#most kids would just be weirded out and scared to shit. but nah.

[hatchet-boy]

Ok so everyone and their grandmother have talked about "when I told dad I was scared of the thing in my closet he gave me a .45" when Sam was nine (?) years old.

But I don't think I've ever seen anyone talk about the fact that according to John's journal it WORKED.

Like,

"5 nights running now Sammy has slept without nightmares" ok-

[tetitous]

I wrote a lot, and not everything at the same time, but like brain got too full of Wakfu so yeah, thoughts time. I tried organizing it chonologically.

I wonder if Ruel will end up going back to Arpagone eventually, to me it seems like he decided he was done with her for good. That seems crazy but at the same time I'm pretty sure she did the most toxic thing you can do to an Enutrof. I mean, they haven't been together for a long time, I kind of wish they did talk to each other, set the records straight and left it there, but I'm okay with what happened too. Also good for Arapgone on finding something that makes her feel worthwhile by helping others.

Ruel really said the real treasure was the son we got along the way in the end, and he was so right for that.

Yugo getting the shit kicked out of him because Iops seem to have face blindness is some real comedy, the lightness in the whole scene really helped me feel that Yugo was still very much him. And given how heavy anything about the antagonists is that felt warranted, that made me feel very good. He's very chill though. Retrospectively I think it confirms what a lot of people like me may have been thinking, that Yugo was generally very tense due to body dysmorphia on top of everything else. Good for him.

I'm going to be real, Pin calling for Flopin got me so hard. I said "oh no" out loud.

Eva went full big sister mode upon seeing Yugo ;-;. I always loved their bond, it's at the center of one of, if not the best solo episode of the whole show, s2 ep 16, so the fact that it never weakens has me in a chokehold. I see the little gestures and I think "oh, they're family", with them it's all in the little gestures.

Yugo recieveing a big iop group hug and going :> was so cute. Kind of surprised Goultard also was part of it but Yugo deserves all the hugs so I absolutely am taking it.

Yugo telling Eliatrope to do something or fuck off and being the only one to manage to get her to do something has to be one of the biggest nat 20 on persuasion of all time. She's coming back to deliver the kids once things are safe though, right? And without the eye thingies right? Right?

No more Brakmar? Damn, that feels weird.

King Osamodas can take my fists, the way he just refuses to listen to Amalia and is barely willing to do the same to Armand given the nature of the invasion is really irritating.

The joy of Ad upon seeing Yugo still alive ;v;

Little interesting parallel of Yugo and Eliatrope both using the same force field technique. Not sure if it means anything, but I know it felt relevant to me.

Amalia going "are we about to kiss rn" and Yugo going "nah babe there's a war that'll leave a bad taste. Promise I'm hyping up my game for later though" was perfect. I got scared that they would kiss at that moment because it didn't feel right, but at the same time you cannot tell me they wouldn't want to soo damn bad.

Ad and Armand's eyes turning purple upon using the Eliasphere, huh...

Oh so Dathura is still there and places herself as a last defense for the Tree of Life, interesting but like, she just disappeared in the meantime? Well it's not her story I guess we didn't need to know, but still.

Joris asking Yugo if he knows what he's doing. Joris, he knows about as much as usual, he's just doing his best but thanks for making sure.

The way Eva and Tristepin react to their family being put in danger is interesting to me. Pinpin will jump to their rescue, but he's the one moving, that makes sense to him. Eva is, and has always been, the type to stay in place at the face of danger, whether out of fear or stubborness, so she asks for Pinpin to be the one to move away from the danger, but she won't move. Their dynamic is precious.

I'm curious about Pinpin's hair... burning? What's going on there?

Armand's sacrifice was powerful, he wasn’t a great prince, but he was an amazing King.

Joris! Joris! Joris! Joris! Imma hype that little man. Him and Yugo making the Team Blue Shorties (well, not so much anymore) was great. Team Demigods was also pretty damn cool.

Aurora is building a very bad rep for the Osamodas Kingdom by flying away, but I undertand the pain she must have felt at the moment. Her father still was treating their countries' alliance as something purely strategic, but she loved him. To her that meant something, and Amalia's simple movement of rejection while under intense distress and grief was enough for her to decide to listen to her father and not to fight by everyone's side.

Actually Eva IS very much the one to get people to move. She gets Amalia back up too.

Yugo turning Oropo's words against Toross is interesting. Wonder if it has any weird implications for the future. Maybe not though, maybe Yugo has been warned enough, he's not the type to enjoy the feeling that comes with being extremely powerful too much after all. The Eliacube freaked him out, the 6 Dofus made him scared the whole time and the consequences sucked, and the Eliasphere can litteraly cause his death. I think if anyone can hold that much power, that would be him (or Joris, Joris looks like he can be trusted with pretty much anything)

Big nope on Toross for trying to make Nora his bride. Nopenopenopenopenope go away. I'm surprised Yugo managed to keep a straight face, because I think I would have just gone for the throat.

Also imagine being a walking talking pan flag and people still assume you're straight.

There are definetly implications that Toross is the one being responsible for the disappearance of the gods. If he can tell the difference between the strengh of a god and that of a demi-god, that means he fought both, and won.

Nora going from forcing herself to be distrustful of Yugo to believing him fully did warm my heart. The short time they spent together doesn't mean they aren’t family.

What do you mean Pinpin never told Eva he loved her??? What??? Really?!?!

Efrim's pain and Nora's love are such a beautiful contrast I feel so much for them I'm not sure I have the words for it.

Flopin is developing his hearing, glad that in a way he didn't miss the wedding.

Btw totally unrelated but Yugo carrying Goultard bridal style during the final fight was NOT on my bingo list.

In the end, Toross' pain and loneliness are eternal, and there litteraly no saving him from his own personal hell. In a lot of ways his story is similar to Qilby's, but the one thing that separates them is the choice: Qilby could still choose to stop hurting his own in service of himself, Toross condemned everyone, including himself, and he can do nothing about it anymore.

Are Nora and Efrim stuck wherever they are together for all of eternity or are their Wakfu going back to their Dofus?

Omg. A wedding. My dude it all happened too fast, the worldwide political chaos that's going to ensue, I'm here for it.

I feel like they did originally want to show us the transition from the Era of Wakfu to Waven but they ended up focusing more on the characters, and that's a very good thing, that allows for Yugo to have a truly, undeniable win thanks not just to being overpowered, due to the main antagonist somehow being worse, but also thanks to the power of friendship and plus if affinity.

Overall those last 3 episodes I was hyped the whole way, and it's crazy because I don't think I felt a feeling that strong so regularly for an entire hour. I write that part about an hour after having watched everything and I still haven't come down, but now I'm having a bit of a feeling like I'm about to cry in the back. That means season 4 of Wakfu was even more amazing than everything I hoped for, because when I'm hoped for something there typically always is that empty feeling. Not here. I'm very, very happy.

The ending really feels like there's more, so I'm happy to know that there will be a manga.

[your-queer-dad]

parents and school and everything is getting a hell of a lot more dangerous for me way fast I’m trans in Florida with a fuck ton of disorders I send stuff here to vent a lot never sign my shit so you probably don’t recognize me by my situation or typing cause a lot of people here vent about similar stuff but I said before things are dangerous I don’t have safe spaces or people but there’s this new kid in class and our schools hella bigoted the kids were joking about nazi shit again and this guy was like dude why are y’all so racist and stuff and it was such a shock hearing someone else say somethin when I first went to this school I tired reporting kids and talking to them and explaining etc nothing worked they don’t care teachers are worse then the kids etc and I got rlly nervous about it cause I get assaulted and bullied alot and they all made fun of me and said I was paranoid it’s just jokes I have my head up my ass and I’m like truamadumping by explaining why bigotry is bad not even using my experiences!! so after a couple months I stopped talking but this one new guy just completely called it out in the smoothest way possible and then when everyone tried making excuses he was like nah that’s stupid actually anyway my parents are getting more dangrous and I’m struggling with my health and trying to get them to actually make appointments with the fucking doctors so my medical shit doesn’t catch up to me and mess me up more and I still don’t have a job or drivers license I’m seventeen trying to get hours for the license and trying to get medically ok enough to put effort towards the hours and a job and getting my homework done that a whole thing I’m in so many classes this year and it’s to much work and the classes are at the same time so no matter what I have to miss a lesson etc anyway I’m so stressed everything’s going to shit basically but this one kid is nice lowkey and mentally I’m doing better I used to be a lot worse due to stress but I stop blaming myself and proriize my health and manage to make things slightly better with my routine by fighting for years with my parents and it finally paid off sort of it’s really weird now things are so much more dangerous and I’m the most scared ever but also mentally clear the most I’ve ever been I can actually feel lonely and hungry and thirsty and process the emotions I couldn’t do that before and I’m in less pain generally my plans are paying off years and years of planning and working and just like locking in and trusting my gut no matter what anyone does to me I’m happy I was right I would eventually meet someone who wasn’t racist and I did and even if things are more dangerous now and everything’s gone to shit at school and home I have what I need to really flip shit around I just need to rest and get a little more energy to pull it off

also there’s a whole thing with like my parents putting me in situations wheee they knew I’d get hurt and assaulted then they leave me to it I’ve almost died a lot because of medical neglect I need to be like not put through extreme stress assaults intense sports and getting threatened to get killed and etc but hey that never stopped them new schools new intense extra curriculars with people who hurt me in every kind of way and leave me to die being put in places that work against my mental disorders leaving me to fail and then blaming me when it happens or when I try to get out or talk my way out or go to the bathroom so I can calm down from panic attacks and getting ducking assaulted just to be followed in the bathroom and assaulted there to :/ and when I tell my parents I get hit with the “well high school is hard for everyone” not even a full talk just that sentence then I get ignored again also I’ve also been assaulted by my parents so that’s fun/sarcastic “but it’s ok because it’s just family and just roughhousing and just a joke and no one means anything by it this is just what family family is allowed to get touchy does but don’t tell anyone because you know how people are” it really is the home stretch now everything I’ve worked for is paying off and I have the tools to get what u need to leave and get support I just need to stick it out and figure out the specifics and then actually go do it things feel weird physically and mentally I’m dissociating less so I process more and by body feels all different I feel emotional when people are mean to me and lonely to and there’s so much but also when I hit my limit I can’t tell because it doesn’t hurt like before cause I’m not like fatally fucked over anymore it’s weird

anyway I love you dude you’ve really helped being listened to is hella validating thanks dad 🫂

Hey kiddo, gosh I am so so sorry you have to go through all of that. That's awful and you don't deserve any of that. You don't deserve to be treated like that, by your classmates or your parents. And I wish I could take all that pain away from you. I know it sounds cliche but I promise you things will get better. You're seventeen, you're almost there I promise you please hang on til it gets better. There is hope and you deserve all the hope and happiness in the world. 🫂🫂🫂

- dad x

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

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Damn. This is 255 sentences. I am not sure we have that many left in the chapter. We shall see!

---

“Hey, no. Don’t worry.” Buck tries to reassure him. “We don’t keep recordings. No cloud. I’m the only one who saw.”

Eddie swallows. “Uh, thanks.”

Buck nods. “You okay?”

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, I’ll be fine.” Eddie waves him off. 

“Seriously, I’ve got hours I still have to be awake if you want to talk,” Buck shrugs. 

“You don’t need to hear my shit,” Eddie replies. 

Buck frowns. “You saved my sister’s life and brought her the rest of the way here. If you need to read me a telephone book, I’ll sit and listen.”

Eddie tilts his head a little, confused. “Why would I need to do that? Phones don’t work.”

Buck chuckles. “It’s just an example! Listen, man, I’ve got to get back to the cams. But if you need to talk, I’ll just be sitting there, looking at screens.” 

Eddie sighs. “Can I maybe ask you a few questions about this place?” 

Well… That’s not exactly what Buck meant. But sure. He doesn’t see the harm in it. 

“Sure,” Buck says. He starts walking back towards the cam room and motions for Eddie to follow him. Eddie does. “What do you want to know?”

