#mo Xuanyu deserves better

[scrivenger-grimgar]

ART IN NOTES/REBLOGS NOW!!!!

Tgcf/MDZS crossover au where after loosing his core WWX technically counts as dead and is able to cultivate the same way a ghost can, essentially making him a ghost possessing a very compatible body.

He’s not a demonic cultivator, he’s just a ghost.

Additionally, the burial mounds are actually the semi-active “remains” of mount tonglu, so when he dies there he’s essentially thrown straight into the kiln, and the only reason WWX is able to get out within 8 years is bc he spent 4 years there as a child, and an additional 2 with the Wen remnants.

Accidental Ghost King Acquisition.

WWX spends the next 3 years in Yiling fucking around with his ghost Wens, rescues Wen Ning with help from Wen Qing, helping the small town in Yiling, and generally being the insane genius inventor he always should have been.

He makes silver bells and enchanted ornaments for Yiling’s people deals with rogue ghosts, befriends his shishu Xiao Xingchen, helps spirits move on. Silver Song Guiding Graves becomes a very welcome guardian for Yiling.

Xie Lian, concerned about the supposed new ghost king, is assigned to find it. Thus leads Xie Lian and Hua Cheng meeting Wei Ying.

Eventually, Mo Xuanyu tries to summon the Yiling Patriarch in exchange for his own soul, but.. he just gets Wei Ying hunched over on the ground with noodles coming out of his mouth. He was having dinner with his friends when he got summoned by this twink okay?

He basically becomes Mo Xuanyu’s Bodyguard for the next 9 months cause he sees Xuanyu as pathetic but in like a wet cat sort of way, as he, Lan Zhan, Xuanyu, and a group of 15 year olds get together to solve a murder.

[wangxianficrecs]

silk linked together by theLoyalRoyalGuard

silk linked together

by theLoyalRoyalGuard

G, 6k, Wangxian

Summary: Lan Wangji runs a sanctuary for rescued bunnies. His life is quiet and routine. Until Mo Xuanyu needs a place to stay out of trouble. He doesn’t expect to end up rescuing him, too.

Kay's comments: The focus of this story lies in the relationship between Mo Xuanyu and Lan Wangji and it's really beautiful to read about, to see grouchy teen Mo Xuanyu slowly coming out of his shell and coming to trust Lan Wangji. Wangxian and single father Wei Wuxian is a sweet bonus though and I loved to see how it all came together, how they all found each other! So sweet!

Excerpt: On a Sunday morning, while Lan Wangji is doing medication rounds and Mo Xuanyu is, ostensibly, putting fresh bedding in the enclosures, Lan Wangji overhears him talking to one of the rabbits from the other room. He shouldn’t eavesdrop, but he can’t help hearing. “You’re a nasty little fucker, aren’t you? Is that why no one wants you except crazy Mr. Lan? Because you bite. I’ll bet you bit somebody’s kid and they sent you away. You’d bite me, if you could. I don’t blame you. Nobody likes me, either.” Lan Wangji can guess which rabbit he’s talking to. Peony does, in fact, bite, and he has the scar on his finger to prove it. He isn't sure if he should be glad Mo Xuanyu is interacting with the rabbits, or sad about what he’s saying to them, and he leaves hurriedly, before he can hear anything else more private. But later, casually, he asks, “Would you like me to show you how to hold the rabbits?”

pov lan wangji, modern setting, modern no powers, autistic lan wangji, neurodivergent wei wuxian, neurodivergent lan sizhui, mo xuanyu deserves better, rabbit sanctuary, lan wangji loves rabbits, found family, background lan xichen/jin guangyao, xiyao, jin guangshan being an asshole, getting together, flirting, single parent wei wuxian, hurt/comfort, happy ending, fluff

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

[happypeachsludgeflower]

Where’s the au with Mo Xuanyu’s spirit sticking around after summoning Wei Wuxian and them having to share a body for an undetermined amount of time as they speed run every found family cliche and bond as the brothers they both deserve??

[shanastoryteller]

Happy Pride!!!! Living Blood or Lady Mo please!

a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43

Xuanyu disrobes unashamedly, hesitating only at the last second with the sleeve covering her left arm.

Jiang Yanli laughs. “Bit late to be modest, I think.”

“Modesty is overrated,” she returns, which is something that Zixuan would say and A-Yao would think. She slips the rest of the robes off and steps into the steaming bath, letting out a deep sigh of satisfaction.

The changes her body has undergone are even more obvious without the thick layers of the robes obscuring her form. The extra weight seems to have settled in ideal places, not only thickening her waist and limbs but settling heavily along her hips and breasts, which hadn’t exactly been small to begin with.

She sits behind Xuanyu, filling a bowl with water and then pouring it over her hair to rinse it of blood and dirt that had been hidden by her dark hair. Acting as a bathing assistant is far below her station, but Xuanyu had sent all the servants away and she doesn’t mind, really. Xuanyu is her sister, likely the only one she’ll ever have considering A-Cheng’s track record with matchmakers, and she’s been worried about her. This gives them time to speak alone. “How has your marriage with Lan Wangji been? Has he been kind?”

Xuanyu pulls a face, which isn’t encouraging. “I guess. He mostly left me alone, and then we had a couple fights and he was a jerk, and now I think he’s trying to make up for being a jerk, but it’s a little – well, it’s nice that he’s making an effort. I suppose.”

Not as good as she’d hoped, but not as bad as she’d feared. “Sect Leader Lan seems fond of you.”

“Oh, Lan Xichen is great,” she says easily. Better than reaction to Lan Wangji, but still not what Jiang Yanli had been hoping for. Then her eyes light up. “Sizhui is wonderful! I’ll give Wangji one thing, he’s raised a good kid. He’s so sweet, and a great cultivator, and he’s always trying to help out everyone around him. I’m glad Jingyi’s always hanging around – without him, I think everyone would just take advantage of Sizhui’s good nature.”

Well, that’s something. Surely Lan Wangji can’t resist Xuanyu’s charms for long, not when she dotes on his son and gets along with his brother.

“What trouble did you get into on the road?” she asks, running her hand over the wound on Xuanyu’s shoulder. It looks nearly fully healed already and there’s another mostly healed wound on her hip, a thin slice on her left arm, and the shadow of various bruises that were likely much worse a couple hours ago. It’s of course a good thing that Xuanyu has a strong golden core, but Jiang Yanli can’t help a moment of wistfulness.

Her own core never lived up to her mother’s expectations, or her own. If she’d had a stronger core, she could have given A-Ling siblings. A child should have siblings. She would have had a calmer childhood without two little brothers underfoot, but a lonelier one too.

Xuanyu shrugs, lazily scrubbing herself down. “Looks like Xiao Xingchen picked up the girl, A-Qing, while he and Song Lan were separated and was trapped in this place that was basically a ghost town.” How could he be trapped by a place that had no people? “And I’d heard some rumors so when we ran into Song Lan I helped him find Xiao Xingchen, but there was a bit of a fight with someone who didn’t want him to leave. I just happened to get caught in the crossfire, so to speak.”

She’s stretching the truth to outright lying. Before Jiang Yanli can call her on it, her stomach growls.

“Didn’t get a chance to eat on the road?” she teases.

Xuanyu flushes, ducking briefly beneath the water to hide her flaming cheeks before resurfacing. “Things were a little hectic. It may have slipped my mind.”

How has she managed to put on weight while also forgetting to eat? Perhaps Lan Wangji deserves more credit.

“I think I have some candies in my room, if you want something before the banquet,” she offers. “I know the speeches take forever.”

Her eyes light up before dimming and she slumps in the bath. “Thanks, Yanli-jie, but I better not. Sizhui gave me some on the road and I usually love them but just putting it in my mouth almost made me sick. It was awful. And weird! They’re my favorite.”

Jiang Yanli blinks then gives Xuanyu’s significantly larger chest a considering look. It could be nothing. It’s probably nothing. She hasn’t even been married a year and it doesn’t sound as if she and Lan Wangji have been seeing eye to eye.

