#(and then still asked for forgiveness and for me to rethink whether we want to end this after telling me 473626x he wanted to end it)

[taegularities]

some men are textbook villains fr

[marvel-trash-bin]

Taking Risks.

(Not my Gif.)

Summary: Zemo gives you what he thinks you deserve. *Some TFATWS Ep. 3 Spoilers.*

Pairing: Zemo x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Smut for days baby. Dirty Talking, Possession, marking, Soft!Dom Zemo. 18+ Only.

Word Count: 4.2K

Tags: @greeneyedblondie44

A/N: Look we all know we're walking dangerous territory, simping for a war criminal. But Sugar Daddy Zemo got me feeling some type of way and also, Daniel Brüle is hot asf. Also, I don't actually know german so pls if it's off just blame google translate, I just have an insatiable language kink and I needed the pet names more than air itself. I thought about making this a chaptered fic, but I barely had the time to write this, never mind chapters of it before he likely fucks over Sam and Bucky next episode. Anyways, enjoy!

Here’s the thing.

You knew he was dangerous. You knew his past, the EKO Scorpion kill squad and everything with the Avengers, manipulating them and breaking them up from the inside. He was smart, unpredictable. You knew there was a very real potential that you could be hurt - or worse - if you went down the road.

And maybe, in a past life that would’ve been enough to stop you. But you weren’t who you used to be. You liked playing with fire now, inviting danger and chaos rather than straying from it. You had lived in - hid in, was more accurate - Madripoor for a handful of years now. You laid low, kept yourself under the radar of the Power Broker and those who worked for him. This way, no one bothered you and you could live fragments of a normal life, Trading and bartering to make a living. But living this way, like forgotten trash on a sidewalk, got old.

Maybe that’s why when you caught his attention, you didn’t shy away from it.

It had happened so fast. You were dancing, just intoxicated enough that the rubbing of strangers' bodies against yours was not just welcomed, but encouraged. So encouraged that when a new body, tall and firm behind you, took the place of another, you didn’t hesitate to back up into the warmth. His hands gripped your hips tightly, not stopping or guiding you, just resting. Turning your head slightly to see what your new dance partner looked like, you startled a little seeing the Baron.

Helmut chuckled, a low sound you felt rather than heard, and ducked his head down to speak into your ear, “You know who I am.”

You let your body relax back into his, feeling reckless enough to bless the menacing man with your flirtations, your head falling back onto his, “I’ve heard a thing or two.”

“And yet you trust me to hold you like this,” his hands flex on your hips, just hard enough to show the strength they hold, “Like a lover.”

You grab one of his hands, leading it down to your upper thigh where your knife holster sits, never once letting his hand leave your body.

“If I didn’t want you touching me, you’d know it, Baron.”

The gust of breath you felt against the side of your neck and the large hand gripping your thigh had shivers rolling pleasantly down your spine.

“You are far too beautiful to reside in these undergrounds,” he spun you around in his grasp, allowing you to get a good look at his face, “A woman like yourself should be treated with the most expensive riches, the finest wines. She should drain a man of his earnings.”

You laughed, not expecting the words that came from his mouth nor how handsome he was, even this close, “Point me to the man who’s willing.”

He smirked at you, but there was a smugness to it. A glimmer in his eye that suggested he had the riches and the desire to give you anything you wanted. You felt like you were drowning in his gaze, lost as you were under the heat of it. He looked somewhere behind you, pulling his eyes from you to nod once at whatever, or whoever, had stolen his attention from you. When they returned to you, the heat and desire were replaced with determination.

“It is with great regret that I must leave you, for now,” He captured your hand, bringing it up to his lips, the softness of them brushing lightly against your knuckles, “I can get you out of Madripoor, give you a life you deserve. If you meet me tomorrow morning, the airstrip.”

The world felt like it froze around you. The rational part of your brain was screaming at you. You couldn’t trust him. You Shouldn’t trust him. But as you stared into his eyes you saw nothing but honesty.

“And if I don’t?” You ask, just to buy yourself some time.

His hand travels up your arm, taking your chin between his thumb and pointer finger securely, “I will not pressure you. I’d leave you be, but the ghost of you would haunt me, schatzi.”

And with that, he was gone. Leaving you with nothing more than your thoughts, mentally preparing how quickly you could pack your things and leaving Madripoor behind. After all, you’ve always loved taking risks.

~

The next few weeks were a blur. Zemo was laying low, but his form of laying low was still luxury to you. It was private jets and upscale accommodations, not to mention that he was a man of his word. He spoiled you. Within three days of being in his presence, you had acquired a whole new wardrobe. Your suitcases - also new - were filled to the brim with the fanciest and latest fashion. You had rare jewels on nearly every piece of jewelry you owned. Maybe spoiled was an understatement. You’ve only dreamed of owning riches like these.

He had picked something particular for you to wear tonight, both of you making an appearance at some sort of party with some higher-ups. It was all laid out on the king-sized bed, a little black dress of sorts. It was short and sheer in its long sleeves, the sparkles in the fabric ensured that you would shimmer under any lighting. With a simple clutch, matching jewelry and a cropped, white fur jacket to keep you warm until you got to your destination. You looked good. You felt good.

He looked just as good. Sporting an outfit similar to the one you had met him in, instead choosing a dark red turtleneck to create a stunning relation between both your outfits. Nothing had happened between the two of you yet. Aside from lingering glances and innocent touches, he had been a gentleman. The chemistry was there, for sure. You were able to joke and talk with the man, matching his wit and charm every step of the way. And he loved it.

“Best behaviour tonight, schatzi.” He had said, low in your ear as you walked towards the venue.

You had smiled back at him, the perfect picture of innocence, “Always, Baron.”

And at the time, you had fully meant it. But you found yourself craving him. He looked too good, it honestly wasn’t fair. The way that ridiculous fur jacket draped over his shoulders, fostering a powerful ambience. And you knew he was faring no better himself if by the way his eyes were glued to your curves was anything to go by.

So, you decided, maybe you shouldn’t be on your best behaviour tonight. It’s not like you were making a scene or anything that would call too much attention. You were simply letting the alcohol take over your body. Whether that meant a hand on his thigh as you listened to the conversations around you, your fingers playing with the short hairs at the back of his neck or dancing a little too scandalously when you knew he was watching. You felt confident. And when you felt confident, you felt dangerous.

By the end of the night, you were teasing yourself just as much as you were him. You were pushing your luck, hands trailing a little too close to the bulge in his slacks, enjoying the way his facial features changed briefly in shock before settling back into that infuriating unmovable stoic impression. The last straw was you bending in front of him, having ‘dropped’ something from your purse. You only had to bend so much before the dress, as short as it was, had ridden up just enough for him to catch a glimpse of your panties.

In an instant, he had you standing upright, thanking whoever he had been talking to for a wonderful night, tugging your dress back down to a respectable length and steering you towards the door by the back of your neck.

“That was not best behaviour,” he growled into your ear.

You giggled, despite the tight grip on your neck, “I was just having fun.”

He had done nothing but stare at you, eyes hard with a warning that had you rethinking your actions. You had forgotten, for a moment, that this man was not just someone to give you all the pretty trinkets you wore. He was a mastermind, a criminal mastermind at that. A man most deemed dangerous enough to be locked away.

“You have been bad tonight, kleine Schlampe.” He said once he had gotten you back to his car, away from the prying eyes and ears of the party guests, “You will spend the trip back thinking of ways to make it up to me.”

The words sent heat through your core, and you did exactly as he said.

~

By the time he had gotten you up to your accommodations, you had thought of thousands of different scenarios that could earn you forgiveness for your recklessness. You were uncertain if his words earlier had implied sexual favours, or if a simple, genuine apology was all he was looking for. However, once he had turned to you, the room door closing behind him and his eyebrows raised expectantly, you fell to your knees in front of him like it was second nature.

He chuckles darkly at you as he peels his gloves off, tossing them gently onto a side table nearby before letting one hand brush away the hair that had fallen in your face.

“Seems you are meine kleine schlampe indeed,” You had no idea what it meant, but fuck it sounded good coming from him. His eyes were hard and dark as he stared down at you, “If this is the path you’ve chosen to apologize, so be it. But not here, you are meine schlampe not a common whore. Get up. Go to the bedroom.”

You did as he said, quickly pulling yourself up to a standing position and walking to the designated room. The bed, so far, had only been used by you. He hadn’t wanted to push or pressure you into sharing a space with him. He understood that just because you decided to join him, didn’t mean you wanted to be with him. But tonight, you had decided, you wanted to give him your everything. You wanted to show him how grateful you were for all the gifts he’d given you so far. And if you couldn’t give him luxuries, you would give him your desire.

“So,” he began, nodding in approval at the way you resume your position on the floor in front of him, “Let’s begin with the basics.” As he talked, he rolled up his sleeves, doing so with precision, “Tell me, what exactly are you apologizing for?”

He commands every drop of your attention. There’s an aura to him that you had only previously caught a glimpse of. His eyes dark and locked onto yours, never once wavering. Waiting. Calculating.

“For teasing you.”

“And?”

You take a breath, shame flooding your core at the answer that sits on your tongue.

“For embarrassing you.”

There’s a pause. He cocks his head, gaze softening just a tad. He's quiet for several moments, analyzing your words. Your heart starts to beat a little faster at the extended silence, thinking you’ve done something wrong and you can’t keep up the eye contact. You duck your head, averting your gaze to his feet.

“Look at me, schatzi.” His voice is soft, but still with enough edge to make you listen.

Only once your eyes meet his again does he continue.

“That’s very sweet of you, to be concerned about my image. But make no mistake,” He steps closer to you, letting one hand cup your jaw, tilting it upwards. His thumb brushes against your bottom lip, “You could never embarrass me,”

You dip your head, nipping softly at his thumb. He smiles softly at you, something glimmering in his eye, “I simply just don’t like to share what’s mine.”

Your breath leaves your body at his words and suddenly the need for him to claim you had you nearly vibrating in your skin. You watch, every muscle in your body clenched tightly, as he walks slowly over to the armchair in the corner, never once taking his eyes off you. He sits, legs parted, one arm draped off the side, the other rested so he could prop his head up.

“Proceed.”

Instantly, you make your way over to him. Once in front of him, you stand up on your knees, placing your hands on his knees and slowly sliding them up his thighs. They continue its upward motion, skimming lighting over the hardness in his pants and reaching to start on his belt. You make quick work of his belt and buttons, eagerly working his pants and briefs down. He chuckles above you.

“Mein Schatz, so eager to apologize.” He purrs, almost mockingly, hand coming down to brush the fallen hair away from your face.

Once you had him free, you took a second to admire him. Your legs clenched at the size of him. Not terribly big, but big enough to anticipate the stretch, the fullness. Your eyes flicked back up, looking up at his through your lashes, leaning in but stopping just before you could actually get your mouth on him. The hand that was previously fixing your hair was now clenched in it, messing it up again and forcing your head back suddenly to look at him properly.

“It would not be wise to tease me more than you have,” he warned.

A smirk spread across your features and you quickly realized how much you liked him like this.

Powerful.

Strict.

However, you knew you were on thin ice already. With that in mind, as soon as his grip loosened you licked a wide stripe up his length, swirling your tongue around the tip before taking him fully into your mouth. The tension his body held melted the second your tongue touched him. His mouth dropping on a soft groan. His hand stroked your hair as you sucked, encouraging the bobs of your head, not forcing but guiding. You keep your eyes trained on his face, not wanting to miss a second of experiencing him like this.

He glows in the low lamplight of the room, the shadows playing across his features delicately. You like him like this too. Reduced to a heap of gasps and moans beneath the heat of your mouth. As you suck, your hands wander, up under the fabric of his shirt, nails dragging down his sides. He hisses at the pain, but doesn’t tell you to stop.

After a few minutes of your slow torture, he decides he’s had enough. His hand tightens in your hair, his movements becoming less gentle and more demanding.

“That’s a good girl, take it all for me.”

You do as he asks, taking a breath before taking him as deep as you can. He groans at the feeling, hips shifting a few times to test you before beginning to thrust in and out of your mouth. Your jaw aches, but his eyes are on you and his thumb is tracing your bottom lip that’s stretched wide around his cock and you think for a second that you could spend eternity like this.

It’s not much longer before he pulls you off his cock, hand wrapping around his base tightly, “Apologies, schatzi. I am out of practice, and I fear I'm not quite finished with you yet.”

You laugh softly, voice rough due to your previous activity, “That’s okay, I don’t mind.” You insist, more than happy to let him finish like this. Whatever he wants.

He stops you before you can dip down again, standing up and taking you with him. For the first time, his lips are on yours. He overwhelms all your senses. His breath loud in your ears, his hands on your waist, his scent. His tongue slides against yours as he walks you forward, shedding his lower clothing as he goes. He only parts to give you an order.

“Turn around.”

As you do, he finishes undressing and it kills you that can’t see him. Just as quickly as the thought crosses your mind, it’s gone as you feel his hands at the top of your dress. He slides the zipper down, letting the fabric fall off your shoulders. You take the liberty of helping the sleeves the rest of the way down, the fabric falling down around your heels once you’ve done so. He hums behind you.

“Such beauty,” he whispers against your shoulder. His hands begin to wander, around your waist, up underneath the fabric of your bra, down to your thighs and ass. He chuckles, dragging your panties down enough that they too fall, forgotten at your feet, “I can hardly stay mad at you, liebling.”

Your head falls back onto his shoulders as he works your bra off next. You shiver, feeling bare and exposed before him. You want him more than you can express and you let your whole body fall back into his embrace, whimpering at the feeling of him, hard against the swell of your ass.

“Helmut,” you moan, one of your hands finding purchase in his hair as the other rests on one of his forearms.

“Tell me you’re mine, Schatzi. And I’ll give you anything you want.”

“I’m yours,” you say without hesitation, breathless as his hand dips between your legs, finding your clit. He hums, pleased at the arousal he finds there, “I’m yours. Only yours.”

He growls pulling his hand away from, “Lay back on the bed. I’ll be right back.”

You do as he says, positioning yourself in the middle of the bed. While you wait, you let your mind wander, listening to his rummaging somewhere in another room while your mind runs through everything you want him to do to you. At some point, your eyes must close because when you feel the bed dip, they open to see him crawling between your legs.

He’s done messing around, wasting no time before his face is buried between your thighs, hands maneuvering your legs so that they’re thrown over his shoulders, your heels crossing sweetly behind his head, no doubt scratching at his shoulders. Your breath leaves your body at the feeling of his tongue, warm and wet and fan-fucking-tastic. He alternates between dipping it in and out of your heat and flicking it against your clit. Your hand finds his hair, gripping it between your fingers and guiding his movements ever so slightly. His eyes don’t leave yours, spare for the few times he closes them to moan against you.

One of his hands move, leaving its place at your hip to sink two fingers into you. Your head falls back on a moan, back arching up when he crooks his fingers and finds your g-spot.

“Fuck,” you gasp, one hand gripping the pillow behind your head as you feel your orgasm rush towards you, “Fuck- Wait, I-”

You can’t even feel embarrassed about how easily your body has reacted to him. Before you can warn him much more, you're falling over the edge. Your thighs tensing around his head, back arching in pleasure as you ride out your high. In this moment you belong completely to him, unable to think of anything else.

“So sweet for me, liebling.” He comments, hands rubbing up and down your calves as you come down, taking a moment to unfasten your heels, letting the shoes drop to the floor before leaning back in. His lips brush against your inner thigh.

Then a bite.

“Such pretty sounds you make for me.”

And then he’s sucking harshly at the skin there, watching the shudder that rips through your sensitive body at the sensation. He doesn’t pull away until the mark is dark and flush against your skin. He continues this on the other thigh, on your ribs, your breasts and finally your neck, marking you thoroughly.

“Mine.” He growls, hot against your ear, “Mein schatz, will you let me have you?” he asks, and it’s literally all you can think about so you don’t even bother hiding the truth, the confession tumbling from your lips breathlessly.

“I’d let you do anything to me.”

He groans, capturing your lips in a deep kiss as he does so. He pulls away to grab the condom that he had put next to him on the bed and leaning back on his haunches to roll it on. You’re so impatient, nails digging into his thighs and arms, whining as you watch his hands work.

“So needy,” He comments, swallowing your moan as he finally, finally, sinks into you.

The stretch as he enters you has your head rolling back on a moan, your legs wrapping around his waist the bring him the rest of the way in. He buries his head in the crook of your neck, growling against the skin there.

“Fuck,” he groans through gritted teeth, his resolve quickly slipping at the feeling of you around his cock. And to his credit, he really tries to wait, to be good. But not seconds later he’s adjusting his grip on your hips and he’s thrusting into you with a force that makes the whole bed shake.

It’s barely been 30 seconds, but the build-up that had occurred throughout the entirety of the night had you right back on the edge, your nails clawing at his shoulders, his back, his thighs. Any purchase you could get on him, you were begging for more. You’d take anything he gave you without so much as batting an eyelash. His grip on your hips is tight and bruising, but the pain twists into a delicious pleasure that only spurs you on.

You must be speaking, babbling something back to him about how good it feels, how much you love being fucked by him because he’s laughing through a moan against your neck. He pauses for just a second, straightening up and throwing one of your legs over his shoulder before continuing to fuck you.

