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spaceumbredoggos · 2 days ago

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Biiiiiig lore drop chapter.

Chapter Twenty One (I'm dedicating every day to you, domestic life was not quite my style.)

No One’s POV:

May 7th 2005:

Jacob harshly sighed as he hid his tail into his pants. Erin was nursing his daughter in the living room. He paced back and forth, his back hair standing up. He clutched the Book of Hell’s Royalty that his father had passed down to him when he turned eighteen. He had hid the book from his wife, hiding his true nature.

He clenched his jaw as he felt nubs on his head itch. He scratched at the nubs, growling under his breath. He could smell the reek that came off of him that was not unlike fire and brimstone. He had recently stopped taking his special shots to help his football career.

Jacob glowed with pride at his achievements. From winning the rose bowl in his college career to making it to professional level football. He had the most beautiful wife in the world and a daughter.

But something troubled him since his wife revealed that she was pregnant with triplets. He swore to himself that two of them were miscarried earlier this year, but when he heard three voices cry on the hospital room, a chill ran down his spine. The Book of Hell’s Royalty had foretold that several centuries after Satan’s half shapeshifter demon child had been dumped on earth for unknown reasons, there will be triplets born to an on the surface completely normal human family. Jacob had hid his shapeshifter and demonic lineage because it was family tradition. The genes were passed down on the X chromosome, and since males are born with only one X chromosome, the males retained their demonic powers and shapeshifter abilities. It was an embarrassing centuries old family curse that required special shots to stifle.

But was it really a curse if that’s why I’m able to get so far in football? Jacob’s ears flattened to the sides of his head as he tried to stifle the urge to shift into his demon form. He knew the time of the month that certain shapeshifters go through symptoms of surged sex hormones. This inconvenience is brought on the sex chromosomes, and can be passed down on either chromosome. One copy produces a type A, where there are ruts and fit a particularly more dominant alpha stereotype, and two copies produce type two where the particularly submissive omega stereotype comes to play.

Jacob heaved and sighed as his frustration was bubbling from below the surface. Why does McKenzie have to have the shapeshifter gene? He brought a weapon that resembled a hairdryer to his head called the “memory gun” up to his head, erasing his other children from his mind. He hid the weapon into his bathroom drawer and contemplated using it on his wife.

It was very rare for female shapeshifters to be born without both parents being shapeshifters. It’s more common for female shapeshifters to be born in cases of asexual reproduction. Such “virgin births” were murdered on sight both mother and infant due to the fear that they would replace christ.

Jacob traced back the lineages on the shapeshifter’s family tree in the book. To his horror, a several times removed distant cousin was Erin’s grandfather on her father’s side. However, he somehow didn’t manage to pass down the gene to his descendants. Jacob’s tail thrashed in his pants as he paced back and forth. Part of him wanted to sneak off into hell to figure this out, it was his birthright as Satan’s descendant. But he gritted his teeth and stifled the urge.

The thing with Satan’s shapeshifter descendants being so numerous is that they can’t all count as royalty. Only children with the hypermobility gene as it was called in humans could count. This gene caused all sorts of problems in human bodies, particularly with mental health and problems with connective tissues.

Jacob looked back at the ancestral tree of Erin’s family. Apparently, Erin’s many greats ago grandfather was the first king of Scotland. That’s just great. Blending of two royals’ blood would ensure Kenz and Kenz alone’s descendents a spot in the Hellborn royal family but not him.

This would cause all sorts of problems. For one, they wouldn’t have to have their souls killed by an angelic weapon upon arrival to hell for population control. Another thing is that they could be targeted by religious extremists. Kenz’s powers, if left unsuppressed, would grow stronger and stronger. That coupled with issues with mental health rampant on both sides of the family would be a disasterous combination for existing in human company.

Jacob sharpened his claws as Erin put McKenzie down for her first nap of the day. He knew what he had to do. The only being powerful enough to at least temporarily suppress Kenz’s powers was a demon known as Bill Cipher. The page in the book warned him not to summon him at all costs. They’ll understand. McKenzie can’t live in a world like this. Jacob grabbed a picture of McKenzie and some candles. He rushed out ot the backyard as his puppy followed him, wagging her tail expectantly. “Guinness, go on..”

But Guinness’s puppy gut told her not to “go on.” Guinness wanted to be a good girl, but there was something foul smelling in her master’s scent. Guinness yipped and saw the candles, the sharpie, and the suspicious book in Jacob’s hands. Her little puppy gut churned as she nudged her nose at Jacob’s calf and barked excitedly, trying to draw as much attention from her other master as possible.

“Guinness. GO ON!!” Jacob shoved her away with his foot as Guinness shrieked and yelped loudly. The sliding glass door of the backyard opened as Erin walked out. Guinness bounded up to her master, yipping excitedly. Jacob hid the candles, the book, and the picture behind him and turned around. “What’s going on? And why is Guinness yipping like you hurt her?”

“She’s being annoying.” Jacob lied. “What are you doing out here?” “Nothing. Go back inside.” Jacob’s lies grew as Guinness yipped and tugged at the tail poking out from Jacob’s shorts. Jacob hissed and transformed into his full demon form, biting into Guinness’s back with his serrated fangs. He let go as Guinness hid behind a trembling Erin, who was rushing inside. Jacob transformed back into his human form and hissed curses under his breath. I’ll have to use the memory gun later. He returned to the summoning ritual, but not before Erin returned.

“What the fuck is this Jacob? And what’s wrong with you? What are you?”

