#maybe then id feel okay
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Read the most depressing trauma dumping letter Ever sent to me from my mother and then went right into the manager meeting where I had to get it thrown in my face AGAINNNN that I'm a fuckup who's doing nothing right, as if Saturday wasn't one of the most humiliating days of my life
I need to fucking scream. I need to fucking break things. But it's nearly 10 pm and I can't do Shit because if I throw shit in my apartment I'll scare my cats and I don't want to break my shit and I can't leave my apartment because it's fucking 10 pm and that's Dangerous but I need to release this energy somehow because I. Am. So. Fucking. Fed UP with life. It feels like no one sees how much I'm trying, it's always always always always my fuckups. Always always always. And meanwhile I've been slipping in a major way and I'm trying so hard to keep myself on track but I am
Needing to calm down. Before I start thinking drastic things.
I'm just so. Fucking. Frustrated.
I'm trying. Does anyone see that I'm trying? Can anyone fucking tell me they see I'm trying?
Of course not. We have to remind me that I'm a fuckup who's awful at their job. Of course :)
#speculation nation#negative/#i feel like.im going to explode#Dont Mind Me i just had to get the words out#skimming over the letter thing with this one just bc i dont think i want to talk about that actually#i just really shouldn't have read that before the meeting.#but whatever. too late now.#i need to either curl up in a ball never to see the light of day again#or go on a screaming rampage to break Everything in my path and release all of the energy all at once.#maybe then id feel okay#but probably not.#im. just going to keep trying my best. but holy fucking shit i feel so severely under appreciated#i know i havent been doing my best in some areas but im trying to fix them#im taking the criticism into consideration and working hard to fix my behavior#and several of the things are largely me not knowing the exact perfect thing to do in the current transition#i got chewed out for so much on Saturday and one thing was the way i sent the list#which was how the prior manager had me do it. how the fuck was i supposed to know he wanted it differently?#i did it the way he wanted it today. working hard like the pathetic little dog i am.#arf arf look at me do my tricks. why arent you praising me? this is what you wanted isnt it?#oh we still have to talk about the things you already humiliated me for? no recognition for all the things ive been trying to do?#only ever the fuckups? only ever the fuckups! only ever the fucking fuckuos.#maybe itll get better. i hope itll get better. ill try my best to make it better.#but if it doesnt get better and it's always only my fuckups all the time always then why the fuck should i stay here#part of why ive stayed here for so long is the comfort of familiarity. but right now i dread going to work for more than just working.#i dread being exposed to this atmosphere. it feels like a place of comfort and familiarity has turned into a place of ridicule.#i already prostrated myself. i already took a ton of tip points away from myself for what were honest mistakes.#what more do you fucking Want from me?#shall i strip myself bare and flog myself to show im truly repentant? would that be enough?#of course not. it never is.#devalued and humiliated. i never want to step foot in that store again. but i need money. and so i shall go. i guess.
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☆ de fontaine
{☆} characters furina {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings angst, suicidal thoughts, hurt / no comfort {☆} word count 1.4k
This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair!
She thought, for one moment, she could put the mask down and breathe – for one moment of daydreaming, she thought she could just be Furina. She thought she would finally get to live the live she should've had in the first place, the life she threw away to play God to an audience who saw her as nothing but a circus animal, dancing to their whims. Furina just wanted to be selfish for one brief and fleeting moment..and it was gone before she could even grasp it in her hand. A comet soaring past far out of her reach.
She can barely keep her hands from violently shaking as she looks down at them – broken and bloody and more a corpse then a person – and she feels so numb she can't even feel the rain pelting against her back. None of this is fair, she wants to scream, why is it always me? But her voice is silent beneath the torrent of rain. She wonders if the ocean would take her if she sank into it's depths – just for a moment, she wonders how it would feel to finally be able to sleep at ease.
Furina is tired.
But Furina is nothing if not useful, isn't she?
So she forces her feet to move, dragging against the stone beneath her heels, and drags their bloodied body into the nearest empty building, letting the rain do the work of washing away the smeared blood following her path. The smell makes her feel sick, the feeling of it sticking to her hands and gloves makes her lightheaded, but she persists. Because Furina is useful, because Furina won't let them die out in the rain, because Furina won't stand by and just let them rot on the streets like some..pest.
Furina wants to go home. She wants to sleep and she isn't she if she wants to wake up, this time. But she keeps going anyway.