“That’s it Kätzchen.” He purrs, eyes moving down your body to where he enters your body, “Taking my cock so well.”

You mewl at the praise, your body arching in response to his words. Your second orgasm takes you both by surprise, having hit you like a fucking freight train when he thrusts particularly deep, hitting one of your sweet spots. You scramble for purchase on him, mouth dropped open in a near-pornographic moan that you’ll surely be embarrassed about later. But for now, all you know is pleasure.

His hips falter, stuttering as your walls tighten around him. His head falls back on a low moan, fucking you hard and slow through your release.

“Such a sweet cunt,” he gasps, “Mein Gott..”

And then he’s tangling your hands together, holding it high above your head as he pushes your thighs back, flush against your chest. He’s the one babbling now, words from God only knows what language, whispered against your skin as he chases his own release. He gives one last hard thrust and he’s done, his teeth dragging against the skin on your shoulder, moaning against you as he rides out his orgasm.

As you both come down, you stroke the back of his neck, playing with the hairs there, trying to catch your breath. After a few moments, he pulls away just enough to kiss you. There’s a lingering heat and it’s a little messy due to your shared exhaustion but it’s good.

Once you’ve both caught your breath, he removes himself from your body, taking the necessary time to deal with the condom. You watch him lazily, unable to do much other than that. You’re so tired. But there’s that ache between your legs that you love so much and you think briefly that you could go another round, if he wanted to.

He must see something in your eyes when he returns because he laughs softly, “I feel I may have my hands full with you, schatzi.” he says as he crawls back into the bed with you, covering the both of you with a blanket, the cold now biting at your skin. You know you have to get up soon enough to sort yourself out before bed, but for a moment you stay with him.

His fingers brush over your face softly, following the slope of your nose and the angle of your cheeks. There’s no real purpose to his movements, just... touching. As if convincing himself that you’re real.

“You are special, schatzi.” he says softly, “I don’t know what your plans are, but I can only hope that you choose to continue to bless me with your presence.”

This man is such an enigma to you. He carries such confidence in every aspect of his life and yet he still doubts your loyalties. There’s anxiety and pain hidden within him, you can see it in his eyes as he continues to look at you. You wonder, how much of his past weighs on his shoulders. How long before he deems himself worthy of your affection? You lean in to kiss him softly, your lips dragging slowly against him. When you pull away you keep him close, brushing your noses together.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

[mendesblurb]

Rumour Has It

Shawn Mendes x female reader

Warning: fluff, maybe grammar error and maybe some punctuation errors.

Note: did not proofread this, so sorry about that. Hope you like it anon. Thank you so much for requesting ❤️😆….

It was your last day in Mallorca. The two of you were at a boat with some close friends to flim the last few scenes of the SOL music video.

As the filming wrapped up, Shawn suddenly asked for the whole boat’s attention as he pulled you to stand up, reaching into his pocket and feeling for something, before quickly grabbing your hand again. You look at him with a confused expression, but the look he sent you told you to not worry.

“Okay, dare I say I still get a little bit nervous around you. Get a little bit stressed out when I think about this moment but mostly get too excited. Y/N, I’m falling all in you. So there's nothing holdin' me back right now.”

Your friends chuckled lightly as he say the words, and taking a deep breath.

“Y/n, I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember. I can’t seem to write one song that’s not about you or for you. However, no song can ever justify how amazing you are and how in love I am with you but mostly I just can't imagine what my world would be like without you in it.”

Everyone couldn’t help but stare with teary eyes this time, but all you could let out was a small chuckle. You were smiling and tearing up as he continued talking.

“I knew that I just wanna be a part of your life whether as your friend or lover because I will never be able to forgive myself if I let someone like you walked out of my life. They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: Someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for. I can safely say that I got all that and I am currently living the dream with you by my side.” He stopped for a second, taking a deep breath and trying his best not to tear up.

“After our third month anniversary I remember calling my Dad at around midnight and I said that I really wanna marry you. He said that it was too soon and he said I have to rethink everything, but I meant every word and until today I am still very much in love with you if not more. And I want to spend every single day of the rest of my life with you. So will you make me even happier than I already am and marry me?”

As Shawn finished his speech, he got down on one knee and got the ring out of his pocket, looking up at you with a smile. As tears stream down your face, you smile, nodding your head as he stands, bringing you into a hug.

As you pull apart, he slips the ring onto your finger before he reaches up and wipes your tears. You laugh, sniffling as he leans down and kisses you.

———————-

“I want you to clear something up for me because there’s all sorts of rumours flying around about Y/N’s recent TikTok video.” Jimmy said as he bring out a small black cupboard cut out your recent TikTok video.

So after what happened at Mallorca, aka your engagement; the news was kept a secret and neither of you confirm or deny the rumours. Of course your friends and Family knew the truth about the happy news but the two of you simply weren’t ready to tell the whole world.

Well, maybe until SOL was released and you wanted to show support via your TikTok account. But, that day you were less cautious so you forgot to take off your ring. Neither of you thought people would notice, but they did.

Shawn never thought of making a clarification here at the Fallon Show, while promoting his new song but here goes nothing.

It’s now or never. Deep down, he is so happy that he can finally brag about it to the whole world because he was always just one post away from sharing it to his social media while you were always the cautious one in the relationship. Not because you were ashamed or anything but more of keeping things private.

“So, Y/N did this TikTok video right?” Jimmy questions.

“Yep, TikTok is kinda like her thing now since the pandemic.” He giggled.

“Her dance was fabulous, but then look here. Looks like there’s a ring on that finger.” Jimmy continued as the camera zoomed on the cupboard cut out and bunch of ooohh was heard from the audience.

“Yeah, both of us are just excited to finally share the music.” He giggled as he try to deflect the question.

“Shawn…”

“Yes, jimmy?”

“You know, I gotta ask my friend.” Jimmy replied trying to hold back his laughter.

“I know what you’re gonna ask.” Shawn smiled shyly.

“So… did you asked Y/N Y/L/N to marry you?”

“Yeah, I did! And she said yes!” He blurred out quickly.

“Oh my god!! Please tell me more, I need details.”

“So, I have to say it was kinda hard to convince her that she should come to Mallorca too. Of course she wants to be there but it was the same time with her press tour. And so I had to call her manager and bunch of other people to make it possible.” He grinned before continuing.

“So if you guys saw the music video, there were a couple of scenes where we were all at a boat, and so it actually was a last minute arrangement so Y/N wouldn’t be suspicious. And so we flimed that first then I proposed after that. Lots of thing happened man, I mean I even almost lost the ring too and I somehow got bitten by a sea lice.”

The audience exclaimed a bunch of oohhh and sweet 'aw’ when they saw Shawn proudly showing the pictures on his phone and Jimmy was just widely smiling.

“I feel like time flew by so fast, last time both of you were here you were denying all dating rumours.” Jimmy said, “and now you are getting married to each other, this is the best news ever!”

“Yeah I was already so in love with her back then, now I just can’t wait to marry her,” He commented and nodding his head slowly.

“Do you know the wedding date?” Jimmy asked hesitantly, to which Shawn took another breath before replying.

“Yeah, we do,” he laughed nervously. “We are going to do it somewhere next year after Wonder tour ends.”

 “I’m so happy for both of you right now! I can only hope I will get an invitation.”

“Of course man, it would be great to have you.” Shawn smiled.

The rest of the interview was great. He talked more about both KESI and SOL, learning Spanish with you, how proud he is that your movie will be out soon, and how both of you have been quite busy with all the wedding planning.

Thank you for reading guys... feel free to like, reblog, follow my account, leave a comment and my chat is always open for random chats or requests... appreciate every single one of you... ❤️

Taglist: @monikamendes @holland-styles @bvttercupbby @lonelyreputation @badreputationlove @shawn-is-my-giant-jellybean @benito-mi-vida @swiftmendeshoran @yournameoneverypage @shawn-is-bruh @mendesbhraanth @perfectlywrongsm @imaginashawnns @smendes-forever @nervousmendes @whenyoureadyholland @shawn-youth @myboyshawn @camilalewiss @camilalewisss @theregoesmyherojd @nanijaac1 @shawnieeboyy @silverswallow @judeduarteripoff

[nobodyfamousposts]

New York Special Salt: Confrontation

So....kind of had a thought on whether certain parties would respond poorly to discovering the stunt Alya and Nino pulled.

Salt to follow. Don’t like salt or characters being called out, don’t read below the cut:

"Wait. Wait. Wait." Adrien held up a hand to get their attention while cradling his head with the other. He couldn't believe this. He didn't want to believe this.

But he couldn't ignore it, he realized, as he lowered his hand and gave Alya and Nino a glare.

"Did you seriously lock us in a room with a fake supervillain just to see us make out?”

Nino floundered. Alya, however, went on the defensive.

"We were just giving you two a little alone time."

Neither Adrien nor Marinette looked happy with that response.

"I'm seeing someone!" Adrien exclaimed.

"I'm trying to move on from him!" Marinette cried.

Adrien balked at that. "Wait, you like me?"

"You're seeing someone!" Marinette repeated. "I couldn't just get in the way of that! I like you and Kagami is my friend!"

"At least someone cared about that." Adrien said, shooting Alya and Nino a dirty look.

“Nino, what the hell? You know I’m dating Kagami.”

The DJ winced. “I know. I just thought…well, you and Marinette have a lot in common.” He rubbed the back of his head. “And it’d be easier to double-date if it was the four of us and—”

Adrien glared, looking startlingly similar to his father.

“Alya made me do it!” Nino exclaimed, pointing to his girlfriend.

Alya turned on him in outrage. “Nino!”

This only made him turn on her, a full rant on his lips.

“Adrien!” Marinette started, moving in front of him and getting his attention. “It’s my fault! I like you and they knew that and they were just trying to help me—”

She was cut off at the abrupt way he turned to her and his intense stare.

“A…Adrien?”

“Marinette.” He stated, taking her hands in his own and smiling so sincerely at her.

“You are the kindest, most warm-hearted and honest person I know. It's what I've always admired about you. You apologize and try to make up for even the slightest of mistakes. You take full blame for things that aren’t completely your fault. You constantly help and defend people in need. You easily forgive others when they wrong you and try to help them regardless.” 

In an instant, the warm sincere smile was gone. “I am asking you, for once: Don’t.”

“But—but it’s my fault—”

“Did you ask them to do this? Was this a plan you were in any way part of?” He questioned her.

“Well, to be fair I have made some pretty convoluted plans in the past—”

“Marinette.”

Her name was sharp on his tongue. Brokering no argument. Demanding a simple answer.

She winced.

“No.” She mumbled, a mix of bitterly for the truth and guiltily for the lack of defense for her friends.

“Then for once, let me stand up for you.”

…well.

…What could she say to that?

She allowed Adrien to gently push her behind him as he squared off with Alya and Nino.

“You lured us into a room with no idea what was going on. You trapped us there and had us think we were in danger. You created a villain that made us believe no one loves us—which even with the fact that we weren’t ‘technically’ in danger, was a rather cruel thing to do.” He spat out, sounding especially hurt.

All three of those present winced.

“What part of any of this seemed like a good idea?” He demanded.

“We were just trying to give her a chance—”

“Did you even ask her? Or me? At what point did either of us tell you that being forced into an anxiety-inducing and potentially life-threatening situation was on our to-do list for this trip?”

“But it wasn’t life-threatening! Neither of you were hurt!” Alya pointed out.

Like that excused it. Like that made this any better.

“You didn’t know we wouldn’t be, Alya! We didn’t know what was going on! We could have hurt ourselves trying to escape!” He countered, practically seething at this point. “What were you thinking?!”

Alya narrowed her eyes and steeled her resolve.

“Marinette was going to give up on you before either of you had a chance to see if it would work! I had to help!”

The pigtailed girl covered her face with her hands. “I was trying to move on, I promise!”

“And you couldn’t try talking?!” He shouted back at Alya. “You couldn’t just TELL ME?!”

“Chill out, man. Marinette tried.” Nino spoke up, trying to defend.

“I didn’t mean for this—” Marinette cried. “I just wanted a good trip as friends!”

Alya rolled her eyes. “Marinette tried many times, but she always flaked out at the end, so I just tried to set up a stage she couldn’t run from at the last minute—”

“Then why didn’t YOU just tell me yourselves if it was that damned important?”

Suddenly, everything went quiet. Marinette looked up, tearful.

Nino backed up, warily.

Alya…actually looked a bit pale.

Adrien was shaking at this point, but forcing himself to remain steady.

“You both knew Marinette liked me. Fine. Sure. Apparently she was having trouble telling me this. That’s okay. You knew she felt this way and was having trouble telling me. I get that.”

He glared.

“What I don’t get is why it was necessary to go THIS far instead of just TELLING me what was going on yourselves?!”

“Marinette didn’t want to—”

“But she wanted to be stuck with me on a plane to the point of a panic attack? She wanted to be shoved in a room with me? She wanted to feel threatened with a supervillain attack on top of the anxiety of being pushed to confess to me? If she couldn’t tell me and you two weren’t going to tell me, then WHY BOTHER WITH THIS AT ALL?! What was all of THIS supposed to accomplish that simply telling me yourselves wouldn’t?”

“We…” Alya hesitated. “I was just trying to help.”

“If you wanted to help, you would LISTEN to your best friend when she tells you what she wants!” Adrien shouted, gesturing to Marinette. “She just said she wanted to move on! She wanted to NOT have to confess! She wanted to just try and be friends! And yeah, I’m shocked and a little frustrated that I never caught on to any of her feelings before now, but that’s because I’m a teenage boy who is new to feelings and I didn’t know about hers!”

He glared at Alya.

“What’s your excuse?”

Silence.

It took a moment for Adrien to force himself to calm.

“I’m in a relationship. I do not want to cheat on Kagami. Marinette doesn’t want to disrupt what we have. Forcing us into a locked room together to force her to confess when she’s not ready and doesn’t want to would not result in any sort of happy or healthy relationship between us due to those factors. Which you both should have known.” He said, shooting another glare at them.

“But—”

“I’m still new to how friendship works. But this…this isn’t how a friend acts. You don’t push a friend into a position they’re not comfortable with. You don’t discourage them from doing what’s healthier for them. And you don’t keep setting them up to fail.”

Alya gaped. “I…I don’t want her to fail!”

“You aren’t helping her to succeed.” He pointed out. “And if you truly think that forcing these situations neither of us are comfortable with is supposed to be necessary, then maybe you should rethink why this is really so important to you.”

Adrien took Marinette’s hand in his and started leading her to the door.

If the situation were different, maybe Marinette would have felt her heart flutter. But as it stood, she could barely tell over the way it was pounding in her ears from the anxiety and stress of this whole situation.

“I’m going to take Marinette. And we’re going to talk about where we stand as friends.” He shot a final glare at the other two.

“Maybe you should consider the same.”

The door slammed shut behind him.

[jisungsmochi]

nct dream reaction - pissing you off

short little scenarios of you getting pissed off at the members and how they’d react

MARK:

tbh he wouldn’t even realise it was a proper argument until you raised your voice

he would be like 👁👄👁

he’s pretty clueless, so when he saw you storm off to your room he was like

“oh shit what did i do?”

would probably assume that you needed your space

so he’d brainstorm things to say once you were ready to talk to him again

would consider begging on his knees but didn’t want you to end up laughing at him or anything

he’d rethink over the situation and try and identify what he said/did

once you came out of your room, mark would be right infront of you

he barely gave you time to breathe before he blurts:

“i’m sorry that i was being an idiot before. i didn’t realise how insensitive i was”

you would almost forgive him in an instant i mean

he’s mark lee

but you would still explain to him how you felt, and mark would be all ears!

he’s definitely someone who wants to grow as a person

who learns from his mistakes

also never wants you to be mad at him, you were a bit scary hehe

RENJUN:

he can be a bit confrontational (i mean have you seen him rage at some of the members?)

so when he pisses you off, he would try and brushes it off as you being sensitive

but inside he knew he fucked up

depending on the situation, renjun would have a certain level of stubbornness

it prevented him from apologising first

he would try and speak to you like nothing happened the next day

but once you gave him to cold shoulder he was like

“oh no they didn’t”

is not the grovelling type but will definitely make his presence known to you

he would trail behind you throughout the apartment you shared

whether it be in the kitchen or in the living room, he needed you to look at him or atleast acknowledge he existed

eventually you were fed up with him always following you, so you snapped

once he heard the real reason you were upset, he immediately regretted it

quick to make it up to you tho

in any form of forgiveness you wanted!

this time it was in sweet treats from the local cafe

JENO:

he would rarely piss you off but in the case he does

he takes the situation really seriously

part of him wants to resolve it instantly

so he’d badger you until you snapped,

“i really don’t want you around me right now”

“but you need talk to me, we can’t be mad at eachother for long”

but honestly sometimes you just gotta work through things separately

so you distance yourself

he gets really worried, probably an over thinker

this leads him to slip into a phase of sadness himself

calls the older members to vent, wanting nothing more but to see you happy again

once you got over it, you’d see him curled up on his bed all weepy

“hey, i’m not mad anymore, we can talk it out”

he’d hold out his arms, begging you to hold him

you’d basically be the big spoon as you explain why you were upset with him

felt like an idiot after hearing it, opting to making it up to you by giving you plenty of kisses

HAECHAN:

could drive you insane sometimes

one day he takes one of his pranks too far and you just completely shut off from him

immediate silent treatment

ofc he doesn’t take it seriously, still trying to prank you / annoy you into talking to him again

but you stood your ground, the only words leaving your mouth were ‘leave me alone’

he knew he had to respect your space, but it didn’t stop him from feeling awful

he’d probably brainstorm ideas about how to get you to give him attention again

whether it was knocking on your door while cooing endearing pet names that you liked

or singing to you (he knew you loved whenever he sang hehe)

eventually you’d pull open the door and envelope him in a huge hug

“okay so now that we’ve made up, don’t tell the guys all this stuff i did for you okay? i’m gonna get teased!”

