#must go faster
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WE'RE SO BACK
#tim drake#nightwing#dick grayson#hey this took under 7 hours to do and that was so much faster than the last attempt. that other tim drake one with cleaner lines took me#days to finish and i was coloring it like that one white boy with pulsing veins on his forehead. i was watching one video about how the#thing stopping you from creating is being too obsessed with perfectionism and this is true. we must go forward. GO FORTH. CREATE.#EMBRACE FLAWS AND ACCEPT THAT SOMETIMES IT MAY LOOK ASS. I wouldve been happier with more frames between it but it is a sunday.#M-F employed people you know that means no staying up til 3 am doing little projects because it will mess u up so bad. finished before 12
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Honestly the fact that they fit three distinct combats on top of plenty of character and story progression into the episode before 11pm was a really strong argument out of the gate for Daggerheart as a system for streaming. That was super neat, not gonna lie.
#daggerheart#cr spoilers#look I love 5e for crunch! I love crunchy combat! but this honestly makes less editing more attractive imo#and I REALLY love unedited AP. like idk man editing makes my attention wane way faster#I think cuz I do want to feel like I'm watching a game at a table? like if I wanted to watch a different format I would#okay anyway I am so wiped and I must pass out. before I start going to write some more cuz I have to commute tomorrow#if I could use my anguish and suffering emote of my cat's face that I have on discord in all modes of communication my life would be better#ANYWAYYYY
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Ajax in Leave The Bronx Alive going from panicking that the doors aren't closing to mocking the Turnbull ACs literally the moment they close is soooo important to me. Yeah they are fucking slowpokes babygirl. Everyone forget about how you just thought you were gonna die fifteen seconds ago.
#ajax the love of my life#also i have a hc that bc Ajax is the muscle/enforcer she's probably faster than all the other warriors#but shes always behind when theyre running so she can protect them#cause like when Cowgirl is having trouble running in Greys Papaya its Ajax who hears her so she must have been right next to her#also the image of Ajax standing in the door of the train as she prays for it to close like her standing in the way is gonna do anything#ajaxxxxxxxxx#everyone go here. with me. now.#warriors musical#actually on second thought fox is prolly faster than ajax cause shes a scout. but theyre both faster than all the others#whenever theyre running its fox in front bc she can turn around fast if someone jumps out at them#and ajax in the back to fight off anyone who's catching up
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Someone should make an analysis of Amphibia's geography for fanfic writing purposes and by someone I mean Oh god please let there be something out there so I won't be tempted to procastinate on studying for my finals working on a detailed world map for a fantasy Disney show about talking frogs and polyamorous lesbian divorce when the writers themselves probably didn't think much about it beyond what would be funny in each individual episode
#so there's a train running through frog valley right?? but there are only like 5 settlements in frog valley#those being wartwood bog bottom lily paddington swamp shiro and the southern toad tower#but we never see any train stations going through neither wartwood nor toad tower#which means the train must connect at least two of the other settlements. why would wartwood be excluded? is the railroad still#under construction? why create such a huge piece of infraestructure for such a scarcely populated region connecting only three towns?#because we know for a fact that train doesn't connect frog valley to Newtopia or the rest of the continent#otherwise Anne and the Plantars would have traveled via train which would have been safer and faster#plus if the only way in and out of the valley is inhabilitated during several months a year it would explain the absence of said connection#since it would be really hard to maintain#maybe there ARE other ways out of frog valley but that road would mean going AROUND the mountains? rather than through them?#which could be more dangerous AND take longer than waiting for the ice to melt away in the most commonly used passage#the train could take advantage of that by going through those other passes#but it wouldn't explain why Anne had to wait for like 3 months to leave#the only explanation I can come up with is that the railroad system is incomplete#either because it's still under construction or because important parts of it have fallen out of use due to lack of maintenance#resulting in short and tiny tracks you can't take to go fucking anywhere#you know. like in my country!#my posts#amphibia
