Cater made sure to make it enjoyable. Constantly sending you magicgram videos of cute couple activities, ans surprisingly, he actually took you to places and did activities with you. The eye color bracelet trend, making cute little pottery together, painting, taking you to the latest trendiest restaurants and cafes on dates, study dates, movie nights, self care nights all the cute couple stuff. He totally gets it when your depression starts acting up and dose his best to help, having self care nights were he will convince you to take a bath with the cutest bath bombs ge you a change of clothes and a towl before gently shoving you into the bathroom and locking the door refusing to let you out till you shower or bathe. Don't think he was just sitting around waiting- oh no. He was cleaning your room for you hoping that it would help you feel better when you get out. Once you came out till fully dressed he sat you down drying your hair and doing your whole skincare routine for you. If you ever are feeling down and don't care for yourself properly cay-cay has you covered.

He loves all your hobbies and would love it if you allow him to watch or do it with you. He is also very encouraging of whatever you want to do as a hobby or a career-

In the beginning of the relationship, he treated it very casually in the "may as well enjoy it while it lasts before they eventually leave" but the further it went and the more time you spent together he was slowly becoming more hopeful and open at the idea of this being a permanent arrangement.

[morganas-pendragons]

I want to tell a story about one of the best people I knew. Because he died today.

And he was one of the few people who pushed me to pursue my creative passion.

This is long and personal. Dont by any means feel like you have to read it. I just want it here for myself to come back to.

I moved to Illinois in August of 2016. Not long after, I was informed about a standing tradition in Indiana called The Covered Bridge Festival. I was intrigued. And since my mom was going, 18 year old me decided to tag along.

I remember walking down the main road of this event and finding a giant banner that said, “WALKING DEAD ART” on a barn nearby. I was perplexed. It was an antique show. What on Earth is art from my favorite show doing here?

So I went in and was greeted with the most beautiful art I have ever seen. I still hold to that, to this day. I remember walking into that booth and gazing upon that art: Art drawn by a man much older than me who saw the world in only black and white.

Hence his social media presence: the black and white guy.

I was so lonely at the time I had done this. I had just moved to a new state, had left everything I had ever known, to follow my family to a town I hated. And I was so lonely. So bad off. I just felt very.. lost.

I’ll never forget his response. Once I told him I also was a fan of the show, he asked me about that, and then I proceeded to spend the next three hours explaining my OC that I had written just for the purpose of Carol being able to keep a child.

Three hours. He listened to me talk about this for three hours. By the time my mom was ready to leave, she found me still in the barn, still talking his ear off. And he heard every word. I left that barn the same day with so much art and promises to return the following year.

Eventually I came to his booth so often that he started giving me his art at a huge discount because I was “such a devoted fan” (or something along this line) and it was so nice solely for this reason: despite him being an artist and me being a writer, we pushed each others creative passions. I was constantly asking him for art from different shows we both loved.

The last time I vividly remember seeing him was before he was diagnosed with cancer. My mother told me that he was coming over to the house but wouldn’t say why. I was so confused. I only met the man once a year, and now he’s coming to my parents house? Why?

This man, knowing my love for Carol Peletier, took one of his original art pieces of Melissa McBride and put it in this gorgeous frame. To give to me.

For free. Because he wanted to.

“I know how much you love her.”

At this point, I had spent probably 5-6 years expressing my love for Carol and Melissa every time we met. I only missed the festival once due to being too far away and in college. He’d driven from his little town in Indiana to give me this drawing, which now sits on my wall in my apartment. So do his drawings of Daenerys and Wanda.

I was working this morning when I went home for lunch. I had just prayed for him. He had been battling cancer something fierce, which caused him to miss the art show in October of 2023. His wife was there in his stead.

I haven’t been thrown off guard like I was this morning since 2015, when my choir teacher suddenly died of pancreatic cancer. All I saw was a picture of angel wings on his Instagram, and the words: Robin left.

He was gone. Just like that, just after I had gotten home for lunch. I lost my appetite. I lost my energy. I just… feel so defeated. I haven’t experienced death a lot in my life. Every time I do, it’s with someone like this. Someone who teaches me something so crucial, so beautiful, that end up passing away anyway.

My choir teacher in 2015 was the start of embracing my passion for much.

