#mind control recovery

[pearl484-blog]

Part 2:

Things are different when you follow your own orders. When there's no one to tell you what to do. It fills you with a gnawing ache that nothing will fill. Not your old hobbies, not your old lessons, not your old habits and routines.

You follow your friends advice. You try new hobbies. You take new classes. You break your habits piece by piece and build them a new. You keep going to them for suggestions, chasing a more hollow sort of control that is little more than boxes on a checklist neither of you enjoy. It does not help. You are afraid nothing will.

You are a burden to them. Your inability to be what they are is an annoyance. They do not tell you this, but you know.

You start to hate resent become frustrated with Ladybug. She did this to you. She cursed you with free will under the delusion that it was a gift.

She meant no harm. You know she didn't. She's Ladybug. The hero of Paris. Your partner. Being angry with her is `BAD,` and you should forgive her—You always do—because grudges are bad. For Paris. For your `REPUTATION.`

WIP Freewill is a curse

You were made to serve. You were supposed to be perfect at it -dutiful and obedient. Nothing touched the shell they put you in. Boredom and dissatisfaction meant nothing to you. Why would it when it simply meant you were waiting for another duty?

You were made to serve, gently and happily, with a calm, placid smile. They filled you with kindness and patience, which isn't really love, but it's as close as you can get.

You tell yourself it's better this way. You aren't bothered by the things that hurt everyone else. Your laughter only heals and never hurts. You are a mantle of safety, a beacon of warmth in this harsh world.

And Ladybug stole that from you.

She stole your purpose. She stole your calm. She stole everything when she forced a tiny ring in your hand and called it freedom.

Freedom? What is freedom when it makes your heart shudder? Or when your breath cant fill your lungs?

For the first time in your life, the world is full of limitless possibilities and the weight is crushing you. This weight is meant for normal people.

They're the ones who are supposed to enjoy this, crave this, but you were never built for this. You were always told what to do, how to use your spare time.

Now there's nothing besides this overwhelming pressure. Pressure they expect you to want, to crave. They want you to smile and thank them with pretty little lies, and you don't know what else to do so you obey.

It's all you know

[creature-wizard]

A warning for trauma survivors looking for online support

You may have come across the acronym "RAMCOA", which stands for "ritual abuse, mind control, and organized abuse."

If you search the Internet for RAMCOA, you might come across a result like this:

If you click the link, you'll be taken to a site that briefly describes what RAMCOA supposedly is, with content like:

MC - Mind Control. A shortened form of TBMC, standing for Torture Based Mind Control. MC is also known as programming, where victims are repeatedly tortured starting at a very young age to intentionally cause a system of dissociated parts that function perfectly to suit the abusers' needs.

alpha : a base program, one of the very first implemented. it trains the victim's mind to accept every order given by handlers willingly. parts with alpha programming will often have no will of their own, and very little personality outside of following orders.

aiw : alice in wonderland. typically split into 3 different sections : black alice, white alice, and crazy alice. ideally, a system scripted with aiw would have all three. white alice makes sure the system forgets the trauma, black alice makes the system feel like theyll be a danger to others if they remember the trauma, and crazy alice makes the system think theyre making it up or going insane if they ever remember it.

Literally all of this comes from a conspiracy theory - specifically, the Project Monarch alter programming conspiracy. It was developed and pushed by far right conspiracy theorists. Most of what people run into specifically traces back to Fritz Springmeier, a man who claimed in the 90's that the fight for gay rights was part of a plot to enthrone the antichrist in the year 2000. The Project Monarch conspiracy theory was always adjacent to the Satanic Panic, if not a somewhat niche part of it. If you start checking citations, you will find many of these people citing Svali, a conspiracy theorist who gets a lot of her material from Springmeier. (Example 1, example 2.)

This is no accident. The term RAMCOA was created by the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation (ISSTD), which was created by and for psychologists who believed in the myths promoted during the Satanic Panic.

The RA part comes from "satanic ritual abuse," which was coined by Dr. Lawrence Pazder of Michelle Remembers (cw for descriptions of horrible abuses) fame. Lawrence Pazder is the man who effectively started the Satanic Panic. It cannot be overstated that Pazder, now a known malpractitioner, was considered the expert on ritual abuse during this time.

