#melatonin is the sleep one
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Cant sleep so i doodled them. I just think he’s neat
#im away from home and i forgot my damn melatonin there#no easy sleep for me~#my art#one piece#sabo#one piece fan art#sabo the revolutionary#op koala
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Sniling fri3nds is making me crazy because I kept seeing fan art and thinking about that post that's like 'you guys would ship a blue square and a red square named glupo and shitto if they were both men' but the show is also doing that????
#I'm not really invested in this only one ep has made laugh#but I am using it as a sleeping aid it's like melatonin to me; possibly because I'm whatever the weeaboo equivalent for australia is#<- normal
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Just finished Dream Productions on Disney+...
Disney and Pixar, I'm begging you for a plushie of Melatonin.
#inside out#dream productions#melatonin was the cutest dog!#i wanna see a plush of him on the disney store site someday...#pixar#who doesn't love a dog with magical sleeping powers?#though one question...#why don't mel's powers work on paula or janelle?#but they work on everyone else?
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something has possessed me i think bc why am i in the year 2024 thinking about merlin/gwaine but also merlin/lancelot but also gwaine/merlin/lancelot. what have i done to deserve this
#merlin#bbc merlin#bbc gwaine#bbc lancelot#in truth this is not surprising at all#gwaine is my favorite character#and there is no world in which gwaine didnt know about merlins magic#i love the merlin tv show so much#it couldve been so much better. IT COULDVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTERRRR#and no one knows just how much this show means to me#like in terms of comfort shows this is the number one#even though i dont rewatch it all that often#i think about it so much#chat do i rewatch merlin in its entirety for the first time in years#i usually just rewatch my favorite eps#the ones with gwaine as a main character#and the ones that make me sad#i also love lancelot so much and i do kind of hate how the show did him SORRY#when morgana brings him back. love my toxic queen but i cant watch it#to me gwen was always in love with arthur and morgana#idc about actual legends i care about the tv show#one day ill read some retelling of the whatever and WHATEVER#but. i can feel how i want#the way i view the various different ships... its wild#like i can go into depth one day... but not today IM TIREDDD#sorry im rambling its 3am and ive had a rough few days rip#im gonna take some melatonin and go sleep good lord#why does my pc think melatonin isnt a word its literally a drug???? whatever#anyway. ramble OVER i need SLEEP
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Star-Crossed
Chapter 13: širdies
Donquixote Rosinante x gn!reader word count: 2.2k a/n: this one is a bit smaller than usual and it's a lil uneventful. kind of a filler chapter as i set grounds for the next one lmao first|next
You're not exactly sure when you fell asleep - well, more than likely, passed out, but when you woke up, you found yourself in your room at Pops’ house. It makes sense Marco brought you here. You probably weren't safe in your own place. You had no idea who would come after you or even if anyone would come after you. People didn’t typically know where Pops’ lived and he’s been out of the scene long enough that they should leave him alone for the most part.
You just hoped that they wouldn’t drag him into your mess like you had everyone else.
That, and being alone probably wasn't the best idea. This way Marco could keep an eye on you and make sure you didn't run off. He was well aware of your bad habits; take just the other night for example. He didn’t want to have to hunt you down again. He’d already done that once this week. You only did it once in a blue moon, but this way he could prevent it from happening in the same week.
You sighed, putting your head in your hands. You weren't even sure how long it had been since you , but it was dark outside. You rolled over and glanced to your tableside; the clock read three in the morning and your phone laid there with a shattered screen. You didn’t even bother trying to see if it worked. Who did you have to get a hold of right now? All you needed was Pops and Marco and they were both in this house. You’d replace it eventually.
But not right now.
The events replayed in your head. You hoped everyone was able to make it out okay. As much as you didn’t trust Doflamingo or your own father now; Crocodile seemed like the kind of man who would at least keep his end of a bargain. If not, you would unleash hell. You had no problem taking all of them down or die trying.
After all, you had nothing left to lose now.
You sighed, laying on your back and staring at the ceiling. What were you to do now? You didn’t have the hospital. You had gotten Corazon shot. You dragged innocent people into your own mess that you created by being an absolute idiot.
Why did you think you could have it all? Leaving your father’s family and still keeping a good relationship with him? Being able to have the hospital but also aiding those who were injured and helping others escape from the hell that was that lifestyle with no consequence?
