#me? rambling in my tags again? it’s more likely than you think.

[javierduffy]

@galacta-phantasma now why would you say that to me .

replaying this game after the second game is making me honest to god so beyond miserable … javier looks so absolutely defeated here. it’s genuinely breaking my heart. please don’t make me think about the thoughts he’s having now- perhaps ones of regrets, or flashes of laughter and singing around the campfire, of clanking beer bottles together and sharing stories, of looking at the shine in dutch’s eyes during a speech and how he felt, somehow, the warmth of the mexican sun. and how that sun never felt the same when he got home again. and how the only time in the past eight years that he ever felt warm was when john’s hands wrapped the rope around his hands and legs. when john’s rope was the noose around his neck, and he finally, finally could stop running. guilt, fear, regret … relief. please kill me im so sad

[hihomeghere]

Desperado | Charles Smith x f!Reader

Word Count : 1.2k

Summary : Set four months after Charles leaves with the Wapiti. You and Charles try to figure out what to do after the gang falls apart. Comfort fic

Warnings/tags : Mention of dead bodies, death, shooting, Established realtionship. Let me know if I missed any

divider by @saradika

Unfortunately for you, you found yourself in this situation more than often. Cupping your steaming cup of coffee watching as the sun turned the magenta sky a burnt orange hue.

It was a beautiful sight, something that should have spread warmth throughout your body, like the near boiling liquid you forced down your throat. Instead, it left a bitter taste in your mouth. You should be back in your bedroll, curled up in Charles' warm embrace. Feeling the soft puff of his breath against your neck, the gentle rise and fall of his chest against your back. 

You pulled your shawl tighter around your body, although there was no chill in the air. The Wapiti were settled, as settled as they could be. Forced off their land again, and again. As much as you hoped they would not be displaced again, you knew it was mostly wishful thinking. You grit your teeth, a spark igniting in your belly that had been smoldering for months.

It had been four months, and you knew what Charles would say if he was awake, four months isn’t a long time. Four months since John got shot, four months since the last time you had seen Arthur alive, four months since you took the grieving Wapiti north, farther away from their lands. Four months since you last saw the gang, or what was left of it. If you could even call Dutch’s ramblings and whatever fools Micah brought along the van der linde gang. 

That’s not what it had been when you had joined, when Hosea had caught you stealing from him in that saloon back in Wyoming. A small chuckle left your lips, shaking your head as you recalled his crooked smile as he cornered you leaving the bar. Your smile faltered, just another one of your family buried under the ground. Another one you and Charles buried.

At least he wasn’t alone, poor Lenny next to him. You always thought his sickness would catch him before a bullet did. But you were always the dreamer. More like Dutch in that regard. 

Dutch.

You threw your cup as far as you could, swallowing the sob that threatened to break past your lips. 

“What did that cup ever do to you?” Charles' groggy voice asked, pulling the tent flap back. The bright morning light illuminates him, like your own personal beacon. 

“Burnt my tongue.” You mumbled, crossing your arms.

“And that’s the cup's fault?” He asked, raising an eyebrow as he strode towards you. He stood beside you, his dark skin glowing in the dawn. 

“Yes.” You said, a deep rumbling chuckle worked through his chest. 

“Stubborn.” He said softly, shaking his head. You hummed, tearing your eyes away from him. A deer, a stag, broke across the plains. Pausing for a moment as he caught sight of you and Charles, before he ran off. 

“Was it the same one?” His voice broke the silence, your stomach sinking into the pit of your stomach.

“What do you mean?” You could practically hear his eyes roll in his head. You knew what he meant, was it the same nightmare that had been plaguing you since you came across Grimshaw’s body, Arthur’s body. “Yes.” You said, your lip twitching as you sighed.

He hummed, nodding as he crossed his arms. He didn’t speak, didn’t talk just to fill the air. It was another thing you loved about him. He was comfortable enough to just… be.

Something that had drawn you towards him in the first place. He was calm, quiet, and collected. Someone like him didn’t come along often in your line of work. Men who ran in gangs were normally brash, loud, abrasive, sometimes down right intolerable. He wasn’t a man without a few faults, you had seen that flash of anger spike through him once or twice. But it was healthy, having passion and morals wasn’t a crime. Shooting fellas who didn’t was but you had committed worse crimes in your lifetime than killing a poacher or a racist. He was… helpful, kind, maybe a bit cold at times. You didn’t mind, you liked just being in his presence, sharing his company without having to worry about coming up with something to say.

It happened quickly, falling in love with Charles. Like the way cold spreads through your body after dipping your toe into a river. It overtook you, he overtook you. 

You avoided it at first, avoided him. Took odd jobs from Dutch, spent as little time around camp as possible. But it was like he had crawled under your skin, infiltrating your every thought.

He took a different approach on his affection, one that involved cornering you once you returned to camp. You were glad for it, glad that he had the balls you lacked.

Since then you were inseparable. Like two halves of a whole, you felt complete around him. He felt like home, that in itself was a dangerous thought. After spending your whole life running from place to place, your ‘home’ being wherever you laid your head at the end of the day. It was strange, running towards someone instead of away. He allowed you to speak of your dreams without the fear of being told they were foolish. Looking back, he shouldn’t have indulged you so. Shouldn’t have allowed you to dream. Where did it get you? 

Where did your loyalty get you?

“You’ve got that look again.” He mumbled, looking at you from the corner of his eye.

“What look?” You asked, as you turned to look at him

“That look.” He said softly, pressing a finger between your furrowed brows. “Talk to me.” 

“I can’t.” You swallowed thickly, hating how your voice broke. Hating how damn confusing everything got, your words were a constant stream in your mind that you couldn’t make sense of. 

Sean, Kieran, Hosea, Lenny, Molly, Eagle flies, John, Miss Grimshaw, Arthur.

He softened, frowning as he moved to cup your cheek. 

“Y/n,” He said gently, running his thumb over your cheekbone. 

“I can’t.” You whispered, blinking back the tears as you looked into his eyes. He let out a sigh, pulling you into his embrace. You buried your face into his chest, letting the tears fall. Hiccuping sobs wracked your frame as he gently shushed you, running his hands up and down your back.

“Breathe darlin’.” He said softly, holding you tightly against him. 

“I keep seeing them- seeing them lying there, rotting-“

“Shh,” He shushed, pressing his lips to the crown on your head. “Tell me what I can do.” He pleaded gently, petting your hair.

“Just- just hold me.” You mumbled, sniffling as you pressed yourself deeper into his embrace if that was even possible. He held you, his arms strong and secure around you. In that moment, no matter what had happened or what was to come, you were safe. You knew you would always be safe in his arms. You would always have a home with Charles.

So let the nightmares come, the law, it didn’t matter. You had all you needed as long as he was beside you.

[di-42]

2024 fic roundup

Finally getting round to doing this! Just in time for the end of the year!

Many, many thanks to @curiouspupsicle and @bellisima-writes for tagging me all those weeks ago, ant to @cheeseplants for creating the questions. Enjoy curious's answers here, bellisima's answers here, cheeseplants's answers here.

What fandoms do you write in?

Good Omens, only Good Omens, nothing but Good Omens.

How many words have you published in 2024?

133k. Huh! Me?

What is your greatest achievement this year?

In the context of fandom and fanfiction, being brave enough to put myself out there and share my work is probably my greatest personal achievement. But I'm also quite proud to have plotted an 85k fiction while working 55 hours a week (and being lucky enough to have a husband and friends to spend my free time with).

What are your favourite top three fics you wrote this year?

That's an easy one! None of my favourite three are the ones with more engagement, strangely enough!

And I Did, rated E, 85k.

While I know this could have been written much better, I am incredibly proud of this fiction. It's whole season 3 fiction where I managed to pour all my headcanon in a way that hopefully doesn't feel too forced. I think it has an original plot, good side characters and tension. I tried to throw in some humour wherever possible as well. It features Supreme Archangel Aziraphale and Grand Duke of Hell Crowley. They haven't talked for almost two years. The end of the world is approaching. They are on opposite sides. And they both know neither of them was ever going to make a different choice to the one they made.

Only Ever Meant For Someone Else, rated T, 9k.