It takes Eddie a moment to reply.

“Everyone seems really nice.”

“Uh, yeah,” Buck says. “I’d say we are. I mean, I don’t know Athena or her kids. But the rest of them like her so I guess she is, too.” 

“And uh…” Eddie asks as they approach the cam room door. “And, the kids here…”

Buck pauses. This is a weird direction.

“The kids?” He asks, then opens the door.

“Yeah, uh… What’s it like for them, living here?” Eddie asks. 

“Oh,” Buck replies. 

He crosses the cam room and sits in a rolling computer chair. He motions Eddie towards the spare chair. Eddie takes a hesitant seat. 

“Well,” Buck answers. “Denny was the only kid here until this morning. So, maybe that was lonely for him in a way. But he’s safe, you know? He gets to be a kid.” 

Eddie nods. “He’s the same age as my son.”

“Oh yeah? Seven?” 

“Yeah. 2011.” 

��It’s a cool age,” Buck says. “Denny’s hilarious. He’s got so many big thoughts and opinions. Bosses me around.”

Eddie smiles. “He seemed really happy. Not… I mean, he didn’t seem scared.”

“Nah, he doesn’t have a reason to be, most days,” Buck explains. “We all look out for each other, here. He has fun, he helps out. Hell, he was out in the water with me this morning, pulling up fishing nets.”

“Wow,” Eddie exhales. “That’s awesome. I mean, no kid wants to grow up in an apocalypse, but… But he has a good life.”

Buck smiles. He likes the idea that, even in some small way, he’s contributed to that.

“Yeah, I think he does.”

“Bobby is, like, your leader?” Eddie asks. 

“More or less,” Buck nods. “Bobby, Hen, Chimney, and I were firefighters at the same station together, before the end. Bobby was our captain. Guess that authority carried over.”

“Firefighters? No way.” Eddie smiles, a little ruefully. “I was going to be a firefighter. I’d gotten in with the LAFD and everything.”

“Hey, that’s very cool,” Buck says. “LAFD?”

Eddie nods. “Was going to move from Texas and everything.”

“Wow,” Buck says. “Well you made it to California anyway.”

“Yeah,” Eddie exhales. “Guess I did.”

“Maddie says you’re looking for your wife?” Buck prompts. He doesn’t know why he asks. It’s none of his business, really. He just finds himself curious about this man who saved his sister and cried in the dark and asked if the kids here lived happy lives. 

Eddie doesn’t respond for a second. Like he’s deciding whether or not to give Buck his story. Then, he sighs. 

“Yeah,”  he says. “Shannon. We were separated. She was caring for her mother in L.A.” 

“And you gotta know?” Buck guesses.

“Yeah,” Eddie replies. “I gotta know. And… You know… That’s my kid’s mom, so I owe it to him and her to try.”

“Right,” Buck says. “I understand. Or, I don’t, because I… Well, I’m not a parent or a husband. But it makes sense to me.”

And that’s the truth. Buck would absolutely make the same call. Hell, how many days has he wanted to go searching for Abby? How many days could he hardly resist? And that’s mostly because he needed Maddie to be able to find him. Buck and Abby didn’t even have any of those shared bonds. Thinking back, Buck’s not sure how much Abby even really liked him. But he still would have looked for her. 

“Thanks,” Eddie mutters. He takes another deep breath. “I worry, though. For my son’s safety. And his mind, honestly. Out on the road like that all the time.”

All at once, Buck thinks he understands what Eddie was crying about, out there. 

“You’re thinking of leaving him here,” Buck guesses. 

“Not forever,” Eddie says quietly. “Just until I find his mom. Or…”

Or he doesn’t find his mom. 

Right. That’s also an option. 

“Wow,” Buck exhales.

“I thought maybe Maddie… I know I don’t know her well…” Eddie trails off. “She’s kind. She’s good with him. She was looking for you, so she understands.”

Maddie would say yes. Buck might not have seen her for half a decade, but he knows she’d say yes. 

“She raised me,” Buck tells him. “More or less. So you could do a hell of a lot worse.”

Eddie smiles faintly. “That’s good to know. Thank you.”

Buck nods.

“I should get back to bed,” Eddie says. “I don’t want Chris to wake up without me and be scared.”

They’ve set up all their guests on cots in the old gymnasium. There’s nowhere else cleared out for sleeping at the moment. 

“Okay,” Buck nods. “Hope you can get some sleep, man. You’ve had a day.”

Eddie nods mildly, like that doesn’t even begin to cover it. 

He stands, stretches a little, and heads for the door, but pauses before actually leaving. He looks back over his shoulder at Buck. 

“I can see why she crossed the continent for you at the end of the world,” Eddie says. 

Then he’s gone before Buck can even gather his gobsmacked thoughts enough to reply. No one has ever said anything like that to him before.

September 4th, 2018

Bobby calls a meeting before Maddie even wakes up the next morning. Seven o’clock, bright and early. Athena has volunteered for a cam shift so they can all talk. 

“Discuss our future,” is how Bobby puts it. 

Buck isn’t really sure what that means. 

What that means, apparently, is their whole original 118 group - minus Denny - gathers outside, by the gardens, to talk about the six visitors inside. Buck isn’t entirely sure what there is to discuss. People need help and a place to stay, you help them. Especially when one of those people is his sister. But apparently this is a democracy. For everything but radios. 

“I want everyone to have a say,” Bobby explains. “Our unit has operated very well so far, and I value everyone’s opinions. I don’t want to make assumptions about anyone’s comfort levels.”

“Are you saying you’d turn Maddie away?” Buck demands. “If someone wasn’t comfortable?” 

“That’s not what I’m saying, Buck,” Bobby sighs. “I’m saying everyone gets to be heard.”

“Obviously we aren’t turning away Maddie,” Chim says. 

Everyone looks at him. Chim and Maddie met for like fifteen minutes last night when he checked on her ribs. He sounds rather convicted for fifteen minutes, but Buck isn’t going to question someone agreeing with him. 

“Because she’s a nurse!” Chim adds. “That’s such a useful skill.” 

“Right,” Hen says. “Okay, Chimney.”

Buck doesn’t get it. 

“I don’t want to turn away Maddie, either,” Karen says. “Or Athena and her kids. We know them. We trust them. They need somewhere safe.”

“I agree,” Hen says. “Has Athena asked to stay?”

“At least until May is well,” Bobby replies. 

“If you all trust Athena, th-then I trust Athena,” Buck adds, hoping they will all extend this same logic to Maddie. 

“What about the other two?” Bobby asks. 

“Eddie and his son?” Buck asks. 

“Them, we don’t know,” Chim points out. 

“But Eddie won’t be staying,” Buck says. “He has to look for his wife.”

He doesn’t mention anything about Christopher. It doesn’t seem right to share, until Eddie has officially decided. Buck wouldn’t want that spread around, if it were him. 

“But he knows where we are now,” Bobby says. “He could come back. He could tell people.”

“Well, what are we gonna do, Bobby? Kill the guy?” Chim asks. 

Buck’s eyes nearly bulge out of his head. 

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Bobby sighs. “Obviously. I’m saying it’s a consideration. All I want is to keep us all safe.”

“He’s not going to do anything bad,” Buck says confidently. “Maddie vouches for him.”

“How long has Maddie known him?” Karen asks sincerely.

Buck hangs his head. “Two days.”

“Okay, so not a great vote of confidence,” Karen replies. 

“Yeah, but I trust Maddie!” Buck insists. The next thought in his head is and Eddie has a really nice face! But he doesn’t share that. 

“Bobby, I think we need more information before we make any conclusive decisions,” Hen says. “The only person we know wants to be here for more than a couple nights is Maddie. And I think we’re all clear on not sending away Buck’s sister.”

[scp230kinnie]

may I request agent strelnikov, dr gears, dr clef, dr bright, dr glass, and dr gerald with a researcher reader that they see as their kid?

also do you have a character limit? i couldnt find one so i apologize for the long request

Hi thanks for the request 🫶🫶 no character limit !! It should probably just fit into the Media Limit so i can put photos of the characters lol

Anyways I present;

SCP Foundation Personnel with researcher! Reader they See as their kid

Characters: Agent Strelnikov, Dr Gears, Dr Clef, Dr Bright, Dr Glass, and Dr Gerald

Genre: PLATONIC FLUFF

Warnings: gn!reader, cringe, blood, death, & SCPS

NO PICTURES ARE MINE

Agent Dmitri Strelnikov

Nah cuz I love him

He’d throw things at you and say “think fast” lmao

Oh you get sick one day? No you dont

He will force feed you soup

If you don’t want to take medicine may the lord help you

Hes not a big fan of affection but if you ever need it he would give you like one of those weird side hugs

He does his best to keep an eye on you when he can

He doesn’t rlly show it that well but he does care about you deeply

If anything happened to you like you were hurt, or god forbid killed, he would go feral

Or if he catches you crying his first instinct would be to ask who he needs to kill

Changing the subject lol…

Do not tell him if you have a crush on anyone in the office

He will bully you relentlessly LMAO

He genuinely thinks of you as his child

Has introduced you to a few people accidentally saying “and this is my kid (Y/N)”

He’s got a shit music taste but he will force you to listen to it

Sure, he’s the tough guy.. but not around you

He feels a bit more comfortable around you

He sucks at board games, and is a sore loser

When he’s out on missions, separated from you, he gets a but anxious but he asked people to keep their eyes on you for him

Dr. Gears

He would be you mentor when you first come to the foundation

Being in that position made him feel like a father towards you

Not affectionate whatsoever

Will pat your shoulder if you’re upset tho

He usually keeps his phone on do not disturb, aside from anything work related, and you of course

Your contact name on his phone is “dumbfuck”

Everyone at the foundation knows he’s basically your non official dad

Very persistent in making sure you get enough sleep or drink enough water

If you got hurt, especially by an SCP he would be PISSED

He has some power at the foundation tho so he would make sure it would somehow never happen again

He never smiles or laughs or anything, but he finds it endearing when you try to get him to tho

He doesn’t listen to music.

For the first time ever, you come before his job

He lends you books because I like to think he reads if he has free time 😈

He tries to make sure you steer clear of bright or clef

Tbh he doesn’t really want you to be like them (even if you already are)

He teaches you anything and everything he knows even if its the most basic task

He’s also rlly patient with you so that makes it a bit easier for you

If he ever catches you slacking he doesn’t really yell at you, just gives you a lecture

Just like a dad would

Dr. Alto Clef

Lets say you guys met through bright

He immediately takes a liking to you (platonically of course)

He buys you lots of stuff despite him probably having no money lol

He begs other people for money just so he can buy you something nice he found the other day

He just likes to see you happy

His one and only goal is to protect you

He will go out of his way to keep watch over you

Bro even recruits bright to help him

If you ever got hurt he would have his shotgun out in seconds

He would not hurt you himself, unless you take his pen /hj (reference to my other fic lol)

He will teach you how to play guitar !!