You were Icarus and flew too close to the sun. Everything you had worked so hard for - gone in an instant.
You felt a headache come forth and you knew you’d cry if you had any tears left at this point. Exhaustion was creeping back into your very being. It wasn’t long before you fell back asleep.
--
The following week, you hardly left your room or your bed. Hell, you hardly even ate. You just didn't have the energy to do anything besides sleep. When you were awake, you were plagued by your own thoughts of what happened and how you have nothing now. It just wasn't something you could deal with - you still had a hard time believing it. It was easier to sleep - especially when you didn’t even dream. It was just an endless black void and you welcomed it with open arms.
Marco basically had to drag you out of bed to make you shower, but you went right back into bed afterwards. He tried to talk to you, as did Pops, but you didn't provide much of a conversation, so they both ended up just leaving you alone for the most part.
You heard the door open and the smell of food. It made you sick to your stomach, but one could also argue that you probably felt that way because you haven't been eating. “I’m not hungry, Marco,” you mumbled from your blanket cocoon.
“Yeah, he mentioned that you might say that,” a voice mumbled that was very much not Marco - or Pops for that matter.
You sat up quickly, squinting in the dark room to see who it was. You recognized his voice, but you just couldn't believe it for some reason.
“Rosinante?”
You felt your face heat up and honestly you didn't know why. Quickly, you turned on the lamp on your bedside, hissing at the light. You’d hardly seen any in the last week anyway. “What are you doing here?”
“I might have begged Marco to let me come visit…” The man made his way over to you and that feeling struck you again. You went to move to catch him, only to get tangled up in your blankets and crash to the floor the same time he did.
“Ah, fuck.” You slowly pushed your way up off the ground, only to realize something.
You froze in place the moment you sat up and realized he was under you. Your entire body suddenly felt like it was on fire. “Oh my god, I am so sorry,” you mumbled, scrambling to move off of him. “Are you okay?”
You remembered his wound, sitting back slightly and lifting his shirt without thinking. “How are you healing?”
“If you wanted me alone in your room with my shirt off you could've just asked,” he teased, nervously grinning at you with red cheeks. Your eyes widened and you covered your face.
“Oh my god. I'm so sorry.” For fuck’s sake. A week was all it took for you to forget how to interact with others?
He slowly sat up, chuckling as he did so. You slid into his lap as he moved, not removing your hands. You were too embarrassed to even look at the man.
He removed your hands from your face and you looked up at him, face red. “I'm healing fine, thank you.” His expression was soft as he took your face in his hands with a gentle smile. Your eyes widened as you looked at him, heart beginning to run wild.
“Are you okay?”
Then it was as if the floodgates opened. So much for thinking that you ran out of tears because you had plenty now as they started falling down your face. Dammit. Doesn’t he know that he’s not supposed to ask a question like that?
“I'm so sorry, Rosinante,” you said softly. “I’m sorry that I dragged you into all of this.” You pulled your face out of his hands only for them to find your face again so you had to look at him. You averted your eyes, refusing to look at him.
“Look at me.” His gentle demand made your heart lurch and your gaze shifted to him in surprise.
His expression was still soft, tone still gentle. “You didn’t drag me into anything, y/n.”
“Y-Yes, I did.” You hiccuped slightly from your sobs. “You were out. You were free from all of this. I shouldn’t have even tried to entertain the idea of us. I should’ve known it’d be dangerous. I’m so-”
“Y/n.” You stopped, sniffling as you looked up at him.
“None of that is your fault. You didn’t know that your own father would betray you.” Marco had filled him in on all the details of what had actually happened, unbeknownst to you. “You didn’t know that he was going to team up with my brother. You didn’t know they’d take over your hospital and use us as collateral.”
“Yeah, but-”
“But nothing. Yes. I got out, but I also know that things can catch up with me at any moment, just as you do. One can never really leave this life and all that, right?” You just looked at him, trying to find the words to say. You didn’t know why he wasn’t mad at you. He was just…so kind and you didn’t understand. It just felt like it’d be easier if he just hated you, then you wouldn’t have to deal with all these other complex feelings.
