#most people have a bad relationship with religion. i get it. but we have GOT to acknowledge that and then look at the source material. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spaceumbredoggos · 5 months

Text

However fucked up Alex reveals Bill and Ford’s relationship is revealed to be in The Book Of Bill, Kenz and Bill’s is a hundred times worse.

Disclaimer: I am not glorifying abuse in any way shape or form. I myself have had nightmares similar to this despite never being sexually abused, both Bill related and otherwise. Some of these are based on personal experience (such as the nightmares), whilst others are a device used to show how fucked up shipping Bill with pretty much anyone is. Not even the Axolotl is safe in my opinion. If Bill was real, I’d guarantee he’d probably be a massive creep and with how thirsty his fankids are (and I’m calling myself out here) he’d probably use his magic to g*oom those kids like a church pastor. The thing that scares me the most about Bill being canonically real is not that he could catastrophically end the world, it’s his oversexualization in the fandom that got so bad, Alex himself had to make him unattractive. This will be along the lines of a Yandere Bill Cipher x Reader headcanons. With that being said, here’s a few content warnings:

G*ooming, Pedoph*lia, s*xual abuse and assault, physical and psychological abuse, mind control, cult-like things, psychosis, and general paranoia. I’m not saying these things actually happened, but knowing Bill’s character and his powers and history, if he was real, I’d generally be afraid for anyone in the Gravity Falls fandom. Especially minors.

This could be my most controversial post yet, and it could jeopardize any potential of getting into some colleges. This may sound like paranoid rambling, but I know that Bill is just a cartoon character. That being said, Alex like the blur the line between our world and the world of gravity falls with Bill’s character, dicing around the fact that he’s influenced history and wrote all religion on the basis of a lie. I’m not scapegoating him as “controlling global politics on a massive scale” because that would be stupid and I’ll sound like those tin foil hat rednecks that snort moonshine and burn pride flags. My heart goes out to all those who have been impacted by all forms of abuse as an abuse survivor myself. Alex, if you see this post (or any other of my posts/ read my fanfics), just know that it’s a critique on the fandom and the canon lore, and a cautionary warning to avoid lawsuits in case The Book of Bill Cipher causes mass psychosis.

As a kid (ages 7-9) I would watch Gravity Falls casually. At that age, the only thing I consumed online content wise was Skylanders and Minecraft content (Skylanders until age nine, then it was pretty much a lot of Team Crafted, Popularmmos, DanTDM, and other Minecraft YouTubers.) I didn’t invest in the Gravity Falls fandom until I was eleven (that’s when I first started writing my fanfics. The drafts are long gone because they were on school computers that were crammed with viruses due to kids installing Minecraft mods (this was just before chromebooks became mainstream. I went to a special ed middle school specifically for autistic individuals (it was pretty ableist, gonna make a post on that.) so the rules on what was allowed in school were pretty loose content wise. It didn’t have to be educational, as long as it didn’t have blood or guns. There were no safe search filters or Go Guardian (I remember one of my friends accidentally finding Iris from Pokemon black and white vore. I also found Pacifica vore.)) Before that, the February before my tenth birthday, my dad took my TV out of my room due to behavioral issues (undiagnosed autism go brrr). Around that time, there was talk in my town that the Disney channel was “rotting kids minds” with bad attitudes and crude humor (this could be said about any child’s television network (I mean, look at Nickelodeon.) but I lived in a pretty conservative area of Southern California and had a pretty conservative dad. So naturally, Disney was the scapegoat (this was way before the “woke” era of Disney.)) All of this talk of Brainrot made me stop watching the Disney channel during the peak era of gravity falls (2015 as a whole) and I didn’t watch gravity falls again until summer of 2016 when my tv was put back in my room (with intense parental controls so that I couldn’t watch my vet shows.) That’s when I had my first gravity falls dream about Bill cipher. It had to do with getting unicorn hair to protect my house from Bill Cipher. I had an interest in dreams previously due to warrior cats. It was at that moment when Gravity Falls was added to the obsession list.

As a neurodivergent eleven year old surrounded by other neurodivergent preteens and teens, we found common ground talking about Gravity Falls at school. I also would, whenever I didn’t feel the prying eyes of the grown ups or my peers would go off outside and act out my gravity falls x pokemon x warrior cats fanfiction (I’m not sure if those are signs of maladaptive daydreaming disorder or I simply had an intense imagination that would consume my body and make me want to just act out my fanfictions outside. I don’t do this anymore, mostly because of my own embarrassment and I can just write it out.) Yes, there were times where the discussion or action played out Bill Cipher being real. A lot of my “play” as I called it back then was me being kidnapped or possessed by Bill. I even wrote some really cringey fanfics involving my friends and Bill Cipher. To this day, I still involve my family in my fanfiction, but more final drafts will have their names changed. Weirdmaggeddon was a common topic, as well as Bill Cipher possession.

As time went on, I had more dreams about Bill Cipher, fueling the obsession and the fact that Bill could be real. During my middle school years, I never had a crush on Bill Cipher, despite what my friends seem to think. My parents just took it as whatever and as long as I was happy and just working towards going to a neurotypical non-sped school. My crush on Bill Cipher didn’t start until I was in high school. I remember it specifically being Valentine’s Day 2020 when I learned that I have a crush on the triangle. My dreams of Bill would only get more frequent and worse from here (involving the typical horny teenage dream that I don’t want to elaborate because I feel weird doing so (you’ll see why later on.))

Now there’s typically nothing wrong with having a cartoon crush. Given any other cartoon character that doesn’t have a canon history of influencing this world (Bill’s history of influence is vague but it still counts) I would excuse this as another silly cartoon crush like PurpleCliffe simping for Cynthia and the like. However, given that it’s in the show’s canon that Bill could be real and he crossed over to our world, do you understand what implications this could have? Bill is trillions of years old, he’s likely seen every timeline to ever exist. Meanwhile, there are whole armies of fankids who are down bad for him (including me.)

Notice how when I first started getting into Gravity Falls that I didn’t have a crush on him. How many other fankids felt the same way? It wasn’t until years of obsessing over Gravity Falls did I develop feelings for him. And of Alex says in the Book of Bill Cipher what I think he’s going to say (that Bill probably ab*sed Ford sexually with possible g*ooming involved), notice the pattern that is being presented here? Alex, if you blur the lines between fiction and reality with a villain who may or may not have canonically g*oomed and abused someone, possibly using mind control given his powers and his role as a dream demon, could it really be so far fetched that… (I’m not going to say it because it’s leaving a sour taste in my mouth, but use your imagination.)

If we take Alex’s word that Bill has crossed over to our world, then we can only assume that there are vulnerable kids and adults being… You get the picture. I’m not explicitly saying that it is happening right now, but this is problematic because revealing that Bill ab*sed Ford in that way means that Alex would probably imply that Bill is doing the same to MINORS. I may sound paranoid and this may just be a ramble, but considering the show’s canon and how mythology is filled with cases of degenerative acts from deities, this is a really fucked up situation.

It may be funny to say “haha, evil triangle man is sexy” but at the end of the day, Alex stated that Bill has crossed over into our world. For all we know, he could be taking advantage of the fact that people thirst for him, probably not in pleasant ways.

#gravity falls #bill cipher #the book of bill #ford pines #tw abuse #tw grooming #Alex Hirsch #bill cipher x reader #is bill cipher real #I may overly psychoanalyse myself for the sake of making a statement #but what if #this took me a day to write #don’t cancel me #hear me out

62 notes · View notes

watching-sam-and-dean-again · 11 months

Text

Watching a reactor on YouTube who just got to Season 4: Lazarus Rising, and I’m so annoyed by the amount of comments with people saying things like, "this is when the series REALLY starts" and "Seasons 1-3 were the prologue, now The Story begins" and "I’ve been waiting for you to meet my favorite character!"

First, I will never be able to understand Castiel being someone's legitimate favorite character. I just don’t get it. He starts off as a massive dick, becomes an ally, uses and betrays both brothers a number of times, rarely takes full responsibility for his actions, and ends up as a totally different and neutered version of himself. But this guy is your favorite!? The only reason I think a large number of fans who love him do is because he comes in the gate treating Sam like crap and he becomes a simp for Dean (or they are shippers). Also, if someone is a more casual fan, I can see enjoying Cass because he’s quirky and he mostly stands up for the Winchesters, but if someone is a big fan of the brothers, Cass makes their lives harder a lot of the time. Also, I’m coming to really hate the fact that the dude is always in a trench coat. How am I supposed to take a character seriously who is essentially like an unchanging cartoon character come to life? Anyway, despite how it might sound from my ranting, I actually do think people are allowed to love whatever character they want, but it just doesn’t compute for me personally that it’s Cass as he is on screen (not in someone’s head).

Next, the idea of people calling the first three seasons "The Prologue" to supernatural is offensive to me personally (well, not offensive but it’s dumb as hell). A prologue is used to give some important background that should be known for you to better understand the main story, but it happened before, or doesn’t quite fit into, the main narrative. I’m sorry, but the first three seasons of Supernatural are the foundation that everything builds off of, and maybe I’m splitting hairs here, but it’s not just the set up to the Real Story. The Real Story of Supernatural has always been and will always be "the epic love story of Sam and Dean," not the angel crap. Calling the basis of the whole show the prologue has an implied message that it’s not as important as, or connected to the rest of the story. Again, people are allowed to have their own opinions about what they enjoy in media, but this idea that what came before Season 4 wasn’t as important as the rest of the show is actually bad media literacy, especially when you consider how much retconning and inconsistency later seasons have (*cough* John Winchester, for exapmle). The early seasons are Supernatural at its most pure, and if you don’t like or care about Sam and Dean's story, what are you doing here?

I was going to go on by listing all of the important things that we learn about Sam and Dean's characters and relationship in the first three seasons, but honesty, I’m tired. If you’re reading my post, I’m sure you already know. True fans of the show, even if seasons 1 to 3 aren’t their favorite, know how important these seasons are. Frankly, if someone claims that they don’t matter as much as the later season, then I’m going to assume that they are probably a heller (and I’m probably right), thus their opinions on the show don’t matter.

Speaking of Hellers, they are the Jehovah’s Witnesses of fandom. They descend on your doorstep (YouTube video, blog post, etc), uninvited and unwelcome, to make you uncomfortable by forcing their literature (head-canons and subtext) on you in a vain attempt to make you convert to their twisted version of a cult religion (Destiel). Some get indoctrinated into their cult, others consider them a joke, and yet others are driven to madness by the constant hounding of the hellers. I wish they would just stay in their lane and let people come to their own conclusions about the show and the characters, but they try to gatekeep the fandom experience by jumping on anyone new and telling them how they are the "most popular ship" and that supernatural queerbaits, but Dean and Cass are still totes husbands, and there is some other guy there, too but Sam is just some jerk who isn’t as important as Wuwu Dean and their Little Meow Meow Cass. If somone actually sees and enjoys Destiel on their own, great, good for them; they’ll find the blogs and groups who love it too. Hellers don’t need to try actively recruiting people. It’s all just a numbers gone to them. We have the most fanfic (um, yes, because the show doesn’t deliver what you want), we are the most popular ship (sure, because the other main ship is brothers which squicks some people out, and because you crucify anyone who admits to being a Wincest shipper), and they tell the stupidest lies (the show shifts away from being about the brothers, and focusses more on Dean and Cass' "relationship," and Sam isn’t as important to the story later). I wish they would just stay in their own sandbox and not come pee in everyone else's. Cult like behavior in action.

