#might do one for a future apathy

[777heavengirl]

kitchen

remus lupin x reader one-shot ! warnings: my beta reader rated it 12/10 angst, do with that what you will. word count: 2,889 masterlist a/n: this is so sad. this is rlly just me partly reflecting my break up onto Remus i AM SO SORRY IN ADVANCE.

You stared at the side of Remus’s face as he talked with James. Your brother ever the animated man, waved his arms around and spoke excitedly, to which Remus could only muster small chuckles and low-toned responses. 

You knew he was tired. 

Work was tiring. 

The moon was tiring. 

His body was tired. 

Part of you was still left with a bitter aftertaste from his apathy. You pressed a kiss against his bicep.

Remus’s lips pressed into a thin line resembling a smile. You knew it meant he was itching to leave. But you didn’t move. You sat, and stared, at him, at James, at Lily. At nothing at all. You laughed when they did, and put your hand on his forearm as to remind yourself of the spark between you. To remind yourself that he was here, with you and that he loved you.

That you loved him too.

You wondered if he had always been this way. Had you just been too in love to notice the apathy? The way he seemed to not even try to reciprocate any energy? Were you just being too needy? 

Was James not bothered by his friend’s lack of emotion? 

You and Remus had too much history. You could not remember what life was like without being with him. It had been years. Years of running up and down behind your twin brother and his friends, years of hands intertwined with Remus’s, kisses first shared in the dark— Merlin forbid your brother found out at the time. You had been happy. For years. Even with the ups and downs and the mercurial nature of his moods. Maybe lunar is a better word for it.

The waning and waxing phases of the way he felt about the world. You thought that might be the hardest part of it all. 

The way he’d be enthusiastic about the future one week, talking about job postings that had piqued his interest, talking about a future. But other weeks, the dark side of the moon reared its ugly head. He’d be riddled with doubts and fears. Days and weeks were he simply wallowed, days where he haunted your room or your kitchen, for hours. He’d reluctantly go to his muggle job, the monotony of it all bringing his mood down even more.

Weeks like those it was hard. The talks of aspirations went up in a cloud of smoke and you were once again left with nothing.

 He always did say that even though he wasn't sure what he wanted to do, he was sure about you. That you were the one constant in his future. No matter what, it was you. It wasn’t as reassuring as he believed it to be.

You tried not to think about it.

You eventually bid goodbye to your brother and his darling wife. The picture of a perfect family, with a baby on the way, in a small flowering cottage. You itched to ask Remus if he ever wanted that. Did he ever think about it at all?

But, you loved him. That was all that mattered.

Besides, you had real history. Too many years invested. If it wasn’t with him, you were probably just going to end up alone.

You were in love with him for Godric’s sake. Maybe that was the reason you could never choose yourself. 

“Have you given what we talked about some thought?” your words were barely above a whisper, unsure, scared about what his answer could be. You could see him look around uncomfortably. Maybe you should’ve waited until you actually got home not walking through the streets. 

“Y-yeah, I did…” his hand gripped yours tighter as you walked, like you might slip from his fingers “I think I should maybe wait a few weeks…” his shoulders tensed when the sigh inevitably left your lips. “I’m sorry I know it isn't what you wanted to hear but- I don't know if the Ministry would even take me… I did see a new posting for an entry-level in the department of magical creatures maybe I could apply”

“Apply soon yeah”

He nodded silently and you kissed his shoulder to wordlessly tell him thank you, as you walked home from James and Lily’s. Maybe he’d actually do it this time. Maybe one day, he’d see his own potential, he’d see how much farther he could go. 

Maybe someday he’d be brave enough to take a leap and fulfill his promises to you and himself. Maybe one day you’d finally be in a spot to build a family together. Or at least plan for it.

After all, you and Remus had real history. And he promised. Many moons ago.

Your love for him was why it was always so hard to do the right thing. 

Because as soon there was some disagreement, you knew, as much as he did, that no matter how upset you might be with him he could sweep you into his arms and all worry would melt away. 

In the small flat, you and Remus shared, under the warm light of the stray table lamp you’d dance. He’d take you in his arms and move along the soft rhythm of the music he’d put on. He’d kiss your temple and swear and promise.

Shallow words that at this point went in one ear and out the other. Promises of a future together, of applications that would never get done, of steps that would never even be attempted. 

But nevertheless, you forgave. 

You forgave four years of broken promises. You forgave the lack of a ring on your finger. You forgave the lack of planning for the future. You forgave his indifference.

You made yourself think you forgave him.

You tried to forget too.

Tried to forget his lack of ambition because why try when they would never want to hire someone like me? Tried to forget the way your mother had warned you about this a year back. Tried to forget the way Sirius called your phone last month from France, telling you you’d love it there, telling you it was a shame Remus didn’t want to go. How much of a shame it was that you had to miss out on life-changing experiences because Remus couldn't. 

Wouldn’t. 

Same thing.

Sirius called again a few days after you visited your brother.

“Is it raining there? The weather’s shit here at the moment” You ask, staring at the window, the raging storm outside banging against the glass and drowning the usual sight of the street bellow. 

“Meh- could be worse, I reckon it’s starting to warm up soon, so m’pretty excited about that,” He said, you hummed in acknowledgment “Have you talked to Moony again about coming? It really is beautiful in the summer doll— besides you can stay with me for free obviously”

You sighed

“No Sirius, I honestly don't even want to ask I already know how that one will go”

“So what? you’re not vacationing at all?”

“The only place I’m vacationing is in rock bottom Black-” you said, staring at the closed bedroom door. No doubt Remus was taking a small nap. The full moon was approaching.

Sirius tskd’d.

“You know you can always come… by yourself I mean, stay with me for a while”

“Sirius…”

“I know I know… I’m sorry-” Sirius tried laughing it off, the chuckle not lasting long as he asked, “Are you happy at least? With him.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that” You tried fighting the way your eyes seemed to immediately water.

“I fear it’s a pretty straight-up question- yes or no?”

“I don’t know if this is what happy is anymore” you whispered, afraid to state it fully aloud

“Then it isn't. When you’re happy, you know” Sirius sounded somber “You have to do the right thing, whatever is right for you not for him”

“It is never that easy”

“Yes, it is doll. It is always that easy”

You bid him goodbye soon after.

You chalked it off as Sirius not knowing what it was like to be with someone for years. You couldn’t just throw away the past four years of your life just because what? He was tired? He wasn’t putting as much effort as you wanted?

It could be fixed.

You were convinced you’d fix it as Remus trudged out of the room, hair disheveled as he rested his head on your shoulder. A kiss to the crook of your neck.

“Was it Pads?” he mumbled against your skin, you ignored the way you felt caught

“Yes”

“Is he okay?”

“Yes, better than okay”

“I wish we could go to Paris” you tried not breaking down in tears right there and there. 

It was never about money. You could go on brooms for fucks sake. You could portkey right into Sirius’s little French apartment. 

You didn't ask him why not. Why not go? You drowned the question in the tea he eventually handed you. You had always been more of a coffee person, but much like everything else, you sacrificed it for his preference for tea and its calming effects.

You tried your best to fix it, for months. You’d lay down with him after work, card your fingers through his light brown locks, trace his scars while he fought off sleep, press a chaste kiss to his lips before he fell asleep. 

You started calling Sirius more often than not, in hushed whispers. Tears were often spilled. You stopped feeling bad eventually. It was just calling a friend in a time of need. Draining the disappointment you didn't dare throw in Remus’s face. 

He was going through enough.

You continued to hold on to hope.

You’d nudge him along. Try for new jobs, call friends to see if anyone, anyone at all, could find him an in with the ministry.

“He just needs to apply sweetie- this is stupid” Marlene rolled her eyes, her auror uniform casually unbuttoned after her day of work, she twirled the spoon in her tea with a small wave of her finger. “They’re starting these werewolf allocation programs, they make sure they’re given jobs and such…”

“I don't know if he’d like that” You groaned, dropping your face into your hands. You could imagine him already, turning his nose away from any sort of Ministry help.

“Can I ask why he isn’t the one asking me these things?” Marlene said a glint in her eye that let you know she knew the answer already. You looked away.

“Sometimes it's hard to do the right thing Marls”

“You need to do the right thing for yourself”

“Marlene-” you scoffed “Me and Remus just have too much history- how can I ever just choose me? It’s us”

“Maybe it’s time it’s just you” 

You stared at Remus that night, the soft music that played from his muggle radio filling the air between you. You stared at him silently, the curve of his lips, the soft of the apples of his cheeks. The silvery scars that ran across his face. 

You loved him, you did.

But you also did feel the very worst you could feel. No dancing in the kitchen could fix it anymore. No kisses and fake promises could fix it. Not anymore.

As soft as he made you feel, as much history as you had together. You couldn't help the overwhelming need to cry every time you looked at him. 

What the hell was he even doing? What were you doing?

Any plans you had dreamed of with him were now very quickly crumbling in front of your eyes. He continued to silently make tea. You hoped he wouldn't notice the stray tears that managed to escape your eyes.

You and Remus had what your brother always called real history. He just meant it was deeply engrained, in your bones, in your heart. He said it poignantly last time you popped in for a visit. His tone didn’t fail to chip at your heart.

Your years together weren’t something you could erase. Not that you wanted to. 

You were happy with him. Right? You loved him.

Maybe if you just gave him more time. You had graduated Hogwarts a mere two years ago. 

He had always been more than good to you. Even at your lowest. Even at his lowest. He was nothing but gentle and loving.

Maybe. Sometimes, love wasn't enough.

You didn’t say anything as he finished cleaning up the kitchen. He kissed your temple goodnight. You stayed up, staring at the phone line debating on calling Sirius, again. 

“I just don’t know what I should do…” you leaned against the wet metal railing of your balcony, the drops seeping into your pajama pants. You grabbed the base of the phone with one hand, the other holding the receiver up to your ear

“I don’t know why you’re asking me angel, you already know what my answer is going to be”

“Don’t be mean Sirius” he could hear the pout in your voice, and he laughed

“I’m not- you know I love Moony, we’ve been friends for ages but…”

“But?”

“I love you more” You didn’t respond. “And I think you need to love yourself more than you love him too” You could hear him inhale what you guessed was a cigarette

You hummed in acknowledgment, not daring to open your mouth at the fear that sobs would break your words.

“Don’t wear yourself out for someone that isn’t doing the same for you…”

“That’s unfair… he does”

“He forgot a card for your anniversary”

“It was a few days after the full moon…”

“Okay, what about your birthday? Or Christmas for that matter? What? D’you think I’d forget how you called crying? Every single one of those times” He said, you could feel your lip wobbling. “Come to Paris with me-”

“Sirius-”

“Just think about it okay? Promise me you’ll at least do that…”

“Okay, I will—”

“Right… ‘night love,” he said, you muttered a small goodnight “and for the record…” He hesitated for a second, almost as if he shouldn’t say it. Sirius was never one to stay quiet, he did this time. “Nevermind, I love you”

“Love you too Sirius” you answered, head hanging in defeat. The phone call clicked off.

