#and the fact shes a complete bitch to david but they have a romance is just

[kwyoz]

i keep wanting to continue watching edgerunners whenever people hype it up again, but i absolutely hate lucy and i think i only got to like episode 3.

[two-red-lungs]

This might be a divisive (if that's a word) question, but I gotta know. Do you hc that the Lost Boys, like David, Marko, Paul, and Dwanye actually like womyn? Like sure they flirt with their meals to get them to let their guard down, but like outside of that.

I'm just think about how buckwild everyone went over Michael, and like their interactions with Star was more or less her being brushed off and treated like an accessory at best or a nuisance at worse. It's so stupid omfg but I feel like bad for wanting to sexualize them because of it? If that makes sense? Anyways I just wanted to see another dead head's musings over these cruelly gorgeous vampire. Like I guess this is an ask over how probably you'd see them as wanting to at the very least smash and dash, or even like fall in love with a womyn? Sorry for the word vomit and please don't answer if any of these questions squik u out!

This is actually a very nuanced and interesting set of questions! I have many opinions, as usual. Let's get into it shall we???

Lost Boys Opinions/Hot Takes

Lost Boys: Attraction to Women

Okay, to blanket-statement start off, yes. I personally believe that all the boys are, on some level, attracted to women, because honestly I have yet to encounter a vampire in any media that didn't have bisexual energy.

But I think it really varies for each of them. Like, David? Almost completely uninterested in women. Like a men-women 80-20 percentage. He prefers men. Marko would be on the other side of the spectrum: I'd put him at a men-women 30-70 percent. Kind of a sex gremblin. Paul's smack in the middle at 50-50. Dwayne is a mystery wrapped in an enigma and who knows what goes on in that gorgeous head.

They're just not very... romantic creatures. Romance is probably the furthest thing from their minds actually. I imagine the Lost Boys live in their own little reality, disconnected from the world and from humanity, and that reality is all about eating and drinking and fucking and fighting. No slowing down, no nights off. No time.

ESPECIALLY for falling in love.

The Boys & Star:

I absolutely think the way they treat Star/how her character is handled is a direct result of the director's world lense. The dude was gay. Do I blame him for making none of the boys interested in her, because of that? Absolutely the fuck NOT. However, she was completely sidelined and essentially used as straight prop/beard and she deserved better.

I think if the movie was made in 2022, we would have seen a Hannibal/Will romantic dynamic with Michael and David, with Star and Laddie playing roles as story-movers only, no romance attached. Star and Michael may have even had a better platonic friendship, allied by the fact that they both wanted to be human.

She also low-key seemed miserable and didn't like any of the boys, either, and I think she'd come alive and have way more personality around fellow women.

David & Michael:

Again, unfortunately, 80s movie. This was a very gay-coded relationship. You can tell the directors/story writers wanted them to angry kiss.

But. BUT. I don't think Michael is David's first 'fascinating boy'. I think the boys collect things: trinkets and sexual endeavors and posters and stuff. David collects (or tries to collect) people, especially people he finds sexually attractive. But by nature of his vampirism (he's fucking insane and murderous) basically nobody survives his 'tests'.

If it wasn't for the Emerson heritage of vampire hunting, I think Michael would have died, a year or two would pass, and David would find another pretty, fascinating, young boy toy.

Are the Lost Boys Sexy???

BITCH YEAH THEY ARE!!!! They are beautiful beautiful twenty-somethings with glorious hair, skintight pants, and the ability to fly. That's hot!!!! Own it!!!! It's fine!!!!

My rule of thumb is, 'would a horny man feel bad about this'? No. So I'm not going to feel bad about it either. Women are allowed to find things sexy.

For your last bit of question, I think the boys bed all sorts of folks of all genders. It usually ends in murder, however, so. There's that. But Paul has totally been to a hippie orgy, and David has absolutely been to a gay leather club. I am so so so certain.

This is sad, but I think if any of the boys fell in actual love, it would be quickly taken away from them. Because the boys survive through being insanely codependent on one another, and them drifting away to 'love' someone might be seen as a threat to be eliminated.

Like if Paul suddenly got deeply infatuated with a beautiful woman and started sending her love letters, or going on walks with her at night, if David heard about it, within the month something terrible and accidental would befall her. Because to him, Paul is his. Part of his family. And David likes to collect.

[writingpuddle]

“Don’t you ever get lonely?” Nicky asked, digging in his pack for a chocolate bar. To their left, the cliff dropped away precipitously, sheer granite cliffs like sentinels at the end of the world.

Neil stared at Nicky. “No,” he said.

“What, never?”

Neil looked out across the sweeping vista of mountains before them. A speck that could have been a hawk or a raven or a sparrow spun against the sky, too small and distant to judge. He’d stood in the middle of busy cities; he’d gone to school with hundreds; he’d even tried out for a track and field team once. He’d been surrounded by people, and he had been so ferociously lonely it had been like a knife in his chest.