The MC part comes from "trauma-based mind control," which was coined to refer to the alleged abuses inflicted in Project Monarch. Parts of this conspiracy theory that can't be traced back to Fritz Springmeier can usually be traced back to Cathy O'Brien and Mark Phillips, two other (really racist) conspiracy theorists.

Ultimately, the entire conspiracy theory is constructed from tropes that go back to The Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion (a known antisemitic hoax), blood libel, and early modern witch panic.

Searching the Internet for RAMCOA resources, ritual abuse, or trauma-based mind control will always bring you to conspiracy theorists.

(Also, the term OEA, which stands for "organized extreme abuse," will lead you to conspiracy theorists as well.)

So yeah, if you're looking for support, be very wary of this stuff. It will absolutely not help you heal; just the opposite.

[earthspark-shockwaves-reduction]

actually I find it so funny that they made a whole new bot named aftermath instead of actually showing the aftermath of s1

[hateaintwinning]

Unwelcome-ozian's book selling step by step instructions on how to sexually assault a child. Including which sex positions to rape a child in and what to say to a child while raping them. As well as how to gas light, trauma bond, and abuse the child.

Link to free copy of Rules of Programming - you can see for yourself.

In light of unwelcome-ozian publicly abusing a teenage girl I wanted to put a spot light on this. This comes from someone who claims to have been taught how to abuse children, and is now teaching other people I guess? Presenting it as raising awareness for the sake of survivors of child abuse, but after what been brought to light about them this is a lot more disturbing.

It provides step by step instructions on how to gas light and trauma bond a child to you after / as you sexually abuse them.

They are currently threatening to post stories of a teenage girl being torutured and sexually assaulted, along with her identifying information without her consent, again. In retaliation for her coming forward about her experience with them.

They are undeniably well aware of the damage and trauma they are inflicting.

They openly give "tips" on how to abuse children.

[shamelesslyimpurrfect]

<3

[oddsconvert]

I'm thinking of writing a little overview/profile of all the physical/psychological effects that Declan's captivity and persuasion has on him in the future 👀

[das-ist-mein-neuanfang]

Reminder that you don't have to label anything. You don't have to keep a journal with every alter of your system and figure every tiny bit out. It's okay to just go with the flow and it's okay to write down something that you think is important to remember. It's also okay to just trust your gut and don't force yourself to anything just because everyone else does. If I learned one thing then it is that the goal is what matters. And if what you're doing is good for the goal (for example better communication) then great. And if you find yourself just losing in it without any progress then maybe it's not helping your goal.

Also just because someone else handles something in x way, it doesn't mean it's helping you too. Maybe y or z are a better fit and maybe z is the one just for you and no one else. Don't stress yourself to fit into something that's not meant for you.

[silence-iz-violence]

The Groomer Doc - unwelcome-ozian/ UWO/ U.W Ozain is a predator

All the screenshots and posts regarding the grooming allegations against unwelcome-ozian (UWO / U.W. Ozain) in one place. Its a Google doc.

[safe-haven-safe-place]

[dangraccoon]

Just Fine

Day 30 ~ recovery ~ hospital bed ~ holding back tears ~ "what have I done?" ~

Cody

Word Count: 925 Content: inhibitor chips, mind control, mandalorian traditions, secret relationship/marriage, brotherly affection (NOT cloneshipping), implied/referenced suicidal thoughts

Mando'a Guide: ori'vod - big brother verd'ika - private (rank), can be used affectionately for a child as "little soldier"; depends on context osik - shit buir - parent haat'miit be riduurok - oath of marriage nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la - not gone, merely marching far away (paying respects to a fallen comrade)

“The surgery is complete,” AZI chirped.

“Thanks, AZI,” Rex nodded.

The room set aside for chip removals was clean and somewhat bare, unlike the rest of Hunter’s well-loved house on Pabu. Tech had said it was to maintain a “sterile environment”, but that didn’t keep Rex’s need for a distraction at bay.

The anxiety of waiting for a brother to wake up after his chip removal washed over him like a high tide as it always did, so he watched his ori’vod’s chest rise and fall with his breath. It was always nerve-wracking, but it was worse when he was close to the brother.

“Rex?” Omega said, appearing beside him, her hand resting gently on his arm.

“Yeah, kid?” he tried to smile.

