#me so i cant be all that bad i guess
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
bf admitted he likes being bossed around which is insanely funny considering 1) my mom always told me id never find a partner bc i can be bossy (just comes built in being the oldest sibling also Literally got it from her. also im a virgo not my fault) 2) i was asking him because i was worried i was doing it unconsciously (i try my best not to be) but then he was like no keep doing it i like it
#txt#match made in heaven but also im so glad someone loves me for whatni consider some of my most undesirable traits#like. yes i can be bossy and a bit pathetic and i scream when i see insects and i also get clingy extremely easily. but he likes that about#me so i cant be all that bad i guess#scratchpost
42K notes
·
View notes
Text
doodles (as i avoid work) of the super awesome you wouldn't like me alive fic by @ectoplasmranch which i binge read in a 7 hour sitting yesterday
#🧻 sharts#danny phantom#danny fenton#dash baxter#i aint tagging everyone else. jazz was the most fun to doodle though#figuring out their faces was . hm. it was a moment. i hope i made jazz and danny look related enough HAHA probably not. i wanted jazz and#him to have the same eyes its just jazz still looks like a normal girl and danny looks like he's lost all zest and life for the world#like shit man if someone looked at me like that in the highschool hallway id be scared too i dont blame you dash#UGH DASH IS LIKE A GOLDEN RETRIEVER TO DRAW FOR THIS FIC. i love it so much. i love me a shitty guy turned nice#elderich horror danny is cool. im tag rambling now. my bad#this fic has a bit of a death grip on me. i need to be normal and go to bed#ALSO I CANT FIGURE OUT HOW TO DRAW TUCKER IM SO SORRY. HIS HAT. IT PAINS ME#anyway uhhh if u like danny phantom read dis fic? pretty please? for me? its at 127k words atm so. if youve got a day to spare#(dont be like i me i fucked up my eyes binge reading it LMFAO. be smarter)#guess ill die (danphantom)
929 notes
·
View notes
Note
Firefox-official vs electronicmail
Hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby
okay come up with a better idea then. firefox-official is gone asshole it’s electronicmail or nothing
#this one was hard to respond to because it elicited the usual anon rage in me#but i had to think about it anyway.#this blog has been around for less than a month and it is driving me fucking crazy#don’t you think i know?#dont you think it hurts enough already#i dont want this blog either i want my old blog back with all my stuff on it#i would like to stick around#because i loved posting#and i get that you’re just having fun#but i’m making an example of you#less than a month vs five years#‘household name’ firefox official#spent five years building that thing#and now it’s just this.#i keep forgetting#and then i’m here again#not home#i know you all feel bad enough for me already#but it’s so hard to be myself because the environment on here is SO different#we were HAPPY#WE WERE SO HAPPY#Umm… Or whatever.#guess i could go back to firefox unofficial#but that feels far too close to the sun. and i’m done with the wings i think.#i dont mean to be so serious#a total mood killer i know#i just dont know how to proceed exactly#because when i post like normal i cant help but feel sad#and when i post about being sad its just sort of obnoxious#i’m not really asking for pity i just want to explain where i am at
510 notes
·
View notes
Note
please any atla gojo lore. anything please im begging on my knees hands pressed together like im praying to god
I really wish I could anon :'> we tried to think of non-spoiler-y lore we could share but turns out every aspect of his character is either a. major spoilers or b. a near-direct echo of canon but make it atla flavoured (ie. his relationships w/ geto/shoko/nanami/haibara; him being The Strongest(tm) in-universe, etc). I guess there's technically the satosugu betrothal but that's already Public Knowledge given that there's art, plus the details are (surprise!) more spoilers
so ...yeah.... unfortunately you'll just have to wait to learn more about him in the fic :"> please accept this compensatory art as apology even though i am Not sorry in fact the pleas of the commonfolk make me cackle
jjk atla!au with @philosophiums
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fanart#jjk fanart#gojo satoru#gojo#jjk atla!au#atla!au: art#atla!au: illust#lmhs#ily anon gomennnnnnn#i feel a *bit* bad but mostly i am >:3c#i get a sadistic kind of kick out of how u asked abt gojo's lore/abilities#(which i cannot disclose)#and as 'compensation' i provide u with art of gojo presumably Using said abilities#i love Knowing and dangling the knowledge just out of reach . it makes me feel tall :)#i will say however . dont read too much into the visuals#bc in all honesty a lot of th details of gojo's powers just . aren't established yet even between sam and i#bc we've been Procrastinating figuring it out#so I had to take creative liberty as to what theyd Look Like being used#n thats not even me trying 2 b sly we genuinely Dont have the details figured out GJHKDSg#add that to th list of reasons i cant talk abt him ig#side note made his sleeves Way longer here and said o well guess we're keeping them#is gojo a spirit hina
503 notes
·
View notes
Text
pygmalion and galatea for aroace people
you should tell your friends what I look like, riz gukgak.
