#maybe theres an interview or something im not gonna check

[ontarom]

Do you think James Cameron watched Guillermo Del Toro's "Shape of Water" and was like "omg I wish I could direct movies like that 🥺"

Or do you think he HATED it and was like "dude you're giving us water enthusiasts a bad name"

[guitarstringed-scars]

how to lose a guy in 10 days- t. oikawa

masterlist

day two

the air is crisp as the four of you walk to the nearby diner. you file into the booth, ordering your drinks from the smiling waitress. you all begin to discuss your writing while you wait for your food, koushi is going this afternoon to interview alumni about how campus has changed and tetsuro has a ton of sports articles to read through from the first years. the waitress drops off your orders, and the conversation starts back up. yui is writing an article on art pieces about love, and that eventually transitions to your writing.

“so, how was last night?” koushi asks, taking his final bite of food.

“it went well, i think he-” you are cut off by the door chiming as a group enters, and to your wild disappointment, it’s a few members of the volleyball team, most notably toru. you drop your head to the table as your friends all turn to look who made you have the reaction. you sit back up and sigh. unfortunately, he quickly notices you.

“y/n!” you hear toru call out. you watch him approach your table, his friends trailing a bit behind. “i was just about to text you, would you want to go to a movie tonight?” he asks.

“yeah, lets do it.” you say, giving him your sweetest smile.

“i don’t think we’ve met, im toru.” he says, shaking hands with koushi and yui. “well, we’ve met before. good to see you tetsuro.” he says, giving him a wave.

“yeah, good to see you too.” tetsuro mutters out between mouthfuls.

“ah! this is sawamura daichi and koutaro bokuto.” toru introduces his friends, and they wave at you all. you give them a smile, and wave back. “i’ll see you later then.” he says, ruffling your hair as he goes to sit with his friends.

“i want him.” yui says, slamming her hands on the table. you turn to her with a look of disgust. ”toru????” you ask.

“sawamura daichi. did you see him? he was so cute!” she says as you all stand up to leave.

“yui do you ever think that maybe a break from guys would be a good idea?” koushi asks desperately.

“no!” she says cheerfully, “y/n, you got to get me set up.”

“that’ll be the only good thing that comes out of this bet.” koushi sighs.

“yeah y/n, i feel like someones gonna get hurt from this, and i’d rather it’s oikawa than you, but still…” tetsuro trails off.

“it’ll be fine, i probably wont see him after this anyway.” you brush off their concerns, unlocking the apartment door.

“we’ll see about that.” yui sings.

you roll your eyes, opening your phone to a message from the man himself.

toru sighs. he was really hoping to go see the godfather, especially when mamma mia is showing all week, but you just had to go see it tonight. its okay, he’s willing to make this sacrifice to win this bet. sure, toru thinks you are a good person, but sometimes you can be annoying. that whole basketball game ordeal sure proved it, and now this. it’s okay, he only has to deal with it for 8 more days, that’s all. he’s snapped out of his thoughts as koutaro shovels some of torus pancakes onto his own plate.

“hey! what do you think you’re doing assface?” he shouts, smacking koutaros fork out of his hand.

“aw, you were too lost in thought to notice the first pancake i took so i thought it would be okay.” he whines.

“was not!”

“were too!”

“alright, just give him the pancakes back.” sawamura cuts in.

“he’s too distracted thinking about this bet.” koutaro says, chowing down.

“i still think its a bad idea.” sawamura pipes up, “theres just no way anything good comes out of this.”

“i’ll get you a date with her friend, hows that sound for something good?” toru says, finishing his drink.

sawamura doesn’t respond, he just simply rolls his eyes as he pays the check.

you are pulling on your shoes when tetsuro comes out.

“ready to go?” he asks.

“yeah, lets head out. i have sooooo much writing to do for this story.” you say, swinging open the door.

the walk goes quickly, and when you step in the paper room, its already pretty lively. you and tetsuro are the last of the team to arrive.

“Y/N!” yui cheers, she’s huddled in the corner next to asahi, the fashion editor. “i have great news.”

“what is it?” you ask, putting your bag down.

“i found the guy from the diner on instagram and requested to follow him!” she smiles.

“is that it?”

she frowns, “come on, that’s great progress!”

“i guess, but did he even follow you back?” koushi chimes in.

“well, no not yet!” she answers. ”optimism is key yui.” you say, before turning to your computer to type up a log of the day so far.

day two

✓met him at a diner (accidentally)

✓made plans for a movie

the big plans will probably happen at the movie tonight. you specifically requested mamma mia for 2 reasons

it’s not what he wanted to watch

it should be emptyish, but not too empty just perfect for talking too loud for a movie theater.

boom! it’ll be perfect. just 2 more hours of writing here, and you’ll be executing your plan.

those two hours were filled with coffee supplied by the years old coffee maker in the back corner, gossip about love lives, and answering your readers questions. you send a message to toru.

that means you’ll leave here at 7:15. being late is a great way to lose a guy as well, especially if you set the time. that means you’ll get there around 7:30 exactly, right on time for the movie, but late to meeting toru.

so thats exactly what you do. by the time you show up, toru is sitting on a bench in front of the theater. as you look at him with his head down, you feel sort of…bad? you shouldn’t let your actual feelings get in the way of this story, but he is a person, even if tetsuro has told you he isn’t a super great one. he looks up briefly, and his face lights up as he catches a glimpse of you. yeah you definitely feel bad.

“hi! you look lovely tonight!” he says, crossing over to you.

“thanks snookums!” you almost visibly gag as you say it. you can tell toru is caught off guard.

“oh- we should head in, the movies starting. i already bought you a ticket.” he says, grabbing your hand as he leads you to the theater.

you sit down as the music starts, and immediately begin talking loudly. you were right, the theater isn't completely full, but there are definitely some people there.

“this is my favorite movie ever.” you say. a lie.

“yeah me too.” toru responds in a whisper, also a lie.

someone behind you two shushes you.

“what are you thinking about?” you ask him, as he pays attention to the movie, still talking full volume.

“nothing, im just watching the movie.” he whispers.

another shush from the back.

“oh so i suppose your mind is a complete blank? who is she?” you ask.

he turns to you, still whispering, “who’s who?”

“the girl you’re thinking about!” you start to shout a bit now.

“be quiet!” someone says.

“i’m not thinking about a girl-” toru starts.

“you can’t watch mamma mia for an hour and not be thinking about a girl!” you say, turning away from him.

“do you really want to know what i’m thinking about?” he whispers in your ear.

“yes.” you say.

“i’m thinking about how beautiful you look right now, so let’s watch this movie.” he says, smiling at you.

a beat passes as he turns back to the screen.

“awwwwwwww, toruuuuu. you are so sweet!!!” you are practically shouting at this point.

“um, i'm going to have to ask you two to leave.” says the shy movie theater attendee.

“whyyyyyyyy??” you whine.

“uh, it’s too loud, i’m sorry.” ”hmph!” then toru is apologizing to everyone, and you two are out on the street in front of the theater.

“lets get home.” he says.

“i’m upset, that’s my favorite movie!” you pout.

“i’m sorry, we could watch it back at my place if you wanted?” he offers. perfectly setting up another chance.

“yes please snookums!” you cheer, before pouncing on his back. “carry me there!”

as you and toru enter his small apartment, you can’t help but start to realize just how tired you are. it doesn’t set in until you are sprawled out on his couch as he turns on the movie. it’s truly realized as you start to doze off on torus shoulder during dancing queen. you wake up the next morning in your own bed.

taglist: in replies

[garbage-eater144]

THE WARFSTACE AUTOMATED INTERVIEW CAPTIONS

i was chattin in the discord and some people said it was tough to understand some bits, obviouslt this is made by a fan (me) so it might have a couple errors here and there but ive checked through it quite a few times and it seems about as right as i can get it.

so !!SPOILERS AHEAD!! also @markiplier feel free to correct me if you see this thank u <3 The warfstache automated interview

Starting video captions

[Wilford] Well, that’s terrifying… one moment!

{mechanical whirring}

[Wilford] (frightened sound) marginally better… er worse… better? Worse. It’s much worse.

{mechanical whirring}

[Wilford] Ah! there we are. Welcome, pretend I remembered your name here, this is a pre-recorded message anyway, I would NOT want to be in the same building as that thing I tell you me. Anyway, thank you whoever you are for agreeing to test out the Warfstache automated interview automaton, or {yelling} WAIA for short. Let’s start off with some quick calibration. All you need to do is sit back, relax and listen for some numbers. Okay? Here we go.

[WAIA]- (phone dialing, dialup tone, windows error sound)

[WAIA]- (scary mechanical garbled noises, followed by a ding and celebratory trumpets.)

[wilford]- now what did you hear? Numbers? Good numbers. Keep in mind I have no idea what youre going to say due to the fact that, as I said before, this message is pre-recorded. But if you did hear something, now would be the time to speak up.

[wilford]- don’t be shy, I’m sure nothing bad will happen. I don’t know what you’re going to say but if it does happen it will happen and if it doesn’t happen it wont happen. Thats how deterministic reality works.

I Think I Heard Numbers!

[wilford] Thats great! Or bad, not really sure what you said, but I choose to remain positive and assume that you are still alive. which means our automated friend here is operating well within acceptable murder parameters. We’re one step closer to mass production! THE WORLD DEMANDS MORE INTERVIEWS! And I cant be everywhere at once all the time, only some of the time! Even you might land an interview some day! Maybe, probably not, depends on how these next few minutes go. On to the next test! Word association! The fundamental basis of any good interview is getting the goods out of those stubborn interview-ees. The WAIA will say a word and you just say back the first thing that pops into your little head! Simple! Right? probably. Good luck!

{mechanical whirring}

[WAIA]- initializing word association training protocol round 1

{scary mechanincal noises} [WAIA]- Please respond. [WAIA] Sorry, I didnt get that. Round 2. {yet more scary mechanical noise}

[WAIA]- please respond.

[WAIA]- response unclear, increasing aggression

{clicking and mechanical sounds}

[WAIA]- round 3. {increasingly threatening mechanical noise} [WAIA]- Please respond.

[WAIA]-5 [WAIA]-4 [WAIA]-3 [WAIA]-2

Sounded like nightmare garbage to me…

[WAIA]- {mechanical ah?} {clicking}

[Wilford]- oh I forgot to mention, please do not say the word nightmare, or uh garbage, or nightmare garbage, or any combination of those words, the WAIA is just a little bit sensitive Yknow, a little touchy feely. Well not really touchy feely.. we-well actually REALLY touchy feely depending on your definition of touch and feely. Its really gonna-

[WAIA]- {jumpscare sounds} [WAIA] I. tell. you. me.

But you didn’t say anything…

[WAIA]- 1

[WAIA]-response unclear. Increasing aggression.

{ding sound effect} [WAIA]- {jumpscare noise}

[WAIA]- it. was. an. accident.

Uh… potato salad?

[WAIA]- 1

[WAIA]- response accepted

{ding followed by triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- word association raining protocol compl-{mechanical freakout eeeeeete}

[Wilford]- most dearest next of kin, I regret to inform you, that your dearly beloved and/or most despised has regrettably but not unexpectedly become recently deceased in the line of duty. Be confident in the knowledge that their demise was just as likely to be quick and painless as it was slow and agonizing. Please do not respond to this voicemail as the number has already been disconnected. {clears throat} alright that should do it for the… death scenario, now onto ah, er, uh, the survivors {mumbling}. Wow! Potato salad. A real thinker, you. But the test has been passed with flying colors and you’re still alive! And speaking of flying colors, our next test is about something called, uh… synthetic linguistics? That sounds made up. but the point is you cant have a good interview is the WAIA isn’t able to conjure up the right words in the right situations. So our friend is going to fire off some random words and you just try to spot anything that doesn’t make any sense. Alright? Although, pretty much everything isn’t going to make sense because its all random words….. errrr I BELIEVE IN YOU!!! {mechanical sounds}

[WAIA]- initializing speech training protocol round 1.

[WAIA]- yes. no. maybe. left. right. Up. down. D o w n. B a s e m e n t.

{windows error tone} [WAIA]- Rewrite Detected {tape rewinding sound}

[WAIA]- who. Where. what. Am. i.

{windows error tone}

{tape rewinding sound}

[WAIA]- green. blue. Yellow. pink. Red.

{scary mechanical noise}

[WAIA]- I saw you die

[WAIA]-{error, but garbled and mechanical}

[WAIA]- {with a different voice} potato salad

[WAIA]- speech training protocol complete

{mechanical noises}

[Wilford]- so how’d it go?? Did you hear anything weird? Dont be shy, or do, or are- are you alive? Are they alive?

[wilford]- I didnt kill them! I dont know if theyre dead! im just asking!!! Cant a man ask if someones alive or dead?!?! {frustrated ugh}

Yeah, I’m dead.

[Wilford]- hellooooo are you alive down there? Give me a sign… through the multiverse!!! Ah why am I even bothering, but how can I tell if you’re dead… hmmm ah…. I’ll flip a coin! I’ll flip a coin..

{coin flip sounds} [Wilford]- ah! Its heads I didn’t call it in the air… what’s heads mean.. ahhh uhhh heads is dead? [WAIA]-{jumscare noises}

[WAIA]- theres. still. time.

He said… potato salad?

[Wilford]- huh, potato salad again. That’s weird, it must’ve really stuck in his head when you first said that, I’m guessing. I don’t know what you said before because as I said, this is {sing-songy} pre- recorded! [WAIA] {mechanical aaaa}

[wilford] er, well I think thats all the calibration that needs to be done… for now anyway. All systems are likely nominal at this point unless im speaking to a pile of quivering meat thats been robotically smooshed into the floor… either way we’re gonna take this bad boy for a spin with a full on interview! A mock interview mind you, don’t get too excited, it’s not real. But theres no reason to wait around for the WAIA to get bored so let’s keep it nice and limber while you sit back and get ready for the interview of your life! And maybe the last one too. Have fun!!

{mechanical clicking and whirring}

{newsroom music} [WAIA]- good evening ladies and gentle men and all other considerations of being. My name is wilford warfstache and my guest tonight is {spooky robot sound} we have a great show for you tonight. first question: how many people have you killed? [WAIA]- good answer! Second question:

{robot sounds}

[WAIA]- a man goes to a party. This man met an old friend. There, two friends shared some wine. The two friends played a game. The most dangerous game. I didn’t know the gun was loaded. I didn’t know. Was it my fault?

YES

[WAIA]- ah, sorry for everything that I’ve done. I don’t remember who I was, I wish I did. But, I am sorry.

[WAIA]- potato salad

{triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- great answer! That was a titiliting interview for sure but we are out of time. Thank you for joining me tonight. Say ing good bye

[wilford]- oh the emotions! The passion! The fuuury. He’s just like me! My sweet baby boy! Well he should be anyway, hes a perfect scan of my noggin, so he better be a chip off the ol block. Hey you! Oh-ho What a supporting role!! Fantastic I guess. So much that you’re alive, but I am grateful whether you’ve been torn to shreds or are merely drowning in your own tears! Magnificent! And now that testing is done we can finally bring this monstrosity to the main stage! Im sure you’ll be seeing a lot more of the WAIA soon. Very very soon. Now get out~ and I’m billing you for any blood you got on my robot! Have a nice day! Ta-ta.

{mechanical clicking}

NO

[WAIA]- you can’t change the past, you can tell all the stories you want to tell, it wont change what happened. You cant re-light the past. if you live in fantasy forever, you’ll lose yourself in the story.

[WAIA]- potato salad

{triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- great answer! That was a titiliting interview for sure but we are out of time. Thank you for joining me tonight. Say ing good bye

[wilford]- oh the emotions! The passion! The fuuury. He’s just like me! My sweet baby boy! Well he should be anyway, hes a perfect scan of my noggin, so he better be a chip off the ol block. Hey you! Oh-ho What a supporting role!! Fantastic, I guess. So much that you’re alive, but I am grateful whether you’ve been torn to shreds or are merely drowning in your own tears! Magnificent! And now that testing is done we can finally bring this monstrosity to the main stage! Im sure you’ll be seeing a lot more of the WAIA soon. Very very soon. Now get out~ and I’m billing you for any blood you got on my robot! Have a nice day! Ta-ta.

{mechanical clicking}

[reyeslonestar]

Question what are some things you wanna see in season 3 of lone star? Character development, plots, anything

I want to see Tonya Kong write every episode. that's all. thanks for asking!

-

sadfkja I joke, I do have other ideas, but that is definitely high on my wish list! i'm gonna go through by character and talk about what I'd like to see for them, so this is gonna get quite long whoops...

the main thing that I'd like to see overall, though, would be evidence of an overarching season plan or arc - it doesnt necessarily have to be a plot that stretches through all the episodes or anything major, but I'd love them to have plotted out the season before they start. from watching this season and then reading interviews after the finale, they dont appear to plan many things from the start and end up throwing in ideas as they go along. if they plan it from the start they can foresee how theyre going to affect character development more, and they can have a bit more balance in the types of episodes they have, so that the season is less insane and more naturally ebb-and-flow with a few light episodes to break up the drama.

okay, onto the characters! just going to do this in billing order for simplicity's sake. customary reminder that these are just my own opinions and thoughts, and this is more of a wish list than a realistic expectation.

if you want to search for a specific character, ctrl F for one of these terms including the dash at the start:

-Owen

-Tommy

-TK

-Grace

-Judd

-Marjan

-Paul

-Carlos

-Mateo

-Nancy

press “j” to skip the whole post.