Because it's all she's ever done, and the habit sticks.
An Archon she may not be, not anymore, but the expectations of five hundred years still linger like eyes on the inside of her skull. They watch her, pry and prod at her thoughts, mocking laughter and judging eyes following her as she forces herself to dance to the song they weave with glee. Furina never stepped off that stage – she's still there, she thinks, watching the crowd stare at her in disdain as the curtain call looms above her like a guillotine. She still hears Neuvillette deliver her damnation and salvation with a trembling voice, still feels her hair stand on end when electro crackled like the crack of the whip, Clorinde's blade aimed at her like a loaded gun.
She's trapped on that stage and she never left, not really.
She hates it. She thinks she hates them, but it's not their fault. They didn't ask for this, didn't ask for everyone to turn against them, didn't ask for her to save them. Neither did she..yet here they are, she thinks.
She tries to tell herself she's in control this time, though. She can stop performing her part in this horrible, bloody play any time she wants. It makes her feel better, just for a little while, if she convinces herself she's still Furina, painfully human.
And Furina has always been good at lying.
It's the believing that's the hard part.
There isn't time for her to wallow in her own self pity, though. They're still bleeding out onto the dusty, creaky floorboards of some random, broken down house and she's just standing there as the blood stains the wood. She can fix it – she's good at fixing things. She's done nothing but fix things – try to, anyway – for five hundred years. She can fix a little wound, how hard could it be? Her hands are clenched so tight they ache as she kneels down, wincing at the creak of the floorboards beneath her heels– she hesitates just long enough to wonder if she's making a mistake before she peels away just enough of the outer layer of their clothes to see the deep, bloody gash across their chest. She tries not to think about it – it's deep, too deep, and she feels dizzy just looking at it, but she's handled worse, right?
Furina can fix it. That's what she's good at.
She doesn't feel so confident when she tries to wrack her brain for..something. Five hundred years, and a little wound stumps her? No, she had to have learned something, right? She's decidedly not trying to buy time because she's panicking, parsing through hundreds of years of memories like flipping through a book. Furina isn't made for this, not really – she's running on nothing but adrenaline and she's really not sure what she's doing, but she's trying. And just like before, it won't be enough, will it?
She'll fall short again – she'll be too late to fix it before she's alone again.
Furina was an Archon..used to be. What use would she have for that sort of knowledge? Which makes her predicament all the more harrowing and bleak. What was she supposed to do?
Furina had heard it first hand, that vitriol in Neuvillette's voice. She isn't sure she's ever heard him that..angry before. She's not sure he would listen to her if she tried, either. And that scares her more then anything. All of Fontaine was up in arms about this..imposter, yet here she was, staring down at them bleeding out in front of her, and she was trying to save them.
Why? Why is she throwing away her only chance at normalcy for a fraud? Why didn't she just turn them in?
They were dying – that should've been a good thing, shouldn't it? So why didn't it feel like it?
"Why you?" Her voice breaks as she speaks in harsh tones, grabbing the front of their shirt in trembling, bloodied hands. "Why now?" She wants to scream, to demand answers they can't give, to claw back the reprieve she was promised after five hundred years of agony..and all she can do is sob into their chest, pleading for an answer that will not come. "Why me?"
Silence is their answer, and it hangs heavy on her trembling shoulders as she cries.
Of course they don't, she thinks bitterly, no one has ever answered her pleas spoken in hushed sobs. Not her other self and certainly not them.
Furina has always been alone. Furina will always be alone.
Because Furina never left that stage, never left that moment when she looked at herself in the mirror and took up a mantle too heavy for her to bear. She always finds her way back eventually. There's no one on the other side anymore – she stands alone on a stage, waiting for an inevitable end she isn't sure will come.
"Please," She pleads through tears and choked sobs, clinging to them like they are all that keeps her from sinking. "Please don't leave me, too." The words burn on her tongue – how pathetic is she that she craves companionship from the bloodied body of the imposter? Perhaps she's truly lost her mind after all these years..perhaps she's finally gone mad. She must have.
But their presence is like the first feeling of gentle warmth upon her skin as the sun crests the horizon, like the gentle lap of tides along her heels, the sway of branches and leaves as the wind blows through them like an instrument all it's own. They are the soothing sound of rain against the window as she watches the dreary skies in fond longing, the first bloom of spring as color blooms upon the landscape like paint had been spilled across the hills and valleys.