Omega saw past it. She was good at that kind of thing. “He’s going to be okay,” she assured him.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I know.”

“Then what’s worrying you?”

Rex sighed, running his hands over his face. “Most of the batchers were lucky; their chips didn’t activate before they were removed. Wrecker and Crosshair were a bit different though, right?” 

Omega nodded. 

“Well, for a lot of us, the chip… it changed us. We didn’t know about them at all. Only the few of us who did know could fight it because we knew what we were fighting. Everyone else, though… they didn’t know that they were doing things they wouldn’t normally do. And almost all of them were led to do… horrible things.”

Omega gasped softly, tears starting to line her eyes. “Cross felt so guilty once we removed his chip. He wanted… he tried to…”

Rex nodded, taking her hand in his. “But we were there to help him get better. He doesn’t want that anymore,” he reminded her.

She nodded, wiping a stray tear on her sleeve. “Do you think Cody will feel like that when he wakes up?”

Rex sighed, his eyes turning back to the former commander. “It’s hard to say. Echo was looking for his file so we could get a better idea of what he went through, but…” Rex’s chest ached.

“But?” Omega nudged. 

“Before the… the end of the war, Cody was–”

Rex was cut off by a soft groan from the bed. He jumped up to be in his brother’s view.

“Rex,” Cody chuckled. “Should’a known you wouldn’t go watch a holo-drama or something.”

Omega giggled on his other side. “He didn’t leave once.”

“Hey verd'ika,” he grinned warmly at her.

“How ya feeling, vod?” Rex said, his hand gently touching Cody’s arm.

Cody seemed to pause to think about it. He glanced at Omega briefly before looking back at Rex. “I’m fine. Would you believe my head feels lighter?”

Omega chuckled again and Cody’s lips pulled into a smile at the soft sound but Rex’s eyes narrowed. He knew this dance. “Cody,” he nearly growled.

“Rex,” Cody responded, his voice perfectly affable to anyone who didn’t know better. Rex, however, did know better. He knew that tone was a warning. Not around her.

Tech entered as the door slid open, eyes on his datapad. “Omega, I am in search of my ten-millimeter span– oh,” he said, his eyes lifting to see Cody smirking at him. “It is good to see you awake, Commander.”

“And it’s good to see you haven’t changed, Tech,” he chuckled.

Omega scowled. “Your ten-millimeter? I put that back.”

“It is not in its place,” Tech informed her.

“I always put it back!” she grumbled as she left the room, dragging Tech with her.

“That batch,” Cody grinned. “Don’t think I’ve ever–”

“Alright, cut the osik, Codes,” Rex interrupted. “How are you really feeling?”

Cody tried to look irritated at being interrupted but failed, his eyes falling to his lap. He sighed. “I’m tired, Rex.”

Rex nodded and kept listening but Cody didn’t continue. “Cody, you’re not the first clone to get his chip removed, and maker-willing you’re not the last–”

“I mean it, Rex, I’m fi–”

“Yeah, you’re ‘fine’,” Rex threw his hands up as he walked away from the bed. “You’re ‘fine’ like Crosshair was ‘fine’. You’re ‘fine’ like Howzer was ‘fine’. Like I was ‘fine’. We’re all just ‘fine’.”

Cody’s eyes shut. “How’d Bly and Gree feel? Or Grey? How about Wolffe? General Koon was like a buir to him. How’d he feel when he got that thing out?”

Rex turned back. “What?”

“They loved their Generals and they killed them,” Cody explained, his voice that perfect commander facade of emotionless calm. “You can tell me about Howzer and Cross if you want, I don’t doubt they had their share of shame and guilt. But I’m not sure they executed the person they loved more than anything.” His voice cracked at the end, his jaw setting.

Rex sighed. “I know the two of you were… close, but I didn’t–”

“No one did,” Cody whispered. “It needed to be that way.”

“Cody–”

“We said the haat'miit be riduurok,” Cody sniffled, unable to stop the tears from flowing now. “On Geonosis, at Point Rain over a private comm channel. We… we thought it was the end. M-maker, Rex– what have I done?”

Rex’s heart dropped into his boots. He didn’t know what to say– how do you comfort someone who was forced to kill their husband? He came back to sit on the edge of the bed, wrapping his hand around the back of Cody’s neck. He gently pressed his forehead to his brother’s.

“Nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la,” he whispered, pulling his sobbing brother into a tight hug.

Mando'a Guide: ori'vod - big brother verd'ika - private (rank), can be used affectionately for a child as "little soldier"; depends on context osik - shit buir - parent haat'miit be riduurok - oath of marriage nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la - not gone, merely marching far away (paying respects to a fallen comrade)

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[furiousgoldfish]

I finished reading "Becoming Yourself: Overcoming Mind Control and Ritual Abuse" by Alison Miller, and it was filled with incredibly useful information for those who struggle with a dissociative identity disorder. It was also filled with descriptions of some of the most extreme and atrocious kinds of abuse, so to anyone wanting to read it, there's a trigger warning for cult abuse, rituals, childhood sexual abuse, satanic rituals, child trafficking, child murder, brainwashing, mind control, and every form of religion used against the mind of a child.

I was reading this book to figure out if I had gone thru any kind of abuse of the sort, and I didn't, one of my abusers was utilizing religion against me and had done enough of brainwashing to construct several brainwashed and controlled parts, who were still under the influence, but that was it. The book is extremely clear and it will not confuse you about what happened to you, it tells you the intention behind every type of abuse, and often, how to resolve the results. The books also notes that the word 'alter' is triggering to those who went thru ritual abuse and developed a dissociative identity disorder, for similarity with the word 'altar', which is used in rituals, so they prefer to use the terms 'insiders' and 'parts', which I found to enjoy as well.

One of the repeating points in the first half of the book was on insiders who pretend to be something else, for instance, insiders who pretend to be your abusers, pretend to be demons, pretend to be gods or powerful entities, who believe it's their job to hurt you, or to control you, who are made to bring out consequences if you attempt to act against your abusers. I had something like that in my head, but I had refused to believed it was an insider, because it looked just like a case of 'internalized abusive voice', and I had fought against it viciously and focused on shutting that voice down and keeping it scared, often via imagined torture if it was making me feel anxious. Reading about these other scary entities, who would, when asked, admit to just being an insider pretending, I became curious enough to engage with the abusive voice and ask it, 'are you just an alter pretending'? The voice laughed at me and admitted to being found out, and then promptly stopped pretending and showed themselves as a child part. It took me several weeks to admit to myself that this was real, because it was mortifying. I had fallen for the trick, and even tortured a child part for doing their assigned job – this part now believed their only function was to be tortured. I feel responsible for that. But there was no way for me to know. Insiders are good at keeping up a pretense.

You can sometimes recognize that an entity in your head that is scaring you, claiming to be able to control you or triggering you on purpose, or pretending to be evil, demonic, terrifying, animalistic, powerful, magical, godly, is actually a child part, just because they often act the version of that thing that a child would believe is real. If your entity is often repeating the same lines, only knows 1 way of behaviour and has predictive responses, believes to be your abuser or something similar to it, doesn't follow any real-life logic and seems to belong to another world that a child would think is accurate, then it's likely a child part, for some reason programmed or brainwashed to believe they're what they're pretending to be. I should note that when children think of these scary entities, they're often very creative, and put their whole heart in it, so it's going to be an entity that is engaging, feels powerful, doesn't back down easily. Parts who pretend to be evil or demonic will sometimes cling to what they think they are very dearly and will not allow themselves to think of themselves as humans or children, this is for their own emotional protection. All they had in their childhood was being tough. They cannot let that go.

Another incredibly useful information I got from the book was on how to process trauma if you are a multiple. I had never seen instructions on how to do this before, and I'm going to share them in another post that should be posted right after this one, and I'll put a link to it here.

[reallysublimepoetry]

Unwelcome-ozian doesn't want or care about supporting survivors. If he knows someone, a kid who's actively being subjected to TBMC and RAMAOA he will make it worse, and publish stories of them being raped online. Along with their identifying information and location. He doesn't care if you're a kid. He will put that on the internet for you to deal with for the rest of your life, for anyone to find.

 He will publish your triggers and mental and emotional weaknesses, personally (re)traumatizing you purposely. As well as putting you through having each of those triggers brought up. He will make aspects of your life and trauma, the names of your abusers and their professions public before you're ready. He will threaten you and leave you in fear and in pain and he will gloat about it, and avoid any accountability or responsibility for how he treats the people he's supposedly here for.