Then again, the same could have been said about her and Zixuan.

“Can I ask you something personal, Meimei?”

Xuanyu nods. “You can ask me anything, Yanli-jie.”

“Are you and Lan Wangji having sex?”

She turns bright red and ducks beneath the water for so long that Jiang Yanli is starting to get concerned before she resurfaces, still red faced. “Um. We did once. Well – I guess, technically, it was three times, but it was only one night.”

Well. Apparently Lan Wangji has stamina on and off the battlefield.

“One moment,” she says, briefly squeezing Xuanyu’s shoulder. “I’ll be right back.”

It takes one whispered conversation with the servant outside the hall and approximately ninety seconds before her personal healer is standing in front of her. Jiang Yanli ducks back inside to see Xuanyu out of the bath, in a thin bathing robe that’s clinging to her as she wrings her hair out. “I’d like my healer to take a look at you, Meimei.”

Xuanyu freezes, slowly standing straight with a wary look on her face. “That’s really not necessary. The wounds were just superficial and they’re basically healed already.”

“It’ll be quick,” she says, because if she’s right then she can’t let Xuanyu go down to the banquet without letting her know. “She’s very discreet – she’s been my personal healer since I was a child.”

“Jiang Xingyi?” Xuanyu asks, some of her tension draining away.

Jiang Yanli nods, trying to think of some reason that Xuanyu would know her healer’s name, or her reputation, but all the servants are terrible gossips and her health is a frequent topic of derision. “Just your wrist, okay? Your golden core has changed a lot. I just want her to take a look.”

She feels bad about lying, but Xuanyu had lied to her first.

Xuanyu relaxes even further. “Okay, Yanli-jie. If it’ll make you feel better.”

“Thank you,” she smiles, then opens the door to usher Jiang Xingyi in.

The old woman doesn’t smile, but Xuanyu grins back undeterred, and says, “Hi, Granny,” before paling and adding, “uh, um. Sorry.”

Jiang Yanli feels a familiar pang of grief go through her. A-Xian had referred to Jiang Xingyi as Granny, the only disciple both bold and beloved enough to get away with it.

Jiang Xingyi ignores her, instead reaching for her wrist and pressing her fingers against it. Xuanyu fidgets, shifting from one foot to the other, but says nothing as the moments stack on top of one another.

Finally, Jiang Xingyi drops her wrist and steps back. Her stern visage breaks, a smile stretching her mouth across her face. “Congratulations, Madame Lan.”

She knew it!

“Thanks,” Xuanyu answers before wrinkling her nose. “Um. For what?”

“You are expecting,” she answers. “At least a couple months along, I believe, although I’d have to do a more thorough examination to be sure.”

Jiang Yanli moves to embrace her, but Xuanyu’s face drops and she turns dangerously pale. “What? No. That’s not possible. I can’t be.”

“Three times,” Jiang Yanli reminds her, trying to goad Xuanyu into laughter.

But instead she just shakes her head. “No, no I can’t, I – this can’t be happening,” she whispers to herself, grabbing her own arms in a white knuckled grip. “It’s not. It’s impossible. I can’t be.”

She’s young, and this wasn’t a marriage of her own choosing, and it’s so new. Of course she’s surprised and nervous. Jiang Yanli touches her elbow, intending to say something soothing, but Xuanyu collapses into her arms, gripping her waist and hiding her tears in her shoulder.

“Xuanyu!” she says, hugging her back just as fiercely, her heart breaking for the younger girl’s anguish. “Meimei, it’s okay, I know this is scary, but it’s going to be fine.”

“It’s not,” she says, voice thick with tears, “A-jie, this is awful, this is – it can’t happen! It can’t, Wangji is going to be so mad, he’s going to hate me, and everything is ruined and awful, I can’t be – I can’t! I’m going to die!”

Jiang Yanli’s whole body goes cold and she grips Xuanyu even tighter against her. “You’re going to be fine,” she says, pushing her conviction into every syllable.

No matter what Jiang Yanli has to do, Xuanyu is going to be fine.

[whumpbby]

You know what would make The Untamed/MDZS even better?

If Mo Xuanyu wasn't gone - he's there, stuck in the back of Wei Wuxian's head, commenting on everything that happens and providing the protagonist with information we need.

Like, wwx comes back with his knowledge of the world ending when he died and has Mo Xuanyu running a sulky and sarcastic commentary to let him (and us) know what's what.

"Yes, I want you to kill these people!"

"Harsh, they're your family."

"They deserve it!!"

Or.

"Lan Wangji still resides on the second place of of the Bachelor list."

"...good?"

"You were taken off it."

"Gasp! Rude!"

Or,

"Oh shit, Jin Ling! Run!!"

"What? That is...?!"

"Run!! His uncle will decimate us! You just had to mess with Yunmeng Jiang, did you??? One sect no one wants to mess with!!!"

"Uncle? Jiang Cheng? Calm down, he's a reasonable..."

"Oh gods, were dead! *Mo Xuanyu pacing in their shared mindscape* We're dead twice! Jiang Sect Leader will skin us! I will die for the second time, skinned by the hottest man in Jianghu!"

"No one will skin any...hottest???? Mo Xuanyu!!"

And of course, bitterly jealous commentary on the ridiculously stupid way Lan Zhan tries to woo Wei Wuxian. He cannot stand the drama between these two. Are they both blind??

"Oh, I bet his dick is big."

"I don't need commentary, Mo-shidi, thank you."

"I mean, look at his hands and feet, there has to be some..."

"Thank you!"

"Not as pretty as Jin Guangyao or Sect Leader Jiang, but..."

"Thank.You!!!"

[w13zhao]

AU where Wei Wuxian gets resurrected in his old body and Mo Xuanyu lives. Which means MXY gets adopted as a Lan and Wei Ying's younger brother and A-Yuan's xiaoshu.

(Hi, MDZS fandom, I'm still alive and this has been on my mind for weeks.)

I haven't checked AO3 for any fics with this sort of AU yet but please let me know if there are any? The poor kid deserved better :(

[darlingpwease]

I need some as yandere omega mo xuanyu is a separate character (poor baby deserve better)

give me your love

♡ unhealthy behaviour, animalistic behaviour, pet names, family making, forced marriage elements, omegaarchy world & manipulative reader if you squint

♡ heavy petting, sex during mating season ('heat', 'rut'), loss of virginity, unprotected sex / breeding, nipples play (g.), fingering implied (g.)

MO XUANYU instantly falls deeply and hard in love — it costs you to be kind and gentle to him, especially if you give him some of your stuff like a handkerchief, smelling of you, taking care of the nervous and anxious omega, who is quite awkward and blushy when you ask him 'is everything okay' after he has been a few minutes stares at you, holding the thing tightly to him. Even when MO XUANYU then disappears, not quite politely, but haltingly and almost nervously, not wanting to embarrass himself even more, legs still do not carry him particularly far from you, while trembling hands are clutching the object you have given.

MO XUANYU is not desperate at all — but when he buries nose in your thing with shame and delight, inhaling, he feels so pathetic and creepy, even if he knows that there is nothing strange in this, many loving alphas and omegas exchange objects with each other– not that he calls you two lovers! After all, you just met, it's too hasty... you need to be together at least a little more... more than a couple of minutes for sure...

... But when you gently smile, taking the thing out of his hands at the next meeting, condescendingly nodding at his chatter and apologies in an attempt to make a better impression than the first meeting, MO XUANYU is sure that you are definitely something heavenly. Amazing.

Incredible.

The way you ask him about his exuberant blush, slight trembling, increased smell and obvious unconscious attempts to snuggle up to you and sniff in a more intimate sense than the usual politeness to understand the emotions of the interlocutor — but at the same time you do not pull away at all, letting omega move nervously, unable to stand still next to you, constantly trying to snuggle up and immediately move away when he understands what he is doing — you can't be even more perfect, reacting as if what he is doing does not cause you any disgust or contempt, although he is clearly much lower than you.