“No,” he said, because he didn’t know how to explain—didn’t even want to, really. He’d felt more alone back in the so-called real world than he’d ever felt in the wilderness, miles from any other person. When there was no one around, there was no one to miss.

~~~The Long-Distance Hiker AU (A Bullet Point Fic)~~~

So after Neil’s mom died he kinda of ghosted around for a while and eventually ended up in a small hiking town in California

He met a bunch of thru hikers and figured, hey, my dad probably won’t find me if I’ve fucked off into the wilderness

So he starts hiking

And pretty soon he realizes it’s the best thing he could imagine

He spends all summer in the mountains and when winter rolls around he finds a temporary job in a skiing town working in a second hand gear shop

He’s an ultralighter in the most accidental sense possible

His gear is weird and cobbled together and his shoes are held together with dental floss

He sleeps under a tarp with a down blanket and a thin foam mat and he’ll eat the same shit day in day out without even registering it while he covers frankly obscene distances every single day

It basically gives Kevin an ulcer

Kevin’s an ultralighter, but in the stuck up, rich bitch way; his gear is probably worth thousands of dollars and he’ll lecture anyone who listens about ripstop nylon and is super snobby and elitist about who is a so-called “real” thru hiker (hint: anyone who doesn’t do it his way isn’t a real thru hiker)

(don’t worry he’ll get smacked around a little by people like Dan and stop being such a little bitch about it but he grew up rich so even though it might’ve been shit living with Riko he really doesn’t always take into consideration the context of how much fucking money gear costs when he’s preaching about ultralighting)

(yes I’m taking out my dislike for pretentious rich ultralighters on him, okay, but the difference is he’ll have character growth versus the people I met are probably still being preachy and self-important to this day)

Andrew’s like the exact opposite

His pack weighs like seventy pounds and he’ll pull a six-inch knife (a gross misuse of smart gear weight management) at anyone who comments

He has a completely contained single person tent that’s big enough to sit up in and a four-inch inflatable mattress

His sleeping bag is rated to like -20 even when he’s hiking in the summer

Nicky swears he once saw him pull a full-sized chocolate cake out of his backpack three days down the trail and everyone says that’s stupid and made up but secretly think its totally true

Andrew likes to hike alone but somehow he’s never more than a day away from Aaron and Nicky and when he keeps showing up near them it gets harder and harder to pretend like he doesn’t actually care about them

Nobody says anything, obviously, but Nicky gets a little teary when he starts to notice the pattern

It was Nicky’s idea; in this universe Erik got him into hiking when he was in Germany so he got the cousins into it as a bonding exercise and then it turned out it was the best family activity they had ever found

This is several years after they graduated and they’ve scrounged together enough time and money to hike the Pacific Crest Trail

Now the upperclassmen:

So Stephanie Walker is a trail angel: one of those people who lives near a long trail and provides snacks and rides and somewhere to stay and basically helps out anyone who comes by with whatever’s going on; she’s pulled a lot of people out of frankly dangerous situations and she’s not afraid of anything the trail has to offer

So Renee finds herself and her faith while living this life of meeting new hikers every day and it’s almost inevitable that she starts to hike and find solace in the wilderness

Allison is one of those Wild types: she’s done some hiking (much to her parents’ chagrin) but she’s never done a thru trail or even much overnighting before, but she’s ready to throw herself into it and doesn’t care how dirty she gets

She totally carries a tiny spa package though

The other women are very skeptical because they take pride in being free from societies expectations and make up and shaving but they come around after Allison pulls it out one time when they’re seven days into a ten day section and gives them face masks and they all have a little pedicure pampering session (so, so needed when your feet are being beaten and bruised by hard terrain all day)

She has a lot of new, expensive gear and is super touchy about people trying to help her (because a beautiful woman absolutely gets people trying to “help” all the time and it’s infuriating and condescending) but she learns to accept help from her closest friends

She was showing off near the beginning of the trail drinking with a bunch of guys and probably got too sloshed trying to act tough (alcohol hits you waaaay harder at high elevations dude, if you’re not expecting it you can get Fucked Up really fast)

It’s Seth who realizes things are getting out of control and pulls her out before the guys can do anything shitty which is how their friendship and eventually their relationship gets started

They piss everyone off with their constant breaking up and getting back together on the trail, sometimes hiking together for days and then splitting up and going to hike with other people but they find a lot of healing out there in the woods

Seth’s mom is totally dismissive and condescending of his hiking, she thinks it’s a stupid waste of time, but she thinks everything he does is a stupid waste of time so at least when he’s out there without cell service he has an excuse to not respond to her

Now Dan

Dan’s trailer trash, right

She’s got no fucking cash but she has this dream in her head to hike the PCT and she’s going to fucking well do it

Her gear is probably most similar to Neil’s except where his is a mess of weird priorities and held together by spit and twine

Hers is meticulously planned

It’s cheap, some of it’s over forty years old, but it’s hers

It’s probably the only stuff in the world that’s actually hers

She accumulated it over about four years, hitting all the second-hand gear events, saving up every penny, packing and repacking and writing everything out in great detail until David Wymack got wind of her plans at a gear event

He’s one of those guys who hiked the PCT thirty years ago back before anyone knew what it was except instead of feeling superior about that it means he knows exactly how much impact experiencing the wilderness can have for disenfranchised people

He approaches Dan and offers to sponsor her hike

She’s resistant at first; she planned this hike, she got all the stuff together, she was going to do it without anyone’s help

But he comes back and says he just wants her to write about her experiences and publish it on his website

He’ll pay her for the work, of course

And she wavers and finally caves because this will move her plans up by about two years if she can make money while she’s hiking instead of having to hoard up enough cash to take six whole months off

Her blog posts are a huge hit

She doesn’t preach about how the mountains saved her, or get too metaphorical about hiking or anything like that

She just talks about the real, raw experience of hiking

The friendships, the trials, the triumphs

The infuriating people whose mental image of the hiking community doesn’t include poor black girls who grew up in a trailer park, who say she’s an inspiration like they actually mean something else

She talks about the days that she flies up the mountains and the days that she can barely drag herself out of her tent and the day she realizes that Allison and Renee, these women she thought could not be more different from her, are the best friends she’s ever had in the world

And she’s takes fucking amazing pictures

She’s also very determined not to have a trail romance

That’s stupid and cliché

Look that guy Matt might be hot but she’s not interested

He’s clearly working through some stuff and she’s not here to be some guys savior or whatever

So Matt then

His mom helped him get sober a couple years ago and he’s been struggling with it ever since

She got him into hiking as an outlet and a healthy hobby and he took to it like a fish to water

He’s got legs for days and he doesn’t mind carrying a heavy pack, he can hike for hours without stopping

(The fact that he’s faster than her pisses Dan off a bit, but sometimes you gotta accept that you’ve got short legs and just hike your own hike, there aren’t any prizes for speed)

He relapsed again a couple months before his hike started and he and Randy weren’t even sure if he was going to be able to do it but he’s damned well going to try

So anyway

Pretty much everyone is trying to actually hike the PCT except Neil

He drives everyone bonkers

His motivation isn’t really about the trail so much as staying out in the wilderness where there are no gangsters to murder you

So he just does whatever he wants and keeps showing up at random points

He’s technically got one of the thru hiker permits but he frequently goes off on side trails not on the PCT and ends up hiding out in the woods so rangers won’t find him

He’ll just hitchhike straight through boring sections or anywhere that you pass through too many towns where he’d rather not be remembered

He keeps coming back to the PCT but it’s more like it’s a rough guideline of where to go than an actual route he’s taking

He’s got his natural colouring back because who’s dying their hair or wearing fucking contacts on the trail?

But also

Who would ever associate a runaway mafia kid with a guy with overgrown hair and a stained t-shirt who’s sitting serenely on a mountain pass in a photo on David Wymack’s website?

Nobody

That’s right kids, Nathan doesn’t have a role in this one because he doesn’t find Neil

Maybe he gets killed in a shoot out or something and some other gangster steps up and takes over, and in the shuffle Neil’s just kinda forgotten

Maybe he finds out months later and he just stares at the computer in shock because he should have known, shouldn’t he? He should have felt it when his father died

He should have realized that he was free

That happens later though

Who fucking cares what Riko’s doing honestly

Kevin has somehow attached himself to Andrew and is driving him up the wall with advice to improve his hiking/base weight/distance/etc and he sees this guy (Neil) who regularly covers like thirty or forty miles a day (obscene!) and is like YES this guy is my people!

Except when he starts talking to Neil he realizes he’s this total weirdo who doesn’t even have a cook set he just eats cold food (a common enough thing among ultralighters, but not like this. Oh god, not like this)

Neil’s just sitting there gnawing on a pack of uncooked ramen like a fucking animal

And he’s not! Even! Hiking! Properly!

You’ll never finish the trail if you hike like this!

Neil just gives him a blank look

He’s got no interest on getting on some “verified” list of people who hiked the PCT, he just likes hiking

Andrew likes him

I mean obviously he despises him what the hell is with that janky ass setup but also he’s so unconventional and unapologetic how could Andrew not be into that?

They’re the kind of people who give wilderness rescue personnel grey hair, but for completely opposite reasons

Neil keeps running into them because even though he covers so much ground every day, his meandering route means he doesn’t actually move down the trail very fast

They’ll be like wait weren’t you like a week ahead of us and he’s like oh yeah I heard about this cool waterfall and took a sixty mile side trail to visit it and nearly ran into a momma bear with two cubs, it was awesome

And they all start to grow on him, and each other, almost accidentally

Look none of them are out there romanticizing the trail as some kind of magical place where the problems of the real world disappear and the people are somehow more pure and true or whatever

People are people and they bring their issues wherever they go

But there is a paring down

When your daily concerns are just mileage and shoes and food and weather, a lot of other stuff fades into the background

And well the truth is a lot of people are on those trails to work through stuff

And they find each other

Gradually, without even really noticing

They team up in June, groups of three or four with crampons and ice axes to get over the Sierra’s.

Neil was planning to just do side hikes and wait for the snow to melt—he isn’t so reckless he wants to go over the ice alone, but Kevin insists he join them and for the first time he hikes in a group with Kevin and the cousins all together.

It’s weird

He’s not used to people talking to him when he’s hiking and he frequently doesn’t respond and it’s not because he’s being rude he’s just so focussed on what he’s doing and what’s around him that he literally doesn’t hear them

And then

Nicky slips

It’s not his fault, they did nearly everything right (Kevin may be a pretentious ass, but he does know his shit) but sometimes shit just happens for no reason

And they’re at the edge of the ice sheet so Nicky’s just untying himself from the rope that links them together, he’s not even moving, and the snow beneath him shifts and he doesn’t even have time to scream before he’s hurtling down the snow below the trail towards the cliff at the bottom of the ice sheet

Neil doesn’t even hesitate

He dives after him, ice axe in one hand like a fucking gladiator and gets his arm wrapped around Nicky’s waist

He slams the ice axe into the snow and it drags behind them, and it looks like it’s not going to catch, and the edge is getting closer and closer—

Until the axe catches something, and Nicky and Neil lurch to a halt, clinging to each other, hanging off of Neil’s one arm and the axe.

Neil looks up and sees Andrew, Aaron and Kevin in various places on the slope above them, their axes dug in and long gouge marks in the snow beneath their heels, strung together by a ropeline that’s still attached to Neil’s waist

That rope is probably the only thing that slowed them down enough that Neil could stop them without ripping his arm clean off

It’s hardly a by-the-book rescue, and in fact it was pretty stupid, but they’re okay, they’re okay, that’s all that matters

That night they light a fire down by a lake and Nicky cries on Aaron’s shoulder and Andrew keeps clenching his fists because he’s never felt so helpless in his life and it was Neil that jumped, not him

He knows that he was at the far end of the line and he would’ve made it worse if he had, but doing nothing while Neil risked his life to save Nicky

They don’t really talk about it

But you kind of can’t help being friends after that

And even after they’re out of the high mountains and back on solid trails Neil keeps tabs on them

And Nicky befriends the others and without even meaning to they start to develop a sort of loose trail family vibe

They’re not hiking together all the time like some of the groups they meet, but they check on each other all the time and wait up in resupply villages and bond over firepits and shitty hot chocolate mixes and swap tips on how to keep the butt-chafing at bay

Neil sticks to the outskirts, mostly, but he starts to open up a little, in fits and spurts, tiny non-specific things that wouldn’t even register to most people but that this particular group knows means more than that

He’s slowing down, too, sometimes hiking entire days with people and covering half his usual distance even when there’s no cliffs or glaciers threatening him

He likes hiking with Andrew the most, though

Because neither of them are big talkers when they’re hiking and Andrew’s pack might be absurdly heavy but he’s got legs the size of tree trunks and endurance to match, so he might not be fast but he can outwalk half the people on the trail by sheer relentlessness

They both like to camp up high, near treeline (so Neil can set up his tarp) and in the places that it’s legal they’ll start a small fire and Andrew will loan Neil his pot so he can actually cook his fucking ramen for once and sometimes they’ll watch the Milky Way rise and share secrets under the open sky, not looking at each other so they don’t break the illusion, and sometimes they won’t say anything at all but it’s okay, because they’re saying nothing together.

It’s nice

It’s maybe more than nice

The summer draws to a close and Neil is starting to realize that he doesn’t want it to

He never wants the hiking season to end but this time it’s different

This summer has been perfect

And he knows deep in his bones that once they leave the trail things will change

The others have lives to return to, and Neil…

The trail is all he has

And if he’s barely hiking alone at all these days, well, who’s going to call him out on it?

The others like having him around because he stops them from getting too fixated on the Trail to see the trail

He still takes side trips but now sometimes people will come along and he’ll stand at the base of a canyon staring up at the glossy white walls and Dan will snap a photo for her blog and smile, because the PCT is just a line on a map, but the hike is all of them; together

He’s hiking with Andrew in September when a storm hits, this time vicious

Neil huddles under his tarp in resignation

Storms suck, he always gets wet, no matter how much he lowers the tarp, but he’s used to it; he just waits it out

But it’s just getting worse

Hail lashing at the tarp and pummelling the ground and maybe for once he regrets camping so high up

And Andrew has to shout to be heard but finally Neil realizes he’s offering to let Neil come into his tent

You’re going fucking freeze, just get in here

Neil goes

It’s weird

It’s instantly weird

The tent is not built for two people, so they’re both sitting cross legged with their heads ducked to not press against the roof

The storms probably not going to let up soon, Andrew says

Yeah, Neil says.

Andrew sighs

Lie down, he says, and Neil does, and Andrew lies down next to him, shoulder to shoulder

It barely works, only because neither of them are very big people

Neil’s pack is outside wrapped in his tarp and all he has is his damp down blanket but he’s not cold anymore, not with Andrew bundled up in his ridiculous sleeping bag right next to him

The storm rages for nearly two days and what passes between them in that tent, nobody knows

If they’re barely ever seen apart after it, well. You only see people so often on the trail. It could easily be a coincidence

And if Neil doesn’t even set his tarp up on rainy nights anymore, well. They never camp near other people anyway, so who’s to know?

In early October the snow blows in, blocking the route to the finish.

They drift around a resupply village for almost two weeks, waiting for the trail to reopen, but finally even Kevin accepts that it isn’t going to

After all of that, none of them are going to finish the trail

It’s a disappointment—of course it is. For most of them, the end of their trip is now a nondescript exit into a village, no fanfare, no closure; they didn’t even know they were done for days

Still, it’s not so bad

They’re all together

Allison suggests Vegas, but they all laugh it down; they wouldn’t even know how right now, bearded and hairy and ravenous as they are

They go to South Carolina instead

It’s not really even discussed that they’ll stay together, they just all go; Allison hosts them at her resort and they laugh at the incongruous weirdness of seeing each other in real clothes, and it’s different, but it’s also okay

They stay for another two weeks, and they don’t hike another fucking inch

We should try the Continental Divide Trail sometime, Dan says

Her blog is so popular now that she’s got sponsorships from more than just Wymack waiting for her

She could make a career out of hiking and blogging and doing gear reviews and it’s a dream she’d never even realized she wanted until she had it

And if she accidentally fucked up and ended up with a hot trail boyfriend? Well, nobody’s perfect

And he has a great butt

(she has photos of it on her blog, from when they jumped into a glacier lake naked back in August)

Everyone is jealous

How about that trek in Iceland? Matt suggests

Or the whats-it-called in New Zealand, Allison says

Oh, I bet there’s some good ones in Europe! Nicky says. You guys can all meet Erik!

And it’s going to be different, but it’s not going away, and Neil feels calm in a way he never has at the end of a hiking season before

Eventually everyone has to start making plans to return to their lives, and jobs, and Neil sneaks out to the back of the house to sit in crisp fall air and watch leaves spiral down out of the trees

Andrew follows him

They sit together, watching the moon rise over the hills, and when Andrew asks Neil to come home, Neil says yes

[ridasverkisto]

for the black clover meme ask: 1, 13, 23, 30 and 48