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this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail
sorry got in character for a second
Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though
congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)
#im still not far into nemesis personally but im very much enjoying it#honestly in a weird way it feels like it's moving faster than HD did. which. is funny bc nemesis is like The gated behind item grinds quest#idk. HD was a fun slowburn where we adventured around gathering our rogues gallery before the action kicked in#nemesis on the other hand feels like im picking up halfway through a batman serial#fallen london#ask#it's WAY more fucked up right off the bat than HD was. honestly ive thought abt red honey for ages. that's so fucked up#and we LEAD with that?? Okay#definitely a horrors-filled ambition befitting caeru (the guy who's constantly going through horrors)#it really encourages you to get fucked up and freaky and in ur character's headspace at basically every step along the way#i only have HD to compare it too but HD was like. a lot more interpretative in comparison? at least to me. that's what it felt like#and i adore HD for that dont get me wrong here#HD just also waited until like. halfway through before it asked what the scoundrel actually Wanted out of its heart's desire#nemesis in comparison is right off the bat who died? who are you mourning? anguish. justice. there must be vengeance.#it's a delightfully different vibe!! i like it!!!#oh god sorry anon im doing the classic yin talking way too much in the tags thing again#i havent had much excuse to talk abt nemesis and what i think of it so far and of course its rp effects on caeru#but i do have a handful of thoughts on it#it's good. im liking it so far. it's starting very strong if nothing else. and i have no spoiler knowledge of what happens in the future#beyond the choice between rewards at the very end#and im SO curious how we'll get to that point. what horrors will we adventure through next? off we go to find out!#it's biggest glaring weakness so far is how horrendously grindy it is. and like. ive been warned and done my research ahead of time#im doing it on the same account im seeking. i knew what i was getting into. but also gots damn.#in comparison HD's 5-card lodgings and dreamgate feel like footnotes#anyway while im already way too deep into rambling did you know the honey trip gives you fate?? insane. why does it do that. hilarious even
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perpetual mourning – batman black and white (1996) #1
[ID: a black and white panel sequence of Bruce Wayne as Batman investigating a murder. He performed an examination of the victim's body and found DNA evidence to convict her killer and then performed an autopsy to examine her stomach contents — which led him to a little 24/7 diner. He walks in, disrupting the cozy scene with his presence.
Bruce internally reflects, ‘People think i'm a knight. A savior. But in truth, I'm only a vessel to hold the memories of those who've passed on. Those who've no shell left to store them. They must think I revel in my victories. It must seem like I never lose a fight. I lose plenty. The ones I couldn't get to. The ones I couldn't save in time. Those are the ones I carry around inside of me. Those are the ones I'll mourn forever.’
He shows the only waitress a photo of the victim's face and asks, “Excuse me. Do any of you know this woman?” The waitress gasps and holds her hand to her head in shocked distress. She stammers, “That's Chelsea, she comes in here all the time. Sits in the same booth, the same time, reads the same book... um, what was the title...? She, uh, left here only a couple of... Why do you... Oh, god. No. Dear girl...”