... MO XUANYU tries to flirt timidly while his voice can't stop shaking, trustingly burying himself in your palm like a dumb puppy in search of reciprocity of his feelings, but you gently encourage, nodding, making it clear that you doesn't mind at all, — he is ready to immediately pounce on you and cling to make sure that you sincere and do not show the usual politeness at all, secretly considering him creepy and intrusive. Do you really accept his flirting? Do you like him? Do you think he's a good enough omega for you?

He can't be even more empty-headed and lightheaded at the same time when you carefully put a small gift into his trembling hands, covering it with your palm, peering into rapturously shining eyes and gently purring so that he keeps it if he likes you.

This is a very important thing.

He's going to be a good omega and do that, right?

In response, MO XUANYU can only nod like a dummy, pressing close to heart, passionately convincing that he will risk even his life — 'this is not at all necessary...' — to keep this thing! Anything! He'll take care of it!

... When you use the same thing to explain that this is your fiance, MO XUANYU feels both confused and strange, not understanding what is happening, except that it is very hot and enthusiastic inside, catching what is happening, but not at all understanding how everything came to this while your arm is wrapped around his wrist, asking him for confirmation that he is your fiance — and he cannot disagree, even if does not understand at all what is going on, besides how good you smell and ask him to be your omega, and MO XUANYU has no reason to refuse.

Even if this is not at all how he imagined the development of this relationship.

ωα He's the omega who stays at home and makes nests. Lots of nests. Your clothes are regularly missing, but you just buy more, knowing that it's not just that his nesting instinct is very developed, but also that MO XUANYU is trying to train in an attempt to create a really good nest, since he got married and is now an omega husband!!! He has an alpha spouse!!! And there will be puppies in the future!!! He should be able to make beautiful nests so that his alpha appreciates them highly and wants to give him puppies!!!

And maybe some other omega would try to limit your activity or convince you to stay at home, but he's not like that at all — closer to the type of "kissing the floor you walked on", but you don't let him be so pathetic, even if he regularly tries, wrapping his arms around your waist or shoulders and without uncoupling if you do not need to leave urgently and right now for a very important meeting — in any other case, he will not even think to leave you.

His gentleness and almost submissiveness were also the reasons why you took him as husband — being the head of a sect with no intention of staying at home, raising and protecting puppies, you were extremely interested in someone so starved for affection and care, and the fact that MO XUANYU appeared in your life so timely, immediately letting you know how much of an 'enthusiastic omega type' he was was more than ideal.

... Yes, even though MO XUANYU was also jealous, needy, clingy and never giving up, as if all the aggression in his personality had become an emotional intensity. The fact that he clearly preferred to stay at home, spending days taking care of the housework, while dumping decision-making on you, did not help at all from the moments when MO XUANYU desperately dug into your clothes, begging to be with him in the nest, a beautiful nest that he created just for you, and you can't refuse him, even knowing that you are encouraging your beautiful and gentle omega to resort to such methods to attract attention.

You always have to sacrifice something.

ωα MO XUANYU never sleeps without you — and in general, despite the absence of complaints due to the fear that you may throw him out if he is demanding and the example he had as a child, he always faithfully waits for your return and can sit like this until late at night or in the morning, always waiting for your return, not in being able to fall asleep due to the high level of stress from not having his alpha around. Even if he tries to burrow into the nest and calm himself with your scent, he simply cannot, constantly expecting that you will one day leave him — and this does not disappear over the years, only becomes easier; but at first constantly stands at the door, faithfully waiting for your return, sometimes even dozing right at the threshold, not able to fight drowsiness, but instantly waking up when feels your smell.

You try to help him with this by borrowing your clothes that you wear almost every day so that he can feel your presence if for some reason you have to be away for a long time and cannot take him with you, but this is not too effective, although MO XUANYU is very grateful for your attempts, curling up in a ball on the bed imitating your presence, even if his brain understands perfectly well that this is not the case. Eventually, on your return, you find even more nests, but you don't mind at all, understanding the reason — of course, until he begins to sniff you jealously, looking for the scent of another omega, anxiously clinging, unable to restrain anxiety and nervousness, dragging you inside.

And he needs a lot of hugs and cuddles before he returns to his playfully joyful personality.

ωα His heat is long and intense, although the beginning and ending are very smooth, especially after he started living with you and is surrounded by the smell of his beloved alpha spouse, preparing to have a puppy in the future, which further stimulates his body to convince you to mate with him, attracting an alluring scent while MO XUANYU hides in nest, waiting impatiently, holding his breath as you approach.

He is very nervous and awkward when you touch him for the first time, especially since this is literally your first time, since you moved the wedding night to the day of his estrus — but when you run your fingers over his wet thigh, kissing his ruddy face, feeling how he holds on to you tightly, as if in fear that you will leave him at such an important moment, you can't help but caress him a lot more than he really needs, making him to squirm and fidget, but in response MO XUANYU only gets an imperious 'don't move' while you gently rub the swollen sensitive nipples, leaving marks on his neck and chest.

He is very wet, excited, restless and whining — and loud. Very loud. Not only because of the sounds that he can still keep to himself, but even when you gently caress him, feeling how hot and sensitive his body is, pulsating, then, even if you don't tell him no words, MO XUANYU can't help but cover his face with shame when he hears squelching sounds, but does not find I have the strength to bring my hips together, only breathing heavily and whining, trying to somehow drown them out.

If you had your way, you would just turn his face into a pillow and fill him with yourself until MO XUANYU can't even whine anymore, too sensitive and fucked to stupefaction — and something tells you that you know what's the matter when his smell becomes even thicker and stronger, intoxicating you, while full of lust and adoration the eyes from under the eyelashes are watching closely, more than understanding your reaction to his almost abnormally strong smell.

Perhaps breeding him is the only thing you can really do in your current state, knowing perfectly well what you are doing, but not having the slightest opportunity to stop, looking at your husband, whose condition is by no means better.

Tricky naughty omega.

You really tried to be gentle — but if he wants it, then who are you to deny him?

[enby-axels]

chews glass remembering when wei ying defended mo xuanyu, and by doing so inadvertently showed more compassion and righteous anger for him than literally any other character did. mxy deserved better!! jin guangyao, madam mo, mo ziyuan, meet me in the parking lot i just want to talk

[zombubble]

From In Memory; In Truth Chapter 13:

“It’s my job to help make running the sect easier, right?” Mo Xuanyu asks. “Not your job, anymore,” Jin Guangyao says, “but a favor that Gege would appreciate greatly. Do you think you can keep a secret for me?” A jolt of something in Mo Xuanyu’s core, the words familiar in all the wrong ways. Oh, he feels sick. Really fucking sick. “Of course,” he says, closing his eyes. Breathing. “A-Yu? Have I upset you?” Jin Guangyao stops him, grabbing him by the shoulders. “Gege is sorry, he didn’t mean—” “I’m just… seeing things,” Mo Xuanyu says. “Sorry, I—I didn’t want to appear weak, but I…” “Oh. That’s… It’s okay. Gege doesn’t think less of you. Why don’t you rest? I’ll come see you later about everything; there’s no rush.” Nodding, Mo Xuanyu bows his thanks to his brother. Lets a-Zhen lead him away. Tries not to get sick while they walk because his mind is reeling and everything is cold and hot and he doesn’t—doesn’t know what—why—when this happened but something happened. Something that started with words much like those. Not for the first time, he fears the full, unknown extent of what he’s gotten himself into. Not for the last time, he tells himself to stay strong, that he needs to help, that he can do this.

Got this snippet in the post in time, but then I realized this was the perfect moment to go into how Mo Xuanyu is characterized/portrayed in this fic, and it ended up taking me some time to write that up.