“Not only all that, but I still made my decision even after finding out who you were, remember? Sure, it took me a minute. Mostly because I was embarrassed for having made an ass of myself that night. Law was trying to get me to talk to you the whole time. I’m pretty sure he was ready to have my head.” He made a sheepish expression as if he was apologizing to the young man in his head for that one.
“I don’t give a shit where you’re from - I’m from that same place. I’d be hypocritical if I judged you for it. We’re in this together now. I mean. Well, uhm. If you want,” he mumbled, rambling a bit towards the end, his face slowly turning red.
You had stopped crying at this point, honestly just taken aback by his words. Your heart was beating so fast as you sat there, in his lap, with your face in his large hands. You could read between his ramblings.
He was right, though. You didn’t necessarily drag him into anything. He had been the one to take the initiative. Hell, he was even going to ask him out before your father showed up. You had planned on telling him everything if things did end up getting serious. If he had asked you out that day, you would’ve immediately told him everything. You hadn’t planned on lying to him at all - you believed in full transparency. Especially since he was from the same background as you.
The way he found out was unplanned, but it was going to happen all the same.
He had come back. You thought it was only because he found out that you were also the person who saved Law, but he had hardly mentioned that. Law had even confirmed that it wasn’t because of that. It was just shit timing from when they found out and when he was ready to confront all his feelings. Everything seemed to be happening out of order and now you were trying to put the pieces together.
You moved without much thought, kissing him hard. He made a small noise of surprise, but was quick to melt into it. Your arms slipped around his neck as his found their way around your waist. It was getting hot and heavy quickly, but you knew you couldn’t go too far since you were in Pops’ house and you would rather die than get caught by him or Marco.
You pulled away, both of you panting heavily as you tried to catch your breaths. Corazon rested his forehead on yours, looking deep into your eyes. You finally spoke after a moment. “Yes. We’re in this together.” You supposed you should answer the sentiment he had stumbled over earlier.
He chuckled softly, pressing another soft kiss to your lips. “Good because I’d be real sad if otherwise.” You snorted, rolling your eyes. He was such a goober, but it was cute.
You thought for a moment, frowning slightly. This was great and all, but…where did you go from here? You could start dating, yes. This was one thing solved. There were still tons of things you had to deal with. You had to get your hospital back somehow. You also needed some answers from Pops. It was time you found out exactly what happened between him and your father. You needed to make sure all your staff were safe. Obviously Corazon and the boys were safe, but you needed to know about everyone else as well.
You had let everything get to you. You had fallen off the deep end, but you were back now thanks to Corazon’s help. Only…you had no idea where to begin.
You suddenly felt him press a kiss to your forehead and you looked up at him. “I can see that big brain of yours is back in business,” he said with a large, goofy grin. You felt your heart start racing again. Fuck, he was beautiful. He stood up, picking you up with him. Luckily for him, Pops was also a very large man, so all the ceilings in this home were tall. He could stand with ease.
“However, it’s late. There isn’t much we can do now. Why don’t you sleep on it, let your thoughts organize, and we can figure things out in the morning, hm?” He slipped into bed with you and you felt your face warm up.
“If your goal was to get into bed with me the whole time, you could’ve just asked,” you mused, using his words from earlier. This time he went red. “That’s not…uh…”
You laughed, settling into the bed and pulling him with you. “I know, I know. Now c’mere.” You could already feel the exhaustion from the crying and from your brain turning back on. He was right, you needed a good night's sleep before you started tackling this absolute shitshow that you needed to deal with. You’d waited this long, what was a few more hours?
The moment you felt Corazon pull you in and wrap himself around you - you were out like a light.
-----
first|next
#im also trying to score a new job so fingers fuckin' crossed i get it#cause then i'll be working like 7 to 4#and only five days a week#that'll be wild#here's to hoping#one piece#one piece x reader#one piece x you#donquixote rosinante x reader#donquixote rosinante#donquixote corazon#corazon x you#rosinante corazon#corazon x reader#corazon#rosinante x reader#rosinante#i also took a billion melatonin to help me sleep and am fighting demons as we speak lmfao#am fics#sc#hopefully everything makes fucking sense
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Current count since I last slept: 41 hours.
I think I've capped out at 46 before, I'm not sure because my worst fit of insomnia had me in no position to check times. But I'll say 46. So if we hit 48 we're setting personal records!
