#bts joon

[min-hoax]

dirty little secrets - knj

Summary: Namjoon was a hopeless romantic. He thought that was his destiny, and for you? That was simply your doom.

Pairing: Yandere! Namjoon x F! Reader

Word Count: 8.25K

Warning(s): Obsession, stalking, he’s so delusional 😍, the reader is a messy bitch BUT I love her, infidelity, underage drinking, mentions of drugZ (characters are over 18!), mentions of suicide, manslaughter, mentions of blood and a dead body, mentions of attempted SA, MDNI 18+ SMUT SMUT SMUT, cunnilingus, fingering, loss of virginity, sliiiiiiiight breeding kink (it’s me, yall should’ve known😭)

A/N: I know I said I’d be gone, but I got so inspired!! This fic is written in Namjoon’s POV! Enjoy being in our lovely yanderes’ mind. 😈 UNEDITED!!!

I dreamt of you before I met you.

In my romanticizing mind where I’d day dream about our life and what could be. You, wrapped around my arms as you slept. Us, on a trip that you desired to go to ever since you were a child.

It was moments like those that made me wait for you, and only for you because the moment I set my eyes on you, I was a goner.

I smiled at you from across the room when we locked eyes, the blaring music thundering inside my chest as you sat on a table, your legs swinging up and down. You nodded when your friend voiced something loudly, agreeing to whatever it was, but yet your eyes remained on mine.

I caught your eyes just like you caught mine.

But my admiration did not last long for a boy slithered his way into your embrace, a red cup of liquor in his hand that he passed to you while pecking your lips. I should have known a beautiful angel like you was bound to be in the arms of a lover, but how come I felt a little pang on my chest the second your lips locked with his?

I knew we were meant to be because how did the universe connect us both so effortlessly? It wanted us together and I knew that the second I saw you again. I set my eyes on you that same night, this time not at a house party, but at your own home.

Our home.

The move frightened me and caused my calamitous mind to drown in nightmares of what could be’s, but once I set foot in the town that I now called my home, I knew everything was going to be fine. Everyone was kind and welcoming and I didn’t even spend a sweat in finding a home once I packed my childhood home up and made my way north.

The memories of my mother were too haunting and I simply could not bear it. I had enough money from the life insurance company I acquired after her passing and made the decision so quickly after.

I found the ad one Saturday afternoon: Room For Rent! $525 A Month. ALL Amenities Included. I talked to a woman on the phone (now I know it was your mother) when I reached out, allowing her to know I was interested in the offer. She was kind and after a longing while of questions, she accepted and I made my way to you. I just didn’t know it then.

Your scream from fright made me jump, the cup of water in my hands slightly dripping droplets on the wooden ground. ��What the fuck?” You muttered, taking a step back. Your eyes were messy with makeup, the night no doubt taking a toll on your sleep, after all it was three in the morning when you walked inside. “Who the hell are you?”

I meant to speak, but the creek of your mothers’ door opening upstairs kept me from opening my mouth, and seeing you standing before me did not help either. Your mother made her way to us, wrapping her pink fleecy robe around her waist. Your scream no doubt roused her from sleep.

“What’s going on - oh.” She looked at us. Did she not tell you about me? Perhaps not, it was obvious. But I was slightly afraid that I’d be scolded by your mother. I was free to roam the inside of your home to make my meals and shower and get a cup of water in the middle of the night, but yet you were her daughter and mothers were always fiercely protective. I knew.

“Sweetheart.” She started and smiled. “This is Namjoon. I guess I didn’t tell you he’d be renting the room at back.”

“Uh, since when?”

“Since… two nights ago?” She looked at me, trying to remember. I nodded. “Yes, since Thursday. I’m Kim Namjoon, it’s nice to meet you.”

I didn’t know I was desperate to feel your touch, but as soon as your hands fit in mind when you shook it and introduced yourself with a tired smile on your face, I shuddered.

“Well I'm glad you weren’t an intruder.” Your hand slipped from mind as you made your way into the kitchen, fetching a glass and filling it with water whilst speaking. “Just, mom, please give me a heads up next time.”

Next time? I wasn’t planning on leaving anytime soon. I knew there were others before me, the wall by my bed was vandalized with small figures and initials that read KTH, and I always wondered who resided in the room I now slept in.

You looked like an angel when you took a step towards the stairs, turning your head to smile at me one last time. The light on the ceiling gifted you with a glow that made me smile like an idiot. “Goodnight.”

Oh, I was a goner.

I couldn’t help it. I was never a violent person and I even surprised myself when I thought of punching your boy in his perfect face. I knew for a fact that though I was taller and was at an advantage, I could not win in a fight because I had never been in one. I was never the confrontational type.

He was the epitome of perfection. Round, but define cheeks, plump pink lips that made my jaw clench when yours connected with his, and blonde hair that fit him perfectly. He was everything that I wasn’t and that made me want to shrivel up inside and scream with rage until my throat was sore and my voice was nonexistent.

But I could only dream.

“Namjoon, please, help yourself.” Your mothers voice called for me, taking me out of my thoughts and onto the situation that I did not want to deal with. You and Park Jimin.

He sat before me, a plate of breakfast on the diner table and an arm wrapped around the back of you as you nursed a cup of coffee.

There was something with you and coffee. I always noticed you would make yourself a cup, take a few sips, but you never finished it. Always throwing it out the drain before you made your way to school. I always wondered. Until I didn’t.

I wasn’t in school, not yet anyway. After I graduated a few years back my mother tried her best to steer me towards it, but I wasn’t interested, even after the various scholarships I was offered. I knew I could still, for I was smart and capable. There was a part of me that did want to, just to simply join you at the community college you and Jimin went to, but I refrained.

I wasn’t a stalker.

“So Namjoon, how are you liking it here?” Jimin suddenly spoke with a bright smile on his cheeks. It wasn’t that it took me by surprise, Jimin had never spoken to me directly, but I didn’t want him to talk to me. To me, the younger boy was obnoxiously loud and a nuisance.

I breathed as I pushed the want of rolling my eyes. But instead, I took a finger on the bridge of my glasses and pushed them up. I smiled.

“It’s great.” I replied, nodding. “Everyone is kind and the setting is absolutely beautiful. The forestation that surrounds us is amazing.” I couldn’t help but to look at you as I voiced my opinion. I wasn’t lying, you were absolutely beautiful. Absolutely perfect.

Jimin raised a brow and chuckled. “Well, I’m glad. I’ve never really noticed what surrounds us, but I agree.” And with a sip of his apple juice, the conversation between us ended.

I was glad.

But where a conversation dies, another one starts. Your mother was a very talkative person. I had only been with you all for about two weeks in a half, but I felt like I knew her for years. She talked about herself a. lot, and I only wished that she did of you, but I figured she was just lonely after her husband’s passing.

She talked about him all the time and I noticed that she refrained from speaking about him when you were around. From what she spoke of your father, he seemed like a good man. It was only after you left one day to go to school, she finally confessed. She cornered me in the laundry room when I went to gather my clothes and started speaking of everything and anything, until she came about your father.

“My love struggled a lot when he was on earth side. He was fine for a while, but it got too much for him and one day he decided to leave us. My sweet girl found him.”

After that, I finally understood. Why she never spoke of him when you were present and why you made yourself a cup of coffee, but never drank it. The cup was your fathers, engraved with his initials on the side.

I felt my heart break for you and all I could say was that I was sorry. You didn’t deserve to live with the trauma inside of your wonderful mind and inside your perfect heart. In a way I understood you. My mother had gotten sick, until one day the sickness enveloped her whole until she was left with nothing and I was left with a hole inside my chest. There was nothing else to do for her.

My heart jumped as you stood because it mean you’d leave. I could only look at you as you made your way to the sink (as expected) took a farewell sip of the coffee before dumping it in.

“Have a good day.” I said with a wide smile as you retrieved your backpack and the baby blue cup you seemed to take with you everywhere. At least you stayed hydrated. I knew because you had to go to the restroom often.

You returned it, that beautiful smile that made me want to kneel at your feet and beg you to smile for all of eternity. “Thank you, Namjoon.” And you walked, “Bye mom, love you.”

My smile died as Jimin wrapped his arm around your neck, kissing your cheek. And you smiled. I only looked away, watching you unlock your vehicle and getting inside of it.

This jealousy only seemed to grow. I couldn’t help it. I wished you weren’t someone else’s. I wish that my miserable self had gotten here just a little bit earlier, maybe then you’d have been mine.

But would you have liked me?

I never considered myself someone who others would accept romantically. Growing up, I was a lame excuse of a human being, always too shy, always too quiet and afraid to speak my mind. As I grew older, I got better at communicating with the people around me, but I still stuttered when I spoke, and still struggled to continue a conversation.