And shoot a gun 😈

He tries to help you with your work, but he ends up getting distracted then starts distracting you

Dr. Jack Bright

My bae fr

You met because you got caught up in one of his pranks 💔

He will not let you ANYWHERE near the amulet

He’s so scared something will happen to you but he doesn’t show it very much

If someone makes you upset, he has already fed them to some SCP

He always has an eye on you, no matter what

He helps you with work and he’s actually mot that bad but about halfway through he will get distracted lol

When he’s doing some prank he wants you to join him, unless it means you or someone else is probably going to get hurt

He’ll probably try to teach you how to drive (if you don’t know how) then would hijack it lololol

If there’s a containment breach he is heading your way immediately

He needs you to be safe no matter what

He buys you stuff lolol

You get sick and he’s in full dad mode

If you were to die he wouldn’t know how to survive

Dr. Simon Glass

Constantly worried for you

He’s a psychologist lol he can tell when something is wrong

Or when you’re lying

He also just generally wants to help you with anything

He can be as manipulative as he wants, but if he uses it, its only to keep you safe

He helps you with your work and researching ❤️

He’s also memorized your order for everything so he will go get you stuff on his breaks

He does absolutely everything he can to make sure you don’t get sick or hurt

If you ever do get sick or hurt, he absolutely panics

He recruits anyone to watch over you when he cant

Or he convinces the o5 to let him look at you through your office cameras

Its not creepy he’s keeping you safe I promise

He truly does think of you as his child

Dr. Gerald

He’s so funny

He generally tries to distance himself from you because he doesn’t want his bad luck / clumsiness to get to you 😭

He does try to protect you tho

Even if its from himself

Or inanimate objects

Or anything

He loves to brag about basically being your father

He loves that you still consider him a father too despite all his issues LMAO

He is kinda scared of you

He’s very good at his work despite everything so maybe get him to look over your work when you’re done

From a distance

He doesn’t really know what to do if you get hurt or if you’re upset

He will probably think it was something to do with him aw

Same if you’re sick

He will try his best but ultimately will get someone to bring you soup

He tries his best be nice

IM SO SORRY SOME OF THESE WERENT AMAZING IM TRYING MY BEST

Still working on requests so have this while u wait 😍

[delphientropy]

please read our DNI before interacting. thank you!

actually, i honestly wanted to talk about our innerworld and system functions in general for a while. so im gonna talk about my system experiences for once i guess

for as long as we realized we were a system (which must have been around a year or less now) we always doubted ourself because our system was just... weird. thats why i never talked about it. i was very afraid of being fakeclaimed.

we do split from stress and trauma, and some of us do have jobs, but oddly, so many of us dont have any jobs at all. it seems like i, the host, do almost everything and am the sole provider of the system, and if i went dormant, everything would probably just collapse.

our innerworld is SO fucking weird. we have no idea whwere our dormant alters go- or most alters, really, because not that many alters have any access or memory of any innerworld. the sections in the innerworld are categorized by source (oddly, source plays a huge part in our system functioning for whatever reason), and even then its all so fuzzy and messy and off.

it all looks like the incomplete worldbuilding of a kid. loopholes, unanswered questions, random splits and no roles, nothing is organized and everything is chaos- bad memory, basically only one alter is doing everything ever and hes fucking stressing out (and nothing we can do about it because he cant voluntarily leave), random islands in fucking space— what about the oxygen? it really just screams made up fantasy world some child made. like our entire system is run by some small imaginative kid whos obsession for fiction and fantasy and chaos and yet also control while being disorganized.

ive been told many times that our coping mechanism is to avoid. forget. distract. comfort. thats why we have a MILLION fictives. its like a machine in the back of our mind, always humming, always making more fragments that act like characters we know and find comfort in. nah they dont have a role theyre just. there. it doesn't make sense. theres no gatekeepers, rarely protectors, just fictives. fictives with no roles just fictives and fictives and more fictives. one day itll work. every problem will go away if we just make more fictives, the machine whispers. if we just have more comfort, all of it.

i guess it all ties into our kind of trauma and our other disorders which cause chaos and disarray. everything is unexplained. the random pain. dormancy. the entire innerworld itself. its seems complex and structured on the outside, and it sure is creative, but theres no structure. its a kid throwing multiple concepts together to make a really dumb world and a dumb story with it.

if i could make it organized and make it function, i would, but i can barely see it. i cant make up shit and suddenly our brain functions normally. i cant pretend like our innerworld doesnt have patches and holes and never answered questions. i cant trust anything and suddenly it all works. thats why i dont like a lot of the advice im given. "just trust that your alters wont fuck it up and youll switch more!" i do trust them. there are some i trust with my entire being. but i just cant switch. it wont let me leave. im that inner childs favorite character, favorite doll, that needs to be out of the toybox at all times.

im so scared to try and get diagnosed or just any kind of help. because im sure i sound absolutely bonkers when you read all of this. but its a frustratingly bad functioning system. and currently, the only option i have is to just stay in front and do everything. i initially thought i had PDID for this reason, actually. im like the ""main alter"" but i certainly dont have any control over our world. i dont know what to do. and with how therapists keep abandoning me, i wish i could just heal and figure it out by myself. but i cant.

[fractured-shield]

Writerly questionnaire

thanks for the tags @honeybewrites and @nczaversnick!!

about you:

when did you start writing?

I was stapling together loose paper and handwriting weird shit on the playground instead of socializing for as long as I can remember, but I was 12 when I first got serious about telling any kind of coherent narrative and 19-ish when I overhauled FS into it's current form

are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

oh, nah, I'm a sucker for the same cliche high fantasy tropes as I write. I got really into LotR in 6th grade (like, reading the silmarillion and other supplemental texts the following year. don't ask me about my favorite traumatized elf guys unless you want the most incomprehensible rambling response. i've been told it's all very predictable of me on no less than half a dozen occasions) and that shit was a formative experience I can't go back from

is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you’re often compared?

yeah i think every high fantasy writer gets compared to tolkien at some point, the whole mt fuji analogy of the genre and all that. I'm not really trying to emulate the same scale or depth of lore, but I find that a lot of the themes really speak to me now in my mid-20s more than they did as a kid, so I like to lean into some of those in my own writing, and keep (and occasionally fuck around with) the typical high fantasy trappings along the way

can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (Room, coffee shop, desk, etc.)

eh...don't really have one rn. i'll write anywhere from scrap paper during church (i'm a church musician only so i don't lose my skills lmao) to my phone, to actually sitting at a desk. but i recently had to move pretty suddenly and don't have much set up yet

what’s your most effective way to muster up some muse?

find yourself in traumatizing situations and project them onto your characters instead of getting therapy long car rides listening to music

did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

i'm sure it did a bit subconsciously, but most of my formative years were spent using fiction as escapism, so not too much

are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

grief and trauma and coping with things out of your control, finding purpose, found family and good supportive familial relationships, feeling lonely and othered and using self-improvement as harm...etc. normal stuff like that. i'm doing so good i'm so well adjusted please believe me

your characters:

would you please tell me about your current favorite character? (Current WIP, past WIP, never used, etc.)

😔 <- character profile link. i cannot pretend anyone else is my favorite when i literally have a tattoo in honor of him. (tldr that's my protag's father. she wouldn't even be mad she's relegated to second favorite, she'd agree with me)

which of your characters do you think you’d be friends with in real life?

i think i'd get along with a lot of them actually. therien, oenith, and waith would all have some initial conflict but we'd figure it out. hal would be chill. i wish leithe and idhren were my parents

which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

i think if i met maithyr he'd kinda scare me tbh. and i'd be so tired of dealing with malin's genuinely friendly extroverted behavior, love the guy though. waith's parents piss me off, as do deras and ealrid. alfrin is a little shit and, like therien, he'd get under my skin. unlike therien, i'd be too much of a coward to punch him

tell me about the process of coming up with of one, all, or any of your characters.

uhhhhhh therien and oenith kinda happened on accident...? a friend and i were fucking around and wanted some sick ass fantasy self insert ocs and now it's 12 years later and they're their own fleshed out fully different characters. waith was originally a shared oc with a different friend, and she's still pretty similar and they get consulted sometimes about how i write her. idhren and leithe were always therien's parents but their role wasn't originally supposed to be this big. maithyr and linna are shamelessly based on the vibe of a popular ship in a fandom i've been in but i made them debatably worse. hal just showed up one day and malin reinvented his whole self when i wasn't looking. ...mor and arennir and alfrin were...interesting cases...

do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

mostly the trauma, yeah

how do you picture them? (As real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc.)

i've had them all for long enough that it's some fluid mix of faceclaims (one very notable story about that), picrews, video game character builders, and just imagined collections of features and vibes

your writing:

what’s your reason for writing?

idk i didn't know it'd be 12+ years of these guys with no signs of stopping when i made therien and oenith and idhren back in 2012. they're like real people to me and i'm very fond of them, so i enjoy thinking about them and i think their story deserves to be written

is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

i really like when people connect with my characters. particularly therien and idhren, any "oh my god she's weird as fuck i love her" or "ohhh im sad about him i think a hug from him would fix me" is like. going to make my entire week

how do you want to be thought of by those who read your work? (For example: as a literary genius, or as a writer who “gets” the human condition; as a talented worldbuilder, as a role model, etc.)

tbh i've never really thought about how i want to be seen as a writer. i just want to tell a story people connect with, i'd rather readers find characters as inspirational rather than myself

what do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

probably characters, but only within FS. I don't think it's a strength, like any new character I make for another project is whatever, but with these guys—I hope they feel complex and realistic, I've been thinking about them for long enough

what have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

i've been told I write dialogue well I think? I also got a comment from when I submitted ch1 of my current draft for a class critique last spring where someone said I wrote anxiety/panic in a very realistic way. that scene wasn't even in the outline lmao my characters do what they want

how do you feel about your own writing? (Answer in whatever way you interpret this question.)

it's...fine I guess? It's definitely gotten noticeably more consistent and closer to what I want it to be in the past 2-ish years, but I still struggle a lot with feeling like the style is bland and the topics forgettable. I try not to linger on it too much because I primarily write for my own sanity, the approval of any readers is just a bonus

if you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

oh yeah, i'd keep writing. i like my characters and i like seeing new parts of them and their stories revealed to me as i progress

when you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? If it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

nah, not really. i mean, aside from "if i introduce this thing earlier it'd make more sense / breaking the chapters here would flow better for readers" type things. the actual content and themes and characters are purely what I enjoy. i'm not delusional enough to think publishing is likely anyways, i know the whole "cliche high fantasy" thing isn't terribly marketable, especially how it falls in the overlap of YA and adult

open tag for anyone who wants to join! doing open tags until I get caught up I think

tag list: @just-emis-blog @orions-quill @honeybewrites @leahnardo-da-veggie @robin-the-blind-sniper-rifle

[fagcrisis]

nah, I totally get where you're coming from, but it's not necessarily something wrong with the kids- I'm a software tutor, and it's been getting.... bad, at least in the usa. it's not their fault, but society has become so tech-saturated that lot of schools literally have stopped teaching kids basic computer knowledge anymore, and assume they'll have picked it up intuitively, and so do their parents. but it's not intuitive, it's a skill like any other. and a lot of the kids are post-zoom era, which you'd think would make them more tech-literate, but no one was beside them looking at their computers to teach them, and they wound up with at least a year's gap of educational neglect in general as well. it's gotten... weird. the kids get by, cause a lot of tech is just 'push a button' now, and they soak up the new information like the little freak sponges they are, but quite often no one has sat down with them and explained jack shit before ....that being said, the amount of grown adults I have to explain that 'no, if you don't save the file it won't exist when you close the file' on a daily basis to is... so high. soooo high. people are unbelievably stupid

but then again, I can only speak to one form of educational system, so truly, who the fuck am I lmao

idk like, ive worked with kids and based on my experience theyre just kind of fucking stupid i say this w all the love in my heart but u take the smartest kid ive ever worked with n ask them a basic fuckin question and theyll just go huh bc thats how kids r i think this is less "the youth of today has smth wrong with them" and more the usual thing where a generation gets 9lder and starts teaching and interacting w kids and realize kids r kinda fucking stupid. we have a huge scare abt how the latest generation cant do this or that every ten years and its fine every time. kids get older and they learn shit.even if u got a teenager thats kinda fucking stupid they can still learn. also just like u said a lotta fucking adults r also tech illiterate as shit so i think this is more demographic based and not age based. kids whose parents r good w computers or who have access to some sort of education abt computers will learn that shit. also some places have more of a culture of fostering this shit like here piracy counts as basic tech literacy i think and that migjt not be the case in other places

anyway the reason these posts annoy me bc i used to see all this posting abt how well b the genrration who isnt a cunt to kids and doesnt demean them and now 10 yrs later yall r doing that shit like u were also kind of fucking stupid as a kid and adults were probs freaking out about how u cant even read and now ur an adult n ur fine. also if kids cant do smth its not their fault its the fault of every adult around them so in any case stop talking abt how kids r tech illiterate itll be fine calm down. most of yall dont even have kids n if ya do teach them computers