Robin in 2016 was the start of me properly embracing my passion for writing.

So.. Robin… thank you. I am so grateful for you and so heartbroken that you’re gone.

[auroraapple22]

Hello everyone, I am really in need of some financial help if anyone is able to do so. I have most of the rent for my apartment for October, but I’m $200 short. I’ve been late on the rent a few times recently, my landlord has been really understanding. So far, she thankfully hasn’t charged me any late fees.

I unfortunately lost my job recently, it’s a long story but the store manager Jan passed away in March. The assistant manager Angelina took over after that and everything rapidly started deteriorating. I was next in command after Angie and we had a few employees quit one after the other. On top of that, Angie was a horrible manager.

My coworker, Tad, who was an awesome employee despite only being part time due to the fact he was on disability. I was another employee with a very good work ethic and did a great job. Because of this, Angie began relying solely on Tad and I to basically do all the tasks that kept the store running. The entire night shift wasn’t really required to do anything, Angie would act like she gave them tasks to do and it wasn’t her fault if it didn’t get done. But it was Tad and my fault if we didn’t pick up the slack. Tad got injured at work and ended up with a hernia requiring surgery because Angelina expected him to put away freight orders worth $17,000 (for the size of the store where we worked, an order of that size during a four hour shift and she expected me to do everything else to keep the entire store running while he did that.

After Tad ended up needing surgery, my job got even harder than it already was. Angelina would have me work full 8 hr shifts with just her and I there until 2pm. She managed to stay in the back office doing I don’t know what for entire days at a time. Something I never saw Jan do and something I never did on Angie’s days off when I was acting manager. She would take literally 15 smoke breaks during an eight hour shift. That’s seems like an exaggeration but it’s probably an under estimate. She would act like she didn’t have time to give me a ten minute break knowing that she was the only other employee that she scheduled to be there and therefore the only way I would be able to take any break.

I started having really bad stomach issues, and shoulder problems from being so tense all the time. I cried easily and panicked at the grocery store which is not the type of thing I am used to. I had to quit. This was the best job I ever had up until Jan died. I held this job way longer than any other. I am looking for work now and I think I will be hired somewhere by the end of this week but I really need some help.

My boyfriend unfortunately lost his job at the same time. We’ve done alright paying rent and bills up until now. I’ve got a utility bill that’s about $50 that is overdue and I know I won’t be able to pay it for a while, but they won’t shut our power off so really I’m most concerned about the rent. Please please anything anyone can give would be extremely helpful. I have cash app and I am able to sign up for paypal or Venmo if necessary. If you can’t donate, please help me out by sharing this post. I know things are tight for everyone right now, the cost of food and gas is astronomical. I appreciate anything anyone can give, bless you all and thank you for reading.

Also, I live in a very small town so driving for companies like Uber or door dash aren’t really an option. However, if anyone has any suggestions about how I could make some money quickly, please let me know. I always hear about those survey websites, if anyone knows of any that they’ve personally used and are not a waste of time, I would be so grateful to know about it. Thank you everyone once again, I love all of you.

I have llkkkks to Anything helps, if you can’t spare any money, please please just share this post. A share helps just as much as a donation would.

🥰🥹🤞

[minimoll7]

Losing a 10 year friendship is so incredibly odd and depressing for me. I don't know what to do about it. This was one of the very, very few people I didn't get drained around. I struggle so much with socializing and yet she was one of the very few it wasn't a struggle with. She meant everything to me, I considered her family. She was the best friend I always wanted to have. I talked to her on a near daily basis, I told her almost everything

And now she's gone. I'm not gonna wake up to messages from her anymore. I can't tell her about my day anymore. I can't send her drawings that I've doodled or pics of my dogs anymore. I can't share my ideas with her anymore. Or send her quotes from my favorite Youtubers that I think she'd get a laugh out of. I can't see what she's working on anymore, how she's feeling or what funny stuff she liked to share. Its gone. All of its gone and I'm not getting it back

I thought things were fine. Sure there was some issues but nothing that couldn't be worked on. I enjoyed talking to her every day. I had fun with her all the time. But then I found out that this was all one sided. That I've been lied to for about 2 years. What do I do with this information? How much of our conversations were lies? What was genuine? I feel like my trust has been broken and I fear that this will affect my current friendships and future ones. Am I going to fear now that people are just being nice to me simply to please me and not hurt my feelings?? I struggle bad enough as it is actually talking to my current friends, now I fear I'm going to struggle to believe what's being said to me, that any of the kindness thrown my way isn't real