Oh! I didn’t actually expect to get any asks for it...cool! For reference, the ask meme post is here.

1. Favorite Character?

This is a hard one—I don’t usually tend to have only one favorite character, but a herd of them that I love for a lot of different reasons. The two that jump out at me off the top of my head though are Dorothy and Noelle—Dorothy just because she’s fun and I love her, and Noelle because I love her character arc. Noelle specifically is the only character I’ve yelled at a TV screen for lol 😂

13. Favorite Clover Kingdom place?

...see, I don’t usually think about this sort of thing, just because I don’t get attached to places unless I go there in person. I guess just off the top of my head it would probably be the Capital, if only because I’m a shameless worldbuilding junkie and I’m extremely curious to see more of it.

23. Any (hetero or LGBT) romantic/platonic pairings you’re fond of?

I think the biggest is Magna/Luck, either romantic or platonic—I’m soft for two dumbasses sharing a brain cell and being best friends, regardless of whether it’s romantic or not. I also once saw a pairing for Charmy/Rill/Langris and I hold it close to my heart if only bc the potential for comedy and character growth is amazing.

Finral & Langris is also a good one, so long as it’s like...actual Sibling Energy and not thinly veiled incest wishing. Oh! And Yuno & Asta. I understand why people ship them romantically, and I can see it to some extent, but...you can’t tell me Yuno isn’t a Dramatic Bitch specifically to troll Asta, and if that isn’t peak Sibling Energy I don’t know what is.

30. Least favorite fandom theory?

Without a doubt, the idea that Dante could be Asta’s dad. Don’t get me wrong, I can see where the thought came from, but it just—it completely goes against how Black Clover handles tropes, and it’s just. Ugh.

If Tabata goes that way, that’s fine and I’ll live—but as it stands without better evidence and set up it just feels gross and I really don’t like it.

48. What do you feel is the series’s biggest flaw? How would you have handled it differently?

Hm. This is a hard one, bc overall I really do like how Tabata has been handling the series. I think the biggest flaw to me, personally, is how he handles his female characters in presentation. Like, personality-wise they’re pretty good overall (various female characters, each with different personalities and motivations, thank you!), but. How he handles crushes in the series, plus how Noelle and Mimosa in the art have been consistently drawn in fanservice-y ways is really bad.

First and foremost, let me get this out of the way: it’s not that I disapprove of the crushes in the series—in fact, I think they’re all believable. It’s the way the characters—specifically Charlotte—hem and haw around being adults about their emotions. Noelle and Mimosa—cool, fine, they’re 15, they’re not supposed to be adults about their emotions. And Charlotte’s a bit of a neurotic mess sometimes, so her struggling to tell Yami makes sense. HOWEVER.

I’m aware Tabata doesn’t rly want to write romance into the series (he’s on record saying so, tho I can’t find the source as of rn), but if you don’t want full on romance, then a crush shouldn’t be such an integral part of how you present a character to the audience. I’m also aware that this is probably mainly an anime problem due to fillers, but the point remains—Charlotte’s personality gets filtered down to “strict and serious on the battlefield” and “oh no it’s Yami 😖😳”

It’s a less serious problem with Noelle and Mimosa because we see more of them, and we get to see parts of their personalities that don’t revolve around their crush on Asta, but like. Maybe it’s because I’m aromantic, but constantly seeing “will-they-won’t-they” is so tired at this point.

My solution? Either a) don’t focus on it so much—flushing, being tongue-tied, cool, fine, but it’s not the CENTER OF THEIR PERSONALITY FFS. Or b) have one or all of them confess to their crush. Have it actually go somewhere, with the growth that entails; because whether or not Yami or Asta, etc., accept their feelings, that’s a change in the status quo. It’s progress and development. It’s INTERESTING.

Or you know, instead of having all of your romantic stuff being crushes, have someone like...Vanessa or idk, Dorothy or David or something with a background relationship. Not just a barely mentioned one with Kaiser—but one that is shown in the text and shapes part of their growth.

Also, male crush representation! Let the guys want a relationship and have a crush. Finral and Asta are the outliers here and they’re both treated as comedic relief—Asta has a sort of creepily insistent puppy crush on Sister Lily, and I really really wish it was written differently, and Finral is working on getting better already. But let the guys have interpersonal wants and needs without constantly playing it for comedic effect! Or using awful tropes!!

Basically, my take is that how romance and certain interpersonal relationships in the series is handled isn’t...terrible, exactly, it’s pretty Shounen standard, but how I’d like to see it handled is with more variety and respect. If you’re gonna write in crushes and implied romance, then actually commit to the bit and do something with it.

(Also please don’t get me started on the Silvas and how their treatment of Noelle gets sort of...hand waved, after they apologize during the Reincarnation Arc. Forgiveness and rebuilding a relationship of any kind from abuse like that isn’t easy, and I hate that it just sort of...gets ignored like everything’s fine now. Because it’s NOT.)

...that got long, sorry. I have issues with how mainstream media writes romance a lot of the time, and I think it shows. 😅

[themattress]

OUAT AND ME: IN WONDERLAND

Story - Because this spin-off series only lasted for one season's worth of 13 episodes, its story is simply the Wonderland Saga and nothing else beyond that, which is for the best given that the story reaches far too complete an ending for anything beyond it to make any sense. The story is about Alice and what transpired after she returned from her original journey through Wonderland as a little girl, leading up to her romance with a young genie named Cyrus as a teenager, their tragic separation, her commitment to a mental institution, and her return to Wonderland in order to reunite with her lost love alongside her friend the Knave of Hearts, all while facing threats from the Red Queen and Jafar who seek to use Cyrus’ genie powers to break the laws of magic in order to accomplish their own secret goals.

The Wonderland Saga is as tight as tight can be, with one chief setting (Wonderland), a relatively small cast of characters, and a 4-episode beginning, 4-episode middle, and 5-episode end. Of course, this wouldn't matter if it wasn't an engaging story with enjoyable characters, but thankfully it very much is. This series is the brainchild of not just Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis, but also of Jane Espenson and Zack Estrin, and because of this fact combined with its limited length, it actually surpasses the original Once Upon a Time when you stack the two completed shows up against each other. Sometimes, less is more.

As I said, the story is divided into a clear-cut beginning, middle, and end. The beginning focuses on the early part of Alice and the Knave's journey and establishing who they are and what their deal is, while Jafar and the Red Queen's goals and motivations are kept enigmatic and Cyrus is trapped in a cage for the whole duration of the time. The middle lets Cyrus escape, sheds light on Jafar and the Red Queen's goals and motivations, and explores the darker sides of Alice and the Knave as we see just how badly their past traumas have affected them. And the end is all about the alliance of Alice, Cyrus, the Knave and the Red Queen as they fight Jafar and his new ally the Jabberwocky to decide the fate of Wonderland. It's here that all lingering questions are answered and all character arcs are fully completed.

As far as stories go, this is top tier OUAT. I think I like the Dark Curse and Neverland Sagas slightly more, but the Wonderland Saga comes in at an incredibly close third place.

Characters - There are less of them than in the main show, so this will be easy.

* We start with Alice, played by Sophie Lowe as a teenager and by pre-Stranger Things Millie Bobby Brown as a child. She is a wonderfully multi-faceted heroine, capable of great love and great hate, great kindness and great cruelty, great ingenuity and great gullibility, and always treading the line between holding to hope and giving into despair. While her romance with Cyrus is the focal point of the story, I love that it's not the only important aspect to her character. We also delve into her fractured relationship with her father; her initially unsteady but eventually rock solid friendship with Will; her hate, fear and distrust of Anastasia up until she finally sees the girl behind the queenly mask and how very much alike they truly are; and even her internal mental and emotional conflicts with herself on various matters that sometimes go external due to how Wonderland works. And no offense to Emma Swan, who is great in her prime, but I feel like Alice is ultimately the stronger and more likable lead.

* Cyrus really impresses me, because being the romantic male object of the heroine's attention and a guy who spends the entire first third of the story stuck in a cage, he could have very easily been a boring character. But very quickly, he shows that good looks and magic powers aren't all there is to him - this guy is smart. His cleverness and ingenuity that allows him to affect the plot even when inside his cage is something to behold, and he only gets better once he's free from his prison and gets to play off other characters with more frequency. Add to this a backstory where we see he used to be a selfish con artist, and it being his love for Alice that changed the selfish part while repurposing the con artist part for the cause of good, and you have a character you can enjoy and a couple you can root for.

* The show's breakout character, for better or for worse (no, it's definitely for worse, as we'll see in the next post) is the Knave of Hearts / Will Scarlet. Played excellently by Michael Socha, Will was formerly one of Robin Hood's Merry Men but is now an outlaw all to himself in Wonderland. He's sardonic and quippy, selfish and yet reliable at the same time, eerily muted in his emotions due to having his heart removed from his chest and yet clearly possessing deep feelings within his soul that occasionally bubble to the surface. We watch him go from an untrustworthy, cowardly cad who refuses to accept responsibility for anything to a brave and loyal friend who will sacrifice his own well-being for those he cares about. And his love story with Anastasia honestly steals the show from Alice and Cyrus', as it's full of betrayal and heartbreak and fights and truces and reconciliations before its happy ending, and that honestly feels more human than Alice and Cyrus' entirely plot-based separation.

* Speaking of the Red Queen / Anastasia, she is the female villain with a redemption arc that Regina (and Zelena, to a lesser extent) wishes she was. When she first appears, the Red Queen seems to be a chillingly calm and poised sociopath without moral scruples, but she quickly starts displaying vulnerability, and kudos must be given to Emma Rigby for conveying this through her amazing performance. Her cool, haughty face is like a mask, with more and more cracks beginning to show until we see who she really is - Anastasia, a peasant girl who was misled into a life that was full of power and privilege but that was also lonely and way over her capability to endure in the long run, and who desperately wants to take it all back and return to who she used to be. Once she realizes that she won't be getting the magic shortcut she seeks and that in the process of seeking it she'd wrought even more damage to Wonderland, Anastasia fully commits herself to doing better by everyone that she'd hurt. Even horrific torture, temporary death and mind control doesn't stop her from aiding in the cause to save Wonderland! She's amazing and more than earns her happy ending with Will.

* I could gush about Jafar, the Big Bad of the story, all day long. Jafar has always been my favorite Disney Villain, but he's the villain of an animated musical comedy, so I guess I've always had the question in the back of my mind as to what he'd be like if applied to something with a more serious tone? Well, this version of the character, played to chilling perfection by Naveen Andrews, answers that question. Stripped of most of his caricatured and humorous elements, Jafar is a psychotic, power-hungry madman who will stop at nothing to get what he desires. There is no-one he won't manipulate or torture or murder in his quest to become all-powerful. And the show also gives him a feasible, compelling and incredibly dark backstory (he's the bastard child of an Agrabahn sultan who rejected him to the point of trying to murder him) that explains why he is the way he is but is never used to excuse him or entertain the slightest notion that he might be redeemable.  This version of Jafar perfectly embodies what Roy Disney and Jeffrey Katzenberg said about the original: “Jafar is just pure evil. He wants to take over the kingdom and kill everybody in sight or enslave them, or whatever suits his fancy." "This is the guy that wants it all. You know right from the start that he is a desperate character, capable of doing anything and everything to get what he wants".

* The White Rabbit / Percy is a purely CGI character, and you'd fear that this wouldn't work, but the show embraces how cartoony he is and so it actually works perfectly. He's a very appealing character as well: very neurotic and cowardly, but also a family man whose heart is in the right place and who can be very brave when push comes to shove. A lot of his likability also comes from the fact that John Lithgow (yes, I'm surprised they were able to get him too!) does his voice, and I can't think of anyone else who could voice such a character better.

* In terms of side characters, we have many Wonderland staples reimagined for this show, such as the Cheshire Cat who is now a feral beast voiced by Keith David, the Caterpillar who is now a Jabba the Hutt-esque crime boss voiced by Iggy Pop (who sounds nothing like the voice from the main show, but I digress), Tweedledee and Tweedledum who are the Red Queen's manservants (one being undyingly loyal while the other is a spy for Jafar), the sleazy Red King who tempts Anastasia into becoming his bride, the Carpenter who is trapped in a drug-like haze in the Boro Grove, the White Knight who stands guard over an important pair of doorways, and the Jabberwocky, a monster in the form of a humanoid woman whose power is being able to see a person's greatest fear and use it to psychologically torture them.

There is also mention of Alice having met Jefferson the Mad Hatter when she was a child, and Cora the Queen of Hearts herself appears in the flashback that shows how she manipulated events so that Will became the Knave of Hearts and ensure that Anastasia remained the Red Queen, whom she taught magic and villainy to and treated like a daughter. Regina, Zelena, Anastasia...is there no young woman that Cora won’t attempt to ruin?

Other side characters from other realms include Alice's highly flawed yet ultimately repentant father Edwin, his bitch of a new wife Sarah and her precocious young daughter Millie, and the cold-hearted Dr. Lydgate all from Alice's Victorian world; Robin Hood, Maleficent (voice-over only) and Anastasia's mother Lady Tremaine all from the Enchanted Forest; Nyx the guardian of a sacred well, Cyrus' mother and Jafar's teacher Amara, Cyrus' brothers Taj and Rafi, and Jafar's father the Sultan and half-brother Mirza all from Agrabah. The Sultan, by the way, is a particularly interesting character, as he's introduced as Cyrus' kindly old cellmate and you really get to thinking of him as a good guy, only to then learn who he really is and just what an utterly horrible person he was in the past. His tale is a tragic one, as while he sincerely commits to repenting, it’s not good enough and thus he cannot escape fatal poetic justice.

And then there's one side character that just really gets my goat: Elizabeth aka the Lizard, a cute young thief who has a crush on Will. She appears in the 4th episode and doesn't really do much of anything, then disappears for a while. I thought maybe she was going to end up paired with that "Mr. Darcy" suitor of Alice's from her world and it was going to be a big Pride and Prejudice reference...but instead, she reappears in the 9th episode, becomes the now genified Will's master, and makes a wish that accidentally kills her in order to give Will man-pain. And then she isn't really spoken of again afterward. What was even the point of her!? You could cut all of her scenes and actions from this story and miss absolutely nothing!

Atmosphere - I would describe this show's atmosphere as light and dark, back to back. When it's light, it is much lighter than Once Upon a Time, being very whimsical and romantic and fluffy and hopeful to an even higher degree than its parent show at its best. However, this kind of lightness helps to make the dark elements come off as that much darker as a result. And while there's certainly some dark stuff where Alice in concerned, from an intended lobotomy in the premiere episode to the intense clashing she has with her father, and in the troubled pasts of Will and Anastasia, nothing comes close to the darkness of everything Jafar-related. It's a guarantee that he will do something horrible to someone at least once per episode, although it's usually more than once. The nature of his backstory as a bastard child whose father attempts to drown him plus the intensity of his depraved power-lust also make him a particularly dark character, as is his eventual partner, the terrifying Jabberwocky. Personally, I have always appreciated stories that can balance light and dark in this way and am able to handle both of them, so this show's atmosphere is very appealing to me.

Episode Quality - All I can say here is that there is only one dud in this series, and it's not hard to spot which episode it is. Like I said, while the beginning and middle portions of the show are 4 episodes each, the end is 5 episodes...and the first of those 5, "Nothing to Fear", is incredibly awkward and poorly executed. On top of being where the aforementioned death of the Lizard occurs, the plotline with Alice, Cyrus and Anastasia is also botched. Alice clinginess to Cyrus out of worry that he might become separated from her again and she wants to savor the time she has with him now doesn't really work in the context of needing to find where the freshly genified Will went ASAP, and it makes Alice look bad - Will went through "Bloody Hell" to help her reunite with Cyrus, and now that she's been reunited with him at the direct expense of Will, she doesn't give a fuck? She feels no urgent desire to pay her friend back and be as dedicated to helping him as he was to helping her? Also, the way she verbalizes her issues sounds too ripped off of Emma Swan from the similarly clumsy episode "The New Neverland", and what works for Emma doesn't really work for Alice.

Alice's distrust of Anastasia and dislike of working with her is also badly written, in literally every other episode the tense dynamic between these two has been handled with more care and nuance, but here Alice just comes off as a bratty child. Again, Will is missing and you need to find him quickly, so being able to put aside your differences with Anastasia maturely would go a long way in helping make that happen, Alice! Also, there's a sequence with angry peasants tying Anastasia, Alice and Cyrus to stakes to be eaten by nocturnal wolf-like creatures, and it's so thoroughly mishandled to the point of coming across as comical (Anastasia really can't fight back or escape her binding despite the skills we've seen her have before? Cyrus really thought an eloquent speech was going to instantly convince the peasants to do what he wants of them? The peasants act like they're righteous people who are getting justice against their oppressor and yet then tie two completely innocent people up for daring to go against the grain on the matter? And oh my God, those wolves look awful!)

The only good parts of the episode are the very last scene between Alice, Cyrus, Anastasia and (finally!) Will, plus all of the scenes with Jafar which lead up to the Jabberwocky's debut. Otherwise, this was a transitional episode that needed a lot of fine-tuning from its makers.