[just-call-mefr1es]

i finally got this pride special done akdmekdmsm>_<

u can enjoy this as it is, but just incase anyone’s up for a read, my journey with gender and how it ripped my soul out is under the cut 😋

so, at a kinda young age, i knew that i liked to be feminine, but i knew that i never really wanted to be a girl, if that made sense. id call myself a girl, and sometimes itd feel right, sometimes it wouldnt, but i never payed attention to why. i would wear dresses n be feminine and cutesy stuff but something felt weird whenever a relative said i was such a beautiful girl. i was eight.

then boom, pandemic happened. i personally think the pandemic was a gay awakening for a lot of people, since we all had to stay home and got access to the internet and shit. by then, i figured i was a lesbian, and went with that for a while. girls were pretty, and lil 2020 me wanted to kiss one (i did actually and didnt like it but thsts for another post). i vibed like that for a while; i had a couple of older friends (just by a year nothing much) who were also gay so i thank most of the first things i learned abt lgbt on them.

but, this aijt anout that, this is about gender. so, it was the summer of ‘21, and i was like- ‘hold on a stinkin minute.’ theh had my first ever real gender crisis💗 awh how time flies😽 anygays, i had a meltdown over that, and then came to the conclusion that i was non binary, sicne being a girl was so not me, and i shitting loved how it felt calling myself non binary! adn to add, part of me died a little whenever someone used she/her pronouns for me so i went with they/them; i was so scared of being misgendered back then:(

then, the internet started taking over and i got my grubby lil hands on gaytok (i just watched comps on yt bcus i didnt have tiktok) which was a blessing and a mistake at the same time. watching people like me just be themselves unapologetically was such a moment for me, and i was overjoyed. but unfortunately, some of the not so great caught up.

i saw a shiton of stereotypes abt what each person SHOULD feel, act, dress etc based on their sexuality and gender orientation. i, unfortunately got sucked into the ‘non-binary people have short fluffy hair and hoodies and frogs’ and me, being the dumbass i was, just tagged along with it. at first i thought it was cool, and i still do dont get me wrong! non binary with short fluffy hair who wears hoodies and frogs all day are swagger! my mistake was thinking that all non binary people were like that. and ‘all’ included me.

i thought that if i just had everything that nonbinary people were ‘supposed’ to have, then id finally be happy with my gender and could stop playing this stupid game, and it was like that for a while. 2022 me actually really vibed with that, though! i stocked up on all the oversized hoodies i could scour, stuffed all my hair in a beanie when i cojld and just tried to hide any feminine aspect as fucking much as i could. and it sorta kinda worked! this one time when i was in soccer, this kid asked me what gender i was cause he coukdnt tell and i just💥

that was kinda the end of that tho. 2023 was a school year with ups and downs lmao. i had to leave my kids behind; it was a whole thing. from what i can recall this was rhe year when i started to really get questioning. did i do anything tho? nah. i kept my title as non-binary and moved on, ignoring the confusion that welled up in my gut. by then, it was really hard for me to actually question my gender full-on because it made me super nervous.

some more time later, i finally start sucking it up and taking a good look at what the hell i was feeling. sometimes, i didnt feel like ripping my hair out and chokijg myself slowly whenever someone used she/her pronouns for me, but i still did feel like it sometimes- it confused the hell outta me. i kept thinking on, but made sure i didnt press on it too much because someone finally learned about taking their damn time !! good job me, one thing you can do right that isnt art /sarc

i kept my non binary title for a lil while more as i fugured things out befor my mind said ‘fuck it we ball’ and i just rid the thought entirely. i had a good time existing being unlabled with my gender, but it still felt weird inside. i tried out trans demiboy for a good second, before scrapping that idea as well. i looked into myself a lil more and realized that: hey, being feminine is fun!

all that time from 2020-23 i was deadset and focused on being as far away from being perceived as feminine for a while, from fear of bein misgendered. i had totally missed out how fun doing your hair is, and twirling sround in dresses and just being feminine was. so, i did that. im pretty sure i went back to my non binary title for a bit (this time being smart and taking into account that stereotypes were stupid as fuck) and continued on with being casual wit femininity.

then my head hit the wall- no.. gender? my head hit the gender and on one faithful day it hit me: genderfluid. i might be genderfluid. i thought about it for a while, trying to see how it would feel and oh my holy shit- it fit perfectly. i literally almost cried fr.

no, because i felt like ive been punched in the gut but in a good way- this is it! i finally figured it out!!! i always wanted to have one or the other, and no way i was ginna switch my identity every five seconds; genderfluid was a title that made me feel better. with how i present myself, with how i feel, with how i everything!

and- i shitting loved how free it felt, when i could proudly say im genderfluid. because its literalky me! im fluid with my gender! some days, i dont mind being called a girl- some days i even love it!! but other times its just not for me, and i when i realize that i can just feel like that without feeling like some sort of fraud, i just get all giddy its wonderful>_<

and thats it i guess. my story. huh. im not sure if there should be a moral, but i feel bad if i dont give something to the people, so,, never be afraid to figure out yourself. take your time, and who knows where you’ll end up? who knows, it might be somewhere you might have never thought about.

[redbullgivesyouwingedkuriboh]

GX Rewatch: Ep 1-5 (Dub)

Before we get into it, I have to say that obviously this is spoilers for ep 1-5, but also the entirety of the show since I reference things that are foreshadowed in the first few episodes. you’ve been warned

k let’s go

Episode 1

how is Crowler not fired yet?

Crowler was nonbinary before it was cool (aka before season 3)

jaden says bastion is the second best duelist there (him being the best) but Zane is literally 50 feet away

“legendary rare monster” it’s $0.79 on Amazon. Cyber Dragon cost me more.

Zane doesn’t give two shits about Jaden’s ego. A piece of paper is worth more. Baby Zane was such an ass <3 /affectionate /icanfixhim

Alexis saying Jaden’s really good and Zane just turning and walking away. what an icon. girlboss. he’s already planning how to kick jaden’s ass.

Episode 2

not much to say here.

Jaden sticks up for colorblind people? sort of?

forgot how much of a prick Baby Chazz was

Alexis says that there’s no off-hours arena duels allowed and that Chazz should’ve told Jaden that— why didn’t she tell him when she got there?

jaden refusing to leave the duel arena is SO FUNNY, like he could literally get expelled and he’s just like nah cards

Episode 3

Syrus can’t read, canon

Crowler is the definition of right formula wrong answer

YOU ARE A TEACHER, REPORT HIM FOR SOME SHIT.

at least abuse your power properly smh

Alexis being obsessed with Jaden from the get-go is def because he acts exactly like Atticus

also: alexis doesn’t talk about Atticus until ep 5. you’d think there’d be some residual trauma since he disappeared at this school, but she doesn’t say shit

Episode 4

crowler stealing the rare cards and pulling a Clark Kent when everyone gets there is such a drama queen move, I see where Atticus learned it from

seriously crowler could have just left

also Jaden is canonically ripped, he pushed a truck up a hill

he also says something like “now I don’t need to go to the gym” which means DA canonically has a gym that JADEN goes to

Syrus praying to Slifer is so fucking funny oml

actually now that I think about it it would make a lot of sense for characters to actually worship Egyptian gods considering. y’know. they’re real.

probably not Syrus’s motivation but either way

Chumley trying to rig the exams by letting Jaden get his beauty rest

Bastion. everything about Bastion in this episode gives me life. I love him. He was the only one who stayed back to wake up Jaden and Syrus, which (though misguided, he didn’t do it for their sake) was really cute

Baby Bastion in general is just a vibe

Episode 5

really wacky when you realize Jaden’s scary story about hearing card voices isn’t just about his normal cards, it’s about Yubel too

“kids went missing from the abandoned dorm” oH gEe professor banner, whO kidnAppEd tHem?

Pharaoh is my homie

on the topic of the stories Syrus’s actually scared the shit out of me until he was flailing around in the water

CROWLER JUMPSCARE JESUS CHRIST

Millenium items and all what the heck

oh yeah i forgot about the fake millennium puzzle

love how a guy canonically got a call from Crowler being like yo can you come scare the absolute fuck outta these actual children and he was like yea no problem that’s actually my favorite activity

lmao where’d this fuck get a fog machine

Crowler knows how to teleport?????

“Well alright if you insist” crowler I stg I need you to save some sass for the rest of us

“you could just say we’ve found a couple places where it’s not” JADEN YOU’RE SO FUNNY OMFG I forgot how silly Jaden is

“oh, hi Alexis” YOU’RE EVERYTHING TO ME JADEN

“well that’s not very intelligent” marry me alexis

“why are you here” “I have my reasons, that’s why!” weird way to propose alexis but I accept

the reaction shot on Alexis’s reveal of her brother is the least dramatic in the show and yet it’s the one that makes me cringe the most

jaden, having just heard that some kid literally disappeared here, with actual evidence from Alexis: fuck that i’m not a pussy let’s go in

OH NO A GIRL SCREAM TO INDICATE DANGER

ATTICUS JUMPSCARE OH MY GOD was not prepared to see that

REACTION SHOT TM

“That sounded like Alexis” syrus how many girls have you heard scream to know exactly what Alexis sounds like screaming

episode five and Jaden is already done with Villain of the Week tm

love jaden’s commitment to the catchphrase even though he’s seeing his first real threat

Jaden canonically pays enough attention in class to know about Archfiend effects, he’s truly not as dumb as people think

oh S3 Jaden totally got flashbacks to this duel during his battle with Bronn

“you flunked math, chumley.” “no, I got a 54” HELP THEY’RE EVERYTHING

“hey, my arm” YOUR ARM IS GONE AND THAT’S YOUR FREAKIN REACTION JADEN I STG I LOVE YOU

“we got blackout curtains” weird way to propose but yes

POT OF GREED MENTIONED RAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

the music in this series is epic as hell

“this is totally anti-lishus” chumley i miss you so much come back to us

TO BE CONTINUED ARE YOU KIDDING ME

okay spose this is TBC then

[fiixer]

is there any kind of job you won't take?

" Y'know, most people don't ask stuff like that unless they want something reeeally weird."

That was generally how it worked, in his experience.  Either a potential client was going to ask for something bizarre, or they were too nosy for their own good, perhaps as a poor attempt at small talk to get a chummy vibe going with him.  Jordi has had a few of both in his time, the latter of which never worked, but he had to admit the attempts were adorable.  "I'm good with weird and all.  Cash is cash, I usually don't care how I have to get it, but believe it or not,  I do have standards - I know, it shocked the hell outta me, too, but there it is.   So, yeah, there's a few jobs I won't take - but, I also won't let anyone else take them, either."

What that means will come in time.

"Kids. I don't deal with shit involving kids.  And I don't mean like, holding a kid for ransom, scaring the hell out of them…that kind of thing is alright.  Not my favorite, but it pays, so I can't complain.  No, no, no, when I say 'involving kids', I mean putting them on the business end of my .45.  And before anyone starts spewing bullshit like who would do that - " For that, his voice climbs a derisive octave or two, only to drop back to normal in barely a breath. " - people do.  Not a lot of people, but people.  I've had one."

It's one he doesn't think of often anymore, now that so many years had passed.  Thus far, it had been one of a mere handful that he'd refused, and one of two he'd turned down because – well, he'd rather not get into the reasons why he'd shot them down.  Introspection sucks, he'd not here for that mess.  Oh, no, instead he's thinking an explanation is in order here.  A man like himself doesn't say no to paying work without good reason, after all.  So, guess what?  It's story time.

"I don't think I was in Chicago a year when this guy contacts me.  Says he wants to get back at his ex-wife.  They split the year before, she got their kid, she was seeing another guy and I dunno, some other bullshit, I stopped listening by that point.  I just remember thinking This is why I don't do the relationship crap.  It gets messy way too quick and then you end up with freak shows like that nutsack who can't leave shit alone.   Just thinking about it gives me a headache…" Trailing off, he comes to a pause.  A breath, and then a tense, albeit distant,  "Where the hell was I…?"

