#misgivings

[wallacepolsom]

Wallace Polsom, Life During Wartime: Misgivings (09 Feb 2024), paper collage, 20.5 x 26.4 cm.

[tenth-sentence]

As his powers grew, so did the misgivings of his companions.

"DragonLance Chronicles: Dragons of Winter Night" - Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman

[sspacegodd]

I feel bad about never regretting anything.

[xxlittle0birdxx]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Star Wars: Rebels Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios Characters: Alexsandr Kallus, Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios Additional Tags: Post-Episode: s04e15-16 Family Reunion – and Farewell, Post-Star Wars: A New Hope, Rebel Alexsandr Kallus, Difficult Decisions, Rebel Alliance Intelligence (Star Wars), Star Wars Galactic Empire Era, Galactic Empire (Star Wars) Summary:

‘Have you ever done anything that you weren’t proud of in the name of undermining the Empire?’ Zeb only stared at him with blank incomprehension. Of course they had all used methods that wouldn’t pass the smell test as far as honor was concerned. He didn’t particularly like it, but found it necessary evil. Kallus continued to press him. ‘Did you ever question the ethical boundaries of the tactics you’ve used?’

Zeb sat heavily on the edge of the bed. ‘Sometimes,’ he admitted in a low rumble. He had done many things in the Rebellion that felt right in the moment, but in the quiet aftermath, Zeb looked at them askance for the inevitable collateral damage that affected far more people than their initial targets.

[whats-in-a-sentence]

As they considered the next case, they had misgivings.

"Incarnations of Immortality: With a Tangled Skein" - Piers Anthony

[mysteriis-moon666]

SUMMONED AND DEFILED

Il faisait encore jour quand je partais de Castres, ville rugueuse d’ovalie, porteuse d’une victoire contre le RC Toulonnais en ce jour du 22 avril 2023. Dans les rues des supporters rentraient à pied, drapeau sur l’épaule, se chambrant gaiement. Des cumulus nimbus offraient un parterre de teinte grisâtre et laiteuse avec des trouées minimale de lumière, comme si des jets venaient à percer dans une obscurité naissante. Bientôt la pluie le long du trajet tomberait, et fera abattre le ciel sur terre dans une nappe de brouillard épaisse, et de crachin que cette nuit en enfer allait offrir à coups de décibel tellurique, de cris perçant et d’hémoglobine sonique. La nappe phréatique de mes émotions remonterait jusqu’à ma paroi nasale en laissant couler un filet de sang, pour une raison que j’ignore encore, mais qui demeure un présage de la déflagration reçue.

L’association Profusion existe depuis 1995, elle a mis en place des concerts dans le Tarn et la région toulousaine. Depuis St Sulpice, la première édition d'Une Nuit En Enfer a été effectué en 2003 où elle avait posé les bases d’une intention fidèle à l’underground oldschool. Pour ses 20 ans c’est « Be there or be dead », PAF 15 Euros. Pas de CB, rien que de la fraîche, à l’ancienne (vise le flyer). Lieu = Salle René Cassin / 81370 Saint Sulpice La pointe.

Les groupes ayant joué dans une nuit en enfer sont Fall Of Seraphs, Iron Flesh, Ritualization, Mercyless, Asmodée, Agressor, Necrowretch, Charnier, Fatal Nunchaku, Graveyard, Hate Wanted, Hypnosis, Hypoptalasias, Inhumate, Les Incapables, Malhkebre, Necrocult, Oldskull, Offending, Ossuaire, Otargos, Ouroboros, Pestiferum, Pulmonary Fibrosis, Putrefaction, Ruins Division, The Bottle Doom Lazy Band, The Seven Gates, Temple Of Baal, Trashnasty, Vorkreist, Withdrawn.

C’est OLDSKULL qui éventre la nuit comme l’on ouvre une parenthèse pour marquer les esprits. Son death metal touille Obituary (mais sans le groove) et Morbid Angel avec une lichette de Bolt Thrower, et parfois des grumeaux thrashy dans les riffs et rythmiques.

