#bts joon

[min-hoax]

dirty little secrets - knj

Summary: Namjoon was a hopeless romantic. He thought that was his destiny, and for you? That was simply your doom.

Pairing: Yandere! Namjoon x F! Reader

Word Count: 8.25K

Warning(s): Obsession, stalking, he’s so delusional 😍, the reader is a messy bitch BUT I love her, infidelity, underage drinking, mentions of drugZ (characters are over 18!), mentions of suicide, manslaughter, mentions of blood and a dead body, mentions of attempted SA, MDNI 18+ SMUT SMUT SMUT, cunnilingus, fingering, loss of virginity, sliiiiiiiight breeding kink (it’s me, yall should’ve known😭)

A/N: I know I said I’d be gone, but I got so inspired!! This fic is written in Namjoon’s POV! Enjoy being in our lovely yanderes’ mind. 😈 UNEDITED!!!

I dreamt of you before I met you.

In my romanticizing mind where I’d day dream about our life and what could be. You, wrapped around my arms as you slept. Us, on a trip that you desired to go to ever since you were a child.

It was moments like those that made me wait for you, and only for you because the moment I set my eyes on you, I was a goner.

I smiled at you from across the room when we locked eyes, the blaring music thundering inside my chest as you sat on a table, your legs swinging up and down. You nodded when your friend voiced something loudly, agreeing to whatever it was, but yet your eyes remained on mine.

I caught your eyes just like you caught mine.

But my admiration did not last long for a boy slithered his way into your embrace, a red cup of liquor in his hand that he passed to you while pecking your lips. I should have known a beautiful angel like you was bound to be in the arms of a lover, but how come I felt a little pang on my chest the second your lips locked with his?

I knew we were meant to be because how did the universe connect us both so effortlessly? It wanted us together and I knew that the second I saw you again. I set my eyes on you that same night, this time not at a house party, but at your own home.

Our home.

The move frightened me and caused my calamitous mind to drown in nightmares of what could be’s, but once I set foot in the town that I now called my home, I knew everything was going to be fine. Everyone was kind and welcoming and I didn’t even spend a sweat in finding a home once I packed my childhood home up and made my way north.

The memories of my mother were too haunting and I simply could not bear it. I had enough money from the life insurance company I acquired after her passing and made the decision so quickly after.

I found the ad one Saturday afternoon: Room For Rent! $525 A Month. ALL Amenities Included. I talked to a woman on the phone (now I know it was your mother) when I reached out, allowing her to know I was interested in the offer. She was kind and after a longing while of questions, she accepted and I made my way to you. I just didn’t know it then.

Your scream from fright made me jump, the cup of water in my hands slightly dripping droplets on the wooden ground. “What the fuck?” You muttered, taking a step back. Your eyes were messy with makeup, the night no doubt taking a toll on your sleep, after all it was three in the morning when you walked inside. “Who the hell are you?”

I meant to speak, but the creek of your mothers’ door opening upstairs kept me from opening my mouth, and seeing you standing before me did not help either. Your mother made her way to us, wrapping her pink fleecy robe around her waist. Your scream no doubt roused her from sleep.

“What’s going on - oh.” She looked at us. Did she not tell you about me? Perhaps not, it was obvious. But I was slightly afraid that I’d be scolded by your mother. I was free to roam the inside of your home to make my meals and shower and get a cup of water in the middle of the night, but yet you were her daughter and mothers were always fiercely protective. I knew.

“Sweetheart.” She started and smiled. “This is Namjoon. I guess I didn’t tell you he’d be renting the room at back.”

“Uh, since when?”

“Since… two nights ago?” She looked at me, trying to remember. I nodded. “Yes, since Thursday. I’m Kim Namjoon, it’s nice to meet you.”

I didn’t know I was desperate to feel your touch, but as soon as your hands fit in mind when you shook it and introduced yourself with a tired smile on your face, I shuddered.

“Well I'm glad you weren’t an intruder.” Your hand slipped from mind as you made your way into the kitchen, fetching a glass and filling it with water whilst speaking. “Just, mom, please give me a heads up next time.”

Next time? I wasn’t planning on leaving anytime soon. I knew there were others before me, the wall by my bed was vandalized with small figures and initials that read KTH, and I always wondered who resided in the room I now slept in.

You looked like an angel when you took a step towards the stairs, turning your head to smile at me one last time. The light on the ceiling gifted you with a glow that made me smile like an idiot. “Goodnight.”

Oh, I was a goner.

I couldn’t help it. I was never a violent person and I even surprised myself when I thought of punching your boy in his perfect face. I knew for a fact that though I was taller and was at an advantage, I could not win in a fight because I had never been in one. I was never the confrontational type.

He was the epitome of perfection. Round, but define cheeks, plump pink lips that made my jaw clench when yours connected with his, and blonde hair that fit him perfectly. He was everything that I wasn’t and that made me want to shrivel up inside and scream with rage until my throat was sore and my voice was nonexistent.

But I could only dream.

“Namjoon, please, help yourself.” Your mothers voice called for me, taking me out of my thoughts and onto the situation that I did not want to deal with. You and Park Jimin.

He sat before me, a plate of breakfast on the diner table and an arm wrapped around the back of you as you nursed a cup of coffee.

There was something with you and coffee. I always noticed you would make yourself a cup, take a few sips, but you never finished it. Always throwing it out the drain before you made your way to school. I always wondered. Until I didn’t.

I wasn’t in school, not yet anyway. After I graduated a few years back my mother tried her best to steer me towards it, but I wasn’t interested, even after the various scholarships I was offered. I knew I could still, for I was smart and capable. There was a part of me that did want to, just to simply join you at the community college you and Jimin went to, but I refrained.

I wasn’t a stalker.

“So Namjoon, how are you liking it here?” Jimin suddenly spoke with a bright smile on his cheeks. It wasn’t that it took me by surprise, Jimin had never spoken to me directly, but I didn’t want him to talk to me. To me, the younger boy was obnoxiously loud and a nuisance.

I breathed as I pushed the want of rolling my eyes. But instead, I took a finger on the bridge of my glasses and pushed them up. I smiled.

“It’s great.” I replied, nodding. “Everyone is kind and the setting is absolutely beautiful. The forestation that surrounds us is amazing.” I couldn’t help but to look at you as I voiced my opinion. I wasn’t lying, you were absolutely beautiful. Absolutely perfect.

Jimin raised a brow and chuckled. “Well, I’m glad. I’ve never really noticed what surrounds us, but I agree.” And with a sip of his apple juice, the conversation between us ended.

I was glad.

But where a conversation dies, another one starts. Your mother was a very talkative person. I had only been with you all for about two weeks in a half, but I felt like I knew her for years. She talked about herself a. lot, and I only wished that she did of you, but I figured she was just lonely after her husband’s passing.

She talked about him all the time and I noticed that she refrained from speaking about him when you were around. From what she spoke of your father, he seemed like a good man. It was only after you left one day to go to school, she finally confessed. She cornered me in the laundry room when I went to gather my clothes and started speaking of everything and anything, until she came about your father.

“My love struggled a lot when he was on earth side. He was fine for a while, but it got too much for him and one day he decided to leave us. My sweet girl found him.”

After that, I finally understood. Why she never spoke of him when you were present and why you made yourself a cup of coffee, but never drank it. The cup was your fathers, engraved with his initials on the side.

I felt my heart break for you and all I could say was that I was sorry. You didn’t deserve to live with the trauma inside of your wonderful mind and inside your perfect heart. In a way I understood you. My mother had gotten sick, until one day the sickness enveloped her whole until she was left with nothing and I was left with a hole inside my chest. There was nothing else to do for her.

My heart jumped as you stood because it mean you’d leave. I could only look at you as you made your way to the sink (as expected) took a farewell sip of the coffee before dumping it in.

“Have a good day.” I said with a wide smile as you retrieved your backpack and the baby blue cup you seemed to take with you everywhere. At least you stayed hydrated. I knew because you had to go to the restroom often.

You returned it, that beautiful smile that made me want to kneel at your feet and beg you to smile for all of eternity. “Thank you, Namjoon.” And you walked, ��Bye mom, love you.”

My smile died as Jimin wrapped his arm around your neck, kissing your cheek. And you smiled. I only looked away, watching you unlock your vehicle and getting inside of it.

This jealousy only seemed to grow. I couldn’t help it. I wished you weren’t someone else’s. I wish that my miserable self had gotten here just a little bit earlier, maybe then you’d have been mine.

But would you have liked me?

I never considered myself someone who others would accept romantically. Growing up, I was a lame excuse of a human being, always too shy, always too quiet and afraid to speak my mind. As I grew older, I got better at communicating with the people around me, but I still stuttered when I spoke, and still struggled to continue a conversation.

It was a blessing and a curse because nobody spoke to me, just as I wanted it to be.

As I wrote, I simply couldn’t focus. All I thought of was you, every day and every second that passed by. No one had ever captivated my mind the way you did. I waited for you in my home right outside in the backyard. There was a small window by the door - the only way to get inside and out. It faced yours and I would always see you once you arrived and came home from school.

We had a routine. You’d see me through the curtains, and we’d smile at each other as I worked and I couldn’t wait until dinner arrived because I’d be in your presence and you’d be in mine.

There was something in your eyes that made me believe that you… wanted me. Was I delusional? I’d see it every single time you’d pull your chair out for dinner. You’d give me a smirk as you made your way next to me and I would only give a small hello and thank your mother for the delicious food that she had prepared. But through it, you’d look at me through the corner of your eye and I would only pretend I didn’t see.

You had Jimin. You weren’t like that. That’s what I truly believed until you came stumbling into my room, drunk in the middle of the night and immediately grabbing onto my shirt and connecting your lips with mine.

My heart had never pounded so fast. It took me by surprise which is why I took a hold of your shoulders and gently took a step back. “What are you doing?” Your eyes were bloodshot, like you’d been crying and I cupped your warm cheeks into my hands and took a glance at your cherry-burgundy lips.

“Do you not want me?” The tone in how you voiced the question made my heart ache; begging and fretful. How could you say such a thing? I have always wanted you, but not like this.

“Come. Sit.” I grabbed your wrist and I sat you on the edge of my bed. “What’s going on? What happened?” I towered over you as you sniffled and looked at me with tearful eyes.

“Jimin, -“

Of course.

“ - he doesn’t want to have sex with me.” You said it so meekly that I almost didn’t hear you. “He - he keeps making excuses about how he wants to wait till marriage, but I mean that is such bullshit! It’s outdated and stupid. Who at this date and age does not want to have sex? He’s not even religious!” As much as it pained me to see the tears falling from your eyes so delicately, I couldn’t help but to feel a sense of victory through your defeat.

