#UGH god this is the first time I’ve properly written in literally a month

[presidentbungus]

Demo starts scritching at the bottom of Scout’s skull, then slowly starts moving up, humming something he doesn’t recognize under his breath. Scout’s not really sure what he’s doing, but it’s nice. And it’s kinda hard to care when all he can think about is being pressed against Demo and it’s like sitting against a space heater he’s so fucking warm, their legs tangled together in front of them, and Scout just wishes he could see his face.

He can imagine it. Demo always makes the same face when he’s concentrating and he’s always concentrating on something (and right now he’s focused on Scout, just him, and fuck, man). He’s probably squinting at nothing in particular, and he’d be cross-eyed if he had two eyes, lips all stupidly puffed out like he’s clenching his teeth together. Maybe he’s sticking his tongue out just a little, like he does when he’s really in the zone.

… Probably thinking, like, wow, Scout’s so great, his hair’s so soft and nice, boy I’m lucky, I’m never gonna dump him unless he dumps me, in which case I would accept that as a reasonable decision and still be best friends with him afterwards because he’s just that great. Or something along those lines. He has to remind himself to unscrunch his eyes and unflare his nose and do something mostly regular with his mouth, and he spends a few seconds being really glad Demo can’t see his face right now because he probably looks really stupid.

And the whole time those smart, quick fingers keep brushing across his scalp, combing through his hair. His other arm’s got Scout all wrapped up, resting heavy enough against his chest his lungs pinch just a little when he breathes in too deep and don’t get him wrong, no complaints here. Demo keeps humming, probably something about pirates or krakens or taxes. Scout can’t think of anything to say and for the first time in his life nothing’s coming out of his mouth anyway. He’s sweating through the bandages on his hands though. And his heart’s hammering so hard he can feel it in the tips of his fingers, and he’s sure Demo’s able to feel it through his spine, and oh god is that embarrassing? Is he being fucking weird? Did he remember to put on deodorant this morning because oh god he’s so fucking sweaty, and maybe he should say something just to clarify, maybe something like I’m sorry if I smell bad and I’m sweaty, you’re really great and all, I like your arms a lot and your music’s stupid but you’re good at singing it, something like that really quick, oh my god oh my god…

And out of nowhere, right before Scout opens his big stupid mouth and gets himself broken up with, Demo pops his lips and says: “Scout, if you love me, ya gotta wash yer hair.”

“What—c’mon.” Scout’s worried that means the little head massage thing is over, but he still keeps going, thank god, and you know what, whatever.

“No, really.” Demo thinks on it. “Your scalp feels like a nice greasy patch of temperate swamp.”

He finally awkwardly cranes his neck back (trying to make sure Demo doesn’t move his arm and hey, he doesn’t) and sure enough, he’s making that stupid fucking face, tongue out and everything even though he just spoke, and whatever long line of nothing Scout had in his mouth just dissolves. Instead he manages to muster a faint: “Hey.”

“Just a touch of shampoo, Scoutie, I’m tellin’ ye. Could be nice.”

He scoffs. “I use shampoo.”

“You use a three-‘n-one. I’ve seen it.”

“And it works fine, asshole.”

“It could work better.” Before Scout can respond to this, that arm squeezes all the air out of him—probably on purpose—and Demo’s other arm presses on top of it, and his head nudges into the crook of Scout’s neck and says “Please, Scoutie, for me, just for me?”

… Aw man. “Fine, whatever,” he wheezes, and Demo lets go of him so he can throw his arms in the air. “But I don’t know any of that shit.”

“I promise I can work that out,” he hums, already back to scratching down Scout’s scalp. “Thank you, thank you,” suddenly attacking him with kisses down his neck and the side of his face, making the loudest friggin’ smacking sounds he can probably muster.

“Geez—geez, okay, I get it,” and some horrible embarrassing sound that’s probably supposed to be a laugh frees itself from his throat, and Scout barely tries to push him off. It doesn’t work, and he doesn’t stop. Thank god.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #293

“your head upon a stick would look really sick, but they would call me crazy for the way i spoke to it”

Hey bitch, what's your fucking name? What a start, jc lmao. Brittany. What color are your nails? They're not painted. Last time you got some ass? Well this survey's gonna be a journey. Many years ago. Do your parents like your style/music choices? Yeah, at least most of it. Some music my mom really doesn't like or just hates, while I can't even imagine Dad's reaction to some bands I enjoy. Ever seen your parents make out? tbh would rather slam my ankle on a Razor scooter. What's your dream height and weight? Forget about my height, if I could just be at least 120 again... Do you put your hair up a lot or down? It's too short to put up. Most of the time do you straighten or curl your hair? Neither. What do you do when your house loses power? Light a bunch of candles and carry flashlights. What piercing do you hate? I'm not a fan of cheek piercings. Were you raised in a religious house? Yes. I grew up going to Sunday school and church, even though I hated both. Do your parents get mad when you're on the computer for hours? Gah... it was a very, very big source of argumentative fuel between Mom and me all the way up to my late teenage years when she just gave up; now, it's to be expected and is completely "normal." I always wanted to be on the computer once I was introduced to it; she tried to limit my time on it, and it was without fail what she would take away whenever I was grounded. I'd even sneak onto it when I wasn't allowed to if she wasn't home and Dad was in their room. My mom really did try to keep me from being hooked on technology, she really did, it just didn't work, but dear god I wish it did. I just about turn into a caveman without some form of it, and it's pretty pathetic. Dad meanwhile has never really cared much, but he'd make a comment here and there that would make me self-conscious about it. Have you ever been asked for a nude picture? No, and guess who would be ignored for the rest of their lives if they did. It's so fucking disrespectful and objectifying to me. If someone wants to send a partner something like that by their own volition, that's cool, but asking, that just seems incredibly rude to me and turns the person into an object of lust. Ever been so scared you pissed? Caaan't say I have. Can you watch scary movies at night and not be scared? Yeah, they've never really fazed me. Last reason you got your cell taken away? I actually don't know if that's ever happened, given the aforementioned computer thing. I was never hooked on my phone. Could you handle working on a farm? Nooooo, that is way too much physical exertion. Have you ever been attacked by an animal? No. Have you ever had to put an animal to sleep? ugh Do you have a favorite type of firework? Well, visually I really just like the big colorful ones, but I don't endorse the use of fireworks anymore. Some animals literally die from fear, they can be seriously upsetting to veterans with PTSD (you could have one in your neighborhood and never know you indirectly gave them a panic attack), and they're a large source of litter. Where would/did you get your first tattoo? My right wrist. What's your favorite kind of pet? Snakes. Favorite dinosaur? Spinosaurus is obviously the coolest. It's always been my fave. How many pets do you have? Sigh, just two. Our landlord doesn't want us to get anymore pets than what we came in with. What were two of your favorite Disney movies as child? The Lion King and Finding Nemo. They're still my favorite Disney movies. When carving pumpkins, how do you decide what you're going to do? I haven't carved a pumpkin in years... so idk. Do you own any art supplies? Some, yeah. Do you believe you have a higher IQ than most? Definitely not. What is the name of the doctor that delivered you? I have no clue. Mom knows him for sure because she's mentioned him from my childhood, but I don't. Have you ever seen a Lamborghini in person? Hunny, I live in rural North Carolina. You don't see that level of bougie here lmao. Shane Dawson: funny or annoying? I honestly think he's fucking hilarious. I just have such conflicting feelings about him after "the drama," hearing so many people's opinions (particularly from those who know him so well, like his fiance and Ryland's sister), fact checking, audio cutting and mixing, the whole "people change" philosophy... I don't know. When you have a container of Neapolitan ice cream, what flavor do you leave for last? I ain't touchin' strawberry. Gross. If you could choose to have any superpower ever, what would you pick? I'd wanna be a shapeshifter/druid. What would you be more embarrassed to buy: sex toys or adult diapers? Yikes, sex toys. Given my age, I'd say if I bought adult diapers, people would assume they weren't for me. I'm awkward enough with all things relating to sex to begin with, so. What’s the biggest animal you’ve ever killed? Yo wtf I never have and never will (intentionally) kill an animal. Well, correction: I've killed bugs before, the biggest probably being some spider or something, but I really try to avoid this now. Could you win the Hunger Games? lol hell to the fuck no, have you seen me??? For you, would getting amnesia be a good thing? ... Maybe? Not saying I wanna find out, though. Have you ever been punched in the face? No, plan on keeping it that way. Is morality universal or relative? I question this myself. Who is your favorite late night talk show host? I don't have one. Where do you put your keys when you get home? They stay in my purse. Do you prefer hot coffee or iced coffee? Neither. The sheer variety of questions relating to coffee and tea in surveys boggles my mind, always feel left out that I can't answer 'em lmao. What’s your phone background picture? My lock screen is this pretty, soft aesthetic screen that has "i am strong, i am loved, i am enough" written in the center. I've really needed it for my mental health lately. My home screen is some meerkats. I know, can you believe neither are currently Mark? Have you ever seen a snake in the wild? Plenty. How do you cope with anxiety? Deep breathing, mindfulness and grounding exercises, confiding in my mom, listening to music (usually my favorite calm, instrumental soundtracks, like from the Silent Hill franchise - particularly the second game! - or Shadow of the Colossus), try to nap, play a game as a distraction, watch my favorite YouTubers (typically something funny)... I'm lucky to have learned a lot. Now, if only I could cope with social anxiety... What was the last takeout food you ate? Oh Jesus, how embarrassing is this timing, seeing as it was one of my unhealthiest fast food orders: Son of the Baconator and Baconator fries from Wendy's. It was so fuckin good tho. Who makes you laugh the most? My friend Girt. What does a successful relationship look like to you? One with great communication and total honesty, and when you are able to build each other up and bring out the best in your partner. It's also imperative for you to feel safe being your authetic safe for me to consider it "successful." What do you like to put on your baked potato? "Salt, pepper, butter, cheese, bacon bits." <<<< That's how we do it, lads. What was the most memorable birthday you’ve had? My 16th, but not for good reasons. Would you rather go to the beach or the mountains? That's easy as hell, mountains. I don't like the beach. Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house? Yeah. Not gonna like what I see no matter what, but I'd like to make sure I don't look worse whan what's normal. Have you ever seen someone quit their job in a dramatic way? No. What do you like to dip your fries in? It varies between ketchup and honey mustard. What’s your favorite kind of museum? Science. Do you believe in alternate universes? Nah, I don't think so. Whose house did you last visit? My older sister's. What games do you play on your smart phone? Mostly just Pokemon GO nowadays. I haven't touched Dragons of Atlantis in a long time... Do you know anyone who is colorblind? Jason's older brother is red/green colorblind, I think? Are you the youngest, middle or eldest child in your family? Middle. What’s something you’ve been meaning to do but keep putting off? Ugh, I need to finish decorating my damn room... Got most of the stuff on the walls now, but it's still pretty skeletal in self expression. My motivation is abysmal. Have you ever flown a kite? Oh yeah, I loved to fly a kite with Dad as a little kid when the tobacco field just across the road was barren. Who was the last person you talked about sex/relationships with? My doctor. How many brothers does your father have? I'm almost certain he doesn't have one, just one sister. Do you think you act older or younger than your actual age? It depends on the situation. When it comes to "adulting," I don't have a fuckin clue what I'm doing. I doubt anyone would believe I'm a month shy of 25. In terms of general maturity, I think I act my age, if not older. When was the last time you swam in a pool? It's been years. What are your parents' views on your relationships? Mom is always very supportive so long as they treat me right; she's taken to all my previous partners very well and treated them like family, too. My dad is also supportive as long as I'm treated properly and happy. Is your best friend dating anyone? No. Have you ever babysat before? Twice, but not really willingly. Way too stressful. Do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of Facebook? It took a very, very long time, but all pictures with Jason are forever deleted. Ever had a huge crush on someone who still doesn’t know? Not a huge crush, no. Ever watched porn? No. You do you, but I don't see the appeal of watching some random people fuck. Ever performed in a talent show? No. Would you audition for a reality talent competition? Nope. How many celebrity crushes have you had? I'd say Jesse McCartney, Link Neal, and Mark Fischbach are my only BIG celeb crushes I've had. How many non-celebrity crushes have you had? I dunno, don't feel like reaching back and counting. Ever been compared to a celebrity? Not visually, but with my adoration of animals. Have any embarrassing pictures on Facebook? Oh, I'm sure. None that are horribly embarrassing though, or else I would have deleted them. Ever seen a therapist? I've regularly seen a therapist since the 6th grade. Ever purposely ignored a text? Yep. A Facebook message? Sure have, when I was beyond done arguing with a former friend. A friend request? No, I just decline or accept it. My page is private, so you can't see my activity, and it's not like they get notified if it's declined, Would you say you read into things too much? I am the fucking sovereign of this. If you turned out exactly like your mom would you be pleased? I love my mom to death, but no. I'd be disappointed. Ever had a credit card denied? I've never had one in the first place. Ever had the lead in a play? No. I do remember though in elementary school, I was real bummed that I wasn't Snow White for one we did for Music class. What about a solo in a concert? Never been in a concert. Would it bother you if you found out that your mother was pregnant? Well. One, she's long past menopause. Two, because of ovarian cancer, she had all those organs removed. So, that would be impossible. Have you ever had a threesome? No; I'm personally strictly monogamous and would feel it to be disloyal, even if my parnter was okay with it. What's the last game you used dice for? Not a clue. Are you interested in surfing at all? Have you ever been? No. What brand of bottled water do you prefer? Essentia. What is your favorite type of bird? Barn owls. What is your favorite chocolate candy? motherfuckin REESE'S Have you ever been called a racial slur? No, considering I'm Caucasian. Why did you last stand in line? I was at the doctor's office, I think? What is your favorite pirate movie? /shrug What is your favorite character from Orange Is the New Black? I've never watched it. What was the most unsettling film you’ve seen? Watching the ending to Paranormal Entity was VERY uncomfortable. It was a decently scary movie, but the ending was seriously intense. When was the last time you were snooping, and found something you wish you hadn’t? I don't recall. Which celebrity or band has the worst fan base? I don't know. What are you interested in that most people aren’t? The sheer degree of my love for meerkats would definitely be missed by probably most people. What smartphone feature would you actually be excited for a company to implement? I dunno. Anything I could think of, the most current products probably already have and I'm just uninformed of them. Like, I use a Tracfone lmao. What’s something people don’t worry about but really should? Their plastic usage and disposal. I'm certainly no saint when it comes to plastic either, but I try to do all I can. What movie quotes do you use on a regular basis? Hm, ARE there any? Do you think that children born today will have better or worse lives than their parents? This depends on what you consider "better" and "worse." Environmentally, I honestly don't think mankind can maintain itself for that many more generations at the rate we're currently at, so that's probably just gonna keep getting worse. On the other hand, advances in medicine and things like that will certainly continue to improve quality of life in that sense. Human rights are getting better and better. I do fear that we're becoming too comfortable with laziness and convenience, but I hope that's a decline we don't continue to venture down. What’s the funniest actual name you’ve heard of someone having? I had a college classmate named Apple. Which charity or charitable cause is most deserving of money? Oh, come on now. It's not a competition. What game have you spent the most hours playing? So. When you type /played in World of Warcraft, it will show you your total playtime, and mine is YIKES. Like, around a year's worth of time of pure playing since 2014, I think. What’s the most comfortable bed or chair you’ve ever been in? I don't recall. What’s the hardest you’ve ever worked? When I did WiiFit religiously and lost around 40 pounds in HS. I was in the best shape of my life. What movie, picture, or video always makes you laugh no matter how often you watch it? Oh, there's certainly something. Probably some Unus Annus clip. That channel was a fucking blessing and a curse all the same. If you could have an all-expenses paid trip to see any famous world monument, which monument would you choose? Oh boy, I'd have to think, but probably somewhere in Rome or Greece. What’s the coldest you’ve ever been? I'm unsure. Probably jumping in the pool as a kid. My sisters and I would nag Dad to put the pool up on like the very first day of spring, so of course it was cold, but as a kid, I didn't mind that. What’s the most ridiculous thing you have bought? Hm. What’s the most depressing meal you’ve eaten? Ha ha yiiiikes, struggle foods... I don't know, but I've had some. What outdoor activity haven’t you tried, but would like to? Herping, though I change my mind on-and-off about it. I'm not very into the idea of disturbing wildlife just because they're cool and you wanna check them out. I'd totally go exploring with a camera, though, and not actually pick anything up. If you were given five million dollars to open a small museum, what kind of museum would you create? Hm... I actually think something like an art museum for the mentally ill would be pretty interesting and educational? Even something that could build empathy. Maybe mix some psychology in there to understand conditions.

