#maybe they get better but idk if ill ever finish it

[kwyoz]

i keep wanting to continue watching edgerunners whenever people hype it up again, but i absolutely hate lucy and i think i only got to like episode 3.

[touchlikethesun]

i’ve been in an (iwa)oikage spiral since yesterday. which really shouldn’t surprise anyone. their whole dynamic is so painfully my type i’m kinda embarrassed to admit it…

[triglycercule]

guys i havent written since may (for killer's birthday) but stupid silly swapinverse has been on my mind for a little bit and i threw together this silly (he has a panic attack and throws up) little short draft 4 swapinverse horror!!

-

“hah… ah… oh god… no, no, nonono…”

he ran. sprinted through the forest like a frightened deer, his demeanor that of prey, although his previous actions aligned more of a predator. panting and shaking, his mind cycled through countless variations of how to react to what just happened, what he just did.

how should he react? how could he react? it was impossible to tell for him in the panicked state. and as the trees in snowdin slowly began to surround him (but weren't they always doing that?), paranoia couldn't run anymore. he was surrounded, he was blocked off, he couldn't escape. not from horrortale, not from snowdin, not from the dusty graveyard he had just left it, and not from the blood smeared across his mouth.

“no, i- what did, what did i do? paps, snowdin, even-undick, no, it-”

paranoia’s incoherent rambles brought his hands to wander across his face, tugging at the massive hole in his skull spanning majority of the left side of his head. picking at the chipped bone didn't help, it never did, but a nervous habit was unbreakable, and he was more than nervous in this moment. in fact, quite terrified. everything was terrifying. he was terrifying. and as the slightest hint of red blood touched his sleeve, the once red, now magenta eye quickly locked onto it, and he couldn't hold it back anymore.

“fuck- oh god, no, aliza-!”

falling to his knees, a disgustingly gorey mess of red, pink, and black spilled from his mouth. sounds of retching and hurling were all that filled the empty forest, and paranoia couldn't bear to look down and see the mess he’d made. the mess he’s caused. wasted food, he would've said. but that statement normally only applied to others. he never imagined using it on himself. choking on his spit and certainly not his blood, tears fell from his eye, joining the vomit and blood seeping into the snow. strange. paranoia didn't think he had enough magic to even shed tears anymore. just for the bare necessities. he managed to surprise even himself, after all this time.

but could it be could be considered surprise, or rather terror? he fit up to his name, certainly horrified at his own actions. forcing out as much of the grossness he could that he’d just consumed, paranoia couldn't help but look down at what he’d done.

red. a lot of red. too much red. he’d never been queasy before, never. he had to adapt to it, being the one to hunt down humans that ran or sneak up on those when times got desperate. there was no time or need to be queasy at what he even considered his job before. a duty he had to do.

but now, there was too much red. far too much red. and he didn't know why, although he totally knew, but paranoia couldn't stomach it. he just threw his guts out (shouldn't they be aliza’s guts, or no?), and here he was, wanting to throw up until his SOUL shattered. his SOUL cycled through those strange 4 shapes, unsure of which to settle on. he couldn't blame it. paranoia himself was unsure of what was even going on anymore. he wanted to run, but was frozen. he wanted to scream, but didn't know who at.

everything was contradicting. everything was going on, and not enough was given for paranoia to understand how to deal with it. and with a muttered curse, he flopped on his side onto the somehow dry snow, losing consciousness in the haze of fear now intermingled with his SOUL.

-

ik theres probably grammar mistakes i wrote this on my phone,,,, but like idk. had idea for a little moment in paranoia's lore and i sure as hell didn't wanna draw it so i wrote it as an easier media! god this is so much easier compared to drawing idk why i dont do this more often (because youre lazy silly!) anyways swapinverse silly i love swapinverse. i've only thrown up like never so i dont know if this works. also never had a panic attack (i think) and AGAIN i dont know if this is accurate but whatever i dont write to be good i write for expressing my ideas. like everything i do

[chisatowo]

Watching videos essays abt political stuff is fun except for the fact that it's abt real life and it's not fun

[cloudluvrrr]

It was never meant to last.

Boothill x Terminally ill g/n reader

Tw: illness, ANGST, death, dying, me being stupid

g/n reader idk frilly apron mentioned

— I thought of this bc boothill rlly cant die?? In a way so what’s better than a terminally ill lover >_<

-Boothill

-forwards beckon rebound -Adrianne lenker

-

He found you ill

-it was doomed at the start. He found you while traveling, collapsed on the ground.

-he could just leave you there, but you had family.

He knew what it was like to loose family.

— you woke up in a daze, everything blurry and unfamiliar. “..you awake?” You perk up at the sound of his accent and odd voice. “..huh?”

“..I- I- uh found ya, lyin’ in the road. Thought you was dead” he explained standing at the foot of your bed.

He was odd, long hair, made out of metal yet his face was pale. He looked like a cowboy that’s for sure. He avoided your gaze with his hands at his belt

“..I'm alive in a shitty motel”

“Hey!”

"why'd you rescue me?"

He was caught off guard. ‘Why?' he thought it was odd, anyone would be thankful to be rescued.

“You was lying there, I couldn’t leave ya! I bet your families worried, on top of that you’re pale and skinny as a twig!” He said defensively looking over your figure in the bed, that was covered in many blankets

“..well I have no family to worry, and nothing to loose"

You began gently running your fingers along the stitches of the blanket “..I’m ill I’m going to die anyways? Why waste your money on me”

“..yer gonna to die, don’t mean your gonna die now”

“..who are you anyways? Your a cowboy made of metal, flashy clothes, and a human face?” Furrowing your brows as you look over his odd features

“..I’m Boothill member of the galaxy rangers, pleasure to meet you”

—

-that’s where it began, you slowly began to fall for the flashy cowboy, an odd pair.

-he spent his days in the small town helping the sheriff and keep people in place.

He’d settled down.

-you spent your days in bed, looking out the window. Or when you had the strength, you’d cook a small meal.

— “the hell are you doing” he asked gently leading you away from the kitchen, and to the dining room. “Cooking we can’t starve!”

“Not when your like this!" he motioned to your figure "You gotta get better darlin’, here I’ll finish and then you take your medicine”

—

-you hated it, he was out there doing something and all you could do was nothing without having a coughing fit.

-he didn’t mind, he did it all for you. The cooking, cleaning, and giving you medicine.

♡ even if if meant loosing you in the end.

-sometimes he will take you out, on a small walk around the town, a picnic. It wasn’t often but often enough for the both of you.

-your favorite spot was under a weeping willow tree, laying in his lap as you looked up at the sorrowful tree.

-he often cuddled you, he knew he couldn’t offer much comfort or warmth so he cuddled when he had ->

A. A pillow on him & B a blanket.

-you ever wish I wasn't ill

you croaked against the blanket, your tired eyes looking up at him.

"all the damn time, I wanna do everything and anything with ya pretty thing"

he answered his hat over his face

"makes sense, I wanna go out into town more"

letting out a small chuckle you, remove his hat "am I that unsightly you don't wanna look at me?"

"are you stupid! NO!" he replied harshly taking his hat back

"i was just asking" you uttered snuggling into his side

"just...focus on getting better doll"

he sighed giving you a small kiss on the head

-hes so gentle, with anything giving you medicine, brushing your hair, helping you dress, maybe even doing your make up. He doesn't wanna hurt you, more than you already are hurting.

-he'd even share his earrings with you, and you with him.

-at night sharing stories of his own planet, while you played with his fingers

-"and thats when the horse bucked me off" he recalled with a small smile as you began to fall asleep on his shoulder, with your fingers intertwined.

"sweet dreams darlin'"

he said turning down the oil lamp, and kissing your forehead

-when he isn't out, he'll spend the day with you doing domestic chores. Laundry, dishes, dusting, sweeping. All of it

-and to make you laugh he'll wear your frilly apron

--

it was quiet, it was odd. He slightly rushed to the bedroom, to see you staring out of it. Soon you notice

"..I'm dying boothill doctor said I ain't gonna make it to tomorrow"

"what? you told him your restin' taking your medicine-" he listed everything you'd done right before getting cut off "Its terminal, I told you. Nothing can stop it, just hold it off a little longer." you didn't face him

You didn't want him to see the small tears building up

"..so tomorrow you ain't gonna wake up..?" he asked in a somber tone hugging you from behind. Silently respecting your wishes.

"..its the best way to go, no? peacefully in your lovers arms"

"I guess" he replied quietly playing with your hair.

"...I'm scared"

"you wasn't scared of death before"

"That was different Boothill! Now its certain, I'll be gone" you said in a sad tone, squeezing his hand. "..I'll be here though, hold ya through the whole thing ya hear?" he said kissing you neck and rubbing your stomach

-

"sweet dreams darlin'"

he whispered gently into your ear.