Did this mean your relationship with Jimin was coming to an end? It had to, right? You seemed happy at his side, but now, as I saw the proof in front of me, it was all a faux.

But there was also a part of me that felt angry. Was I just your second choice? Would you have come for me and begged for me to bed you if you had other men wrapped around your finger?

“Well, -“ I started slowly, taking a seat to the right of you. “ - sometimes people like to wait, you know, just to be sure that the person they're giving themselves up for is… worth it.”

You sniffled again, wiping at your face. “You - you think he thinks I’m not worth it? We’ve been together for almost two years.”

Remind me, why don’t you.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I wouldn’t be able to tell you myself, but a girl like you, you’re worth everything. To give up for, to kill for. Just say the words and you’ll have men at their knees. You decide.”

-

You were taunting me, it was so obvious. With those deliciously roguish eyes that eyed me with want and the skirts that barely covered your bottoms with the shirts that you paired that were the definition of skimpy, I knew what game you were playing.

It was when your arms would stray away from your lap and would just gently touch my arms at dinner, I knew that you wanted me the way I wanted you.

But it was wrong. Although I hated Jimin, I couldn’t help but to think that if I were in his position, your betrayal would wound me like no other. He seemed to love you, yet here you were, teasing me with your sensual eyes and your beautiful body that I absolutely wanted to ravish and worship.

But through the slight guilt I felt, there was a part of me that was… happy. Your mother was a nurse, working mostly every night at the local hospital which left me home, alone with you and with my tumultuous mind. You and Jimin were almost similar it seemed. You’d argue almost every night when he stayed to keep you company.

And though I couldn’t help but to feel jealous, a part of me was comfortable with him at your side because after that night that you came to me for comfort, the virgin wanted to wait until marriage.

My mother raised me right which is why I pushed myself away from listening to your heated match. But how could I? I had never met someone who could screech in anger the way you did to him.

He left soon thereafter, slamming the door with such force that it made my body jump from the sound. I fought with myself to go check on you, maybe you needed your space, but the thought of you crying was enough to do me in. I grabbed a glass and filled it with water, climbing the stairs and making my way to you.

The knock on the door was almost timid and quiet, but even when you didn’t answer, I gently opened it, and there you were, in a fetus position laying on your side, hugging a giant teddy bear to your chest.

“Hi.” You whispered looking up at me with those eyes that I loved so much. But they were swollen, and my immediate thought was to comfort you. I didn’t think when I sat at your side, brushing the strands of hair that were at the front of your face.

“Hey, there beautiful.”

You huffed, “I look far from beautiful right now.”

How could you ever think that? You were an angel fallen from heaven.

“Do you think he hates me? I said some pretty shitty things.”

I refrained from rolling my eyes, but for your sake I simply shook my head. “Of course not. I’m sure he understands that people say shitty things when they're angry. I mean, I’m sure he has said some things to you before, no?”

With a shake of your head you maneuvered your body, landing right on your back with the teddy bear on top.

“No, Jimin isn’t like that. He’s quiet in moments like these. I feel like that makes me angrier, you know? Like tell me something, tell me that I’m a bitch or that you hate me, but say something! Anything!”

I understand why he kept quiet. I would never say things of that magnitude to you. It was a disrespect that no one could come back from because you would never deserve it.

“So you like to be degraded?” I teased, raising a brow.

“What?” You chuckled. There it was. Just exactly what I wanted. “Of course not, Namjoon!” I smiled at the playful strike you landed on my thigh. “I’m just saying, I just feel like he doesn’t try to communicate.”

“Well… maybe you need to find someone else.” I couldn’t believe what I was doing. “Someone who could take your needs as theirs and actually knows how to communicate. My mother always said that communication was key in a relationship.”

“But I love him.” I swear, my chest felt like it was struck with something so tight that I couldn’t comprehend. How could you say something like that in my presence? Couldn’t you see how much I loved you?

And through my anger, I couldn’t help but to reply. “Sometimes, loving someone means you have to let them go. I know it’s hard, but I know you know Jimin isn’t good for you. All this arguing, this crying, it will only take a toll on you that you cannot take.”

Your fingertips on my thigh took me by surprise, stroking it with such sensuality as you looked up at me with those eyes that screamed for me to take you to bed. “And how would you know, hm? Have you ever had a girlfriend, Namjoon?”

My breath hitched as your fingers played with the waist of my pants, tugging them down just slightly. “N - no.”

It was a lie. But why bring past mistakes into my future? I hated lying to you, but a little white lie would never hurt.

“No?” You hummed, now on your knees as you came closer. I could feel your breathing and as my hands guided you into my lap, I couldn’t hold back anymore.

My lips connected with yours with such hunger, such intensity. How I longed to hold you close and have you by my side. Your body wrapped around mine felt so right, like a puzzle piece I knew I was missing. Couldn’t you see? We were perfect for each other.

With a small grunt, I laid you down on your bed without separating myself from you, desperately taking off your oversized shirt that you hid your alluring body from. And with hunger, I wrapped my lips around your beautiful breasts, pecking your sternum and making my way down to the waist of your pants. You complied, raising your hips and allowing me to remove the nuisance from your waist.

And what a sight. There wasn’t an inch of you that I couldn’t find a flaw. Stretch marks followed the side of your thighs, and along the middle of your tummy. I kissed them with reverence before my tongue dove inside the place I always wanted to be in.

You tasted absolutely divine. And I was hungry for more as I sucked on the little pearl between your legs, wrapping my hands around your thighs and hugging you closer.

“Namjoon.” You whimpered, and that made me want you even more.

The small little gasp you made made me smirk and I didn’t hold back from bringing you close to the orgasm that you were on the brink of, but I held back. I wanted to be inside of you as I came and held my hold inside of you. You looked up at me as I undressed, my sweatpants on the ground in an instant before I held you tight between my arms and entered the place I had dreamt of being.

Your brows furrowed from the uncomfortableness, it was to be expected as I was your first - the first man that had ever been inside of you. The thought almost brought me to the brink, but I wanted your first time to be loving and special.

And just as I expected, the feeling was euphoric and I couldn’t help but to moan and drop my head in the warmth of your neck. Your hands held my neck tight as you adjusted, soft little pants escaping your precious lips. “I know, sweetheart. I know.” I whispered, giving you soft little pecks on your lips and on your forehead as comfort.

“I - I think you can move.”

“Are you sure?” The furrow in between your brows was gone, but I wasn’t sure. I didn’t want to hurt you, but when you nodded and gave me a smile, I pulled away from the warmth between your legs, and made my way in once again.

At that moment, my dreams were coming true. Jimin was nonexistent as I knew it was the same for you. You muttered my name and my name only as you held me with a vice grip and kissed me on the lips.

I had never been brought to such ecstasy the way I did with you. After you came for the first time before I brought you to more, I soon followed, gasping for breath from the feeling of you holding by cock with such a vice grip.

We took a breath for a second as we giggled like school children and kissed each other hard. But you were insatiable. You wanted for more even as your legs shook with exhaustion and you mounted me and rode me like I was the last man on earth.

But of course, you needed to sleep and your body knew it, and soon after we finished making love, your eyes drooped and you slept so soundly, close to my chest and my beating heart.

I couldn’t help but to stroke your belly. Maybe… my seed would take place inside of you and you’d be pregnant before we knew it. In my mind, I sickly hoped that you were. I knew that I was going out on a limb and that one couldn’t get pregnant with just one night, but I wanted you to be.

I always dreamt of a family. Was I so wrong to want something with the woman I loved?

But the righteous won. We were still young and… Jimin, Jimin was still in the picture. Goddamn Park Jimin. I hated him with everything I had, and I hated my mind even more for ruining the afterglow I was basking in.

With I sigh, I gently kissed the crown of your head, getting dressed with the thought of making my way to a pharmacy and getting you a contraceptive to prevent pregnancy. I knew it wasn’t right.

Your phone buzzed on your nightstand and with a glance, my stomach dropped as I read it.

JiHoon: Hey, baby. I loved that little present you gave me. See you soon?

I couldn’t help the tears from forming and with a slam to your door, I left your bedroom, no doubt rousing you from your sleep.

-

I couldn’t stop staring at you. The night you gifted me with stuck to my mind. You gave me something forbidden that I couldn’t come back from. After I left your bedroom, I made my way to the pharmacy, slightly smiling at the only cashier and took the bag with me. I left it on your nightstand, but I couldn’t bear to look as you slept.

You betrayed me.

You kept betraying me. The fight you had with Jimin seemed to be forgotten. You two lovebirds were inseparable the following day. Were you not guilty? Or did you just stick by his side because he was all you knew and you couldn’t let go?

I knew I could give you something better. Something that was worth your time and effort. I’ll take you out of this town that you lived in your whole life and perhaps we could live in the home I grew up in. It wasn’t much, but it would be enough for the both of us.

“Hey, Namjoon.” You smiled, but it didn’t reach your eyes. You awkwardly looked away and eyed Jimin. You couldn’t even look me in the eyes.

You both sat at the hanging bench that was at the front of your house, your arm wrapped around his. Jimin smiled at me, nodding at my precence, but I didn’t follow. I couldn’t help but to glare. But as soon as it formed, I hid it, immediately smiling bright, looking down at the both of you.

I was feeling messy.

“Did you take it?”

It was obvious I caught you off guard. You gulped, letting out a nervous chuckle. Jimin, of course had no idea about the contraceptive I had bought you, and I took pride and a bit of sick pleasure at your unprepared face

“Take what?” Jimin questioned with furrowed brows.

“Uh - just, I - I had a headache last night, and uh, Namjoon gave me pain killers. That’s it.”

You weren’t a great liar, but you were fast.

“Good.” I nodded, “You should just have a few on hand, you know, for when it happens again because headaches -“ I eyed Jimin, shaking my head, “they’re the worst.”

“Right. You know what, we were leaving. We have a movie to watch.” You stood quickly, taking a hold of your lover's hand and when you walked and I was at your back, I spoke once again.

“You don’t mind if I tag along?”

There was a pause as the birds chirped and Jimin turned. “Uh, yeah sure, why not?” I knew the invite was just a lie, but I knew the man wasn’t going to turn me down; he was kind and simply couldn’t take it.

“I’ll drive.” I offered, my long legs allowing me to walk ahead and just as I wanted, I stood next to you, opening the door to my vehicle and letting you go first. “Thanks.” You muttered.

The drive was… unpleasant. As much as Jimin tried to make small conversation, it simply didn’t go anywhere. I hated to admit, but Jimin wasn’t so bad. He tried his best to make me comfortable and no doubt himself, but I despised him and a part of him knew.