“Something’s wrong with our daughter and this is gonna fix it.” Jacon stifled the urge to tear Erin’s throat out. I can’t leave McKenzie without a mother. He prepared the incantation, but Erin doused the candles and took the book out of his hands. “ERIN!!!”

“Keep this demonic shit away from our daughter.” Erin put the book in the pool, but the water didn’t damage the paper. Jacob’s rage reached a boiling point as he transformed back into his demon form, slashing at Erin with his serrated claws. Erin stumbled back a couple paces, bleeding severely from the wound. Jacob scoffed and grabbed the book from the bottom of the pool and continued the ritual using fire from his hands.

“Triangulum. Entangulum. Veneforis Dominus Mentium. Veneforis Venetesomnium.” (I may have to edit that.) Jacob keeled over and collapsed to his knees. “Egassem sdrawkcab. Egassem sdrawkcab. Egassem sdrawkcab. Egassem sdrawkcab. Egassem sdrawkcab.”

Jacob collapsed as his eyes closed by themselves. Out from the sun, a glowing golden triangle appeared with black arms and legs, a bow tie and top hat, and one eye. Jacob hid the book behind him as the triangle chuckled. “Texas? What am I doing in texas?”

“Who are you?”

“Name’s Bill Cipher. And you’re that secretly demon football player that everyone has been buzzing about lately. How’s your wife and kid doing?”

“Jacob. That’s Bill Cipher!!! He took--” But before Erin could get another word out, Bill snapped his fingers, causing her to pass out. “So, what can I do for ya?”

“I need you to stifle my daughter’s powers. Possibly forever.” Jacob’s tone was firm as Bill chuckled, looking at the picture of the infant. “Sacrificing your baby for me. What else is new with you Satan descendants? They’d be a lot more use to me with their powers. But if you still want them stifled, I can handle that until they’re old enough to want to use them.” Bill held out his hand in a blue flame to make a deal, but just as Jacob was about to shake it, Erin woke up and tackled her husband to the ground. “YOU’RE NOT CURSING OUR BABY!!!!! OUR ONLY CHILD WE HAVE LEFT!!!”

But Bill punched her with a swift blow of his hand, knocking her back several feet. Jacob shook Bill’s hand as Bill laid out the terms of the deal. “I just need access to their mind, body and soul for the rest of eternity.” “Fine.” Jacob rolled his eyes, apathetic about his daughter. “And it’s a she by the way.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” Bill chuckled. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t act all surprised when Zie Zie here starts acting more masculine. Their sex may say they’re female, but biology has a funny way of surprising you. I’ll keep in touch with the both of ya. Pleasure doing business with ya.” Bill tipped his hat. “By the way, remember. Reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram buy gold bye.” Bill disappeared with a flash of light.

Jacob woke up, covered in sweat. Erin shoved him in the pool and stormed inside. “Erin? Don’t do this babe.” “I don’t even know what you are or what the fuck even was that. You cursed our baby.” Erin stormed towards the sliding glass door, but just as she was about to open it, Jacob shot her with a beam from his memory gun. He stifled his demonic form and hid the book in his box of family stuff, swearing to himself not to touch it again. Jacob walked over to the kitchen and started eating his apple fritters.

The Axolotl watched in the shadows, their gills flaring with the unbridled fury of a thousand suns. They turned around in their cosmic void, feeling too old for this bullshit.

____________________________________________________________________________

September 24 2024:

The Axolotl paced back and forth, their tail swishing as they glared at God. God slumped back, shaking in almighty terror. Out of all the creator dieties I appointed in the multiverse, how could one be so pointless and apathetic? With a swish of their claws in a fit of rage, the Axolotl tore out God’s throat, causing bright yellow blood to pour everywhere. Heaven’s angels scattered in terror, as the Axolotl buried the body. They shook their head, hiding the bags under their eyes from lack of sleep. They paced back and forth, glaring at Jesus. “From now on, I am in charge of things here.”

“Is this about--” “YES!!!” The Axolotl’s tone was harsh as they glared at the prince of heaven and the archangels. They turned around, walking back off to the cosmic void. Brodey trailed after him, yipping at the top of his lungs. “Axie. What’s going on here? You haven’t smitten someone to death like that in millenia. And I thought you cherished the Creator Dieties--”

“I can feel my powers fading, Brodey.” the Axolotl admitted, their vocal cords strained as they tore at their gills. Brodey gasped from shock. “What do you mean?”

“There was an unforeseen consequence of resuscitating Bill Cipher.” The Axolotl fought hard to keep their temple under control. “He is siphoning my powers from me as we speak. It is only a matter of time before I cease to exist at all. The balance of the multiverse is in ruins.”

“W-well what do we do?”

“We call the Being of Balance.” The Axolotl’s tone was desperate. “The Being needs to appoint a new avatar. And I know just the candidate.” The Axolotl showed Brodey Kenz’s sleeping form.

“You’re not gonna--” “The Being of Balance has had their sights on Kenz for a while yet has refused to do anything. I need to get them on the same page.”

“Kenz already has enough on their plate already.” Brodey protested, his angel wings flapping with each breath. The Axolotl snarled and turned furiously around towards Brodey. “I haven’t slept since Bill escaped the theraprism. Bill is now hiding out in Kenz’s mind. And it’s all their father’s fault.”

“Jacob?”

“I know as a dog, you could believe that Jacob could do no wrong. But he deserves to be punished. Kenz knows it--”

“But how would his family take it?” Brodey begged. “His family that carries Satan’s genes already can’t enter heaven. He is destined to be killed off completely once he dies. So why does it matter what happens to him?” The Axolotl hid some wounds on their tail, albeit not really well. “Wh-what happened?”