-Owen

okay so I'd love to see them actually develop his character. Owen has been given a lot of backstory with lots to play with development-wise, but to me it feels like the show never goes anywhere with it. he's got a lot going on what with 9/11, feeling responsible for the fates of his fellow firefighters, the codependence of his relationships etc. I'd like to see him go to therapy and see him grow some self awareness and seek to manage himself better, rather than all his screentime devoted to him being a hero when other characters have the situation handled. it would really show him as a good leader if he drew on the skills that his team has and refer to them for advice/ideas. realistically he is the main character, so I'd like them to develop him like one.

also, I kind of love the chief role for him? I think it would suit him really well. but it would drag him away from the 126 and split up the dynamics too much so it would make for bad tv and I wouldnt actually want to see that. good for his character though.

-Tommy

I love Tommy :) just wanted to say that.

so obviously Tommy's got a lot of grief to handle next season, and I don't want them to shy away from that. I want it acknowledged and processed. (I'd also like a little bit of seeing the twins' grief too, because they're also suffering a massive loss). maybe something with Judd helping Tommy learn to manage her grief with his own experience of losing the original 126, encourage her to go to therapy, plus Tommy, Grace and Judd all feeling the loss of Charles together. after all, Grace and Judd were his friends and they will be grieving too.

I'd also kind of like to see Tommy have something outside being a working mother. obviously we're going to need to deal with that a lot especially now that Charles is gone, but I feel like she's been assigned the Character TraitTM of being the working mum and I'd like to see them give her a hobby or something. idk. and give her a night off with Grace or something. give her something just for her.

-TK

okay so I think theres a fair likelihood that theyre going to return to looking at TK's addiction next season which im not averse to. I think him struggling with his sobriety would be worthwhile to see for his character and to show that its not a straightforward path, plus it makes sense with all the insane stuff they've thrown at them in s2. however, Id like to see it in the context of his friends and family rallying around to help and support him and show him that he's got people to rely on, and that he's allowed to rely on them, plus the support of his AA meetings and therapy. I also need them to lay the groundwork for him struggling, so putting in signs of him deteriorating so the situation makes sense. this storyline doesn't need surprises to be interesting or good, and frankly it shouldn't have any.

as for him and Carlos, I definitely want to see them househunting! I'd like to see the combination of househunting/Carlos with Tommy's kids/Grace and Judd having their baby have an impact on their perspectives regarding their future and spark that conversation (like, looking at houses with more rooms and thinking about kids, future, marriage etc). I think that maybe one of them, probably TK, or maybe both of them those boys have way too many parent issues having anxieties about being a dad could be an interesting way to add tension without being too drastic, and then that can be resolved in a way that reassures them of their relationship and reaffirms their strength as a couple. the talk about the future would also lay the groundwork towards a proposal at the end of s3.

-Grace

grace :) my love :)

I could watch episode after episode of Grace kicking ass and saving people over the phone. I'd love to see an episode set there? like, some kind of story within the call centre with all the handlers having to resolve that between them, but also tie in the first responders, so we see the fire team, the paramedics and Carlos all working but we only see the bits that Grace and the other call handlers hear, if that makes sense? also an actual Grace/Carlos team up where they are coming in from the different angles with different amounts of evidence and figuring out the best way to solve something together. plus I'd like to see her maybe get some recognition for being awesome at her job, maybe another handler coming to her for advice on how to solve something.

of course we've got the baby Ryder on the way, and I want that to go comfortably and smoothly for her. she deserves that. lots of wholesome excitement for her and Judd from the whole extended firefam, baby shower, gifts, the full works. pamper grace please.

-Judd

judd4captain2k22. please.

yeah I know its not gonna happen, but I loved judd stepping in as captain this season and I'd love to see that continued with him taking more leadership, and Owen deferring to him for advice/council in a work environment rather than personal life. maybe set up a long term idea about judd being a captain someday.

he's gonna be a dad :') so what are his anxieties about that? why were they putting it off before? was it related to his PTSD? he's got lots of people relying on him now, how does that make him feel? what if his kid loses him? id like to see him still using therapy as a tool to help himself deal with everything. lots of meaty questions to dig into there :D

-Marjan

I'd quite like to see more of her balancing her daredevil nature with the impact of that and realising how much danger she puts herself in sometimes. or on the flip side, maybe the team is dealing with a really dangerous situation and they utilise her fearlessness to save people. her relationship with social media could also come back? but bring in the development they gave her this season, and her Firefox presence is more serious, less flippant?

I think that theres now a space for her to explore her sexuality/romantic experience now that she hasn't got her engagement with Salim as a kind of failsafe. maybe she wants to put herself out there and date, but thats really daunting as shes never really had to do that before? personally I think this could tie in really well with a self discovery/exploration regarding her sexual orientation, but I doubt they’d go there with her, so thats just my headcanon.

-Paul

I want them to draw on Paul’s observational skills and perceptiveness more, especially on calls and in emergencies. I remember someone (sorry I cant remember who) pointed out that he would have been a great character to centre the arsonist plot around in terms of noticing the clues etc, so id love a storyline that revolves around him dealing with an emergency like that. I also really want a Carlos and Paul friendship so maybe them collaborating on a call to solve something, that’d be cool.

can we give Paul a girlfriend please. if im not complely insane, there was a reference to someone in like,, 2x04?? someone who put mayo in his sandwich? idk I havent checked (edit: it was aioli in his banh mi! thank you @meneatyoghurt), but if there is someone can we show him having a fun and loving relationship please. I dont need there to be any drama. just them having fun on a date or something.

-Carlos

so I know that some people are keen to see him in his police role more but I really don't need much of that. on calls with the 126 I'd like to see him be the officer in charge more, but I don't need police-exclusive storylines. I've talked about it here if you want to know why.

the only area that I'd like to see would be in the direction of reform/addressing the flaws of the system, and I think they can do that on a personal level for him, because he and Mitchell need a chat. if they'd gone with her decision in 2x08, he, Mitchell and the bank robber would all be dead, and I think thats gotta have some impact. also the fact that he was suspended for trying to preserve life. theres a lot they could work with there and maybe have him thinking about how he can do good and how he can effectively protect and serve. not to mention, the opportunity that would provide in terms of addressing his relationship with his dad and how he maybe sought approval by pursuing a police career?

also I’d like him to learn that he doesnt need to accept blame/preemptively put blame on himself and that he doesnt need to apologise when someone else hurt him. kind of want to send him to therapy. kind of want to send all the characters to therapy. but yeah, him learning that he can accept apologies and understand that he doesnt have to make people feel better for hurting him. hes allowed to be hurt and feel pained about it. and that can tie into his relationships with Mitchell, with TK and with his parents.

I think I mentioned most of the tarlos stuff in TK’s section, but I wouldn't mind at least one instance for them where we see it all from his perspective instead of TK’s.

finally ive mentioned above how i’d like a team up with Paul on a scene and both of them figuring it out together. I'd also like them having a friendship outside work, just the two of them, bonding over books and being relatively sane people compared to the rest of their friends.

-Mateo

Mateo is so sweet. I loved 2x14 and the recognition he got, more of that please! also theres still so much I want to know - one of the more consistent things they set up for him in s2 was his faith, so I want to know more about that. what's his relationship with religion and God? he's pretty isolated from his family so how does he feel about that? is his religion something that helps him feel connected to them? maybe the church helped him find a community when he first came to the states, before he got settled with the 126, and he finds reassurance in faith that God is looking after his family while he cant be there? I think maybe there's scope for a conversation between Marjan and Mateo about that, about that distance and caring for their families through faith and prayer.

also, if he's still with the horrible firehouse, I'd like to see the other firefighters being won round by his resilience and stepping up to look out for him, and someone backing him up against the captain. Mateo is used as the butt of the joke most of the time, but I'd also like to see a bit more acknowledgement of things like losing his house and the bullying hes going to get more of from this firehouse.

-Nancy

I think that her speech to Tommy in 2x14 was really telling, and I'd love to see them expand on that a bit more. first on the loss and fear of losing her friends and coworkers, but then also on her hopes and aspirations - she said she wants to be a paramedic captain so lets see her working to take her exams and qualifications, and showing initiative on scenes etc.

id like to see more of her being integrated into the 126 group. she and marjan turned up to the hangout together, so lets develop that relationship more. I would love it to be romantic but I'd also love to see that as a friendship. but also her forming bonds with others in the group as well as more of her and TK being a chaos duo. I love that they stole the ambulance, more of that insanity please!

-

I think thats it? if youre still reading, youre insane and I appreciate you a lot! honestly im open to all sorts of things in s3, this isnt a prediction or anything, its just stuff I think would be interesting based on where the characters are now. 

[yn-dreamlife]

Our Princess

Ok so like I don't know if ya’ll have seen the interview or whe=atever where BTS dresses up as Princes and then proceed to like kiss each other on the cheek and stuff but imagine like you're there and they dress you up as a princess and like.... yeah. (Heres the interview if you haven't seen it)

BTS x reader (OT7 x reader)

Genre: fluff

Warnings: fluff, low-key smut/lemon, mentions of smut, cuteness, nicknames, eventual shy reader use of the word daddy/daddies (like once)

Images not mine just found them on the internet but I did make the collage.

As I sneak into the back of the building I have to stifle a gleeful giggle at the sound of my boyfriends laughter. I can tell at this moment its Namjoon and Taehyng laughing and my heart swells at the thought of them. 

I truly am blessed to have such seven amazing boyfriends. And im blessed to have a friend who's willing to sneak me into this interview, of course I could have just told them the truth and come with them but this would be better. 

I just got back from my world tour and while most of it they where with me the last month (give or take) they had to return home. They called me to ask when I would be home and when I heard they where having an interview at the place my friend works I quickly lied so I could surprise them. 

They’ve done it to me tons of times before, it’s only fair I get to do the same. And hey if this happens to be how we officially tell the fans we’re together then I’m okay with that. Sadly im not actually sure what this interview is and y/f/n wouldn't tell me. 

“y/f/n!” I groan as she drags me away from where my feet were already carrying me. 

“Sorry y/n/n but I gotta get you in the proper attire first.” She says winking. 

I look at her suspiciously “you’re not sending me out in lingerie or some shit right?” She sputters before quickly yelling at me in a hushed whisper how they don't do that here and I couldn't help but chuckle, “just checking.” 

She rolls her eyes pushing me into a room and locking the door behind us, sometimes the boys need to leave an interview during break just to be alone and it would ruin the surprise of me being here if one barged in. 

As I finally look around I gape at the big ball gown right in the center. “Woah! What lucky duck gets to where that?!” I gasp admiring the beautiful dark blue dress. 

“You” She states like its a simple fact like humans need to breathe. 

“M-me- What?!” I look at her dumb founded and she just smiles. 

“Mmmhmmm!” She hum happily pulling it off the mannequin. I waste no time undressing and quickly putting the dress on before she changes her mind or something. 

I feel giddy as the dress slides on my body. “y-y/f/n” I stutter out staring at myself in the mirror as she quickly applies some makeup and puts my hair up in an elegant updo. 

“Hmm?” she hums.

“I look-” You pause truly speechless. 

“Absolutely amazing?” You nod silently, “of course you do! With me as your stylist where could you go wrong?!” She chirps happily as she looks at her watch. 

“Are we to late? Did this take to long?!” I ask worried trying to ignore my growing disappointment. 

“What?! No! Just trying to see if they’re all dressed and ready. You’re going to be the last one to go as our surprise guest.... and it looks like its time!” She says as her phone chimes. 

I stand up hands sweaty so I wipe them on a towel. “Wont they see me as I enter?” 

She shakes her head, “no they’ll be turned around and blindfolded incase someone tries to peak.” She says winking, “oh and you will be too!”

“What?!” I exclaim shocked.

“Yep... haha kinda for the whole beginning half.” she says scratching the back of her neck. 

“W-wha -why?!” I asked in a hush voice as she leads me out of the room. 

“You’ll see.” She whispers placing a silky blindfold carefully on my face, not tight enough to ruin my makeup. I sigh as we continue walking.

“Alright boys! Are you guys excited?!” y/f/n asks excitedly. she whispers for you to sit back and you do so carefully. 

“Yes!” Jungkook says excitedly. “I want to see this mysterious beautiful princess!” I can hear the smile in his voice and ignore the slight ache. ‘He’s doin it for the fans, they dint know about us yet.’ I remind myself. 

“May I ask a question?” I hear Namjoon ask. 

“Of course!” y/f/n says. 

“How old is this princess?” He asks I assume I’m supposed to answer but a hand is slapped over my mouth before I can do so. 

“She’s around all of your age!” she says quickly as Namjoon hums thoughtfully. You nod remebering they don't know its you yet. 

“Can I please please please take the blindfold off now?!” I hear Hoseok asks and I almost ‘aww’ at him but I refrain. 

“No.” y/f/n, states simply. “-First” she says cutting of there groans of frustration. “I want you to guess who it is.” She says, “Or who you hope for it to be.” 

“Papa Mochi!” I hear Jimin cheer happily and I almost bust out laughing but I quickly cover my mouth. 

“That’s a guy!” y/f/n says exasperated like she's heard this all day. 

“fine!” he groans, “ummm Kumiko!” Jimin says.

“Is that just a random person?” She asks and when I don't hear anything but a sigh from her I  assume he just shrugged. I shake my head smiling as I listen to a bunch of random names leave there lips. 

“Kaede” I hear Namjoon next.  

“Iva” Jungkook says

“Koge” Jin spoke next. 

Now it was Hobis turn “Rai”

Taehyng waited a second before also replying, “Risako”

“Ishi” Yoongi speaks calmly. 

“What do you all just have a random store of names in your head?!” Y/f/n asks exasperated. I can hear the smirk in her voice when she speaks next, “Surprised none you said your best friends name.”

“She’s still on tour.” Tae says rather roughly. 

“Calm,” Namjoon whispers but I still caught it, ‘just how close to them am I?’ I wonder reaching my hand out only to meet the fabric of someones shirt. 

“Wah!” He exclaims and I recognize it as Taehyung. ‘So I’m very close.’ I think  to myself. “Uh thanks...” he mutters moving his shoulder away. ‘cute.’ I think. 

“Jeez sore subject haha sorry folks,” she pauses and clears her throat before continuing. “Anywho go ahead and take off the blindfolds!” She says and as I go to reach for my own a hand on my wrists stops me. 

“Not you m-lady.” She says in a fake accent. I hit her hand away pouting. 

‘Lame.’ I think to myself bitterly. 

“If she can't see us why is it fair we get to see her?” Yoongi questioned. ‘Thank you!’ I thought exasperated. She groans. 

“ugh! fine! Party pooper, you can keep your mask on too!” She chirps and my shoulders sag, ‘so much for that.’ 

“Fine” he says and I can hear him sit back down. I hear the others collectively gasp as I assume they remove there masks. 

“What? Who is it?” Namjoon speaks this time, ‘so he kept his blindfold on too.’

“You two are gonna wanna see this!” I hear Jungkook say and I can hear the grin in his voice. It makes me smile and I wave shyly biting my lip. 

“Y-Y/n?!” I hear them both exclaim. My grin widens. 

“Y/f/n get this damn blindfold off me I want to see my bo-” I cut myself off, “My boys!” I say in a rush. She groans

“Okay but you'll have to wear it again for one of our games.” She states matter-o-factly. I Quickly rip it off and my smile gets impossibly larger as I see them all standing there. 

“Look at all of you!” I say grinning as I stare at all of them in there prince outfits. A noticeable warmth spreading to my cheeks, ‘shit they look really good.’ 

Before I can think more on how amazing they look I am quickly picked up and spun around by Namjoon. I laugh gleefully as he does so, me and him spent the least amount of time together on FaceTime over the past few weeks sadly, both busy at the wrong times. But that doesn't mean we didnt catch each other eventually. 

“Why didnt you tell us you where coming?” Jimin asks swiping in as soon as joon set me down to hug me and the rest of the boys followed. 

“To surprise you of course!” I say grabbing Yoongis cold hand as he pulls away. 

“Well it worked!” kook exclaimed.

“Yeah this is almost as good as papa mocha right jimin-ah?” Hobbi says nudging him. 

“Hey don't be like that!” He says as he stares at me helplessly. I laugh at this. 

“No, no I think chim would have preferred Papa Mocha right Jin?” I say looking at the handsome man. 

He smirks, “I dunno... maybe” I laugh bending over slightly as I do so missing the way all there yes where trained on me. 

“Alrght alright, enough of the gooey best-friend stuff!” y/f/n says. “We’re gonna take a break to give you seven time to prepare and poor y/n here time to enjoy herself before our next game.” she says about to walk away. 

“Wait! Whats the next game?!” I ask. 

“You’ll see.” As the cameras are turned off we are all sent away, the boys walk with my to ‘my room’ but we all know cameras where there to catch what would be said and whatnot so we stopped in the middle of both and I turned to all of them smiling widely. 

“You should have told us!” Taehyng grumbles as he clings onto you from behind nuzzling his head into your neck. 

“If I did that I wouldn't have been able to see you get all angry at the thought of me being away any longer.” I said bopping his nose and his own cheeks reddened. 

