#might be anxitey

[scarefox]

therapist: please stop masking in therapy

also therapist: your face is too emotionless while talking, you need to convey more emotions via expressions to get your points across

me:

I can't do both

[thatnerdio]

"Y'know, I don't think I rreeaalllyy count as disabled," I say as I take over 5 pills a day just to function

[endlessmidnights]

I hate being so irritated that I’m holding back tears, and I hate that that’s the only time I cry

[selectivechaos]

situational mutism is years and years of being frozen and forced to endure situations where you can't move or speak or communicate how you want.

🌹but you know what it also is?

being situationally mute is entering safe situations and spilling everything. it is a rushing sense of relief and safety.

it is the joy of speaking to someone for the first time. of having a social interaction that is so positive and beautiful that your brain can't twist it.

it’s when someone asked me a question and three people spoke in unison to answer for me.

it’s people who reached out when isolated self. it’s all the kind people.

it’s leaving the old situations behind, that were unsafe beyond just cognitive distortions.

and surviving. enduring hours and seconds. counting down.

only to enter new places with anticipatory anxiety, but maybe it’ll be okay. maybe it’ll be better, safer, gentler.

you deserve the dream you survived for. 🌹🌹

[fundepressoxv]

"Why won't you text first? that's so toxic"

maybe because I feel like if you didn't text first then you probably don't want to talk to me and I'm too fucking scared to annoy you.

[rook-of-the-woods]

there was a time in my life where I though I was your most average, straight, cis, neurotypical, Christian, mentally healthy bitch you could be.

things have obviously changed.

[ittgirl23]

Just found out who’s in my class this year and it might be my 13th reason why.

I’m cooked. ✌️

[its-getting-bad-again04]

im smoking less, eating right, exercising, my room is neat & clean, I've started producing a project that has REAL potential, I get 5-7 hrs of sleep each night (which is great for college), my grades are great, I see my friends every day, I call my girlfriend most nights, I call my parents every Saturday. I have plans, I am thinking about my future.

And yet,

I haven't felt any identifiable emotions in WEEKS. If I were to rate how I was feeling on a scale from one to ten, I would say it feels like I am just flesh being piloted by a swarm of angry and confused hornets.. I have to give myself things to worry about because all I have is the body feeling and none of the brain shit. Every day, I wake up at 3 am, and I fight to sleep, but I have this painful, stabbing, debilitating feeling swirling in my gut.

The hallucinations have gotten better and worse somehow. They are happening less frequently, and I am able to identify when it's happening pretty quickly some of the time. However, they are louder and clearer, and smoking triggers the sound I call the whispers.

The whispers suck because it is the most threatening and consistent ones. It's also the hardest to decipher as "not real." As I sit here writing this, I don't fully believe they aren't real. since i can't get myself to ignore it, I freak out and get really paranoid. I can't elaborate further.

So, I should stop smoking. However, I can't because I feel the most myself after smoking. The pain of anxiety is lessoned and I just feel so much more present and aware.

BUT I FEEL GREAT! Genuinely I feel awesome. Everything is finally okay, and I feel great and anxious -but great. The project I'm working on might just like be the best thing ever (i know its not realistic) bc I can do it. I am not letting the project dissolve. Everyone thinks I am an idiot, like they don't mean it in a bad way; they just think I am not that smart. HOWEVER, when I show anyone this, it just elevates me. proves I can do it. that I AM GOOD AT THIS. thats all I want.

And yet-

my girlfriend is worried, Im saying the most bullshit things for no reason, I feel overly-confident in my abilities and then overly anxious and unable to move then next. I feel like my emotions arent like happy, sad, anxious, mad, i think my emotions are just degrees of heat.

I tried telling my girlfriend this yesterday, and she looked at me weirdly. I probably didn't say it right. I said I had "inverse feelings" and that if feelings were a number scale from 0 to 100, I would be at a -100. But I think I just sounded stupid, sociopathic, and "edgy." If you haven't figured it out yet, Im only writing this right now because I want to KILL myself out of embarrassment.