Chicago, relationships…divorced creep.  Ex wife, job refused because -

"- oh, yeah.  So, anyway, we meet, he tells me he wants to 'teach her not to fuck with him', but he doesn't want her dead, because everyone points fingers at the ex when stuff like that happens.  He just wanted her fucked up.  Not physically, 'cuz that would heal too quick and, again, everyone always thinks it's the ex.  He wanted to fuck with her head, permanently, and how'd he wanna do it?  By hiring me.  Not to mess with her or scare her or whatever- that'd be fine, I'd done it a thousand times before.  Nah, this asshole wanted me to take out the five-year-old she had custody of.  Yknow, really hit her where it hurts."

In theory, Jordi's previously mentioned tactics - ransom, threats, etc. - usually worked just fine, and probably would have in that instance, too.  Most parents would lose their minds over that kind of stuff, but a client wants what a client wants.  His part in the deal was to listen and do what he's paid to, no questions asked or input placed.

"I said I'd take it.  Told him to pay me upfront and then, when the job was done, I'd clean the mess and he'd never have to see me again, and y'know what?  He did.  Transferred it over, didn't even question it, and after he did, I was about to head out to get the job done, but before I could, the craziest shit happened.  I stood up, went to leave, and the next thing I know, there's a bullet right in the middle of his forehead - fuckin' dead center.  The second one wasn't too far off, either; think it was like…in his eye or something, I dunno, hard to remember now, but I do remember, with all of his blood flying around, some of it ended up on my jacket.  My brand new Patagonia, can you believe it?! "

The audacity of some people. Even as a corpse, the guy was a dick, which could have almost been respectable if Jordi wasn't on the receiving end of things.

He really liked that coat, too...

"So, I popped the fucker a third time, went home to change, and took myself out to a nice dinner on the lakefront.  I got my money, and no one was around to claim I didn't get the job done - which actually reminds me, you breathe a word of this to anyone, just know, I got three bullets on me just for you, got it?  Cool, cool.  But, uh..yeah, that was that."

That one felt good.  If pressed, Jordi couldn't put a finger on exactly what made that particular request much different than the countless others he'd handled; maybe it was just because it was a kid involved, maybe he'd started going soft a little sooner than he'd noticed.  Whatever the case, it was a hard limit on his end.  What should have been a meeting like any other had left a hollow pit in his stomach the whole time the guy talked, after he'd revealed intentions and explained exactly what he wanted Jordi to do.  Such a pathetic waste of space, that one, drawing a target on someone who couldn't fight back...

As far as he's concerned, he fulfilled a contract, albeit an unspoken one, for saving some random woman he'd never meet the hassle of her ex-husband's existence, and spared a kid the trouble of being caught in the middle of that whole disaster. Look at him - making the world a better place, one well-placed bullet at a time.

"Moral of the story is, a job like that?  Nope, won't take it, and anyone who comes to me with shit like that it's gonna end up like ol' what's-his-face…I can't remember it now, it's been a while.  So far, that one's been the only time I've been asked to off a kid, but if I know anything about people, it's that someone, somewhere out there, is just fucked up enough to want it, too."

[therealityhelix]

Shards of the Nexus: Applesauce pt. 3

And so, he fucked it all up.

@cardwrecks​  @captainbaddecisions​

“Excuse the fuck me!?!”

The anger surged back up, mixed with indignation to forge an alloy of outrage. How fucking dare-

There were rules. There were agreements. And maybe they weren't spoken, but they were understood. Don't fuck with Helix. She had earned it. Over time, she had proven herself clever, resourceful, and trustworthy. She had passed every test. She had their approval, she had Arkham's approval, and this little Riddlet thought he had the right? This nobody thought he could take her away from him-them?

He'd be lucky if Swag didn't put a fist right in one of his pretty brown eyes, and he'd better damn well hope nobody else ever found out. Swag wasn't even close to the most impulsive or vindictive among them. She had Arkham's approval, Detective's approval, his approval, and oh no, oh fuck, he'd just realized that their hierarchy of accepted authority wasn't topped by a duet, it was a trinity, and that's why all the new blood had come to introduce themselves to him, oh no, the responsibilities were already here, had already been here, oh fuck, he had a chance with Narci years ago but had turned the kid away outright, oh no, this was why he should never be given responsibility!

Helix had left her seat, backed away with concern scrawled between her brows. Swag realized he was clutching the edge of the bar with a white-knuckled grip, furious snarl twisting his face.

Okay, okay, okay, calm the fuck down. Save those plans for later, or better, discard them entirely. Don't bust the guy in the face. Don't slip the info to Puzzles and then stand back to watch the fireworks. Absolutely don't let Unswag know. Just calm. The fuck. Down.

“Sorry.” he said, evening out his tone into something almost fake. “That caught me by surprise. He...he does know that wouldn't work anyway, doesn't he?”

“He knows I can't be captured like that, yes. I guess I shouldn't have bothered taking these but I want that machine to tear itself to ruins in front of him when he tests it. I...I suppose I'm a little ticked off about this.”

“You oughta be livid. Nah, don't listen to me. Why would he do this, anyway?”

“I think...I scared him. He was going on about how he wasn't safe to be around, and then he insinuated that I wouldn't be able to defend myself or my daughter from him, which is ridiculous! And I tried to tell him, but he wouldn't listen, so I showed him instead.”

“Showed him?”

Ask her to show you what she showed me. But be sure you really want to understand.

“I froze him in place. Not like, with cold, but...here.”

She picked an apple out of the basket and tossed it in the air. He watched it follow it's arc and then-

-just stop. The fruit hung helplessly in midair.

“It's the same principle that lets me fly.” she explained. “Control over the movement of objects through space. I stopped his ability to move. I didn't hurt him, I just wanted him to understand that if he really did try to hurt us, I could stop him without any pain at all. So that he didn't have to be afraid of that. Instead, he's afraid of me now. So much so that he built a machine specifically to kill me.”

“Some people act damn weird when they're afraid. I mean, U.S. is still dealing with the shit he saw your alternate selves do.”

Probably shouldn't go into too much detail there! He was just glad they had this Helix. The others really did sound terrifying.

Her brow crinkled.

“Edward...there are no alternate me's. I'm not like you guys; I wasn't a foundational figure in my world.”

“But...Unswag said he saw a bunch of different scenarios...?”

“Oh, yes! That's all me. Your world is a little weird, you know? It's like-oh,it's hard to explain-like, stacked? There's a bunch of, um, mini worlds branching off? Like the leaves of a plant, growing off the main stem, where we are. But they're all connected back to here, reflecting the things that happen here, and I exist in each one simultaneously. Different parts of me, but not separate from me. More like different facets of a diamond. Technically the same object, but different faces of it, with the light reflecting through differently.”

“They're all the same you?” his stomach was sinking into adrenaline dread. She was capable? Of the things Unswag had said? “Are you aware of what they do?”

“Not really? They act in whatever scenario how I would act in whichever scenario here. Whatever seems right at the time. When I come, they come, when I go, they go, because they're reflections rather than separate entities. So naturally, they would have helped you out with him in every world, because that's what I would do.”

“Helped me out. Yeah.”

He grasped the floating apple, which didn't budge, but he could feel the instant she released her control over it, and its weight returned to his hand. He grabbed a plate and placed the apple on it.

“So if I asked, could you skin this apple with magic?” he asked, silken slyness lacing his voice. He just had to see...

“Uh, sure?” she said, hesitant at the change in his tone. “Vegetable peeler's just as good, but...”

“I just wanna see.”

She didn't move, didn't even blink, but the apple's skin unzipped itself, peeling away in a single piece like a discarded dress.

She flayed me alive.

“Wow, that's really clean.” Why hadn't he known about this? Was his twin right? That his own refusal to get involved might have brought them all to danger? The implications were chilling.

“Thank you!” she brightened at the compliment. “I practice a lot.”

“Bet you do. Could you cut it too?”

Again, that concerned look. Swag held his phone under the bar, texting rapidly.

:Did she try to kill you?:

A moment passed.

:I'm still alive, so no. Tread carefully.:

He glanced back up, and the apple fell into two perfect halves. Again, she hadn't moved. Were all those previous 'magical' gestures simply for his benefit?

“Amazing.” He picked up one half and bit into it. “The juice ain't even running. How'd you do that?”

“Oh, I just released the bonds between the cells. That's how I got the skin off too.”

I saw her cut glass with her mind.

“So you can do all this just by thinking about it?”

“Pretty much. It does take effort, but there's so much ambient magic here that I could do practically anything. Your world is very refreshing.”

“Cool. So. You could do this to a person, couldn't you.”

She recoiled, shocked at the near-accusation.

“What? No! I don't do that! Why would you even say that?”

He held out the half apple.

“U.S. saw you do this to him.” Gestured at the apple skin. “Saw you do that too. And a whole lot of other stuff.”

“No, I don't do that!” she protested.

“But you can. And some part of you did, because you're telling me that all those pieces are really just one you. There's some part of you that can justify it. And look, I'm pissed at him too, but you didn't tell Codec what you were gonna do, did you? You just did it.”

“He wouldn't listen!”

“And that justified it. I've been seeing you get angry more and more lately, and I'm wondering if you shouldn't step back from the stress for a while. I'm wondering if we all shouldn't.”

“I'm allowed to be angry.” she said.

“Yeah, you are. But you're more than just human. I mean, we're all kinds of crazy here, but you're the only one who can tear a man to shreds just by getting mad at him.”

“I would never...did I? No, I don't kill people, Edward!”

“How many?” he asked, watching the denial transmogrify into offense.

“You first.” she shot back.

Did everything in the room just move a little, or was that his imagination?

What was he doing? This was insane. If he really thought she was capable of turning him inside out, why was he challenging her?

Maybe Unswag wasn't the only one unsettled by all the recent happenings. He'd been falling into bad old habits, all the way up to this: trying to provoke a possibly very dangerous reaction out of someone he actually cared about, and he couldn't give any reason why, other than just needing to know if she would or not. He'd tested his hirelings in similar ways, in the past. How could he have let himself fall back so far as to treat her like that?

“You know what, actually I'm way out of line here.” he admitted. Reel it it, reel it in. When you recognized you were being stupid, it was best just to stop. “I'm sorry babe. I think there's something up with me. When U.S. told me what he saw, I couldn't believe it. But I don't think he was lying either.”

“I...would like to speak with him. At some point. Not now.” she said, barely mollified. “I don't know how solid the secondary realities in this world are. If what he saw was real, or just possibilities.”

“He seemed pretty convinced. And you've got no recollection of this at all?”

“None. I know I reflect like that when I come here, but I don't see what happens in those reflections. I can't imagine being like that. Edward, I really don't do things like that. I know I can. That's part of why I don't.”

He offered her the other half of the apple. She reached out to take it, still tense. He should really fix that.

He snatched up her hand, intending to lay an apologetic kiss on the knuckles, but she yanked back with an agonized cry.

“What? What is it?” He reached out over the bar, but she backed away, clutching her hand. He could see the skin bubbling on her palm. “Shit! What happened?”

“What is that?” she demanded in a pained voice. “On your hand? What is that?”

The wire. He'd forgotten he was wearing it.

“It's just some weird metal-”

“Nth metal! How do you have that? Why do you have that?”

“It was recommended...”

And the dealer had gone on an on about its special properties, like a New Age shop trying to sell a crystal. But 'magic cancellation' was on that list, and it had grabbed his attention. The idea of never having to worry about Grays again was so very tempting. He hadn't expected it to hurt her!

“Did you know what it does?”

“Not that it would burn!”

Betrayal clouded over the pain in her face. He had just admitted that he knew it would neutralize her, after all, just not that it would hurt. A tacit lack of trust.

The apples in the basket, melted into goo. Every piece of glass in the room cracked, and Helix drew further away. Wide eyed, they both looked around frantically at the glass, the mirrors, the bottles. With clear effort around the obvious pain in her hand, she resealed most of the glass, even now kindly saving him a huge mess.