Back at the morgue, Bruce solemnly gazes down at the woman as she lays in an unzipped body bag. He thinks, ‘Luckily, you hadn't digested your last meal, Chelsea. There're only a few places in the neighborhood where you were found that serve blueberry pie at this hour of the morning.’ He carefully zips the body bag entirely. The identification label states she was a thirty year old caucasian female. The name ‘Jane Doe’ has been scribbled out to now be replaced with ‘Chelsea Rain’. Bruce continues to ruminate, ‘You only have your thoughts and dreams ahead of you. You're someone. You mean something. I'll remember. You're within me now. Forever.’ END ID]
#screaming wailing sobbing....#‘People think i'm a knight. A savior. But in truth I'm only a vessel to hold the memories of those who've passed on.#Those who've no shell left to store them. They must think I revel in my victories. It must seem like I never lose a fight. I lose plenty.#The ones I couldn't get to. The ones I couldn't save in time. Those are the ones I carry around inside of me.#Those are the ones I'll mourn forever.’ THATS HIM!!!! THAT'S BRUCE !!!!! EVERY DEATH HE CARRIES WITH HIM AND FEELS RESPONSIBLE FOR#EVEN IF ITS ILLOGICAL! EVEN IF HE COULD NEVER PREVENT IT. HES ALWAYS GOING TO BLAME HIMSELF AND DEDICATE HIS LIFE TO THOSE WHO LOST THEIRS#HES ALWAYD GOING TO FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO PROTECT THEM. IF HE HAD JUST SKIPPED THAT MEAL TO DO MORE RESEARCH. IF HE COULD OF#STAYED UP. IF HE COULD HAD FIGURED IT OUT FASTER. IF HE COULD HAVE SOMEHOW BE THERE...#JUST ALWAYS FEELING RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERY SINGLE PERSON'S LIFE.#HES ALWAYS GOING TO MOURN THE STRANGERS ON THE STREET JUST AS MUCH AS HE MOURNS HIS PARENTS !!! HIM AND HIS BLEEDING HEART !!!!#c: batman black and white (1996) | i: 1#crypt's panels#bruce wayne#batman#ransom's recs#<- babe.... new tag... :((
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so yeah i guess i am painting ruth next so here flats and color chunking in and testing
edit: why is this getting notes
edit edit: yall this isnt the finished painting it was just a color and shape test ill have the finished paintint out likely either tomorrow or the next day depending
#this is going WAYYYY smoother and faster than my richie painting my god#mostly because i ironed out what technique im using for this painting in that on#weee#npmd#nerdy prudes must die
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How could I feel normal when Nicky Wire wrote "My former friend who's now undercover/ He's gone, I'm no deserter" about Richey Edwards
#nicky wire#sean moore#richey edwards#james dean bradfield#manic street preachers#manics#the holy bible#everything must go#this is my truth tell me yours#faster#if you tolerate this your children will be next#design for life#prologue to history#britpop#britpopmemes#msp
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From a previous poll it has been decided that Lan Wangji can cook, but the real question is....Can He Grill?
#poll#I was going to do my thing and make a funny comic on the poll results but....#people got a little heated at that one. Not a unbearable amount of spice but I do not want to kick up any dust more than I have#Anyways now that THAT poll is over I just wanna add my two cents and say that I think both *can* cook. It's a matter of poor generalization#WWX knows the core principals but doesn't see much point in the process of cooking especially if it's just for him. Faster meals are better#Eat the raw ingredients and go back to work kind of guy#LWJ can follow a recipe and has the patience to cook a nice meal but doesn't have that innate chef sense. Useless without recipe type cook#They simultaneously can and cannot cook. It's situation specific#That *just* my own thoughts though! There is evidence to suggest both can cook if they must and there's the funny avenue of saying#that the are Banned From All Kitchens Everywhere#Cooking is different from grilling though. This I must know#guaranteed comic at the end of this one. For real this time. Even if people get very salty
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Been thinking about Marshall and Lime, and im not sure if perhaps you havent already mentioned it:
Does being a white or black canvas doesnt make them part of a magic community by default/at birth?? (Putting aside the special force smth of m34, and any witches and guilds and etc.)
thats a good question!!! its a bit of a gray area (ba dum ts 🥁), in my head i always considered "being a member of the magic community" as having something that makes you like. not a normal human. like having some kind of magic or being a spirit/monster/cryptid/etc!!
for black and white canvases, theres nothing inherently special about them besides the level of their magic resistance..,,everyone has some level of resistance, they are just the most extreme levels, but i dont think having it is considered any kind of special magic power or sets you too far apart from other humans!!
for a black canvas its being a part of a guild/the m-34th is what makes you part of the magic community!! the m-34th has nothing inherently magic but since they involve themselves so much in police-ing the magic community they are by and large considered a part of it
for a white canvas its actually incredibly hard to get involved with the magic community i feel... mostly for this reason: a lot of the community hides behind some kind of masking spell-- witches use the mob spell, the merchant uses...something, sulluvan only appears to those who he wants to, but all of it has its roots in "using magic to conceal yourself from the world," and the less resistance you have the less you're able to break from that!! essentially, a white canvas is the most magic-gullible type LOL!! contrast this to a black canvas where you couldnt use a masking spell around them if you tried your best, theyd see right through it
im actually not sure how marshall even ends up being part of the m-34th and gets involved anyway...his pipeline into the magic community must have been someone directly pulling him in and getting him straight to the m-34th because theres no way he couldve gotten in organically the way lime did, he would just be going about his merry way...