“uhhh too late, sent an audio message of you singing to me, to the group chat oops”

he would tackle you on the ground while pecking your cheeks

JAEMIN:

i see him getting mad at you for being mad at him

like he doesn't realise that he's being lowkey childish

he would let you have time to yourself, mainly also giving himself time to stop being mad at you lmao

he then realised that he may or may not have messed up

really doesn’t know if he should apologise asap or leave you be

the lovey dovey side of jaemin wants to cuddle you and kiss you and mumble apologises over and over

but right now he wasn’t sure if that’s what you wanted

goes through a midlife crisis honestly

tries to talk to you a few times but you’d just mumble back to him or just shrug it off

he eventually was like, nope enough

barges into your room, walks right over to you and says

“i’m sorry okay? i’m really freaking sorry now please stop being sad, my heart aches”

you’d look up at him, softly pouting which only added to his guilt

but as soon as he stepped closer to you, and you saw how apologetic he was

you could hold up the act anymore

he engulfed you into a warm hug, mumbling

“my baby can’t be mad at me, right? you love me too much, and i love you even more”

would pepper you with kisses and stay by your side for the rest of the day

CHENLE:

doesn’t realise you’re actually pissed off

honestly thinks you’re just trying to be all petty

until you refuse a hug from him, that’s when he’s like ‘oh fuck’

chenle wasn’t overly affectionate with you, so when you denied his hug, he knew something was up

becomes a clueless baby

really doesn’t know how to get you to talk to him again

considers asking the other members for advice but he’s got trust issues with them lmao

he just waits it out, probably tries to google some advice oop

but you don’t stay too mad for long so when you see him again

he’s sitting on the couch, head in hands, softly scolding himself for making you mad

you just go up to him and attack him with a hug

you both have a long talk about what to do if the other person is mad

after you’d watch movies while cuddling hehe

JISUNG:

god deadass the others would have to spell out that you were mad at him

once you stormed out of the room during a group hang out, jisung shrugged it off

jeno: “uhh dude aren’t you going to ask if they’re okay?”

jisung: “wdym, they just went to the toilet?”

jaemin: “my god, do we have to tell you everything?”

he walked to his bedroom where you were seated on his bed

he was about to walk in before you rushed to close the door but he stopped it before you could

“you seem mad, are you okay?”

“no i’m not, jisung. i would like some space”

he goes back to the others, really worried at this point

he knew he needed to make sure you were good before he could even consider going on with the rest of the day

eventually the rest leave

he knocks on the door repeatedly, waiting for a response

you open the door slightly, hiding your face

“i-i’m sorry that i upset you, please talk to me, i can’t leave you sad” he pouts

you pull him into the room, burying yourself into his chest as he slowly hugged you back

“it’s okay, i just needed time to calm down, sung.”

you both sat on the bed together, going over the events that led to what made you mad

jisung appreciated how you explained it to him, he just liked the fact you were talking to him again :)

[millsheat]

i’ve read a good comment here on tumblr about the fact that joel died on the beginning so we would fully understand how’s ellie feeling and why she wants the revenge so bad. so many people complain he didn’t have much screen time but did they forget that the first game was literally about HIM and ellie?

plus we have those flashbacks that perfectly complete the whole story - ellie’s birthday (for me, that’s the most pure joel dad material we’ve gotten), where they were seemingly on good terms. then shooting with tommy, where we can see joel and ellie slowly drifting apart and with ellie asking questions about fireflies, we are getting a small hints that something is about to happen. after that ellie travels to the hospital, where she finally learns the truth from joel, causing her to ultimately cut ties with him. that is a huge turning point for us, players and the story itself. during that saturday dance, the night before joel dies, he feels the need to protect her, even though she tells him to mind his own business, since she still doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. but this reaction causes ellie to rethink their relationship and, eventually, she visits joel to finally, after months of distance, express her feelings towards him. the writers are slowly building up the whole story, giving us clues and trying their best to make us understand why was their relationship so fragile.

if joel died after they watched the movie or weeks after that conversation, it would make no sense. the fact that he died the day after him and ellie had that conversation, gives ellie even bigger motive to go and get the justice. she wanted to make things right with him, she was willing to give their relationship a second chance - to give joel chance to make amends, but this opportunity was taken away from her.

when she told him she would like to try to forgive him, she finally felt like she was the one in the control, since joel pulled her away while still unconscious, taking away an opportunity to say what she actually wants. and within seconds, she lost this control when he died. she felt betrayed, because she wanted to be in the position where she gets to decide what’s gonna happen next. she’s frustrated and left empty, not knowing if their relationship would’ve been fixed or not. it’s unimaginably cruel living with a feeling like that, believe me.

that gives her even bigger motive than just simple love for joel and the need to fight for him. the moment she got in the position of control, she lost it. she lost the chance to decide whether she will forgive him or not. and she felt like going after abby and her group would give her some kind of consolation. but at the end, when she’s left with nothing, the only thing that it’s on her mind is joel. and the fact that even though she didn’t have the opportunity to fully forgive him, she still had a chance to let him know, she’s willing to try.

yeah they didn’t say out loud what the meant for each other, but they never did that. from the beginning, their whole love and respect for each other was based on their actions. she realised joel died knowing she still valued him like before — that’s why she was willing to give their relationship a second chance. her realising that became the reason of her sudden change of heart.

it’s important to read between the lines. in order to fully comprehend the story.

[oneshotnewbie]

Second part of the Argument Oneshot with Kara and Baby Danvers? 😍😍😍

A/N: So.. I usually had something else planned (a third and an angsty open ending) but I know how much you love fluff and hate open angsty ending so I had to back off with my idea to give you what you wanted. Since this ending was not intended, I don't think it's great, but I hope you like it anyway :)

---

"Alex, can we talk for a minute?"

After the supposed attempt that Kara tried to talk to you, you had jumped on the treadmill to let things go through your head that you never thought would occupy your mind. Usually that was always the best way to let it all out and rethink something but today, it was different.

You still hadn't found a crucial point to stay on, so you hoped inside that Alex would agree with you and help you make a decision. So after your training you went straight back up to the center of the whole organization where you knew she would be.

"Of course, go ahead."

The oldest Danvers was standing at the console table with Kara and J'onn, completely absent from her surroundings, probably just preparing for the next mission. When you got upstairs, you jumped up the last three small steps to the computers and stopped beside her.

Kara, who was standing opposite, looked up after she recognized whose voice it was. A small, almost shy smile fell on her lips but you couldn't return it. Instead, you just looked at her coldly and turned your gaze back to the redhead. "Somewhere alone where we can talk in private?"

Immediately her attention was turned to you. With a smile, she looked you in the eyes and put the tablet aside. One hand on your lower back, she led you down from the pedestal and left Kara with Winn & J'onn.

"Is everything ok?" she asked you after the door of her laboratory closed behind you. Reluctantly, you made the last steps to the chairs that had been neatly placed at the table and pulled one out of his row to sit down. "Can you sit down?"

She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest. She stayed behind you, almost hovering you for a while before she decided to take a seat next to you. "It seems serious, is it about Kara?"

Lowering your head and playing with your sweatshirts arms that you pulled over your thumbs, you first thought about how to start before you started to express your feelings to her. "I've been thinking about Kara and me, about this work.."

"Woah.." she interrupted you, her hand in front of her body to indicate that you shouldn't go on in your sentence. "Listen, I talked to Kara, she's sorry for what she said."

"Alex.." you smiled a little at that sentence. No matter how angry she was with on of you when you argued, the redhead still wanted to be a center between you and settle the dispute, bring you back together. "I don't care if she is sorry, she said it and there is no time reel to undo it."

She was visible tattered, on your stubborn head and your persistence she was always on the verge of despair.

"But she may have been right about what she said."

Squinting her eyes together with a questioning look, she leaned back and watched your proceeding and perked up her ears to listen to you. She didn't know exactly what you were getting at and what this conversation was all about.

"I really like this job, that the DEO saves the world from aliens, and also working with my siblings is good for me and my mental space. It also gives me a lot of time with you both. But maybe Kara was right and I am just not meant for this kind of work..." you spoke carefully, taking a deep breath as you watched your sisters reaction before continuing. "I will take a few days off, of course only with your approval for this 'compulsory leave' to come to my senses and find out whether this is the right way I want to go."

Shocked by the quick yet unexpected decision, she jumped up from her position so that she was sitting with her back straight, put her arms on the table with her hands clasped and bit her lip.

She knew that Kara's words would limit you in some way, since you have always been a person who had a fragile self-confidence, but she had not expected such a large form that you might want to get out of this business.

"Are you sure about that?"

"I don't know, but I will figure it out."

A brief pause with an almost uncomfortable silence enveloped the room. You didn't know exactly how to match her facial expressions, whether she was angry or she understood you. Nor did you know what she was thinking at the moment, whether she would try to stop you or stand by your side.

"I mean.. If that is what you need and want, I don't want to put any obstacles in your way," she continued, her voice turned down a little. "You should just know that we all think that you are doing a great job and that we need you here, I need you here. You are a great help and bring me joy whenever this work sucks."

You laughed out loud and put one hand on her, now flat on the glass surface laying hands. The redhead couldn't help but laugh too. You both got up after a while and you walked around the table to hug her.

"Thank you, Alex."

---

With a pizza, a few potstickers and a beer on the little dresser next to the couch, you sat there and watched the new episodes of your favorite show while you thought back over the argument.

"You are too soft for this kind of game."

Since then, this sentence has only been buzzing around in your head and has taken a large place in there. On the one hand, you asked yoursel why your sister simply didn't tell you that beforehand or even voted against it when you talked to them instead of immediately saying yes, beaming with joy when it was said that you wanted to work at the DEO. On the other hand, you were happy that it finally came out what she really felt about it.

A knock on the door of the apartment you and Alex shared tore you out of your thoughts. At first you didn't want to open up, you wanted to be alone and just get this decision behind you but you answered it anyway, not expecting to meet this person.

Kara.

Immediately she stormed into the apartment and you rolled your eyes. Alex must have told her everything. You kicked the door into the lock and walked after her until she stopped in the living room and turned around to face you. "You quit?!"

"No, not really. Just taken a few days off to think about things."

You walked past her and sat down again in your established place that you hadn't left for several hours. You didn't feel like fighting anymore, it hurt your soul to see how she suffered from the fact that you didn't talk to each other. It hurt you too, without her stupid jokes and her closeness, you didn't feel well. You needed your sister no matter how much she hurt you, even if unconsciously.

"Would you like to sit down with me? I still have a few potsickers left."

She turned around quickly and looked at you in disbelief. She thought that you were still mad at her and that you would like not to see her here. The fact that you asked her if she could join you and you even offered her your favorite meal told her that now was the time to settle the argument and brush it aside.

You, on the other hand, looked at her with sad eyes and knocked a few times on the free space next to you.

She sat down next to you and put a hand on your knee, just this warmth and touch almost made you cry, you missed her so much. "Kara.."

"Wait, let me begin," she interrupted you and took a sharp breath while filtering the thoughts in her head and forming them into complete, reasonable sentences. "I know I made a big mistake. I know that I should never had say this to you, but please, please know that I definitely didn't mean that. I was just so panicked because if I lost you, life would be inconceivable."

"I know Kara, and I can understand exactly, but it still hurt to hear something like that coming out of your mouth."

"Please, forgive me." she begged you. Sadly and with tears in her eyes, she looked at you desperately. You could see how serious she was and how done she was with this situation.

Hesitantly, you thought about it shortly before you threw yourself around her neck and held her tightly against you. She too held you tighter than ever and could no longer hold back her tears. With loud sobs, she buried her face in your neck and literally clung to you.

You stayed in this position for a while before she calmed down and you broke away from her. "Still, I will use this time out to find out if hunting aliens and arresting them is right for me."

She laughed and you wiped the last tears from her face. "It's okay, but please rethink it clearly. I would love to still work with you. You are a really good agent."

[bbhyeoliskooks]

…〔𝐈𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐬〕…

FINAL, PT. ONE.

Having an unrequited crush on Soobin was difficult, but you manage to make them hidden so he’s oblivious. It’s getting harder though, since each time you see him, you fall deeper into his mesmerizing eyes. You want to get rid of your feelings for him, so you grow closer to a boy named Beomgyu. However, when your one of your best friends, Sunhye asks you to back away so she can have a chance with Soobin, everything inevitably comes crashing down on you.

intro / one / two / three / four / five / six / seven / finale, pt. 1 / finale, pt. 2

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Pairing: Beomgyu x Reader (female) x Soobin

Genre: 4 ¾  cups of angst, literally no sprinkle of fluff in here 

(Damn, I’m going to be honest here. This made me sob so hard as I was writing this, I’m sure all of you are going to hate me after this because I would too :cc Like, I really broke my own heart here as the writer of this series. Part one will mostly be focused on Soobin’s feelings with a few events of the reader here and there~! And just warning you- get your tissues ready for this one. I’m so sorry in advance, please forgive me.)

Playlist: Can’t Take My Eyes Off You, Something, Still Into You, Confession, Crazy For You

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Pacing around the room with heavy feet, Soobin rewound the events from yesterday as he tried to call you from the phone several times in a minute. Every time he’d ring up your phone you’d answer right away, yet this time you weren’t picking his calls up. Was it because you were already tucked in bed, sleeping through your blaring ringtone? Or was it because you were still angry at him for how immature he acted today? Guilty enough, he felt terrible for not talking to you all day, and seeing you get frustrated since he was ignoring you created a dim spot in his conscience. But this was what he chose to do. Sure it was unbearable- extremely to the point where he wanted to yell out loud how much he adores you even sitting there, but he didn’t want to talk to someone who would break his heart sooner or later. That part was inevitable...

12am almost passed by the time he stopped trying to contact you. It was a quiet hour with his feet trudging against the white carpet- the only noise being there at the moment. His parents were already fast asleep, probably dreaming of counting sheep who jumped over a few fences in their dreams. He was really silly for not getting some rest, right? Instead of worrying about some girl, he could be getting the rest his body deserved after such a long day. Lots of concerns occupied his head including how you were doing, but he needed to stay optimistic which meant sleeping it off in hopes that the next day would be better. 

At the same time though, there would be no harm in checking up on you! If he could just sneak one peek at you even if through the window you were sleeping, he’d be okay with that. He just needed to be sure that you were okay… which led him to throw on his black jacket and rush out of the house with hasty feet. 

As he rushed against the forest trees, chest heaving up and down from how fast he was sprinting, in no time he was able to get to your house. There were a lot of trees in your backyard which he could use to his advantage to hide himself if you were somehow doing a task in the middle of the night outside. He didn’t want you to see him, almost seeming like a shadow in the night with no light to be found except with the glimmering pale light of the moon. There’d be no way you’d notice him as long as he hid himself well; he had no doubt!

When he entered your backyard through the secret passage you two planned to use whenever there was an emergency, he soon found the perfect tree to use as a cover. Honestly he wasn’t sure if you were asleep since sleep schedules these days were hectic, so he clung on tight to the tree where nobody could see him spy on you through the glass. In only a few seconds later, he would call himself foolish for acknowledging the fact that… His finger ceased its movement against the bark of the tree once he realized what was happening, nails grazing at the rough path before a soft and sad smile decorated his face. Why didn’t he know? Why couldn’t he realize this already? You were sitting there on the bench where you two would meet in the middle of the night, but this time however, you were with someone else. With that same person who he thought he’d never be a rival with. With that same person he had been dreading to come closer to you. With that person who’d win you over for sure. Which person could it be other than that darned Choi Beomgyu who reached you first? His heart was heavy with agony, being painfully strung when you giggled for God only knows how many times as Beomgyu tickled your stomach. 

Bringing up the shaking hand to his chest where his heart stung, he did his best to appease the pain even if the love of his life found their soulmate. He had so much time to acknowledge the feelings he tried to conceal for so long, and now this was definitely karma. The bleak wind swirled around his head, messing up his black hair but hell, he couldn’t care less. He lost you. Soobin lost you. And like a fool, he lost you before he could even kiss you again. His first one with you was the last time, he sighed. He couldn’t bother you anymore for the fact that you’d definitely be happy with Beomgyu; he’d finally come to the realization in such a terrible anguish he could ever imagine. 

With unknowingly drops of tears streaming down his cheeks, he achingly nodded at the beautiful sight of you smiling after a long time of not being able to see the genuine one, “I guess I was too late.”

