#mostly fine but the weird shit sticks man

[byakuyasdarling]

hey I’ll make Byakuya soft for his wife all I want but at the end of the day I can admit how much of a downright terrible and very patriarchal individual he can be. Is it explainable? Yes. Is it justifiable? Grey area, but mostly no. Like I still know how this charcater ultimately functions and I can tell you in confidence the majority of the fandom does not.

​I swear so much of the fandom uses STEREOTYPES to inform their headcanons and it drives me actually nuts.

On another note: please NEVER ignore how patriarchal this man actually is. Do not even try the “UwU” cutification twists on it either. It is so inherent to his character and how he interacts with the world (which is very observable in his lines) - it’s a core part of him and cutifying or changing that identity is inherently damaging to his character. It’s something that should be explored, yes — but in a way that doesn’t tangibly affect his character. He’s always going to be this way, he will always have these beliefs (evidently); the actual way he changes is how he processes that and reacts more respectfully in turn.

Also he isn’t just “a mean guy” and it is so damn clear in every other instance of his character outside of the first few chapters of T//HH (which again… is easily explained through context and his past). He is honest, he is no-nonsense (except for a few situations), and he is emotionally stunted. He is low-empathy, that’s for sure. Doesn’t make him a monster by any means.

[alittlebitofwonk]

Etho is familiar with the weird rules that come with being a server admin. He’s known Xisuma long enough to know that being an admin comes with perks, but also sometimes just… weird shit. He doesn’t pretend to get all of it, but he knows enough.

So, when the admin of a completely different server suddenly drops into spawn, fighting with his com and cursing up a storm, Etho isn’t really that surprised.

What does surprise him is that the admin is… handsome. Really handsome. And also vaguely familiar, though Etho really only knows him through association. When you create one of the largest multinational, multilingual servers of all time, you gain a reputation.

“You alright?” Etho asks as Quackity (he’s pretty sure that’s his name) picks himself up, still muttering profanities as he dusts himself off.

“Yeah, just fine and dandy, if it weren’t for the fucking Hypixal transport fucking sending me to the wrong server again,” Quackity mutters, before pausing and sighing. “I’m… sorry. It’s been a long day.”

“Getting tossed into the wrong server must be jarring,” Etho says, sympathetic. It’s mostly admins that get that particular shaft, but it’s happened to him once, and it was… very confusing. “You’re an admin for the QSMP, right?”

Quackity looks up from his com, clearly trying to figure out where he is, and nods, smirking slightly. “I’m THE admin for the QSMP. The server has my name on it, after all.”

“I thought you were Quackity,” Etho mutters, watching as Quackity types a quick message, probably to Xisuma, before slipping the com away.

Quackity grins at him, leaning forward so he’s on the balls of his feet, honeyed wings keeping his balance, “Well, since you know me it would be a shame not to get myself acquainted with such a handsome man.”

It startles a laugh out of Etho, especially considering he was just thinking about how attractive the avian was. “Etho,” he says, awkwardly sticking out his hand, “Welcome to Hermitcraft!”

Quackity visibly relaxes as he shakes Etho’s hand. “Thank God this is Hermitcraft. I could’ve ended up somewhere so much worse.”

“You’re thinking 2b2t, I’m guessing.”

“Or any other anarchy server, they eat admins for breakfast,” Quackity says, repressing a shudder, and for the first time, Etho realizes his wings are clipped. Which is really odd, given that he’s, y’know, an admin. Maybe he clips them himself?

“Well, you’re in safe hands here,” Etho promises, and Quackity raises his eyebrow and smirks. “That’s not what I—“

“I mean, I’d hold your hand if you want,” Quackity says, and then laughs when Etho turns about five different shades of red in two seconds.

It's only then that Etho notices that it's beginning to get dark, the sun inching towards the horizon, and they're still at spawn. He gets the feeling that Quackity isn't going to be finding his way back anytime soon, so he turns to the admin and asks, "do you want to come back to my base with me?" Just as Quackity begins to snicker, something witty already on the tip of his tongue, Etho adds, "before it gets dark! To, uh, get away from the mobs. I have a spare bed."

"Damn, and here I was thinking I might bet to slip into yours," Quackity says, and damn he's smooth. Etho feels like an idiot with all his stammering and blushing, but Quackity doesn't seem to mind in the slightest. "Lead the way."

[transvampireboyfriend]

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5 - part 6 - part 7 - part 8

Steve and Jonathan go setup the cabin before they start unpacking.

Steve opens the windows, takes off the couch covers and dusts off the coffee tables while Jonathan takes care of toiletries and then they get the bed sets and start making the two bunks and the big bed in the main room.

Steve has mostly shaken off his freak out about Eddie saying all that stuff about him and Steve reacting by practically shoving his fingers in his mouth.

Robin helped. She always does.

She's been telling him to make a move on Eddie for months, but Steve keeps overthinking it.

He likes Eddie so much, it just feels impossible Eddie could like him that way too.

So, whenever Eddie says something like what he said in the car, Steve's head cannot compute it.

It doesn't make sense. Steve came out to them all ages ago. If Eddie thought of him like that, surely he'd have made a move by now, right?

He's the loudest, most unashamed person Steve has ever met, he's so unapologetically himself, he sticks by the stuff he likes no matter what, of course he would've made a move.

But he hasn't. And so he doesn't, Eddie doesn't like Steve like that. He's just nice.

He's so nice.

Of course he's not gonna make a big deal of what Steve did in the car. Steve's still a little embarrassed but he knows Eddie would never give him a hard time over something so silly.

Robin reminded him of that too, as soon as they got out of the car and Steve made mortified eyes at Eddie's back as he watched him go stand by the lake.

"You're kinda drowning in a glass of water there, man," Robin said, ruffling his hair.

Steve laughed, escaping her hand and glaring at her.

"I bet he didn't even think twice of it!" she offered, then when he didn't look convinced, she added "He said a bunch of stuff about you, did you think it was weird?"

Steve shook his head "Of course not. it doesn't have to mean anything"

"Exactly." Robin agreed then, rubbing his back. Steve sighed, leaning his head on her shoulder.

So, Steve is mostly over it now. Robin is right.

But, that doesn't stop Steve from stealing glances at the grill through the bedroom windows, where Eds and Nance are making hot dogs, as him and Jonathan make the beds.

Jon must notice, because when they switch to the second bunk, he comments "You know, you can let him down easy. it doesn't have to be a big deal"

Steve immediately drags his eyes away from Eddie and looks at Jonathan.

"What?" he asks,

"Eddie" Jonathan presses, Steve stammers,

"Wh-?"

"Oh come on, he obviously has a crush on you, man." Jon says, "And it's fine if you don't feel the same you know? you can talk to him as your friend, he's a cool dude- I don't think he'd be-"

Steve finally finds his words and interrupts Jonathan.

"Wait, no. Back up. Eddie doesn't have a crush on me." Steve states.

Jonathan scoffs but when he looks at Steve's face his half smile fades,

"Are you serious?" he asks,

Steve looks around them like his answer is written on the walls.

"Didn't you hear what he said in the car?" Jonathan demands "I thought that was the whole reason you were freaking out!"

"I'm not- I'm not freaking out." Steve excuses "And he doesn't have crush on me, if he did he would have made a move by now" he explains.

Jonathan gapes at him for a bit before he answers.

"Okay, one: you have not stopped looking at him since we got out of the car;" Jon notes, "And two: you flirt with all of us except him, you shut him down when he gives you a compliment and you always refuse to dance with him when we go out. Why would he make a move?"

Steve feels his eyes go wide and his stomach drop.

"Shit. Do I?" he asks "No, I don't flirt with you guys" he adds,

Jonathan snorts and gives him a non-plussed look.

Fuck. Okay maybe he does, it's a past-time of his, sue him.

"I-" Steve scrambles "How do I shut down his compliments? I don't do that" he tries,

"You cough and redirect or you laugh and deflect," Jonathan supplies, apparently had those at the ready, damn.

"I didn't do that in the car" Steve counters,

"Robin changed the topic. And you two share a brain" Jonathan states,

Steve covers his eyes with a hand. He hoped it hadn't been that obvious.

"Ohmygod. Fuck. And I do refuse to dance with him" Steve remembers, he's afraid Eddie will figure him out if that ever happens,

"Uh huh, but you dance with us," Jonathan reminds him,

So Eddie had made a move. Several, if Jon's to be believed.

"Fuck. Fuck. Eddie thinks I don't like him," Steve realizes, "Eddie might be attracted to me and he thinks I don't like him at all" Steve despairs,

"I mean," Jonathan placates, "you do spend a lot of time together, I'm sure he knows you like him"

With this realization, at the sight of the tiniest possibility, Steve feels his despair dissolve every excuse he's ever had to hide his feelings.

"No," Steve explains, dragging his hand down his face "No, he thinks I don't like him like that. He doesn't know I'm attracted to him!"

"Wait. You are?"

"Yeah!" Steve confirms, "It's the reason I freak out around him! I can't trust I won't throw myself at him if we dance and I'm always embarrassed of my reactions to him flirting or complimenting me cause I don't want him to find out. I don't wanna ruin our friendship" Steve explains

"Oh." is Jon's helpful reaction.

"Yeah, oh." Steve says,

"How are you so sure he has a crush on me?" he asks Jonathan after a bit,

"Well," Jonathan starts " First of all, who doesn't?"

Steve laughs despite himself "Shut. Up!" he says, balling up the sheet in his hands and throwing it at Jonathan's head, he dodges it easily and picks it back up.

"Second of all," Jon continues, like there was no interruption, "everything Eddie said in the car. And third, just how he generally acts with you." Jonathan shrugs, like it's so obvious, "He shares his songs with you first, he always lets you pick the movie, he cooks your favorite meals, he makes us buy your favorite dessert, I could go on, it's no very hard to tell,"

"And yet-" Steve interjects, laughing a tad bitterly.

"Give yourself a break, Steve." Jonathan tells him, "Nobody thinks straight when they have a crush,"

"Har har" Steve deadpans at the pun.

"That was completely unintended, I swear." Jonathan defends, "I meant it's not hard to tell from the outside. I bet if you really thought of it you could come up with signs you've missed too",

"I don't wanna assume-" Steve muses,

"Then don't." Jonathan tells him, "That was more or less what I was gonna tell you anyways, only now its the opposite"

Steve gives him a confused look.

"Just- You don't have to go ask him out this second," Jonathan explains, "you can just start letting him see that you find him attractive. You said your reactions embarrass you, you keep hiding them, I bet he'd love to see them if we're right about how he feels." Jonathan goes on,

Steve thinks about all the redirecting and hiding he does with Eddie, just so he doesn't find out Steve feels this way about him. If he has a chance to be with Eddie he knows exactly where to start.

"And if we're wrong he won't be an asshole about it." Jonathan says, "I'm 100% sure of that. You can have a big conversation if you want but I know that can be hard, so you can do easier stuff first"

"Like flirt with him" Steve supplies, maybe a little too excited by the prospect.

"Exactly." Jonathan smiles, "Helps that you're not bad at that",

"I'm not the only one" Steve shoots back with a wink.

Jonathan laughs, "There it is" he says, throwing the balled up sheet back at Steve.

Steve chuckles and catches it easily, "Okay. Alright, then. This- I can do this" he states.

"Yeah." Jonathan agrees, "Don't think of it like a huge change, just remember you're only letting him in a little bit, trying to figure out if he feels the same, and if he doesn't, that's cool," he reminds him.

"Yeah." Steve repeats, "Yeah you're right. That makes sense." he agrees,

"I mean it doesn't." Steve adds, "I can't believe he might be attracted to me but- thanks, man. I really appreciate it"

Jonathan smiles and reaches out to clap his shoulder "Anytime, dude. You're my friend, you can talk to me whenever, I'll be happy to listen." he says. Steve can't help thinking Will is so lucky to have him as a brother.

"You're really good at this." Steve tells him, "But, you know, I'm here for you too man, anytime." he offers.

"Thanks, Steve" Jonathan smiles,

Steve smiles back and untangles the bedsheet in his hands, and then they get back to work on the second bunk.

part 4

[nightofhappylight]

Initially just wanted to draw Sasori and Kisame in their respective villages' standard uniform.

...And now there's a whole idea for a fanfic, so here's a short one of GuardianNinja!Akatsuki AU.

.

Snow Country Reading Club

Sasori hates waiting.