#but anyway!!! i never considered them organically a part of the magic community!!#good question though!!!#white canvases are so much more rare than black canvases#just because they either sponge up the illusion magic and dont question shit#or if they get involved they tend to die easy LOL#marshall operates on pure determination and probably spite#in a beta idea marshall has an older brother in the higher ranks of the m-34th and hes determined to be better than him no matter what#which is how he gets involved in the first place#they have a bad relationship#the kind of thing where its like (youll never be a part of this organization as a white canvas just go home and give up)#so he goes to great lengths to prove him wrong#finds a better big brother relationship with lime <3333#marshall must also be crazy smart to figure out ways to 1) get himself into the m-34th and 2) pass all their training and exams#while openly admitting he is a white canvas#and doing it faster than lime#while secretly managing to secure potions and using them without anyone finding out
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Scalpel and gel working, along with guidelines for both incisions and excisions! With this there's now 4 tools, so my next step will be to implement the tool wheel for smoother tool switching. Also, the scalpel's collision detection can skip over things if you move it too fast. Gotta fix that tomorrow.
#original#trauma center#trauma center recreation#with each day i get closer and closer to a full proper operation#it's not a perfect recreation#for example there's no way to miss on the opening incision#and i mentioned on my main that the gel has way too many little details to its behavior#this is good enough#i already said that tomorrow is the tool wheel#but after that comes sutures#and i'm 75% they're going to be hell to implement#both creating the thread lines and checking to see if they're intersecting the wound#gel was hard to make because of all the little details and all the numbers i had to adjust to make it feel right#and it STILL doesn't feel quite right. too many puddles too quickly#but i must remember the mantra: good enough#i say that but i spent like 20 more minutes after i started writing this just to make the gel disappear faster after it touches a Thing#oh yeah and i actually managed to get the gel sound perfect i think!#the trick that instead of looping it i play a second gel sound overlapping the end of the first one
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me and my friends play this fun game where i go i think i can finish three comic pages in a day and they attempt to lasso and tie me down like an escaped farm animal
#guy who simply must go faster vs his friends who can see he’s going to break his wrist#sparks speaks
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physically holding myself back from 🤓☝️ ummm achtualy-ing posts on here that i know are jokes #WorldsStrongestSoldier
#wont stop me from making my own post thoigh They used canaries because carbon monoxide is famously odorless and canaries had small lungs so#theyd pass out/die from carbon monoxide must faster than miners. a canary woulf not go 'umm whats that smell' bc carbon monoxide doesnt have#a smell
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Greed makes me sick.
By: J
Woo fucking hoo, gotta love projection! (this was 100% self indulgent, idk how well it actually works with jiro but! Oh fucking well! At least im getting smth done ig)
Cw; Selfharm, Suicide Ideation, Jiro generally being unhealthy, awful writing
Once again; sorry for your eyes, goodluck
Jiro laid in his bed, glancing at the clock on his phone every so often, around 21:34. Mindlessly scrolling through some of his friends' accounts, he never wanted to admit it, but he does in a way enjoy ‘stalking’ his friends, “friends” being mostly of people he's never met or talked to a day in his life, but that's never really mattered to him.
Usually it's just to catch up on everything, ‘oh they finally got married’ etc. boring stuff, but why the hell not.