He does this after he gains your trust, and asks you to tell him things. He's an abuser and a child predator who likes the supply of attention and validation and prestige he gets online, who sadistically tears down anyone who threatens his ego. He acts with extreme cowardice and childishness. Don't infantilize a grown man for his trauma history, remember his victims have a very similar history.  remember his hypocrisy.

[spookietrex]

[hateaintwinning]

Unwelcome-ozian is an abuser

Here is a check list of common abuse tactics and Unwelcome ozian's perfect score. Reminder as of writing this the victim is a teenage girl, and was 15 when she began chatting with nwo.

Emotional abuse:

Silent treatment - refusal to communicate.

Gas lighting - playing victim after coercing a teenage girl to tell him more and then ghosting her. He implied he didn't want anything to do with her publicly after privately pushing her to talk to him .

Blame shifting / victim blaming - calling the girl obsessed after he manipulated her and trauma bonded her to them by love bombing and alternating between validating and ignoring her. Ignoring her for weeks and months after asking for updates, and then talking to them for 3 days, promising to read everything, then back to ignoring them despite her pleas to be acknowledged. Then using this trauma to further gas light and harm her by painting her as the aggressor.

Intentionally humiliating a teenage girl - putting her on blast, along with her deep personal traumas and thoughts, intimate details, and identifying information to his follows and the entire internet.

Manipulation:

Calculating - not responding to use the victim's emotional upset against her instead of asking her to stop. Using his followers to dox and humiliate her.

Hypocrisy - wanting others to respect his boundaries while violating other people's boundaries. Wanting others to compasionately consider his condition and mental emotional state while ignoring that of others, or better yet using it to insult and dismiss them.

Excuses - using sympathy for his trauma to avoid responsibility. Avoiding criticism (and growth) by acting as though anyone who takes issues with his behavior are trying to silence him, which is a disgrace to all that is being silenced, and further hypocrisy because he is the one who dismisses and silences so many other survivors.

Threats - saying he will post the (dox) stalkers papers again to another website multiple times after staff removed the content for violating community guidelines. Possibly suggesting he may sue the victim.

Stalking / hoovering - admitting to monitoring the victim's accounts, and saving their posts.

Validation/ supply - the people he is the warmest to are teenage girls who validate and adore him. I say this after speaking to many users. He gets a supply of validation and attention online and likely uses this justify himself and or soothe his extremely low self worth.

Lack of empthy - Cruelty and vengeance in his response. Not caring about the trauma he may have been inflicting or the long term damage to his young victim. Score keeping by looking for payback with a malicious attack on his victims reputation.

Lack of remorse - no accountability or acknowledgement of the pain and damages he inflicts. Instead of changing or growing for the better, this is a pattern continuing to develop and escalate.

Grooming:

Inappropriate boundaries - setting no boundaries on what the teenage girl can say or talk about with him one on one. This intimacy was wildly inappropriate.

Breaking boundaries - pushing her to continue when she wanted to stop.

Inappropriate displays of sexuality - responding to her and encouraging her after she calls him "Daddy", says "I love you", and "another part of me think you could never resist reading what I send you" directly after talking about experiencing sexual feelings. He replied saying he will not reject her

I don't like the pop psychology demonization of NPD, but Unwelcome-ozian himself explained there is a category of abuse specifically classified as 'narcissistic abuse', and this fits his behavior the best. Pedophilic narcissistic abuse.

[scavangers-daughter]

I can probably accept at this point that the coiners of RAMCOA are little shits

But at this point the community is so intertwined that it’s hard to separate

HC DID is a new enough term that calling it problematic and not using it makes sense

RAMCOA is tricker

Sure we can change like the ISSD did and use OEA but it’s not as well known what that acronym is and means compared to RAMCOA

And even then, it’s coined by the ISSD so some people could call it problematic solely from that fact

I guess I’m just not sure where the line is drawn to say fuck it I’m reclaiming this I don’t care where it comes from

Because we NEED community. Knowing there are others like us out there is so so helpful (to our system in particular, I cannot speak for everyone)

And being able to point and say hey this person gets it on a different level is a need for us

Thoughts?

[inniave]

pharmacies should automatically give you (or at the very least offer) naloxone any time you get an opioid prescription