#fantasy high#fantasy high sophomore year#fhsy#riz gukgak#baron from the baronies#fh class quangle#class swap babeyy! bard!riz that's whats goin on!#I really need tags for these now I think lmao#ask to tag#I feel like this should be tagged something. but I dont know what#in my brain after the initial kidnapping class swap baron's thing is every time riz keeps his story abt them up in front of his friends#they get a little bit closer. they send him pictures of where they supposedly are n stuff#theres a scene in my brain only of kristen and riz on top of the van and kristen is like everything kinda sucks rn can u tell me abt baron#cause what you guys have is so nice and beautiful. and riz almost doesn't but he ultimately can't deny kristen a little peace#lmao I feel like dipping into baron stuff with the class swap is like showing my whole ass online again I just. I'm a#horror person before all else... I cant stop myself. canon baron is Great and Cool but that is kind of the thing. for a horror thing theyre#Too Cool. I think cool is kind of the neutralizer of scary. when a monster is a certain amount of cool it overrides the scary#and now u just have a Cool Monster#its so fucked for bard!riz this year bc he doesn't have an office (he's mooching off the school wifi from the AV club room lol)#so there's no buffer between adventure and home life. so baron just shows up in the strongtower apartment lmao#sophomore year bard!riz looks like a slasher protag so I just leaned into it I guess. he gets a mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon kennedy#well. its worse actually. they can show up where he is at any moment theyve proven this. but they dont#they choose to punish him slowly as he lies to his friends instead. baron is mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon and also a bitch#I think its gonna pop up if class swap baron ever speaks in a comic I do but their voice comes from like. inside their hollow face#it sounds like it's a lot deeper in there than that skull should be#tbh what I have rn is kinda like a bag of loose pieces that Can fit together into something great but I dont have the energy to#really sit down with them yet lol. Im doing this inbetween other things#it comes or it doesn't! it's fine. funny how today's bad comic day also. I wont say this is for bad comic day bc all my comics are#flawless and beautiful and perfect and awesome and beautiful and the best#but u should. if u havent drawn a comic today or at all ever u should draw a comic
293 notes
·
View notes
Text
i didnt write my essay for this 👍👍
im so festive with my red and green color combos n whatnot
#my art#digital art#digital painting#fanart#resident evil 7#ethan winters#i still cringe when i add those tags. i hope no one sees me#i have actually been drawing him constantly for days(weeks)(months) like still and yet what do i have to show for it#a whole lotta sketches and nothing FINISHED and so many ideas i havent even drawn#im like paralyzed#by the ONSLAUGHT of ideas that i wanna see so bad but if i wanna see em i gotta do them and i cant pick which one to focus on so im like#damn i guess ill just walk around my kitchen like a deranged idiot#i could say soooo much about him and then still have more to say#i find new things to say about him everytime i even think about sayin one thing#and then i never say anything#again. paralyzed.#and really do i even wanna talk about him anyways whats there to even say really like really really. NOTHING. i have nothing to say.#when you ignore all the things id love to say i have nothing to say and thats really all there is to say on the matter.#mic drop#ANYWAYS thats the post i hope im talkin to no one. unless. hiii nugget 👋👋
93 notes
·
View notes
Text