I haven't even touched on having a new imaginary friend I call Coach because some of my intrusive thoughts sound like Omniman became a high school football coach. Usually, I imagine my intrusive thoughts as a little demon named Tic, but my head has been just SO WEIRD. My mind is totally scrambled, and all my thoughts sound intrusive, so the "helpful" one has formed into the coach. So I now have two imaginary "friends" representing my intrusive thoughts, yelling shit at me all day. However, after taking the coach's advice, I am such a functioning member of society. lolz

[phoebepheebsphibs]

Last night I posted that private messages from strangers give me anxiety

And this afternoon someone private messaged me the phrase “Watch out!!” AND I ALMOST STARTED CRYING /lh

[necroticghost]

dunno about you but I'm terrified of the washing machine, the stove, the oven, the heating thingy

no reason for this post, just some perks of living with generalised anxiety: my heart will burst out of my chest if I hear one whir

maybe I should make a list of more "unreasonable" things I'm afraid of:

when the neighbours make any sounds, I think in my head that I did something wrong (like being too loud) and they're being loud of purpose because they're mad

when the door ring starts going even though we're not expecting anyone, gosh I feel like an animal in the wild and I go tiptoeing to hide in the bedroom

when we're about to leave the house and I have to check the oven ~four times to make sure! it's off, I do a little funny thing with my fingers: so there are five buttons, and I use one finger for one button back and forth like a dance, four times in total (two forwards, two backwards), but it only needs to touch my fingertips because if I mess up I have to start again. more often than not I make my girlfriend check as well because I can't trust myself

when I hear the electricity at night and I'm afraid we'll die in our sleep from something going boom

when we turn on the gas thingy for the heating and I have to stand next to it for at least a few minutes to ensure the sound is smooth which can then put my mind at ease that we won't explode and die, only then I can go back to the bedroom

I have to go watch the washing machine every few minutes to make sure it won't go moving which could cause a water leak while it's still running which means I could die from being electrocu-, gahhh this is so stupid

I KNOW none of these will happen, what are the odds... but I'm constantly afraid. I've been living away from my parents house for six years now, you'd think I'd be used to handling everything by now

honestly if my girlfriend wasn't around to help, comfort, and reassure me I'd go totally insane

[leslieseveride]

the worst curse god could've bestowed upon me is coming up with gifsets that i'll never get the chance to make because i am ✨️ talentless ✨️ when it comes to editing.

[endlessmidnights]

My anxiety has made me paranoid, I can’t here laughter, whispering, plain talking, I can’t see texting, I can’t do anything without thinking I’m being made fun of or talked about in some way

[sillyunknownkitkat]

I promise I'm not forgetting the asks ;)

I'm just a bit busy and stressed (I know, it never stops lol)

well I'm not going into details here but I'm getting hospitalised in a few week and it's really stressing me out. well that and my mom's health not really getting any better :(

hope you guys understand, thank you for all the notes on my posts, I really appreciate it

have a great day/night and be safe everyone 💙

[selectivechaos]

honestly the way people talk about ‘bots’ on this site isn’t right. like, you can ask people to alter their blog so that it doesn’t look like a bot.

and you can do that nicely.

you don’t need to go on about how “you look like a fucking bot”. you don’t need to be angry and spam emojis about it.

not only is it unfriendly to new users,

but it hurts people who struggle to personalise their blogs.

people with social anxiety.

people with depersonalisation.

people with executive dysfunction.

etc.

some people are really fucking scared of online spaces. i am.

“just reblog one thing” no. fuck no. it’s not easy for everyone. for some people it’s the hardest, most dreaded thing. i used to be so fucking afraid of the like button and accidentally pressing it.

so please stop acting like blog personalisation is easy to do or ‘the least you could ask’ of someone. please stop acting like those who don’t personalise their blogs, and then get blocked, deserve that. they don’t.

we can’t help it; i soft block accounts i think are bots. but please be gentle with others. there are still real beings behind many many screens. 🌹🌹

[averagetmntfan]

definitely not 12:14 am rn 🥲

[garbage-floof]

it's happening again!! yippee!! (sarcasm)

i feel sick and i want to throw up so bad

why??? am i so fucking anxious?? about going out with my friend??? why??