Le chanteur avait un t-shirt de Power Trip, et son growl de bons caillots de sang dans la glotte pour projeter son impureté deathalique. Le batteur du groupe avait le son de la caisse claire d'une bouteille que l'on décapsule, car pas de peau sablé. Je dis ceci car un gonze me l’a fait remarquer alors que jusque-là je n’y avais pas prêté cas. L'ingé son a assuré, je ne veux pas dire de connerie, mais il me semble qu’il travaillait à l’ancienne salle du Bikini, au 54 chemin des Étroits à Tolosa, car la façade démontrait un son de gouffre à death metOl. Scéniquement la scène n’est pas immense, les gars font leur set dans un condensé salé de leur sauce dégoulinante, ça envoie une bonne rasade oldschool, avec pour les light, un spot bleu, un rouge, un jaune, un peu de fumée et va chier à la vigne.

Dans une nuit en enfer il n'y a pas de poseurs, pas de kikouyou à licorne, de touristes, de personnes qui vivent dans un trou de hobbit, nannn. L'atmosphère est oldschool, il y a en présence une majorité de gars qui turbinent avec sincérité depuis l'époque des échanges de K7. L’underground c’est une niche, un endroit en marge, reclus, parfois trop, enfin tout dépend comment tu vois le truc. C’est un isolement, et pas du tout à la fois. Beaucoup y trouvent leur compte, du moins un temps, après les époques meurent et les nouvelles prennent leur place, il y a des personnes qui restent fidèles malgré tout. Oui ça existe.

L’underground fonctionne sur le principe du participatif, et généralement en autarcie. Ces passionné.es peuvent passer du statut d’inconnu à culte, mais c’est très rare, et pas du tout l’effet escompté. Le premier c’est d’être libre de créer, de faire émerger un art, une discipline, l’esprit d’une musique, l’incantation du concert, un lieu de vie, une époque. Tu évolues dans un environnement scellé de rite, signe, expression, symbole, représentation, empreinte, d’érudition, d’échange, de transmission, de passion, tu es dans l’ombre, te transformes dans la pénombre, le mystère et l’obscurité sont tes frères. Si tu viens avec une apparence, tu vires vers le soleil très rapidement car le simulacre ne fait pas partie de ta loyauté, de ton honnêteté aux autres et à toi-même. Mais l’underground va t'oublier un jour, comme si tu n'avais jamais existé, tu ne fais que passer, météore.

« Le rock est mort, le punk est mort, le metal est mort » tu entends ça depuis toujours, tout est mort quand tu vieillis, parce que le pain blanc de ta jeunesse est bouffé, et qu’il te reste le pain noir, et peut-être même un sac de clou noir avec des croûtons et des os à ronger. Bullshit, tu le sais, dans ta foi pour ces musiques en marge, tu es, tu vis, tu te sens bien au milieu de ces gens, que tu considères comme ton peuple.

Le rock est mort parce qu’il passe de mode pour certain.nes. La mode elle peut aller se faire enculer, et ce, depuis toujours. C’est ta philosophie.

Dans la salle ce soir, il y a un gars qui a organisé et fait jouer la première date en France et en Europe de Cannibal Corpse. C’était en 1991 à Escoussens, au pied de la montagne noire parce que la salle d'Aussillon n'était pas libre. Le christ de Mazamet, le seul et unique, nom Carlos, comme le chanteur, mais lui n’a pas de chemise à fleur, il préfère les champs de tripes du death metAl. Casquette vissée sur la tête, des cheveux longs, le ventre à bière de Tankard et toujours dans le game, le week-end suivant celui d’une nuit en enfer, il ira au Portugal pour un petit festival, il a son ticket pour aller voir les Mets au stade de France, mais ce qu’il lui tarde le plus, ça fait trois ans qu’il a son billet pour le Maryland Deathfest du 23 au 26 mai à Baltimore.

Le quatuor MISGIVINGS se poste sur scène. Formé en 1991 avec un seul opus à leur actif, je ne sais pas ce qu'ils ont foutu, nous sommes en 2023 ?!