“Nothing. I need to prepare you to take my place someday.”

“Take your place. I’m just a dog. A dog winner.”

“You’re the only one I can trust in this position.” The Axolotl dipped their head as they started to summon the Being of Balance. “Y-you know how busy they’ve been since Gamefreak announced Legends Z-A.”

“What am I supposed to do? Have someone leak another terabyte of Gamefreak data?” The Axolotl paced back and forth. “Considering the last terabyte lead to a lot of people hating typhlosion, maybe keep the leaks to a minimum.” Brodey suggested. “What? Pokemon can’t be gro--”

“It was a poor translation error in non-canon material that wasn’t supposed to be seen. You know how fucked up human mythology tends to be?”

“You mean how fucked up the truth is that we let the humans see to not mess with us?” The Axolotl sighed as Brodey sighed. “Maybe--”

Suddenly, a pitch black and emerald green dog-like creature with compound eyes rose from the ground, sitting on their haunches. “Alright. I’m here. Make this quick or I will literally break everyone’s kneecaps.”

“Please don’t break my kneecaps.” Brodey pleaded as the Being of Balance gazed at the Axolotl. “You know Kenz?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, now’s the time.”

“Fucking finally.” The Being disappeared as Brodey sighed harshly. “Now what?��

“I have to avoid a mental breakdown.” The Axolotl averted their gaze as Brodey shook his head.

#gravity falls #bill cipher #self insert #aces and oh’s #satan mention helluva boss #the axolotl #brodey the yellow lab is an angel

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spaceumbredoggos · 2 days ago

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Where do they get it?

Any headcanons for Kenz retaining to their bipolar disorder or autism/adhd?

they eat lead

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spaceumbredoggos · 3 days ago

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i will post even more chapters of Aces and ohs until the AO3 writers curse strikes me down

Chapter Twenty (All day, every day, therapist mother maid.)

Kenz’s POV:

Why the fuck would you save Sixer’s life like that? He didn’t do shit for you. Everything was dark for several moments before I opened my eyes and found the truck driven far off the road deep into the birch copse. Yeah. Why did I save Ford’s life like that, huh? All I felt was the pain in my chest as Dad was out of his truck holding a gun at his hands as Holly and Atlas were wrestling with him.

My breaths were heavy as I felt my limbs feel light. This isn’t a bad place to die. I thought, suddenly at peace as blood gushed from my mouth. I panted as stars studded the corners of my vision. What’s Dad’s goal anyways? My hands slipped on a puddle of my own blood as the door suddenly burst open from the weight of me hitting it. I tumbled down the hill several paces, unable to get up and bleeding even more.

I perked my head up and was met face to face with the Bill Cipher statue in the woods. Panic surged through me as I realized that this might be the last thing I ever saw. I hissed as the pain in my chest spread to every limb, paralyzing me in place.

Faces surrounded my vision. At first, they were hidden by bright blue flames, but as my sighted eye focused, they became clearer. My step mother. My mother. My gran. My father’s mother. My sisters. Basically every woman in Dad’s life. They turned to glare at him as he was aiming his gun straight into Holly’s chest. Atlas leaped onto the gun in the form of a wolf, crushing the bones in Dad’s arm. I tried to stand up, but tottered with each step and collapsed inches closer to the Bill Cipher statue. The faces disappeared as I felt a chain slip around my neck. Did Dad ever care about me? My hands twitched as I struggled to stand up. I could only kneel at the statue’s mercy, blood gushing from the wound in my chest.

I could almost hear Bill’s voice mocking me. Aww… Is someone bleeding to death? Is someone about to lose their siblings too? Bill’s laugh rang in my ears as I could practically feel his cruel breath on my neck. I slumped over at the foot of the statue, barely leaning on it despite not wanting to. Shake the statue’s hand and maybe I’ll consider sparing your life. I shook my head, tears streaming down my face. I gazed down at the wound in my chest. Apparently the illusion that I showed Holly of the bullet bouncing off my chest had worked a little too well, fooling me as well. The bullet was embedded into my still beating heart, exposed by the mess of broken rib shrapnel and torn off tissue. The sight was grizzly and marring to look at.

I stood on my hands and feet, my tail thrashing wildly. Why am I not dead yet? I tried to leap forward, but could barely move an inch. My claws scraped uselessly on the leaf litter ground. I felt my mouth suddenly dry as my chest had stopped bleeding. I gazed down, realizing that I was floating above my body. I gasped in horror, seeing the body move on it’s own with a glowing yellow eye. “What are you doing?” “Your dad has been keeping secrets from you. By the way, you’re dead. Your life for Sixer’s I guess.”

“Wait, I’m dead? Where do I go? Heaven? No… I’m going to Hell for sure.” I realized that I wasn’t feeling a tug in either direction. “Why am I still here?”

“You’re a ghost.” Bill walked perfectly towards my warring family, smiling eerily. “By the way, I don’t think you’ll remain dead for long. Someone out there really likes to pick favorites. But don’t expect your body back for a while.”

“Bill!!! What are you doing?”

“It’s awfully cute, really. Cozying up to Pine Tree even though he’s like what? 25? And you’re 19? Isn’t that a bit of an age gap by your mushy human standards?” Bill sulked down in his typical slithering position. I followed him as he sank into the bushes, waiting to strike like a coiling adder. “Y-you don’t--”

“You don’t even know what I’m about to do.” Bill whispered. “Well don’t do it.”

“Already happening.” Bill sprang out of the bushes and pinned Dad down. “Wh-where’d you get all this strength--” “Thanks for giving me free access to your kid’s corpse, 77.” Bill laughed, pinning Dad to the ground. “What do you mean, Bill?”