When we arrived at the theater after Jimin kept instructing me where to go, I paid for the tickets and for the snacks. I figured it was the least I could do after I stuck with you both like a leech. Jimin was thankful, patting me on the back and taking a seat on the tables the theater offered. He nodded when you voiced you needed to go to the restroom, and I took a seat, taking a sip of the cherry slushee.

“I don’t mean to pry, but did she tell you what happened last night?” His question caught me off guard.

“She didn’t have to tell me. I heard everything.”

He grimaced. “Yeah, about that, I’m sorry you had to hear that. It’s just - when she gets like that, she can’t stop and it’s difficult to speak.”

Was he seriously blaming you right now?

“No,” I replied, shaking my head. “I completely understand. Don’t worry about it.”

“You ever had a girlfriend, Namjoon?” Why did it sound like he was mocking me? Did I seem to be below him because I didn’t carry his fair skin and plump pink lips? He was everything I wasn’t - had everything I wanted, and I wanted to punch him until he was left unrecognizable and no one would ever look his way.

“No.” I replied with a shake of my head. “Not really.” He looked at me with confusion. “What do you mean, ‘not really’?

I despised thinking of Anna, and leave it to Jimin to bring back memories I wanted to bury deep in my consciousness. She was a woman who deserved no mercy, not after the way she spoke of my mother, like if she were scum below her shoes.

My mother was the light of my life and there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think of her and held her close to my heart.

I loved Anna, or at least I thought I did, and I admit, it did hurt me letting her go, but now I know that what I had with her was never love. She was a fiend, and you are an angel.

“I prefer not to talk about it. Do you mind if I go to the restroom?”

“No, of course no -“

I didn’t even let him finish. With caution, I checked my surroundings before I entered the women’s restroom, intently scanning the thin wooden doors of the stalls and once I caught the black Converse’s you wore, I placed my back against the wall, and waited.

The small little gasp of fear that escaped your mouth once you saw me made me smile. “Sorry. I just had to talk to you.” I shrugged, grabbing your wrists to bring you close. I couldn’t deny that it pained me when I went in to kiss you and you pushed me away.

There was confusion written all over my face, it was obvious, and you noticed.

“What the hell are you doing, Namjoon? Jimin is right outside and you can get in trouble if someone finds you in here.”

“I just wanted to talk to you. You - you have been acting weird ever since yesterday. I get it - just come over to my room tonight, yeah? Please? I have something I want to give you.”

You raised your brows. “Another plan B pill?

“Well, if I didn’t get it for you, you might as well could’ve been pregnant at this very moment. If you wanted to have my baby, you could have just said so.”

Would that really have been that bad?

“Don’t be an ass, dude.” With a huff and a roll of your eyes, you turned, making your way to the sink and pumping soap onto your hands. I followed just behind you and took you by the hips.

“Please?” My hands slithered lower and by the look of the reflection, I knew you were craving for more just as much as I was.

“O - okay. Fine. Just, let me go first or Jimin will realize what’s going on.”

“By all means,-“ I gestured with my hand. - ladies first.” And with a stolen kiss I smiled, seeing you walk away and no doubt, into the arms of my mortal enemy.

-

My leg shook with anticipation as I looked at the clock on my desk: 2:36AM. You said you’d be here, so where the hell were you? As soon as we got home from the theater, you said goodbye to Jimin and locked yourself inside your room. I knew because I knocked on your door multiple times before giving up and making my way to the little backyard home I resided in.

I huffed, landing with a thump on my bed, entertaining myself with the charm bracelet that was on my hand. My heart pounded once I heard two little knocks on my door and I instantly stood up and opened the door.

I smiled brightly once I saw you, dressed in a gray v-neck shirt and baby pink pajama pants with cupcakes cluttered on the cloth. “Hey, beautiful. What took you so long?”

You made your way in, taking a seat on my bed. “I took a nap.”

I chuckled and raised a brow. “You don’t take naps.”

Teasing, you replied, getting rid of your slippers and wrapping yourself around my blanket. “And how would you know that? Hm?”

I shrugged, “Through your window. You snore, do you know that?” I laughed out loud when you smacked me with my pillow, gasping with offense. “No I do not! You’re such a little liar!”

This could be our future.

Content and happiness, just you and I. Our home filled with laughs and quick witted banters. Couldn’t you see? We belonged together. I knew it the second I saw you.

“Here.”

My hand was out, presenting you the bracelet that I cherished as a part of me. My mother never took it off, from what I knew, she’d had it in her early teens and kept it since. You meant everything to me now, and it was yours to have.

“It’s beautiful Namjoon.” You gasped, sitting upright, stroking the charms.

“It was my mothers. I want you to have it.” I could see it in your eyes, you wanted to decline, but I wouldn’t allow it. “Please.”

I took a hold of your wrist, wrapping the jewelry around your carpus and connecting the clasp.

“Namjoon, I can -“

“Yes.” I pushed. “You can. I want you to have it. I have no purpose for it. It doesn’t fit and I’d rather it be used than to be locked inside a box without it ever seeing daylight again. Please? It would mean a lot to me.”

You eyed me for a few seconds then sighed. “Okay, fine. Thank you. I promise I’ll take great care of it.”

I didn’t doubt it for a second. You took me by surprise because like a flash of light, you engulfed me and kissed me with need. I didn’t hesitate to reciprocate. In seconds I wrapped you in my arms and our clothes were nonexistent - dropped on the floor in a haste to make ourselves whole.

I will never get enough of you. Your little gasp of pleasure made my tummy fill with extreme need as I entered you and held you close. It was intimate, our love making sounds resounding in my room. You cupped my face, gently stroking as if I wasn’t real and you wanted to verify if I was really there, making love to you.

“I’m here. I got you, sweetheart.”

And I was never letting you go.

-

The frantic 2AM call took me by surprise. It woke me from the deep slumber I was in, but the moment I saw your name on my screen, I didn’t hesitate to disconnect my phone from its charger and answer. I called your name in question and your distraught voice I heard next.

It was distressing, hysterical.

“Namjoon? I didn't know who else to call, but - but can you please come? I - I need your help, I don’t know what I di - he’s not fucking moving -he’s not answering i just pushed him and-

“Breathe, I’m on my way okay, just stay there. Don’t move.”

I don’t think I have ever sped the way I did making my way to you. As I parked my car on the side of the abandoned road, behind the white car with its hazards flashing bright, I knew something had happened.

Something terrible that you had done.

It wasn’t until I stepped out of my vehicle that I saw his limped body on the asphalt, a puddle of scarlet blood oozing from his head. You sat at his side with your knees inside your chest and with your frizzy hair at the front of your face, you looked up at me slowly. “He’s dead.”

-

I would’ve never thought I’d have to get rid of a dead body. A part of me felt disgusted as the monstrous act I had done devoured me whole, but I didn’t feel… guilt.

The immense jealousy that raged within me kept me from doing so. You met him, the bastard that made me cry after I made you mine for the first time, JiHoon, on a deserted road to enjoy hiding your dirty little secret: your adulterous little soul. I wished I understood why you felt the need to run into the arms of another when you had Jimin, you had me and god only knew how many others.

But even then, I still wanted you, through your imperfections and your need to want other men even though they caused me absolute agony. Good riddance to the bludgeoned man who crossed your path. He forced himself on you and there was only one way the night was going to end.

I’d done it to protect you, to keep you sane and perhaps even have you to myself.

The night bound us as one. A clandestine service that we would take to our deaths.

After I placed the cold corpse into my trunk, I took the tiny packet of white substance that laid on the concrete ground, and placed it inside my jeans. It was a good thing you both came in your car. There wouldn’t be any suspiciousness, hopefully, and we’d forget about this illicit night.

“Go home.” I said in seriousness, taking a hold of you by the nape of your hair. I was angry at you that I couldn’t even look you in the eye. “I’ll take care of him.”

You nodded and sniffled, cupping my hand and gently rubbed. “Thank you.”

And with a start of the engine, you raised your window up, and drove away.

-

“Namjoon!” Your mothers voice made my body jerk from surprise. I was on edge, it was human and I wanted nothing more than to get out of the situation I knew would take a while to get rid of. Your mother loved to talk.

“Hello.” I muttered with an empty smile. Your home smelled divine with the aroma of freshly made food, but I didn’t have an appetite. Who would?

“Will you join me today? My sweetheart of a daughter isn’t feeling too well. She came home reeking of god knows what and emptied her guts as soon as she stepped foot in the door.” With a shake of her head, she took a seat, gulping down the glass of wine in an instant.

If only she knew that her ‘sweetheart of a daughter’ wasn’t such a sweetheart after all. She had a dirty little secret and I was her accomplice.

“No. I apologize. I had a long night. I only wish to go to bed, if you do not mind.” I felt terrible for turning her down, but the only thought in my mind was to see you. To nurse you back to health even when I knew that you were traumatized by what you have done.

Your mother sighed and shrugged. “I understand. Have a good night.”

“Do you mind if I go see her? I just want to make sure she’s okay.”

She smiled. “Of course.”

I didn’t have to be told twice. My long legs took me there in seconds and as soon as I walked inside your bedroom, I took a seat beside you. You laid there on your side, your eyes red and swollen from the tears that were nonstop. “Can you lay with me, please?”

Who was I to not obey? I took you onto my chest, cupping your wet cheeks onto my hands. “Shh, baby. It’s okay.”

You muttered as you sobbed. “I - I’m sorry, I didn’t mea -“

“Shh, I know. You did nothing wrong, my love. But I want you to promise something, can you do that?”

You nodded. “You can’t speak to anyone about this, okay? No matter how much you want to. You weren’t there, do you hear me? I wasn’t there.”

Shakily, you breathed and nodded once again. “I understand.”

“But now you know why not to do such a thing, hm? It’s not okay. You’re lying to me, to Jimin all for what? You did something that you will never forgive yourself for, but I want you to know that I will do it all over again, for you. Do you understand?”

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

—

After you slept like an angel wrapped around my arms, I left, not wanting your mom to come into your room and find us wrapped around each other.

I had trouble falling asleep, but soon thereafter, sleep found me and I slept soundly. I couldn’t believe I had. Ian hadn’t even crossed my mind. The scoundrel was six feet under and he’ll remain there where no one was to find him. Good riddance.

But you, you would never be the same. You were a murderer. An angel of death that brought a man to his knees for the simple act of crossing your path. And it seemed I was following the same path, I wasn’t dead, but when you would betray me, I would feel death dawn on me, getting closer and closer with every treachery you committed. But yet, you would bring me to cloud nine. How? I would never understand.

