#tbf the fact that i hate speaking on the phone in the first place compounds that problem | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

leah2eroes · 11 days ago

Text

can someone help my undiagnosed ass figure out why its somehow impossible for me to do tasks that are ultimately not difficult, but ive just built up a mental block against being able to do it. it feels like the dread of the task needing to be done (and the outside pressure to do it) completely paralyzes me and stops me from being able to do it, and also stops me from doing much of anything else? what is wrong with me and is it fixable by taking pills?

#this is either a complex and nuanced situation that is an amalgam of several issues in my life #or its just “oh thats textbook [name of disorder] u need to see ur doctor and ask for [name of medication] and itll literally fix u forever #the biggest issue is unsurprisingly that i need to speak to a doctor about this #but booking a doctors appointment is one of the tasks im apparently incapable of doing #mentally i just cannot do that #tbf the fact that i hate speaking on the phone in the first place compounds that problem #which itself is a combination of my low self esteem and my dysphoria and my mild-to-moderate fear of social interaction #and the fact that i struggle a lot with independence and very frequently feel like i need someone to like provide care #i feel so useless #cant even fucking pick up a phone to call a doctor #like its not that im choosing not to #ive needed to for like a year now #i wouldnt choose to fuck myself over like this #and yet here i am thoroughly fucked over by my own inaction #and STILL im incapable of unfucking myself

29 notes · View notes