“What? Bill?”

“Let them go!!”

“Kids, am I right? Rebellious little assholes who won’t aspire to your hopes and dreams. You had such high hopes for little Zie Zie here but no. Now they’re dead. Dead by your own gun.” Bill placed my hand on Dad’s throat. “You were so close to killing Sixer for me. It’s hilarious really. I bet I could get you a little closer. What do you say? I could give you your child back. You give me Sixer’s head on a silver platter. It would be so easy considering that you’re a shapeshifter too.”

“What are you talking about, Bill?” I gazed at him, but he continued to ignore me. “Show them. Show your children the secret you’ve been hiding since birth. The secret your father had. The secret your grandfather had. The secret they have to take shots to hide.” Bill plunced my claws into Dad’s throat as he shook his head.

Suddenly, Hailey and Colt arrived on the scene. “Ken!! What are you--”

Bill turned my head all the way around towards Hailey as she shrieked in horror. “Wha?”

“Kenzie’s dead.” Bill’s voice was singsongy and taunting as he leaped off of Dad. He licked the blood off my claws and tore out my stagnant heart, pulling the bullet out of it as stuck blood poured all over the place. He took a bite out of it, spitting the chunk out onto Hailey’s face.

“I can revive them. But they’ll never be the same.” Bill paced around my family, thrashing my tail. There has to be a way to revive myself and get my body back. I noticed a book sticking out of Dad’s glove compartment. I took it out, noticing how it had the sigils of the seven deadly sins on it. The book had a blood red cover. I opened the book with relative ease as I found the bookmarked page. Dad was never much fo a book reader. There was a section about Bill Cipher and how he had been plaguing both heaven and hell for centuries. I already fucking knew that. Now how can you tell if someone’s demon royalty and if they can be revived from death.

“I had a feeling Kenz would pull a stupid little stunt like they did. So I got an angelic gun.” Dad loudly admitted out loud as I found the page on reviving demon royalty. Okay. So, in order to revive an assassinated royal, you have to be sure they have royal blood. How do I tell that? I floated back and forth until i noticed that the blood pouring from both Dad and I’s wounds was pitch black instead of the typical red. That’s demon blood if I’ve ever seen it. I plunged my ghostly fist into the hole in my chest and started painting Belphagor’s sigil on my flank. The sigil started to glow a bright blue as I grabbed the book rapidly before reentering my body. The hole in my chest regenerated as the sigil washed off in the rain. I hid the book in my shirt and breathed a sigh of relief.

“What the fuck was that?” Dad snarled as I swiped the angelic gun out of his hands. “Where the fuck did you get that?”

“Get what?”

“An angelic weapon.” Holly stood several paces behind me in shock, seeing em come back from the dead. “And what is this book that I found in your glove compartment?”

“A book.”

“Where did you get it? Aren’t you too ADHD to read anyways? And what was Bill talking about?”

“Kenz--”

“First off, how did you come back from the dead. Secondly, glad to have you back. Thirdly, Billwas just talking shit like he always does and that’s just a goth kid journal maybe?” Atlas tried to remain strong, but it was clear he was trying not to have a mental breakdown. Dad averted his gaze, walking back to his truck. “Oh no no no no no. You’re not getting off scot free like that.”

But Dad continued to get in his truck and drive off. He rolled his eyes and sped off the path he had drove. Atlas almost chased after him, but I held him back, keeping him from getting into even more trouble.

“Let it go, Atlas.” I sighed, seeing Ford pull up in his pickup truck and gasping in amazement as the hole in my chest was closed.

“Kenz.”

“Oh. Hey.” I averted my gaze awkwardly as Ford held my shoulders. “Why did you save my life like that?”

“Um… Wow. This is awkward. You’re not annoying at all and you should really consider taking a shower. Also, I’m tired. But too afraid of getting visits from you know who to really care.” I followed Atlas and Holly, who seemed to have more questions than answers. Hailey and Colt exchanged really awkward glances but didn’t say anything as I slumped over in the bed of Ford’s truck. “You don’t have to stay back there.”

“There’s like, six people in that truck? There’s no room.”

“You can sit in the middle front.” Hailey suggested as I sighed. “Fine.” I sat next to Atlas in the front seat. “Are you the co captain?” Colt jokingly asked.

“Lemme guess. Hails is the co-co captain. You’re the co-co-co captain. Atlas is the co-co-co-co capitan. And Holly is--”

“Hey, you know what? I’m gonna stop you right there.” Holly chuckled as she brushed a twig out from my floofy hair. “Fuck… He got away.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll catch him somehow.” Holly gave me an affirming nod as Hailey and Colt looked shaken up. “M-maybe we should just go watch a movie when we get home. How about an old favorite like Over the Hedge or Spirit?”

Hailey smiled at me, but the smile soon faded. We pulled up in the mystery shack parking lot as Hailey pulled me aside before I could turn on the TV. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Um… Sure…” I gazed at the ground, because my autistic ass refuses to make eye contact, and it’s kinda hard with one sighted eye. “Y-you were really brave taking that bullet like that.”

“Um… Okay…”

“But, please tell me. What happened between you and Uncle to make you turn on him like that?” Hailey’s eyes were wide with tears as I sighed. “Th-things. Stuff. Sometimes, people just have a fall out with their parents. And it turns out, both parties can be responsible.”

“Is it about you being trans?” Hailey seemed really awkward bringing the subject up. “Yeah, maybe. But it was a lot more than that.”