Given how little we know of Mo Xuanyu's particular brand of neurodivergence in MDZS, I've decided to put him on the schizophrenia spectrum, he has psychotic episodes, but does not have paranoia, (and believe me, I'm doing literally everything in my power to do this with respect to schizophrenic and psychotic buds out there, I don't want to do any of you dirty with this, you deserve better). He does have auditory, olfactory, and visual hallucinations throughout the fic, which get worse over time as he is under more and more stress.

In this scene, however, he's also lying to his brother and playing it up so Jin Guangyao underestimates him for his own reasons.

CW for nonspecific mentions of sanism, ableism, and various forms of abuse and discussions of consent following this, as I am going into a little bit of detail about how I've chosen to portray Mo Xuanyu, so people know what to expect from this fic with him being such a major character.

The tl;dr is Mo Xuanyu is treated with dignity and respect by those working alongside him, and is given adult levels of agency throughout the fic's present timeline. His mental illness is acknowledged and described, but not made fun of within or by the narrative. It is not considered a character flaw, but a disability, and I've tried to portray it respectfully. While some characters are sanist/ableist both to and about him, they are not major characters, nor are they in control of him. There are mentions of past abuse, but he gets good medical care throughout the fic. He is an important character with major positive contributions, could not be removed or switched out for another without drastic changes, and gets the happy ending he deserves (without a magic cure).

More on how I'm handling Mo Xuanyu after the cut (a little spoilery, but I've kept it as vague as possible. See above content warnings):

I don't want to spoil the plot too much in public, though I'm happy to answer questions privately via message or ask, but I will say up front that Mo Xuanyu is, very intentionally on my part, given adult levels of agency throughout the fic in decisions both big and small.

There are (brief) mentions of him being treated badly in the past, including not giving consent (informed or otherwise) to medicine/medical procedures and other instances of abuse similar to canon, including being relocated and restrained against his will, but within the present timeline of the fic he is under the purview of the Nie Sect and working with a doctor with whom he has a good, mutually respectful relationship.

He makes his own decisions (and has established plans for what he wants done when he's unable to do so safely), gives informed consent to all instances of medication and relocation that happen during the present timeline of the fic itself, and is treated respectfully by the people he's working with. Like Jin Guangyao above, some people make ableist (and sanist) assumptions (and commentary) both to and about him, and he does personally lean into those assumptions for the purposes of making people underestimate him.

Those who are working with him and care about him only play up his mental illness with his prior input, consent and at his behest, and these instances are few, far between, for the purposes of the mission they're on, and never used as the butt of a joke, or done in a mocking way.

Mo Xuanyu has a solid, well-developed personality outside of his mental illness, though does talk casually and frankly about the symptoms he experiences, including hallucinations and his disconnect from reality. He doesn't enjoy having symptoms, but he does not have a self-pitying or self-loathing inner monologue. Though sometimes he tries to hide his symptoms from others (and, at times, fails), he does not make a habit of minimizing them (or exaggerating them) when he's describing them seriously.

When he does speak lightly of them, it's not mocking, and I intentionally avoided anything that sounded like it might come across as "LoL so random omg!" types of humor. Overall, though, he typically refuses to go into details with others, though his inner narration in his pov does, on occasion, describe what he's seeing, hearing, or smelling, without lingering too long on the descriptions.

His visual hallucinations edge more towards abject horror (monsters, things moving that shouldn't be moving in the ways they're moving, people looking dead/like ghosts with unnatural features (pure black, bleeding eyes, far too many sharp, non-human teeth, as a few examples)) instead of utilizing potentially-real facial/muscular/skeletal differences or movement disorders for shock value.

I do not portray him as someone bloodthirsty or irrational when it comes to killing. He wanted his family dead for the abuse they caused, he wants his brother dead (and wishes he didn't) for various shitty actions at various times. With everyone else, he's kind of just trying to keep to himself (or, when he can, be helpful to the people he gets along well with) and not get involved with any more conflict than he has to. He does not kill anyone in the course of the fic.

Jin Ling has a bit of trouble understanding at first, but does make efforts to be respectful and he improves over time. They end up growing close, and Jin Ling is not distrustful of Mo Xuanyu by the end of the story. The other juniors are similarly respectful.

The help Mo Xuanyu offers everyone is a) help only he could give, utilizing his skills and/or achievements specifically (e.g. making arrays/talismans a certain way, other forms of espionage that rely on his ability to lie and/or memorize information) and b) crucial to many of the successes they have. He is an essential member of the core cast of this fic, and it would be markedly changed if I were to remove him or switch him for someone else.

Mo Xuanyu does not die, nor does he get cured at the end of the fic. He ends up in a loving, mutually respectful relationship where his agency is respected, with a man who understands full well that loving Mo Xuanyu includes accepting his schizophrenia, psychosis, and the symptoms thereof. While Mo Xuanyu is doing better at the end than he was just before the end, it's because he's in a stable home and being treated by medical staff, rather than a magical cure.

[theawkwardvillainess]

Drew Mo Xuanyu and Nie Huaisang. Btw yesterday it was NHS's birthday! So I guess it kinda counts as a late present (I was sick yesterday😢)

I really like MXY, he deserved much better💔 I wish we got to see and know him more... I also don't think he was completely insane, but rather had some mental problems and was deeply traumatized. As a person who was labeled as "weird" and "crazy" all my school years I really relate to him...

[wangxianficrecs]

❤️Gentians in bloom by teawater

❤️Gentians in bloom

by teawater

M, 251k, wangxian

Summary: Lan Wanji was never told the details of his parents' story. Now that he has discovered his own desires, his life's goal is to keep Wei Wuxian from finding out. But life is cruel and truths get revealed at the worst possible times. Since I suck at summaries, here are some key features: - it's Wangxian mainly - plus some development of the prev generation Lans - plus going to war with the Wens - plus Wen Qing being totally badass - plus Jin family craziness - plus just about every character ever mentioned on the show and some assumed ones getting screentime and storylines And if you're still wondering, here's a taste: ------------------------------ “Ah, but there are other Wens here though,” Jin Guangshan gave an appraising look to Wen Ning and Wen Qing. “Who could say where they were last night.” “Where do you think I was,” Wen Qing retorted quickly, “on my wedding night?” [...] “What about him then?” a Jin pointed at Wen Ning. “He was with me,” Nie Mingjue said flatly. “All night?” Nie Huaisang peeked over his fan to stare at his brother. “What were you doing?” “Talking,” Nie Mingjue said in a threatening tone. The fan went back up.

Part 1 of Gentians garden

My comments: Really fascinating and entertaining, epic fix-it with depth and twists and just, wild and uninhibited creativity along the lines of Magical Marriage Ribbons and Fallen. In which wangxian get together (after awkward adolescent stumbling) as students - a relationship that begins to solidify as they study together and debate cultivation theory and invention. (Wwx is already a prolific inventor, and lwj is reluctantly fascinated.) When the Wens attack CR (and WQ turns coat to warn the Lans that it's going to happen) it is, of course, wangxian who save the day with an insane off-the-cuff invention through which they fool the wens into thinking they burned the sect and then quite literally bag them.

There are so many departures from canon! For example, wwx figures out how to call the other Yin pieces to them; wangxian learn to combine their qi and make a single big, extremely powerful entity out of their two selves; wwx never loses his core and while he uses demonic energy, it's not in the same way it is in canon, so he's not universally reviled. And, of course, he and lwj are paired up since their student days. There is heavy focus on his talismans and inventions (yay!) They save the Wens; and stumble over child mo xuanyu (whose sass blossoms once he understands he's safe with wangxian).

Story is loaded with plot and action and character interactions and transitions seamlessly between all of them so that when your teeth ache from fluff there's angst to cleanse your palate, and the same with action and relationships. Wwx's self-worth issues are ENORMOUS and don't seem much settled by the fact that every single other sect wants him and his genius, and there's digging into his past and why he's so fucked up, which gives room for lovely emotional h/c.