Okay, deep breaths. I’m grad I got that one off of my chest, but my blog is getting very ranty. I’m going to try make sure my next post is a positive one.

Happy weekend everyone!

#anti hellers #anti destiel #supernatural #sam and dean #spn meta #Fandom BS #Castiel critical #the epic love story of Sam and Dean #thanks to the gif makers

177 notes · View notes

roll-for-gaslight · 5 months

Text

for whosoever believeth in him (shall not perish but have everlasting life)

An exploration of the two oldest Applebees siblings' relationship with religion. tw// religious trauma, child abuse, let me know if I should add anything else.

AO3 Version: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55677883/chapters/141332254

Part One: The Prophet

Part Two: The Proselyte

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

-Proverbs 3:5-6

When Kristen was having a hard day, this is the verse that came to mind most often. It was the one she fell back on when it got hard to stay awake at church, or Bucky did something to annoy her and her first instinct was to annoy him back. She was Helio’s Chosen, she knew better than to act like that. It’s not Bucky’s fault he hadn’t learned yet, he wasn’t Chosen like her, he would come to it in his own time. Instead, she would correct him gently and mend anything he broke with a Mending cantrip, one of the earliest signs of her Blessing. It’s the one she’s repeating under her breath now, as she dies in a highschool cafeteria, surrounded by the corn that should have, by all accounts, been blessed with Helio’s light and protected or healed her rather than harmed her. It’s her first set of dying words, though no one else would ever know it.

She sneaks her principal into heaven only to be sent back to the mortal plane herself. Worse than that, Helio refuses to answer the one question that’s been sitting on her mind for years: why do you let bad things happen to good people? Not only does he not have an answer, he throws her out of the afterlife when s he asks. There is a seed of doubt firmly planted in her heart by that interaction, though she supposes this isn’t the first time she felt a flutter of something like it.

"I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."

-Philippians 4:13

She supposes this could have gone better. She’s never been left home alone to babysit before, but her parents say that since he just turned nine she’s finally old enough. She’s making macaroni and cheese, with all three boys running around the dining room table. Bucky and Bricker are chasing Cork around the table because he has something she can’t quite make out in his hands, all screaming over each other. She’s just glad that when she told them it wasn’t safe to play in the kitchen they actually listened to her. She felt herself glow with pride at the thought, knowing her mom and dad would be proud of her for taking care of everyone tonight if all went well.

Then, a lot of things happen at once. There’s a crash, a scream, a thudding sound, and then all her brothers are crying. Bricker runs into the kitchen and barely stops short of crashing into her.

“KRISTENKristencomequickit’sCorkhe’shurt and—” he half-shouts, but she stops listening.

“Stay here, turn off the stove, and bring me the emergency phone!” she says immediately, shouting her instructions as she runs into the other room. When she arrives she sees Bucky first, blood all over his hands and face. It takes her a moment to remember what Bricker said and realize it isn’t his own blood, but Cork’s. She casts her eyes downward to see her youngest brother lying there, limp and colorless as blood pooled around him. There’s an action figure, one of Bucky’s, scattered into several pieces about a foot away from his hand. She approaches quickly, realizing that the blood is coming from his head, and grabs one of the napkins off of the table as she pushes Bucky out of the way.

“What happened?” she demands. Bucky looks up at her through his tears, and she realizes abruptly that she doesn’t know how to fix this.

“We were just trying to get my Adventure Man toy back! I tried to grab him and he lost his balance and his head hit the table and then he just started bleeding so fast I didn’t know what to do,” he says, and she does her best to offer him a comforting smile.

“Everything is going to be okay,” she assures him, silently begging Helio for forgiveness for bearing false witness, knowing the moment the lie passes her lips that she’ll have to repent in church for it on Sunday. He seems to relax at her words. “Go and get the black bottle with the white cap from under the bathroom sink.” she says, and he runs off. She’s left alone, for just a moment, with a slowly-dying Cork, and is faced with the helpless thought that she can’t heal him. She should have been watching him.

She begins to whisper prayers, each and every one she knows, under her breath.

Bucky and Bricker enter the room at the same time, both holding the things she instructed them to grab. She takes the hydrogen peroxide and tells Bucky to take the phone and call their parents, tell them they need to come home, but she’s not sure how to proceed after that. She feels tears prickle in her eyes as Cork’s breathing becomes shallower and shallower, and does her best to clean the wound and wrap it up despite the fact that the blood-soaked towel isn’t doing much anymore.

Just when the tears begin to fall, the moment that all hope seems lost, it happens. Her hands glow with a brilliant, burning golden light and the air fills with the scent of popcorn. Cork’s eyes fly open as the color returns to his face, and suddenly she can breathe again. She pulls her littlest brother into a tight hug, and Bucky and Bricker join them. She can faintly hear the sound of her parents as they come through the door, moments too late to be helpful but she’s grateful they’re there nonetheless. The whole world feels far away except for her brothers, right here with her.

“What happened here?” her mom asks, “Kristen, did you just heal your brother? Was he hurt, did you heal him?”

Kristen looks up from the hug and is only able to nod before her dad starts to separate the four of them. Bucky and Bricker move back when they’re told to, sent off to get cleaned up, but it takes her a few extra seconds before she can let herself let go. Her mom wraps her arms around her to guide her into the living room, and through the shock Kristen can faintly hear her calling Pastor Amelia to share the good news.

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is Sol’s will for you in Lord Helio.”

-1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Kristen’s eyes are starting to get heavy. She’s been staring upward for almost a full twenty-four hours at that point, feeling the searing heat of Sol’s light burn her face as she murmurs her prayers along with the pastor onstage. Pastor Amelia’s shift ended some time ago, so it was a man’s low southern drawl leading them now, but she can’t be sure how long it’s been. She’s ten, so it’s not her first Harvest Festival, so Helio is making her last longer than he used to before he intervenes to help her through her prayers. Her skin feels raw and blistering, and her eyes strain against the unrelenting light. She’s doing her best to make him proud.

She knows the girl beside her, who seemed so devoted when they met at the beginning, was carried out after only three hours or so. The boy in front of her passed out from the heat not long after. She had noticed that he drank all of his daily water in the first hour, but could do nothing to warn him. Bucky is on her other side, here for his first year in the Prayer and doing well. Next year they’ll be in different age groups, but she’s glad to have him here now. She’s pretty sure he’ll have to kneel soon because of how he’s shaking and sweating. Kneeling is allowed as long as they know you’re still awake. There’s a part of her that wants to kneel first so he’s not nervous, but she also knows it’s important that she remains standing as long as possible to fully connect with Helio.

She knows that probably within the hour, they’ll get an optional ten-minute break to refill their water. If Bucky can last until then, she’s pretty sure he’ll be able to make it through the next day.

He kneels, his head falling onto the ground immediately. She knows it’s technically against the rules, but she kicks him in the arm and casts one of her smallest healing spells for him. She can barely see in her peripheral vision as he glows momentarily and looks up at her. He’s still faintly murmuring prayers, so he’s not actually out yet. Kristen feels the toll the spell takes and her knees buckle, so she slowly kneels to avoid taking out those around her if she falls. She distantly notices several other kids around her kneel quickly after, as if they were all awaiting her cue as Chosen. She thinks she should maybe feel guilty for that, but she can’t quite bring care about them right now, only Bucky. He’s still sweating, but as she kneels he seems to remember his placement and raises his face to the sun yet again.

She waits anxiously for someone to say something or for Helio’s reprimand to come for breaking the rules. He sees all, so she knows it’s hopeless to think he won’t notice.

Despite that, nothing comes. When the ten-minute break arrives, Bucky turns as if to speak with her and she just hands him her water jug. “Can you fill this for me, Buck? I’m going to pray through the break. As much ice as you can crush in there, please.” she requests, and he nods.

“Yeah, Kristy, I can do that. I’ll let mom and dad know,” he responds, and she suddenly and desperately wishes for last year, when she was the only one of her siblings doing the full prayer and Bucky’s only job was to make sure she had water on breaks, free to spend most of the rest of the festival playing and enjoying the summer.

The pastor is taking a break, so anyone staying is welcome to do their own prayers. If there’s anyone else in the field, they must be really far away from her. She feels the breeze for the first time in a while, but the sun also beats down harder than before. She sends Helio her apologies, doing her best to appease him, but never feels the sweet rejuvenation of his miracles. Not until the very last second of what should have been her break, right as people return to the field. She feels all eyes on her as she realizes she must have been the only one that stayed judging by the size of the crowd. Right as she registers that information, she feels a warmth in her chest. It expands outward and the day becomes ten times brighter. She’s glowing and feels herself becoming weightless. She knows it’s Helio’s blessing at last, knew all along that forgoing her break was the perfect way to repent. It lasts a full minute before she slowly descends, and when she does she feels it.

She feels like she’s fresh off of a full night’s sleep, completely refreshed. Her braid has redone itself, she feels clean, and her skin is no longer blistering. People suddenly crowd around her on all sides, each kneeling beside her and taking a moment to look up to the sky before returning to their new formation, remaking the neat lines that had been lost before as others failed. Bucky is the last to approach and takes his place beside her, reaching out to grab her hand for one fleeting moment before pulling away again. He puts her water jug and his own between them. For a while, everything is perfect.

Seven hours later, the night brings a unique challenge, and the one that finally removes Bucky from the Prayer. It’s much cooler, a reprieve from the intense heat of the sun, but it’s also dark. At this point in the festival, that makes it too easy to fall asleep. He has the sense to kneel before he does it, but not to totally avoid colliding with Kristen. He falls across her feet, and suddenly she feels tears in her eyes. Maybe she should give up too, help him out of the crowd. She knows it would be frowned upon, and can picture the look of disappointment on her mom and dad’s faces when they see her step away. She can’t bring herself to move. Someone comes to collect Bucky, but she doesn’t see who.

She lasts until noon the next day. It’s been a full forty-eight hours, and she’s the last one standing for their entire age group. The field is empty around her. The clock strikes loudly for twelve o’clock, the time of day where Helio’s magic is the strongest, and suddenly her legs buckle and go out from beneath her. She hits the ground hard, feels the dirt and rocks scrape against her knee. The moment her head hits the ground, she loses consciousness.

Kristen wakes up alone on a cot. There’s a window open, letting fresh air and a little early morning light into the room. She checks her crystal to see it’s six in the morning, eyes aching at the light from the screen until she turns the brightness setting all the way down. She hovers over her mom’s contact for a few moments, considering texting to see where to find them, but can’t bring herself to actually do so. She closes her eyes instead to do a silent prayer for her daily spells, and it feels like a weight off her chest when she feels the holy magic fill her with warmth. Helio is proud of her. She did good.

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord Helio is giving you.”

-Exodus 20:12

“Kristen, I don’t know how many times we’re going to have to go over this. If they don’t worship Helio, they’re sinners. It doesn’t matter what they do or say because anything done outside of Sol’s light is sin.” her dad is saying, frustration coloring his tone.

Her mom nods in agreement. “If they aren’t faithful, they aren’t your friend. If you can’t depend on them to make the right choice on the most important decision, how can you trust them with anything else?”

Kristen finds herself at a loss for words. It had been Bricker who started all of this, playing with that little Goblin girl on the playground before Mac and Donna had gotten the chance to pull him away. It had been an innocent question. “But she was so nice, what could be wrong with her?” he had said. He’d also immediately accepted his parents’ simple answer: she was a non-believer. Kristen had been fighting this battle for half an hour at this point, determined to show her parents the truth of Helio’s light. This is part of being Chosen, she thinks. It’s her job to right these wrongs, even if it means standing up to her parents.