If he could turn back the time where only the two of you were together, he would hold you in his arms, kissing the top of your forehead while murmuring how much he loves you.

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Soobin?

Or Beomgyu?

Your best friend since eighth grade, Soobin…? Or charming Beomgyu who you’ve been arguing back and forth till now…? 

To you, these were the hardest questions you could ever be asked because, really. Who could choose between both of them? They completed you in more ways that you could ever hope for, whether it be through development or just plain loneliness. One of them made you feel so many things from true desperation to euphoria that you’ve never experienced before while one made you feel comfortable with whatever you didn’t want to go through. One held your hand and made sure you were okay with it while the other one was bold, holding you whenever he felt like it. One had stayed by your side up to now while the other one wavered back and forth. Here we are again. All of this fighting made you feel tired, completely exhausted from rethinking and rethinking over and over again. Not to mention the fact that they both kissed you this past year… but, you weren’t one to argue which one was better.

Love triangles were certainly messy, and you never imagined yourself to be in any one of them. The future had different plans, obviously. 

What a predicament you’ve gotten yourself in without knowing of what was to come. 

You thought back to the way they made you feel from before to now.

Whenever you glanced at Beomgyu, your heart would flutter to the point where you wanted to rip it out, but Soobin had been there for you much longer. Starting from eighth grade, he was extremely sweet to you, placing you first before all of his needs even if you didn’t ask him to do it in the first place. However Beomgyu made you feel alive, making sure that you were all smiley and giggly with him at all appropriate times. They both had a special place in your heart where you had already carved out a hole for each of them. This far into the game already, you were sure they were both your soulmates. It isn’t possible to have two or even if soulmates exist, but this was tearing apart your heart much more compared to the beginning of the year in which everything went totally wrong. 

Gosh, just why did it have to be you?, you pondered as you prepared for school. Why did they have to be so charming? Why did they affect you in so many ways? And why couldn’t you honestly say you liked both of them at the same time? Because look, you really couldn’t. You just couldn’t! If you did, then it’ll crush both of their hearts in the end regardless of who you choose. 

It wasn’t long before you became tired of all of this choosing. You decided to take a walk to clear your head instead. 

Passing by the route to school, you surprisingly came face to face with Yeonjun who seemed to lose himself in his thoughts. Hand rubbing against his chin in wonder, he walked quite slowly which caused worry to creep up your back. You’d never seen him this way before, so something must’ve been bothering him. Maybe you could help him like he did to you one time. And not to mention that you owe him one for getting the group together! 

“Hey, Jjunie! Is there something wrong? You look a bit lost today.”

He turned back with a grin on his face, shaking his head. Hesitation was weighing on his shoulders as if a great pressure was placed upon it. To be honest, he couldn’t sit back anymore and watch any of it go down. Seeing two of his best friends fight for a girl for several months made him uneasy, his stomach a carousel he couldn’t put a stop to. Back then he thought everything would work out in the end. Back then he assured his raging mind that everything would be okay, slowly losing belief in what he thought. Back then he didn’t want to budge in since it wasn’t his business. Now though… he could say differently. Of course he didn’t want to be nosy into the situation, but any more of this and he swears he’ll explode. 

So that’s what brought him here today. He was actually hoping to find you during the weekend in order to set some things straight- well, try to for the most part. 

Not even five minutes later, the two of you were messing around on the swings, talking about whatnot when Yeonjun brought up the tender subject of the two boys. To Kai’s favorite plushies, how he keeps dropping every bowl of noodles he cooks, to the few songs he produced as a joke- you weren’t prepared at all after that story talk. He was ever so careful with the topic too, fingers twiddling together reluctantly for an answer he couldn’t even find himself. 

“You know that whoever you choose… the other one is going to be hurt, right? I hope you choose correctly since this is a hard decision to make. I’m not choosing sides, but the other day Soobin mentioned to me that he really really loves you more than anyone here. He even-” a clasped hand from the chains beside him threw over his mouth in panic, and he laughed it off as if he didn’t blab too much information in the first place. 

You cocked your head to the other side, looking at him as if he was joking at what he said in the last part. His eyes were blown wide with fear since he caught his big mouth talking too much at the perfect time. You knew it all, but the truth still remained. He was right, and you hated it more than anything. Soobin loved you so much, you could see it after being so blind for so many years. 

With one last push on your feet dangling on the edge, the wind brushes against your cheeks while you undo your stress with a ragged sigh.

“I know, Yeonjun. I know.” 

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Weeks passed by after the incident of what happened that night, despite you not knowing entirely what that event was. Soobin continued to give you the cold shoulder, glaring down at you whenever you tried to speak to him. Gradually, you made no efforts to talk to him anymore. All of this back and forth was like talking to a wall who wouldn’t listen simply because it’s a wall. He wouldn’t listen to what you wanted to say, what you wanted to do with him as an apology. Whatever you did, he would only turn around and walk away while you hopelessly kept shouting his name. At this point, it was far past useless.

If Soobin wasn’t going to talk to you, then so be it. You couldn’t blame him either for what he chose. There was no reason to get angry with him when this was all your doing. Unfortunately, it all came crashing down on you one fateful afternoon when he brought you to the back of the school to “talk.”

“Hey, sweet pea?” His voice was shaking with trepidation as he tapped on your shoulder. “Could we, um, talk for a second?” 

Your chatter with Beomgyu ceased when you stared back at the other boy, your nerves becoming like jelly in front of him. There was a tense, pursed frown on his face when you turned back in worry to hear what his request was. So he was finally talking to you now after almost a month of ignoring you, huh? It was still the same though. He had this weird effect on you whenever he stared deep into your eyes, as if searching for the soul you had in yourself. 

“What is it, Soobin? I-Is there something wrong?” You inched closer to him, but he scooted away, his feet carrying his whole body before he could stop them. He couldn’t even bring himself to look at you in the eye, choosing to stare down on the floor as if the ground was much more interesting than what you had to say. His body was a whole quivering mess, and he very much despised how he felt due to your glossy eyes- which is the ultimate reason why he needed to tell you right now. 

With one swift pull on your arm, he guided you to the back of the school where only the two of you remained. You were quite confused on why he dragged you back there. 

A few minutes overflowing with silence passed with the exception of outside ambience. You were getting more antsy as the ticks of the clock passed by, wondering if he was going to say anything. He must’ve been troubled greatly if he was wondering whether to speak up or not. If it was up to you, you would’ve definitely thought he was going to speak up about ignoring each other when he finally looked you in the eye.

You searched his eyes for any emotion, may it be something dejected or sorrowful. And you were able to strike right on the dot. The whites of his eyes were burning with pain, really anybody could feel it from a mile away. Feeling much more worried than petty, you were going to do something- anything that would comfort him until...

“I’m giving up on you,” he blurted out. You ceased immediately in your tracks, the whole, wide world plummeting down and crushing you like a teensy spider. All of the air was winded from your chest, tightening when you comprehended his shattering words. You couldn’t hear anything except his soft, breaking voice murmur into the passing winds, yet that was going through one ear and out the other while you tried to understand what he was saying.  

“I know deep down that he’ll make you happier the most so please be well for me,” a tear slid down his cheek, but he rubbed it away with his fluttering, slender fingers. He pretended like they weren’t there even if it unbearably pinched his poor heart. Instantaneously, you sprinted to him due to the growing distance between you as soon as the first set of tears fell, your legs aching from how much power you put into them. “Soobin, I-” he interrupted what you were going to say by grabbing your hands into his once you reached him, squeezing when you drew closer. The boy stared into the clear tears welling up in your eyes, all the more feeling severe guilt cloud his choice. Other times you would cry because of someone or something that terribly upset you, but this time it was different. This time, he couldn’t pick up the tears that fell against his chest because he was the reason that hurt you in the first place. He hung his head low, the pressure of hurting you becoming stronger while he gazed down upon your teary  face. “Please, don’t make me regret my decision right now. I’m giving you up so you can be happier. That’s the least you can do for me, so just don’t say anything for now,” he begged. 

You adhered to his wish, sewing your mouth shut despite wanting to scream your lungs out.

“If I never knew you then I wouldn’t have ever seen so many gorgeous things because of you. I would’ve never experienced this much happiness through eighth grade and high school. I would’ve never known what it meant to love someone who is my best friend. I would’ve never known the true feeling of what love is. And it’s all because of you. Because of you, you brought beautiful colors into my world when I accidentally pushed your book and asked to be your new friend. Because of you, I really can’t say that I regret what we’ve become even if you’ve fallen for somebody else. Because of you, I’ve grown to love in the right way. I can’t be selfish and make you stay because in the end, you would’ve ran away from me. So that’s why I need to do the only thing that would hurt less for both of us.” 

“No, Soobin… please, listen to me this once. You’re the one. You’re the one that I choose,” you cried. 

“See?” He pointed at himself, smiling through the tears as he tried to swallow each one of them down. “You don’t feel any butterflies for me anymore. Your heart doesn’t waver whenever you see me. Your smiles aren’t because you love me in the way that I’ve always wanted, but because you only think of me as a friend. That says e-enough.” The breaking of his voice threw you over the edge and soon, you lost more breath than what you took in.

“I’m letting you go this time, okay? I can’t keep crushing myself- fighting for your love that’ll never be returned. Because even if I’m hurting myself, I know I don’t stand a chance against him. He makes you smile more than anyone here, even me. He turned you into the best version you could be through this mess, and those promises he gave you are still valid. He will protect you in ways that I can’t- as a lover who you can count on forever.” Soobin glanced at the streaming tears against your cheeks and with a swift thumb, brushed delicately against your cheeks so that they would disappear. “Please don’t cry for me now, make those efforts from before when you loved me towards him so that all of us can be content. This is one of the last things I’ll do for you before you go to him.” You shook your head frantically in an effort to make him stay, “No, Soobin! I can’t- I can’t let you go! I’ve loved you for so long that I just can’t… I don’t love Beomgyu- I’ve loved you this whole time!”

“No, sweet pea,” his lips turned into such a disappointed grin which absolutely broke you from the inside. “You love Beomgyu, I know you better than anybody else. Don’t say that just because I’m giving up on you…” he trailed off.

Soobin knew he was right for doing this. He was right in giving you up although the tears flowing ardently burned his cheeks. This was what his role was as your best friend. This was what he needed to do after such a draining time of holding you tight when nobody else could.

You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything anymore. Your throat throbbed as a huge lump appeared by itself, choking up the words you so desperately wanted to say. All of the butterflies from before had died in your stomach, taking captive your heart that died with them. You were done. 

No other words were spoken after that, and he assumed you heard enough for the day. 

Soobin eventually turned to go in strong silence when you suddenly crashed against his back, holding him as tightly as you could in your desperate embrace. 

“But Soobin, I love you! That’s what you wanted to hear, right?! I said I love you so please just don’t go away from me! I can’t do this without you,” you gasped before your throat ripped a loud sob from out of you. 

The boy shook his head before turning around to wrap his arms around you as gently as he could. His touch was warm to you, and you let yourself melt into his hug after a long time of holding it in. Although a bit reluctant, he let you lay your head on his shoulder, crying your heart out as loudly as you could. 

“I’m sorry, Soobin… I’m so sorry.”

Bringing his hand to pat your back like you two did whenever one was upset, he couldn’t help but undo his agony with tears falling on the crown of your head. Now he had been comfortable in sharing your tears, letting them pour as his eyes burned with such intolerable pain. “I know you are. And it’s okay. We were never meant to be in the first place.” His soothing voice which whispered in your ear continued on, “just… for the meantime, leave me alone. Let’s take a break for each other until these feelings go away.”

“Make sure to eat well without me, okay my cute sweet pea?” He nuzzled the bottom of his head onto the top of your head. “And don’t stay up too late for those exams that are coming, I know fully well that you’ll pass like you always strive to do,” he sniffled, holding you tighter in his arms without a thought of objection.

Like incessant, big drops of rain, many tears gathered into a puddle that fateful afternoon while you held onto each other, more seconds than what was needed.

“Farewell. I’ll miss you so much,” you croaked from underneath the hug that held you captive with such fondness and love. He never wanted to let go of the person who taught him what true love was, but you weren’t his to begin with. At last, he stared at your each and every feature, memorizing the subtle changes before pulling away to press a kiss on the forehead for one, last time. 

“I’ll miss you too Y/N, and I… I love you.”

“I love you too, Bin. Be happy for me too.”

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Strolling around the garden of the school, Soobin trailed amongst the path way to the greenhouse. Not a lot of people came here during the winter when it was after school since the club called this a break time. It was absolutely silent, the only sound being the buzzing of the bothersome bugs outside. Pots of several flowers were now abandoned from the cold which entered through the front of the door, and they crumbled upon contact when he made physical contact with them. The solemn petals of the blooming flowers had long withered off onto the floor, dazzling the ground with a variety of entrancing colors on the scale. Soobin tried not to step on them to find his safe place which was in the corner containing the grey table. He always came here to clear his mind whenever distress popped up around the edge. 

Something caught his eye when he round the grey table, opting to take a few quiet steps towards it. There were two purple orchids laying side by side on top of the table, soon to be overlapping one another when Soobin’s fingers brushed beside them. A bit surprised, he was wondering why they were here. Nobody should’ve left something as pretty as them in the mysterious green house…! Who could’ve been that lazy not to give it to someone? He’d definitely give them to- No, he said he shouldn’t think about you, but it was so difficult. The remnants of one of his favorite days immediately brought him back to you no matter how much he wanted to erase your precious smile from his mind. 

( F l a s h b a c k )

- an excerpt from Chapter 3, if anybody remembers. 

A few seconds later, you found him with two purple orchids in his hand. He had picked the most beautiful ones in the wilting garden that you saw after scanning it, and you gasped in pleasant surprise. He ambled towards you with an adorable smirk on his face, and crouched down beside you.

“Bin… why did you pick those flowers?” He gazed deep into your eyes, and you felt your heartbeat swiftly skip a beat just like earlier. He tucked one of them into his ear, and you giggled at how sweet he looked. He mirrored the same chuckle, and you swore that you could feel something bloom in your chest. He looked as if he was a royal prince from those movies because of the glowing scenery behind him while he smelled the other one that was enclosed by his hand.

He shrugged, and looked down at the floor to hide his blossoming pink cheeks. “They just reminded me of you- delicate and lovely like an orchid.”

Before you could say anything and thank him, he softly tucked your chin into his hand, and moved your flowing hair to the side of your head. He tucked the orchid onto the crook of your ear, and took a step back to smile in pleasure as if he was admiring his work.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you were a stunning princess, Y/N?”

Perhaps that was just another example of his newly, blooming feelings towards you. 

(  E n d  o f  F l a s h b a c k  )

There was a tug on the upper corners of his lips and he smiled, embracing the warm effect you still had on him even if you had completely crushed his fragile heart.

“She loved me, huh? I know she did.” 

And that’s one reason why Choi Soobin had to move on, like he promised to you years ago.

٩๑۶⁎⁍̴̆⁎ ๑)｡ﾟ´`ﾟ٩๑۶⁎⁍̴̆⁎ ๑)｡ﾟ´`ﾟ٩๑۶⁎⁍̴̆⁎ ๑)｡ﾟ

Posted: 12/14/20- 11:00pm

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[imagine-loki]

Hiding in Plain Sight

TITLE: Hiding in Plain Sight CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter Four AUTHOR: wolfpawn ORIGINAL IMAGINE:

Imagine coming from a line of nobility or royalty and being in an arranged marriage with Loki in an attempt to strengthen your kingdom / alliance with Asgard. You’re not entirely on board with the idea but figured that the best you could do was to get to know your fiancé.

You form an agreement with Frigga for you to pose as Loki’s personal servant for a few months so you can get to know who Loki really is – beyond the veil of his responsibility to the Asgardian throne, behind all the masks he wears when facing the public, to really know who Loki is behind closed doors as you slowly fall for each other.

How long will you keep up the ruse with the God of Lies?

RATING: General Audience

When they returned to Loki’s rooms, Raven stood stoically still, her hands behind her back, fidgeting slightly and her head high. In many ways, she knew she was not great at playing a maid, she had been raised for a thousand years to be proud of her house and could not talk as one from a submissive position such as a maid. She may have been deemed lower in standing than her brothers but she was still a princess and the daughter of the king. She watched as he stood facing her silently for a few moments. 

“What is it you require of me, Your Highness? Was something not to your liking?”

Loki had to give it to the elf, she had more courage than most would have. “Actually, everything was quite satisfactory. That bath was the best I have had in the longest time.”

“Then what is required of me at this time? Forgive my bluntness however I was under the impression that this time of day is in fact, mine as per my work agreement whilst you do your own studying, so what is it that calls for my being here fourteen minutes prior to my return to work?”

If he was honest, Loki felt he should reprimand the Light Elf for her manner of speaking to him but her clipped tone and demeanour intrigued him more than he would care to admit. “I apologise, I had not realised….I wish to explain what happened earlier.”

“There is nothing to explain. You plan to have a mistress which I truly hope you tell your soon-to-be wife about as surely she will want to know as to not make a fool of herself in court, not to mention, she would then be free to seek her own happiness with a more fitting man and you loathe us Ljósáfar and think us ugly and dim.”