Overall - Once Upon a Time in Wonderland is now on Disney+, so if you have that streaming service and haven't watched it, please do so. It's a very well-made limited series that features a great story and great characters played by great actors, and is a definite part of OUAT in its prime. And again, when both completed shows are compared, this one wins hands-down.

[vconrxd]

TASK #2:

Veronica Adela Conrad is the outright antipode of an open book. 

Folios fixed collectively by an adhesive more tenacious than her will. A bolt ― only able to be split clear by utilizing the force of sledgehammer. Not even the balletic lineaments that rest upon her countenance would ever forsake her. But if you indulged in a stroll within Ronnie’s psyche, you’d be embraced by sunlight ― not sleet ― and all of the tenderness she has to devote. You’d meet her aspirations, aberrations, wishes, and phobias. Her favorite flavor of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream & why she loathes nachos. However ― as a result of her cynical notion that everyone is interim ― they take & they leave ― she has never contemplated on uncovering what sleeps beneath the shallows.

BUT ― if you chose to peer between the lines....

                                              HEADCANONS:

Ronnie cries at the end of every single Disney or Pixar film. Without fail. Frozen? Sobbed for a solid hour and a half. The Lion King? Went through about four boxes of tissues in a single sitting and then proceeded to complete a symbolic adoption for a lion in Tanzania. Coco? Lost her fucking shit & never really got it all back. Even a brief mention of that movie WILL cause her mental state to weaken. Pls do not torment her.

Despite having been engaged previously, she has never been in love. And it’s not by choice. She’s tried, so many times, to allow herself the freedom to fall and trust that she will be caught. But whenever she is at the ledge, it’s almost as if an invisible force yeets her faaaaaar back and is all like... not today bitch. This is actually the reason she can’t sit through any sort of film about romance. In fact, the closest she’s gotten to a movie with the foundation being love.................. was The Breakfast Club ― and even then she was jittery and restless.  

Her sexuality has always been fluid & she has never felt the need to place a label upon it. She likes who she likes. And it’s as simple as that. 

Whenever Ronnie has a bad day, she actually has a go-to song as a quick fix. Heroes by David Bowie. While there is no deep or profound meaning to pair with the tune, it does take her back to an extremely pleasant memory, where she was driving down the coast with her older brother ― all windows down ― and that song came on the radio. It was an extremely euphoric moment. And it has basically become a ritual in adulthood. She’ll hop into her car, ( a 1972 Ford Bronco ― in cherry red. Because she’s that bitch ) roll all of the windows down, and drive down the coast. Song on full blast. 

Speaking of music, Veronica is an old soul to the absolute core. On a Sunday morning, you will 100% find her cleaning her condo ― with Bill Withers, Seals & Crofts, King Harvest, or The Zombies booming through the speakers of her record player. Following it up by curling onto the couch & burying her nose in an Agathe Christie or Toni Morrison novel.   

While she is very selective of who she truly lets in ( this excludes surface-level friendships & drinking buddies because that girl will adventure/party with literally anyone ) ― once someone gains her trust ― she considers them to be family. Which is why it takes a bit to really get up in there. Not having a ‘traditional’ family was something that really used to eat away at her when she was younger, but now she sees it as a blessing in disguise. Harboring the full ability to choose the members of her own little fam bam. 

Ronnie is a major activist and humanitarian. Which is also the reason behind majority of her travels. She’ll be the very first one out for a protest and the very last to leave. Once she has enough $$$ in her bank account, her ultimate goal is to start her own nonprofit.  

Has seventeen small and easily concealed tattoos. Ask her where ;)

[whatevenismyaestheticidk]

Things I’ve heard high schoolers say pt 2

Person 1: But air doesn’t splash Person 2: How do we know that, Im splashing the air right now.

Person: Prove me wrong. Prove fish can’t see air.

Person: I think you underestimate just how poor I am.

Person: I just invented a new thing. No Romo. Like no homo but with romance cause I’m lonely. Get it?

Person: So yah I burned my hair cooking ramen.

Person: Well I figured he wasn’t an adopted iguana.

Person: Say it. You know god is watching.

Person 1 upon heading the news of George Bush’s death: Wait he’s still alive? Person 2: No he’s dead that’s the point.

Person: I got it. *five second pause* no I don’t got it.

Person 1: My name is (name), but you can call me yours. Person 2: Okay nice to meet you yours.

Person: Don’t drink it all fool.

Person: Bruh you could literally turn in a gay fanfic and he’d give it an A.

Person: Bruh, what is this triangular accusation?

Person 1:It’s call physics. Person 2: Yah but I don’t take Physics hence they should not apply to me.

Person 1: Discreet. Person 2: No discr-yeet *dabs*

Person 1: Be impressed with my ability to bull shit. Person 2: I mean, it’s gotten you this far.

Person: Why do I feel like finals are lowkey Russian roulette? Like okay I made it through most of them but I still have a few pulls of the trigger to go and one of them might get me.

Person 1: Murder. Just do it. Person 2: I didn’t know that nike was sponsoring murder.

Person: How do mermaids reproduce if they’re just like conjoined legs?

Person 1: Frozen Yogurt Person 2: Fro yo Person 1: Frozen YOgUrt Person 2: Fro Yo Person 1: FROZEN YOGURT

Person: All I have to do to commit suicide is jump from my parents expectations to my grades.

Person 1: I mean yah I cheated on that test. Person 2: Man your love life it DOOMED!

Person: I was seeing if I was tripophobic by repeatedly stabbing my finger with my pen.

Person: You do know that crickets exist during the day right?

Person 1: Hey (person 2), we’re friends right? Person 2: ….. What do you want. Person 1: You know, that sandwich looks real good. *person 2 hand them the sandwich* OMIGOD THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU!

Person: Omigod (person’s name) is going through puberty!

Person: If you pulled my ear I would have ripped out your nostril.”

Person 1: She’s attacking me! Person 2: No, he’s beating a woman, that’s not polite.

Person 1: I know many things! Person 2: like what? Person 1: ..... Person 2: my point.

Person: My shoes will be sparkly red stilettos. Fight me Dorothy.

Person: umm hello Christmas miracle even though I’m not Christian. Come at me 15 years from now!

Person 1: you’d make a really good baldie Person 2: yah you have a really rest head shape

Person: you know teletubbies? Yah that but compressed.

Person 1: I mean how will you become American? Person 2: paint me white, I’ll get a passport.

Person 1: I’m so funny. Person 3: it’s hard not to be when your life is a joke.

Person 1: So I’ve decided that my new career choice is to make school specific memes Person 2: That's Plan A? Yeash... at least Plan B lands you some cash

Person: I’m so small and bitter I’m like a human expresso

Person: You know what I’d name a baby kangaroo if I had one? David Jowie.

Person: I’m just saying that the orange red glitter crayon is you.

Person: I feel like a 1940’s schoolgirl who goes to an all girl finishing school where embroidery is a required class.

Person: I started high school with straight A’s, now I’m not even straight.

Person: Yeah, I’d swear by comic sans.

Person: (Persons name)stop being depressy and you’ll be more sucessy

Person: You can totally be insecure and self absorbed at the same time.

Person 1: Are you kids okay? Person 2: Besides crippling depression yeah.

Person: I don’t know it’s just giving me pig vibes.

Person: What drugs where the animators for “Pink Elephants on Parade” on?

Person: long story short I make like a semi hot guy.

Person: If I where pregnant id just be like 'you put this thing inside of me, you're helping me until it's out.'

Person: These girls asked me what type of  guys I like and being the simple gay I am, I completely blanked

Person 1: why do you read on your phone if you get carsick at 20 minutes? Person 2:Because it works for the first 19 minutes.

Person: Three Indians, a Thai, a Colombian, and an American walk into a bar. Just kidding they aren't old enough to drink. Three Indians, a Thai, a Colombian, and an American walk into a school cafeteria...

Person: I can't do alcohol cause I'm not of age but I can do drugs because they're illegal for everyone.

Person 1: you can't have a breakdown, it's the third day of school. Person 2:... so?

*Group of kids singing Bohemian Rhapsody in twelve different keys* Person: For gods sake choose a key!

Person: For gods sake that was complicated. You didn't need to send out a survey to see which episode of which season of which show to watch.

Person: Honestly I'd chose stab over dab any day.

Person 1: She said she'd throw me out of the window. Person 2: She never did. Person 1: She never did.

Person: What language is this? *pause* Oh wait it's English.

Person 1: I mean it's pretty hit or miss. Person 2 from across the courtyard: I guess they never miss, huh?

Person: Chu-chu bitch. I’m a train.

Person after loosing game of kahoots: I’m going to ka-shoot myself.

Person: So basically I need to learn Hungarian for a song.

Person: No one screams their sneeze, its not human

Person: If I where a mosquito I would bite you and you’d get malaria and die.

Person: That tide pod aesthetic.

Person: No I loved Barney, Barney was my bo.

Person: If I where my own boyfriend I’d dump me.

Person: It's already a really good song but then it's dubstep so it's extra good.

Person: No one is EVER to old for coolmathgames.com

Person 1: Why are you using a poon? Person 2:….. Person 1: WHY ARE YOU USING A POON?!

Person 1: I’ve been blonde for 16 years. Person 2: So what? I’ve been brown for 16 years and you don’t see me coloring myself white!

Person: Yes. Scrape the sweat off my hand.

Person: No one cares about a square cube of water.

Person: We’re melanin intoxicated.

Person: Well my life may be a mess, but at least I’m not doing drugs. Yet.

Person: Negative 13 out of 10, do not recommend.

Person: Yah that’s gunna have to be a no from me.

Person: Fool me once......fool me twice.......fool me as many times as you want, my first name is dumbass.

Person 1: Ya know, I think the Americans have the order of dates right JUST BECAUSE you can do 4/20/2019. Person 2: Okay but they’re still wrong though.

Person with AirPods: And where are YOUR AirPods? Thats what I thought you broke bitches.

Person: Salem witch trials bitches.

Person: La Croix, the AirPods of the soda world.

Person: Who needs a thermometer when you have… your hands!?

Person 1: It’s time to bring back SEXY MASQUERADE BALLS Person 2: It really is. I need an excuse to wear an incredibly uncomfortable dress that's so big I can't even walk through doorways. Person 1: And to wear a swan inspired mask that doesn’t cover enough of my face to deem myself totally anonymous enough to be half as bold and daring as i plan on acting that night but everyone else is on board we’ll all just forget about it the next day. Person 2: That's to specific for you to have made up on the spot, you've thought about this.

Person: It was lady Macbeth that drugged and made the guards drunk, without her Macbeth would just be like “I guess I’ll stab him???” Person: It’s like playing where’s Waldo but the page is India and I’m Waldo.3Person: Why are there so many frowny faces everywhere?

Person: This group chat is weird. It's either homework, deep philosophical conversations, or memes, there's no in between.

Person 1: Honestly, where DID it come from Person 2: The endless abyss that is the internet.

Person: Are you really blaming our generational depression on Jake Paul?

Person 1:  Oh. My. God. Guys. Keep your carbon dioxide away from my computer. Person 2: But sharing is caring. Person 1: But my computer doesn’t need this kinda of negativity in its life right now.

Person: Sweetie, if you think I’m going to stop wearing my favorite dress just because you kissed me in it, you are dead wrong.

Person with a metal straw: I don't drink broke.

Person: My whole life has become that sock on the floor. It's just there. When did life screw us over and then just ex? I’m just gonna write a book, and the last sentence will be life screwed them over and then exed. A story of the main character who gets screwed over, so I can get that 'it be like that sometimes' reaction.

Person in group chat: Positivity- I will make you feel better about being an idiot. Self Doubt- I will highlight all of your mistakes and set low standards for you so you'll never be disappointed. Me to Self Doubt- I'm listening...

Person 1: Sadly the disappointment never goes away... Person 2: Man we're a sad lot this time of year.

Person 1:It’s almost my favorite time of the year Person 2:Ahh yes. Singles awareness day, also known as chocolate sales at Walgreens eve, also known as... Valentine's Day. Person 1:... Oh... I meant rainy season.

Person: Being antivax is like swimming in shark infested waters because you're afraid the bridge could break lmao.

Person: I learned how eat a kumquat this weekend.

Person: It’s so sticky. It’s like clear cheese.

Person: Hamburger helper? More like hamburger help me pass this class.

Person 1: So I slipped on a grape… Person 2: You got K.O.’ed by a grape (person’s name), how does it feel.

Person 1: Look at me, I’m fine. Person 2: Well how many drugs did you take. Person 1: Several.

Person 1: Did you just say it’s ALMOST FEBRUARY? Person 2: Yes, it’s January 72nd.

Person: I knew your comedic standards where low, but poop jokes? Really?

Person: What? So are you insinuating the fact that reliablest isn't a word?

Person 1: [bitter old man voice] back in my day, tik tok was a kesha song. Person 2: Back in my day we had wires attached to our AirPods.

Person: There's a reason rainbows aren't straight. Just saying.

Person reading sheet music and seeing mf crescendo: I forgot that mezzo forte was a thing for a second so I thought it said mother fucker as a crescendo but mood

Person: He looks like a fine piece of toasted white bread.

Person: If life hasn't given me a fist bump by now, why should I give life one?

Person: we all died in 2012 this is hell.

Person 1: Who wants a pamphlet on condoms? Person 2: Why do you have this? Do you collect them? Person 1: Yah it’s my hobby. I have this one, one on HIV and one on teenage pregnancy.

Person: We live a society where reading about assassins and gory details is a hobby.

Person: Stop breathing so loudly on my thumb!

Person 1: I’m the comic relief. Person 2: For what? Person 1: Myself.

Person1: Who’s your valentine this year? Person 2: Me, myself and I. Person 1: Wow three valentines, you really can’t keep them away can you?

Person: Why do women gotta get their period, why not men. I wish I was born a seahorse.

Person 1: No we can’t all fit, her car is smol. Like you. Person 2:  Says you miss 5 foot nothing lmao. Person 1: Hey we’re the same hight so says you miss 5 foot nothing.

Person: No, that’s cheating no emotionally disabling people.

Person 1: Why is it that we’re talking about someone burning eggs on two different group chats. Person 2: Hey I didn’t burn them. Person 3: Cause why not?

Person 1:  That’s not how an Australian accent works. Person 2: This is why I’m not Australian, I don’t have the koala-fications.

Person 1: I’m Indian, numbers run through my blood. Person 2: That’s like saying I’m going to marry my cousin just because I’m white.

Person: So I ate veggies and hummus for lunch but then I counterbalanced it by eating a spoon full of straight Nutella.

Person: Seagulls, California Pigeons, what’s the difference?

Person 1: I humbly apologize and request your forgiveness. Person 2:  I humbly decline your request for forgiveness.

Person: I think I’m permanently stuck somewhere between “If you mess with me I’ll fight” and “If you mess with me I’ll cry.”

Person 1: It was implied! Person 2: What’s implied is your inability to accept that fact that I’m right!

Person 1: I got lazy because I was eating Pringles. Person 2: She values Pringles more than me.

Person: Yo, you be the crazy ex girls they be talking about in memes.

Person: I swear (persons name) if I hooked up with squidward in your dream your subconscious and I need to have a little talk.

Person: You get to die, and you get to die! Everybody gets to die!

Person: How do you just add a child?

Person 1: Look at this ink based pencil. Person 2: A pen?
 Person 1: This egg is all broken. Person 2: It’s like you then, you both broke under the pressure.

Lakshmi: Don’t force your opinion, voice it.

Person 1: If I where a fruit, which one would I be? Person 2: Sushi. Person 1:… Sushi isn’t a fruit.

Person: I mean it’s not straight up “Yo come here I’m gunna kill you.”

Person: Bye gays, bye (other girls name).

Person 1: No (person B) stop. Just shut up. You’re making me loose brain cells. Person 2: But… Person 1: No. Just no.

Person: Stop. That is non-consensual pizza eating.

Person 1: Cheese is not a vegetable! Person 2: Well it’s not a meat either! Person 3: Guys… It’s dairy.

Person: Idiots have priority over just regular dumb people

Person: God melted the polar ice caps just to make it rain for Noah then refroze them. I don’t know (kids name) I’m not god!

Person: You and I will go out, and leave them to their raw fish rolled in sea salad.

Person: Does anyone else get really energized when they change their room? Just me? Okay.

Person: I hope you know I will diss you guys to the end of the earth.

Person: Bruh talk to (person’s name) I don’t know sh… *notices teacher looking at her*…niahhh.

Person 1: The thing is, I don’t want to be 80 that’s rough. Person 2: Then just die at 50.

Person: You’d be scrambled eggs with hair.

Person: Seeing you two fighting, it’s like seeing a piece of light fighting a black hole.

Teacher: What can you tell me about probability? Student 1: I hate it. Student 2: Dont you mean you? Student 1: Yes both.

Person: My brain has the dumb I’m sorry

Person 1: If my first word was no, I’m assuming that’s foreshadowing for them my family disowns me after I renounce religion and systemic abuse. Person 2: Or…. You just need to make sure your last word is yes. Person 1: Yes to what though? Person 2: ‘Are you dying?’ Yes.’ Pessimism, just your style. Person 1: That’s true.

Person: My parents don’t message me, they’re the type of people who CALL. Where did I get my social anxiety from??

Person: Well guys it's been great knowing you I’m just going to drown now.

Person: I figured out a new diet regime, it’s called sleeping until noon and just not eating breakfast.

Person: The f on my birth certificate was the doctor paying their respects.

Person: Chocolates with raspberry filling are the sole reason I’m still alive.

Person 1: Isn’t Latin a dead language? Person 2: You’re a dead language!

Person: Hydrate before you diedrate.

Person 1: you have a son named Spider-Man? Person 2:  what noooo! Person 3: well don’t expose her!

Person: That awkward moment when you just really don’t care about people.

Person 1: (Person 2) and I will be over here with my virgin margarita and her water. Person 2: Hey! I want apple juice! Person 3: Why are you not drinking (Person 1)? Person 2: Because she’s to single, and also she’d strip. Person 1: Woahh! How dare you assume that I’m not drinking because I’m to single?

Person 1: Ya know, I think I’m going to have to jazz hands my way through hell. Person 2: All of us will.

Person: Brown town children, y’all find someone in India?

Person 1: Wow you have the best backup singers. Person 2: I only hire the best, at least 5 stars in yelp. Person 1: Well good because that’s  the sound they’re making.

Person: The cold kills everything, it’s like my heart.

Person 1: Remember the rolls I brought to school last year that I used to give you? The ones with paneer and the really good spices? Person 2: Yah? Person 1: This is not at all the same thing.

Person 1: What’s stevia? Person 2: It’s like sugar but no.

Person 1: Yeetus Skelettus. Person 2: Fetus Deletes? Honey, that’s called abortion.

Person: Anything for you. That’s what you said. Anything for you. But when I ask for just one bite of your pasta? No!

Person 1: I've written 1,300 words and don’t have a thesis statement or topic question Person 2: Yeah, you need to figure that out.

Person 1: you know I had a dream that you where in a romantic relationship with a toaster. Person 2:  wasn’t that your relationship with (ex’s name)? Person 1: you’d have more chemistry with a toaster.

Person: Can people read colors? Cause I am ooo.

Person: It’s like hands but medusa