“Mom, Dad, Sol’s light touches all creatures the same. If they act with good intentions and follow the rules of scripture, they have potential to find faith. Isn’t it our job to lead them there, and let them take their own path there? It doesn’t make them bad people, just lost ones.” she says, not for the first time.

“That’s enough, Kristen,” Mac says finally, using his this-conversation-is-over voice. She winces slightly, knowing that she’s in trouble. “You need to drop this, or we’ll have to go have a talk with Pastor Amelia about you questioning Helio’s word. Is that what you want?”

Panic fills her at the thought of Pastor Amelia’s disappointed face and tone. There’s no way she would still be Helio’s Chosen if she really questioned Him and she knows it. Pastor Amelia having to step in would definitely call it to His attention. She shakes her head quickly.

“No! No, of course not. I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to question Him. I just didn’t understand, I guess,” she assures them quietly, and they seem satisfied. When she glances at her brothers, Bricker looks disappointed. She looks away.

“There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.”

-Proverbs 6:16–19

Kristen has never been more excited than her first day of highschool. She’s excited to make friends, and to fulfill Helio’s word by showing them the light. It’s the whole reason that she wanted to go to Aguefort, and it’s why she asks Daybreak to send her to detention with the bad kids. Who better to help the most lost souls in the school than the Chosen of Helio? Who better to bring them under his holy gaze?

She feels a little bad for lying, but knows that she can repent for it tonight and Helio will understand. She feels worse about asking Daybreak to lie for her, and knows she needs to apologize to him too. She’s Chosen, she should know how to act better than that.

It doesn’t matter. They don’t seem happy about her proselytizing, but they seem to like her anyway. She’s looking forward to her new group, to finally getting the chance to be the yeast that makes the whole loaf rise.

She dies instead.

“Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin."

-Leviticus 18:22

Tracker is maybe the coolest person Kristen has ever met. She’s openly queer, a werewolf, and she worships Galicaea. She grew up in the church and chose to leave it, which is scary, but it’s also really… Exciting? Thrilling? Enticing? Attractive? Kristen isn’t sure she has exactly the right word for it yet, but she knows it feels almost good.

She’s not so sure about Helio anymore. How could He not have the answers she was looking for? Not even for her, His Chosen? What did it even mean to be Chosen by Him? Did it mean anything, if she didn’t choose Him too? She’s not so sure anymore.

She hates that she hasn’t seen her brothers all week. It’s not like it is with her parents with them, they haven’t done anything wrong. She hates that her long school days have led to her avoiding her whole family. She’s had more sleepovers since school started than she has in the whole rest of her life.

She’s pretty sure she has a crush on Tracker. What would that mean for her? Would that make her gay? Or maybe bi? She hopes, for a moment, for that to be the truth but now that she’s thinking about it the thought of spending the rest of her life with a husband in a traditional marriage sounds… suffocating. Spending the rest of her life with someone fun and interesting like Tracker sounds so much better.

Maybe Helio isn’t everything. Maybe her parents are right about him, and if they are then she’s not interested. Maybe Helio holds hatred in his heart.

Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe she’ll find something new.

Maybe she’ll take a leap of faith.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

-Hebrews 11:1

She can still cast magic. She’s not sure who or how, but her leap of faith didn’t strip her of her divine magic. She can still heal her friends, and her Spirit Guardians aren’t corn-themed. The magic flowing through her is strange and new, no longer searing heat but instead a slight chill that shoots its way through her from her very core.

Every night’s a sleepover as long as she’s not living at home. Her parents haven’t even tried to get her home yet, not even a text since the other night. She’s just glad Fig and Gilear have been so nice to let Kristen move in with them. There’s no way she would have been able to leave that house if they hadn’t offered; she couldn’t imagine actually asking her friends to take care of her like this. Fig was just nice enough to offer first, so she didn’t feel as bad just accepting.

Tracker is going to be her girlfriend, she’s pretty sure. She still has to actually ask, but she’s pretty sure the feelings she’s having are reciprocal. She talks to Ragh, quietly and briefly, about being gay. He doesn’t make fun of her, which she suspected he wouldn’t. He just nods respectfully along as she speaks and gives her a little head pat before they depart, the most affection she’s seen him show anyone but Dayne.

Kristen’s decided that she’s happy with who she is. If someone has a problem with it, she doesn’t need to care. That’s how Tracker talks about it all: her queerness, her religion, her lycanthropy. There’s no reason Kristen should have to change who she is for some bullshit rules that don’t actually mean anything. Fuck anyone who says otherwise.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

-Ephesians 2:8-9

Kristen is dying again. In the gym, at prom, she is being killed by the vice principal, but it doesn’t even matter. As Helio’s Chosen she is directed straight towards the main office of Heaven when she arrives, only to find Arthur Aguefort waiting for him. Not only does he agree to come back and help her return, but he also gives her his watch to use.

Oh, and she creates a new god.

No big deal.

Okay, big deal. She hates her new god, but it’ll be okay. Maybe YES! just has to grow on her.

“For Sol so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life”

-John 3:16

The chapel makes Tracker freak out, but Kristen can’t get the image of the goddess out of her head. She was beautiful, and there was something strikingly familiar about her. She tries several times to draw her, but to no avail. She doesn’t voice her desires to her friends or even to Tracker on any kind of deeper level, but feels herself drawn to the idea of a forgotten goddess who specializes in doubt. Doubt has already gotten her this far, right?

As they venture into Sylvaire and split up to gather the ingredients, only to lose all their allies except Gilear. Oh, yeah, and Kristen almost dies again, but at least this time she saves Riz. At least this time she has the chance to do some good. She thinks that it’s worth it as long as her friends are safe.

When they make it to the chapel in the forest, their second time coming in, she’s grateful to have Fabian watching her back. The whole place seems creepy, but also strangely alluring. She wants to understand who this goddess was before she was abandoned. Why would her followers do this to her? She steps closer.

‘Why do you searching for me?’ a low, crackling voice speaks directly into her mind.

“I heard that you were the goddess of doubt, and that really resonates with me right now,” Kristen begins to say, but those aren’t the right words. She pauses for a moment to think. “I have a lot of praise for you.” she says finally.

There’s a sharp pain in her chest, accompanied by a horrible wet sound. She chokes, suddenly unable to catch her breath, and grasps for whatever hurt her only to make contact with something that feels like solid bone. She looks down and— Is that a spike?

Fabian says something and then he’s gone and it’s dark. She holds onto consciousness for as long as she can, tilting her head up to the sky and wishing, just for a moment, for the strength of a god supporting her the way Helio used to. It doesn’t come. Neither do her friends.

‘I have a lot of praise for you.’

What was she thinking?

Kristen Applebees, dying yet again with a prayer on her lips.

“‘Who’ is easy. It is us, everything, and you. ‘Why’ is harder.’Why’ is something that only you can decide. The universe doesn't have a ‘why’.”

For a while, she’s floating in nothing. She doesn’t have a sense of time or space, it’s neither light nor dark, there is no sensation. Everything is just empty for a while, and then it’s not anymore. Her eyes are already open when she comes to, face turned upward towards the ceiling.

She looks down to find a gaping hole in her chest, her tie-dye shirt soaked through with blood. She puts her hand through it to make sure it’s not an illusion, but realizes belatedly that that doesn’t mean anything in the Nightmare forest. Looking at her hand, she realizes that her pinky finger is missing too.

She slowly, carefully, wanders out of the room and into the forest. Her friends are far away, and she’s scared, and she’s pretty sure she’s still dead. That suspicion is confirmed when she’s brought face-to-face with the person she wants to see the least right now: Helio. He’s accompanied by Sol and a woman Kristen doesn’t immediately recognize.

The woman introduces herself as Galicaea, Tracker’s goddess, and Kristen can’t help but feel comforted by the thought of her girlfriend for a few moments before it all goes wrong. Are these her only options? Sol’s bullshit or Galicaea’s?

No.

She’ll make her own options. She punches Helio in the face.

Her philosophers aid her as they always have, helping her find the path away and giving her magic while she can’t rely on a deity. She knows what she needs to do.

She’s going to bring back the mystery goddess, no matter what it takes.

“The first rule of existence is as above, so below. People are fractal images of the universe. You are, as we are.”

If the first rule is as above, so below, that’s where she’ll start.

She ends up deep in the forest, and she can hear Tracker hunting her somewhere in the distance. She takes mud from the forest floor and blood from her own chest, using it to paint the goddess’s face on the bark of a wide tree. She’s no artist, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

She all but lays down, her knees folded underneath her and body pressed low, but her eyes cast up to the image. Slowly, it shifts until it shows the image of a beautiful goddess, the very one Kristen has been reaching out for.

She appears in an inky void, mountains in the distance and a deity made of starlight in front of her. They speak of finding comfort in the dark unknown and wielding doubt as a tool rather than holding it in her heart; Kristen feels something slot together like a piece has been missing from the core of her very existence and it’s finally here.

She’s pulled out of the conversation by danger looming outside of her new twilight protective circle, but Tracker is the danger. He escapes into the woods, free yet again, and finally finds her friends. She feels drawn in until she can pull the pinky finger bone out of Adaine’s pocket. She casts raise dead, there’s a sudden bright flash of light, and then it’s done.

She feels her body return to her, hears her friends’ exclamations of surprise at her sudden appearance. She can see, in the low dusk light, the purple tie-dye of her new shirt made to represent her new goddess. Cassandra. She takes her first breath.

St. Kristen Applebees is born again.

43 notes · View notes

nicosraf · 3 months

Note

Can you tell us more about the "madnese" that comes from fucking an angel or demon? Where did you get the idea from?

When I was younger and I learned about Noah's ark, they usually explained it with "oh, god killed everyone because they were all evil" and if i (or anyone) asked why everyone had turned evil, then they'd say "well people just got too greedy and went crazy". The line about the "sons of God" procreating with human women was mostly ignored in my elementary religion classes, and I obviously didn't hear about the Book of Enoch until... 5 years ago?

The Book of Enoch frames the giants (born to angels x humans) as monstrous and disastrous, so I wanted to keep that but I was still a little attached to what I was taught about humans just... going crazy. I wanted to connect the two ideas — human x angel relationships and going crazy — and I ended up here.

There were some other things that influenced the idea too.

Sodom. Genesis 19. God punishing the city for wanting to sleep with angels was more interesting to me if there was a history of the "bad things" that could occur from angels and (male!) humans having sexual relations. It provided an explanation that wasn't just homophobia.

It gave me the chance to write another story where kind/innocent love turns sour, paralleling ABM.

It just felt obvious to me. Even if it's a little over the top in A&M, I figured a typical human sleeping with an absolutely beautiful and perfect and magical creature would make the human get... a little weird. (In my first outline, the humans actually became abusive more naturally, but it wasn't having the effect I wanted). (I mean, societally, we're kind of obsessed with angels in a sexualized way (Victoria Secrets angels, for example) and warnings against sex with demons (succubi/incubi) proliferate in cultures worldwide.)

I like how uncomfortable it is too, how it's sort of disturbing to think about god making the angels that way. The sexual forbidden-ness of angels is one of the things that fascinates me the most. So, yes, here we are.