Not that he would go on a frustrated, genocidal mass-killing over waiting for a few minutes or anything, but if any of the idiots don’t arrive soon—or worse, if they change shifts without informing him—then there’s no telling what his smallest, mostly harmless doll he’s now fiddling with would do.

Flicking a finger, Sasori absently watches as the doll picks up a stick and starts to draw something on the ground. Not quite distracting enough, he makes it take up a stick on each limb and do a weird, half-remembered imitation of Suna’s traditional fan dance. If he cares enough, there’s a faint laugh he can hear from inside the big, heavily guarded building some meters away from where he’s sitting. He looks down and sighs.

Just fifteen more minutes. He would ditch the idiots if they don’t come after that.

༄ ༄ ༄

Deidara, for the umpteenth time, curses the ancient Tsuchikage for making him put up with this.

The job pays well, yes. And he is qualified, certainly.

But does he care? No, not really. Feudal Lords can do anything and Deidara would pay not even a quarter of shit to it. Their orders are shinobi’s main source of income but Deidara prefers the messy, explosive kind to the boring, tasteless, mind-numbing ones, like body-guarding.

He doesn’t have a choice, though. Not if he doesn’t want to get in another trouble with the old old man. Besides, it’s better than desk jobs, he guesses (because sage forbids he has to sit and write and think), and he gets to switch and take a break for a few hours to do whatever he wants.

…He just hopes a certain redhead wouldn’t stick a poisonous needle in him or something, though, because his shift lasting for one more hour is not his fault.

༄ ༄ ༄

When Kisame comes to their usual secret-but-not-really place, he is in a fairly cheery mood.

After seeing the familiar redhead, though, there’s something concerningly similar to fear—and morbid curiosity—that makes him blink.

“Uh” he starts, eloquently, “Where are the others?” because he’s usually the last one to arrive but there’s no blond or raven in sight.

Sasori looks downright pissed—Kisame wonders why the guy’s still there—and levels him with a look, “Who fucking knows.”

Oh. Wow. Okay.

Whistling a random, carefully low tune, Kisame sits a few feet from the puppeteer, “There’s a change in the Lightning’s Guardians, I heard.”

That, thankfully, gets the redhead’s attention.

“Who died?”

Kisame snorts, “Nah, just resigned, I think. It’s Dodai-san”

“The rubber guy” Sasori recognizes, “He is old, I guess.”

Kisame thinks about how Sasori is pretty old himself—despite his very misleading looks—and keeps the thought to himself. He glances to the windows of the building that currently holds the nations’ Feudal Lords, chuckles at how constipated Deidara had looked and faintly wonders why the convoy from Fire hasn’t arrived yet.

༄ ༄ ༄

When Itachi appears, it’s a day later than the schedule and he is greeted by a whole sour mood that turns off like a light the second he steps onto their self-claimed patch of clearing.

“Hey, Itachi-san” Kisame greets, a hand in a lazy wave, and Itachi follows the Kiri nin’s gaze and blinks at a raised eyebrow.

Ah. Right, he hasn’t had time to change yet.

“There was some trouble on the way” he explains, which is a normal occurrence, really—Feudal Lords eat assassination attempts for breakfast—but there has been a little more effort in the last couple times, “Asuma-san’s team is currently acting as decoy and we went here undercover.”

(Not that Itachi would say it out loud, but he is forever grateful the Fire’s Lord is mostly a chill guy and is fine with their modus operandi, however questionable it can be).

Vainly tapping his flak jacket to at least dust some dried red, Itachi takes a seat on the ground where Deidara is patting enthusiastically.

“We were talking about the Lightning new guy, yeah.”

“Darui-san?”

“What – you already knew??”

Itachi nods, pulling out a gray-bound scroll and a soft-cover book and thumping them on top of the other ones piled on a relatively cleaner spot, “Hokage-sama told me.”

Deidara rolls his eyes, “Of course he would, yeah” he says and goes to mutter something about blonds and old mans and retirement.

Kisame smirks, eyes alight in humor “Good for you, Itachi-san. Yagura-sama prefers his subordinates having surprises.”

“That’s because Kiri nin would die if you don’t get anything exciting happening for more than twenty minutes—”

“Hey! The one who had a rampage on a ‘seemingly empty desert’ doesn’t get to talk!”

“I’m not the one with the huge-ass, chakra-eating sword—”

Itachi snorts softly, taking one random book and flipping it open. Ah, a general history of the Stone’s alliance with Grass. He has read about it in Konoha’s archive, but having another point of view wouldn’t hurt.

“How old is the guy anyway?” Deidara asks by way of redirecting the topic because Sasori is now starting to bring up their tardiness.

“Young.”

“Younger than Itachi was?”

“No one is younger than Itachi was when he first joined.”

“…Fair. Younger than Deidara?”

“No, a little older,” a pause, “Acts ten years more than his age, though.”

They each grab a book or a scroll, a comment slipping here and there, and soon they’re sitting in a semi-circle, silent, each reading one thing or another.

“…We could invite the guy some time” Kisame says some half an hour into the silence, page opened on a certain kata illustration. (…So that’s why he has been… weirdly moving his hands about.)

“I’m fine with that, yeah” Deidara nonchalantly agrees, already on his third book and flipping many pages all at once and stopping randomly to read “Hey, somebody gotta teach me this one!”

Itachi glances at the pointed passage. A chakra control exercise. …Hmm.

“I could show an example” he offers, before looking at Sasori, “Unless Sasori-san is willing to demonstrate it” because the book is from Suna, after all. Said puppeteer just waves a dismissive hand, eyes still focused on an old, fraying scroll pertaining… Kiri’s desserts?

Deidara shoves the book into his hands. The raven reads the page once again to make sure of the theory and starts channeling it into practice. Brown and black dust falls from the hem of his sleeves and he glances forward as he feels the other half of Konoha’s convoy arriving and getting into the building.

It would be his shift in a couple hours, but for now, he is content to enjoy his break with some company.

[5iyoomi]

➤ Kinktober 2024 Day 2

Watersports - Kindaichi Yuutarou x Fem!Reader

Warnings: piss kink obviously, reader gets peed in, vaginal sex, creampie, belly bulge, overstimulation (mostly on Kindaichi's end), under-negotiated/talked about kink

Word Count: 734

Kinktober Masterlist

It takes a fair amount of convincing to get Kindaichi to admit his more out there kinks, the man sputtering and changing the subject to something less provocative whenever you brought it up, but your constant poking and prodding is almost enough to make him relent. 

Almost. You know there’s more to it than he’s letting on, giving you bits and pieces so that you don’t look at him like he’s a freak—not that you would.

You’ve told him on more than one occasion that you’d be okay with at least trying anything once; prompting him to nod and nervously send you a text about it three days later, on a day that neither of you would see each other because of his away game. 

He ended it with a ‘but don’t feel obligated, I know that’s weird’ that made you roll your eyes, giggling as you hopped out of bed with a plan already brewing in your mind.

There’s just one you haven’t really talked about yet. One you’ve been playing with ever since you suspected it was something he might be into, purposefully pushing him to his limits every time you fucked. 

There weren’t that many times you got to be truly alone, between having to study for upcoming tests and Kindaichi not wanting to risk quickies, you made do with stolen kisses that left the lingering taste of vanilla on your lips and longing looks thrown across the room until you can act on said plan.

It’s not until you’ve drawn three consecutive orgasms out of him that he all but whimpers, a loud noise that came from the back of his throat. He squirms underneath you, grabbing at your waist to get you to slow down to no avail. 

You lean forward and gently run your fingers through his slick hair, the sweat making it stick to his forehead and the slight shift only putting more and more pressure against his pelvis. 

He trembles, tightening his grip as you grind back and forth on his dick, his mouth opening and shutting in a feeble attempt to speak.

“Shit- wait-” He pleads, sucking in a small breath. “I g-gotta pee, we should stop.”

“You can do it here,” you say simply, bringing your hand up to press down on where his cock bulges inside of you. He’s always been big, too afraid of hurting you to be rough the way you wanted him to be. To let loose and use you. “I don’t mind.”

He bites his bottom lip so hard you’re afraid he’ll draw blood when he processes what you just suggested, cheeks pink and dark eyes hooded in pleasure. 

He keeps his eyes trained to where you’re connected instead of on you, twitching at the sight of your tight cunt swallowing him whole. It’s warm, so so overwhelmingly warm and you’re inviting him to do it. But even then…

“It- it’ll be messy.”

“Yuu.” You huff, slowly lifting your hips up just to slam yourself back down on him. He cries helplessly, the urge to push you away and pull you closer fighting each other. “C’mon, it’s fine. You don’t have to hold back with me, I can take it.”

He seems to think about it for a second, his heart thrumming heavy in his chest. You practically make the choice for him, riding him faster than he could keep up with in his current state. 

“F-fuck, fuck, okay.” He managed to choke out, the sounds of your moans and pussy sucking him in like you needed it driving him closer to the edge.

He hisses your name as a warning, using one hand to pull you into a sloppy kiss that’s full of spit and teeth. He licks at your lips, coaxing you to let him in. He pants into your mouth, tongue curling loosely around yours.

He snaps his hips up at the feeling of resistance from your cervix, holding you flush against him while he cums inside of you for the nth time, shuddering as the first stream of hot piss mixed with the rest of both your fluids. 

Some of it spilled out and around his cock, getting the sheets below you all dirty. Your orgasm soon follows his, your toes curling with the intensity and arms tugging him impossibly closer.

Body sated, you kiss him again, a content smile crossing both of your faces.

Taglist:

@looneytunesbackinactionisaromcom @snail-squasher @akisangell @the1nonlyaivilo @chilichopsticks @zerowantstobattle @staygoldsquatchling02 @ninitorih @satturnsrings @enchantingpeachrunaway @karltheunipug @decaffeinatedkiddetective @thiisisntlovely @lilsebnem @thisbicc @sangoomiii @kodzuken-hoe @rinsbaby

A/N: I love taking the characters that would probably be 100% vanilla and giving them the freaky kinks. Like yes this guy would be into some weird ass shit I just know it. Also!! For people who's tags aren't working you can turn on notifs for the masterlist if that helps, I update it whenever I post a new fic :)

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 8/13/2024

i think i'm going to take a break from scifi written by men for a bit

listening

Ahmed Malek's Les Vacances de L'inspecteur Tahar, from the 1972 film of the same name.

if i can be really really real for a minute here the only thing i've listened to more than twice this week is GUESS by charli xcx but i don't want to have the same tuesdaysong twice in a row. this would make for an annoying end of year playlist.

i got an ad for a collected set of Ahmed Malek's Algerian jazz music on instagram. a session musician in Algiers, he made his name as a soundtrack composer with this comedic detective movie and was in demand for the rest of his life-- he's still really beloved in the African jazz scene, his works are super collectible, and his daughter gifted all his masters to a tiny record company so they could rerelease and preserve them.

it sounds exactly how you think a 70s cop movie should sound. impeccable example of the genre. instantly evocative. i wonder if it influenced the wider cop drama soundscape or if it's just an early example?

-

reading

many books disappointed me a great deal this week.

thank you philip.

the only comic i did like was Marauders (2019-2022), trying to get a little bit more into the xmen since my bestie has decided we're watching all their movies. this is really fun bc i knew who kitty pryde was, and she's a privateer captain who looks beat to shit the whole book. extremely fun and gay and swashbuckling, i placed holds for the other volumes already.

the two rogue and gambit books assumed i knew more about those characters than i already did, and had a heavy reliance on flashbacks and references to other issues.

the magic order was insufferable and did not stick its landing. made me worry about the characters and then feel really fucking stupid for worrying about the characters. i don't know why i keep trying mark millar books and thinking i will like them.

HOTELITOR had a very fun concept (mech hotel), but was a little more middle-grade than i was expecting, even from a teen book. very calarts visual style. very power of friendship will undo an evil corporation, which, i wish.

this little mermaid manga was not for me. and that's fine. most manga isn't for me.

we have to take a brief detour into how i store my books (poorly). these big middle shelves hold an unsorted mass, mostly of stuff i'm not sure i want to keep. i'm trying to be more thoughtful about which books i keep bc realistically i do not reread very often (if at all) and i am running out of space. as much as i love weird little scifi and fantasy paperbacks it would be cool if they all fit on one shelf.

here are four books i rapidly cycled through this weekend that are going to be donated.