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 55

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

Things have been out of whack in the real world for a bit, so I know I’ve gotten behind on things like updating the Master List for this story, and especially behind on posting it to Wattpad.  My goal for this week is to have all that sorted out by Friday, so keep your eyes open.

Parts of this chapter were inspired by a conversation I had with @baelpenrose. It’s always surprising what things in my life inspire parts of this story, especially the people.

Content warning: Someone yelling and throwing things. It’s a temper tantrum, and no one gets hurt, but just in case, I wanted to give a head’s up.

”Damn it all to HELL!”

I stopped in the middle of what I was telling my sister as we both whipped our heads toward the shout, which was quickly followed by a crash. We glanced back at each other, her wide-eyed expression a mirror of what I imagined my own face looked like.

That shout came from my quarters, with a suspiciously heavy Irish accent.

We dashed to my door, stopping to peer around the corner as slowly as possible. I wasn’t sure about Tyche, but I had seen Conor angry before.  It was rare, and it took a lot, but when it happened, it happened in a big way.   This time, even I was surprised by the sheer magnitude; as we watched, he shouted and threw things, subconsciously careful to avoid hitting any terrariums or people.  Even so, Zach Khan was dodging to hide behind whatever piece of furniture he could impose between himself and my enraged partner.

Taking a deep breath, I stood tall and squared my shoulders, gently pushing down my sister’s arm when she tried to stop me from confronting Conor.  Firmly, I knocked on the threshold of the wide-open entrance before striding in with more confidence than I currently felt.  “You could at least close the door,” I suggested airily, trying to get his attention.

As I hoped, he whirled around to face me, disheveled hair falling in his face. “Sophie,” he started trying to explain. “You could have gotten hurt.”

“Hello to you, too, sweetie,” I smiled before stretching on my tiptoes as he automatically leaned down to let me kiss his cheek.  “I waited until you were on the other side of the room, facing away.  But that doesn’t explain why you’re currently scaring Zach and Tyche.”

All anger gone at this point, he stepped around me and toward my sister.  He crouched and softened his voice like he was coaxing a scared kitten, which I reminded myself firmly not to laugh at. “Oh gods, Tych, love, I’m so sorry.  I didn’t hit you with anything, did I?” He whirled to face me, all color drained from his face. “Please tell me I didn’t hit you with anything?” he begged, hitting his knees.

“Zach, you can come out now. It’s over,” I called softly to the sofa, before walking over, wrapping my arms around Conor, and assure him I was fine. Really, all he had done was make a mess. “Maybe take up boxing,” I suggested softly, brushing his hair back out of his face. “It’s a much healthier outlet for your frustration.”

Tyche came in the room, tentatively at first, then more confident when she saw Conor’s face buried in my stomach.  She started to pick up debris from the floor, but was interrupted. “Put it down, woman,” the muffled admonishment came from my abdomen. “I made the mess, my job to clean it up.  That’s the rule.”

She sputtered in exasperation. “Then what can I do!?  This place is a mess, and my anxiety says to clean or do something to fix it,” she scolded at my back.

“How about some coffee,” I suggested with a chuckle, patting Conor on the shoulder in indication that he should get started with cleanup.

Once everyone got settled – including Zach with a cocoa, seeing as he was practically vibrating with anxiety – and Conor went about restoring order to our living space and apologizing to the plants, I asked, “Are you going to blow up again if I ask what you were so angry about?”

Conor dropped his hands to his side and tilted his head back to face the ceiling. “No, I won’t. And it was Huynh.”

Tyche growled ferociously before elbowing me. Oh.

That was me growling, not her.

He continued blithely. “The diving platforms are showing signs of rust damage.” Frustration was showing in his tone, but not anger. So far, so good. “Since I was head of the project, he is coming down on me hard. Trying to say I cut corners, didn’t coat everything properly, used the wrong materials, basically just bollocked the whole thing.”

“But you were the one who ordered one of the platforms taken out entirely because it was too close to the line for spec…”

“Hey,” he pointed at me firmly. “That thing would have been clearly out of spec if the temperature varied more than about twenty degrees.”

“It’s climate controlled, and that’s my point. You literally went with ‘better safe than sorry’ the entire time, and he got mad at you for wasting materials to meet the guidelines.”

“That’s my point!” he cried in frustration, flinging his arms wide and falling to his back with a thud that made me wince. “And now, he’s reversed course and accusing me of shoddy workmanship. I can’t win!  Even though Mav signed off that everything was dead level, on the nose within tolerance.”

“Wait,” Zach interjected, wrinkling his nose. “Why would Maverick sign off on that? He’s a pilot. That doesn’t make sense.”

Tyche snickered. “He’s a pilot when we need a pilot. Which is nearly never, so he’s more like an insurance policy there – better to have and not need than need and not have.  No, he’s quality control for any equipment in the research labs.”

“That’s just… what? Not tracking.”  Poor Zach looked like he was getting a headache.  I dropped another marshmallow in his cocoa, and he looked like I had answered his prayers. Ah, yes. Marshmallow makes sense in this crazy world.

“He has an insane eye for detail and is a completely arse about precision,” Conor’s tone was so fond it barely escaped being considered cooing.  He shook his head and glowered at the boot wedged under a piece of furniture. “Huynh is calling that nepotism, by the way.”

“But he’s even worse here!” I cried.  Tyche nodded vigorously, having been subjected to a two-hour rant when she put away a fork the wrong way.  Not in the wrong drawer, the wrong direction.

Maverick was permanently in charge of setting the table for every meal.  It was the only way to avoid killing him outright.