It was a blessing and a curse because nobody spoke to me, just as I wanted it to be.

As I wrote, I simply couldn’t focus. All I thought of was you, every day and every second that passed by. No one had ever captivated my mind the way you did. I waited for you in my home right outside in the backyard. There was a small window by the door - the only way to get inside and out. It faced yours and I would always see you once you arrived and came home from school.

We had a routine. You’d see me through the curtains, and we’d smile at each other as I worked and I couldn’t wait until dinner arrived because I’d be in your presence and you’d be in mine.

There was something in your eyes that made me believe that you… wanted me. Was I delusional? I’d see it every single time you’d pull your chair out for dinner. You’d give me a smirk as you made your way next to me and I would only give a small hello and thank your mother for the delicious food that she had prepared. But through it, you’d look at me through the corner of your eye and I would only pretend I didn’t see.

You had Jimin. You weren’t like that. That’s what I truly believed until you came stumbling into my room, drunk in the middle of the night and immediately grabbing onto my shirt and connecting your lips with mine.

My heart had never pounded so fast. It took me by surprise which is why I took a hold of your shoulders and gently took a step back. “What are you doing?” Your eyes were bloodshot, like you’d been crying and I cupped your warm cheeks into my hands and took a glance at your cherry-burgundy lips.

“Do you not want me?” The tone in how you voiced the question made my heart ache; begging and fretful. How could you say such a thing? I have always wanted you, but not like this.

“Come. Sit.” I grabbed your wrist and I sat you on the edge of my bed. “What’s going on? What happened?” I towered over you as you sniffled and looked at me with tearful eyes.

“Jimin, -“

Of course.

“ - he doesn’t want to have sex with me.” You said it so meekly that I almost didn’t hear you. “He - he keeps making excuses about how he wants to wait till marriage, but I mean that is such bullshit! It’s outdated and stupid. Who at this date and age does not want to have sex? He’s not even religious!” As much as it pained me to see the tears falling from your eyes so delicately, I couldn’t help but to feel a sense of victory through your defeat.

Did this mean your relationship with Jimin was coming to an end? It had to, right? You seemed happy at his side, but now, as I saw the proof in front of me, it was all a faux.

But there was also a part of me that felt angry. Was I just your second choice? Would you have come for me and begged for me to bed you if you had other men wrapped around your finger?

“Well, -“ I started slowly, taking a seat to the right of you. “ - sometimes people like to wait, you know, just to be sure that the person they're giving themselves up for is… worth it.”

You sniffled again, wiping at your face. “You - you think he thinks I’m not worth it? We’ve been together for almost two years.”

Remind me, why don’t you.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I wouldn’t be able to tell you myself, but a girl like you, you’re worth everything. To give up for, to kill for. Just say the words and you’ll have men at their knees. You decide.”

-

You were taunting me, it was so obvious. With those deliciously roguish eyes that eyed me with want and the skirts that barely covered your bottoms with the shirts that you paired that were the definition of skimpy, I knew what game you were playing.

It was when your arms would stray away from your lap and would just gently touch my arms at dinner, I knew that you wanted me the way I wanted you.

But it was wrong. Although I hated Jimin, I couldn’t help but to think that if I were in his position, your betrayal would wound me like no other. He seemed to love you, yet here you were, teasing me with your sensual eyes and your beautiful body that I absolutely wanted to ravish and worship.

But through the slight guilt I felt, there was a part of me that was… happy. Your mother was a nurse, working mostly every night at the local hospital which left me home, alone with you and with my tumultuous mind. You and Jimin were almost similar it seemed. You’d argue almost every night when he stayed to keep you company.

And though I couldn’t help but to feel jealous, a part of me was comfortable with him at your side because after that night that you came to me for comfort, the virgin wanted to wait until marriage.

My mother raised me right which is why I pushed myself away from listening to your heated match. But how could I? I had never met someone who could screech in anger the way you did to him.

He left soon thereafter, slamming the door with such force that it made my body jump from the sound. I fought with myself to go check on you, maybe you needed your space, but the thought of you crying was enough to do me in. I grabbed a glass and filled it with water, climbing the stairs and making my way to you.

The knock on the door was almost timid and quiet, but even when you didn’t answer, I gently opened it, and there you were, in a fetus position laying on your side, hugging a giant teddy bear to your chest.

“Hi.” You whispered looking up at me with those eyes that I loved so much. But they were swollen, and my immediate thought was to comfort you. I didn’t think when I sat at your side, brushing the strands of hair that were at the front of your face.

“Hey, there beautiful.”

You huffed, “I look far from beautiful right now.”

How could you ever think that? You were an angel fallen from heaven.

“Do you think he hates me? I said some pretty shitty things.”

I refrained from rolling my eyes, but for your sake I simply shook my head. “Of course not. I’m sure he understands that people say shitty things when they're angry. I mean, I’m sure he has said some things to you before, no?”

With a shake of your head you maneuvered your body, landing right on your back with the teddy bear on top.

“No, Jimin isn’t like that. He’s quiet in moments like these. I feel like that makes me angrier, you know? Like tell me something, tell me that I’m a bitch or that you hate me, but say something! Anything!”

I understand why he kept quiet. I would never say things of that magnitude to you. It was a disrespect that no one could come back from because you would never deserve it.

“So you like to be degraded?” I teased, raising a brow.

“What?” You chuckled. There it was. Just exactly what I wanted. “Of course not, Namjoon!” I smiled at the playful strike you landed on my thigh. “I’m just saying, I just feel like he doesn’t try to communicate.”

“Well… maybe you need to find someone else.” I couldn’t believe what I was doing. “Someone who could take your needs as theirs and actually knows how to communicate. My mother always said that communication was key in a relationship.”

“But I love him.” I swear, my chest felt like it was struck with something so tight that I couldn’t comprehend. How could you say something like that in my presence? Couldn’t you see how much I loved you?

And through my anger, I couldn’t help but to reply. “Sometimes, loving someone means you have to let them go. I know it’s hard, but I know you know Jimin isn’t good for you. All this arguing, this crying, it will only take a toll on you that you cannot take.”

Your fingertips on my thigh took me by surprise, stroking it with such sensuality as you looked up at me with those eyes that screamed for me to take you to bed. “And how would you know, hm? Have you ever had a girlfriend, Namjoon?”

My breath hitched as your fingers played with the waist of my pants, tugging them down just slightly. “N - no.”

It was a lie. But why bring past mistakes into my future? I hated lying to you, but a little white lie would never hurt.

“No?” You hummed, now on your knees as you came closer. I could feel your breathing and as my hands guided you into my lap, I couldn’t hold back anymore.

My lips connected with yours with such hunger, such intensity. How I longed to hold you close and have you by my side. Your body wrapped around mine felt so right, like a puzzle piece I knew I was missing. Couldn’t you see? We were perfect for each other.

With a small grunt, I laid you down on your bed without separating myself from you, desperately taking off your oversized shirt that you hid your alluring body from. And with hunger, I wrapped my lips around your beautiful breasts, pecking your sternum and making my way down to the waist of your pants. You complied, raising your hips and allowing me to remove the nuisance from your waist.

And what a sight. There wasn’t an inch of you that I couldn’t find a flaw. Stretch marks followed the side of your thighs, and along the middle of your tummy. I kissed them with reverence before my tongue dove inside the place I always wanted to be in.

You tasted absolutely divine. And I was hungry for more as I sucked on the little pearl between your legs, wrapping my hands around your thighs and hugging you closer.

“Namjoon.” You whimpered, and that made me want you even more.

The small little gasp you made made me smirk and I didn’t hold back from bringing you close to the orgasm that you were on the brink of, but I held back. I wanted to be inside of you as I came and held my hold inside of you. You looked up at me as I undressed, my sweatpants on the ground in an instant before I held you tight between my arms and entered the place I had dreamt of being.

Your brows furrowed from the uncomfortableness, it was to be expected as I was your first - the first man that had ever been inside of you. The thought almost brought me to the brink, but I wanted your first time to be loving and special.

And just as I expected, the feeling was euphoric and I couldn’t help but to moan and drop my head in the warmth of your neck. Your hands held my neck tight as you adjusted, soft little pants escaping your precious lips. “I know, sweetheart. I know.” I whispered, giving you soft little pecks on your lips and on your forehead as comfort.

“I - I think you can move.”

“Are you sure?” The furrow in between your brows was gone, but I wasn’t sure. I didn’t want to hurt you, but when you nodded and gave me a smile, I pulled away from the warmth between your legs, and made my way in once again.