Giving you one last sweet kiss on your chapped lips

--

The night ended like any other

Except when morning did come, and you were gone.

He buried you beneath your favorite tree, and left the planet.

With another hole in his mechanical heart

--

hope you enjoyed !

this one was quick to write i have a lot of ideas but im dumb ☹️

prolly gonna make a jing yuan version later on :P

💗💗

Pre-cyborg boothill headcannons!

[ritsufeet]

stay with me.

longing [ ft. m. kaiser ]

i don’t want u to leave… in which kaiser longs for you more than he thought he would.

k by cigarettes after sex heavily recommend to listen to while reading!!

all works from luvmouche & ritsufeet on tumblr.

𒁷 sfw, (forced to) made for ivelle (@n6gi)

𒁷 cw// hurt comfort(?), kaiser is too busy for u (dickhead), but it gets better i think, mutual longing, kissing smooch smooch, umm idk what else, kaiser tw🤓, “m” is his nickname given by the reader, rly short fic btw, slightly ooc kaiser but yk what idc!

i made this for ivelle this is literally yhe only bllk fic ill ever make (maybe) also i dont even like kaiser (kurona bwtter) i originally made this in my notes app i had to decide whether or not i eveb wanted to post this on tumblrHelp

synopsis: michael kaiser is a cruel, busy man—yet he finds himself pining for your warmth more than he expected.

not proofread!!!

kaiser, michael

your boyfriend, michael kaiser, who’s a famous, up and coming athlete, never has any time for you.

“i’m leaving, i have a meeting today.” he says, hurriedly pushing his shoes on with heavy sighs. you look at him and frown, “again? m, you never have any time for me anymore…”

“i know, but i’ll make it up to you, i promise. just not today, i’m busy.” he huffs, frowning right back at you, his blonde hair sways messily in front of his face and his fingers coming up to brush them up and out of the way again. you frown deepens and you sigh.

he looks up at you, his eyebrows furrowed. “what? what’s wrong with you?” his question only makes you sadder.

“can’t you stay?”

“no, i can’t. you know this. i said i’d make it up to you, didn’t i? trust my word.” you know this, you already know… but you can’t help but already begin to miss him.

he’s often gone for long hours, sometimes it’s more than just hours. it’s hard loving him when he’s absent majority of the time, and when he’s not gone, he’s doing something else that doesn’t involve spending time with you. what could be so important, anyway? of course, you love him, you love his career and support him with everything you can, but he could at least love you a little back.

you slowly walk over to him when he’s finished putting on his shoes. he looks at you with soft eyes, a face that he doesn’t show often. vulnerability that doesn’t come easily to him, something he only shows to you. “i’m sorry,” he says, his hand cupping your cheek. you relish in his touch, leaning into his palm. “i really wish i could stay too. you know that as well as i do.” he caresses your cheek, sliding his thumb over your skin.

“i get it… you should go, you don’t want to be late, right?” you look at him giving a reassuring smile. “i’ll be here, like i always am.” his heart aches as those words leave you, and the urge washes over him. he brings himself to your lips and kisses you—sweet, quick, and loving. he lets himself linger there for as long as he needs to. he doesn’t want to be late, yet he finds himself not wanting to move a single inch away from you. he wants to stay, wants to be here with you and the comfort of your kisses.

you pull away instead, you put your hand right above his—the one caressing your cheek so gently and longingly that you fear that it’d break his heart if he tore it away—and squeeze it. his face is solemn, his gaze wavering. he’s staring at you, but he looks away, as if hesitant to say anything. then, he looks at you again, and purses his lips. “..i love you.” your reassuring smile turns into a genuine one. “i love you too, m.”

he pulls you into a hug, holding you longer than just a few seconds, and he can hear himself the moment he decided to just go ‘ah, fuck it.’ a barely audible chuckle comes from his voice leaving you wondering what’s so funny.

“on second thought, i don’t think they’ll mind if i miss a day or two.” he says, smiling.

a/n: i hope ur happy ivelle. k bye im tired fuckkk

[camellia-salazar]

April's drawings and doodles!! Get ready! 🎉🌟

At first, I was gonna draw ARG tangled in some rope, but then the rope looked like a ribbon, so I made Gangle into a monster instead. Also, I drew two of the most underated cats from Warriors ever, especially Lionheart.

(I started this first but finished it second). Drawings of certain characters cause their birthdays this month, except for Colin his birthday is at the end of March. I just forgot to draw him. I just love how Cody, Popee, and Waluigi share the same birthday, tho. 🎉

Edit: (No offense to those born on April 1st, btw).

I was writing a story with these six, inspired by The New Prophecy. But I haven't written it in some time. Idk if I'll ever continue it. I don't think I'll post it anywhere, either. Probably.

The next two drawings I started a month or so ago but didn't finish until this month.

Took quite a while to finish, but I'm glad I did. Idk where this takes place yet, but it is a scene from that crossover I keep thinking about but never really writing down.

Either takes place before or after the drawing above it, I don't really remember. What I do know, tho is that I drew these drawings because idk I just felt like Adam would have interesting interactions with some other characters.

I rushed this at the end. I did not want to leave it out. I want a clean slate next month. God damn it. I love crossovers, how bout you?

More about the Multifandom lore and other stuff below if you want:

Characters who die in canon that end up in the place (idk what to call it) keep being in the clothing that they died in. (Rip Ram and Kurt from Heathers: the Musical). (Spoilers warning if needed) So Adam is stuck with his robe he wore during the war with Charlie and the others from the hotel.

Also, about the 3rd drawing, like I said, it's an idea I had that, yes, takes place in the same crossover thing I think about. The colors in the background of each kiddo are involved in it, too.

The first two drawings are pretty much just some random doodles (idk what to do with the one with ARG and monster Gangle) while the other three kinda have stories to them that may or may not be written or animated on someday. (God, I hope that last sentence made sense).

Oh, and Bluey, Bingo and their cousins got to visit the Cul-De-Sac cause of a reason that's also in the multifandom/crossover I think about, I don't know if I should explain it or not. Meh.

BTW I've tried to match the original art styles of everything before, but this time, I've taken some steps forward. The hardest thing to figure out is the claynimated ones like Orel, Clay, and Claire. But I managed (for now, probably).

Edit: i went back and fixed it, I feel so much better about it now.

I even tried to have it seem like Bluey and others are slowly transitioning to the EEnE art style a bit.

But anyways, thanks for looking at my art and reading my rant! (If you did, if not, don't worry)

Have a good one! 🌟✨️✨️👋

(i keep forgetting to include my logo in my fanarts, but whatever, maybe next time, maybe next year ill start. Idk.)

[3gremlins]

i started another rook and i really didn't intend to make them so "i want that twink obliterated" but uh my hand slipped XD

this is björn ingellvar* (they/he, but sadly the game doesn't let you use mixed pronouns so i just use they/them in game) which just means bear and i realize they're not terribly bear like in appearance, but i think i'll rp it in personality more (ill be honest i liked the sound of it mostly and it had a meaning i can work with). Ingellvar was hard to pair with (i did consider making them a grey warden but i didn't vibe with thorne just yet and the mournwatch aspirational armor is kinda neat) Anyway they're a mourn watch warrior and so far a little more diplomatic/charismatic than my crow rogue rook. I had sort of thought to either romance bellara or emmerich this time round, but now i'm considering neve (trying to make myself make different choices! still an elf but eh). it's weird b/c when i started my other rook i didn't like any of the voices other than erika ishii's for them and this time i gravitated to one of the masc ones instead. so funny how characters shape themselves a bit, it's like oh this came together this way and now this voice is the one that is right. *various DA reddit threads suggested that nevarra is partially prussian inspired which does track with emmerich being an old german name. I spent several hours pouring through old german names which do also have a lot of cross pollination with various scandinavian names on several name etymology websites. Technically the german variant would be bjoern but whatever.

early thoughts on warrior: it feels a lot more underpowered than rogue from the outset. The weapon type swapping is a lot more awkward- rogue just uses r2 on controller to swap between knives and bow which feels really natural and fluid (and how a lot of other modern rpgs work, so you expect it). The war/mage use the d-pad to swap and it's just not as good of a feel (tho it is an interesting choice? the warrior swaps between sword & board and two handed, and mage swaps between staff and knife w/orb). i was def a bit like oh am i screwed, do i not get a ranged attack? but you sort of do (i think it would have been fine if war had arrows but i can see why they wanted to make it different) I like the idea of the captain america shield throw, but having to charge it up feels kind of bad (esp coming from the rogue where you just shoot your bow until you run out of arrows). Would have been better to have the shield throw just do something like that. (started towards the mourn watch tree and the shield throw is feeling better but wish it was better out of the gate you know?)

blocking is also a lot more important to the war kit and i'm bad at it (didn't really need to do it on rogue, just dodge quickly a lot) so we'll see if i can even stick to this. i don't want to block things except with my head, game. warrior also doesn't feel especially tanky per se, idk. doing this one on adventurer mode again but might turn it down (tbh rogue felt so op at the end there, i prob could have turned up the difficulty and been okay. maybe another future rogue rook if i'm ever feeling like a challenge ). i'm intrigued by the specializations (esp reaper i think) and i do think it'll get more fun as i unlock more skillz, but out of the gate a little clunky (i also started a mage rook and they also feel a bit weak compared to rogue. might like war more than mage for once??).