“Okay…” Zach trailed off, pinching his nose and vigorously wiggling his mug to beg for more chocolate salvation. “But the platforms are still rusting?”

“All three,” Conor confirmed.  “They’ve warped badly enough that we had to declare them unsafe until we can figure out the issue.”

“Wait. They rusted that badly in four months?” Tyche looked so confused it made my face hurt in sympathy.  “How is that even possible? Even if you didn’t take any measures to prevent rust, it shouldn’t be that advanced.”

“Grey is trying to figure that out. It’s also why Mav is stuck at work and not here for dinner.”

As much as I wanted to laugh at the – very manly – pout I was witnessing, I was also frustrated by the interruption in our routine.  Shaking my head, I tried to steer the conversation away from our errant pilot. “Is there a possibility that one of the lab’s experiments could have caused the issues?”

Conor shook his head before surveying the area for any more storm damage. “If that was the case, it would be so corrosive everything in the habitat would have died, and all the swimmers would be burned.  We would have known almost instantly.” He raked a hand through his hair, turning to face us. “But if anyone can figure it out, it’s Grey.”

“What I don’t understand,” Tyche ventured, “is that the materials were fabricated here on the Ark, right?  The facilities are obviously more advanced than anything we could have managed before.” She waved her hand at the ceiling for emphasis. “So, how could there be any flaws in the materials themselves?”

“The program still has to be written,” Zach groaned as he leaned forward. “You’re right about the system being more advanced, but that also means it’s incredibly finicky and precise. One character out of place, and everything used could be worthless. And before you ask,” he held up both hands defensively, “I personally checked the programming against what it should have been, and there are exactly zero errors. It’s literally the cleanest bit of programming I’ve ever seen.”

Conor nodded, heading to the kitchen for his own coffee. “And before anyone asks, we’ve had the calculations checked over by six different people, plus our mate Noah.  Calculations are accurate, they were programmed in accurately, and Grey’s people have tested to make sure the output is accurate.  Mav has already measured the samples with everything he could get his hands on, and they all show the amount of precision you would expect from an advanced civilization.  No fault to be found in the materials, whatsoever, which is where I come in.”

“Ugh. Huynh needs someone to blame, and since the materials are as perfect as you could ever dream of, he’s putting the fault in the construction?” I may have had my moments of grudging respect, but I never quite managed to like the bastard. Here he was, proving me right.

“Which puts me on furlough until they figure out what the cause is, yeah.” He huffed explosively and flopped down into the seat my sister vacated for him. “At least I can still work in the hydroponics lab.”

“No offense to you, Zach, but have you considered having Derek cross check the program?”

“None taken, and yes,” he sighed. “But he’s been holed up in his quarters for two weeks now, won’t talk to anyone.  I sent him several requests, but never got a response.”

Alarmed, I started to say something, but Tyche cut me off. “I already checked with Noah, and Derek’s okay.  Not sleeping well, but otherwise his physical health is fine.”

I stood anyway, frowning. “That’s good to hear, and I know he goes through periods where he can’t be around people, but two weeks?  It’s not like him.”  Snatching up my purple fuzzy blanket, I headed to the door. “Mac in your quarters?”

“Yeah, but Soph – “

“Nope.  I’m taking him the blanket and the cat.  If he wants to talk, he’ll talk, but at least this way I can see him with my own eyes. I won’t be long, I promise.  Zach, feel free to stay for dinner.  We’re doing pizza tonight.”  With that, I took off, focused on my mission.

It only took me about fifteen minutes to collect my furry co-conspirator and make it to Derek’s quarters. “Hey,” I called softly, praying he still had the outer microphone on. “I heard you’ve been taking some alone time, so I thought I would bring you the blanket and your buddy.  No clue how you managed two weeks without him, but Mac misses you – “

The door slid open, revealing a piled of blankets with a surly, squinting face poking out. The door is keyed to let him in, Derek said impatiently before stepping aside to let me in.

As soon as the door closed behind me, the blanket monster stomped past and dropped on the bed.  I was relieved that nothing about the room immediately screamed for help.  Low lights, white noise in the background, and about as tidy as I could expect from a seventeen-year-old.  Two arms thrust themselves from the heap of fabric on the bed, hands grasping in a gesture that needed no working knowledge of sign language to understand.  Obediently, I handed over the soft purple offering in my hands.  Meanwhile, Mac dropped gracefully next to Derek with a demanding yowl.

“He likes to be invited,” I explained gently.  It was taking every ounce of willpower – and some I was pretty sure I didn’t possess – to keep myself from interrogating him on the length of his isolation.  Instead, I watched him rub my blanket against his face with one hand while the other tugged the large black cat onto his lap and started stroking it.  Despite token resistance, Mac quickly settled in for what was likely long-overdue and well-deserved attention.

I waited a few seconds, in case Derek wanted to talk, then cleared my throat. “Well… let me know if you need me to bring you anything else, okay?  And remember, cheese will make Mac sick, no matter how much he likes it.”  Quietly, I left with clenched teeth and eyes burning from tears I refused to shed.  I was trying to break my habit of smothering people, but it was hard.  Logically, I knew Derek could take care of himself – superficially, he had been doing fine.  But the fact that every blanket he seemed to own was layered over him, even just to answer the door?  He needed comfort, clearly.  Being incredibly touch-averse, I had to restrain my urge to hug him and let Mac and the blankets do the work.

Halfway back to my quarters, my databand chirped.  With a flick, I displayed the screen to see a message from him. “Not sleeping well. Nightmares.  They make me jumpy.  Mac will help.”

The corner of my mouth quirked up, despite my heart wanting to break. “He’s good for that,” I replied. “He eats nightmares, I think.”

“I’m not a child, I don’t need silly stories.”

I scoffed. “I know that. I’m being serious.  I never have nightmares when he’s around, and he always makes that face like he just ate when I wake up. Either he’s figured out how to work a console or he eats bad dreams.”

“I’ll lock down my console and let you know.”

With a deep breath, I told myself Derek would be okay and strolled back into my quarters.  Zach, Tyche, and Conor were in the kitchen, laughing and working on getting the pizza dough going.  It panged my heart not to see Maverick, but a part of me hoped that he would still manage to make it home in time to eat with us.

I’ll make an anchovy pizza, just in case, I told myself.

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[damaless]

To All The Skaters I've Loved Before

Chapter Thirty-Three: My Dear Yuuri

Dear (Uncle) Yuuri,

This note is from Axel, Lutz, and Loop Nishigori and Victor Nikiforov. We want to say that you are a wonderful person and we are so happy that we get to live so close to you now. We love watching you skate and we are proud of you all the time. Please keep this note for good luck, so you can read it before every competition and do your best!

Love,

Axel, Lutz, Loop, and Victor

P.S. The girls have run out of patience for writing, but they wanted me to add that they hope you'll teach them to skate just like you one day. I hope to learn a thing or two also. — Victor

The large, blocky lettering juxtaposed with Victor’s neat script sends a stab of guilt through Yuuri. He at least should have read this one, despite his ambivalent feelings about opening the rest of them. Even though it had been easy to pick out from the bunch, with his name written in messy, childish writing on the surface of the folded up note, it had somehow gotten lost in the mix of the rest of them.

Stored in his barely-used bedroom, the box of notes had completely fallen out of his conscious awareness, with everything else that had been going on in the past few weeks. Near-constant training for the Final and time with Victor filling in all the gaps had meant there had been no time or energy for anything else.

But that’s not strictly true. He had decided not to think about it too hard. He’d let himself indulge in the lingering fear that all the notes before their relationship had become real would turn out to be blank, or would mention Victor’s intentions to get back together with Chris. That what had happened in Beijing had been an impulse decision on Victor’s part, or a passive choice to let things just happen.

He hadn’t wanted to know. He had been happy with Victor, and he didn’t want whatever he might have found out from the notes to put a damper on that. But now…

He spreads out the folded notes on the table, and Phichit picks up the one he’d already opened, from the triplets.

“This is adorable,” he says. “Are they all from the triplets?”

“Just that one,” Yuuri says, turning over one of the notes in his hands. There are tiny numbers scrawled in the corners of each of them — the dates. “The rest are from Victor.”

“And you haven’t read them?” Phichit frowns.

“At first, they were just for show — a ‘thoughtful gesture’ to be caught on camera, for Chris to find out about,” he explains. “At the time, I thought they might be blank, and that I would just end up feeling like an idiot for thinking there would actually be a message for me.”

“That’s— Ugh, Yuuri. You and Victor were friends, even back then, weren’t you? He probably wrote little things to be nice, at least.”

“I know, I know.” Yuuri groans. “I’m awful.”

“Don’t make me flick you again,” Phichit says, warningly.

“Maybe the complete lack of therapy since I moved back to Japan wasn't the best choice ever,” Yuuri mutters.

“Uh, yeah.” Phichit sighs, sitting down across from him. “Are you going to read them now?”

Yuuri nods, and finds the note with the earliest date. All the way back at World’s, Victor had given it to him right before the free skate.

Dear Yuuri,

From the bottom of my heart I want to thank you. You became a shining ray of hope when my life seemed otherwise dark and drab. I'm so glad we're friends.

Cheers to the beginning something wonderful.

Yours,

Victor

Tears prick at his eyes. God, he’s an asshole. If this one has a heartfelt message — the one Victor had given to him literally right in front of Chris — the one most likely to have been just for show — then the rest probably have real messages, too.

The next note had been been right before he’d performed Eros for the first time, in the mini competition against Yuri Plisetsky.

Dear Yuuri,

I’m truly touched that you've allowed me into your life and into your home. You've been working hard and it shows every time you skate. I'm so glad to have the opportunity to help you realize your full potential as a skater, and my life is better for it.

Yours,

Victor

Yuuri presses his fist to his mouth, tears spilling down his cheeks as he blinks hard. How could he have ever thought Victor could be cruel enough to give him blank notes?

“You okay?” Phichit asks, and Yuuri nods silently.

The next note is the one from the triplets, and the one after that is from while they had been sightseeing in Fukuoka. Victor had noticed a few people aiming their phones in their direction, and he’d winked at Yuuri as he’d conspicuously slipped the note into his back pocket.

Yuuri unfolds it carefully.

My dear Yuuri,

I can't adequately convey how much you have changed my life for the better. Every day I wake up with a purpose that I had been missing for a long time before I came with you to Hasetsu. My greatest wish is that I will be able to create such a positive impact on your life as well.

Yours,

Victor

Yuuri smiles through the tears streaming down his face. He hadn’t realized how much Victor’s time in Hasetsu, even early on, had meant to him. He’s hit with a powerful urge to rush out of the room and assure Victor that the impact he’s had on Yuuri’s life has been overwhelmingly positive.

But it will take only a few minutes to get through the rest of them, and then Yuuri will have the context he’s been missing all along. Mari is out there with Victor; he’ll be okay in the meantime, and he deserves for Yuuri to properly read his notes, after all this time.

Yuuri sucks in a breath at the date on the next note. The Fukuoka championship, when he’d been trying his hardest to distance himself from Victor, fearful of his own feelings.