At that moment, my dreams were coming true. Jimin was nonexistent as I knew it was the same for you. You muttered my name and my name only as you held me with a vice grip and kissed me on the lips.

I had never been brought to such ecstasy the way I did with you. After you came for the first time before I brought you to more, I soon followed, gasping for breath from the feeling of you holding by cock with such a vice grip.

We took a breath for a second as we giggled like school children and kissed each other hard. But you were insatiable. You wanted for more even as your legs shook with exhaustion and you mounted me and rode me like I was the last man on earth.

But of course, you needed to sleep and your body knew it, and soon after we finished making love, your eyes drooped and you slept so soundly, close to my chest and my beating heart.

I couldn’t help but to stroke your belly. Maybe… my seed would take place inside of you and you’d be pregnant before we knew it. In my mind, I sickly hoped that you were. I knew that I was going out on a limb and that one couldn’t get pregnant with just one night, but I wanted you to be.

I always dreamt of a family. Was I so wrong to want something with the woman I loved?

But the righteous won. We were still young and… Jimin, Jimin was still in the picture. Goddamn Park Jimin. I hated him with everything I had, and I hated my mind even more for ruining the afterglow I was basking in.

With I sigh, I gently kissed the crown of your head, getting dressed with the thought of making my way to a pharmacy and getting you a contraceptive to prevent pregnancy. I knew it wasn’t right.

Your phone buzzed on your nightstand and with a glance, my stomach dropped as I read it.

JiHoon: Hey, baby. I loved that little present you gave me. See you soon?

I couldn’t help the tears from forming and with a slam to your door, I left your bedroom, no doubt rousing you from your sleep.

-

I couldn’t stop staring at you. The night you gifted me with stuck to my mind. You gave me something forbidden that I couldn’t come back from. After I left your bedroom, I made my way to the pharmacy, slightly smiling at the only cashier and took the bag with me. I left it on your nightstand, but I couldn’t bear to look as you slept.

You betrayed me.

You kept betraying me. The fight you had with Jimin seemed to be forgotten. You two lovebirds were inseparable the following day. Were you not guilty? Or did you just stick by his side because he was all you knew and you couldn’t let go?

I knew I could give you something better. Something that was worth your time and effort. I’ll take you out of this town that you lived in your whole life and perhaps we could live in the home I grew up in. It wasn’t much, but it would be enough for the both of us.

“Hey, Namjoon.” You smiled, but it didn’t reach your eyes. You awkwardly looked away and eyed Jimin. You couldn’t even look me in the eyes.

You both sat at the hanging bench that was at the front of your house, your arm wrapped around his. Jimin smiled at me, nodding at my precence, but I didn’t follow. I couldn’t help but to glare. But as soon as it formed, I hid it, immediately smiling bright, looking down at the both of you.

I was feeling messy.

“Did you take it?”

It was obvious I caught you off guard. You gulped, letting out a nervous chuckle. Jimin, of course had no idea about the contraceptive I had bought you, and I took pride and a bit of sick pleasure at your unprepared face

“Take what?” Jimin questioned with furrowed brows.

“Uh - just, I - I had a headache last night, and uh, Namjoon gave me pain killers. That’s it.”

You weren’t a great liar, but you were fast.

“Good.” I nodded, “You should just have a few on hand, you know, for when it happens again because headaches -“ I eyed Jimin, shaking my head, “they’re the worst.”

“Right. You know what, we were leaving. We have a movie to watch.” You stood quickly, taking a hold of your lover's hand and when you walked and I was at your back, I spoke once again.

“You don’t mind if I tag along?”

There was a pause as the birds chirped and Jimin turned. “Uh, yeah sure, why not?” I knew the invite was just a lie, but I knew the man wasn’t going to turn me down; he was kind and simply couldn’t take it.

“I’ll drive.” I offered, my long legs allowing me to walk ahead and just as I wanted, I stood next to you, opening the door to my vehicle and letting you go first. “Thanks.” You muttered.

The drive was… unpleasant. As much as Jimin tried to make small conversation, it simply didn’t go anywhere. I hated to admit, but Jimin wasn’t so bad. He tried his best to make me comfortable and no doubt himself, but I despised him and a part of him knew.

When we arrived at the theater after Jimin kept instructing me where to go, I paid for the tickets and for the snacks. I figured it was the least I could do after I stuck with you both like a leech. Jimin was thankful, patting me on the back and taking a seat on the tables the theater offered. He nodded when you voiced you needed to go to the restroom, and I took a seat, taking a sip of the cherry slushee.

“I don’t mean to pry, but did she tell you what happened last night?” His question caught me off guard.

“She didn’t have to tell me. I heard everything.”

He grimaced. “Yeah, about that, I’m sorry you had to hear that. It’s just - when she gets like that, she can’t stop and it’s difficult to speak.”

Was he seriously blaming you right now?

“No,” I replied, shaking my head. “I completely understand. Don’t worry about it.”

“You ever had a girlfriend, Namjoon?” Why did it sound like he was mocking me? Did I seem to be below him because I didn’t carry his fair skin and plump pink lips? He was everything I wasn’t - had everything I wanted, and I wanted to punch him until he was left unrecognizable and no one would ever look his way.

“No.” I replied with a shake of my head. “Not really.” He looked at me with confusion. “What do you mean, ‘not really’?

I despised thinking of Anna, and leave it to Jimin to bring back memories I wanted to bury deep in my consciousness. She was a woman who deserved no mercy, not after the way she spoke of my mother, like if she were scum below her shoes.

My mother was the light of my life and there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think of her and held her close to my heart.

I loved Anna, or at least I thought I did, and I admit, it did hurt me letting her go, but now I know that what I had with her was never love. She was a fiend, and you are an angel.

“I prefer not to talk about it. Do you mind if I go to the restroom?”

“No, of course no -“

I didn’t even let him finish. With caution, I checked my surroundings before I entered the women’s restroom, intently scanning the thin wooden doors of the stalls and once I caught the black Converse’s you wore, I placed my back against the wall, and waited.

The small little gasp of fear that escaped your mouth once you saw me made me smile. “Sorry. I just had to talk to you.” I shrugged, grabbing your wrists to bring you close. I couldn’t deny that it pained me when I went in to kiss you and you pushed me away.

There was confusion written all over my face, it was obvious, and you noticed.

“What the hell are you doing, Namjoon? Jimin is right outside and you can get in trouble if someone finds you in here.”

“I just wanted to talk to you. You - you have been acting weird ever since yesterday. I get it - just come over to my room tonight, yeah? Please? I have something I want to give you.”

You raised your brows. “Another plan B pill?

“Well, if I didn’t get it for you, you might as well could’ve been pregnant at this very moment. If you wanted to have my baby, you could have just said so.”

Would that really have been that bad?

“Don’t be an ass, dude.” With a huff and a roll of your eyes, you turned, making your way to the sink and pumping soap onto your hands. I followed just behind you and took you by the hips.

“Please?” My hands slithered lower and by the look of the reflection, I knew you were craving for more just as much as I was.

“O - okay. Fine. Just, let me go first or Jimin will realize what’s going on.”

“By all means,-“ I gestured with my hand. - ladies first.” And with a stolen kiss I smiled, seeing you walk away and no doubt, into the arms of my mortal enemy.

-

My leg shook with anticipation as I looked at the clock on my desk: 2:36AM. You said you’d be here, so where the hell were you? As soon as we got home from the theater, you said goodbye to Jimin and locked yourself inside your room. I knew because I knocked on your door multiple times before giving up and making my way to the little backyard home I resided in.

I huffed, landing with a thump on my bed, entertaining myself with the charm bracelet that was on my hand. My heart pounded once I heard two little knocks on my door and I instantly stood up and opened the door.

I smiled brightly once I saw you, dressed in a gray v-neck shirt and baby pink pajama pants with cupcakes cluttered on the cloth. “Hey, beautiful. What took you so long?”

You made your way in, taking a seat on my bed. “I took a nap.”

I chuckled and raised a brow. “You don’t take naps.”

Teasing, you replied, getting rid of your slippers and wrapping yourself around my blanket. “And how would you know that? Hm?”

I shrugged, “Through your window. You snore, do you know that?” I laughed out loud when you smacked me with my pillow, gasping with offense. “No I do not! You’re such a little liar!”

This could be our future.

Content and happiness, just you and I. Our home filled with laughs and quick witted banters. Couldn’t you see? We belonged together. I knew it the second I saw you.

“Here.”

My hand was out, presenting you the bracelet that I cherished as a part of me. My mother never took it off, from what I knew, she’d had it in her early teens and kept it since. You meant everything to me now, and it was yours to have.