Michael Moorcock's The Black Corridor, 1969, about a man slowly going insane in a spaceship fleeing a politically violent Earth with his friends and relations in cryosleep. not a very beloved Moorcock book among the Moorcock fans. this has a heavy focus on the rise of British fascism and i'm not now, nor will i ever be, in the mood for this. a shame bc this slim hardcover has proportions that were very nice to hold.

Thomas Burnett Swan's Where is the Bird of Fire?, 1970, three not quite short stories but not quite novellas about mythical creatures at the founding of Rome, Xerxes the Great's empire, and Britain near the fall of Rome. states very clearly exactly what it is on the tin and delivers it, unfortunately i don’t like any of the flavors on offer. every single one of these has the half-coy kind of sex scene common in historical fiction, where in order to represent the past accurately and with full verisimilitude we Must convey that they fucked nasty and had fun doing it. many times. unfortunately a middle aged man wrote these and our erotic sensibilities are Very far apart.

Glen Cook's Cold Copper Tears, 1988, a noirish urban fantasy. there are fourteen books in this series so clearly people like them. i found a lot of the Noir Similes a little tortured. "but kay isn't that the point--" yes but these annoyed me. also there's a rape joke i didn't enjoy on the fourth fucking page. i have very few hard outs in fiction and one of them is on-screen or on-page sexual assault or rape jokes in chapter one. i am slightly less likely to drop a book if it has rape jokes in chapters that are not the first but like. it’s still almost a flat line at 100%.

and the only one i got two-thirds of the way through, and which i partially liveblogged here,

Eric Kotani and John Maddox Robert's Between the Stars, 1988, the third in their Island Worlds series. it stands alone fairly well, which is impressive.

this book is good at differentiating a very large, very clannish cast, which is a hard thing to do in a political opera. people are often differentiated by little physical movement quirks, which a spy later uses to identify someone. it’s a lovely bit of business and definitely the authors’ strong points.

also props for two of the most capable people, an ill-liked matriarch/scientific genius and a femme fatale Russian, for being two of the most interesting characters with the most screen time, both on their own and in other character’s thoughts. unfortunately, with such a large cast and so many factions, the action is often split and meandering. racist in the very specific orientalist way cyberpunk eighties fiction often is, but uncommonly, they remembered Turkey existed and included in the orientalism?

severely suffered from a second act where it tripped over its own feet a lot instead of continued forward motion, quite honestly i got bored and tired of being hit over the head with various points. a very whedonesque quality of needing to comment on the political implication of something the instant after it happens.

this is not a subtle book, and it smacks less of an urgency to get a point across in as few words as possible and more an uncertainty in the authors of getting their point across at all. this is confusing to me bc this was their fourth book together and the third in this series. have some more confidence in your writing abilities. like, if you've already established your baddie as a fascist torturer who literally owns slaves and plans on taking over earth, you don't need to have him also say "Hitler was much-maligned" at a dinner party he's holding in a room full of hunting trophies where the only things on the table are red wine and whole game birds. you've more than established him as evil. the whole book is like this. it's exhausting.

not a book for me! many such cases!

-

watching

my brother was really singing the praises of vampire hunter d's animation and i was like, postapoc roaming vampire bounty hunter? say less! im already getting in!

i watched the 1980s version with some bemusement until he was like "why did you watch that and not the 2000 version." well that would have been so cool of you to be more specific, my boy!!! vampire hunter d (1985, dir. Toyoo Ashida) was still fun but clearly had way less of a budget than Vampire Hunter D Bloodlust (2000, dir. Yoshiaki Kawajiri)

i enjoyed bloodlust a little more bc it had a postapoc style i enjoyed a little more: showed me big manta rays that hide under the sand, big ruined radio dishes, and lots of beautifully ruined skyscrapers and fucked up highway overpasses. every time you see me post about a BIG!!! FUCKING!!! DISH!!! you should hear this schoolchildren "YAAAAAY!" sample from Jet Set Radio

-

playing

nothing much to report, a lot of grindy genshin impact shit as i try to clear all my map markers before the new nation drops at the end of the month.

-

making

the girls have three litter boxes available to them (laundry room/spare bathroom/utility closet), all in the correct and recommended locations, all with good sightlines and escape routes and all out of the main hustle and bustle of the apartment, all open top, all with the same kind of litter and the same kind of litter mat. they only use the one in my laundry room. since phil has had free roam of the house she has not used the one in the office bathroom. i asked my vet about this and sent her pictures to make sure i was doing everything right and the diagnosis was "yeah that's a little weird of them". can we spread the wear and tear out a little more, girls? so i don't have to deep clean the same litterbox every week?

[presidentbungus]

Demo starts scritching at the bottom of Scout’s skull, then slowly starts moving up, humming something he doesn’t recognize under his breath. Scout’s not really sure what he’s doing, but it’s nice. And it’s kinda hard to care when all he can think about is being pressed against Demo and it’s like sitting against a space heater he’s so fucking warm, their legs tangled together in front of them, and Scout just wishes he could see his face.

He can imagine it. Demo always makes the same face when he’s concentrating and he’s always concentrating on something (and right now he’s focused on Scout, just him, and fuck, man). He’s probably squinting at nothing in particular, and he’d be cross-eyed if he had two eyes, lips all stupidly puffed out like he’s clenching his teeth together. Maybe he’s sticking his tongue out just a little, like he does when he’s really in the zone.

… Probably thinking, like, wow, Scout’s so great, his hair’s so soft and nice, boy I’m lucky, I’m never gonna dump him unless he dumps me, in which case I would accept that as a reasonable decision and still be best friends with him afterwards because he’s just that great. Or something along those lines. He has to remind himself to unscrunch his eyes and unflare his nose and do something mostly regular with his mouth, and he spends a few seconds being really glad Demo can’t see his face right now because he probably looks really stupid.

And the whole time those smart, quick fingers keep brushing across his scalp, combing through his hair. His other arm’s got Scout all wrapped up, resting heavy enough against his chest his lungs pinch just a little when he breathes in too deep and don’t get him wrong, no complaints here. Demo keeps humming, probably something about pirates or krakens or taxes. Scout can’t think of anything to say and for the first time in his life nothing’s coming out of his mouth anyway. He’s sweating through the bandages on his hands though. And his heart’s hammering so hard he can feel it in the tips of his fingers, and he’s sure Demo’s able to feel it through his spine, and oh god is that embarrassing? Is he being fucking weird? Did he remember to put on deodorant this morning because oh god he’s so fucking sweaty, and maybe he should say something just to clarify, maybe something like I’m sorry if I smell bad and I’m sweaty, you’re really great and all, I like your arms a lot and your music’s stupid but you’re good at singing it, something like that really quick, oh my god oh my god…

And out of nowhere, right before Scout opens his big stupid mouth and gets himself broken up with, Demo pops his lips and says: “Scout, if you love me, ya gotta wash yer hair.”

“What—c’mon.” Scout’s worried that means the little head massage thing is over, but he still keeps going, thank god, and you know what, whatever.

“No, really.” Demo thinks on it. “Your scalp feels like a nice greasy patch of temperate swamp.”

He finally awkwardly cranes his neck back (trying to make sure Demo doesn’t move his arm and hey, he doesn’t) and sure enough, he’s making that stupid fucking face, tongue out and everything even though he just spoke, and whatever long line of nothing Scout had in his mouth just dissolves. Instead he manages to muster a faint: “Hey.”

“Just a touch of shampoo, Scoutie, I’m tellin’ ye. Could be nice.”

He scoffs. “I use shampoo.”

“You use a three-‘n-one. I’ve seen it.”

“And it works fine, asshole.”

“It could work better.” Before Scout can respond to this, that arm squeezes all the air out of him—probably on purpose—and Demo’s other arm presses on top of it, and his head nudges into the crook of Scout’s neck and says “Please, Scoutie, for me, just for me?”

… Aw man. “Fine, whatever,” he wheezes, and Demo lets go of him so he can throw his arms in the air. “But I don’t know any of that shit.”

“I promise I can work that out,” he hums, already back to scratching down Scout’s scalp. “Thank you, thank you,” suddenly attacking him with kisses down his neck and the side of his face, making the loudest friggin’ smacking sounds he can probably muster.

“Geez—geez, okay, I get it,” and some horrible embarrassing sound that’s probably supposed to be a laugh frees itself from his throat, and Scout barely tries to push him off. It doesn’t work, and he doesn’t stop. Thank god.

[divinefireangel]

Hi dear¡! ♡

Can I ask SF9 how they showed their love to their partner? (Hugs, kisses, physical touches, loving words, etc)

Sorry for my english 🥺

Your English is fine hun! Plus the language is kinda stupid hehe

SF9's Love Languages 🩷

Warnings: These are what I think are SF9's top love language. Of course it is impossible for such lovely people to have just one 😔. Mention of food/cooking in Tae's. Tea is Chani's.

Youngbin

WORDS 👏 OF 👏 AFFIRMATION 👏

I will literally physically fight if anyone disagrees with me lol. Our man is so wise and sweet and his voice is just is soothing so I just think that his ultimate way to show you appreciation will be through words. Plus man's a great and creative lyricist.

Inseong

Quality time

Well, it's mostly just him trying to make you laugh by saying and making up the stupidest jokes, if you can call them that, ever. I'm also a strong believer that this man just wants to annoy you enough to start a debate with him cuz he's bored lol

Jaeyoon

Physical Touch

Maybe this is me projecting my needs maybe it is not okay idk. But let's be honest here, this man is the cutest ever and he will want to squish your cheeks, irrespective of squishyness quotient. He also likes to hug you, literally engulf you in his broad af chest and baby you although you want to baby him don't we all

Dawon

Acts of service

I just love him sm 😭. See, he's the kind to leave you sweet sticky notes with reassuring words and a drawing or something stupid on the back lol. But yeah it's all the small things that he'll do like buying you a new chapstick before your old one gets over, bringing your water bottle around even when you tell him you won't carry it, letting you use his arm as a pillow during the long car ride to your destination although it definitely hurts after some time, fixing your hair when you're distracted, etc. Bye I need a Sanghyuk

Zuho

Words of Affirmation

He is so much different that Youngbin tho lemme tell you. So Bin uses maturity and juju uses his baby voice(?) aka he does aegyo and makes you feel all mushy inside. I mean, he is cute.

Rowoon

Gift Giving

It won't necessarily be stupid gift all the time, he does give you good ones occasionally like a sunscreen stick for example. Most of the time it is something useless and weird like a spoon pillow or some shit but it's the thought that counts right?💀

But no on a real note he's super thoughtful when he gives you gifts and he thinks of it as something that'll remind you of his love when you use it.

Yoo Taeyang

Acts of Service

It could be doing your laundry or cooking for you or putting you phone on charge. It's the little things that you need in your daily life that sometimes get so difficult to manage. But don't worry, our teddy Tae is here to be your little lovely helper fairy, even if you don't ask or notice it right away.

Hwiyoung

Physical Touch

Yes he hates skinship from members but you, no. He loves clinging to you and hugging you and kissing you. He's like a mama cat and you his kitten and he wants to kith and protecc and love you so much till you physically have to be away from him lol

Chani

Quality Time

It doesn't even have to be like an eventful couple of hours. It could just be him laying on your lap taking a nap and you reading you book and playing with his hair, giving him a head massage or tracing his cute facial features. It could also be sitting on the rooftop with hot tea cups and talking about life while nuzzling into each other for warmth.

[elacular-kink]

Poly-techhic 3: Maya Learns

Today we'll be going back in time to see how Maya learned about Susanna's fetish and started dating her. This does have hiccups, but not a whole lot, and it's more on the feelingsy, story-y type side. I've written one 3.5 that's all feelings, so hopefully I'll write another 3.5 that's all hiccups later. We'll see.

Character Sheet

TW: Inebriation, Gender?, Anger, Emotional meltdown, Self-loathing, Kink anxiety

Kinks: Hiccups (Relatively small amount), inebriation

"Blaaaaaa-aaagh!" I threw myself into the backseat of Olivia's car along with my half-asleep, hiccuping, drunk teammate. I was halfway drunk myself, which was one of the many reasons I wasn't driving us home from the away game, but I was sober enough to make sure Kaeligh's ass was belted in, at least. I was also sober enough to be in a bad mood. "Hey, Liv! Anyone ever tell you your girlfriend's a real pain in the dick?"