Hailey sighed, shaking a bit. “What’s going on with our family? First, Grandma dies. Then, you go off your rocker crazy after Brodey dies and leave. After that, nearly everyone moves to Cabo. Next, Ms. Erin divorces Jacob and his house burns down. Meanwhile, I find out you moved in with the Pines and have secret triplet shapeshifting siblings, have a demon in your head that can hurt people in real life, and now Jacob tries to kill Stanford and you? What the fuck.”

“Dad was hardly ever completely rational.” I played with a cool stick I found. “You came back from the dead. What was it like?”

“I can’t really tell you. I can barely process it myself.” I shrugged, turning my gaze to Holly and Atlas. “Look, the family isn’t gonna agree on much anymore. Some secrets are gonna be found out and shit. And you have already refused contact with me once before knowing even a little bit of the whole story. So why should I tell you it now? You’re not gonna believe me. You’re just gonna go back to your mom in Idaho and Colt’s gonna go back to his dad in Mexico. The Rodgers have always been sorta a tight knit bunch, even if it’s for the wrong sorta reasons. And as much as I would like everyone to just sit down at a therapist’s desk and admit they’re not okay like I’m tryna do, I have to be realistic and expect it not to happen. And today just fucking confirms it.”

“What are you getting at?”

“Look, I never fit into the family. I seem to have liked it more with my mother’s side because they actually kinda got me.”

“But why did you leave them behind?” Hailey’s voice was stern. “It’s complicated. I’m a monster. They’re normal people. All the therapy in the world won’t change that. Bill has a lot of ways to make people compliant. I guess I didn’t want them to be used as leverage and then hafta explain to them why I am so so dysfunctional with a demon in my head. It’s hard. Life’s hard. Life’s messy. It’s a cesspool of iffy politics that want to erase human rights, then ya die anyways.”

“But then you come back from the dead.”

“Then I come back from the dead with some magic.” I chuckled as Hailey turned my face to look at her. “Y-you’re not gonna leave Atlas and Holly behind are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Kenz. I know how you work. You never let yourself get close to anybody.” Hailey’s tone was critical and concerned. “Look. Maybe I have made some mistakes--”

“You sent Grandma Steph a horrible document full of pretty terrible allegations against Uncle.”

“But they were true.”

“I don’t care if they were true. You should have--” “Should have what? Huh? Kept my mouth shut? Face some of the consequences of my actions? He left me for two weeks home alone with a dog in heat. And I was in a psych ward a couple months prior due to having suicidal thoughts. No wonder I would attempt my own life after he chewed me out and made me feel worthless for something that maybe wasn’t entirely my fault. Plus, when he found me barely conscious, he thought I was just being non-compliant and threw me outside like he always does.”

“I can’t fucking believe it.” Hailey threw her hands in the air. “What?”

“You’re impossible to be around.” Hailey glared at me. “You hurt everyone you touch, so why haven’t you hurt Atlas and Holly yet too, huh?”

“I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”

“Why do you act like you have it all figured out one second, yet you act like you’re a total lunatic the next? Which is the real you? Everyone’s so worried about you and you push them away.” Hailey turned away towards the door. “And another thing. Half of the things on that document wasn’t even abuse. And I don’t care what Harvard Medical says.” She stormed inside as I followed after her, slumping on the couch, worn out from everything. Holly and Atlas sat down next to me, reading the furious expression on Hailey’s face. “Is everyone on Dad’s side of the family this mean?”

“You’ll get used to it after a while.” I dryly remarked. “And if you grew up with it long enough, it’ll take unfettered internet access to heal some of the wounds. You have to trip over enough parental controls trying to figure out whether or not you grew up in a toxic environment. Then you’ll realize you’re queer and suddenly, everyone you grew up with hates you.” I sighed as Hailey rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to make your quirky little weirdness your entire personality and shove it down my throat.”

“Dad didn’t have to shove the cheeto for president down our throats either and yet here we are. Prosecutor vs Fascist corn cob.”

“Don’t bring up politics as an excuse for--” “Then don’t make my right to exist as who I am political either. Don’t support a weirdo so obsessed with control he has an almost 1,000 page manifesto describing how everything down to who you can kiss is controlled by him. Did you even absorb any of the critical thinking classes in high school? All those dystopian novels they had you read that they want to ban?”

“Why can’t--”

“Because I just am, okay?” I snapped. “I’m never gonna fit in anywhere so I might as well live here.” I turned away from Hailey and leaned on Holly and Atlas. Hailey left the room in tears, but I didn’t have it in me to comfort her.

“Kenz.”

“Y-yeah?” I gazed at Atlas. “What’s up?”

��You didn’t have to do what you just did.”

“Oh, but I did. And now part of me wishes I hadn’t. Part of me wishes that…”

“Don’t say that.” “But then--”

“Just don’t.” Holly interjected as I sighed, cuddling into her. “Never mind.” I mumbled as I fell asleep. Why did I almost sacrifice my life for Ford’s? I sighed harshly. Now’s he’s gonna be more annoying than ever.

#gravity falls #bill cipher #self insert #ford pines #aces and oh’s

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spaceumbredoggos · 3 days ago

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WOoooooo anotehr chapter of aces and oh's

Chapter Nineteen (Hey, brother, do you still believe in love I wonder?)

Holly’s POV:

Atlas came back from wherever he came from, bristling in fury. I never seen such a cross expression on his usually happy-go-lucky face. He opened a can of beer and guzzled it down. “Woah. What happened?”

Atlas groaned and pulled up a selfie Dipper and Kenz took at the local frog themed restaurant with the animatronic frogs. “Oh.”