#mine #ask

31 notes · View notes

lostinvasileios · 4 months

Note

im sorry if i sound insecure or something but have you ever been in a place where you couldnt explain your relationship or practice to people that much because you dont have the words for it? like i want to tell someone about how much i love my deities but i cant really describe anything about why i do or something without feeling sort of stupid because i cant phrase it right, does that make sense? im sorry if thats hard to understand

Greetings, love bee!! ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚. Thank you for sending in your ask. 💛🌷

So, yes, actually. I have. I actually still feel that way. In my own journey, that's been a feeling I've had pretty much the entire time. My emotions always felt so much more profound than my vocabulary could keep up with. No matter how many big and beautiful words I found, they never truly could capture the essence of it and I hated that for so long when I was beginning. Having urges to share the beauty you've gone through or whatever is normal during practicing.

But… That's not a bad thing, bee. As I've come to learn, that - only makes it more special. I get it can be annoying, but you don't owe anybody an explanation to anything about your path or things relating to it.

A thing I had to learn pretty quickly (like 6-7 months into my practice) was that... Your path isn't really... Meant to be understood by anybody else other than you. I mean, this is what mine is like at least. I can't truly immerse anyone into what my life is like or has been like with my deities, because they won't be able to remember it the way I can. They can't feel the exact, or most likely even similar, emotions I did - in the way I did - because... It didn't happen for them. My deities said that to me, they showed that to me, they did this and that for/to me. Just as, their deities did that for them and they got to experience things I did not and probably won't.

Now, there are of course times where I or you will find others who can relate on certain levels, swap stories and see the similarities, and so forth. However, you two can give each other as many details as you can muster and as basically humanly possible, but - at the end of the day... That experience is yours alone. Their experience, is theirs alone.

And that's - beautiful to me, honestly.

It really helps me realize just how - unique... How truly special this all is. There are details about my practice that nobody besides me and my deities will ever understand, and though I sometimes wish to share them with others - some things are simply meant to stay with the experiencer & those involved within the experience. Some things are just either not going to be well received, well understood, well liked, ect. Some things are just - safer with you and your deities. Which is why the saying "keep the personal details to yourself" exists within witchy communities.

Another thing is that languages as a whole can be very limiting even with all the beautiful words that you can find. Grammar rules too. Me and my deities often break things like language or grammar to better communicate, because - we understand each other. The meaning behind our made up words or complex grammar style, almost like our own language. You can try to mix up your own way of telling someone about your deities and the bond you have, the knowledge you've gained and the experiences or theories you have gotten over the time you've practiced, but, it might be confusing. And more than often, if someone is confused, they can get angry. They can begin to invalidate you. Ect.

But, at the same time, you're also entitled to speak about it even if little to nobody understands it. You're allowed to be confusing and make language whatever you need it to be to get your point across and satisfy those desires to share. If you want to, nobody's really stopping you. And, you might just meet someone who can understand certain extents, or be similar to you. That in itself is kind of why we even have religion or the knowledge of deities in the first place. Because someone went out and preached it, someone brave went and documented it for others to learn.

I think I yapped a bit here, sorry about that, bee, lol. Hopefully I made some form of sense here. Enjoy your path and may no evil follow you, loveling! 🤍🤍

#witchcraft #deities #deity work #deity witch #witch advice #helpol #hellenic pagan #hellenic gods #hellenism #hellenic #hellenic polytheism #pagan witch #paganism #pagan #pagan deities #mother witch advice #beginner witch tips #beginner witch

21 notes · View notes

tallerthantale · 9 months

Text

What Does Aziraphale Actually Believe, Part 3: The Case for Ineffability

This is a series of my takes on what Aziraphale believes through the timeline of the show. It is all my personal interpretation, and I am happy to hear others. You don’t need to read them all in order, but know that I am coming from a perspective on Aziraphale’s machinations that can be difficult for people without a psychology background to follow without the first two as a primer. The quick version is that Aziraphale has a set of beliefs that exist in some form or another within his mind. However, at any given moment, only some of them exist ‘with awareness’ or as I am putting it here, conscious!Aziraphale only has access to the beliefs that the rest of his mind, veil!Aziraphale, allows him to know about. The context of the moment will determine what lives on the surface and what stays buried behind the veil, whatever arrangement best prevents a threat to Aziraphale’s sense of self and makes whatever he is inclined to do feel right.

In this post I will be mostly focusing on ineffability; its origins, its associations, and its utility. For all that we call them the ineffable husbands, I have myself and will continue to do so, ineffability belongs to Aziraphale. Crowley scoffed at Aziraphale for it for 6000 years, up until Aziraphale used it to land the final blow ending Armageddidn't. It has value, and Aziraphale brings that value to the table in his discourse with Crowley. About 3.2k words. I meant for it to be shorter, I got carried away.

Religion Without Words

At Eden, Aziraphale has probably spent some time considering Crowley's fall. Realistically I think the reason Crowley is hearing the ineffable argument for the first time at Eden is that the exposition needed to be present as Aziraphale - Crowley dialogue from the start of S1E1 for narrative reasons. However, I like taking on the headcanon that Aziraphale developed his opinions on God's ineffability as a result of Crowley's fall, as a way to try to reconcile his negative feelings about something God had done.

Aziraphale has concluded that the reason he struggles to reconcile a terrible thing happening to someone he cared for at the hands of a nominally benevolent God, is that it's all part of a grand plan he isn't supposed to be able to understand. I have never been a Christian, but from the outside this sure does look like a typical Christian rationalisation, and I believe it mostly is one. @takeme-totheworld has a lot of insightful things to say about the Christian perspective that I’d recommend reading. However, there is one bit when Aziraphale describes ineffability that stands out to me as noticeably something else.

If you are in deep in the fandom, you have probably encountered at least one of the times David Tennant has described Crowley and Aziraphale as the yin to each other’s yang. Yinyangs originated an element of ancient Chinese philosophy, and are currently a component of many different belief systems across East Asia, most prominently Confucism. However, when they get brought up by westerners, (myself included, hi, I’m the problem it’s me) it’s usually in the context of their role in Daoism.

A line from God’s narration (an the book) that sets up the thesis of the story is very Daoist coded: "most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people." This line, David’s description of their relationship, and the multiple shots in the show of the pair that are deliberately evocative of a yinyang symbol, give me the impression that the Good Omens team is deliberately working Daoist perspective into the story. The most telling bit though, is Aziraphale's description of ineffability.

Aziraphale describes God's plan as being ineffable, because "It is incapable of being put into words." Not ‘shouldn't be put into words,’ INCAPABLE of being put into words. This sounds to me like a reference to "The way that can be spoken is not the constant way," a common translation of the most iconic line of the Daodejing, understood to mean you can't describe Daoism (or the universe according to Daoism) with words. This may seem like a reach, I assure you it is not. Daoism unambiguously holds the creative commons copyright on ‘religion that is incapable of being put into words.’ It’s the only thing about Daoism that isn’t ambiguous.

However, as Aziraphale describes it, it's mixed in with the more Christian "It's not for us to understand." Daoist ineffability is about a non-sentient collection of principles of the universe that can't be communicated in words, because it just doesn't work. Christian ineffability is the supreme will of an all powerful entity that won't be communicated in words, because it’s a test of faith. The Christian approach is often to fall back onto the institutional hierarchy and do what you are told. Aziraphale looks on the surface to be following the Christian approach, but in a lot of ways he is actually taking a more Daoist approach, and that is what he will use to separate himself from the institution of heaven, without separating himself from God.

Would You Prefer an Unorganized Religion?

(This was a sarcastic sign on a church near my undergrad college many years ago, in response to a local backlash against organised religion. I found this incredibly funny, because my answer was and is an unironic, enthusiastic, YES.)

I think that for people used to organised religion with hierarchical religious authorities and formal institutions, who have experienced religion as a form of social control, it can be counter intuitive to consider the idea of a spirituality / religion that doesn't operate like that. This isn't to say that there aren't branches of Daoism that have set up structured institutional authority, but from my perspective it makes about as much sense as Prosperity Gospel Christians and Supply-Side Jesus. In any case, the anti-hierarchical flavour of Daoism is the one showing up in the subtext and it's the version that I am familiar with, so that's what I'm going to talk about.

In this world view, the full acceptance of the inability to put spirituality into words or communicate it to others doesn't function as a way to keep people in their place, it functions as the exact opposite. I can’t express the Meaning of Life in words, and neither can you. I can’t tell people how to live in accordance with The Way, AND NEITHER CAN YOU. You are literally the pope? I don’t care, you still can’t. So how does an anti-athoritarian Daoist decide how to live their life? How do you resolve it being impossible for anyone to tell you what the Daoist thing to do is? Look, if I could tell you, it wouldn’t be Daoism. The closest I can get is that it involves putting a lot of work into being at peace with yourself as you are, and being true to yourself as you are when at peace. The interaction is vitally important. Being genuinely at peace with yourself, flaws and all, gets the background mechanisms of your mind to be a lot more relaxed about allowing you to perceive clearly, and that gives you more breathing room for whimsy. Putting faith in your intuition where you aren’t at peace with yourself can fuck your shit up harder than a sideways pinapple.

Just an Angel That Likes Food

Aziraphale runs on intuition, and when he is still wrestling with his hidden conflicts behind the veil, he gets messy. When it’s about something he has made his peace with, he does rather well. Once Aziraphale realises he likes food, he doesn’t waste time agonising over it. He’s just an angel that likes food. At first he is appalled by the wine, but not after he’s tried it. Now he’s just an angel that likes wine. And cocktails with little frufru umbrellas. And music. He will go on about keeping up appearances to avoid scrutiny from Gabriel, but I really don’t think Aziraphale has any internal qualms about what it says about his existence that he likes food, tea, hot chocolate, alcohol, and music. He just likes them. He just is.*

At some point between Before the Beginning and the modern era, Aziraphale has developed the capacity to fully stop respecting what the institution of heaven says, because ineffability means no angel, archangel, Metatron, contract, permit, office, or institution can speak for God. Consider Season 1 Aziraphale having no time for The Metatron’s title; “You are the voice of God like the presidential spokesperson is the voice of the president. I actually need to speak to God.” The great plan is a bunch of words, and God plays games, so it isn’t necessarily the ineffable plan. Right after the discorporation, the angel general orders Aziraphale to prepare for war, and he's just like… nope. Bye. He prevents the war by calling Gabriel out to his face for assuming God's intentions, and Crowley only joins in after he is shocked that it worked.

Where modern Aziraphale most readily loses his internal peace is when there is a question of him being personally out of step with God, and with the hypothetical of what God would want an idealised heaven to be. Only God Herself, in all her ineffable glory, who’s will cannot be communicated in words by definition, who’s playing games with rules She won’t tell you. But then he can't ever know if he really is out of step with God? EXACTLY. If he intuitively feels like he is aligned with God, nothing the universe throws at him from the outside can ever be evidence to the contrary.

Isn't he just as bad as Gabriel then? Arguably he's worse. Gabriel admitted to himself that he didn't know God's will when called out about it. However, at least the things that intuitively feel right to Aziraphale tend not to be eradicating all life and destroying the universe, so there's that.

On an Overabundance of Optional Opinions

The solid wall modern Aziraphale has up to defend his sense of his relationship to God took time to build, and it started at Eden. As Aziraphale introduces the ineffability Concept to Crowley, the tool is still in development as far as separating himself from the institution of heaven. The scene introduces a lot of Aziraphale’s contradictory optional opinions.

He can stand by his decision to give away the flaming sword.

He can believe it's possible it was 'the wrong thing' or 'a bad thing.'

He can believe angel’s can’t do the wrong thing by definition.

He can believe Crowey is a demon now.