“It’s beautiful Namjoon.” You gasped, sitting upright, stroking the charms.

“It was my mothers. I want you to have it.” I could see it in your eyes, you wanted to decline, but I wouldn’t allow it. “Please.”

I took a hold of your wrist, wrapping the jewelry around your carpus and connecting the clasp.

“Namjoon, I can -“

“Yes.” I pushed. “You can. I want you to have it. I have no purpose for it. It doesn’t fit and I’d rather it be used than to be locked inside a box without it ever seeing daylight again. Please? It would mean a lot to me.”

You eyed me for a few seconds then sighed. “Okay, fine. Thank you. I promise I’ll take great care of it.”

I didn’t doubt it for a second. You took me by surprise because like a flash of light, you engulfed me and kissed me with need. I didn’t hesitate to reciprocate. In seconds I wrapped you in my arms and our clothes were nonexistent - dropped on the floor in a haste to make ourselves whole.

I will never get enough of you. Your little gasp of pleasure made my tummy fill with extreme need as I entered you and held you close. It was intimate, our love making sounds resounding in my room. You cupped my face, gently stroking as if I wasn’t real and you wanted to verify if I was really there, making love to you.

“I’m here. I got you, sweetheart.”

And I was never letting you go.

-

The frantic 2AM call took me by surprise. It woke me from the deep slumber I was in, but the moment I saw your name on my screen, I didn’t hesitate to disconnect my phone from its charger and answer. I called your name in question and your distraught voice I heard next.

It was distressing, hysterical.

“Namjoon? I didn't know who else to call, but - but can you please come? I - I need your help, I don’t know what I di - he’s not fucking moving -he’s not answering i just pushed him and-

“Breathe, I’m on my way okay, just stay there. Don’t move.”

I don’t think I have ever sped the way I did making my way to you. As I parked my car on the side of the abandoned road, behind the white car with its hazards flashing bright, I knew something had happened.

Something terrible that you had done.

It wasn’t until I stepped out of my vehicle that I saw his limped body on the asphalt, a puddle of scarlet blood oozing from his head. You sat at his side with your knees inside your chest and with your frizzy hair at the front of your face, you looked up at me slowly. “He’s dead.”

-

I would’ve never thought I’d have to get rid of a dead body. A part of me felt disgusted as the monstrous act I had done devoured me whole, but I didn’t feel… guilt.

The immense jealousy that raged within me kept me from doing so. You met him, the bastard that made me cry after I made you mine for the first time, JiHoon, on a deserted road to enjoy hiding your dirty little secret: your adulterous little soul. I wished I understood why you felt the need to run into the arms of another when you had Jimin, you had me and god only knew how many others.

But even then, I still wanted you, through your imperfections and your need to want other men even though they caused me absolute agony. Good riddance to the bludgeoned man who crossed your path. He forced himself on you and there was only one way the night was going to end.

I’d done it to protect you, to keep you sane and perhaps even have you to myself.

The night bound us as one. A clandestine service that we would take to our deaths.

After I placed the cold corpse into my trunk, I took the tiny packet of white substance that laid on the concrete ground, and placed it inside my jeans. It was a good thing you both came in your car. There wouldn’t be any suspiciousness, hopefully, and we’d forget about this illicit night.

“Go home.” I said in seriousness, taking a hold of you by the nape of your hair. I was angry at you that I couldn’t even look you in the eye. “I’ll take care of him.”

You nodded and sniffled, cupping my hand and gently rubbed. “Thank you.”

And with a start of the engine, you raised your window up, and drove away.

-

“Namjoon!” Your mothers voice made my body jerk from surprise. I was on edge, it was human and I wanted nothing more than to get out of the situation I knew would take a while to get rid of. Your mother loved to talk.

“Hello.” I muttered with an empty smile. Your home smelled divine with the aroma of freshly made food, but I didn’t have an appetite. Who would?

“Will you join me today? My sweetheart of a daughter isn’t feeling too well. She came home reeking of god knows what and emptied her guts as soon as she stepped foot in the door.” With a shake of her head, she took a seat, gulping down the glass of wine in an instant.

If only she knew that her ‘sweetheart of a daughter’ wasn’t such a sweetheart after all. She had a dirty little secret and I was her accomplice.

“No. I apologize. I had a long night. I only wish to go to bed, if you do not mind.” I felt terrible for turning her down, but the only thought in my mind was to see you. To nurse you back to health even when I knew that you were traumatized by what you have done.

Your mother sighed and shrugged. “I understand. Have a good night.”

“Do you mind if I go see her? I just want to make sure she’s okay.”

She smiled. “Of course.”

I didn’t have to be told twice. My long legs took me there in seconds and as soon as I walked inside your bedroom, I took a seat beside you. You laid there on your side, your eyes red and swollen from the tears that were nonstop. “Can you lay with me, please?”

Who was I to not obey? I took you onto my chest, cupping your wet cheeks onto my hands. “Shh, baby. It’s okay.”

You muttered as you sobbed. “I - I’m sorry, I didn’t mea -“

“Shh, I know. You did nothing wrong, my love. But I want you to promise something, can you do that?”

You nodded. “You can’t speak to anyone about this, okay? No matter how much you want to. You weren’t there, do you hear me? I wasn’t there.”

Shakily, you breathed and nodded once again. “I understand.”

“But now you know why not to do such a thing, hm? It’s not okay. You’re lying to me, to Jimin all for what? You did something that you will never forgive yourself for, but I want you to know that I will do it all over again, for you. Do you understand?”

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

—

After you slept like an angel wrapped around my arms, I left, not wanting your mom to come into your room and find us wrapped around each other.

I had trouble falling asleep, but soon thereafter, sleep found me and I slept soundly. I couldn’t believe I had. Ian hadn’t even crossed my mind. The scoundrel was six feet under and he’ll remain there where no one was to find him. Good riddance.

But you, you would never be the same. You were a murderer. An angel of death that brought a man to his knees for the simple act of crossing your path. And it seemed I was following the same path, I wasn’t dead, but when you would betray me, I would feel death dawn on me, getting closer and closer with every treachery you committed. But yet, you would bring me to cloud nine. How? I would never understand.

But I understood that I loved you. I love you like I have never loved anyone before. And though it suffocated me and drowned me, I always went back for more. I will always go back for more.

“Good morning.” I smiled, pecking the crown of your head as you sat with your legs crossed in the dining room, a fork at your fingertips, playing with the food on the plate. Your mother was gone, no doubt picking up an early shift at the local hospital, but as the doting mother that she was, she had left breakfast at the ready for you.

You gave me a tight lipped smile that made me frown. Your eyes were swollen, almost hollow when you looked at me. He was haunting your mind, his shadow following you, no doubt. But even when I knew, I had to ask. I couldn’t bear the thought of you in pain.

“How are you holding up?”

You shrugged, biting your lips. “I don’t know. Is it weird that I don’t know what I’m actually feeling? I can’t explain it, even though I really really want to.”

“It’s okay to feel that way. You went through something… traumatic, and you won’t bounce back from it as soon as possible. It takes time, but I promise as time continues, it’ll get easier.”

You eyed me. “How do you know that?”

You skeptical little, beautiful thing.

“…I am just placing myself in your shoes, I tend to do that in certain situations. Would you like more breakfast?”

You shook your head, taking one last bite of the egg before standing up. “No, thank you. I'm meeting with Jimin.”

You moved, making your way up the stairs as my jaw clenched in anger, and my words made you stop in your tracks. “Jimin, hm? I - I thought you were ending things with him.”

You turned with furrowed brows, “I never said that.” Will this be the first time I’d feel your fury towards me? It was obvious I’d pushed a button.

“No? I thought the night before might’ve been an answer to your actions. You no longer love him. You have proved it time and time again, have you not?”

“You don’t know shit, Namjoon. I love hi-“

I couldn’t help it, I was infuriated by your nonsense comment that you didn’t mean. “You’re cheating on him with me! You have multiple times. And don’t even get me started on the man that you killed last night because I’m sure you weren’t there only for the coke, or am I wrong? Hm? Why in the hell do you still go back to him!”

“Because I can, Namjoon. Because I can. And it’s none of your fucking business anyway!”

“Yesterday was my business. You had no one else to call because you don’t trust anyone. You trust me! Not Jimin, not even the friends you don’t have, not even your own mother!”

I struck a cord. I gasped when you hurled a glass cup my away and I only managed to move away immediately before it struck me.

“Fuck you, Namjoon! Fuck you!” And with that, you walked away, grabbing your keys from the bowl near the door and slamming the door with such force that it shook the walls.