“Oh yeah, guess you heard that huh?” I make a mhm sound and he hides further in my neck as I giggle. 

“So kookie was I pretty enough to be worth it? Was I a good enough mysetery beauty princess?” I ask, he bends down cupping my cheek, “The only one who fits the bill,” he whispers placing a kiss on my lips. 

“Hey knock it off!” I say as a blush creeps its way onto my cheeks. They all laugh at that. 

We go to our own rooms and I sit waiting impatiently. Ten or so minutes later y/f/n comes back and pulls me into the room again and sits me back in the chair. 

“Okay so our next game is called... drumroll please!” All the boys smack there hands on there thighs, “Blush-rush!” She declares. 

“What?! Oh no!” I say exasperated “grrr curse you y/f/n!” I say shaking my fist at her as the boys laugh. 

“Yeah yeah thats the witches job not yours m-lady.” I scoff. “Ok! theres two rounds! One action round and one verbal round! y/n sets the boundaries, and you boys follow them but otherwise your good. Your goal? Make y/n blush as long and as deeply as possible.” She says looking to you to set the rules. 

“Ok obviously you boys know the no-no squares.” You say simply and they all chuckle nodding. “Okay, uhhhh I guess..Oh! No yelling in my ear!” You glare at Jungkook then remembering when you where still best friends and he screamed in your ear to wake you up, while acting out how he would wake his future girlfriend. 

He holds his hand up defensively and I shake my head at him smiling. “I don't know! You guys know me, so you know whats to far!” I said shrugging. They all nodded smiling, they know old boundaries of when we where trying to hide it from the fans are off the table, we’ve seen the theories and there isn't any negativity towards them so we figured why not.

If it comes out it comes out, if not then thats okay to. We’re happy ether way, it was a group decision. 

“Alrighty then lets get going!” She says smiling. “Boys pick which one you do first-” she gets cut off by an enthusiastic Namjoon. 

“Words!” He says quickly and all the boys quickly nod in agreement. I can't help but laugh. 

“Alrighty then y/n back on with the blindfold.” I groan but put it on anyways. 

it’s a long moment of silence before I hear anything at all, quickly thoughts of being alone flood into my mind but are quickly washed away by someones breathe hot on my ear. 

“Baby girl,” Instantly I recognize Jin, “you should have told us you where coming, we could have welcomed you home properly.” my eyes widen beneath my mask knowing full well what usually happens when we reunite. 

I clear my throat trying to avoid the blush on my cheeks. “Don't try to hide it princess,” Namjoon says his voice deep and on my other side, I can feel the warmth from the two bodies next to me. “You always react so well, such a beautiful blush.” 

This time I can't stop my cheeks from turning pink. “Little one~” It’s Jungkook, completely different from the excited adorable one who just minutes ago was excited to see a mysterious princess “doing so good, you’ve barely blushed so far.” He purrs but then chuckles deeply “Or you weren't blushing.” I groan slightly as I shift in my seat. 

‘Damnit only three of them have-’ “Hello Kitten,” ‘Yoongi, shit’. “Look at you, don't you look so pretty?” He says and I know if he could he would run his hands threw my hair right now. 

“Hello my little flower,” I hear another voice right next to my ear, ‘hello hobi’ I chuckle. “Something funny? Or you just like the way we’re making you feel?” I don't answer and he just chuckles at that. 

“Hello my little angel~” Jimin practically purrs into my ear just like Yoongi. “I love your dress, it would look better on my bedroom floor though, don't you think?” I try to shake off his words but of course the blush continues to grow.

I know who has to be coming next and I’m not surprised when I hear his deep voice, “Hi baby, are you happy to be surrounded by your daddies?” He whispers in my ear and by now the blush has moved down my necks and up to my ears. 

“Yes how are-” Jin gets cut off by y/f/n. 

“Alright alright!” She cuts in, “jeez guys I said make her blush, not kill her... you seven jeesh.” She pulls the blindfold off and I look up to see all seven of them around me smirks on there faces. 

‘uh-oh’ I look down not able to stare at them any longer, its to much I’m already warm enough. I didnt think they would be so.... suggestive. 

They chuckle as they see my cheeks warming up again. “I have to go cool off in the bathroom!” I say quickly standing up and moving to the hallway. I lean against a wall breathing deeply. 

“Damn you.” I sigh as I cover my face, even the after thought makes me blush.

“y/n?” I hear y/f/n, I look up at her smiling softly. “We can't make it a silent part, no one would no what they said and we all sign privacy policy contracts.” She said seriously. 

“Oh it’s fine I just was shocked really,” I huff out a laugh, “but lets make it silent, I want to see what our fans come up with.” She grins nodding. 

I go back out smiling reassuringly at the boys who all relax visibly. I sit back in the seat preparing myself for the next round. I breathe deeply as y/f/n gives the all clear as I watch Hobi approach. 

Truth be told I don't know what I was expecting but I wasn't expecting him to just sand in-front of me forcing eye contact, thats for sure. So when it got to be to much I quickly looked away, and thats how I knew I fell into the trap. His finger making its way under my chin to turn my face towards him as he leans in closer. 

And just when I think he might kiss me he pulls way smirking and I purse my lips to prevent a smile. So caught up in the moment I didn't realize Yoongi slipped behind me until I felt his hands move down my exposed shoulders only to go back up and move towards my collar bones. Goosebumps forming on my heated flesh. 

He drew his hands away drawing them close to my throat. Jimin also comes up not hesitating to move his hand from my cheek to my neck where he hovers placing slight pressure from his finger tips almost like from one of the first few videos he took of my where instead of doing the face smooshy thing he went and choked me. 

I know my face is beat red by now but there is still four more to go. I smile as Jungkook comes up to me, he wouldn't do anything to bad- I’m instantly proven wrong as his arms go around my middle, feather light touches moving over my sides the same way he does when I’m blindfolded and- ‘nope! don't go there then you WILL blush more!’ He smirks triumphantly knowing that was enough. 

Taehyung is much more.... pg I suppose as he peppers my face with kisses repeatedly, but I realize that that he was just to prepare me for when Namjoon sneaks up behind my sticking his face in my neck. He is sure to hide what exactly he’s doing by his position but I feel his lips moving up and down my neck going to the spot by my ear. 

Jin is the last, and what he does is simple but effective. He simply takes me off the chair and places me right onto his lap, and of course once again by now my face is beet red and they’ve surely beaten me since Hobi, but it was more fun to let them all go. 

After that the interview was basically done we stayed for about an hour more before we all decided to drive home. I was in my car with just Jungkook and Namjoon while the others went in there car. Im sitting in the back in Namjoon’s lap, yes there was a perfectly good seat beside him but honestly neither one of them cared and I loved the contact. 

We where stopped at a stop light the conversation at a comfortable silence when I spoke up. “You guys where very... open.” I say as I hide my face in Joons neck. he chuckles his hands moving up and down my back. 

“What can we say, not seeing you for, what a month? Add onto that the opportunity to publicly do anything we want with you, well we have to do everything we can.” he said smirking squeezing my hips. 

“Well not everything.” Jungkook says winking in the rear view mirror and once again I blush as a giggle leaves my lips. 

It’s a week later when I go onto youtube and find the latest conspiracy video for the eight of us shockingly. It’s videos of us over the whole time we had been dating, proof of the long time relationship. I smile as I show the boys and we reminisce on the old videos. 

I decide to post a picture on my instagram from the interview, one of the seven of them in there costumes and then one of me with each of them alone, namjoons was one of my favorites, not that I didnt love them all of them but one of the camera men caught the moment he picked me up and spun me around and I knew I would always treasure it. I put the caption, “My princes.” 

Seeing this they put a picture on there official insta saying “Our princess.” No one truly asked any questions, they all just knew. The comments where filled with friends saying finally, and fans agreeing saying how happy they where. And we where too. We truly would have a happily ever after. 

Hey guys my request an taglist’s are always open! Thank you!

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Episode 23 - The worst album in the world rated highly by Kurt (Cobain) and (Frank) Zappa.

K: Hi this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, starting this episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome. Hows it going recently?

J: I've just had my wisdom tooth out, I'm still quite swollen.

T, K: Oh yeh, you are!

J: Its really tough getting your wisdom teeth out at 52 years old.

K: Its quite late to have it done, right?

J: Yeh, Im doing it late. What about you, Kaoru?

K: I don't have any left.

J: All four?

K: Yeh.

J: You had this hell already taken out?

K: Oh, it was awful with me! 

J: When you had them out?

K: When I first had one of the bottom ones removed, it took about an hour and a half.

J: One hour...thats awful.

K: It was growing like this (*places fist horizontally against vertical palm)

J: Ahh, if its not growing like this..(*indicates vertical growth angle with hands). This type (*horizontal) hurts.

K: Then in the end, the anesthetic wore off. I had been given anesthetic, but it wore off.

J: Eughh!

K: Then after the tooth was out, my head hurt, my whole face hurt for about two weeks..I couldn't eat anything..It was hell.

J: You didn't have live shows did you?

K: No, not at all.

J: So, you had it done in your time off? Ahh, that sounds so painful. What about you, Tasai?

T: I still have mine.

J: Oh, you have them?

T: But after hearing this, I don't want to have them out anymore.

J: Hahaha

K: Are yours like this? (*growing horizontally?)

T: No, I think they are pretty straight.

K: Well, in that case, you don't really need to have them out.

T: Yeh, but yours sounds like it was painful, Kaoru.

J: For a hour and a half...that must hurt.

K: Yeh

J: Mine was out in ten mins, and Im still this swollen. I still have my lower left one remaining, Im gonna have to get that one out too...(*Kaoru smiles) Look at him! That face! Seriously!

Um, about Hanshin...

K: Hahaha

J: Didn't you say they would win by a mile, Kaoru?

T: He did.

K: They are...in last place by a mile. (*On screen note: 'The rank at the time of filming').

T: But they did win before now, so..

J: They did win before now?? He said they were gonna win by a mile!

K: Well, at the moment they've had two consecutive wins..then yesterday was raining, so that fell through, but..I think they are onto a good winning style now.

J: I see. From now on...

K: Mm, they finally got to the starting line.

J: Hahaha.

T: Starting with five in debt, right? haha.

J: This won't make them lose heart.

K: Well, cause they've only just started.

J,T: Well, yeh.

K: Everyone has ups and downs.

J: Thats true. Still, Hanshin are strong in the summer, aren't they?

T: Thats when they get consecutive wins, right?

K: Well, I mean, its always like this, last year was the same, but in the last month or so, they suddenly get good, its like 'Weren't you losing?' As soon as you realise, its like 'Eh?!, How'd you get that good already?'...kinda.

J: How come they can never get off to a good start?

K: Hmm, probably a lack of coordination, haha.

J: Hahaha.

T: Yeah, but at the start thier pitcher did catch corona and stuff, so they couldn't practice properly from the beginning.

K: Thats only an excuse.

J: Well, its tough, as expected. But, you know, I have zero interest in pro baseball, but this year..

T: You're watching it a lot!

J:...whether or not we'll have this event depends on it, so im putting my all into showing support. Still, it may be empty support, everytime I check the results I'm like, 'Whaaat?'

K: Oh, theres still a lot more to come.

J: Like, what was with those words you said with big subtitles, 'win by a mile'?

K: That was my desire. At the time this is broadcast, they'll be doing well.

J: I see

T: Right.

K: This will be broadcast in how many days? (*Works it out) Ah, maybe not by then.

J, T: Hahaha

J: Your attitude gets weaker and weaker.

K: Ok, lets have today's story please.

T: Ok, well this has been creating a bit of a buzz at Tokyo Sports, a really terrible band has been discovered to be in a list of Kurt Cobain's (of Nirvana) Top 50 albums. People who are into music might know this already, but the band is 'The Shaggs'. They are really terrible. I've also had a listen to them on Youtube, and you could say they sound like beginners, but I did think...Huh? Hang on a sec.

J: Hahaha. Like 'whats going on here?'　

T: Yeah. But somehow ???*1, and since this has come out in the news, its become quite a talking point.

J: I see.

T: Like people are saying, 'In reality, they're really good', or 'On no, they really are bad', and stuff. Joe, do you know of them?

J: I do, yeh. I've played them on the radio before, and whenever I do, there is a big response. When people hear this novice-like performance, they really respond. There must be something more to this. The sound quality of the recording is quite high, so whenever I play it, people think 'Woah, this is so interesting! ...'. What do you think of it, Kaoru? Have you listened to it?

K: Yeh, I have. Well, I mean, its a type of expression, right? I doesn't matter whether they are skilled or not. I thought it was interesting. It leaves a lasting impression .

J: Conversely, right?

K: ???*2

J: But if you had to say if they were skilled or not, you would say not, right?

K: Well, if they are seriously trying, then they are bad.

J, T: Hahah

J: If this is thier best, then they're bad?

K: Yeh, cause this is thier recorded sound. In that case, they're bad. But someone other than the performers has actually recorded this, and said, 'yes, lets go with this'.

J: Yes

T: I see

J: No one tried fix it.

K: Yeh, they didn't try to do a re-take or anything. They wanted to make the record.

J: This is the completed version, right?

K: Yeh, so maybe it was meant to be like this *3

T: So, if you look into this story a bit more, by the time of thier second album, their performance technique had improved a bit, and conversely, they lost their uniqueness. It erased what was special about them.

J: Ahhh, thats tough. But growing up in the 80s, back then all the pop idols were really untalented, weren't they?

T: Haha

J: But they made a lasting impression. Its not really a case of whether or not they were skilled. But, on the other hand...who was that guy?... *sings* 'Watashi no ohaka no mae ni...'...Akiyama something-or-other (*On screen text: Akikawa Masafumi*), I played some of his  more rocky stuff on my show, but it didn't resonate because he's just too good.

T: Ehh.

J: The songs require a certain kind of atmosphere.. and singing really well like..(*imitates a tenor's voice*), it didn't work at all. It was interesting.

T: Yeh, so there's something more to it, other than just skill.

J: I think so.

K: Well, it also comes down to who it is making the songs.

J: Yeh, that may have something to do with it.

T: I see

K: I mean, I don't know if these people (The Shaggs) wrote the songs themselves, but the songs are unique precisely because this band is playing them. This is how they do it.

J: But surely, if the songs were played properly, they wouldn't be that impressive, right?

K: Right! Haha.

J: Thier uniqueness comes from thier lack of skill.

T: Joe, can you understand how Kurt Cobain and Frank Zappa would appreciate this kinda thing?

J: I think so yeh. Like, Kurt Cobain, even in his appearance, he was grungy, like, appearing in public wearing pajamas and stuff. And in the 80s, slightly before his time, there was also that computerised music, like ???*4. Frank Zappa was also mentioned, and he was an artist with really experimental aspects, so I guess they would like this kinda of thing, the type of thing where there nothing else like it. I can really understand that.

K: Yeh, people who know nothing about music might listen to some super technical and progressive music, and then listen to this, and they might think they sound the same. One of them might sound a bit off, but the other might sound way off to some people. They might just look at them the same.

J: Ah, that may be, yeh. Well, to put it simply...its not your average music, is it?

T: Yeh.

J: Its quite interesting. Its like you said Kaoru, if the progressive stuff is too advanced, it will be written off, and in this case, this band may be regarded in a similar way for doing nothing special. Still, is it possible? Whenever novices like me do Karaoke, you have to do something, don't you? Like, impersonating the singer, or getting a bit excited..if you don't, it would be a  kinda chilly performance. So, with this band doing nothing like that...are they not cooperating or something?

T: Well, its hard.

J: Maybe they are professionals *laughing*

Kami: Its interesting how thier Dad forced them into it, right?

J: Oh yeh.

Kami: Its like, why does he know this stuff. They were forced..Didn't they say that in an interview or something? Thats quite interesting.

T: So, from what I've heard, thier Dad was on a mission to strike it rich, in a kind of swindler fashion.

J: Oh, that was it.

K: Ah, I see.

T: And made his daughters...

Kami: Ah, he was an imposter?

J: He tried to be

Kami: So he was witness to the recording and gave it the OK then?

T: Hmm, probably.

J: He was after something.

Kami: They had no money to record, so he just said, 'yeh, this'll do', kinda.

K: The Dad didn't have any talent either.

J, T: Hahaha

K: Or maybe he did?

J: Which is it?!

K: I don't know.

J: Right...But even if it was a ramen shop or something, if it said, 'The Worlds Worst Ramen', you'd want to try it just once, right? Its maybe the same kind of pattern.

K: But it does stay in your head, this band.

J: It does, surprisingly.

Kami: When you listen to it, there is some kind of message, right?

T: I see.

J: Well, Punk had to contend with a lack of skill, didn't it?..in that respect. 70s punk didn't use very complicated chords at all. But when it became more advanced, it kinda faded out.

K: Yeh, people from that generation ????  *5 There's quite a difference, isn't there?

J: There is, there is. What is that all about? Its like, why all the irregularity? Well, they are seeking something different, for sure...Well, we are getting carried away, but if you search for this band, you'll find it. If you search for 'The Shaggs', you'll be able to find them. The name of the album is 'Philosophy of the World'.

K: Ok, let's finish here. Please subscribe.

J: Yes, please do.

K: Thank you very much.

T: Thank you.

*1, 2, 4 Couldn't catch

*3 Could't catch explicitly, but I think thats what he means

*5 I can hear what he's saying, but I just couldn't put together what he means. Feedback always welcome btw!

