#alison miller

[yameoto]

stoner!ali x cheerleader!reader. everybody says to stay away from the miller dyke in the muddy jeans and flannel over her hoodie, walking around with a perpetual cig in her mouth, lighter in her pocket. some of them are scared of her. as if they don’t give her shit for just existing. it’s been happening for so long she couldn’t give a fuck, anymore. she ditches half the time, anyways. as far as most people go, she’s invisible.

you, though. you’re curious. you’re supposed to be watching your boyfriend’s football practice, like a good, supportive girlfriend. but really, you’re watching the local burn out toke it up under the bleachers. entranced by the smoke pouring from her lips, the sheen over her eyes, the upwards angle of her jaw as she takes a lazy drag.

when you first approach her, alison’s wary. because what does a pretty little cheerleader like you want to do with a social outcast like her?

“you know what? to hell with it.” ali snorts, and then you’re crammed in the shotgun of her pickup truck and hightailing it out of the school parking lot. pulls over, some halfway deep in the forest, and for a second you think oh, fuck. the rumours are true. this bitch is crazy. except, then she just pulls out a tightly-packed joint and offers it up, grin lopsided. at your expression, her eyebrows shoot upwards.

“don’t tell me i’m takin’ your pot virginity, sweetheart.” then, at your ensuing, flushed silence “oh, shit. i am, aren’t i?”

“well, you don’t have to sound so smug about it.” you snap, snatching the thing out of her hand as she whistles lowly.

“your daddy gonna get me trouble for this?” ugh. she’s so snarky. you almost regret getting in the car with her, cuffing shoulder with a scoff, as she just throws her head back and laughs, deep and throaty and it sparks something burning in your gut. her eyes are on you, posture opening up as she settles into this new, new dynamic. you struggle to flick the lighter thrice before you finally succeed. your warning glare is enough for her no to comment, hands raised in mock submission.

it takes approximately seven minutes of hotboxing, before you’re throwing yourself in her lap. her hazy eyes widen when you straddle her. fist her collar and seize her in the sloppiest kiss of your life. her lips part, speechless, and it’s when your tongue slips it’s way into her pliant mouth that she pushes you back.

“don’t you got a boyfriend?” she croaks, like it matters. her voice is all hoarse, fingers twitching like she’s itching to yank you back, despite being the one to push you away.

you do have a boyfriend. he’s the quarterback. how cliché could you get? nobody’s going anywhere in this town, anyways.

“yeah,” you gasp, hands tugging on her collar again, impatient, lungs burning, eyes glassy. “got a problem with that?”

there’s a war in her eyes, for a split second, before she grunts, and then her hands seize your ass under that tight little skirt of yours and pulls you even flusher against her lap. your boyfriend’s a dickhead to her, anyways. what better vengeance than fucking his girl in the middle of his precious football game?

so, she does. fingers sliding up and dragging away panties with deft precision, for how stoned she is. mutters, “jesus, you’re the hottest piece of ass til’ the next county.“ in your ear as she stretches you wide open with her fingers, free hand groping your ass as she nuzzles between your tits like she’s starved. the windows are already fogged up, which means—when your legs kick high on either side of her body, and she jerks her fingers the same time her teeth tug at your nips—she could give less of a shit when you splatter all over her car window. moaning so fucking loudly, because you’re in the middle of the woods in alison miller’s pickup truck and your pretty pussy has never been treated quite so good before.

(when the clarity sets in, and the high starts to fade. you’re collapsed against her sweaty, shirtless form, and you peel a stray hockey jersey off the back of the seat, elbow knocking against discarded cigarette packs and empty beer bottles. a poorly concealed bong.

“do you clean, ever?” you grumble, into ali’s collar. a low rumble comes in her chest, amused, as she plucks your soaked panties and dangles them up in the light.

“hey, i didn’t expect to be gettin’ cheerleader pussy, today.”

you swat her hand down with a hiss. and she ducks away, laughing that stupid, raspy, butterfly-inducing laugh. maybe the millers aren’t so bad.)

[serqphites]

teefuckinhee

@yameoto

[mischiefmanifold]

Do you have any resources for RAMCOA? Resources for like...the types of programs and stuff like that. We're going through things and trying to research and pinpoint things, but finding resources has been absolute hell. If you get this twice, I'm sorry. Our tumblr is kind of shit.

Hello! I have several resources that I think may be helpful to you:

This document (LINK) of "rare programs" and their descriptions, posted by @killercatboys.