"She's not my girlfriend, but yeah."

I let Kaeligh lean on me and drool on my shoulder while I pouted. "I don't get you two."

"We don't get you either, Maya," Liv said, completely focused on the road even though she hadn't started driving yet.

"How come she's not riding home with us anyway?"

The ancient minivan grumbled as Liv shifted it out of park. I couldn't believe that anyone in our goddamn college actually knew how to drive stick, much less owned one of the fuckers. "Because she's riding back home with Charlie."

I rolled my eyes and made a jerk-off motion. "You know that's not what the fuck I meant, Liv. Seriously, I don't understand Susie at all. I get you. You make sense. And when you don't make sense, I can just have you explain shit."

"More people should be like that," she said, and even though I was too grumpy to say it out loud, I agreed with her. "Susanna doesn't make understanding her easy. She never has. What's specifically annoying you about her right now? Was it when she told the other team's three that if she smoked around me she'd break her bong over her head?"

I snorted. "Nah, that was hilarious. It's just...she's so fucking mysterious and weird and stupid about the most random shit! Like, I don't think she's fishing for compliments, not on purpose, so why the fuck does she keep saying she sucks at rugby?"

"Because she's the slowest and physically the weakest on the team."

"Yeah, but so?" I shook my head. "Does she seriously not get that when a normal person gets hit by someone a hundred pounds heavier than them, they immediately fall the fuck down? They don't give physics the finger and stay up long enough to chuck the fucking ball!"

After a moment of thought, Liv nodded. "Yeah. She seriously doesn't get that."

"Does she not have eyes? God...dammit, Kay, stop trying to kiss me, you smell like Four Loko. And not in a good way." Kaeligh muttered and hiccuped something, but at least she listened.

"No, her eyes work fine. But she only sees things that she's actually looking for. And she's never looking for things she does well."

"God that girl's fucked up." I crossed my arms and sulked.

"...you're still worried about something, aren't you Maya?"

I huffed and took off my glasses, rubbing the bridge of my nose. "I get why Susie says you're annoying now."

"Yeah, I get that too. But I'm right."

I glanced over at Kaeligh. She seemed to be snoring enough to at least be mostly unconscious. "...okay, did Kay offend her or something?"

"No, she'd have said so if she did."

"Then what the fuck is up? Because she's avoiding her, right? I can tell. That's why she's in Chuck's car instead of yours."

Liv heaved a sigh as she pulled onto the highway, sticking to the left lane and barely pushing her rustbucket up to the speed limit. "Yeah, she is. But I can't explain why. Everyone's life would be a lot simpler if I could, or if she'd just be in the car anyway, but she isn't here and she doesn't let me because she's stupid."

"Man, no kidding." After a long moment, I sighed. "How the fuck am I supposed to get through to her, Liv? I like her. I think she's interesting."

"Yeah. I like her too."

"So how'd you do it?"

Olivia was silent for a long while. "...I guess I didn't let her run. She can say what she doesn't want. She's really good at that. So assume that if she hasn't said anything she still wants you around. You've gotta push her. And it feels kind of weird saying that because I'd really hate it if someone did that to me."

I frowned. "Yeah, I'd hate that too. And I know some people gotta be pushed like that, but..." After a long moment, I decided I could be honest with her. "But I know I can go too far with it. I've done that before. Are you sure she'll tell me if I'm fucking up?"

"Positive," she said. "Sometimes she'll be uncomfortable and not explain that, and that's really annoying, but if she's upset at you, she'll say so. And it's not hard to tell the difference between her being fake upset and real upset." After a bit of silence, Liv sighed. "I think Susanna just can't accept the fact that good things can happen to her."

"How the fuck does a person get to be that way?"

"A lot of Catholic school, probably."

"God damn. Literally." I stared out the window and watched other cars zoom past us. What the fuck was up with that tiny lesbian? I really really really needed to know.

That Friday I got a chance to try and learn more. When I heard a knock on my dorm room's door, I opened it, halfway dressed and having been mid-post-class nap. "What."

"It's six." A skinny brown blur said in front of me. After a moment, I realized that I recognized Olivia's voice. I also saw a tiny mostly-black blur by her side and context-clued that it was Susie. "You said that was when the pregame would start."

...shit, they actually thought we'd start pregaming at fucking six? Damn. I swore that I wasn't this naive as a freshman. "Cool. Cool. C'mon in. I'll, uh...beers. Yeah."

"I'm not coming. Only Susanna is."

"Ex-fucking-scuse me?" I saw the tan blob near the top of the black blur twist towards the brown blur, and I snorted.

"I told you I wouldn't be coming to the party. And the list online said not to pregame if you won't go to the party." Oh my god, they looked up a fucking listicle to learn how parties worked? What fucking turnip truck did these two roll off of? And how had I ended up boning Liv a week after meeting her if they were this fucking...pure?

God, I had so many questions.

"So what, you're just gonna abandon me to—" The answer must have been "yes", because the black blur was pushed inside, and the brown blur shut the door behind her. "...cool. Uh, if you wanna go back to sleep, you can."

"Pff, bullshit. Like I'm letting your ass escape now."

"...great." I wrapped an arm around the blob that I was 98% sure was Susie and led her over to the chair next to my desk, shoving her into it and feeling around for my glasses. Eventually, she reached out and put them in my hand like a magical helpful spirit of darkness. Or something. I was still waking up. Once I put them on, I was able to confirm that it was, in fact, Susie, and she was, in fact, glaring at me. That wasn't weird though. "You wanna put on a shirt or something?" She said, and it occurred to me that I was wearing nothing up top but a bra.

"Nah, we're both girls here." I moved back towards my bed, then paused. "Unless we're not? I mean, it's chill either way."

Susie opened her mouth, let it hang open, then closed it and pursed her lips. "I'll, uh...I'll get back to you on that one."

"Fair 'nough." I scrounged under my bed and pulled out a box of beers, grabbing one and giving it to her before pulling out one of my own. "You ever drink?"

"Does wine that tastes like it's literally 2000-year-old blood count?"

Whaaaat the fuck? "...I'm gonna say no on that one, chief."

"Then no. Do these need a bottle opener or—"

"Nah, it's a twistie." Susie pulled one hand inside one of her massive hoodie sleeves, then twisted the cap and managed to get it open. After a long moment, she put her lips to the bottle and took a sip. "So? Whadaya think?"

"It, uh, definitely tastes." She burped softly. "Don't dislike it as much as I thought I would though."

"Think you might be more into girly fruity type drinks?"

"Might be easier at least. If Olivia was ever gonna drink, it'd have to be something like that. If she tasted this, she'd probably light the entire box on fire." Even so, Susie took another sip. "Oh, fuck, that reminds me. Olivia's, uh, pregame research said we shouldn't come empty-handed and that carbo-loading was important, so we ordered pizza. She tried to plan it so that it'd arrive here at the same time we did, but, uh...well, pizza places aren't exactly that fucking reliable."

"Dude, have you two ever been to, like, any parties?"

"No."

I blinked and stared at Susie. She stared right back at me. "...no, you know what, that makes sense. Yeah. Well, I definitely wouldn't say no to pizza. 'Specially with someone else paying. So, what's got you here tonight? I know you haven't come to any before, and it damn sure wasn't 'cause I haven't invited you."

Susie looked down at the brown bottle she was holding. It was wider than a lot of bottles, so she had to use both of her tiny hands to hold it comfortably, and goddamn if that wasn't cute as fuck. "Well, I knew this one was going to be at the Queer house. And, uh..." She reached into her hood and scratched the back of her head. "I mean, besides Olivia, I've never really been around other Queer people my age. So I don't really know what they...what we...do?"

Huh. That was...something. "Your high school was a normal one, right? You not have a GSA?"

"I mean, maybe we did, maybe we didn't. I don't actually know. For most of high school it was just...me and Olivia."

God, I had so many questions about these two. If their lives were as sad as Susie made them sound, why wasn't Liv more emo? If their lives were as normal as Liv made them sound, then why was Susie so emo? How the heck did these two go together? What did they have in common? Maybe it was a weird poly thing about me, but I was almost more attracted to their relationship than I was to either of them.

I was still pretty friggin' attracted to both of them, though, as Susie reminded me when she pulled off her hood. I had no idea why the fuck she kept it up so much because her face was fucking adorable.

Hm. Given how scary she liked to try and look, maybe that was why she kept it up all the time.

Susie's phone blinged with a text. "Ah, shit, pizza guy's outside. Okay, could you keep the door open for me? I'm not gonna be able to get it together while I hold a whole fucking pizza." I nodded and she went off. While she was gone, I took a look at her beer bottle.

...there was a tiny bit of lip gloss on it. Shit, she wore makeup for this? Maybe she really did wanna be here.

Over the next hour and a half, it was just the two of us, but I didn't really mind. If any of those other bitches wanted pizza, they should have been adorable and naive as fuck and arrived at the actual right time. So we got a whole-ass pepperoni pizza to ourselves (and by "we" I mainly mean me), and once she'd got a whole beer in her, she'd warmed up a little bit. She was still a snarky little fuck, but I actually got to see her smile and hear her laugh.

...and notice she had on eyeliner and mascara too. Okay, yeah, she was definitely here on purpose. Also, how the fuck did someone this butch learn how to put on eyeliner that well? Did Liv do it? She never wore makeup either.

That question would have to wait since the other girls started showing up. Susie got a little shyer, but she managed to keep her feet under her pretty well, and I could tell I wasn't the only one who liked her. Mandy even asked if she could put makeup on her, and Susie let her do it. The fact that that interaction didn't end up with the two of them kissing was the dumbest thing in the universe. My teammates were truly fucking gifted in useless lesbianism.

Once my other teammates were there, I wasn't just keeping an eye on Susie. She seemed like she was handling herself well enough, and I absolutely didn't plan on playing babysitter all night. So we kept pregaming, and eventually, we got to the Queer house, and the goddamn party actually got started. I spent that night drinking and dancing and making out with guys, girls, and anyone else who'd put their mouth on mine.

I wasn't sure quite how long it'd been or how many deep I was, but my night was interrupted when I caught a case of fucking drunk hiccups, of all things. "Oh shit! Liv's here!" My teammate Chloe said, grabbing me in a headlock and completely ruining my seduction of a cute person whose gender I was particularly unsure of. 

"Yeah yeah, shut your fu–*HUK* fuckin' trap," I shoved her away. Hearing Liv's name reminded me, though, and I looked around. "Hey, an–*EEP* anybody know where Susie's *UCK* at?"

"She's been hanging out on the stairs," Mandy sighed. "I tried to get her to be a bit more into it, but I couldn't even get her to take off her hoodie."

"Take off her ho–*OOP* hoodie? What kinda slut d–*HUK* do you take her for?" I gave Mandy a quick punch on the arm. "Well, if an–*EEK* anyone can get her into the pa–*HURP* party, it's me. Wish me luck, girls, *HMK*, this one's on hard mode." Once I'd had my luck wished, I made my way over to the stairwell and saw Susie, in fact, sitting right in the middle of the stairs. It was hard to tell from inside of her hood, but I thought she might have seen me first. Either way, I knew I'd caught her eye. "Hey! Hey Susi–*EEK* Pfft. Fuck, I sound so fu–*HUK* fucking stupid."

"Uh...hey, Maya." Her voice was a little uncertain, which I wasn't sure what to make of, but she had spent the whole night a little unmoored, so maybe not the most surprising thing in the world. "Aren't you supposed to be licking someone's tonsils right about now?"

"What, you offerin'?" Even from in her hood, I could see her face go redder, and I couldn't help but laugh. "Don't even wo–*HURK* worry about it, Susi–*EEP*. Susie Q. I got a–*UCK* all the time in the world *HUP* to give out pro-bono de–*HNK* dental exams."

"Wow. And I thought the way I phrased that was gross."

I sat down on the stair right above Susie, trapping her between my legs. She twisted to try and see me so fast that her hood didn't move with her head, which was kind of hilarious. Laughing didn't help with my hiccups, but if anyone wouldn't mind, I figured it was probably Liv's best friend. Either way, I rested my head on top of hers and flopped my arms over her shoulders. I didn't actually put much weight on her. Given how goddamn tiny she was, I didn't know how much she could handle. But there was something weirdly comfortable about how her hoodie felt under my chin. I could see why Liv did this so much, even though they had enough of a height difference that she had to lean over to do it if they were both standing. "But an–*EEP* way, you enjoying the pa–*UHP* party, hot stuff?"