“I don’t think that.” 

“So that woman spewed lies in your name?” Loki did not answer. “So you said it but do not think it?” Loki nodded ever so slightly. “Then why say such things?”

“I was angry,” Loki explained. “I was venting at being pawned off to some creature I have never even met and who, from my limited information on, I am not likely to like.”

“Considering you get to remain on your realm while she is forced away from everything she ever knew and loved to play wife to a creature that has decided before ever meeting her that he cannot even bother to get to know her before making such assumptions, I feel you are somewhat not seeing how lucky you are in your position. What makes it all the more angering is your painting my entire realm’s people with this preconceived and entirely unfounded notion. Why say something you do not mean to your lover?”

“She’s not my...she was just someone that...I am sure Princess Raven is doing as she pleases while hoping her day to come here never comes considering...wait, you speak as though you know her?” Loki eyed Raven carefully. “Are you one of her maids?”

“No, I am not.” Raven looked him directly in the eye as she spoke, showing her honesty at that statement. “I have never served her, nor have I served as a maid in the Ljósáfar palace before you ask. I am not one of her ladies or anything similar to that either. I swear by a solemn oath on my life.”

With her conviction and her statement, Loki believed her. “But you know her, somewhat?” “I do, somewhat.” Raven did not think it wise to lie on that matter, it was entirely true and she knew he would smell her lie. 

“What is she like?”

“She does not suffer fools or people who think her one. She would be sickened at your comments on her, about how you speak of her and her people to some bed partner…” She shook her head. “What makes it worse is your following after me for fear I would reveal you to your mother. You know what you said was wrong.” She inhaled deeply. “I cannot do this. She removed the green sash she bore on the waist of her dress that permitted her to walk through the magic shields that protected different private halls only for those who served the Aesir royal family. “I quit.” She handed it to Loki and walked out of the room. 

She knew she would have to return to Asgard and marry him. She knew that it would be horrible and awkward but she could not face him any longer. She was too hurt for her people and for herself. She would endure the marriage as she knew she had to but she was relieved that if nothing else was achieved from her day in Asgard, she knew what to expect. That was something she was grateful for. She was not going to be blindsided. In the back of her mind, she hoped that Loki would rethink his opinions on the Ljósáfar and be a better being by then. She didn’t know if he would, she could only wait and see. 

She went to the room that she was supposed to stay in and prepared her belongings to return to Alfheim. It did not take long, she had sadly not even had the chance to unpack most of them and waited to be allowed permission to return home. 

When she heard a knock on her bedroom door, she was entirely certain that it would the guard with the consent to leave. On opening the door, she was startled to see Loki on the other side. She went to close the door in his face but his boot stopped her from doing so. “I am busy. I have nothing more to say to you.” 

“I need to apologise.” “I need to get ready to leave.”

“Please don’t. Not on my account.”

“Pray tell, your Highness, why would anyone remain to work for an individual who loathes their entire race?”

“I never meant that.”

“Whether you did or you did not, you said it, now excuse me.” Again, Raven went to close the door and again Loki prevented her from doing so. Annoyed, she looked at him expectantly. “I do not wish to dally too greatly, I will not be returning for any belongings that I leave behind any time soon.”

“I’m sorry. I am sorry for what I said, for how offensive it was and for how unfounded it was.” Loki blurted the words out as swiftly as he could.

“You’re a prince, why do you care if you insult a maid?” Raven asked curiously. 

“Because it was wrong.”

She opened the door more, eyeing him suspiciously and shaking her head slightly. “No, it’s more than that. You are Prince Loki of Asgard, you do not always care for right and wrong. I have heard much of your antics. Why?” 

Loki was both insulted and impressed that she did not fall for such words so easily. “Considering I am to marry a Light Elf in the near future, it does not bode well that I have one of her realm’s people rushing from the realm at the earliest opportunity.”

“So, this is because you do not want others talking about you? For your intended to hear what has been the experience of another here before her?” Loki did not nod but it was clear in his face he wanted to. “What if I were to ensure that she was informed of your thoughts on her and her people?”

“I can only hope that by the time that comes to pass, that you will see that I am not that sort of being.” He toyed with his fingers. “I was also hoping you could tell me more of Princess Raven, if you know much about her?”

Raven found herself pursing her lips. “Why, you clearly don’t care?” 

“Well, hopefully, we can see if there are manners in which she and I are suited before her coming here,” Loki explained. “I am aware my words were unkind but I truly do not feel that way and I am all too aware that I do not know of her dislikes and likes before I even meet her. I wish to rectify that.”

Raven did not know what to say. She knew to be careful listening to his words, he was, of course, the Liesmith, the Silver Tongue. He told you what you wanted to hear. “When is she due to arrive?”

“I have no idea. No one said anything and I did not ask.”

“Not the best start if you are not even interested in knowing when she will arrive.”

“I assume I will be told close to the date.” “Had you any intention on learning about her in advance?”

“Not particularly. I considered her nothing more than a duty. Alfheim needed our help and since they were somewhat flippant with their allegiances in the past, my father wished to secure it more for the future. Apparently, that was decided to include me. How I was chosen over Thor, I cannot tell. She is, after all, a princess, daughter of the reigning king, she would have made sense for him.”

“Perhaps it is considered that she is not of high enough standing for him. There is a considerable difference between the wife of the second-in-command and the Allmother, I would have thought.” 

Loki eyed her warily. “Is that an underhanded comment at me?”

“I did not even mention you, Your Highness.” Raven gave a smile that was more scathing than a glare. “I think it best if I continue to use my limited free this afternoon to prepare for the evening shift. Excuse me.” She used the fact that Loki had let his guard down in their talking to one another to seize the opportunity to take back the green sash in his hand and close the door again. 

For his part, Loki stood startled at being bested by his maid for a moment. Knowing that he would not get her to open her door again by knocking, he used his seidr to go back to his rooms, thinking of what to ask his maid on her return to them. 

* It took Raven more effort than she would have wished to return to Loki’s rooms. Part of her thought to rush off realm but she had been informed by a guard that there would be no further realm to realm movement for the rest of the evening. She decided to give Loki until the morning to show he was not merely some egotistical twit. 

Going to his rooms, she paused when she heard arguing from within. 

“And?” “What do you mean ‘and’? You are the heir to the throne.”

“This is not news, Loki. Father made it clear that I will have to marry soon also but for now, Princess Raven of Alfheim is to be brought here to marry you. You get to have all the attention you crave for a time. Then you and she can have little animal named children and I will get my turn to be strapped down by some boring droll creature.” 

Raven felt her body temperature increase at the mocking of her name. She was about to enter the room when there was a loud thud against the wall causing her to jump. 

“I may not be overly pleased with being forced to marry some elf but if you ever mock her or any of the children I am to be the father of again, I will end you, brother, or not.” Loki hissed. “And with regards to names, there would be no animal ones. They would, by virtue of being of Asgard, have normal Aesir names. Whatever of Princess Raven, her brothers and family all have normal Elvish names, whatever turn of fancy the King took to name his daughter after a bird, it is not commonplace to do so.”

Raven felt herself become conflicted. Loki defending her and the children she knew she would be obliged to have as his wife made her feel he was somewhat honourable. The fact he scoffed in his own way at her made her want to pack her belongings again. 

“If that is everything, I would ask you to go away and not bother me again, this evening or any other time, Brother.” The door opened and Loki pushed his brother out of it, causing Thor to crash into a startled Raven. “Oh, dear.” Loki’s bored voice told Raven and indeed Thor that he did not care about accidentally causing the pair to collide. “I suppose you better not injure my maid too much, I need her to fetch my dinner.” 

Thor looked down at the maid in front of him for a moment, apologising to her before pausing for a second, looking at her studiously. There was no denying the recognition in Thor’s face. “Your maid?” He asked curiously. 

Raven knew that the older Aesir prince knew who she was, it was plain to see. At that moment, she was fully convinced that he would reveal everything to his younger brother. 

[smallerinfinities]

I came to some realizations after Azriel’s bonus chapter.

a) it took place in the middle of the book, not the end. This was also relatively close to the time where Elain kept stating that she wanted a human mate, not a fae.

b) I think Azriel is extremely desperate for love. Do I think he feels some sort of attraction (whether sexual or romantic) towards Elain? Yes. Do I think that he’s also just extremely needy for love after seeing his two brothers find their mates in quick succession and now he sees his chance to find a partner himself after lining after the same girl for 500 years? Yes.

c) Azriel needs to fix his damn self because I don’t like the fact that he said he hadn’t thought further then bedding Elain when she seems like a sweet girl who has a whole lot more character exploring to come (or at least I hope so). Also dislike how Lucien respects Azriel and the 2 seemed to get along quiet well throughout the book, yet Azriel was ready to legit kill Lucien who is an absolute gem to me.

d) I find it interesting how the bonus chapter started with Elain and Azriel and ended with Gwyn and Azriel. Might be foreshadowing, might be a build up for angst, idk.

e) I can’t wait for that necklace re gift to blow up in Azriel’s face.

f) I don’t like how Elain is treating Lucien. It may be the fact that she doesn’t want to accept that she is now Fae and has a Fae mate, but at least talk to the man or at the very least be civil to him. Lucien is one of my favourite characters and that dude just can’t catch a break. I’m not saying she has to accept him (because no man is entitled to Elain, she is her own woman and should be treated as such) but don’t string my poor fox boy around. And especially don’t entertain the idea of sleeping with another guy under the same roof as him. Either reject him or talk it out with him.

g) there are so many different ways these next books can go but my main concern is how sjm is gonna find new worldly conflicts (not romantic ones because holy shit we have enough of those) because it kinda feels like the storyline is just being dragged a bit.

h) I’m a Gwynriel shipper but I’m not completely opposed to Azriel and Elain getting together. As long as Gwyn and Lucien don’t get fucked over (especially Gwyn considering her past with men) and both Az and El don’t have to sacrifice integral parts of their characters to be together then I’m cool with it.

I really liked ACOSF and there are so many different paths that the storyline could now go. We got 2 different cliches that could be done too lmao. SJM is a talented writer and I do want to see all my favourite characters get a happily ever after and while I’m excited to see what’s to come, I can’t help but be worried that I might be let down. This series is a great one, but it’s going on for a while. I sometimes feel like it should have just ended after ACOWAR, but I still have faith in the next couple of books. I also wish that this fandom wouldn’t be so nasty when it comes to something as trivial as ships, but oh well! Sorry for the ridiculously long ask, but I had so many thoughts about that bonus chapter!

okay okay so I’ve been on my phone for a couple days and when I read this I was like WOW THIS NEEDS A FULL KEYBOARD RESPONSE BECAUSE SEVERAL POINTS WERE MADE--

first off, I totally agree that this stuff is just discourse and like no one should be fighting or like idfk sending weird death threats over ships or the simple fact that they liked a book or a chapter like it’s not that deep it’s just speculation let people like what they like....but back to the Az bonus chapter...

I specifically want to talk about points B, C, and F. 

B-- so I think you’re so right about Az being desperate for love. like he’s gone so long feeling that unrequited shit for Mor and before maybe it wasn’t a big deal to him because his brothers were seemingly unattached too. but now that Rhys and Cassian are both mates and fucking head over heels for Feyre and Nesta, I think he’s feeling his separation from that happiness acutely and it just seems like star-crossed fate shit that there should be three brothers and three sisters (as cheesy as it feels and sounds and how trope-y it is) so maybe the lust he feels for Elain is just that base need to feel SOMETHING in the face of what he can see and hear and fckn *smell* at the River House and the House of Wind every damn day. and Elain is frankly an easy target. she’s quiet with a sense of humor and a fuckload of trauma....she’s someone for Az to be gentle with and nurture. and when he says “maybe the cauldron was wrong” like you feel the pain and resentment there...that the other sisters were seemingly made for his brothers and he should be left out. I feel bad for him but at the same time....

C--DUDE WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT KILLING LUCIEN AND HOW EASY IT WOULD BE....like that’s some Class A territorial fae bastard shit right there...not seen since the likes of Rowan Whitethorn (though in truth I do love it on him but he was that way for AELIN, HIS MATE)...I don’t think Sarah breathed life into the idea of the cauldron making a mistake for nothing, but I also just don’t think she belongs in the Night Court...all those comments about how much Elain would love Spring Court and sunshine and light....I’ve said this before but the Court of Nightmares solstice scene where Cassian basically calls Elain plain in her Night Court black dress was a huge yikes for me. like the Night Court clearly dims her spirit. it doesn’t fit her aesthetic, you know? anyways I’m getting off track...Azriel’s preoccupation with Elain right now from his POV seems almost entirely sexual so maybe like rethink that bro. 

F--okay yes, while I don’t think Elain is “beholden” to anyone and no male should feel entitled to her or be FIGHTING BLOOD DUELS OVER HER WTF???? I do agree that she has treated Lucien pretty much like shit. she hasn’t tried to understand the situation or the history (at least from what we’ve seen) of the mating bond and how neither of them chose this. like Lucien is as much a victim of the situation as she is, he just has the benefit of understanding what it means in fae culture to have a mate and the pain it causes to reject it. like she just avoids him instead of out-right saying no so he’s just being strung along. like let him go if you don’t want to be with him. and while Lucien has made some shitty decisions (I will never forgive him for his complicity in ACOMAF), this kind of pain shouldn’t be his punishment...like Rhys wouldn’t have to deal in absolutes with Azriel if Elain would just MAKE THE DECISION because then it’s not a challenge for Elain. it’s Elain making a choice, just like they’re fond of allowing women to make in the damn Night Court. my problem with Elain has never been with her femininity or her perceived lack of personality (which is canon now pls) it has always been with her lack of action and the inner circle enabling her to sit and do nothing--EVEN WHEN SHE MIGHT WANT TO. yes I’m talking about that moment where everyone is all up in arms about “exposing” Elain to the darkness of the dread trove and all but throwing Nesta to the wolves...I screamed when Cassian was like “BUT NESTA SHOULD???” ugh pissed me off so much. 

anyways clearly we both have a lot of feelings lmao I will scream about this series until I die I s2g 

[cherrylining]

Kakuriyo Light Novel Volume 5: Finale

I debated whether to translate this chapter for a long time, but in the end they didn’t confirm it in the anime, so...... you’re welcome, everybody. 

Picks up after the ceremony, when Orio-ya and Tenjin-ya are saying their farewells to each other. This is from Ranmaru’s perspective (mostly. I guess.)

If you were waiting for this, thanks!

Previous chapter

My body, will be imprisoned here forever. 

My destiny, will forever be watched over by the cradle of this sea. 

Sometimes, I will suddenly want to return back to a certain destination. 

I feel that I can hear, from the far end of the sea, from the far end of the country, that there are compatriots who are calling me. 

But my body however, is still bound to this southern land. 

Maybe one day, my soul will be able to travel through the storm, and return to that country.

Dear children, please forgive my waywardness.

Isohime-sama wrote down these words in her notebook. 

This is the handwriting left by her after the failure of the ceremony, just before she slept forever in the filthy cave. 

.

“Ranmaru, do you hate me?”

While looking at the majestic sea in the south, Ginji asked me. 

I stroked Nobunaga’s back in my arms, and laughed. 

“You ask me this even now? Didn’t you make up your mind to leave Orio-ya already?”

“But……”

Ginji’s silver hair fluttered in the wind, and his face still carried an earnest look. 

“In the end, I just evaded the fate of the southern land and put all the responsibility on you.”

“......”

“Only I was free. But Ranmanru, you have always been here……”

“Ha! Ginji, you are still as naive. I thought you were using your own way to accomplish this mission.”

“What?”

What does this mean- Ginji showed a dumbfounded expression, as if these words were written on his face.

He has so much capability in doing business, but sometimes he could still be so natural. Really, it’s unbearable. 

“Your decision to leave then was a turning point, just like this time, and triggered a series of fates in the end. You returning, this fact alone, has already brought many additional good things.”

“Additional…… are you referring to Aoi-san?”

“Not only that woman. I’m also referring to the Odanna of Tenjin-ya, the Fuyin couple, and many others that were also affected by you. Thanks to them, this ceremony ended with a great success- I knew by my intuitions that this time it would be successful, and until I had been notified by that messenger of the water mirror in the palace giving out a good omen, could I really confirm it…… But this success is by no means only on the surface. I also feel that I, who had been trapped for so long within the stagnant waters, being unable to escape, has finally been able to take a step forward.”

“......Ranmaru.”

These words, so different from what I would usually say, made Ginji feel overwhelmed. 

However, the truth is that aside from achieving success for the ceremony this time, we have also received considerable gains in reviewing the form of the ceremony. 

Although there is no way to know how long the ceremony of the southern land will last in the future, we must rethink how to receive the Umi-bouzu. 

‘Entertainment’ should not be a ritual dominated by fear and silence in the past, but should be full of warmth. 

Being able to find a view like this, that not even Isohime-sama had seen, could be possibly because we work in the industry of ‘inn’, and thus were able to find such an answer. 

“In the end, the Umi-bouzu was just an ayakashi who was locked in the darkness and led a lonely life.”

“That place…… is it actually the dark side of the Eternal Realm?”