I stood there paralyzed and it wasn’t until I noticed that my body was shivering with anger? With distress? I couldn’t tell, but I was crying. The tears fell freely after being locked inside for what seemed like years and with blurry vision, I grabbed the broom and picked up your mess that your temper had caused.

That’s what I started to do ever since I met you: pickup after you and the disarray you left behind, and perhaps even myself. You left me in shambles and before I knew it, I was on the ground, on my knees as my shoulders shook from the sobs that escaped my chest.

And there, on the ground, in the depths of hell I felt I was in, I knew you had dug your grave. I loved you with everything I had, but this couldn’t go on any longer.

You had made your choice and I couldn't change your mind.

If I can’t have you, then you will not have anybody else.

-

The anonymous tip came in at midnight. I could see the blinding blue lights coming from the front yard of your house even where I resided.

Three police vehicles made themselves welcome in your yard, and I only knew exactly what was happening. Your mothers voice was louder than usual, hysterical as the officers handcuffed you and declared you your rights, walking you out onto the awaiting SUV. I made myself known, asking with faux concern and holding your mother’s shoulders as she cried, almost wanting to drag herself over to you.

There were tears in your eyes once I finally looked at you. You knew it was me and I held absolute pride even when I truly felt for you. But there was something more important in my eyes that you instantly understood.

My menacing and threatening look in my gaze. I had your mother in my grasp and if you wanted to see her once again - behind bars of course, you’d do best to keep quiet about what I had done. What I did for YOU.

Did you really think I would’ve done such a thing for you without looking out for me? I knew exactly the type of person you were, but yet, I still fell for you deeply, like no else had done - like Jimin never did.

I knew where JiHoons’ body was placed, I knew absolutely everything, and I knew enough not to wipe away your DNA from his body, your hair that I took a hold of after I told you to go home when you murdered him in cold blood.

I placed you on such a high pedestal and I despised knowing that it took me such a long time to comprehend such a thing. But I still loved you so much.

The moment I set my sight on you, I viewed you as an angel fallen from above, a beautiful creature that did no wrong.

But you weren’t an angel.

You were my hell on earth. Though you brought me to such highs, you brought me to a low, and saddened mess. Your loyal puppeteer that you knew you could manipulate just as you wanted because you knew the hold you had on me.

But you made a mistake with me and though I loved you, you had a price to pay.

It’s what you deserved.

Much love.

- Kim Namjoon.

[btsstaysgold]

appreciation post for namjoon's side profile cause my gosh is this man gorgeouss..

(crtto)

[ohwhale22]

RM INSTAGRAM POST

2024.10.18

instagram link

"오래된 미래"

translation:

"The old future"

[crystalsnow95z]

Could you write a Namjoon one where he gets injured during an award performance, but he still tries to continue, which only makes it worse

So I ended up almost completely changing it after having it finished because i hated the original one I wrote so I'm sorry if there's any errors from my removing and adding scenes. I'm afraid if I try to edit it I'll just end up repeating the process.. I'm not loving any of my work lately..

Namjoon watched the show from the waiting room, opening and closing his fists with a deep breath. They were going to perform next and the thought terrified him. It's been three years since they performed at an award show in America, and the whispers of their consant losses weighed heavy in Namjoon's chest.

"You nervous Joon-ah?" Jin asks, rubbing their leader's shoulders. "You need to relax.. you're so tense. You got this..” he gives him a quick hug from behind, feeling Namjoon's heart racing in his chest.

"I know.. I know.. I'm trying.." Namjoon takes another deep breath, trying to slow his heart hammering away in his chest, placing his palm over it. "I'm sorry, Hyung..'

"Dont apologize. You're fine. What's got you so worried? Itdoesn'tt matter if we win or not. Just being able to perform in front of Army is rewarding enough." Jin tries to quell Namjoon's worries.

"Its nothing really, Hyung. My nerves are always worse at events like award shows and my throat isn't in the best condition today on top of it. I don't want to mess up..” he didn't want to mention all the whispers he was hearing in case Jin didn't pick up on him. Hyung is already nervous, he's been pacing ever since he finished getting ready.

Jin felt sympathy for the younger member. In America he was always the one handling everything. The seven would be doing three songs and an encore if they won. "You'll do good Namjoon, you always do and even if you mess up it's no big deal. Someone in the group will probably end up saying something stupid anyway.”

"Thanks hyung." Namjoon smiles, thinking back at all the random things the boys have said on award shows in the past."I hope you're wrong..I don't need to stumble upon any more cringey videos on the socials when this is over.. Army never lets anything go.”

“No promises.” Jin smiles back at him, thankful to see him smile even for a moment. He hadn't seen him smile all day.

"Namjoon-sii, three minutes until you go on." Staff tells him. "Is everything set?”

The temporary distraction was over, Namjoon calling the boys together, his stomach knotting once more. "Does everyone have their mic packs in order?”

Everyone confirms that everything was okay, quickly checking his own. He looked everyone over, being sure everyone was perfect."Ah, Hoba..” he clears his throat to speak when his voice cracks. “ah..Your pants.” Namjoon blushes lightly at the sound.

Hoseok looks down, quickly pulling the zipper. "Thanks Joon.” he chuckles in embarrassment. Everyone looks down at their own zippers, being sure theirs is in the proper position.

Yoongi gets Namjoon a water bottle, handing it to him. “Your voice isn't fully returned yet...” he states with a frown.

“I know, but it's fine. I've performed when it was worse and it's not like it's a full concert.” Namjoon takes a drink, trying to soothe his dry throat. “Thanks hyung..”

Jimin retightens his laces, taking a deep breath. He straightens up and double checks if everyone's ready while Namjoon sips water."Everyone's ready hyung.”

"1, 2, 3...bang..bang..bangtan!" Everyone puts their hands together, chanting before leaving the room to go on stage. Namjoon usually gave words of encouragement to his members, but he didn't feel confident himself.

"We got this, win or lose we'll give them a performance they won't forget." Hoseok speaks for Namjoon, giving his team a bright smile.

They could hear the crowd cheering above, when Jimin appears from the fog Namjoon's shoulders tightening once more. Hoseok pats Namjoon's back giving him a reassuring smile. “You can do this.”

Namjoon nods, adjusting his ear piece one more time when he hears the signal. The background dancers would be on stage, members quickly mixing in to join them for their part in black swan. Namjoon tried to stay calm when his part comes, but when he was lifted he was too tense, landing awkwardly on his ankle.

Namjoon sucks his breath in through his teeth when he feels the pain shoot up his leg. Fu*k..no, no.. it'll pass.. I couldn't have hurt myself in the first minute of the song.. I'll just walk it off.. it's fine..

He lies to himself, moving through the choreography ignoring the constant pain everytime he used his left leg.

Jin notices the pain in Namjoon's eyes when they pass each other, but he couldn't check on him. The performance had to go on, he couldn't do anything but watch Namjoon disappear from sight.

It's only getting worse. .

Namjoon tries his best not to limp, putting as much pressure as he could physically handle, biting back a moan when a searing pain shoots up his leg when he has no other choice.

Namjoon isn't moving right.. somethings wrong..

Hoseok watches Namjoon from the corner of his eye, noticing his uneven steps as he moves to the center to sing his part.

“If this can no longer resonate. No longer make my heart vibrate. Then like this may be how. I die my first death. [But what if that moment's right now?

Right now.]”

He tried to move confidently, but he couldn't stop himself from sharply inhaling when he stepped on his injured foot, anxiety spiking when he heard the sound get caught by his mic.

Sh*t.. 

Namjoon didn't have the time to feel guilty about his mistake, he had to move so Taehyung could move to the center. He stumbles slightly when he turns out of the way, being heavy handed when he puts his hand on Taehyung's shoulder, using him to help relieve some of the pressure from his ankle, balancing on one foot.

Why is Namjoon-hyung holding so tightly? Is he upset about his voice still? It sounded like he was in pain..

Taehyung wanted to look at Namjoon to check on him, but he had to keep his eyes on the camera and as soon as it zoomed away from him he watched his leader move to the next position,stumbling a bit as he spins.

Namjoon clenched his teeth as be regains his balance, getting back into formation with the other members. He pushes through the choreography, struggling to make it back to his feet when he drops to the floor, whimpering softly, feeling tears fill his eyes.

I'm messing everything up..

The only thing that gave him the strength to get back up was the sound of the crowd cheering him on. He pushed through fake love, his leg tingling with pain with every step, moving to the position for the next song.

He did his best to hide it, but any time he got close enough to one of his members, he felt a hand touch his shoulder or brush against his hair. They were trying to signal for him to stop, but he was so focused on performing that he didn't notice them trying to get his attention. 

Okay, okay..fake love to idol.. how am I going to do Idol? There's no way I can jump like this..and if I don't it'll mess everyone up..