>>>> 2nd pt endgame knowledge spoilers behind cut!!! do not click if you haven't finished the game at least once! <<<<

playing this a second time and knowing everything you can actually spot the Varric CLUES early. There's a point where you're talking to solas in that first fade convo and he actually cuts himself off from saying that varric is dead, like you get the TINIEST hint of the "de" before solas elongates it into it a "is good at his own half truths".

also in conversations with harding her palpable sadness hits harder and her dialogue makes a lot more sense. When neve comes into the recovery room to talk to you the first time (i think it's whoever was injured?), she doesn't even look at varric and talks over him a teeny bit too. It's really subtle, they did a good job of laying clues you wouldn't catch unless you knew (at least for me, idk maybe yall were onto them sooner lol)

[joshusten]

love me in spite (guy/honey, redacted audios)

Guy and Honey get into an argument early into their relationship.

(angst, hurt/comfort, arguments, fluff)

3k+ words [ao3 link here!] [masterlist]

[CW and notes: swearing, arguing, insecurities, overthinking, breakdowns, descriptive?? crying?? I think??, idk they’re both having a bad time. probably a lot of grammatical errors lmao. also honey is implied to be empowered!!]

Honey doesn't remember the last time they felt like this, but they’ve always known their personality would bite them in the ass someday.

“Aww, is my beloved mad again? Oh, pray tell, which heinous crime did I commit this time, officer? Robbery? Public indecency?” Guy stroked his chin, pretending to rack up his mind on any possible offense he could have made. “Hm…jaywalking?"

“Guy.”

“Oh! Or maybe—just maybe—it was wanting my ever-so-affectionate lover to stop their pretty head from fussing over me?”

"Guy, can’t you take this seriously for once?” 

“But I am! It’s just not that big of a deal, baby! Look, a manuscript can’t just write itself, y’know? Especially one with a little flair from yours truly!”

“You haven’t slept properly for days now, you work overnight most of the time, and on your days off you pull all-nighters writing!” 

“Oh, you’re one to talk!”

“Well, this one’s more serious! I haven’t even seen you eat a proper meal and anything I offer you gets left out cold!”

They continued to have a back-and-forth confrontation, voices raising and words getting crueler as time goes on, with both parties not intending to back down anytime soon. Honey thought it was the first time they ever heard Guy let out an actual annoyed scoff and they noticed the slightest change in his demeanor. 

“Jesus, Honey. Of all the times you can finally act like you care for me, why now? Hm?” There was a playful smile on his face. It almost made them believe he was still joking around but his words were laced with an unmistakable annoyance.

But something inside Honey snapped. Their chest tightened at the thought of their partner thinking they didn’t care. They felt themselves flinch from the comment and Guy seemed to notice that too as his smile drops. “Shit. Honey, I didn’t–”

“I’m–,” They scrambled to get their bag, keys, wallet, anything they would need because they just want to be anywhere but here.“I’m going out. Let’s finish this later. I-I just can’t fucking do this right now.”

They didn’t mean that. Didn’t mean for it to sound so harsh. Then again, they don’t mean to sound so harsh most of the time but end up doing so either way. Grumpy. Mean. Intimidating. A common descriptor from most people. But Guy wasn’t like most people. ‘Unless,’ they think, ‘That was just a lie you told yourself to believe in.’

Honey shuts the door behind them, leaving the building and the warmth of their partner.

The pain in their chest almost distracts them from the exhaustion currently catching up to their body after a long day. They can feel the telltale signs of a migraine coming as they rub their temples gingerly with one hand, the other guiding the steering wheel. ‘Damn, it started to rain too. What a great way to lighten the mood,’ they think bitterly. Their mind eventually goes back to the fight earlier.

“Of all the times you finally can act like you care for me, why now? Hm?”

They do care. They care for him so much it scares them . He knows that, right? Even if they groan at his flirtatious quips and innuendos or if they grumble at his (very creative) attempts to give them as many hugs and kisses as they would allow, he knows that that’s just how they are, right? 

Maybe that wasn’t enough anymore. Maybe that never was enough to begin with. Maybe Guy finally realized he deserves better than an ill-tempered partner who doesn’t even know how to properly show any affection to their own fucking boyfriend.

A sharp car horn snaps them out of their thoughts. Shit, it’s a green light. They continue to drive until they see the familiar soft glow of a nearby 7-Eleven sign despite the persistent rain. 

Honey's entrance was signaled with the chime of the bell above the glass door. It’s relatively empty save for what they recognize to be a few D.A.M.N. students buying some late-night study snacks. Walking through the aisles while the pop song they heard their partner hum before softly plays in the background, slowly but surely calming them down. Muscle memory makes Honey reach for Guy’s favorite snack and they wonder how he’s doing. 

---

Guy doesn't remember the last time he felt like this, but he’s always known his personality would bite him in the ass someday.

Sure, he and Honey had their disagreements, but they were all accompanied by playful slaps and teasing laughter. Never had it gotten to the point of an actual argument that caused them to spit such venom toward each other like the one they just had. 

“I’m going out. I-I just can’t fucking do this right now.”

The door closes and Honey leaves, bringing the warmth of their shared apartment with them. Guy lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and starts to get to work. He wordlessly distracts himself by cleaning the living room—picking up stray plastic chip bags, vacuuming crumbs that settled on the cheap shag carpet, and fixing up the pillows on the couch that he’s been nesting on for the past few days while he works on the final draft of the project he was writing. 

Piles of paper littered their second-hand coffee table. Every inch is covered in Post-it notes and wrinkled pieces of paper filled with ideas that he had haphazardly scribbled in an attempt to record them before it leaves his mind. Most of them, he recalls, are just random doodles of spirals and honeybees that he absentmindedly drew as he was typing away on his laptop. The spaces left exposed on the table were adorned with faded mug rings on the old dark oak wood.

He tries to compile them into a neater collection, pausing as he notices a doodle he made of his Honey. It was far from a masterpiece, but the cute cartoony style paired with heavily exaggerated furrowed brows in order to replicate their partner’s usual expression pulls a smile from his lips. There was even a jumbled-up line inside a small text bubble next to it to symbolize the adorable grumbles they always make. 

Fuck, he misses them so fucking much.

A sudden wave of exhaustion almost makes him drop the stack of papers he’s holding and it dawns on him how much he really has been neglecting his own health for this project. The stress of trying to find a job where he can utilize his degree and finally get out of that godforsaken pizza place has been taking a toll on him. All Honey was trying to do was for him to take a break that he so desperately ( and, he embarrassingly admits, unknowingly ) needed. And he just treated it like some silly joke. Granted, it really was because he wasn’t used to being coddled after, but, it definitely wasn’t an excuse to dismiss their worries like that. 

The guilt builds up in Guy’s throat like bile. He feels worse now, especially considering how much they struggle with expressing themselves like that to him in general, even if they don’t say it aloud.

He finishes cleaning up but the restlessness doesn’t leave him as time passes by with no word from his partner. Maybe this is it? Maybe he fucked it all up like always? Maybe they finally came to their senses and got fed up with him. It wasn’t uncommon for people to think he was a bit too much. Too chaotic, too irritating, too overwhelming. He ever minded those comments in the first place, but the thought of Honey possibly thinking like that too makes him sick. 

It’s getting late and he can hear the rain outside get louder. The anxiety that has been settling in their stomach flares up. He reaches for his phone to message them before concluding they might not want to be bothered right now. Shit, he’s feeling a little sluggish. 

Guy begrudgingly trudges to the wardrobe of their shared bedroom to get a change of clothes. He glances over as he pulls a familiar-looking hoodie from the hanger. Their double bed, adorned with a pizza plushie that Honey had given to him as a joke gift, was more inviting than usual. Maybe he should just take a rest and go to sleep. 

No, no, no, they might want some space from that too. Guy wants to talk this out with them instead of sleeping it out. If this persists, he isn't sure how his poor heart could take it. He ultimately decides to go back to the couch, stay up, and (at the very least) greet them when they come back. 

If they come back. God, please come back.

What if they don’t?