I ultimately feel at a loss. Its jarring. I've lost friends in the past but it was often because we drifted apart or I had to cut contact because the other side was abusive towards me or had issues with my faith (aka friendship was conditional. Tho one case a friend cut contact with me because apparently I am a bad person for reasons she made up and blocked me without ever giving me a chance to defend myself lmao). All of that still sucked and was hard to handle but its nothing like this. None of it is hurting as much as this one is. She doesn't hate me, I know this is incredibly hard for her to. Its a very new experience for me and I'm sure its gonna take me a long time to adjust

I really don't know what to do about this other than pray to God. I've been handling things a lot better than expected so far, which I am very grateful for, but I ultimately don't know what the future's going to hold for me. I could be handling it well now but then completely lose my mind down the road. Its just.. so odd. So much of my life was influenced by this friendship and now its all gone. It hurts, it hurts a lot

But despite all that, despite learning that I was being lied to for so long to the point I now have worries about how genuine something was, I can still say that she was one of the best friends I've ever had and I am incredibly grateful to have her in my life. And I can only hope and pray that she'll heal and be able to move on without this dragging her down badly. I'm going to really miss her

[modestcatholiclife]

Mid-Lent Reflections

So I'm hoping that today's post will be a little bit different. I've been thinking a lot about this blog and I realised that I've been treating it like an obligation rather than a voluntary personal project.

Since I began converting to Catholicism, things have become rather complication for me. I'm changing as a person and feel very disconnected from my friends, who are all secular, as a result. Additionally, I haven't had a great deal of success in making Catholic friends just yet so I honestly feel quite lonely. During these times, I'm so grateful to God for my lovely fiance who has been the pinnacle of support during this struggle. So this blog gives me an opportunity to talk about those things that I'd like to talk about with friends and potentially connect with people online.

I'd like to try and be a bit more personal and engaging with these posts but I believe that is something I'll find with time. For now, I'll share what I can with you.

Well, right now I'm sick. Nothing serious, I just have a stuffy nose and am very fatigued. I've had to cancel some appointments and interviews and haven't been very productive these past couple of days as a result, which is completely understandable. What's less understandable, though, is that I've honestly been really letting myself down with my Lenten fasts. I haven't been consistent with them at all and the only one I can say that I haven't broken is my fast from meat. I've been on social media almost non-stop and it's been awful. I usually have a block on my phone that keeps me out of most apps from 8pm-9am but I haven't been using it lately. I've been so unproductive for weeks now and have done little to no cleaning around the apartment. It's getting pretty bad here and I'm disappointed in myself. I was hoping to get back onto things this week but of course, now I'm sick. My prayer life has been almost nonexistent. I'm not going to continue, it's not helpful for me to engage in excessive negative self-talk and I should be directing my focus towards improvement, not despondency.

On a more positive note, my early childcare traineeship interviews went incredibly well! So well, in fact, that I was offered the traineeship on the spot during my first interview! I have the contract with me, that I will be signing and returning tomorrow (assuming I'm not still sick) and I'll be starting the job two weeks from today! I've already handed in my letter of resignation to my current job and am looking forward to this new chapter of my life.

I also went to Great Vespers on Saturday night with my lovely fiance. We've just passed the Veneration of the Holy Cross so I have included photos of the Cross from St. Andrew's after Great Vespers on Saturday and St. Volodymyr's after Divine Liturgy on Sunday. This was only my second time attending Great Vespers. I sat near the choir and did my best to participate. Hopefully if I work hard enough, I might be able to join the choir one day.

Lastly, yesterday I spent the day resting and watching movies and anime with my fiance. We watched the first episode of part six of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. So far, I'm not loving it. This is the first part with a female main character and it shows. I don't appreciate how overly sexualised Jolyne is immediately. I'll keep watching it at some point but right now, I'm not super interested. I just watched Chicago for the first time and watching another piece of media about women in prison (even if they aren't there for long) is not capturing my interest. My fiance showed me an episode of an old anime he used to like so I showed him an episode of Ouran High School Host Club, which I watched back in year 7, and he liked it so much we watched a second episode! We also watched Mad Max: Fury Road together. Later on, we watched Josie and the Pussycats, which he highly enjoyed and I would highly recommend.