But I understood that I loved you. I love you like I have never loved anyone before. And though it suffocated me and drowned me, I always went back for more. I will always go back for more.

“Good morning.” I smiled, pecking the crown of your head as you sat with your legs crossed in the dining room, a fork at your fingertips, playing with the food on the plate. Your mother was gone, no doubt picking up an early shift at the local hospital, but as the doting mother that she was, she had left breakfast at the ready for you.

You gave me a tight lipped smile that made me frown. Your eyes were swollen, almost hollow when you looked at me. He was haunting your mind, his shadow following you, no doubt. But even when I knew, I had to ask. I couldn’t bear the thought of you in pain.

“How are you holding up?”

You shrugged, biting your lips. “I don’t know. Is it weird that I don’t know what I’m actually feeling? I can’t explain it, even though I really really want to.”

“It’s okay to feel that way. You went through something… traumatic, and you won’t bounce back from it as soon as possible. It takes time, but I promise as time continues, it’ll get easier.”

You eyed me. “How do you know that?”

You skeptical little, beautiful thing.

“…I am just placing myself in your shoes, I tend to do that in certain situations. Would you like more breakfast?”

You shook your head, taking one last bite of the egg before standing up. “No, thank you. I'm meeting with Jimin.”

You moved, making your way up the stairs as my jaw clenched in anger, and my words made you stop in your tracks. “Jimin, hm? I - I thought you were ending things with him.”

You turned with furrowed brows, “I never said that.” Will this be the first time I’d feel your fury towards me? It was obvious I’d pushed a button.

“No? I thought the night before might’ve been an answer to your actions. You no longer love him. You have proved it time and time again, have you not?”

“You don’t know shit, Namjoon. I love hi-“

I couldn’t help it, I was infuriated by your nonsense comment that you didn’t mean. “You’re cheating on him with me! You have multiple times. And don’t even get me started on the man that you killed last night because I’m sure you weren’t there only for the coke, or am I wrong? Hm? Why in the hell do you still go back to him!”

“Because I can, Namjoon. Because I can. And it’s none of your fucking business anyway!”

“Yesterday was my business. You had no one else to call because you don’t trust anyone. You trust me! Not Jimin, not even the friends you don’t have, not even your own mother!”

I struck a cord. I gasped when you hurled a glass cup my away and I only managed to move away immediately before it struck me.

“Fuck you, Namjoon! Fuck you!” And with that, you walked away, grabbing your keys from the bowl near the door and slamming the door with such force that it shook the walls.

I stood there paralyzed and it wasn’t until I noticed that my body was shivering with anger? With distress? I couldn’t tell, but I was crying. The tears fell freely after being locked inside for what seemed like years and with blurry vision, I grabbed the broom and picked up your mess that your temper had caused.

That’s what I started to do ever since I met you: pickup after you and the disarray you left behind, and perhaps even myself. You left me in shambles and before I knew it, I was on the ground, on my knees as my shoulders shook from the sobs that escaped my chest.

And there, on the ground, in the depths of hell I felt I was in, I knew you had dug your grave. I loved you with everything I had, but this couldn’t go on any longer.

You had made your choice and I couldn't change your mind.

If I can’t have you, then you will not have anybody else.

-

The anonymous tip came in at midnight. I could see the blinding blue lights coming from the front yard of your house even where I resided.

Three police vehicles made themselves welcome in your yard, and I only knew exactly what was happening. Your mothers voice was louder than usual, hysterical as the officers handcuffed you and declared you your rights, walking you out onto the awaiting SUV. I made myself known, asking with faux concern and holding your mother’s shoulders as she cried, almost wanting to drag herself over to you.

There were tears in your eyes once I finally looked at you. You knew it was me and I held absolute pride even when I truly felt for you. But there was something more important in my eyes that you instantly understood.

My menacing and threatening look in my gaze. I had your mother in my grasp and if you wanted to see her once again - behind bars of course, you’d do best to keep quiet about what I had done. What I did for YOU.

Did you really think I would’ve done such a thing for you without looking out for me? I knew exactly the type of person you were, but yet, I still fell for you deeply, like no else had done - like Jimin never did.

I knew where JiHoons’ body was placed, I knew absolutely everything, and I knew enough not to wipe away your DNA from his body, your hair that I took a hold of after I told you to go home when you murdered him in cold blood.

I placed you on such a high pedestal and I despised knowing that it took me such a long time to comprehend such a thing. But I still loved you so much.

The moment I set my sight on you, I viewed you as an angel fallen from above, a beautiful creature that did no wrong.

But you weren’t an angel.

You were my hell on earth. Though you brought me to such highs, you brought me to a low, and saddened mess. Your loyal puppeteer that you knew you could manipulate just as you wanted because you knew the hold you had on me.

But you made a mistake with me and though I loved you, you had a price to pay.

It’s what you deserved.

Much love.

- Kim Namjoon.

[btsstaysgold]

appreciation post for namjoon's side profile cause my gosh is this man gorgeouss..

(crtto)

[ohwhale22]

RM INSTAGRAM POST

2024.10.18

instagram link

"오래된 미래"

translation:

"The old future"

[crystalsnow95z]

Could you write a Namjoon one where he gets injured during an award performance, but he still tries to continue, which only makes it worse

So I ended up almost completely changing it after having it finished because i hated the original one I wrote so I'm sorry if there's any errors from my removing and adding scenes. I'm afraid if I try to edit it I'll just end up repeating the process.. I'm not loving any of my work lately..

Namjoon watched the show from the waiting room, opening and closing his fists with a deep breath. They were going to perform next and the thought terrified him. It's been three years since they performed at an award show in America, and the whispers of their consant losses weighed heavy in Namjoon's chest.

"You nervous Joon-ah?" Jin asks, rubbing their leader's shoulders. "You need to relax.. you're so tense. You got this..” he gives him a quick hug from behind, feeling Namjoon's heart racing in his chest.

"I know.. I know.. I'm trying.." Namjoon takes another deep breath, trying to slow his heart hammering away in his chest, placing his palm over it. "I'm sorry, Hyung..'

"Dont apologize. You're fine. What's got you so worried? Itdoesn'tt matter if we win or not. Just being able to perform in front of Army is rewarding enough." Jin tries to quell Namjoon's worries.

"Its nothing really, Hyung. My nerves are always worse at events like award shows and my throat isn't in the best condition today on top of it. I don't want to mess up..” he didn't want to mention all the whispers he was hearing in case Jin didn't pick up on him. Hyung is already nervous, he's been pacing ever since he finished getting ready.

Jin felt sympathy for the younger member. In America he was always the one handling everything. The seven would be doing three songs and an encore if they won. "You'll do good Namjoon, you always do and even if you mess up it's no big deal. Someone in the group will probably end up saying something stupid anyway.”

"Thanks hyung." Namjoon smiles, thinking back at all the random things the boys have said on award shows in the past."I hope you're wrong..I don't need to stumble upon any more cringey videos on the socials when this is over.. Army never lets anything go.”

“No promises.” Jin smiles back at him, thankful to see him smile even for a moment. He hadn't seen him smile all day.

"Namjoon-sii, three minutes until you go on." Staff tells him. "Is everything set?”

The temporary distraction was over, Namjoon calling the boys together, his stomach knotting once more. "Does everyone have their mic packs in order?”

Everyone confirms that everything was okay, quickly checking his own. He looked everyone over, being sure everyone was perfect."Ah, Hoba..” he clears his throat to speak when his voice cracks. “ah..Your pants.” Namjoon blushes lightly at the sound.

Hoseok looks down, quickly pulling the zipper. "Thanks Joon.” he chuckles in embarrassment. Everyone looks down at their own zippers, being sure theirs is in the proper position.

Yoongi gets Namjoon a water bottle, handing it to him. “Your voice isn't fully returned yet...” he states with a frown.

“I know, but it's fine. I've performed when it was worse and it's not like it's a full concert.” Namjoon takes a drink, trying to soothe his dry throat. “Thanks hyung..”

Jimin retightens his laces, taking a deep breath. He straightens up and double checks if everyone's ready while Namjoon sips water."Everyone's ready hyung.”

"1, 2, 3...bang..bang..bangtan!" Everyone puts their hands together, chanting before leaving the room to go on stage. Namjoon usually gave words of encouragement to his members, but he didn't feel confident himself.

"We got this, win or lose we'll give them a performance they won't forget." Hoseok speaks for Namjoon, giving his team a bright smile.

They could hear the crowd cheering above, when Jimin appears from the fog Namjoon's shoulders tightening once more. Hoseok pats Namjoon's back giving him a reassuring smile. “You can do this.”

Namjoon nods, adjusting his ear piece one more time when he hears the signal. The background dancers would be on stage, members quickly mixing in to join them for their part in black swan. Namjoon tried to stay calm when his part comes, but when he was lifted he was too tense, landing awkwardly on his ankle.

Namjoon sucks his breath in through his teeth when he feels the pain shoot up his leg. Fu*k..no, no.. it'll pass.. I couldn't have hurt myself in the first minute of the song.. I'll just walk it off.. it's fine..

He lies to himself, moving through the choreography ignoring the constant pain everytime he used his left leg.

Jin notices the pain in Namjoon's eyes when they pass each other, but he couldn't check on him. The performance had to go on, he couldn't do anything but watch Namjoon disappear from sight.

It's only getting worse. .

Namjoon tries his best not to limp, putting as much pressure as he could physically handle, biting back a moan when a searing pain shoots up his leg when he has no other choice.

Namjoon isn't moving right.. somethings wrong..

Hoseok watches Namjoon from the corner of his eye, noticing his uneven steps as he moves to the center to sing his part.

“If this can no longer resonate. No longer make my heart vibrate. Then like this may be how. I die my first death. [But what if that moment's right now?

Right now.]”

He tried to move confidently, but he couldn't stop himself from sharply inhaling when he stepped on his injured foot, anxiety spiking when he heard the sound get caught by his mic.

Sh*t.. 

Namjoon didn't have the time to feel guilty about his mistake, he had to move so Taehyung could move to the center. He stumbles slightly when he turns out of the way, being heavy handed when he puts his hand on Taehyung's shoulder, using him to help relieve some of the pressure from his ankle, balancing on one foot.

Why is Namjoon-hyung holding so tightly? Is he upset about his voice still? It sounded like he was in pain..

Taehyung wanted to look at Namjoon to check on him, but he had to keep his eyes on the camera and as soon as it zoomed away from him he watched his leader move to the next position,stumbling a bit as he spins.