Le bassiste chanteur a un truc dans le visage, la forme de son visage peut-être, mais il me semble que ce sont ses yeux qui me font penser à Tom Araya, d'ailleurs leur musique c'est Slayer mets Deicide. La basse a un son très metallique, le riffing des 2 gratteux c’étaient des frelons asiats aux dards véloces et pestilentiels. Le bassiste a rameuté le pit pas mal de fois, une sollicitation qui a trouvée l'envol de belles chevelures, et a certainement brisé quelques nuques. Le groupe fout un tournis de mur blanc sonique pour fouetter un death metal aux encornures saillantes, dans l'esprit pernicieux du groupe Pestilence. Mon cerveau était devenu un énorme paquet de lingettes mouillées à torcher un putride death metOl que Misginving remplissait sans arrêt, je pouvais faire des mouillettes sanguinolentes avec, cool, cool.

Formé en 2013 CONVICTION est un groupe de Doom Metal avec des membres d'Ataraxie, Temple Of Baal, et un unique album à leur actif.

Mettre un groupe de doom oldschool sur un plateau death metal c'est comme poser de la tisane dans un office de traders. L'ambiance est moins remuante. Attention j'adore le doom, là c'est Saint Vitus pour le doom et du Type O Negative pour le cimetière. Il y a un côté funéraire dans leur set que certains jugeront soporifique. Le bassiste joue avec un nœud coulant autour du cou ce qui annonce en terme de métaphore que le gars va se marier nan ? J'ai noté quelques fausseté dans le chant, ohhh trois fois rien, j'ai surtout apprécié dans le chant cette recherche mélodique, une ligne vocale claire avec du spleen dans son intention théâtrale, parfois même inattendue. Ce qui ressort vraiment de Conviction c’est "... la capacité de s'épanouir dans une douce douleur." (Thomas Mann), mais aussi une visite dans les marécages de l'âme, une cadence rythmique lente, des riffs charbonneux, vraiment intenses avec ce tréfonds doom, et des solis de très bonne tenue, pour finir par une cover de Black Sabbath, hé forcément. Nous étions bercé.es d’une funambule torpeur opiacée et refermions le cercueil sur nous.

Conviction se nourrit d’une noire vision, éviscère ses démons qui tordent l’âme. Il préfère les pierres qui redressent son âme plutôt que les fleurs qui ramollissent son cœur. Il se déploie dans sa nuit et dans chaque respiration de sa musique, en trouvant sésame dans le gémissement du lointain, jusqu'à ressentir le fracas du spleen à côté de lui battre des ailes, éveiller les torpeur jusqu'aux tristesses rédemptrices.

J’ai décidé d’être sensible, car c’est ce que je suis au fond de moi depuis toujours, c’est un prix à payer, il est lourd parfois, mais je laisse rentrer chaque vague et l’écume est belle, la collision sur les roches offre un spectacle étourdissant, et au fond de cet océan se gonfle une vivacité qui s’ancre à une diversité d’émotions. Conviction navigue dans ces eaux tumultueuses, à son rythme, il est vrai.

******************************************************************

Dans la grosse lessiveuse d'internet dont nous pouvons nous goinfrer jusqu’à écœurement de toutes les musiques disponibles, nous devenons des décharges à ciel ouvert, oubliant d'apprécier dans l'instant présent l'offrande des groupes en train de jouer en live, parce que tout est encombré des restes glanés, la contradiction renaît.

VENEFIXION c'est un peu de ça avec un soupçon de ceci, rien de nouveau, j'ai déjà entendu cela plein de fois et je m'en vais. Non, il fallait rester, il fallait se laisser atteindre par cette sorcellerie, par ce fléau de metal noir, cet incurable tourment, qui vient zester ce dégoût secret, mal indéfinissable qui donne tant de torts dont on n’est point coupable. C’était la magie noire d'un concert dans toute sa beauté exaltante, avec lequel Venefixion a frotté son set avec du papier verre et un marteau clouté. Urg !