My first human AU, wheee! It was so much fun to write! I think writing human AUs allows so much freedom, although one shots and shorter stories can be a bit harder than canon compliant short stories. But I had a chance to explore some versions of the characters that I don't really see in canon, but very much enjoy in fictions, and wanted to try my hand at that. And I liked the result! Written for the Scribbling Vaguely Downwards advent calendar.

Every year, the night before Christmas, taxi driver Aziraphale drives passengers to and from the hospital for charity. On the Christmas morning of 2023 he was ready to go home and rest with a cup of tea, a mince pie, and a book after a long night.

Guess who?

“No, you may not!” Barked the other. Then he started pacing up and down the pavement, rambling to himself. “Anathema’s going to kill me. She’s actually going to kill me! She had to go into labour on fucking Christmas day, just my luck!”

Oh, dear.

“In-into labour?”

The stranger stopped pacing and, yet again, looked at Aziraphale sternly. He joined together the tips of his right thumb and forefinger, and punctuated his next words with a gracious movement of his hand.

“Yeah. It means she’s about to give birth.”

“Does it, now.”

Angel! Angel! They're At It Again! rated M, 5k

I really love this little story of mine. I've been told that it made some readers cry and laugh at the same time, and it doesn't get much better than that.

It's the year 2030. The world never ended. Aziraphale and Crowley are living happily and safely together as a married couple. Everything would be well, if it wasn't that lately Aziraphale has been a bit busy. A bit distracted. Now, Crowley can't have that, can he? He seeks the advice of his girlfriends, who unwittingly give him an idea on how to liven up his marriage.

A fluffy story about how we get to a certain cottage.

What was your biggest pit of despair moment?

Tying up all the loose ends in And I Did. Sometimes it felt like I was just hitting a wall and I couldn't possibly ever go through. I felt so embarrassed -mortified, really- that some people had read the story up to a certain point and I had just to let them down, because I couldn't possibly write anything that would make sense with the rest of the story. Even though the main points were planned from the beginning, there were still all those little details that write themselves, basically, and I had no idea what to do with some of them towards the end. I still don't know how I managed to pull it off, honestly, but somehow I did it in a way that I found satisfying enough.

What have you learned?

That people are so much better than I am. Really. And I don't mean at writing fiction. Well, people are better than me at writing fiction, but that's not what I mean here. The amount of people who are ready to read about someone else's ideas and headcanons with an open mind, enjoy stories that they don't necessarily agree with, is astounding. I have very much to learn from this community.

What fic did you want to do but never made it off the ground?

I could tell you. But then I would have to erase your memory.

A fiction that has never made it off the ground is a fiction that has yet to make it off the ground.

Did you beta any fics? Any favs you want to shout out?

I was asked a couple of times, but due partly to my lack of time, partly to English not being my first language, I had to reluctantly decline. I do offer my thoughts on my betas' fictions, though. One of them hasn't published her work yet, and the other has a fantastic one shot on Ao3, called The Corset.

Aziraphale never understood just why he had been issued with a body likes his. He was the Guardian of the Eastgate, after all! So when in the 17th century corsets for men were fashionable again, he had an idea ...

What three fics have you read this year that you love?

Hah! We both know it's not going to be only three, don't we?

Some of these fics were written before, some long before, 2024, but I only read them this year. It's quite hard to pick my favourites among so much talent and creativity, but I'll do my best. I also can't help but notice that my all time favourites are not among the superpopular ones, so please don't be shy and check them out! (And leave kudos and comments!)

The Beginning Of The End (Again), rated M, 78k.

Season 3 fiction full of plot, great characterisation, humour and pining. It has of course a happy ending. It is beyond me how this fic didn't get more engagement, especially when it first came out, closer to the end of season 2.

The Anon Before Christmas, rated E, 66k.

One of my favourite human AUs. The characterisation is spot on and the slow burn is just absolutely perfect. But I did love the whole array of characters surrounding Crowley and Aziraphale. I love how this story is as much about friendship and chosen family than it is about love and romance.

The Bookseller And The Garden, rated T, 13k.

Canon divergent fiction where Crowley is a demon stationed on earth, Aziraphale is an angel stationed on earth, but they have never met until present day. There's no end of the world in sight, only an angel and a demon falling in love and not knowing how to break it to the other that they're not human. I laughed all the way through.

Wrong Turn, rated T, 37k.

Honestly, I don't know why this fiction touched me so much. I just couldn't stop thinking about it for days after I finished it. It's a post season 1 fiction where Crowley suddenly finds himself in a parallel universe at the time the apocalypse is just about to happen. The Crowley and Aziraphale in that universe have a different history to our Crowley and Aziraphale. All our Crowley wants to do is to go back to his universe and his very own angel, but how? As you follow the main plot and focus on Crowley's thoughts and actions, you'll start slowly feeling the other story get hold of you, and it won't let go until the very end and beyond.

Happiness, More Or Less, rated M, 21k

This human AU moved me so very much I cried. Crowley moves into his new flat in Soho, only to discover the flat in haunted by the ghost of the owner of the bookshop downstairs. I won't tell anything else about the plot other than it does have a very sweet happy ending, and it gets there via a rollercoaster of emotions. This is really one of those fictions that leave me in awe of the fandom's talent and creativity. Read it, read it, read it!

One last one that I haven't finished reading yet, but I know it's one of my all time favourites, is The Last Angel, rated E, 162k.

Canon divergent fiction where Crowley and Aziraphale were never assigned to earth, Armageddon happened and hell won the war. I've said many things about this fiction, among which that I can't believe the writer does this in her spare time and writing is not actually her job, and this is the most Good Omens-y fic I have ever read. It's astoundingly good.

What ideas are percolating for next year?

Watch out for The Angel Horror Show! When I learned that Peter Hinwood, the actor who played Rocky in The Rocky Horror Picture Show didn't have a long career as an actor, bout instead went on to become an antiques dealer, I knew I had to write this fiction with Aziraphale as the actor who many years ago played Angel/Rocky in The Angel Horror Show and subsequent film The Angel Horror Picture Show and is now living a comfortable life as a book and antiques dealer, and Crowley as the actor who played Demon/Frank, and went on to become a successful movie and theatre actor and director. I've just started writing it and I'm extremely excited about it!

Who do you want to thank?

Without the shadow of a doubt @sabine-smitten-obviously and IneffableShortCake who have been so incredibly generous with their time and support in the past 8 months! But also everyone who's ever left me a comment making me feel like my stories were liked, from the long comments to the ones with just enthusiastic syllables, from the incredibly witty ones to the more personal ones, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Tag, answer any Qs that suit and play along!

I think because I'm so late in the game that most of the writers I would usually tag have already been tagged by someone else, but perhaps a few haven't done this yet.

@smua70 @ngk-668 @ineffable-duck7

And anyone who wants to answer!

This was fun!

[studiogrimm810]

Speak of the Devil // part 2

pairings: (established) sam winchester x gn!you, dean is also there, cas is also also there

summary: you are taken by lucifer for over a week and sam damn near looses his head. when you are finally rescued, the trauma of what was inflicted on you has left it's mark and it's up to sam and dean to keep you put together

warnings: torture, ptsd, flashbacks, hallucinations, graphic depictions of said torture

word count: 2,600

A/N: hi again!! excited for pt 2 and already working on pt 3! i hope you’re all eating up the angst and heartache as much as i am ;) i’m so thankful to everyone reading my works and hope you like this one too,,,okay i’ll stop my rambling, enjoy!!! p.s. special shoutout to @internallysalad for being so hyped about this mini-series and also asking to be tagged in future parts of said series,, your support means the world <3

read part 1 here

———————

He’s there, you can see him with your own two eyes and you can feel his presence. Your spine shivers- and that tickle up your neck- it has to be him, right?

Sam looks behind him again to still see nothing there. “What do you see?” He asks calmly, wanting to get a hold on the situation. Your eyes dart between him while shooting back to Lucifer in the far right corner.

“I-it’s him, it’s Lucifer, I know it’s him,” you try to keep your eyes on Sam, “why can’t you see him?” The desperation in your question makes the moment all more pitiful but you’re too freaked to feel even a heat of embarrassment yet.

“I don’t know, honey,” Sam shakes his head softly, glancing at his brother who is having insane déjà-vu.

