#mentally i am forever here...........

[youngke]

the stars are jealous knowing that you're by my side 💖💚 bonus: 🫠🫠🫠

[surreal-duck]

some business to take care of

[merakiui]

SO WHAT IF I LOST MY MIND!!!!! riddle,,,, he's so cute...... 🥺 so excited to have secured the flag that he's JUMPING AROUND IN THE SAND?!?!?!?!?!

[simcardiac-arrested]

growing up is like, every single thing you thought would be so complicated and unmanageable and unthinkably difficult turns out to be, actually, pretty simple. and every single thing you thought was so simple and easy to understand and how come adults don’t get this turns out to be painfully hard to deal with, to actually understand and internalize.

the thing you thought you had all figured out—somehow, you forget the right way to handle it. the thing you thought would dictate the course of your entire life, the thing you thought would ruin you forever—you move on in 2 months. the worst thing to ever happen to you hasn’t caught up yet. maybe it never will. maybe life shouldn’t be based on which worst thing happens when.

a hobby you thought would be a silly one-off becomes an all-time favorite. a genre you could never see yourself getting into can offer you the best story you���ve ever experienced. an inherent belief you thought you’d never budge on starts getting cracks. a person you’ve only ever seen in passing and had short conversations with can become your closest three, five, seven years later.

everything you thought about yourself can turn out to be wrong. you’ll get better in ways you didn’t know you could. you’ll slip and fall just as much, get new scrapes along the way as you survive yet another mess of a job, a situation, a relationship. it might be fear, or it might be happiness when you’ll look at yourself in the mirror and not recognize who it is.

so yeah, i guess, if i had to describe what growing up feels like, i could say i’m closer to figuring my life out, or i’m even more lost than before, or that it’s like a rebirth, i’m becoming a new person, i’m finally getting to know myself, or the many, many other things people say when you ask them.

and they’re all right, of course—the future you dreamed for yourself at age 12 is no longer there to guide you anymore, but sometimes it does feel like you see things clearer, like the pieces occasionally click in your head even if you can never comprehend the puzzle. you’re still who you were at your core, but you’re also starting to peel back the layers, to find such things that you never even imagined could be you.

so yeah, i guess, growing up is all of those things and more. it never stops to wait for you to realize it’s happening. it’s changing, changing in a way you can never anticipate, changing in a way that will simultaneously ache deeply and make you the happiest you’ve ever been. it’s the most complex, most intricate experience a human could have.

but, like most complicated things, it’s also actually pretty simple.

i mean—it’s just plain fun, isn’t it?

[cozylittleartblog]

GRAAAHHH SORRY THIS IS SUDDEN BUT OH MY GOD I FINALLY FOUND YOU. IM THE BENREY THAT RAN UP TO YOUR BOOTH AR AMW THIS YEAR AND MY FRIEND BOUGHT ME LIKE ALMOST ALL YOUR VALVE STUFF, I LITERALLY CRIED WHEN I GOT BACK TO THEIR ROOM CAUSE LIKE DUDE. THAT MEANT EVERYTHING FOR ME, I WAS GENUINELY SO SO SO HAPPY TO SEE THE FANDOM IS STILL ALIVE AND IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR FANS IN THE WILD FOR YEARS. THE EXPERIENCE WAS ENLIGHTENING TO SAY THE LEAST AND IM SO SO JOYOUS ABOUT IT. THANK YOU SO MUCH !1!11! :•3

:D !!!! HI!!! I REMEMBER YOU!!! THANK YOU FOR STOPPING BY, I'M SO HAPPY IT WAS MEMORABLE FOR YOU!!

people who are so enthusiastic about the things i make and the fandoms i rep at my booth are THE #1 coolest part of the experience 🥺 i feel like convention artist alleys these days are mostly filled with the same 4 popular anime/mobile games and it's really hard to find less popular anime, let alone things like video games and webseries. you would not believe how many comments I got that people never see things like Team Fortress 2 or Portal in AAs, let alone stuff like Infinity Train or HLVRAI 😭 the people who recognize them are always SO excited and then I'M excited and we are BOTH excited and nerding out together. it's fantastic!!!

the hlvrai fandom is definitely still going strong! i still see a lot of fanart and community posts and my sales on my few hlvrai things on my etsy have Not slowed down lmao. i'm sure if covid didn't happen there would have been so many benry cosplayers in 2020. we were ROBBED </3 i've seen You and one benry cosplayer at ACEN last year and that was IT </3 </3 </3