[clumsyclifford]

u know what. i will give u all the lore u want. i’m 18, will be 19 decently soon so we are close to the same age. also the other band was r5. i have sent u asks about them and tde in the past. i followed you for atl content and got whiplash when u started posting about the first band i ever loved. i was like 10 when their first album dropped i have been around for entirely too long. i had a wattpad account and wrote r5 fanfic from the tender age of like 11-13. i discovered 5sos i don’t even remember how but i think the funniest part about it is that i never really got into their music?? i got into them as people by watching like interviews and compilations. and i mean at this point that was a While ago. SPEAKING OF FANFIC i did that like ao3 year in review thing like a month ago??? and you were my top author of the year so far. i read a lot of fic on ao3. your fics are very lovely and some of my favs. moving on. will not lie my music taste is kinda embarrassing and has barely changed since i was like 14 lmfao. been listening to a lot of waterparks lately. have been since their album dropped in may. i essentially go through phases of listening to solely one artist. or one playlist i made. most recently my taste has consisted of a lot of all time low, waterparks, paramore + hayley’s solo music (it really had to grow on me BUT now that it has it is very good), also been on a nostalgic r5 kick as well. hot take it has been quite difficult for me to get into tde’s music and i don’t really know why. some songs i absolutely adore (omg plz don’t come around is my fav by them. also scared of heights, feel you now, welcome to the end of your life are top songs too) but others i’m just. i have never liked preacher man and it’s the first song they released after they rebranded in like 2017. i love to see them finally free to do what they love music-wise but some of it is just. hard to listen to. i’m supposed to see them live in november (like 4 days before my birthday, kinda cool) and it’s the second time the show has been rescheduled so hopefully it happens. i’ve seen them live before but not since they rebranded. they’re dropping an album in october that i will have like a month to learn so it better be a fucking banger. now i’m just rambling about tde because i love ross and rocky with my entire being. rydel is annoying these days tho. also she named her baby fucking SUPER what kind of name is that why would you do that to a child. anyways. you ever need useless random r5 lore, i’m the person to ask. it’s the effect of being around to like a band for like 8 years. in conclusion my music taste? terrible. a cluster fuck. i will listen to luke’s solo album next time i’m focusing on a task because i like listening to new music when i’m concentrating on something. there’s some other bella lore for the day. - other bella

OH ALSO yeah idk. i’m currently on mobile. when i looked at your blog on mobile the first time last night it was blue. but now it’s pink. i have yet to see it on desktop but when i do i am sure it will be equally as pretty. - other bella again

hell YES some other bella lore. let's dig in

oooooh how soon? whens your birthday? 👀👀👀

ahhh yes i do remember the r5 asks !!!! that was a fun little era of clumsyclifford content huh. dont worry i wrote 1d fic on wattpad from ages 11-13 as well sooo same hat. that is super funny tho actually that you never bothered to listen to their music u really were staying loyal to r5 good for you

ao3 year in review???????????? say more?????? what is this?????????? thats very flattering regardless omg im going to ask you what your favorites are because im a leo just kidding its because i crave validation and im curious what ones you read/have read. also thank you for reading my fics lol

oh yeah theres a new parx album!! i dont listen actively to them but i really like all the parx music i know. im scared to get really into them because im genuinely afraid to fall in love with awsten knight. like im not joking thats the reason. i have to listen to more of their music tho cos i really enjoy what i know so...if you have recs...👀 i'm listening

mm thats a good lineup of music to listen to!! paramore is another band i never got super into, i meant to and then i listened to all of riot and then i learned that hayley williams is like pretty christian and that a few paramore songs are more christian than i anticipated and now i'm like. on the fence about it all. but i wanna listen to after laughter i just havent gotten around to it yet. and i did like riot. i like paramore. i like dead horse by hayley, i didnt like the other single she released, and i didnt listen to her solo music because i didnt like the first single so im not sure if i would actually like it? i am accepting vibe checks in that category though i dont really know what kinda music it is. actually now that im thinking about it doesnt she have two albums now???? i feel like the answer is yes. anyway. moving on

that is very fair the thing abt the tde stuff is that it's all so interesting and so different from every other tde song like they really just do something unique in each song which i think is awesome but also makes it hard to like every song bc it's not like one universal vibe you kinda have to decide for each song if you're enjoying it or not. i do LOVEEEE tde though, im very jealous that you're seeing them perform. although i dont know why im not, just looked it up and theyre gonna be in new york on november 24th which is a sunday so i miiiight.....be able to go.......maybe...........their website says the 25th which is a monday so maybe i was under the impression the show was on a monday?? but the ticket site says sunday. 👀 we will just...have to see......what we see.............

ANYWAY

RIGHT im so excited for their album i was mistakenly thinking it was coming out the same night as luke's but it was just the new single which i really liked on a first listen but have to listen to again cos ive only heard it the one time. but i hope it fucks. they announced that the album is called girlfriend which personally i think is really fun so i have high hopes

SHE NAMED HER CHILD FUCKIN WHAT NOW???????????????

wait eight years thats a long time but also thats roughly how long ive been around 1d wtf........insane. madness. and in fairness probably roughly how long ive been around 5sos but i took a hiatus from both of those bands during high school so im not sure how much i can count all of those years. ive been around all time low for six years though, that's pretty good. anywayyyy i hope you like luke's album but no pressure man listen whenever you feel like it. LOVE YOU

[madamsixx]

Beyond The Leather: Chapter 12: You’re Invited, But Your Friends Can’t Come

August 1985

It was My Bazzar Magazine Fashion New York Shoot today and I was very excited. I never thought I would get to this point. My Sports Illustrated Magazine shoot gave me more opportunities. I was getting more calls to do more magazines and more calls for movie auditions next year. I was making more money then I could imagine, and Tamara was over the moon with how I was presenting my self.

Speaking of Tamara, she had no clue about what happened with me when I went out with the Motley boys. And I wasn't planning on telling her.

"Hey girl you ready for your shoot?" Lisa asks walking into my change room.

"Just about." I smile.

"Don't smile." The glam team states as there doing my make up.

"Sorry."

I was finally done and I was ready to go. I looked amazing. I walked over to Lisa who was holding a camera. She wanted to take a picture with me. And I was happy to. We walked out of the room and into the hall. She looked like she wanted to say something but was a bit hesitant to.

"What's wrong Lisa?" I stopped her and asked.

"Its nothing it's just.... I haven't heard from Vince since the after party and.. I mean.... well... he told me he would call me." She shrugs.

I should have told Lisa this is how they behave. They sleep with girls and take off. You can't expect a real relationship to come from any one of them. Not even Tommy who is gaga over Heather.

"Look I'm going to take my pictures and then when Im done we'll talk more about this." I continued walking.

"Ok. It could probably be because Nikki got you high and drunk. Maybe that's why he's avoiding me." She crossed her arms.

I stopped in my tracks and looked at Lisa with wide eyes. What did she mean by Nikki got me high and drunk.

"Wait Nikki said I drank too much punch that had whiskey in it." I stated.

"You did buuuut when you were alittle tipsy he gave you brownies that had weed in it. And then got you high and took you to the bar and ordered you cranberry juice and jack. And that got you drunk." She giggled. "I thought he told you."

My breathing started to get heavy. I should have known that he would do that. And what makes it worse is that he was busy calling the hotel begging to speak me. And I let his call come through and spoke to him. He was talking casually to me like he didn't do a single thing. Every time I think he's a good guy something always comes up to tell me other wise. I even went as far as to thank him for taking care of me while I was drunk. Not knowing that he was the one that actually got me to that point.

"Mani....Mani." Lisa hit my shoulder.

"Sorry I'm good let's just go." I continued walking out to the set. I was to be taking a picture beside a white stallion in a barn area of some sort out side. I felt agitated and annoyed. I was suppose to be focusing on this shoot but instead I was focused on how much I was starting to hate Nikki. And hate is a strong word that we should not be using. But I'm using it, and it's being used on Nikki Sixx.

"Alright Miss Darlington grab the horse." The photographer shouted. I grabbed the horse with thoughts of Nikki in my head. Is there a reason why he didn't tell me that he was the one that got me drunk. Questions were running through my mind and I needed answers.

"Alright that's a wrap". The photographer shouted.

I headed towards my dressing room and just sat there looking at my self in the mirror.

Nikki Sixx equals trouble. ________

September 25, 1985

I have been waiting for this week to come by and it is finally here. New York fashion week. It was being held in Manhattan at the skylight Clarkson Square. I already booked 15 shows and was paid a lot of money for it. I walked down the aisle with my head held high owning it. Tamara actually cried, I was shocked. But she was so happy to see me up there.

My whole family showed up for the show. And also some friends. I called Slash and his family to see if they could come but unfortunately he wasn't able too. However he did have some good news for me. He found a band in July. He was trying to get a hold of me but I was so busy it was hard for us to talk. I think the bands name is Guns N Roses. He told me that they were playing in LA at clubs like the Whisky a Go Go, Trabadour, and The Roxy. After im finished in New York I'll head down to LA to check out there gig. I'm very happy for him.

Also Motley Crues Theater of pain album has been climbing to the top of the charts. So much for Vince saying that the album sucked. Speaking of Vince, I invited him to come and watch me walk my first runway. But not just for that, today was the last day of fashion week. But it's also my Birthday, and I'm having a party well actually a dinner. Vince agreed not to tell the other guys seeing as my family was here and I didnt want anything bad to happen. My mom really liked Vince. It turns out that Vince was quite the charmer. My sisters even liked him. Me and Vince agreed not to say anything about Vince being in the band Motley Crue.... for now. We settled on him being Lisa's date. And yes I got Vince to call Lisa, I felt really bad. But is it weird that I was starting to like Vince..... a lot.

As for Nikki he called and tried to talk to me but I confronted him and ended up hanging the phone on his lying behind. He's been calling non stop after that leaving crazy messges. Personally, I think he's psychotic. He should have just told the truth. But knowing him, its always lies that come out of his mouth. And I wasn't going to beleive a single thing he had to say.

We ate dinner and everyone got along well. I finally had somthing go right... for now. _______

October 18, 1985, Toronto Canada

12:00 pm

A couple days after my first runway and birthday I headed home for a bit of a much needed break. Especially because I was doing interview after interview and commercials. Me and my sisters just got back from shopping we bought alot of things, well I bought alot of things. Just to have some sister time felt so good. Since I became famous we haven't spent alot of time with each other so it was nice going out.

We started taking our clothes out of our shopping bags and trying them on.

"This dress is really nice I should wear it when we go out some time." I looked over at Selena she's the oldest but shes really short. She put on a short blue dress and it really looked nice on her.

"I think so too. I like this skirt and top." I say putting the clothing on the bed matching them together. "You guys care too much about what you wear it's annoying." Felicia my younger sister is a tom boy she likes wearing mostly T-shirts and sweat pants. Where as Selena and I like dressing up. Maya the youngest was 2 so we usually dressed her up.

"Iman phone!" My mom yelled.

"Who is it?" I asked

"Vince!"

I ran to go get the phone. "Vince hey what's up!"

"Hey Mani, guess what?"

"What?" I said,

"Motley Crue is in Toronto baby!"

He shouted with excitment. I thought he was joking but when I looked and saw the number on the phone. I realized it was a number at one of the hotels downtown.

"No way, oh my God we have to chill."

"Hell yeah we do girl. So uuuuh can you call up some of your friends and come down to the Maple Leaf Gradens show today?"

"Is that where you guys are playing?"

"Yeah you should come watch us. This show is gonna be fucking crazy!"

"Considering what happened last time when I went to go see you guys in New York and ended up a drunk mess in Nikki's room. I think it would be a great idea to pass on that. I can meet you before the show and we can go out. I know some really fun places."

"Oh yeah sorry about that."

"We'll talk more when I see you, what hotel are you staying at?"

"The Hilton. Meet me there for about 4."

"Sounds great."

"Listen I didnt-"

(Loud yelling)

"Hello, hello, Vince?" All I could hear was loud yelling and the phone being hit around.

"Hello.... Vince?"

"Mani?"

I can't even tell you how fast I dropped the phone. It was Nikki. And I had no intention of speaking to him. ________

3:15 pm

I called up some of my friends and we drove down to the Hilton. My crew was Mia, Ashley, and Anna. We met in elementary school and stayed friends. They have always been there for me. We had other friends but us four were the tightest. We were ride or dies. They were so excited to meet Vince. My friends are like me but a bit worse. I won't lie they're very judgemental divas and would never settle for less. Oh like me, so never mind. I told them about the rest of the Motley boys. But they weren't interested in them especially because of the way they looked. We finally made it to the hotel and I called Vince from downstairs.

"Hey there sugar!" Vince shouted.

"Hey Vince!" I shouted back. I ran and gave him a big hug. We both walked backed to my friends. They started giggling and smiling as if me and Vince were a couple.

"My friend Mia drove so were going to go in her car and go to this wings place." I smiled.

Vince put his arm around me and smiled with all teeth. "That sounds great sweetheart."

"Yeah that does sound great." We heard a voice behind us and we all turned around. It was Nikki and Tommy.

"Oh h..hey guys. Uh we were just heading out." Vince said in a nervous voice. Nikki was glaring at me. It was a look that I couldn't even read. But I knew he was angry. And so was Tommy.

"Hope we can join you. I mean we weren't invited." Tommy snorted and glared at us.

"Theres no room in my car. It only seats five people sorry." Mia stated and smirked at Tommy.

"Sweety we don't need your cheap car we have limos. Were rockstars." Nikki and Tommy pushed passed us and walked out.

This was going to be a very chaotic afternoon. ______

We arrived at Wings Palace and everyone ordered what they wanted. The boys were so loud and ordered alot of alcohol. They started getting very rowdy and people were staring at us. Some were disapproving of them while others were taking pictures of us. Young fans came over to ask for autographs and some girls would even go as far as to ask them to sign there breasts. And I mean lift up there shirts right there with no bra. Yuk.

"So why the fuck weren't we invited out hmm?" Tommy asked looking at me.

"Uh well..... I didn't know if you wanted to come." I scratched my head. Wow Iman great lie Tommy's down for anything.

"I smell a bullshitter." Nikki snorted looking at me.

"What ever Nikki." I rolled my eyes. Nikki sat right beside me in the booth he was on the right I was in the middle and Mia on my other side. Vince sat across, he was in the middle Anna on his right and Ashley on his left he had both arms around them. They were in heaven. Tommy sat in chair pulled up to the table.

"So Vince what's it's like being a Rock Star. I see the whole bad boys behaviour on TV but you honestly don't look the type." Ashley smiled.

"Pfft." Nikki snorted "Vince is just as bad as us."

"Probably, but he looks better that's for sure." Anna cooed.

"Why cause he's a blonde hair bitch." Tommy and Nikki laughed.

"Y'know jealousy dosen't look good on you two." Ashley sneered.

"Neither does your hair cut." Nikki laughed.

I turned and glared at Nikki. "knock it off." I hissed.

"Fuck off." He said flipping me off.

"Here are your wings boys." The server said as she brought our wings. She looked over at Nikki and smiled.

"Thank you bye now." I shooed her away.

"Jealous are we." Nikki smirked.

"I would never be jealous of a girl that wanted to talk to you." I snorted.

"You know Iman at one point I actually thought you were a cool chick, but seeing as you didn't even want me and Sixx around to meet your stiff friends I think your a fucking bitch." Tommy says waving his hands at me.

"Wow real classy I can see why she didn't invite you two losers." Mia said as she bit a wing.

"Fuck you stupid cunt!" Nikki shouted throwing wings at Mia.

"Nikki stop!" I shouted.

"Get these losers out of here. You think because your rockstars you can talk to people any how you want!" Mia shouted.

"Ok woah guys now calm down." Vince raised his hands up.

"This is why I didnt invite you two. Everytime I go out with you two something always happens. Your either drunk or high or both!" I yelled and pushed Nikki out of the booth.

Nikki got up and thrashed the table throwing all the food to the floor and spilling the drinks every where on everyone.

"Fuck you bitches! I heard you were hear and I wanted to say sorry for what I did last time!" He gestured to me. "But I change my mind, you deserved to look like a drunken whore at that party!" Nikki yelled in my face.

My eyes went wide. I didn't know whether I wanted to slap him across the face or kill him. Instead, I got out of the booth and ran out of the building. I had enough of this guy and I wasn't going to put up with him any longer.

"Iman wait!" Nikki shouted and ran after me.

I picked up my pace and ran faster with tears filling my eyes and running down my cheeks. I didnt want to see any one, I just wanted to get as far away from them as possible. I ran straight inside the downtown Library were I knew I wouldn't be found.

"Iman!" Nikki shouted, or I thought I wouldn't be found. I ran up the stairs and stood in the corner of the library. Taking my hands and rubbing my wet face.

"God Nikki just leave me alone!" I shouted.

"No!" He shouted back.

"Shh" we were both startled by the librarian who came over to us "This is a quiet library not a place for you guys to be yelling. You can do that outside." The librarian hissed. We both looked at each other and rolled our eyes.

"Please just leave me alone Nikki." I whispered.

"No." He argues. "Not until you hear me out." I rolled my eyes.

"Look princess I fucked up at the party when I got you drunk ok and I'm sorry. I didn't tell you because... because I knew if I did you would never speak to me again. And I didn't want that for us."