The thought felt like a mere whisper in his head but it left him numb. Guy's aware of his tendency to overthink but before he knew it, he was lying down on his side, hand clamped to his mouth as he forced his eyes shut. He lets out a quiet sniff. His breath hitches. Then he hears himself choke out a small sob. 

Then another.

And another. 

And another.

The dam breaks, his eyes water and he heaves as much air as he can into his lungs. It suddenly became a struggle to breathe and it definitely became a struggle to calm the ugly thoughts that plague his mind. Shaky, broken sobs fill the room, he cringes at how pathetic it sounds.  He hates this. He hates this feeling. Just come back, I’m sorry.

After what felt like hours, his sniffles slowly died down. With heavy eyes and a heavier heart, he finds himself drowsy from all the crying. The hot tears streaming down his face had begun to dry, but, the warmth on his cheeks reminds him of his Honey and the thought of them finally lulls him to sleep.

---

Honey returns, a little haggard but with a calmer mind. The drive around Dahlia and their quick run to the local convenience store definitely helped lighten their mood but the guilt still followed them around like a shadow. Shaky hands find their way to the lock of their shared apartment and Honey opens to a dim living room, with the forgotten hanging bulbs from the kitchen barely providing a sense of light. They noticed the place was tidier than they remembered.

It was eerily quiet, as well. The wrinkling sound of the paper bag that they were holding filled the room.

"Guy?" Fuck, they can hear their voice getting wobbly. 

"I'm home. You there?" A shift from the room was all they heard accompanied by a sniffle. Honey suddenly becomes hyper-aware of the soft snores matching the rise and fall of a figure on the couch.

They couldn't really explain why their heart started to pound with their pulsating headache. Why they made a beeline inside their apartment. Why they started to get down on their knees in the living room despite the protests of their tired body. Why their chest sank deeper as they saw their partner all bundled up on their battered couch. 

They don't miss the frown on his face and his tear-stained cheeks.

Fuck. Tears? Guy was crying? 

Honey quietly (urgently) sets down the paper bag from their grasp and slowly places a hand on his shoulder, patting it ever so gently.

"H-hey? Guy, what are you doing over here?" They noticed how cold they felt to the touch and remembered their thermostat wasn't working that well. "It's freezing. You're freezing. "

After a few gentle pats and caresses (and reminders of how it's cold here, the bed is warm. Take it, please. ) Guy manages to blearily open his eyes, rubbing away the sleepiness and the few tears that managed to slip.

Cute. His eyes are so cute. Honey would have thought if their mind wasn't filled with thoughts and questions. Why was he sleeping on the couch? Was he waiting for me? He didn't need to do that. Why was he crying? Did he cry himself to sleep? Was it because of me?

Did I do this?

"Honey?" Guy's voice croaked and Honey's heart aches after hearing how hoarse it was. It aches a little more to see him smile at them despite the argument they had earlier.

"You're back…" he mumbles, slightly adjusting his body to prop himself up with his arm. He was wearing their hoodie again.

"Guy, why are you sleeping here? It's cold," they repeated, the worry in their tone becoming more and more evident. 

This had Guy fully sitting up, giving his full attention to their Honey with a slight grin that was preparing to give out a smug reply before dropping his smile and deciding otherwise. If he noticed that their eyes were starting to get just as glassy as his, he didn't mention it. “I-I mean, you’re…mad, right? I thought you’d want some more space from me or something…” 

“N-no! I mean, yeah, thank you for that but that doesn't—” Honey cuts themselves off with a groan. Why can’t I just say what I want to say? What do I even want to say? Guy immediately notices their partner’s frustration and sits down beside them.

“Hey, hey, it's okay. You’re okay, Honey,” he says with a reassuring smile and slowly raises his hand near their cheek, “Can I touch?” 

Honey immediately nods, almost melting at Guy’s warm hands. The familiar calluses from working countless graveyard shifts and delivery jobs all over Dahlia for Max’s kept them grounded. They notice a newly formed bump on the ring finger of his dominant hand from the number of handwritten notes he’s been doing recently.

After a few moments of soft breaths and the sound of Guy's rough thumb gently gliding across their cheek, Honey let out a weak laugh but the words that followed were by no means a joke to them. “You’re so good for me.” Too good. I don’t deserve you. 

It was Guy’s turn to let out a confused chuckle. He felt anything but good to them at the moment.

“What do you mean by that, hon?” He caresses their cheek and he forgets how much his chest hurts when his Honey leans into his touch. “Hey, c’mon. Do you…do you wanna talk about what happened?”

Honey nods once more. "I'm…I'm sorry," they choke out as if the words got caught up in their throat. Everything was overwhelming again. The sound of the remains of the rain, the ticks of the wall clock, and most of all, Guy's unwavering attention to them. They avoid his gaze. 

"I know that…I'm…I dont have the most…pleasant attitude," The nervousness in their tone was obvious but the quick squeeze of their hand from their partner was enough for them to go on. "And I know that you didn’t mean that. About me…not caring,” They felt him give another squeeze, a bit tighter than the last. “Fuck, god knows you’ve put up with me long enough for me to know you wouldn’t mean that.” 

Honey manages to finally look him in his eyes again, they think it's their favorite color. “I…I just don’t know why I act like this. Why can't I just…care for you in a normal way.”

“Oh, Honey…” 

“I’m just so fucking sorry. I really, really care for you, please know that,” they sob out. Guy thinks he’s never seen them this vulnerable. His arms slowly circle and stop around their body as if he was waiting for their permission but Honey beats them to the embrace, burying their head on his chest. He knows they can hear his heart speed up.

“Hey, I know, I know,” The hands that were once on his partner's cheeks find their way to their back, rubbing circles and tracing shapes. “I’m really sorry for what I said too. The stress from work and writing these past few days is catching up but please don’t let that ever be an excuse for me to talk like that, especially to you and especially if it makes you think of all these lies.”

“And all this talk about…caring for me in the ‘normal’ way. Don’t say that.” Guy slowly pulls away to tilt his partner's chin up for their eyes to meet again. The way his Honey looked so distressed was a sight he decided he never wants to see again. “What matters is that I know you care and I want you to know that the way you show it is… fuck, I’ve never felt so cared for like this until you, Honey. Okay?”

“I’ll work…on not neglecting my health too. If it weren’t for you, I might’ve actually collapsed from exhaustion,” he adds, lips upturned into a sheepish smile. “So, thank you.”

Guy isn’t prepared for the way their Honey finally graced him with a soft smile. He’s had them laugh and grin at his…eccentric behavior before, but this smile held so much fondness and sincerity (directed towards him of all people! ) that made this moment all the more intimate. 

I think I'm gonna have a fucking heart attack. He doesn't recall having butterflies for lunch but he definitely feels them flutter up and about in his ribcage. He wants to treasure this moment. He wants to treasure them.

Honey looks down, uncharacteristically flustered and Guy’s heart soars again. “Thank you,” they whispered. “For that.”

“Of course, Honey. Though, I must say,” he grins. “Although your methods of conveying your love for me are a bit… unconventional , you could say I’m on the more bizarre side, too. I guess we make a perfect match after all then, don't we?”

Honey snorts, a reaction that's endearingly familiar to him and he smirks even wider. “You’re so fucking stupid.”

“Well, for the record, if anybody here is fucking stupid, it would be you!” Guy shoots back, “Hi, hello, I’m stupid, by the way, ehh– Ow, ow, ow!”

The pair continues to laugh and banter at each other like before, but, as they comfortably settle down to cuddle on the couch, they both don’t miss the way the grip on their entangled hands tightened for the slightest bit.