Chapters 4 and 7 of Becoming Yourself by Alison Miller (LINK) discuss programming and chapter 7 includes an anecdote with specific programs and definitions. The entire book is really a great read and is geared towards survivors of RAMCOA, just be sure to take it slow and take care of yourself.

Common Programs Observed in Survivors of Satanic Ritualistic Abuse by David W. Neswald (LINK) - massive trigger warning for suicide, self-harm, and abuse.

Spin Programming: A Newly Uncovered Technique of Systematic Mind Control by John D. Lovern (LINK) - includes symptoms, implementation, and uses of spin programs; trigger warning for abuse/torture methods.

Healing the Unimaginable by Alison Miller (LINK) is geared towards therapists and professionals and includes more in-depth information about RAMCOA than Becoming Yourself does. Again, massive trigger warning throughout the book for RAMCOA.

Kinds of Torture Endured in Ritual Abuse and Trauma-Based Mind Control by Ellen P. Lacter (LINK) - partial list of torture methods used in RAMCOA; trigger warning for abuse, near-death, and torture.

Mind Control: Simple to Complex by Ellen P. Lacter (LINK) - describes twelve "stages" of mind control and programming, going from outward compliance to torture/trauma-based mind control; trigger warning for descriptions of abuse.

Some Indicators of Trauma-Based Mind Control Programming by Ellen P. Lacter (LINK) provides common indicators of TBMC; most survivors of programming will have many of these indicators, but their presence does not prove the existence of TBMC and their absence does not prove that one has not experienced TBMC.

Adult and Adolescent Indicators of Ritual Trauma by Ellen P. Lacter (LINK) provides indicators of ritual abuse in teens and adults; as with the last bullet point, their presence does not prove ritual abuse and their absence does not disprove it.

Child Indicators of Ritual Abuse Trauma in Play and Art by Ellen P. Lacter (LINK) provides potential indicators of ritualized abuse in children and pre-teens; as with the previous two bullet points, their presence does not prove ritual abuse and their absence does not disprove it.

[furiousgoldfish]

I finished reading "Becoming Yourself: Overcoming Mind Control and Ritual Abuse" by Alison Miller, and it was filled with incredibly useful information for those who struggle with a dissociative identity disorder. It was also filled with descriptions of some of the most extreme and atrocious kinds of abuse, so to anyone wanting to read it, there's a trigger warning for cult abuse, rituals, childhood sexual abuse, satanic rituals, child trafficking, child murder, brainwashing, mind control, and every form of religion used against the mind of a child.

I was reading this book to figure out if I had gone thru any kind of abuse of the sort, and I didn't, one of my abusers was utilizing religion against me and had done enough of brainwashing to construct several brainwashed and controlled parts, who were still under the influence, but that was it. The book is extremely clear and it will not confuse you about what happened to you, it tells you the intention behind every type of abuse, and often, how to resolve the results. The books also notes that the word 'alter' is triggering to those who went thru ritual abuse and developed a dissociative identity disorder, for similarity with the word 'altar', which is used in rituals, so they prefer to use the terms 'insiders' and 'parts', which I found to enjoy as well.

One of the repeating points in the first half of the book was on insiders who pretend to be something else, for instance, insiders who pretend to be your abusers, pretend to be demons, pretend to be gods or powerful entities, who believe it's their job to hurt you, or to control you, who are made to bring out consequences if you attempt to act against your abusers. I had something like that in my head, but I had refused to believed it was an insider, because it looked just like a case of 'internalized abusive voice', and I had fought against it viciously and focused on shutting that voice down and keeping it scared, often via imagined torture if it was making me feel anxious. Reading about these other scary entities, who would, when asked, admit to just being an insider pretending, I became curious enough to engage with the abusive voice and ask it, 'are you just an alter pretending'? The voice laughed at me and admitted to being found out, and then promptly stopped pretending and showed themselves as a child part. It took me several weeks to admit to myself that this was real, because it was mortifying. I had fallen for the trick, and even tortured a child part for doing their assigned job – this part now believed their only function was to be tortured. I feel responsible for that. But there was no way for me to know. Insiders are good at keeping up a pretense.