He can believe he has a responsibility to never do the 'wrong thing.'

He can believe what constitutes the 'wrong thing' is determined by God's will.

He can believe he is obligated as an angel to enact God’s will.

He can believe he cannot be told what God's will is.

He can believe he isn't supposed to understand God’s will.

That is a pretty messy pile of things to believe in the span of a few minutes. Some of this mess is resolved by Aziraphale simply not having contradictory beliefs in his awareness at the same time. Some of it is resolved by him finding squigly ways for the beliefs to not necessarily contradict each other exactly.

As I got into above, Aziraphale runs on intuition, that lets him have a sense of what feels right, and that gives him motivation to act without instructions. Belief follows action. He gives away the sword because it felt like the right thing to do, and now he has his reasons for that and he is invested in standing by them. Now he is worried that action could have been ‘the wrong thing’ which he is treating as a term of art for the policy position of the institution of heaven.

Aziraphale can now separate what he personally prefers from what the institution of heaven classifies as right. He prefers the universe in which he gives Adam the sword. The institution of heaven may disagree, and that would mean that Aziraphale giving Adam the sword was 'bad', but Aziraphale will still prefer the universe in which he gives Adam the sword, and can argue the point. The pro giving the sword away argument is earnest, but it also feels very defensive. If it was 'wrong,' what he prefers is wrong, and that would be 'bad' and he isn't allowed to be 'bad', he is an angel. This is a threat to his sense of self. He is panicking, and is becoming willing to grasp at straws.

In seeking reassurance, Aziraphale earnestly appreciates it when Crowley says 'you're an angel, I don't think you can do the wrong thing.' Taking that at face value is WILD, given that it is a statement made by someone who was an angel, and now isn't, because he was punished for what he did while he was an angel. While there are questions about the details of how and when turning into a demon happens that we will get to later, I think Airaphale’s current understanding of the demeaning process would include: angel commits a fall worthy act, then becomes a demon. This is how he thinks it works at the start of Uz. So as we would assume Aziraphale sees it, Crowley was an angel, did something that was ‘the wrong thing,’ and then became a demon. You would think that this would imply that it is possible for an angel to do the wrong thing.

Aziraphale’s mind has options. Either an angel definitionally can't do the wrong thing, or demons exist because angels can fall after doing the wrong thing. As long as they aren’t both in conscious!Aziraphale’s awareness at the same time, it works out. For this part of the conversation, the notion that an angel can do the wrong thing and fall for it is staying out of his conscious awareness. That lets him grab onto reassurance that he did the right thing by definition. Keeping things behind the veil is fairly normal behaviour for a mind, and if this was Aziraphale talking to another angel it would hardly be noteworthy. The wild part is managing to not have the concept of ‘demons exist because angels can fall’ in your awareness while in the midst of a conversation with a demon who fell so recently you needed to ask them what their new demon name was less than a minute ago. The incentive to believe that as an angel, he can’t do the wrong thing was very powerful. But it wasn’t enough to eliminate his doubt, guilt and shame, particularly after Adam kills the lion. That doesn’t feel right to Aziraphale, even after all his concerns about vicious animals.

An Ineffable Back Door

The real power play is ineffability. The seeds are there for Aziraphale to realise the institution doesn’t represent God if NO ONE can know God’s will, but he hasn’t fully put that together yet. “It’s not for us to understand,” is still him putting himself in his place, or it might have come out ‘it’s not for anyone to understand.’ But there is a crack in the cage destined to become an exit. Aziraphale has started thinking for himself in a way that the other angels don't, and he has come up with ways to rationalise his individual agency. He has his own opinions, and while he has trauma responses when it seems like he might get in trouble, or that a certain opinion isn't acceptable, he will act on his own where there aren't any guidelines. For now, he still tows the company line when he is given orders.

At the Flood, Aziraphale is trying to be ok with what God ostensibly decided, but he's clearly put off by it. It doesn’t feel right, but neither does disagreeing with God. He tries to focus on the positive. The rainbow will be a promise to not drown everyone again! She's just wiping out the locals... not all of them... What I want to focus on though, is that Crowley asks about the sword. Aziraphale says God didn't mention it again, Crowley says that's probably for the best. I think Aziraphale is being a bit dishonest with Crowley as God did mention it at the wall, but I think there is a degree of honesty in the fact that he doesn't seem to have been punished or reprimanded by God for it in any way. Both at Eden and at The Flood Crowley has revealed that he believes God would consider giving the sword away to have been the wrong thing. I think it's a reasonably safe headcanon that the other angels would have a similar opinion. But Aziraphale faced no consequences from God for it. I doubt Aziraphale believes he lied to God successfully. I would argue Aziraphale thinks God either approved of or was pretty indifferent to the whole sword business, and everyone else figured it wrong. However, we don't have evidence for Aziraphale thinking that way until Job, and that’s where we’re headed next.

Post 3/10

End Note 1: On Aziraphale lying to God.

Aziraphale often tells obviously pointless lies as a shame response. Consider the travel sweet, claiming to have never heard of Gabriel, ‘I don’t even like you’, ‘we don’t know each other’. As such, I don’t take his lies to God at Eden to mean he doesn’t believe in God’s omniscience. It could be that he typically believes God is omniscient, and that got stuck behind the veil in a panic, but I honestly read it more as a compulsive behaviour that’s not even engaging with the question of if his lies are believable.

End Note 2: On Aziraphale’s Character Arc.

I see Aziraphale’s journey as a very Daoist coded one, and there is good reason to set it up that way. Good Omens is largely about deconstructing black and white thinking and black and white morality. Crowley represents someone assigned into the category of being evil, behaving in a way that undermines our understanding of the concept, which lets us understand him as not actually evil, and we want him to not actually be evil. We love him for it, it’s a great story. It is also a much easier narrative to process than the mirrored version in Aziraphale, which requires us to want him to grow as a person towards a goal that isn’t being good. Now, obviously a huge chunk of what’s happening is that heaven doesn’t represent actual good, they represent fake good. The thing is, they represent fake good because the concept of good and evil is inherently flawed to begin with ON BOTH ENDS, that’s what the Good Omens narrative is pointing out.

We understand Aziraphale’s mistake at the end of Season 2 comes from him trying to fix the system instead of trying to dismantle it. I agree. His mistake was that he looked at fake idealised good, and wanted to make it real idealised good, instead of processing that there is no such thing. Crowley’s character arc deconstructs the concept of evil, Aziraphale’s character arc deconstructs the concept of good. Daoism may be the most known religion / spirituality that purposefully doesn’t push towards an idealised ‘good’. It’s not just a presumption that it isn’t realistically attainable, it straight up isn’t the objective. The goal is just to be.

#good omens #good omens meta #go meta #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #aziraphale #what does aziraphale actually believe

45 notes · View notes

friendsyoyo · 8 months

Text

gettin intuitive

psychic headcanon babble for the mother 1 crew (aka just ninten and ana) because i figure someone out there is interested

i preface this with the knowledge that MOTHER 1 has the most mentions of PSI in the narrative out of the three games (mother 3 can be semi-debated). that ALSO BEING SAID, these are children and i don’t think they have god tier abilities. this ain’t the x-men—in fact the closest kid you got to Jean Grey is 11 years old. so this is just for fun

ninten

moves-wise: i love you ninten but you suck compared to everyone else. in fact, he doesn’t like that people are much better at PSI than him (especially not some girl he just met!). maybe he goes through a phase where he tries to improve, but it’s just not in his nature (or attention span) to do so. that being said, everyone’s cooked without him thanks to his prowess in assist PSI. sure, he can’t light people on fire, but he can make sure your next frying pan swing hurts bad. the added benefit of escaping into the fourth dimension is something that makes him very unique (or in teddy's words, "a one-trick pony") and makes him brag a bit, because what is ninten if not prideful? it’s not too bad though, because it’s dorky! there’s a childish glee to it, like a kid doing a cartwheel in front of his parents. even lloyd admits it makes ninten look lame, but “he’s not one to talk” either. like ana, he does possess telepathy, but this is the one ability i hc him to surpass her in. i really do think that with given time, he could be a very strong telepath! i think of telepathy as a spectrum rather than “transmitter and receiver” because the characters do portray differing levels of what they can do; basic communication with animals being on the lower end to near omnipotence on the highest extreme. ninten is no god for sure, but based on what we see in the game and novels, he “receives” more than he “transmits,” which can lead to very disorienting conversations. it’s an added level of hyper-vigilance he must deal with, but at least it's helpful in combat and against police officers. i wouldn’t say it’s textbook telepathy angst, but more like “can you shut the fuck up right now im trying to think” when no one has uttered a word in the past 2 minutes. too much at once leads to snappy responses, unintentionally looking daggers at someone, and unbridled rage when fighting lamps. he's best left alone in times like this. he gets tuckered out easily, bc thinkin's a lot of work. world's eepiest boy after massive boss fights

ana

like i said, she ain’t jean grey. buuuut, if i had to rank the most powerful psychics in the mother series, she’d be third to kumatora + her family and giegue. she is very disciplined in everything she does, only using it in dire or noble situations like her parents taught her to. in the game, she has a very good relationship with both her parents and religion, which is unlike many headcanons i tend to see.

they were both very involved, which led to her having near perfect control at such a young age. her father would preach about the responsibility she carries (because, yknow, great power) while her mother would find the best way to not let her skills go unmanaged. she starts off with precise telekinesis, fast healing LifeUp β, and manageable telepathy, but when she’s away from home and begins to learn more intense and formidable abilities, ana feels completely lost and shocked to her core. she hates violence, especially when she must enact it herself. with each new power she awakens, she feels a sense of betrayal towards her parents, wondering if she is straying from their teachings. worst of all, she fears over reliance on them the way ninten is (teleporting like it's no ones business). therefore, ana is very psychically repressed and mentally limits herself from the use of offensive PSI outside of battle.

she eventually realizes that although she didn't choose to be born with these abilities, they are a part of her and "God's plan." as long as there is someone to protect, she finds solace in being able to use them for the greater good.

i have so much more to say but it's 2:51 am and i feel like this post is a bit too long now. remember to hit that like button and subscribe

#feel free to reply i love talking about these two #headcanons #hcs #mother 1 #earthbound beginnings #ninten #ana #nintendo

37 notes · View notes

lets-all-calm-down-a-bit · 1 year

Text

This is my full analysis of Butters and misogyny, because I just felt the need to have it out there...

Whether you headcanon Butters as queer or not, there's no denying that he is very misogynistic. Some people stop there, then just label him as a bad person, but I'd like to talk about the why.

Before we get into things, we have to remember that he is 9 years old. Some things that Butters (and the other boys) engage in may not be misogyny, but the simple petty rivalry that commonly emerges at that age between boys and girls. I do say some, because there are definitely some things Butters has said or done that can't be passed off under that label.

The first thing we need to think about is Butters home life. Even in a toxic household, kids have a deep attachment to their parents. Often times this is because the parental figure will act perfectly fine at some points, while off the hook at others. If the kid ever starts to question how they're being treated, they feel guilty because they feel like they're being ungrateful to the nice guy who takes them out for ice cream and goes on bike rides with them.

Butters has respect for his parents, even if it's not deserved. Growing up in a strict religious (christian) household myself, I can say that there are some pretty rancid ideals that you are taught from a young age under the excuse of "gods will." Religion almost becomes a scapegoat for any controversial opinion your parents have that they don't have justification for. Butters was fed this stuff all his life. I can tell you that I personally didn't learn the absurdity of these ideals until I was nearing the end of 6th grade. Butters is right at the age where every question he asks his parents is new information that must be shared with the world. Because why would his parents be wrong?