But other times like today, it made him want to throw up. He was happy for them, sure, but there was a disgusting jealousy spreading throughout his chest, traveling down his esophagus, down to his stomach, and setting there. He’s felt it before, the first few times it happened, he thought he literally had to throw up, resulting in him essentially purging to get the feeling out; it didn't ever work. He gave up on trying, it usually went away on its own, just how long would it take was the question. Minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years. It was all a possibility. The longer he felt it, the worse it became. He’d liked to say that it started off slowly, but it never did. Usually the first thing he jumped to was ‘I'll never be like them, no matter how hard I try, so what's the point in living?’ He wished he could say it was irrational, but it just wasn't. He knew due to one reason or another, he couldn't be like them, no matter how hard he tried, no matter for how long he never gave up. He would always fail. He wished he could also say that he had no desires, that would be a lie too. Seeing people do what you've wanted to do for years of your life, that you never came close to doing, so easily, it hurt. It hurt. It hurt. It. Hurt. and he wished he could say it didn't. He wished something so very mundane didn't hurt. He hated jealousy, he hated greed, perhaps that's why it hurt so much more. Because he was a hypocrite. It's not like he wished that they weren't able to do that, he just wanted to be able to do it too.
Jealousy, is an odd word. People always assume that if you are jealous- that you wish ill on whoever you’re jealous of. But that couldn't be further from what he felt. Sometimes, it was tiring to constantly work and work for something others have so easily, that you'll never get. Why does life deal such shitty hands to people who care? Or is it the other way? Shitty hands in life make you care? Either way, it still made him sick.
Somedays, he got off easy, he knew it's not their fault, sometimes motivated by a ‘you'll get there someday, you just have to keep trying’. Days like this though, that wasn't the case. Trying is pointless, not that he just feels like it, but it is. No amount of trying or wishing will ever work. Shitty hand remember? So if he couldn't do what he wanted, what was the point in living? Maybe he was crazy, fucking insane even, no one talks about this sort of thing, there's probably a reason, right?
He sat up on his mattress, took a look at his phone, then tossed it across the room. He would’ve thrown it, but he didn't see a point in breaking the phone or wall if he was angry. He wasn't even angry either, just like there was a hole in his chest where his heart should be, and that hole was filled with bile.
He looked down and stared at his hands, disgusting. Failure. He was a failure. He had good grades, sure, but it really didn't mean anything. Grades are just numbers, and numbers that didn't matter to him. If When he gets older, he's probably not going to be sitting on his deathbed thinking about how he got a 100% on a math quiz. But this?
He stood up and walked over to his ‘desk’, clean for 4 months at the simple request of a friend. It's not like she’d know or find out if he did it. Well, unless he couldn't keep his mouth shut as usual. Even if she did find out, would she care? Would she even remember what was said? Ha. Maybe she’d tell him how pathetic he was, unable to go past a small styro, he is really pathetic, so it’d be fitting.
Even if she somehow did ‘care’ as much as she said, wouldn't it be tiresome? That was one of the main reasons he stopped in the first place, taking care of people, even if you love them can be tiresome. So she was bound to get tired and bored of it. She’d probably grow to not care, part of him wanted that.
He admittedly fantasizes thinks about what would've happened if he hadn't stopped, more than he should.
Maybe she’d grow annoyed of his break/melt downs, maybe she'd make fun of him instead, he couldn't really blame her either way. Part of him wanted her to grow bored of him, but the other selfish part, hated the idea. Even now, he considered reaching out “You don't have to suffer alone, I’m always here, you’ll never annoy me.” but..
He appreciated it, but it probably wasn't meant for something like this. What was the point? It wasn't like he was gonna kill himself, no matter how badly he wanted to. Sure, it wasn't a necessarily ‘healthy’ coping mechanism, but. It's not like he could do much damage anyways right? This was just like scratching himself when he was pissed off, not healthy, but what could anyone do? It didn't really hurt, so what would be the point in taking it away?
Without caring enough to think it through, he picked up the blade, and sliced through the mid of his forearm. It stung. More than usual, but who even cares. He spun his chair around, then sat down. He brought the blade to his arm again- he really was pathetic, wasn't he? Slice- even if someone for some reason cared- slice- it's not like they should, he was pathetic and needy- slice- maybe some people in this world are supposed to die? Or suffer at least- slice- but, he didn't really want anyone else to suffer. If he met someone just as himself, would he hate them too? Or would he take pity? Slice- He smiled. His arm felt weak. Hand shaky. No one was coming to save him. No one knew of what he’d done. No matter what, he’s always alone. He deserved it.