Person: You look like a cardboard jellyfish that’s brown

Person 1: Two of us like boys. Person 2: We all like boys. Person 1: Two of us like ONLY boys.

Person: you’re like a reverse plant. You convert oxygen into carbon dioxide.

Person: Shhhhh. I’m not in physics, let me be dumb in peace.

Person: Why are you laying down like some greek god, get up you brown child.

Person 1: Do all of you just think you’re going to be single? Person 2: I already am why not keep the streak going to get a high score?

Person: and now cracks of light are coming out from around the sides like some sort of computer Jesus!

People 1 and 2: Rock Paper Scissors Person 3: shoot me please.

Person 1: not since 9/11 you can’t. Person 2: dang. You just tossed your whole country just to prove a point. I’ve never been so proud.

Person 1: what is an angle of depression? Person 2: it’s my life. Person 1: no it’s you because it’s not straight.

Person: Boom. Lesbians.

Person 1: Well what if two rocks just washed up at the same time and humans. Person 2: Evolution.

Person: Watermelon isn’t good anymore, I swear its just water with food coloring.

Person: You being dumb makes me want to correct you, sos too being dumb cause I’m on vocal rest.

Person: well (persons name) who have you a mouth?

Person: Teachers that grade late work deserve all the love and cookies and cake in the world.

Person 1: honestly I just want to die right now. Person 2: same. Literally same.

Person: I just feel like a single molecule lost in space.

Person: who’s gunna stop me? God? Damn him to hell.

Person: the line is not actually straight it’s like (students name)

Person 1: It’s your favorite sleep deprived gay. Person 2: But I’m my favorite sleep deprived gay. Self love. Person 1: We Stan.

Person 1: Why do you have a tool? Person 2: Because my hair is moist.

Person: eating lead was an otherworldly experience

Person 1: I have everything stolen from me 2: at least you have the tiniest bit of dignity left 3: what dignity? 1: exactly

Person 1:( holding up katsup) does this go on salad?

Person:I’m turning red! Me! A brown girl!

Person: I’m not trying argue that we should date, I’m just saying.

Person 1: what’s your biggest turn on? Person2 : a light switch Person 2: or then leaving.

Person 1: what is the most attractive retire on someone Person 2: my own face

Person: you’d be that one bar do white chocolate that just sits in the feidge because no one wants it

Person: that’s like saying I’d rather see your shirt than your face.

Person: why would I shut up when I can shut (kids name) down

Person: Subtle. Gay. Vibes. I’m telling you.

Person: just watch me write my ee on all the reasons why nick caraway is gay. Just watch me.

Person: Why are you stereotyping. What if the body doesn’t want trucks, what if he wants to be a fairy.

Person: being ace is basically just eww no but like forever.

Person: Stop trying to science your way out of being wrong.

Person: even if you did ask me out I’d still say no so then you’d even be rejected by a trash can

Person 1: you can’t read cheese color. Person 2: yellow?

Person 1: Think about  it like you’re brown Person 2: She is brown Person 1: Then act like it

Person: You’re not an ugly frog, you’re a beautiful human being. Person: I am. Very very dumb. And also. Bisexual.

Person: I was thinking of something smart but then I forgot what it was.

Person: I want to skip the crush phase and just make out with someone.

Person 1: The only way to get into the Holland family is to marry in through Paddy. Person 2: (Person 1’s name) this isn’t the royal family.

Person: Omigod you looked like the human version of squid ward.

Person: I want to be smart. Where can I learn smart stuff?

Person: But plant the seed and smoke the weed and chop the cane.

Peeeson 1: that is the definition of meter? Person 2: about 3 feet. Person 1: okay thanks America

Person 1: who’s Tom Holland? Person 2: Spider-Man you uncultured swine!!

Person: I am not a children

Person: Ohh dang yeah forgot chickens existed for a while

Person: Hey! Don’t narrate my water!

Person: I don’t read water.

Person: Think of it as a relationship. If you and your ex break up they are salty but you profit because you wanted to end it but if you end it weak, then y’all will argue back and forth and get nowhere with ending it while still exchanging insults.

Person: You know those really sexual mattress adverts?

Person: Oh please, you have the sexual appeal of an easy bake oven.

Person 1: weed is a gate way drug Person 2: YOURE A GATEWAY DRUG!

Person: (first, middle, last name), I love you to the end of the earth. But you are a daft child.

Person 1: She’s like that type of girl. She’s the long paragraph white girl. Person 2: Well that’s a niche if I’ve even seen one.

Person 1: swing you two fight is like watching two ants fight. Person 2: you friking piece of bacteria!

Person: I’m just an intellectual.

Person: I will murder your face off.

Person: that’s like a kilometer tall.

Person: It’s weird when I pet you horizontally.

Person: to be honest I thought those were rocks in a jar for the longest time. Turns out they weren’t.

Person: does she have a brother or gay tendencies

Person: I’m going to slap your hand like it’s a fricking spider.

Person: I like your face better blurry.

Person: every night at about midnight someone starts googling astrology

Person: I will kick you. I will murder your soul.

Person 1: I’m just going to marry a millionaire. Person 2: Where are you gunna finds a millionaire in this economy?

Person: Welcome to my tea party, there isn’t any tea to drink, but we have a lot of it to spill.

Person: Yah, it was something about sex or something.

Person: You’re all uncultured swines.

Person: I’m about as straight as a sine curve.

Person 1: They’re not Oreo’s you dumb head Person 2: I know that dumber head. Person 3 :Shut up dumbest heads

Person: As an ex foetus i can say with authority that if my mother had aborted me i wouldn't have known nor would i have given a fuck

Person: I’ve just accepted I’m going to fail this test. I’ve gone through the 5 stages of grief already.

Person: Yes I’m blind that’s why I need glasses fool.

Person: what the fork do you want you little son of a biscuit.

Person: Anyway now I’m taking Tylenol PM and I’m going to actually sleep tonight that’ll be fun.

Person: I need all the hoodies. ALL OF THEM.

[dachi-chan25]

1.-Furyborn - Claire Legrand

🌟🌟🌟🌟

I liked this book more than I expected. There were still some stuff I would like to see explored but well there is the next books for that I guess. I loved there actually was court drama in this and the magic system is intriguing

2.-The Lucky Ones - Tiffany Reisz

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Tiffany Reisz is one of my favorite authors and I will literally read anything by her. This book was amazing and so fucked up in the best way, I was really curious as to how she was gonna do in a different genere and she did not disappointed this is a great domestic thriller and i completely recc it.

3.-On the Come Up - Angie Thomas

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Last month I read "The Hate U Give" and I knew I had to pick this one next, it was a great desision cuz this book was wonderful, touching and full of valuable lessons for everyone. Angie does great character arcs, like the way she flashes out all her character and has them grow and change for the better 😢😢

4.-Unholy War (Moontide Quartet #3)-David Hair

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

This is one of my favorite fantasy series, and it amazes me this one is so unknown, reaaaally if u like ASOIAF but u would like it to be more diverse and have a better magic system u should definitely read the Moontide Quartet, it has great political schemes in different courts, amazing and diverse characters (one of our mc is a young hindu girl and another a lesbian muslim queen, we have also a romani girl, for real they have their own stories and their own struggles and are so relevant). This installment of the series left me shook as always, it was so great and I am dying to get to the next one to see the conclusion of this amazing story.

5.- Bag of Bones -Stephen King

🌟🌟

I know it even amazed me. So I really didn't like this book. I had heard so much wonderful stuff about it, but gooooods, ok so let's be fair, the first half of the book I was into it, there was a lot of empathy toward Mike and all was great but as soon as Mattie got in the picture oh boy... The whole romance was awkward af, it is plain unrealistic and wishy washy for a girl with Mattie's problems to get it on with Mike, and with that build up??? Nah son, Mattie was so underdeveloped it was disappointing when King has written woman like Rosie Daniels. Also the paranormal aspect had TONS of racist undertones so yeahhh I hope the next one is better.

6.- Pride - Ibi Zoboi

🌟🌟🌟🌟

I really like it, I think Ibi made a lot of real intresting changes, but kept the escense of the characters (Zuri really did come out as judgy and Darius seemed a pretentious rich boy at frist and gosh I loved that translated so well to our modern world) to build something entirely of her own, I really loved it and I recc it to everyone who loves P&P.

7.-Little & Lion- Brandy Colbert

🌟🌟🌟🌟

So I really loved this book, it had lots of representation a lot of mental Health discussion but even tho I really liked the story and I guess the ending was ok, the way some mental health/sexuality stuff was represented idk it wasn't the best perharps?? Idk some stuff kinda made me go hmmm 😞 I just loved the family stuff and how much Suzette wanted to be there for her brother and yeah her dealing with defining her sexuality was relatable af to me.

8.- Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

I loved it, I wasn't expecting to but here I am. It was so wonderful and heartwarming and relatable as hell when u are someone who loves fandoms and fanfiction. It was a wonderful la read, I love Cath and Wren to bits, Levi is my boy, Raegan is how I wanna be when I grow up, really it had me reading til 4 in the fucken morning when I had to work the next day.

9.- Broken Things - Lauren Oliver

🌟🌟🌟

I liked this one a lot, thrillers with teen detectives are my jam, this one started off very dark and as things got solved it got really worse. I think what really stopped me from loving it completely is the fact that they weren't 100% involved in solving the crime (I get why but u know I like to see the characters really dig and they ended up doing just that but yeah) and it really was a bit of a shock who the killer was (I feel like a dumb bitch cuz I read a book with a similar ending last year so duh ofc I am dumb) .

This was a pretty good month all in all, I am accostumed to read a lot more but I started on a new job so I guess this is fine. I can't get over the fact that Stephen King disappointed me 2 times this month (It chapter 2 and Bag of Bones) idk he is one of my faves so maybe I will not read him next month to give myself space and then I'll jump back to his work in November.

[snaketiago]

Oh hey, it’s SANTIAGO GREENGRASS, the 6TH year DEMIBOY SLYTHERIN. I always thought HE/THEY looked just like the muggle, DAVID LAMBERT. I’ve heard they’re CURIOUS+INDIVIDUALISTIC, but also EXPEDIENT+FAITHLESS. Hope they have a good year! 

None of you rat patronous having ass bitches judge me for a fourth character! He’s my last I swear ): I needed all four houses ok. Now let’s move on to my last but certainly not least baby boy (rip only girl Cora).

Santiago was born six weeks early in San Juan, Puerto Rico, where his muggle father is from to his mother Daphne Greengrass. He’s cousins with the Malfoy’s though since Daphne never revealed his half-blood status, everyone is under the impression his father was a wizard.

Daphne left his father shortly after giving birth to Santi, realizing that she’d gotten swept up in a whirlwind romance and now she’d ‘ruined’ her side of the bloodline by having a half-blood.

Nonetheless she adored her son and fled with him to London, staying with her sister and brother-in-law for a couple of years just so Santi would better fit in with the family.

He visits his father in San Juan every summer. His father lives close to his parents so Santi sees his grandparents very often during that time, but they have no idea of the wizarding world or the fact that their grandson is a wizard and attending Hogwarts.

His family means a great deal to him despite him being a little fucking prick to everyone else, and this is why it’s close to impossible to tell his grandparents that he’s gay as they’re deeply religious and he doesn’t want to strain the relationship.

A mean gay who can sing! Miraculous! Santi enjoys showing off his vocal talents and doesn’t shy away from a solo in Frog Choir whenever he manages to snag one.

He’s a Slytherin Prefect just so he can snip at people whenever he wants to release some frustration - though he’s extremely well at cloaking this as blunt concern for professors to turn a blind eye to.

Santi only cares about half his classes. He wants to be a musician, so things like Divination and Arithmancy bore the ever living shit out of him. He still attempts to do his best in every class, just to keep his mother proud.

Speaking of things Santi cares about: actually nothing aside from music and maybe a couple friends. Everything else can fall off the end of the earth or rot. Even himself.

Final, most important note: he’s an ASSHOLE! A total fucking prick! A knob! And a little bit of a repressed slut! He’ll get in your pants easy but don’t expect him to linger around. The afterglow would probably burn his eyes because he’s so used to the dungeons.

CONNECTIONS:

Do I Wanna Know?  |  Someone in a hush-hush relationship with Santi, who he’s paranoid over leaving him because of his secretive nature concerning his grandparents. They’re more broken up than together, but the other person isn’t completely gone. Yet.

Don’t Stop Me Now  |  Santi doesn’t party often, mostly so he looks as if he has better things to do, but he certainly has someone to venture off with on their own little parties that are much more entertaining, in his opinion.

Come To This  |  Old friends, but broke it off due to Santi’s unraveling bitter and amoral leanings into his fifth/sixth years in particular. They miss when he was more relaxed in his opinions and wasn’t as brash about others and frankly, such a GOSSIPY BITCH! All of Salome’s rumors are probably from him.

You’re My Best Friend  |  Definitely another Slytherin! The one person that Santi can confide in with everything and not feel any shame (unless he deserves it). They do the most stupid shit together, the most smart shit, and the most shit in general. Santi adores them and would rather kill than lose them.

Of course, I’m for literally anything so like this post and I’ll slide in those dms like a slip n slide and we can do whatever you think would fit!

[once-upon-a-ouat]

OUAT Rewatch 1x10 “7:15 A.M.”

Okay, I don’t usually do that, but for this episode I feel the uncontrollable need to review it scene-for-scene because I have something to say about every scene and they were all freaking awesome. That will eliminate the need to point out favorite and least favorite scene in this episode, but I’m keeping the favorite and least favorite lines. With that said, let’s dive right in.

The opening scene with August and Henry built up the suspense as to who August is and what he’s doing in Storybrooke and also served as a set-up for two more scenes throughout the episode. I also loved Regina’s worry as to who that might be. First, Emma came to town and started trouble, and now another person just showed up. You could practically see the cogwheels turning in her head.

The weather forecast we heard as background in the next scene informed us about the storm which played a major role later in the episode. Mary Margaret was very funny in her hurry to go out. I loved how quickly she came up with a lie to tell Emma. We know she’s not that type of person and yet, she lied to her closest friend because she herself knew that what she was doing wasn’t right and didn’t want Emma to know about it.

It was quickly revealed why Mary Margaret was in such a hurry. It’s really sad how desperate she was for even the smallest contact with David. And the fact that he was buying two coffees just made it even worse (there goes OUAT with the details once again). It would’ve been plenty horrible on its own, but seeing David walk up to his car, give one to Kathryn and kiss her cheek was just heartbreaking (and I also felt horrible for Kathryn because I know how this is going to end and that she’ll be hurt). Good thing Emma showed up as the voice of reason. I loved how she didn’t judge Mary Margaret, but also firmly and clearly told her that she had to put a stop to that. She’s understanding and supportive and yet, doesn’t let her friend fall even deeper.

Snow looked hella badass with that spear in that next scene. So she didn’t flee the kingdom? Or did she? I’m a little confused. The parallels between the two timelines were cool though. What I’m not a fan of is Snow’s desire to get rid of her feelings in both realms. I know loving someone when you know there’s no way for you to be together hurts, but that doesn’t mean that you have to erase them from your heart. For me that just doesn’t do a favor to their romance and the idea that it’s the greatest romance ever.

Snow and Rumple’s scene was awesome. I loved the way he used her hair to make the potion ‘personal’ because no two loves are exactly the same. That was such a great idea. I also loved how he said that love is the most powerful magic and then made that look horrifying. Given what we know about his personal experience with love, it just became even sadder. Also, now that we know what he used her hair for, this scene is just more brilliant.

Mary Margaret’s shock when she saw the pregnancy test was heartbreaking but I do have a problem with that scene. David’s words in the cabin and his actions on the whole imply that he and Kathryn don’t even have sex. Why did she think she was pregnant? I loved how Regina had only two lines but managed to make a bitch of herself. Also, I loved that she and Kathryn were shopping together. I think this can count as one of the genuine moments of their friendship and I loved it.

The dialogue between George and David was awesome. You can understand where both of them are coming from and sympathize with them both. I honestly couldn’t pick a side in that scene. The implication that George had loved before was very important to me because in many scenes later on in the show he comes off as heartless and it’s nice to have a reminder that that’s not true.

I love how they used the doves as transitions between scenes several times in this episode. The dove is a symbol of love and they used it to show that Snow and David’s love transcended realms and even the Curse. I think it was genius.

I loved how Snow wanted to help the dove so badly. Especially when she learned that it would be alone for the rest of its life if she didn’t get it to its flock. I feel like she was seeing herself in the dove a little bit and that was super weird, but I love how she was determined to help it. It’s just an animal but she did everything in her power to help it. I also loved how she rejected David’s offer to help her. She practically told him “I’m no damsel in distress”.

I loved the scene between Regina and Emma. It once again showed that the one thing that can make them work together is Henry. It was manipulative on Regina’s part though because August’s ‘interest’ in Henry was not the only reason why she wanted to know about him. She thought that she would use the Savior in order to learn about a potential danger to the Curse. It was brilliant.

I love how the dove landed on Snow’s hand while she was holding the vial with the ‘cure’. The joy on her face when she read the letter was so genuine and heartwarming. Damn that show!

Even faced with the very real danger of the storm and the obstacle of the road being closed, Mary Margaret still didn’t give up on her quest to help the dove. The transition between that scene and the next was just fucking awesome!

I love how Snow quickly figured out a way to sneak into George’s castle, but it doesn’t say anything good about the security of said castle. And just when she was about to reveal herself to David, the guard caught her. I really wanted to scream (but it was 2a.m. so that wasn’t an option).

It was adorable to see Snow so determined to break out of the cell and not wanting to give up. Meeting Grumpy was awesome (so he tried to get back with Nova then?). I just loved how this episode kept portraying love as the worst thing ever (sarcasm, if you couldn’t tell). Holy shit! I had completely forgotten about Stealthy. Damn! That’s one of the best twists on the show. I love how Grumpy decided to get Snow out of there too.

