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analogwriting · 2 months ago

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The Other Side of Paradise

Chapter 7: It's All So Incredibly Loud

Killer x gn!reader word count: 3k first a/n: oh my god im so sorry that i just disappeared. summer is just a really hard time of year for me. between business picking up at the store and just having a lot of personal things going on, it's been a lot and i haven't had motivation. things should slow down and hopefully i can post more. im starting to be a bit more motivated, so that's also helpful. that being said, i haven't written all summer so please bear w me. >.< ALSO the various terms in the texts are just different terms of endearment.

Oh, this shit sucked.

Being without Killer; it was worse than you could’ve imagined. Yes, you knew it was going to be hard, but not this hard. Even with him calling every night and talking to you until you fell asleep, you never could sleep long, or well.

He slept with you every night since forever, now that he wasn’t here…it was so obvious something was missing. Everything felt cold and way too spacious; he was large and radiated heat so his absence was more than noticeable. You spend your nights tossing and turning all over, getting all tangled in your sheets before eventually falling off the bed.

On the rare occasions you did get sleep, you realized how spoiled you had been with your wake up routine. Killer would come in and shower you with light kisses, waking you up gently and slowly with the aroma of food not far from him. He was always the first one awake, so he always made sure you were taken care of before you went off to classes.

Most mornings now, you’d roll out of bed last minute, grab something to snack on - if anything at all - and head out the door. If Killer was here, he’d absolutely scold you for your shit eating habits.

You also made sure that your schedule was packed. You hated having a moment to yourself because you just thought about how much you missed everyone. You stacked up your classes, worked extra shifts, hung out with your friends until the wee hours of the morning. Anything and everything you could to exhaust yourself. It was easier to fall asleep if you physically couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore, right? Besides, Killer usually wasn’t available until late at night anyway.

However, contact began to slow down and shorten. Killer tried calling every night, and he did for a while. He called late at night, you two would talk about your days and eventually you’d fall asleep on the phone together. It went like this for a long time. Hours of talking about every little thing and thought the two of you had throughout the day turned to brief conversations. “Hey, I just had to hear your voice, but I can’t stay long.” Things like that.

The calls became more spaced out - every other day, every week, every other week, and then every month. They really just packed his schedule and he was so exhausted that he’d forget to call or not have the energy. Or he was worried about calling you too late - no matter how much you told him it didn’t matter how late it called, he still wouldn’t because he knew you needed sleep too. He knew that you were pushing yourself to the edge and exhausting yourself. He tried to protest this, but you kept reassuring him that you were perfectly fine much to his dismay.

Even his texting slowed; not that he was much of a texter to begin with. Just like the calls, the texts were almost constant, then a few a day, then one a day, so on and so forth. You continued texting him throughout the day, updating him on things and just keeping him in the loop - even if he wasn’t answering. Sometimes, it didn’t even seem that your messages were delivering, but you just assumed that was a glitch.

The group chat the lot of you had was lacking the band members. They all somewhat stopped being in contact with everyone. Which, in their defense, they were busy and that made sense, but it still sucked. Killer made sure to at least send a ‘good morning text’ every day, so there was at least that kind of comfort…for a while.

“Y/n.”

You were currently staring at your phone, zoning out. You were staring at your texts between you and Killer.

“Y/n.”

Killer hadn’t texted you that morning. He always made sure to at least text you ‘good morning.’ It was usually followed by a pet name or a nickname, but it hadn’t come. It usually came right as you were waking up but it was now afternoon and there was nothing.

“Y/N!”

You jumped as your best friend’s voice rang through, making you drop your phone and making it clatter along the table. “Huh?” You blinked, looking at Hop.

“You didn’t hear anything I said, did you?” Her face was deadpanned as she looked at you, clearly unamused. “What’s going on? Is it Killer?” She sighed, rolling her eyes slightly. You knew she was annoyed with all of it. Which, you didn’t blame her. She was patient for the most part through all of this and you had just ignored her.

You sighed, picking your phone back up and nodded. “He hasn’t texted me.”

“Didn’t you say he wasn’t really texting you as much?”

“Yeah, but he always sent a good morning text, you know? And I didn’t get this one this morning, so I’m worried. What if something happened?” You frowned deeply, staring at your phone. What if they were in some kind of accident? You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if anything happened to any of them.

“Have you tried texting your cousin?”

“Yes, but it’s the same. Nothing.” All four of them were unresponsive.

A sigh came from Hop. It’d been months at this point since they left. She, like you, thought it would slowly become easier as time went on, but it didn’t. It felt like things were getting harder. For a moment, things were fine. When Killer was still texting and calling regularly, everything was fine. You were coping well. As he responded less and less, the more desperate you became. It was like slowly weaning yourself off of some kind of drug.

“You should move in with us.” Hop's voice suddenly chimed.