Namjoon clenched his teeth as be regains his balance, getting back into formation with the other members. He pushes through the choreography, struggling to make it back to his feet when he drops to the floor, whimpering softly, feeling tears fill his eyes.

I'm messing everything up..

The only thing that gave him the strength to get back up was the sound of the crowd cheering him on. He pushed through fake love, his leg tingling with pain with every step, moving to the position for the next song.

He did his best to hide it, but any time he got close enough to one of his members, he felt a hand touch his shoulder or brush against his hair. They were trying to signal for him to stop, but he was so focused on performing that he didn't notice them trying to get his attention. 

Okay, okay..fake love to idol.. how am I going to do Idol? There's no way I can jump like this..and if I don't it'll mess everyone up..

Namjoon was deep in thought, trying to plan his way around his foot injury, trying to keep his mind distracted from the pain.

By the time they all get into position for the last song, he had balance on one foot whenever he coule, unable to put any pressure on it without a sharp pain. Hoseok wrapped his arm around Namjoon, Jungkook doing the same on the other side.

"What are you doing?" Namjoon asks, eyes wide in surprise. The music had stopped, the crowd murmuring in confusion and concern that they stopped “Not in front of the crowd..” Namjoon pleads, feeling both embarrassment and guilt wash over him. "I can-"

“You're shaking Namjoon, you can't go on.. you need to sit." Hoseok interrupted him, the two leading him to edge of the stage. "what's wrong? Is it your knee?”

“It's my foot or my ankle... it hurts every time I move it..” Namjoon admits, knowing there's no point in lying.

“You landed badly during the beginning..” Jin states, clenching his jaw with worry. “You should've stopped after black swan..”

"I'll be fine for one more song.. I made it this far.." Namjoon tries to argue. "I just need to wrap it really quick and we can do-"

"Absolutely not." Yoongi tells him flatly."We have no time to argue. You can't dance on that leg."

"I can still sing.." Namjoon wanted to argue that he could last another few minutes, but he didn't want to disrespect his older brothers in front of the crowd.

"Alright, but no moving.." Jin could see the frustration in Namjoon's eyes and the desperation to keep going.

Staff get him a chair, Hoseok and Jin helping him up. "After this you're seeing medical.." Jin tells him, getting into position with the others, motioning for the music to start.

Namjoon's voice shook when he started singing idol, quickly recovering. I can't let my emotions get the best of me, I need to smile, so Army doesn't worry.. so my brothers don't feel the need to leave because of me..

“Take him to get checked out..” Jin orders as soon as the song ends,Jungkook and Hoseok nodding, taking him to the medical staff. Namjoon leans heavily on Jungkook, trying to not make any sound when he has to put pressure on his foot.

“You should've stopped the moment you knew something was wrong Namjoon-ah. You're a professional, you should know better. You could seriously hurt yourself that way..” Hoseok scolds him, but there was no anger in his words, only concern.

“I know, I know, i got caught up in the performance..the sound of the crowd cheering.. I just.. didn't want to ruin it.. I'm stupid..” Namjoon replies with frustration and guilt, making him feel sick to his stomach. 

“You aren't stupid hyung.. you just wanted to make army happy.” Jungkook's comforts Namjoon. 

“Army won't be happy if we get hurt..” Namjoon says looking down at his foot. "And on top of it, i made so many mistakes.. i couldn't even finish three songs.." The frustration swelled within him, threatening to make tears swell in his eyes.

Jungkook and Hoseok help him sit, Jungkook dropping to his knees to untie Namjoon's boot, trying to stretch the laces as far out as possible to remove it without hurting his hyung.

Namjoon clenched his teeth together when Jungkook tries to gently remove the shoe t from his foot, not wanting to make a sound. I wish we did it barefooted..

“I'm sorry Hyung..” Jungkook apologizes when he hears Namjoon suck in his breath through his teeth. “I'm almost done. Sorry!” Jungkook bows when he gets his sock off him hearing a low moan come from his injured leader,moving to the side for the woman to properly examine him.

Namjoon grabs onto Hoseok's hand when the staff member grabs onto his foot, groaning. “Ahh…it hurts, that hurts..”

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry.." She apologized.

Hoseok gives his hand a squeeze, rubbing Namjoon’s back. “Namjoon-ah..” his eyes dilate with worry, rubbing his thumb across Namjoon’s knuckles. “Bear it for a little bit so she can check if it's broken..”

Namjoon nods, biting the inside of his cheek. “Okay.. I'm okay.. sorry..go on.."

She gently moves it, testing to see how much he could move it, Namjoon’s eyes screwing shut with pain, softly groaning.

He already knew that they would tell him he wouldn't be able to do another song today but the rest of their schedule for the month flashed through his mind, tears stinging his eyes. 

“Hyung does it hurt that much?” Jungkook asks when he noticed Namjoon covering his face with shaky breath.

“No, no it's not that.. I'm just frustrated..we have so much we still need to do..” Namjoon's voice cracks when he tries to hold back the tears that filled his eyes, quickly looking up blinking them away.

“Hey, hey don't worry about that. We'll figure this out.”  Hoseok promises. "Don't think about the future right now okay?"

With the exam proving it wasn't broken, Namjoon was given permission to stay until the end of the award show, but was given strict instructions to not put any pressure on it, the woman putting a splint on it.

“BTS!”

The MC read off the card, The members all getting up. Jin quickly wraps an arm around Namjoon when be notices him awkwardly balancing on one foot. “You're going to a hospital after this..” Jin uses his serious voice. “I'll carry you..”

Namjoon nods, ears turning red as Jungkook helps him onto Jin's back, Jungkook walking behind in case he falls. I can't believe I agreed to be carried..This is so embarrassing..but I want to show Army I'll be okay.. If I didn't return on stage with the others they'll expect the worst..

A staff member puts a stool on the stage, Jin putting Namjoon down gently, Jungkook keeping his hand on Namjoon’s back to be sure he doesn't fall backward.

Shame washed over Namjoon when he saw the hurt expressions of his fandom, whispering about his injury. He couldn't bring himself to look at them, keeping his eyes staring at his hands.

Namjoon was so used to all the members huddling behind him during award shows, he closed his eyes to try to calm himself before taking his mic, jumping when he hears Jin's scream.

“ARRRRRMMMIIIE” Jin greets happily, getting the crowd to cheer again. “[Thank you so much.. without you..this wouldn't be possible! Its an honor to be here with all of you..]”

That's from the speech I was practicing..or what he can remember of it.. he's trying to do it for me..

Namjoon only feels worse when he looks at Jin to listen to him talk, seeing how nervous he is. Jin kept his voice steady, but Namjoon could see Jin shaking, the mic trembling in his hands.

He wasn't prepared to do this.. he wasn't going to speak today..

Namjoon reaches to tap Jungkook, unable to reach Jin from where he sits, motioning the youngest to take the mic for him.

Jungkook nods, going over to Jin to tap his shoulder, whispering by his ear. “Namjoonie-hyung wants to speak still..”

Jin nods. “[I love you!]” He ends his speech with a warm ending before giving the mic to Jungkook.

“[Arrrmy! This wouldn't be possible without all of you! Thank you!]” Jungkook speaks into the mic with gratitude before giving it to Namjoon. 

“[Army I was so excited when I came here, I'm so sorry I won't be able to give you my all..I was careless and got injured during our performance earlier.]” Namjoon felt his heart sinking when he hears army cheering for him. 

Staff motioned that time was running out, so Namjoon quickly finished his speech, the members getting their mics ready,the music playing.

Namjoon turns on his mic pack, taking a deep breath to try to keep his emotions at bay. I can't feel sorry for myself.. I still want to thank them for supporting us today..

Taehyung doesn't get into position with the others, choosing to sing his verse while hugging Namjoon from behind, poking Namjoon's cheek to try to get a smile out of him.

Namjoon didn't feel like smiling, but it was hard not to after Taehyung moved in front of him, overdoing the dance moves to try to make him laugh, making him smile despite how miserable he felt.

“Stop it, you're so weird.. go join the others. I'm fine.” Namjoon pushes him away, wanting him to worry about the performance, not him.

Taehyung follows his command, getting into formation avoiding the spot Namjoon was supposed to be standing as if he was standing there with them.

Looking at the empty space where he should be only made Namjoon’s heart ache more. I want to be with the others.. I don't belong sitting here..

Namjoon couldn't look towards the others when his part came, opting to choose a camera to focus his gaze on. He could feel the stinging of tears trying to form, but he held them in until his part was finished, the camera panning away from him to move to the others.

Just wait until we get off the stage..

Namjoon took a deep breath, pushing his emotions down deep into the pit of his stomach when he hears the voices of his members getting closer to him. There's just one more minute in the song..

Namjoon keeps his eyes closed, trying to keep his tears at bay. The song ends with the crowd cheering louder than he ever heard all night,opening his eyes to see why, jumping when he sees the members closing in on him, putting him in the center of a group hug. 

“You have no reason to cry Namjoon-ah. It's okay.. you did your best today.. you don't need to feel bad about anything.” Jin whispers to him.

“I'm sorry Hyung. I can't help it.. I'm just so frustrated with myself..” Namjoon let Jungkook pull him onto his back, burying his face in the maknae’s back.

“It's okay Hyung. We'll get you back on your feet as soon as possible.” Jungkook promises, holding Namjoons legs still so they don't sway when he walks down the steps.

The members line up behind Jungkook following behind like ducklings. They would usually stay a little longer, but their top priority was to get Namjoon to an emergency room as soon as possible.

"Kim Namjoon Kim Namjoon!" The crowd had been cheering for him since the song ended.

I don't deserve your praise.. I've been nothing but a burden today..

Namjoon picks up his head, forcing a smile, giving them a finger heart despite how miserable he felt.

The security staff quickly fell into place to protect the boys on the way out, escorting them to their vehicles. Jungkook gently places Namjoon in the car.

The others climb in, Jin going next to Namjoon and hugging him close. “Namjoon-Ah does it hurt too much?” He asks softly, wiping the tears from Namjoon’s cheeks.

“It's..it's not that..it's just.. we were going to sh..shoot a music video while we were in the America.. because of me.. we..we won't be able to..” Namjoon sniffles, trying to keep his voice steady.

“Hey, hey, don't worry about that Namjoon-ah, you getting better is our top priority..we can always reschedule or choose a new location. We'll figure something out.” Jin rubs the back of Namjoon's neck, trying to massage the tension away. 

Namjoon shakes his head. “It's not..it's not okay.. I should've been more careful..I should've stopped as..as soon as..”

“Shh..Namjoon.” Jin puts a finger by his lips, silencing Namjoon. “What's done is done. Regretting it won't do any good. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and move forward.”