Yuuri,

I miss the closeness that we had. I don't know exactly what I've done wrong, but I want to make amends. I feel like there's a wall between us and my heart aches that I don't get to see the real Yuuri anymore.

I didn't mean to pull you into the deep end.

Let's walk along the beach, instead. Maybe we can wade together in the shallows. And one day, if you can trust me again, we can learn to swim.

Victor

Yuuri sobs. He’s put Victor through so much shit. And Victor has been nothing but gracious and understanding through it all.

… wade together in the shallows…

When was it that he had told Victor about his feelings about getting close to people being like venturing too far from the safe shallows? Hadn’t that been a months before Victor would have written this note? And he’d remembered that detail…

Victor had told him that he’d thought Yuuri had pulled away because he realized that Victor had developed feelings. That must be what he’d meant by ‘pulling him into the deep end’. With this note he’d been trying to tell him that it was alright if Yuuri didn’t reciprocate, that he was still happy to work towards just being his friend again.

Friendship has always been a deeply significant relationship for Victor. Of course a conversation with Chris about it would sound like something of enormous emotional importance.

He curls himself over, pressing his cheek to the table. “I don’t deserve him, Phichit.”

“That’s up to him, I think,” Phichit says, carefully. “So you believe him about Chris, then?”

Yuuri nods, grabbing a Kleenex from the box on the nightstand and blowing his nose. Ugh, he’s such an ugly-crier.

What’s the next one? He takes a deep breath. This is it: the note from the night of the Beijing short program. Had Victor really been planning on taking him out to dinner and telling him how he felt? The note probably won’t say anything outright, but given what had happened that night… He’ll just read it and see for himself.

My dearest Yuuri,

I think — I hope — I understand, now. I'm so sorry I didn't see it sooner, if I’m right.

I'm looking forward to having dinner with you tonight. I hope we can work everything out, and start a new chapter together.

Yours always,

Victor

Yuuri covers his mouth with his hand, caught between sobbing and laughing, smiling and crying. Victor must have already picked up on his feelings at the time, but hadn’t pushed him to talk; he’d listened when Yuuri had asked him not to say anything, even though Yuuri had been completely off-base about what Victor had wanted to talk about.

He scrambles to open the next note, the one Victor had given him before the free skate, after they’d had their night together. He really has no excuse for not reading this one before.

My Yuuri,

You came back to me. I can hardly believe it.

The circumstances that brought us together are so strange and unlikely; it seems like fate that we would find each other in truth despite the layers of pretense we’d placed between us.

Waking up to your smile this morning was true bliss.

Yours always,

Victor

Yuuri sniffles, and pulls off his glasses to dab at his eyes. He laughs wetly. Victor has no room to make fun of the flowery language Yuuri had used in his love letter.

“What are you going to do?” Phichit asks.

“I’m going to go out there.”

Read this chapter on Ao3

Read from the beginning

[squirrel-moose-winchester]

Winner

Title: Winner

Pairing: Dean x Reader (Platonic-ish)

Word Count: 1586

Square Filled: Beer

Summary: Playing cards with friends is one thing. Playing cards with ONLY Dean Winchester is a whole different thing, especially when one of his favorite card games happen to be strip poker. Mix that in with a little beer and nudity, and you have yourself one very entertaining night!

Warning: 18+ ONLY BLOG!

Written for: @spndeanbingo

Disclaimer: Not my gif.

A/N: This was inspired by @covered-byroses’ fic, Poker Night. It’s so good, and you should definitely give it a read! In fact, read all her stuff. It’s all amazing! For my fic, the theme is similar, a line is similar (prompt), but everything is still completely different. I’ve talked to her and asked for permission, also gave her the opportunity to check it out first to see if it was okay, and she gave me the pass! So I’m glad about that. Anyways, read mine then read hers, or vice versa. You won’t regret giving her fic a read! I PROMISE! Happy Reading!

It was that kind of night. Beer and a little poker.

There were empty beer bottles littered atop the war table and it had been hours since Sam had gone to bed, but you and Dean were too competitive to stop now. You were determined to win back your lot, and Dean was just having too much fun taking all your money and giving up all of his chores.

“Three aces,” you displayed your cards on the table, confident in your hand as you took a sip of your beer.

You noticed Dean’s lips tighten, knowing that was a tick of his when he knows he’s lost, but suddenly that twitch turned into the smallest of smirks and you knew you were done. Before he could even show you his cards, you were already groaning in defeat.

“Read it and weep it!” He sang, snagging your beer from in front of you and taking a sip. You and the Winchester’s were best friends, so sharing wasn’t uncommon. In fact, you almost shared everything other than your clothes, toothbrush, and Dean’s pie. When it came to pie, it was always off limits.  

“This is bullshit!” You whined, taking back your drink before falling back on your seat and sinking into it a little. “You’ve got to be cheating!” You pouted as you drank the rest of it.

“Sweetheart… I don’t cheat. I’m just that good,” he smirked. “Anyways… baby needs an oil change tomorrow,” he grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.

“You’re ruthless! First I have to clean the bathroom, dust the archives room, make dinner for a month, do your nasty laundry for a week, and now change Baby’s oil?” Dean couldn’t help but grin at your use of his precious car’s name. “Why couldn’t you come up with something like, a foot massage, or I get the couch on the next hunt? You know something not so laborious. Something simple! Why couldn’t I just buy you a pack of beer?”

“Fine, how about this,” Dean started, “if you can beat me in the next game, I will trade all of the chores in for that foot massage… but if I win, then we play another round however… we’re playing strip poker.” He winked, sending heat to surface all over you body. “Unless you’re too chicken?”

It was lame and immature to be provoked by something as childish as being called a chicken, but you were so adamant on getting your life back that you were willing to do anything. You’ve beaten Dean a handful of times, so it wasn’t impossible. You just hoped that God was on your side for once.

“Game on, Winchester!”

“Atta girl!” He cheered, rubbing his hands together before scooping up the cards and shuffling them several times. When he felt they were properly mixed, he let you cut the deck.

Dean grinned at you the whole time he dealt the cards. You returned his stare with a hard glare of determination. You were going to win this round. You had to win this round other wise, you’d have to do all those chores! And you knew that when it came to that damn Impala, Dean would be breathing down your neck, complaining and constantly telling you how to change the oil in his car, which was incredibly infuriating. You knew how to change oil! You knew how to fully service a car, yet he still insisted on going on and on how to do it. The last time, you threw a wrench at him!

As you rearranged your cards in your hands, you thanked the heavens for the possibility that they were on your side and that you could actually win this. “Full house!” You spread your cards on the table.

“Ooh, damn! Shit, all I got was a… four of a kind!” He cooed, doing a little awkward dance with his arms and hands.

“What?!” You gawked. “Ugh!”

“So… ready for some strip poker?” He teased, his stupid cocky grin plastered across his face.

“I need another beer. No I need two beers. Actually, I need to be shit-faced for this,” you mumbled, getting out of your seat and into the kitchen. You came back out with a full pack to share with your opponent.

The game, like most of all the previous games, was not turning out for you. At this point, you were feeling a slight buzz from the bitter drink. Dean was left in a white shirt and his jeans, while you were down to your crop top shirt and panties, currently wishing you had worn more layers.

This time you dealt the cards, making sure you shuffled the them well enough that Dean wouldn’t be able to get a decent hand. You watched as his face remained stoic. When you saw your cards, you literally had nothing. All you had was one Queen of Spades.

“Alright, shoot,” you told him, anxious to see what his hand was.

“Ladies first.”

“How about we reveal it together?” You bargained.

“Okay. Let’s do this. We’ll both show our cards on three,” Dean suggested.

“Fine,” you agreed.

“One. Two… Three!”

You and Dean counted in unison and then flipped your cards at the exact same time. “Highest card!” The two of you shouted in unison. Scanning over your cards, you noticed that he had beaten you by a higher card. The damn guy had a fucking King of hearts!

“Are you kidding me!” You shouted while Dean laughed, pumping his fists in the air and stomping his feet.

“Go on. Take something off! Take off the shirt!” He chuckled.

You tanked the rest of your beer for some sort of relief, comfort, or maybe some ample amount of confidence, but when nothing changed, you cringed. “I can’t,” you mumbled, wrapping your arms around your chest.

“Oh c’mon. It’s just a bra. I’ve seen you in your bra before,” Dean confessed.

Your eyes widened as you stared at the man incredulously. “When?” You demanded to know.

“Uh… that’s not important. Now, are you gonna take off an article of clothing or are you admitting defeat right here and now? Because if you are, I’d like to throw in a foot massage in addition to everything else.” He taunted, knowing how easily you got riled up. Your competitiveness was too easy to manipulate.

“I don’t have a bra on,” you mumbled, cheeks flaring up.

“What?” Dean asked, unable to understand you clearly.

“I don’t have a bra on!” You annunciated every words a little louder, embarrassed and irritated that you had to say it again. Dean’s forest-green eyes widened as they subconsciously fell to your covered chest. “Dean!” You scolded, shielding your arms over your breasts.

Shaking his head to rid his lewd thoughts, his eyes caught yours again. “How about this; if you show me yours, I’ll show you mine?” he grinned. “But then again, if you’re too chicken, I get it. Not everyone got big enough balls to play and finish strip poker.”

You glared at the green-eyed hunter, snatching the rest of his beer and swallowing it all down. “Bite me, you prick!” Your snarky comment made him chuckle, but his eyes never once left your form. He knew he could get you to do it and without him knowing, you actually kind of wanted to. You wanted him to look at you, drool over you. You wanted him to remember this moment; have it etched into his memory so that he could tuck it away and think about it later, during those lonely, frustrating, nights.

Slowly, you reached for the bottom hem of your shirt, taking a deep breath as you lifted it up. Dean’s mouth went dry, his eyes soaking up every inch of skin that was being revealed to him. He was about to see you topless, which made you both nervous in different ways.

Once the shirt slipped passed your head, hair falling from the neck hole, you noticed the way Dean just stared. He didn’t try to be modest about it. He just stared, mouth slightly hanging open before he licked his lips.

“Now those are nice,” he complimented, his eyes fluttering up to meet yours before winking. “Think I can take a picture for later?” he teased.

“Dean!” You chide, wrapping your arms around your twin mounds. “I thought the deal was if I showed you mine; you’d show me yours. Now get on with it!”

Dean chuckled, lifting his hands up in defense. “Alright, alright! I’ll show you mine. A deal is a deal. But first close your eyes,” he instructed.

“Dean…”

“Just close your eyes. So I’m a little shy, shoot me.” You rolled your eyes before closing them, missing the smile on Dean’s lips. Dean wasn’t shy at all. Seconds later, Dean spoke. “Okay, open your eyes.”

You opened your eyes to see Dean lifting his shirt up over his chest. “What?” You questioned, thoroughly confused.

“You showed me your chest so now I’m showing you mine,” he sputtered, leading into a thunderous roar of laughter.

“DEAN!” You shouted, grabbing your shirt and hitting him with it, while keeping your other arm around your breasts. “You’re an idiot! That’s not how this works! Take off your pants! Take off your pants!”

Dean couldn’t help but let his full body laughter take control. There was no way he would be forgetting this night. And there was no way in hell he’d ever let you live this down. Dean was a winner!