#i do not want to actually be awake#my body just physically cant process stress#'oh zee why cant you be in a car?'#this. this is why#and you might think: 'oh this cant be because you were in a car!'#it is. it so totally is#and also stress#but mostly i blame being in a car#everytime i get in a car i get sick#motion sickness vertigo dizziness insomnia#my body is violently against automobiles#which is actually so annoying because i finally own one of my dream cars#and wanna know when i last drove my baby?#A YEAR AND FIVE FUCKING MONTHS AGO#Also please for the love of fuck do not suggest anything to help me sleep#i. have. tried. it.#when im dealing with insomnia like this the only way it stops is preceiotion strength meds or my body calms itself the fuck down#no teas no melatonin no meditating no lettuce water no hot milk NOTHING will work#and also even prescription strength meds dont always work when its like this i have woken up like two hours after taking some b4#when my body doesnt want to sleep it will not sleep#you can tell how little sleep im running on based on how unhinged these tags are
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Every single night I ask myself, “do I want to go gentle into that good night, or do I want to rage & rage against the dying of the light?” and the answer to that question determines whether or not I take melatonin.
#my post#going gentle is the Melatonin Way#sleep (most of the time) suddenly becomes easy & welcomed#raging against the dying of the light. that on the other hand#that one does involve around 3 hours of Turmoil#which is bad for sleeping but can be very very good for fanfiction ideas
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my sleep schedules done that fun thing where it reverses itself suddenly out of nowhere and refuses to be normal
so i guess im sleeping during daylight hours for however long it takes to unfuck itself
#my favorite thing about having disordered sleeping is how everyone around you says its your fault 💜#''have you tried-'' yes 💜 multiple times 💜#my favorite is when someone pushes melatonin and i get to tell them that the 5 mg ones in store dont work.#and that to get any results i was taking 50 mg a night by using two 25 mg gummies that could only be bought online#the recommended max btw is 10 mg#and thats funny for a minute as they fail to reconcile the idea that Magic Sleep Pill No Work but then they tell me to stay up all day#like girl do u hear urself.
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~
#delete later#another journal entry 📝 for the void#i have not been sleeping well for the past 2 wks 😵💫 i always wake up like clockwork after 5-6 hrs which feels like not nearly enough#i feel like i've done everything there is to do (consistent exercise + consistent sleep times + earplugs + weighted blanket + no caffeine)#last night i took melatonin too but no... same problem staying asleep ���#ahh whatever. i'm just frustrated that it has to be this way :(#anyways in an act of spite i reread like the 4 wips that have been sitting in my drafts from the past few weeks#i think something that will never cease to surprise me about writing is that more effort/time doesn't necessarily translate to better#results; i suppose that's the case with all kinds of art but#it does feel somewhat unintuitive. one of my fav professors in uni said to not dismiss those 'lightning in a bottle' moments (in art) as#blind luck... but to instead analyze the circumstances and iterate on recreating them. and i think one of my artist friends who i deeply#respect said something similar (wrt artistic rituals/setup). i have too many thoughts on writing and on my own creative processes and#weaknesses to fit into any number of tags here. :') that said...#*shakes ch2 draft* after everything i did and all the hours i spent WHY are you still so bad?!!! D: i am baffled and frustrated.#and why do i prefer this other [redacted] draft which i hammered out with utterly no regard towards the quality??#anyways. back to the drawing board i guess T.T
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despite it being a special interest for years and years i never used to dream abt hockey or players. but in the past month i’ve had a dream that i was tyler seguin and i scored a gwg in ot with a mini stick in minnesota. so. psychoanalyse that. and i also dreamt last night that i was in succession but hockeys were also there and colin miller was dating tswift. what does it all mean.
#all this time of not having weird dreams bc of melatonin catching up to me perhaps#anyways. sleeping shortly probably. felt the need to announce this to the world. hey#is it dreamt or dreamed#yap yap yapping#the tyler one was weird. i was like using one hand on the stick too and everything felt like slow mo#it was like . visceral
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Absolutely needed a win so i took melatonin last night to ensure i slept well which i DID but also god now i’m still tired and probably will be the rest of the day too oops
#melatonin goes crazy on me smh#works better than like actual prescribed sleep medication i’ve taken🙃#which is probably because i don’t produce enough melatonin naturally#but i will keep insisting melatonin is one of the craziest things you can take for sleep leave me alone#however that also means there is probably a nap in todays future godbless#ready and willing to sleep forever thnx
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People talk about fast metabolisms like it's all fun and games and eating whatever you want but they fail to remember that it also means your body is Incredibly Stupid and decides that you become deficient in everything in a couple or so days where it takes most others a week. Or months compared to "oops you forgot to photosynthesize sufficiently :( no i don't care that it has been freezing and overcast for the past week, you didn't absorb enough sun. Perish Badly."