Le quintette Venefixion a laissé trois opus, "Armorican Deathrites" 2016, "Necrophagous Abandon" (split w/ Possession) 2019 et "A Sigh From Below" 2021 en faisant évoluer sa musique qui irrite les refus et lui apporte tous les feux qu’elle inspire désormais, loin des vieux grimoires bretonnant du bois de Brocéliande d'ADX. Du khôl autour des yeux, du sang sur la tronche, un death black 2.0 qui joue la carte du malin, avec un max de delay dans le chant. Ecole putréfaction avec des restes primitifs de Morbid Angel, du swedeath rock'n'roll de Tribulation, et pour les cris en fond Ghostbath. Il y a le côté black'n'roll de Venom et Midnight surtout en fin de set, augmentant l'enthousiasme d'un public férocement attiré par les puissances souterraines. Oui il y avait de la magie noire, d'ailleurs en fin de set un gars a scandé « Satan » à plusieurs reprises le poing levé, exhortant de la sorte le chanteur à faire de même, et le public de lui répondre. Merci à cet Anton Lavey d'avoir libéré les apôtres soniques de Belzébuth dans la succursale rené cassin, face à la très belle église de St Sulpice la pointe, et de ce set de Venefixion en un petit bijou de crucifix retourné.

Merci à Profusion association, à cette Nuit En Enfer, à Oldskull, Misgivings, Conviction, Venefixion et à ce peuple des ténèbres.

[howifeltabouthim]

Your heart misgave you, and you said to yourself that it did not matter then how you might throw away all your sweetness.

Anthony Trollope, from Can You Forgive Her?

[thethcministry]

[iridescentmirrorsgenshin]

thinking about alhaitham going from recently orphaned to meeting kaveh and kaveh becoming the one person who knows him through and through, who he recognises as his mirror, as integral to his development as a scholar, and as essential to his happiness as an individual. knowing that their respective approaches to life are direct oppositions, but that this isn't a negative and instead is beneficial to the both of them - aligning their viewpoints can help the other grow due to considering new speculations and perspectives.

and then being rejected by kaveh due to kaveh's rejection of himself - his conforming to the collective, when his talents and abilities offer potential for more than he denies himself. kaveh rejects alhaitham as his best friend, his mirror, and he seeks to cement his ideals in his life, to realise them in full as opposed to being solely based on the guilt borne from his perceived involvement in his father's passing. alhaitham doesn't pursue kaveh because this is kaveh's decision - he said that he regretted ever befriending alhaitham, and it would be futile to impose upon this

alhaitham goes from having an essential figure in his life, to a void twice, the first time being the loss of his grandmother, and then kaveh's rejection of him. but he pursues the peaceful life his grandmother wanted for him, and when he meets kaveh again, he instantly sees through the façade kaveh fronts for other people, and recognises that something is deeply wrong. when kaveh moves in with him, he is held in contempt and through a critical lens, and kaveh believes him to be prideful and spiteful, believing that his egoism has triumphed over kaveh's altruism.

kaveh continues to reject alhaitham through this, but alhaitham desires kaveh's company regardless because he knows that kaveh is essential to him - no one else can provide what kaveh fulfils, both in company and in mind. regardless of the strained rapport between them, alhaitham enjoys kaveh. he smiles when kaveh has a quick-witted comeback, he smiles while teasing kaveh, and he goes out of his way to have interactions with kaveh, regardless of the outcome.

alhaitham knows that he and kaveh can ultimately benefit each other if they can overcome this barricade - a perception of 'correctness' between them. firsthand, alhaitham knows that being thought of as 'correct' is ultimately meaningless if it means you forfeit something you truly care about. the issue that stands between him and kaveh is not correctness, it is the unspoken, the miscommunication and misconception that drives them apart. alhaitham truly wants the best for kaveh, but kaveh cannot see this due to his perception of alhaitham. but this perception is challenged when alhaitham reveals that he looked into sachin for kaveh's sake, for a chance of closure, during a parade of providence