It really wasn’t about Sirius you thought, as you guiltily crawled into bed with your boyfriend. Not about France either. You stared at his sleeping form.

It wasn’t about your and Remus’s history. It didn’t matter how long you had been together if there was no future.

It wasn’t about what your brother or Marlene, or even your mother thought. 

It was about choosing you. 

Right?

“Remus” you padded over and stood next to the small dining table that morning. 

“Yes?” He didn’t look up from his book, a bad habit he had picked up. He was never truly listening when he did that

“Remus have you applied to the job at the Ministry?”

“Mhm? Ministry…” he still didn’t look up, he took a sip of his tea “No I haven't yet, I’ll get around to it though, I just want to take my time with it you know?”

“Its an application how long can it take?” you could feel yourself start getting angry, and you looked away from him. Not that he had looked up to look you in the eyes anyway.

“I just want to give myself the best chance to get in.” he finally looked up from his book, an exasperated look on his face. You refused to meet his eyes “What's wrong with that?”

“You’ve been saying the same thing for ages Remus”

“We’ll I have other things going on— just because you have different ideas about what my progress should look like doesn't mean I’m not doing anything you know? Because I do, I do a lot actually” He said, staring at you as if daring you to deny that he did anything. 

Of course, he worked hard. You could never refute tthat. He moved his eyes down to his book.

You bit your tongue for a second, but the words slipped out nevertheless.

“Remus I don't think we can be together anymore”

“What?” the tone in his voice was nothing short of heartbroken. He searched your face for anything. Any hint that you weren't serious. “No”

Godric it was so hard to do the right thing.

“I don’t think we are on the same page anymore, you say things, you promise but…” you rubbed your temple, you could feel a headache coming “None of those promises ever come true” you sighed, finally looking at him

His eyes were rimmed red.

“You’re right,” he said, defeated, breathless.

“If you know I’m right why didn’t you just do it? I have never asked you for anything else, just for you to apply for yourself Remus, because you had said it was what you wanted”

You and Remus stared at each other. A blank look on his face as he looked at you, his nose red and tears threatening to streak down his cheeks. 

“Can you say something? Anything? Why didn’t you just do it?”

“I don’t know”

“You never know Remus, but I do and I refuse to wait for you to figure it out anymore”

permanent tag ; @laufeysvalentine @heyyyloverr

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[astrosamara]

Astrology Observations #6

Happy Halloween! 🎃🎃🎃

🧡 Sun square Saturn people feel like they need to work twice as hard to achieve success that appears to come more naturally for others. Incredibly hard on themselves if they feel like they're not being productive enough or doing enough, yet they work relentlessly towards their goals and overcoming obstacles. It's hard for them to recognize their achievements or to feel proud of themselves.

🧡 Unaspected planets in the birth chart tend to manifest as a very pure representation of that planet. For example, an unaspected moon can be very emotionally expressive and reactive. Emotions run freely here. An unaspected mars needs to be busy all the time, high stress and aggression can be hard to keep under control, and they can be very competitive.

🧡 The house Venus is in is crucial to understanding someone's values and what they need to feel loved and appreciated. For example, I know a 3rd house Venus who talks to me a lot about how much they can't stand miscommunication and liars. They really value open and honest communication. I plan on creating an in-depth Venus post in the future :)

🧡 This might be an unpopular opinion, but I found my Jupiter return to be pretty underwhelming. I experienced a lot of ease in my life and I feel like I was able to get out of difficult situations pretty quickly, but other than that it wasn't quite what I've seen it made out to be. I've had quite a few people in my life have Jupiter returns recently and it was underwhelming for them as well. It's possible my 12th house profection year and 12th house Saturn transit was overshadowing my Jupiter return though.

🧡When Venus transits my 3rd and 9th houses, I notice I have a stronger desire to travel during these periods. I just want to be out and about and exploring new places and new cities. I'm usually a big homebody, but during these transits I don't feel that as much.

🧡When Sun transits my 8th and 12th houses, this is always the most painful time for me every single year. I just feel a heaviness stronger than usual and a lot of my old wounds get brought up again. This can be a really helpful time to clear out negative energy that's been stagnant for so long and start fresh once the transit ends.

🧡Pisces is by far the most sensitive sign, while Cancer is the most emotional. I feel like a lot of people misinterpret the sensitivity of Pisces as just being sad, but overall they just feel and can pick up on all the energy around them and can even have periods of apathy as a way to cope. I've also known many Pisces that struggle with anger issues as an unhealthy expression of their sensitivity.

🧡With the people you're closest to, you might see them as being their moon sign more than their sun sign. This is because you've likely seen the deepest parts of them that other's don't usually get to see.

🧡The intensity of Aries and Scorpio synastry is next level. Their connections are filled with passion and sexual chemistry. Unfortunately, that lust tends to be all that's really there for them. All that mars energy is quick and hot, but the flame doesn't last forever, unless there's more harmonious synastry between them of course.

🧡I've found 9th house Jupiter people to be incredibly smart and wise beyond their years. They can have a very deep understanding of life and the world around them. Excellent teachers and role models.

🧡I think Saturn conjunct Moon is one of the most challenging aspects to have in a natal chart. There can be this lifelong feeling of being depressed or dissatisfied, like they're cold and empty inside. They can feel disconnected to their feelings and feel emotionally starved because of this. Their mother could have been very strict and unloving and played a huge role in these feelings. Constantly feeling like they're not good enough. Just an overall very harsh placement that I feel for a lot.

🧡I've noticed that water signs tend to be very naturally inclined to spirituality. It can just be something they feel drawn to and resonate with easily. They openly embrace ideas about the universe that most people are skeptical about.

🧡Leo mercuries have the most beautiful talking voices. Their emotions shine through their voices so effortlessly. So charismatic as well. They know how to keep conversations lively.

🧡I've known so many Aquarius risings and all of them have this "goofy" persona about them that's hard to even fully describe. They just love to be a little bit silly. They also pride themselves super strongly on being unique from others. It really bothers them to feel like they're in a box or a stereotype of any sorts.

[cuppajj]

Beast Ancients AU FAQ

I’ve seen a lot of asks in my inbox that are identical to each other, so I decided to put em all in one post and then some. This’ll be updated the more I develop the AU and the more info we get.

As a disclaimer, I am very new to CRK (as of December 2023) and I haven’t gotten to all the game or story modes yet (notably odyssey), so things are definitely bound to change + be elaborated on more! Anyway without further ado:

General

What are the Beast Ancients’ themes?

Vanilla is Penance, Lily is Sovereignty, Dragonberry is Pride, Cacao is Solitude, and Cheese is Conquest. I tried to keep them within the realm of their original meanings

Essentially my philosophy is: Penance is the acknowledgment (truth) that sins such as deceit exist in the world and must be cleansed. Sovereignty is an extreme form of freedom where one can have all the agency they wish, but can be just as silent about their presence/power as well. Pride is a byproduct of passion or sloth, boiling down to the adamancy of the subject. Solitude is a choice made with both resolution and apathy in various degrees, and lastly Conquest promises an abundant future at the cost of untold destruction.

If the ancients are bad, are the beasts good?

No, the old Beasts are still a threat. With a total of ten beasts to worry about, the situation on Earthbread is very dire. However, there is still hope left, and hope can go a long way.

Is there a new set of ancient heroes with soul jams?

No, and there likely won’t be. The Neo Beasts and first Beasts still have their respective soul jam halves, and both want each other’s.

Where’s Gingerbrave and his party?

Likely the Crème Republic, which becomes a refuge for many cookies after the rise of the neo beasts. They’re at the front of the resistance movement, working with Clotted Cream Cookie to plan how the beasts will be taken down.

What do the Neo Beasts think of their past selves?

Generally they see themselves as improved or improving. The only one who doesn’t feel that way is Frigid Cacao, who doesn’t reflect on himself that often.

Did they all corrupt at the same time?

Still working on that part. The timeline for beast ancients is a WIP, but for now, it’s likely that while they didn’t corrupt at once, they corrupted pretty close to one another. Cheese was likely first, followed by Lily. Vanilla was among the last to fall and evidently had it the worst.

Do the Neo Beasts still have kingdoms? How is life like there?

Answered here

What are the cookies of darkness doing?

As of writing (5/31/24) we don’t have a lot of info on the cookies of darkness in beast yeast, but at the very least I can say Dark Enchantress cookie may or may not know about Midnight Lily’s plan to destroy her.

How would legendaries react?

I admittedly don’t know everything about the legendaries to say yet, but they’re all alarmed to some degree. I can flesh them out the more I learn about them

Individual Neo Beast questions under cut!

Saint Vanilla Cookie

How do his powers work?

Answered here

Does he know he’s killing cookies?

Nope, he doesn’t see it as that and it would pain him to. He sees purification as a form of transition or ascension in itself, to put it simply; he might even envy those he turns to stardust, knowing his own tainted soul will be so much harder to liberate.

Why is he constantly crying?

He’s just like that. He’s just that big of an empath.

Has his relationship with Lily changed?

Saint Vanilla still cares very much about Lily, and may even be more open about his feelings towards her; but he admits the only reason why she’s still alive is because she convinced him to leave her for last. Lily very well knows that Vanilla, in his mind, wants to purify her more than anyone else. Vanilla often pities her choice to stew in her tainted soul, but he respects her decision… at least the alternative is that they’ll someday be the only two cookies on Earthbread.

What happened to Black Raisin?

As the very first to witness his rise, she inadvertently became his very first martyr.

Where’s Custard Cookie III?

With his relatives in the Crème Republic, alongside the rest of Gingerbrave’s party. The kid has a hard time wrapping his head around what happened to Pure Vanilla, and it may be a blessing that he’s been largely focused on worrying about the well being of his uncle, Clotted Cream Cookie. As the head of the resistance, he’s been working tirelessly… is this what a king goes through too?

Shadow Milk’s opinion on Saint?

To put it simply, he starts out thinking that a confused Vanilla will be easy to manipulate, but he soon finds out that Saint Vanilla is way smarter and more aware than made out to be. He knows Shadow Milk is with him, and he wants to purge him from his soul; but that is a process that may be harder than anything else. So in the meantime, Shadow Milk can watch as he continues on his path of Penance towards ascension, fighting back the resistance he creates before it can truly harm him. Essentially, Saint Vanilla isn’t trapped with Shadow Milk, Shadow Milk is trapped with Saint Vanilla.

Dragonberry Cookie

Is the skull on her head real?

Yes! It comes from a nondescript monster.

If Pitaya is imprisoned, where is Snapdragon?

With Tarte Tatin and/or Royal Margarine. Dragon City likely got taken over by Dragonberry’s kingdom, but they noped out of there as it happened. The two of them might’ve been the first few to recognize Hollyberry’s spiral into corruption and where it was headed

How is her family doing?