“What’s he doing? Is he saying anything?” Dean's gruff voice cuts through the soothing work Sam's voice is trying to maintain.

You shake your head, dragging your eyes back to Lucifer who stood in the far corner still, a mocking smile painted on his lips. The corner almost seemed darker with him there, as if he were sucking out the light from simply just being there. “He’s just standing- staring.”

And just like that, as you blink, he vanished. You look around to see if he’s reappeared anywhere else, sitting up as the tension melts away just a tad.

“He’s gone,” you say upon getting confirmation, looking back up at Sam who looks devastated.

“When Lucifer would hurt you,” Sam started, making sure to speak carefully, “where would you be? Was it that hospital?”

“H-hospital? No, he kept me in some cellar, and it was always dark out, like I was only awake at night,” you explain slowly, not wanting your words to choke you up.

“And how long did it feel like you were there?” Sam continues his questioning.

“Every time he woke me up, he would keep count. Right before I woke up in our bed here, he was on day 23,” you sniffled, starting to feel uneasy.

“Dean, see if you can get Cas here, I think I have a theory,” Sam says, not taking his eyes off of you. He takes his seat back and gently grabs one of your hands to hopefully make you feel a little better.

Dean starts to call for Cas but Sam keeps his eyes on you, tracing over every pained detail of your face. You seem so tired and weak, it worried him.

What else concerned him, was the fact that despite everything you say you went through, your body held no scar, stain, or blemish of proof other than the pricked mark of your IV drip. Yes, of course Sam knows that Lucifer can patch you up with the flick of his wrist, but you said he was torturing you up until the moment you opened your eyes at the bunker. That led Sam to believe Lucifer was torturing you in your sleep, and if that were the case, would he be there the next time you close your eyes?

Cas poofed into the room with a dramatic flap of his wings and he looked right at Dean first.

“Dean, what is it?” Cas asked, his baseline of stoic emotion melted with a tinge of concern.

“It’s them,” Dean turns to look at you, chair still pressed into the corner behind you, “Something’s wrong.”

Cas says your name, a shocked relief overtaking his worry as he meets your eyes, “You’re okay,” he says for verbal confirmation to himself that you’re back in the bunker again- safe and sound. However, the previous emotion takes back over as he sees the dread in your own eyes. “What is it?” Cas repeats, not with annoyance of not getting clarification but of urgency of wanting to know what happened to you while you were gone.

It’s silent for a moment and despite Cas’ appearance, Dean’s pacing and your panic, Sam hasn’t adjusted from his gaze on you. Partly, he’s lost in himself, struck with a mass of memories, fears, and the pain of his time with Lucifer. It’s the same landslide that always hits him like a punch in the gut that leaves him feeling hollow when he hears Lucifer’s name- he’s yet to get over the despair that follows him, the stain of The Devil.

What quickly starts to overtake Sam’s slowly dissociating fear is the reminder that you are now experiencing the aftermath of being at the mercy of The Devil.

That alone could send him into a spiral.

But he has to keep a hold on himself- for you.

“Cas, I need you to check them over for any markings. Anything similar to our ribs,” Sam turns his head to look back at Cas, but tearing his eyes off of you is delayed until he physically can’t reach you anymore, “please.”

Cas doesn’t hesitate as he takes his paces forward. Sam turns his attention back to you as Cas outstretched his hand to hover over your forehead but you instinctively flinch at his speed- it isn’t too fast or forceful, it’s just scary.

Now he hesitates, ticking back his hand so that he’s not close to touching you, his eyes pinching you with this contorted look of guilt.

Your flinch makes Sam close his eyes for a moment, holding back the emotion that threatens to spill over and consume him fully.

You nod up at Cas, your own splay of guilt and now building shame taking front row seats to your perspective. Cas offers a small smile that would comfort you if you could calm down enough to feel safe and off display.

Cas successfully reaches your head this time, hovering his palm over you and closing his eyes. A bright light emits from his palm and you close your eyes to avoid the sting. The warmth following from the beam starts to dissipate 

 a headache you didn’t even know you had.

After a few moments, he removes his hand and Sam is the first to speak.

“Is everything okay?” He tries to bite down how antsy he feels but the itch makes him unable to really stay still.

“There’s no branding or marking. There are remnants of Valerian and a few other herbs- it was to keep them asleep and bound,” Cas says, still looking at the spot his hand hovered over you. Your hold on Sam’s hand tightens as you try to make sense of what that means.

“Bound?” Sam repeats, a little confused on the meaning.

“It seems that they were given a potion or spell of some sort that kept them unconscious and mentally bound to someone or something- in this case Lucifer,” Cas explains, now looking in your eyes as he does so. Sam’s gaze drifts as he pieces together what this means and Dean is still pacing through the kitchen as he absorbs the information at his own pace.

“The IV drip-,” Dean pipes up as he stops in his tracks, “That must’ve been a constant supply,” he looks at Sam but Sam doesn’t meet his brother.

“IV drip?” Cas asks, turning his attention to Dean. Dean explains the entirety of the situation to Cas, filling him in on the hospital, the demons they killed, the room they found her in- all of it. Cas nods as he listens.

“Yes, that would make sense,” Cas agrees.

“What about me seeing him?” You ask, your words shaking with their lack of usual confidence. “I saw him and no one else did- am I going crazy?” You look up at Cas, hoping his answers will provide you all the comfort you need.

Sam’s eyes snap back to you as you speak, the caving of his chest into the hollow pit in his stomach only cracking deeper as your fear radiates through him. He doesn’t want you to think you’re crazy, and he doesn’t want you to be sacred. Not like he was.

No one deserves that.

“It could be a remnant of the spell- lingering after effects,” Cas optimizes, hoping that was the most comforting and likely reasonable thing he could say.

“Or the trauma,” Sam says, and to him that was more comforting.

You don’t know which will help you feel better, though.

“Is there a chance that it’s really him?” This was your biggest fear, really. The thought of Lucifer watching you.

Sam wants so badly to dismiss that thought, to do anything to make you feel better, safe, just generally okay again, but he refuses to lie to you.

“There is a possibility that maybe he can still bind with you due to any traces of the spell in your blood, but that won’t last,” Cas explains, hoping that fact will make you feel a little better.

“What if I see him again?” You turn your attention to Sam, a deep rooted aching worry in your gut. You thought that when you opened your eyes to see Sam again that everything would settle, but seeing The Devil reappear out of nowhere has completely rattled your sense of security.

Sam’s eyebrows pinch and his head tilts with just enough pity to make you feel like a child. He squeezed your hand softly and clenched his jaw, hoping to keep the tremble out of his voice as he spoke. “Then we’ll handle it,” he nods with such certainty- an abundance of determination flooding his words.

Sam remembers the hollowing effects that came with his own terrifying hallucinations of Lucifer and the feelings of pure despair he would feel. He wishes you weren’t experiencing this at all but since there’s nothing he can do about that then the one thing he can do is just be there for you. He refuses to let you feel alone.

“We’ll figure this out, honey,” Sam brings up his hand to cradle your cheek and you instinctively turn into it, letting the warmth sizzle your skin with smiling heat.

Dean has stopped his pacing to keep a watchful eye on his brother and his reactions. Dean knows the impact Lucifer had on his baby brother and the way that it changed him completely, he also knows the empathy Sam holds for people and to think that you are the one experiencing something so similar made Dean furiously depressed- it physically weighed on him.

Your eyes dart around the room, the overwhelming weight of everyone’s eyes and radiating concern make you feel on display and your face flushes with fresh embarrassment.

“C’mon, honey, you should get some rest,” Sam nods with a small curling smile at his lips to try and make the idea simply inviting, hoping that his gentle approach will coax you into a small bubble of safety at least.

You force your eyes to ignore the other men in the room and let yourself focus on Sam. You nod in response, ready for a little space from pitying eyes.

Sam stands and pulls your hands up to guide you with him. He places his hand on your lower back and pulls you close to his side, guiding you to the doorway of the kitchen.

“Thanks for your help Cas, we’ll talk more in the morning?” Sam turns to face the angel who returns his thoughtful eyes with a nod of reassurance- showing his consistent commitment and loyalty to the betterment of the Winchesters and those in their care.