---

hope you enjoyed!! please let me know if i had any mistakes or just some feedback in general!! i kinda wanna continue doing these kinda stuff :DD

[yakultii]

guys my plan was to do summer semester but the thing is im yet to finish this semester and by the time i finish these assignments (hopefully end of this week) ill have literally like only 1 week break then do it all again so id do summer semester literally nov-feb then i gotta do next sem march-june and then I’d be done with my degree and be free or i can literally be normal and take the 4-5 months of summer off like everyone else in aus (or even just do 1 class to lighten the rest of the load a little in the other sems) but then id have to do next sem being march-june then july-oct next yr so i wouldn’t be done til this time next yr and i do rlly struggle w this second half of the year as u can all probably tell lmao. and a part of me thinks i should just do summer semester like fulltime load cos ill be on a roll like ill get better marks in the summertime but now a part of me is like what if i burn out (cos i have to do march-june regardless cos there’s a compulsory class on there) but then a part of me is like ill be fine but then a part of me is like maybe I should take a break and dedicate this summer to making friends again and trying to enjoy life and trying to go for walks and stuff but then also i just realised i have to move out of my current place in jan but that’s ok i could just go travel for a bit or somethin til i figure out where im moving idk idk wot do u think i need opinions even tho i ultimately don’t listen to anyone ever (just kidding i will actually consider listening to u bc idk) i rlly do wanna just be done w this degree but at the same time i feel like the timing is kinda right to make new friends and old friend and stuff like some things have come where im like maybe this is a sign from the universe to take the opportunity idk like i could have the best summer of my life is i let myself but then there’s also the chance it goes so wrong which is another reason i was gonna do summer sem cos a part of my brain so wanna relapse n like if i do summer sem my academic validation stronger than anything (except rn apparently no jk it still goin strong ish hence im not sleeping rn) and like if i do summer sem i know I won’t relapse bc i rlly need brain capacity to be able to perform at the level i want to (despite doing everything the night before believe it or not ur brain needs minimal fuel at least) so it’s like as much as doing summer sem SUCKS it would probs be good for me rn (though I could probably just try really hard to have a fun summer and engage w humans for the first time in years and distract myself and be glad I had a good summer and not relapse yeh) and I’ve been hyping myself up for it the entire year and I do think that id be ok and not burn out bc I’d be starting fresh and also im just gonna do it online anyway and try keep up and maybe I can hang out w friends at the same time but also I could not do it and dedicate myself to trying to get something good going for me in this life outside of uni you know but then it would extend my degree for another 12 months hmmmm what do u think

[orangeaurora]

Steve Harringon | Drunken Encounters

masterlist

Summary: You just can’t seem to hold your liquor correctly and your best friend Eddie Munson is just too out of it to help you. Steve Harrington notices your wobbly walk and can’t help but to grab your arm to help hold you steady. Just some fluff.

Word count: 1367

Warnings: Cussing, emetophobia (no throwing up, just gagging and feeling sick.), talking about being drunk, talking about being high, uhhhh I think that’s it.

Author’s note: hehehehehe I hope you like this one. I haven’t written in a while so BARE WITH ME. lemme know what you thiiiiink. okay thanks, happy reading. ;) also perhapppsss ill make a part two??? idk yet.

It was a late night of drinking at none other than King Steve Harrington’s house. You don’t quite know what possessed you to show up to this party, knowing damn well that the sight of Steve makes you gag, but it was finals week and this was the best way to take the edge off. A few hours into the night after being way too sober, you find yourself tapping your foot against the floor, eyes wandering and decide to get yourself another drink. “Hey, Eds.” You shake eddie’s shoulder to try and get his attention but Eddie was already out of it for the night. High as a kite.

Eddie shakes you off of him which makes you roll your eyes and sigh as you stand up off of the couch you two were sprawled out on and make your way to the kitchen. On the counter there is an absolute mess of alcohol to choose from. You sigh and pick up a few trying to decide what would be the easiest to choke down. “Disgusting.” You whisper to yourself as you pick up a bottle of straight vodka.

“Hating on the choices, are you?” You hear a voice say from behind you which makes you roll your eyes. Steve. “You have horrible taste.” You say with a small smile. Okay maybe I am a little drunk already, you think to yourself as you allow your smile to fade away quickly.

“Too pussy to take a shot of vodka?” Steve asks jokingly. Your eyes narrow as you look at him and then the bottle. “Oh is that a challenge?” A small chuckle leaves your lips as you speak before Steve grabs the bottle from your hand, your fingertips gliding against one another’s for only a second. Your eyes never leave his face.

Steve pours two shots for you guys and says a small “cheers” before choking back the hot liquid. To your own demise, you gag slightly and Steve laughs. “Oh come on, seriously?!” He says still slightly laughing at you.

“You can’t look me in the face and tell me that that’s not disgusting??” You say as you wipe the remnants of the liquid off of your lips and notice Steve staring. “Okay your turn. Pick one.” He says as he waves his hand towards the other alcohol.

As you overlook the liquor in front of you, Steve can’t help but look at you. He’s never really talked to you like this before since you always seem to immediately shut him down. He likes you. He’d never admit it to anyone, especially himself, but he likes you.

“Okay, this one.” You say as you start pouring two shots of fireball. “Bold choice.” Steve says confusingly as he watches you pour the shots. Steve puts his in the air for a cheers, “to new friends?” He bites his lip nervously. “Don’t push it, Harrington.” You say as a smile accidentally creeps up onto your lips. You both shoot the hot liquor and surprisingly, you don’t gag. You actually kind of like it. “Mmm…” you say under your breath as you finish the shot.

“Yeah? That one better?” Steve asks you. His voice sounds like honey as he speaks after taking the spicy shot. “Much.” You say as your nose scrunches up.

“Here.” Steve says as he mixes you a drink with the fireball in it. “It’ll definitely take the edge off.” You take the cup from him, your fingers touching softly once again. “Thanks…” you say, a bit confused by this conversation with him. Someone you never felt you’d ever get along with. “I’m gonna go, uh, find Eddie. Nice chat…Harrington.” You turn around and curse at yourself for being so awkward. Is it the alcohol finally kicking in or is Steve Harrington actually… attractive?

As you sip on the drink Steve made you, you slowly start to notice the effects the alcohol is having on you. Having a dealer as a best friend means your usual choice at a party would be weed, which evidently made you a lightweight with alcohol. As people dance around the house and play drinking games around you, you find your vision growing blurry and can’t quite think straight. You try to shake Eddie awake again but he’s still out of it.

“Shit…” you whisper to yourself as you stand up off of the couch but it seems like gravity wants to pull you right back down.

You finally catch your balance and start to make your way into the kitchen for some water but it seems like it’s miles away. Your body is just not functioning correctly. As you are about to fall over, a pair of hands find your arm, balancing you. You hum slightly as you look over at the person who caught you. “You againnnn?” You groan in your drunken state when you notice it’s Steve. “I think I just saved your life, so maybe be more thankful, yeah?” He says jokingly with a laugh as he strengthens his grip on you to ensure you stand up straight.

You giggle, “What a humble soul you are, Steve Harrington.” You pull your face slightly in towards his, your drunken eyes scanning all over his slightly sober, caramel ones.

“I don’t… feel good.” You say honestly in broken words as Steve starts walking you somewhere. “Yeah I can see that, come on.” He pulls you into the bathroom near the kitchen and locks the door. “Sit on the cold tile, it’ll help.” He says softly as he helps you slowly sit on the floor. “I’ll go get you some water, stay put.”

Steve quickly rushes out of the room and you’re left on the bathroom floor being the most confused you’ve ever felt in your life. Is this real? No. This must be some drunk dream. Are drunk dreams a thing? You laugh to yourself on the floor, everything in the room spinning around you.

When Steve walks in, he sees the giggly expression on your face and cracks open the water bottle he brought you. “Oh great, she’s gone crazy.” He says with a laugh as he sits on the floor with you, handing you the water. A quiet, “Thanks…” leaves your lips as you lean your head against the wall, Steve sitting criss crossed in front of you.

“Does it always feel this horrible?” You ask with a pout.

“No. Just sometimes. Do you need any food?”

Just the thought of food makes you gag. “Sorry… no, definitely not food.” You say. The world won’t stop spinning and you feel sicker and sicker every second that passes.

“It’s okay. We can just sit here until you feel better.” Steve smiles at you and you feel the world stop spinning for only a second.

“You’re a mystery to me, Steve Harrington.” You match the smile on his face.

“Good.” Steve says as he puts the water bottle back in your hand. “Sober up quickly. I just know sober you would never be here with me right now.”

This takes you aback. Even in your drunken state. “Wh-what’s that supposed to mean?” Your broken words come out slowly as you sip on the water.

Steve laughs as he runs his hand through his hair. Butterflies. You shake your head at your thoughts.

“I don’t think you like me very much.” He looks at you still smiling, but his tone is slightly different than usual.

“That’s not true.” Your face contours into a pout. You’re so drunk you can’t even try to think about how to respond. “I-I like you… you’re, cool, I guess.” You shrug your shoulders. Steve laughs again.

“Okay, maybe not a conversation for you to have right now.” He says as he stands up and grabs some anti nausea pills from the medicine cabinet. “Try and swallow these. You’ll feel a lot better, I promise.”

You nod and take them quickly so you don’t make yourself more sick. “You’re a good person, Steve Harrington. I don’t know why I’ve never seen it before.”

Steve squats down to your level and pushes a piece of hair behind your ear. “Maybe I can show you when you’re sober, too.”