Namjoon was deep in thought, trying to plan his way around his foot injury, trying to keep his mind distracted from the pain.

By the time they all get into position for the last song, he had balance on one foot whenever he coule, unable to put any pressure on it without a sharp pain. Hoseok wrapped his arm around Namjoon, Jungkook doing the same on the other side.

"What are you doing?" Namjoon asks, eyes wide in surprise. The music had stopped, the crowd murmuring in confusion and concern that they stopped “Not in front of the crowd..” Namjoon pleads, feeling both embarrassment and guilt wash over him. "I can-"

“You're shaking Namjoon, you can't go on.. you need to sit." Hoseok interrupted him, the two leading him to edge of the stage. "what's wrong? Is it your knee?”

“It's my foot or my ankle... it hurts every time I move it..” Namjoon admits, knowing there's no point in lying.

“You landed badly during the beginning..” Jin states, clenching his jaw with worry. “You should've stopped after black swan..”

"I'll be fine for one more song.. I made it this far.." Namjoon tries to argue. "I just need to wrap it really quick and we can do-"

"Absolutely not." Yoongi tells him flatly."We have no time to argue. You can't dance on that leg."

"I can still sing.." Namjoon wanted to argue that he could last another few minutes, but he didn't want to disrespect his older brothers in front of the crowd.

"Alright, but no moving.." Jin could see the frustration in Namjoon's eyes and the desperation to keep going.

Staff get him a chair, Hoseok and Jin helping him up. "After this you're seeing medical.." Jin tells him, getting into position with the others, motioning for the music to start.

Namjoon's voice shook when he started singing idol, quickly recovering. I can't let my emotions get the best of me, I need to smile, so Army doesn't worry.. so my brothers don't feel the need to leave because of me..

“Take him to get checked out..” Jin orders as soon as the song ends,Jungkook and Hoseok nodding, taking him to the medical staff. Namjoon leans heavily on Jungkook, trying to not make any sound when he has to put pressure on his foot.

“You should've stopped the moment you knew something was wrong Namjoon-ah. You're a professional, you should know better. You could seriously hurt yourself that way..” Hoseok scolds him, but there was no anger in his words, only concern.

“I know, I know, i got caught up in the performance..the sound of the crowd cheering.. I just.. didn't want to ruin it.. I'm stupid..” Namjoon replies with frustration and guilt, making him feel sick to his stomach. 

“You aren't stupid hyung.. you just wanted to make army happy.” Jungkook's comforts Namjoon. 

“Army won't be happy if we get hurt..” Namjoon says looking down at his foot. "And on top of it, i made so many mistakes.. i couldn't even finish three songs.." The frustration swelled within him, threatening to make tears swell in his eyes.

Jungkook and Hoseok help him sit, Jungkook dropping to his knees to untie Namjoon's boot, trying to stretch the laces as far out as possible to remove it without hurting his hyung.

Namjoon clenched his teeth together when Jungkook tries to gently remove the shoe t from his foot, not wanting to make a sound. I wish we did it barefooted..

“I'm sorry Hyung..” Jungkook apologizes when he hears Namjoon suck in his breath through his teeth. “I'm almost done. Sorry!” Jungkook bows when he gets his sock off him hearing a low moan come from his injured leader,moving to the side for the woman to properly examine him.

Namjoon grabs onto Hoseok's hand when the staff member grabs onto his foot, groaning. “Ahh…it hurts, that hurts..”

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry.." She apologized.

Hoseok gives his hand a squeeze, rubbing Namjoon’s back. “Namjoon-ah..” his eyes dilate with worry, rubbing his thumb across Namjoon’s knuckles. “Bear it for a little bit so she can check if it's broken..”

Namjoon nods, biting the inside of his cheek. “Okay.. I'm okay.. sorry..go on.."

She gently moves it, testing to see how much he could move it, Namjoon’s eyes screwing shut with pain, softly groaning.

He already knew that they would tell him he wouldn't be able to do another song today but the rest of their schedule for the month flashed through his mind, tears stinging his eyes. 

“Hyung does it hurt that much?” Jungkook asks when he noticed Namjoon covering his face with shaky breath.

“No, no it's not that.. I'm just frustrated..we have so much we still need to do..” Namjoon's voice cracks when he tries to hold back the tears that filled his eyes, quickly looking up blinking them away.

“Hey, hey don't worry about that. We'll figure this out.”  Hoseok promises. "Don't think about the future right now okay?"

With the exam proving it wasn't broken, Namjoon was given permission to stay until the end of the award show, but was given strict instructions to not put any pressure on it, the woman putting a splint on it.

“BTS!”

The MC read off the card, The members all getting up. Jin quickly wraps an arm around Namjoon when be notices him awkwardly balancing on one foot. “You're going to a hospital after this..” Jin uses his serious voice. “I'll carry you..”

Namjoon nods, ears turning red as Jungkook helps him onto Jin's back, Jungkook walking behind in case he falls. I can't believe I agreed to be carried..This is so embarrassing..but I want to show Army I'll be okay.. If I didn't return on stage with the others they'll expect the worst..

A staff member puts a stool on the stage, Jin putting Namjoon down gently, Jungkook keeping his hand on Namjoon’s back to be sure he doesn't fall backward.

Shame washed over Namjoon when he saw the hurt expressions of his fandom, whispering about his injury. He couldn't bring himself to look at them, keeping his eyes staring at his hands.

Namjoon was so used to all the members huddling behind him during award shows, he closed his eyes to try to calm himself before taking his mic, jumping when he hears Jin's scream.

“ARRRRRMMMIIIE” Jin greets happily, getting the crowd to cheer again. “[Thank you so much.. without you..this wouldn't be possible! Its an honor to be here with all of you..]”

That's from the speech I was practicing..or what he can remember of it.. he's trying to do it for me..

Namjoon only feels worse when he looks at Jin to listen to him talk, seeing how nervous he is. Jin kept his voice steady, but Namjoon could see Jin shaking, the mic trembling in his hands.

He wasn't prepared to do this.. he wasn't going to speak today..

Namjoon reaches to tap Jungkook, unable to reach Jin from where he sits, motioning the youngest to take the mic for him.

Jungkook nods, going over to Jin to tap his shoulder, whispering by his ear. “Namjoonie-hyung wants to speak still..”

Jin nods. “[I love you!]” He ends his speech with a warm ending before giving the mic to Jungkook.

“[Arrrmy! This wouldn't be possible without all of you! Thank you!]” Jungkook speaks into the mic with gratitude before giving it to Namjoon. 

“[Army I was so excited when I came here, I'm so sorry I won't be able to give you my all..I was careless and got injured during our performance earlier.]” Namjoon felt his heart sinking when he hears army cheering for him. 

Staff motioned that time was running out, so Namjoon quickly finished his speech, the members getting their mics ready,the music playing.

Namjoon turns on his mic pack, taking a deep breath to try to keep his emotions at bay. I can't feel sorry for myself.. I still want to thank them for supporting us today..

Taehyung doesn't get into position with the others, choosing to sing his verse while hugging Namjoon from behind, poking Namjoon's cheek to try to get a smile out of him.

Namjoon didn't feel like smiling, but it was hard not to after Taehyung moved in front of him, overdoing the dance moves to try to make him laugh, making him smile despite how miserable he felt.

“Stop it, you're so weird.. go join the others. I'm fine.” Namjoon pushes him away, wanting him to worry about the performance, not him.

Taehyung follows his command, getting into formation avoiding the spot Namjoon was supposed to be standing as if he was standing there with them.

Looking at the empty space where he should be only made Namjoon’s heart ache more. I want to be with the others.. I don't belong sitting here..

Namjoon couldn't look towards the others when his part came, opting to choose a camera to focus his gaze on. He could feel the stinging of tears trying to form, but he held them in until his part was finished, the camera panning away from him to move to the others.

Just wait until we get off the stage..

Namjoon took a deep breath, pushing his emotions down deep into the pit of his stomach when he hears the voices of his members getting closer to him. There's just one more minute in the song..

Namjoon keeps his eyes closed, trying to keep his tears at bay. The song ends with the crowd cheering louder than he ever heard all night,opening his eyes to see why, jumping when he sees the members closing in on him, putting him in the center of a group hug. 

“You have no reason to cry Namjoon-ah. It's okay.. you did your best today.. you don't need to feel bad about anything.” Jin whispers to him.

“I'm sorry Hyung. I can't help it.. I'm just so frustrated with myself..” Namjoon let Jungkook pull him onto his back, burying his face in the maknae’s back.

“It's okay Hyung. We'll get you back on your feet as soon as possible.” Jungkook promises, holding Namjoons legs still so they don't sway when he walks down the steps.