Sam spares Dean a quick look that Dean can't quite put into words, but understands nonetheless.

As the two of you make it back to your room, Sam closes the door behind him and flicks on a few lamps to help the room glow a soft warm instead of the tingling fluorescent that’s built into the bunker's ceilings.

You stand, completely lost, in the middle of the room, your wrists bound by your fingers and checking over to make sure you don’t see him again.

Sam feels sick.

“Sweetheart?” He coos softly, taking a casual step towards you. Your eyes land on him after you finish your scan of the room and he has a small thump of victory in his chest at how you didn’t startle at his voice.

“What was it like?” It’s such a vague question but it registers with Sam immediately. He drifted his eyes off to the side as he shuffled through his thoughts, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. He doesn’t know if he should sugarcoat it.

Sam had discussed his history with The Devil in the past with you before- the cage, the visions. Along with the other dark matters that make him up, such as the demon blood or his soulless self. Something that Sam never really imagined was having such a kind hearted soul like you absorb all of that mess and still somehow find the good in him. The deep empathy and pure love you both had for each other seemed to break binds and all laws of reasoning. 

That connection was now slowly deepening further with horrid understanding.

“It was-,” he takes in a deep breath and puffs up his chest like he was ready to lie it all out for you to inspect and prepare for, but he fell mute.

He held his breath waiting for the words to find him.

They didn’t.

You look down and back around your surroundings for anything fuzzy or just different.

“I’m scared, Sam,” you admit.

“I know,” he says sadly.

Something that didn’t leave Sam was the paranoia that came with hallucinations, not knowing what’s real or how to distinguish the senses.

His eyes dip down to your wrists and he takes note of how often you’ve moved to that hold. He carefully reached up and let his fingers clasp the free space on your wrists- an echo of your own hold.

“It’ll be okay, you’re safe,” he looks right into your eyes, watching closely to make sure you’re looking, “this-,” he tightens his fingers lightly, “is real, okay?”

You tense as his fingers touch your skin and you look at the delicacy of his placement. You look back up at him and as he tightens his hold you seem to drop some of the tension built under your skin. Your feet grip the ground tighter and your head is a bit more level.

“This is real,” you repeat, squeezing your wrists similarly to how he did. Sam feels a flutter of relief at the mimicked motion on your behalf and he tightens his own hold again, this time a bit harder.

“Yeah, honey, real,” Sam nods with a smile that warms your stomach.

The two of you stand like this for a few minutes, just enjoying the simple hold on each other.

“How about you get some rest now, hmm?” Sam reaches up a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, eyes roaming about your face as he does so. You nod and close your eyes, feeling the weight of events start to really press you down.

Sam’s hand caresses from your ear down to cup your jaw and pull you in so that he can kiss your forehead, keeping his hold firm and secure.

“I love you, baby,” he mumbles into your skin, barely breaking the kiss to do so. You smile in immediate response but force yourself to vocally address him as well.

“I love you too, Sam,” your voice is just a whisper as you hiss out the words past your tired smile.

He helps you into bed and holds you close as you try to will yourself to sleep.

———————

thank you so much for reading!! <3

>pictures are not my own, i have the originals linked here (pinterest) >>check out my other works here

[thighzp]

2024 Year In Review

Thank you to @0npurpose and everyone else who has tagged me in many variations of the 2024 year in review! Here's a wrap up of all my writing this year!

My details

My AO3: fullerthanskippy My fandom: Red, White & Royal Blue Total number of completed works for 2024: 52 Total word count for 2024: 107,590 (holy shit) Total hits for 2024: 151,546 Total kudos for 2024: 9,942 (AGAIN I beg you all to leave kudos!)

Oneshots

most popular by kudos: working overtime | 624 kudos

most popular by comments: young & hung | 24 comment threads least popular by kudos: tender | 52 kudos (only 240 words so I get it lol) least popular by comments: shower drain | 0 comments (there really isn't much to say, again, I get it! lol)

longest oneshot: running from the daylight | 11,372 words oneshot I'm most proud of: Artie | for obvious reasons most fun oneshot to write: better bite the bullet (baby take one for the team) | I had sooooo much fun writing the gun kink and I still want to revisit it in the future hardest oneshot to write: broke down or stranger things have happened | these are two I specifically remember during kinktober having to force myself to get the words out (that happens sometimes!) favourite title used: tough choice but if I have to choose one I'll go with | the mess that is Alex

Bonus …

Most unserious title: i'm having his baby (no i'm not but you should see your faces) | also longest title ever lmao

Multi-Chapters

my first multichap will be coming to you live in 2025 ;)

Questions

Events or challenges | Kinktober & RWRB Festive Fan Fest

Did you write more or less fic than you expected this year? | way, WAY more!!!

Did you take any writing risks this year? | so many, let's see just for a few examples: wlw, fisting, puppy play, piss kink, somno, gun kink, omegaverse, I mean I could continue on and on

What was the most challenging fic to write this year? | hands down running from the daylight (vampire alex AU), I started teasing it before I even started writing it and then I felt pressured to hurry up and get it out. not by any of y'all, but by myself. it's 11k words and I'm proud of it, but it shaped me into a much better writer for the multichap I'm currently working on!

What was your favourite fic to write? | probably wearing nothing but glitter and lashes because it was inspired by a huuuuge irl crush of mine and a very loosely based real life experience lol

Biggest success | kinktober IN GENERAL

Most surprising success | young & hung!!! I mean I loved writing it but I couldn't believe people were eating it upppppp

Biggest disappointment | I mean... (the things i do) when i picture you but it's not a surprise at all lol it's junora and if it's not firstprince, it just doesn't hit the same. also not surprised that two things can be true (taynick rpf) didn't do crazy numbers, people are touchy about it

Most surprising disappointment | none are really that surprising cause I usually know when it's not gonna hit for everyone, but I guess I'll say I expected know your audience to do better! I think people didn't like the twist or didn't believe it from the start?

What's something you learned about yourself as a writer? | I learned that PWP IS NOT MY STRONGSUIT!!! I need the buildup and that's where my rambling tends to happen lmfao

What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing? | obviously vampire alex au I'm feeling like a broken record, and I'll also add finishing kinktober is like... still so insane to me!

Fic that gave you the most trouble? | two that I just needed external inspo for because the words weren't wording were riding practice and mile high (these ideas were greatly helped by @judasofsuburbia lol thank you love)

Easiest fic to write? | suburban legends, one of my earlies fics and the words came easily in that little universe

Go to writing songs | I love having inspo playlists but I can't actually listen to music with words while writing, I'm too adhd/dyslexic for that

Go to writing snacks | usually coffee or red wine hehe

Any writing goals for next year? | only goal really is to finish and post my first multichap which is definitely going to happen!!! and otherwise I think just focusing on writing what I want to read/what inspires me and worry less about what will do numbers

Any fics in the work for next year? | of course! perhaps I'll give some insight into my current WIPs (even some y'all don't know about yet?)

age gap AU (multichap) neighbors/laundry AU young & hung sequel trans alex PWP a fic involving alex/martha as propositioned by henry/pip.... kink related age regression henry wetfic (and I bet y'all fuckin wish you knew what this one was about mwuahahaha)

***

it's been a crazy year. I want to thank @redlipstickandglitter and @firstprincehornyramblings for being my fucking MUSES, my EVERYTHING both when it comes to help/ideas with writing, as well as just wonderful fucking friends.

y'all have provided me so many spoons this year, and believe me, lately they've been mighty hard to come by! here's to even more words written in 2025! (but probably not... I'll probably never do kinktober again lmfao)

open tag for any writer friends who haven't done this yet! I'm serious - don't wait to be tagged, just tag me!!

[superkooku]

Look, this is us filling the Asclepius tag with ramblings :

Irl I'm super giddy right now !!

Honestly I was hoping this post would eventually reach someone else who wanted to ramble about Asclepius 🤣. Because oh boy ! These past few months I realized that he's actually very interesting but I couldn't find the opportunity to really start a discussion about him :3

Don't worry about the initial context, this post contains most of it. @kill-me-with-a-spoon and I began this in a comment section of this post :

I need a "read more" section because this is gonna be a long one.