So now that we've established this kid is pretty fucked up from the get-go, let's talk about femininity. Not only is Butters most likely parroting every misogynistic thing he hears from his parent because he assumes them to be fact, but he also has the issue of subconscious negative association. His dad stamps out/ridicules any feminine thing Butters does because of his own fragile ego. This is where I see the similarities with my Brother and Father's relationship.

When we were younger, my dad would yell at him and put a stop to anything remotely feminine. That led to him having an automatic association between feminine things, and getting in trouble. As he got older, he rebelled more and was more aware of how ridiculous my dad was being. However, he still had it in the back of his mind that feminine = bad. I see the same dynamic in Butters and his parents.

So yeah, he's really fucked up. How's he going to deal with it? Well, I can tell you right now that at 9 years old it sure as hell isn't going to be healthy. Like my brother, he's got this shit bottled up. He's going to have outbursts where he acts irrational and, well, offensive. In episodes where you see Butters behaving more aggressively than usual, or having angry outbursts, he may be angry about something else, but he's inadvertently releasing pressure from that bottle of everything he's internalized. My brother went through the same thing. He feels really fucking guilty when he looks back on it.

So yeah, these are some of the thoughts I have on his character regarding internalized misogyny.

#colby rambles #sp #southpark #south park #sp butters #leopold butters stotch #butters stotch #sp butters stotch #character analysis

77 notes · View notes

anamericangirl · 4 months

Note

I've already graduated long time ago but I was wondering what is the relationship between schools and religion in your country?

I've heard about a thing in the USA called a Sunday School but I don't know how it works. Where I'm from, Poland, we have a class called ''Religion'' where we are taught Roman Catholic religion, the most prevalent religion in Poland. There would be sometimes lessons about other religions but they usually boiled down to ''Be nice to others and let's all get along.'' We would talk about other religions in history class. Ancient Greece? Greek Gods! Ottoman Empire? Islam. Poland before its Christening? (Yes, Poland ''becomes Christian'' when our ruler, prince Mieszko I, got baptized in 966. And yes ruler of the country doesn't have to be a king. We had few rulers who's never been technically crowned.) Slavic Gods!

What about kids who aren't Christian or who are but whose parents don't want them to be taught religion in school for some reason? They go to ''ethics'' class which boils down to ''Don't kill because it's a sin bad thing.'' etc.

Perfectly serviceable, right?

But even though it's not mandatory there are still people who think religion should not be in school at all. Because in their opinion there's already enough going on in school and religion class just keeps their kids in school an extra hour (In Poland classes are only 45 minutes and breaks are only 5 - 10 minutes long, with one long one, 15 minutes.).

Most people like or at least acknowledge that it's far more convenient that way.

It's not some small village where an entire school would fit in one room. How would the priest ask and grade an entire building's worth of children? (''Religion'' isn't taught by priests, nuns or catechists. (I think that's how you translate it.) We would get grades for reciting the prayers and other stuff, our notebooks and participation during class.)

But it might be because my school is religious even by Polish standards. Our Patreon is John Paul the Second. We have his bust in front of the school, almost every class has a cross and his picture. We have some pictures and drawings (made by previous students) of him in the hallways.

What do you think?

Thanks for the message! It was interesting to read about how things are done in Poland. I think for the most part it is the same here. Publics schools here can't promote or practice a particular religion, but they can teach about different religions (which mostly would occur in a history class and there wouldn't be a whole class on religion itself. That can be the case in college/university though).

However, there are private christian/catholic schools here as well and those schools can practice/promote religion and provide religious classes.

Sunday School is not an actual school that's just what we call church for children basically lol. During Sunday church services kids are usually dismissed to go to Sunday school which is just a class that takes place during church where they go over bible stories/lessons in more kid-friendly ways.

#anon #answered

13 notes · View notes

lunion · 2 months

Text

There's something that's been hurting me for the longest time that I want to vent about, though it can be lenghty. Also, spoilers for Mother 3.

The mother series have been for the longest time my favorite videogame franchise of all time. However, this last year I realized it was no longer the case. That wouldn't be a problem if iy weren't for the reason behind it: My best friend and the discussion we had.

Context time:

I had a sheltered, but otherwise unpleasant childhood. Bullied at school, difficulties on social circles, depressed mother and absent father getting a divorce, a complicated relationship with organized religion... life for kid-me was unfulfilling, underwhelming and gave me nothing to look forward for the future.

However, one of the things that kept me going was indeed, the Mother series. It stroke the perfect and necessary balance to give me hope. It's not a perfect comfort game where nothing goes wrong because it'd feel cheap like "of course these people are happy. These problems were conveniently removed from game", but neither it was a tragedy fest where every problem is real and we can never get a break from the suffering ever. The Mother series acknowledged a lot of problems like police corruption, parental abuse, loss and so forth, but in a palatable manner that made me believe that we could overcome these things.

Eventually, childhood and adolencence have passed and I found myself breaking away from organized religion to find my own faith. I stumbled here and there, but I was moving forward.

And then comes in my best friend.

He's still one of the most caring people i've ever met, but unfortunately, he has a flaw that can make it hard to deal with sometimes. A poorly repressed, yet never acknowledged contempt for spirituality and religion.

We've had some discussions about it before, but the gist of it is that he would try to say something like "you're free to follow whatever religion you want", but always with the undertone of "but you're fucking stupid AND coping for doing so"

Then comes these last 5 years.

These last god forsaken 5 years of my life were filled to the brim with struggle, solitude and pushing through a pervading feeling of aimlessness as I tell myself my goals are not for naught.

My friend group withered, I moved away back to the hometown I hate, had no one that shared my beliefs with me, I started dealing with family problems so bad I had to go back to therapy and the pandemic did not help.

Practicing one's faith alone during this time was also much harder, especially when I started questioning my own beliefs.

Last year, I visited my friend just to hang out. I don't even remember how we got to the topic of spirituality, but I know we did and he asked me to explain my faith to him again. TL;DR, I share many buddhist principles, believe in past lives and higher planes of existance.

The real challenge was trying to explain it to him in a way he wouldn't dismiss as an hallucination, delirium or otherwise.

I could not.

I left that conversation feeling absolutely stupid of ever believing in any semblance of religion or any faith.

Fast forward for a couple months later and I am playing Mother 3.

I've cleared the mother series about 6 times at this point and every couple of years I'd play them all over again because I always come out differently from the experience, given how I've changed and my different lens let me appreciate the games more and in differnt ways.

This time, something very different happened.

I was at the end of the game, during the Masked Man fight. As any Mother fan can tell, the most emotional point in the series. But here is the thing. Unlike every other time I played the game, when Hinawa appeared in that scene, I was not overcome with emotion, relief or even moved.

Instead, my only thought was "what the fuck is this doing here?"

This scene, which brought me to tears many times before and made me cherish the love shared between these characters and even between people in real life, was now making me cringe and feel disgusted.

At that moment. It felt cheap. It felt like it was 'coping', as thoughts swimmed through my head:

"Talk about wish fulfilment. Kid's so traumatized he's making up in his mind his mother is still alive."

"Why tf can't people accept that hinawa is fucking dead? She and everything she brought is GONE. No amount of wishing will ever change that in any meaningful way."

"This is stupid"

All of these things came to me during what was supposed to be one of the most beautiful scenes I've seen in fiction. One of the moments that gave me the most pain, but also the most strenght.

At that moment, I was also crying, but not because the usual reasons.

I was crying because I saw myself, couldn't recognize myself and I didn't like what I saw.

The next months were rough. A good therapist helped, though.

I learned I can't have everyone, especially those who are set in their own beliefs, to validate mine, even if they are family or best friends.

I know I was sensitive at the time for all the problems that I mentioned ealier in this post.

But I also realized that my diminished affection towards the mother games were not to do with me growing up, but due to a bad memory staining my feelings for the games. A memory that has nothing to do with the games themselves and more to do with how hurt and stupid I felt because of that discussion that I had.

I no longer feel like that, but the feeling of hurt still remains. I want to start healing from it. Putting all this experience in words is the first step.

#vent post #vent #lucas mother 3 #masked man mother 3 #mother 3 #spirituality #faith #mental health #friendship problems

10 notes · View notes

ariainstars · 25 days

Text

"The Acolyte" is Cancelled

Why the Woke Controversy is Getting Ridiculous

In all honesty, I didn’t go crazy for The Acolyte. I found it rather mediocre. But I had already read and heard so much discussion and criticism about it, both from people who hate it and from the ones who liked it, before and after the second season was cancelled, that I watched it just in order to form my own opinion.

What’s Positive

The Acolyte is a series that doesn’t thrive on fanservice. Finally new characters, new perspective, no reference to characters or events from the classic movies. It’s not a great series, but at least it's something new and fresh.

It’s not a story of Good vs. Bad. Everybody is human and fallible. And people get to step into other people’s shoes instead of simply judging them - Mae putting on Osha’s clothes, Osha putting on Qimir’s helmet etc.

“The Force does not belong to the Jedi.” (Luke Skywalker in The Last Jedi)

Yes, some in the galaxy far, far away call it The Thread. And use it their own way. Both ways might be wrong. That’s what The Acolyte is about: Osha is raised by two very different mentalities and finds both don’t suit her, so she joins Qimir who is also looking to find his own path.

The Controversy

No, the show is not perfect by a long shot, but everything I read and hear about how bad it is, how lesbians and diversity and wokeness are at the root of the problem is stupid.

1. The Acolyte is not about lesbians. The central relationships are a) between two sisters, b) a Jedi and his apprentice (father-daughter relationship) and c) a male and female former Jedi (erotic relationship? maybe? wasn’t made clear enough).

2. No one was gendered by Disney in Star Wars. Characters are heterosexual or you don’t find out if they have a sexuality at all because it doesn’t matter for the story. If Aniseya (the twin’s mother figure) and Mother Koril (the woman who bore them) are a couple, I noticed no love, partnership or erotic spark between them.

3. The two main characters of The Acolyte grow up in an all-female society, but that has nothing to do with the glorification of lesbians or hatred against men. The women distrust the Jedi because they want to take their daughters; they never say or show that they hate men. Also, the Jedi who want to take the girls include two female ones.

4. The Dathomir witches Asajj Ventres belonged to were an all-female, coven, too. Nothing new here. (In Dune we have the Bene Gesserit, also all female). No one called them a bunch of lesbians, to my knowledge.

5. The most impressive fighter and Force user in the entire show is Qimir aka the Stranger. A guy. We even got to see him naked. Yup, definitively a guy. Not a woman or anything in between.

6. I noticed nothing erotic (lesbian or otherwise) in the entire show. The only time we feel a little erotic spark is when Qimir openly flirts with Osha, i.e. a guy with a girl, and that isn’t even requited by her. Amandla Stenberg, the actress who portrays Osha and Mae, came out as non-binary, but that doesn’t mean anything in this connection because the two characters she plays aren’t (or if they are, it’s never said).

What Is Actually Behind It? The Usual Thing...

Jedi Stans

Many die-hard Star Wars fans are upset because the Jedi Knights have always been some sort of infallible superheroes to them. More recent productions show that the Jedi are actually the problem. George Lucas himself had already done that with the prequels; they weren’t as well received, but he was still the creator of the classic films, and at the time there was no social media, so the backlash wasn't as vicious as today.

Sol: “She was just a child.” The Stranger: “You brought her here.”