"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi the suckening#arthur bennett#HEY SO THE REALLY FUNNY THING THAT THE CHARACTER DID THAT SEEMED RLY SILLY N GOOFY IN THE MOMENT?#LIKE THE WHIPLASH BETWEEN SERIOUS N SILLY ALMOST PISSED YOU OFF? WHAT IF I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU SAD ABOUT IT#this was meant to be a scribble that would be a bigger part of a bigger page.might leave it on that page.#but still. bc o that i nearly posted it onto my wacky side blog.BUT NAYY I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME N ENERGY N YOU GOTTA SEE IT#ARTHUR BENNETT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I FEEL LIKE ITS ODD FOR HIM TO BE SO TECHNOLOGICALLY OUT OF TOUCH#WHERE HAS HE BEEN. HAS HE BEEN IN WAR? IS THAT WHERE MAGNUS CAME FROM? WHERE WAS HE WHEN HE WAS WITH EDWARDS CREW?#ARTHURRR I HAVE QUESTIONS ARTTHUUURR!! HEY CAN I ALSO ASK; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BECOME#DO YOU THINK HE HAD ANY IDEA HE WOULD VEER CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE MONSTER HE DESPISES. ALL BC HE DESERVES IT. OR WATEVER#HE FASCINATES ME SO MUCH. TO LOOK AT THE STONE COLD STOIC FOOL FROM THE START OF THE SHOW#AND TO FIND OUT THAT HE USED TO BE A BAD BOY.. A DELINQUENT... A LIL PRANKSTER.... MY GODDD THATS ADORABLE#I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW MORE.... BUT I DOUBT THE LAST EPISODE IS GONNA ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS..i love arthur bennett so much....#AS FOR THE ART!! i mostly used the fire alpaca watercolor brush. tbh im not a brush guy. anti aliased default pen tends to be my main game#but LATELY IM SQQQUIRMIN OUT OF AN ARTBLOCK so expirimenting like this is helping#DONT LOOK TOO HARD AT IT!! im still proud tho. colors are fun :3 im also very proud of the backgrounds#I LOVE THE CARTOON THING where the background looks all fancy n painted but the characters are solid colors#what else can i ramble abt. OH YEAH. i looked up the bikes to make sure they were time accurate tehehehe. 1913 to 2012.#almost a century apart!! isnt that neat? ALSO FUUUCK CAN I JUST MAKE A QUICK CONFESSION. DOWN HERE IN MY TAGS.#only the strongest can read my tags anwyay. SO I REALIZED WHY I LOVE ARTHUR SO MUCH. TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE#while arthur is a Stoic and Cool vampire w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORs#THERE HAPPENS TO BE A ROBOT FROM A BAND W A TITANIUM ALLOY SPINAL COLLUMN#WHOS A Stoic and Cool ROBOT w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORS#the fuckkkiiinnngggnn The Spine from steam powered giraffe. WHATEVER. i cant escape from my heart. i guess.#i think The Spine and Arthur could be friends. Arthur saw the band perform back when they were the Steam Man Band#EDIT: WOOPS I DIDNT REALIZE THIS WOULD END UP IN THE SPG TAG. HI GUYS DIDNT KNOW U WERE STILL ALIVE SORREE 4 THE CROSS CONTAMINATION
178 notes
·
View notes
Text
😀 i love setting out to draw 1 character multiple times but ending up drawing multiple characters 1 time instead 😀 i love it so much 😀
#honestly the qi rong is still my fav.... first one i did.. its jsut so yummy to me ok#the he xuan too.. other two can go fuck off for all i care#i only care for the left side of this canvas#also i feel like i channeled my mbj design while trying to draw he xuan 😔 i cant help it--- like theyre both nonhumans with black n blue#color schemes in my head and.. yeah.. imean he xuan is water and mobei-jun is ice it makes sense in my mind#but also imagining that he xuan design absolutely tearing into food is cracking me up.. i just need to draw him enjoying a nice meal fr..#tian guan ci fu#tgcf#heaven official's blessing#the four calamities#qi rong#hua cheng#he xuan#bai wuxiang#my art#me @ everyone: you get long pointy ears 🥰🥰🥰. (gets to bwx) ... not you tho 🥰🥰🥰#i should draw every tgcf i want to so bad#you will never guess who my favs are i am so not predictable i am so unpredictable you would never see it coming you would never guess im s#i feel like i havent done a lot of tgcf posting on here tho.... . i mean my initial hyperfixation on it was last year i believe??#but i never really stopped thinking about adghasdhgahdjhafa
248 notes
·
View notes
Text
the choromatsu incident is 1. a perfect bit 2. has my favorite line reads ever in both dub and sub and they happen to be two parts of the same exchange so i have edited them together for your viewing pleasure
#like the perfect mix of humor and Fambily Bonds. perfectly utilizes all the Personalities and Dynamics#it's so fuckiiing gooooodd it's like the perfect osomatsu segment. To me#he calls himself oniichan he wnats to be cute so bad. you will never be cute choro#like im not even wtaching this out of sadism towards chorochan it's just that the bit is too perfect#down to a science#God i hope s4 is good. We need the other 3 incidents#i wanted to reblog this but i guess you cant reblog w videos so#dub propaganda