First of all, calling Asclepius a crimebag is hilariously fitting. Not only did this man resurrect people and got punished for it, he casually does it again to a random woman. Not Coronis, not someone he knows, just a chick that the doctors decapitated to get some worm out and he was so exasperated by their stupid mistake that he just brought her back to life.

He's a criminal AND a recidivist. And Zeus just gave up at this point I think, because he was only punished once. He reminds me of Robin Hood in a way, an unrepentant criminal who helps people around him against an oppressive system.

Another figure he reminds me of is Prometheus. Seriously, I feel like Asclepius and Prometheus would be very good friends if they met, because they share a very similar philosophy of wanting to help mortals, being punished for it and still wanting to do it despite the risks, to push the limit and ultimately bring a wonderful gift to humanity, being heating and medicine. THAT and issues with Zeus 😂. He punished both of them for kinda the same reason. Maybe his grandson reminded him of Prometheus.

Now I'll try coming back to your points because there's so many things to say. I'll try respecting the order to hopefully make it easier.

You mentioned his birth and honestly it's so fascinating. Because, from the get-go, Asclepius cheats death, he runs away from it, he was supposed to die but thanks to Apollo's dad radar, he got saved.

Ok I know those are his ordinary god powers, but to me Apollo 100% has a sixth sense specifically warning him when his kids are in danger. I mean, look at what he said in the picture you sent !! It's clearly his fatherly instinct that drove him to do that, to save his innocent offspring from Coronis' punishment. And yeah, if he hesitated any longer, he would've lost one of humanity's biggest helpers, but most importantly his own son. And I feel like he would've hated himself for it.

This kinda reminds me of Zeus saving baby Dionysus once Semele died, also burnt, but because of his real godly form. It's a powerful way to connect Zeus and Apollo too.

Tying this unusual birth to his future activities is definitely a clever approach. Asclepius seems to fear death, even more than the average Greek. But, contrary so Sisyphus, he doesn't selfishly try to cheat his own way out of the Underworld. Or to extend his youth. Quite the contrary. He uses it to help his fellow mortals, exposing himself directly.

I'll jump to the end of your post to talk about his altruism but I'll come back to previous points. Asclepius committed a very unique kind of hubris. It's not a "I'm better than the gods" thing but a "I'm more helpful than the gods". He saw that none of them, including his own father, went out of their way to undo death. So he did it. And again, he didn't just go and resurrect Coronis or Phlegyas or any family member. I feel like he was given missions, given how random the people on the list are. And he dutifully accepted them. Like a god being prayed to, even by an Olympian deity like Artemis ! And THAT pushed another limit.

The random woman myth is so important because it shows that Asclepius doesn't only resurrect kings and princes, but also regular people. He didn't seek glory or anything, he just did his best to achieve his goals of helping those around him.

You worded everything about the Apollonian family line and the egregious pursuit of curing death so well !!

Even if it wasn't explicitly said, it would still be so blatant that Asclepius was raised by his father, because they have similar tendencies. They have this same stubborn drive to act on their principles, even if it involves disobeying other gods.

There's also this negative relationship with death, wanting to preserve the life around them and grieving when they can't (except Asclepius didn't accept this last part and went on to undo it).

Plus some gremlin energy and the staff from uncle Hermes 😂. Hermes was also said to help Apollo save him and since he collects human souls, he'd 100% be there in his birth to have Coronis AND in Asclepius' death.

Speaking of gods, yes he had godly support, through Athena and Artemis. Heck, even what you said about Zeus tolerating occasional resurrections fits because otherwise, Asclepius would be dead before even trying.

That whole thing about oppression and death is spot on. Coming back to Hippolytus, his demise was very unfair. A result of Aphrodite's spite in front of his indifference, Phaedra's maddening love and Theseus being Theseus. Asclepius seized the opportunity to restore his life and stolen youth. Hippolytus doesn't die again afterwards, at least not from some extraordinary reason. He probably passed from natural causes at a natural age.

But then comes the money thing. It's so interesting because it brings another nuance to his character. The desire and need for money is purely human, gods don't need it. He's only a mortal and this is a proof of it. Why was he "enthralled" by money ? He doesn't seem specially greedy. Maybe it's because he needed it to maintain equipment, buy more resources so he can do his job even better. Maybe it's because he isn't said to be paid anything for helping people, and even if he's a prince, he didn't live with Phlegyas (Coronis' dad) but in the fields with Chiron. So maybe he wanted better life conditions. Or maybe money to pass on. Idk, honestly.

There's so much more stuff to say but I'll let you with this. You're welcome (and encouraged) to answer any time you want. I'll probably post more about Asclepius in the future, so tell me if you want to be tagged.

Who did Asclepius resurrect ?

A couple days ago, I discussed the idea of mortals defeating gods with @kill-me-with-a-spoon on a comment section of my "thoughts on Epic" post.

We talked about Diomedes and Perseus briefly, but then a third example came in : Asclepius.

And I find this specific mention interesting because I didn't think about it but it kinda makes sense 😂

He didn't defeat any god like the two former heroes, that being physically overwhelming them. Instead, he simply "cures" death, thus Thanatos' doing. Not only his, but the Fates' too considering they cut the thread of life. And he meddled with Hades' realm, something that he hated and we know how that ended.

(Hades hating doctors will never not be funny)

I made some research on him for personal projects and so I want to use it right now for personal ramblings about who exactly Asclepius resurrected.

@kill-me-with-a-spoon was pointing out that if, by technicality, he didn't interfere with Hades' domain if souls he resurrected didn't cross the Styx. And I've got to say, I think he did.

Also, I completely agree with the fact that they're still killable. They won't die from the same cause since Asclepius heals their injuries but he doesn't deify anyone.

If we look up different sources, here's the list of people he resurrected.

Hippolytus (according to Pausanias and latin sources like Pseudo-Hyginus or Ovid)

What makes this particularly interesting is that Artemis is the one who has this idea. It shows that portraying her as a man hater is completely wrong since she asks her male nephew to resurrect her male friend/devotee. It shows her bond with Hippolytus (his death was very unfair, so I get it) and with Apollo too, since she trusted her brother's son completely.

Then, it's just funny but in-character that Theseus isn't the one who has the idea to resurrect his son, because of course he wouldn't think about it 😂. It's even funnier if we take late sources stating that Asclepius was among the Argonauts. Because Theseus was too, so they knew each other personally and yet Theseus couldn't think about it.

Another detail : Hippolytus seems to forgive Theseus in Euripides' play, but NOT after coming back to life in Pausanias' version. Different versions, I know, but if we mix the two, then we could interpret that maybe all this time in the Underworld gave him the opportunity to think about it, or maybe, with a new chance to live, he doesn't want to stay with his father.

I get you, Hippolytus. Go have fun.

Capaneus (according to Stesichorus)

What's interesting here is how Capaneus died : he participated in Polynice's siege against Thebes but was killed... by Zeus. He was struck by lightning because of hubris.

And then Asclepius comes and resurrects this guy. All the more reasons for Zeus to be angered. That means he came in and decided to undo divine punishment, the same one that will be his own doom in the future. It's pretty chilling for me.

Lycurgus

So, there are a lot of Lycurguses in mythology.

In the beginning, I thought it was Lycurgus of Thrace, which would've been hilarious because if this guy comes back to life, he'll come back traumatized and insane (also, any grapevine would be the source of PTSD flashbacks). And again, that would've mean undoing divine punishments.

BUT it seems to be a separate Lycurgus that was resurrected. Not the one who offended Dionysus.

It's also not Admetus' brother of the same name, though the logical link would've been easy to make (because of Apollo's servitude and Admetus also being an Argonaut according to some sources).

Honestly, Wikipedia is the only place where the Lycurgus that Asclepius resurrected is distinguished. Even then, the article speaks of a probable case and lists Apollodorus as a source. So not even researchers are completely sure of which Lycurgus it was.

Hymen/Hymenaios : yeah, according to the Orphics, he resurrected some guy named Hymen, even though the only figure with this name is a god... it would've been very interesting to analyze if I had more details about it. Unfortunately, there aren't really.