--

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Say Something Nice Here!

[franeridart]

Hi! Idk if you read fanfic, but would you happen to have any kiribaku fic recs? Or any bnha fic rec?

I’m pretty sure there’s stuff tagged as fic recs on this blog, yes! Nothing particularly new tho, I haven’t had the time to put down a new rec-list in a while ;-;

Anon said:How long does it take you to finish a drawing with and without color?

That honestly depends on a lot of factors - which tools I’m using, how many characters there are in the drawing/if it’s full body or not, how used to drawing the character I am, how big is the canvas, if I already have a clear idea of what I mean to draw or not, how precise I want to be with lines and stuff. 

That Yuuto sketch I posted yesterday took me about 40 minutes I think, and over half of it was spent trying to figure out how I was supposed to draw him since it was the first time I drew him - the tools I used are the ones I use when I want to be fast and don’t care about being sloppy. A small random Kirishima bust properly lined and colored could take me five minutes to sketch and line and as many to color on a good day, cause I’ve drawn him so many times by now I don’t even have to think to draw him. Deku, on the other hand, can take me an hour even just to sketch, I can’t seem to grasp how I’m supposed to draw him at all.

Sorry, it really depends on a lot of things, I can’t give a proper answer to this :(

Anon said:Ive been tryin to find ur art of sero carrying baku for like 20 minutes n i cant find it :(

Are you talking about this one? Or this one? There’s also this one I guess...? And maybe this one lol 

Anon said:yoooo, hey man, that cat kiribaku thing ya got going on is some 👌👌👌👌👌

HECK THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Has anyone ever considered Hadmie. Hadou x Camie before?? It just seems like it'd be a cute ship to sail with, tbh. That just might be me tho.

I dunno if anyone has before you, but I can’t say I have, sorry! If I gotta ship Nejire with someone after all it’s gonna be Yuyu haha

Anon said:Hey do you do commissions? I really love your art and I'd love to get a commission from you!! (and also I just wanna know if there's yet another thing that I have to save up for XD)

Not right now, sorry! Maybe after I’m done with the zine things!!

Anon said:*runs around like an excited puppy* DAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVEDAVE!!!!!!! :D

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Anon said:AHHH i love your ocs so much also Nico looks so cute and i love learning new things about them

AAAHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH OH MY G O D!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:KIRI + PINEAPPLE PONYTAIL = THE BEST THING EVER

I’M GLAD WE AGREE ON THAT

Anon said:your oc's literally kill me!! i already love nico, and i think i speak for everyone when i say that we definitely want more of him and luca!! i don't know if it's just me, but I love when the angry, swearing types fall for someone.

SOB thank you so so much for the kind words about my kids ;^;

Anon said:OH MY GOD LUCA IS BACK!!!! YESSSSSSSS FUCKING KILL ME THIS IS A BLESSED DAY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. MORE OF YOUR OC'S!!! (only when you want to share of course, I'm just trying to convey my enthusiasm here. not demanding at all ^^)

I think that might happen soon enough, actually!!!! Thank you so much for the interest in them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Are josh and chris still not dating?

Sadly until I’ll sit down to write their story that specific part of it won’t go anywhere :( Chris gotta deal with a bunch of things before he’ll be ready to put a name to what’s between him and Josh 3 one day I’ll let him work through it !!!

Anon said:I'm so paranoid I'm going to repost one of your post by accident but the thing is is I never even repost anything at all but just because I know you don't want them to be I'm so scared that by accident I'm going to have something screenshotted and forget it's yours and like Ugh😂

Well, my name’s written on all my drawing so I doubt you’ll forget it’s my stuff lol to make sure you’re not reposting anything the author doesn’t want reposted you can always just ask before reposting it, tho~

Anon said:I was just scrolling through your OC stuff and I just. Love them so much. Thank you for the babies ❤

GOD THANK YOU ;O;

Anon said:Okay I've never seen your oc's before and Dave is the cutest green boy I love him

AAAAHHHHHH I’M GLAD!!!!!

Anon said:kamijirou getting together? :3 also if there were ever a scenario where jirou would confess first, what do you think she would be thinking?

I actually have half a thing planned for that :0 gimme a while to get around to drawing it!

Anon said:How do you feel imagine kiri’s parents???

Actually since I’m still hoping one day Hori will give us the official versions I try not to think too much about it! I don’t wanna grow attached just to have to give them up once I’ll have the canon versions haha

Anon said:hey quick innocent question ive been following for a long time and saw a lot of your art do you have a thing for feet

Are you asking because I draw a lot of people barefoot? Feet are just easier and faster to draw than shoes, anon

Anon said:I love how you answer asks all at once. It’s nice to see that you’re getting in bulk appreciation

THANKS I honestly just don’t want my blog to be more asks than art, so I let them pile up before answering - it does mean I make people wait a lot for answers tho orz sorry

Anon said:I LOVE YOUR ART

THANK YOU!!!!

Anon said:You've open a sea of possibilities with red pineapple kirishima. You're a legend :prayeremoji:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wouldn’t call myself that but I’m glad you appreciate him too hahaha

Anon said:i cant help but notice nothings been added to your sero tag in 4 months

That might be because I rarely use single characters tags! Try looking under #bakusquad and #seromina :D

Anon said:Hahaaa hi this is probably really really awkward but I just wanted you to let you know that you're super awesome!! And the fact that your art is something that I can look forward to is absolutely amazing (no pressure tho)!!! So yea, thank you for being cool and creating beautiful art~~ :D ✧✧✧

SOB it’s not awkward at all!!!! thank you SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Would you mind adding some more Tokoyami art to your shop? More specifically the pieces where hes hanging out with Kiri, and the Tokoshoji piece :D Im desperate to bury my notebooks in stickers from your shop rn and the bird boy needs more love ❤

AHW I’m sorry anon, but those are definitely too small to be of any use on the shop ;-; if you’re okay with it I could add the last one I posted? I should seriously draw more of him..................

Anon said:That jacket that Kirishima has on...I NEED!

I drew it and that’s still a mood t b h

Anon said:I went so far back in your blog that it kicked me back to the beginning ;-; I was just getting to the D. Greyman stuff too

AW ;-; (..........it’s good tho, the further you go the least worth it my stuff is l m a o)

Anon said:Do you ever draw kiribaku or something else in paper or some kind of sketch book if you do i would love to see them❤(sorry if my english is bad)

I do have some doodles on paper posted on here somewhere? But tbh I rarely draw traditionally anymore unless it’s just random doodles :(

Anon said:Aahhh!!! I really love your kiribaku shit its so cute!!and you draw so goood too literally when i found this ship i instantly found you and you are so perfect in my eyes and your art!!!!! I looooooovvvvvvveeeeee yoooouuuuuu thank you for being here and showing us this stuff!!❤❤❤❤

HECK thank you!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:i adore your art so much and your bakushima comics make me smile a lot! :) you’re one of my favorite artists now dldksjshskdk

tHANK YOU OH MY G OD ;^;

Anon said:Consider this: fantasy Kirishima meeting normal bakugou, thinking that's his Katsuki 😂😂

.........................you literally got no clue how long I’ve been thinkin about drawing this............ he ck

Anon said:Your drawings give me life 😍❤️

sob thank you so so so much ;-;

[forged-through-trials]

With that business in the Market District finished, Ruin and I legged it over toward the Arcane University. The place was considerably ornate, and it felt like there was a charge in the air the instant I stepped through the door. The classrooms and facilities were off-limits to visitors, but I could go into the Entrance/Reception Lobby. Once inside there, I asked around about Boderi Farano, and thankfully Raminus Polus here was nice enough to offer to fetch her.

She arrived in two shakes of a guar’s tail, and I explained the situation and what I needed from her, offering her the three books I’d pinched from Grayrock Cave. Boderi: “Yes, I recognize this language. It’s definitely Ogrish. It is fairly rare to find so much written in this language. The Ogres are not very clever, and most don’t bother learning to write and read. “This one, however, was quite the prolific author. The words start coming and they don’t stop coming. Quill in the ink and he hit the page, runnin’.” Trials: “Yes, but what are the books about?” Boderi: “A cooking book, recipes for fun “A book of spells for a mage-y one “So much to do, so much to see “Book number three is a di-ar-y!” Trials: “...by the Nine, you’re friends with Reman Broder, from Skingrad, aren’t you?” Ruin: “Okay, we know what the books are, but we need more details. Can you translate the books in their entirety?” Boderi: “You both will know in about a week. “Can’t go faster, that is just my peak.“ Trials: “A week??” Boderi: “Hey now, it’s the best that, I can doooo!” “So now, get a move on, go and shoooo!” Trials: “...why are you singing??” Boderi: “It helps me get in the spaaaace “To translate Ogrish script, like an aaace!” Trials: “This song makes me feel like I’ve been concussed.”

With a week to kill and nothing better to do, I decided we could look into my other outstanding Vampire Case. According to my journal, Roland had mentioned that Seridur frequented the First Edition bookshop, so that seemed a likely place to go, and follow up on what became of him. Phintias was in when we arrived, so I chatted him up about the High Elf. Phintias: “Seridur? He comes in from time-to-time. Usually it’s when he’s out shopping. He always comes in with a large amount of travel food in his bag. That Seridur, he’s always like; ‘Yes, I have food in here. Which I eat. With my mouth. That totally doesn’t have fangs in it or anything.’ He’s such a kidder.” Trials: “...riiiiiiight. Uh, have you seen him lately?” Phintias: “Hmm... can’t sa--wait, yes, I think I’ve overhead him once mention Memorial Cave to another patron of mine.” Trials: “What and where is that?” Phintias: “It’s outside of the Imperial City. I heard it’s a place where many of the heroes from past wars are buried. “I just assumed Seridur had a relative that died and is buried there. Not many people go out of there anymore, as the route is dangerous. “I looked it up once in an old atlas I had in stock. Here, let me mark it on your map.” Trials: “Huh. Can’t imagine why he’d go there.” Ruin: “Perhaps he has a Vampire Social Club there?”

According to the map-marker Phintias provided for me, Memorial Cave was on the mainland side of Lake Rumare. So Ruin and I just had to find a bridge to cross back over, and then it was just a matter of following the shore until we found it. Ruin: “This cave smells of vampires. It could be very dangerous. How do you wish to proceed, my friend?” Without a word, I produced several familiar potion bottles. Ruin: It dawned on him, and he grit his teeth, his brow furrowed. “You’re... really going to do it again?” Trials: “It worked so well, last time.” Ruin: “It nearly killed you, last time.” Trials: “But it didn’t kill me. It only made me wish I were dead. And that’s something I can live with, if only because it means I will live.” Ruin: Groaned and shook his head. “Ugh, well I can see I can’t talk you out of this. Just... please, do not die, my friend. I would miss you terribly.”