[kpop-with-mars]

|Ateez X Trans (Ftm) Reader|

{disclaimer; I dont own any gifs used, this is also inspired by @kittensyoonie and their ateez x trans reader so please check them out as well~.}

{Summary: Ateezs reactions to learning that your trans/you coming out to them.}

{Tags; fluff, angst, hurt comfort, just having a silly old time (mostly),}

{⚠Warnings⚠; I haven't had top surgery or any other forms of gender affirming medical care so some things might be wrong. this also might not relate to every trans person so im sorry T^T. Also look out for misgendering, dead naming, transphobia,}

{ Hi guyss I haven't been writing alot cuz I have so many drafts and i've been working on NONE of them T^T, but don't worry I will post them soon once finished. i've got some goodies in the vault so please look forward to them. alot of these scenarios might be pretty dramatic so sorry ✌ but without farther ado you can read now. Enjoy! maybe? idk its up to you - 🃏}

Hongjoong

You were with him on vlive for your 1 year anniversary of being together so you both read atinys questions and blocked disrespectful ones.

hongjoong attached himself on your arm while you read. "Do you look at other idols?!" you read in shock, hongjoong looked directly at you menacingly. you looked away from him "no~" you answered tucking hair behind your ear.

"You better not" he kissed your cheek making you giggle while hongjoong looked at the other questions until he found one.

"Is y/n transgender?".

hongjoong stared curiously at you "yes, im transgender" as soon as you said that, the viewers and comments spiked upward.

"Im so proud of you for coming out, ill always support you" he gave you a gentle peck on your lips before he turned to the camera.

"Atiny, lets all show our support for y/n okay?. if I see anything that doesn't i won't stand for that, this is a space for everyone so lets make it feel like it" he smiled at the camera when he finished.

You both read more questions and felt thankful for the support from atinys, eventually the camera was turned off and when it did, you and him were getting ready for bed when he pulled you into his chest "I can't believe you came out like that, you didn't feel pressured into it right? " he gently stroked your hair.

"I never thought i could do that, but ever since i met you i've felt more like me" he hummed in response before he put his hand on your cheek lifting up your face "I love you~" he cooed "I love you too" he chuckled at your shyness and he hugged your head to his chest.

Seonghwa

You were at home recovering from your top surgery, you felt like tired didn't wanna move from your bed while you hugged your pillow to your chest, until you finally decided to get up and eat.

But as you walked into the kitchen to grab a quick breakfast you heard the front door unlock. you looked at the door wondering if this is the day you die until it opened to seonghwas smiling face.

"Hi honey" he walked up to you and kissed your forehead before he looked you up and down "Did you just wake up?" "No i woke up an hour and a half ago, i just got out of bed tho" he brought his hands up to your face and turned it from side to side "Did you eat yet?" you shook your head "good thing I got you some food" he handed you the food, which you ate in minutes after seonghwa guided the two of you to the table.

"Are you alright y/n?, you seem tired did you get enough sleep?" he bombarded you with questions while rubbing your back. "I feel fine, maybe just about sluggish" "I know im busy alot, but i just wanna know if something happened while I was away, please?" he moved his hand from your back to your free hand.

You decided to tell him "im sorry I didn't tell you sooner but, I got top surgery" seonghwa looked into your eyes waiting for you to explain "because im transgender" you added.

"That's cool, im glad you're okay" he smiled brightly you responed by giving his lips a gentle peck "I love you" you said making eye contact with him "I love you too, my handsome man".

Yunho

You and yunho were looking at pictures from his childhood while he told the stories behind them, alot of them making you laugh.

He was flipping though more photos when he paused "what?, what is it?" you asked him and he turned his head to you. "I don't think i've seen your baby photos before, have i?" he tilted his head to the side with curiosity in his eyes.

You didn't know what to tell him other then lying "Well i- um" you stammered "You're not embarrassed about them, right?." yunho asked when he noticed how anxious you were getting.

"Yeah, a little bit" you took a deep breath, you pulled out you're phone and showed him a picture of you as a kid. he looked at for a moment then smiled "I don't see any problem with it" yunho said with confusion.

You scrolled through your phone until you found one from prom, and you showed it to yunho. He took in the photo he was seeing before he responed "Oh, oh, you looked..." he had an awkward smile on his face "What" you asked knowing exactly what he was gonna say, until he said something you haven't heard.

"You just don't look happy in that picture, and i don't like it" he put his hand on your back. "I like who you are now because I know that you're happier this way" yunho wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into one of his special hugs.

You would cry but yunho made you too happy to, that's what you loved most about him, and that's what he loves most about you.

Yeosang

You and yeosang started working out together, nothing more sexy then seeing a muscle-y yeosang with an extra shine on his skin.

After more grueling exercise the two of you were taking a break and eating lunch together. "t-that was...alot to say the lest" he wiped sweat from his forehead with a rag and drank his shake.

"Yeah, I think im all worked out for the day" you smiled at him, mean while your sleeveless shirt puffed out and yeosang couldn't help but look "woah-" he admired your toned arms and chest, making you straighten yourself up and cross your arms over your chest.

"It's no secret your totally hot, even with scars" he laughed "Wait what scars??" yeosang made a confused face "the ones on your chest?"

"What- I don't-" "but you do?" he was getting concerned about the way you were suddenly so defensive. "Are you getting self conscious about yourself?-" "no it's just-" you felt you'd just ruined this nice day working out with yeosang by making him upset.

Yeosang came up to you and held your hand "What's wrong honey?" he asked in a sweet but worried tone making your heart sting a bit. but that made you realize this was stupid to keep from him.

"Those scars on my chest..." he looked intently at you "they're from top surgery... im transgender" yeosang pulled you into a hug while he stroked your muscles "that's nice. Im glad you're happy with who you are" he looked at you and gave your lips a quick kiss "and with me~"

You and him laughed about it and continued on with lunch "oh y/n!, can I see your abs again?...please?" his confidence faded to embarrassment when he asked, this caught you off guard but this was at KQ's gym after all, might as well give him some fan service.

"Sure" you lifted up your tank top for him, making him choke on his food for a second. you asking if he's okay until he answered "im fine...but not as fine as you~" you laughed at yeosang's cheesy pick up line and enjoyed the rest of the day with your boyfriend.

San

San was having the best day of his life when you came out wearing some of his clothes, the way his clothes looked so baggy on you made him feel like he had to protect you at any cost.

"Cute~" was the only thing he could say in awe as he stared at you, you gave him a little spin "All of your stuff is so comfy~ it was hard to choose which to wear" you went up to him and threw your arms around his waist and hugged him tightly.

He pet your hair lightly "ill let you wear anything of mine if it makes you happy" he stroked your cheek and kissed your forehead. "Are you ready now?" you nodded your head and san began to walk you through the bouncy choreography.

The two of you were having a fun time and laughed whenever you made a mistake, or when he did. he was showing you how to go down for the chorus. "Then we do that for one, two, three, four. got it?" he demonstrated for you while he spoke "yeah I think so" san nodded then played it for you.

You started going down with the beats while san counted. but even though the shirt you were wearing provided some good ventilation, it was going down your chest more and more with each move.

"Oh-" san laughed out and paused the music. you laughed too with him and the shirt was falling off, revealing most of your chest. san noticed this and smirked when he walked toward you then noticed your scars. "What are those?" he pointed to your chest and you looked down.

"Oh" you pulled up your shirt "those are top surgery scars" san nodded then he suddenly got a look of surprise on his face "you're transgender!?" you put a thumbs up and smiled "Ooo that's cool, like pungja right? but just the other way around?" You nodded.

San picked you up in his arms and lifted you "no wonder you have such a feminine body" he teased you and ruffled your hair "That's why I kinda like wearing your clothes, they're good at hiding it when I want to" you giggled he squeezed you tightly.

"Well like I said, ill let you wear anything of mine if it makes you happy~" he kissed your cheek and put you down. "Alright now since you wanna know how, let me show you right now~".

Mingi

Mingi had took you with him and the members while touring around, he really needed cuddles after performing his heart out and you were his stress reliever.

He walked into the hotel room and you were on your phone and he went straight to the shower after greeting you, having been covered in sweat while you waited quietly for him on the bed.

He came out of the bathroom with his pajamas on and his hair wet. you opened your arms out to him "come here princess~" you understood how tired he was and he flopped down on your side, his head on your shoulder as his hands moved around your body.

He was obviously much taller then you but he felt so small hugging your body. "I love you~" you told him and kissed his forehead while your hand held the back of his head. "I love-" mingi froze when his hand reached a small long bump on your chest, his sleepy eyes widened a bit.

You chuckled lightly at his reaction and you held his cheeks "those are just scars. im transgender, I used to be a woman so I got surgery to get a flat chest" you explained and he nodded "That's cool~ are you happy?" he asked in a deep sleepy voice. "Of course I am. im even more happy with myself after I met you~" you kissed him lightly on the lips.

He gave you his gummy smile and he cuddled you closer to your body, laying his head against your collarbone. you turned your body to him and wrapped your arms around his head and back.