Alright for the most part, but they can feel Dragonberry’s influence in every aspect of their life now. While Royal and Jungleberry are technically still the king and queen, it’s only a figurehead role as Dragonberry is the true ruler. She still cares about her family very much, but she’s controlling and good at keeping them under her thumb. Dragonberry’s granddaughter Princess Cookie is the only one who objects this new way of life, and runs away from the palace.

How would the other dragons react?

The other dragons aren’t canon to CRK so they’re not canon to the au by extension, but just for this question, they’d be different levels of alarmed or concerned save for maybe Longan. I could see Ananas wanting a word with Dragonberry in particular esp since they’re both prideful cookies

Frigid Cacao Cookie

Does he ever go outside?

Very rarely, but it’s usually to observe the licorice sea or meet with the few denizens he has left.

Where is Dark Choco?

Still working on this part (waiting for Apathy pt 2 to come out so I have a better idea), but he’s likely alone by himself. He heard wind of his father’s corruption though and took it less well than he thought he would. Perhaps he’ll run into someone who feels the same?

Is his permafrost truly permanent or can the frozen citizens be thawed?

Technically yes, the permafrost can be thawed, but it’s a meticulous process since Cacao’s ice isn’t normal ice. It’s a cure that Crunchy Chip is looking for to save Caramel Arrow.

How does the licorice sea work for him and how did he come to tame it?

I can’t say how yet outside of the fact that it was a definitely cool and heroic thing for Dark Cacao to do, on the scale of taming the Black and White dragons. The sea, arguably a sentient monster in itself, and all of the creatures within it came to follow Cacao and Cacao only. Now it almost acts like an extension of himself: the beast can make the sea do whatever he wants, like acting as his shield, arms, or barrier, and the licorice horrors will vehemently defend him. There are tons of monsters roaming his frozen kingdom now.

Mystic Flour’s opinion on Cacao?

Working on it, but to some degree she knows Cacao is much stronger than he looks. She might see his apparent apathy for his frozen kingdom with fondness though.

Celestial Cheese Cookie

Is the Golden City still running or did she leave it to die?

It may still be running but in a scaled-down beta form. Cheese learned to accept the fact that what she’d built was entirely fake, but she didn’t move on from regaining what was lost. Her virtual Golden City serves as a blueprint for the kingdom she wants on Earthbread, and then some; with nothing in the barren desert to grow her kingdom, her brightened eyes turn elsewhere towards civilizations that could be brought into the fold. Such is the beginning of the Beast of Conquest’s terror.

She does sometimes visit her golden city, only sometimes. It doesn’t look the same; it’s not a paradise for her to escape to, but it is a promise of what she will have someday. This time, it will be no mirage, and there will be no one to threaten its destruction ever again.

Midnight Lily Cookie

What is her opinion on dark enchantress cookie?

DE is the source of insecurity for Lily, who regards herself as the weakest among all the beasts. Because she’s half of a complete whole, who was already half of another whole, she is passionate about reuniting her souls. While she is focused on expanding the influence of the faerie kingdom, her true goal is to track down Dark Enchantress Cookie and destroy her; but she knows she will need more help than just herself, and has considered asking for help from other vengeful allies.

Does she still guard the silver tree?

Yes, she still fiercely honors Elder Faerie’s wishes.

Have her relationships with the other neo beasts changed?

Ish, most notably her and Celestial Cheese are a little more on speaking terms; but they’re connecting through their potential partnership as Lily hopes she can help her take down Dark Enchantress. In return, she might help her expand her kingdom and take down Burning Spice.

If more FAQs come up, I will make a part two. Thank you for your interest!

[thatsonemorbidcorvid]

“Many dozens of respondents on the receiving end of flaking ascribed the phenomenon to growing levels of social fragmentation because of social media and smartphones, a general sense of apathy in the population and an increasing normalisation of inconsiderate behaviour in the interest of personal needs and desires…

Although some conceded that widespread precarity and poor health were factors, many accused friends of treating their friendships as if they are transactions they felt entitled to withdraw from or invest in as it suited them, and of using stress or their mental health as an excuse to escape personal accountability…

One volunteer organiser for a non-profit from Canada said the number of no-shows to his events had increased several-fold. “At one point,” he said, “I scheduled a lecture with 45 registrants, only to have three arrive.”

“[What drives flaking?] I think a culture that encourages people to be increasingly inward looking, always thinking about themselves, how they feel, what they want,” said Fiona, 40, from Dublin. “People don’t seem to think about how flaking might disappoint or hurt the feelings of their friends. Their thinking seems to only go as far as ‘ugh, I’m not in the mood’.”

“I have noticed a rise in people cancelling plans,” said Tim, 44, a solicitor from Canberra, Australia. “It can be annoying, but I also understand the feeling of something seeming like a good idea when it is in the future, then not feeling like going [on the day]. I have adjusted my mindset so I almost expect 50% of [everyday] social plans not to happen.”

Tim was among people from the UK, the US, Australia and elsewhere who shared with the Guardian how they experienced “flaking” – the cancelling of plans at often short notice owing to not being in the mood, feeling demotivated or tired, or wanting to do something else instead – a phenomenon that many felt had become more prevalent.

“I think the main driver of flaking is that everyone is burnt out,” Tim said. “I feel like I am under constant communication bombardment. Most social events are planned for the evening or weekend, which is the precise time you just want a break from people. I definitely have stronger feelings of not wanting to do things when the time comes.”

Like countless threads about flaking on platforms such as Reddit, people shared how friends and family members had, often at the last minute, dropped out of smaller everyday occasions such as lunch dates and long-planned gatherings – trips and concerts, but also birthdays, weddings and funerals.

Many dozens of respondents on the receiving end of flaking ascribed the phenomenon to growing levels of social fragmentation because of social media and smartphones, a general sense of apathy in the population and an increasing normalisation of inconsiderate behaviour in the interest of personal needs and desires.

Being able to just send a quick text to cancel, various people said, meant people did not have to face those they stood up and incentivised late cancellations.

Although some conceded that widespread precarity and poor health were factors, many accused friends of treating their friendships as if they are transactions they felt entitled to withdraw from or invest in as it suited them, and of using stress or their mental health as an excuse to escape personal accountability.

Various professional event organisers and business owners who responded to the callout also reported a rise in no-shows post-Covid – for commitments such as dentist and hairdresser’s appointments, ticketed events, job interviews or business meetings.

One volunteer organiser for a non-profit from Canada said the number of no-shows to his events had increased several-fold. “At one point,” he said, “I scheduled a lecture with 45 registrants, only to have three arrive.”

“[What drives flaking?] I think a culture that encourages people to be increasingly inward looking, always thinking about themselves, how they feel, what they want,” said Fiona, 40, from Dublin. “People don’t seem to think about how flaking might disappoint or hurt the feelings of their friends. Their thinking seems to only go as far as ‘ugh, I’m not in the mood’.”

Like others, Fiona harboured concerns that “the acceptance of flakiness might contribute to the growth of loneliness in society”.

“Increasingly with gen Z and millennials there is a fetishisation of introversion,” said Andrew, 23, from Brisbane who works in telecoms sales. “Web comics and memes make a moral comparison to extroverts, who are supposedly loud, obnoxious people. Introverts are [depicted as] moral people who own cats and crochet. But our generation is also experiencing record high loneliness, so I think we shouldn’t praise choosing loneliness or celebrate [extreme levels of] introversion.”

On the other end of the spectrum were dozens of respondents who reported that they were increasingly cancelling plans themselves, with many of them saying this was the result of permanent exhaustion, work stress, poor mental health or a lack of funds.

Many from this camp said they felt no need any longer to apologise for prioritising their personal needs over those of others. “I would argue that these are all reasons why flakiness is not actually people cancelling for no reason, but a legitimate response to how society is now structured and the lifestyles we lead,” said Bethan, from Yorkshire.

A woman from Canada called Tabitha described the concept of flakiness as “ableist”. “People aren’t ‘flaky’ for prioritising their mental and physical health instead of ‘roughing it out’ to attend inconsequential things,” she said.

“I have noticed a rise in ‘flaking’ but it’s been welcome, and I’ve certainly been a perpetrator,” said a 43-year-old artist from Melbourne. “There’s been a sense of absolute understanding and relief.”

Few people, she said, wanted to go out these days. “Fewer people drink, the cost of living is high and everyone has a mountain of responsibilities, not to mention burnout and anxiety. Unless it’s a significant birthday or wedding, I’m not quite sure why one would agree to gather in the first place. These days I’ll take any excuse to cancel last-minute and it feels like self-care.”

A 35-year-old architect and small business owner from Perth said: “When I get flaked on, I feel relieved that I have an excuse to not have to leave the house. I have always wanted to be a flaky person, but society didn’t let me. Now that [many others] have given up, I feel like I let myself go, too.

“I love my friends and I do want to catch up with them – but I wish I could do so from the comfort of my own bed.” She did “feel bad”, she said, “for all the social butterflies that are getting their going out dreams crushed.”

A number of people referenced the feeling that attending social gatherings no longer yielded the “rewards” it used to in the past, with costs having increased and other participants being tired or disinterested.

Libby, 70, a retired healthcare professional from Western Australia, worried about flaky behaviour threatening people’s reputations, friendships and social cohesion, and raised concerns about “very short-term thinking” becoming the norm.

A family member, she said, had been a no-show for a close family wedding. “They gave zero notice. When I confronted her, she was totally unapologetic. Her mother pretty much told me she’d been invited to a weekend away with friends, a more attractive offer, apparently. I have lost all respect for them.”

Many of those who complained about flaky friends and family said it had substantially affected their self-esteem and trust in people, with various people saying they had stopped organising gatherings entirely because of the “logistical nightmare” of increasing numbers of people dropping out or wanting to amend plans multiple times to suit their needs better.

“I’m not sure if flakers see that their flaking eats away at the basic fabric of the friendship. At the end of the day, all relationships are built on trust, and to flake, constantly at least, is to break that trust,” said Tristan, 38, from Surrey who works in film production.

“People just feel like they don’t owe anybody anything any more, but they also just don’t want the scrutiny of others,” said a graduate in her late 20s from Devon.

“Everyone can upload things to their [social media] profiles that’ll make them look like they’re on top of the world, but these curated images aren’t real and wouldn’t hold up in conversation at a party. It’s all really unhealthy.”

Many mourned the loss of longstanding friends who, various people felt, had harmed themselves and others by retreating from their social obligations.

“I think many people who feel generally good about having become more flaky don’t realise that they are slowly manoeuvring themselves off the pitch,” said Lara, 37, a business consultant from London.

Her old university friendship group, she said, had originally been very diverse, a mix of high achievers and dreamers, extroverts and introverts. Over the past few years however, the group had gradually shrunk as some people had “excluded themselves” by routinely withdrawing from social events.

“Those of us who still meet up regularly – we started off as drinking buddies in halls, but today we flag professional or even romantic opportunities to each other, recommend investment strategies, doctors, childminders, schools, contractors, affordable holiday rentals ... It’s mostly a support group that helps us all navigate life better, and many of us have been thriving to a significant degree because we stayed in it.”