so going from this uncertainty as to how kaveh will interpret alhaitham's actions in a parade of providence to how kaveh and alhaitham are in cyno's story quest is so so fulfilling. it's cathartic to see alhaitham comfortable in his interactions with kaveh, rather than having to be underhanded of his comments about kaveh's misconceptions. alhaitham can openly enjoy kaveh's company because kaveh genuinely wants to spend time with him. alhaitham encourages kaveh to tell him about his day because he knows he will not be misinterpreted. their banter is completely without any kind of tension as an understanding seems to have been gained between them. it must be so liberating to be truly seen once again by kaveh, and not have every word, every action, ever intention scrutinised. kaveh accepts him, fully, through and through, and because of this, kaveh sees alhaitham as a mirror - and finally accepts it.

they work in tandem, their thoughts seem synchronised, and there is no issue in the two joining efforts to research together once more. alhaitham is openly expressive about his contentment in working with kaveh, discussing the case in their shared living room, watching kaveh sketch the emblem, smiling as he unveils a discovery, and smiling as kaveh shows interest, travelling together to inform the traveller of their findings, heading to the house of daena together, and having kaveh understand his silent request for help without even having to voice it, being asked for and freely giving obtained akademiya information to kaveh, consenting and smiling when being paired together in looking after the house of daena and researching into the temple of silence. kaveh seeks to find coffee for the both of them when alhaitham mentions it which establishes a domesticity which extends outside of the home. when alhaitham excuses himself at the gathering, kaveh knows that it doesn't include him, and he actively suggests their next activities, before heading 'home' together. alhaitham understands kaveh's notion of home (talked about here), and alhaitham assents to this, and the two leave together

to finally have their status as equals be recognised by kaveh is a huge development, and alhaitham seems so much more content now that this understanding exists between them - that their care is reciprocal. to see kaveh at ease within himself, to be more embracing and forgiving towards himself, must be so fulfilling for alhaitham, who wants nothing but kaveh's happiness. in kaveh accepting alhaitham, these past concerns of guilt and forgiveness can finally be addressed. and alhaitham will be there every step of the way, as he has chosen to do, and he knows, now, that kaveh will continue to choose him too

[wiyu989]

"Bucky was happy for Steve!"

Yeah, totally.

[pippuns]

the only thing that could have improved SVSSS is if shen jiu was in the background providing scathing hateful commentary the entire time. i want to see him and shen yuan eat each other alive <3

[tenth-sentence]

Jolie realized that she did.

"Incarnations of Immortality: And Eternity" - Piers Anthony

[honestlyvan]

I do kind of wonder if the implicit assumption that Door is mad at Alan for involving Saga should be re-examined a little bit.

The game is very careful to not frame any of Saga's relationships as paternalistic. Like, repeatedly, with emphasis, especially among the relationships with people who are close to her and have reasons to act protective over her. Having Door primarily be motivated by a sense of righteousness over someone messing with his protectorate goes against theme with her, and would single him out as the only male character whose help Saga does need.

Furthermore, we know Freya didn't seem to think that highly of Door, never telling Saga anything about him and being firm in not wanting to discuss the topic. Her considering Door a potential danger to Saga just like her powers and choosing to hide the truth to protect her wouldn't make sense if she, too, could use her seer powers to confirm that Door did have Saga's best interest at heart, and with Door existing outside of time, I don't think there's adequate signalling that this would be something he would have had a change of heart about.

Furthermore, while Door is very likeable and definitely not a villain or even an antagonist... he is very trickster-like, and seems very cavalier with how he chooses to interfere and when. From his interactions with the Old Gods, spending fourty years on kill-on-sight terms with them only to happily fanboy over having them on his show and collaborate with them to mess with Alan, to the way he almost deigned to let Alan create a hint for Saga about how to use her powers rather than letting Saga and Tim just work it out amongst themselves, he's playing the long game in every situation and seems to enjoy making the story take twists and turns because of his involvement.

So Door is in a weird superposition of meddlesome/hands-off largely because I almost got a sense that with Saga, he's keeping his distance on purpose. Keeping himself concealed and out of the conversation, despite much of her story being discovering her origins and discovering her own supernatural influence. Outside of letting Alan create a single manuscript page about him, he doesn't even hint at his own existence while Saga is in the Dark Place, theoretically right there for him to reach out to.