And I'm not even going to go into the possessed baby xuanwus (from eggs collected by young mxy), all the illegitimate Jin brothers, the whole province given to wwx by GusuLan as thanks for winning the war (he's SO unprepared to be the Lord of a city), lwj's foul-mouthed secret uncle, the meteor and the volcano. Just. It's epic, trust me.

In the sequel (nearly another 100k) you get wwx trying to face his fears via puppy therapy, a grand cultivation tournament (featuring a newly young adult mxy and his crush), a woman with a strange history, an incredibly awkward jc, wwx hiding a secret he doesn't feel is his to tell and lwj drinking vinegar. It's delicious.

part one: canon divergence, students at cloud recesses, gay panic lan wangji, crushes, teasing, genius wei wuxian, magic theory, cultivation theory, telepathy spell, getting to know each other, accidental bonding, fix-it, pov alternating, talismans, inventor wei wuxian, attack on cloud recesses that is successfully rebuffed, political marriage, emotional hurt/comfort, angst, madam yu's a+ parenting, blending qi, sharing a body, jiang cheng & jin zixuan prickly friends, brotherly feels, wei wuxian cannot feel pain, xuanwu babies, demonic cultivation, wei wuxian keeps his golden core, jealous jiang cheng, oblivious jiang cheng, dysfunctional family dynamics, the jiangs are so fucked up, self-worth issues, self-esteem issues, mo xuanyu is utterly charming, he speaks for all of us, mo xuanyu deserves better, bamf wei wuxian, bamf lan wangji, epic, sharing a brain, lan qiren is good-ish, jin zixuan is pretty cool, jiang cheng has a good character arc and improves himself eventually, madam yu is only mostly terrible, the political marriage couple is a secret, implied/referenced suicide, implied/referenced child abuse

part two: cynophobia, puppy therapy, cultivation tournament, mo xuanwu, reincarnation, misunderstandings, lack of communication, jealous lan wangji, drinking vinegar, happy ending

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

[coalmonger]

I like the head cannon that Little Apple only liked Mo Xuanyu ✨

[the-danmei-multiverse-and-angst]

Working on another MDZS fic ☺️

I literally just wrote this yesterday. WIP MDZS fic, based on some prompts I've been talking about. Something I am going to work on.

 It has been two and a half years since Wei Wuxian has come back thanks to the sacrifice of Mo Xuanyu.

  Wei Wuxian and Jin Ling stood side by side after finally conquering the yao during their night hunts together, also after a nearly fatal hit to Wei Wuxian because he had jumped in the way of an attack meant for Jin Ling. 

Jin Ling and Wei Wuxian had been spending a lot of time together, with the others, and most of the time Lan Wangji. Jin Ling had also learned many more tricks and tips from Wei Wuxian (when Jiang Cheng was too busy to help him or join them both); Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng were still slowly patching their relationship as best as they could. Baby steps and all. Jin Ling still kept night hunting a lot of times with the Sizhui and the others and training outside of his sect duties, and always learning from Wei Wuxian and learning more about the man who he had been taught to hate when he was growing up, learning he killed his parents.

It had never been that simple or clear cut. 

Jin Ling regretted stabbing him two years ago and felt deep remorse. Wei Wuxian would laugh it off but…Jin Ling knew it could have been very, very bad. 

Jin Ling decided then. “I have something I want to say. And don't…don't say anything. Don't be…you for just one moment. Even though I know it's a difficult task for you.” Jin Ling muttered the last part under his breath. 

“I know an apology can't change what happened, or erase it and I know you…you just pretend or say that it was nothing..or whatever. But..ah..” Jin Ling cleared his throat, looking down at his feet nervously, and felt his cheeks reddening. 

Wei Wuxian chuckled slightly at that. “What's this? What's got you all worked up, Jin Ling?”

“I'm sorry!” Jin Ling burst out. “I'm so sorry for stabbing you at Koi Tower that day!” 

Wei Wuxian flinched back a little at the reminder, also recalling the after image he saw in that moment. He was also shocked. 

“Jin Ling, no. It's fine. I deserved it and besides, it was nothing. I'm fine, am I not? I'm still here, Jin Ling.”

“-Don’t. Don't do that. Please.” Jin Ling held up his palm facing out, tears springing to his eyes, his expression part angry and solemn. “Don't brush what I did off like that! That's not okay! Why do you-? Just…don't. It doesn't change the fact that I did stab you and things could have ended up turning out very badly, and I was almost the cause of it. And you and HanGuang-jun…I almost.. I almost took you away from him again, and away from Sizhui and everyone. From…me and uncle. I would have robbed everyone of a second chance. And-” Jin Ling was starting to shout and was rambling but he couldn't stop.

Wei Wuxian just stood there staring at him, slack jawed as he ranted. 

“I know, I know it's just how you are…but do you think, even when you brush it off and say it's okay, it magically makes things better? Because it doesn't. I know it's partly to reassure us, or for us to not blame ourselves and it's what you were taught. If I was the one to get hurt or Sizhui, or even your precious husband, you'd have feelings about it right? You'd be worried, angry, and protective, and looking for ways to make it better. That goes for us too. When you get hurt…seeing you hurt..it's not just painful to you but to us. You care so much more about everyone else than you do about yourself. But I..we care about you.” Jin Ling’s voice started to lower and crack, tears streaming down his face. 

“I-Jin Ling-” Wei Wuxian took a step towards him and paused, a pained look on his face.

Wei Wuxian had been horrified as tears fell from Jin Ling’s eyes and he reached out his hand, no longer smiling. He worried about him but he was also listening. 

Jin Ling paused, taking in a shuddering breath to try and calm himself down and instead of pushing Wei Wuxian hand away, he took a hold of the other's wrist and pulled him closer. Jin Ling's lips were trembling, holding back sobs and his eyelashes wet with tears. 

“You're so brilliant but also an idiot, Wei Wuxian.” He laughed a little, his voice hoarse. “That night hunt the year before for last year…was a really close call. You were in a really bad way. We almost thought you wouldn't make it. After seeing you like that, after protecting Sizhui and me that time too… and spending so much time roaming around together and the stories you told me of mother and father, and you, Jiujiu and A-niang-” He choked a little, sniffling. 

“For so long, it was just me and Jiujiu.. and then you came back and turned everything upside down and…you opened my eyes. And I also not only heard the truth after not knowing what happened but saw it through empathy on the night hunt you nearly… I know how much you loved my A-niang, Jiujiu and…I know everything about what happened and the choices you were faced with. And I want you to know…I don't think A-niang hated you, even after..I think she just wanted her little brothers back and to know what went wrong and why you pulled away. She knew you, that you wouldn't have intentionally hurt her like that. It would break you and it did…in the end. The first siege…”Jin Ling paused, and swallowed after seeing Wei Wuxian face go extremely pale. 

“I know.” Jin Ling spoke gently, after a long pause. “You-” 

Wei Wuxian vehemently shook his head and backed up. “Jin Ling.. you should have never been forced to see any of that.. and empathy..of all things. Jin Ling, that's not a technique you should have done and you-”

Wei Wuxian's memories of that time of last year was vague and blurry, he remembered saving Sizhui and Jin Ling and hearing his husband call out to him, hearing the worry and fear in his voice before Wei Wuxian passed out. 

As far as geniuses go, sometimes his rationality goes out the window when he sees the people he lives deeply in imminent danger, and he takes action without thinking during some of those times, instinctively. After everything in his first life…he couldn't bear to lose any one of them. 

Jin Ling gripped his wrist a little more firmly when Wei Wuxian attempted to pull back. Jin Ling refused to let go.

“The point is, is that…I'm sorry. And I'm so grateful.”

Wei Wuxian blinked, “what?”

Jin Ling smiles, tears still in his eyes, but no longer falling like they were. “I know you didn't ask or choose to come back. I'm glad you're here though. I got to know my Dajiu, the little didi my A-niang loved and risked her life for. And I know she would have done the same for Jiujiu. She would be sad if she saw the state of your relationship now though. But things are slowly getting better between you two, finally. Thanks to me, of course. Because you and Jiujiu are both idiots.” Jin Ling rolled his eyes. 