Several respondents described their increasing inability to keep an appointment as “self-sabotage”, among them Kevin, a 39-year-old researcher from Vancouver, Canada, who felt defensive but also ambivalent about his behaviour.

Flaking allowed him, he said, to avoid situations that required him to address personal issues and conflict. “It has taken me ages to begin to accept this about myself, but I hate making plans and regret it almost every time,” he said.

Kevin blamed people’s growing tendency to cancel on ever-increasing amounts of “labour” – both “actual hours worked” as well as historically high levels of “shadow work” for consumers, such as assembling furniture, pumping gas or self-checkouts.

“Then factor in all the garbage we have to do on our phones now – how many hours a month do we spend creating online accounts and downloading apps and managing bugs and making complaints, just to park the car or order groceries?”

Worsening public services, he felt, also forced people to do more childcare, eldercare and self-care. “So that person is supposed to show up for a park walk with an acquaintance on a rainy Tuesday evening because they said they would? Nah.”

“It’s really terrible,” said Ellie, an interpreter from London in her 30s. “I loved my old friends, but they used to stand me up all the time. After years of progressively worsening levels of flakiness since the pandemic, to the point where nobody invited me ever and nobody turned up when I organised something, I realised I needed different, more resilient friends – people with the capacity to give. It’s scary to think about where all this will end.”

[anthurak]

Something I think is very much worth considering when analyzing the oppressive, classist societal system we’re seeing in Helluva Boss, most notably in the latest episode:

Satan is not really a ‘tyrant’ in the way I think a lot of people have started viewing him as. At least, he’s NOT some ‘usurper’ who has ‘seized power’ in Lucifer’s absence and now ‘rules with an iron fist’ with no one powerful enough to stand against him. For one, I think it’s pretty clear that this position as the ‘Lawman of Hell’ is a role that Satan has always held, even before Lucifer left.

Rather, let’s consider the fact that while Satan might be the one enforcing this oppressive system, he is FAR from the only one supporting or BENEFITING from it.

We have Mammon, possibly Leviathan, and basically the ENTIRE Goetia royalty who are clearly in FULL, enthusiastic support of this system.

Meanwhile Leviathan and Belphagor (assuming the former isn’t in full support of this system like Mammon) seem to be either too apathetic or too blissed out to really care, which likely also applies to pretty much any ‘not enthusiastically classist/racist’ Goetia as well.

Which just leaves Asmodeous and Beelezbub and MAYBE a handful of Goetia like Vassago who actually DO care and want to do something to help.

Really, I think the ‘vote’ we saw this episode is a clear demonstration of why there is only so much Ozzie and Bee can actually do. They are outnumbered, even among their fellow Sins.

I think it’s not so much that Satan ‘seized’ power in Lucifer’s absence. Rather, without Lucifer there is no one to truly CHECK the power that Satan already has. Sure, maybe a majority of the other Sins might be able to do that as well, but as we see, THAT isn’t happening either.

Satan is not some all-powerful tyrant running an oppressive system. While he may be considered the ‘face’ of that system, he is simply the enforcer of an oppressive system run by many powerful people who benefit from it. With any in power who might want to change things being too few to really do anything about it.

This is why I feel like what we are seeing here is not so much setup for conflict in Helluva Boss, but rather setup for a future plotline in Hazbin Hotel.

Because unlike Blitzo, Stolas or even Ozzie and Bee, CHARLIE is in fact someone who COULD do something about all this.

Even without Lucifer’s help (who I imagine will be indisposed due to other factors for the sake of not making all this TOO easy), Charlie DOES have the influence, charisma and if all else fails the raw strength to actually change things.

Whether by giving Asmodeus and Beelzebub the support they need, snapping/slapping Belphagor and Leviathan out of whatever detached apathy they’re in or maybe just giving Satan, Mammon and the entire Goetia court a brutal ass-kicking.

Probably all of the above.

All in all, I think Satan is a really great example of an antagonistic character who is very much A 'bad guy', but at the same time is not THE 'Bad Guy'. In the thematic sense that Satan is very much part of the oppressive system yet is very much NOT the root cause of it.

And in the narrative sense; both short-term in the fact that Andrealphus is very much the actual 'main bad guy' of this episode, and in the long-term of Satan likely being much more of an antagonist for Charlie in Hazbin Hotel, rather than anyone in Helluva Boss.

[rebelspykatie]

Part 3

ao3 - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5

Eddie’s pretty sure he’s never thought about kissing another guy. He rarely thinks about kissing anybody. For the longest time, he was convinced that no one would ever want to kiss him, so he never saw the point in dwelling on it. 

But maybe that was unusual. He might have mistaken his apathy for normalcy when really he’s the freak. The average person probably thinks about kissing an awful lot. He’s listened to Jeff talk about asking out Lacy from his calculus class and Gareth go on and on about how unfair it is that he can’t make out with his boyfriend behind the bleachers to know that the average high schooler is pretty horny. 

Yet, Eddie’s childhood wasn’t littered with school yard crushes. There aren’t fond memories of girls that he imagined sneaking off with during lunch period or recess. There’s just…nothing. A part of that was his rocky childhood and jumping from his parents, to just his dad, to Wayne. But a lot of it was pure disinterest in the hottest girl in their grade growing breasts before all the other girls, or how tenth grade Mandy would make out with anyone with the right incentive. 

He’s never thought about it long enough for anything to stick. He figured, one day, when he was old enough to escape Hawkins and all the small minded bigots who think he’s a devil worshiper, that he would find a girl that appreciated his specific eccentricities. That he’d settle down somewhere quiet, a little closer to the city than Hawkins, and find some blue collar job and start a family. That’s just what everyone does, right?

He knows that’s not true, though. That everyone doesn’t follow that path. He knows people like Gareth and Robin, and apparently Steve, don’t get to just walk into happily ever after. There’s no white picket fence in their future, and Eddie’s never had to confront that reality so head on before. He knows what it’s like to be different. To have a target on your back. But, it’s nothing like the ostracization of being gay. 

Thinking about kissing Steve scares him. When he closes his eyes, it’s a looping replay of that day. Steve’s soft lips on his unmoving ones. Big hands cradling his face. He can perfectly recall the terror and confusion. It’s seeped into his bones now, because he’s realized something about himself and he doesn’t know what to do with the information. 

He can do nothing. He can move forward and pretend that he doesn’t wake up panting, picturing Steve on top of him pressing him into the mattress with their faces attached. He doesn’t ever have to acknowledge that for the first time in twenty years of living, he’s having honest to god wet dreams that involve another person. And that person he’s envisioning is a guy. Everything can just be swept under the rug.

But he’s pretty sure it scares him more to know that he can’t. It’s eating away at him. Eddie feels trapped in his own skin. The truth is clawing its way to the surface, wanting to break free, even if Eddie’s shutting down as it tries to spill out. He knows it’s inevitable, that overflow. The dam breaking. 

It takes an intervention to set everything in motion. Wayne’s been fussing over him for weeks. He’s been doing that worried parent thing that he thinks Eddie doesn’t know about, where he stands outside Eddie’s closed bedroom door like he wants to knock and say something, but doesn’t. He’s studying Eddie over their morning cereal like the little floating letters are going to spell out why Eddie’s been holed up in his room almost mute. 

But the final straw is when Wayne comes home from work to Eddie painting figurines on the stairs of their new trailer while pretending that he’s not watching Steve help Max fold laundry next door. There’s this polite distance between them and Eddie that didn’t exist before, this wide expanse where before Eddie would’ve been sitting on the picnic table in front of Max’s trailer teasing both of them, or maybe helping if it was a low pain day. 

Instead, he’s sat like a toddler in timeout, taking furtive peaks over the little paint brushes and praying that Max’s sharp intuition about situations like this is dulled by her literal lack of being able to see Eddie from over there. Steve can see him, though, and Eddie’s feigning that it doesn’t bother him. What a grave he��s dug for himself here. 

“Boy, don’t you think this has gone on long enough?” Wayne sighs as he climbs out of his truck, this world-weary, too knowledgeable sigh that makes Eddie squirm. 

“I don’t know what you mean, old man.” Better to just play ignorant. Even though Eddie’s pretty sure he can’t escape Wayne’s withering gaze. He hasn’t in over ten years, so he likely won’t be starting now. 

Wayne just stares at him. A raised eyebrow and crossed arms that tell Eddie he means business. He’s not getting out of this. 

Eddie’s jaw shifts and he looks down at the figure in his hands. “I don’t really know what to do, Wayne.” 

“Move over,” Wayne says, settling down beside Eddie until they’re shoulder to shoulder, barely waiting for the little shuffle Eddie does to make room. He doesn’t say anything for a moment. Just stares across the yard in the same direction Eddie was moments before, a contemplative look on his face. “This about that boy?”

Eddie follows his gaze over to Steve. His silence goes on a little too long before he softly says, “yeah.” 

Wayne hums, still looking at Steve. “You know, you always were a late bloomer.”

That grabs Eddie’s attention. He turns towards Wayne, who takes that as his cue to continue, and sets down the figure behind them. 

“Nothing ever happened when I thought it would when you were a boy. Lizzy said you took forever to walk and talk. I kept waiting for you to come to me about the birds and the bees, but you didn’t. Not sure if that was a good thing to let go, but I knew you weren’t getting yourself into trouble. Probably wasn’t much I could offer you that public school wasn’t already teaching you.” 

Eddie wonders briefly if he should’ve hidden the condoms in his room better, but maybe that’s what gave Wayne the confidence to leave Eddie to his business. Even if they were collecting dust before they became dust that day the trailer cracked open.

“You never brought anyone around.” He nods in the direction of Steve. “Not until him.” 

The conversation with Steve is distantly replaying in his head. How he went over their every interaction with Robin and they came to this same conclusion. Maybe Eddie really is an idiot. 

“It wasn’t intentional,” Eddie adds. “I didn’t know what I was doing.” 

“I don’t think anyone knows what they’re doing, son. That’s part of life.” He pats Eddie on the back. “It’s ‘specially a part of being in love.” 

Eddie’s not sure he’s willing to start that train of thought, yet. He’s grateful for the quiet, unspoken acceptance, but he’s not ready to think about labeling it something as profound as love. He flounders for a second before saying, “I think I’ve missed my chance there,” as he looks back over at Steve. 

“Are you dead and I don’t know it?” He squeezes Eddie’s shoulder. “Seem pretty real to me.” He whacks Eddie’s head gently. “Ain’t nothing missed if you’re still alive to make things right.” 

“Hey!” Eddie laughs, mock offended at the attack, rubbing the back of his head and leaning away from Wayne. “Isn’t it socially unacceptable to joke about someone that was legally dead for almost three minutes?”

“I think I get leeway as the one that kept you alive for ten years by myself.” Wayne wrangles him into a side hug, pulling him to his chest with an arm around his neck. “Just cause things are broken, doesn’t mean you can’t fix ‘em, son.”