Tyndareus

Glaucus : It's funny how Asclepius resurrects both Theseus AND Minos' son. Though that exploit is more often attributed to the prophet and healer Polyidos. I wonder if there was some untold teacher-student relationship between the two, since Asclepius is one of the inventors of medicine (with Chiron)

And then there's this woman :

This cracks me up, because this little story alone states that Asclepius as a GOD still resurrects the dead even though he was punished for it. Tbf, he probably had to explain this to Zeus, that he had to compensate his partners' mistake. Still, that's hilarious that not even divine might stopped him.

Don't tell me he didn't know what he was doing. He's a smart guy and his father is literally mr. God of prophecy. I like his audacity.

So, coming back to the initial subject, with the sheer number of mentioned names, I do think they had the time to be buried and cross the Styx (except Capaneus, who was probably turned into ashes lol).

Asclepius definetly meddled with Hades' domain, thus angering the god of the dead and he 100% provoked Zeus.

But, not all the gods were agaisnt him. If we take the version where he resurrects people with gorgon blood, then Athena, who gave it to him, was in favor of his operations.

Then, there is Artemis who asked him to bring back Hippolytus and finally, quite obviously, his n°1 supporter is his own father Apollo (oh god, I could make a whole new post rambling just about Apollo and Asclepius).

So yeah, I really like this myth for many reasons and this is one of them : how it's tied to many other stories, how different figures behave and react to Asclepius' antics, how it puts the system of life and death into questions, etc...

Anyways, if you have anything to comment on about this myth, don't hesitate. I'd love to discuss it more !

My main source about all of this was Theoi.

[lurakha]

FAR CRY 5 (∞)

[daily-odile]

Odile patting Molly Epithet Erased on the head, you know why

have two bc i care them

[krotiation]

Your tag is keeping on playing in my head. Like - just how much of Tales had Jack spent thinking of his revenge and taking over it all. And how much he actually enjoyed spending time. Could he really look through Rhys' memories or was it just some folders Rhys kept on his Echo Eye. Was he just thinking about how to use him or did he catch himself being actually proud of him and happy to be stuck in this guys head specifically. Grrrrr hologram Jack tell us more

I personally think Jack had some type of attachment to Rhys, even if it wasn’t his intentions like… at all. Sure, getting back on Helios and taking over Rhys body was always the main goal, and whether he came to like Rhys or not wasn’t gonna stop him from going through with his plan, but Jack was almost predisposed to eventually become obsessed with him. Strap in, I’m about to ramble

First of all, I imagine that Rhys reminded him a lot of Angel. Rhys was young, he looked up to Jack almost naively so, but he was snarky and also defied him sometimes which Angel did too. I made a real long post about this a couple months ago but basically, Rhys and Angel share a lot of similarities in how Jack treated them. Jack probably did feel proud over Rhys at times, and thankful that it was Rhys and not some other Hyperion employee with the personality of a napkin. It feels more personal than just “let’s manipulate this kid and take his body”, even if that ultimately was the end goal.  And after Jack was plugged into Helios and found out about what happened to not just Angel but Nisha as well? Not to mention Wilhelm being dead and Timothy leaving for the casino? Rhys was the only one Jack somewhat trusted who wasn’t already dead or long gone

But also, imagine this: you’re quite literally inside someone else’s brain. Everything you see and hear, everywhere you go, everyone you interact with, is through this dweeb with the most questionable fashion sense on Pandora (which says a LOT). No one can see you except for him. You’re dependent on him in every sense of the word. If he pisses you off, you can’t do your usual routine of beating or killing him. You HAVE to get close to (or at the very least, used to) him, something your paranoid ass hasn't allowed yourself to do for years

And honestly, Rhys’ software has bled into Jack as much, if not more, as the Jack AI has bled into Rhys. This is just my personal headcanon but I definitely think some part of Jack felt a little hollow when he left Rhys’ head on Helios, almost like having a tooth ripped out (or… being the tooth that got ripped out). Some part of him expected Rhys to be as dependent on Jack as Jack was on him, which is why he thought Rhys would just mindlessly agree to essentially be his meat puppet. But then he not only rejected him, he tried to leave too. The only one Jack had left, who became such a huge part of his holographic life, physically and emotionally. The only one who hadn’t died, left or abandoned him up until this point, wanted to leave

Jack was back on Helios, back on his throne, and he had everything in his power to regain control of Hyperion. Despite how horrified Rhys was over Jack’s plan, he didn’t have any intentions to kill Jack, and had Rhys been any less important to Jack, he could have let him go or commanded someone else go after him while he focused on getting another employee to give him their body. The only problem was that Jack was attached to Rhys and took this as a betrayal, just like Angel and Moxxi had been close to him until they betrayed him too. So what if Helios paid the price for Jack’s revenge? So what if Jack was going to die killing Rhys? It was too personal to not risk everything for

This is a very complicated way of saying I definitely think Jack cared about Rhys, whether that be because he was emotionally attached or because he was literally inside this guy’s brain and couldn’t help but get attached. Everywhere he looked, there was Rhys and only Rhys. So yeah, he DEFINITELY thought about Rhys a lot. Probably more so than Katagawa did. It’s a special kind of horrific <3

[thegreatyin]

this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail

sorry got in character for a second

Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though

congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)

[feroluce]

So I went to the wiki page for the henghill Bullet & Brain mission of 2.2 looking for some dialogue I had missed and

a) I found something incredibly tasty that slotted into some other thoughts I'd been having, more on that on another day, and

b) I saw this super fun little trivia at the bottom, which!

I knew Penacony characters like Boothill took a lot of inspirations from old movies, but I didn't realize it was even in his and Dan Heng's relationship, that's so cool!!

It fits them very well, it's such a fun reference. "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" was an old buddy Western film (from 1969- nice) about a pair of outlaws. Butch Cassidy was the leader of a gang, and described as clever, affable, and talkative. Meanwhile, his closest companion, the Sundance Kid, was known as a man of few words.

Cassidy's original birth name was much more plain, but similar to Boothill, he took on a new moniker when he became an outlaw. "Cassidy" had been the last name of his beloved mentor, who taught him how to shoot and ride. And Sundance Kid was known as he was because Sundance was the name of his hometown, and it was the only place that had ever managed to catch and jail him, back when he'd been younger (also similar to Dan Heng, but ouch).

These two stick together like glue throughout the length of the film- through Cassidy's leadership of the gang being challenged, through a train robbery gone wrong, through being pursued by mercenaries, and even through fleeing to Bolivia and trying to start over together.

I don't want to say too much more, since the mission title is referencing one specific movie that I've never seen. I kinda wanna watch it now, though, just to see the inspiration that went into Boothill and Dan Heng and how they get along. I just think it's really sweet that these two were literally made to be the best of bros, how lovely is that. 💕

[xxplastic-cubexx]

am i tripping or is x3 relatively way better than dark phoenix like,,, obviously the second half of x3's plot is atrociously wrong (apart from when erik keeps bringing up charles) but the initial set up and premise feel less flat than dark phoenix with more things going on than just jean/phoenix and erik and the brotherhood don't feel as shoehorned?

i fear i feel you ..... however ive always held the belief X3 wasnt a terrible movie on the sole basis hank was there and the movie started with old man bickering while adopting their daughter so this aint a shocking opinion to meee

'but snap hank was in dark phoenix too' ok he didnt piss me off in X3 !!!!! moving on !!!!!!!!

[james-spooky]

this is a test

[kooki914]

I know this may sound like a silly question, but specifically for the undertale version of Asgore: what coud a partner do to help him become more assertive? Asking because I'm planning to ship him with an OC and I still despise how basically in the ending Toriel gets to verbally tear intro him and he doesn't bother to defend himself (specially with the "just get one soul and leave to kill 6 more ppl to break the barrier" wich she coud have done herself but refused to while living inside her own little bubble ignoring the suffering of her fellos monsters, I undestand she was grieving but I feel it coud have been done without making her seem on the right and nobody speaking agaist her). I also know that by doing this he may appear out of character or that "he changed just for his partner", but knowing that a partner can help you to change for the better while highliting you best personality traits, and I was wondering wich coud be the most coherent way (my plan is for them to spend at least 5 years together, and that Asgore also helps his parter change for the better since they arrive having strong biases agaist monsters).