Susie's head moved under her hood, and after a second, I was able to figure out that she was looking out at the dance floor. "I've heard more songs that I like than I expected to."

"Re–*HEEP*–eally?" I wished I could see through her hood and get a look at her face. "Aren't you one of those pri–*HIC*–ks that only listens to screamo 'cause ev–*HUP* everything else is too mainstre–*EEP*–eam?"

She shook underneath me, and it took me a second to realize she was chuckling. "Nah. I just play one of those on TV. I mean, don't get me wrong, everything else is too mainstream, but I'm not such a sad-sack that I'll pretend I don't like Queen. I'm also not too good for all the gay anthems made by straight women."

"Heeyyy, you're dru–*UCK* drunk enough to admit you're not a pre–*HIP* pretentious dickface!" As I said that, I realized that I was a complete idiot, and I moved out in front of Susie and grabbed her hands. Of course this was the way to get her into the party. "Hey, *HUK* if you like the mus–*IC* then why don't you come and da–*UCK* dance with me?"

It was easy to pull her to her feet (and I was still taller than her from a stair below. Goddamn, she was short), but her face was red and her eyes had gone wide. "Uh! Not, uh...not sure that's the, uh...best idea."

"Why the fu–*HUCK* not?"

"Uh..." She looked away and didn't come up with anything.

Fuck. I was too drunk for this. Liv said she was able to say if something was wrong, right? "Okay, look. *HMK*. I'm gonna bring you ou–*HUP* out on the floor, kay? *HMK* If you wanna stop, just say. Sound good?"

After a few long moments, she took a deep breath, closed her eyes, then opened them and nodded. She looked...weirdly innocent staring up at me like that. Especially with how flushed her face was. "Okay, yeah. Yeah, I can...yeah. That works. That sounds good."

"Awesome!" Victory! I grabbed her and dragged her down the stairs and out onto the floor between other sweaty bodies, maneuvering us close to as many cute girls as I could. Susie danced like an alien who'd only ever had gravity explained to them once, but at least people would barely feel it if she stepped on their toes. Eventually, I had to take a little more control. I grabbed her from behind and pulled her back against me, bending my knees into hers and putting her butt right up on my crotch. "Hey, Fred Ast–*UCK*–staire. Anyone ever tell y–*HOOP* that you dance like you're alr–*UP* already doing it backward in h–*EEK* heels?"

"Uh..." Her voice was weird and shaky again, even more than last time. Her body was still moving to the beat of the music, though, and I couldn't deny that that felt nice. "Literally nobody, but that's not exactly surp-prising." She stuttered, and I realized that my hiccups were seriously shaking her up. I'd never noticed just how much they moved my gut and my boobs.

"You know, not ev–*URK* every gay guy or queer folk's *HMK* gotta go to the clubs. *HUP*. It's not a requirement. *HMK-mmp*" I felt her nod underneath me. The idea that she was not that kind of gay wasn't exactly surprising. 

...but her coming here with makeup on meant that she wanted to try it. And I didn't want her first time to just suck and completely put her off getting drunk and having fun.

So I leaned in closer, pulling her tighter back against me while my head was on her shoulder so I could whisper in her ear. "But if you wann–*UCK* wanna be that kind of gay, I could he–*ULP* help you learn how to d–*HOOK* do it." I ran a finger up from the fly of her jeans to the base of her belly under her hoodie and she breathed in sharply. "I've heard I'm a pre–*HIP* pretty good teacher. *HMK*. And sure, I'm a lil' dru–*HUK* drunk right now. But I fi–*HIG*–guuuure that if an–*HEEK* anyone wouldn't mind me havin' the hic–*HULP*–s it'd be you."

"Fuck!" Susie suddenly wrenched her way out of my arms and whipped around to face me. Her face was so fucking red. Even though her hood was still on, it couldn't hide it at all. Her pupils looked huge, and her eyes were wider than I'd ever seen them before she slammed them shut. "S-sorry!" And before I even knew what was happening, she'd bolted off of the dance floor.

My brain took way too long to catch up with reality. "Shit, Sus–*EEK*! Susie!" And I ran off in the same direction she did.

After searching for ten minutes and finding absolutely fucking nothing, I was getting really scared, especially since she wasn't responding to my texts. Fuck, this was not how I wanted to spend my night. But my two brain cells were able to hook up long enough for me to realize that Susie wasn't the only person I could text.

Maya: Liv Liv I fucked up Susie ran off and I dunno where the fuck she is Wait Please fucking tell me she's with you

Liv: No, she's not with me. She'll definitely tell me where she is though. Give me a minute. While I'm texting her, you can tell me what happened.

Maya: Okay fuck Thanks dude Gotta be real tho I dunno quite what happened I mean I got a guess But I was tryina dance with her and teach her how to do the thing and all a sudden she just fuckin hoofs it

Liv: This'll seem like a weird question. Did you have the hiccups?

Maya: uh Yeah How the fuck did u know that?

Liv: You didn't do anything wrong, then. But I'm not allowed to get more specific. So instead of doing that, I'll tell you that Susanna's hiding in the unisex bathroom in Liberty Hall's entry area.

Maya: wut What the actual fuck is she doing there?

Liv: Hiding.

Okay, this shit was officially driving me fucking crazy. Liv was still texting me, but I shoved my phone back into my pocket anyway and started running for the hall. I was sick and fucking tired of being confused about these two, and especially about Susie.

Once I got to Liberty Hall, the fact that my hiccups echoed through the whole empty building was funny enough to cool me down a little bit, but I was still pissed. So I stomped over to the bathroom and banged on the door. "Hey. Sus–*EEK*. Wanna tell me–*HEEP* what the fu–*HUCK* you're doing in there?"

After long enough that I started wondering if she'd already left, I finally heard her voice. "Not particularly, no."

Fuck, that was an annoying answer. "We–*UCK* well too fuckin' bad, pal! *HULP* 'Cause my ass ain't *HUK* leavin' until I g–*HUP* get some answers."

After a few long moments, I heard a weird sound from inside. "Yeah, that—" her voice stopped in a very weird way and sounded tenser than I'd ever heard it. "That makes sense."

I wasn't not angry, but I was getting more and more worried. "What the fuck, dude? *HMLK* Are you o–*KUP* okay? Why are you hiding in a g---goddamn bathroom?" I sucked at telling time at the best of times, and right now I had no idea how long I'd waited for her to respond except that it was too fucking long. "Look, do I ne–*HEEK* need to get Liv he–*URK* here or what?"

"No." I heard her sigh, though it was cut oddly short. "She's not—" Her voice kept hitching. "She's not gonna help."

"Since fucking when? A–*URK* Aren't you two li–*HUK* like, married or somethi–*IC*–ing?"

"I'm not saying that she couldn't or she wouldn't want to. She's just not gonna. She says this is something I need to do myself." Something like a laugh came through the door. "And she's probably right. She's definitely right. But...fuck, not everyone's like her. Nobody's like her. And she just doesn't get that."

"...*HULP* Okay, whatever the fu–*HUK* this is, I'm way too dru---drunk for it. Give me a minute to *HNK* get some fuckin' water."

"That's probably a good idea, yeah. There's a fountain right nearby."

I did go over to the fountain and drink a bunch of water, I wasn't lying when I said that. But I also pulled out the phone to see what the fuck Liv had texted me.

Maya: wut What the actual fuck is she doing there?

Liv: Hiding. It's infuriating when she gets like this. You're probably going to want to be gentle with her anyway, though. This is one of those times where she's actually sensitive instead of having her walls up constantly. So being rough with her probably won't get things to happen any sooner.

Maya: ...shit. Olivia what the fuck am I doing?

Liv: I don't know. I'm being literal there. I don't know what you're doing. And I can't know that. I know you mean that more existentially, but I don't know that either.

Maya: Fuck why couldnt someone else do this? Why couldnt literally anyone else fucking do this? Im too fucking drunk for this! Im too fucking stupid for this! Im too much of a pissed fucking dickhead who hurts people for this!

Liv: No you're not. You're honestly perfect for this.

Maya: what

Liv: I'm serious.

Maya: I fuckin know that liv your always fucking serious

Liv: *you're

Maya: Fuck you I just What? How in the fuck am I perfect for this? I'm a dumb drunk slut!

Liv: The middle part isn't ideal. But everything else about you is perfect for Susanna to finally tell somebody else her secret.

Maya: her secret? That weird context that you always say you cant talk about?

Liv: Yeah.

Maya: you think im perfect for that?

Liv: About as much as anyone can be.

Maya: Wait hang on Are you tellin me that literally nobody else knows about whatever the fuck you're talking about?

Liv: If they do, it's not because she told them. Honestly, when she finally does tell you (which she'd better do tonight) it'll be really nice to have someone else to talk to about it. At this point, she's texting me to just tell you it, but I'm not going to. She has to do this herself.

Maya: Why?

Liv: A lot of reasons. But the main one right now is because if she doesn't, she won't be able to see how you react right away. Her brain will fill up the space that creates with some sort of illogical bullshit about why I somehow tricked you into acting like exactly the person you are about it.

Maya: Shit you thought a lot about this.

Liv: Of course I have. I love her.

Maya: No fuckin kidding dude. Okay Wish me fuckin luck with whatever this shit is I guess

Liv: Just be yourself. That's exactly who she needs right now.

There were almost zero situations where I was sure I would be exactly who someone needed, and there were a negative number of situations where I'd actually want that to be true, but...well, shit, I was already in it, wasn't I? Like a very wise listicle said, don't pregame if you're not down to party. Don't...flirt with the repressed girl if you're not ready to...do emotion management through a door? I'd workshop it.

Either way, I walked back to the bathroom and knocked on the door again. "Hey. I'm back."

"Yeah. You are." There was a long, dumb stretch where neither of us said anything. Eventually she was the one to talk. "You didn't do anything wrong, Maya."

"Liv said that too, but if I didn't do anything wrong, then what the fuck are we doing here instead of back at Queer House?"

I heard Susie sigh through the door again. "We're here because I'm weird and fucked up."

"Bruh, we're on a women's rugby team. We're all weird and fucked up."

Something thudded against the door. It didn't sound hard enough to be someone punching it or something, but I wasn't sure what other option there was. "I'm weird and fucked up in specific ways. Ways that'll..." There were three smaller thuds and I realized that she was banging her head against the door. "...ways that'll make you think I'm creepy. And that I'm a terrible person. And that I absolutely shouldn't spend time around Olivia."

That sentence hit my brain like it'd just walked in front of a truck. "Wait, what? What the fuck? No! I mean, no, what?" I shook my head. "Okay, those first two are fucking stupid, we can get to that later, but who the fuck would think that you and Liv shouldn't be together? Like, even if I was someone who got to make that kind of decision for either of you, no? Liv loves you, dude! Literally! I was literally just texting her and she said 'I love her'! And 'her' is definitely you!"

"I know." She laughed again. Her laugh was always quiet, but right now I could only just barely hear it. "I know she loves me. That's the only way that the past five years of my life make any fucking sense. And...and I love her too. But if people knew the truth about me, they'd say that I was a gross freak taking advantage of an autistic girl."

"'Taking advantage of'—fucking what?" I shook my head again, then stopped when that made it hurt like a bitch. "Nobody who's ever fucking met you would think that. Like...fuckin' spend two seconds around you two and it's pretty goddamn clear who's wearing the pants in this relationship. Spoilers: it's the one that sometimes wears skirts."

She laughed a little louder. "I mean, yeah, I know that. I know that that's not actually what it is. Olivia's made that, uh...pretty fucking clear. And she'd be happy to do it again if she needed to. I don't know why, but...she is. She's amazing." There was another goddamn sigh. "I don't know if anyone as amazing as her exists. That's what makes this so scary."

Well, shit. What was I supposed to do now, say that I actually was as amazing as Liv? She wouldn't fucking fall for that. Nobody would. So what else could I do? How the fuck did you deal with someone this pessimistic? Was I supposed to fucking get on her level or something?

...actually, yeah, I could do that. That could work. "Okay, lemme put it to you like this: What's the worst thing I could possibly do if you told me whatever the fuck this is?"

"Report me to campus police for sexual harassment and get me expelled."