I drunk three hits of Skooma once more. Don’t try this cool thing at home, kiddies! Again, I had to rely on Ruin to fill me in on what happened while I was flying high on that liquid Moon-Sugar. Trials: “aaaaaaAAAH!” I rushed through the cave, slaying vampires with mighty blows. Every swing of my sword felled another one, as the walls were painted red with the blood of the abominations. Trials: “With these MAGIC WORDS, the King of Rape added another: 'CHIM,' which is the secret syllable of ROYALTY! “Vivec HAD what he needed from the Daedroth and so married him that DAY. In the hour that Bal had his head, the King of Rape asked for PROOF of love!” Vampires: “What is she even screaming about!?” Ruin: “She... appears to be reciting one of the Thirty-Six Lessons of Vivec.” Trials: “ And DESERVED our praise you do, for we are one! Ere you ASCENDED and the Eight became Nine, you walked among us, great TALOS, not as god, but as man!” Ruin: “...okay now I’m completely lost, too.” Trials: “...and ATE his neck-veins while SCREAMING praise to Reman, a NAME that no one knew yet!” Vampires: “...is it too late to surrender?” Ruin: “It was too late the moment the Skooma touched her lips.” The Skooma wore off shortly there after. I woke with a positively pounding headache, and proceeded to puke this morning’s meat pie into the ankle-deep pool of vampire blood filling the room. Trials: I whimpered. “...why do I keep doing that??” Ruin: He snarled. “Yes, why?? I keep telling you that it’s a bad idea, and you keep not listening to me. Do you really not care how you frighten and upset me when you do such reckless things?” Trials: “...” I blinked, then furrowed my brow, frowning. “Gee, Ruin, I don’t know what to say. I... okay, if it upsets you that much, I’ll cut back on the Skooma. We’ll just try and find other ways to deal with vampires from here on out.” Ruin: He sighed, crossed his arms, nodding sagely. “I would appreciate that. I’d prefer our friendship to be a long one.” Trials: “For sure, Ruin. I’m sure nothing will happen to separate us.” We searched through the recently slain vampires, but we didn’t find Seridur among them. But there was a deeper section of cave we’d yet to explore.

And indeed, in that last stretch of cave, we found the vampire himself! Seridur: “Do you really think that I’m surprised to see you here? I let you find me... and by the way, you’re about a month late!” Trials: “Yeah, I got held up. I know I took my time; I wanted to be properly prepared to face a vampire.” Seridur: “Fool! You really think a mere mortal lizard can adequately prepare for me?” Ruin: “...there’s about a dozen dead vampires in the other cavern who would attest that, yes, she is prepared.” Seridur: “I...” He visibly paled. “Oh... so that’s what all that noise was about.” Trials: “Dude, you hired my specifically because you knew I had a reputation. What did you think was going to happen?” Seridur: “I... I knew hiring you was a mistake, but I had to keep up appearances! The damned ‘Order’ insisted we get you into the picture. I think after I’m done with you, Gilen and Grey-Throat will have to be dealt with.” Ruin: “He’s pretty confident for a dead man.” Seridur: He arched his brow at us. “You... two aren’t scared, are you?” Trials: “Oh, if I were sober I might be petrified, but I’m still a little buzzed on Skooma at the moment. Right now, you look like a big scrib-jelly sandwich in clown-shoes.” Ruin: “And I just watch her slay a dozen of your brethren, wielding a legendary vampire-slaying sword and flying high on drugs. I don’t think you alone will be any more difficult for us to deal with.” Seridur: “...oh. Shit.” [Light of Dawn liked that.]

Seridur pulled out a wicked-looking mace, but never got a chance to use it. As he was readying himself, I rushed in, and ran him through, slamming my sword through his gut before he even knew what hit him. Seridur gurgled and hissed, his fangs flashing in the dark, before he fell slump on my sword. Even as I made to kick him off of the blade, I could feel Light of Dawn strum intensely, vibrating in my hands so wildly I had to fight to keep a hold of it. The sword seemed to... to drink Seridur’s blood, and as it did, the gunk that Volmyr and his goons had smeared all over it started to burn away, and I could feel Light of Dawn’s power beginning to awaken. The sword’s glow shone more intensely, and I could make out the sun-decals stamped into the metal. LoD wasn’t quite ‘there’ yet, but I can feel that it had gotten one step closer to being the legendary Blade of Vampire’s Bane it once was.

With Seridur finally vanquished, there was nothing left to do here but to collect the loot. Among them, I found this parchment, labeled as “Reanimate, Part 1″. It appeared to be a spell, or part of one, at least. The spell was incomplete, and not particularly useful to me in this state, but I still collected it. I can stuff it in the Luggage for now, and maybe in time I’ll stumble on the other part or parts.

Now loaded down with treasure, Ruin and I hoofed it over toward Roland Jenseric’s cabin to give him the good news. I knocked on the door, and the man himself came out to greet us. Roland: "Where have you been?? It’s been a month! I’ve resorted to sucking condensation off of the rafters to quench my thirst!” Trials: “...there’s a literal farm directly across from the cabin. If you were thirsty I think you could have just eaten the watermelons.” Roland: “...okay, yes, but counter-argument; eww, watermelon.” Trials: “...” I groaned and rubbed my temple. “Anyway, we took care of Seridur.” Roland: “He’s dead? Thank goodness! I feared I’d never be able to leave here, or worse, that he would come for me!” Trials: “If you were afraid he’d come for you, why did you answer the door without hesitation?” Roland: “I figured, if you were Seridur, you wouldn’t have bothered with knocking, and would’ve just knocked the door down.” Trials: “Huh. Fair point. So, what’re you going to do, now?” Roland: “I’ve had a lot of time to think about that while stuck in here, talking to my socks to keep my mind occupied. The right-sock is convinced the Peryite Flu is a hoax the empire cooked up to seize more power.” Trials: “They’re a theocratic dictatorship! Why would they need to--wait. Why am I arguing with a sock?” Roland: “Anyway, the ironic thing is, I think the Order of the Virtuous Blood should continue its work.” Trials: “What ‘work’? You mean the ‘work’ of hiring me to do all of its work while Grey-Throat stuffs his face with sweetrolls?” Roland: “...yes. “Anyway, give me time to make arrangements, and meet me in Seridur’s basement. Also, I call dibs on Seridur’s flat.” Trials: “Wow. I’d say ‘the body’s not even cold, yet,’ but as a vampire, I’m pretty sure he was always room-temperature.”

[paradisobound]

Dear Diary...Signed, Daniel Howell

Summary: The Diary Entries of Daniel Howell 

Warnings: Rape and non/con elements! 

Word Count: 3,551 

Pairing: Mute!younger!Dan and older!Phil 

Authors Note: In my creative writing workshop class, a girl in my class did a story that was in the form of letters and it made me really inspired to try a different form myself. So I decided to try the form of a diary. I hope it conveys everything I want it to. If you think the plot has holes, let me know and I may go back and do some time stamps for this in between. It might be super fun to do!

Dear Diary, September 9th 

I don’t even know why I feel the need to write in this. I don’t even know why I have this actually. Maybe it is because my mom thinks it’s going to be a way for me release my emotions. But I still don’t understand it. I don’t even really feel comfortable writing in this yet. As I’m writing right now, I feel awkward.

I’m a 16 year old boy writing in a diary? How weird is that? My mom told me to call it a journal so I guess it’s not a diary, it’s a journal. But it’s still a diary in my mind.

If people at my new school found out I was writing in a diary, I would probably be beaten to a pulp. Oh god. I just thought of something that I could write about. My new school. I hate that my parents moved to a different town and now I have to start fresh again. I had enough trouble making friends at my other school and now I have to try and be friends with people all over again.

I hate people.

Well, that’s kind of harsh. I don’t hate people to the point where I want to inflict violence on them, I just hate talking with people. Well, that would be another lie. I don’t like talking to people because I can’t talk.

I’m mute.

Not mute because of a medical condition. I’m mute by choice. I disliked the sound of my voice so I stopped using it.

Ugh, my mom just called for me to come downstairs. I was actually beginning to like writing in this diary. Maybe expressing my thoughts in here won’t be such a burden after all.

Signed,

Daniel Howell

Dear Diary,  September 13th

I was reading through my last written entry and I found myself rolling my eyes at how I just spilled a bunch of shit in here at once. It’s like I didn’t even have a filter.

I just made myself laugh. I couldn’t possibly have a filter when I can’t even speak.

Anyway. I haven’t wrote in here in over a week. I had full plans to but I kept finding it hard to pick up my pen and begin. I would tap the pen to the paper and leave an ink bleed spot and then do nothing with it.

But that also might be because, I, Daniel Howell, might have made a friend!

Okay, I’m not going to jump to conclusions and say that I have definitely made a friend because I don’t know if that’s the case or not. But this kid named PJ who is the same age as me began speaking to me at lunch yesterday, and he invited me to his house tonight to play video games! I’m super excited! Maybe that’s why I finally found the appeal to write in here again!

I just can’t believe that I made a friend already! At my old school, I still didn’t have friends. Even when I had been there my entire life, no one wanted to be friends with a mute boy. It was horrible.

I can’t even say that don’t wish being friendless on my worst enemy because I haven’t even known anyone to have a worst enemy.

But that’s too negative! I’m going to my friend PJ’s tonight. We’re going to play some video games. And I’m going to have fun.

Because once again, I, Daniel Howell, have a friend.

So a knock just happened on my front door and I went to check it and it’s PJ standing outside. And I’m nervous to answer the door so I’m finishing writing here to gather the courage to open the door.

If I don’t write in here again, I died for being so socially awkward.

Signed,

Daniel Howell

Dear Diary, September 13th

This isn’t even a new day. This is the same day as the last journal entry and I really couldn’t wait any longer to write something here! I just need to tell someone!

I DEFINITELY have a friend!

PJ and I hung out for over four hours at his house, just playing video games and it was so much fun. He didn’t treat me any differently and he laughed when I got jump-scared at the games. But that’s fine because I finally have a friend.

That’s literally all I wanted to say.

Signed,

Daniel Howell

Dear Diary, September 29th

PJ introduced me to some of his friends today. I was super nervous to meet them but it went really well! Especially because he had this one friend name Phil.

Phil…let me just explain Phil. He’s older than me by two years. He’s a senior this year but he’s friends with all of the underclassmen. And he was super nice to me!

And okay, he was cute.

But I’m sure he doesn’t think anything of me. I mean, why would that attractive of a guy want anything to do with a lanky boy like me?

Ugh…Phil’s so cute. I’m gonna die.

It was awkward at first with Phil because he spoke to me and I couldn’t answer. So he looked mad that I was ignoring him but I wasn’t ignoring him obviously. So PJ stuck up for me and spoke and Phil just smiled at me. And that smile will be something I dream of tonight.

Why am I acting so much like a crushing school girl?

Phil and I hardly even know each other.

But man, I really wish I wasn’t so awkward and I could talk to him properly.

Oh man, my mom is calling for me to come down for dinner.

See you soon!

Signed,

Daniel Howell

Dear Diary, October 5th

Phil wanted my number. PHIL FUCKING LESTER WANTED MY NUMBER. I panicked. I legitimately panicked and when I grabbed his phone. I fucking dropped it and I wanna die! He just stared at me as I bent down and picked up his phone, praying to God that it wasn’t broken. It wasn’t. So I put my number in and shakily gave it back to him. And he flashed his gigantic smile again and I swore angels sang.