“Who knows. The only thing that is certain, is that the Black Sea at the other end will open once every hundred years, allowing impurities to pour out, causing disasters. But the Umi-bouzu isn’t an impurity, I think…… he probably exists to manage the impurities there.”

“An ayakashi to manage the impurities……”

Assuming that both the treasures and kagura dance were both necessary procedures to purify filth, the function of the ‘ocean treasures’ was different from the beginning. 

--Only to satisfy the Umi-bouzu. 

As for why his displeasure with the banquet would lead to the ceremony to fail, one of the reasons probably lie with whether he had enough “power” to keep the filth back.

In some respects, this power may refer to whether he ate enough and whether he was in good spirits. Although it sounds cheap, I think everyone can understand that without this banquet, the ceremony would not be successful.

From this point of view, the food and hospitality provided by Tsubaki Aoi this time were indeed surprisingly good. The reason lies with the fact that her cooking improves the “spiritual power” necessary for the survival of all youkais. 

“Ginji, you made the right choice to initially leave. If we had both remained here, maybe we would not have been able to see these facts. It was you who led this ceremony to success.”

“No…… how could it be, Ranmaru. The effort that I could give was limited, and it was all thanks to Aoi-san’s help……”

“Ha! And that was all thanks to you that we could get her to act. DIdn’t she do all this, just to bring you back?”

“......”

Ginji suddenly looked up at Tenjinmaru, which was stopped at the docks.

His eyes followed the target of Tsubaki Aoi, who had poked her head out from the deck to bid farewell to the twins. 

Even I, who had known him since young, seemed to have never seen before the warmth that was contained in his eyes. I think to myself, this really is……

“Haha! I really think you are a guy who likes picking the hardest road to walk.”

“What?” 

“Falling in love with that woman…… you will be the one who suffers in the end.”

“......”

Ginji’s eyes slowly widened.

Seeing this guy’s surprised and speechless appearance, I could only speak happily. 

“Alright, you should quickly go back. Your home is not here anymore.”

I patted Ginji on the shoulder, then left him and walked towards the front of the pine forest to meet the other groups in Orio-ya who came to see them off. 

Glancing back at Ginji, he looked thoughtful and stared at the sea again. 

After a while, he quickly climbed onto Tenjinmaru. 

“Ah ah, that’s right, you should quickly go back. Just cherish the most important person in your heart right now, and it will be fine. Take care, my stupid brother.”

That will definitely change our way of survival in the future, and bring us good luck. 

Tenjinmaru, which Ginji had boarded, set off not long after, and left here. 

Carrying Ginji and the hero of this time, Tsubaki Aoi, returning back to where they should go. 

“Goodbye!”

“Take care!”

“The clouds are gathering in the sky, watch out for the rain!”

Orio-ya’s employees and Tenjin-ya’s were fundamentally enemies of each other, but by the time they parted, they had formed a connection worthy of saying farewell to. 

I thought this was a strange chance, and I smiled wryly. 

“Hmph!”

“What’s wrong, Nobunaga?”

The normally well-behaved Nobunaga started rubbing his nose against my chest, whining frequently, looking up at the sky with an uneasy expression, and extended his tongue. 

Do you want to leave this place also?

--He seemed to question me like that.

“Ha! Nobunaga, what nonsense are you saying. I like this southern land…… I, and my body, will coexist here with Orio-ya forever.”

My body, will be imprisoned here forever.

My destiny, will forever be watched over by the cradle of this sea. 

Sometimes this heavy burden will also make me feel overwhelmed, thinking of what Isohime-sama said.

But I have never thought of flying far away, nor did I want to run away. 

This magnificent southern sea endows me with grace, and I will be able to dare continuously. I have only this awareness.

Together with the companions of Orio-ya.

The beam of light shot into the sea from the other side of the sky illuminates us, who have struggled in the dark clouds and are finally breaking through.

Just like a blessing brought from the deceased person I love and respect, Isohime-sama. 

[jaehyunspeachparty]

daddy jaehyun

ii.xxxix. (a/m)

a/n: I just want to put out here a general warning because this update shows a very problematic situation...

"The baby is here." It was the news from Johnny. You immediately went to your children and put them clothes on so that you can make your way to the hospital. Miga has been particularly moody the last few days since it was already the third night that Jaehyun wasn't there. You felt bad too and she noticed that. But since she keeps getting tantrums, she didn't make life easy for you. "Are we going to Daddy?" Asked Miga while you were driving into town. Every time she asked about her father, your heart broke again. Your pain was infinite and sometimes you no longer knew how you should exist. You were like an empty shell. The only thing that kept you going was your children. "No, unfortunately, we're going to Johnny and Johanna. The baby is finally here." You try to talk to her calmly, but then Miga started to cry. "I WANT TO DADDY!" She started screaming and crying, but there was nothing you could do. You were glad that at least Sunoh sleeps peacefully in the back seat, despite Migas crying. You wish you could just cry with her. You also wanted to go to Jaehyun. It was the longest silence between you since you were married. Over time, Miga calmed down and you let some music play so that she was distracted. It was so annoying that you had to explain where Jaehyun was every day while you didn't even know yourself. You stop at a flower shop and Miga chose a bouquet for Johanna. That made her very happy again and all the time she talked only about the colors of the flowers. 

In the hospital, Miga proudly carried the bouquet and she knocked on the door carefully. Johnny opened the door with a tired but overjoyed face. "Wow, you came right away." He hugged you happy and you come into the room. Miga immediately ran to Johann with the flowers and handed them to her. "They are for you." With her little arms she held up the bouquet and Johanna smiled. "Thank you Miga." Johnny took the flowers from her and put them in a vase. Johanna was lying in bed and her daughter was in her right arm. Still very small and fragile. "Ohh she is beautiful." You go to her look at the newborn. The little girl barely opened her eyes. She was so tender that your heart softened. "This is Jaina." Johanna stroked the baby's head gently. "Wow all names are with J." You laugh and sit next to her. "Where's Jaehyun?", asked Johnny and you shuddered when he asked you about him. "Uh, he'll still be in the company. He probably doesn't have his phone with him." Actually, Jaehyun always had his phone with him, but Johnny just nodded and accepted your answer. "I'll take the opportunity right away and get something to eat quickly. Can you stay until I get back, Y/N?" Johnny went to his daughter and kissed her forehead. You nod and then he said goodbye to his wife. "How was the birth? How are you?" Johanna was the best distraction from Jaehyun. You listened to the whole birth story and how Johanna is desperate that breastfeeding is so difficult. You were able to understand all of this and gave her a few tips. When Johnny was back, you still stayed a bit. By now you had little Jaina in your arms. Babies made you so soft. She was only a few hours old and all the memories came up when you gave birth to Miga and Sunoh. You fight with tears because it made everything come up and you miss Jaehyun incredibly. "I know you don't want to talk about what had passed. But do you want another child?" Johanna asked you cautiously while you looked at her newborn in love. You smile as she moves her little hands and you nod. "I want it more than anything else." It was true because you love being a mother and you wanted to have an army of children...but you only want it with Jaehyun. Johnny and Johanna looked at each other sadly because they knew something was wrong. But before anyone said anything and opened any wounds, there was a knock on the door. "DADDYYYYYYY!" Miga's eyes widened and she immediately ran to her father. You look at Jaehyun, who immediately hugged his daughter. After greeting Johnny, he came to you and examined the new baby. You had eye contact all the time but didn't say a word. He took Jaina and rocks her a little. And at that moment he was in a completely different world. Everything around him became soft and calm. He blanked everything out and thought about the time when he held his first child in his hand for the first time. When Jaina started to cry, he came back to reality and gave the baby back to his mother. "Well. I think we were there long enough. We'll go now." You get up and take Sunoh back, who was in Johnny's arms. "I have to go too. I still have to go to the company. But congratulations. You have a beautiful daughter." Jaehyun smiled and Johnny hugged him overjoyed.

You walk down the aisle, but you can't take the tension anymore. "Wait Jaehyun." You stop and he turns around in surprise. Miga also looked up at you and clutched on her father’s leg tightly. "I know you're angry with me. But please come home. The kids miss you." Your voice keeps breaking off and your eyes became glassy. And then Jaehyun did something you didn't expect. He takes a step towards you, took your face in his hands and kissed you. "I promise, I'll come home. I just have to record something in the company today, I'll come to you immediately afterward." He looked deep into your eyes and you just nod. When Jaehyun wanted to drive back in the company, Miga had a tantrum again, but Jaehyun was able to calm her down because he promised that he would still put her to bed today. From this, you are waiting for him that evening. Miga was already in her pajamas and had brushed her teeth’s, just waiting for her father to come home again. Sunoh was in your arms and was already asleep, but you didn't want to put him to bed yet because somehow he calmed you down and you were nervous before Jaehyun's return. And then you see from the window how the lights get on, which implied that Jaehyun was coming. It wasn't long before he came upstairs and Miga could hardly believe her luck.

You still didn't know how to deal with him. You were divided with your feelings. For one thing, you were so incredibly glad that he was here again. Second, you were so angry that he just left you. While Miga ran to him, you quickly went to Sunoh's room and put him in his bed. You then decide to wait for him in the bedroom. However, you were so nervous that you could not sit or lie down. You went up and down in the room and wait until he finally comes. When the door opened, you looked at him in panic. Your ambiguity in your feelings hardly changed. You were so relieved to see him here, but he broke your heart too. Jaehyun said nothing, he just came up to you, pressed you against the wall and kissed you. The side of you that missed him so badly became weak. You cling to him so tight that you hint never to let him go again. His body was so close to you and you take everything from him. His hands went under your ass, lifting you up. Your legs clasped his hips and he carried you to bed. You didn't know what was going on with yourself, but it was a strange mood between you. Jaehyun quickly pulled yours and his pants down and it wasn't long before he was inside of you. As he pushed his hips into you, he put his lips to your ear and whimpered. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." It was a weird reaction from him and somehow it brought up the side of you that was hurt. Because at that moment you start to cry. You could hardly stop the angry feelings. Your sobs grew louder and Jaehyun stops moving, but still stays in you. "You left me. You weren't there." Tears rolled down your cheeks and you look into Jaehyun's desperate face. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened to me." He hangs his head and sighs. "Please never leave me again. Please Jaehyun." You implored him and you didn't know why you became so weak. "Do you need me?" Jaehyun put his forehead on yours. You look at him and nod. "Yes, I need you", you breathe and you feel how he started to move in you again. "How much do you need me?" He grunted and his eyes grew more serious. "I need you as a husband. As a father ... I just need you so much." You cannot say that this kind of sex was somehow satisfying. It was all so weird. The next moment you hear the grunt of Jaehyun and you feel his cum spread inside you. When he was done are you looking desperately into the void? You feel dirty. Not because of the sex, but because of yourself. You realize how dependent you were on him, on his love and you no longer knew whether it was healthy. Jaehyun saw your look and he froze. He knew you were rethinking something and he hoped it wasn't him. "Y/N, I didn't want to force you ... I just missed you so much." He reached for your hand and looked at it desperately. You don't say anything else, your head felt so full. "I'm sorry. I was an idiot." He begged you, he humiliated himself so that you forgive him. You didn't know what to think anymore. You got up and went to the bathroom without a word.

The bathroom door opened slowly, but Jaehyun didn’t enter yet. "May I come in?" You only hear his voice and you realize how careful he was. "Yes." You only answer him briefly and watch the door open and he takes a step into the room. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have you ... we shouldn't have had sex in this situation." He kept a respectable distance and leaned against the wall. You sit down and feel the warmth of the underfloor heating. "No, it isn’t that. I mean ... we are not like that, we were never like that." You sigh and look up at your husband. "Well, we also had problems before the children. You were never sure of me, we fought a lot." He sat down on the floor with you and looked at you worriedly. "No, it's not that. Well, maybe it's part of the problem ... but I mean ... Jaehyun? Is our love sick?" You hardly dare to look him in the eye, but you had to ask him the question. "Why do you believe that?" He looked almost dismayed at your statement. "You have little control over your jealousy and I forgive you so easily just because I missed you. Jaehyun, I don't think I can exist without you." A tear rolls down your cheek and your sobs grew louder. "I mean, you are always afraid that you will lose me. But then it is you who keeps running away. How can I trust you to stay with me?" Jaehyun looked at you at your words as if he see everything clear now. It was he who was always running and because he did leave you, he automatically assumed that you would do it too. "I think I'm projecting my problems onto you." He put his head back and you can tell that he was fighting with tears with himself and Jaehyun really never cried. "Fuck! The last year has been so bad and it's all my fault." He tries to collect himself and you can see that he was more concerned than he admitted. But at that moment he opened up to you because he knew it was his last chance. "I'm to blame for the whole Suji thing, then the thing with my parents, it seems to me that Sunoh hasn’t a bond with me – I’m like a stranger to him, then the miscarriage and the solo album ... fuck! ... I can make my dream come true, but it's like a deal with the devil. What if Sunoh doesn't recognize me anymore? What if Miga is mad at me? What if our marriage fails? There is so much pressure." At this moment, Jaehyun is more honest than ever. He had never expressed his feelings so much and you can see that he has a lot of problems with himself. You became aware that he had a lot to carry and he always learned to denial psychological problems. You knew that part of Korean culture isn’t dealing much with psychological problems. But it couldn't go on like this. "It is my fault that you are feeling bad. I am your husband, I have to make sure that you feel good. I want to be the place where you can relax. I want to be your home. But because of me, it all happens because of me, you are suffering." He lowered his head and you knew that tears came up him. "I failed." You hear a soft sob and you slide a little closer to him. "Jaehyun ..." You wanted to say something, but then he raised his head again. "I can understand if you want to leave me, even if it would break my heart." His eyes were all red and you were glad that he just see the problem now. You take his hand and play with his wedding ring. "In good times and in bad times. Right?" You stare at the ring for a while and then you look up at it. "Jaehyun, you are my great love. I can't imagine ever loving someone as much as you. We have a bad time. But the good times prevail." You sigh and you put your forehead together. Tears ran down your cheeks and you reach for Jaehyun's chest to hear his heartbeat. It was racing like crazy and you didn't want him to feel so bad. "Do you forgive me?" He took the hand that was on his chest and looked deep into your eyes. "Yes ... but you must never leave me again. I don't know if I can forgive you again." Jaehyun understood and nodded. "But I'm asking you for one thing." You look at him seriously and he was nervous. "I want you to see a therapist after the solo album. You have to cope with a lot and you can't handle it on your own. And I can't take your possessive behavior anymore. That has to change." You were serious. You knew he had to get treatment and work on his psyche. "Okay ... for you ..." He put his hands on yours and he looked at you resolutely. "Good." And for the first time, you smile. Jaehyun took you and you lay on his chest. "I love you...so much." Jaehyun kissed your head and you closed your eyes a little. "I love you too."

daddy jaehyun masterlist

[peterpan-ouat-imagines]

In Hell I Will: Part 5

Writing Prompt #9: I gotta admit, that turns me on

A days after Emma risking me being killed I still am not talking to her.  I can’t believe she put me in such a fucked up situation.

I get a text from Henry asking to meet up and I accept.  Ten minutes later I go to Granny’s.

“What’s new with the quill?” I ask when I see him.

“Not much to be honest.  That isn’t why I came to talk to you,” he tells me shyly and I look confused.

“Then what?” I ask.

“I know you know about what happened with Pan,” he tells me and I gulp not sure where this is leading, “I bring that up because I think he wants me again,”

“What? Why?” I ask nervously afraid I’m about to be caught.

“I found this by my bed in my grandparents loft,” he shows me a note that says “Sweet dreams” signed by him.

I gasp knowing that was meant for me, “what do you think it means?” I ask.

“I don’t know but there isn’t anyone else who he would want as much as me, after all, he was going to kill me to live forever.  It makes sense. This could be a warning that he’s going to try to get my heart again.  I have to show this to everyone else.” he tells me urgently.

“No!” I exclaim and he looks at me weird.  I give myself a calmer appearance, “No that isn’t a good idea.  They’re already worried about so much else.  I can help you figure it out.  I want to be useful.  Anyway you promised me you wouldn’t leave me alone,” I explain a little shaky.

“You are right they do have a lot on there plate. And I’m sorry about leaving you out.  Where should we start?”

“What would his place be he goes to or works at here?” I ask him knowing the answer.

“My granddads shop!” He grabs my hand and runs down the street and I can’t tell whether I’m excited from him touching me or just being included in something I know isn’t a hoax.

I start counting everything that could go wrong in my head and know I made a dreadful mistake. He could find something of mine. He could discover the truth between us. He could never forgive me if I did. As he grabs the door I become a stress ball panicking about what he will find and more.

“Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean after all he is after you.  You might not like what you find either,” I warn him trying to get him to back off.

“It doesn’t matter what I find, what matters is I figure out what he is up to,” he tells me determined and the bell rings as we walk in.

As he searches for clues I stand not to far behind him making sure that he does not find anything that could get me caught.  He’s so nice and inclusive it makes me want to rethink choosing Pan.

“Y/n, go to the office if we separate we can do this faster,” Henry tells me.

“It might be best if we do it together.  To make sure the other didn’t miss anything,” I suggest doubting he’ll agree.