They are like the faint spark she carefully nurtures and stokes, so fragile even the smallest wind could blow it out like a candle. She cradles it within her palms, pleads with whoever will listen – prays that someone finally listens, because if not for her, then for them.
She's failed to protect too much already, let too many people with so much trust in her fall between the cracks of her fingers like grains of sand. She won't let them go – she can't.
If nothing else, if she couldn't be saved when she begged for salvation from that five hundred year long agony, even if she never got that chance..
Furina will make sure they do.
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#fic tag#furina#so um. looks around. okay look. i know im like THE ts@r1ts@ dealer (censored so it doesnt show in tags. hopefully)#but the moment i saw furi in fontaine the day it released she became my fav even more then the tsaritsa SORRY SHES SO..#this is my love letter 2 furi (making her suffer unimaginable horrors)#open ended kinda in case i decide on making a sequel maybe#furi makes me feel cuteness aggression so bad i start acting like a rabid animal#furina the woman that you are. thats my girlprince meow meow id kill someone for her#playing her part as archon so well but being so horribly irrefutably human in every way..#five hundred years not even knowing what the real plan was. when it would end. knowing if she slipped up it was over.#and in the end almost no one knew what really happened. a select few people know the real weight of her sacrifice.#furina's story was always a tragedy. it was never going to be anything but a tragedy.#and thats one of the most tragic parts of it isnt it? she didnt know how itd end. she didnt know her story was always going to be a tragedy#furina never knew a thing. and still she did it for the people of fontaine and succeeded.#how do you define “yourself” when you havent existed for 500 years?#to be so selflessly human you give up “yourself” to save people who will never know of your sacrifice.#sometimes i think about the confrontation on the stage and have a week long mental breakdown#sacrificing EVERYTHING for fontaine and still. still! the people closest to you turn on you.#heavy on clorinde. she was as close 2 furi as neuvi fight me on this. i bite.#her bodyguard and friend and she ends up staring down her blade wondering if this is it. she failed. she failed them all#because even when faced with the trial. with losing everything. she still thought only about fontaine. oh furina.#do you think she has nightmares. wonders if she was never meant to win this game of g-ds. that her story was always meant to be a tragedy?#do you think she still wonders if she was ever meant to have a chance at a happy ending? a doomed tragedy from beginning to end
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Hey!! This is just a message to all of the people on your blog…..
LISTEN UP SHITHEADS. Cin is being nice enough to accept requests from you guys. She’s taking the time out of her day to draw stuff for you guys FOR FREE. She’s not getting any payback for her labor except for a few compliments and internet attention. No money. No treats. No nothing. The least you guys can do is respect her and read her boundaries. If you aren’t going to respect her then you don’t deserve to get free art in the first place. Spamming her with requests isn’t going to change her mind if you’re requesting something she already stated she wasn’t going to draw. All you’re getting yourself is a big wide opportunity for her to block you.
Respect my little sister. I don’t care if you hate on me for being a rude, harsh bastard. I will not tolerate anyone being an asshole to her.
thank u sm bro.. i really hate blocking people but i literally have no choice when ppl keep like !!! bothering me!!!!???
i dont want to have to stop taking requests altogether but it doesnt take that long to just click the 'keep reading' and skim the top few words!!!
thank you to everyone who does read it i appreciate u guys sm and im hugging u (if thats ok if not then im fist bumping u)
#for real thank u :c#im not very good at being assertive#mmnfkldjh like bro.. idk ab u guys but?? when i send art requests im like#checking everything ??? making sure theyre taking requests and if they have any specific boundaries i need to adhere to?#idk maybe im just panicky like that#but i have so much respect for other artists#and the last thing id want to do is make them feel unheard or disrespected??#previews 🎞️#corrupted file 📄#im not like MAD AT U GUYS if u accidentally send smth without reading it#like its okay !!! sometimes you just dont notice#but it means a lot when u take the time to think about err.. the person behind the screen? yk?
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i would like to say my ideal PJO adaptation (if i was being physically forced against my will to have to pick a live action adaptation over an animated one for some reason) would be a combo like writing of the musical + casting of the show + visuals of the movies
BUT the show actually does have the playwright for the musical as one of the major writers for like three episodes and that did nothing for it. so...