[average-guy-reviews]

Scream 6 (2023)

"Four survivors of the Ghostface murders leave Woodsboro behind for a fresh start in New York City. However, they soon find themselves in a fight for their lives when a new killer embarks on a bloody rampage."

Very few movies spawn a nearly 27 year long franchise. In 1996 Wes Craven brought us a fresh take on slasher movies, that was in itself a commentary on the slasher movie genre. It gave us the rules for slasher films and, in doing what it did, became a film that was a defining moment in cinema for an entire generation.

Subsequent Scream films expanded on the idea of Slasher films, explaining further rules for sequels and trilogies etc. As they did they almost began to descend into parodies. That's not to say they are bad films, far from it. This is one franchise where I can legitimately say I enjoy every film, simply more for some than others. Then we got Scream 5, and the directorial duties changed, from Wes Craven to the duo of Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett.

This is where the films moved back from the parody precipice over which they were dangling. Yes, 5 and 6, are full of meta self-referential information. They would have to be as a continuation of such an iconic franchise. In this film that's a bit of a sticking point for me, but more on that later.

Moving the story out of small-town Woodsboro to the hustle and bustle of New York adds a whole new angle to the stalker story. The directors have given us a well done movie, with great set-pieces and some really well laid out sets and locations. Their choices work really well to give some truly claustrophobic moments, the obligatory jump scares and a satisfying level of violence, in a franchise which has been escalating every time.

As for the escalation: near the beginning of the film we see Sam and Tara attacked by Ghostface. Not in an alley, or an apartment, but in a small busy shop in the middle of the day. It's a moment of realisation for the audience that this time the bad guy is really not messing around. That scene was really well done.

The cast is great. You have the four survivors from Scream 5, as well as Gale Weathers, played as ever by Courteney Cox, who has been a staple throughout the series. While the whole cast is on point I want to focus on Melissa Barrera, as Sam Carpenter. Here she becomes the main character, and the focus point of the merciless Ghostface. Barrera's performance as a woman facing a seemingly insurmountable foe, as well as her own mental issues, who just wants to perfect her sister is awesome. She nails the cadences of Sam's emotional traumas and turmoils brilliantly. I may have to look through her back catalogue for other films, to get a full scope of her work.

I just want to come back to my earlier point of the meta self-realsation. I understand why it is a part of the film, and the series as a whole, but in this it just seemed a little more forced than usual. Honestly, it's the only major negative I have about the film, but it started grating on me really quickly. It may be because I felt like I knew all the rules they were talking about from my years of watching films like this, and other franchises, or something else...it's hard to nail down why...

Overall it's a really good film, and it's only that issue that stops it being the best Scream film for me personally, though it's a close race even with that. It's a film that I am going to go see in the cinema again, and that's always a good point for me. If you love the Scream franchise then you will love this. Is it open for another sequel? Honestly, I don't know at this point. I'm not sure how they could top it, but if another one is announced I won't be surprised. Though I suspect Scream 7 may topple off the parody precipice, landing squarely in the not so great pile. All that being said I'm giving it a well deserved 8/10, and I would recommend going to watch it on the big screen.

[rosesloveletters]

I found an archive of posts I made previously on an old spam account I had on Instagram back in 2018-2019 and for the last hour I’ve been reading the things I used to post.

I am shocked at how mean and how angry I was, mostly to myself, but sometimes to/about others. I cannot believe I posted a lot of what I did, but I think it was my way of letting out a couple years worth of emotions I did not have the freedom to let go of before. I was hurting in ways incomprehensible to anyone except for me, even though that is no excuse for some of the things I said and did. 

I did not know that my healing process was so messy and hurtful to others; that was never my intention and I am appalled by my behavior and deeply embarrassed that I ever acted in such a way and overshared the way that I did. I am also horrified by the aggression I had towards myself and the cruel, horrible things I used to say about my personality, my body, my mind and, well, everything about me. I still think those things from time to time - healing isn’t linear, as anyone will tell you. 

I’m not very open about my trauma anymore because I have no reason to be. I’m not looking for sympathy or pity or anything similar. I got myself into the mess I was in and I got myself out of it. 