“They’re just using him to give Bill the middle finger.” Atlas gritted his teeth. “What?”

“Kenz and Dipper are probably gonna kiss. Kenz is intense. You know how Kenz gets.” Atlas took another swig of his beer, uncharacteristically drinking. I sighed harshly. “You know who can and would break those two up the moment he found out about this shit?” I pulled up Ford’s contact information as Atlas smiled. “Of course.”

I called Ford, who was busy in his lab. “Hello.”

“You’ll never guess what Atlas saw at the mall today.” I explained the entire situation to FOrd. “WHAT???!!!” “Yeah. I mean, good for him, right? Or bad for him. I dunno what Kenz is playing. Kenz might just be a bit horny. Or Kenz secretly craves a lasting relationship.” I didn’t mention the fact that Kenz was using Dipper to get back at Bill. This could be a potentially dangerous situation for both parties involved. I slipped out of my bed and transformed into a red fox, scampering outside to find Kenz and Dipper doing that stupid couples hug walk. That escalated quickly. I slipped between Kenz’s legs and bit their ankle. “Holly!!!” Kenz picked me up by the scruff as I transformed into my human form. “We need to talk.”

“Talk about nothing.” Kenz rolled their eyes as they ran into our room to get their nintendo switch. “I’m gonna battle Dipper.”

“To see who tops?”

“Holly!!! WE’RE NOT THERE YET!!!!” Kenz snarled, taking a sip of their water as they brought the nintendo switch into Dipper’s room. “Ford. They’re both home. Can you do something?”

“FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF HOLLY!!!” Kenz snapped as Atlas sighed. “We gotta get Dipper and Pacifica back together somehow.”

“Agreed.” I gritted my teeth as Kenz very clearly was posing as a hopeless romantic. Kenz isn’t even interested in all that romance stuff. They’re obviously playing it out for show. I sighed as Kenz was leaning on Dipper, nuzzling his neck. Dipper kissed their forehead as I averted my gaze. “FORD!!! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU???!!!”

“Digging through Mabel’s love potions.” He flat out admitted as I smiled. “Does she still have the anti-love potion?”

“Apparently, no.” Ford gritted his teeth as Kenz locked the door to Dipper’s room. “God fucking dammit.” I rubbed my temples and dug out Stan’s lockpicking kit, not wanting to pick the lock with my nails. “Kenz, you get out of here this instant!!!”

“FUCK OFF!!!” Kenz growled between pants as I kicked down the door to the both of them locking lips. I grabbed Kenz by the back of their neck. “Hey!!”

“Dipper. It’s for your own good.” I dragged Kenz out of Dipper’s room and put them on their bed. Kenz kept trying to crawl off their bed to Dipper, but I locked the door and kept them on their bed. “Alright. The jig is up.”

“Why is everyone so against--”

“Because it’s not in any way genuine.” I cut Kenz off, only for them to flip me off. “It’ll be genuine eventually. I just gotta… y’know. Work some shit out.”

“You can work shit out in therapy.”

“What’s a bunch of PhD’d nerds gonna do about--”

“Kenz. What the fuck is going on between you and Bill? And it’s not just possession. YOu feel the need to really stick it to him by doing shit like this.”

“Stay out of it!!!” Kenz growled. I pinned Kenz to the bed as I realized it was getting late. “You were gonna sleep with him, weren’t you?”

“It’s just one night. Fully clothed. No sus shenanigans.” Kenz elaborated as I swaddled them in their blankets. I buried them in their plushies and gave them their medication. “It’s not gonna work.”

“Just try to go to sleep.”

“But---”

“No buts about it unless you’re in bed.” I snapped, getting Kenz to take their meds. They eventually did go to sleep, but not before cursing me out. I sat beside Atlas and Ford on the couch in the living room. “The thing has been contained.”

“Good.”

“Now how the fuck do we get Dipper and Pacifica back together?” I scrolled through my DM’s as Atlas sighed. “She’s been weirdly quiet. I think it was her parents that broke her up.”

“So what do we do?”

“I know of some assassins--”

“We are not killing anyone.” I shut down Ford’s idea as I called Pacifica, but to no answer. “What are the three of you doing?” Hailey walked in, sitting on the couch and turning on Yellowstone. “Nothing.”

“You’re tryna break Kenz and Dipper up, aren’tcha?” Hailey eyed all three of us suspiciously as I sighed. “Kenz is using Dipper to get back at Bill.”

Suddenly, I heard a truck pull up in the mystery shack parking lot. I heard a knock on the door as a tall broad shouldered man that looked just like Atlas except bald and with blue eyes was on the other side of the door. “Who is that?” Atlas slurred, drunk on beer. Colt ran up to the door and answered it. “Jacob!!!”

“Colt, how ya doin’ bud?” The man held his arms out and hugged Colt. I gritted my teeth as the realization hit me. That’s Dad, isn’t it?

Ford stormed over to Dad and crossed his arms. “What are you doing in my house?”

“I came to see my family…” Dad looked at me and averted his gaze. “Oh. This is Holly. Kenz’s long lost triplet sister.” Hailey introduced me to Dad (I guess I could just call him Jacob), who didn’t seem all that thrilled of meeting me and Atlas. “Where’s McKenzie?”

“Kenz is asleep.” I scoffed, turning my entire body away from Jacob as Atlas stumbled around the room to get some water. He clearly didn’t like being drunk. “Ah shit. We got company.” He slurred as Jacob rolled his eyes. “Just like your mother.” He muttered under his breath as Atlas stormed up to him. “What you say about my mom?” Atlas hissed, meeting Jacob in the eye. They were surprisingly the same height, but not the same width. I went into our room, taking Atlas with me. Jacob followed me and saw Kenz passed out in their nest of plushies and blankets. “Some things never change, I guess.”