I don't think this is a silly question at all! It's something I've tackled somewhat in my Spadesgore fics, the idea that someone's habits rub off on Asgore and what can seem like a negative change to outsiders (him being more closed off and assertive) is actually a positive one in the long run because he actually, y'know, gets a spine and stops putting other people's needs above his own.

With Undertale specifically it's a VERY complicated question because I feel like step 1 of any Asgore development in Undertale is that he needs to fully face the brunt of his actions. I'm actually somewhat of the opposite opinion to you about the "confrontation" between him and Toriel, I think the narrative very clearly spells out that his "violence when you're faced with violence" response was the INCORRECT one (while Toriel choosing pacifism in the face of a bloodthirsty nation was, arguably, the least morally dubious choice any character could've made), but Asgore never... confronted the root of that problem? He essentially got a slap on the wrist for the murder of 6 children, and while that WAS narratively satisfying for a game about forgiveness and letting go of the past, I think a bit of self-discipline is in order for Asgore, post the events of the game. Him confronting HIMSELF rather than relying on someone else to do it for him is kind of pivotal to that, in my opinion, because this isn't something a relationship can mend FOR him. Let me elaborate.

WARNING - since this post is analyzing Asgore, there's implications of suicidal ideation, but it's not discussed at length. And, fair warning, this post is less "proper character analysis" and more "wayward speculation based on narrative beats for the sake of shipping" <3

While Asgore is the type of person to feel borderline incomplete when not in a relationship with someone (see: all of his behavior in Deltarune; and in Undertale the way he just Stops Speaking once it's clear Toriel wants nothing to do with him, it's like he's just entirely shut himself out of the conversation as if he has nothing to offer anymore, only ever speaking in vague platitudes until the final boss is defeated and he's osmosed into the friend group), contrary to what he thinks a relationship Won't Fix Him NOR his issues around self-worth. It's something he has to tackle on his own because, if he enters another relationship without doing so, he's gonna end up in the same cycle of trying to impress his partner, exhausting himself, and putting his partner between a rock and a hard place because he's both extremely emotionally needy while NEVER communicating his needs properly, closing himself off while desperate for intimacy.

It's borderline masochistic, his tendencies to just passively wait for outsiders to judge, reward, punish, and practically command his every action. It's why he's kind of a bad leader? He's community oriented, but in that way where he wants to please everyone instead of enacting lasting change, because (I think) he can't really envision a greater good because he's got anxiety up the ass. He's REactive rather than ACTIVE, and while that's typically not THAT big of a deal (again, his Deltarune self as an example of how you can have a normal-ish life even with that weird mentality), when you're put in the position of a leader and then refuse to make conscious choices out of a fear of hurting someone, you're inevitably going to hurt Everyone, which is exactly what happened in Undertale. I guess an easy way to make Asgore a little more self-assured is, paradoxically, give him less power. This may seem antithetical, but if he's allowed to, like, sit and breathe for a minute without everything resting on his shoulders, and small, inconsequential decisions are up to him without the title of "King" looming over him, it might make him feel more confident in THOSE choices, specifically. This doesn't fix the core issue, though, more just gives him a safety net where he can hide from his royal problems with someone who sees him as more than just his title and duty, which is valid (and honestly really cozy and cute), but I'm here to break people and put them back together, so strap in.

You mentioned your OC is a human who has a lot of bias against monsters initially, so allow me to run (a mile) with that for a minute. You probably already have a meetcute in mind for them, but it's honestly a really good setup, I can't help but throw my two (or three) cents into it. It forces our POV character (the OC) to go through considerable change throughout the events of the narrative (whether you fic this or not you've already implemented character development into your romance plot and I Adore that), and in turn a changing perspective on Asgore himself. Try to think of things a human might hold him accountable for, justly or otherwise, someone who heard of mythical monsters and a terrible king who slays children. Your OC might start off somewhat siding with Toriel at first (as she was the only monster who attempted to SAVE humans rather than kill them), but gradually grow to sympathise with Asgore once they get to know him, not just because he's a walking pity party but because that human and Asgore might have more in common than they first thought. (This is where I run out of info on your OC and can't really fill in the blanks LMAO go wild with this part. It can be something as simple as gardening or something as deep rooted and psychological as "the need to please other people in order to feel like you're worth anyone's time". Bonus points if it's both and the gardening is symbolic of the psychological issues.)

From Asgore's perspective, though, this would be utterly baffling. To this day, I don't doubt he somewhat idolises Toriel, he clearly still longs to be close with her, so to see someone (a HUMAN no less) stop empathising with her feelings and instead side with his own? He'd think they're nuts! ... But also, it'd be deeply validating in that guilty-pleasure kind of way (guilty because he doesn't think he deserves redemption). It actually starts turning gears in his head, though... If someone in a position like that, someone belonging to a nation he's hurt so badly, can see the GOOD in him and try to nurture a bond with him despite it all... doesn't it mean he's genuinely worth something? Even if he himself can't see it yet?

(This is, you may note, similar to what happens with Frisk in most fan-plots, but also highlights where I think Asgore's "redemption" in Undertale falls a bit short on the character level. Frisk never really gets to spend time with Asgore, since it's narratively irrelevant whether they like the guy or not, because the point of their conflict is that Frisk refuses to kill him, and refuses to be killed BY him. It's a conflict that re-states the core moral of the game, while also partly dismissing a genuine bond between the characters because it's necessary for it to stay vague for them to properly represent the narrative forces that they do (humanity and monster-kind). The popular fanon is that Asgore adopts Frisk similarly to the way Toriel does, but, in the game there's literally nothing to support that. The equally valid interpretation is that Frisk sees Asgore as just Some Guy they're lukewarm with for the sake of not kickstarting another monster-human war, even if they genuinely don't like him on a personal level, just like Toriel doesn't anymore. Because, again, there's nothing in the game to support Frisk being besties with literally EVERYONE, they just hang out with monsters sometimes and Don't Kill Them, it's not a high bar.)

IF you don't want to take the angle of your OC siding with Toriel (if the monster bias is THAT bad in the beginning), I'd instead propose really hammering home the monster hatred. Just by existing, by being someone hostile to Asgore over something he DIDN'T expect to get hostility over (the fact that he's a monster, and not the fact that he's a murderer) would maybe make him question why he WANTED to be told he was irredeemable, and why it's so strange to receive that input for the wrong reasons. Maybe he tries convincing the human that, actually, monsters are good and HE'S the one who's to blame for everything bad, and when he's brushed off with "no all monsters suck" it just baffles him more. Bonus points if later on it hits him like a truck that your OC developing feelings for HIM specifically made them get over their monster hatred. He thinks it's a case of "if you learn to love the worst of something you'll love the best too" but then has to come face to face with the idea that he ISN'T the worst of monster kind! That they actually prefer HIS company over other monsters! And not even for superficial reasons! And maybe there's still prejudices to overcome with the human, but they're trying FOR him, not in spite of him, and it's yet another little sign from the heavens to Asgore that maybe, just maybe, he's not as irredeemable as he thought.

Another potential avenue, that's less directly correlated with shipping, is to give him a kid that is his responsibility alone to take care of. Whether that be a literal adopted child, or a kid he has to impromptu take care of for a while, I feel like having someone (anyone, really) other than himself to provide for sort of nudges his priorities back in place (even if it doesn't really dismantle the core of his issues). (My reasoning for this being a potential avenue is how much Asgore's let himself go in Deltarune when no-one lives with him, juxtaposed to his well-maintained house in Undertale where he's constantly taking visitors and patiently waiting for his wife to come back.) Something small and defenseless that depends on him for support and protection is something that could really make him realise how much his well-being actually means in the grand scheme of things, that even if it isn't pleasant he has to stand his ground if only for the sake of this child that depends on him for literally everything (which was, incidentally, also his motivation for starting the war in the first place - avenging the children he failed to protect with a fiery vengeance as the only concrete decision he made in his time as king (that we know of)).