Namjoon nods, leaning into Jin, his breath coming in shaky and weak, coughing. “I'm sor..sorry everyone..”

Jin hugs Namjoon to his chest, kissing the top of his head. “My poor Joon-ah..let Hyung handle things, you just rest.” He's been stressing for the past two months about the new album we've been working on, pulling all nighters to work on music.. this was just his breaking point.. my poor baby..

Namjoon nods, squeezing Jin closely. He stayed quiet the rest of the way to the hospital, letting Jin gently stroke his back as he let out all the emotions he was trying so hard to keep at bay.

“The doctor said it's only a tiny tear, and as long as you rest it, you'll make a full recovery in 8 weeks.. it's okay, Namjoon-ah..” Hoseok tries to comfort Namjoon, gently adding a cold compress to his foot to try to help reduce the swelling. 

“But I can't dance Hoba.. I can't dance and our new album is due to come out this quarter..” Namjoon says softly, wincing when the numbing chill hits him. 

“I know, I know, but you'll still be able to sing with us..and who knows? You might heal faster than the doctor predicted..” Hoseok tried to stay positive, trying to cheer up his fellow 94er. He hadn't left Namjoon's hotel room since they left the hospital, being sure to fulfill every single need Namjoon needed to help keep him off his injured leg.

“Maybe..” Namjoon sighs, hearing a knock on the door. “Huh? Who is it?’ He goes to answer without thinking, groaning when he moves his bad leg.

“Namjoon-ah no. I'll get it. You stay put. I told you, no moving unless it's to use the bathroom.”Hoseok scolds him, going to the door and peeking through the hole, opening it when he sees his members standing in the hallway.

“What's everyone doing here? I thought you'd be in bed.." Namjoon knew he would be asleep if it weren't for the headache his crying caused, still feeling jet lagged from their long flight.

“We thought we could all eat together in Namjoonie hyung's room.” Jimin explains, holding up a bag of food. "Are you hungry, Hyung? We haven't eaten since this morning.."

“We all ordered from a different place so we can have a good variety of food.” Jungkook says with a smile. “Do you think Namjoonie hyung will be okay with it? We can always go to Jinnie-hyungs room.”

"Yeah, I'd love to eat with everyone.." Namjoon answers despite the fact he had no appetite. I just want to be with everyone, but I was embarrassed to ask Hoseok to stay..

The boys set up their food on the coffee table, Namjoon feeling the love of his teammates when he realizes that they got his favorite foods.

"Thanks everyone..I love you guys.." Namjoon smiles a real smile for the first time since black swan. "I promise I'll be careful next time.."

[yooboobies]

happy birthday my favourite human ♡♡

hope to see you smile soon ♡

[cr. 0613data]

[hopeinthebox]

bts + reductress headlines pt.13

[namchyoon]

when you're in a #1 joon stan competition and your opponent is kim taehyung 🧍‍♀️ (for @userjiminie 🤍)

[a-namjoon-a-day]

Happy Joon & Jimin Thursday =)

- LQ photo edition -

[muniimyg]

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ bbydaddy!jk (11) ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ *nsfw*

series m.list // taglist request closed

note: hi !! sorry for the mini wait ,, hope u guys enjoy …. i’d rlly appreciate ur thots for this series as i’m still contemplating on extending or ending it soon !! thank u 🫶🏻

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @pamzn @defzcl @maryy1300 @whoa-jo @taetaecatboy @jksusawife @un06 @firesighgirl @rrosiitas @butterymin @parkinglot-nights @musicjournalsjdb @kissyfacekoo @jkslvsnella @vampcharxter @bloopkook @somehowukook @bbystarcandykoo

//

"mama!"

as you turn your head, your eyes light up at the sight of zion. you watch your assistant push the big conference glass door open for him. he bolts through, smiling brightly. you get up from your chair and bend down, opening your arms for him to crash into. zion giggles, launching himself at you. you squeeze him tight before picking him up.

then, you see jungkook running in after him with flowers in his hands.

"zion, we have to wait for mommy's meeting to finish—oh.." jungkook looks at his son, defeated. then, he pouts at you. "hi. sorry. we planned on waiting in the lobby but your assistant recognized zion and brought us up."

you shrug, trying to regulate your heartbeat. jungkook looks good (as usual) but something about him and this gesture weakens your knees.

"no," you breathe. "don't apologize. this is sweet of you two. are those flowers for me, z?"

zion nods.

"f is flowers for mama!"

you shoot jungkook a glare. in response, he tightens his lips and puffs his cheeks. "seriously? we just talked about his alphabet—stop laughing!"

jungkook ignores you.

he moves past you and greets your colleagues. he recognizes some from past christmas parties and others from the stories you've shared. they make small talk as you sneak in kisses and cheek squishes on zion. when their conversation ends, they slip out of the conference room leaving you and your little family.

swiftly, jungkook moves closer and takes zion from your arms. he whispers in zion's ear and then motions at you. zion offers you the flowers.

happily, you accept the flowers and thank him. then, you purse your lips for a kiss. "wow! thank you, baby."

when zion pulls away from the kiss he declares; "you’re welcome mama. now dada turn!"

without a second thought, you take a shot at jungkook. "did you teach him that too?"

jungkook chuckles. "you wish."

"says who?"

he rolls his eyes at you playfully. "awh! come on. you're just annoyed cos you know he thought of it himself."

"he's mischievous," you agree. "only means he's truly your son—"

"yeah, yeah," jungkook leans forward and gently kisses your cheek. "whatever you say, mama."

you laugh into the crook of his neck. zion laughs along and you scrunch your nose at him.

"daddy's annoying, z."

zion nods in agreement.

offended, jungkook gasps and tickles zion.

"what are you teaching our son?" jungkook pouts.

before you can answer, your attention shifts to the door where three interns enter snickering.

"sorry to interrupt, ms. ___... but is this your son? he's so cute!" one of the three interns asks, entering the conference room. you nod as jungkook shows zion off.

"zion, say hi."

zion bows his head and introduces the family. "hi! this my dada, this my mama, this me!"

"hi zion!" another intern chimes. "did you know your mommy always shows us videos of you singing? can you sing for us?"

"yes!" zion cheers. "want to hear my abc's?"

you clear your throat, unsure of what he could possibly pull.

"zion baby, maybe let's not sing your abc's—"

"a is for back together—"

jungkook covers zion's mouth.

"h-hey, buddy... why don't you sing itsy bitsy spider instead? do the dance too." jungkook suggests, ensuring his tone of voice is positive enough to convenience his son.

zion gasps. "yes, dada! itsy bitsy spider dance! cos i'm spiderman?"

the three interns awe.

they tell zion that he in fact is spiderman. jungkook puts him down, letting zion make waddle his way to them. the three interns bend down, all bonding and competing for zion's attention.

jungkook makes his way back to you. he wraps his arms around your waist and tilts his head at you.

"okay, fine.. i'll stop with the alphabet thing."

you huff. "good."

"you're not mad right?"

"about the alphabet thing? no, i'm not mad," you assure him. "why would i be mad?"

the word mad is a little strong. did it come off like that? maybe you should work on your facial expressions. having a resting bitch face comes with a lot of cons.

jungkook shakes his head, realizing you two were talking about two different things. "no. not that. not the alphabets... what i meant was; i didn't know if you wanted to see me here. disrupting your day or whatever.."

"oh that part? no. it's fine. i always wanna see you—y-you and zion, i mean.""

jungkook blinks at you.

"you and our son," you repeat. "especially our son."

jungkook smirks. "yeah?"

"yeah."

it's then that you realize how close he is to you. not so secretly, you take in his scent. he's freshly showered and his clothes smell like his favourite detergent (of course. he's pretty anal about laundry). it makes you laugh.

"what? why are you laughing?" he asks, smile disappearing.

snorting, you answer him. "nothing. you just... you love downy."

"so what?"

"it's just funny—hey!"

jungkook uses one hand to grab your ass. he grabs a handful. he loves your ass. only has (always will). you laugh, playfully shoving him away.

"yah! we're in public." you laugh.

jungkook squints at you. "should we go to your office then? zion has literally 3 babysitters right now."

"jungkook—"

he pokes your sides, shutting you up. "okay, but for real... aside from zion and i being obsessed with you; we're here to deliver some bad news."

you swallow, letting your mind run wild. what could be so bad that jungkook came over with zion to your work place? if it was a family emergency, he would've given it to you straight. yet, he seems to be calm about everything... surely, it can't be that horrible, right?

your eyebrows furrow together. "what's happened?"

"the unit above that was leaking? apparently, their floors flooded so now our unit's ceiling is leaking. they have to go in and figure out the pipe situation or whatever..." jungkook explains.

"what? holy shit. what do i do—"

"i went in to look for myself. it's not the end of the world but they definitely have to do some damage control. while i was there i just packed your clothes and zion's. grabbed your other stuff too but if i'm missing anything we can go back and—"

"what do you mean? like we can't go home tonight?"

jungkook shakes his head. "not for a good week or two."

"are you serious?" you panic, taking your phone out to check your emails and text messages.

... and there they are. 3 missed calls from your building manager, a lengthy message, and an email detailing everything.

"fuck," you hiss. "so.. what am i supposed to do?"

jungkook sighs, rubbing your back. "relax, okay? the furniture is fine. i moved things around and they said they would check in to make sure nothing in our unit gets ruined... but in the meantime... do you want to stay with your parents or—"

"you."

a beat

"if that's okay?"

jungkook nods, holding himself back. the truth is, it was more than okay. it was perfect actually. he's never been so thankful for a bad thing to happen... but goddamn was he over the moon for this. to be able to sleep in the same bed as you and his son for the next week or so? holy shit.

duh, it's okay.

you take a deep breath and shut your eyes. you try to process your feelings... the entire situation isn't that awful, it's just inconvenient and you didn't expect it to happen. you hate surprises like these. jungkook knows that better than anyone else therefore he thought it be best that he plays damage control for you. grabbing your belongings, picking zion up from daycare today, and delivering you the news personally... it made sense to. also, he didn't want you to stress and struggle without him by your side. of course, he has to be here for you. why would he want you to feel alone in this?

when you open your eyes, you realize jungkook pulled you in for a hug. as you lift your arms to wrap around him, you suddenly pull away when nam joon awkwardly enters the conference room.

"hey joo—nam joon," you greet him. your eyes shift to jungkook. jungkook gives you a look and your tummy feels a little weird. his gaze is stern and his jaw is slightly clenched. you know he caught your slip but you also know he's probably pleased with the way you corrected yourself.