[unopenablebox]

unfortunately my experience is that it's very easy and straightforward to say things like "i'm feeling stressed out right now and having a harder time than usual not sounding irritable, sorry about that". and also that it's pretty easy to connect your current emotional state to the various specific life events and physical discomforts that caused it, even if these causes are not the exact thing that happens to be going on in front of you right this second that an unrelated person is doing. and what's more you can use that knowledge to make deliberate choices to only act on that emotion as it relates to its actual cause or at least doesn't harm random people nearby to no particular end

all this makes me more or less incapable of sympathizing with anyone who has yelled at me ever

[pardonmydelays]

"what's your role in the fandom" i am a clown who writes the most terrible posts only liked by two of my mutuals out of pity

[lgbtlunaverse]

After reading tons of people whose opinions I respect either hail it as essential reading or tear into it as abuse apolagia I have finally decided to actually read Conflict is not abuse" by Sarah Schulman and I gotta say, I think its message is really undercut by Sarah Schulman's apparrent belief that cutting someone off makes you the devil.

Like, for a book ostensibly about not overstating harm it is deeply ironic how apocalyptically it portrays the very mundane act of "not wanting to talk to someone." It's Childish. Tyrranical. Poisonous to individuals and entire communities alike. If you send someone an email asking them not to contact you anymore you are ruining your own ability to have healthy relationships with anyone. Ever. People like this should be forced into conversation with whoever they wish to avoid and it would be for their own sake because the mere act of not talking is so inherently harmful it cannot be allowed to occur, at any cost.

Every time the book says something I think is profound and useful and I start nodding along it is inevitably followed by a take that blocking someone on social media means you have the mental development of a toddler. Or that if someone is "hiding behind technology" (only wishing to talk to someone over the phone instead of face to face) this is a collective problem that the entire community needs to band together around to prevent, no matter what the person doing the "shunning" thinks. In the book's own words: "More and more people have to join in together to create change. The conversation is not over just because an escalator insists that it is."

As a reader, that attitude seems like the exact kind of militant overly paranoid thinking that a book like "Conflict Is Not Abuse" would want to prevent, but as I read further the overwhelming impression I get is that Sarah Schulman is actually fine with endlessly harangueing someone and turning their entire community against them, as long as it's for the crime of shit-talking your ex and not wanting to be around them.

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[tearlessrain]

seriously can catastrophes stop happening for five minutes my brain is already fried from the ones we're already experiencing

[katyspersonal]

Posting about it like 18 hours late after waking up, but I also had such a strange dream tonight?

In it two of my enemies that worked together against me in reality actually became enemies to one another, and for what reason they did..... One of them crafted some very intricate plan to trick me into thinking I'd get full help for my countless mental troubles, including financial, if I only signed certain papers I got, and the other one disrupted her plan by simply telling me to "trust no one" over a balcony of their.... "house"? Dreams that turn the online into "reality" make little sense but I feel like most people here have them sometimes so you get it probably?

Ironically, I trusted them, and seeing how I clearly was welcomed all of a sudden, went to their place wanting elaboration. (Their house looked exactly like if their blog became a house and it was hysterical) Turned out the other one's plan was to actually not only take all money meant to support my sorry existence away from me forever, but also keep me unemployable since legally I was "helped" or mad shit like that (basically slow, hungry death). And this person turned against their long term "ally" in MY favor because, I quote, "genocide of disabled people is not a joke" gfhtjgugjj We even continued talking a lot about world and people and all other things the other one tried, all while avoiding to as much as address our own grudge.

I really don't know why I'd have a dream like this, it felt so random? It doesn't feel like wishful thinking either. 😕 But it better not be a sign that I've misdiagnosed which one of those two became more malicious in the end, or so help me

[moe-broey]

Smartass guy with a flat affect vs guy who almost always sounds like it's joking and likes to play dumb. Neither immune to the urge to over-explain themselves in earnest. Fight.

And now I'M gonna over-explain myself 😤😤😤😤😤 Because this piece captures like. Some headcanons of mine that are so precious to me, and SO much. Of the Moefonse dynamic and friendship... the heart of how their back and forths work.

But first close-ups/text descriptions for easier reading!

From the very start, Alfonse is playing. That's his intention. To say something he knows will get a good response out of Moe. But his delivery is either too dry and flat or too genuine. He's extremely subtle, and his humor doesn't tend to land because of that.