David showed up just in time and thank God. He saved Mary Margaret’s life. It kind of sent her not-a-damsel-in-distress attitude to hell though. Even that way, I’m not mad because she could’ve died or gotten seriously injured, seeing how she wanted to keep going even despite the storm.

Stealthy’s death was pretty heartbreaking (mostly because of Grumpy’s anguish but still) even though we didn’t know anything about him really. I loved how Snow was ready to sacrifice herself to save Grumpy even though they didn’t really know each other that well. That’s really admirable about Snow.

Mary Margaret’s little rant was heartbreaking but I really liked the fact that she decided to get all that out in the open. I also liked the fact that she didn’t let David kiss her but not the reason behind it. If she hadn’t seen that pregnancy test, she would’ve given in. Given her turmoil about David choosing Kathryn over her, it just felt like she didn’t have any self-respect.

I don’t really know what to make of the scene between Emma and August. They really built up the tension as to what’s inside the box and then just showed us. Granted, that didn’t make August any less mysterious. I loved how Emma was calculating if it would be better to let him buy her a drink and learn what’s in the box immediately or just leave it be.

Well, that storm turned out to be awfully convenient. Not only did it stop the flock from departing, but it also gave Mary Margaret and David a chance to talk about their feelings and possibly make some more mistakes. I loved how Mary Margaret pulled her hand out of David’s. Honestly, David’s indecisiveness pisses me off so much. If your feelings for Mary Margaret are so real, then just leave Kathryn and be with her. It’s not that difficult, goddammit!

The scene between George and Snow was intense. We once again saw that George was ready to do whatever it took in order to save his kingdom and I liked that. His plan was also very smart although I’m not really that certain if it would’ve worked out the way he imagined it would. I really loved the part with “He’s not my son”. You could see George’s disappointment because if it were actually James, he wouldn’t have betrayed him like that. In this episode, just like in 1x06, it’s easy to understand where George is coming from. You still don’t support his actions but you see the driving force behind them and that helps you empathize with him. That complexity was later lost and I’m really sad about that.

The scene between Snow and David was so awesome but also heartbreaking. I loved the fact that she let him hug her and hold her hands for as long as possible. She wanted to get as much as she could out of that encounter because she thought it would be the last one. I also loved how she couldn’t make herself say “I don’t love you”. She said it but in parts and she actually told him that she loved him (“Love you”). She quickly came up with a reason why she had come all the way to the palace too. And her face when David couldn’t see her anymore just killed me. And David also started crying. My heart! (That was my favorite scene if you couldn’t tell.)

Kathryn was so insanely adorable. You see how much she wants to make it work but also that David’s behavior hurts her. And yet, she didn’t want to be a bitch about it. She was trying to be understanding. And she wanted them to be a family and have kids but she knew that they weren’t ready and didn’t try to rush it. She wanted to get help and fix what wasn’t working. I just love her so much! And I’ll give credit to David for actually trying in this scene (although he threw it to the wind pretty quickly).

The scene between Snow and the dwarfs was very cute. I loved that after all the statements in this episode that love is horrible, we finally got another perspective. Because yes, it is, and it hurts us in the worst way possible, but that makes us who we are. Also, it was sweet of them to offer her a home and their support.

I loved the quiet scene between Mary Margaret and Emma. It showed that Mary Margaret was trying to be strong and that Emma was there for her and supported her. Their relationship was already so strong that they didn’t need words.

They never showed what made David go after Snow and it just came off as random and odd to me. Ruby’s face when David said “I will always find her” tho. She was like “I ship it”.

Seeing that Snow took the potion broke my heart all over again. And just when hope showed on the horizon. In Bulgaria we have a saying that states that no one can do to you what you’ll do to yourself and I think it fits the occasion. Sometimes we’re our own worst enemy. Grumpy’s face at the end of the scene ruined my life.

I guess they really can’t stay away from each other (Ruby’s face during that scene though). What I hated about that scene was that “She’s not pregnant” was the engine for their kiss. So, yeah, it’s okay to lie to her as long as she’s not pregnant. Way to go! I loved the fact that Regina saw them though (and her face). Even walls have ears... or eyes in this case.

Favorite line: “As wretched as it is, I need my pain. It makes me who I am.” - Grumpy to Snow

Least favorite line: “Come on! I helped you when no one else would.” - Snow to Red

That was just manipulative as fuck and I really didn’t appreciate it. I know Snow was desperate but that was just nasty. Just guilt-trip your best friend. That makes sense!

This episode was so amazing. I just don’t know what to say. Every scene did something for the story or the characters. Everything was on point. They managed to establish a clear difference between David’s two personalities. The acting was awesome. The episode was mind-blowing and I was hooked from beginning to end.

P.S. Sorry for the confusing format of this review. I myself see that this doesn’t really work so I’ll stick to my original format and try to avoid another review like this one at all costs. I just really had things I wanted to discuss from every scene and I’m sorry if it’s scattered or confusing.

[lilacmoon83]

Clarity

Also on Fanfiction.net and A03

Chapter 9: Rebellion

Regina glared out the window that morning at the town that was supposed to be hers. The moment Emma Swan came to town, control began to slip through her fingers and she didn't like it at all. She thought by giving the amnesiac David Nolan curse memories of a fake wife that it would effectively separate him from Mary Margaret. And even when it didn't, she had taken great pleasure in exposing them as adulterers and making them public enemy number one to the entire town. David Nolan had even been fired from his job, a nice plus that she didn't even have anything to do with.

But things had taken a turn against her. The town still hated her biggest enemies, but her son had turned almost completely against her. Add to that, his biological father had emerged into the picture and he happened to be the son of her old mentor and now enemy, the Dark One, Rumpelstiltskin himself. And that did not bode well for her at all. Emma also now knew that the curse was real, even if the stubborn blonde was denying it. She took a small glint of satisfaction though when she learned that she had checked into Granny's Inn. She was hoping she would run into the two idiots later so she could rub salt in that open wound. But it would get harder for Emma to deny the reality of the curse soon and if it broke, Regina knew she would lose everything. She had to do something to prevent that, though she wasn't sure how yet. But in the meantime, there was one thing she could do to stick it to her greatest enemy and she intended to do just that as she picked up the phone.

~*~

David put the pancakes on the plates and looked toward the bed that morning. Snow was awake, but still in bed, which didn't surprise him. Emma's rejection had hit them both hard and neither of them knew exactly how to move forward from here. So breakfast in bed, though likely to have no effect, was his attempt to cheer her up. Nevermind the fact that he was cooking for them, because they were both banned from the diner. That didn't bother them too much though. The town could hate them all they wanted, but Emma hating them was a pill neither of them wanted to swallow. He was surprised though when he saw her standing in the kitchen.

"Hey…" he greeted her, admiring the way she looked wearing just his plaid shirt from the day before.

"Hey…" she greeted, before pecking him on the lips.

"I was going to bring you breakfast in bed," he mentioned.

"I know...and you're sweet, but I need to stop wallowing in self pity and have a proper breakfast with my husband at the table," she said. He smiled gently.

"I'm glad you feel that way," he said, as he put their plates on the table and she poured them some orange juice.

"Pancakes…I didn't know you knew how to make pancakes," she mused.

"It's a box mix...and I have vague curse memories of making them. I put cinnamon in them though," he mentioned, making her smile, as they ate together. After they finished, Snow ended up in his chair with him, draped across his lap, as they kissed passionately. She rested her head against his shoulder, content to let him hold her.

"I guess I better get ready for work," she said.

"Yeah…I need to find a job too. Hopefully, I can find someone in this town that's not judgmental," he mentioned, as they stood up, just as her phone rang.

"Hello…" she answered.

"Oh hi Principal Miller," she said.

"Wait...you're what?" she asked and then shook her head.

"I don't understand...there is no reason for you to do this! My class has some of the highest test scores of all," she said, raising her voice a bit, but she then closed her eyes when it became clear that he didn't care and the line went dead.

"Don't tell me…" he said.

"Yeah…I just got fired. He said that concerned parents have come forward and are no longer comfortable with someone of my character teaching their children," she replied, as a few tears slipped down her cheeks.

"This has Regina written all over it," he said, as he pulled her into his arms.

"What are we going to do?" she asked.

"I don't know...but we're not going to lose hope. That's exactly what that bitch wants," he replied. She sniffed.

"How do we fight her? How do we fight her in a town where she can just make a call and get me fired? Or you? Even if we do find other jobs...how long until she pressures those people to fire us?" Snow asked.

"We fight her like we always have by doing what infuriates her the most," he answered.

"And what's that?" she asked.

"We be happy...it will piss her off more than anything," he answered. She sighed.

"I'm serious...and today is the perfect day to really stick it to her and the whole town," he said.

"Why today?" she asked, as he pointed at the calendar and she smiled gently.

"Valentine's Day," she said.

"Exactly. The town seems to have a problem with us, so instead of avoiding everyone and staying in like we've been doing, we should do the opposite," he replied.

"So you want to go out? Like on a real date?" she asked.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Well, we're sort of banned from Granny's," she reminded him.

"So screw Granny's. We'll go have a picnic in the park for all to see and then we'll go to the Rabbit Hole for a drink and some dancing. They let anyone in," he mused. She snorted at that.

"The Rabbit Hole...I guess that could be fun," she said, as he took her in his arms.

"Yeah and you can wear a sexy dress and we can show the town that our love is real and we're not going away. They and Regina want us to hide in shame so we should be doing the opposite," he said. She bit her bottom lip.

"Okay...let's do it. Screw Regina," she said. He smiled and kissed her soundly.

"You clean up and I'll pack for our picnic. Then we'll come home and go out tonight and rub it in everyone's faces," he replied. But she grabbed his hand.

"We can both pack for the picnic later...because I'd much rather you join me in the shower now," she said in a sultry tone. He grinned, as their lips met again and she pulled him toward the bathroom with her.

~*~

Henry stormed into the house ahead of Regina and stomped upstairs after dropping his backpack on the floor.

"Henry…" Regina called in irritation, but he only responded by purposely taking his shoes off and tossed them on the stairs. She hated when he did that, so she wasn't surprised by him doing it deliberately.

"Henry…" she called through his doorway and then went inside.

"Go away!" Henry cried.

"No...we're going to talk," she insisted.

"I don't want to talk to you! You got Miss Blanchard fired!" he yelled.

"She's not a good person, Henry," Regina claimed as calmly as possible.

"You're wrong! You're the bad person and she's really my grandmother!" he shouted angrily. Regina took a deep breath, trying to calm her temper.

"Fine...you can just sit in here and pout, while I go make dinner. Then you will come down and we will eat together," she said, as she left and closed the door. But Henry had other ideas. He grabbed another pair of shoes and then quietly opened the window. He climbed out onto the tree branched and made his way down the tree, before running away.

~*~

"Mmm…" Snow mewled, as he fed her another bite of the chocolate cake they had brought with them. She giggled, as he then kissed her again after she swallowed.

"This was the best idea," she mentioned.

"Really? Even with all the dirty looks we've gotten?" he asked. At least fifteen people had walked by the park so far and acted like expected at the sight of them.

"Actually…I think that's making this more fun. I mean, this whole not giving a damn thing makes it very easy," Snow replied.

"Definitely...being rebels is kind of fun," he agreed, as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"And watching a bunch of old hen's heads explode. I think the book club coming to the park for their meeting and then leaving in a tizzy once they saw us was probably the best," she giggled. He grinned.

"Yeah...that was pretty good and I love seeing you smile and hearing you laugh. Making you happy is my mission in life," he said, as he pressed a kiss to her hair. She raised her head and kissed his lips again.

"You do...you always do," she said in a dreamy tone.

"This is the best Valentine's Day ever, though it's not really hard to beat Mary Margaret's previous Valentine's Days which consisted of a box of chocolates and cheesy romance movies," she mentioned. He hummed and kissed her again.

"This curse is weird...all the memories are there, but vague and distant. Like I remember literal things that never happened and yet can't discern any real passage of time," he said. She hummed at that.

"I know what you mean. My life as Mary Margaret was basically the same day over and over again, with a few minor differences. I supposedly even went to college in Boston, but I've never been there. There's just one vague memory of me sitting in some classroom that never happened," she explained.

"Was this really her plan? I mean, she succeeded in separating us, mostly thanks to my coma, but this is it?" he wondered. She shrugged.

"I guess...I mean, I wonder if she really understood what the curse even was exactly. The Dark One sold it to her as a way of getting revenge on us and taking away everyone's happy endings. Maybe that was enough for her...for a while anyway," she said.

"Yeah...somehow I doubt he gave her a lot of detail about exactly what the place the curse would take us would be like. In some ways...this world is better. Easy access to food, medicine, and a much easier way of life," he mentioned.

"Yes…I do like the conveniences of this world. But people don't believe in anything in this world. To most, true love only exists in movies and stories," she said, with a touch of sadness in her voice.

"Well...for us, we know that's not true. And who knows, maybe we'll show them our love is real and they'll start to believe in something. Maybe believing is truly will end this curse. Henry believed and look at everything that happened just because of him," he said.

"I guess you're right...we owe him a lot. But will Emma ever believe?" Snow asked.

"I don't know...but we can have hope," he replied, as he kissed her tenderly.

"Now...let's go home and change for tonight. Then we can really make waves," he said, as he offered his hand and helped her up. They packed up their basket and headed back to the loft.

~*~

Henry stormed down the street and spotted Emma outside the station by the bug.

"Hey kid...aren't you supposed to be home grounded?" she asked.

"I sneaked out the window," he replied. She sighed.

"Henry...you can't keep doing that. Your Mom is already pissed enough at me," Emma said.

"You are my mom," he corrected. She sighed again.

"I am...but we still have to respect your other mom's rules and I'm in enough hot water as it is," Emma replied.

"But I don't want to go back there," he whined. She sighed.

"Tell you what...let's go get you a cocoa and talk a little bit. Then maybe we can get you back before she notices," Emma said, as they got in the bug.

"How was school?" she asked.

"Really bad...Miss Blanchard was fired," he replied.

"What?" she asked in alarm.

"You didn't know? You live together...she didn't tell you?" he asked.

"Uh no...I sort of moved out last night," she replied.

"Why?" he asked sharply.

"It's complicated, Henry," she tried to explain, but he immediately got out of the car.

"No it's not! They're your parents and they only gave you up, because of my other Mom! But you won't believe it!" he said angrily, as he ran off.

"Henry, wait!" Emma called, as she started chasing after him, until her phone rang.

"Dammit…" she cursed, as she answered.

"Sheriff…" she said and then closed her eyes, sighing.

"Yeah…I'll be right there," she said. Henry would have to wait a bit, as she had to go pull a drunk out of the Rabbit Hole, as usual...

[the-desolated-quill]

Hide - Doctor Who blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

I’m going to be honest with you. I had completely forgotten this episode had even existed. I remember all the other episodes of Doctor Who, but Hide somehow slipped from my memory, and I don’t know why. I must have watched it when it was broadcast because at the time I used to watch Doctor Who religiously every Saturday until Moffat’s bullshit became too much for me, so I don’t know how I could have forgotten it.

Watching Hide again for the purposes of this was very much a journey of rediscovery for me. It was like watching for the first time all over again, and yeah, I liked it a lot. It’s got some problems, but I’d say it’s definitely a winner.

Hide takes place in a haunted house in the 1970s. Professor Alec Palmer and his assistant Emma Grayling are trying to make contact with a spirit inside the house, but when the Doctor and Clara show up, it turns out there may be a more scientific explanation for what’s going on.

Written by Neil Cross, who previously wrote The Rings Of Akhaten, Hide takes a lot of inspiration from the works of Nigel Kneale, most notably The Quatermass Experiment and The Stone Tapes (which is ironic considering how much Nigel Kneale reportedly hated Doctor Who at the time). When you watch the episode, it does have a very Kneale-esque feel to it. The plot itself feels like it could have been ripped straight out of one of the original Quatermass serials, but Cross manages to do just enough with it to make it his own and not have the episode just be a homage.

I think the two things that make Hide so effective is its simplicity and its scale. There’s no alien invasion or world ending disaster to worry about. It’s kept mostly to one location with only a couple of characters, which means there’s more time for Cross to really develop them as well as to play around with the idea and the setting.  In some ways Hide is a traditional ghost story, and it’s done very effectively. The atmosphere is really creepy and the episode does a really good job of keeping you in suspense, making you question just what is going on. What’s even more refreshing is the episode’s use of subtlety. There’s no giant info dumps or overly sentimental bombast like we usually get in New Who. It’s all pitched perfectly for the most part.

What’s even more impressive is how Cross transitions from supernatural horror to science fiction really subtly over the course of the story. Turns out the ghost isn’t a ghost, but a survivor that crash landed into a pocket universe, and what we’ve been seeing all this time are snapshots of her running away from a monster as well as the effects of time dilation. One second in the pocket universe represents hundreds of years in our universe. That’s a really clever idea and a very novel way of exploring the time travel aspect of Doctor Who. And the reveal at the end that the ‘ghost’ is actually Alec and Emma’s great great great great great great granddaughter is just the cherry on top of the cake. It explains why the psychic connection between Emma and the ‘ghost’ was so strong and you can tell Neil Cross was really thinking how all of this fits together.