God, he’s so beautiful.

But he’s only a friend. We’ve only known each other for about a week now. There is nothing even going on between us other than us just being friends.

Of course I want to potentially date Phil. But I know it’s never gonna happen. Phil’s popular and Phil’s beautiful. And I’m not any of those things.

Oh my gosh, speaking of which. My phone just went off and it was a text from Phil! He’s having a party tonight at his house and he’s inviting me! I’m got invited to a high school party!

Even though I can’t physically scream, I’m screaming on the inside.

What do I wear? What do I do? How do I act at a party?

Maybe I should text Phil and tell him that I can’t come. But then if I do that, would he think worse of me? Would he think I’m boring? I don’t want him to think I’m boring.

But then again, a party could be super fun.

I just text Phil saying I would go. He gave me his address. PJ texted me too and said he was gonna pick me up.

I’m actually about to go to a party.

If I don’t write again, that means the party legitimately killed me.

Signed,

Daniel Howell

Dear Diary, November 3rd

It’s been almost a month since I’ve picked up this diary.

And I’m not sure if I even want to open the cover anymore. When I read my entry for that party, my body goes numb. I didn’t want to talk about the party for so long. But I’m finally ready to say something.

I’m crying right now. As I write all of this, know that I’m sobbing and can hardly see. My tears are bleeding the ink and I’m not sure I can even read what I’ve written so far.

But I need to write about this. I can’t keep this out of my head anymore.

I went with PJ to the party. He picked me up right after he texted me. When we got there, it was already almost in full effect. It was crowded and we could hardly move through the crowd. But that was fine with me.

I wanted to see Phil so I texted him and he told me he was outside. I went outside and I saw him sitting with a group of other boys I didn’t know. He was drinking beer and they were passing a joint in the circle. But Phil declined the smoke and passed the joint along. But he saw me and he smiled at me. So I walked over to them.

The others tried to talk to me, not knowing that I didn’t speak. But they were too drunk to know or hear Phil explain. Except one. I would later find out his name was Zach.

Phil offered me a beer and I took it from him. I drank it down, but I didn’t like the taste so I didn’t finish it or pick up another one. Phil then asked me to come inside with him so I did. But we separated in the crowd and I couldn’t find him.

I stood with my back against the wall trying to search for his black hair but there were so many people that I couldn��t tell where anyone even was. But then Zach saw me and walked over to me. He came up and started talking to me. He asked me why I didn’t speak, which I could have laughed at the irony. But I didn’t. I instead took out my phone and typed what I wanted to say to him out and showed it to him. He read it and smiled at me.

I told him I was looking for Phil.

He told me he knew where Phil went.

So he took hold of my hand and I followed him. We walked through the crowds and down the hallway to this room. I didn’t know why we were there. But then it became clear.

He led me into the room and I tried to pull away from him. But he became too strong. I couldn’t fight him but know that I tried so hard. I used every ounce of my strength. I tried screaming but my voice from not being used in so long didn’t come out.

It hurt so bad. He hurt me so bad.

I feel so numb. I take three showers a day in hopes of undoing his touches on my body. My flesh feels burned from his fingerprints and I want to vomit when I think of him.

I’m sorry. I can’t write any more. I need to stop.

Dear Diary, November 12th

I began seeing my therapist again. It’s been over a week since I wrote that in here. I’ve spoken to Phil and I told him what happened. I thought he would see me as a slut. I thought he would call me easy because I let Zach get to me so fast.

But he reassured me that what Zach did wasn’t okay.

Up until this morning, I couldn’t even say what had happened. But now I can.

I was raped. Zach raped. He held me down and made sure I couldn’t move. He took advantage of that fact that he knew I couldn’t scream about it.

I cried to Phil when I told him and he held me. He held me in his strong arms for a moment, I knew everything was going to be okay.

I know I should tell the authorities but I’m afraid they’ll say I’m lying because both Zach and I had alcohol in our systems. So I’ve only told Phil and that’s all.

I’m going to write more about Phil now. Ever since last night when I told Phil, I’ve sensed something change between us. Especially when I fell asleep in his arms with my response to his question half written on my phone. When I woke up, he was placing gentle kisses on my forehead and cheeks. I didn’t like them at first, after feeling Zach’s kisses there. But these were different. They felt good. They felt right.

And I liked them.

I’m actually texting Phil right now and we’re talking about going out to dinner.

I’ll write about it later.

Signed,

Daniel Howell

Dear Diary, November 4th  

Phil and I kissed last night after dinner. I know I said I’d write after I got back from dinner but I was feeling too many emotions to write anything.

I’m not even sure if I want to write anything yet.

I’m too busy basking in the glow that is Phil’s kisses.

Dear Diary, November 10th

I thought for sure that I would be writing more in here than what I am but let me explain.

So in the past week, I, Daniel Howell, now have a boyfriend!

Phil asked me to be his boyfriend yesterday and I’m still freaking out! I literally cannot stop smiling and my mom keeps telling me that I’m the happiest she’s ever seen me! Phil makes me happy. Really happy.

Oh, and he’s sleeping next to me as I write this. He came over after school and we cuddled on my bed for a while until he fell asleep. I wasn’t tired though and I decided that I should write in this since I haven’t written anything in a while.

I had a nightmare about Zach last night. I dreamt that I was in bed and Phil was hovering over me. And we were kissing like we always do. But then his face morphed into Zach’s. And I saw the cold dead black eyes that bore into mine. He smiled at me, that vicious grin. And his shoved his hand down my pants.

I woke up in a cold sweat with tears rolling down my chin.

I never want to dream about Zach again.

I don’t see Zach at school. Phil told me a few days ago that he’s suspended until further notice for being caught smoking weed at the school. That didn’t shock me. His breath that night reeked of it. I could smell it every time his disgusting breath ghosted my neck.

Phil’s stirring awake now and so I shouldn’t be writing. I don’t want him to see me writing in a diary.

Signed,

Daniel Howell

Dear Diary, November 25th

I know that I need to write in this more but I needed to tell someone this!

Phil and I did something sexual last night. It wasn’t much. I gave him a hand job and he returned the favor. But it was such a big deal for me. He replaced some of my disgusting memories of Zach with new ones that made me feel good, not gross. I didn’t feel a need to shower after he touched me. I just laid with him and slept on his chest.

I know I loved Phil a lot. I know it’s so soon for me to say for sure. But I can feel it. He’s given me everything I could have wanted and more. He’s helped me get through everything that I’ve needed to.

I really do love him.

Signed,

Daniel Howell

Dear Diary, December 25th,

Holy shit, an entire month with no entries.

And I have so much to tell.

So…Phil and I had sex last night for the first time.

And I know you’re probably thinking that it was super soon after everything but I needed it and wanted it. We were laying in bed together to share our Christmas since we couldn’t spend it together today. We exchanged gifts and he got me this really cute stuffed lion and I got him a CD of his favorite band Muse. I felt bad I couldn’t afford anything else but he was happy with it. And I loved his gifts.

And then we said I love you. I actually spoke. It was hard and my voice was so distant for me to hear. I didn’t even know it was my own until I looked and saw Phil crying. He pulled me into him and told me he loved me too. And we both cried like the saps we are.

But it was a perfect moment.

We started kissing and soon Phil was kissing down my neck.

Okay, I’m getting myself worked up just thinking about it. So I’m gonna go take care of myself in the bathroom and save you guys the unnecessary porn. But just know, it was perfect.

And Phil has a massive cock.

But I didn’t tell you that.

Signed,

Daniel Howell

Dear Diary, June 25th

I’m gonna be honest. I lost this diary up until today. I placed it somewhere in my room and over time, it kept getting moved and thrown under my copious amounts of clothing and other shit in my room. But today is Phil’s graduation.

I’m about to leave for it actually.

I’m can’t wait to see him walk across the stage.

I wish he could see how happy I am for him. Oh…wait…he can. Because he’s sitting right next to me in his graduation clothes instead of being at his house getting ready.

Oh well.

Signed,

Daniel Howell

Dear Diary, June 25th

PHIL PROPOSED TO ME!

You’re all probably thinking how and what the situation is. And that I’m too young but I just turned 17 so let me live! So let me explain as I cry and stare at the beautiful ring on my finger.

We were at graduation and the ceremony was getting over with. I could see him waving at me so I waved back and he blew me a kiss so I blew him one back. Then the ceremony ended so I met up with him. We got pictures done and blah blah blah.

Fast forward and we’re at his graduation party when he suddenly stops all of the talking. And everyone is confused because what the hell is he doing? So he walks over to me and he starts telling me how much he loves me and I freaking the fuck out inside! And then he FUCKING DROPS ON ONE KNEE AND PULLS OUT A RING AND I’M LITERALLY SCREAMING. He doesn’t even have to say the words because I love him so much and he’s my prince.

I can’t stop staring at the ring. It’s seriously so beautiful.

I asked Phil how he could the permission of my parent’s since I’m under 18 and he said he didn’t ask them for permission. But hey, guess that’s okay.

Phil’s picking me up in five to spend the night together.

I’ll write later.

Signed,

Daniel Howell Lester

Dear Diary, August 30th,

I’ve never cried so hard in my life. We had to drop Phil off to college today and it was the worst experience of my entire life. I’m still crying as I think of him. The ring on my finger a reminder that we’ll  be together forever. And I’ll see him again.

I miss Phil so much already.

Dear Diary, August 27th

I know that you’re probably really confused as to why the dates are suddenly back tracking. But they’re not. This is technically two years after the last time I wrote.

Oops.

So long story short, I forgot I even had this until today. I’m packing my room up today to move in with Phil. Phil was able to sign on an apartment and we’re in together before our wedding on October 19th.

I can’t believe it’s been two years since I last wrote. So much has happened.

For one, I finally had the courage to stand up to Zach at school. He graduated a year later than he as supposed to due to being suspended so many times. I was able to scream at him and tell him how he ripped away my innocence.

He was blown away that I could finally speak.

Oh, that’s another thing.

I began seeing a speech therapist after Phil left for college. On top of my actual therapist, now I was seeing someone to help me speak. And it went really well! She taught me voice exercises and I soon learn to talk all over again.

My main reason for wanting to talk was because I want to be able to recite my vows to Phil on our wedding day. Speaking of which, Phil and I are meeting tomorrow with the bakery that is doing our cake and we’re getting our cake ordered.

How exciting is that?

Signed,

Daniel Howell

Dear Diary, October 19th

Well, I got married today. I guess I won’t have a use for this anymore. I told Phil about this diary and he asked to read it so I let him read it. He said it was cute how I used to freak out over him in the earlier entires.

So this is my last written entry.

It was fun will I remembered I had you.

Thank you diary, for giving me my voice while I didn’t have one.

Signed,

Daniel Howell Lester (Gotta get used to that!)