Or at least it would be if i didn't like citrus fruits so much, probably
#glaring at whatever secret brain section is in control of my body resource management. why am i iron deficient again. it has been 2½ days.#and all that has been spent mostly SLEEPING because GUESS WHAT ALSO DOESN'T WORK RIGHT BECAUSE OF METABOLISM.#SLEEP AIDS. LIKE MELATONIN#i have to take a double dose if i want these fucking dumb ass gummies to do anything. otherwise they don't do shit unless I'm already asleep#but guess what? i can't get to sleep :) because another thing in the list of Patch Problems is chronic insomnia. and i can't sleep#so the melatonin does ✨️NOTHING✨️#same goes for pain meds and local anesthetics because my metabolism is so so good at it's job :) when it does not need to be#like bbg we are not poisoned we are at the dentist CALM THE FUCK DOWN??? SO I DON'T FEEL THE DAMN DRILL IN MY TOOTH?????#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhg#i do not need so many issues stacked on top of eachother#istg i would not have survived in any century before this one. what do you mean i get sickly deficient in things in less time than Normal™️#i can't even drink plain water or it makes me nauseated. body why are you Stupid#patchy rambles#is this slightly incomprehensible? probably#but it is 1 in the morning and i am pissed at my own body for hating me so much and this is My Blog so i put My Problems on it#rgrgrgrgr
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this was funnier in my head.
#i literally can't find this scene without the subtitles. and the yt downloaders won't let me download the full dub episode#this was originally gonna be nanami and utena#but due to the fact that i have little to no storage#i had to make this one clip work#revolutionary girl utena#rgu#shoujo kakumei utena#sku#utena tenjou#juri arisugawa#i'm running off of two melatonin lines of sleep
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i rememorized how to solve a rubik's cube!
#unfortunately i accomplished this at 3am last night ;-;#i stayed up late for hw again and then needed a break#i love my stellar class sm bc the prof is such a down to earth and silly guy#who really prioritizes student lesrning over grades#and i love that so so so very much#and the content in class is cool!!!#the hw just takes me forever#and with everything else i have to do it piles up and i keeping staying up late to do it ;-;#and then after doing that + staring at a screen/coding for so many hours in a row i need a break before i go to bed#and then i stay up later#and by that time it's too late for melatonin#so i end up staying up later bc even though i'm exhausted i can't fall asleep bc i'm anxious#about the fact that it's late + how little sleep i'm going to get + whether or not i'll sleep through my alarms#+ the parts of the hw i still have left + the one million tasks i've put off and still need to do#tldr: i got like 4 hours of sleep and woke up 30 mins before class and rushed to campus (i didn't get to shower)#and i barely ate anything and i feel like shit#i'm about to eat lunch but i am shaky and unwell#i keep telling myself i can't keep living like this but i can't figure out how to not be in this situations ;-;#<- oh wow that's a lot of tags o.o#if you got to the end of them pls know i love + appreciate you sm for listening to me <3#i will be okay. just having a rough time rn#zip quips
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I was all set to go to sleep an hour ago, but succumbed to the inescapable urge and opened up my laptop to do some writing for the first time today. Managed twenty minutes and about 600 words before the exhaustion caught up to me. Was set to sleep again. And then turned on my voice recorder so I could sleepily dictate to future me. Another twenty minutes and probably a good thousand words there. And now here I am posting about it on tumblr dot com instead of going the fuck to sleep.
#too tired to write#too tired to sleep#ultimately not actually tired at all#you know the one week i tried melatonin i slept worse than i ever have in my life
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Omg I think I've finally reached the point of exhaustion where I can sleep well
#LET'S GOOOOO#i really need to sleep#also the doctor changed mu double dose of melatonin for one dose of it mixed with other thing. so let's hope this actually works.
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