"Sexual harass—what? Dude, I was the one who was grinding on your ass, not the other way around! You think I'm drunk enough to get confused about that? No, fuck that and fuck you. And also fuck cops. Now what's the second worst thing I could do?"

It took her a minute to get back to me. "I, uh...okay. Um, second worst thing you could do would be...to tell my parents?"

"I don't know your parents. Third worst thing."

"That doesn't mean that you couldn't—"

"Third. Worst. Thing."

I could hear something moving on the other side of the door, but I didn't have a fucking clue what she was doing. "Okay, uh...third worst. I guess...you could tell everyone my secret so they all know what a freak I am?"

"Jesus fucking Christ," I rolled my eyes. "Okay, how long's the last dick I sucked?"

"...I beg your fucking pardon?"

The way she said that made me laugh, which was kind of annoying since I was trying to be serious here. "Right, you don't know. And who's into me using a strap-on on them? Lemme guess; you don't know that either. Do more people call me 'mommy' or 'daddy'? Imagine the jeopardy theme playing out here. Ding-ding-ding, time's up, you don't fucking know. You don't know any of that shit, do you?"

"...no. I guess I don't."

"Yeah. You fucking don't. You don't even know the names of a lot of people I sleep with. Because I don't fucking talk about 'em unless I know they're cool with that." I huffed. "I may be a dumb slut, but I'm not a fucking narc."

"You're not a dumb slu—..."

Susie's voice stopped in a completely different way from how it did earlier. And god dammit, she made me laugh again. "It's okay, dude, I wouldn't be able to finish that sentence either."

"...you're not dumb."

"Thaaat's more like it." She was still wrong, but eh, I'd take it.

"Yeah." She took a while to say anything else. "I, uh...I knew those weren't super realistic, but...you know. It's still nice to have them gone. And...with that out of the way, the main thing I can think of is just that you'd hate me and everything would be awkward."

"Dude, if I make things awkward, it'll be on purpose." I heard her snort, and it made me smile. "And if I'm gonna hate you, I'll do it for something more interesting than whatever the fuck this is."

"...Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like you. Maya, could you, uh..." Susie's voice trailed off, then I heard something rock against the door. After some noises from the other side, I heard the deadbolt, and then the door opened and Susie was there.

Susie was there with her hoodie off. Susie was there with her mascara in lines all down her face. Susie was there in a tank top with a rainbow flag that said "The gays can do whatever they want". Even though I knew I shouldn't, I snorted. "Why the fuck were you wearing your hoodie over that? That's great."

She smiled. It was small, but it felt pretty real. "I like it too. And that's...yeah, that's a good question. Uh..." she pulled back and held the door open. "Would you, uh...come in here with me?" I shrugged and walked through, then leaned back against the tile wall. Susie closed the door, looked at the lock, then shook her head and left it alone. I could see her hoodie crumpled up on the floor between the door and the wall. She walked over and stood in front of me, and I couldn't believe how small she looked. "It, uh...it might take me a minute to...to work up the courage. To say it."

Fuck, I hated waiting. I made myself smile anyway. "Just as long as you say it, dude."

Susie nodded, then took a slow, deep breath. Her face very quickly started going red. "So, uh...so." She swallowed. "The reason I ran away from you at the party was because I was...really fucking turned on."

"...bruh, that was the point."

"I mean—" Susie smacked her forehead, and I snorted again. "Okay, fuck. I mean, yeah, fair. But it wasn't really...I mean it was and it wasn't, but it..."

"Dude, I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about right now."

"Right, of course you don't." She covered her face with both hands. "Fuck, I'm just gonna have to say it out loud, aren't I?"

"Probably. I'm still kinda drunk. And not super in the mood for riddles."

"Okay." Susie pulled her hands down and clenched her fists. She glared down at my feet like they owed her money. "Okay. Okay." She took one more deep, annoying breath. "So I was turned on already. Before you started dancing with me. I was really turned on. But it wasn't by anything you were doing on purpose."

"If you tell me you were charming some other chick and let me pull you away from that, I'm fuckin' killing you."

"No, no," she did that weird one-off laugh thing she did sometimes. "Nah. Nothing like that. You were the one who was turning me on. But not on purpose."

"...okaaaaaaaay?"

"Fffuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Okay." She shut her eyes. With how hard she'd been glaring, I was surprised that she didn't somehow laser vision through her own eyelids. "Okay. I was...I was turned on because...b-because..." Her teeth were clenched together hard enough that I was kinda worried that she'd break them. "B-because you had the hiccups!"

She said that loud enough that it echoed in the bathroom, then immediately pulled her fists up to cover her eyes. But I was just confused. "You were turned on...because I had the hiccups." She nodded. "Okay. So, uh...what's the secret?"

Susie pulled her fists away and stared at me. "...what?"

"You were turned on by my hiccups and then...what. What's the deep dark secret?"

"Tha—" She turned around and looked behind her like there was some other Susie for me to be talking to. "That...that is the secret!"

I could feel my jaw going slack. "That's the secret?"

"Yes!" She covered her eyes again. "And I know that it's fucking weird and gross and I shouldn't—"

"Bro, you thought I'd be offended that you were turned on by me?"

Susie stopped talking and her fists slowly fell off of her eyes. She still stared at the floor, but the look on her face was turning less terrified and more confused. "Well, it sounds really stupid when you put it like that."

"That's 'cause it is really stupid, dude. Susie, what the fuck? Is this your big fucking secret?"

"I mean, not completely. Because it's...it's not just your hiccups, it's everyone's." She was glaring at a wall now. "I...I have a hiccup fetish. That's the secret."

"...well what the fuck am I supposed to do with that, Susie? I thought I was gonna have to help bury a body somewhere, but instead you're just flipping out over some weird cute sex thing?" I slapped myself internally for calling it weird.

Susie's head whipped up and she finally looked me in the eyes. "...'cute'?"

"Okay, not the word I thought you were gonna have a problem with there, but yeah. Cute."

"Not...creepy?"

"No? Why the fuck would it be creepy?" I seriously meant that question. Why would it be creepy?

She grabbed her upper arm with the other hand, gripping it way too tight. "You don't...you don't think that I'm just using Olivia?"

"'Just usi—' the fuck? Susie, what in the actual fuck is wrong with you? You think that I think you're 'just using' someone who you threatened to beat a stranger with a bong for?" Every time I got her to laugh, I felt just a little bit better about...everything really. "Jesus, Sue, you flipped out this hard over this? Why?"

"Because it's...weird." She had her arms crossed and had gone back to staring down walls. "It's weird. And it's something people don't have control over. So I'm getting turned on by something people can't help doing."

"...so?"

Susie stared up at me. "So that's...bad?"

I stared right back at her. "Uh...no? No, that's not bad. That's...okay, one, do you think that I chose to have boobs this fucking bodacious?" The shocked laugh that got made me grin. "Do you think I chose to be a total fucking sex bomb with a body that can go all night? I mean, I've put some effort into parts of that, but these titties just happened. And all kinds of people get turned on by that. But, uh, two, it's weird that you get turned on by a thing that a human body does? No! You think that fuckin' neolithic cavemen were going around imagining shit like latex and high heels while they jacked it? No! But liking those is normal as shit! So you're not fucking weird, the world's the weird ones. You're just old-fashioned or something."

Susie was squinting at me. "That is...the weirdest fucking argument I've ever heard." Honestly, it was probably the weirdest fucking argument I'd ever made.

I decided not to say that out loud. "Weirder than being into hiccups, maybe?" The minute I said the word, her whole face burned and I couldn't help arching my eyebrows. "Whoa. Shit, you weren't kidding, huh? You're seriously into that."

"Y-yeah. Yeah. With Olivia I've gotten enough exposure that I can kinda deal, but it..." She huffed. "It's a lot."

"Alright. So," I sat down on the tile floor. "What do you like about 'em?"

"...wuh?"

"Oh come the fuck on, Susie," I slapped the floor in front of me between her feet. "You can't seriously fucking think you can say a thing like 'I'm super into hiccups' and then not tell me how that works, right?"

"You...wanna know?" She looked seriously, actually confused as she sat down in front of me.

"Uh, yeah, duh." I looked at her, then decided I could push a bit and smiled. "How else am I gonna know how I should flirt with you?" Her back went dead straight and she stared at me, her whole face looking like it was about to light on fire. I just barely kept myself from laughing, but how long she went without blinking kind of worried me. "You, uh...you good dude?"

"You wanna...flirt with me too? L-like...turning me on?"

"...thought that'd be pretty obvious by now, but yeah."

"Why?"

"What a stupid fucking—" I cut myself off. Susie may have needed "me" right now (and I was finally starting to get why Liv had said that), but she needed the nicest me I was able to give her. So I smiled at her again, and I reached out and touched her cute, blushy face. "It's 'cause I like you, dumbass. I like you. I think you're interesting. I wanna know more about you."

I actually gasped when I felt her hand touch the back of mine while I cupped her cheek. I'd been too lost staring at her to notice her moving.

...shit, this was more serious than I thought it was.

It got even more serious when she put her hand completely over mine, holding it against her cheek and leaning into my palm. Her eyes closed for a second before she opened them again and stared at me. "You really do?"

"Yeah. I really do." That was...scarier to admit than it should have been. And my heart was going faster than it should. "I know I like Liv. And I know she loves you. I wanna see the person she loves." Shit, what was I saying? I swallowed, and my mouth just kept going. "I've already seen the person you love. I already know Liv. But I wanna see the other side too. Of course I wanna know you."

...fuck. Fuck, I had feelings.

Fuck, I had feelings for this couple.

I really fucking wanted to watch them be...them.

Shit, this could be a problem.

"I..." Susie managed to surprise me again. She was staring up at me, and fuck, her eyes were way too fucking pretty and brown. "I think I wanna know you too, Maya. And...and I think I even...would like it if you knew me."

I could feel myself laughing. I could also feel myself leaning closer to her. "That works pretty well for me, Sue."

"I don't really know what I'm doing."

"That's fine." I didn't really know what the fuck I was doing either.

"I've never...I've never actually dated anyone."

"I'll teach you." It'd been a while since I'd "dated" anyone too. But fuck, I wanted to. And we just kept getting closer and closer.

"I..." I could feel her breath on my face as she tilted her head in my hand. "I'm scared, Maya."

"I know." I was scared too. But... "But Liv told me you could be brave."

Our bodies were close enough that I felt hers shake as she laughed. I felt the air of each chuckle puff against me. "Yeah. Yeah, she tells me that too. And..." She took one more breath, "and maybe she's right."

She kissed my lips.

That fucking bastard. She kissed my fucking lips.

She had no idea what she was doing.

I was gonna teach her. I was gonna teach her everything.

Fuck, how did this happen? How did I get in this deep this quick? How had I ended up catching feelings again?

Was I gonna be okay?

Susie kissed me again, and for the rest of the night, it didn't really seem like it mattered that much.

[radroller]

HANK PYM COSTUME RATINGS

At long last, here are my thoughts on the many looks and identities of Marvel’s own Hank Pym!!! Being a fan of this guy is a real rollercoaster, but his costumes are always so great and interesting, ive wanted to talk about them for ages!!! As some of his looks kinda blend together Ive tried to stick with the bare essentials (barring ones i especially like) but you can generally assume that i rate most of the suits of a given identity the same unless i specifically state otherwise. So here we go!!!!!

Ant-Man 10/10

What can i say? You can’t make an ant themed character much cooler than this. The irresistible 60s scifi charm of his big chrome helmet, the red, black, and blue color scheme with patterns that say “i am a super scientist” but gloves that say “im attemptint to look visually interesting.” Naturally Hank forgets he’s wearing some of the coolest headgear in comics. Ant-Man has had some good looks and updates but the charm of this one is pretty undeniable.

Giant Man 8/10

I think we can all agree that Giant Man kinda sucks, but damn if he didnt look cool! I guess he kept the antennae to keep some Ant-Man functionality, but you rarely see him using it. That’s fine though, it gives him a cool and distinct silhouette. It’s strange, if this were a new look for him as Ant Man, id call it a more considerable downgrade, yet Hank becoming Giant Man is a downgrade in just about every sense of the word. And even so, i LOVE Giant Man! It’s a conundrum!

Giant Man Redux: 6/10

I think they were trying to recapture the scifi tech charm of Ant-Man with this one, and it does kinda work! I think my main issue with this one is that it doesnt stick around long enough to really win me over. There are far more minor and insignificant variations of Hank’s suits that stick around way longer than this one. And id say this suit’s pretty damn significant, he left the Avengers for the the first time wearing this shit! I wish they’d played around with it some more.