You blinked, looking at Hop. “Huh?”

“You should move in with Dive, Bubblegum, and I. We have that extra room you’ve been crashing in.” That was the other thing, whenever you hung out with them, you crashed in their spare bedroom.

You paused for a moment, mulling it over for a moment.

“C’mon, y/n. You are all alone in that big house. I know it’s the house you grew up in and your mother left it to you, but I also don’t think she’d want you to rot away in it. A permanent change of scenery would do you good. Get you out of your wallowing mood.”

You let out a long sigh, thinking about it. She was right. You were all alone in this large house. It was full of old memories that somewhat hurt. Sure, you used it as a large hangout spot and it was still used, but Hop’s house was now used as the same. They moved into their house more recently and your friend group now gravitated between yours and their house. It wouldn’t make too much of an impact to switch to the one.

All the memories in your house though, could you really let them go? All the parties, all the firsts, all the little domestic moments, all the tears, happiness, anger - could you let it go? You weren’t quite sure. You might be able to move, but could you get rid of things and sell the place? That was the part you were most unsure about.

“I know I kind of just sprung it on you and it’s not exactly an easy decision to make. So, how about you think about it? The offer doesn’t expire, so just take your time.” She placed a hand on your shoulder and smiled at you. You nodded slowly, sighing.

“It’s probably a good idea, but I just can’t let the house go. All those memories I just-”

“Hey, like I said. Offer always stands. Besides, you can crash at ours whenever. You don’t necessarily have to sell your house either. We can still use it as the hang out spot, if you want.”

You looked at her, smiling and almost tearing up. You don’t know what you did to deserve her, but you were forever grateful for her. Grateful for all of your friends, honestly. They’d all been so supportive and trying to help make sure you were taking care of yourself on top of you overstacking your schedule.

“What’s going on here?” Bubblegum plopped on the bench across from the two of you.

“I invited them to move in with us.” Hop shrugged, letting go of you.

Bubblegum grinned, clearly this was something they had already discussed. “Well, you pretty much do anyway. Prefer you with us rather than by yourself.” You let out another long sigh. You knew you were worrying them. With your wall to wall scheduling and overall not taking care of yourself, they were constantly making sure you were okay. You felt awful.

“Just remember, Killer said he’d be back. So, he’ll be back. He’s just busy - it’s not the end of the world.” Hop looked at you then at your phone.

You set it down, sighing. She was right. You needed to remind yourself you were more than him. As much as you missed him with every fiber of your being, working yourself to death wasn’t going to help anyone. You just needed a little pep talk to remind you. You needed to detox.

“What if we went to the movies tonight?” You looked at them. Might as well start trying to live a little now. It wasn’t helping anyone just running yourself into the ground.

“I thought you were picking up a shift?”

You shook your head. “Not gonna. I need to make time for me. It’s not helping anyone being glued to my phone or overworking and stressing myself, and everyone else out, in the process.” Starting now, you were going to turn over a new leaf. Time wasn’t passing any faster working all day everyday so might as well have fun.

The two of them grinned widely. “Oh hell yeah. What about that new horror movie we’ve been wanting to see?”

You nodded, your mind racing. You still wanted to keep busy, yes, but you could also enjoy that time as well. You didn’t have to constantly be working, you could also take time for you. Sure, your mind would drift, but it was okay to just think. You were just avoiding everything when really you needed to think about those things. Handle those emotions.

You looked at your phone, jumping up. “Oh shit, I’m late to class!” You bolted down the sidewalk, waving to your friends and shouting to them that you’d see them later.

Life started slowing down a little. You did eventually hear from Killer. He had ended up calling a couple of days later, apologizing for not being able to text you. His phone had been acting weird, not sending his texts or receiving any, so he ended up getting a new one. It was odd because apparently the same happened to everyone else’s. You assumed maybe some intern spilled water on a table and it got their phones, fucking them all up at once.

However, things didn’t exactly return to normal. You were wondering if his phone was still giving him trouble. Maybe it was your own phone? Though, when you took it in, they said nothing was wrong with it. You even went ahead and bought a whole new phone just in case…

You hadn’t heard from him in a week at this point, but you were keeping busy. Not overkill like you had been, but focusing on other things. You had decided to move in with your friends, taking the basics of what you needed and deciding the box up the rest of the house. You weren’t going to sell it off quite yet, you were still unsure about that part, but you were going to start going through everything - that was already going to take a loong time. You were sure there were some things you could throw out and get rid of; old clothes that didn’t fit anyone, dishes that were never used, etc.

“Y/n!” You were interrupted by your thoughts as you heard Dive’s voice ring through the house.

“Upstairs!” You were currently going through things in your cousin’s room. You were boxing most things, throwing out trash, broken things, putting clothes you knew that didn’t fit him in the donate pile. It was kind of nice cleaning up - refreshing.