„The majority of my colleagues can’t imagine a galaxy without the Jedi. And I can understand why. When you’re looking up to heroes, you don’t have to face what’s right in front of you.“

„I think the Jedi are a massive system of unchecked power posing as a religion. A delusional cult that claims to control the uncontrollable. You project an image of goodness and restraint. But it’s only a matter of time before one of you snaps. And when, not if that happens, who will be strong enough to stop him?” (Senator Rayencourt to Master Vernestra)

It’s words like these, and the actions that prove them, that makes die-hard fans get out of their minds with rage. Because it’s the truth, a truth they have spent decades ignoring. Still in the classics, Obi-Wan and Yoda tried to manipulate Luke to push him to commit patricide. Ben Solo is what Luke would have become: a self-loathing patricide burning in an inner hell. And we see over and over how a Jedi is the first to draw a weapon although they are allegedly trained to fight only in defense. The Jedi have made so many mistakes and committed so many sins that I could spend hours writing about nothing else. But woe if you dare to attack the alleged heroes who can make things float and have shiny sabers and a detached, uncaring attitude (or at least, pretend to have it).

If a Star Wars show had Jedi for protagonists and these would be the infallible, all-wise superheroes hardcore fans take them for, these fans wouldn't mind one bit if these Jedi were black, Asian, female, lesbians, non-binary or anything else. They would swallow it all, hook, line and sinker.

Some YouTubers Apparently Don't Have a Life

Now Star Wars is owned by Disney, and the antis see the studios as an enemy they need to fight tooth and nails because apparently, there is no life without a fight. These fans are a much bigger problem than the studios. Thanks to social media, any idiot can easily post their unthinking, hateful opinion online and gain a following of fans who are of the exact same opinion but would never listen to another perspective, or watch the tv show in question in the first place.

This whole discourse just shows what a polarized world we live in. You don’t like something, so you „fight” against the supposed bad guys who are responsible (in this case the Disney studios).

The Acolyte had few viewers because apparently many fans watched and listened to haters online instead of watching the actual show and forming an opinion of their own. Also, it is well known that the author is a lesbian and the protagonist identifies as non-binary, so that’s enough of a reason to reject it.

How progressive. I remember learning how in feudalist Europe the nobility refused to listen to Händel or Rossini because not being of noble birth, they allegedly couldn’t be good composers.

My point is that Star Wars stans should at least give a film or a tv show a chance instead of bowing down to preconceived notions, expectations, entitlement and influencers who they probably don’t even know personally.

After The Last Jedi, there was bullying and even death threats en masse; it already started with the prequels, Ahmed Best became depressed and Jake Lloyd schizophrenic. Kelly Marie Tran and Daisy Ridley had to cancel all of their online accounts. And these are just a few examples. I wouldn’t want to produce or work on Star Wars. There is no reason to be so aggressive over a piece of media.

I don’t like the „woke” agenda either, the victimization of minorities is ridiculous and counterproductive.

But please, who hates The Acolyte should at least a) watch the series and stick to the facts and b) look at themselves first. Female heroes, black / Asian actors, queer characters are not the problem here. It’s their hero worship of the Jedi and their misguided idea of what a „true hero“ ought to be like that’s at the bottom of all of their hatred. Die-hard fans still feel personally offended because Luke Skywalker had actually taken responsibility for his faults and drank green milk; they can record hours of YT videos where they keep ranting about every single shot of The Last Jedi, never admitting that they hate it because they feel like their personal pride got a blow on purpose. They would never listen to fans who actually liked that film, and why.

Some problems, really. These alleged fans ought to get a life instead of spending years and years hating on Disney, Kathleen Kennedy etc. because Their Heroes were (shocking) taken off their pedestal and humanized.

What also gets me is how utterly entitled and ungrateful these fans are. Ever since 2015 Disney has produced plenty of good Star Wars content until now: Rogue One, Andor, The Mandalorian, The Bad Batch, the 7th season of The Clone Wars, Ahsoka, The Force Awakens, just to name a few. Most fans agree that these are good or at least solid work. But as soon as something comes out that they don’t like, they forget all about that and rave that Disney should sell the franchise to more competent authors, or that at least the current board of directors should be fired and replaced.

Really? Listen to Rachel Zegler telling everybody what she thinks of 1937 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, the film that actually laid the ground for the studio’s success and wealth, and that she’s supposed to be starring in the remake. There’s a person who ought to be sacked right away for her disrespect of the original and overall entitlement.

Star Wars Is Not Owned by the Haters

In the end, a good story is a good story because it’s well told, not because of the ideals it (apparently) wants to convey.

Star Wars, ever from the start, was not about Good vs. Evil but about the power of love. The fact that the Jedi are not the good guys but fallible though well-meaning people is what makes them interesting. It’s not the author’s fault if so many fans believe that a good story must be Good vs. Evil and that there is no alternative to that. Star Wars started out as a fairy tale, it’s not your average action movie franchise.

I would like many of the antis have to do the actual work, i.e. write and produce a Star Wars show or movie, and do better. Most of them wouldn’t get two sentences together because all they know how to do is to hate on people who actually are creative, even if the result of that creativity isn’t perfect.

So, I suggest we, the more moderate fans, take a stand. Why have we allowed the antis to hate on Disney and on Star Wars in general since The Last Jedi came out? Why are our voices not louder? Why do we always hope for something better to happen?

The studios are drowning in hatred, for all the wrong reasons. It’s a pity that the more aggressive and stupid voices are also the loudest.

I would have liked to see a second season of The Acolyte, just to see where the characters would go. So would many other fans.

Let’s speak up. As for me personally, I’m sick of getting invested in stories and then let down.

Have a nice day.

#sw #star wars #the acolyte #disney #disney studios #george lucas #the last jedi #luke sykwalker #ben solo #jedi order #yoda #wokenes #go woke go broke #the fandom menace

18 notes · View notes

unamused-boss · 9 months

Text

Boots and Trumpets

Robin Buckley x Hargrove Oc

Warning, Strong topics: homophobia, child abandonment, troubled sibling relationship, child abuse, underage drinking, Homophobic language, strong language

I will not tolerate any negativity in the comments regarding sexuality or religion!

Summary: Amelia is now facing new challenges within Hawkins. One being her having the miss her friend Tina's annual Halloween party. So to counter for what she thought would be a boring night, she stopped by a little birdie's house instead.

I are currently sitting inside your shared ride with Nancy Wheeler and Steve Harrington. I had the pleasure to have the whole back seat to myself, with my boots propped up onto the window opposite of your head. My baggy washed out jeans hanging from my ankles with my golden colored sweater tucked into my jeans with a brown belt.

“Steve, the more you complain about it and not work on it the more it’s going to suck.” I said to him after hearing him complain about his college essay for the past fifteen minutes.

“It’s not bad Steve, it just needs some rearranging.” Nancy reassured. “You just have to…” Nancy went onto this thing about how he can fix it but I truly did not care. They went onto something else about some dinner that they had to go to. Everything came to a halt when a roar of an engine stopped every word that was about to be exchanged. Both Nancy and Steve stepped out of the car to have a look at the noise while I only peered out of the window. We all saw a charged blue Camaro drive by us and parked. Our eyes still followed to see who owned it. My eyes made contact with the California plate on the back of it.

“What are the odds..” I laughed, I’m kinda happy another Cali kid is here. Maybe I can make a new friend. Two people got out of the car, a dude wearing denim on denim with curly hair styled into a mullet and a twelve year old with red hair with a skateboard. They both looked familiar. But then I saw it, it was the missing earring to my set that I had when I left in California. I thought it fell out when I was packing my bags.

“No fucking way…” I said in shock. ‘Out of every town in this country, you just had to show up here…’

“Shit.”

You gotta be fucking kidding me. Out of every damn state that those asswhips could pick. They pick my state. Indi-fucking-ana. I can’t handle this. I'm gonna throw up. I don’t have the energy to go find a new place to live. I can’t let any of them see me. I can’t live through this. This has to be some sort of nightmare. A really bad nightmare. God I didn’t change my last name either. Everyone is going to know. He’s going to figure it out and I’ll be thrown in front of a flippin bus. What am I going to do?

“Hey!” An all to perky Tina jumped up at me while I was at my locker. “How are you Amy?”

God, here it begins.

“What’s up…” My voice sounds frazzled, get it together. “I’m fine. What do you need?”

“Well as you know by now there is a new hot topic on campus.” Tina grinned.

“Yeahh.” I answered clearly to most with no enthusiasm, but not to Tina. “What does he have to do with me?”

“Well. I was hoping you could hook me up with your cousin!”

“Cousin? No he is not my cousin, we are no were near related.”

“Really?” She seemed not to believe me. “You guys just look really similar, I mean if you never took your sunglasses off I’d think you were him.” She obviously meant it as a joke. I can tell by the light giggle that she gave after making her comment.

“Well we’re not so I can’t help you there.” I stated blankly to her. “Hope you’re able to get in his pants.” I tried to end the conversation there but I was stopped.

“Hey wait!” I turned back to face Tina, who had pulled out an orange slip of paper. “Here you're invited, hope you can make it.” She said before skipping away to her next class. I looked down at the flier to see ‘ Let’s get sheet faced’ printed in bold on it. I laugh a bit at the play on words before folding it and putting it in my pocket. ‘I am skipping school today’ I made my way to the back exit of the school when a light force knocked me a few steps back.

“Oh my god! I am so sorry, that was completely my fault. Please don’t yell at me, I’m just trying to get to chem.” A familiar frantic voice called out to me. Robin Buckley.

“Robin, it’s okay.” I reassured her.

“Are you sure? Cause listen if that scary dude is related to you please don’t send him my way.” She begged.

I huffed. “I’m not related to him, Robin, don’t worry. I’m playing hooky, I’ll catch ya later… hopefully?” I say. I start walking past her to the free world from Hawkins High School

“Yeah, to-totally.” The faint voice of Robin can be heard from the closing doors.

…

Halloween Night: Friday 31, 1984

“Listen Tina, I can’t make it.” I told the bummed girl over that phone. “I’m sorry, I’ll come to the next party you throw.” I reassured her.

“But why are you flaking out on the Halloween bash! You never miss this specific party in the few years that I have known you.” That is true. Once you went to Tina’s annual halloween party you’ve never missed it. But that is changing this year. Being that your twin brother and step sister now live here, there is going to be a lot more flaking then just at the halloween party.

“Tina I told you, I’m taking Will trick or treating with his friends tonight.” You told her once again. “We can do a sleepover some time next week… okay.”

“Okay.” I heard her sigh, “I see ya around.”

“See ya later Tina.” I hung up the yellow landline. I walk over to the livingroom to see Will fixing his ghostbusters costume.

“I still can’t believe no one else dressed up this year.” Will said sadly, “Everyone dressed up last year.”

“It’s okay Will, they just think they're too cool to dress up.” I reassured the small kid. In the back you can hear Bob explaining to Johnathan how the camera works when Joyce came behind Will with his, whatever it is, backpack for his costume.

“Listen, stay close to your brother and Amy, and you get a bad feeling just tell them so you can come straight home.” Joyce told him. “You promise.” Will gave her a thumbs up. “Okay.”

“You ready to rock and roll, Will the wise.” I smiled down at him.

“Be safe.” Joyce shouted out to us, mainly to Will. We all got into the car. Jonathan driving, Will in the passenger seat, and with me in the back. We start to make our way over to Mike’s neighborhood.

