#and then 1 shitty thing happens (in MY perception which is already biased towards a people hate me now and forever view)
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Mental illness is dumb
#like if i have 100 brain cells (questionable) it has maybe 1 cell and i am generous here#but whenever i socially interact with someone positively the mental illness files that under IT DOESNT MATTER#and then 1 shitty thing happens (in MY perception which is already biased towards a people hate me now and forever view)#and the mental illness goes#WELL THIS IS INDISPUTABLE TRUTH TOWARDS YOU BEING AN ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE AND-#and i try to stop it there but#-AND HERE ARE ALL THE OTHER EVENTS THAT HAPPENED DURING YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE#SEVERAL OF WHICH ACTIVELY TRAUMATIZING BUT NOT ALL SO WHICH ARE YOU CANNOT TELL#ALL OF WHICH PROVE YOU ARE DESPICABLE AND WORTHLESS AND PEOPLE WANT YOU OUT OF THEIR LIVES BECAUSE YOU ARE A BOTHER ALWAYS.#and then someone says youre so cool and i love your vibe#and i just go hahaha nice cool and dont ever internalize it and i will have forgotten next month.#like#idk#how am i supposed to build confidence and trust in myself if i only remember/feel the negatives?
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