#pjo#riordanverse#pjo tv crit#i do love the casting for the musical lots and lots though#it was really good#i do also have some nitpicks for show casting but they're largely inconsequential#like majority i very much enjoy and think are cast well#i only have one i'd say im actually disappointed with and that's Poseidon. idk he just feels. bland??? does that make sense?#like idk maybe it's the costuming but im not getting Sea God *or* Fishing Dad from him#like i think i kinda see what they were going for and i saw some gifs of him in another show where he plays a pirate and its like#okay. *little* bit better. but idk im just not getting Poseidon from it#in general most of the immortals in the show dont feel very Immortal(tm) but thats definitely mostly just the writing/show itself#not any reflection of the casting#my only other two are i would have liked plus sized Clarisse. i am VERY sad we didnt get that#Dior is a VERY good Clarisse though so i'm not too upset about it. i like her Clarisse energy. the yelling is fantastic.#my most controversial pjo tv take is im still meh on Walker. like he's fine. but like he's kind of Just Fine to me so far#its probably mostly the writing being bad but he hasnt grown on me as Percy yet. i can tell he has the energy though in interviews n stuff#and the main trio dynamic in interviews and stuff is *very* good. i just wish the show writing was better#because the casting IS very good but they have so little to work with. you can really tell theyre trying their best#i like to joke the show would be better if they just set the cast loose in the woods doing in-character improv#like its clear basically all of them know their characters SUPER well. id watch 8 episodes of in the woods pjo cosplay improv.
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MORE SAUNA PICS HAVE BEEN DROPPED MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON THE WRETCHED
Sasha Cup Day | 7.31.24 (x)
#aleksander barkov#florida panthers#IM GOING TO DO SOMETHING SO DRASTIC RIGHT NOW#i forget that phil also has to tag along to these things#so i imagine a well dressed man next to a bunch of sweaty half naked men trying to take a pic of the cup#matthew may have fucked that cup but sasha has done something so much worse to it#sasha “no ocean. bad for cup. maybe lakejumping?” barkov#and then does this#id like to pick his brain about this#why is this okay to do with the cup#sauna steam very good for cup rejuvenates her silver after the ocean almost rusted her 👍#miss stanley how are we feeling?#because i sure as hell am not feeling normal things
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don't know how to format this post so welcome to waterfall is craving things and she doesn't know if it's more h-rny or lonely so enjoy a little snippet of what is playing on loop in my mind~
Person A: tshhieew!
Person B: Bless you, poor little thing~
Person A: I'm- eshh'iew! tschh- kngt'shhew! I'm not little!
Person B: Even if you aren't, your sneezes sure are~
Person A, blushing: No they're- eh'tnshiew! aeshh'iee!
Person B, with a smirk: What a poor, sneezy little thing~
#waterfallsnzarios#waterfalltalks#i guess??? idk man waterfallcraves is more accurate#just B taunting them and A being such a little blushy mess by the end#knowing that they ARE little but even if they arent! the sneezes are! they cant fight that!#not like they can fight being little either buutttt~ ;3#yes im picturing c/huuya but gotta be honest not seeing d/azai as the other#perhaps in a private little bedroom... away from prying eyes and ears...#or perhaps this is just something I crave okay i just- lil with lil snz auhegughguh#im a sucker for a kitten snz and i am! feeling things so welcome to this randomness that does NOT have a point~#(and yes okay maybe id like to be on either side of this BUT! shut up! i do not!)#(using this as a blog again- starting to get more and more used the idea that like... maybe i DO want attention???)#(always knew i craved attention but like.... always used to it being the kind of attention that i GIVE to others and maybe i get something)#(but not used to like... actual genuine attention thats just for me and that isnt kinda... idk- you give me things? so i give bak?)#(gonna be so honest!! i do not feel cute! most of the time! and usually thats okay! i like being a lil chaos gremlin :3)#(buuuuuut recently been having more friends call me cute and idk!!! maybe its not the worst thing to get to be a lil soft sometimes~)#(ANYWAYS blog post over im so sorry to anyone who read these tagssssss but here is a lil snzario that hopefully makes up for it!!)
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Love being able to write. I can do whatever i want. I can make Ryuji interact w Lala-chan and u literally cant stop me.