“I just don’t get what she sees in him.” Jonathan says all of a sudden.

“What?” Will answered in utter confusion.

“Bob.”

“At least he doesn’t treat me differently.” Will said. “I can’t even go trick or treating by myself. It’s lame.”

“What, you think me and Johnathan are lame?” I said, trying to lighten his mood.

“No, but it’s not like Nancy is coming to watch over Mike. You know?” Jonathan just sighs. He looks at me from the mirror. I give him the same look. We both feel bad for the kid, but what are we gonna do? I don’t want anything to happen to Will. Sooner than later we are at Mike’s front yard. Will makes his way to get out till Johnathan stops him.

“Hey.” Jonathan says to Will.

“Yeah.” He answers.

“If I let you go by yourself, will you promise to stay in the neighborhood.” Johnathan suggested.

“Yeah.” Will’s mood brightened up. “Yeah-Yeah, totally.”

“And be back at Mike’s by 9:00.” Jonathan told him.

“9:30?” Will tried to persuade him. “9:00.” Jonathan said again.”Deal?” “Yeah deal.” Will rushes out of the car to go to his friends.

“Will.” Jonathan stops him from leaving the car to hand him the camera. “Don’t let any of your spazzy friends touch this.” Will laughed and took the camera to go over to his friends.

“You’re a good brother John.” I smiled at him. “I’ll see ya later.” As is tried to get out of the car but Jonathan stopped me.

“Wait where are you going?”

“I don't know, I’ll probably walk around the neighborhood.” I said. “I got a friend down that street.”

“You’re really not going to Tina’s party?” He was bewildered by this.

“Yeah John, I’m really not going.”

“But you love Tina’s parties.” He simply stated.

“Well I’m not feeling it this year.” I told him.

“Bullshit.” He called. “Why aren’t you going?”

“I just don’t want to go.” I’m sticking to this. “I have someone I can hang out with, plus I’ll be close to Will if something happens.” John and I just stare at each other for a minute.

“Okay.” He sighed. “But if Nancy gets upset that you’re not there, I’m not taking the heat.”

“Okay.” I smiled at him as I got out of the car. I walked my way over to where the boys were messing around as John left for Tina's party. “Okay turd-nuggets.” I begin.

“Really, what are you twelve?” Mike sassed.

“And are you a lollipop with that stick up your ass?” I sassed back to him, I start back up were I was interrupted. “I will be down that street with a friend, I will be back her at 8:45 to make sure you guys are fine. Okay?”

A chorus of “Okay’s” filled the air.

“Great! See you shit-heads later.” I walk off a familiar bird’s house. I walk up the stairs to the front door and give it a quick knock. I wait until the door opens.

“Amelia?” Robin says confused. “What are you doing here?”

“ I was hoping we could hang out for a bit.” I suggested. “Is that okay?”

“Oh! It’s completely fine!” She exclaimed, “I just thought you'd be at some party.”

“I didn’t feel like partying tonight, ya know.” I made my way into her house.

…

Tina’s Halloween Party: Friday 31, 1984

The party was in full swing. TP covering the lights of every room. Alcohol filling the mouths and noses of every teenager on the property. Music blasting as loud as physically possible. Someone throwing up in the front yard. The smell of weed coming from the master bedroom with each new blunt that was lit. The sound of a name being chanted in the backyard. A keg stand can be seen with an all too familiar blonde on top, like always.

“Billy! Billy! Billy! Billy! Billy! Billy! Billy! Billy! Billy! Billy!” Is chanting through the crowd as the new keg king came down from his stand. Spitting out that remaining beer from his mouth.

“That’s how you do it Hawkins! That’s how you do it!” Billy yelled. The statement “We have a new keg king, ladies and gentleman!” Being shouted along as Billy made his way into the house. His senses are filled with the atmosphere of the room. Till he sees a certain fallen king with his princess.

“Got ourselves a new keg king Harrington.” Tommy boasted.

“Yeah, eat it Harrington!” Steve looked onto the, now new, keg king. Waiting for something to happen.

“What’s wrong Harrington? Your little dyke is not here to save you.” Tommy fake whined to him. As a way to taunt him. Tommy was about to keep laughing when he felt beer splash over his shoulder. “What the? What the hell Tina?!”

“Don’t call her that!” Tina shouted at him “If she was here she’d leave you crying.”, too drunk to keep dealing with him but still wanting to defend her friend. Nancy, now done with the testerone in front of her, quickly left to get something stronger to drink. Tommy is now pissed that he is covered in pungent drink.

“Go worry about yourself before you come at me guys.” Was all Steve said then walking away from the other teenage boys. Staring off at the brunette as he went after his girlfriend.

Billy turned himself around to face Tommy. “How were you talking about that got Tina mad?” He asked, genuinely curious about the lesbian that was not present tonight at the party of the semester.

“Oh. Just some lesbo that hangs with Harrington.” Tommy retorted, making it seem like she isn’t worth Billy’s time. “She can be a fucking asshole.”

…

Laughter filled the Buckley house this Halloween. The two girls conversed with one another for the past few hours. Being comfortable with one another knowing how the other truly is.

“Wait.” Robin kept laughing. “You got caught kissing Heather Halloway from her bedroom window then proceeded to fall from the second story?!”

“Yeaah, I’m not welcomed over at the Holloway house any more.” I giggled.

“Jeez, you’ve done more than I thought.” Robin smiled. “I’m still scared to change in the girls locker room.”

“Hey I’m the town lesbo.” I calmly giggled.

We fell into comfortable silence, “Hey, I wanna ask you something?” Robin asked.

“Sure.” I said, waiting for her question.

“What was California like?” I sat silent for a second. Due to my silence Robin thought she had hit a nerve. “If you don’t want to talk about it you don’t have to!”

“It’s okay, I just haven't talked with anyone about California.” I reassured her. “ It was like a constant sunset everyday…” I started.

“The weather was always perfect. And the beaches, oh my god the beaches. They were always clear. I lived in Santa Monica, very touristy but beautiful.” I was happy I could finally talk about my home again. “Ugh that sand was so soft under your toes when you walked. And there was this boardwalk that my mom took me and my brother to all that time-”

“You have a brother?” Robin asked curiously.I stopped. ‘No I messed up’.

“Yeah.” I frowned.

“Do- Do you miss him?” Robin asked.

“Everyday… but I hope he’s living the California dream as you guys would say.” I covered my truth with a lie. Not wanting her to know that my brother is here in Hawkins.

“Well from how to describe California, it sounds beautiful.” She reassured me.

I stared back at her with a smile. “Thanks Robin.” Silence filled the room again. Comfortable silence. I liked being around Robin, even with her nervous attitude, she was truly one of a kind. I was about to say something when I glanced at the clock of the wall to find it was close to the time I told the boys I would meet them.

“I gotta go.” I sighed disappointedly, “But I’d love to spend more time together.” I am hoping her answer is a yes.

“Yeah, I would love that! Well not like love-love, but do love being around you. Not in like a couple ways cause that would be weird since we’re just friends. Yaaa know.” She panicked.

“I know Rob.” I smirked, “I’ll see you at school later.”

As we said our goodbyes, I made my way down the street to see the boys. I saw the familiar ghostbuster’s suits from where I was. I could tell that they picked someone up along the way to go trick or treating with. ‘How cute, they made a new friend’. There were two stragglers in the back of the group, by the hair cuts I could tell that it was Mike and Will. I did a small jog over to them.

“Hey shit-heads!” I yelled to them, all their heads slowly turning to me as I made my way over to them. “Did you guys get anything good?”

“What Amy, why are you here?” Mike complained.

“Cause it is close to 9:00 and I want to check on you guys, is that so bad?”

“Yes.” He answered.

“Okay you know what, you're a little shit.” I said to him, “Besides who’s your new?... friend…”

Fuck.

It appears that we have the same looks on our faces. I stared at Max. She stared back at me.

“Shit…” I accidently said out loud.

“Do you know Max, Amy?” Lucas asked me.

I took a deep breath in. “No.” I said simply. “Listen, hit up a few more houses, I’ll come get you in a minute.”

“Where are you-” Dustin started.

“I need a minute guys!” I shouted at them, walking over to Mike’s front yard. Dammit, why. Why! The last person I want to see is with the kids I watch. Shit. This is bad. She can’t tell Niel. No, she can’t tell Billy. Would they even believe her if she told them? Shit, what do I do? I was taken out of my head when a very upset Mike walked by me. I was about to ask him if he was okay when I heard a commotion in the street. I look over to see Will being picked on by some older boys.

“Hey! What the hell are you doing!” I shout at them as I run over to them. “Get back here you fuck heads!” They ran away the minute I had my eyes set on them. Will was pushed to the ground, dropping his candy and camera. I kneel down to him, “Hey Will, are you okay?” I calmly asked him. “Did they hurt you?” I kept asking. Will was not responding what so ever. He just kept looking up at the sky, like something was looking at him. “Will?... Will!” He started to get up slowly, still not answering me. He started to move slowly. Till he ran straight to the back of Mike’s house. “Will!” I shouted after him, grabbing his candy and camera. The other apparently heard me since I heard multiple pairs of feet behind me. I made my way down some brick stairs to find Mike with Will hiding behind a wall.

“Will! I couldn’t find you.” Mike panicked with worry. “I heard Amy shouting then I couldn’t find you, are you hurt?” Due to Will’s heavy breathing I could tell what was up.

“Holy shit!” Dustin yelled.

I kneeled down to his level looking him in the eyes. “Did you have another episode Will?” He was still looking around like a scared cat. “I’m gonna get you home, okay buddy.” Mike made his way to help Will up. When others tried to help he called them off. Blocking off the rest of us to take Will with him.

“Mike?” Dustin tried.

“Keep trick or treating, I’m bored anyways.” He started taking Will with him.

“What’s wrong with him?” Max asked, looking to us for an answer. The boys and I were silent, nothing to say.

“It’s something you don’t have to worry about.” I told her. “Dustin, Lucas go up there for a minute. I need to talk with her.”

“What! Why?” They both started to complain.

“I don’t want to hear it. Go!” I hardly ever get stern with them, but when I do I hope they know I mean what I say. They both, begrudgingly, made their way up the stairs. I turn myself back to Max.

“Max.”

“Amelia.”

“I go by Amy now…” Well this is awkward.

“What did you want?” She asked me, quit literally over me already.

“You can’t tell Billy I’m here or anyone.” I told her.

“What? Why not?” She was baffled. “Do you not know how much Billy misses you?”

“No Max I don’t, because I’ve been here for the past 4 years.” I stated. “Just please don’t tell him, and don’t tell anyone that we’re related. Got that.”

“Yes.”

“Good. As far as me and you go, we just met. Okay?”

“Okay.” She said a bit quietly. “Now let’s get you back up there with your friends so you can enjoy the rest of the night.” I take her back up to Dustin and Lucas. And since Johnathan isn’t here by 9:00, looks like I’m stuck here.

Jeez, the next month is gonna be a shit show. Max knows I’m here now. Johnathan is nowhere in sight. On top of that my twin brother is here too. Hopefully this can’t get any worse than it already is.

Man. I was so wrong about that…

Hello! I hope you enjoyed this part of the story! Also so sorry for my absents, I know you guys are wanting fics/stories. All I ask is that you be patient with me, thank you. If you have any kind of feed back I would love to hear it. And please tell me what you think of Robin and Amelia's interactions together.

I always love good feedback!

Thank you for reading and have a great Christmas!

@meowiemari

@b1tchy3lf

25 notes · View notes