Goliath: 8/10

Goliath is extremely solid. I have to wonder if Marvel was conscious of Giant Man being a loser that they felt the need to rebrand him like this, there’s little significant changeover from his previous identity other than color scheme and name besides him being stuck at 10 ft tall for a bit. I LOVE the addition of the goggles btw, one of my earliest exposures to that design trope i love so much.

The weird thing with Goliath is that they make him look more and more like Giant Man while refusing to change his name. Like again i know the guy got his ass best plenty of times but when you add antennae and red to his costume….that’s just Giant Man! But whatever the case, i give Goliath and all of his iterations a solid thumbs up.

Yellowjacket: 10/10

The PINNACLE as far as im concerned. What if you took Ant-Man and refined his charming but clunky scifi elements into something sleek, aerodynamic, and downright badass, while still having bright colors? You get Yellowjacket! I can’t stress how much i loved this suit as a kid. Do you know how rare it is to have a primarily yellow superhero who looks cool? It’s mostly just Wolverine, and he didn’t even exist at this point! I also like how it sorta resembles Wasp’s original outfit, though you probably wouldn’t get a chance to compare given Jan’s ever shifting wardrobe. It’s really a shame how maligned the Yellowjacket identity is because id love to see this design again, but its lasting association with the worst shit ever done with Hank pretty much made sure that’ll never happen.

West Coast Avengers: -/10

It’s funny that what is arguably the height of Hank’s superhero career comes from when he’s vehemently not a superhero anymore. Thus, in terms of costumes…well this isnt a costume! But for what it is, it’s great. A nice practical super science getup. But i have trouble rating it on the same scale as the rest. Just know that I love it!

90s Hank: 5/10

I was ready to rip this thing a new one, but tbh it isnt bad. The only thing that keeps it from being truly good is the stupid pouches, but i cant outright call it bad when it’s basically a worse version of Atlas from Thunderbolts’ costume without them. It’s passable.

Giant Man???: 10/10

Yeah, I know. Confusing, isnt it? Well listen, regardless of names and costumes and what have you, this is by far my favorite variation on the original Goliath look. The red goggles just do it for me! I love primary color schemes and i prefer a touch of red to a touch of yellow, yknow?

Goliath??????: 8/10

So NOW he can be Goliath. That makes perfect sense. Yeesh. This suit is cool though i like it. It’s based on a Goliath suit Jan designed for Hank, but by then he’d had become Yellowjacket, so Hawkeye became Goliath for a while instead. It’s a nice callback, and while I don’t actually care for that Goliath look, there’s no way a redesign by George Perez at the height of his career and abilities is gonna be anything less than great.

Wasp: 7/10

Was Mighty Avengers good? I read a couple of issues and remembered enjoying it, but that was when i hated every other Avengers book do idk if that means it was actually good, yknow? Anyway while losing Jan as the Wasp and gaining Hank is about as big a net loss as i can think of, this is NOT a bad look. There are only a few gripes i feel: I get what they were going for with the design on his chest but it makes him look like he’s The Stickbug and not The Wasp. Secondly, i think the goggles are kinda lame compared to some of his other eye/headwear he’s sported throughout the years. That’s about it! Not bad for the worst Wasp in the main continuity!

[laundrybiscuits]

(purify our misfit ways tag | AO3)

Sure enough, around midnight, Steve Harrington tumbles through Eddie’s open window.

“Shit,” he says, stumbling to his feet. “Why doesn’t that thing open any wider, christ. Think I ripped my sleeve.”

Eddie’s just glad he had the forethought to move his acoustic out of the way earlier in the evening. 

“Hey,” he says, setting down his book. “Keep it down, will you? Wayne’s usually a pretty heavy sleeper, but these ain’t his normal hours and he needs his rest.”

“Yeah, sure,” says Steve. “It’s nice. That you care about him like that.”

Eddie shrugs, uncomfortable. What’s he supposed to say? He’s mostly a shit excuse for a ward, so he tries to make up the difference where he can. 

In the lull, Steve seems to realize that he’s standing awkwardly in the middle of Eddie’s bedroom and that this is maybe the second time they’ve ever been alone together. It’s extremely obvious that he has not thought this through past the window thing. 

Eddie takes the opportunity to look Steve over, keeping his face carefully neutral. Steve’s hair’s kind of a wreck and yep, his sleeve is ripped; there are shadows under his eyes that look even more pronounced in the lamplight than they did earlier in the day. 

Yeah, Steve probably needs this just as much as Robin. 

“This is kinda weird, huh,” says Steve, pushing his hair back from his face. “I’m—just gonna go.”

“You can go if you want.” Eddie picks up his book again. Careful, careful. He adds, nonchalant as he can: “Or you can stick around and hang out for a while. If you want.” 

“Is that—” Steve starts. “Do you—”

Eddie risks glancing up. Steve’s got a complicated expression on that Eddie can’t quite read, but he’s not making any move to leave. He’s favoring his right side, where he got two bruised ribs that should’ve healed by now, and Eddie would bet good money that he doesn’t even know he’s doing it. Eddie sighs.

“Look, man, you could clearly use the sleep. It’s fine, I do this with Robin all the time. Just sit down for a minute and I’ll read to you or something.” 

“Oh,” says Steve. “Okay.” He sounds lost, like nobody’s ever offered to read him a bedtime story before; as he stumbles out of his shoes, Eddie flips back to the beginning of the book. 

“On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays it was Court Hand and Summulae Logicales, while the rest of the week it was the Organon, Repetition and Astrology,” he starts, making his voice as clear and smooth as possible. “The governess was always getting muddled with her astrolabe, and when she got specially muddled she would take it out of the Wart by rapping his knuckles. She did not rap Kay’s knuckles…”

It doesn’t take long for Steve to pass out. He starts out sitting awkwardly upright on the edge of the bed, but by the time the Wart meets a mysterious knight in the woods, Steve is curled around a pillow, breathing slow and even. 

Eddie sets the book on his nightstand and flicks off the bedside lamp. He’s not sure whether it’s too much to get Steve settled under the blanket, but the insulation in the trailer is total shit; even on a July night, Steve might get cold. 

Nothing like what you’re used to, huh? he thinks wryly. But Steve chose to leave his two-story house with fancy bedsheets in order to squeeze through the window of Eddie’s trailer and sleep in his bed, so the least Eddie can do is try to be hospitable. 

Steve doesn’t even stir when Eddie cautiously tugs the edge of the blanket out from under him, so Eddie takes a self-indulgent moment to arrange the blanket carefully around Steve’s shoulders and smooth back his hair. 

It’s so stupid to let himself have this, but he’s never had a knack for the smart choice. All his report cards say lacks discipline and struggles to control impulsive behavior, and they’re not wrong. He’s gotten a little better about it over the years, but sometimes it’s like his body’s reaching out for something before his brain can catch up to tap the brakes. It’s gotten him in trouble his whole damn life.

There’s something really wrong with you, Munson, he thinks at himself. There’s been something wrong with him for a long time, maybe forever. He’s learned to live around it, to lean hard into his fuckups, because it feels like the only way to keep stumbling through is to build up a kind of momentum. He’s okay, he can keep being okay, just as long as he doesn’t have to exist in the present; just as long as he can let his past propel him into the future.

People keep telling him he’s young, he’s got his life ahead of him. Wayne says it a lot. Teachers say it, usually in the context of telling him not to screw up. He knows, on some level, that it’s probably true—unless he goes out early in a fiery implosion, which is definitely a possibility—but it doesn’t feel that way.

Eddie doesn’t remember falling asleep, but when he wakes up, his bed’s empty. He’s not too surprised about that, though it makes him ache a little bit in a childish way. 

He rolls out of bed and stretches. He can smell coffee, which is making his stomach sit up and beg, so he wanders out to the kitchen. 

“Hey,” says Steve. He’s wearing an Iron Maiden shirt that Eddie’s pretty sure was on the bedroom floor. “Wayne already left, so I—do you want some coffee?”

Eddie’s not remotely awake enough to handle this. He just stands there, gaping dumbly, as Steve pushes a mug into his hands. 

“Hey, so I was thinking,” Steve says. “We should—hang out. If you want.”

“Okay,” says Eddie slowly. “Sure. I don’t have any plans today. Let me call Robin, see what she’s—”

“No—I meant, just the two of us. Like, uh.” Steve pauses, running a hand through his hair. He steps a little closer. “Like a date.”

[emilinqa]

what do you think about the search for spock

LOLL thank you for asking. i wasnt expecting someone to actually send me an ask when i said that but youve opened pandoras box. so.

i think the thing about the search for spock that makes it stick in my head so bad is that in reality its like. a mid movie. its okay. it falls short in almost everything it tries to do but it hits the emotional highs and lows and looks good which means it gets by just fine. it's one of those 80s movies where you get about an hour in and realize oh okay the plot is happening. like this is it. TMP suffers a little bit in this way too but its also why i find myself thinking about it much more than the "good" movies.

the curse of tmp and tsfs that particularly riddles me is that i think they have some really interesting things going on conceptually that never come to fruition-- not necessarily at fault of the movie because they're ultimately minor and i dont really know how they would explore them in greater ways-- but that i find personally very compelling. i've said this before but i yearn for a star trek space horror movie so deeply and im not gonna punish either tmp nor tsfs for not being something they're not trying to be but i think the horror elements of both movies are really untapped in terms of fan exploration/meta/content. the spock/mccoy stuck in the same body mind meld thing is played mostly for laughs (because it is a good bit. and very funny) but honestly i find the fact it like. physically makes mccoy sick and absolutely freaks everyone the fuck out like good for haunting reasons.

THIS SCENE in particular i think hits the mark on the weird creepy aspect of mccoy being partially posessed by spocks katra

it also helps its shot and lit clearly with some horror influences in mind; the way bones is sitting creepily in the chair while spocks voice speaks through him, enshrouded in shadow, etc.. of course the movie has to split itself between the ship and what's happening on the genesis planet but i really would have loved some more of these moments where spock is Haunting the enterprise and its freaking everyone the fuck out. there is that bit later on where bones actually speaks in spocks voice on the bridge and kirk turns around like wow bones that was really cool never do that shit again that was freaky as fuck and its mostly just funny but the implication that spocks actual voice can be spoken through mccoys body is something im thinking about. really bad.

i really enjoy the ways the movie shows kirk is so deeply haunted by the death of spock (i mean, the movie opens with him saying "the death of spock is like an open wound" so.) and obviously by extension, mccoy, who is stuck with spocks literal soul in his brain the whole movie. the mind meld scene with sarek is also a really good moment which is also just shot and lit well. are you sensing a theme here. im easily swayed by pretty colors.

this in combination with the weird gross regenerative process spock's body is going through on the genesis planet is very compelling to me. i was talking to a friend about this recently and he brought up that he was imagining that spock and the genisis planet had kind of a symbiosis; that he could feel the terror and disaster of the planet even outside of the biological regeneration process his own body was going through which i thought was fascinating. especially because of all the moments during the series where spock would mind meld with a being everyone else was unable to comprehend as a life form. theres something there.

its not really explored in the movie, and really not in depth in any of the further movies, but i also think spock losing his memory after being rejoined with his body is an interesting addition to the themes of rebirth and memory. the rift created between everyone who remembers spock before and wants to allow the New Spock to be the man he wants to be, but they're ultimately haunted by the lives they all had with him before. kirk having spent a whole life with him, only to lose him, gain him back, and then have spock not really remember what they had before. kirk trying not to resent him for it, spock knowing it doesn't make sense to be hurt that kirk wants him to be something he can't, etc etc. its good stuff.

tldr they should send me back in time so i can make the 80s star trek horror movie ive always wanted.

[desertsportshipping]

"So, what do you want?" Leon asked, still holding his hand. "I can't just not get you something."

They were on the edge of the piers in Hulbury, watching the sun set over the waves. Leon had insisted on dragging them out to the port for a festival, but after a while, the crowds had gotten overwhelming for Espeon (and Wes, although he wouldn't admit it), so Leon brought them to the pier.

He didn't remember how the conversation wandered to holidays and traditions, but Leon was insisting that he was gonna get Wes a Christmas gift. Christmas was foreign to Wes: the only 'celebration' he had was a larger haul for Team Snagem from tourists on vacation.