You can sometimes recognize that an entity in your head that is scaring you, claiming to be able to control you or triggering you on purpose, or pretending to be evil, demonic, terrifying, animalistic, powerful, magical, godly, is actually a child part, just because they often act the version of that thing that a child would believe is real. If your entity is often repeating the same lines, only knows 1 way of behaviour and has predictive responses, believes to be your abuser or something similar to it, doesn't follow any real-life logic and seems to belong to another world that a child would think is accurate, then it's likely a child part, for some reason programmed or brainwashed to believe they're what they're pretending to be. I should note that when children think of these scary entities, they're often very creative, and put their whole heart in it, so it's going to be an entity that is engaging, feels powerful, doesn't back down easily. Parts who pretend to be evil or demonic will sometimes cling to what they think they are very dearly and will not allow themselves to think of themselves as humans or children, this is for their own emotional protection. All they had in their childhood was being tough. They cannot let that go.

Another incredibly useful information I got from the book was on how to process trauma if you are a multiple. I had never seen instructions on how to do this before, and I'm going to share them in another post that should be posted right after this one, and I'll put a link to it here.

[creature-wizard]

The fact that people like Ellen P. Lacter and Alison Miller looked at the publications of Svali, who was essentially a rando on the Internet putting out New World Order conspiracy theory content, and went "yeah, I'll take her word on the alter programming stuff" should tell you everything you need to know about the beliefs and goals of RAMCOA-SIG and the ISSTD.

[mportality]

alison miller (and dianna agron) drive me insane.. if you're interested in another dianna movie where she plays a girl kisser, there's bare. the movie is lowkey ass but the camera work does a pretty good job and also baby lesbian dianna agron where she has sex with a woman high in the desert!!

— 🪽

i’m watching so many things rn, but i’ll defo add it to my watch list !!

currently watching glee n outer banks, but i’ll watch it now bc its a movie 😋

[supreme-99]

[furien]

Niemand würde freiwillig solche schrecklichen Geschichten erfinden, und niemand, der solche Geschichten nicht erleben musste, würde diese als eigene Erfahrungen annehmen und sich selbst mit Pseudoerinnerungen sadistischen Missbrauchs quälen, wenn er/sie die Möglichkeit hätte, ein normales Leben zu leben.

[tate-nova]

i made a pretty good edit, im proud of it

[in-love-with-movies]

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018)

[yameoto]

need her carnally after a long shift at work after she’s woken up at the asscrack of dawn. piling into your car getting dirt over the leather. muscles on fire and dumping her sweat drenched hoodie into the backseat. peeling the fabric away from toned arms and flexing muscles. slumping into you when you get home, something hot and heavy and wanting.

“fuck. missed you so bad today, baby.” she groans into the crook of your neck, already crawling into your lap and pinning you down—all strong thighs and calloused, clumsy palms. she’s getting you and your sofa all dirty. grimy from crushed brick and grease and sweat. she can’t bring herself to care. hell, you can’t bring yourself to care. not when she’s rubbing herself up on you like she’s staking a claim. scenting you like a dog, hands hooking the hem of your sweatpants. closercloser closer. she needs you closer.

she’s just worked a 12-hour shift, baking in the sun, and she certainly smells like it. earthy and heady and the thought of the state of her briefs—sticking damp and hot to her crotch, gets you riled up like something stupid. god, you love a woman who can get her hands dirty. she knows it, too—mumbles “freak.” into your mouth in between sloppy kisses when you ghost your hand along the dank, soaked fabric. she grunts. bucks her hips. and your fingers come away glistening, and you haven’t even slipped them inside. her whine is plaintive. muffled by tongue and teeth and groping hands; squeezing your tits n palming your cunt before sliding up your waist, all while she ruts against your thigh. taking taking taking because otherwise if she doesn’t soak all of this up in .5 seconds flat she’ll drop dead from exhaustion. then, she’ll wake up again, to another shift, and another 12 hours of not seeing you and not being able to nose cheekily up your shirt or curl along your back like a boa constrictor and she thinks she might just die unless she has her fill of you to keep her going. “wan’ you. needa be inside you.” pants into your ear. and who are you to deny her? her stupidly sexy rasp and the way her fingers weakly tug at your waistband. her eyes beginning to cloud over, already, eyelids slipping, drowsy. you think she might doze off mid-fuck, if you’re not careful. will love her all the same, anyway.

[serqphites]

thinking thoughts of ALISON MILLER coming home from work and finding u in agony because of ur period (yes this is a complete self insert) ᡣ𐭩

—✦—✦—✦—✦—✦—✦—✦—✦—✦—✦—✦—✦—✦—✦—✦—✦—

imagine her coming home after an excruciatingly long day of work, sweat and grime clinging to her as she enters your home. god is she ready to complain about her day and crawl up into your lap until-

“hon? r’you okay?” all previous thoughts of her shitty day simply fall from my mind, now being replaced by concerning thoughts as she notices you hunched over in the kitchen. your hands grip at the side of the dinner table, knuckles pure white and head held low as you slowly rock your hips from side to side.