“Hey, you brat!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed with an obvious playful pout, back to trying to lighten the mood, and ruffled Jin Ling’s hair with his free hand. 

“I'm grateful to Mo Xuanyu too. Even though he had other reasons and possibly pushed into it, if he hadn't done the ritual…you wouldn't be here right now. And I can't imagine Jiujiu and I going back to the way things were now, not when I'm used to you being in my life. I like having you in my life, a part of my life. And I'm sorry we were both robbed of that chance by Grandfather and-” Jin Ling winced. It was still difficult for him to bring up Jin Guangyao. 

“Well.. anyway, try not to get yourself hurt all the time, okay? I know you attract trouble and all, but at least try.” Jin Ling complained with exasperation.

“I'm more than capable of handling things, Jin Ling. I've even been practicing again with my sword and thanks to..well let's just say this body's golden core has gotten much stronger.” Wei Wuxian winked. “And I still have-”

“Yeah, yeah. I know, the ghost path. Even then, you're still powerful but having power doesn't make you invulnerable, nor does being a genius since things will happen in life that we can't control. You are the inventive genius here. Instead of rushing to injure yourself for our sake, if it's possible then don't forget to try and find another way first. It's okay to put yourself first, Dajiu. I know that's easier said than done, because we tend to lose it when we care about others. I know it's easier said than done but…just try…please.” Jin Ling finished.

“Mmhm. And don't forget I remember the stunt you pulled to save your friends, Jin Ling. If anything has happened to you, Jiang Cheng-” would have never recovered. Wei Wuxian didn't finish that sentence. Wei Wuxian spoke seriously this time, scolding him in the same manner but more firm. 

Jin Ling looked down, and scuffed his foot across the ground. “I know. Fine. We will all try.”

Wei Wuxian smiled at him. “Jin Ling, both of your parents would be so proud of the man you're becoming. Shijie would be especially.”

Jin Ling stared at him in shock, tears trying to spill from his eyes again. “Do you mean it? Do you think A-niang would be proud of me?” Jin Ling’s voice sounded small and unsure. 

Wei Wuxian pulled Jin Ling into a firm hug, much like that time in the temple. “I know so without a doubt. Jiang Cheng too. He might not say it, but I've seen it.”

Jin Ling wipes the tears from his eyes, and gazing at him hesitantly. “And you? What about you?’

Wei Wuxian laughed. “You have to ask? Of course I am proud of you, Jin Ling. Absolutely.” Wei Wuxian grinned. 

Jin Ling blushed and turned his nose up haughtily, getting embarrassed and overwhelmed. “Whatever, Wei Wuxian! I have to go. I promised Zizhen I would meet him at the inn he's staying at when we were done.” Jin Ling turned and ran off in a rush.

Wei Wuxian laughed, watching him go.

Dajiu. Jin Ling had called him that. More than once. It made warmth flare in his chest and he was touched. He never thought Jin Ling would really want much to do with him, much less call him Dajiu. But it had been Jin Ling to reach out first on his own, to try night hunts with the two of them, and more with the other little ducklings that seemed to appear when he and Lan Zhan were roaming around. Especially his little radish Sizhui, Jingyi, and Jin Ling. 

Wei Wuxian gave a fond sigh. 

Look, Shijie, your son is growing into a fine man. I wish I had been there from the beginning but I'll do my best to be here for him from this moment onwards and Jiang Cheng. 

Always. 

Wei Wuxian turned, starting to hum the tune of his and Lan Zhan song.

The moon gazed down from above, the rays of light beaming from it seemed to glow even brighter for a single moment, like the beam of a smile before fading into a softer stream of light, lighting Wei Wuxian’s path home to his husband. 

-until next time (will be continued, angst ahead) and here is a link to the MDZS fic idea. Inspired by two Fics I've read by two separate writers. The latter half is stated but I forgot the first one, but well it's in the doc. It's about post canon MDZS post canon AU WWX gets his body back but...not in the way anyone expects. It will have a lot of angst and some fluff and healing and bonding moments and danger and all that. And I've been searching for fellow artist beta readers that may be interested in helping me edit seeking solace and help me plan out this fic and possibly help write it if I need some input and fresh ideas. ☺️.

I'll make another post later and add more songs that I feel fit the fic vibe and all that, Wei Wuxian's character, and etc.

[ruthlesscalculuss]

I think many jc antis and some jc fans don’t realize that Jiang Cheng is not just an angry callous man. He’s arguably the most sensitive character in mdzs.

He deserves to be seen through his hard exterior, because there’s something so interesting behind it. An angry man with no deeper thought would not keep Chenqing by his side for 13 years. No man with such little depth would cry and mourn at the golden core reveal and at the temple scene. His love and willingness to die for his nephew shows one of his best qualities: loyalty to family and his loved ones.

Him trying to help raise Jin Ling and treat him better than Jiang Cheng’s parents ever treated him is honorable. To be better than the parents who hit, humiliated, and neglected you- it’s a genuinely respectable thing. That takes character growth and reflection to be a better person, which can be hard especially in a case like Jc.

Jiang Cheng rebuilt lotus pier all by himself, yes he got support from the top clans, however he oversaw that everything was reconstructed and that the place could be a bright and functioning sect, even better before his fathers rule. By himself. That takes a certain level of devotion that I admire as well, and he doesn’t do it for greedy reasons like power like JGY, he does it because he’s been groomed to be the sect leader for so long, it’s basically a part of his personality now. And that in itself can be seen as another tragedy.

Btw the man was literally begging wwx to come back with him to lotus pier and to get rid of the wens, so that he could protect him, before things truly got out of hand “if you insist on protecting them I can’t protect you” That’s fear, that’s fear of another loss, the death of someone you care about. Also can we talk about how jc always knew he was second best to wwx? And hey he never was that angry with the man, never tried to push him down and make fun of him for being the son of a servant, he trusted and respected him. And I don’t think that was easy to do.

Also another thing. Jc never tried to hunt and kill or torture wwx. When he ran into him on the streets of that inn, he whipped wwx to stun him, and dragged him back to question him. Not even touching a hair on his head. He used fairy as a blocker, and did call him over to fuck with wwx, it wasn’t right but I get why he got pissed off. Wwx had made a…insensitive comment to say the least, because he was so used to messing with jc (and jc in turn) but forgot that things are very different now.

Also, jc never actually wanted to kill wwx when he saw him again, he whipped him to expel him out of mo xuanyu’s body because he thought he was possessing him and he did lash out at lotus pier but he tried to stop before it got any worse “Jiang Cheng didn’t really want to hit Lan WangJi, and immediately retracted his whip, but it was already too late.”

My point in writing all of this is that jc is not just an “angry bitter man”, he is man capable of warmth and forgiveness like how we see him forgive wwx in the temple after years of resenting him. It’s so easy for jc to just hate wwx, but he doesn’t, he says it himself “Why can’t I hate you?! Shouldn’t I hate you?!” The anger and hurt he’s fed for years are slowly losing its roots in his heart and he doesn’t know what to do except cry. This part of him, I think is too relatable. When you survive through expressing hurt as anger, when you have to deal with “you’ll never be good enough” I can understand and I wish others would acknowledge this type of canon

[jasontoddiefor]

man I want more takes that focus on Mo Xuanyu as somebody who decided “yeah actually I’m going to commit suicide by brining back the biggest evil and forcing him to kill people o hate”

no more uwu soft boy MXY. Was he treated terribly and deserves to be treated better? Yeah but c’mon,,, let him be spicy.

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

Lives, taken (Futures, traded)

Chapter 1 - Desolate

Chapter 2 - Fracture

Warnings: substance abuse, heavy angst, psychological distress, suicidal ideation

Summary: Wei Wuxian reincarnates 13 years after his death in the body of Mo Xuanyu, the second young master of the Mo family. His lust for life is quickly extinguished after that.