He stared at his arm for a few minutes, the deepest he’s ever cut, after not even 5 minutes, it looks pathetic again. God he's stupid. What if she somehow does find out? She wouldn't outwardly say how pathetic he is, she wasn't that type of person. She’d probably show some sort of concern. Fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck FUCK. She’ll probably show some sort of care, attention. He didn't want that. Great. Now it looks like he did it all just for attention! Fucking wonderful.
He glanced at his phone that had been lazily thrown on the floor, part wishing someone messaged, anyone, but dreading having to respond. No matter how much he loved them, responding right after this thing, he always seemed off, too off.
He took a breath, trying to collect what little of himself was left. He should get something to drink. Yeah, that’ll probably make him feel at least a bit more level-headed.
But there again, he is a waste of space, failure, etc. he’s heard most of the names by now mostly from himself but that didn't matter, does he really deserve something as simple as drinking? Even basic things do cost money, even if just a few cents. Why waste it on himself? But his throat is so dry still,,
He walked out of his bedroom, hitting his face on the door, forgetting it was very muchly locked, precaution. He wanted to lash out, take every bit of anger out on it but then…. Nothing. Numbness. He didn't even have a good reason to feel angry. It was his fault anyways. He took a deep breath, unlocked the door, and walked out.
Walking to the kitchen, slower than usual, he started to wonder again with how he was going to hide his awful wonderful misdeed. Makeup worked.. Well honestly for him it worked awfully. Nothing ever seemed to match in all lighting, plus that was only really an option for scars, tactile cuts didn't really improve much when paired with a powder or creme (?? sorry idk), plus it could run the risk of infection. Right? He's never seen anything warning against it so maybe not? But putting something that has chemicals like that into a cut, it didn't seem correct. Considering what minuscule things could cause infection. Not that he'd mind getting infected and slowly, painfully dying. He just didn't like the look generally.
What could he do then? Wear a jacket like normal, sure, but she always finds out somehow. Gods know how, not him, but somehow. He could bandage it sure, but that ran the risk of even more questions, it wasn't exactly news that he didn't care about proper ‘aftercare’ like that. Sure, not properly covering it, cleaning the blade etc. could cause infection, but.. Well. He didn't have any excuses, he was just biased in some ungodly way that he never noticed right until that very moment! (Large cough. H e l p.)
Grabbing a random cup, he decided to just tough it out like usual. Try to not show his arm in any setting but not be weird about it, try to act normaler than usual, sure it’ll suck, but it's between that and in his mind, ‘looking like an attention seeker’. He poured out what wasn't even 1/4th of a cup of water into the cup. His throat was just dry, it's not like he'd die from dehydration any time soon. Sure, he's human, doesn't that mean he just needs the absolute minimal amount of care? Hell, this couldn't even be considered minimal! He has a roof over his head, water, food, there's so much more he could go without, gods he's selfish huh? He sat down his empty glass beside the sink, very quietly laughing under his breath, pathetic, wasn’t it? He’s so selfish, he has it well, yet he acts like he has nothing! What more could he ask for in life? Stability? What a joke. He should really be more grateful.
He stared at the glass glass beside him, staring into his distorted reflection. Well, at least there was always a way to fix it all. In the back of his mind, he was always running though, listing off methods, quickest, easiest, cheapest, messiest, etc. No matter how hard he tried, he’d never figured out the ‘perfect suicide’ in his own eyes.
Though, recently, a method stuck his eye. Nitrogen gas. He’d heard it takes one out quickly, but makes them struggle and suffer beforehand. Perfect for himself. No time to back out because of how quickly it takes you, pain before death, he’d never wanted a peaceful one. It was near perfect. But one of the main issues was managing to get any. Or get around any in general. (little did Jiro know; he was only a few letters off from his actual suicide; that being Nitroglycerin!)