#chattin#i feel like shinjuku and crossroads doesnt get enough love#ohya and lala dont get enough love 😭#if they had an option to work there as a parttimer some how my akira wouldve absolutely taken it#u never see the place packed or w customers at all; it just feels cozy every time u go there#akira doesnt have a lot of places free from prying eyes; so id imagine he goes there often to just hang and study#catch up w ohya and get a bit of knowledge and validation from lala#like shes so sweet. i love her. she comes across as wise without being unapproachable#she makes comments she shouldnt (talking about ohyas job and history) bc she just forgot that she shouldnt lol#adamant about not letting him drink while hes there. its like. a safe space for him.#and i think hed like to invite his friends into his safe space; esp ryuji#gets to a point where even ryuji stops by on his own sometimes.#hes got questions but hes always in his head; never says it out loud#but it leads him in the right direction almost all the time#im thinkin of him having like. the most base level internalized homophobia and transphobia#like the kind of shit you just pick up as a child and teen and never question#and u kinda make fun of it bc everyone else is. but akira stumbles into his life and makes it so confusing#like. i dont think hed be trans. but akira would make him second guess alot about himself#about what he likes. what hes into. what hes okay w doing w someone like akira#and lala is like. u got that look in ur eyes kid. come sit.#doesnt entirely get it. but he feels a little lighter. not on labels but on his feelings#‘kid. u think of the ideal person and u think of him. at that point; it dont matter what bits he got.’#and its blunt and MAYBE it gets him a little flustered. but hes always responded well to blunt words. no beating around the bush#makes his brain confront shit head on without the second guessing hed suffer through when left on his own#WAA. rambling.#gonna see if i can draft this up at some point
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no no no i dont think you understand the chokehold aurora has on swiss. the power she has over him. he'd do whatever she wanted. prostrate himself at her feet for just the chance to eat her out. you see the way she jerks him around, the lax way his body sits at her feet? he's panting, drooling for her.
can you imagine the way he has to fight not to stare at her shiny, wet folds, the way her big clit teases out from between them. the line of her taught stomach, the way her nipples poke out from her tiny tits. only allowed to touch the backs of her thighs or nothing at all as she shoves her cunt in his face, only allowed to focus on her pleasure for as long as she wants.
you like that daddy? yeah, baby, i bet you do. a slave for my pretty pussy.
his legs will go numb and he'll be gasping for breath before he even thinks about his own needs. he'll stifle every last spike of pleasure until she says enough.
#i have a lot of feelings about them okay#swissrora#aurora ghoulette#swiss ghoul#send help im unwell#if i werent working on lake wife id be frantically typing up this fic immediately#maybe i still will lmao
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i hate being slow as hell. what is wrong with me bro WE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS STUPID
#doesnt matter what i do someones always gonna point it out at some point or another#theres always gonna be someone to make me feel stupid#for all intents and purposes i might as well be missing half my brain . at least then id have a good reason for being this way. smfh#nah . i am forever going to be fucking pissed off at how every adult in my life failed me. maybe i would be okay if someone just fucking#helped me. if someone just fucking noticed my existence and saw something was wrong. but no one did. and now im like this.#now im like this and nobody is going to help me. and they'll think im fucking braindead. or fucking treat me like a child. BECAUSE THEY DO#BECAUSE I KEEP FUCKING SEEING IT. THEY DONT EVEN KNOW AND YET THEY DO IT. I GUESS THEY SMELL IT OR SOMETHING#its not even like theyre wrong in treating me like that either . i dont think i can do fucking anything without being guided and coaxed.#its just another reminder ill never be normal. and i hate that#i hate being disabled. i hate being disabled. i hate being disabled.#toxi.txt
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I'm getting to the end of my line over here.
#LIKE I KNOW. BUT ALSO. LIKE. IT HAPPENED WITH EVERYONE SO MAYBE.#like being left on read is okay im fine with that#im also fine with not being messaged for a few days bc I well know life can get busy and overwhelming so ita totally fine#but being left on read consistently. being not messaged for weeks. BY EVERYONE.#please if im doing or saying something wrong i need to know bc ill stop or change bc please i want my firends to want to talk to me#i want my firends to see something and think of me and tell me about it#i want them to listen to a song and send me a link or watch a show i reccomend and give me a script of their reactions#i feel like im giving and not getting a lot back and i want to know what im doing wrong#and if im giving too much i also want to know it bc then ill back off or stop#bc i get so excited when i see ive got messages or asks from my friends and id like to think they feel the same about me#but from my end it doesnt feel like that#i went mia for four days. i touched nothing. reblogged nothing. gave no sign i even existed anymore. and i got one dm the whole time#i love tumblr but its feeling less and less like i have any place here at all let alone on any other socials
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Do Cocksley and Catapult like Saturday morning cartoons? If so what's their favorite ones?