65 notes
·
View notes
Text
oh im obsessed with this actually… who ever wrote this one i am kissing u on the forehead and hugging you real tight… inigo is such a loverboy im kkkhhhhhhijnsdnfng
#ann plays awakening#EDITING TO SAY I STARTED TAG VENTING HIT READMORE AT YOUR OWN RISK#anyways#LAST LINE IS A KILLERRRR WOW#‘ann werent you just pairing olivia with thar—‘ OLIVIA IS A BUSY WOMAN OKAY#but also i just had this old save file from when i wanted to see pink inigo and decided to get some more supports#im obsessed actually like#ok tag venting time maybe this should be its own post but u guys know who i am#not only does this support in my very educated opinion do a good job at emulating inigo’s way of speaking#but i think theres also a very underrated characteristic he has that not a lot of people talk about and its that hes honestly quite morbid#him spending hours talking to and dancing with his mother’s grave is very beautiful and moving but it is also not a normal way to grieve#which makes sense because duh nothing about his life is normal but its j like. you know#if robin is his father (and maybe j the normal convo i dont remember) in the hot springs scramble he’ll insist upon bringing—#severed risen limbs home as a way to remember the peacefulness (lol) of the springs#and he thinks absolutely nothing of it!!#i think he gets attached to things just a little too intensely and because his life is surrounded by death how he expresses that can be#very interesting. and he talks about death all time more than the other kids#bc while a lot of their coping mechanisms are based in fear and the need to instill confidence in themselves (think cyn or gerome or owain#or sev or yarne or noire)#and how their SCARED of death and of loss and adapt different behaviors to act like theyre not (to varying degrees of success)#i think inigo is much more accepting of the fact that death follows him and has made it a normal presence in his life#which is not a good thing it means that he hasnt let himself grieve. he lets death hang over him and follow him instead of pushing back#also guess which one of the awakening trio in fates has the canonical story death. just by the way lmao#anyways bc im writing this in the tags on my phone i cant actually see what the hell ive been saying im j stream of consciousnessing this#but my point is that inigo has a weird fixation on death and dying that stems from his inability to make peace with death and grieve#and i think him idolizing death in this support (this BRILLIANT fan support that made me ill) is so in character and so lovely#i miss him so bad (hes literally in the photos im posting) grghhhrgah#i wuv him :(
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
do yall see my vision?
#guess who has been reading the jeweler richard LN#im on volume 4 rn#anyway i always thought seigi's crush on tanimoto reminded me of watanuki and his feelings for himawari#i would also put them in the same category of 'hetero-bait' so to speak where they introduce a 'female love interest'#and then later establish her as not a romantic choice for the mc and then they're gay instead#its all subtext in xxxholic but man.......its just text in jeweler richard#also when reading volume 2 of JR i was like 'richard reminds me of someone.........' and then i realized its abeno#abeno haruitsuki is like if richard was in highschool and not the lord of sweets#i actually dont remember if ashiyan is that down bad for abeno but i know abeno is bad for him#hes still got that 'i cant leave you alone' energy especially halfway through when sakae starts showing up#seigi and ashiya have that in common too they both have daddy issues#should i have put that instead?#im too lazy to change it#i really need to reread fukimono i miss them so much#abeshiya is like an old friend to me#jeweler richard#nakata seigi#fukigen na mononokean#ashiya hanae#xxxholic#watanuki kimihiro
37 notes
·
View notes
Text
venting like an idiot