"I love you" his voice was muffled against your chest. "I love you too princess~" he smiled and you turned the lamp off and the two of you fell asleep. your princess finally getting the sleep he needed while knowing you're happy.

Wooyoung

"Come on babe!, let's go to the beach-each what they gonna say~" you heard him sing from down the hall while you were getting ready. you and wooyoung decided to go on a beach date when he had a break from promoting, and now that day was here.

You hurriedly searched for a swim shirt of any kind but to your dismay you couldn't find one. "im coming!" you threw on a shirt and run out the door with wooyoung.

At the beach you and wooyoung ate lunch that the two of you prepared together, after wooyoung finished he threw his shirt off and on your towels and booked it to the water, "Come on y/n!, let's cool off!" He yelled for you when he was in the water.

You grimaced nervously and walked over to the shore, you sat down and brought your legs to your chest. you felt the water lightly brush your feet. wooyoung raised his eyebrow at you "is something wrong babe?" he was confused by your actions.

"N-No.." you denied, but you knew wooyoung would keep pressing you til you dropped dead so you stood up and took your shirt off. you stepped into the water near wooyoung.

"See~, its not so-" he noticed your scars. "Babe?!, did something attack you in the water??. Is that why you were nervous?" he quickly stepped up to you and took your hands.

You chuckled lightly "No... im just transgender" you smile feeling your unease drip away. "Oh, well of course that's alright dummy" he hit your shoulder lightly. "I love you~" he said in a cheesy tone. "I love you too~"

He pecked your lips "I've never actually been to the beach without a shirt on sense surgery, i just get kinda nervous you know?" you admitted while the two of you were in calif deep in the water.

He smiled sweetly "I understand but lets not worry~. I promised to give you some of my confidence when we started dating..." he took a short pause to look in your eyes before he gave you a big smile "so come on lets go have fun!" He dragged you further into the water while the two of you laughed.

Jongho

A sudden knock interrupted your thoughts while in a cracked voice you said "Come in". the door opened to jongho's handsome face making you straighten up and try to make it look like you weren't crying.

"I was told you weren't feeling alright" he explained himself and sat next to you giving you a kiss on the cheek. "Do you wanna talk about it?" he looked at you with pleading eyes.

He held your hand in his squeezing it gently until you gave in and started tearing up again, "If -i was different back when I was younger, would you still love me?" he stayed silent allowing you to continue. "I know I shouldn't care what people think, but i don't feel like ill be- anything to anyone, really. I hate how people looked at me---and still look at me---especially because I knew what they were thinking"

you took in some more fresh air and wiped some tears before jongho spoke "Why would people ever judge you?". you responded "because I didn't want to be what they wanted" he thought on that for a moment before he asked another "What did they want you to be?" his voice held nothing gentleness and compassion, instantly you felt safer.

"A girl they could control" you put your face on his shoulder and lightly sobbed, jongho wrapped his arms around you and helped control your breathing. he held you in his warm chest for awhile, until you pulled away.

"You don't have to deal with this alone, okay?... I'm sorry you didn't feel safe telling me before but," he paused for a minute and held out his pinky "Let's get through this together now, promise" you let out a light chuckle and interlocked pinkies with him.

His arms snaked around you while you held him tightly hoping to never release, jongho turned your head to him and he gave you a kiss you'd been dieing to get. his lips fit onto yours like a puzzle piece, and like a puzzle you were complete.

{Hi guyss~, I sadly couldn't finish my hongjoong x trans reader one shot I was writing for his birthday so ill be working on it and ill post it when its done or just work on some other fics, speaking of them ill probably do some sort of poll or vote for these other fics I really wanna write so that I know what y'all will wanna see next~~. I got inspired by @kittensyoonie I read their ateez x trans reader thing and I was inspired by them to write this. So thank you to them and also read theirs!. - 🃏}

[soulsdontbreaktheybeeend]

What I need to get off my chest about Joker 2

When I left the movie theater I was incredibly angry and disappointed. Now, a few days later, I still am, but it feels like I shouldn't be.

Todd always wanted a different Joker. Something close to reality. He achieved that in the first movie. And now even more so in the second. As painful as it is, as bitter as it is, because we love Arthur. But it's absolutely realistic. That's what tugs at my heartstrings. I've always sympathized with Arthur because of his story and the messed up society. I still do. But that's also what feels like a huge slap in the face throughout the second part. All the scenes from the first movie where you feel sorry for him are nothing compared to the sequel. It couldn't be tougher. Close to reality.

If I could have wished for it, Lee would have been understanding and loved Arthur and not just Joker. If I could have wished for it, she would have been the classic psychologist who actually falls for him and breaks him out. All that drawn out in one long ass movie. In a psychological depth, like the story in the first movie. They break out at the end. The end. That was my dream ever since I heard that there was going to be a Harley Quinn.

If I put my own ideas to one side, then the plot of Joker 2 itself is admittedly really brilliant. It's always been bad for Arthur. All his life. And Joker 2 just goes one "better" in that respect. Really bad, so that it just hurts and leaves you depressed. Because, unlike the first movie, he doesn't get his moment, he can't show off. He can't "shine". None of that happens and it's just a horrible downward spiral for him. Which is indeed just realistic.

I found some of the movie too modern. Nothing against Lady Gaga, I thought her performance was good, but her botox lips distracted me. She generally seemed too modern for the time. I felt that way about some things in the movie. Even Sophie seemed strangely too modern this time.

In general, the whole movie was so wild, rushed, sometimes mixed up and then somehow without that certain something, something was missing. The depth. Joker 1 had so much depth. There was so much meaning in every scene. I missed that this time. Arthur wasn't very tangible for me. And every time I thought, now it's going to happen, now I'm getting the feeling that I can grasp him, I can feel him, then I was ripped out again. I don't know if that was the general intention, so that you don't sympathize with him as a murderer in a realistic way. And I don't know if it's just because I haven't seen the sequel a hundred times like I did the first.

Also this guy who then stabs him. He has what... 3 short scenes in which he's in, keeps an eye on Arthur and grins slyly? Makes no sense? But then again, that's the "irony" of the movie. He comes out of nowhere, like Arthur himself. Maybe he watched everything Joker did on TV in prison. He idolizes him and his deeds because he too feels neglected and unseen by society, obviously mentally ill. It's fucking my brain.

I still don't know how I'm supposed to feel. This realism of the movie and all the fiction I've experienced with Arthur put me in an incredibly difficult situation. It's like head versus heart. My head understands why they chose the plot and it makes sense, but my heart is angry, disappointed and broken.

I don't know yet if I will watch the movie in a cinema again or not. I kind of want to, to get more details and stuff, but on the other hand I don't know if I can take it.

I hope I will find the muse to make a few edits. I would love to write again. Like that whole thing how I wished it would've happened. Or like idk he survives and y/n and him meet at the hospital. But it just seems stupid rn and I'm still not finished with processing it all.

[neuvistar]

MARYSE IM SONASORRY BUT MINOR SPOILERS IN THE BLUE LOCK MANGA !!

there was this one momeny where isagi was abt to be kicked by a particular guy and then he was kinda saved by chigiri, and bachira came n started cracking his knuckles n he was probs abt to beef w the dude cuzzz 😍😍 like he was like “if you wanna go, i’m down” LIKEEEE 😍😍😍 he’s soooo..

— 🍨

MINOR SPOILERS EVERYONE <33 oh my days. i’ve started the manga a few days ago n yk continued on from where i finished in the anime n now i’m very far into it LMFAO so so fast! i think i know what you mean, it was with shidou right?? I THINK I SAW THAT. I WAS FREAKING OUT HE WAS RLLY GETTIN READY LMFAOO <33 he’s so cute, he deserves a writing from me! here you go 🍨 anon, didnt even request for it but it’s fine i love my anons!

maryse from the future ^.^ — MY OTHER BELOVED ANONS I SQEAR ILL FINISH OTHER WORKS I SWEAR I APOLOGIZE

FOR YOU AND YOU ONLY.

— featuring . meguru bachira x fem!reader

— warnings / content warnings . sfw. cringe warning cringe warning waha!! bachira bein there for you how sweet of him, a lil bit of she/her pronouns, perhaps reader is hinted to be a lil shorter in height, hints of violence but i promise it’s not that bad ૮꒰⸝⸝´ᜊ ˋ⸝⸝꒱ა, um kinda ooc maybe?? IDK i gave up halfway and this may be a lil short n terrible but oh well it’s ALRIGHT i’m tired overall sfw content, not much warnings woohoo !! tell me if I should add / missed a few things ໒꒰՞ ܸ. .ܸ՞꒱ა

ੈ‧₊˚ “i’ll be willing to do anything to protect you”

✦ MEGURU . BACHIRA

frustrated. bachira was frustrated at the sound of chuckles and loud chattering from the men he was a few feet across from, gosh.. do they have to be this loud? it was just a few minutes after his game ended, he was exhausted and these two people weren’t helping at all, he grew more frustrated by the second. he glanced at the two for a good two minutes, cocking a brow. now hang on.. those were the guys that were speaking ill about you!