[sleepingpopplio]

The Powerful Theme Behind BNHA’s Nuanced Ending

As I’m posting this we only have one more chapter of the manga and I don’t know how the ending is going to exactly play out, but I do know one thing. The deaths of Toga and Tenko were not in vain, and the author is still trying to give readers hope while also still maintaining some realism and bitter-sweetness in his messaging. Therefore, this is what I think Horikoshi is trying to tell his readers, especially the young people who have their whole lives ahead of them to make a difference on the world:

I see how this theme, the one that’s been built up throughout this manga yet simultaneously feels like it’s coming out of left field, is one of those themes that is a hard pill to swallow. Basically, no matter how hard we can try and push to do good and help others/make the world a better place, we’ll often fail again and again. A lot of bad things can happen, society can choose to remain apathetic, and it can seem like nothing’s ever gonna change because you just put all that hard work in towards the future for nothing. However, even if sometimes you can’t save everyone or society keeps trying to push issues under the rug, that doesn’t mean we should give up trying to fight for social issues we care about. We might never get to see the perfect world Deku and Urarak dream of, and Tenko and Toga may be gone, but their fight for a good and accepting world will someday be worth it cus their actions do have weight by showing that redemption is possible, even if no one has seen it except them. Young people like them just have to make sure to leave their mark so that others can follow.

My Hero Academia is about how we all can become the greatest hero, not by magically destroying the world’s problems and apathy overnight, but instead by continously reaching out a helping hand to people who might not initially seem like they want it.

[envy-of-the-apple]

I cant stop thinking about mafia boss suguru constantly changing plans for reader on the fly everytime he meets her since the DAY HE MET YOU IN PERSON

I just feel like he is because i kept thinking back on reader's fumble at suguru's meeting and making her sit on his lap, that's just an out of pocket thing to do to your employee(especially if youre turning a blind eye to him and his tame advancements) and my brain got out of hand with its assumptions every moment suguru decides what to do with reader

I mean it would be a cute (twisted)romance when he mentioned doing his background check with apathy then when he met you for real he never expected a barrage of feelings he felt for you, so originally he would pimp you out, but in you go to do office work instead because youre mine or rather ours now, and then proceeded to do an impressive feat of lightning quick decisions that luckily tips to his favor, like your confrontation with your father's aggrieved enemies and was presented with fool proof of an opportunity to have a solid future with you(im fuming he just let that dude go and let men from rivaling groups vex us!)

As much as premeditated machinations go, lucky bastard suguru is unironically funny and brushing with your father's enemy feels like a moment he never anticipated?? Idk, that part cemented what my brain is cooking of him

Would you ever consider dropping another part for suguru's pov? I really wanna know at what point he fell for reader(and i wanna know what hes thinking when reader said "just for one night 🥺")

omg seeing this in my inbox was such a treat! I love it when yall get analytical.

What can I say? Suguru is an opportunist, he's sadistic enough to let you get bullied and tossed around a little, just so you can plead and cry so prettily in his arms. If if makes you feel any better, Suguru was keeping a close eye on the men who crashed Miss Gem's apartment, and made sure you weren't there to get hurt. He just wanted to scare you enough to coax you into his arms lololol. So many people theorized that he was the one who orchestrated it, (he didn't, suguru hates getting his hands dirty). How could he have known that letting that man get away would cause this domino effect? If anything he and his husband are the good guys for giving you a refuge for such a low price.

Omg the love at first sight trope is so funny for Suguru. Buuut if you reread the fic again you might find that's not exactly what happened:).

I really like the way this ended so I probably wont be making a part two or anything in suguru's pov. buut to answer your last question suguru was definitely nodding along but in his head he was going 'right like we're ever letting you go after this'.

After all, it wasn't really a choice. But for your sake, he made you think you had one. See, he really does love you;)

[thelreads]

And that's the end of the chapter. Let us keep this brief: Really good, Anya is putting more breadcrumbs on the floor about her past, Melinda is moving forward and we're so in, Twilight is apparently making peace with his past and focusing on the present, that's also amazing.

Got all that? Good, now let us finish the fucking reading, shall we?

We already got three of the cards: The Future, the Present, and the Past influences. Let us see the other ones:

1 - The Problem

The situation at hand, be it the good or bad of it. We have the Ace of Cups reversed there.

The Ace of Cups upright is a card of Love, intuition, and emotional awakenings, while reversed it is a card of coldness, emptiness, and feeling unloved.

It does match the thing going on, Anya feels like Damian doesn't like her, and being honest he does give her that impression, because he himself is in denial about it.

2 - The Positive influences

Things that are affecting the situation in a positive way, and you should keep doing because it is helping.

The Card here is the Three of Swords. Upright it refers to trauma, grief, sorrow, heartbreak, separation, betrayal, while reversed it refers to recovery, reconciliation, healing.

For it to be here it can mean that there are wounds that have not healed, for both of them, and giving it time for them might be better, because conflicts and third parts might be coming to get in the way.

3 - The Negative influences

It represent things that are being counterproductive for the current situation and should be minimized or avoided.

The card here is the Four of Cups upright, a card that means apathy, indifference, feeling disconnected, while reversed it means awareness, acceptance, choosing happiness.

The meaning here is pretty straightforward, not caring about each other is a problem, both of them need to care for things to work out.

4 - The Past influences

We already covered this one, things that are not working anymore for the current situation and should be let go.

Death upright represents change, transformations, letting go, and reversed it means stagnancy, fear of change, and resisting change.

In that position we can infer that trying to change the relationship between you two is not working. Trying to force him to move to a next step is going to push him farther away, you should be show some restraint in this situation, and go slower.

5 - The Present

Also already covered. What is the current state of the situation so you understand if change is necessary or not.

The Three of Wands upright is a card of momentum, of looking ahead, growing, confidence, and when it's reversed it shows limitations, lack of progress, delays.

For it to be at the Present means that the current situation with Damian is stagnate, that things are not going forward, and that commitment from both of you is needed to make things grow.

6 - The future

Also covered. The future spot is the immediate future of the situation, what will happen the soonest.

Ten of Pentacles upright is a card of Family, ancestry, affluence, tradition, while reversed it is a card of instability, family disputes, and breaking of traditions.

Ten of pentacles in that spot means a relationship successfully and financially stable, and also family approval.

7 - The final outcome

What will be ultimate outcome of the situation, but apparently the name is a bit misleading, because some people claim it only covers a period around six months ahead.

The Star upright is a card of hope, renewal, healing, faith, while reversed it points at negativity, hopelessness, despair.

This card in this position might be a bit of a bad omen, that things might not go smooth, but it also can mean that neither of them is ready for a relationship due to their own inner turmoils, their own insecurities and the harshness they put themselves under. Not even taking into account they are 4-6 here.

SEE MELINDA? THIS IS HOW YOU MAKE A FUCKING READING

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

I really love how you draw Karkat and Calliope. You've already talked about how the other relationships within the POABPCL, so I was wondering if you could talk about Callikar in more depth as well.

Heehee okay so the short reasoning is that first of all, Karkat is also highly reminiscent of Caliborn, so there's Calliope's natural attraction there. But also Calliope desperately wants to experience a flushed romance, and Karkat is a crazy person who can't keep his quadrants straight. Which, for Calliope, would actually be a plus instead of a minus????

But yeah, for the Caliborn similarities, apart from the grey text and (mostly) capital letters and general cantankerousness and candy red blood and random textual callbacks to shit Karkat says:

CG: OK I DON'T SEE HOW WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE BECOMING FRIENDS IF YOU RECOIL FROM MY OLIVE BRANCH LIKE I'M WIGGLING A GNARLED TREE MONSTER'S DICK IN YOUR DIRECTION. [...] uu: HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE BECOMING FRIENDS. IF YOU RECOIL FROM MY OLIVE BRANCH. uu: LIKE I'M FLAILING A WITHERED MUMMY'S SEVERED LIMB IN YOUR DIRECTION.

CG: THE FACT THAT YOU ARE DUMB CG: IS AN IMMUTABLE FACT I AM STATING FOR THE RECORD. CG: IT DOES NOT MEAN ANIMOSITY IS WHAT IS TAKING PLACE HERE. [...] uu: AND THE FACT THAT I MIGHT NOT CLuE YOu INTO YOuR FATE ALL THE TIME. uu: DuE TO MY AGGRAVATED APATHY OVER THE MATTER. uu: IS AN IMMuTABLE FACT. I AM STATING FOR THE RECORD. uu: IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT GIVING A SHIT IS WHAT IS TAKING PLACE HERE.

Did you know they both weirdly have a thing for right angles?

DAVE: i dont want to see your lines making any right angles do you understand KARKAT: IN MY MIND'S EYE I AM PICTURING A BEAUTIFUL LATTICE OF LINES AND COMPARTMENTS, INTERLOCKING WITH SUBLIME PRECISION AT NINETY DEGREE ANGLES. KARKAT: I IMAGINE THIS MODULAR RETICULATION AS AN ELEGANT VESSEL, IF YOU WILL, FOR THE GRAND SYNTHESIS OF OUR SHARED SHIPPING DREAMS.

So yeah, you know, they've got some similarities! Enough to fuel some initial cherubic romantic interest, I feel.

But obviously, cherubic romance is primarily - if not exclusively - pitch. Calliope expresses this in a way that makes it very much sound like it's a setup that her happy ending does, in fact, involve her finding a matesprit.

UU: thoUgh i trUly wish i were capable of those feelings. UU: perhaps the fact that i am not is why the topic fascinates me so. UU: and why i have been prone do indUlge in sUch... UU: fancifUl visUalizations. UU: of yoUr people's lovely bright red relationships. UU: they mUst be nice. u_u

Personally, I think that cherubs "can't experience redrom" the way humans "can't experience blackrom". In that, y'know. ;)

But let's move from Calliope's side from a moment and talk about Karkat. Hey, do y'all remember how he had a crush on a different Space player? (The fact that Karkat actually totally had a crush on Jade, and continued to think incredibly fondly of her for years after the fact, to the point of using one of her passwords as the password to his dream hive, gets lost in the melange of ~yaoi~ is honestly one of the reasons I'm not a fan of DaveKat).

CCG: I'M GOING TO VOMIT. CCG: I'M MAKING A MENTAL NOTE TO SLAP MYSELF THREE HOURS FROM NOW, FOR BEING ENOUGH OF A SAP TO START DEVELOPING RED FEELINGS FOR A DUMB ANNOYING HUMAN, IF I'M READING BETWEEN THE LINES CORRECTLY. FCG: I JUST SLAPPED MYSELF! I REMEMBERED MY LAME NOTE TO MYSELF FROM THREE HOURS AGO, AND THEN SLAPPED MYSELF SPECIFICALLY TO MOCK YOU. FCG: IT STINGS TOO, YOU'LL FEEL IT IN A WHILE. AND THEN THE GHOST OF PAST ME WILL CRY.