Let’s talk about Alec and Emma for a moment. With such a small scale episode and more emphasis on characters, it’s important that the performances are at their best, and Dougray Scott and Jessica Raine don’t put a foot wrong. Alec is a very sympathetic character. An intelligent and well meaning man who fought in the war and sent many people to their deaths, leaving him with years of guilt and turmoil that made him decide to take up ghost hunting in the hopes that he can get in touch with his deceased comrades and thank them for their service. Emma too is very likeable and sympathetic. A psychic (empath to be precise) who can sense the feelings of others, and thus makes it hard for her to form close bonds with people because of the pain she would feel from sensing such intense emotions from them. It also ties into why she’s a ghost hunter because she says at one point that the ghost is lonely, and clearly she can relate to that due to her own situation. They’re both good characters and I like their relationship, which, again, is handled very subtly and effectively. If this was a Russel T Davies script or even a Steven Moffat script, there would probably be a lot of swelling music and OTT monologues as the characters confess their love for each other, but Hide thankfully doesn’t go that route, instead plumping for a less is more approach, which is more effective. Yes there are a few declarations of love here and there, but it’s handled really well and Alec and Emma’s feelings for each other are conveyed more through their actions and body language rather than dialogue. It’s a combination of great writing and great acting.

While I did really enjoy Hide for the most part, I do have some issues with it. First I’m slightly annoyed by how the episode treats the male and female characters. Hide very quickly has the Doctor pair up with Alec and Clara with Emma, and you think fair enough. Makes sense I guess. But while the Doctor and Alec get to have all these interesting discussions about their past and angst, Clara and Emma are reduced to talking about the men in their life, which profoundly irritated me. Hello! Emma is an empath who has trouble with social interactions! Do you reckon she might have an interesting backstory to tell?! I feel it undermines the whole romance angle because it puts more emphasis on Alec and his feelings and worries, whilst any that Emma has is merely an afterthought.

Something else that undermines the episode are the monsters. Apart from the fact that the animatronic puppets they use for them are utter crap, I don’t understand why this episode needed to have monsters in it in the first place. Doctor Who is such a flexible format and there are loads of different kinds of stories you could tell, which is why it always puzzles me why we always seem to revert back to the monster of the week format, to the point where a monster gets shoehorned in for no reason other than the BBC feel they have to. The reason Hide works so well is because of the uncertainty of it all. The fear factor comes from us and the characters not knowing what’s going on. Why cheapen that with some shitty monster? (yes I know it looks like John Carpenter’s The Thing and it’s meant to reference just how much influence Nigel Kneale had on the sci-fi genre and how under appreciated he is today, but it’s still pointless). And then it just got worse when it turned out the monsters aren’t monsters at all, but long lost lovers trapped in different universes wanting to reunite. Dear God, give me strength! Any subtlety the episode had at that point just sailed clean out of the window. Why couldn’t they have just kept it as a ghost in a pocket universe? That was fine. I was enjoying that.

But the worst thing of all is the Doctor and Clara. People wonder why I don’t like the Eleventh Doctor very much, and for me it’s because of episodes like this. Hide does a really good job of setting up a creepy atmosphere, it’s all very tense and chilling, and then along comes Matt Smith with his goofy antics and hands waving around like windmills to spoil it all. I mean for fuck sake, where’s his off switch?! I recognise this is more of a personal taste issue, and if you think Matt Smith is funny then good for you, but I just can’t stand him. And it’s even more infuriating this time around because he’s effectively trampling all over the creepy atmosphere and destroying the tension. Plus there are some scenes that are just inexcusable. There’s a bit where the Doctor is about to use Emma’s psychic powers to open a wormhole to the pocket universe, and she asks whether or not it’s going to hurt. Now obviously the Doctor would be straightforward with her and say yes, it will hurt. How he conveys that depends on the incarnation. If it was Tom Baker or David Tennant, it would probably be in a sympathetic tone and maybe they’d attempt to reassure her. If it was William Hartnell or Peter Capaldi, they would probably be more blunt and to the point. What does Matt Smith’s Doctor say to her?

“No... Yes... Maybe. I don’t know. I’d be interested to find out.”

Yep, they actually try to play it for comedy. Okay, three things. One, fuck you, two, that feels really out of character, and three, how can you be so callous and insensitive?! What makes you think the prospect of a character we happen to like feeling incredible pain and agony is somehow amusing? At this stage I’m practically counting the seconds until he regenerates.

But as bad as the Doctor is, Clara is even worse. Jenna Coleman seems to have reverted back to Asylum of The Daleks mode, where she’s this smug, obnoxious, lecherous cow. She never takes the threat seriously and, like Matt Smith, keeps undermining the tension. One really horrid scene is when Emma closes the wormhole due to the excruciating pain and the Doctor becomes trapped on the other side of the wormhole. Now if it was any other companion like Sarah Jane or Martha or, hell, even Amy, they would probably try to reassure Emma and either convince her to try again or find some other way to save the Doctor. What does Clara do? Berate Emma for leaving the Doctor behind before proceeding to have a full blown argument with the TARDIS. I should also note that it isn’t Clara who ends up saving the Doctor in the end, but the TARDIS itself. Clara was too busy bitching and whining like a tiny child who hasn’t got her way to do much good. Remind me, why am I supposed to like her again? What is it about her that makes her companion material? Oh yeah! The bullshit Moffat mystery! Like I give a fuck about that!

And speaking of bullshit Moffat mysteries, apparently the TARDIS doesn’t like Clara very much. I can understand why, quite frankly. The problem is it feels more like delusional anthropomorphic personification rather than an actual thing that’s happening. In both The Rings Of Akhaten and Hide, Clara can’t open the TARDIS doors. Yes it could be because the TARDIS doesn’t like her, but a more likely explanation is that she doesn’t have a key. In Hide, the TARDIS initially refuses to help Clara. Yes it could be because it doesn’t like her, but a more likely explanation is because the TARDIS could die if it went into the pocket universe, like the Doctor said it would. It’s all just utter bollocks that never goes anywhere. What’s worse is that it’s completely reversed. The TARDIS magically changes its mind for no reason and let’s Clara in to save the Doctor, and then this whole plot point is never brought up again. Same goes for the conversation Clara has with the Doctor when they witness the entire life cycle of the Earth from birth to death and Clara is bothered by the fact that the Doctor doesn’t seem emotionally affected by it. You could have done something with it, but it’s just really clunky and it’s never addressed or brought up again afterward. So what’s the point of bringing it up?

Despite a few flaws and the most obnoxious Doctor/companion pairing in Who history, I still really enjoyed Hide. It has a great central premise, likeable and well developed characters for the most part and decent execution. Two episodes, two wins for Neil Cross. Any chance of a third?

[pickupthepen]

I’m Not From Here

I’m gonna be honest with you,

I don’t always like this life. I don’t mean my life, but the stark coldness of real life. 

The banality of it all can feel so pointless and awful. I was never able to tell which pieces of my psyche made me think this way, but, oh, the annoyance- I look around at everyone in the world, wondering if they’re playing out their roles and never questioning who they are and what they’re doing. Are they all on autopilot? Some righteous thing inside of me looks down upon people who place importance in what I would deem the lesser things in life, like diets and workout plans, like TV shows. I have very little patience for people that never talk about their pain, that never explore the corners of their own minds in a way that is more connected to the self than simply studying information in order to regurgitate political and scientific facts at dinner parties. All to seem like someone who is an intellectual, even in the rare instances in which they already are. 

I look around at the girls on my morning commute and wonder how many of them wake up, put on their makeup, buckle into perfect heels and wrap themselves in the same tan pea coats in order to match this city’s stylistic flare. I think to myself that maybe they’re trying to eventually find themselves in a relationship with a good enough man, to move into a modest home, have a couple kids and settle into life only to spend their days looking forward to this season’s Starbucks flavor or yet another version of the Apple Watch. I wonder if they’re drowning out an inability to know thyself, or if I’m projecting my own resistance to reality onto them and they’re really just happy droning along, asleep, reading the lines in their scripts about brunch, their boyfriends and overpriced pillows at West Elm.

I wonder why I have such a visceral reaction to their presence in my window into life. Perhaps I’m scared of caving toward complacency. Perhaps I’m terrified that I’ll give in, become like them, one among many, forgettable.

I’ve always believed that quests for a grandiose, beautiful love and self expression in the form of magnificent art was the most noble thing we can do as human beings in this lifetime. I’ve wondered if it’s the Libra in me, although many laugh when I explain that the more basic nature in my desire to be adorned in the most glamorous and opulent elements of this world may be attributed to something arguably pseudoscientific. They tell me that the placement of the stars at the moment of my birth has nothing to do with why I am the way that I am, but every description of a Libra woman has always fit me, when it was done right. Whether or not it truly explains my nature, I’d rather live in a world where the stars and the moon have an impact on my spirit than to give full credit to an organized resume about the pragmatism of my becoming. That’s a choice that I’ve made for myself, and I reserve the right to take on whatever perspectives and outlooks on life that I choose. Doesn’t everyone? Do the tan pea coat girls deserve that as well? 

Maybe I really do live halfway in this plane and halfway in another. I don’t give a fuck about worldly banality. I like witnessing myself as a goddess. I like believing that there are ways to communicate with the universe, and I like being one with the trees and the rain, as sisters. 

And so, interestingly, believing that I've already been granted access to the beginnings of my ability to express and appreciate artwork, I’ve spent my entire adult life in search of an indescribable, beautiful love. A magical love. A love that feels like something, a love that can be written about, a love that is hung up there, with the moon and the stars. And I’ve come to realize that I’m willing to make an exchange on my reputation to find a love like that. I was willing to pursue women instead of men because I put true love above societal pressure to be “normal”. And I started following leads where I felt my heartstrings tugging instead of settling for potential partners that felt safe and “healthy”. Likely a problem, though- when I meet women who spark inspiration in me, I become completely submerged, I am untied. 

I am engulfed in the waves of fiery romance, and then, because these relationships often have no grounds in reality, and aren’t stable or safe, they inevitably end. When they do, I am thrusted back into reality, no longer toeing the line between realms. Suddenly, I see the world without its magic filter and it disgusts me. Then, I look at those girls on the bus and I hate them, and I desperately fear becoming like them, and terror takes me into its dark caverns as I worry that the universe’s will for me is to release the spiritual pieces of myself and fall into the tan peacoat army line. 

I become disgusted by my own reality that involves sidewalks in Mission Bay, slow progression in gyms, long walks alone in neighborhoods with houses that I will never afford and a familiarity with my bedroom that never seems to truly change at all, and the elements of day to day life dissolve into god damn insufficiency. I resent trash days and the dishwasher and Netflix and grocery stores and every human that wants to talk to me that doesn’t remind me of my spirit world. I am angry with them for making it seem like this plane’s vapid reality is the only one that exists, for arguing that it is and attempting to convince me that the true joys in life come from a friendship with it’s most boring moments. And so I embark on love again and again and again, perhaps in an attempt to escape myself, and definitely in an attempt to escape reality. And I beg whatever god there might be to not let reality be all there is. And I hate you for trying to pull me down toward Earth- I want the stars. 

Months ago, as I grieved the ending of yet another romance, I begged my friend Brynn, through tears, to not ask me to be less. She looked at me, perplexed and asked what made me think that anyone wanted me to be “less”, whatever that means. “Don’t ask me to change, don’t ask me to give up on this piece of myself.” I felt as though love would never stay if I were a spirit monkey from forest realms, and I came to believe that I must eventually choose between two roads that diverge- to be who I am, to wander the earth with freedom, but to know heartbreak countless times over, or to love modestly, to put on a tan peacoat and forego all the wonderful corners of my spirit realm. I incorrectly came to believe, probably from this particular mindset, that the Earth itself was asking me to give up my hunt for explosive love and grandiose art and to take my head out of the clouds. “But I like being in the clouds”. Brynn made herself clear as I went on- she was asking only that I walk away from any love when pain outweighs joy, when what is being taken from me outbids what is being given- something I could never quite do.

“Could they ever live together-” I asked, “magic and reality?” I really wanted to know if deep, grandiose, wonderful love had a place in the same realm as Netflix and laundry.

“I think so,” she answered.

As time passed, as my worlds shifted and I diligently sorted through which cracks in my heart needed to be healed from the inside out and which human beings from earth needed to be let go of, I caught a metaphorical glimpse of myself in the mirror- hunched and tired. I saw for the first time that disappointment is inevitable and that it’s not the fault of my lofty spirit that romances have ended for me. I also learned that it’s okay to be changed by these things, it’s okay to carry them with us like battle scars, it’s okay to talk to other people about them for our own comfort and for the benefit of shared experience, but it’s not necessary to become reduced by them, or to even consider that we must as a rule of thumb.

After yet another heartache, I didn’t want to be asked to be less because I didn’t want to be less. I didn’t want to willingly become a girl that was bruised and broken by her experiences- or rather a sad girl that let life minimize her, a girl that wasn’t more than having been abandoned by those she wanted to love. I didn’t want to hide in the shadows, away from the world, sinking into my own body simply because I couldn’t face standing up and fearlessly looking directly in the eye of the dragon, my future. I didn’t want to become girl that never glitters because I have known disappointment, never having taken time to appreciate and love all the happiness in my life. I didn’t want to be nothing more than my trauma, my sicknesses and the painful moments from my past. I wanted to be more than that, and I wondered if I could take a deep breath, stand back up, lift my skirt, and dip one foot right back into the spirit realm.

And so I did.

There are just some things about us that cannot be taken away, no matter what. 

I thought of those girls, sitting across the Muni aisle, eyes deep in a book about love. Do you want what I want, tan pea coat girl? Are you more like me than I think, or are you just as firmly planted in reality as I have guessed? I wondered how many of them have fallen into line unwillingly, questioning if a spirit realm exists, if there’s a way to access it, feeling stuck without a direction in which to move, and so, marching forward in their fixed position. I wondered how many of them have fallen into line unknowingly, how many are complacent, how many believe that there is nothing more, and so will never look, will never question, will never dive. I wonder if I used the word “complacent” just then to take a sword to the word “happy”, because I’ve been unable to see that “happy” does not have a ubiquitous definition.

Maybe they don’t want this. Maybe they don’t need to be like me. I don’t want to be like them, but I am already unlike them. And so, I released the grip on my righteous throne, because perhaps no one would be any better if they were different, not star women, not girls in tan pea coats, not you, not I.

Can you breathe, star woman? Can you just breathe? Can you write poems about lost love without standing on a soapbox about knowing thyself? Can you know sadness without begging to not become “less”? Can you wrap yourself in silk scarves and intricate patterns without arraigning staple fashion items and the women who choose to wear them? Can you let your light seep out of your cracks and shine onto others who might understand and feel the same, with little regard for those who don’t and can’t? Can you embrace the straddle between realms, and witness the divine birth of goddesses who have, until this very moment, been afraid to glitter without recourse? Can you please unbutton your blouse, and just breathe?

If you’re reading this and you think I'm crazy, I welcome you and I see why you may not understand. My deepest apologies to anyone who owns a tan pea coat. If you are like me, I’m sure you already know what I mean. If you want to be more like me, I don’t know, my friend, maybe you should try and be more like you.

Best wishes.

[equallyreal]

Raise your hand if you were/still are really anxious about Wonder Woman being good. I know I was. I’m one of those people who isn’t a big fan of the DCEU’s offerings so far. While a lot of what’s been released has potential (for instance, Ben Affleck as Batman was a lot better than anticipated), I’m not a fan of their portrayal of Superman, and my opinion on Suicide Squad has soured considerably since I wrote my two-paragraph review of it back in August. The thing is, I want to like DC’s movies. I honestly do. I was a big fan of the Nolan Batman movies back when they came out, and one of the few TV shows I actively care about is a DC property. If the movies would just do right by their characters, I’d be thrilled.

I’m thrilled right, because the long wait is over, and I can say with complete certainty that you don’t have to be anxious about Wonder Woman anymore.

Short version of this review: While it has its flaws, Wonder Woman is so far the best movie in the DCEU, and you should definitely see it right now. For a more in-depth look, check under the cut!

This movie reminds me a lot of Pacific Rim.

Hear me out.