I am reading these things I used to share and I see a young girl who felt abandoned by the world, hurt by someone who she thought was supposed to love her and who would make her feel loved. A girl who did not know who she was supposed to be in the aftermath. A girl who felt used, exploited and was then left to rot after it was over with. 

I was struggling to accept myself then and I took it out on myself because I felt like I had nowhere else to place the blame for what I experienced. The person who had done this to me was gone and would never be held accountable and I was furious. 

Looking back on these posts I made, I know now that I’ve been asexual for a very, very long time but I did not know it then. When I would say these things, I ripped myself apart from the inside out, because I did not know enough about myself to know who I was yet. I was uncomfortable in my own skin, still looking for validation that I was beautiful, wanted and worthy of love. I thought that romantic love was dependent upon whether I was deemed attractive or not and so I spent countless hours and dollars trying to change everything about my appearance even though the thought of being in a relationship made me physically ill and still does. 

The interesting thing is: in spite of the time and money I spent altering my appearance, I never felt any better about myself than I did before. 

I have learned so much about myself over the years. At the time of these posts, I was 18-19 years old; the certain events which shaped them occurred from ages 14-18. 

I’m swiftly approaching age 24 (scary, right?) and I’m somewhat surprised I’ve made it here, but I’m grateful, lucky and pleased that I am. 

I’m healthier, happier, have matured and have had more time to heal since the events of my teenage years. I am much kinder to myself and to others and I can say I now am the sort of person I can be proud of and that my younger self would hope for me to be. 

The point I wish to make is, no matter what it is that you are going through, it’s going to be alright, even if you think it’s not. I thought I would always be in that much pain and seething with anger, ready to snap at the slightest offense. I thought I’d never find my happiness or my light or feel at home within my own body and make peace with who I always was. Healing from anything does not happen overnight and, when you’re down in it and you cannot see the forest for the trees, it seems like that darkness will stay with you forever. 

But it doesn’t. It’s slow going, I will warn you, but it isn’t forever. I have bad days, when I can hardly drag myself out of bed, when looking in the mirror conjures nasty thoughts and hateful sentences to form on my tongue, but the good days far outweigh the bad ones. 

You will be afraid to speak about your trauma because there are others who may have experienced worse than you, but trauma is trauma. Please don’t discredit what has hurt you; it hurt and, sometimes, it has to hurt. Darling, be brave, don’t be hurtful. 

Please, please, please learn from me. Do not be hurtful if you have been hurt. Continuing the cycle of pain will not heal your heart or your soul. Let yourself feel. 

I promise you will heal from whatever has hurt you, take this from someone who did not believe it. You will reach a point where you feel like yourself again or you will meet the person you were meant to be. 

I went through a time where I knew I was not who I was supposed to be, but had not met the real me yet. If that is you now, you’ll meet yourself in due time. It’s coming, I promise. Keep going, even if it feels like you can’t. It’ll be worth it, I promise. You cannot feel me, but I’m holding your hand on your journey. You are not alone. 

Take courage in knowing that you’ll be okay and you’ll perhaps look back on things you did as a younger person, who still had a lot to learn, and cringe like I do, but you’ll also want to give that version of you a hug. 

You did not deserve your trauma, darling. You are not the mean things you sometimes think about yourself. 

You are beautiful, even on days when you want to tell yourself you’re not. I still have those days; you are worthy of life, acceptance, love, equality, purpose. 

And you are going to be okay. 

[jambrandwich]

This is more of a "fact of life" thing than an aromantic thing, I'd say.

I mean, even if you HAVE romantic interest, these things still happen; People who have their best friend of several years as roommates, the friend find a partner and move in with them. Or the friend finds a new job and has to move closer to that job. Hell, not to mention how common it is to hear stories of parents feeling lonely and depressed after their kids have moved out. Life happens to everyone and with that, people come into your life and leave your life. That's just how it is.

However, just because they aren't there physically or as often anymore, it's not the end of the world and definitely not your friendship if you don't want it to be.