------------------------

The world has never made much sense for Wei Wuxian - not ever since he let go of his golden core and had to face the horrors of the Burial Mounds alone, not ever since the Wen remnants turned to him for safety and the rest of the world condemned them all for the sin of existence, not ever since he died, his very being painfully fragmented into pieces of bloody and bruised nothingness.

And yet… Wei Wuxian has never felt as lost as he does now, the world entirely empty and senseless before his eyes, a shapeless mass of objects and concepts he can no longer comprehend.

There is nothing left.

Wei Wuxian has been staring aimlessly into space for hours, unable to focus on anything, as though his body and soul have divorced from one another, only still held together by a precarious agreement.

Rain pitter-patters slowly outside, and it's only the repetitive, familiar sound of it against the windowsill that still keeps Wei Wuxiantethered to the world. He doesn't remember much from the time he was dead - but he figures it must have felt a lot like right now, an emptiness underneath which ache and disillusionment threaten to burst.

Lan Sizhui (that’s his name, right? That’s what Zewu-Jun called him… why does Wei Wuxian feel like that’s not a name that was randomly given?) has brought in tea at some point, and politely left after. It must have been obvious Wei Wuxian wasn't in a chatty mood, so he left the tray behind and made himself scarce.

He doesn't know - doesn’t know anything about what happened, about who he is, about who found him and who saved him - it's Wei Wuxian's call whether to tell him or not. But for the moment, all of this is hard even for Wei Wuxian himself to grapple with, and he can't imagine having to share it with anyone else, let alone with... a kid. His kid. Is it even fair to call him that?

He wishes there was alcohol around. It wouldn't help, it never really does - but it would soothe, even if only for a moment. And he needs that, the warmth and the illusion of comfort. After all, he's never really known comfort, not for anything more than a fleeting sensation.

Zewu-Jun is angry. Bitter. Resentful even. Rightfully so - Wei Wuxian knows he deserves no kindness from the man and has already received a lot more than he should ever have.

After all, this all has been his fault.

Everything is.

Madam Yu’s been right, back then - all he ever brings is peril. Maybe he should have listened to her, maybe he should have… back then, when he was twelve years old and he pulled a prank he shouldn’t have, maybe he should have listened to her when she told him to just go ahead and… and… join his parents.

If he’d done that, none of the tragedies after would have happened. Or if they had, at least he wouldn’t have been the cause.

If he had, he would have never met Lan Zhan (and though the thought brings a fresh wave of tears in his eyes and a throbbing ache in his chest, wouldn’t it have been better this way?) and he would have never invoked anybody’s wrath, Lotus Pier wouldn’t have been destroyed, he wouldn’t have had to live the rest of his life coreless in a mass grave and he wouldn’t have died the way he did, torn into by ghosts and corpses…. and Lan Zhan wouldn’t have come to find him, he wouldn’t have become overwhelmed with the resentment of the Burial Mounds and he wouldn’t have… he would have never…

It should have been Wei Wuxian to take his life, back when he was twelve.

Or fifteen.

Or nineteen.

Or twenty-three.

It should have been him the one to lay dead on the cursed earth of the Burial Mounds, insects crawling into the crevice his sword left in his throat, resentful energy tearing chunks of flesh off his bones, undead fingers clawing at the crusted blood on his face and the mess of sullied clothes hiding the rot beneath.

It should have been him they found with dull, lifeless eyes - or, whatever was left of them, the globes sunk in, fallen victim to the hunger of the few living creatures of the Burial Mounds.

(Oh, how Wei Wuxian wishes he could still meet those beautiful, honeyed eyes again, so warm with emotion, so easy to get lost into, so haunting in his loneliest nights… Those golden eyes, so bright they’d put the most precious jewels to shame… those eyes, devoured by worms, by insects, by the lowliest, most cursed creatures in the world…)

It should have been him.

There was nothing left of Wangji when I found him. I don’t know if I should even call whatever I found of him ‘remains’… tatters of robes, bandages, empty vials of medicine, bits of skin and bone that I hoped were his own.

Can you imagine, Wei-gongzi, what it could possibly feel like to struggle to find pieces of your little brother to lay in a grave? The little brother you held as a baby, the little brother you shared your happiness and your sorrow with? The one person you’ve always felt closest in the world to?

Wei-gongzi, my brother was there for a reason, and that reason killed him. The reason was you. It always has been. And he went to find pieces of you just like I found pieces of him.

But no matter how much time passes, how much healing I try to do, there is an image I can’t get out of my head. There were - he died next to whatever remained of you. There was a hand covered in your robes, and over that hand, Wangji laid his forehead ribbon before he died.

Do you know what that means, Wei-gongzi? My brother died loving you. I lost him because he loved you.

And though it may not be fair of me to say this to you, as far as I am concerned…

Wangji died because of you.

Wei Wuxian agrees. Lan Zhan died because of him. But… why did Wei Wuxian not realize Lan Zhan loved him? How had he not seen it? Why did it have to take Lan Zhan dying for Wei Wuxian to find out the depth and breadth of his - Lan Zhan's and his own - feelings?

There was a little boy laying beside Wangji. He was not dead, but his body had been possessed by something much more powerful than he could take. There were wounds all over his body, blood stains all over his robes. When I picked him up, a pair of inhuman eyes opened, staring at me hatefully.

And in a thousand voices, the Burial Mounds asked me "What is it like, to lose someone you love? Do you see what you've done to us?!"

I could not answer. All I could do was cry. I've been crying ever since, Wei-gongzi, but no matter how many tears I shed, my brother will never return.

Yet, you have. You are here, and he is not. Tell me, how should I feel about this? About you? Would I not be justified in drawing my sword and taking your life right now, in revenge for my brother's death?

Would you not want yourself dead if you were me?

Wei Wuxian hates being alive, more than he ever did before. He hates that Mo Xuanyu forced his soul into this body and brought him into this wretched, empty world - he would have been better off dead, unaware. He would have never known about any of this, he would have kept on existing between realms, tormented and tortured, but wholly convinced the whole world hated him and celebrated he was gone.

Now he has to live knowing that Lan Zhan loved him to the point of self injury, to the point of betraying his sect, to the point of substance abuse and suicide.

He has to live knowing he cannot be loved in any way other than destructive.

I've brought the boy into the Cloud Recesses to be cared for and I… I adopted him as my own. Wangji talked to me about him after he came to visit you… he told me he felt drawn to him. I did too. Or perhaps I convinced myself I was.

Either way, I've raised him the way I know Wangji would have wanted. I am not him, I could never be, but I know him.

The boy's courtesy name is Sizhui. I am not the one that came up with it, my brother did.

I think Wangji knew he would not be returning from the Burial Mounds… perhaps, though I don't want to believe it, he went there specifically so he could die.

Either way, he left a letter for me to find, somewhere only I would know to look.

He was asking me to forgive him, as if I would have ever not. He was asking me that, should he be successful in finding anybody alive in the Burial Mounds, to take them in and protect them if he became unable. And if that person ended up being a child, to give them the courtesy name "Sizhui", in your memory.

I have done all of those things. But there is one more thing he asked me to do that I cannot.

He asked me not to hate you.

Wei Wuxian can’t imagine somebody not hating him. He even hates himself, how could the rest of the world be expected to do otherwise?

What is there not to be hated about him?

There are no guest quarters available in the Cloud Recesses at the moment. I will not - cannot host you in the hanshi, and I cannot allow you to share with anybody else for fear of them finding out who you really are. Though my disdain of you is clear, I am not an unkind host, I cannot allow you to sleep outside.

So, your stay in the Cloud Recess will be in my brother’s old quarters, the jingshi.

Wei Wuxian looks around, at the modestly furnished room, and tries to imagine Lan Zhan there, reading his asinine books by the window, writing perfectly structured night hunt reports at the mahogany table, tucking himself into bed at 9 pm sharp.

Dying.