And if Door does ultimately think that surely any daughter of his can handle herself, there is one another innocent that has been involved in this all by Wake I could see him getting worked up over instead.

[shushmal]

what do we do if steve dies

i'm putting my hands on your shoulders, i am giving you the biggest pep talk as i say this: we shall rejoice!! with much woe and joy, as Steve will finally be freed from the narrative, just a joe keery will finally be freed from his netflix chains!!

Steve can happily join Eddie in fanfic afterlife, where he can never be tied down by an unsatisfying story conclusion!!!

Seriously though, I'LL PROBABLY CRY regardless of my feelings

but in reality, i'd be more upset if he's forced into a weird little 'happy ending' with a like "ten years later and he married to this character we've never met/Nancy" or my BIGGEST FEAR that they retcon robin to bisexual and actually she and steve are end game (this is a real fear, i lie awake a night terrified of it)

Genuinely, I am already aware that I'll not be happy with whatever "happy ending" Duffers/Netflix has planned, as they've long lost my trust over the seasons. The show is very fun and I have and will enjoy watching it, but I'm move invested in how I and other fan writers may rip it a part and make something BETTER. I've long taken canon out back and put it down quietly.

[pocketgalaxies]

still trying to wrap my head around keyleth's "i trust orym and orym trusts you so i trust you." bc when she said that my first instinct was disappointment, i think? or at least wishing it was a little different.

i think it would've been so much more meaningful to imogen if keyleth just said "i trust you." to have someone trust her and her integrity, not just bc of the company she keeps but because of her. and to hear that from keyleth, someone that imogen has come to respect a lot. i also think keyleth would be keenly aware of those things – if there's anything i'm sure she's learned over the years, it's that her words have immense weight. this is absolutely one of the reasons she pauses so much when she talks (both a marisha-ism as well as a character moment!)

so i guess i just wonder if keyleth actually doesn't trust imogen enough yet and has to filter it through orym, just enough to give imogen the confidence and validation she desperately needs but not so much that it's a falsification or overinflation? would she lie about trusting imogen in order to instill confidence in her, i want to say probably not? but it could probably go either way and would be heavily dependent on what she's experienced in the last 30 years – what is keyleth's relationship with telling white lies and keeping little secrets, after a few decades as the voice of the tempest? it's easy to imagine that it's changed, but also perhaps remaining honest is something keyleth has come to greatly value. tbh i don't think this was particularly explored in c1, and vm did deceive quite frequently, but never in the role of Mentor to a younger, more naive adventuring party like bh

i do love the follow-up of "i see a lot of myself in you" bc the parallels were there all along and i just never noticed them. young women who grew up in a publicly broken family with the weight of their destiny becoming progressively heavier on their shoulders. unimaginable, overwhelming power coursing through them as they explore a foreign and vast world. questioning every single decision they make along the way. the responsibility of the fate of the world frequently, unrelentingly, falling to them for reasons completely out of their control. not knowing anything but knowing they love their companions and knowing they want to do good. not knowing at all what good is anymore. still striving for it regardless.

it does make me lean more toward yes keyleth does trust imogen, because keyleth knows that imogen does not trust herself but keyleth can recognize that she can be trusted, because keyleth was the same way and she turned out okay. if anyone would understand the simultaneously terrifying but also unquestionable reliability of a truly good person trying to survive in a harsh world, it would be keyleth. but then why didn't she say so! and also i just personally would like to think that keyleth does trust imogen after seeing all that she's sacrificed and the level of dedication she's demonstrated over the last several months. but maybe that's just my bias after seeing every little bit of anguish and anxiety that imogen has experienced, and it's very hard to tell/remember how much of that has actually been perceived by keyleth. but also to see herself in imogen would suggest that she's seen at least some of it?

anyway i'm driving myself crazy. but i wish she could've told imogen she trusts her, and idk what stopped her. :(

[burgeredagent]

i heart when they're next to each other💪❤️