You heard Dive run up the stairs and into the room. “Y/n. You need to pack.”

You blinked, looking over at her. Your eyebrows furrowed and you tilted your head to the side. “What for?”

“You, me, Hop, ‘Gum, and some other people are all gonna go to the beach. We all pitched in and rented an airbnb for a couple weeks. So, pack. We leave in an hour.” Then she headed back out without any other explanation nor context.

“Wait!” You ran after her. “I can’t just leave work!” Right now you were on winter break, so you didn’t have to worry about school.

“We already talked with them - they’re cool with it!” She didn’t even look back as she ran out of the house. You stood there, blinking in shock. Did they really talk to your work for you? Huh, they must’ve really wanted you to not have a decision in the matter. Well, you couldn’t argue with that.

“Well…I guess I don’t really have a choice.” You chuckled, heading back upstairs to pack.

Turns out it was the entire friend group that was going; sans the bandmates of course. Part of you hoped they’d make a surprise appearance, but you doubted it. Hell, none of them could bother to text any of you. You were honestly growing more and more annoyed by it all.

You tried not to think about it.

The airbnb that was rented was ginormous. It was a stunning beach house that you see in the movies. Just about everyone had their own room. You opted to share a room with Hop. As of late, when you were at their house you ended up sharing a bed with her anyway. You still struggled with sleeping alone and having someone in the bed with you made things easier - especially since your boyfriend wasn’t talking to you at all.

You knew he was busy, but you couldn’t help it. It somewhat annoyed you, especially after he called you apologizing for his phone breaking only for him to ignore you. For all of them to do it too? No one had heard from any of them recently. No texts, no funny videos on various apps, nothing.

The only thing you heard was whatever the lot of you saw on the news. Which, lately, wasn’t much either. They went silent. You assumed they were preparing for something big. That's the only thing you could think of that would keep them from talking to any of you.

The beach and this trip was exactly what you needed. A change of scenery, the salty breeze, roads shimmering and wiggling in your vision because of the heat, your friends; it couldn’t get better than this. It also helped take your mind off of things surprisingly enough. Sure, your mind was always racing, but it was a little better this week.

You spent the days shopping, hanging out on the beach, eating local food, just enjoying life. You hardly checked your phone. It was used as a camera and nothing else, not like Killer bothered texting you. Or any of the others. Everyone tried texting them at one point, but no one got an answer, so you all just collectively gave up.

To be honest, you were so caught up in having a good time with everyone that you didn’t find yourself thinking about it too much, just late at night. You were in a good mood - surrounded by those you loved and loved you, doing endless fun activities. It’s just what you needed. A break. A reward for working so hard and getting through all of this.

You almost didn’t want it to end. Sure, it would’ve been better if your boyfriend and everyone else was here, but it just didn’t work out like that. You weren’t going to let it damper your mood too much. It nagged at the back of your mind, a weird feeling at the pit of your stomach. You just assumed you were being dramatic.

“Compo! Where are those hot dogs!” You hollered from the kitchen. You were in the middle of preparing dinner for everyone. The classic hamburger and hot dog assembly station. Everyone was about the house, doing their own things. Cleaning up from a long day, on the deck enjoying the cool evening ocean breeze, playing music, watching tv, just about anything and everything.

It was a bit chaotic, but it was expected from your friend group.

“Holy shit.”

“What the fuck?”

There was a commotion coming from the living area. Something crashed to the floor, there was a couple gasps.

“Should we get them?”

“I don’t know…it might break them…”

What were they talking about? Were they talking about you? Was Killer on the news?

You walked into the living room. “What’s going-” and immediately froze as your eyes fell upon the television. Your eyes ballooning, tears filling them instantly. You’re in shock, unable to process what you were looking at. There was no way this was happening. It didn’t make sense.

Everything fell silent, an eye of the storm. Whispers could deafen you in this moment, so no one dared even breathe as they watched you in horror. Water from your broken iris fell towards the floor; everyone waiting, shaking slightly as it dropped. You slowly felt yourself breaking down. You were silent, but your heartbreak was loud enough to rattle the world. You can’t fight it - you can’t breathe.

Before you, on the television, was a live feed of your boyfriend, cousin, and friends. They all looked worse for wear. Like they’d been going through it. Dabbling in things they shouldn’t, but that’s not what stopped your heart. No. That would’ve been so much better to deal with. So much easier. Nothing could’ve prepared you for what you were watching.

Your boyfriend on screen, surrounded by scantily dressed women hanging off of him and he was locking lips with one of them.

#please dont kill me im tryin my best here #i also have to be up for work in four hours rip #one piece #one piece x reader #one piece x you #am fics #killer one piece #killer x reader #massacre soldier killer #killer #op killer #hopefully the cute fake screenshots soften the blow

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