Maybe the point of contact/conflict between your OC and Asgore in this scenario is someone who doesn't believe he should be allowed to take care of a child (what with the 6 dead in his basement), and while the feud may start as mild, it might get more and more out of hand and forces Asgore to actually put his foot down and Demand custody rather than ask politely, maybe because the kid in question trusts him and nobody else for backstory reasons, or because they're literally His Kid (Chara slots in really well into this role IMO but you don't have to go with that route if you don't want to tackle revival shenaniganery). This is, imo, much harder to execute in literary form? (If you're not gonna fic this, ignore this part) It bumps up the conflict from slowburn to full on enemies-to-lovers, even if it speedruns the process of Asgore getting a spine, and if you can pull that off hats off to you but I always struggle with proper enemies to lovers with no intermediary of "friends" in between.

IN ANY CASE, past the "will they - won't they" phase, once they're actually together, I'd suggest your OC lightly nudge Asgore into that self-assuredness he's desperately missing, and moreover I suggest it not be on purpose. While it's probably the healthier option to talk to your partner if they're having self-esteem issues, this is fiction and I love drama, if you expected anything else you came to the wrong person, and ALSO this is Asgore we're talking about. He's the king of "never talk about my emotions, ever" so even if something is brought to the forefront he'd probably just apologise and privately cry about it without fixing literally anything. It would be more impactful (imo) if Asgore chose to adopt some of the habits of his partner without him being prodded over it, or pushed into it. At first, small things, like actually asking for the pickles in his order himself (/ref, meme), but slowly it might evolve into him realising just how much he's been neglecting himself. Scenario example of what I mean - his partner has actual self-preservation instincts and can help themself when in a tough spot, and Asgore is caught off guard when that same kindness is offered to him (as the king of monsters, his subjects revered him so heavily they kind of forgot he can actually get hurt or might need help with otherwise ordinary things, and Asgore stopped helping himself along the way because of it).

A different scenario might be something benign, like an insult or backhanded compliment Asgore brushes off, but his partner doesn't. Asgore might hold the (correct) position that, as a political figure, there's literally no point in trying to stave off every insult or mean opinion, and (incorrectly) asserts it doesn't have an effect on him overall. Because, in reality, it DOES stick. He has a hard time shaking off disapproval and hatred when he's carrying around so much guilt (juxtaposed to how genuinely confident he seems in Gerson's stories of Asgore before his children fell down and before Toriel left, when Asgore could ACTUALLY roll with the punches and not mind public embarrassment because the opinion of the masses didn't matter to him as much as it does now), and maybe his partner can point out to him that he seems weirdly more fixated on the actual Contents of the insult than they do. Where they just didn't like someone's tone or intent, Asgore's actually focusing on What they said, and it's a clear indication of the way he compartmentalises and somewhat takes in every criticism he's ever received. Because depression and low self esteem just does that to a motherfucker sometimes.

Overall there's also a sort of... tricky line to tread when trying to write around/through one of the character's defining flaws. Asgore was always described as a pushover, so what are you really left with when trying to override that fatal flaw that makes him what he is? This sort of trope, "your strongest attribute is your biggest weakness", stems all the way back from ancient Greece because its a GOLDEN trope, and when making fan content I think there's an interesting line that can be drawn. Asgore's best quality is his friendliness and approachable-ness, so how do we NOT diminish that while actually diminishing the FLAW part of that core character trait? Maybe Asgore's more confident and self-assured now that he has a partner that supports him basically unconditionally, but ALSO he still cracks under pressure easily and gives into demands if pressed enough. Maybe he stands his ground more and can actually tell people off without being a total pushover, but ALSO he ends up feeling a lot of guilt over doing so and maybe regresses back into old habits soon after.

Because, again, a relationship won't fix him, and to me that's part of the appeal. Instead of finding someone to "make him whole", it's more about finding someone that's gonna be there for him during the good and the bad days, someone who maybe fills in for some of the traits he lacks, but never overrides what makes him who he is. Because, let's be honest, him being a pushover is probably what allows him to properly consider a relationship with someone who started off so heavily biased against him. Having little self esteem paved the way for him to not dismiss this person outright, opening his arms to someone who started off with genuine hatred towards him, and it's not a good habit(!!), but it's woven into his vary nature as a character, and I always find it interesting to see that push and pull between progress and loving even the bad parts of someone's personality. Again, especially because it's fiction, there's a lot to explore when it comes to that line of thinking, "do I want to make you better or am I trying to change a fundamental part of you"? I don't think Asgore would be abandoning his nature by having a spine and not taking shit from literally everyone, BUT it might be a line of thinking HE falls back on, because he's had literally hundreds of years of this habit built up, it's gonna be hard to make any progress without immediately taking two steps back again. Especially because it's Asgore, he's basically a smiling boulder that refuses to move or change (and I say that affectionately).

TL;DR:

I think finding a way to instill a sense of Inherent Worth in Asgore is a good way to shake him into being a little more assertive. It's what I did in my own fics (and a lot of this post was me re-treading the same ideas with different characters to pair Asgore with), and the premise of someone who dislikes him from the get-go but learns to love him in time is (in my opinion) the best vessel to do that through. Because, if this person, who means a lot to him, can get over their biases and love him, (like ACTUALLY love him, not the way his subjects love their king, but the way a person loves another person) doesn't that mean there's worth to him being himself, and not just what people expect of him? Is the fact that he's beloved by someone he loves not reason enough to try and survive another day, and thrive in the long run?

It's difficult to instill worth in a character that's had hundreds of years of literal and figurative dehumanization on his hands, but it has to start with small things. Him being more than just a king. Then, him being more than just a friend, more than just a person you're eventually going to grow tired of or disgusted with, and eventually someone who doesn't need constant approval to feel like he's allowed to breathe. Small kindnesses go a long way, and if he starts to see himself in someone he wants to protect, or ends up in a position where he's being provided for by someone he loves, it can build up those ideas of worth and (ironically) independence, because it's less about pleasing a crowd and more about Not Dying because he's actually not that bad to have around in the first place.

[funkle420]

god artists really do just pass around the same $20 bill cause dude over half my clients are other artists 😭 and usually they're the ones that tip well!! i just wish i could afford to also commission other artists and buy stuff from their shops!

[exposingthemonster]

I thought I would be making this at a later date, but I’m going to state it now. This blog is not gonna continue.

I will leave it up as an archive, though I do not know how to deactivate side blogs, so as of now it will remain active until I figure out how to deactivate it.

That being said, through one of the victims, I wished to stand up for I learned about a blog that has actively been actively targeting Cerberus in a harassment campaign.

Do I support the things that Cerberus did over a year ago? No. I find disgusting. However, I am aware that they are trying to recover from this, in which I support the recovery from what they did in the past.

That being said, from what I have seen, the blog has consistently moved the goal post further back after each time it was met. If I am correct, this is a manipulation tactic (please do correct me if I am wrong on this. I do not wish to spread misinformation.)

What I do know is that they have been publicly spreading misinformation about ikamigami knowingly supporting a groomer. If any evidence to support the claim can be provided, then please provide it as it is necessary in cases like this to provide the evidence, whether it be in a Google document or just sharing the screenshots.

But I also know from what I’ve seen is that they used a manipulation tactic when bringing this up, which already makes me cast outs on the claim ikamigami supporting a groomer knowingly, especially when it has been pointed out that said groomer lied to the public

I also want to mention that this account seems to go against the wishes of one of the victims. the victim had mentioned that they aren’t happy with the fact that the document was being used to tear others down & being used as other people‘s moral high grounds.

I will admit I have gotten emotional looking through that blog as they seem to brush off any criticisms or concerns about the victims, when brought up by others, along with reading messages from the victims they made their account for. I am doing my best to keep those emotions separated from this blog, though I do apologize if they have slipped through.

For the victims that I wished to stand for, I apologize as I believe I have unintentionally harmed you. I went into this project, mainly with emotions without thinking of how it would affect my mental health, or a proper understanding of everything that has gone on in the situation. I do believe the blog that I am talking about here is in a similar situation to me when it comes to the creation of our blogs.

With That being said. I thank those who have come here to vent to me, give evidence, or just stood by my side and trying to help others. I’ve let you all down, and I apologize for doing so. And for the victim who had dm’d me, I’m sorry people are using the document from a year ago, along with what you experienced in the past in a way you are uncomfortable with. I do wish I could stop it for you, but I do believe I am powerless in this situation.

And with that, it’s farewell everyone.