Pacific Rim is one of my favorite movies of all time, but I acknowledge it’s not perfect. It’s silly and tropey and doesn’t always make a ton of sense. There are a lot of people who would be willing to write Pacific Rim off as a lot of flashy science fiction nonsense. But there are a lot of little things that make Pacific Rim special, things that are occasionally overlooked. There’s a Japanese female lead who is complex and strong while being neither sexualized nor shoved into an arbitrary romance. There’s a white male lead who shows gentleness and emotional honesty, and is 100% in Mako’s court from day one. We have a black man in a position of power who is exceptionally competent and consistently respected (and who gets to smack a bitch down when he isn’t, in what is one of the finest cinematic moments of 2013). It has a strong message of togetherness and unity in the face of overwhelming odds. It has a lot of things that a lot of science fiction movies have, yes. But it also has a lot of things that they don’t, and for all its flaws, these little things put together make for an amazingly enjoyable and even progressive experience.

Wonder Woman is like that.

It does have a lot of things that superhero movies have, and its fair share of flaws. There’s the big final boss battle fight that relies a bit too much on CGI for my taste (but to be fair, this is a personal thing--I’m more a “Daredevil one-take hallway fight” girl than a “two godlike beings duking it out and exploding everything” girl). There’s a lot of slow motion, a sure sign that Zack Snyder was involved in the production somewhere. A few of the humorous moments edged too close to awkward (especially an early scene involving Diana and Steve Trevor sleeping on a boat). Some of the fight scene editing felt choppy to me, the plot is a bit rushed in places, and there’s some weirdness with the mythology that had me tilting my head and wondering why you’d do that. I wouldn’t call this movie a cinematic masterpiece like I would Mad Max: Fury Road or Star Wars: Rogue One (yes, I just said that, and I stand by it).

But there are so many good things in this movie that the faults honestly don’t matter to me all that much.

Gal Gadot is amazing as Diana. She brings the right mix of idealism-bordering-on-naivete and unwavering, mature strength to the character. I’m still impressed that, despite the skin shown in the outfits worn by her and the other Amazonians, I never once felt as though she was sexualized. Chris Pine was the perfect pick to play earnest and dedicated Steve Trevor. There was a lot of background diversity that I really appreciated. There are non-white Amazonians without it being a big deal, a Morrocan character (Sameer) played by a Morrocan actor ( Said Taghmaoui) who is able to talk about racism without it being too ham-fisted, and a Native American character who not only has speaking lines and, like Sameer, can discuss racism without it being ham-fisted in, but actually lives through the movie, it’s definitely taking steps in the right direction. I also want to give props to David Thewlis. Without giving anything away, he gets a few scenes that are some stellar acting, and while he isn’t the person I would’ve pegged for the role they give him, he does a great job with the part.

The underlying theme of the movie is, ultimately, that while life sucks and there are a lot of bad people in the world, there’s also a lot of good people in the world, too. I’m a sucker for narratives like this, ones that acknowledge humanity’s many flaws while emphasizing the spark of good that makes us worth saving anyway. Sure, this point was made in a bit of a corny way a few times, but it’s just a nice message to hear that again, I don’t care how corny it is. Having a superhero turn her back on cynicism and say that she believes in good is so nice to see, especially when 2016 had so much grim nonsense going on in their films. It’s earnest and sincere in the best way. Same thing goes for the humor. Even the awkward scenes are so welcome in both a franchise and a media environment as a whole that’s been so depressing lately. This is a bright movie about hope and love and I adore it for that.

Not to mention, while not all of the fight scenes are for me, I still loved every second of Diana kicking ass. She body-slams a tank and it was one of the best things to happen to me so far this year. I was quietly cheering the whole time she sliced her way through no-man’s land. The fact that it’s a woman doing it makes it all the better, because we don’t get many chances to be front-and-center like this. No longer do I have to settle for a handful of scenes of someone like Sif or Natasha kicking ass. Now I get the whole damn movie. It’s awesome.

In conclusion, Wonder Woman takes leaps and bounds in the right direction, both for the franchise and for superhero movies in general. If this is the direction that both DC and superhero movies take, then sign me the hell up. I’m all in.

(On a quick final note, bless DC for not shoving Bruce Wayne in there needlessly. I’m genuinely grateful. Nothing personal against Bruce; I’ve just become very anti-”shoving cash cow characters into movies where they don’t belong” lately.)

[artificialqueens]

Courtney’s Infinite Search for Love Ch. 3 (Witney) - Grinder

AN: So sorry I haven’t updated in a long time. Just been busy with University and stuff. So here is chapter 3 of our journey with Courtney! Also this fic i set before the US Election results. I have a point to this, don’t worry.

~ Grinder

Thinking about the night gives me mixed emotions. Don’t get me wrong. Some events were hilarious. Like the fact that when we got in the bloody cab David Bowie was playing again and we just laughed about how it must’ve been fate.

But all the vivid images and blackouts make me feel dizzy as I try to piece everything together in order to figure out what else I did while smashed.

I vaguely remember parts of the journey to Willam’s home; one minute Willam and I would be taking selfies, another we were singing that bloody Bowie song, and another we’d be casually making out as the driver scoffed in the front.

And for one moment, we sat apart in complete silence. I was just watching out the window at all the closed down shops, the cars and the people outside nightclubs smoking and getting into fights. Nothing interesting.

I looked around to see her glaring out the window, streetlights making her sandy blonde hair shine more. She must’ve sensed that I was looking because she looked around too. She smiled at me for a while before reaching over, putting her hand on my upper thigh.

My breathing hitched as her fingertips began to glide slowly higher. Knowing exactly what was going on in her head, I parted my legs slightly letting her hand slip down to my lace underwear.

As she started to stroke me through the thin layer of fabric all I could think was how we had gotten to that stage. Did Willam even like me in that way? Yeah, she flirted a lot at the station but she flirted with a lot of people.

I just hoped that I was making the right decision as she pulled her hand away slightly. Before she could get comfy again, I grabbed her hand and put it back where it was. Her touch was so drawing. So gentle yet demanding. Is that even possible?

Willam laughed at how keen I was. I didn’t know whether she just successfully seduced me or if I genuinely felt a connection. Was this love or lust? I needed to know. There was no pussying out now, especially when I was in too deep.

And you know what? I came to the conclusion that it was love. And there was no way our thing would just be for tonight. I’m tired of empty romance and casual hookups with desperate miserables from clubs and bars. I need to feel this connection more. My body tingles thinking about it. I swear, as I lay on the bed with Willam between my legs I couldn’t stop thinking about the connection. Our connection.

So hours later after I’ve had the best sex of my life, I’m lying here letting my fingers glide up and down her spine with feathery touches. I muster up all my courage and lean down so my lips are inches from her ear.

“Willam? Can I ask you something?”

She seems to shiver at the feeling of my hot breath on her ear. She turns her head slightly so her eyes are on me. “Holy shit, Court. I honestly expected you to be one of those innocent schoolgirl types when it comes to sex. But fuck…that was…”

I blush at the compliment shimmying closer to her. “Thanks. Um, I was just wondering…can we try and date or something? And I’m not just choosing you because of what we just did but.”

I pause trying to find my words. But how could anyone be talking while those eyes are just looking right back at you intimidatingly. I honestly can’t tell if my heart just sped up or just died.

“It’s just…there’s something about you. I wouldn’t say alluring…maybe more…enchanting? Like…I feel a connection…and- -”

Willam flips over onto her back and laughs like a seal before I can continue my mushy speech. Nice one Courtney.

“Oh my God, you’re so adorably weird. ‘Enchanting’? ‘Connection’??” She pauses to laugh again.

God, I don’t know whether to feel embarrassed for myself or feel all warm inside ‘cause, fuck, her laugh is cute.

“OK, Shakespeare. How about we hang out during my shift tomorrow?” Willam suggests.

My eyebrows knit together in confusion as I trace small patterns on her chest, “Won’t you be busy?”

“Court’, it’s only 80’s music. Not the political overview. Trust me. We can just chill out.”

“OK. I gotta go and do the news bulletin script anyway. So, fine by me.” I beam leaning in to plant a small kiss on her lips.

-_-_-_-

“Hello…thanks, Sebastian! Now whatchya want. A shoutout or request?…Oh, Goddammit, that song of all the songs?…Yeah, but I have better songs on the system…”

Willam holds the phone between her shoulder and cheek, turning to her computer screen. I get out of my seat and move around to the system, seeing what song this Sebastian requested. She groans loudly as it appears.

“Everybody wants to rule the World…that’s not a bad song actually,” I comment sitting on the edge of the desk.

“D’ya hear that, Sebastian? My lady friend thinks it’s a good song too. Feel better?…Yes, lady friend as in lady friend…No, I can’t deal with threesomes. Too many limbs and shit…”

I laugh at her lovely choice in words.

“…Anyway, it’s coming up after this song. I gotta go…Later, Sebastian.”

Willam groans as she hangs up the phone, sliding back into her chair. “I hate that song so much. It’s killing me knowing I have to play it.”

“Can’t you just not play it? I mean, it is your show after all.” I suggest.

“It may be my show but it’s Dela’s station.” Willam replies, her tone full of disappointment.

“Well, how would Dela know?”

“I just worry about shit like that. I wanna be safe, you know?”

I slide off the table and lean over Willam, my hands planted on the arm rests of her spinny chair. “Scared to break the rules? Of all people to be worried about not playing a song, it’s you.”

“Hey, come on. I just wanna keep my job.” Willam shrugs in defense, looking away from me.

“Hey,” I address her, requesting her attention. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

My face is only a few inches from hers. I smile mischievously as she gives up with a groan.

“Fine. Fuck that song!” Willam smirks. “Wanna choose one?”

“Sure.” I agree pushing away from the chair.

“Choose anything. 98% chance it’ll be on the system.”

Willam pushes the keyboard in my direction. I’m not gonna lie I want to turn on that David Bowie song, not just ‘cause it’s our song now but because it’s amazing. But I figured it would be overkill on the Heroes joke.

“Ooh, I like this one.” I comment excitedly, my fingers working on finding the song.

“Come On, Eileen. Nice. I like that one too.”

“Perfect for dancing, am I right?” I ask, pulling Willam to her feet.

“Wait, I don’t dance sober!”

She can’t dance sober? I don’t care. I just continue dancing around the room, pulling her with me. After a while of protesting, Willam finally gives in and dances along.

“Thought you said you couldn’t dance.” I try.

“Bitch, I said I don’t dance sober.” Willam replies, doing her seal laugh again. Ugh, I love it.

“Well just for your information; you’re pretty sober now.”

“Or am I?” Willam teases spinning me away from her, our hands grasped tight together to save me from falling.

“I dunno. Sometimes it’s so hard to tell ‘cause you’re weird anyway,” I snicker as she pulls me back towards her. Using her free hand, she places it on the small of my back pulling me closer. Our torsos are touching now. And we’re kissing. In the middle of the broadcasting room.

Hmmm, kissing at work. How scandalous.

“Holy shit, kissing at work! how scandalous!” As the owner of the voice reads my mind and repeats my exact thoughts, we tear apart.

There’s Adore, holding a plate of cupcakes. She cackles as Willam wipes her mouth and I smooth down my clothes.

“It’s OK. Everyone saw you both last night. It was sexcellent!” Adore is really getting a kick out of this as she continues to laugh.

“What is this? High school?” Willam groans sitting back in her chair.

“Who’s the better kisser?” Adore continues.

“Stop.” Willam replies.

“What does she taste like!?” She quite audibly whispers to Willam.

“Like the taste of your hole after I shove my shoot up it.” Willam shoots back.

I break my silence, attempting to prevent any further drama, “OK, this just went from 0 – 100 pretty fast!”

Willam chuckled. “Yeah, shit. Too far, Willam,” she pauses to slap the back of her hand lightly, “Too far.”

“So are you guys going together now?” Adore questions, seating on the guest speaker table. She sits the plate of cupcakes down, taking one for herself. I’m the next to receive one. “It’s vegan, don’t worry. So…relationship status, please.”

“In fact, let’s not talk about Willam and I.” I suggest licking a bit of icing. “How about you and Jay?”

Adore’s face turns bright red as she nearly falls from the table laughing. “Touché.”

“I try.” I smirk.

Adore crosses her legs. I guess she wants to get comfy before this tale begins. “Eh, it was just a one-time thing, Man. Jay’s cute and all but he only likes me cause I’m the only other person here who smokes weed. He gives me free shit!”

“Actually, there’s also Raja and Jinkx,” I correct her.

“Well the only smoker close to Jay’s age then.”

“Jinkx is 29! You’re 27 and Jay is 28. That logic is bullshit.” Willam smirks sitting back in her chair.

“Yeah but Jinkx is still older. Anyway, we only made out and smoked together last night. What did you two do?” Adore’s got this mischievous expression on her face again. Such a child.

Willam sinks into her chair, a smirk streaking across her lips. “We planned to keep the Mexicans’ safer from Trump by covering them in a dome so the wall will be the least of their worries if he becomes President…”

“Party.” Adore’s eyes are wide, her lips are slightly parted and she’s nodded slowly. “Willam, I’m so proud of you. You managed to bag the hottest bitch in this fuckin’ place.”

“That would be yours truly actually.” Willam comments.

I sit my cupcake next to me, leaving it unfinished for now. “So do - -”

“I’m gonna go.” Adore interrupts as she hops off the table. “Courtney, I know it’s hours until the news bulletin but could you give me some ideas for adlib at the end of my weather report? I always try to improv but fuck it up.”

“Um, yeah. Sure.” I nod my head.

“Cool,” she speaks with a mouthful of cupcake. A bit of icing falls on her shirt to which she wipes it off with a finger and puts it in her mouth. “I’m out, motherfuckers.”

She smiles before leaving Willam and I alone again.

There’s a moment of silence as I just watch as Adore turns the corner in the corridor. I break out of my daze as Willam curses and abruptly turns to the system, turning her mic up. “And that was…something definitely 80’s. It was great, huh. And before that we had Come on, Eileen. Yep! Things are getting pretty 1980’s school disco up here in Tune.105. Up next we have Fleetwood Mac with Everywhere. Excuse me while I continue my date.”

I pretend to cry happy tears as Willam turns the mic off and plays the song. She’s such a dork. She slides back into her chair. “So what are you doing tonight?”

“Nothing, to be honest. I’m still recovering from last night.” I reply. “But if you want, we could do something.”

“Come to Karaoke! Everyone’s going. Come on. It’ll be fun.” Willam nudged me with foot. “Please come. Then I swear we won’t have to get drunk for the rest of the week.”

“There’s no point in that if Sunday is tomorrow.” I laugh.

“I know, it isn’t fair.” Willam shakes her head somberly. Her face falls as she gives me puppy dog eyes and quivers her lip.

“OK, fine. I’ll make an appearance.” I give in.

Willam squeals with excitement and I feel my insides melt. She lifts her hand and gestures for me to come closer. Obliging, she cups my face with her hand and begin kissing at work again. How scandalous.

[forestwater87]

i rewatched the episode and read the comments like a shmuck and i think i understand and share your hatred of Waitress girl

(Question asker, you didn’t ask for the long and probably controversial rant you’re about to get. I apologize in advance.)

You know, Cute Waitress and I have gone on a fascinating journey. Because when I watched the episode, I had exactly 2 thoughts about her: “Maybe that’s the girl they’re gonna use to get Bonquisha jealous” and “Okay, never mind.” (There might’ve been a brief moment of “Who the hell pinches a 10-year-old’s cheeks?” but otherwise she made no impression on me at all.)

And then I hopped on this here Tumblr machine, which took me on a rollercoaster ride that more or less went like this:

Yeah, she is cute! *likelikelikelikereblog*

I mean … she’s okay, I guess. She was barely a character and she didn’t interact with David at all, and she was basically just a plot device for Tabii to ruin everything, but she’s still very cute.

I fucking hate this bitch and never want to see her again.

So … a journey.

I realize that it might sound kinda hypocritical for me, the most insane shipper in the history of insane ships, to bitch about excessive and insane shipping, but hear me out. (Or don’t, of course. But I’m gonna ramble anyway.)

I just … she doesn’t even have a name, guys. She and David speak zero times, he looks at her exactly never, and while she is cute and appears to be sweet and sunny … well, of course she does, she’s a waitress! That’s her job.

And some of this absolutely comes from me being salty about the fact that Gwenvid still isn’t really a thing, but I feel like I can be cut a modicum of slack, when somehow 19 episodes of near-constant interaction and an obviously established, interesting, dynamic relationship doesn’t have the raw, sizzling chemistry of … nothing. No thing. No interaction, and I feel like I cannot state that enough: they do not speak. There are no steamy looks shared. There is no indication David is actually aware she exists in any way, shape, or form. I checked.

And here’s where I go in a direction that probably won’t be popular? I’ll hide it under a cut because some people are trying to avoid fandom drama and controversy in their Tumblr experience and I don’t wanna bum y’all out:

I’ve just noticed that the bar for “acceptable for David romance times” tends to shrink in proportion to … well, let’s just see if anyone else spots the pattern:

Literally dated him, for a period spanning probably a couple of weeks

They apparently “really hit it off,” and David is incredibly attached to her

Has appeared in all but 2 episodes

Has shown genuine concern for the camp and for David, including comforting him with ice cream and making him take a vacation when he’s overwhelmed

Is just the fucking cutest (okay, that’s not objective, sorry)

They clearly hang out together in their free time (and sometimes when they’re supposed to be watching the campers. Shame on you two. Put the Rob Boss away!)

(sorry for the lower-quality photo; I had a hell of a time finding any higher-res ones of her)

Exists

Is cute

Exists

This could be pure coincidence. I just think it’s worth examining that there may be an unconscious tendency to hold PoC to a higher standard in order to be “good enough” for David. While white characters just have to … be there. Hell, in Daniel’s case they don’t even have to be good people, or treat David kindly, or not literally murder children!

This isn’t a “if you don’t ship Gwenvid you’re racist” post, to be clear; there are plenty of reasons to not like this ship (including her proclivity toward violence, her completely incompatible outlook on life, the fact that none of their interactions qualify as romantic in any way, me and how annoying I am about it). So that’s not what I’m trying to get at here. And Cute Waitress is mighty cute – and I can see the appeal of a basically blank slate that we have the freedom to throw all sorts of fun personality traits onto – so I get why she’s popular.

I guess I’m just … sort of noticing how easy it is to grow attached to white characters, regardless of their behavior or screen time, and especially how little it takes to consider them perfect for David. And as someone who’s absolutely done this in other fandoms, I think it’s worth taking a closer look at.

Sorry, Cute Waitress. You don’t deserve my undying loathing. But you’re sure gonna get it anyway.