Kenz perked their head up and glared at Jacob. “What is he doing here?” Kenz hissed, transforming into a small moth and hiding in their plushies. “They’re not happy to see you.”

“No one is.” Atlas collapsed on his bed and started to snore loudly. I sighed and gazed at Jacob. “Look. Go stay at an AirBnb. And take Hailey and Colt with you.” I growled as Jacob clearly knew he wasn’t welcome. I plopped down in my bed and drifted off to sleep.

Only to wake up in a twisted forest of tall trees with interlocking branches. I heard a hiss as I recognized Kenz across the clearing, swiping at a golden triangle with their foreclaws in their cat form. “It’s over!!!”

“It’s never over. Don’t you know who you belong to?” The triangle held Kenz by their neck and pinned them beneath him. Kenz kicked him off and landed on their feet, glaring at the triangle with their sighted eye. “The deal is off!!! Dad and Step Mom split. You didn’t keep up your end so why should I keep up mine?”

“We both know that’s not how things work.”

“You were willing to break your deal just as easily as I were to break mine.” Kenz turned to run away as the triangle yanked them back by the chain around their neck. “Daddy’s here. You know what that means--”

“He’s not in charge of me. No one is. And I’m not going back with him to face his lies and abuse again.” Kenz shook their pelt to try to escape the chains. The triangle forced Kenz to face him as they hissed loudly at him, lunging with claws unsheathed. Kenz turned around and noticed me, and their gaze shown fear for the first time. “See something?”

“N-No…” They chewed on the chain holding them as the triangle didn’t sound convinced. I held my breath, hoping that I wasn’t discovered. I have to do something. Stupidly, I leaped onto the triangle and pinned him down, catching him off guard. Kenz gasped in shock. “Holly?”

“G-get out of here!!! You’re okay Kenz. This is just another one of your PTSD nightmares.” I wrestled the triangle down the hill, falling several times. Kenz rushed up to me and shoved me off of him. “Stay out of this.”

“Can you tell me what’s going on?”

“No. He’ll just hurt you.” Kenz stood between the triangle and me. The triangle seemed to have been caught off guard by the attack enough to release his grip on Kenz. “Kenz. It’s--”

I felt a sharp pain in my back as I thrashed awake. Blood soaked onto my sheets as Kenz rushed up to me. “No no no no!!!”

You’re lucky I didn’t kill her. The voice was like nails on a chalkboard in Kenz’s head. Kenz shook their head to clear it, then rushed over to the first aide kit and got out all the gauze. “We gotta sterilize the wound because when Bill attacks someone with his claws, it can get infected real easily.” Kenz put some rubbing alcohol on a piece of gauze and gently patted the wound. I bit back curses as the rubbing alcohol stung. “H-How do you know that?”

“Injuries in the Dark Forest don’t disappear like they do in normal dreams.” Kenz bandaged the wound surprisingly well. “I-I mean, does Bill do that to you all the time. Is that why you keep having random cuts and scars on you?”

Kenz didn’t reply. They simply went into Hailey’s room and checked on her. “Shit.”

“H-hey Kenz.” Hailey’s tone was pained and her face was flushed a bright red. “I take it you didn’t seek immediate attention for that cut Bill gave you and it got infected?”

“N-no. I’m fine.” Hailey was hiding a triangular shaped gash on her shoulder that was red and inflamed. “Where’s Atlas by the way?”

“On a walk with Jacob. He has to get to know our father I guess. Not that Jacob is that interested in him.” I scrolled through a series of texts as I heard Kenz sigh. “Well that won’t do. And I’m not dealing with a freshly woken up bedheaded seventy-something old man.” Kenz bristled and put some gloves on. They grabbed a scalpel and started cutting away dead necrotic tissue on Hailey’s shoulder wound. “Atlas taught me how to do this. He did teach me how to do this on a deer I saw in the woods that had a nasty wound on it’s flank.”

“That’s because you wouldn’t stop crying that it was in pain.” I interjected as Kenz twitched their cheeks in amusement. “Well what was I supposed to do, kill it? I don’t kill deer.” Kenz cleaned out the wound really well and put a pad of gauze and cotton on it. They wrapped the wound in a bandage and gave Hailey a hearty dose of tylenol. “Colt. Wake the fuck up, dormouse.”

“N-no… Five more minutes.” Kenz transformed into a yellowjacket and stung Colt, waking him up in extreme pain. That was counterproductive. “Alright!!! Fine.”

“Keep an eye on Hailey. If she wants water, you get it for her. If she wants something to eat, you say what do you fancy--” “I’m not fucking british.” Colt growled. “Just tend to her every need until her fever is down, okay?”

“Whatever.” Colt grabbed his phone and started looking at memes on, of all things, spotify. Kenz swiped the phone out of his hands. “HEY!!!”

“No one wants to hear your obnoxious tickle me elmo laughter at seven in the fucking morning.” The hairs on Kenz’s neck were standing up as Colt gritted his teeth. “Fine.”

Kenz sat down at the table, looking lovingly at Dipper eating his cereal. Kenz you simp. I grabbed them by the ear and sniffed them. “Yep. You need a shower. You are not allowed in the same room as Dipper until your heat is resolved and the initial lovey dovey stage is gone.” I took Kenz into the bathroom as they crossed their arms and chased me out of the bathroom. I shrugged as they loudly started singing Mr Brightside by the killers.