the main reason i dont wanna go back to uni is that i feel like i've completely embarrassed myself last year. idk, i feel horrified at the thought of returning and looking these people in the eye. i didn't do anything, i was lazy and barely finished my projects and the only way to redeem myself somehow would be to come back with some new energy and work hard. i didn't even really get a job this summer because i really wanted to rest, cause i thought i would drop out. and i just feel worse, i feel even more tired
#ughhhh#im not going to drop out just yet#itd be a shame i think#theres many opportunities at my uni that i just dont take cause i cant commit to them or im too tired or im too scared#idk if doing any of this is worth it if i don't truly commit tho#i dont think ive learned anything these past 2 years tbh i feel like ive been wasting time and money#and i know my mental state is just my fault cause i cant get myself to do anything and i feel shame and spiral but goddd#idk i just feel like shit#the academic year starts so soon and i just dread everything thats to come#idk i dont even feel like im going to come out of this school with a portfolio. im literally nothing and ive done nothing#i have no idea how i could write a dissertation because ive literally learned nothing i have no desire to learn i just want to fucking chil#i cant get myself to care much for anything except silly shit thats just a distraction from uni work ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh#sucks sucks everything sucks#sorry for this stupid fucking essay im just having lots of thoughts and no one to tell them so.. um#vent#i know this is all my fault but also like. what am i supposed to do about it every solution sounds like literal hell to me -_-#i guess ive been feeling less suicidal recently which i guess is good but i feel like its bad cause like ykiyk ig#idk its all a huge contradiction
24 notes
·
View notes
Note
I am sorry to hear that the depression has stolen your spark.
I want you to know that you are the sole reason I gave Skyward Sword a chance. Your art was so beautiful and compelling that I just had to know about the media it came from.
Your art introduced me to an incredible community that years later, I am still benefitting from. Your art was the gateway, and I've always been thankful to you for that.
I hope your spark realights, and I hope you can kick depression right in its ass.
i- i did that????? qoq
yes im reviving old reaction pictures
i hope im not ruining the mood bc .. this legitimately made me tear up and i kept thinking of this ever since receiving the ask-
but bc i cant keep my mouth shut (i apologize if you are already well aware of all this i just .. like to talk i guess), i ... idk i have said this before but i feel incredibly conflicted about demise (am i allowed to like him??? do i even like him when i changed him so much??? am i a fraud fan????) and the game he comes from, i .. dont actually like skyward sword that much, or, not as much as it may seem like (my favorite is windwaker, second is botw), every now and then i even feel guilty for demise being my blorbo tm- as much as i love him im under no illusion what his introduction to the series did, the games lore is not .. great, it seems to have kickstarted the decline of the series writing and completely torpedoed any sort of fandom discussion by making zelda a literal reincarnation of the good tm gods of love and light and peace and everything good tm uwu and pit her against an evil demonnnnn that just crawled out the earth one day (??) and was only evil and bad and dark and hate incarnate an hated the good tm gods bc hes jsut so eviiiil, it gave rise to the utter dissmissal of any sort of ganondorf related discussions (funny how it only seems to apply to ganondorf, and none of the other villains hmmmmmmmmmmmm) bc, while not confirmed confirmed (though the fandom likes to pretend that), hes now widely seen as a reincarnation of demise and thus, doesnt need nuance or be given any grace or thought bc apparently when you say someone is a demon (or its reincarnation, which i dont believe ganondorf is, to be clear) that means its fine to not give them any thought bc demons are just evil tm and thats ok and good writing actually (wat????)