"is that zion? wow, he's grown so much. looks like he's stealing the intern's hearts right now." nam joon asks, admiring your son.

in attempt to lighten the mood, you hit jungkook's chest. "seriously, what are you teaching our son?"

luckily, jungkook chuckles.

nam joon smiles politely. then, he extends his hand. "jungkook, nice to see you again."

jungkook shakes his hand, gripping it tightly. nam joon's eyes drop to the handshake.

"yeah."

... is all jungkook says in response to nam joon.

an odd silence falls between you three. for a moment, you all stand there and watch zion. zion waves at you and jungkook and you two wave back. nam joon watches as jungkook naturally puts his arm around your waist and feels out of place.

nam joon clears his throat.

"oh, did you need something?" you ask, refocusing. "i thought you had to meet a client this afternoon?"

nam joon moves past jungkook, closer to you. he hands you a few papers. you take them and read your name. "your contract is revised. your vacation days are approved. just need you to sign these so i can get my secretary to process them."

your eyes light up. "oh my god! really?"

nam joon smiles. "really. also, i didn't mean to, but i overheard about your unit situation. if you need a play to stay or the day off today—"

jungkook mimics nam joon's throat-clearing noise. he tugs you close and looks directly at nam joon in the eyes. "actually, the day off today would be perfect."

without noticing (as you've been flipping through the papers), you look up at nam joon and give him a hopeful looks. "hey, i did just wrap up with a client... and it's friday..."

nam joon laughs at your cuteness. "go home, ___. enjoy your weekend. your vacation is next wednesday, right? take the extra monday and tuesday off... enjoy your vacation."

your eyes light up for the second time today. jungkook hates it. he hates it even more when you break away from him and give nam joon a half-assed side hug. nam joon catches jungkook's death glare and thinks wow, this guy is ridiculous.

when you pull away, you excuse yourself to sign the papers and quickly look through it. when you finish signing and reading through, you hand the paper back to nam joon and join zion.

jungkook and nam joon watch you hold zion and laugh with the interns. it's an attractive sight, to say the least. you're so good at everything and you always make it look so easy. you're effortlessly funny and ambitious to the point there it's beyond attractive—it's compelling. then, there's the way you laugh. the way you throw your head back is so fucking graceful that the two boys catch each other starstruck.

"i asked her out."

jungkook clenches his jaw. a part of him is in disbelief at how blunt nam joon is. like, who the fuck does he think he is to be saying stupid shit like this? god. the ego on this guy... whatever. jungkook bites nam joon's bait.

"how'd that go?"

"i think you know how it went." nam joon chuckles. it's like he admitted defeat. suddenly the tension is cut and there's space for honesty. hence, nam joon's cue to confess.

"i always thought she was pretty. when she started at the firm, i wanted to ask her out but quickly found out she was in a relationship with you... not only that, but i think i met her when zion was only 1. i moved on. it wasn't that serious and honestly, she was so happy with you... then, you two split or whatever... and it took me 3 months to ask her out. when she said yes, i couldn't believe it. so, of course, i had this whole date planned. i reserved a rooftop table for us. i had the chef make a new menu for us... then, she stood me up. she told me she wasn't ready and that sometimes, it feels like it's hard for her to catch her breath. like she needs air and she wasn't ready to move on because she hasn't exactly given up yet... and that's okay with me. it was never about me anyway... since the beginning, i just wanted to be there for her."

nam joon exchanges a look with jungkook.

jungkook's throat feels dry.

"it's you, isn't it? you're her air."

zion falls asleep on the drive home.

when you arrive at jungkook's, you carry zion in while jungkook carries your bags. jungkook's place is tidy and you can tell he spent more effort into making it more aesthetically appealing for you. he took out scented candles and prepared towels and slippers for you by the bed. the studio looks more spacious in general.. you wonder what changed but you're also too exhausted to care.

"wanna do take out for dinner?"

"sure," you say as you place zion on the bed. "i'll probably wake him up in an hour. did you see how social he was with the interns? felt like he was about to run away and marry one of them."

jungkook snorts. "i'm guessing zion hasn't told you about his daycare girlfriend yet, huh?"

your eyes widen.

your heart drops.

"he has a what?"

jungkook bursts into laughter. "oh my god! ___, y-your face! god, you're such a mom now. this is so crazy..."

you attack jungkook. hitting his chest and tickling his underarms. "are you kidding me? don't joke about him it like that! my heart literally—"

"you honestly think i would let my son have a girlfriend before i get mine back?"

you pause.

"you're annoying."

jungkook laughs even harder. "i know! too bad you had a baby with me."

you roll your eyes at him. then, he tugs you close and sways you back and forth. "don't be mad. you're just hungry. grab my phone and order dinner."

pushing him away, you head over to the kitchen island where he left his phone. taking it, you stare at the lock screen. it's a picture of you and zion.

"what's your password?"

"hasn't changed."

oh.

okay..

you feel your heart race as you type in your birthdate.

jungkook watches and as you scroll through his phone. as you choose a restaurant, countless notifications begin to ring in from his groupchat with his friends.

"jungkook, your friends are texting—"

"ignore it. i already told them i'm not coming," he says, as he ties his already neat living room. "you're ordering us korean food, right? can you get me some—"

"it's yoongi's goodbye party... isn't that important?"

jungkook whines. "he'll be back! i don't get why he has to have a party."

"he's leaving for 1 year? dude, this is important!" you urge him, walking over and passing him his phone. "you're going! it's just one night. zion and i are fine here."

"... i don't want to go. i want to be home with you."

"i'll be here when you get back," you laugh. "and is this about yoongi's girlfriend? damn, he really said fuck long distance."

jungkook sighs. "at least him and his girl are together. feels like we're ldr—"

"not everything is about you, jungkook." you tease. "come on! go be a guy and have fun with your friends. tell yoongi i'm happy for him."

truth be told, you've always liked jungkook's friends. they were always so kind and soft-spoken. the chaotic ones like jimin and taehyung are single handedly zion's favourites. yours are the hyungs... yoongi especially.

"what?" jungkook scoffs. "jealous? your precious yoongi is in love with someone else."

"yes," you play along. "completely heartbroken, actually. wanna be my rebound?"

jungkook's gaze lowers.

"i hate that. don't say shit like that again."

you laugh hard, trying to lighten the mood. you make crying faces at jungkook and tease him. he ignores you, heading to the bathroom to get ready. you annoy him as he begins to get ready. he stays silent, letting you act cute. at one point, you sit on the sink and block him for seeing his reflection in the mirror. you fix his hair and pinch his cheeks. then, you kiss him and smile against his lips when he kisses you back.

when he gets carried away with the kiss, you jump off the sink and practically push him out the door. he asks for one kiss goodbye and you give in. jungkook promises to be home soon and tells you that tomorrow you guys should go to the aquarium or something. you agree and continue to push him out the door.

he stalls.

you laugh and get annoyed.

he kisses you one more time before really, truly, and finally going.

jungkook's mission is to show up, drink whatever shots they give him, and hurry home to you. he'll take the hits and swallow every raging question they have about your weird on-and-off-again relationship. he'll take the commentary and he'll soak in the empathy his friends water him in. he'll get irritated when they question why you're taking so long to get back together with him and he'll probably cry on the way home... doesn't matter though because this time, he'll come home to you.

jungkook wouldn't have it any other way.

1am is when jungkook comes home.

you wake up to him unlocking the door and stumbling to the bathroom. he manages to shower and you giggle at the moments he bangs into things and the whines follow. shortly, he makes his way to the kitchen and pours himself a glass of water.

sneaking out of bed, you open his nearby closet and grab a shirt for him.

that's right.

he's tipsy, freshly showered, and shirtless.

the dream, right?

"jungkook, here—"

"oh my god."

sleepily, you squint at him. "what?"

"you're so pretty."

sighing, you shove his shirt to his chest. he giggles, taking the shirt and thanking you. he puts it on and continues to drink more water. you look around his counters and spot his medicine tray. walking over, you search and find medicine to help with the obvious hangover to come. handing it to him, he smiles at you sleepily and takes it.

as he swallows the medicine, you rub your eyes and wake up a bit more.

"your mom came by."

jungkook groans. "and what? did she nag you to tell me to eat my meals?"

you snort, hitting his shoulder. "she told me to hurry up and marry you."

jungkook chuckles.

"for once, i agree with my mom."

"yeah?"

"yeah."

jungkook moves closer to you and stretches his neck. he looks for zion and furrows his eyebrows in confusion when he realizes zion is no where to be found.

"hey ___... where's our son?"

"your mom took him after dinner. he's sleeping over. said to pick him up whenever," you explain. "she said to rest and get married or something.”

"oh," jungkook yawns. "is that it? are we getting married tomorrow?"

you can't help but play along. smirking, you tell him; "you'd like that a lot, wouldn't you?"

jungkook chuckles. "i'd like you to quit your job more actually."

"wow! are you this drunk?" you giggle. "mad brave for saying that."

he glares at you. "i make enough to support all of us. you're unhappy with the firm? quit and take your time looking for a new one. quit being a lawyer for all i care. start your own firm and use my card to pay for it. i don't care."

gasping, your cheeks flush red. "you're so fucking drunk."

"i'm not drunk."

"right," you yield. "if you were drunk, you'd be trying to have sex with me right now."

he squints at you. "drunk sex isn't my favourite."

slightly offended and surprised, you ask, "really? what's your favourite then?"

without hestiation, jungkook answers you.

"morning sex."

"really?"

"i love waking up next to you. i love how easy it is... don't get me wrong, the freaky shit we do is great! i just think the laziness and warmth of morning sex between us is like.. 100 times more intimate and i miss that, you know? i miss being close to you."

jungkook's confession moves you in a way that you've never expected his words to. sure, he says things that throw you off... but you've never known about this. no wonder he was always so adamant on morning sex all these years. honestly, he probably impregnated you with zion during one of those morning sex sessions. it slipped your mind though... and maybe that's exactly it. he's right. morning sex has always been effortless and natural between you two. it's always been easy and so fucking good.

you miss it too.

then, jungkook say another thing.

“i also miss coffee in the morning with you.”

“where did that come from?”

“i bought a nespresso.”

huffing, you make a confession. “ohh.. i don’t drink much coffee these days. don’t know if i even like it anymore.”

“i know,” he tells you, eyes glossy. “when did you stop?”

for some reason, you have a gut feeling he isn’t talking about coffee anymore… and it stings. you aren’t too sure of what to say or do… so you make the most of it and you redirect the conversation.

“did something change in here, by the way?” you ask, looking around. “it feels different.”

jungkook thinks for a moment.

“i got rid of a drawer… emptied it cos the clothes inside went to your place.”