(Personally I'm an Inspector gadget fan)
#wait okay. maybe like. (older gen) my little pony cocksley tmnt catapult...#this is weird lore about me but id feel weird just saying idk without elaborating. i had to google saturday morning cartoons.#c&c asks
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Theres a lot of behind the scenes gg info i want so badly but pretty high up on the list is like, whether or not there was a reason shin hae-chul dubbed testament. Did he Want to voice them, or did the team think he’d be a good testament, or was it just convenient. Did they just shove him in the recording booth when he was done with the ost.
#i still think its so funny that ive seen it mentioned in like 3 places that people hated his testament voice 😭 i think he did okay.#idk maybe id have a stronger opinion if i was more used to hearing spoken korean. it is a very flat performance but it feels intentional. ?#i dont know man.#the kat goes meow
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im kinda tempted to make a series of polls about sonic games that have widely been considered bad and seeing how many people on here actually dislike them and how many of the people who dislike them have actually played them or just had any amount of exposure to the game that would be enough for them to reasonably be able to form an actual opinion on it . im curious what the results would be..
#but also if i make one for sonic unleashed and somebody says they hate it im gonna be like#You dont like sonic unleashed ......... 🦔🐺? :(#okay well its not that i cant handle hearing people say they dont like unleashed#especially when i would be specifically asking for peoples opinions on it therefore inviting them to say they dont like it#its just that it feels like every time i take the tiniest step into sonic or just general gaming communities on other sites#everyones saying they hate unleashed and/or the werehog at every mention of the game. which is annoying#whatever#ohhh if i did one for sonic 06 or shth i know the notes on those would be annoying as fuck too#maybe i should just avoid the ones that are very near and dear to my heart and the ones that people are especially annoying/wrong about#because i know id just be taking psychic damage over and over again reading the notes
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I'll never stop thinking about the interactions we could have gotten with Maximus if his lore hadn't turned into misery. (possibly purposefully by admins). He could have had a home in the mexican village!!! Fifth parent of sunny / getting spanish egg with willy & luzu?? Been hunted by Tallulah / Dapper for sport as they desperately longed for Spanish enrichment when their white dads were asleep.
#qsmp#qsmp maximus#okay the last one is mostly a joke#but I do think about all the cool interactions maximus could have gotten into#and while I think he would have done better with a spanish egg#he and sunny could have had some RAD interactions with their insecurities and feelings of like not belonging#and UGH#and while Id curse tubbo on no one who isn't fluent#it'd be nice for max to have someone who's also willing to be like#square up federation right to their faces#and there's just alkdsjflasdkjf#mouse and max#I will not explain any further#also max as sunny parent could maybe get him talking to charlie more#talking about the code#and also like maybe?#the grief of losing children from early on??#and the rep that got you????#I have so many feelings maxxo why you gotta be dead#don't you know that IIIIIIIIIII#WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU#+
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Pls pls pls pls pls post the willow spiderman au pls pls pls for meeeeeee
[ID: a digital sketch of willow from the owl house with a Spider-Man inspired design. It's based on her flyer derby uniform, with red and blue swapped for green and yellow, and webs on the tank top. She has a mask on with yellow eyes and is doing an action pose. vines come out of her web shooters. the background is pale yellow. End ID]
Mob goon voice ON IT BOSS!!! And a BONUS just for you- Huntlow Spiderman kiss:
[ID: two pieces of fanart depicting Hunter and Willow doing the Spider-Man kiss. In the first image, Willow is in her Spider-Man design and hunter is in his golden guard outfit. She's upside down and they're both leaning in, about to kiss. The second image is the same as the first but with an alternate, pink and yellow colour palette. The background is pink in both. End ID] (@toh-described)