The members line up behind Jungkook following behind like ducklings. They would usually stay a little longer, but their top priority was to get Namjoon to an emergency room as soon as possible.

"Kim Namjoon Kim Namjoon!" The crowd had been cheering for him since the song ended.

I don't deserve your praise.. I've been nothing but a burden today..

Namjoon picks up his head, forcing a smile, giving them a finger heart despite how miserable he felt.

The security staff quickly fell into place to protect the boys on the way out, escorting them to their vehicles. Jungkook gently places Namjoon in the car.

The others climb in, Jin going next to Namjoon and hugging him close. “Namjoon-Ah does it hurt too much?” He asks softly, wiping the tears from Namjoon’s cheeks.

“It's..it's not that..it's just.. we were going to sh..shoot a music video while we were in the America.. because of me.. we..we won't be able to..” Namjoon sniffles, trying to keep his voice steady.

“Hey, hey, don't worry about that Namjoon-ah, you getting better is our top priority..we can always reschedule or choose a new location. We'll figure something out.” Jin rubs the back of Namjoon's neck, trying to massage the tension away. 

Namjoon shakes his head. “It's not..it's not okay.. I should've been more careful..I should've stopped as..as soon as..”

“Shh..Namjoon.” Jin puts a finger by his lips, silencing Namjoon. “What's done is done. Regretting it won't do any good. All you can do is learn from your mistakes and move forward.”

Namjoon nods, leaning into Jin, his breath coming in shaky and weak, coughing. “I'm sor..sorry everyone..”

Jin hugs Namjoon to his chest, kissing the top of his head. “My poor Joon-ah..let Hyung handle things, you just rest.” He's been stressing for the past two months about the new album we've been working on, pulling all nighters to work on music.. this was just his breaking point.. my poor baby..

Namjoon nods, squeezing Jin closely. He stayed quiet the rest of the way to the hospital, letting Jin gently stroke his back as he let out all the emotions he was trying so hard to keep at bay.

“The doctor said it's only a tiny tear, and as long as you rest it, you'll make a full recovery in 8 weeks.. it's okay, Namjoon-ah..” Hoseok tries to comfort Namjoon, gently adding a cold compress to his foot to try to help reduce the swelling. 

“But I can't dance Hoba.. I can't dance and our new album is due to come out this quarter..” Namjoon says softly, wincing when the numbing chill hits him. 

“I know, I know, but you'll still be able to sing with us..and who knows? You might heal faster than the doctor predicted..” Hoseok tried to stay positive, trying to cheer up his fellow 94er. He hadn't left Namjoon's hotel room since they left the hospital, being sure to fulfill every single need Namjoon needed to help keep him off his injured leg.

“Maybe..” Namjoon sighs, hearing a knock on the door. “Huh? Who is it?’ He goes to answer without thinking, groaning when he moves his bad leg.

“Namjoon-ah no. I'll get it. You stay put. I told you, no moving unless it's to use the bathroom.”Hoseok scolds him, going to the door and peeking through the hole, opening it when he sees his members standing in the hallway.

“What's everyone doing here? I thought you'd be in bed.." Namjoon knew he would be asleep if it weren't for the headache his crying caused, still feeling jet lagged from their long flight.

“We thought we could all eat together in Namjoonie hyung's room.” Jimin explains, holding up a bag of food. "Are you hungry, Hyung? We haven't eaten since this morning.."

“We all ordered from a different place so we can have a good variety of food.” Jungkook says with a smile. “Do you think Namjoonie hyung will be okay with it? We can always go to Jinnie-hyungs room.”

"Yeah, I'd love to eat with everyone.." Namjoon answers despite the fact he had no appetite. I just want to be with everyone, but I was embarrassed to ask Hoseok to stay..

The boys set up their food on the coffee table, Namjoon feeling the love of his teammates when he realizes that they got his favorite foods.

"Thanks everyone..I love you guys.." Namjoon smiles a real smile for the first time since black swan. "I promise I'll be careful next time.."

[kimtaegis]

jimin clips that provide me with so much serotonin and love that it literally makes me tear up (part 6)

cr. namuspromised, 0613data, jung-koook

[94erz]

🪻 Nature's Prince 🌿

[yooboobies]

happy birthday my favourite human ♡♡

hope to see you smile soon ♡

[cr. 0613data]

[rjshope]

ON Kinetic Manifesto Film Shoot Sketch | Hyung line🖤

[hopeinthebox]

bts + reductress headlines pt.13

[namchyoon]

when you're in a #1 joon stan competition and your opponent is kim taehyung 🧍‍♀️ (for @userjiminie 🤍)

[muniimyg]

⋆꙳•❅ knj: wit it this christmas ❆•꙳

in which your boyfriend absolute sucks at wrapping gifts, leaving you to do all the work since… well, you don't suck. at least, not at gift wrapping!

series m.list // taglist

note: hoe hoe hoe ,, let's begin the series <3

warning: kissing, tit fucking, nam joon slaps oc, blowjob, headpusher!joon, dirty talk (calls her cockslut, bitch, etc), face cum shot

//

the floor is a mess. 

it’s a chaotic spread of wrapping paper scraps, accidentally ripped bows, and ribbons cut the wrong length—not to mention the missing roll of tape…you’re sitting in the middle of it all, cross-legged and nearly about to lose your mind. 

meanwhile, namjoon sits beside you, scissors in hand and an expression somewhere between focused and defeated.

“namjoon, this is—this is not even remotely straight. what happened?”

“okay, first of all,” he starts, setting the scissors down exaggeratedly, “you gave me the world’s dullest scissors. second, who needs straight edges? it’s going to get ripped off in like, two seconds.”

“it’s the principle,” you reply, deadpan, as you take the scissors from him and start cutting yourself. “why would we give out poorly wrapped presents? this is our 2nd christmas together—”

he sighs dramatically, leaning back on his hands. “okay, okay…”

“you’re on tape duty,” you say, tossing the roll at him. he catches it clumsily, letting out a small “oof” as it hits his chest. 

“wow, demoted again,” he mutters, peeling off a piece of tape and sticking it to his forehead. “what’s next? moral support?”

“don’t tempt me.”

the playful banter carries on as you work, but it’s not long before the god of destruction himself strikes again. 

why didn’t you see this coming? 

namjoon somehow manages to get the tape stuck to itself, creating an unusable, crumpled mess. you groan, taking the mangled roll from him.

“oh my god. do you suck this bad? fuck, that’s it. you’re officially off tape duty,” you declare, pointing towards the door. “go buy more wrapping paper. now.”

he stares at you, lips twitching into a smirk. 

“wow, so controlling. is this how it’s going to be when we’re married? barking orders at me every two seconds?”

“maybe if you actually followed instructions, i wouldn’t have to bark orders.”

his smirk grows into a grin, and there’s a glint in his eye now, playful but challenging. 

“you know, you’re kind of scary when you’re in charge.”

“good.”

"hot too."

"shut up."

the tension shifts, thickening the air between you. his grin fades into something softer, and when he leans closer, the warmth of his breath brushes your cheek. your heart skips as his hand finds your wrist, halting your movements.

“you’re so bossy,” he murmurs, his voice low, teasing. 

as much as you want to get these presents wrapped and out of the way, there’s something about his voice that pulls you back. something that makes your pulse race. even so, you fight through the urge. 

“and you suck,” you counter, but your words come out quieter, softer than you intend. "useless."

he chuckles, the sound deep and warm, before he closes the distance between you entirely.

“useless, huh?” he says, tilting his head, his nose brushing yours. there’s a lazy smirk tugging at his lips now. “you don’t sound too convincing, you know.”

your breath hitches. 

“well, you’ve got me surrounded by evidence, namjoon. want me to list all the ways you’ve been no help tonight? you fucking suck.”

his fingers tighten slightly around your wrist, grounding you, his thumb brushing idly against your skin. 

“maybe i just needed the right kind of motivation.”

you narrow your eyes at him, but your pulse betrays you, hammering wildly in your chest.

“and what kind of motivation would that be?”

he doesn’t answer right away, just looks at you, his gaze slow and deliberate, like he’s memorizing every detail. when his free hand reaches up, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear, you feel your breath catch again.

“maybe if you stopped looking so pretty,” he murmurs, his voice dipping lower, “i’d be able to focus.”

your cheeks burn, but you scoff, trying to ignore the heat pooling in your stomach. 

“pretty sure being able to cut paper straight has nothing to do with how i look.”