She backed close to the door.

“Maybe you're right.” she said, voice flat and lifeless. “Maybe I need to step away. Away from the stress. Away from...all this. Maybe it's time.”

“Wait. Wait, babe, this is my fault-”

He scurried around the bar, apple dripping from his fingers. Something in him told him that he couldn't let her leave now, or he might never see her again.

“I just got too caught up-”

“Take care of yourself Swag. I'll see you when I see you.”

All she had to do was step through the door, and she was gone, disappeared into nothing.

But she'd taken something with her, and it hurt to lose. That precious little thing that let him know he was special, now stripped from him. His identity. His name.

He stepped through the door, back and forth, closing his eyes and willing himself to follow, but it didn't work. That magical pathway was closed to him.

Apple dribbled all over the bar, and he drew despondent fingers through the mush, brought them to his tongue. He hated how good it tasted, how his reflection replicated in the crazed glass of the one mirror she hadn't fixed. How much potential bounty had melted out of his life, as a result of his projecting his own self destruction? He was afraid of what she could do? Of what she had done to U.S.? How much of that was actually his fault? How many times had he stood back and, as his twin had said 'just watched', instead of doing anything? What was he actually afraid of?

That she could kill him? Of course she could! She didn't even need magic for that, just the will! Of course she could kill him! And U.S. could choke him to death tomorrow, and he just might when he found out what happened here! And someone could shoot him in the face, or he could get thrown off another building, or hit by a car, or die in a fire. A Gray could magic him into jumping off a cliff, or his body could just stop. Every second could be his last; it was why he'd embraced the philosophy of hedonism in the first place. If happiness was truly his to create, then why did he keep doing this?

Because it wasn't death he was actually afraid of. It was failure. It was loss. It was that happiness wasn't only his, its creation was shared, which meant another person could influence it.

And sometimes-every time-he was perversely driven to break it himself, before anyone else could wrest that control from him. It drove him to neglect, to obsess, to provoke. To destroy.

Before anyone else could.

?~?~?~?~?

artist: @cardwrecks​

[purplesurveys]

1754

Are you disrespectful to a lot of people? Well no, but I mean if someone is rude to me then I can very much use that as reason to be rude back.

When was the last time someone called you pretty? A few months ago; that's not really a word I get a lot.

Do you like the color pink? It used to be my favorite color! It's not anymore but I still like pink a lot nonetheless.

Are you in your pajamas at the moment? Nah, I haven't changed from of my outside clothes today actually. I'll do it before I turn in.

On Facebook, do you have people listed as your siblings who aren’t really your siblings? No, I never did stuff like that.

Doesn’t it annoy you when couples post things to each other’s wall on Facebook that are all mushy and gross and NO ONE CARES? No need to be so mad, lol. I have a few friends who do cheesy posts about their relationships but I just skip them and move on because people can post whatever they want.

Does your cell phone have a case on it? What color? It does have a case but it's just plain and clear so that 1) it looks clean and 2) so I can easily see the photocard I've inserted inside hahah.

So what do you think about Chris Brown now? I've always thought he was a gross piece of shit and every single day I live I grow more frustrated that people let him stick around.

What was the last song you had on repeat? Dust by Seventeen.

Ever kissed someone your parents hated? No.

What do you think about your cousins? Counting only my first cousins:

Cousins from my mom's older brother: My favorite out of the cousin bunch; easy to talk to and we're in the same wavelength with pretty much everything so that makes them a lot of fun to hang out and have conversation with.

Cousins from my mom's younger brother: I know and trust that they're nice boys, but very much out of touch. I catch them not really having the most respectful demeanor towards elders (like not using honorifics) and they kind of lack humility, but I'm hopeful they grow out of that phase.

Cousins from my dad's first sister: Quiet, but nice. I'm a bit wary towards one of them since she has questionable political opinions that keep me from fully trusting her lol but apart from that I find her very warm and friendly.

Cousins from my dad's second sister: The most socially aware out of my dad's-side cousins so I personally like them most. Lei in particular is extremely easy to get along with and I like hanging out with her whenever we visit.

Cousins from my dad's brother: I barely know them because they live in the US and have only flown to the Philippines once and it was years ago when the younger son wasn't even born yet.

Do you think the name Sage is for boys or girls? For me it passes off as unisex.

Do you have a favorite radio station? 93.1 is probably my favorite these days since they're pretty generous with the K-pop airplay, but as a disclaimer I also don't listen to the radio a lot anymore.

Do you ever save things as a draft or a note in your phone so you can remember them later? All the time. My Notes app is filled with the most random crap, from the occasional journaling of my dreams to work ideas that pop up in my head while I'm not working.

Do you use Sharpies often? Nah, the need for them doesn't come up frequently.

What didn’t you get for Christmas that you asked for? I never really expect anything for Christmas anymore, but I did find it amusing that I kept mentioning Katinko but I didn't get one hahaha. I guess people thought I was kidding LOL

Any weird fears? I wouldn't call it fully weird or irrational per se but I am scared of electrical outlets and would usually ask someone to plug something in for me.

Would you say that you’ve become more of a slut or less of a slut since a year ago? It's been the same in that I haven't been sexually active at all. It's not something I look for.

Are you older or younger than most of your friends? They're either older or the same age.

Does anyone you know exaggerate a lot? Sure.

What are your plans for your next birthday? I don't have any yet.

How are your nails? Inconsistent, because I tend to peel them off.

Your most recent ex says he/she hates you, you say? Nothing. I'd just block them.

How is life going for you right now? I feel a little exhausted and stuck, but I'm still trying to maximize wherever I am right now while also actively plotting bigger plans for the future. That's what a quarter-life crisis does to you, apparently.

Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? Nah, I think I'm clean for now.

Have you met anyone new lately? Yep but they all have to do with work so meh.

What color are your eyes? Dark brown.

Look to your right what do you see? My bag, Starbucks cup, and headphones.

Are you drifting away from your best friend? Nope.

Would you feel hurt if your last ex was in a relationship? She's not in my life anymore at all and I truly would not care if this was or is the case.

If given the chance, go back to fix a past regret or take a million dollars? Take the money, lmao. Regrets are a part of life.

What’s more important, your pride or your life? Life, but honestly speaking pride is also giving it a run for its money lol. Admittedly I can still be pretty prideful.

Would the last person who texted you hurt you? They could in the way that anyone could, but I wouldn't be the most affected considering it's a work contact.

Your ex is sitting next to you with their new partner, what do you do? Suck the situation up and use it as an opportunity to talk and catch up.

Do you have a reason to smile right now? Not in particular.

Have you ever had to choose between two people? No.

Last thing you drank was? My drink from Starbucks.

What did you do last night? I rewatched the entire Twilight Saga for all of yesterday so the evening was spent watching both parts of Breaking Dawn.

Where is your mother? In her room.

Have you had sex today? Nope.

Are you afraid of losing a boyfriend/girlfriend? I don't have a partner.

Do you have siblings? Yes, I do.

Last person, you talked to in person? My sister.

Do you think someone’s thinking about you? Nope.

What made you the happiest today? Being able to push myself to work a little bit, oh and getting to have Korean food for lunch earlier :)

What is your hair looking like right now? It's in a neat low ponytail.

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day? I doubt it; I think I'll just be really tired by the end of it.

Are you currently wanting any piercings? Nopes.

Are you looking forward to something as of right now? Seeing two different groups of friends on Friday and Saturday.

Do you swallow gum when you’re done with it? No.

[idlebug]

loss is literally so fucking odd you really never know how an absence will feel in your life until it happens and then it's like. oh. that is so weird. how is this tangible somehow. why does it have like a physical weight.

my friend's dad passed away suddenly in his sleep the day before father's day. they still don't know what happened. his son was going to get breakfast with him that morning and he wouldn't answer the phone. he told me it just kept ringing and ringing. he was only nineteen and found him in the bedroom. in my wildest fucking nightmares, i cannot imagine what that must have been like.

he was literally one of the most intense guys ever. scared the shit out of me just because every time i saw him i knew he expected a hand shake and a good ten to fifteen minute conversation about where i was going to school and then it was what i was doing for work and then it was when are you going to move out. i ran into him all the time, i just came to expect to see him at like random strip malls and restaurants and shit in my hometown. i always saw him at my friend's concerts. i saw him just two months ago and i remember thinking it was like no time had passed between us. i was thirteen again seeing him pick his daughter up from school and asking me if i needed a ride. he was always lecturing me. "it's no, thank you sir, not nah i'm good, thanks" something like that. it's literally so weird to think i won't run into him again.

he really loved his kids. he went to all of my friend's shows. he knew all the names of her friends. both his kids told stories the same way he did, always the loudest person in the room and pausing to smile before the punchline. there was always a punchline. he grew up in chicago and it was so obvious. my friend found out an hour before she went on stage while she was touring and decided to perform anyways because the last text from her dad was to break a leg but he never actually said that he would say "break everyone else's leg". sometimes he would tell my friend to leave him a voicemail just so he could hear her voice. his son looked so much like him, it was insane. they even had the same posture and the same laser focus eye contact.

you don't think about how when someone dies you have to figure out all the paperwork. i went to my friend's house today and she told me about how she'd just spent the whole day going through his unopened mail because she was trying to figure out how much he owed on his car lease. she kept saying she wished she could just call him and ask. they were having trouble getting into his bank account because they needed a new pin. they had no idea who his landlord was or when his rent was up or if he still needed to pay for the month or how that even works after someone dies. the kind of shit you ask your dad about.

i brought my friend a box of chocolate and she chugged like three hard seltzers with me in her mom's living room. i hadn't been there since i was in high school, it felt so weird. i don't think i ever hugged her brother before. and idk it was such a relief to see him. like i didn't want to leave unless i saw him. i used to give that kid such a hard time when we were younger. it was always a battle of wits with him. he showed up with a friend and i basically forced them to let me buy them dinner. lmao i think that was me trying to cope more than trying to help them cope. i'm sure that gets really annoying. you don't just have your own grief to deal with, you have to deal with everyone else's too.

idk sometimes you know you really love a family but you don't think about it that often and then all of a sudden it's so abundantly clear it makes you want to cry. dads are so weird. death is so weird.

[suckitsurveys]

Are either of your parents engaged but not married yet? No. My dad is a widow and will probably never remarry.

Do you cuddle with your pet (if you have one)? Yes, two of the kitties like to lay with me and the other one hates me lol.

What college did you want to attend as a kid? I didn’t have a college I strived for. Even as a kid I could tell I’d hate it.

Do you have a pet gecko? Nope.

Are you scared of reptiles? Nope.

Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? Of course. Most cookie doughs are safe to eat raw now actually.

Where would you most like to go in your state, etc that you haven’t been? I’m sure there are lots of unexplored places in Illinois.

Who was the last member of the opposite sex you laid in a bed with? Mark.

About what things are you most selfish? My alone time.

Are you camera shy? Why/why not? Nah. I just stopped caring

What is one small thing your significant other does that makes you happy? If you are single, what is one small thing a friend does to make you happy? He just fucking GETS me. All the weird shit I do he matches and then some.

From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside? In the whole building, 2, but we can only access one.

Who was the last person to give you flowers? Mark.

What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Sushi.

Do you like BBQ sauce? I do.

Did the last person you kissed ever give you a hickey? Back in the day, yeah.

How many subscribers do you have on your YouTube channel? I have no idea. Probably like 2 if that.

If you could have a car in any color you wanted, which color? Purple.

What is your favorite Avril Lavigne song? Girlfriend.

What was the last thing you were mad at a doctor about? I don’t know.

Is your mother a lesbian? She wasn’t.

Do any of your close friends NOT have a Facebook account? Close friends? No, most of them have FB accounts even if they aren’t active on them.

Would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? Nope, those are not for me to get.

When was the last time you swam in a pool? About a month ago on my birthday.

What was the last thing you said out loud? I thanked my coworker for getting me spicy chicken nuggets from Wendy’s even thought I was mostly joking lol.