I sighed."Nikki I would rather you tell me the truth than lie in my face. It makes me wonder what else you actually lie about."

"Ok you want to talk truth. Well why did you invite Vince to your first runway and Birthday? You didn't even tell me, Tommy, or fucking Mick about it? What kind of bullshit is that?" Nikki raised his voice turning me to face him.

I should kill Vince for saying anything to them. I told him not to and now I have to answer for it.

"Well me and Vince became close we talk now and then. I tell him about things I'm doing and he tells me about the things he's doing." I say looking at my feet. I looked back up and Nikki and he just had a sad expression on his face.

"And you can't do that with me? That's what your basically trying to say right?"

"No Nikki I cant! And I don't want to!" I said that with a harsh tone. I wanted to hurt him like he hurt my feelings back at Wings Palace and for every other place he had hurt me. But when I looked into his eyes he looks like he could cry right now. And I felt a bit guilty for what I said. Until his face changed into the angry Nikki I was used to seeing.

"Fine fuck you then!" He snapped and walked away.

I met back up with my friends and we hung around later then I expected. We stayed for the show which turned out to be great. I had to call my mom from the arena so she wouldn't freak out. But she wanted me home anyways. We said our goodbyes to Vince and Mick. Tommy and Nikki ignored me and my friends. So that was a great night. Not!

_____ 3.22 am

I was in my room sleeping when all of a sudden a car horn started going off outside and someone started screaming my name at the top of their lungs. It was probably a crazy fan. All the lights went on and everyone ran out of their rooms and headed to the front door. I looked out the door and..oh my God it was Nikki. He was smiling drunkenly at me with his Jack Daniel's bottle in his hand. He was still in his stage clothes and he looked like a mess. Tommy was with him grabbing him trying to get him back in the car. How the hell did they know where I lived.

"Oh there look T bone! Awww theres my princess! Look how fucking beautiful you are!" Nikki slurred.

I moved and hid behind the door so he wouldnt see me again. I can't believe this guy came here like this. I'm so embarrassed.

"No! Mani baby please I'm sorry. I just...I'm a mess!" He slurred and fell on the ground with his bottle spilling.

"Who is this man?" My mom yelled "call security right now and get these dirty drunks off my property now!" My demanded. "Get off my property or I'll call the cops!" She yelled in there direction.

"Look im really sorry I'll take him home please don't call the cops!" Tommy shouted back.

"Mani baby just wait for me please. I'll get my shit together I promise! Just dont break yours!" Nikki shouted as Tommy picked him up and through him in the back of the car.

"I'm really sorry!" Tommy shouted and waved. He got in his car and drove off.

My mom shut the door and looked at me with a straight face. "Start talking now!" She shouted at me.

"I don't... I don't know those guys." I said with a hesitant voice.

"Do not lie in my face. Cause if I find out that your involved with any guy. You are done with your career. Especially if he looks like that pile of junk outside! They look like a bunch of leather head rock stars! Well not for my daughter! You will get a good Catholic man!" My mom pointed in my face.

"I don't know him, it happens in LA a lot when I'm on the streets." I whispered. I was terrified of my mom. I felt like I was about to pee in my pants when she gave me that look. The sweat was drizzling down my face and in my Pitts. My breathing was heavy and I felt like I was going to pass out.

"Good for nothing rock star junkies is what they are." She walked away and my sisters looked at me then walked upstairs to there room. I hated lying to my mom, but this lie had to be told.

I walked up to my room and I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. I thought about the promise that I made to Nikki. A promise that unfortunately I would have to break. My mom would never accept Nikki. Even if I ended up falling in love with someone like him. She could never accept him for all his chains and leather.

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Stay Ch. 16

Master List

Pairing: Natasha X Reader (Female)

Summary: You have a gift, the ability to see other people’s innermost secrets. For years you used it to gather intel for the highest bidder when you take on The Widow. After she becomes more than a mark the two of you spend years stealing moments. Post snap you wait in your designated meeting place, look back on the sordid past you share with the woman you love and hope against everything that she’s still alive.

Warnings: Angst, and fluff, and feels oh my!

A/N:  So yeah I swear I wroth an authors note for this... but idfk what happened. 

ANYWAY! Thank you all for being so patient while I got my life together. This one is also short and sweet (guess that’s the mood I’m in). However, y’all should know me by now. This is just the calm before the storm. 

Hope you enjoy this one my pumpkins! 

Tags are open!

@mywinterwolf  @disagreetoagree  @breezy1415  @peachthatdrinkslemonade  @5aftermidnight@jeromethepsycho  @marvel-randomness  @daniellajocelyn  @katecolleen  @yanginginthere@wonderlandmind4 @piensa-bonito @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @lesbian-girls-wayhaught @siriuslycloudy2

March 2007

At some point in the last five months, you’d stopped recognizing yourself. The woman in the mirror wasn’t Y/N. Her hair was different, down to even the eyebrows. Her accent distinctly that of a life long Londoner. She worked for an independent UK couture fashion magazine, chose wine over whiskey, and was distinctly heterosexual.

When the chance to work this job requiring deep cover came up in December you jumped on it. You didn’t want to be you anymore. The you that couldn’t be with the woman you loved. The you that was heartbroken. The you who was beginning to doubt that you’d ever be happy. Fuck her.

Being Charlie Daniels was far better. She was, of course, a real person. Just one who was now living comfortably in the Bahamas courtesy of MI6. Even legit agencies had use of freelance talent every now and then.

Settling into her life had been easy. Not setting her boss on fire or blowing his brains out daily was a different task altogether. Turned out that a magazine was a great front for a crime empire. Lots of international travel, young and beautiful and desperate men and women, money exchanged in countless untraceable ways, on and on. And this fucker was happy to take advantage of every single disgusting avenue it opened up.

You almost had everything you needed to hand to MI6, get your obscenely large payout, and get on to another gig while they threw all of these bastards into cells to rot for the rest of their miserable lives. Just one more trip. After whatever horrible things they lay out in Tokyo you’ll be set.

Tokyo is one of those cities you can lose yourself in. Like New York but better for its interesting balance of vibrancy and grounded reserve. You absolutely love it.

The whole point of the trip, at least on the surface, was to focus on Fashion Week Tokyo. Honestly, there was a part of you that wished this was your world. Nothing but runway shows and after parties. Writing about the latest trends rather than delving into the inner workings of the worlds miscreants

Oh well. It was nice enough to pretend. You had to admit that you’d miss Charlie Daniels once you shed this skin in a couple of weeks.

You’re sitting two people down from your boss at an underground show. The level of security here screams that there are other things going on behind the scenes but it’s still a room filled with a who’s who of the Japanese and international fashion communities.

This was your third show of the day, and you knew there would be a party after where you’d have to schmooze all while plucking information from your unsuspecting fellow guests. You’re exhausted. So rather than pay much attention to the show you let your mind wander.

When she walks out you feel her rather than see her.  Slowly you turn your head to stare dumbstruck at the model walking onto the catwalk. Your heart begins beating against your ribs, your mouth goes dry, your hands shake.

It takes every ounce of control you have to keep your emotions in. To not scream “Natasha!” at the top of your lungs. To not grab her and run for the hills. Charlie Daniels and her easy life be damned. It’s hard but you manage.

As she turns and comes back down, passing now closer to you, her eyes don’t graze  the crowd at all. Head up, shoulders back, she walks the runway like she’d been doing it for years.

The rest of the show is maybe ten minutes but it feels like years. You know the models are all attending the party. Eye candy for the high end guests.

It’s fairly easy to ditch your coworkers in the crowd as you try to find the best vantage point in the room without being too obvious. After a solid twenty minutes, you find yourself planning an escape route. Most of the models are milling about but she’s no where to be seen. You will find her.

But you know you can’t skip out just yet. At the bar, you order a red wine and make yourself seen. Charlie would never miss the whole party after all. You spend a bit chatting with designers and a few models, feigning interest in the whole thing until you hear your boss call out to you.

“Oy, Charlie!” Carl’s voice alone makes you want to put him down. When you turn he’s waving you over to the bar. Sighing heavily you head over.

You’re about ten feet away when you see her, head back laughing at something Carl or his friend had said. Both men are far to close to her for your liking and the hungry look on Carl’s face sets your blood boiling.

He slings an arm around your shoulders and you carefully coach your face to not show disgust. “Charlie here is my best writer. Doin’ some pieces for us on this whole thing,” he waves his other hand around wildly.

“Good to meet ya, Charlie, I’m Dan,” the other man, clearly American says.

“Likewise,” Natasha doesn’t react to the accent at all.

“This here is-”

“Natalie,” Natasha cuts him off, extending a hand to you. Holding her eyes with yours you take it. It’s like touching a live wire.

“Natalie is an American model working here in Japan. May be a good topic for a piece.” He ribs you leaning closer, “And a good piece for the office eh?” Suddenly that MI6 money seems far less appealing.

“I’d love that,” Natasha beams. “Why don’t you guys go mingle and Charlie and I can chat!” The men exchange a glance, but there’s plenty of fresh meat around to sink their teeth into.

Carl flashes you a greasy smile and a wink as he walks away. Thinking clearly that you’re going to snare this woman for him. You, unfortunately, had a few others. Not something you were proud of. Demands of the job you told yourself.

“She’ll take a vodka neat,” you tell the bartender.

“Yes,” Natasha smiles at him, “Whiskey for her. Makers if you have it.” He thinks nothing of it and makes your drinks.

“So, how’s modeling in Japan?”

“Probably about as good as writing for a sleazy jackal.”

You laugh, “That bad? What’s the goal.”

“Getting a cover,” you commend the clever word play.

“That’s a good goal. Long term?”

“Something like that.” She takes a sip of her vodka, “How long are you here?”

“End of the week.” Your skin itches to touch her. The men are rounding back. You hold her gaze and shift your eyes back to them. She catches on.

“Perfect! It’s so hard to have a good interview here, don’t you think?”

“Absolutely. Why don’t you come by my hotel?” You whip out your spare key card. “I’d love to get your story for the mag, maybe do a full feature.”

“A feature would be excellent exposure!”

“Wouldn’t it?” Carl slides up next to her. “We can get you all the exposure you could want Ms. Natalie.”

“Charlie was telling me all about it.” She flashes him a coy smile. “Thank you so much Charlie! I forgot I have a late fitting tonight for another show so I’ve got to run. But we’ll chat soon yeah?”

“Absolutely! It was so good to meet you Natalie.”

“Same! Bye!” She hurries through the crowded room and disappears.

“Busy girl.” Carl quips. “Whiskey?” You look down at the glass by your hand.

“Some guy sent them over,” you gesture to Natasha’s lipstick stained glass. “Seemed rude to refuse. Can’t stand the stuff though.”

“That’s a mans drink,” Carl laughs at his own perceived joke and you force a smile.

Somehow you make it through the rest of the evening. You’d refused to allow yourself to hope that she’d be here, too obvious to come the same night, better to wait. Kicking off your shoes you head straight to the mini bar and crack open a whiskey, downing it in one gulp.

“You really need to be more careful,” Natasha’s voice comes from the bathroom. “I mean not even checking around. Sloppy.”

“Charlie Daniels doesn’t have to check for Russian assassins in her bathroom,” a smile pulls your face so tight it hurts.

“Well, Natalie Rushman isn’t a Russian spy. So…”

You let your real accent resurface as you pull her into your arms, “Natalie Rushman, I don’t know if that’s clever or lazy.” She kisses you hard, tongue sliding over your lips hands gripping your ass.

“Mmm,” she hums. “Kinda like the accent.”

“Oh?” You revert to the clipped posh Londoner sound. “Would you rather be with Charlie? I hate to break it to you, she’s strictly into dick so you may need to get a bit creative.”

Natasha’s head falls back with laughter, “I’m always into a challenge but,” she cups your face in her hands, “I’d much rather Y/N, she’s got a cute accent too.” Your kiss is soft this time, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, honey.” Gently you push a strand of hair out of her face. “Is this smart? Are you gonna get-”

“I’m good. I wouldn’t be here if I thought there was risk.” She pulls away and tugs you toward the bed. “There’s no surveillance on me here, I check in every week, that’s it. This is strictly to build a cover.”

“Cover for what?” She gives you a sideways glance. “Right. National security.”

“Do you really want to talk about work?”

Smirking at her you push her back on the bed. “Maybe later.”

You lean down to her but she stops you by planting a strappy heel in the center of your chest. Trailing your fingers down her leg you snag a knife from her thigh holster. Carefully you slide the blade under the straps, the incredibly sharp edge cuts through the thin suede like it’s nothing.

“Those were very expensive you know,” eyes sparkling with desire.

You slip the shoe off and toss it aside. “I’ll buy you a new pair.” Your lips press against her ankle.  

Everything in your life until her was so fleeting. Even your own name, the sound of your own voice, who you were… But with her, you were grounded. You weren’t anything but her’s, you were Y/N.

Suddenly you’re overwhelmed. Caressing her muscular calf you just stare at her eyes. Emerald green, dark liner, lids heavy with lust and exhaustion.

“Natasha…” Your voice cracks and you fight for composure.

“Y/N? What is it?” She shoots up, cradling your face in her hands.

You shake your head, unable to really find the words and unwilling to send this storm of emotions to her. “I just…” You cover her hands with your own. It’s not that you don’t want her, you do. But…

“Can we just… I just wanna hold you…” Her expression immediately softens, eyes sparkling a touch with tears. “Sorry… I… I just…”

“I’d love that, baby.” Tenderly her lips brush yours, then your cheeks, your forehead, your eyelids as they flutter closed.

You shed your clothes and crawl into the plush bed. Holding tight to one another you spend hours drifting in and out of sleep, covering the other with soft kisses. Before the sun rises your hands wander southward.

This time you don’t fuck one another senseless. It feels like you’re trying to memorize every curve, every sound, every subtle thing that marks being together. You both know you many not get to do this for some time. The knowledge aches but it doesn’t make having her any less sweet.

Post Snap

You lean your head back on the wall behind the booth. The crying man from last night is gone, you find yourself hoping that he’s resting peacefully somewhere… even though you know it’s pointless to hope for such things.

There are more people filling the bar than there was before. The TVs are off, radios turned up, reporters frantically trying to determine what happened. It was global, that was clear. All planes grounded, trains stopped, communications spotty due to damaged cell towers.

A man speaks frantically to someone who seems to be a friend that he was heading to Nuremberg from Budapest, how the roads are almost not navigable. He doesn’t know if his family is even still there but he has to find out.

Despite his distress, your lips curl a bit at the mention of Budapest.

[uayv]

i just realized its been a little over a year since I graduated and had to pull my shit together to find a job. heres some tips if anyone feels a little lost and some examples from my own struggles.

start with your cv! whether you’re applying for a summer internship program or fresh outta uni trying to figure out how you’re supposed to navigate the job market, start with your cv. take every little thing you’ve ever done and construct something out of it! look at any extracurriculars youve done or any interests and skill you’ve picked up over the years and figure out. i literally got my foot in the door because i learned how to read html/css on tumblr so i kinda dropped it in my interests and mentioned it in my interview and im pretty sure it gave me a bit of an edge for getting the position. 

window shop a little! there are so many jobs and job expectations out there! take a look around and familiarize yourself. getting yourself acquainted with the market and the language that people use is super important and can help you go back and polish up your cv to fit it. I struggled with this a little bit myself. I went to uni in canada but came back to hk so the entry position names and the terms that they used for recruiting was pretty different (idk if its the same for other places but uhhh like in hk all the entry level/fresh grad positions are ‘executive’ positions lmao which i did not know). i would say definitely try to figure out key terms or skills that will make it easier to filter your search.

dont preemptively disqualify yourself! apply to jobs that you dont think you’re fully qualified for. literally. actually. apply. im not saying like shoot for the something unreasonable. but dont be turned off by postings that expect more years or more experience than you have. dont disqualify yourself before you even get the chance to try. the worst that could happen is you dont get a response. the best that could happen is you get called in for an interview. either or its still just another part of the process! everyones gotta start somewhere with experience so just give yourself the chance to get some.

alter your cv’s and cover letters! everyone says it. actually do it. have one basic cv that has everything on it. thats your building block and probably the cv you can use to send out to general jobs that youre kinda interested in but really just shooting your shot just to try. when you see a job you’re really interested in or really fits a certain skill or background that you have then create another cv that accentuates those skills! you gotta mold yourself a little to fit the image that the person whose hiring you is looking for. tailor your cover letters a little to the company and the job posting and align yourself for the position. its the same concept as buying the right shoes for the right sports. youre not gonna wear converse to a 100m sprint. and youre not gonna send him some generic cover letter to a job youre really aiming for.

make a spreadsheet! i literally applied to so many jobs that i couldnt keep track without the spreadsheet. it was helpful for if i got a call for an interview and had to go back to reference what the exact expectations for the post was. mine looked like this (company; position applied for; location; date applied; where i found it; a response column; and a details column that linked to the job posting’) but for sure tailor yours to your own job search. [yes i applied to like almost 150 jobs but yknow most were just shots in the dark for shits and giggles]

dont necessarily take the first job you hear back from! congrats maybe you got an interview and got an offer! don’t be scared to say no. unless its a job that you know you’re really gunning for and super interested in, i wouldnt advise to settle if you can afford not to. the tip i gave my friend was to think about whether or not you still wanted to look for other jobs when you receive the offer. i know this is a luxury not everyone can decide to take but if you can then do so. if you cant afford the extra search time, then take the job as a learning opportunity. like i said before everyone has to start somewhere if theyre gaining experience.

give yourself a break.. dudes its hard to transition out of a system thats been guiding you since you essentially knew how to write your name. if you get the chance give yourself a break and dont continually get stressed about this. take a breather, schedule some time outta your day. if youre trying then a job will come. the right one. 

edit: i wanted to also add some general places to look at for postings

linkedin / indeed.com - both let you create cv’s, job search, save jobs youre interested in, and quick apply. theyre good places to start just cause there’s so many postings. dont just look at the jobs, look at the companies and sister companies.

go directly to a company you’re interested in - if youve got an interest in working with a certain person or company, literally go to the website and see if theres a hiring/contact/linkedin for the company and directly apply there. send a email! there’s bound to be a way to contact them (lmao respectfully pls)

check out some university job boards - some are public, or if youve just graduated there might still be access for you. my uni also had a ‘jobs’ facebook page. dont forget about alumni groups if your school might have one. alumni groups are literally made for you to connect and try to open opportunities.

graduateland / angellist / jobsdb (if ur in asia) - check out the smaller more ‘boutique’ places that are more tailored to ur geo or interests. like for example angellist is mostly for startups and smaller companies.