“the lady that gave him the bottled water? she’s his girlfriend?! quite the taste meguru bachira has.”

“nuh uh quit lying to yourself, she doesn’t look too pleasing. if anything, i’ve seen better looking women. see now, i don’t even know why bachira picked someone unattractive like her, i thought he’d have a better taste when it comes to women.”

“well it appears he doesn’t”

bachira’s heart dropped to his stomach, just what the hell were they on about? he bit the inside of his cheek, running his fingers through his hair before crossing his arms clearly upset at what the two guys had to say about you. he was getting even more and more frustrated by the second, who are they to tell him if his partner looks attractive or not, that isn’t their decision to make! fuck.. he couldn’t take it anymore. bachira stood up, making his way over to the two boys talking ill about you. “ahem.” the duo looked at each other then back at him, letting out a few laughs here and there. he’s basically told everyone around him about you, so much even people know about you both but these two guys don’t seem to get it. bachira knew how sensitive you were, he knew how quick you can take insults to heart, he wants to take matters in his own hands at times and protect you.

“to me, it seems as if you both seem to have the guts to talk ill about someone you don’t even know personally, thinking i wouldn’t hear what was running in your mouths.” he glared at the two, taking a step forward towards them.

“shit dude why are you so angry, can’t take a joke?”

“yeah, we were just joking. you’re getting all aggressive n defensive for nothing”

bachira’s body tensed, clenching his fists. did they really have to edge him on even longer? he was losing his patience, he wanted to tell these boys to scram already. unfortunately, the duo did not speak my further, attempting to walk out only to be stopped by bachira himself. “listen here, if i ever hear you both run your mouths about her once more, i’ll show you how aggressive and defensive i can get” “trying to sound all tough are ya? what are you going to do huh?” he smirked, cracking his knuckles. “guess we’ll have to find out.”

— buuuwwep !! ૮꒰ྀི >⸝⸝⸝< ꒱ྀིა

“meguru!” you ran up to your boyfriend, wrapping your arms around his neck as your nose picked up his scent, lips curving into a smile. “missed you so much, y’know that?” he grinned, hands resting on your hips, pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead. you’re too sweet.. even though his mood changed when he saw you, he still can’t help but repeat whatever those guys said about you in his head, he exhaled lowly and grabbed your hand, kissing it before holding it tightly against his own. tilting your head and looking up in curiosity, you couldn’t help but sense something unusual about your boyfriend, “something the matter, meguru?” bachira tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, leaning over to kiss your cheek.

“ah. . nono it’s nothing, how about we go cool down with some ice cream? it’s kinda hot, isn’t it?” “of course, let’s go” deep inside of his heart, he couldn’t help but feel upset for you. who do those people think they are? they think they can just walk in and talk ill about someone as sweet as you are? most people have no human decency, he thought. he cant let you know about anything, he was willing to block all kinds of negative things from you, protect you from anything that tries to harm you in any way.

“if i’m being honest i never expected her to even get together with bachira, she doesn’t really suit him.” a voice can be heard from the opposite direction from where you and him were walking, he sighed to himself. if only he could protect you from everything, but sometimes he can’t always be your knight in shining armour, and that’s frustrating to him. if only he was always there by your side, he wanted to be by your side, he wanted to always be there for you but he is aware he can’t always be there beside you, someday he knows that you’ll overhear something from others.. someday and somehow. but regardless of anything, bachira is willing to prevent you from hearing ill things about you, he is willing to do anything to protect you, for you and you only.

This is so rushed omg i’m so sorry it’s late at night i’m losing my mind ૮ ྀི◞͈ ˔ ◟͈ ྀིა — Maryse

[cloudcastor]

did you finish dungeon meshi? favorite characters?

i did! I finished reading it sometime in january after the final volume was published and I highly recommend reading it!! The anime is fun and I loooove to see trigger go ham when things get silly but kui is just really thoughtful on making everyone feel like their own individual person with a history in the little we see them (and tbh re-reading it recently it's REALLY not that long) that i love them all!!!

BUT...i've also been really obsessed with mithrun...yes another white haired anime boy for me to fuss over, i'm sooooo predictable

more insightful analysis and long answer down below *final volume spoilers*

Even though we only see kabru and mithrun’s dynamic for a little bit, i got so endeared…A lot of it is played for a light hearted joke (not malicious or ill intended) and even though kabru started via orders, there’s so many little details showing that kabru genuinely cares about mithrun as time goes on. 

Mithrun has always been in situations in which his position was always a factor in everything around him but being stuck with this guy who frankly, doesn’t care, sucks at cooking and taking care of himself but is trying and learning for the both of them…idk!! Mithrun probably has always felt guilt and like a burden, and this person said it WAY better than I could, but being treated as an individual probably did more for him subconsciously than he ever thought it would. 

Sure the canaries have also done a lot for mithrun after he was recovered from the dungeon but they’ve also….kind of coddled him? Partly because he wasn’t open with them before the incident, and partly because they just didn’t know what would help in this situation. I think others tend to be overprotective of a person after they’re disabled/gone through a traumatic event as they’re trying to figure out new boundaries. But kabru being blunt, and a bit more pushy I think really goes to show that he sees him as just…Him. Which I think he needed. 

Being thrown away by his family and now this demon....what worth does he have? Why go on, now that the demon is gone? I feel like when someone goes through something particularly traumatic, sometimes living to deal with the aftermath feels worse. Living but not being alive; Existing, but numb to everything around you. 

I think that’s why it’s also super telling why kabru (and the canaries) are the ones that help him out of shutting down. Kabru has consistently pushed him on this journey and treated him to something maybe even akin to friendship. He’s finally learning that the people around him care for him, and that existing, even as he does now, has value. Being told even scraps have their purpose…IDK MAN I CRIED LMAO 

TLDR: Mithrun's arc really REALLY got me as someone who is chronically ill and has dealt with depression and major issues with self worth.

[wishful-seeker]

I will soon be the only person in my close family to not finish college because illness forced me to leave, and thats a strange feeling. Im not sure how i feel about it.

I feel a little alienated because of it, but even though i LOVE learning and i enjoyed college classes, i didn't enjoy college itself.

Even in high school i was the "sick kid" and missed a year there, so feeling like i don't belong isn't new.

But i really thought I'd meet people like me in college, but all i found was snobby rich kids that ignored my existence. I genuinely tried making friends but college students are not my type of people.

I don't know if this is because i wore braces on my knees, or because they could tell i was poor, not sure but college kids always gave me bad vibes.

Im sad that the things im truly passionate about isn't taught in college, and i miss the classes i did have, but i don't think a fancy college was ever my scene. Maybe i would've fit better at a community college. But im probably too disabled to ever find out.

Idk i guess it feels strange because i was heavily encouraged to go to college, and now i can't even if i wanted to. Its weird that i could probably guess the view outsiders have of my life, how they'd feel bad for me, or laugh at what I've become.

And i think of that a lot: how outsiders may view my life. "Oh so sad, look how far she's fallen." Ya know

But im happy

I LIKE my life, sure i got all As and Bs in college, sure i won a writing contest in my class, and yes i also completed a triathlon before all this. So many medals saying "look how hard i worked, look what i accomplished" but when i was accomplishing those trival things i was really lost and alone on the inside, those medals were to convince myself i was better than the years before this one, a lie that i was becoming my best self.

But now all that shit is gone, dead, useless to me. Eventually i was left alone, with NO distractions, only my mind and a body i couldn't move in. Only a bed, in a room, no where else to go. Everything i thought that mattered, everything i connected my worth with, suddenly didn't mean anything anymore, because all that was was my chronic pain, and what i did with it. All that mattered now was fighting for a better life, for freedom from a bed, for freedom within my head.

I had to rebuild myself from nothing, i had to literally rewire my brain. I studied neuroplasticity and my only goal was to train my brain to be able to live with this pain. And i had to change a LOT. I can tell you my mind and the internal dialog in my head is completely different from 2 years ago, and also much a much kinder, and safer place.

So no, i won't finish college, im gonna be poor forever, i wont work, but i am much happier.

I finally feel like the best version of myself. The challenges i face in my life are no longer overwhelming, but a cycle ive grown rather fond of. Im so secure with myself that i can say "this next hardship will be good for me." And i don't think many people have the privilege of being that optimistic when faced with stressful situations.

It would have taken me my whole life to get to this point if i was still focusing on things like grades.

Im happy, and im more proud of myself than when i beat a triathlon, or won art contests.