(if you take skysw as canonically how it all went down bc my interpretation makes it all be a fabricated lie so the gods can play their little games, there is no godess reincarnation, that was a lie to make way for an opressive kingdom belivieing itself to be irrevocably good no matter what they do etc)
it also cheapens any of the past entries, all of them have been flattened by this, why disscuss ganondorfs motivation lol, he just be a demon/demons puppet, zelda could never be wrong or do bad things bc she literal incarnation of goodness uwu etc- (and then totk, only the second game after skysw, retreads its points and makes it even worse while ALSO trampeling over that game imo)
i dont like saying it, but i do feel a little alienated even from ganondorf fans (i love him too!!!!!) bc they hate demise, and rightfully so, it feels weird having your main blorbo be the reason your second fav is constantly done dirty, why you cant even talk about anything critically bc 'iTs jUst a sIMpLe fAiRytALe' now and part of the reason the lore in general has gone to shit, and i dont know how much i can talk about that before i become an obnoxious 'well ACTUALLY my blorbo, who is the reason for all this, is ALSO done dirty and im gonna explain away the bad stuff via my completely noncanon reinterpretation-' guy, or if i already am what im doing with destiny is like .. my way of trying to fix it and make it interesting again? though at this point i guess im falling into the category of people who change their blorbo so much that there really isnt anythign left of the og, which worries me alot, though i wonder if thats even possible given how little there is to him in the first place, i so often see viral posts that make me feel guilty or conflicted for the way i work with media, "actually my blorbo did all those crimes and thats good you all who need to explain away the bad things are weak and annoying!!" "people who change their favs until they barely resemble the character anymore should just make an oc instead!!"-
i dont know if i take these types of posts too literally, i dont know when or how they apply, but it always circles around in my head, i know not everyone can like what you do, but i want to work with the material i have in an interesting way, not a puritanical way (or however you call that), its not in my mind every second, but it nevertheless makes me doubt what i do with my fanworks anytime i talk about them-
... this wasnt really the point of the message was it ... apologies, i hope not every ask will devolve into a sort of mini rant ;__; i dont mean to invalidate what you said, (and im not saying skyward sword is all bad, its full of charm, from characters to designs, just the lore is .. damaging) it is incredibly touching bc me or my art having a positive impact on people blindsides me every single time like "WHAT??? IMPOSSIBLE you MUST be thinking of someone else, no way i could do that", when something gets brought up my thoughts just kinda start pouring out, i thought about deleting everything i wrote, but then felt like that wouldnt be as genuine anymore (i am not normal tm after all and im long past a point pretending otherwise) and have wasted another hour for nothing, so im gonne leave it in and hope, pray even, it comes across correctly
q-q
#ganondoodles answers#ganondoodles talks#zelda#i guess i have a problem with things that could be interesting but arent#i couldnt really think of anything to do with windwaker though its my fav zelda game#but to reinvent the whole lore the entire franchise is based on is my thing!!#and i hate totk like no other game yet i keep making art for my rewrite of it#i guess its the thing that drives people mad#when something is bad when it shouldnt have been#or in case of skysw its like .... ok you gave me room to recontextualize literally everything here i goooo#i really hope they dont try to put anything before skysw#i like when something doesnt have a lot of lore bc it lets me be creative with everything while still fit it to the rest#i think this ask was more mant to just be a compliment#but when im given an opening i WILL talk bout whavetever is occupying my mind#and i saw multiple people talk about skysw so ... thats that i guess#also .. just letting myself talkabout doubts and stuff is just kinda .. distracting from everything else#and i need to stop playing stardew bc my thumb nd eye hurt when i woke up so ... mandatory break#already planning to do too much for all these asks .. gotta force myself to just answer#and not plan out the most elaborate drawings ever in an attempt to give back as much as i can to the ppl who sent them#bc i cant! do all of that! argh!
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
MATTY, ROSS, GEORGE & ADAM TONIGHT!!
#GODDDDD#THIS IS SO BAD FOR ME#MATTY AS PATRICK BATEMAN????#I FUCKING GUESSED IT#I CANT BELIEVE IT#AHHHHH#THEY ALL LOOK SO GOOD#!!!!#matty healy#ross macdonald#george daniel#adam hann#the 1975
115 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
Curently Reading book 6 and one Thing lead to another and i read my Mom a Few Pages.....
Oh god my dyslexia left me unable to read and my Mom very confused....
It wont let me sleep so heres my doodle in want does NOT happen in the book but my Mom now thinks IT does
#mxtx#tgcf#doodle#xie lian#hua cheng#the two lil nuggets#forgot thir named#oh god i cant read#dyslexia#dislexia#dyislxis#qaaaaaaadegbegbgeegetgete#cant spell#why did they name it that#its luke they dont want us to write it#just when i thing the gays cured me of it its back#guess u cant just gay all ur problems away#anither thing about tgcf#is that ots so wird that they gay is actualy gaying#like im so used to relasenships being hinted at or only being fanon#its like the first time theres romance in my plot#i absolutly love it#ive been only drinking pudke water for years#and ifaly i get clear and crisp rock water#straight from the gold moutains#also exuse my bad hand writing#i blam that on dyslexia too#i tryed my best#at least its readable#i think
32 notes
·
View notes