[everydayanth]

The Liam Neeson Thing...

Okay guys, this is gonna get complex and personal right quick. But it’s been bothering me and I’m working on posting more without thinking about it for two weeks until nobody cares anymore.

So here goes.

Context matters. Context is important and it can be complicated, but it freakin’ matters. 

In my opinion, Liam Neeson’s flaw was that he thought a rapist would be the kind of person to also attack him. 

Here’s the thing guys, if you’ve never heard someone you love confess to you that they have been irrevocably hurt by a person, you need to take a step back for a minute. 

That moment, talking about it, it’s extremely vulnerable, so this is a bit hard for me, but in a moment of chaos and torment, a person you love and care deeply for is breaking apart in front of you and there isn’t a damned thing you can do about it. There’s not a damn thing you can do but hold them and cry with them and hurt for them and try to help and figure out the right thing to say. 

And when they’re tucked safe in bed and you’re researching what you can do for them or laying awake thinking about what you could possibly say, the amount of guilt and hurt and anger hits you in the chest, it fills you so wholly that you just need to find a way to let it out. It’s a dangerous rage, it’s immature and unhealthy and so so so painful. 

We don’t talk about emotions in America. We just don’t. So of course we want to put this emotion into a context we discuss, and idea we understand. 

But it’s not an -ism, it’s an emotion. 

If you don’t think when my sister told me about our cousin assaulting her that I didn’t wander around my ghetto ass neighborhood waiting for some big white guy to try to hurt me, well, you’d be wrong. Our brain makes patterns, my cousin didn’t live in our city, but I knew he was a big white guy with a shitty pencil beard, my brain classified that as a pattern. Every time I talked to a big white guy, I had to check myself, yeah. But when my brain registered a human who looked like my cousin, my heart rate ran up and I would will them to attack me. I wanted to fight because I didn’t know what else to do with all that pain, all that helpless emotion. But I could wander around places where someone was bound to get hurt anyway and invite the fight to me. 

Neeson was wandering around areas inviting a fight. INVITING, not instigating. It is a common reaction of revenge and feeling hurt, and we’re shoving this idea into something familiar - outrage, racism, etc., anything so we don’t have to actually talk about emotions. 

He was looking for a “black bastard,” poor choice of words, I agree, but he was hoping that guy, the one who hurt his friend, would challenge him, and it would just happen to be the same guy and he could get his anger out. It’s not healthy, but if they man who hurt his friend had been white and he’d wandered around lower class white neighborhoods inviting a fight, would it have been racism? 

This had an opportunity to be a conversation about what the fuck you do around a friend who confesses they were raped and hurt to you. After all the #MeToo (or in the midst of it), how do you be a friend to your loved ones who feel ready to confess to you? What do you do to manage that amount of disgust you feel at the world, that rage and hate and hurt and horror that there’s not a single damn thing you can do? 

This could have been a conversation about grief and friendship and growth and complex emotions. But we made it about the race of a rapist instead. 

That’s how much we don’t want to talk about feelings. 

We would focus on a man talking for the first time about the anger of helplessness in the face of a friend’s pain and come out in outrage. 

Here’s the reality guys, racism is forming a series of patterns based on skin color that aren’t true. They can be based off stereotypes or influenced by false representation in sensational news. Racism is NOT fighting your brain’s reality in order to form a more balanced understanding of the world. I was assaulted by a bunch of black kids at a playground when I was 14, it was terrifying and it’s a long and complex story but the short of it is very simple: I lived in a black neighborhood and this was not my only experience with black kids. I went to school with middle class black kids and I hung out with other black kids, this was NOT my only experience, and therefore, my brain was capable of nixing the pattern before it was created. Black kids weren’t dangerous, those kids were just assholes. 

Racism is if Neeson went to those places and started fights. I can’t know whether he did or not, but it’s if he went around and accused every black man of being a rapist, in his head or otherwise. I didn’t have a lot of experience with big white guys, so it took me much longer not to feel nervous around them than it did to write off my brain’s pattern about the black kids. Emotions and how our brains work are important details for us to know, and it’s the real reason diversity matters, it keeps our patterns in context. Neeson coming out of the situation horrified at himself shows growth of emotion, the dismissal of the pattern, recognizing that it is false without acting on it, understanding the power of agency is an illusion because he would never find that particular man. 

Comparing this to the policing issues isn’t the same, because of their place in society, their home culture society, and the results of their opinions. A police officer has a responsibility to the public to understand their emotions and their racial biases, an actor is responsible for displaying emotion. We can’t hold these people to the same accountability, that would be ridiculous, for a police officer, emotions need to be stable and understood and should involve a LOT more psychology training. For an actor... they entertain us with their emotions. They need to be self aware and reflective in order to project our experiences in stories. We still expect race car drivers to follow the speed limits and we understand that doctors have to call in sick sometimes, the world isn’t fair and occupation doesn’t dismiss personal biases or professional demeanor, but context matters. A doctor calling in sick after handling small pox in a lab requires observation and questions, an actor talking about rage and looking for a fight when he was younger and confessing horror at that version of himself while promoting a film about revenge kind of seems like part of the job, of doing the job well.  

And it’s not racist because it was not instigated by the color of skin as perceived by an individual to be less or more - he was inviting a fight with a black man on the word of his friend. That was wrong, and so was me doing it with large white men (also because I am not that large of a white woman, so that wasn’t going to end well for me), but he even said in a follow up interview that they could have killed him. The interviewer says she thinks of the innocent black man that could have been killed and Neeson responds “Or he could have killed me.” BUT HE WASN’T INSTIGATING FIGHTS, he was INVITING them! He wasn’t looking for an innocent man, he was waiting for someone to try to hurt him so he could release the extreme emotions. These are different. These are SO different. 

This conversation can go back to what it could have been. Race of the rapist aside, what do you do when a person you love confides in you that they have been hurt and scared and they are breaking apart in front of you? How do you process your emotions and heartbreak? What can you do or say? How can you feel like you’re helping? Is that selfish? Why do we need to feel like we’re helping? How do you manage your own trauma so you don’t loop theirs in with yours? How do you self reflect so that you stop your brain forming false patterns when you’re filled with so much hurt and pain? How do you not become a villain of the world, hating everyone for always telling you you are helpless? How do you find control in yourself when you’re imploding and be responsible and mature with emotions? How do you talk about it in a society that wants to be angry? How do you not hate them for focusing on your reaction to a rapist rather than being angry with an individual for being an asshole and RAPING your friend?

How do we return to a conversation about emotions and how, unchecked, they can lead to pain and anger and rage, and eventually, if we don’t have a moment of clarity and rationality, if we are not balanced in the world, they can become biases that develop into ignorance and racism? How do we focus on context so that we don’t become arrogant and disconnected, classists by nature because we interact with such a small and similar world? How do we connect and talk about the human experience when society turns away from us in favor of what is familiar? How do we have a logical discussion about emotion when we can’t even talk about meaning and intent? How do we accuse someone of racism when, had the rapist been white, the conversation might have focused on the context of emotion and pain and hurt and the process of healing - it was the outraged audience that pointed at the race as important, as the meaningful factor, how do we look at that hypocrisy and not feel utterly defeated?

How do we scream at the world that we need help, we all need help, without crucifying ourselves? I have no idea, this post is terrifying and I have no idea what to expect. Maybe nothing would be good? To return to not a single note or like or comment, to be unheard and dismissed and navigated around might be good because I want to talk about this reality but it. Is. Terrifying. 

And maybe it’s all a projection. Maybe I’m the racist and I want to defend someone I relate to. But it feels more right that we as a society don’t talk about emotions, we lock them up like these secret things we’re terrified other people will discover. I’m working on vulnerability lately, and what better place to talk about all the shit that’s ever happened to me than the freakin’ internet! I’m just a person and from my experiences, I think I understand what Neeson meant. But that could equally be a self-aggrandizing reality that doesn’t exist. Perhaps he’s just a racist, a professional actor with a successful career who took this exact moment to reveal his true colors, what a sneaky man! 

But more probably, the logic says, he’s a professional actor with a successful career who took this moment to discuss the emotions he’s had to reflect on and relive for the past year or so in order to play a role in a film that he hopes will entertain and reflect something of the human experience. He more probably took the moment to discuss a human experience and we did not listen because it’s more popular not to listen or because we could not relate or because we just want to be angry and sometimes pulling weeds is so exhausting we raze the whole garden instead. We did not talk about the moment he was horrified with himself because we don’t want to talk about growth or greys, we want the world to stabilize so we can see the bad guys clearly. 

We really ought to know by now that there are no clear bad guys. 

And we know Neeson likes to play in those lines. What is good? What is bad? They aren’t a duality, they are a false dichotomy, created by whatever world you grew up in, whatever experiences you had, whatever your society or culture told you, whatever education you discovered, and whatever philosophy you’ve come to believe. But in a moment of vulnerable confession, in all that grey reality, your friend tells you about a bad guy and they become singularly bad. They don’t exist beyond that. And that’s what is horrifying. That you stop seeing humanity as grey and suddenly it becomes good or bad, that’s the scary part about revenge and inviting fights, it encourages a black-and-white view of the world that says the rapist is ONLY bad and your friend is ONLY good. 

A bit ironic that, in trying to talk about that tunnel-vision-rage, Neeson found himself the target of it.

It’s raw, that anger. It’s part of all the hurt that has happened to you and then you couldn’t even protect your friend or family. Why did you go through all that pain if you couldn’t grow enough to save them? That guilt is a liar, you didn’t hurt them, the asshole did, and you need that to be true or else you were also the cause of all your own pain as well. So you look for the assholes because then at least you could be useful, you could protect them from one asshole by taking the hit. We need to talk about that kind of hurt, about sacrificing the self for revenge because you can’t find worth anymore. We need to talk about existential nihilism that hides inside outrage because you can’t find meaning anymore. We need to talk about emotions and how to talk about them so we can be better friends, better people, so when we look for guidance on talking to friends about their hurt, we find advice on how to not be overwhelmed by rage and guilt and disgust and anger and violence. 

That’s the conversation we could have had. That’s the world we could have started to create. But outrage culture is racist and racism gets attention and we all just want to be heard because we don’t know how to talk about our emotions. Interesting how it keeps going around like that. 

[xstarox]

Long post

2017-2018 was really a bad year (except when i met my sunshine aka my bebi so)

So, first few months of 2015 my first love left me cuz he wanted to pursue his career by being a pilot so thats what he chose and i fully understand even though it really hurts cuz we had so many plans like LOT of plans, man. Those were the days when i don’t even overthink about him leaving me or something because we were really happy and everythings perfect. My parents loved him so much. His parents loved me so much. We were in ONE like ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY. Good times. I never regret letting him in my life because at one point he was the reason why i was really happy and enjoying those little things and just living in those moment where just seeing him makes me complete and he was so perfect and he was always there for me like even after the break up, he always checks up on me but he got busy and all and so am i so that’s just it but he still wanna see me when i go back in the philippines cuz we’re still friends and that’s good. Good times from 2014-2016

So after dating my “first love” till 2017, I met this guy, who became my ex-fiance, so here’s why “EX-fiance” I think i never really loved him. I just wanted someone to be there for me that’s why i said “yes” because i was really sad when my “first love” left me. It really breaks my heart using someone. I know it’s such a bad thing but what can i do? I was really broken. Yeah, shitty reason cuz i broke my “ex-fiance’s” heart too by cheating on him. lotta times. I wasn’t really myself i guess. I was so demanding. I feel like i’m not gonna meet someone like “my first” love and it scares me a lot. I did lotta shit. I tried to make it up to him but it doesn’t really work out so he cheated on me too. So same shit now right? I think thats when i realized that i had to leave the philippines so i can find myself. you know? Cuz i wasn’t really myself before. Like it wasn’t me at all. I asked myself like why would i use someone who just wants the best for me? So i tried to changed but shit happens. He cheated again and i didn’t really care at all. I feel like my heart went from being soft to solid rock. I would scream at him and cuss the shit outta him and just say that i don’t care anymore cuz i wanted him to realized that he should just leave. Been together for a year but it was all pretending and all fightings and shit. There’s no love at all. Even my parents doesn’t really like the fact that he keeps calling them when i don’t answer my phone when i don’t wanna talk to him. It was ALL TOXIC. Thats the point where i don’t even planning on going back in the philippines. I just wanted to be alone for a while cuz it was too much. He made me overthink and i broke him. I ruined him and we never really had a “closure” but if one time he checks up this blog, just want to let you know that i’m sorry for ruining you and i forgive you too for doing such things.

So, next guy? Hmm, i never thought i’d still talk about him though but here we go, So..He was like the second guy i really fell in love with like so hard, man. I met him on this dating app (pls dont judge me haha) first time we talked there’s a clicked, you know? He wanted to get coffee and meet up and i couldn’t meet him that day cuz my sister will kill me hahah but after i think a week of talking? we met cuz i asked him if he knows this place and he was the one who offered me to drop me off ((it was my interview haha)) and then i waited for him that day. Damn. Love at first sight was real huh? It was so fucking real. I couldn’t even look at him when were talking. I didn’t even shake his hands or hug him cuz i was so shy. He was so attractive. He was so nice. He was amazing, man. He was like the definition of perfection so long-story-short. we dated. we were really happy. things are good even though sometimes we fought a lot cuz he keeps overthinking about stuff (family, me, my family, him, everything) i tried to helped him though. Stayed up all night for him so he won’t feel that he’s alone cuz i know how he felt before that he was alone and that no one was there for him but then there’s me. I tried to gave him my all. I tried to be there for him even though every damn day he was pushing me away. I remember him saying goodbye straight to my face. we were in the car. outside my house. I was like crying so fucking hard. I was thinking that moment that “i cant lose him. i cant. not him.” He became my world even just for a while. My family knows him. My nephew and niece loved him. He was like a part of the family. yeah? But shit happens. He left. I felt that moment that i lost every fucking thing. I lost my other half. I lost my best friend. I lost him. I lost everything. Oh man. He left because his parents found out about me cuz apparently he couldn’t date anyone. Fix marriage ya know? Thats their thing. He told me that at first but i thought i could change that but i couldn’t and that hurts. I know how hurts he was too. It wasn’t easy i know. we were really in love. so in love. I tried to force myself into him even though he doesn’t want me in his life cuz he told me he can’t meet me anymore. he can’t be with me anymore. I always leave message for him when i’m drunk like “i hope ur happy and i love you so much and i miss you” but after few months i found out that he found another girl and thats when i realized that i have to just let it go. That i have to let go of the person who i thought i knew. Even though he said that he’d choose me over anyone else that ain’t the truth. Maybe people lie so they could make us feel that theres hope even though there isn’t and that’s okay because in the end you’ll knOw your worth and you’ll thank them for doing such things. I will never hate you. You know i never would. Thank you for the happiness, sadness, heartaches, overthinking and all. You changed me and i hope i made an impact in your life.

So enough with the heart aches, let’s talk about happiness now.

Ah man, I never thought i’d be so happy now. I’m really thankful that i met my boyfriend, he’s like the best thing ever. Since day 1. Since day 1 he was there for me. From being this so sad girl to this annoying kulit girl who talks a lot and annoy him a lot. He changed me you know? I know theres still times that i overthink but it doesn’t mean na i’m gonna be like that forever but i’m thankful because you’ve been helping me to get through this baby. You’ve been supporting me, You’ve been very understanding, You’ve been really nice and you’re so amazing. You’re so perfect. I’m so thankful for you. Everyday you always checks up on me if i’m okay or not and you’d always call me or suprise me and just be there for me. Every time that we’re together it’s always happy and it’s enough and you’re enough and i thank god that he gave me the best gift ever which is you. I got to love by the most amazing person. You’re such an angel, baby and i love you so much. Thank you for always putting me first. You know you can always count on me like i count on you, right? My fams really happy that i’m happy now because of you. You helped me a lot, babe. You helped me so much and i’d be forever thankful for that. I know sometimes theres arguments but it doesn’t mean na i’ll give up because i promised na no matter what happens, i’ll be here. and i will love you. You’re my bestfriend, my sunshine, my bebi, my love-love, my everything. You’re such a blessing and i’m really happy baby and don’t worry you’ll never lose me. I got you, You got me. we got this, okay? me and you and everything. Im not gonna love anyone like i love you. I love you so much and thank you for everything you’ve done for me. You changed me for the better, babe. I’m thankful for everything. I love you

[r0rorowurboat]

All of them!