He doesn’t want to imagine Lan Zhan dying - but he knows… he knows how it happened, has experienced it himself… in a way, at least. He’d given up, and he’d allowed himself to be killed. Is it still suicide

He could have stopped the corpses at any time, but what would have been the point? What would have Wei Wuxian had to live for?

Oh, if only he had known… if only he had realized… if he had known Lan Zhan was injured, punished because of him, Wei Wuxian would have stormed the Cloud Recesses, turned them to ashes again, just to see him and hold him and thank him, take him away and run away somewhere, anywhere, just them and A-Yuan and Wen Ning and…

Wei Wuxian finds himself crying as he laughs at the notion. The world would have not allowed him - them - to live, no matter where he ran off or with whom. Destroy the Cloud Recesses? Save Lan Zhan? Who does he thinks he is?

Didn’t Lan Zhan die because of him?

How could Wei Wuxian save him?

Who has he ever saved? Who has ever survived his good intentions?

All he would have done would have been to doom Lan Zhan to death. Just like he did shijie and Jin Zixuan, the Wens and - like Madam Yu always said - even his parents. They probably died because of him too, just like everyone else.

Everyone that he’s ever cared about, everyone he’s ever loved, is gone.

And he has no right to be sorrowful, to regret, to hurt.

He needs to take accountability, to accept his fault, to pay for his sins.

Perhaps dying once has not amounted to much - to anything. He should die a thousand, a million deaths, each worse than the last - and only then, perhaps, to hope for atonement.

But though there is no way he knows to do that, he does know how to die a second time.

He looks around the jingshi, but this time it’s not for Lan Zhan’s image. It’s for something sharp, or strong enough ceiling beams, for knives, for talisman paper.

His eyes fall on a guqin instead.

Wei Wuxian blinks at it, as if he’s seeing it for the first time. Why is it here? Why hasn’t Lan Xichen or Lan Qiren or anyone else locked such a precious item away?

He walks up to it, as if entranced.

As if he’s found Lan Zhan’s ghost.

His fingers trail over the fine wood, plucking the strings in a senseless tune.

Lan Zhan would hate the sound, disharmonious, meaningless.

Wei Wuxian’s eyes fill with tears again, though he feels a painful warmth in his chest as he closes his eyes and remembers Lan Zhan playing the instrument, mimicking his gestures from memory.

He sees Lan Zhan in his mind’s eye, sat perfectly poised as he places his fingers over the guqin with practices ease, firmly concentrated on the task. He sees two strands of hair framing his face as his head leans down over the instrument, eyes half opened, lost in the melody.

"Wei Ying."

I wish you’d call for me again… I wish I could hear you again, even if just for a moment, even if just for long enough to tell you that I…

Wei Wuxian lifts his fingers off the guqin and decides to return to his plan of taking his life.

Wei Ying!

His head snaps in the direction where the sound came from, but his eyes only meet an empty wall, his shadow dancing on it with every flicker of the candle's flame.

Of course, what was he expecting? There's nobody there to call for him, nobody to call his name like it's soft, beautiful, beloved.

There is nobody alive who would ever call his name with anything but disdain.

And there really is nobody left to mourn him this time. He's made sure of it, hasn't he?

The empty jingshi is proof enough of that.

Wei Wuxian sighs, realization befalling him slowly, like a veil placed daintily over the face of a dead maiden's corpse. He did fulfill Mo Xuanyu's wish (one less person to disappoint) so there is nothing keeping him tethered to this world either.

He walks leisurely around the place, as if to carve it in his memory. Would Lan Zhan hate it if he killed himself in his home?

Ridiculous. Lan Zhan is dead. He doesn't care about anything anymore.

He cared too much, and now he's dead. He shouldn't have cared about Wei Wuxian, shouldn't have ever loved him.

He would still be alive now if he didn't…

If he didn't love Wei Wuxian, if nobody ever loved Wei Wuxian… the world would have been a much better place, and a lot more people would still be in it.

People who shouldn't have loved Wei Wuxian but did.

People Wei Wuxian would always love regardless.

The floorboards near Lan Zhan's bed creak in a way that's different from the rest, and the sound pulls Wei Wuxian out of his thoughts.

He's curious more than he is suicidal - so he leans down to inspect the noisy floorboards, and easily discovers they can be removed, likely hiding something underneath.

Did someone hide something in Lan Zhan's home?

Zewu-Jun did say this place isn't used anymore, it would be the perfect cover for something scandalous… for a secret.

There is nothing scandalous there.

Just two jars of wine, a flute and a neatly folded letter.

Wei Wuxian cries as he picks up the alcohol and downs it much too quickly, trembling fingers careful around the delicate paper of the letter.

Wei Ying. I know you may never find this letter, or these gifts I have bought for you, because I know that you are no longer among the living.

But I must write to you regardless, in hopes that, perhaps, my intention, my feelings, may reach you, no matter whichever realm you may reside in now. I must write to you because this is the only one I can pretend that you are not completely gone from this world, but rather have gone far away from me and this is the only way I can still talk to you.

I have tried talking out loud, but there is never an answer, and it is easier for me to pretend it is the distance that keeps my inquiries without answer, rather than your absence… your death.

Wei Ying, I love you. I have loved you even before I knew that I did, my soul yearned for yours although I've been unable to understand it until it was too late. I do not know if anything would have been different, I do not know if I could have saved you, I do not even know if you would have loved me back.

But I do regret never having told you. I do regret having been weak in my conviction in you, in myself, in the love I now carry for you but have nobody to give to anymore.

I have been a coward, back then, not admitting to my sin, giving in to my impulses despite not having had the courage to tell you how I feel beforehand.

I do regret not having told you - not having told you when you could still understand me, when you could still respond to me with anything other than 'Get lost' and pushing me away. Perhaps you would have done that back then, as well, if you knew it was me that kissed you - but I was scared, too scared of rejection, of heartbreak, to admit it.

So I didn't tell you. I kept my secret, dirty and shameful, and I will keep it forever, because it is the only form of intimacy I have ever, and will ever, allow myself to feel. There will never be anybody else, Wei Ying. I have been foolish not to realize this when you were still alive, but I am realizing it now.

However, I am not choosing to be alone as punishment. No, this is my way of honoring you, of loving you in spite of fate, in spite of my life and your death.

I wish I could have done more for you. I wish I could have understood why you changed, I wish I could have helped you, and the Wen remnants, A-Yuan… All that is left of me are wishes.

I have wished for much in this life - but none of that has ever been granted. I wished for my mother to be freed, but she never was - not until she was dead, at least. I wished for my father to leave his seclusion, but he never did. I wished to find my place in the world, my purpose, but I stay feeling lost still.

And ultimately, I wished for you to find happiness. But you never did.

Even if your happiness may not have been with me, I so wished you would find it - find it within yourself to smile the way you used to when we were young, when none of the war and the aftermath happened.

My wishes have never been granted, but I wish still.

I wish to meet you again someday. In a different life, in a different world… I wish we could find each other again and… be.

It is so overlooked, to be. So simple.

I am - but you are not.

I am here, and I wish I still had you to be here for.

But I do not, and I have nobody to be here for anymore.

When I was told what my punishment for protecting you would be, I had hoped it would kill me. I knew, somehow, somewhere deep inside my heart, that you would be gone soon, and I did not want to live in a world without you.

And yet, I do.

I wish, when I can move a little better, when I can take enough medicine so it doesn't hurt anymore, to come find you.

To find you, to apologize to you, to confess to you.

Perhaps I will die on the way there, or on the way back, or I will fall prey to the Burial Mounds.

But if I hadn't gone to the ends of the world for you while you were still alive, I will do so to honor you in death.

You deserve to be loved and honored, no matter what this wretched world says.

The last thing I wish to tell you is that you will find a music sheet attached to this letter. It is a song I have written for you - for us. It speaks for itself, so I will not talk about it because I know you can understand music to the same level I do.

There is no title to this song, because I wished I would come up with it with you.

I love you, now and forever, across time, across realms,

Lan Zhan.

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