Have you ever wanted to be a nurse? No.

Who or what do you worship? Nothing..

What was the last song you listened to on repeat? Bonfire by Childish Gambino lol.

What song do you want played at your wedding? I'm not sure. We didn’t have a traditional wedding.

What are three of the most painful things you have ever stepped on? Lego, rocks, this weird rubber mat my dad has in the basement of his house.

If applicable, what song are you listening to right now? I’m not but I have Love is Embarrassing by Olivia Rodrigo stuck in my head.

If you could choose three US states to visit, which three states would you pick? California, Oregon, Washington.

Have you ever donated blood? Nope.

Would you rather attend a yoga class or a Zumba class? Yoga.

Have you written anything down today? I don’t think so.

Do you own a pair of pink pants? I have a pair of pink workout pants.

Do you normally eat healthy? I try but I could be better, I say as I stuff a spicy nugget from Wendy’s in my mouth.

What is the best compliment you’ve ever received? I love being told I’m funny, or making someone laugh.

Do you believe in miracles? Eh.

What are three ways in which you are not normal? The fuck is normal?

Which genre of music do you listen to the most? I’m so bad at genres. Like, indie or pop?

Last person you kissed, are they into any type of sports? Which ones? Yes, they like the Bulls.

Does your best friend have a job? Yes.

Do you ever visit people at work? I have, but it’s not something I do frequently anymore.

When you move out your house (or if you already have moved out) do you plan on still visiting your parents’ house? I visit my dad’s at least once a week and I’m going to start going to the gym  by his house again soon so I’ll be there almost every day because I go there right from work to change clothes

Do you usually take home leftovers if you eat out in a restaurant? Usually if there is a good amount and I know I’ll eat it.

Have you ever ghost rode the whip (put your car on auto and dance next to it as it’s moving)? Do you want to? No.

Why did you stop liking the last person you liked? He was a douche.

What do you think of long-term relationships? I’m clearly all for them, as I’ve been with Mark for 12 years.

Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Do you update them all regularly? I mean I have most of the basic ones.

When you’re in trouble, do your parents ever “middle name” you? My mom did as a kid.

When was the last time you got a new tattoo or piercing? Do you have any plans to get either in the future? I got a new tattoo 3 weeks ago. It’s a baby snoopy near my ankle. I love himmmmmm. I want SO many more tattoos; I really want to start on my half-sleeve plan of creepy creatures. I also think I want a couple more holes in my right ear

Are you patriotic at all? Why/why not? Nah.

Are you any good at packing a suitcase? Sure.

Have you ever had a white hot chocolate? What did you think? I don’t really like white chocolate so this doesn’t appeal to me.

Do you ever get eczema? Yeah on my hands and elbows.

Have you ever mowed a lawn? Yes.

Is there anyone you would do literally anything for? Not LITERALLY anything, no.

Have you ever done a “knock-and-run” prank? Yes, as a kid.

Have you ever stabbed a friend in the back, intentionally or not? Yeah.

What’s the longest you’ve ever slept in one go? Like 16 hours.

Have you ever dated someone with an accent different than yours? No.

Have you ever worked two jobs at once? Nope.

Who does most of the housework around your house? Mark mostly but I do my share.

Do you enjoy the smell and taste of cinnamon? I do. It reminds me of fall/winter.

[ragingbookdragon]

So Live A Lie, Just Tonight, And Burn Out Bright

Batsis x Hal Jordan One-Shot

Word Count: 3.8K Warnings: Explicit Language, Mature Themes

Author's Note: I decided to compile that one Batsis "story" into one doc, and I added the alternate ending for the one anon who asked! Enjoy! -Thorne

**********************************************************************

“Alright, easy sis, easy,” he worried, watching her carefully for signs of pain flickering across her face as he helped her off the bike.

She scowled, managing to drag her injured leg forward. “Quit nagging. I’m—ngh—fine.”

“You’re on emergency oxycodone and you’ve got a broken femur,” he retorted. “I’m nagging until you’re in surgery.”

“Ugh, stop reminding me.”

Someone hauled her off her feet with a quiet, “I’ve got you.”

She grunted in pain laying on the gurney. “Thanks, dad.”

“Miss Wayne, are you alright?”

Her eyes found Alfred’s. “I’m good. I just ne—motherfucker!” she yelped, glaring at her father who was squeezing her thigh. “Hey! That’s broken, jackass! Quit!”

Bruce grunted. “You need an ORIF now.”

A pinch in her arm made her twitch and she turned her attention to Alfred who was uncapping a needle. “Alfred, what’s that?”

He shook his head. “Nothing to worry about, Miss Wayne.” Smiling, he stuck the needle into the line. “You’ll feel better when you awaken.”

Her vision blurred rapidly, “Gonna take…a nap…now…” her head lolled, and Bruce met Alfred’s gaze.

“Call Damian. He’s got the steady hand we’ll need.”

***

“How’re you feeling?” Jason asked, setting a cup of juice on the bedside table.

She blinked slowly, staring at her fingers. “Why are my fingers like this?”

“Like what, Queenie?”

“Bendy,” she replied, flexing her fingers. “It’s fuckin’ weird.” She looked at him. “I feel weird.”

He snorted, nodding at Dick and the others who were walking in at the sound of her voice. “You’re on hydromorphone, sis.”

“Hydro—what-what?”

“Hydromorphone, sister,” Damian said. “It has increased your threshold for pain and reduced the perception of it.”

She stared at him like she hadn’t heard a word come out of his mouth. “I didn’t understand a single goddamn word that you just said.”

Snickers sounded around her, but her head was up in the clouds and she rested back against her pillow. Her family gathered around her, sitting up on the bed, and suddenly she cocked her head up, squinting at each of them.

“Sweetheart? What’s wrong?” Bruce inquired.

“Where’s Dick?”

“I’m right here, sis,” he answered, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand. “What’s up?”

“Why’d you break up with Kori?”

His eyes widened. “I—what?”

“Kori. Tall alien with the shooty-hands.”

“I know who she is. What about our breakup?”

“Are you kidding me? That woman is spectacular, and you broke up with her. She’s gorgeous, wicked intelligent, fantastic in bed and—”

“Wait, back up there,” he interrupted. “Good in bed? Did you sleep with, Kori?”

“Oh yeah, totally. I was her rebound after you.”

Dick blinked while the others cackled. “Have you…have you slept with any other exes?”

“Of yours? Or in general with the family’s exes?”

“Wait,” Jason said. “Have you slept with any of mine?”

“Did you date Artemis?”

He shrugged. “Sort of?”

“Then, yes.” She looked at Bruce. “I slept with Selina too, but to be completely honest we were both drunk and I don’t think either of us remember.”

“I uh—” he started, then quieted. “I didn’t know you were gay, sweetheart.”

She let out a ‘pfft’. “I’m not.”

“Oh, you’re bi, then?” Dick smiled and she shook her head.

“Nah, I like the wine but not the label.” She grinned. “I’m a lover of people.”

“How many superheroes have you slept with?” Tim questioned and she pursed her lips.

“Uh…I dunno…kinda lost count.”

For a moment no one said a word, then Jason asked, “You know how we call Dickhead the fuck-boy? Can we refer to you as that now? I think you’ve topped his count.”

Her eyes narrowed into a glare and she pointed at him, though she was seeing double, so it was entirely possible that she was pointing at the wall. “Keep that up and I’ll sleep with your best friend again.”

“You slept with Roy?!”

“I was talking about Kyle, but Roy works too.”

“OH MY GOD! IS THERE ANYONE YOU HAVEN’T SLEPT WITH?”

She thought for a moment, then offered, “Diana. But I asked her out last weekend so it’s up in the air until our date.”

***Part Two***

There was only one rule that everyone collectively followed in Wayne Manor and that was: no excessive noise until after twelve P.M. It was mostly influenced by Alfred who’d more than once pulled out the shotgun but surprisingly, mornings were usually calm and quiet. Keywords: “Were” and “Usually”. There were some special cases.

An ear-splitting scream shattered the silence of the breakfast room and in an instant, everyone was jumping from the table, sprinting towards the staircase to find out what was quite possibly murdering their eldest sister. As they neared the staircase, they came face to face with her as she stood behind the banister, her hands gripping the railing until her knuckles started whitening.

“Sis, what’s wrong?” Dick worried, already starting to come up the steps, Jason and Tim close behind.

“I’m late,” she whispered, and they leaned forward.

“What was that?” Bruce inquired, brows furrowing, and she looked at him.

“I’m late.” Her voice was firmer this time.

He blinked. “How long?”

“Two months.”

“Wait, what’s going on?” Jason questioned, shaking his head and she scowled.

“My period’s late, jackass.”

She wished she’d taken a photo of their faces, because nothing would ever amuse her as much as the way their jaws went slack, eyes widening in total shock. Running a hand down her face, she groaned, “Oh my God. I knew something was up. I completely forgot about it.”

“Sooooo…” Tim drawled out with a recovered grin. “Who’s the daddy?”

Her eyes narrowed and she shot him a glare. “Shut. Up.”

“C’mon sis, someone—some guy did it for you.” Jason quipped. “Who’s the lucky man?” he paused, seeming to remember something. “How many superheroes have you slept with in two months? That have dicks, of course.” She clenched her jaw and his eyes widened. “Oh no. Oh no…is it, Roy?”

“It’s not Roy!” she hissed.

“Kyle?” Dick offered and she shook her head.

“No. I’ve only slept with one guy in the past two months.”

“Who was it sister?” Damian quizzed, placing his hands on his hips. “I have yet to meet anyone acceptable for you to populate with.”

“Thanks Damian,” she griped, then groaned. “Oh God, I know who it is too. And I wish I didn’t.”

“Why’s that?”

Her eyes found Tim’s. “Because we were drunk as hell after a League mission.”

“Who is it?” Bruce grunted and she met his gaze.

“You’re not going to like it.”

Something passed between them, and his eyes narrowed. “Please don’t say that’s who you slept with.”

She nodded, pressing a hand to her face, hiding her embarrassment. “Mhm.”

“You slept with him?”

“Unfortunately.”

Jason looked between his sister and father. “Wait, I’m confused. What’s going on?” A snort sounded beside him, and he looked over, seeing Dick in tears. “Why are you crying? What’s so funny?”

Dick cackled. “SHE SLEPT WITH HAL JORDAN!”

Another round of slack jawed brothers appeared in her sight, and she hissed. “It was an accident!”

“YOU’RE HAVING A BABY WITH HAL JORDAN!” Dick gasped, starting to drop to his knees from laughing so hard. “OH MY GOD, YOU SLEPT WITH THE GUY DAD HATES THE MOST!”

“You slept with Hal Jordan?” Tim gagged. “Ew.”

“Sister, I am disgusted in your choice of partners for children.” Damian noted and she scowled.

“I hate all of you.” she looked at Bruce.

He sighed heavily, a defeated father…or maybe a defeated grandfather. “I’ll go call Hal…and order prenatal vitamins.”

She ran a hand down her face. “I’ll call Leslie and get in for an exam.”

“Holy shit,” Jason gasped. “We’re gonna be uncles!”

***Part Three***

He shifted the phone to rest between his ear and shoulder, hands busy pouring coffee into his cup. “Hello?”

What are you doing right now?

“Bruce? Is that you?”

Answer the question, Hal.

He rolled his eyes and frowned. “Well, it’s nine A.M., I’m making a cup of coffee. I know bats are nocturnal, so this might come as a surprise to someone like you, but rest assured it’s a normal habit for us normal folks.”

How fast can you get to Gotham City?

“Willingly?” Hal chuckled, setting down the coffee pot to grab the phone. “What’s going on?”

I need your…help…with something. And I need you in Gotham as fast as you can get here…please.

He almost dropped both the phone and coffee mug. “Did you just say you need my he—” the line went dead with a click, and he pulled the phone from his ear. “Asshole,” Hal scowled and shoved the phone in his pocket, before putting the mug down. His body flashed green as he suited up and he sighed. “Can’t believe I gotta go to the land of the living dead at nine A.M.”