“that’s where you’re wrong,” he says softly, his lips dangerously close to yours now. “because the whole time i’ve been thinking about kissing you instead of—”

you don’t let him finish.

it’s instinctive, the way you close the distance, your lips pressing to his in a kiss that’s more impatient than soft. but he doesn’t seem to mind. his hand slips to the back of your neck, pulling you closer, while his other drops your wrist to settle on your waist.

the kiss deepens, slow and steady at first, before it grows more heated, all the playful tension from earlier unraveling between you. you can feel the faint press of his grin against your lips, making you smile too, even as your fingers tangle in his hair.

“so,” he murmurs against your lips when you finally break apart, his voice breathless, “am i still useless?”

“you’re getting there,” you reply, and before he can respond, you’re pulling him back in.

mid kiss, he pulls away and breathes; “you know how you’ve been yapping about how much i fucking suck at wrapping presents?” 

you nod. 

“let’s see how much you suck, boss.” 

nam joon has you placed in between his thighs. 

your mouth wraps around the tip of his cock. kissing it lightly, you open your mouth wider to suck him in slowly. you only take the top half though, trying to warm him up. 

he’s leaning back against the couch and watching you with needy eyes. his eyebrows furrow as you take him deeper, letting a muffed moan out every now and then. for a moment, he squeezes his thighs together, trapping you. you almost choke from the lack of air, but it’s only enough for your eyes to get teary. when he lets go, you gasp for air. he smirks, liking the way you lost your breath. then, you get back into it.

as you drag your tongue along his length, he hisses; “yeah? that’s it, baby. lick my fucking cock. see how hard it is?”

“mhm? really fucking hard, baby.”

“take your tits out,” he instructs you, shifting so can have the space to take your shirt off. 

you do so. 

“like this?”

“yes,” nam joon murmurs as he helps you undress. nam joon reaches over to unclasp your bra. tossing it to the side, he grabs a handful of your breasts and bites his lip. “so fucking pretty, baby. tits so fucking juicy. so perfect. god, so fucking perfect…”

you tilt your head and shake your body, getting your tits to jiggle. he groans and slaps them. then, with a raspy and demanding voice, he says;

“be a good girl and fuck my cock with your tits, baby.”

you smile, liking the idea. 

repositioning yourself, you kneel over and hold both sides of your breasts. pushing them together, nam joon helps but gently guiding his cock into your cleavage. he thrusts slowly, and you both watch the way the tip of his dick pops out. 

you spit on top and he moans from the warmth of your saliva. 

before you know it, he’s fucking your tits. 

he pumps himself in and out, harder and harder by the minute. 

then, he places his hand on top of your head and holds you still as he pushes his cock into your mouth. 

“take it, bitch.” 

so you do. 

you take him in, sucking him hard and sloppy. you take him in so good, he’s near cumming. he can feel his dick harden inside your mouth and you do too. it’s like every curve and vein pops out, angry and ready to burst. you feel his body tense too—his thighs, his pelvis, and even the way his face winces… it’s such a huge tell. 

soon, nam joon begins to pant. then, he takes a handful of your hair and tugs your head back. surprised by his suddenness, you let go of everything. he bends over and kisses you, shoving his tongue inside. 

you kiss him back, matching his desperation and passion. 

when he pulls away, he cups your face with one hand and squishes your lips together. 

“do as i say,” he huffs. “okay, baby?”

you nod.

he slaps your face. 

“good girl.”

you moan and he slaps you again. roughly, cups your face and spits on you. his saliva sprays all over your face, but more on your lips. 

“what do you say?”

“thank you.”

“yeah, that’s right, bitch. you fucking say thank you when i spit in your face, right? because you’re such a fucking cockslut. you take me in so good, why? cos you love me? or because you love my cock?” 

you blink at him, pouting. 

“because i love you.”

he lets out a chuckle. 

“and my cock,” he adds. “say you love my cock, baby. then tell me what you love about it. say it while you suck me dry.” 

without another word, he pushes your head down and takes his cock in his hands. pumping it slowly, he shoves it into your mouth and hisses at you. 

“look at me,” nam joon deadpans. “don’t take your eyes off me.” 

you listen. 

you watch as the corner of his lips curve into a smirk. he holds his cock steady as he uses his other hand to push your head. 

headpusher. 

you breathe in through your nose, trying to steady yourself. as he pushes your head, his cock reaches the back of your throat multiple times. you gag every now and then, and he takes his cock out to give you some air. as you cough, he runs his thumb against your lips and asks if you’re okay. you simply nod and take him back in. 

you suck him off. 

lick him up. 

and soon enough, he lets go of your head. 

with your newfound freedom, you plop down and dig into his balls. 

as you shove your face deeper, sucking his balls and pressing kisses on his length, you tell him;

“mhmpphh… baby, your cock is so fucking hard in my mouth. did you feel how deep i took you? thank you for helping me, baby… such a good fucking daddy. always helping his girl take him in… you like that, right? you like how big your cock is… doesn’t even fit in my mouth.” 

“yeah?”

“mhm,” you hum, shifting up to suck the tip of his cock. then, you take in more. 

and more.

and even more.

his body tenses. 

you look up at him, batting your eyelashes. 

“see?” you ask, mouth full of his cock. you suck as much as you can as you bob your head up. “f-fuck, baby… i can’t wait for you to cum. i love the way you cum taste. you always make it so sweet for me. what do you wanna do today, hmm? cum on my face? cum on my tits? i want it all, baby… will you give it to me? can this fucking big hard cock give me what i need?”

nam joon nods. 

“yeah?” you ask him, continuing to suck him dry. 

you watch as his body winces. 

“how do i look?” 

“so pretty…” 

“pretty?” you tease. “you like it when i suck you cock like this? you’re such a mouthfull… you say i’m bossy? this is how you shut me up, right?”

“yeah.”

“looks like you’re the one that’s all shut up,” you giggle. “do i suck your cock that good?”

“so good… my pretty cockslut.”

you pout. “then what’s taking so long? cum already. i wanna swallow.”

nam joon bucks his hips and listens to your request. he fucks your mouth. nam joon grunts, squirms, and finally—he cums. 

when he does, his cum rushes out and splatters over your face. he aims for your mouth as you stick your tongue out. a part of you wishes he didn't pull out and just spilled himself entirely inside your mouth.

he wipes the cum that landed on your cheek and shoves his fingers in your mouth. you suck it clean and moan from the heavenly taste. before he can move, you reach over and grab a piece of ribbon on the floor.

he sits still and laughs as you tie and make a bow of it around the base of his cock. you get up and find your phone and quickly snap a picture. 

nam joon’s legs are sprawled wide with one arm draped lazily over the backrest. his posture isn’t anything close to refined—more slouched than seated (it’s the post-nut posture). in the picture, his head tilted, eyes half-lidded like everything about him was effortless. his cock has a pretty pink bow tied around it. 

when you kneel up to show him, he groans. 

“my dick looks too soft.”

you giggle. 

“not my problem.” 

just as you’re about to move away, he grabs you by your hair and tugs your back. he places a kiss on your cheek then on your lips. against them, he murmurs; 

“it will be if you don’t fucking put my cock back inside your pretty mouth."

"oh? is that it?"

nam joon smirks.

"mhm... be a good girl and swallow this time.”

"don't pull out then." you pout.

"i'm so sorry about that," he tilts his head. "i'll be good boy this time and cum inside your mouth."

"promise?"

"promise."

[btsstaysgold]

Namjoon should be held accountable for looking this FINEE I swear!! ><

(crtto)

[ohwhale22]

RM INSTAGRAM POST

2024.06.11

instagram link

"그때의 우리"

translation:

"Us back then"

[a-namjoon-a-day]

Happy Joon & Jimin Thursday =)

- LQ photo edition -

[7brownsuga7]

The last time you both fucked you knew he loved you. He didn’t say it, but he showed it.

The way he kissed your lips had you overthinking the action. It wasn’t that he didn’t kiss you before, but this time it was different, it had more meaning, it was gentle, unfamiliar, it lingered on your lips, leaving you eager for more.

You noticed his breathing became more shorter after the action, the man before you more flustered than before.

He caressed your temple with his fingers so gently, watching over you with endearing eyes. His eyes telling you everything you needed to know in that moment.

Then when you rode him you couldn’t help but pay attention to the smallest details. Like how he placed his hand on the lower of your back, holding you so close to him. How your name sounded coming from his lips, he said it with so much meaning so much want and need that it had you spiralling.

When you both came together, bodies united, you could hear his heartbeat increase as he held you in his arms. He held you so tight yet so gentle, scared to let you go, but not wanting to hurt you.

And as soon as those three words escaped his lips as he thought you fell asleep, you smiled to yourself knowing you was right all along.

[magicshop]

"To love and be loved is to rest."