Everyone has a phone, nowadays. You could always give them a call or a message occasionally to see how things are going. I have a few friends I only talk to like, once in a blue moon and meeting them IRL is a financial impossibility, but we're still good friends despite the time gap. If your friend still live closeby, maybe you could set up a movie or game night. All good things come in three, so if they bring their partner, you could try befriending them and become a trio of friends. And I mean, they are partners. If they wanna have a date night with just the two of them, that's understandable. There will be other days for you to hang out. If they live far away, same thing, but online (if you both have a computer, of course).

All that said, I totally agree that our views about being single are stupid as hell. This whole mentality of "only being whole if-" or "aren't someone unless" you have a partner is pretty problematic. Even the "lone wolf" saying is referring to how without a pack, a wolf is likely to die, which is also a very bleak look on being single or alone, but being alone can be a great opportunity to figure yourself out and learn to love yourself.

I come from a very abusive home where, due to having 5 siblings, I pretty much never had the opportunity to be alone. After a particularly bad fight with my parents, I ended up homeless for a while (crashing at a friend's place which I'm still very grateful for) until I found myself an apartment.

For the first time in my then 23 years of life, I was completely alone. And for the first time, I was able to hold a train of thought without distraction. This gave me time to figure out who I was, what I wanted and most importantly, how to live with myself; My own thoughts, why I am me and whatever that entails. Nowadays, 7 years later, I'm happy enough being by myself both physically and mentally (and social statusially). Of course, I still have and want friends and will cherish the time I get with them, because once again: life happens, but you have to learn to love and cherish the time you have alone with your friend's friend, too. i.e. you, because you ain't ever getting away from that bastard.

tl;dr - I understand the worry, but we all have lives, which means things are always subject to change, no matter if you've got romantic interest or not, but we need to learn to adapt and grow with these changes or else we'll waste our very limited time on this earth just being miserable.

And yes, our society's views on being single is fucked up and needs to change. Learn to love yourself and being by yourself as much as you love your friend(s) and being with them, 'cause ya can't get away from yourself.

being on the aro spectrum would be a lot easier if being single wasn't made to feel like a literal death sentence

[roguestarsailor]

beach day and once again realize how boring my life is and despite all the changes ive been through since moving from my home is uhh still the same?? gonna be 29 and im still somehow the same place

i went to a beach hang out today and four of us were talking on the blanket and suddenly next to us two people started wrestling one large guy and a smaller woman was just trying to take each other down but it seems just for shits and giggles (not aggressive or anything) and we're like wow that's crazy to see (i've never seen this in real life lol). anyways one of the girl in our blanket talk went "when you wrestle a guy it's so humbling as a girl" and to which one of us said "do you do martial arts or something?" and she's like "no" and i was like "how do you find yourself in wrestling spaces?" and she says "i wrestle with all the guys i'm hooking up with" and the silence that followed from all of us WAS LOUD.

i was very uncomfy but only because i am insecure about not having sexual experiences and just times like this is when i realize i feel like i'm not living my life right without sex in it or romantic male presence i guess. then i went down a bad hole again.

i think i had this very conscious thought about this. when i was with the russian man i had high hopes of having him around until my bday so that for once i'd have a man i'd actually like around (i've never had a bday party that wasn't just all girls). or that it'd be nice to have a date night type thing with him and i had really really wanted to know what that felt like. so fast forward to today and its not. its still just me.

this year i'm trying to have more of a party but i'm so nervous. its going to be hosted at a friends' communal area that they have in this luxury building which im grateful for the space but it doesn't feel like me. i would have prefer it be in an apartment that feels more homey and personal but we're working with what we have. i think i'll open it up to a lot of other people but it freaks me out to have so many people to care for.

i'm still very single and still kiss-less and romance still feels soo far away and i dont think it'll get any easier from here on out (especially since my physical body is taking a hit) as i turn 29. i'm in my last year in my twenties and there's still apart of me that feels so behind and yearning for this comfort and stability and still very confused why i still don't have that. i still battle all my bodily insecurities and it feels like life is affirming that fear. i'm tossing so many plans of a family, having babies, picket fence in the city dreams away and just...being.

i wonder if i'll have a birthday where i don't feel sad about it.

although the biggest growth i think is that i feel sad but i don't stay there for as long anymore and i know that every single day is something new and there's still so much to experience. i just hate being so conscious about my numerical number and how it's associated with certain things.

i hope 29 is a better year. i hope im braver and that i start finding love and won't fall back into the insecurities that plague my brain.