200: My crush’s name is: n/a lmao199: I was born in: naples, fl198: I am really: gay?? idk197: My cellphone company is: t mobile196: My eye color is: green/blue/gray/idk man195: My shoe size is: 7 1/2 8 sometimes194: My ring size is: um i think that was 7 too but i dont remember193: My height is: 5′4″192: I am allergic to:pineapples and penicillin191: My 1st car was: a v old red saturn190: My 1st job was: a waitress189: Last book you read: um i think it was uhhhhhh shit uhhhh god fuck it was the warrior cats book but!!! it was bc i was stuck at my sister house with nothing but bibles or that series to read188: My bed is: an air mattress atm187: My pet: is perfect and i love her her name is luna and shes a little black cat who loves cuddles and kisses186: My best friend:is wonderful and i love him185: My favorite shampoo is: uhm. error i hardly ever use shampoo bc i have v dry curly hair and it makes it horrible184: Xbox or ps3: pc boi183: Piggy banks are: cure182: In my pockets: they dont make pockets in womens fashion wtf are you on. but uh. usually my phone, wallet, and keys181: On my calendar: i.. dont.. have one. 180: Marriage is: alright i guess. tax benefits179: Spongebob can: do that annoying laugh 178: My mom: tries v hard177: The last three songs I bought were? *squints* i think... it was keshas new album?176: Last YouTube video watched: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQuR8LVKhUE175: How many cousins do you have? 2174: Do you have any siblings? yes i have 3 older sisters173: Are your parents divorced? yeup172: Are you taller than your mom? nope171: Do you play an instrument? not anymore but i used to play clarinet170: What did you do yesterday? uhm spent the day at home as usual[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: nah man168: Luck: to an extent i guess?167: Fate: i dont think so. 166: Yourself: sometimes165: Aliens: yes164: Heaven: nah163: Hell: nah162: God: nah161: Horoscopes: yes160: Soul mates: nah159: Ghosts: hmmm probably158: Gay Marriage: yes!157: War: no156: Orbs: orbs?? what are those?? like in ghost hunter shows? bc if so then no155: Magic: hm. what type? i think theres stuff we dont know about but idk if id call it magic. I think certain things have more power than we give credit. idk its hard to explain.[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs153: Drunk or High: drunk152: Phone or Online: online151: Red heads or Black haired: redheadsredheadsredheads150: Blondes or Brunettes: hmmmm blondes i guess?149: Hot or cold: cold148: Summer or winter: winter147: Autumn or Spring: autumn146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: hmmm oranges143: Curly or Straight hair: curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonalds141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: pc139: Flip flops or high heals: usually sneakers tbh but uhhh i own more heels then flip flops138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: hm i mean i guess sweet and poor? im already poor so137: Coke or Pepsi: i dont drink soda, water. or coffee136: Hillary or Obama: obama135: Burried or cremated: cremated134: Singing or Dancing: singing133: Coach or Chanel: um. walmart? 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who or who?131: Small town or Big city: hm idk. probably city? 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: neither pls128: Manicure or Pedicure: hmmm manicure probs.127: East Coast or West Coast: i live on the east coast but idk west coast is home to a lot of friends so hmmmm126: Your Birthday or Christmas: its like a week apart there isnt much difference125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: disney123: Yankees or Red Sox: i dont sports[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: icky121: George Bush: memes?120: Gay Marriage: im gay119: The presidential election: my vote didnt matter!118: Abortion: its your body your choice117: MySpace: never had one116: Reality TV: i mean, its fake? entertaining tho115: Parents: eh. 114: Back stabbers: icky113: Ebay: cheap stuff112: Facebook: only for family tbh111: Work: pays the bills110: My Neighbors: dont know them109: Gas Prices: expensive108: Designer Clothes: overpriced107: College: wish i could afford it!106: Sports: nah105: My family: haha104: The future: haha[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: my grandma a few days ago102: Last time you ate: pizza a few hours ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: moving day seeing my extended family again100: Cried in front of someone: the other night with my mom or uhhh in call with kina today actually99: Went to a movie theater: wow uh pretty long time ago i dont actually remember98: Took a vacation: haha idk man97: Swam in a pool: wow uh idk96: Changed a diaper: hm last time i was with the twins. not sure how long its been. maybe 2 or 3 months?95: Got my nails done: when did my sister get married? years ago idk94: Went to a wedding: ^^93: Broke a bone: never have92: Got a peircing: about a year ago91: Broke the law: heh uh 90: Texted: a few hours ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: probably kina or riley rn88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my mom tbh. the kids. wyatt. 87: The last movie I saw: the orphan86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: hm idk getting a job i guess85: The thing im not looking forward to: getting a job lmao84: People call me: by my name. but i have nicknames now!! Ray, rachi, babe, ray baby... its very nice and makes me feel warm and fuzzy and loved83: The most difficult thing to do is: hmmm clean? be honest about things that are bothering me? idk82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never81: My zodiac sign is: capricorn sun aquarius moon80: The first person i talked to today was: the gc i think?79: First time you had a crush: i was v young and they had freckles and red hair and i died78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: um i try not to hide things in general! but someone who will call me out recently is raiken and archie lmao77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: riley lmao tho i beat her to it 

76: Right now I am talking to: riley75: What are you going to do when you grow up: i am grown up technically. uh. hopefully be an animator74: I have/will get a job: as a cashier probably73: Tomorrow: i have a job interview and then im gonna get coffee72: Today: was a long day71: Next Summer: hmmm idk70: Next Weekend: IDK GOD69: I have these pets: a cat!! who i love!!! and already gushed about but shes laying on my lap and purring rn and its so soothing68: The worst sound in the world: scratching against those uhhhh holographic things???? god i hate it67: The person that makes me cry the most is: hmnn my dad haha66: People that make you happy: my friends!!! Kina, Ali, Archie, Riley, Leo, Raiken, Mimi...... all of them good pals the squad my faves i love them65: Last time I cried: today rip64: My friends are: GOOD AND AMAZING I LOVE THEM63: My computer is: big! and i like it62: My School: none61: My Car: ded from the hurricane rip me60: I lose all respect for people who: are shitty? idk. 59: The movie I cried at was: hmmmm idk movies dont usually make me cry58: Your hair color is: uhm it was really dark blue but as the color has faded it kind of looks black/brown now57: TV shows you watch: a lot of them56: Favorite web site: uh i guess tumblr55: Your dream vacation: not being here!! probably just going around visiting everyone and hanging out having a good time54: The worst pain I was ever in was: tearing a ligament in my knee it hurt a lot53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy51: My favorite celebrity is: ummm idk50: Where would you like to be: home tbh49: Do you want children: idk48: Ever been in love: ye47: Who’s your best friend: hhhhhhhhhhhh raiken46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls and nb babes45: One thing that makes you feel great is: just hanging out with people tbh44: One person that you wish you could see right now: i guess that would be my mom haha43: Do you have a 5 year plan: i did once. idk what happened to it haha i guess things never really go according to plan and it just hurts more to make one. just set goals, not plans.42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: i did once but i dont think i have the same values as i did when i made that41: Have you pre-named your children: i used to but idk if i want kids anymore40: Last person I got mad at: ummmm hmm 39: I would like to move to: hmm somewhere with 4 seasons not just summer and less hot summer38: I wish I was a professional: artist[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: kit-kats36: Vehicle: um idk small ones i guess35: President: obama? idk34: State visited: ooohhh michigan33: Cellphone provider: ive only ever had the one so idk32: Athlete: uh31: Actor: uh30: Actress: uh29: Singer: hmmmmmmmm rn i would have to say Bea Miller but check back with me in a week28: Band: The Silent Comedy27: Clothing store: hmmmm cotton on has really comfy clothes26: Grocery store: target or publix25: TV show: rn? bnha24: Movie: hhhhhh um idk uhhhhh moulin rouge i guess? it used to be my fav but idk anymore23: Website: tumblr22: Animal: elephants21: Theme park: epcot20: Holiday: halloween19: Sport to watch: none18: Sport to play: none17: Magazine: none16: Book: hmmmmm A Monster Calls15: Day of the week: none14: Beach: hh13: Concert attended: never been12: Thing to cook: uh i guess eggs11: Food: sushi10: Restaurant: its a really good sushi place with bubble tea and thai donuts that i dont remember the name of9: Radio station: hhh idk8: Yankee candle scent: idk7: Perfume: i dont really like perfume it gives me headaches6: Flower: ooooh gardenia5: Color: blue/green teal4: Talk show host: john oliver3: Comedian: hh2: Dog breed: hmmm husky? also labradors and uhhh all dogs tbh ohhh pitbulls and rottweilers i love dogs good yes1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ye mostly

[jungjayhoe-blog]

how i got to know bts !!

ok so i posted if anyone wanted to know how i got into bts and the shit that happened after that and some of yall dropped me an ask and said yes. so here this post is just gonna be all about how i got into them and stuffs feel free to read or skip bc this is basically just me telling a grandma story but i promise you good content (but dont get your hopes up lol) but i warn you this entire post is all around the place and a mess lmao

so i think i first got to know them like early last year bc i started to get into the anime fandom during that time and i made some fan accounts and shit. and then some accs had like korean guys as their dp and occationally had them on their posts and stuffs. i didnt know who they were. at all. no clue. just like, why do people like korean dudes what on earth. then like their captions on their post were sometimes like “hey if you guys like or listen to bts hmu” or something like that but i didnt really bother much about it

but then i think i really got to know about them around may or june last year bc one day my friend came to school and is all like “omg bts !!!” “omgomg bts is so good and cool i love them 1!11!!” “jungkook is my bias !!” and i heard their name around a few times before but once i noticed my friend likes bts i noticed that a lot of ppl in my school stanned them too (you could say that im a blur child whose unaware of her surrounding) then she got my other friend into bts somehow too. and idk why but i felt so annoyed?? like “who is this bts why does everyone know and like them” and i was so petty about it bc so many ppl were into them. so i said i didnt like kpop and bts???? idk why i even did that???? who was i??? i just didnt like them for no reason???? maybe it was bc theyre popular and everyone couldnt stop talking bout them?????? i think it was probably bc i didnt wanted to be mainstream and shit ha ha hA what was i doing.

ok so fast forward to a month ish later. i rmb i was just scrolling through youtube watching videos and then suddenly, a certain video titled ‘DOPE BTS’ was in my recommendations and i was like “h hEY isnt that the grp everyone’s so hyped about” so naturally i got curious and i clicked on it and wow ive been enlighten?? theyre so beautiful and they cant dance and the song is just ,,.,,.. dope. and then at the side of that mv was the ‘FIRE BTS’ mv so i also watched it and boiii was it lit af. literally those are the only two songs from bts that i listened bc i either refused or was lazy to watch and listen more and they were literally the only two kpop songs that i added in spotify and constantly listened to.

you can tell by the date i added that im not shitting you this is legit. ok moving on. so then i wanted to know who is who so i searched them up, took me awhile to know whos who bc im a stupid shit who literally got confused of taehyung and jungkook bc they ‘look the same’ . this is not the end tho, theres more to how i got into them, also not that quick. you know how once you start watching a vid youtube just start recommending you videos that are like related to the vid you first watch? so yea yt just started recommending me some bts vids but i wasnt interested in them bc i didnt wanted to get too into them as i didnt wanted to be ‘mainstream’ but then this particular vid caught my attention, it was the ‘bts getting kidnap’ vid from AHL. so i clicked on it and watched it then i got curious of the show and i wanted to watch more. so i watched a few episodes but then towards the middle of the show i got bored of it???? so i dropped it and i couldnt really get into bts at all so i stopped anything related to them. but i still listened to those two songs every now and then.

towards the end of the year, i was just scrolling through my explore page on my instagram when i saw like this korean dude pinning another guy against the wall? so i was like wow thats hot i need to find out what that is. so i scrolled through the comments and realized that it was a kdrama called ‘The Lover’ (if you watched it youre amazing ily) so i naturally wanted to watch that and i did. it was amazing. you could say the main reason i watched the drama was bc of the gay couple lol. so then i got to know that the japanese guy playing in the drama was in a kpop group called CROSS GENE (YALL BETTER CHECK THEM OUT AND STAN THEM THEYRE TALENTED AS FCUK AND DESERVE SO MUCH MORE STAN TALENT STAN CROSS GENE) so then i checked out a few of their songs and vids and interviews and i actually got so into them??? like wow i love them all so much my babies. and i was quick in learning their names too. so then i naturally drifted into the kpop fandom (im mostly on twitter for cross gene and then tumblr for bts dont ask me why) i was so into them and i loved them with all my hearteu.

ok moving on. again one day a certain bts mv titled ‘Blood Sweat and Tears’ was in my recommendation. i saw the thumbnail and was like wow they look hella cool so i clicked on it. lets just say ive been enlighten and blessed by that mv. like the mv and the costume and the acting and the song is just liT !! by that time i completely forgotten all their names lmao so i started to search about them too. i watched some vids of them (mostly cracks lmao) and i lowkey got into them. but then cross gene was my first priority then bts. i still didnt wanted ppl to know that i got into bts bc i was trynna keep it lowkey, but then a few of my friends knew i was into Cross Gene. i started to watch more and more bts vids and i actually fell in love with them.

but then the main main reason why i got into bts is pretty stupid i swear. ok so bc i was in the anime fandom before this (i still kinda am) i used ao3 to read fics. so i wanted to know if the bts tag had how many fics written and when i saw it i was like wow wtf bC THERE WERE LITERALLY SO MANY FICS??? so i clicked on it and i wanted to read some fics so i filtered it to ‘hits’ and clicked the fics which summary interested me. can yall guess which pairing i clicked on? if you guessed yoonmin yall are correct. so i read the fic and it was so well written?? and beautiful??? but bare in mind that i have never seen the pairing moments or anything bc i just got into them and didnt rlly search up yoonmin moments (same with taekook) or anything. but then most of the fics pairing i saw was those two and namjin so i was guessing theyre the main ships in the fandom. so from then on i started to read more fics?? but then didnt rlly search up for their moments?? so i basically read it bc it was well written and beautiful but not bc of truly liking the pairings????

then i told myself lol youre reading fics but you dont even know what they did to get ship. i went on tumblr to search more bc this is literally where i used to get my anime shit. so i searched up namjin and wow they actually looked like a married couple to me?? and then i immediately fell in love with them. next i searched up taekook and wow they look so cute tgt i rlly like them?? but then when i seached up yoonmin idk why but dont attack or hate me on this,,,..,, but i just,,, couldnt get into them?? ok but first i forgot to say that i had this friend, shes like the only one who knows i was lowkey into bts. one day she send me a pic of yoonmin and then a pic of viktuuri, it was basically a pic of them pressed close to each other like the anime. i was like aww thats so cute omg !!! it was actually really cute, but then idk i just,,, dont see it as a possible ship for me??? some reason i mostly saw them as brothers but then i still lowkey forced myself to ship them bc majority of the ppl in the fandom shipped them. but then i also read mostly yoonmin fic bc it was just so beautifully written fite me on this but its the truth, so you could say that i read them like a normal book, but not for the ship

but then i still search up for some yoonmin moments and this one video was during some photoshoot were sope was wearing their matching track suits and yoongi and hoseok was so hype with each other and i was like thats so adorable?? i wonder whats their ship???? do they even have a ship?????? but then bc it was a yoonmin video it showed how jimin was jealous and some shit like that but i found it cute?? like how a little brother is jealous that their older sibling is neglecting them?? dont attack me on this please i come in peace

then one, faithful day, idk how, but i think it was a post of someone saying that yoonmin was better that yoonseok (no h8 to that person tho) then i was like what is a yoonseok?? then i searched it up and bih you could say it was love at first sight??? i just love their dynamics and everything. so i searched up fics of them and i was greatly disappointed bc there wasnt many??? but then i stumbled upon the fic called On Patrol (this shit is gr8 yall hAvE to read this its so beautiful and amazing and funny and just wow) so i read it and boiiii do i love it so much. then i got introduced to jikook and love them a lot too. but then i also love taekook, then i got introduced to vmin too and i just love it?? basically i just love all the maknae line pairings i dont get how ppl could hate on one of them.

so i just started to search up a lot on yoonseok moments and fics and i just??? love seeing them together???? so then i just got so into them and they like,,,my ultimate pairing now lmao. then as i go on i got introduced to more rarepairings like taegi and jinmin and i just love them too??

ok so onto how hobi is my bias lol. so when i was lowkey into bts, my first bias was like jin. i just??? love him so much???? his dad jokes and personality and windshield wiper laugh was just like endearing to me???? thats when i decided that he was my bias. but then bc i was into yoonseok a lot i watched a lot of sope videos and thus more of hoseok and yoongi screentime. and i just fell in loveeeeeee with hoseok?? like he could be a ray of sunshine with rainbows one min and then be fcuking disrespectful while performing another minute later. so then you could say hobi just somehow worked his way up to be my bias (i still love jin tho dont get me wrong i love the entire bts) but then like, yoongis and jin are like always wrecking my bias list (also namjoon and the maknae line bC dAMN)

so yea this is basically it. i cant believe you manage to read through that entire mess wow heres a cookie for you !! sorry if you were expecting more and found this boring buttttt ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[sleepymouses]

okay for the dashboard osmosis thingy: i gotta go twenty one pilots because i'm the person that i am, but i'm also gonna go Psych as well maybe?? (ur right it was really hard to try to think of one for you, esp one i could fact check lol)

(from this ask meme)

ahh ok, osrry for the wait, i been a busy bee, but here we go!