Wes wasn't one for gifts. Usually if he got something, it was payment for a job, attempted bribery, or attempted assassination (sometimes multiple at once). He'd been slowly acclimated to Leon sharing food with him, but actual gifts was still weird to him.

"You don't have to get me anything," Wes grumbled, gently tugging on Leon's hand so they were pressed closer together. The breeze from the sea was cold and his boyfriend(?) was warm, sue him. "If you really want to get something, get something for the bastards. Spoiled brats."

At hearing their names, Espeon and Umbreon both hissed at him.

"But I want to get something for you too!" Dear Arceus, Leon had already planned gifts for his Pokemon.

"You really don't-"

"Wes." Leon cut him off, squeezing their hands from where they were twined together still. "I know there's something you want. Let me get it for you."

He looked away, out towards the open sea. It was frustrating how Leon could read him like an open book.

They haven't really talked about whatever their relationship was becoming. It had taken Wes a while to accept that Leon was a friend, and now they were doing a bunch of stuff that resembled a couple. Despite him pushing the man away, Leon insisted on sticking around him, and Wes had to realize that not only is Leon honest when he says that he cares about Wes, but that Wes feels the same way.

In the past, it's been the people who said they'd cared about Wes that had hurt him the worst. But maybe Leon's proven that he wouldn't hurt him. Maybe Wes can take a leap of faith for once.

One of the first real arguments he and Rui had was during their stay at Phenac City. Wes had failed in his attempt to break into the Phenac Museum, but Rui was still pissed. She insisted that he wasn't a criminal anymore, and if this book was so important to him, he should've gone through legal channels instead of breaking and entering. Wes tried to tell her that the only legal channel was buying it from the museum for an arm and a leg, and he can't do that because she dragged him to the Phenac Hospital and probably signed his soul over. It ended with Wes sleeping on his bike, and in the morning they never spoke of it again.

As much as Wes can say that his and Rui's relationship recovered after the incident at Realgam Tower, he was lying. It's why they never brought it up again, even after Cipher was mostly dealt with, and why it took so long for Wes to try and trust Leon.

"If you really want to try, there is something," Wes finally said, leaning closer to Leon as it got colder. "But there's some shit you've gotta know first."

Leon used his free hand to wrap part of his cape around Wes, arm resting over his shoulders. "Tell me."

Wes sighed. "Fine. Remember what I told you about the mine collapses?"

"Yeah." Leon furrowed his brow, tongue sticking out a little as he tried to recall. "A bunch of the underground mines collapsed, killing most people and the wild Pokemon, and it caved in a bunch of the Under Network."

Wes nodded, giving Leon's hand a reassuring squeeze. "There's a museum in Phenac City-" He wrinkled his nose at the mere mention of it, "And they've been working on excavating the collapsed towns. Displaying things they find for the rich assholes, like the stuff of dead poor people are some sort of exhibit for them."

Leon cut off the rant that Wes was beginning. "You want something from there?"

"Yeah. A scrapbook. It should be labeled something like 'Smithson Family Memories.'"

He could see Leon trying to figure out why. But instead of asking, he gently unclasped their hands, and Wes could see that he'd been unconsciously digging his nails into Leon's hand.

"I won't ask why, you can tell me when you're ready. Maybe when I get that book to you."

Not if, when.

Wes let a little bit of the warmth he was feeling out, giving Leon a small but genuine smile. He was rewarded with a beaming grin, brighter than the sun that had just finished setting behind them.

He let Leon pull them back to town, now that the sun was down and the night was cold. Despite the chill settling on his skin, he was still warm from the genuine promise that Leon had made him.

If this is what love really felt like, he could get used to it.

[marley-manson]

finally dragged myself through MASH Olympics and man lol. like 80% of it is fine typical stuff, but then 15% is annoying fat jokes, homophobic jokes, and weird character choices and 5% is pretty great gags (mainly just Hawkeye's version of calisthenics, a few cute details here and there like Klinger's recurring athletic outfit, and Margaret's whole attitude lol)

there are also a surprising number of fans I've noticed who take Hawkeye's line about having two varsity letters and a sports scholarship seriously even though to me it feels like a clear joke - Hawkeye one-upping BJ with nonsense, finishing with the joke about getting paid to not sleep with the coach's daughter as the funny admission that he's making shit up, because BJ just made a disparaging joke about his sports knowledge. basically the exact same joke as Requiem For a Lightweight's "I was on the boxing team in high school but I threw my shoulder out. I'm in pain most of the time." "You really got a bad shoulder?" "The result of being spineless ;)" except that it adds a competitive vibe instead of being about not being sporty.

which is one of those odd chracter choices because Hawkeye vocally dgaf about sports in every other episode where it's a topic lol. it's funny because this ep is very clear about Hawkeye being anything but a jock, but then has him get defensive about it in a way that feels ooc to me because he's always been pretty loud and proud about hating sports and general physical activity

and speaking of competitveness, I gotta wonder... like there's a line about Hawkeye being too competitive in The Most Unforgettable Characters, when he and BJ have their fight, and that always struck me as wrong because when had he ever been overly competitive before that ep, aside from competing with Trap for nurses which BJ wouldn't have experience with anyway? This episode feels like it's providing an example for that statement and making it fit Hawkeye's character in retrospect. I don't think that's the intent lol, it's just because these things stick out in my brain so I tie them together. I just think this episode wallows in machismo a bit which feels wrong for Hawkeye, and that one line from an episode a season earlier could be used to justify it.

like to be fair to this episode they are competing for days off so it makes sense for Hawkeye to try during the competition. It even kinda makes sense for Hawkeye to one-up BJ in the varsity letters exchange because BJ was just making fun of him. But it def doesn't make sense to me that Donald's bragging would make Hawkeye's brain shut down and let him on BJ's team to prove he's better at sports than him when he very obviously is not lol and it almost loses him the reward. It felt very half-assed convenience at the expense of character to make the "plot" happen.

what else... Donald was played by a new guy and I can only tell the difference between him and the first guy because this guy speaks like a cartoon 50s meathead. not a negative really, he's funny. mixed feelings on Hawkeye calling him Gorgeous George because it's annoyingly homophobic in a certain way most of Hawkeye's gay jokes aren't, but it suits my headcanon of Hawkeye thinking he's hot and being mad about it lol.

anyway yeah, not an awful episode compared to the average tv show, but it's pretty subpar for Mash. I mostly like the next episode though iirc.

[frostbite-yinny]

YINNY RATES MAN EPISODE TWO: @professor-amaryllis

WELL WELL WELL. First of all, I would like to start this episode by saying that I catered for his and Dave's wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony. They are such a nice person. Also, I would like to say they use they/he pronouns but I'll be mostly using 'he' pronouns because my keyboard is fucking crazy and freaks out <3

Welcome everyone to; Yinny Rates man~ episode 2

Amy Amaryllis; The wild guy turned Pokemon proffesor aged like fine wine

Yes, this 'Daddy issues good ending' male lead. Look at that ekans shirt. Look at his dress shirt and assassin haircut. Sadly, the 1 point he got by being exactly 10 years older than me is imminently crossed off by the fact he is 5'5. I like my man with issues, and what better way to build character than getting bullied in middle school by getting called a girafarig.

For one too many times, I got drunk with handstand shots at a frat boy's party and watched this guy's show piled on a couch smoking things I would rather not say in public. High girls LOVE their funky clothes and watching him wrestle with Krookodile's. If that's real. Might be a fever dream I dunno the only thing I know is I watched the whole show and it was fucking amazing. 10/10 would do it again with no hesitation. I would try to do it sober this time.

Now back to the daddy issues good ending part. I would like you to observe the kind and heartfelt way he is looking at those babies. Look at the compassion in them. I would like you to take a second to drink it in. This man would give you the male validation your father never did without it being weird. I would like to simp harder but this pure-hearted golden man doesn't deserve any type of filth coming anywhere near him.

Get yourself a man who is as stylish as him. Beautiful pink skirt, matching scarf with a yellow blouse, AND an Ekans walking stick????? Well, Dave hit the jackpot. ALSO when I got drunk and asked him about the shit in meowstick ears they just said I must be having a good time and calmly explained it to me with a warning not to touch their ears.

I would let this short beefcake ruin my life only if they let me pet Beans the internet celebrity Zorua.

Okey my mom went to the other room let me real quick: He looks like the main character of a 'One had a flower shop and one had a tattoo shop romance' and you will never know which one he is running. He is the mom friend of the group everyone secretly has a little crush on. The hair is ON POINT and combined with those clothes?????? a solid 10 pls give me fashion advice. They have done nothing wrong in their lives. If I saw them slaughter a man with their bare hands I would lock myself in an asylum because this man had never been wrong not even once in his life and I must have gone crazy.

I like pathetic man. This guy is a ray of sunshine in a pathetic world.

Yes, please continue restoring out faith in humanity, king. We need it.

Final verdict: 8/10 he is a spectacular person that does NOT deserve to be in this show. I know when someone is above this shit. 2 points off because he is not evil or ridiculously old or has issues.

(BTW ALL PICS ARE CREDITED TO @professor-amaryllis THEY MADE THEM AND GAVE ME PERMISSION TO USE THEM)

[yifftwiceplz]

rambling about daves timeline under the cut

this info has been touched on but a little more in depth

so i couldn't decide what age dave i wanted to RP and came up with some weird bullshit to be able to jump around impulsively but i have a general timeline for my dave

16-17: beats sburb, moves onto earth c. i DONT care about the endless isekai plot i want my boys to be happy B( i support anyone strong enough to stick with it, but personally i am rewriting it in my head the strilondes move into a duplex with roxy and rose on one side, dave and dirk on the other side. they do this because it seems like the healthiest option for all of them to live with their siblings and help each other grow and heal

dirk and dave have a lot of shit to work out both with dirk's chronic isolation and impossible standards for himself, and dave having been raised by a basement dwelling abusive dick. it's a little rocky at first especially with dirk's messiness and dave's clinginess but they push through and the strength of their relationship grows

neither of them has a job at first but they both piddle around with comics, youtube channels, and side projects until they both start messing with crypto scams. namely scamming crypto bros out of their money. it's around this point where they somehow get the rights to interdimensional twitter, which is a silly meaningless side plot but a fun one.

i probably won't play him at this age too much, but if i do the main things to look out for would be that he rambles way more and makes weird run-on sentences, like a full paragraph of metaphors, and still lives with dirk / the fam. he's also quite scrawny and still wears his god tier jammies most of the time.

around 22-23: dave moves into a house with karkat, funded by dave's youtube channel, karkat's job as a marriage counselor, and help from dirk, who's sad to not be living with his bro anymore but is very supportive and pointlessly rich.

he's at home pretty much 24/7, just casually working on youtube videos, comics, whatever he wants really. karkat is fine with being the breadwinner and household leader, dave is fine with being bossed around and he likes to clean. he has very few priorities to deal with so he does what he wants (mostly troll you all here)

this is his current "real time" age, around 25, so after he's lived with karkat a couple years already. he doesn't ramble as much, usually in a good mood and lets things roll off his back. he is also chunkier and doesn't wear his god tier outfit much anymore; he got tired of the style. he does still wear the pants around the house.

around 30 is when dave really makes a name for himself on youtube and makes his first movie, which is relatively low-budget and simple. his career kind of explodes from that point and by 35 he's in the middle of making his second movie, which is a genuine hollywood affair. he loses quite a bit of weight due to stress / being busy, usually has a 5 oclock shadow, and his outfits are usually pretty dumpy (unless it's a premiere or a press tour).

he and karkat are mostly long distance at this point, which dave stresses about more than he should. karkat is fine letting dave do his thing, but dave is beginning to overthink the fact he's going to far outlive karkat. he eventually decides to bring dirk on, which he was reluctant to do because dirk really needs to work less and get out more. but dave accepts he needs help and dirk is the only guy who can do the job properly. and dirk is happy to live his childhood fantasy of being on set with his bro

things to look out for would be his hair has a nice fade, he wears his shades less, he's usually scrawny (unless he's on break back home to be re-fattened by karkat), and he uses punctuation/rambles less

he's really busy most of the time so until i get some more things worked out he's like a little old man treat that i sprinkle to you guys like goldfish pellets in a pond of giant koi

around 40 is tbd but chunky hairy homebody dilf-with-no-kid dave supremacy.