***

He rubbed his temples as he disconnected the call, barely suppressing the sigh that wanted to escape him. “Are you mad at me?” he heard behind him, low, scared, and worried; he shook his head.

“No.”

She leaned against the desk, staring down at the side of his head. “Are you disappointed in me?”

Bruce sighed this time. “At your basic lack of common sense and sleeping with a team member despite the fact that I’ve told you time and again that inner-team-dalliances only end badly? Yes.” He turned his eyes to her. “But for being pregnant? Never.”

“Doesn’t seem like it, dad,” she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest; he watched them lower to hold her stomach.

“I think Hal Jordan’s an idiot,” he stated. “If it seems like I’m upset, it’s because he’s going to be my grandchild’s father and I’ll have to be nice to him now.” She huffed a laugh and he reached over, placing a hand on her arm. “It’s going to be okay, sweetheart. We’ll take care of this.”

“I know, it’s just…” she sighed. “I never expected this to happen.”

“No one ever does,” Bruce answered. “Have you contacted Leslie yet?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I’ll go see her around three.” Grunting, she muttered, “Figured if Hal got here in as soon as possible, we’d have enough time to sit and talk about this before we went.” She ran a hand over her face. “God, I can’t believe I Hal knocked me up.”

“Please don’t say that,” Bruce griped. “I don’t like that phrase.”

“But that’s what happened, dad. I got knocked up by Hal.”

“Why do you hate me?” he scowled, dropping his head into his hands. “How did this even happen?”

Sighing, she recounted, “After the mission in Brazil, Hal invited Barry back to Coast City for a drink and Barry invited me.” She shrugged. “I didn’t wanna be rude even if I am typically antisocial, so I accepted, and we got there and found a bar. After a couple hours, Barry had to get back to Central and we just decided to keep drinking.”

She grunted. “Hell, by seven thirty we were already gone so we got a ride back to his place and he offered to let me stay the night and one thing led to another and—”

Bruce raised his hand, effectively silencing her. “I can infer what happened after that.” He rubbed his temples. “Let’s just wait for Hal to get here, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she agreed, falling silent.

***

Alfred cleared his throat. “Master Jordan, is here, sir.” They both looked up from the Batcomputer at the test pilot.

“Thank you, Alfred,” Bruce said, and the butler nodded, ascending the steps.

Hal walked towards them. “So, what’s the deal? Why do you need me?”

Bruce looked at her and she sighed. “Actually, I’m the one who needed you to come here, Hal.”

His brown eyes darted to hers, a flash, a recognition of something and he nodded. “Aright. What’s up?”

“Dad…give us a moment?” he nodded and stood from the Batcomputer, walking to the medical section on the other side of the cave. She waved Hal over. “You might wanna sit down.”

He did, albeit suspiciously. “Why are you acting so…weird?”

“Hal,” she said, then looked at her hands. “I’m…ah crap.”

“What’s wrong?” he asked, brows furrowing.

She took a deep breath and admitted, “My period’s late and there’s a good chance I’m pregnant.”

For a moment, Hal didn’t say a word, then he burst into laughter. “Oh, that’s hilarious!” he held his stomach and wiped his eyes. “That’s a good one.”

“I’m not joking, Hal,” she spat. “In the last three months, you’re the only man I’ve had sex with. If I’m pregnant, you’re the father.”

He stopped laughing at that. “Are you being serious?”

“Dead.”

Hal ran a hand through his brown hair and let out a shocked breath. “Holy hell.” She watched him and he gaped at her. “W-what…what do we do?”

“I’ve got an appointment with Doctor Leslie at four. You’re welcome to come along if you’d like.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I will.” Swallowing thickly, he said, “Does he know?”

“Dad? Yeah. They all do.”

“They?” he repeated, eyes wide.

“My brothers.”

“You told them we slept together?”

She chuckled. “Apparently a year ago under heavy meds, I admitted I slept with Dad, Dick, and Jason’s exes.” She shrugged. “There’s not much I keep from them.”

Hal’s eyes shifted to Bruce’s back. “Can’t imagine the Big-Bat is happy about this.”

“Oh, he’s not. He thinks you’re an idiot, but judging by the look on your face, you already know that.”

He scoffed. “Your dad likes to think he’s smarter than everyone else.”

She cocked a brow. “He is.”

“And it seems like you’re following that strain well,” he shot back, and they glared at each other before cracking smiles.

“If this is real, we’re going to be some parents, huh?”

Hal could sense the fear in her voice, and he stood in front of her, placing his hands on her hips. “Hey,” he murmured. “No parents are perfect. And we’re sure as hell not.”

“If this is supposed to cheer me up, it’s not.”

“I’m not trying to cheer you up. I’m trying to reassure you,” he corrected, squeezing her hips lightly. “We’ll work through this, and we’ll do it together.”

She gazed at him then heaved a sigh and leaned her head on his shoulder. “Thanks Hal.”

“Don’t mention it,” he chuckled, then murmured, “But if we really are going to be parents, should we tie the knot?”

“Absolutely not.”

***

“Hal, for the love of God, will you sit down?” she griped. “You’re starting to make me anxious with all that pacing.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair before shrugging off his bomber. “I can’t help it,” he retorted. “I hate waiting.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” She rolled her eyes. “Leslie’s working as fast as she can. Just sit down and be patient.”

Hal paced for another minute before collapsing into the seat beside her; she took his hand in hers and rubbed her thumb on the back of his hand. “What are you doing?” he asked, and she hummed.

“Comforting you.”

“Why?”

She looked at him. “Because you’re worried.”

“How are you not?”

“I am,” she commented, and he scowled.

“You don’t look it.”

“Well, that’s because I was trained to retain my emotions a as child,” she retorted. “It helps when I’m dealing with children who are scared.”

“I’m not a child,” Hal hissed, and she snorted.

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“You know what? I’m gonna—”

The door opened and their mouths snapped shut as Leslie walked in with a smile. “Good afternoon.”

“Hey Leslie,” she greeted, then glanced at the papers in her hand. “So? What’s the verdict?”

Leslie handed her the file and she looked it over. “Case of irregular period, dear.”

She blinked and said dumbly, “I’m not pregnant?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Our bodies act up sometimes, even when we’re grown. Irregularities can still happen even now.” Clearing her throat, Leslie added, “But your blood and urinalysis came back negative. You’re not pregnant.” She looked between Hal and her. “With the results, you’re free to leave.”

She stood to her feet, but when Hal didn’t, she tugged his hand. “Hal,” she whispered. “Come on.”

He staggered to his feet. “Yeah, I’m coming.” He disappeared out of the clinic room, and she sighed, then looked at Leslie.

“Thanks doc.”

“Of course.”

***

They were quiet on the park bench, watching the sun reflect off the water and listening to the birds singing in the sky. “So…I guess that’s a relief,” Hal stated, and she nodded.

“Yeah. I guess it is.” Laughing, she said, “I mean could you imagine if I were actually carrying your kid?” when he didn’t laugh, she looked over at him. “Hal?”

He blinked, shaking himself out of his thoughts. “Yeah, couldn’t imagine it.”

“Hal,” she plead. “Are you upset that I’m not?”

“What? No. No, I’m relieved you’re not pregnant, but…” he sighed and shrugged. “I dunno at the same time as scared as I was, I was happy, you know? Ready to step up and be there for you.”

She lowered her gaze to his hands and reached over, placing hers over his and he took it, squeezing. “Well, look at it this way. This was the universe telling you that you’re ready to be a father and this was the universe telling me that I’m not ready to be a mom or your baby’s mother.”

Hal gazed at her for a moment then chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it is.” He squeezed her hand again and climbed to his feet, flashing green as his suit appeared. “Now that everything’s sorted out, I should be getting back to Coast City.”

“Sounds good,” she agreed, standing to her feet.

“Can I drop you off anywhere?”

“Nah, I’m gonna walk around for a bit,” she said.

Hal took to the sky then looked down at her. “If you ever find yourself ready…call me?”

A shocked laugh bubbled in her chest, and she shook her head. “Not a chance in hell, Jordan.”

“Come on, don’t you think it would be fun to have the old Bat call me his son in law?”

Giggling, she waved him off. “Get out of here, Hal.”

Winking, he replied, “See you later, babe.”

She couldn’t help but chuckle and watch him leave, then she shook her head. “Ridiculous.” But a small smile was still on her lips as she headed down the street.

***Alternate Ending***

She gazed numbly out at the water, not sure if she should feel surprise or shock, but whatever emotion she was feeling had completely dumbfounded her. She was pregnant. Her hands had unconsciously pressed tight to her stomach, and she felt sick more than anything. Sick, scared, ashamed, every emotion that came with sleeping with a coworker—and every TV show and movie where the woman got pregnant from the affair.

How was she going to explain this to her family? To her friends? How was she going to face their scrutiny? Pregnant out of wedlock? With the biggest skirt-chasing, arrogant asshole in the galaxy? She’d take the brunt of their scathing opinions. He’d get off scot-free. He’d—

“(Y/N).” Someone’s hand rested on her shoulder, and she blinked, suddenly brought from her stupor and she looked over at him; his gaze was full of worry. “Are you okay?”

Instantly, she felt angry, and she jerked away from him, standing to her feet. “Am I okay!” she shouted. “You got me pregnant! Do you have any idea what this is going to do to us! To our reputations! To mine!”

Irritation etched across his face, and he stood to his feet, getting in her face. “It takes two to tango, (Y/N). We both did this—not just me.”

Her mouth opened to retort sharply, but damned if he didn’t have a point and she shut her mouth, tasting something bitter as she looked away. “I’m going home.”

She turned and his hand shot out, grabbing hold of her arm. “Wait, I don’t want you going alone.”

“Let go of me.” She hissed, trying to pull away, but he tightened his grip.

“No. It’s too dangerous for you to be out alone.”

(Y/N) scoffed. “I think you’re forgetting who you’re talking to Jordan. I’m—”

“The mother of my child.” Hal declared and she gaped at him. “I know what you and your family think of me. I know you think I’m an arrogant asshole and yeah, I’ll admit that I am.” He pulled her to him and wrapped his arm around her waist. “But if you think for a second, I’m going to let you wander around this bat-shit crazy city alone while pregnant, then you’re the one who’s being arrogant.”

He searched her gaze. “I’m many things, (Y/N). But I’m not going to abandon you or shy away from whatever this is.”

She swallowed thickly. “What do you mean ‘whatever this is’? Parents?”

“Us.” Hal said. “Maybe it’s just my big head, but I see the way you look at me. Yeah, I annoy the hell out of you, but you care for me.” He reached up, cupping her cheek. “And I care about you too. More than just what teammates should for one another.”

(Y/N) didn’t know what to say, because he did have a point. Hal was an annoying prick who at many times provoked her into physical confrontation, but on the other hand, there was nothing she loved more than fighting with him, because she knew he found it just as amusing.

Her gaze lowered and she felt tears well in her eyes. “I’m scared, Hal.”

“I know. I am too,” he murmured. “But we’re going to get through this.” He tipped her head up, catching her eyes once more. “We will get through this. Together.”

(Y/N)’s lips wobbled, and she tried for a lighthearted comment. “Isn’t fraternization against the rules?”

Hal grinned. “Only in the military.” He winked. “Last time I checked—we’re not in it.”

She laughed, leaning forward, and pressed her forehead to his. “How’s everyone going to react to this?”

He shrugged. “Probably with shock. I mean about me getting a girl pregnant? Not likely. Getting you pregnant? More likely.”

“Shut up.”

“I think we should consider getting married though.”

(Y/N) pulled away and stared at him. “Excuse me?”

Hal looked at her. “(Y/N), we should think about getting married. I mean, we’re gonna have a kid together. Might as well tie the knot while we’re at it.”

She merely blinked and spun, walking off. “Nope. Not happening. I’ll be your baby-mama, but I am not marrying you.”

“Hey! Wait up!”