Meanwhile, Moe can be unaware... generally. But just as much, if not more, it's deeply attentive towards the things it cares about. It takes these things SO seriously. Moe... really hates being misunderstood. It struggles with empathy, and its sense of compassion is entirely self-centered. Which seems unrelated, but all of these things contribute to it making a joke, and then feeling a need to immediately explain the joke. Just to make sure we're all on the same page, here. Nobody is left out.

So just. Joke (passed!) + Joke (also passed!) into Joke (passed, carrying on the bit), into Worry (Joke check: failed.) into Worry/Reassurance (You're my dear friend and I love you. No need to worry) into Understanding/Reassurance (yeah that WAS funny). Which, as a side, really flatters Alfonse... that's not something he gets often. He gets it A Lot from Moe though LMFAO

AND ... FINALLY..... FINAL TIDBIT OF CHARACTERIZATION

This doodle was closer to what the final panel was supposed to be (under the thought bubble), but I got distracted and forgor..... but it has essential characterization.... honestly both drawings do. So it's fine LMFAOOO

But it is So important. That neither of them are acting on their feelings. And it is sooooo important. That they're extremely verbally affectionate with each other anyway. And it all comes full circle, to the top caption. Moe sounds like it's joking here. But it is SO genuine. Also Moe might as well have said "I want you, like carnally" with that. Endlessly ambiguous guy. And for better or worse, Alfonse is built the Exact Same Way. 🧍

Oh yeah and. The. Posts. That inspired this LMFAOOO

They're both doing this. Btw.

[aro-culture-is]

quick note - this blog is gonna be sparse again for at least this week. trying new medications and tbh initial side effects are not super pleasant + actual effects build up. as a result: currently as if unmedicated for mental health, with anxiety+ side effect, extra fatigue, dizziness, and fatigue. it's uh, sure something.

totally recognize that most of y'all know we're absent at times due to health things, just wanted to give a heads up that this one is at least anticipated.

[soullessjack]

to me one of the most fucked up things about godjack and that whole “oh Cas and jack are doing excel spreadsheets in heaven now isn’t that so silly” thing and whatever is like. why are you putting them back into the system that abused and manipulated them. cas was literally lobotomized and forced to kill fake deans numerous times to condition him back into being the blind soldier that angels are supposed to be. jack is considered an undesirable abomination by heaven and all of the original nephilim were basically culled from existence by the flood as a result of that undesirability, but at the same time he’s still powerful enough to be desired as a weapon and extorted as such. that’s totally not vaguely eugenicist! and like, both cas and jack were conditioned into doing horrible things by heaven, things that have left deep scarring on both their psyches and senses of worth. jack tortured and murdered another subset of undesirables, the nonbelievers, and the worst part is that he only did it because he thought he was making up for Mary. His guilt was extorted and weaponized and only led to more guilt. once he realized what he’d done.

cas was nearly complicit in the apocalypse and wholly the murder of Lily Sunder’s seven-something year old daughter, again bc she was an undesirable abomination much like Jack was . And he was conditioned into that complicity, tortured repeatedly into believing total complicity and faith in The Plan was Good, or not even good, just a vague and abstract version of justification. he declared war and committed genocide on half of his “siblings,” and comrades, because he was a soldier and war is his lifestyle and if he can find any justification for what he does he will do it and he was taught to value the end before examining the means by which he could get to it, because that’s how heavens system works. ironically I’d say it’s fairly close to Christian fundamentalism, but also capitalism and militarism as well.

Like oh hey, you were born into a corrupt system that raised you with no sense of free will, individuality, or personhood, and encouraged blind obedience and justification of everything in the name of some vague absolution? You belong to a specific group of individuals who are deemed undesirable by the system unless you can be extorted for its gain? Why don’t you just join it and perpetuate it with a few inconsequential changes instead of fully dismantling it because it’s corrupt by design!! yay silly spreadsheets !!!!!!

I know spn isnt trying to run heaven as any sort of actual system or commentary on real life systems, believe me i know it’s not good enough to do that, but even if you take away that lens of heaven and just focus on the face value show canon of what it did to Cas and jack.. it’s still so bleak

[dazzelmethat]

Long time no Bud. Wow the last time I made her a ref was 2018. I experimented some with her pallet. Unsure if I like the profile head but oh well, open mouthed anime inspired profile faces are notoriously hard for a reason.

Sigh. What am I going to do with her.. my writing conundrum workshopping in tags. My tag rant mentions plot related suicide and ableism (in relation to the zombie trope).

[yuukimiyas]

g’mornie!! ໒꒰ྀི ◜ ‧̮ ◝ ꒱ྀིა its another lovely day in april!! i hope you all have the v best day EVER!! <33