“Y/n, I know you’re new to the whole finding evidence thing, but something about searching is splitting up to find things faster,” he tells me urging me away and i feel less wanted by him.

“What am I even looking for?” I ask trying to play along.

“Something that could mean danger or something about me,” he tells me.

I gulp as I head to a room that is a distance from Henry unable to track what he might find.

I scan the room knowing in my head that the office is where personal things are so there’s a higher chance of finding something before Henry... hopefully.

I look at the desk scurrying through everything trying to find something that points to me, “There has to be something,” I whisper to myself.

After flipping through papers and looking in drawers I come across a envelope with my name on it, “Bingo,” I open it expecting something showing his sweet side and it’s titled Plan for me. That is so sweet that I make him want to have a real plan with a real future.

I start to read it but the format isn’t in paragraphs.  It is in bullet points as if he was taking notes on something to study.

”Y/n, is interesting, she’s mysterious and kind.  She knows how to catch my eye and not afraid to get in a little trouble.  She wants to help her family but can’t. She’s interested and the key to escaping.  Wrapped around my finger and able to steal from her. Her heart is strong I can tell, just what I need and can get once she is in love with me she will gladly hand it over.”

The paper slips from my hand and my heart drops. “He tricked me? How could he? How could I be so stupid! I knew feelings like that were too good to be true,” I shove the paper back in the envelope and place it where it was trying to keep myself in one piece.

“The favor,” I say to myself. “The favor he wanted from the beginning is going to be my heart,”

I sit at the desk trying to dig for more and there’s a sketch of me which I don’t even know what to think. I am so overwhelmed and don’t know what to do I take the backdoor and run away.  Being a hero isn’t the lifestyle for me.  Running away from my problems is.

About an hour later I’m by the well where me and Pan had our first rendezvous and crying... still.  I hear a branch snap, “Who’s there?” I jump and start wiping away my tears.

“Just me,” Henry says, “Where did you go?  I went to check on you and you were gone. I got worried,” he sits next to me, “Were you crying?” he asks looking at my puffy eyes.

“Yeah and before you ask why, it’s because I found out someone isn’t who I thought they were... at all.  Constant disappointment seems to follow me.” I sniffle.

He hugs me. I look at him and he looks at me, staring each other in the eyes. We both slowly lean in and he kisses me.  It’s soft and sweet.  When our lips part I don’t feel what I thought I would feel.  Not a warm giddy feeling.  Not overcome with lust and going back for a kiss with more passion.  It’s just a kiss.  

I look away from him embarrassed.

“What’s wrong now,” he asks me.

“Henry I like you, I do, but something just feels off about us,” I’m now even more embarrassed I just let him down, “I have to go,” I run off feeling horrible between telling someone I don’t like them the right way and being used by someone who I do.

I don’t even know where to go.  Everyone is leaving me out to be forgotten and I can’t go to Pan.  I just start running to nowhere I really know.  

I trip over a branch and fall hard not able to get up, “Help! Help!” I yell hoping someone can hear me.  I reach for my phone but it’s across the trail and the branch is stuck.  I try to pull my leg out but it’s wedged too deep.

Someone comes running over several minutes later, “Y/n! Are you okay?” Hook answers.  He helps untangle my leg from the branch and sit more comfortably, “What happened?”

I can’t help but cry about everything.  I unravel about it all.  How I was betrayed, how arrived to Storybrooke, it all comes out.  I even let out how the mystery person was Peter Pan slip.

“Pan?” he asks, “When I see that boy I’m gonna-” he starts getting angry.

“Hook no, he’s my problem, I have to deal with him,” I tell him.

“Everything you just shared about going to a witch you found and dealt with on your own and having to put up with that demon.  All you ever do is try to solve things by yourself, you need to be able to let others help you get through things,” he tells me gently.

He helps me up and I stand steady, “Hook, will you do me a favor?  Please don’t tell anyone what I told you.  Especially the part about Pan.”

“But y/n-” he begins.

“I know.  They could help me and I probably could use there help.  I just don’t want to deal with there disapproval of him,” I explain,  “You and I know and together we can think of something,” I tell him.

“For now, but at some point you do,” he tells me and I nod.

It makes me think of what the witch who cast me to Storybrooke told me before I left.  Family isn’t always blood, it disguises itself and once you find it you don’t let go. Maybe this is what she meant.  Sure Hook is a pirate who I would never have approached if seen on the street.  But having him pushed in my life and the type of connection  we share.  There is no one I’ve felt more in touch with and understood by.  Also it puts into perspective what Emma did with me.  I hate how she risked my life but if I knew that someone like Hook might die, I’d go to extreme circumstances to try to keep him safe as well.

We walk back to Main Street and an arrow flies right past us barely missing my face.  My eyes follow it and it’s aiming right at Mr. Gold.  I get terrified and look back at where it came from and a man tall and tan with nice thick jet black hair is standing there.  He’s wearing a sling of arrows and holding a bow and looks very angry.  Seconds later Belle runs out trying to talk him down. But he looks way too determined to listen.  

We get out of there and head to the normal meeting spot, the apartment.  I sigh knowing Emma will be there and I’ll have to face her at one point or another.  

“Why does no one let me do anything?” I ask him once we get there, “I feel like everyone is off trying to help and I’m just assigned nothing,” I huff.

“It’s not intentional,” he tells me, “And you have helped, you saved Ruby and have gone around looking for clues.  You knew where to start with trying to beat Hades and gone with others like Henry to find items we need,” I roll my eyes, “It’s true,”

Emma Regina and Robin all come in.  When Emma sees me she comes up, “Y/n I want to say something,”

“Me first.  Emma, it’s okay.  I know that you were trying to save your mom, if it were me I would be doing anything to save someone I care about so much too,”

“Y/n, you need to know that yes that was a reason that I brought you.  But I also did because I knew you would be able to handle it.  I knew you were brave and strong enough,” she tells me.

All of this sharing of feelings makes me feel so guilty that I’m keeping all these secrets from everyone.

“When will everyone else be here?” I ask.

“Mary Margaret and David weren’t that far behind us,” Regina says.

“Okay, there’s something I have to tell you all but I want everyone to be here,” I say nervously.

Later on that evening everyone is back except for Gold and Zelena which is weird.

“I have to share something with you all,” I gulp nervously as they stare at me waiting to speak.

“I wasn’t in trouble when you found me.  I know that when I came here I said I needed help because I’m in danger and could get hurt.  But that isn’t true.  The truth is I knew about magic well before I came here.  When I was little my dad walked out and social service took me away because my mom obsessively used magic to the point she hurt me when I tried to stop her from fighting someone she hates. She told me it wasn’t intentional but deep down I knew she hated how much I wanted her to ease up on magic.  It’s dangerous to have magic used on me since that happened.  Anyway I went to a witch because I wanted to find my family.  The witch told me that family isn’t always blood and dropped me here instead of who raised me,” I explain.

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?  We could help you find your parents,” Mary Margaret tells me.

“I was embarrassed okay. I didn’t want you to know my father couldn’t take the responsibility of raising me and my mom did what she did.  Anyway there’s more.  I’ve been seeing Peter Pan.” I pause and wait for them to react but they look confused, “What I mean is, Pan found me the first day, and I know it’s wrong but we were together and I really enjoyed it,”

“What?!” David exclaims and I’m not shocked by how mad he sounds.

“Me and Pan had something going.  I snuck out to see him he snuck in to see me.  Which is why Henry found that note saying sweet dreams.  It was left for me.” I look down feeling all the sadness rush as I am about to retell the betrayal, “But he used me.  I was looking through his stuff and found out that I’m just his plan to get a heart and go back.  He tricked me!” I choke and once again cry unable to fight back the tears.

I wait for there judgmental looks and telling me it was an awful idea but they just stand there expressionless, “Say something!” I exclaim.

“I understand why you hid this from us,” Mary Margaret says and she comes over to comfort me, “But you should have told us sooner, we could have helped with finding your family,”

“And don’t worry about Pan, we will take care of him,” David adds, “what matters is your safe,”

“No no no. I don’t want him to be hurt. This is like Zelena and Hades. She’s in love with HADES and you are all perfectly okay with it!” I defend him.

“No we aren’t,” Regina says.

“You gave her the okay to be with him!” I say angry, “there has to be a way to deal with this without pan getting hurt,”

“What did the paper say?” Robin asks changing the subject.

“It was like a list of my qualities and how I am and have acted. It was like while we were spending time together he was studying me. But the last part was how once I fall in love with him I’ll gladly give him my heart and how I’m already wrapped around his finger,” I explain.

“It’s okay we will figure something out. You’ll be able to go back with us he isn’t coming,” Emma assured me.

I nod nervously, “I need to go for a walk,” I make a quick exit leaving them to talk about probably how dumb I am.

I go for a stroll to the docks and sit criss cross looking down in the soul filled water.

Someone sits next to me, “Look I’m not in the mood to be judged-“ when I turn my head it’s pan. I scoff and get up and walk away.

He follows me, “Hey what’s wrong,” he asks clearly not knowing I know the truth.

“Stop it pan we are through!” I tell him angry without turning around and keep walking.

“Y/n! What happened?” He asks.

I stand where I am for a moment before I turn around, “What happened? What happened was the guy I thought I might have loved was using me all along! I saw the paper with your “findings“ and “observations” of me! I know why you really approached me that first day!” I storm off.

After I walk a few feet he starts talking again, “You know your smarter than I thought you were. I thought I’d be able to get you to believe it till the end. But I haven’t given up. I still believe your feelings right now are strong enough to want to give me a heart,” he admits.

The pain worsens as he admits the truth, “So everything! Everything was just a ruse to go back?!” I ask afraid of the answer.

“Not everything. I do have feelings for you but going back is more important than love. Love is weakness darling,”

“I’m not doing it pan! I can’t!” I tell him.

“Why who’s alive that came down here that cares about you? Hook? Henry? It won’t take long for them to think you can be tossed out,” he tells me.

“Tell me, I need to hear you say that I was nothing but an excuse to go back up,” I tell him.

“Darling you never were meant to be anything more,” he tells me.

“Meant?” I ask.

“I did develop feelings for you. But once it felt close enough to act different and rethink my plan I realized I was in too deep and created that list to remind me why I pursued you. That doesn’t change the fact I still need your heart,”

“You selfish, mean, double crossing, coward! You could have something if you tried! How could you just let this all go! I could have helped you find a better way!  Helped you love!  And before you say how much I’m like the Charming’s and shit for saying that, I’m not!  I’m me and not afraid to mess with you like you messed with my heart!  You aren’t the only one who knows how to play games and I will beat you at yours!”

“I gotta admit, that turns me on” he says.

“What? Me calling you all those names and threatening you?” I ask.

“No. You standing up to me and showing me how devious and cruel you can be. It shows how like minded we are.  I haven’t met anyone so like me as you. But you should know that being selfish and mean are my signature traits so I take those as compliments,” he smirks his stupid face.

“Well if your turned on now your about to be cranked up by the time I’m done telling you-!” I start shouting.

He pulls me in and kisses me and I push him off me, “I’m not going to makeout with you! I’m mad at you and want you to leave me alone! I’ve already had you let me down enough!”

“You do want it too. We both know that,” he gets closer.

“Stop leaning in! You’re only making it worst! I just want you gone you-“ I start yelling but he shuts me up with a kiss again but this time I can’t help but give in. His bossy clever demeanor makes me feel the same way.

I melt into his kiss and lean against the dock building. I open the door and pull him inside both of us wanting more. We makeout passionately inside the wooden building. I feel his breath on my skin as his lips trail down my neck. He slowly slides his hand up my spine under my shirt grabbing me tight. I take off his tie and jacket getting him out of his suit he wears very well. He slides my shirt off and undoes my shorts yanking them down as if there wasn’t a moment to spare. I start stroking him and he groans as he gets my bra and panties off me tossing them away. I take off his underwear and force my tongue in his mouth as they twist together. I feel him suck my tongue as I moan and he slides in me. Us being fiercely in sync together couldn’t feel any better. He thrusts in me hard each time and his mouth ends up on my chest sucking my boob and I moan again as he makes me feel that good. We keep going and going him groaning and feeling incredible inside me. Faster and harder he goes as time passes.

“Peter, I think I’m about to,” I tell him.

“Ugh so am I,” he tells me.

With another thrust he orgasms inside me and I do the same with him.

He rolls off me both our sweaty bodies laying next to each other.

“Fuck that was amazing,” he breathes heavy.

“It really was. For someone who has spent a lot of time on an island with only boys you are really good,” I tell him.

“I’ve had more experience than you might think,” he tells me.

After a moment of silence I talk again, “Peter this can’t change anything,” I tell him.

“Peter? When did we get on a first name basis?” He asks me ignoring the important part.

“Are you listening? This can’t change how I feel!” I tell him more demanding.

“Can’t isn’t the same thing as doesn’t. It’s okay. I’m okay with it. I know how to keep you and go back. It’s a plan I have thought of but didn’t want to admit because I knew if you were gone it would be harder to move on. But your mine and I won’t let that change,” he explains.

I get up and start looking for my clothes to get dressed not answering him not taking another risk.

He stands up and goes after me, he puts his hand on my shoulder and turns me around, “I’m not playing around this time. I would love you but love held me back from my potential long ago. This time it’s different there’s nothing for me here,”

“So are you saying what we have... is love?” I ask hoping he says what I want.

“What we have is real. We are so alike too. Both have a deep past. We both aren’t afraid to say what we think. Both are sneaky and want something more,” he convinces.

“I... I need to go,” I run out before I make a choice that’s wrong. I see a text from Emma saying that Zelena has gone missing and I’m quick to retreat to them out of concern of her. Why am I so worried about someone I don’t even know that well?

When I’m there with everyone, so is Hades. That leaves me even more confused. He talks about how Zelena was supposed to meet him for dinner but never showed which gets everyone suspicious. There’s a note that says how she’s been kidnapped and to meet at Granny’s at 8.

We do that and when we walk in I’m shocked by what I find. Gold and Pan have Zelena held captive and I stare at Pan in disbelief but he looks at me as if to say “this is the only way.” Gold tells Hades to destroy some contract or Zelena will be hurt. Hades by everyone’s surprise destroys it immediately yet even though Gold disappears Pan goes to grab her heart which has a protection spell on it.

He walks up to me, and Henry steps in front of me, “You aren’t gonna touch her,” he says seriously to him looking him in the eye.

Everyone starts defending me which catches me off guard.

“Pan if you think your going to take her life think again,” Regina stands up for me.

I gently move Henry aside, “You guys I have to keep you all safe,” I tell them. I then step towards Pan,”I know you said that you had a plan to go up there and keep me too. But we both know you lie to get what you want. Whatever you do please don’t hurt them,” I tell him.

“Y/n, remember that favor I said you would owe me?” I nod, “Well I’m about to tell you it. I want your heart,” even though I was expecting it I get very afraid and step back slowly thinking this is all too real and scary for me.

“You aren’t doing that. Y/n is never going to give you her heart,” Hook adds in.

As everyone stands up for me Emma ushers me out the door to hide me, “Emma I can’t hide. He’s going to find me,” I walk back in, “Everyone stop!” They try to block my path but I squeeze through, “Pan, you told me you loved me. Is that true?” I ask serious.

“Of course it’s not!” David exclaims.

“David, let him answer,” I tell him sternly.  I look back at Pan.

“I told you how intense I felt about you.  I wrote that list to distract me from those emotions but it didn’t matter.  I know you’re mine and I know you love me too,” he tells me.

“And because of how I feel about you, I want you to take my heart,” I tell him.

“What?” He asks surprised.

I reach inside my chest and pull out a glowing red heart.  I hand it to him.

“Maybe telling me how I’m just like you was part of your plan but either way have it.  It’ll keep me from feeling,”

“Y/n, what the bloody  hell are you doing?!” Hook exclaims and goes to grab it but I pull it away.

“It doesn’t matter if he takes it!  I just don’t want it anymore,” I uncurl my fingers from it and let roll it onto the floor, “It’s a liability that I’ve had for far too long,” I walk out of the diner without another word.

[wolfpawn]

Hiding in Plain Sight, Chapter 4

Story Summary - Imagine coming from a line of nobility or royalty and being in an arranged marriage with Loki in an attempt to strengthen your kingdom / alliance with Asgard. You’re not entirely on board with the idea but figured that the best you could do was to get to know your fiancé. You form an agreement with Frigga for you to pose as Loki’s personal servant for a few months so you can get to know who Loki really is – beyond the veil of his responsibility to the Asgardian throne, behind all the masks he wears when facing the public, to really know who Loki is behind closed doors as you slowly fall for each other. How long will you keep up the ruse with the God of Lies?

Chapter Summary - Loki tries to set things straight with Raven but then Thor is thrown into the mix.

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When they returned to Loki’s rooms, Raven stood stoically still, her hands behind her back, fidgeting slightly and her head high. In many ways, she knew she was not great at playing a maid, she had been raised for a thousand years to be proud of her house and could not talk as one from a submissive position such as a maid. She may have been deemed lower in standing than her brothers but she was still a princess and the daughter of the king. She watched as he stood facing her silently for a few moments. 