“cramps- won’t stop-“ is all you can manage to muster up the energy to say, breaths coming in sharp bursts. alison’s hands are snaking around your waist within seconds, her body melting into your own and matching your sways as she nuzzles her face into the back of your neck.

“c’mere” with her hands remaining on your hips, she slowly begins guiding you towards the couch, taking you the whole way and keeping you upright before helping you to get comfortable on the sofa. “did you take anything for it?” jesus christ her voice is so gentle, croaky and deep sure, but gentle.

you nod your head as she moves to sit next to you, leaning backwards and spreading her legs before pulling you to lay your back against her front; through gritted teeth you answer her worries, “yeah, waiting for it to kick in.”

without another word, ali nods as your body relaxes atop her own, her calloused and grimy hands worming their way underneath your shirt to allow her to begin massaging you in just the right spots. despite her big and tough exterior, she’s still so so so fucking gentle with you, all she ever wants is to keep her girl safe and happy. the entirety of her very soul is fully devoted to you, sworn to always love and care for you until her dying breath. that is what marriage is all about, right? it’s about keeping your woman satisfied, making sure she’s all taken care of and never has to work a single day in her life, is it not? well, it is to alison anyways.

her touch is almost as gentle as her raspy voice as she mumbles comforting words into your ear, “you’re s’bloated babe” and she’s chuckling quietly, “it’ll kick in soon don’t worry” soft kisses are pressed to your temple, “you need anything? hot water bottle or somethin’?” her eyes are fluttering closed as she speaks to you, her exhaustion from a hard days working painfully obvious, but she doesn’t care. as long as you’re uncomfortable, she’s fine losing sleep. as if she could ever even begin to think about resting if she knows that you’re struggling in any way, shape or form.

[mischiefmanifold]

Common Characteristics of the Personality Systems of Mind-Control Survivors*

An internal structure or a complex inner world in which the alters are placed

Trained alters with "jobs"

A "dump" for alters who have proved uncooperative and so are of no use to the perpetrators

A hierarchy of alters

Observer and recorder/reporter alters who know and can report everything that has happened to the system

A security system, including punishments for disobedience

Gatekeeper alters

Internal filing systems for memories, especially of training sessions

Alters who believe that they are animals, aliens, or demons

Deliberately created introjects (internal copies) of the perpetrators (i.e. there are memories of their deliberate creation)

Internal calendars with "jobs" to be done on certain dates

Spinner alters who send out feelings or impulses to the rest of the system

Deliberately placed "triggers" for learned behaviors or symptoms ("programs")

Recycling of memories and reappearance of trained behaviors

"Booby traps" of despair or suicidality triggered by talking about the abuse

Reported use of tricks and technologies in training

Alison Miller, Healing the Unimaginable (Pages 45 and 46)

* Please note that having one or a couple of these things does not necessarily mean that you are a victim of TBMC programming. For example, introjects of abusers are incredibly common in CDDs.

[furiousgoldfish]

How to process trauma as a multiple (a person with dissociative identity disorder, OSDD or DID), taken from the book "Becoming Yourself: Overcoming Mind Control and Ritual Abuse" by Alison Miller.

First part of processing trauma as a multiple is that you need all of the parts that are holding some memory of that event; you need the pain holders, the sensation holders, anyone who was present or saw what happened, anyone who holds even a tiny bit of memory or pain or sight or sound, needs to cooperate in order for the trauma to be processed correctly. Unprocessed trauma can be used to trigger you, to trigger your parts, in case of mind control even to control their actions, it can cause emotional flashbacks, make you feel like you're re-living it or are stuck in it, often some parts will be stuck in the moment and unable to get out. In order to process it, the trauma needs to be put back together from all of the parts, and then processed only cognitively – meaning, without any emotion or sensation involved, just seeing and realizing what had happened to you, and with what results for your life. Then, you can introduce emotion and sensation to it, and your brain can make correct connections to what kind of feeling and pain was caused by what event, and store that information properly. Once you have all of the event completely understood and all of the emotions linked to the events they were caused by, the memory should be complete and able to get stored in the long-term memory side of the brain, where it will finally start fading, like normal memories do. Once it's there, it's unable to cause any more emotional flashbacks, panic attacks, or trauma symptoms, it would become a regular memory.