“ohh…” you snicker. “that’s… yeah—“

out of nowhere, jungkook blurts; “i love you a lot.”

you nod. “i love you a lot too.”

“___, i hate being broken up with you,” he laughs. “it’s the worst. like, it’s not even that it’s exhausting… it’s that… it’s so sad. i just.. i don’t get it, you know? loving you is the easiest thing but to understand this fucking mess? i don’t… i don’t get it. i’m afraid i never will. ___, what am i supposed to do?”

“i don’t know either,” you choke out. “i’m sorry.”

defeated, he sighs.

“i know. it’s okay… i don’t blame you. plus, i’ve been doing pretty good with the whole winning you back thing, right?”

you laugh.

he does too.

then, a silence falls upon you two. it’s nothing intense or tense for that matter… just a little comforting. to simply soak in each others presence is another blessing jungkook is thankful for.

"can i ask you something else?" jungkook inches closer to you. you let him. soon, his hands are on top of yours and he's standing right in front of you.

looking up at him, you tilt your head and offer a soft smile.

"are we over?" he asks, voice shaking. "are we really over? cos it doesn't feel like it."

"what does over mean?" you ask in return.

he shakes his head at you. "what’s up with lawyers and avoiding questions? fuck, ___… don't change the subject."

"i'm not changing the subject," you defend yourself. "i'm asking you... what does over mean to you?"

jungkook doesn't have an answer.

tongue-tied, the best he can do is say; "whatever over means... it's not this. it's not us... and honestly? if you don't know what it means... then it's not over. we're not really over. yay."

"yay?"

"shut up." he hisses. "i'm tired. i love you. i'm sad my mom took zion. i wanted us to wake up as a family."

you pout, instantly feeling like a horrible person for giving zion away so easily to his grandma. "awh, poor daddy."

jungkook rubs his eyes, pretending to cry. you laugh, shoving him playfully. he joins your laughter before sighing deeply.

"the guys miss you."

for some reason, these 4 words make your heart ache.

"i miss them too."

"miss them enough to get back together with me?" jungkook attempts, wiggling his eyebrows. "yoongi says if his girlfriend dumps him and you never get back together with me... he'll come in and steal you from me. he said he can't wait to be zion's step-dad."

you laugh for the nth time.

"it's not funny," jungkook cries. "i almost punched my best friend cos i was so pissed."

you aren't worried in the slightest. jungkook's friends have always been good at handling him and because they're good at handling him.. they know exactly how much to push and pull before he acts a certain way.

"you're a good dad," you admit to him. taking his hand, you rub your thumbs against his skin. he looks at you lovingly, more than ready to believe whatever you have to say to him.

"you're always the first to zion's events and always know how to put him to sleep. he asks for you more than you know. i never thought that the whole 'my dad is my hero' thing was real until you two bonded. he copies everything you do and everything you are. he's kind and thoughtful. he's funny in ways that take away my exhaustion. jungkook, you are the best dad there is. i don't say thank you enough for doing everything you do for zion. i appreciate you, truly. you're the best thing to have ever happened in my life. truth is, i don't think i could have anyone else's babies. you're it."

right then and there, jungkook feels a weight being lifted off his shoulders. he isn't sure if he has completely sobered up or if it's because of everything you just said.

he then dips his head low and you tiptoe to kiss him.

against your lips, he smiles and murmurs;

"we're so not over."

when jungkook wakes up, you're naked.

you climb onto him, laughing as he rubs his eyes dramatically to make sure this isn't a dream. as you throw your head back, he places his hands around your back and pushes your body close. he kisses your breasts to up your neck. then finally, your lips.

it's slow and so fucking french.

bonjour, mon amour.

it doesn't take long for jungkook to take his shirt off and slide out of his shorts and underwear. without warning, you slip his dick inside of you. it's easy. his morning wood has not and did not disappoint.

inside you, he moans at the feeling.

so soft.

so tight.

so fucking good.

you place your hands on top of his lower abdomen to stabilize the way you grind on him. as his dick is inside of you, you feel it twitch and harden with each second you grind yourself on him. harder and harder, jungkook grunts at the sight of your pretty folds just smashing and leaking all over him.

as you lose your breath, you bring your hands back. placing them on his upper thighs, you take this opportunity to ride him sensually. moving your hips back and forth (and a little up and down), jungkook watches as his entire cock is being eaten up by you. god, he loves the view. he places his hands on your waist, helping and guiding the way you move.

you moan.

"f-fuck... feels so good, jungkook. you're so big. so fucking b-big—a-ahh! ah, ah, ahhh.. f-fuck!"

jungkook rubs your clit.

his eyebrows furrowed, eyes on you, and his mouth is slightly agape. he's so into it. he loves the way you're reacting to his touch and he loves the way your pussy clenches to his cock.

“prettiest cunt,” he pants. “h-holy shit. so fucking swollen. look at that! a-arghhh.. my pretty woman, ohhh! f-fuck, i love you.”

“i l-love you too, honey.”

jungkook loves the way you say it. it makes him feel some type of way.. his stomach twists and turns. he feels like his dick is about to explode.

after a few moments, you feel yourself approaching your climax. fuck, he was right... morning sex was easy. at this pace, he could easily drag this... or he could let you cum and do it over and over again.

just when you're about to tell him you're close, he takes a hold of you and switches. jungkook rolls you to your back and keeps himself inside you while doing so. towering over you, you giggle at the position change.

"what? a naked woman on top of you wasn't enough?"

he rolls his eyes.

"morning sex is my favourite," jungkook grunts. "let me have this."

you smile at him. "whatever... i was close, just so you know. now you have to start over. i feel like i lost the high."

jungkook laughs before leaning in and kissing you. he kisses you so fucking good you squeeze his ass. in response, he rolls his hips, digging himself deeper in you. you moan and he takes the opportunity to kiss your neck. bringing his kisses to the back of your ear, he hums; "that's okay, honey. i can show you what devotion is."

jungkook is no liar.

he does exactly as he says.

he fucks you like he's missed you for years. he knows when to drag out the orgasm and when to give it to you. he fucks you with your legs over his shoulders. he fucks you doggy style, hitting inside you so deep... he lets you ride him again and this time, he goes crazy with groping your breasts and playing with your nipples.

morning sex with jungkook is everything you remembered and more. it was warm and easy. it was cozy, sloppy, and messy at the same time... but it felt good. to wake up beside him and have him right away... yeah. it felt good.

to be able to laugh and kiss beneath the sheets. to be tangled with one another and greeted by the gentle sunlight. to be together and to feel the love between you two… well, it feels like home.

jungkook cums a whopping 3 times and prioritizes your 5 leg-shaking orgasms.

when you tell him you want to suck his dick to even the score, he jokes and tells you that he has jerked off to your selfies almost every day for the past week. you tell him he’s gross and if that was the case; it would've been better to film a sex tape or something.

jungkook laughs and reminds you that he has the baby monitor on. he'll just watch the playback when he misses you.

disgusted (and a little wet), you then take his phone from the nightstand and give it to him. you lay underneath him, gesturing him to go on top on you. there, he places his dick on your lips. you kiss it, holding the length with your small hands. jungkook cums almost 3 minutes into the hand/blow job (loser alert). quickly, he takes a picture of his cum over your face.

"there," you say, licking the cum off. "you have the baby monitor sex tape and that picture. jerk off all you want... we're even now."

"no need," jungkook laughs. "you're here for a week or so, honey."

the day passes by with a quick shower (together) and brunch. he cooks his heart-shaped pancakes and you cut up fruit. you two sit and watch the accidental sex tape you two made through the baby monitor and laugh at how stupid you two look.

when you two finish, you clean up and get ready to pick up zion together. with plans to cafe hop, jungkook opts to drive and take his car. you agree and follow through.

as he starts the engine and gets to driving, the sun shines at his face. he squints.

"can you get my sunglasses, please? they're in there," jungkook points at the glove compartment. you nod and open it. easily, you find jungkook's sunglasses and hand it to him.

as he puts it on and as you're about to shut the glove compartment, you see it.

tiffany & co

jungkook does a double take. then, he decides... fuck it.

"do you want to see it?" he asks, trying to decipher if you were about to freak out or not.

instead, you purse your lips and take a deep breath through your nose in.

"it's yours," jungkook adds. "do you want to put it on? for fun or whatever?"

"maybe not today," you tell him with a gentle tone. though, truth be told, you were curious... but you didn't want to feed in and wear the ring unless you were ready to actually marry him. plus, where's the magic if you look at the ring right now?

"someday?"

"someday."

he'll take that.

jungkook reaches for your hand and you give it to him. he kisses it before placing his hand on your thigh. you feel so high school but it's also such a relief.

he continues to drive and you think about it.

you think about everything... how he has and will be the only man you've ever love(d). how you can't see anyone else being the father of your child(ren). how when you think of home, you only see him. how complicated you've been and how patient he's been... and it's then, at exactly 8 months, 3 weeks, and 6 days when the feeling sinks in.

then, you think about it some more.

you really think about it..

by the end of the car ride, you know.

you know.

[7brownsuga7]

The last time you both fucked you knew he loved you. He didn’t say it, but he showed it.

The way he kissed your lips had you overthinking the action. It wasn’t that he didn’t kiss you before, but this time it was different, it had more meaning, it was gentle, unfamiliar, it lingered on your lips, leaving you eager for more.

You noticed his breathing became more shorter after the action, the man before you more flustered than before.

He caressed your temple with his fingers so gently, watching over you with endearing eyes. His eyes telling you everything you needed to know in that moment.

Then when you rode him you couldn’t help but pay attention to the smallest details. Like how he placed his hand on the lower of your back, holding you so close to him. How your name sounded coming from his lips, he said it with so much meaning so much want and need that it had you spiralling.

When you both came together, bodies united, you could hear his heartbeat increase as he held you in his arms. He held you so tight yet so gentle, scared to let you go, but not wanting to hurt you.

And as soon as those three words escaped his lips as he thought you fell asleep, you smiled to yourself knowing you was right all along.

[magicshop]

"To love and be loved is to rest."

[btsstaysgold]

Namjoon should be held accountable for looking this FINEE I swear!! ><

(crtto)

[ohwhale22]

RM INSTAGRAM POST

2024.06.11

instagram link

"그때의 우리"

translation:

"Us back then"

[rjshope]

ON Kinetic Manifesto Film Shoot Sketch | Hyung line🖤

[kithtaehyung]

Right Place, Wrong Person ; 240524 ; ig , twt

[yooboobies]

2018 -> 2022 one time for the present, two times for the past | for @rjshope

{tear jacket making cr. 0613data}