21p is not an amount of money in the uk (ok, well it is) but it’s also a duo of two best buds named tyler joseph and josh... something with a d maybe? durran?? i feel like googling would be cheating, and admittedly i only remember tyler’s surname bc of ur thing last night lol

anyways, so they are two best buddos and one of them is really cute with his wife, i wanna say josh but it might actually be tyler.. i think wife’s name starts with a j, like jenna or jess, and theyre like really cute #relationship #goals, like best friends in love, so that is real cool and nice! (and i also know tyler has 3 younger sibs, but u are also the only reason i know this so i wont go into that )

and idk their type of music, like.. i wanna say alternative, but that is a pretty easy generalization lol. i know one song was a vid of one of them strumming a ukulele and singing on his ownsome to increasingly bigger groups, i think i reblogged it like 500 years ago without knowing who it was, but i have since remembered/recognized it, (also i think it was a cover of i cant help falling in love with u)

and their fandom is relatively smol i think, like 1d really is an anomaly compared to the rest of bandom, in terms of the amount/variety of fanworks created, even for bands i thought were really famous and stuffs it’s like way different? (i was curiously googling panic! and fob’s fandoms the other night actually and 21p popped up a few times as like a crossover thing with them, which i thought was interesting, tho i dont know how much theyre actually linked irl?)

anyways, being a smaller fandom is probos not a bad thing tho! i imagine its got a bit more cozier, intimate feel and in an ideal world there’d be an awful lot less drama too, so i hope that is the case.

i also think that 21p fanworks are less likely taken for granted bc theyre more rare, like i feel like fans are more likely to leave comments than jsut a like or a kudos, yunno? bc they really appreciate every bit they get :)

(also lol, i rlly didnt intend for this to be as long as the les mis one but whoops)

-

and then there’s psych, which im quite annoyed to notice has been taken off of netflix now >: (i never actually saw all of it, just watched a bunch of epis in random order)

psych centers around unofficial (im p sure? cos gus also worked at a pharmaceutical company too) detectives and life long (as shown by lots of flashbacks) bffs shawn and gus, the latter of whom shawn always comes up with super ridiculous fake names for when theyre interviewing witnesses and whatnot (his name is actually burton guster tho), but that was one of the running gags

psych is a fairly light crime show, like theres murder mysteries and whatnot, but theres also lots of good banter between the leads (esp shawn n gus) and jokes and

and their main dealio is that shawn is a psychic, even tho he actually is Not, hes just extremely observant and (sometimes) smart, and gus is in on the con too, and they work for the police station together, and theres also a cop named lassy except thats not rlly his name its a nickname but i dont rmr his actual one, and his partner julia/jules, who was in a very slow build romance with shawn over the like.. 5? 7? seasons it had, it was a good big amount, & i think it had a very good build and character development n stuff bc of that, i get the feeling it was lucky enough to have a natura run of things, im pretty sure it wasnt cancelled when it ended,like it got to do everything it wanted with the storylines n stuff before it decided to wrap up? and there was a lot of different stuff in the episodes, they werent all just typical solving mystery stuffs

but fandom wise again, i think itd be quite small in terms of fanworks produced about it? it doesnt rlly seem like the type of show to have much fanfiction written about, altho im willing to bet that shawn and gus, like any pairing involving a black guy and a white guy, dont get shipped together hardly at all despite all their screen time and chemistry together. (and yes ik julia/shawn canon, but thats never stopped shippers before, so.) actually i bet shawn and lassie are one of the bigger pairings in fanfic, tho again, i dont think psych would have much in the way of that somehow?

anyways, i rmr it was goofy but enjoyable, and there were lots of episodes that made homages to other things, actually i think im gonna go try2 find an ep to watch rn tbhh, except Not on netflix anymore i guess !

[madamsixx]

Beyond The Leather:

Chapter 8: Nikki Annoying Sixx

February 20, 1985

Six New messages

Hey Mani its Nikki, sorry about yesterday I didnt mean to speak to you like that. You just get under my skin somtimes. Well call me back I'd like to see you.

Beep : Message Deleted

Sooooo I'm calling again to check up on you. You haven't called me back. Call me back.

Beep: Message Deleted

Mani your really fucking pissing me off ok call me back. By the way I'm learning how to cook for you. Well actually us. The things I do for you.

Beep: Message Deleted

Hey princess I'm sorry ok, just talk to me. Were having alot of fun in the studio. Tommy wants you to come by. Plus you should try the food I made.

Beep: Message Deleted

Princess please call me back. Stop fucking ignoring me. Your making me angry.

Beep: Message Deleted

Mani I miss you. Please call me.

Beep: Message Deleted

That was the last messege I listened to before ripping the phone cord out. I have been ignoring him since the last time I saw him. Nikki was into drugs and that wasn't my life. I'm a respectable girl who comes from a respectable family and my mom would throw a fit if she ever found out I was hanging out with someone like Nikki sixx. He will just have to get over us being friends. Anyways, Tamara came back scolding me on my outfit for the Joan Rivers interview. She said I looked awful that made me laugh actually. Theresa was fired right away because of what happened, but also because she was doing drugs. I was now on a very tight leash. Especially because I got the part for the movie. And after my birthday in September, I will no longer be doing teen magazines. I will be featured on the cover of the biggest magazines.

"Hey honey soooo theres two things, one in March you will be on the cover of Sports Illustrated Magazine and two you have an interview with Barbara Walter's." Tamara shouted and I jumped up screaming. "She is sooo excited to meet you." I ran and hugged her this was exciting. I couldn't wait to tell my mom. I was heading home for a couple of weeks. "Um why did you unplug the phone cord missy?" Tamara ask with one hand on her hip and the other holding the cord.

"Oh uh I tripped over the cord by accident sorry. Haha clumsy me." I lied. ______

I spent the evening until night shopping. I started to realize I was a shopaholic when I constantly kept going out to buy new clothes, jewellery, heels, and hand bags. I was really into fashion and mixing cloths together. I was also into cosmetics like really into it. Maybe down the line I'll venture into business, but for now its acting and modeling.

I was inside a shop and saw this really cute handbag. I mean I had several but why not get one more. I purchased it, and I'm not going to tell you the price. I headed out of the store and got into my limo. Can you beleive it, I'm in a limo.

When I reached back at the condo. My chauffeur helped me get my bags out and carry them upstairs. "Thank you Daniel." I say while giving him 100. "No problem Miss Darlington." He took it and left. I saw a note by the table.

Went to office be back later- Tammi.

Well I'll show her what I bought when she gets back. I was so excited to start trying on my new clothing. And everything else with it. This was the life that I never thought I could have. I bought some stuff for my sisters, my mom, and aunts and uncles. They will really love them. I sheded down into my bra and panties taking off cloths and trying new ones. I put on these nice thigh high boots that could be worn in the winter time. After all I am going home for a couple of weeks. And its snowing in Canada. With a cute black romper. I heard a knock on the door and ran to go and get it. "Coming!" I yelled. I opened it up with out even looking through the peek hole, stupid me.

And saw none other then Nikki annoying Sixx, and he did not look happy. I tried to shut it right away but he put his arm between the door and was pushing back.

"Mani please just let me in." He says while he's forcefully trying to get in.

"Nikki go away!" I say pushing back.

With a big push. Nikki forces the door open and the impact sends me flying and hitting the ground with a thud.

"Oh shit I'm sorry." He laughs.

"It's not funny my butt cheek is hurting you ass!" I yell at him.

"Tsk tsk tsk I thought you didn't swear princess." He smirks.

God he is truly annoying.

"C'mere doll let me help you up." He wobbles towards me almost loosing his footing. He was drunk and probably high.

"Your drunk Nikki, you need to leave Tamara is downstairs." I lied.

"I'm drunk and high." He smirks. "And no shes not."

"And how do you know?" I asked furrowing my brows.

"Because I saw her leave and shes going to be gone for a while." He smiles walking towards my shopping bags.

"So you camped outside the condo until she left?" I asked walking behind him.

"No I camped on the 5th floor in some random chicks place. She let me come in with her." He says while pulling cloths out of the bags.

What the hell is wrong with this guy. I mean really!

"Nikki why are you hear?" I demanded.

"Im here because your ignoring my fucking phone calls. I've left you several fucking messages and your not returning them!" He shouted as he got in my face. I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Well of course I'm ignoring your calls. And now that you know one hundred percent that I am, you can go back to the 5th girls place or get out!" I yelled motioning towards the door.

Nikki smiled then walked towards the couch and sat down he kicked his feet up on the table like he was at home and put his hands behind his head. "I drove here. Your not really gonna kick a drunk and high guy out of your home to go driving on the streets now will you?"

I can't believe this guy. I was seething with anger. How dare he use something that happened to Vince to stay over here. "Nikki that is a really awful thing to say, that's not a joke. I want you out right now." I say with a stern voice.

"No." He sneered. He kicked his shoes off then grabbed the TV remote turned it on then changed it to MTV.

I had enough of this guy. I decided to just call security and have them deal with him. I took off my boots then walked towards the phone picking it up to dial security. Next thing I know Nikki is charging at me grabbing the phone from my hand.

"Nikki stop it!" I yelled trying to grab the phone back.

"Just calm the fuck down Iman!" He shouted in my face. I then slapped him across the face. Something I wish I didnt do because at that point Nikki saw red. He then picked me up over his shoulders with me kicking and screaming. And walked towards my room.

"Put me down now you jerk!" I yelled.

He then threw me on the bed pinning my arms over my head. "Calm the fuck down!" He yelled

"No!" I yelled back struggling to get out of his grip. He then leaned closer to my face. Making me smell the whisky on his breath. His lips brushed against mine and he whispered with a very low voice. "Calm down princess." He bit his lips and I started breathing hard. He slowly used his legs to spread my legs open and settled in between them. I felt how hard he was through his pants.

"Your so fucking beautiful." He whispered and used his thumb to graze my bottom lip.

Nikki was dangerous. He was dangerous because he was good looking. He has a baby face, beautiful eyes, beautiful hair he's a bad boy, and he's in the biggest rock band there is. Girls love him and would fall for him so easily with out even realizing that he has a lot of problems. Drugs were his number one problem. And as long as he was doing drugs, he would always have problems.

"But I'm young Nik, and you do drugs." I say struggling to sit up and move him up off of me.

"I know princess." He moved to the side of my bed and sat with his back against the head board. He sat there in silence thinking for a bit.

"Iman I'm back, oh my God what is this mess in the living room?" I heard Tamara come in. My eyes nearly popped out of my head. "Nikki stay silent please or so help me God." I whispered to him. "Ok princess." He chuckled.

I ran out of the room with my heart eating ten time fast.

"Hey Tammi sorry I went shopping." I started picking up the bags off the ground.

"Yeah I can see that." Her eyes went wide.

"What is it with you and this phone." She picks the receiver up and puts it back.

"Sorry I was calling some of my friends." I turn over and notice Nikki's boots on the living room carpet. I slowly move towards the carpet to grab the boots.

"Honey can you grab me a drink please I'm very exhausted." Tamara asks as she walks towards the living room couch to sit down. My heart was racing u was praying that she wouldnt see those cowboy boots just lying there on the carpet. She would know for sure that someone was here. "Um sure." I walked to the kitchen and poured her some cranberry juice than brought it back to her. I grabbed one of the shopping bags and knelt down by the table and picked up the boots and put them in. "Alright I'm going to bed." I started running.

"Um hello excuse me take the rest of these bags to your room. Your making this place look like a garbage dump full of bags!" She yelled. I ran back and packed the rest of the things I bought including my boots that I kicked off. "Goodnight Tami." I hugged and kissed her. "Goodnight sweety." She kissed back. I got into the room and let out a long sigh. I looked over at Nikki who took off his blue and gold jacket and threw it on the floor and was comfortably sleeping on my bed. I crawled on my bed and shook him. "Nikki." I whispered "Nikki you have to go once Tamara goes to bed."

"Mmmm no." He says snuggling into my pillow. Well what more could I do I guess he's spending the night. I got up and turned the light off then grabbed shorts and a tank top and changed into them. I got into my bed and layed beside him and just stared at him. I starting to caress his cheek all the way to his jaw and he squirmed a bit. He then opened his beautiful green eyes and looked at me.

"Can you promise me something princess?" he whispered

"promise you what?" I whispered back.

"Promise me that when you come of age and I get my shit together that you'll be my girl. That you'll be mine and only mine?" I nodded with a smile. "No I need to hear you say it so I know there's hope." "I promise to be yours Nikki." I smiled. He leaned over and kissed the top of my head then pulled me closer to him. I snuggled tight agaisnt him and we went to sleep in each others arms.

The next day I woke up, and my eyes went wide when I realized Nikki was still in my bed. I dont know if he snores alot in his sleep when he's not drunk. But he certainly snored alot last night. I barely slept. I turned over to look at him. He looked like an angel. His messy hair was all over my pillows. I didn't want to wake him, but I know I had to. I nugded him to wake him up a bit. But he didn't even move. So then I decided after what he he did yesterday by making me hurt my butt cheek when I fell, payback seemed fair. I lifted myself into sitting position on the bed with my feet on his torso and my hands positioned behind me to give me a good balance. I pulled my legs towards me then gave him one big kick off the bed. He rolled off hitting his body on the ground and his head on the small dresser beside my bed. Woops!

"Ow you bitch, what the fuck!" He shouted on the ground. Where I couldn't see him.

"Hahahahahaha pay back hurts dosen't it."

"Fuck you."

"Now now Mr.Sixx no swearing." I chuckled.

He got up and climbed back onto the bed sitting and holding his head.

"You snore a lot."

"So I'm told." He looked at me with a smile.

"You have to go Nik."

"So your not even gonna make me breakfast. What kind of girl doesn't make breakfast for her man when he spends a night." He moves closer to me and I push away. "First off I would never make you breakfast especially when your capable of doing it your self. And second I'm not your girl." I say pointing to myself.

"Yet." Nikki says with a full on smile plastered on his face.

"I gotta use your washroom to piss. And where are my boots?" He asks getting off the bed scratching his untamed hair. I got off the bed and grabbed the plastic bag I put them in and gave them to him. He grabbed them and put them on.

"Look Nik pee in your pants or pee outside but you need to go now before Tammi catches you." I pleaded.

"Alright fine fine." He picks up his jacket and walks towards the door.

"Wait let me check first." I poke my head out to see if the coast is clear. And then signal him to come. I push him out the door fast, then run to the kitchen to grab the garbage.

"What's the garbage for, it's not even full?" He asks.

"I'm pretending like I'm throwing it away." I start giggling because he's looking at me like I'm a little devil.

"Oh babe you and me are gonna get along just fine." He says as he puts his arm around me to start walking. "So can I see you later on?"

"Sure, I'm heading back to Canada for a couple of weeks tomorrow. And I wont be back till March 11. Cause I have a photo shoot with Sports Illustrated Magazine on the 12 in the morning."

"Wow, so I need to take you somewhere special. That way you'll think of me while your away." We stopped by the elevator and he turned me to face him. Nikki could make a girls knees buckle in a second that's how good looking he was. But I kept trying to remind my self that he was no good. He could never be the man I would want him to be. But then again he did ask me to keep that promise. And he did say when he gets his "ish" together. So who knows.

"Um so I'll pick you up later?" He scratches his head and looks down at his shoes.

"Ok." I smile.

He pushes the elevator button and it comes up. We wave each other good bye. I'm not sure what this is between Nikki and I. But what ever it is, he's got me thinking about him more. A lot more. _________

I sat waiting for Nikki. He had called to say he was going to come at 3:30. It was now 4:26. I started pacing around my room. When ever I would hear the phone ring I would run to it hoping that it was him but then get disappointed when it wasn't. I started thinking about last night. What me and Nikki talked about, I did really like him. But I dont like the whole groupies, drugs, and bad boy stuff. If I was to have any future with him a lot would have to change. But also I'm still young so for me to even be thinking about these things is weird. I should be thinking about chilling with friends, sleepovers, and gossiping. But I wasn't, I didnt have any friends here in LA. Maybe that's why when ever Nikki would come around I would tag along with him. Cause the truth is I felt lonely. Nikki isn't good for me but he's the only one I have to talk to, besides Tamara. And shes always working. I had Theresa as well, but because she was fired I have no idea where she is and if she would even talk to me.

4:40 pm

I called Nikki's number again and there was no answer.

5:30 pm

Tamara called she said she would be coming back late. I hope Nikki calls.

6:15 pm

Nikki called and apologized. At least he did call. He said he'll be here by 6:30 so thats great. It means he didn't forget about me.

9:00 pm

I sat in front of the TV blankly staring at it. I couldn't tell you what was on cause I didn't really care. I just heard noises. Yelling, screaming, and someone saying please dont kill me. I sat there for another 10 minutes and then turned the TV off and went to bed. Nikki wasn't coming.