But, he doubted it was realistic, for reasons already stated, so he was stuck with whatever other incredibly fucked method he inevitably decides on. It's not like he probably will anytime soon either, no matter how much he wants to. He walked back to his room, flopping down as soon as he was close enough for at least his face to hit the mattress. Thud totally comfortable.
He stood up once again, actually closing his door this time. Then sitting on the bed properly, right, shit, his phone. No, no one probably texted, they're all busy. What can only be described as a mantra he mentally spoke, trying his best to not get his hopes up and what left of his heart shattered, even if he was always deep-down hoping, begging for any sort of message.
He walked around to the far wall, and picked up his phone, quickly turning it around, anticipation and tension always left more room for disappointment. He seen the messaging app icon and- no one. A stupid update reminder. He’d rather’ve seen absolutely nothing than that. But whatever, they're busy, she's busy. He reminded himself, trying to subside the constant idea that they all fucking loath him for everything that he's ever done. But it's probably true though right? Of course it is. They all hate him. No matter how close, they all do. He’ll never change, will he? Why even bother at this point, he loved talking to them all sure, but why do they bother to talk to him? Pity? Perhaps. A disgusting feeling crept back up into his stomach and esophagus, it unknowingly had disappeared some minutes ago. Not like it mattered now. He tossed his phone to the side of his bed, on the ground, not bothering to charge it. It's not like anyone will message anyways. He's an idiot, everytime, everyday, why does he still feel such anticipation anyways? The answer didn't matter. He was tired. He didn't want to sleep, he hadn't gotten anything done, hell he was bored. But he had no energy to do anything. Just because of some stupid post. Sensitive. Weak. Pathetic. Why was he even still here? He's just dead weight to everyone he meets. What is the point.
He laid there, he didn't know for how long, it didn't matter, he heard a door shut, they're back. He couldn't talk to them or face them like this. No. He’ll fake sleeping, maybe he’ll fall asleep in the process, that'd be nice, or if he never woke up, both seem ideal to him.
He laid on his stomach, right arm obscuring his face, left in a weak fist. It was a default ‘I swear I'm asleep’ pose, shockingly comfortable too!
Staring at the back of his eyelids, repeating bright colours and vague shapes started appearing, in a way it always felt a bit soothing, it was always there for him.
Even when he wasn't there for himself.
#'sticks and stones may break my bones; but man razor blades hurt so much more'#j writes badly#no beta we die like jirou#if a lot of this seems vauge. thats the point#youre not going crazy; im just a shit writer who cant figure out how else to translate it into writing!#the nitrogen thing was 100% improv. it was baseed on a convo i had the other day and went “yeah close enough”#if he knows how to make bombs. he probably knows that nitrogen will kill you alot faster right?? thats. common knowledge#i think. (<- didnt know it)#this got me almost yelled at by my mother bc i stayed up later than usual and slept until like 13:30#(which mkaes no sense bc i used to sleep in a lotttt longer than that but oh well ig)#tryna not go off the imaginary rails on here but chat.#chat i want to fucking die.#the urge to kms but the knowledge that you probably wont attempt so you feel like theres no reason in talking abt it to anyone so its awkwa#d and youre just there like “🧍”#yeah idk were i was going with that. man i needa knit real bad. i havent in a few days. crown scarf must be real by next year. stg
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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Seeing my friends all be like, theres someone i really like (romantically) in my life atm im so happy and i wanna share it w you!, WHICH IS SO SWEET BC I LOVE THAT THEY ARE EXPERIENCING LOVE BUt when is it my turn :(
#im sure its coming#.evature#i must have patience 😭🫶#it will be good it will be good#it will be so so good#i love where I'm at with most of my friends atm and im so ready to continue nourishing and loving them#and I'll be fr going to uni soon so ill meet new ppl!#I'm not gonna obsess over it because that isnt going to make it go faster and will probably encoirage me to seek someone who isnt exactly#what i need#so imma just wait and do what i wanna do and it will come 🛌#AAA#i reallly love this for my friends tho bc theyre all so cool and ambitious and hardworking and#I'm glad theybe found ppl who probably match that energy and even grow it#not saying i dont also 💀#but like a partner best friend kinda thing
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