[psi-psina]

amber, fireside, harvest? ♥

amber - share an unpopular opinion that you may have.

johnlock is one of the greatest romances of all time EVER TOLD and that it will go forever unacknowledged and SWEPT UNDER THE RUG is a crime against my very person!!! (i’m so sorry, i’ve been very off in my own world this year bc of what…happened… and i literally can’t currently think of any unpopular opinions about anything more relevant than sherlock/asoiaf/harry potter that i may have atm ;3;)

fireside - if you had your dream wardrobe, what would it look like?

i think it would look a lot like my current wardrobe! i really like my wardrobe right now :) adequate velvet (can always have more velvet though!) and drapey black/dark things, elastic waisted things and loose dresses and skirts. i have like 16 skirts or something. i’ve been told a few times recently that i sometimes look “pre-Raphaelite” which is…goals for sure. would definitely go in for a cape, robes, and a few turtlenecks. i recently found a wine coloured cable knit wool jumper which i’ve been wearing for 3 solid months and sometimes sleeping in lol so i could tick that off the list!

harvest - what fictional character do you most identify with? Why?

oh gawdd…i’m not sure. i mean i don’t watch/read things searching for myself in the characters but probably the character that i remember feeling an immediate, resonant kinship with was esther greenwood (i read the bell jar when i was 19 or 20) even though she is not really like me as a person. i definitely identified with daria when i was younger (haven’t watched it in years). i remember i identified with erika kohut in the piano teacher in a deeply disturbing way that left me quite shaken and unable to talk to people after i watched that movie (i STILL haven’t found the book! ugh!). currently there is dom, darlene and elliot from mr robot. i id with dom so hard it’s ughh plus like…i’m in love with her.

and then there are the characters that i just RECOGNISE and love so much i would honestly die for them like jean valjean (idc how lame it is, reading les mis when i was 21 changed me as a person and i’ll never get over it ;_;), kenshin & kaoru from rurouni kenshin, vanessa from penny dreadful, sherlock and even though he’s brand new MERLIN because he’s the purest angel-boy i’ve ever laid my EYES on 😭 and oh my god fitz from the farseer trilogy etc. and ASOIAF…it was so good rereading it bc the first time i read it (i was 16-17) i strongly identified with tyrion and he was my favourite character, but reading it now was interesting because i did not identify with him the way i did then at all…bc i actually understood the central tragedy and themes of his character properly and while they are still incredibly compelling and well written they can also be incredibly alienating, due to their nature. that was probably the biggest revelation for me reading it again now that i’m older which was just…really cool lol. and i honestly don’t know which character i feel the most for in ASOIAF bc i feel so fucking much for all of them ;__;

🍋♥︎💗 lov u

[candypainted-rogertaylor]

Merry Christmas // Jack Maynard

Requested by: @dansdimpledance​

Request: As I loved that imagine so much I’m here to request one more. A Christmas one, where you decorate the tree with one of your families and eat, open your presents (you both get each other amazing things) and just lots of love and with Jack again.

Pairing: Jack Maynard x Reader

A/N: God, I’m so sorry for not being active. It’s literally nearly been a month since Christmas but I didn’t forget you! I’ve been really stressed by school recently because the first half of the school year is over in a week and since Christmas they’ve been torturing us with homework and shit. Also I have to get an important essay ready anytime soon and have been writing on it every day. Sorry again but here’s your imagine and if you want you can request more if you want. As many as you want. ♥

You’re in the kitchen cleaning the dishes when you hear keys opening the apartment door of the Maynard/Pieters/Y/N household. Heavy breathing and weighting steps are heard in the hallway. “Love, we’re home. Got a surprise!” “Coming!” , you shout over they playing music you turned on because every work is done faster with music. You finish cleaning the dishes and open the kitchen door to get wet socks because you step directly into a trace of snow that the boys probably got in with them. You made your way after the trace, into the living room. “Seriously boys, I’ve just cleaned the whole apartment and you’re not even able to take off your shoes before you-“ , you were distracted by your boyfriend Jack and his brother Conor putting up a fir-tree. “C’mon Y/N, stop complaining and be proud of us instead, we got a bloody Christmas tree”, Conor rolled his eyes playfully, knowing how stressed you were about the fact that you would celebrate Christmas with the Maynard family the next day and had to do all the food, wrapping up presents and clean and decorate the whole flat. Because since Josh was with his family in South Africa you offered to take the work from the boys mother and be in charge of everything this year. You wanted to make a good impression, their family has met you before but you’ve never cooked for them and you just wanted everything to be perfect. You went up to them, pulled your boyfriends beanie from his head and ruffled his hair slightly before you pecked his lips shortly but full of love and relief and then gave Conor a little kiss on his cheek. “You guys are the best!”, you smiled widely while Jack blushed a light red, smiling sheepishly. “I know, we are and that’s why you guys are in charge of decorating this tree. I’ll be off filming a video with Joe. Sorry, my dears.”, Conor winked at us and went out. “Well there were only two left I guess.”, Jack giggled. “What an asshole.”, I shook my head laughing, walking out of the room, Jack following me to finally take off his shoes and jacket. I came back with 3 boxes full with beautiful silver and golden stuff to decorate the tree with fitting the decoration in the flat. You put them down on the sofa that stood close to the tree when Jack came up to you. He slung his arms around your waist and pulled you closer carefully. “I didn’t say a proper Hello yet”, he said quietly in a raspy voice. “Well hello then, handsome”, you grinned, cupping his face with your left hand while your right hand rested lazily on his chest. You caressed his cheek with your thumb as he closed the gap between the two of you kissing you passionately. You kissed back immediately and melted into the kiss. Jack smiled as he felt your enjoyment and deepened the kiss before you slowly pulled away after a time. “Got some work here, aye?”, he pointed behind you to the boxes with the tree decoration. “Ugh yeah.. little compromise; I’ll go back to the kitchen because I still have to prepare something for the food tomorrow and you start with putting the lights onto the tree. When I’m ready I come back to help you decorate the rest of the tree, okay?” “Okay, princess, hurry up, because I love some hopeless romantic, decorating the Christmas tree with my amazing girlfriend for the first time.” You giggled, “I’ll do the fastest I can. Love you, idiot”, pecked his lips and went to the kitchen again. While preparing some cooking for tomorrow you heard Jack struggling which put major smiles to your face. He was too adorable. As you were finally done, you came back to the living room just in time. Jack had put the lights on and it already looked amazing. “Good job, Sexy”, you wiggled your eyebrows. “Of course”, he said confident, “where do we start?” You laughed getting a smaller box out of one of the three you placed on the sofa. You gave it to him explaining, “These are the biggest balls, hang them onto the bottom  and always switch from golden to silver and from silver to golden again. I do the top parts instead.” He nodded taking the box and you started. You talked about everything and more while decorating until Jack kept quiet after some time. You were too concentrated not to break something so you didn’t really notice until tons of tinsel flew over your head. “Suits you. Glowing even more now”, Jack laughed while you didn’t say anything, thinking about your revenge. “Fuck off, Maynard, that was a bad decision.”, you grinned evilly, storming up to him, starting to tickle his stomach. “N-no st-stop PLEASE!”, he begged between laughers, “ I c-can’t breathe!” I stopped laughing as you put some of your tinsel around his neck, over his shoulders and onto his head . “Who cares about the tree though? We look better anyway.”, you giggled, Jack getting some tinsel out of your face. “You’re the most beautiful anyway”, he pecked your lips and hung the last ball onto the tree, now only the top star was left. He gave it you. “You should do it.”, He grinned. “But I’m too small”, you laughed. “Nothing’s impossible…”, he giggled giving you a piggy back ride so you could reach the top. You put the golden star onto the tree and finally finished your first joint Christmas tree. “Wow….”, both of you gasped as you took in your work. The tree was huge and beautiful as hell. Jack stood behind you and began hugging you from behind snuggling his head into the crook of your neck. “I’m so tired”, he whined. “Let’s go to bed then.”, you whispered and so you did. -- The next day you were up quite early, leaving Jack in bed but meeting a sleepy Conor in the kitchen. “How come to the honour to be greeted by you at this time of the day?”, you laughed about the half asleep man. “I don’t even know myself. I actually wanted to help you with the food but I’m really not made for getting up before 1pm. But please tell me what to do, I need to get properly awake”, a yawn escaping his lips. You laughed, introducing you to your masterpiece of food. Conor was a better help than you would’ve thought and everything went out pretty well. Also Jack decided to join you an hour after you left him in bed alone and started setting up the table. You wanted to get everything ready because you still had to film a video for Jacks channel so you decided to bake some Christmas cookies for the video. A horrible flour fight and cleaning the kitchen again later and you had to slowly start to get ready. You were just done as the doorbell rang. “I’m going!”, you shouted since the boys weren’t ready in time as always. You opened the door to be greeted by a warm hug by Anna who you were very close to. Jack’s mum hugged you tightly after Anna let go of you and also Jack’s dad embraced you in a lovely hug. You told them to take a seat at the table and went to get the boys. As everyone was ready you started to serve the food. Everyone was impressed by your cooking skills and enjoyed the whole meal. Everyone went over to sit on the sofa and around the tree while Jack and you brought the dishes from the table over to the kitchen. “That was amazing.”, Jack whispered, kissing your forehead. “Thank you so much”, you smiled relieved about the fact that everything went out so well. “C’mon, love birds, we finally want presents!”, Anna shouted from the living room. You giggled and took Jacks hand. You sat down on Jack’s lap on the arm chair across from the tree. You watched everyone unwrap their presents, huge smiles plastered to their faces. Everything was perfect in that moment, pure happiness and love filling the room. Jack’s head rested on your shoulder until it was only his present for you and your present for him left. You stood up to get his. It was a simple red box with a cute white bow on it. You gave it to Jack as he smiled up to you, taking it. First he noticed a little note that was embattled to the bow. “For a better Vlogmas next year”, he furrowed his eyebrows not knowing what this meant when he opened the box carefully. His eyes lit up as he saw the new vlog camera in it that he’s been talking about for ages now. “Oh my god, Y/N, this is incredible! Thank you so so much!” He quickly stood up, kissed your sleeve sweetly and went over to the tree. He held up a long but slim present bag. “This is for you my love.”, he smiled sweetly as you took the bag. You pulled out a glass bottle with a parchment roll in it. It was decorated by a red bow and a not saying “ Wanderlust”. You opened the bottle and pulled the parchment out. There was a world map on it, a red point on London and a red line leading to a red cross over an island. Underneath the map was simply written “Hawaii”. Your face lit up as you realized what was going on and slung your arms around Jack immediately. “Thank you so much!” “You’ve been telling me about how bad you want travel to Hawaii for ages now.” , he laughed, little did he know that he made you the best Christmas present ever. -- Jack’s parents and sister had left and Conor had gone to bed as you guys decided to get a little fresh air on the balcony before going to sleep. As soon as you stepped outside you began to freeze. As Jack noticed he laid his jacket over your shoulders. “My little frostbite.”, he giggled kissing your nose and embracing you in his arms. You took in the beautiful skyline of London as…. “Hey, Y/N, look up..” You looked up to your eyes meeting the sight of a mistletoe. “Cheater.”, you laughed. Jack used every opportunity to snatch a kiss from you. “Well I guess tradition is tradition.”, he shrugged confidently, leaning in. “It probably is.”, you smiled, leaning in as well. “Merry Christmas”, he mumbled sweetly against your lips before kissing you passionately.