Hussie's commentary on this is also fucking hilarious, by the way:

First, by defending Jade like this, Future Karkat is virtually making the case to his own past self to give her a chance, and to try to acknowledge that his aggression toward her is masking romantic attraction. If that wasn't nuts enough, the altercation doubles as an actual confession of this to Jade, which she now has to bear in mind as she goes forward befriending this guy. Like most other shouting matches Karkat has with himself, it's a complete free-for-all of self-owns and eyebrow-raising psychological revelations. And yet, in the totality of this clusterfuck, it's probably about as sufficient as anything else he could have done to get her to start giving the friendship a chance. How do you sidle out of something like this? You don't. This miserable basket case needs all the help he can get.

But this is another example of Karkat's horrible problem with mixing his quadrants and sending out all sorts of mixed signals, which he lambastes himself for later RE: Terezi.

FCG: IS IT?? TELL ME, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU TREATED HER IN A WAY THAT COULD BE OBJECTIVELY CONSTRUED AS A FORM OF BLACK SOLICITATION? CCG: THAT'S JUST CCG: NO, THAT'S HOW WE'VE ALWAYS ROLLED TOGETHER. IT'S LIKE CCG: SPIRITED PLATONIC CONTENTION. CCG: TOTALLY NORMAL TERRITORY IN A HEALTHY MATESPRITSHIP. FCG: YEAH, A *HEALTHY* ONE, NOT ONE INVOLVING A DEMENTED LOUDMOUTH WHO CAN'T KEEP HIS SHIT UNDER CONTROL. FCG: LET ME ASK YOU, HOW MUCH OF THAT ANIMOSITY IS INNOCENT "PLATONIC RAGE"? FCG: COULD IT BE THAT SUBCONSCIOUSLY YOU WANT TO PUSH THINGS WITH HER ONTO CALIGINOUS TURF, MAYBE SEE HOW THINGS WORK OUT THERE? FCG: SEE IF YOU CAN HAVE YOUR GRUB, AND CULL IT TOO?? FCG: THAT WAY YOU HAVE HER ALL TO YOURSELF!

And even his "confession" to jade has shades of this, as he basically forced her to auspicetize between himself and... himself. Just a really messy guy who can't keep his quadrants straight. I've already talked before about how this would be completely fine for Eridan, who is literally too bad at social shit to notice and is just happy for the attention, but... doesn't that seem like it would work for Calliope, whose fundamental attraction model is based in pitch?

And to really get into this, we should also talk about Karkat's taste in movies. The three posters he has hanging up in his room are for Serendipity, Hitch, and 50 First Dates. Between the three of them, it becomes really clear that Karkat is really into the idea of soul mates - of finding a romantic partner that just kind of perfectly clicks with you and all your idiosyncracies, with whom the romance is natural, and brings out the best in both partners.

Serendipity most obviously, as the entire movie is practically a treatise on destiny and fate (and also, if you're only going to watch one, watch this one - it gets namedropped twice in the comic and I genuinely think HS draws like 30% of its DNA from it). Hitch's A-plot couple is widely considered the worse one, but the B-plot couple turn out to be perfect for each other - all the guy's lame, embarrassing aspects just happen to be what she finds adorable, and he just needed a courage boost and chance to be noticed by her. And 50 First Dates features a guy in Hawaii who loves taking visiting tourists on whirlwind romances, but is terrified of commitment, meeting a girl who can't make new memories - functionally rendering every date their first from her perspective - and it's really sweet. It doesn't even make you want to punch Adam Sandler at all. Like, not even a little bit.

In any case, what this says to me is that, while he still needs to undergo character development to be ready for it, the romance Karkat should eventually end up with is one where he doesn't have to compromise who he is, warts and all.

A lot of Karkat's more common fandom pairings tend to downplay, or even outright forget about, how genuinely uncomfortable it is to experience Karkat's nutso vascillation. Even if the edge is taken off via moirallegiance, Karkat is still the sort of messy guy who tells his flushed crush to "set the table on [his] bulge for their candle light hate date." Jade clearly isn't a fan of being treated rudely, while Terezi eventually gets driven off by the mixed signals he puts off... but what if there was a species who primarily experiences pitch attraction, who would find Karkat's frequent dips into black-coded flirtation hot?

And also... Karkat is obviously Calliope's favorite character troll...I mean, she's got his symbol as her cufflinks. And also:

CG: I THINK THIS SUBJECT IS BEYOND A LOT OF PEOPLE'S GRASP BUT I KNOW A LOT ABOUT IT, NOBODY EVER REALLY WANTS TO TALK TO ME ABOUT IT THOUGH. AG: Whoa really? Oh no shit, REALLY???????? CG: OK, MOST PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T HAD THEIR LOBE STEM CAUTERIZED ARE CAPABLE OF FEELING THE TWO PRIMARY EMOTIONS, HATE AND PITY. CG: PITY IS OF COURSE JUST THE TONED DOWN VERSION OF THE CENTRAL EMOTION, HATE. CG: AND ALL THE NUANCES OF PITY MANIFEST AS VARIOUS OTHER KINDS OF FEELINGS LIKE WHATEVER CHEMICAL REACTIONS TRIGGER MATING FONDESS OR THE MYSTERIOUS FORCES THAT ARE BEHIND MOIRALLEGIANCE.

And:

UU: actUally, i have written hUndreds of pages examining the striking differences between hUman and troll romance, as well as reprodUctive habits, as the comparison makes for a marveloUs case stUdy in xenobiocUltUral differences. UU: as long as i am sharing specUlation with yoU, perhaps yoU woUld like to read my essays? UU: i coUld even paste each page right here in sUccession, and allow yoU to read them back to back to back to back to back to back! ^u^ TT: Oh hell no. UU: ah. UU: yes, yoU're right of coUrse. i'm probably getting carried away as UsUal. UU: forgive my enthUsiasm, it's jUst that i so rarely have anyone to talk to who shares my passion for these matters.

They could both be SO ANNOYING about quadrants and romance together. It would be beautiful.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

A little trope I kinda like and find interesting is when Killer is portrayed as a snitch. Like he catches news of others trying to escape or any plans to attempt to overthrow or betray Nightmare and he goes straight to the Boss to tell him.

Could be for any reason. Spite, because Killer was not invited to this little escape plan. Not wanting to be left alone with Nightmare again. Loyalty, orders.

(conditioned to obey these specific rules after the first time he allowed other variants of Horror, Murder, maybe Cross/XChara to attempt to get away out of curiosity.

To see if it was actually possible, only for these past escape attempts to fail spectacularly in one way or another. To further prove to Killer that escape is impossible. And Nightmare tells Killer to immediately inform him of any future inconveniences, punishing accordingly.)

And then eventually maybe Killer evolves from his passive observer, snitch role and instead attempts to teach new comers to just survive instead. Perhaps if just to see if it’s possible for any of these things to learn.

And he does it in like a, blunt, detached sarcastic manner. It’s not overtly kind or in a traditionally helpful way.

Stage 2 Killer, characterized by his apathy and curiosity, taking a pragmatic and sometimes harsh approach to "helping" the others (particularly Murder, who he is always tasked to watch) adjust to life under Nightmare's rule. I think he’d also like getting to exert control and have power over someone else’s fate, too.

His methods would be more about survival and compliance that kindness or empathy, reflecting his own acceptance of his role.

He’d provide Murder with blunt, no-nonsense advice about how to avoid Nightmare's wrath and stay out of trouble.

This could include tips on how to behave, what to avoid saying, and how to recognize Nightmare's moods—such as paying extra attention to the way Nightmare’s tentacles behave, and building a rapport with his tentacles. (Pets, praise, not resisting against them.)

“If you don’t want to get hurt, don’t look him in the eye when he’s angry. Trust me."

“Don’t talk back. It’s not worth it. Just nod and do what he says."

Demonstrating how to act in Nightmare's presence, showing the benefits of compliance and submission, even if he does so in a detached or sarcastic manner.

“See? Just like this. You play along, you survive. Simple."

To make Murder understand the seriousness of their situation, Killer might use fear, recounting personal experiences or exaggerating the consequences of defiance.

“You think you can escape? I’ve seen what happens to those who try. You don’t want to end up like them."

Killer would test limits to see how much Murder can take, helping him toughen up in the face of adversity. This can be seen as cruel, but in Killer’s mind, it’s a way to prepare Murder for the worst.

“You need to toughen up. If you can’t handle this, how will you handle him?"

Killer would encourage Murder to be practical and focus on survival rather than escape, emphasizing the futility of resistance.

"Escape is a pipe dream. Focus on surviving. That’s the only way you’ll make it."

To force Murder to adapt, Killer might expose his weaknesses, making him confront his fears and adapt to the harsh reality.

“You’re too soft. If you don’t toughen up, you’re dead weight."

Killer might create situations that mimic potential dangers or challenges, forcing Murder to adapt and learn how to handle them.

“Consider this a test run. If you can handle this, you can handle anything he throws at you."

But Killer could also quickly lose interest in whoever he’s trying to teach, seeing it as pointless and meaningless anyway, boring.

He likely won’t give any praise for doing what he sees as the bare minimum or just something he thinks someone should already know how to do.

He likely won’t show any actual sympathy, empathy, or concern; instead he’s more likely to just encourage whoever he’s trying to “help” to ignore and neglect their own needs.

Whereas someone like Cross in this teaching position might do the pupil’s other half of the work when eyes aren’t watching to allow the other to get much needed rest, Killer would likely tell them to stop complaining and keep going.

He might get so bored he purposely does or says something to provoke Nightmare into punishing him, in an attempt to feel something or have something to do, but scold anyone else for doing the same—giving reasoning such as it hinders the rest of the group.

Whereas someone such as Cross may attempt to take the blame for someone else’s mistakes and their punishment out of the good of his heart, Killer may only do it if it’s beneficial, helps keep control of the situation, and if the mistake was truly because of something Killer did or didn’t do properly to explain the task to the person.

Otherwise Killer would likely give advice on how to endure a punishment if it can’t be avoided, how to figure out why it’s happening (if there is a reason), and to learn from mistakes without repeating them.

It gets especially interesting when this is all just a part of Killer’s responsibilities as Nightmare’s Right Hand, to not only keep them all in line but to also keep them all healthy.

Because even if Killer does objectively kind things like giving food/drink, offering blankets/pillows, or showing how to treat various wounds, the others might be able to see his apathy underneath the joking, silly facade and understand it’s just another task to him.

[makeyoumine69]

Hello dear people in my beloved American Psycho fandom! I couldn't force myself to write this post because I didn't know how to do it, but I think now is the right time. I promised myself not to bring personal stuff into my writing, but since one thing affects another, I think I should finally speak up.

This year started pretty bad for me, I was suffering from a huge apathy and my mental health was probably in the worst state in the last few years. I had to cut ties with a lot of people and distance myself, and I'm really sorry for doing that, but I had no choice because I was literally dying from the inside. When I came back to Tumblr in 2022, I was absolutely alone and I had no friends, no followers and in some ways I felt calm and peaceful. I always thought and probably still think that I should be alone and isolated from everyone, like a soulless writing machine just producing fanfictions for people to consume. Maybe this is not a bad thing, because interacting with people always carries the risk of getting bruised?