“What is it you require of me, Your Highness? Was something not to your liking?”

Loki had to give it to the elf, she had more courage than most would have. “Actually, everything was quite satisfactory. That bath was the best I have had in the longest time.”

“Then what is required of me at this time? Forgive my bluntness however I was under the impression that this time of day is in fact, mine as per my work agreement whilst you do your own studying, so what is it that calls for my being here fourteen minutes prior to my return to work?”

If he was honest, Loki felt he should reprimand the Light Elf for her manner of speaking to him but her clipped tone and demeanour intrigued him more than he would care to admit. “I apologise, I had not realised….I wish to explain what happened earlier.”

“There is nothing to explain. You plan to have a mistress which I truly hope you tell your soon-to-be wife about as surely she will want to know as to not make a fool of herself in court, not to mention, she would then be free to seek her own happiness with a more fitting man and you loathe us Ljósáfar and think us ugly and dim.”

“I don’t think that.” 

“So that woman spewed lies in your name?” Loki did not answer. “So you said it but do not think it?” Loki nodded ever so slightly. “Then why say such things?”

“I was angry,” Loki explained. “I was venting at being pawned off to some creature I have never even met and who, from my limited information on, I am not likely to like.”

“Considering you get to remain on your realm while she is forced away from everything she ever knew and loved to play wife to a creature that has decided before ever meeting her that he cannot even bother to get to know her before making such assumptions, I feel you are somewhat not seeing how lucky you are in your position. What makes it all the more angering is your painting my entire realm’s people with this preconceived and entirely unfounded notion. Why say something you do not mean to your lover?”

“She’s not my...she was just someone that...I am sure Princess Raven is doing as she pleases while hoping her day to come here never comes considering...wait, you speak as though you know her?” Loki eyed Raven carefully. “Are you one of her maids?”

“No, I am not.” Raven looked him directly in the eye as she spoke, showing her honesty at that statement. “I have never served her, nor have I served as a maid in the Ljósáfar palace before you ask. I am not one of her ladies or anything similar to that either. I swear by a solemn oath on my life.”

With her conviction and her statement, Loki believed her. “But you know her, somewhat?” “I do, somewhat.” Raven did not think it wise to lie on that matter, it was entirely true and she knew he would smell her lie. 

“What is she like?”

“She does not suffer fools or people who think her one. She would be sickened at your comments on her, about how you speak of her and her people to some bed partner…” She shook her head. “What makes it worse is your following after me for fear I would reveal you to your mother. You know what you said was wrong.” She inhaled deeply. “I cannot do this. She removed the green sash she bore on the waist of her dress that permitted her to walk through the magic shields that protected different private halls only for those who served the Aesir royal family. “I quit.” She handed it to Loki and walked out of the room. 

She knew she would have to return to Asgard and marry him. She knew that it would be horrible and awkward but she could not face him any longer. She was too hurt for her people and for herself. She would endure the marriage as she knew she had to but she was relieved that if nothing else was achieved from her day in Asgard, she knew what to expect. That was something she was grateful for. She was not going to be blindsided. In the back of her mind, she hoped that Loki would rethink his opinions on the Ljósáfar and be a better being by then. She didn’t know if he would, she could only wait and see. 

She went to the room that she was supposed to stay in and prepared her belongings to return to Alfheim. It did not take long, she had sadly not even had the chance to unpack most of them and waited to be allowed permission to return home. 

When she heard a knock on her bedroom door, she was entirely certain that it would the guard with the consent to leave. On opening the door, she was startled to see Loki on the other side. She went to close the door in his face but his boot stopped her from doing so. “I am busy. I have nothing more to say to you.” 

“I need to apologise.” “I need to get ready to leave.”

“Please don’t. Not on my account.”

“Pray tell, your Highness, why would anyone remain to work for an individual who loathes their entire race?”

“I never meant that.”

“Whether you did or you did not, you said it, now excuse me.” Again, Raven went to close the door and again Loki prevented her from doing so. Annoyed, she looked at him expectantly. “I do not wish to dally too greatly, I will not be returning for any belongings that I leave behind any time soon.”

“I’m sorry. I am sorry for what I said, for how offensive it was and for how unfounded it was.” Loki blurted the words out as swiftly as he could.

“You’re a prince, why do you care if you insult a maid?” Raven asked curiously. 

“Because it was wrong.”

She opened the door more, eyeing him suspiciously and shaking her head slightly. “No, it’s more than that. You are Prince Loki of Asgard, you do not always care for right and wrong. I have heard much of your antics. Why?” 

Loki was both insulted and impressed that she did not fall for such words so easily. “Considering I am to marry a Light Elf in the near future, it does not bode well that I have one of her realm’s people rushing from the realm at the earliest opportunity.”

“So, this is because you do not want others talking about you? For your intended to hear what has been the experience of another here before her?” Loki did not nod but it was clear in his face he wanted to. “What if I were to ensure that she was informed of your thoughts on her and her people?”

“I can only hope that by the time that comes to pass, that you will see that I am not that sort of being.” He toyed with his fingers. “I was also hoping you could tell me more of Princess Raven, if you know much about her?”

Raven found herself pursing her lips. “Why, you clearly don’t care?” 

“Well, hopefully, we can see if there are manners in which she and I are suited before her coming here,” Loki explained. “I am aware my words were unkind but I truly do not feel that way and I am all too aware that I do not know of her dislikes and likes before I even meet her. I wish to rectify that.”

Raven did not know what to say. She knew to be careful listening to his words, he was, of course, the Liesmith, the Silver Tongue. He told you what you wanted to hear. “When is she due to arrive?”

“I have no idea. No one said anything and I did not ask.”

“Not the best start if you are not even interested in knowing when she will arrive.”

“I assume I will be told close to the date.” “Had you any intention on learning about her in advance?”

“Not particularly. I considered her nothing more than a duty. Alfheim needed our help and since they were somewhat flippant with their allegiances in the past, my father wished to secure it more for the future. Apparently, that was decided to include me. How I was chosen over Thor, I cannot tell. She is, after all, a princess, daughter of the reigning king, she would have made sense for him.”

“Perhaps it is considered that she is not of high enough standing for him. There is a considerable difference between the wife of the second-in-command and the Allmother, I would have thought.” 

Loki eyed her warily. “Is that an underhanded comment at me?”

“I did not even mention you, Your Highness.” Raven gave a smile that was more scathing than a glare. “I think it best if I continue to use my limited free this afternoon to prepare for the evening shift. Excuse me.” She used the fact that Loki had let his guard down in their talking to one another to seize the opportunity to take back the green sash in his hand and close the door again. 

For his part, Loki stood startled at being bested by his maid for a moment. Knowing that he would not get her to open her door again by knocking, he used his seidr to go back to his rooms, thinking of what to ask his maid on her return to them. 

* It took Raven more effort than she would have wished to return to Loki’s rooms. Part of her thought to rush off realm but she had been informed by a guard that there would be no further realm to realm movement for the rest of the evening. She decided to give Loki until the morning to show he was not merely some egotistical twit. 

Going to his rooms, she paused when she heard arguing from within. 

“And?” “What do you mean ‘and’? You are the heir to the throne.”

“This is not news, Loki. Father made it clear that I will have to marry soon also but for now, Princess Raven of Alfheim is to be brought here to marry you. You get to have all the attention you crave for a time. Then you and she can have little animal named children and I will get my turn to be strapped down by some boring droll creature.” 

Raven felt her body temperature increase at the mocking of her name. She was about to enter the room when there was a loud thud against the wall causing her to jump. 

“I may not be overly pleased with being forced to marry some elf but if you ever mock her or any of the children I am to be the father of again, I will end you, brother, or not.” Loki hissed. “And with regards to names, there would be no animal ones. They would, by virtue of being of Asgard, have normal Aesir names. Whatever of Princess Raven, her brothers and family all have normal Elvish names, whatever turn of fancy the King took to name his daughter after a bird, it is not commonplace to do so.”

Raven felt herself become conflicted. Loki defending her and the children she knew she would be obliged to have as his wife made her feel he was somewhat honourable. The fact he scoffed in his own way at her made her want to pack her belongings again. 

“If that is everything, I would ask you to go away and not bother me again, this evening or any other time, Brother.” The door opened and Loki pushed his brother out of it, causing Thor to crash into a startled Raven. “Oh, dear.” Loki’s bored voice told Raven and indeed Thor that he did not care about accidentally causing the pair to collide. “I suppose you better not injure my maid too much, I need her to fetch my dinner.” 

Thor looked down at the maid in front of him for a moment, apologising to her before pausing for a second, looking at her studiously. There was no denying the recognition in Thor’s face. “Your maid?” He asked curiously. 

Raven knew that the older Aesir prince knew who she was, it was plain to see. At that moment, she was fully convinced that he would reveal everything to his younger brother. 

[tyler-blogs]

Long Post About Adulthood and Not Being Ready

Internally, I feel like I'm in a constant battle between ambition and...something else that I can't quite name.

I want desperately to make a difference in this world. I don't care if my name ends up in a history book. I don't need that kind fo legacy. I just want to die knowing that this world is a noticeably better place because of decisions I made.

That's part of why I became a teacher. There are other reasons, but my desire to help people is a big one. But it's also causing me to look beyond the classroom, because American teachers, for better or worse, have to work within a racist, classist, sexist, and generally flawed system. And although teachers make the biggest impact on students directly (few people have a "favorite principal" from childhood), they have less control over the system. Especially in states with strict anti-union laws.

So to help make the systemic changes we need, I need to become a principal or superintendent. To do that, I need to go back and get my master's degree and maybe event a doctorate, eventually. I'm not worried about whether or not I CAN do that. I definitely can. I'll kill that dissertation one day.

But I'm also just so exhausted.

In a perfect world, I'd pay off my student loans (which will be in 2027 if I apply for the $5,000 teacher student loan forgiveness), THEN go get my master's (and probably more student loans). I will have taught for 9 years, spend 2ish getting my master's, then move into a building level admin role (assistant principal or something) after 11+ years as a classroom teacher. I liked that timeline. That was my plan when I graduated, and my husband was on board with it (because I don't need his approval but it's good to have your partner in crime be on the same wavelength as you, ya know?)

Then I got my first teaching job, and now basically nobody else supports that plan, including my husband. My first year at my school, I got an Educator of the Year award (which is unheard of!!!). I've contributed to a pedagogy book that will be published in a few months. I got voted as favorite staff member by my colleagues in May, the end of my 2nd year. My district is paying for me to take classes so I can be certified to teach ESL students. I've only been teaching for 2 years, but my assistant principal, who I love and consider a friend, "jokingly" asked when I was going to get my degree so I could be Dean of Students. I've taught professional development sessions to colleagues who have been teaching longer than I've been alive, and those colleagues voluntarily attended so I guess they like me. I've become my building's NEA union representative. I'm on my district's new "Virtual Learning Taskforce" that we set up to create guidelines for this school year since we are going 100% virtual until COVID cases go down in my county. My resume is getting so long I can't fit it all even on 2 pages. I'm designing websites and sponsoring clubs and mentoring new teachers and I just don't feel comfortable with the pace of ANY of this.

I want these things. I do. I just didn't expect them to happen so quickly. I was taught in college that your first 5 years as a teacher, you're a mess. Well, apparently I don't look like a mess. I feel like one, though.

So Blake, my husband, started trying to get me to rethink my timeline. Maybe instead of starting my master's after I teach for about 10 years, I could start it around year 7, and then have it done by year 10. And then he started looking up programs for me to apply to. He found 2 and I talked to some colleagues and I've chosen the one I want. I know I can get in. But I'm not applying yet. Because I don't! Feel! Ready!

Why don't I feel ready? I don't know! I really don't. Maybe I don't trust myself? This is what goes through my head when people encourage me to step up, lead people, and go get my master's sooner rather than later:

There was a man in the building where I student taught who said the worst principal he ever had was a young woman who only taught for 5 years before becoming an admin. What if I end up like her? What if I don't have enough experience in the classroom, and my teachers don't trust in my abilities?

Why am I being given all these opportunities? Do I deserve them? I'm a baby. I'm fucking 24. I have 2 years of job experience. Why do these people trust me to do this?

What if I'm taking opportunities from my BIPOC colleagues? Do we really need another white high school principal in a majority minority school district?

Does my awareness of the above bullet point, and the fact that I do try to listen to BIPOC voices, and am doing this specifically so I can dismantle systems like the school to prison pipeline and subpar education received by poor and BIPOC children, make up for the fact that I'd be another white high school principal?

When I sabotage my own success one day by having a manic or depressive episode, what will happen?

Am I really doing this for the right reasons?

Will I miss the classroom too much and regret my decision?

Why do I have the audacity to think I can make a difference at all? I'm not special. I'm not better than anyone else. So why does it have to be me? Is this all secretly about my ego?

So yeah. I just had to write this out. And idk what this accomplished. I still haven't decided what I'll do, but I'll probably finish my ESL certification in May 2021, and then have to start my master's that Fall because everyone will push me to and I don't want to let them down.

[luvs2smile]

Celestial Heart: prt 123

A few more weeks passed. The apartment complex without Porter still felt sad and hollow and with Jade already returned to Sixam, it was even more so. So to spare myself the grief, I had been spending my free time at my mother’s house. In the morning, Grandma Sage would come over to pick up Edith and keep her til school is over and I come right after school and stay til Edith’s bedtime. Today was Saturday but it wasn’t much different. The only real difference was that Edith and I came over at noon and because we didn’t have anywhere to be the next day, I decide to stay a little longer.

Edith fell asleep just before 7:30 and I was starting to rethink staying longer. I probably should’ve taken her home already, but she was already asleep, and I didn’t want to wake her. I sighed and made my way to the living room.

I plopped down on the couch beside my mom who was the only one in the house at the time as everyone had left to meet friends and pick something up from the store or something like that. She and I had been trying to get close again which had been proving to be on the right track. There was still obvious tension and unease at times, but with her quick acceptance of Edith is wasn’t quite so hard. Well, I wanted to believe it wouldn’t be. “Is she asleep?” she asked. I nodded without looking at her. She chuckled, “That was fast; you used to fight me so much about going to sleep. She seems very calm compared to how you were as a baby.”

“Is that so; I guess I should count my self lucky then” I mumbled. My mother gave a soft, pressed smile, “Perhaps. You were though so it was fine…just like you’re cute now.”  She leaned over, trying to touch my face, but I flinched out of the way unconsciously. She retracted and immediately apologized. “Sorry, it was a reflex.” My gaze fell to the couch and i whispered “It’s ok” before letting the room fall silent.

It wasn’t long before my mom broke the silence though. “Tori, I want to thank you for forgiving me and and giving me a chance to be a part of your lives. I know I don’t have the right to force myself into your lives so I’m really grateful for this.” I forced a small smile, “I’m glad to hear that” My smile quickly faded with the thoughts that were clouding my head. Thoughts questioning my mother’s sincerity. Thoughts questioning if having her around her were alright. Thoughts questioning how well this would all play out. Mom suddenly leaned forward, staring at me. “You’re thinking too much again aren’t you?” she asked. I snapped out of my daze almost surprised. “You’re worried about whether or not having Edith around us is a good idea aren’t you.” Listening to her speak my thoughts out loud left me in a bit of shock, “I-” “It’s alright, I’d be worried too if I was in your shoes. It’s a legitimate worry…but I promise you I won’t do anything to betray the little trust have given us.” After a minute or two, I finally gathered my mind enough to speak, “Mom…honestly I’m trying to trust you, I want nothing more than to trust you again especially for Edith but-”

My phone suddenly buzzed. It was a text message from Rachel that asked if I was still coming to help her get ready for prom. Something I had promised to do for her back during spring break. Something I had basically forgot about. “Shoot” I hissed as the message flashed across the screen. “What’s the matter?” Mom asked. I slid my phone back under my leg and glanced at her, “It’s nothing really, just my friend asking me if I was still coming to her help her get ready for prom is all.” “That’s not really nothing; are you going to go?” “Uh, I don’t think so; I mean Edith is already asleep and I don’t want to wake her to go-”

“You should go, I can watch her” Mom offered. I immediately declined “I shouldn’t. She barely knows you-” “We were just talking about how you wanted to trust us right, I’ll show you you can trust me by watching her til you get back.” Once again, I refused, “I can’t just leave her with you. What if she wakes up and-” My mom stood up from the couch and grabbed my hands, “Tori it’s ok, if she wakes up before you come back, I’ll be fine. I’ve taken care of babies before.” “No Mom, it’s really not that simple-” I went to protest once again but this time stopped myself. What was I going to tell her? That it’s not that simple cause my daughter was an alien and I’m the only one who knows what to do with her? No, I couldn’t reveal her secret this early on (If I ever did). I mean where would that lead me? Though Edith losing control and transforming when I wasn’t around was something I had learned to worry less about these days. Despite being as young as her was her control was nearly astounding, according to Porter and Eon. So it wasn’t that…I just… “Alright, I’ll leave her with you. I’ll only be gone for an hour or two at most, okay?” I said standing from the couch. My mom smiled and nodded then pulled me into a giddy hug. I smiled back and tried to ignore the gnawing feeling rising in my stomach as I went to call Eon for a ride.