“Jealousy… Turning--”

“EMO KID!!!” Colt shouted at the top of his lungs from his room, to which Kenz didn’t respond. I sat by the door as Atlas walked behind Jacob, who was really trying his best to ignore him. “Can you believe everyone in your side of the family has blue eyes and yet Holly, Kenz and I are born with these brilliant emerald leaf green eyes. Like what?! Is that crazy--”

“Can you please just shut up???!!!” Jacob lashed out at Atlas and looked down at his nails. “What’s that on your nails?”

“N-nail polish?”

“And is that an earring on your right ear? IS that a pride flag in your room?”

“Y-yeah. I’m gay. Holly is bisexual. Kenz, I think, is aroace but is pretending to be pansexual to appear somewhat normal. They’re also agender and use they/them pronouns.” Atlas explained as Jacob rolled his eyes. “Just stop with the woke liberal nonsense.”

“It’s human rights.” Atlas froze in place. “Y-you’re not a homophobe or transphobe.”

“He survives strictly on a diet of fox news, AI generated MAGA Facebook posts, Tucker Carlson podcasts, and ‘The Bumfuck’s Guide to White Supremacy’ like the rest of the Rodgers men.” Kenz abruptly interrupted as they slumped out of the shower. Atlas gasped in shock. “Told ya Dad was a miserable, terrible, amazon rainforest destroying, proud boy MAGA, spoiled little rich boy millionare who lavishly spends his wealth on business ventures in a foreign country and can’t develop his own personality from his own father’s. I mean, it’s pathetic. Did he ever

one day and fear turning out like his dad?” Kenz turned harshly away from Jacob as I followed them.

Jacob approached Kenz, who flattened their pointed cat-like ears to the sides of their head and hissed. “I just want to talk.”

“Save your lies.” Kenz twitched their sharply pointed canine teeth in a way that was unsettling. Is Kenz incorporating more animal anatomy in their human form? Or are their powers just that unstable? I poured myself a cup of coffee as Atlas was gazing up at Jacob expectantly. “Why is he staring at me like that?”

“Dad. Dad. Dad. Can I call you Dad?”

“If it would get you to shut up.”

“That man has no business being called our father.” Kenz growled, thrashing their thick wolf-like tail that they are not trying to hide at all. “Kenz. Put all that animal shit away.” But Kenz scratched into the table with their recently sharpened nail-claws. “You’re acting like one of those litter-box using mentally ill furries.”

“Furries don’t fucking use litterboxes.” Kenz transformed into an inky black wolf-like creature with electric blue umbreon-like rings, draconic wings with blue rings on them, electric blue antlers, and deep indigo wrist, tail, and ankle barbs. Their claws sank into the hard wood floor as they growled loudly at Jacob. Does their voice sound different? “What’s that supposed to be, your fursona? It looks like some hideous attempt at drawing an Umbreon.”

Kenz sprang at Jacob, but was held back by Atlas. “Don’t fuck with me!!!”

“Kenz is just being their typical feisty headstrong self.”

“They’re regressing. It’s worse than I thought.” Jacob turned around and stormed out of the kitchen, grabbing his coat. Ford had a look of relief on his face, only for it to be replaced by a look of horror as Jacob grabbed Kenz by their antlers.

“What are you doing, Jacob?” Ford asked, his face turning red with rage. Jacob flung Kenz into the wall, knocking them unconscious as they transformed back into their human form, but still with the animal features. “Hey!!! Knock it off!!”

“Where are you going Dad? Are you gonna take us fishing?” Jacob snapped around and held Atlas by the collar of his shirt and slapped him across the face. Ford tackled Jacob with fierce intensity and rage that I had never seen in him before. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!! AND LEAVE MY KIDS ALONE!!!”

“Y-your kids?”

“Holly, get your siblings out of here.” Ford was very commanding and protective in his tone as Jacob tackled him to the ground. “Dad, no!!! What are you doing?!”

“Don’t call me Dad because you are not my son.” Jacob had Ford pinned down by his throat. Ford was reaching in his coat for a gun, but Atlas shoved Jacob off of him and stood between him. “Dad? Tell me you don’t mean it--”

“As far as I am concerned, I only have a daughter. Even if she’s a freak.” Jacob stormed towards Kenz and grabbed his keys. “I’m suing you for guardianship as you clearly don’t know what you are doing, Stanford. The kids are a mess and belong in an institution.”

“Atlas and Holly are fine. I’m doing the best I can with Kenz.”

“You haven’t been doing anything at all!!! Why is it I hear that you were about to put a metal plate in their head? What kind of whackjob bullshit is going on in CrackPot Stanley’s house--”

Ford gave a warning shot with the gun in Jacob’s shoulder. “You son of a bitch.” Jacob pulled out his own gun and aimed it straight for Ford’s head. It was at that moment I saw Kenz twitch and leap out in front of the bullet in the form I saw them take earlier. The bullet hit them square in the chest, puncturing the skin and muscle before hitting a rib and bouncing off straight into Jacob’s right calf. Kenz stumbled and collapsed onto the floor, bleeding heavily in their human form.

There wasn’t horror in Jacob’s face, but pure unbridled fury not unlike the wrath of Satan himself. Kenz laid there silently, barely breathing. Jacob grabbed the back of their neck and stormed off to his truck, starting the engine with the key in the ignition. Atlas and I leaped onto the truck before it started to drive off as Ford got into his and chased after Jacob. Kenz was slumped over in the passenger seat, barely breathing and bleeding all over Jacob’s upholstery.

Please be okay.

#gravity falls #self insert #ford pines #aces and oh’s

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