Anyway, the thing that broke me completely was the news I received in the last days of January that I would be fired in February because my company decided to close the project I was working on due to the high inflation and bad economic situation in Russia. So now I have to find a job within February because I have a lot of financial responsobilities like paying for the medical treatment my family is getting. My grandmother was diagnosed with kidney cancer and her surgery was paid for by me and my fiancé, but the medicine costs a lot, so… after I told my mom about my news, she blamed me for everything. I was not really surprised though, considering that I have been having fights with my whole family for the past few months over different topics, but mostly they hate me for my political opinions. Whenever I say that I am tired of the war, sanctions and all the other stuff that 2022 has brought, they call me a fucking traitor. My family is ready to cancel me just because I told them I was tired of living in isolation, that I had even forgotten what my life was like before the war. My fiancé is literally the only person in my family who supports me, and even though I'm going to lose my job, he told me he would do anything for me, for us, but I don't want to be a burden. I'm really scared about the future, I think I really am now.

So, I'm sorry for not finishing the Christmas fics I promised to post, I'll try to finish them soon. Also, I'm sorry for not being active with fulfilling the requests and replying to your asks. I'm really sorry. And I know some of you might think that why I keep writing new series and working on different stuff while I have WIPs I need to finish—I'm just trying to follow my muse and I can say that it's really unstable these days, but I'm really trying to do my best and deliver something good for all of you!

I also want to thank all of you who have supported me with your donations! It means the world to me! Unfortunately, my account on the platform I was using for donations has been suspended because of… DOLLARS! They think I'm a scammer or something because the dollar is such a cursed currency in Russia right now, so I don't know if they'll unban my account, I hope they will.

Okay, that was longer than I thought it would be. To end this crazy rant, I just want to thank you guys for sticking with me no matter how fucked up I might be! I believe that one day I will find my way back to myself so that I can come back strong and refreshed!

[mayapapaya33]

Despair and Edwin

Am I the only one who can't stop thinking about the metaphorical power of Edwin being IN Despair. He was in Hell, at his lowest, about to be cruel to one of his former tormentors. Feeling incredulous at their seemingly lesser punishment, feeling righteously indignant, and Justifiably pissed off. Then he caught a glance at himself in the mirror for what was presumably the first time in over a century and it snapped him out of it. Then he promptly fell into Despair.

Despair's Realm, as far as I am aware, is only accessible to those IN Despair, as in the emotional state. But why was he literally transported there, why could he see her watching through the mirror? She watches people's lowest moments through her mirrors all the time, how could Edwin see her?

Every word out of her mouth was fascinating to me, so much subtext, so many double meanings, I'm dying of curiosity.

"What Am I? The answers are Endless Edwin Payne. Pretty name. Payne/Pain."

His reaction to her saying the word Endless is VERY telling, clearly Edwin knows something about the Endless. Also that's just a very poetic way to describe Despair, she's right, an Endless number of things can cause Despair.

Edwin: "Why are you here?"

Despair: "You're here, I'm everywhere, you're in my realm now where I see it all. But you only get to leave through the door you came in by."

Is that a literal statement about a literal door? Perhaps but I HIGHLY doubt it. How did he get here? By feeling anger and pain and Despair about his treatment in Hell compared to one of the people responsible for sending him here and the injustice of it all. So how does he leave Despair's Realm then? Through the same door he entered. Confronting his feelings about Simon but not allowing them to control him or turn him into something he is not.

"I am Despair, and you do not belong here. Go back to your killer. I was watching. You were getting angry. About to gloat over his torment. Go do That."

E: "No no no no no I..." D: "Don't Worry, We're Friends now." E:"I would not gloat, That is not right." D: "I'll call if ever I need you" E:"He didn't realize-"

What does THAT mean? They're friends now? I am frothing at the mouth in anticipation to see what that is going to turn into. This is starting to dive into Sandman theories of mine so if you haven't read Sandman now's the time to leave.

She almost seemed to be HELPING Edwin confront his feelings. The way she phrased it was very provocative on purpose, it's something you might say to a friend if they're doing something out of character and you're trying to let them know it and snap them out of it. Granted in a Dramatic and Dickish way, but she is an Endless, so that's sort of a given. Why would she do that? Why would she help him Leave Despair?

Well, The Sandman comics are very Philosophical and layered, and one of the implications in the comics is that Each of the Endless embody their opposites in addition to their Named dominion. Dream is responsible for keeping Reality in check, Death is there when we are brought to Life, Destruction with those paintings and sculptures, constantly Creating things in his retirement, Delirium has moments where she is the only character who knows what is going to happen, Neil took joy in sneaking hints into her rambling, a special kind of Sanity, that is almost too painful and confusing to be tolerated for long, she knows things that aren't in Destiny's book, Desire has quite a lot of apathy in my opinion, and Destiny absolutely has a thing about Free Will. A big implication is that Despair also Embodies her seeming opposite, Hope!

What this means for Edwin in the future I have no clue lol.

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

I'm sorry, but the leader of the LoV was Shimura Tenko. That's the whole point. Wanting to be a hero for the outcast was the part of him that persevered since his childhood despite the grooming. I don't get why people are treating the whole name thing similar to deadnaming or something, because it was a name given to him by his abuser for a character he was creating. Real people vs. their "characters"/alter egos is one of the prominent themes of the story. Any deviation from the character comes from Shimura Tenko, the real person behind the alter ego. Shigaraki Tomura is a "character" the same way All Might, Symbol of Peace, is. He is the Symbol of Fear. It's objectively a bad thing that he was still stuck as that Symbol in the end. Reclaiming the character doesn't work as a positive thing here. It's good that Deku was focused on Tenko, the problem was that he should've seen that Tomura is Tenko too. Instead he didn't engage with anything that had to do with Tomura.

Reading helped me understand why people would prefer the Tenko version, as much as it made me realize how much I disagree with that reading.

( Not necessarily a thi-or-that-is-correct situation. The way I see it, it's just a difference in both our interpretations of the story ).

You mention only one example, but it's you go to other characters for comparison, you're gonna find another themes:

Theme 1:

alter the egos as the real selves— or at least, alter egos revealing traits of the real selves that could not be because of prejudices.

Theme 2:

reshaping / reclaiming a stereotype beyond what others might believe or think of it.

Best example? Deku.

Originally, "Deku" was a mean name for Bakugo to make fun of this weak quirkless kid. It's with the help of Ochako that Izuku reshapes Deku into a new meaning and reclaims it as his hero name. He is not hiding behind it, tho. Deku is the version of Izuku wants to be— brave, heroic, strong.

When the UA kids tell their pro-hero names, they are shaping their future and themselves. Beyond the circumstances, they are deciding who they want to be. Another example of it are "Shoto" and "Ingenium". Shoto takes back his identity as a Todoroki as something to be proud of, while Iida decides he will continue the legacy of his brother.

None of those names mean something bad per se. They are not fake realities. Those names are what helped those kids be more confident and sure about themselves.

Now, the Symbol of Peace is that bad not 'cause it was bad from the beginning.

Toshinori was right at first. Society needed a real reason to believe everything would be okay. They needed an example, a champion. If someone does the impossible, then it's not so impossible, right?

The problem with that name is that people used it as an excuse to ignore individual responsibility.

" Why would I save a child when it's not my job and there are heroes who can do it? "

" Everything bad happens because pro-heroes couldn't prevent it and not because we ignored it out of apathy until it got this bad. "

Those type of things.

The "Symbol of Peace" was destroying Toshinori and the hero society because Yagi lost control over it. It didn't belong to him anymore, it was a myth, a public figure. It wasn't even him.

All Might was created when an insane quirkless kid proved the world wrong getting a quirk and facing the biggest threat out there.

Toshinori Yagi will always be All Might and that is something good. That means hope. That means he doesn't need powers to be dangerous, just like he demonstrated on the final war.

Now, I must mention that the pro-heroes naming convention is nothing like Tomura Shigaraki's situation inside the bnha world. It shares some of the dual identities themes of the story, but when you explain the circumstances, it clicks.

Tomura Shigaraki might have been created by AFO, but to say that the identity belongs to AFO alone because he created it would mean to deny the 15 years Tomura spent living as himself, no memories of who Tenko was.

In fact, Tenko and Tomura both share the fact that they were created by an oppressive person or household that tried their best to shape him as they wanted. The only moment in bnha where Tenko / Tomura decided who he wanted to be was when he chose to keep being the leader of the League of Villains.

By the way, AFO was the Symbol of Fear and they started calling Tomura that because he was going to become AFO's new vessel. He didn't want to be the Symbol of Fear at the end, but the leader of the LOV. When he asks Deku to tell Spinner his last words, he calls himself Tomura Shigaraki and not Tenko Shimura.

The final part of your asks is something I agree with. Deku was so focused on seeing past the mask that he didn't realize part of it was not a mask at all.

Well, let me correct myself.

Deku saw it and couldn't forgive him. Deku saw it and felt unsure about whether he actually saved him or not. Deku stood there, watched everything unfold and couldn't decide if the job had been done. All Might had to reassure him in that regard and we all know how wrong Toshinori constantly is about Tomura.

In a sense, I guess you can affirm that Tomura is Tenko or that Tenko is Tomura. It's more a matter of preference or interpretation what do you want to call him from here on (so far).

[crucifiedfaerie]

Gibson Girl | Pt. 3 ༉₊˚✧

Kylo Ren x Fem!Reader

➴ Summary: After you reach your breaking point, Kylo does something you never expected to see from him.

➴ Part One | Part Two

➴ Word Count: 2.4k

➴ Warnings: 18+ MDNI, fem!reader, dom!kylo, slowburn, soft!kylo, we are so back!!, crylo ren, an insurmountable amount of angst (swearing, yelling, crying, kylo's internal suffering, brief mention of death but nothing happens), lots of fluff, SMUT (unprotected PiV sex, oral f!receiving, overstimulation, devoted!gentle!kylo, watch as i describe cunnilingus in excruciating detail for 5 paragraphs) typos probably

➴ Taglist: ( @enviedear @capitanostella @teapartydreams )

A/N: guys, gibson girl is officially complete. im actually so proud of how the entire fic turned out and i just wanna say thank you for the love you've given it. <3 it genuinely made me wanna keep writing and i hope you stick around for my future works, because i have so many good ideas in store. anyways, enjoy the third and final part of gibson girl. this is by far my favorite chapter of this trilogy, i was giggling, kicking my feet, and possibly crying while writing this... dare i say that this chapter is my magnum opus.

You approached his door, ears ringing from your rapid heart rate and the electric hum of the hallway lights. You wiped the sweat from your palms on your pants and let out a deep breath.

Before you could even think about knocking, the door shot open and you were forcefully pulled inside by two large, leather clad hands.