Now, how to do this when you're a multiple and you have many different insiders holding parts of that trauma, a lot of them unwilling to uncover what their part of it is, some of them holding just some of the sensation and some of the pain and unaware of the rest? What needs to be done is explaining to each of them what you're planning to do, and persuading them to give their part of the memory or feeling that they're holding, because it's going to make the burden of it lighter, and they will not be judged or punished for it. For some people, this will mean working around with other parts, that are assigned to punish certain parts for showing emotion or revealing information – they also need to be persuaded to not punish or sabotage the process. The book claims you don't even need to know all of the alters, just ask who has any part of the memory and persuade them, with explanations and benefits to what you're doing, to participate.

Once you have them all in, you need to get a big box, or a treasure chest, or a big bucket, or it can be a storage box, and you tell them to put all of the emotions, sensations, pain, fear, panic, anxiety, grief, anger, sexual feelings, bonds, love, shock, terror, anything they might be holding from that event, to put that feeling into the box. I was surprised to find out I could do this, because I've never done anything like it, but I could easily feel relief when every single sensation got sealed in the box, it was almost unbelievable. Then, you all sit together in front of a projector, or a television, or in my case, I physically transported us all in front of the event, so that we could watch it all happen. This way, all parts get a complete memory of the event, and awareness of what actually transpired, instead of the small part they were holding onto. First time you watch the memory, you watch it without any feelings or bodily sensations, all of that is in the box, and if you start feeling something, you pause, and put that feeling into the box, to continue watching the event using only the cognitive side of your brain. That is the only way you can get a good idea of what happened, without getting completely overwhelmed with sensations and pain. For the memory I was processing, I even cut the sound out and put it in the box, because it was less painful to see it without hearing it.

After seeing it once, you introduce feelings, little by little, and you don't need to feel it all in full extent. It's enough to add a little bit of feeling only to help your brain to connect it to the event. Just to link whatever discomfort, pain, sensation, grief and shock is related to the event at hand, it doesn't need to be felt in full all over again. You watch the memory again and again, until you're able to connect every sensation and emotion to it's cause. If there's any part of the memory missing, any sensation or information or feeling that you can't recall, you ask what part has got it, and ask them to put it in, to find out just what is hiding in that trauma.

When you're sure as you can be that every memory is back in it's place, you talk to all the parts to hear their version of how it felt and what they're feeling and thinking about it. You see what information they've gained from it, and how it changes their view of their function, or their life experience. If some are in grief, shock or terror, you make sure to offer them comfort and bring them back from the despair of it, and show them that other, different things happen in the future, that protect you from anything like that happening again.

After you've managed to do this, you can put the entire memory into the box (or treasure chest, or bucket, or whatever you feel is most appropriate), with a little opening for the chance that some other part of it will come up and need to join the memory, and the box can be stored as a processed memory. This should help your brain to store it as a long-term memory and for it to stop causing trauma symptoms.

I unfortunately have not been able to complete processing a single memory this way yet, because I keep missing parts and pieces, and parts holding them will not come up or cooperate with me, but I am hopeful that figuring out more about my parts and system will eventually enable me to process trauma properly. The information on how to do it gave me options to do things I couldn't do before. For instance, I could approach my child insiders who are stuck in the past, and show them the events of me running away from the abusers, having another place I can live in, show them that different future is possible and that freedom is possible. For those who've been brainwashed, I've been able to show them the events where the person who brainwashed them later abandoned them, ceased their function, and later distanced themselves to the point where they no longer recognize my voice or my face. (This sadly, only put my child insider into deep grief because they depended on that abuser for having a purpose and they're now just upset full time.)

I'm sharing this for the chance that someone else needs this and can use this information. I've never seen it laid out like this before. The examples shown in the book told the story of people taking a few years to intensively work on processing trauma, and then overcoming the symptoms of ptsd, which I find incredible and hard to even believe, having the ptsd symptoms for over 10 years now.

If anyone needs this book and is currently unable to buy it, I'm willing to share the pdf privately.

[creature-wizard]

People will be like, "RAMCOA isn't just rebranded Satanic Panic! It's totally different!" and then you go to the websites of the RAMCOA """experts""" and you find them literally citing people like Dr. Lawrence Pazder.

[mportality]

soo..

just finished hollow in the land and lord. (a great movie btw)

Dianna Agron the woman she is🙏🏽