Kylo gripped your waist hard, and kicked the door shut with his boot. You yelped as he pushed you against it, hitting the back of your head on the durasteel.

He leant down, the cold metal of his mask grazed the fading bruise on your jaw, sending goosebumps crawling across your skin. "Gods, I've waited two weeks to feel you again. Im so glad to be back." Kylo purred, his modulator crackling in your ear. He reached up to begin unbuttoning your shirt. He only made it past the first button before the anger rose inside you.

You brought your hands up to his chest, pushing him off of you. "What the FUCK Kylo!" You yelled at him, feeling the tears prick your eyes. Surprisingly, he didn't stop you, taking a step away from you and tilting his head ever so slightly as if he were confused, which only made you angrier.

You were past your breaking point. "What is wrong with you?! You invite me here, whisper sweet nothings in my ear, then all of a sudden you hate fuck me and kick me out like I'm the problem?!" You sobbed and were practically screaming at him, you didn't care if he got mad, you needed to say this. "And now you invite me back acting like it never happened, wanting to- to what? Hate fuck me again?? You make NO sense, Kylo! It's like you're two different people!" You paused, breathing heavily and collecting yourself a bit before continuing. "And you wanna know the fuck of it all? You haven't even kissed me- gods!- You cant even face me. You hide behind that mask and hurt me like I'm some pet you love to hate." You spoke calmly now, the anger subsiding into a strange mix of sadness and apathy.

The apathy, however, was short lived. You had never snapped at Kylo like this before and he was the most feared man in the galaxy after all. The images of the many ways he could kill you flashed before your eyes. A lightsaber through the abdomen. Force choking the life out of you until your neck snapped. Slamming you into a wall until every bone in your body was shattered. You shut your eyes tightly and braced for impact, but it never came.

Each word you yelled at him had chipped a piece off his emotionless façade, and Kylo thought his heart might shatter along with it. The killing blow was how you stood before him terrified, shaking, waiting for him to lash out and strike you out of rage. He wasn't weak for loving you, he was weak for hurting you and he knew he couldn't do that to you anymore, not now... not ever. He felt something- someone inside of himself he hadn't felt in years, a man he thought he had killed, a man who he had almost forgotten the name of.

You only opened your eyes when you heard the click and hiss of his helmet. When he pulled it off you were met with his concerned, brown eyes. You stared at him in shock and awe, taking in every detail of him. The way his long, dark hair fell around his face, his perfect aquiline nose, the beauty marks that scattered like stars across his already beautiful face, the scar that began just above his brow, trailing down his face and disappearing below the neckline of his dark uniform.

Kylo dropped his helmet to the floor carelessly, the metallic clang loud enough for someone down the hall to hear. He pulled his gloves off quickly before throwing them to the ground and rushing over to you, taking your face into his hands and crashing his lips into yours.

His kiss was electric and full of desperation. As if he were a man lost in the deserts of Tattooine and you were Oasis East, Kylo drank you up feverishly. He was warm and tasted divine, like cinnamon and smoke.

When he pulled away, you both breathed heavily, lungs searching for air. "I don't hate you. Please don't say that." Kylo's voice broke, he was almost pleading with you, his eyes searching your face as if he were trying to get you to understand how he felt about you without him having to admit it out loud.

"Kylo... I-"

Suddenly your feet were off the floor, being carried over his shoulder to his bedroom once again, just like the first night he invited you here. Only this time you didn't feel like a bug caught in a spiders web. You felt safe. Needed.

As Kylo carried you, you kicked your shoes off carelessly, letting them fall to the floor of the hallway and you heard him breathe out a small laugh.

He sat you down on the bed and you noticed how he now handled you ever so gently, as if you were a precious, fragile thing he didn't dare risk breaking.

Kylo knelt in front of you and unbuttoned your shirt, taking extra care with each button before he slid it off of you. He gently looped his fingers into the waistband of your pants and underwear, pulling them both off in one go, leaving you completely naked.

He peppered kisses down your thigh before standing up, taking a step back to admire you, his dark eyes filled with adoration. With him being maskless, you became hyper aware of your nakedness. Your face flushed pink and you looked at the floor.

What he did next though, was something you weren't expecting. You watched in awe as Kylo kicked off his boots before shedding his cloak, his outer robes, his inner robes, his belt, then began methodically working at his shirt.

Oh my gods- why do you wear so many layers?

He shut his eyes and his mouth tightened into a thin line, as if he were stifling a laugh from hearing your thought. Kylo sighed, "Hush, its very cold on Starkiller, you know." He laughed softly as he pulled his shirt off, exposing the scars that littered his perfect frame.

He unbuttoned his trousers and pulled them off before making quick work of his underwear. There Kylo was, standing before you completely naked, looking down at you with soft eyes. Not a creature in a mask, stalking you like prey, but a man carrying nothing but adoration and desire.

He stepped forward before leaning down and kissing you again, pushing you flat onto his bed. His hands explored every inch of your body, bare skin touching yours and for the first time you felt like equals. Two living, breathing human beings who needed one another desperately.

Kylo's hands had found home tangled in your hair and the sound of him moaning into your mouth was heavenly. He pulled away, hovering above you, his hair falling around his face like a dark curtain. "Please. Please let me show you how much you mean to me, little star." He was practically begging, his eyes searching yours. This was a version of Kylo you didn't know existed. It was as if he had been completely stripped of his coldness and apathy, left only with warmth and compassion.

You nodded, and he trailed his kisses down your neck and bare chest, his soft lips grazing your nipple, causing you to let out a soft whine. He smiled and continued down your stomach and hip, to your thighs. Each kiss sent warm tingles down your spine.

Kylo lifted your legs over his shoulders and kissed down your thigh, stopping at your heat. His cool breath made you shiver. Before you could form even a single thought, his face was buried between your legs.

The way he lapped you up like spring water and how his tongue grazed over your clit made you crumble into a whining mess. Your fingers weaved through his dark locks and you pulled instinctually, causing him to moan against your cunt.

He was knelt before you like a sinner at the altar, worshipping his god and silently begging for forgiveness through your pleasure.

"Mhm Fuck- Kylo I- Stop you're gonna make m-me cum." You whined. He knew you couldn't hold on for much longer, and he didn't care, your sweet moans only inspired him to go faster. He hummed something unintelligible, a wordless approval for you to let go.

Your thighs trembled around his face as your body unraveled on his mouth. The pleasure he gave you was divine, euphoric, and your vision clouded as he rode you through your high.

He pulled away from you panting, his mouth and nose damp from your juices. You felt the bed dip as he situated himself above you, his hips between your legs. He kissed you deeply and you could taste yourself on his tongue, tangy and sweet like summer fruit.

He pulled away "Gods- I've waited what feels like forever to do that." He whispered.

You held his face in your hands and kissed him again. "Please Kylo I need you." You wrapped your legs around his waist.

He lined himself up with your entrance and pushed in slowly as he held you. He paused when he bottomed out, allowing you a moment to adjust to the size of his cock. You moaned loudly, still sensitive from the wonders he performed on you with his mouth.

Kylo began to move, slowly increasing the pace of his thrusts but still taking extra care not to be too rough. He looked down at you, his pupils blown with lust and love. He studied your face and how your eyebrows furrowed in pleasure. Kylo wanted to savor every detail of this moment, no dark visors obscuring his vision of you.

"I wish you could see how beautiful you look right now my star." He purred as he hit that sensitive spot deep inside you.

You moaned at the overstimulation. Kylo tilted his head down to kiss at your neck and your brain felt like static as you struggled to find words. "I- I was gonna say- hmm fuck- say the s-same about y-y..." You trailed off, lost in the pleasure.

Kylo chuckled against your neck, amused at your futile attempt to articulate a coherent sentence. "You're getting close again, sweet thing, I can feel it. S-so am I." He moaned, faltering at the end of his sentence.

You could only give a small hum and nod of agreement, words were too much for you, the contents of your mind had been completely emptied and replaced with thoughts of only him. Your desperate whines rang through his bedroom.

"Hm, fuck- cum with me. Cum with me my little star. Shit!" He was desperate now too, his thrusts sloppy as he held you in his arms.

You both reached your climaxes at the same time. Your visions clouded with white-hot stars, as if fireworks were going off in your brains. Kylo desperately muttered a long string of profanities as he came inside of you. He collapsed on top of you, panting heavily before rolling over so you were laid out on top of him.

You felt his cum leak out of you and onto his thigh as you rested your head on his bare chest. He reached for a random article of clothing that had been discarded on the bed and used it to clean you up before throwing it to the floor. He didn't care what it was, he would deal with it in the morning.

He sat up slowly, pulling you both back towards the pillows, and situating you so he could hold you and look you in the eyes.

He noticed you shiver and pulled the duvet over the both of you before speaking. "I'm sorry I made you feel like you didn't mean anything to me- for hurting you. I did it out of not wanting to seem weak, and yet I did the weakest possible thing I could have ever done." His eyes were filled with remorse and concern, his voice laced with shame. "The truth is I do care about you. The day I realized it was the day I hurt you and sent you away... and if could go back and change how I treated you I would." His voice broke.

"Kylo-" You began to speak but he quickly cut you off.

"If you hate me, please don't tell me." He begged. "I understand why you would, but I don't think I could bear hearing you say it out loud." He now spoke in a low whisper, as if he were terrified of his own vulnerability.

"Kylo I dont hate you, I promise. I just didn't understand you, but now I do and I lo-" You cut yourself off this time, thinking maybe you shouldn't say that to him. You couldn't handle rejection from him for a second time.

"I love you."

You heard his voice say it plain as day, you know he said it. You couldn't have imagined it. You didn't see his lips move, yet Kylo's voice rang loud and clear through your head. Your eyes darted to his and you saw him scanning your face nervously for a reaction.

Your eyes widened. "I love you too."

Is that what my thoughts sound like to him?

Kylo smirked, attempting to hide the large grin threatening to creep across his face. "Yes, I told you they're loud."

You laugh, causing him to laugh with you.

It was such a tender moment. Two human souls laughing together under the warmth of the covers, intertwined with each other, and floating in the vast, inky expanse of the galaxy.

[what-even-is-thiss]

As a writer and as a person I’m not great at uncritically romanticizing things. However, I do tend to be more optimistic than I look.

My optimism though is more… I dunno. Compulsory? Like I’ve decided I’m gonna be a writer despite the fact that it’s nearly impossible to make a living doing that. Why? Well, someone out there has to create entertainment and new literature. And if I feel called to do that I might as well just do it even if the odds are against me.

I assume that peoples intentions are good until proven otherwise because what’s the alternative? Living my life in a little shell? Distrusting everyone forever? I’m not interested in that.

Like someone around here has to have hope for the future, goddamnit. And you can’t always assume that someone else is gonna do that for you. So I’ll follow my dreams and hope for the future even if it kills me. I’m gonna roll up my sleeves and take life one step at a time because if I fall into despair and apathy then The Man wins and I’m not about to let that happen.