#the owl house#toh#hunter toh#hunter noceda#willow park#huntlow#i wanna tag this for huntlow week so bad but it's not even a little related to any of the prompts#so i will refrain! tags popping off this week anyway I'm sure I'll slide right in#i hope the formatting on this is okay?? ppl in this fandom are lowkey such chumps abt image ids so i get so self conscious abt including em#as if it's not just a thing of like. ppl should be able to see this. i want ppl to be able to see this#hm. anyway the asker here is my irl friend who asked me to draw willow as Spiderman today during school#(i was slacking off and taking reqs <3)#and tbh the design ended up so cute so i don't feel even a little bad abt posting it even tho it's just a sketch#the huntlow spiderman kiss isn't perfect and i probably could've spent more time on it but i definitely don't dislike it!#and it's a cute idea anyway#if it really keeps me up at night maybe I'll take another crack at it#i do have one req in my inbox I'm gonna get to tho!#just gotta get through the fuckin. difficulties (mock exams. evil)
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A Word-Filled Update
that no one's asking forrrr~
Sooooo, hiya~ ^^
Realized I kinda dropped out without much word, and wanted to give a lil update to anyone who may care, (and specifically to all the unfilled requests that have been sat in my inbox for months now T~T)
Dropping it under a cut because it gets quite long~ but I'll also TL;DR it with: been a bit burnt out, trying to get back into this, I apologize for all the unanswered asks, and I will be trying to get to the ones I can, but I'll be focusing more on trying to enjoy the process of making content~ Thank you to anyone who's stuck around <3
(Tw for brief mention of mental health/neurodivergencies~ nothing in depth or dark, but just incase anyone wants to avoid that <3)
Nothing serious has been going on, mostly just burn out and a bit of drama in main friend group, combined with free time just being a lot more limited recently~ (not a bad thing, most of it is because I'm getting to talk more with friends I've gotten closer to this past year~)
That said, I've been trying to get back into content, making it, reblogging it, etc, without letting it become all-consuming. I find, with the way my brain works, mostly to do to some wonderful neurodivergent tendencies, I tend to fall heavily into 'all of nothing' mentality.
This shows up in my day to day life, (ie: can't wash the dishes for weeks until I suddenly do them all in one day) and I've definitely noticed it with content creation. Need to write and finish a story in one go, record a wav as fast as possible, always afraid I'll lose that motivation.
But honestly? I love making content on here! And I'm not a huge blog, nor do I care if I am (at least trying not to, if I'm being painfully honest~) but I genuinely love making content. Whether it's just for me, a request that I am hoping one specific person will enjoy, or a story I write with a community in mind, I just love creating~
So, I'm trying to ease my way back into this! Bit by bit, let it be fun, and enjoyable, with less internal pressure to produce as much as I can, as fast as I can, and make it be perfect.
I won't lie and say 'numbers don't matter to me', if I'm honest, they do. But I'm learning more and more how to let it be about the content, and to just enjoy the process~ (and if people like it, that'll be a wonderful bonus!~)
Wooo this is getting so long, I apologize sincerely! Last thing, something I've mentioned a few times previously but never really let myself get into... requests~
I'm so honoured that people care about my content enough to have asked for things, and getting any ask, request, praise, ask lists, heck even just a 'hi!' is honestly the best part of this blog for me!
Buuuut, I definitely worked myself into burn-out before with a "every request needs to be filled and fast" mentality, that led to just... not filling any.
So! I'm going back through my inbox, and deleting some older ones that I don't have a clear vision/motivation for. I apologize to anyone who requested them, though by now it's possible they're long gone~ But I think this will help me not only start enjoying the creation process without feeling so overwhelmed, but also start actually getting more content made~
There are definitely a bunch that I still adore, and am thrilled to get to test out, but if there's one you remember sending, and you really want to see it completed, please feel free to send another ask saying what it is you want done, and I'll see if I can get that going <3
And if you've stuck it out to the end here- uh hi! ^^ I'm sorry this is so long, I'm such a words person, but I appreciate you so much, not just for any support you've offered, but just bothering to read this <3 I genuinely didn't expect most to make it this far, so thank you so deeply <3 and I hope to see you guys around as I start reblogging stuff more!~
#waterfalltalks#waterfallrambles#more like waterfallparagraphs im so sorry hahaha#been thinking about making this for awhile- but always felt so anxious???#idk why specifically... maybe cause i cant be short to save my life#or maybe because it feels like ive left it too long?? been promising so much and never fulfilling#but i am gonna try!! not to fulfill everything but- to start enjoying it again#i worry this comes off like i have an ego... i really dont haha~ i dont expect anyone to really interact with my blog or care#it was always meant to be for ME- and i just hoped to create things ID enjoy and that#if anyone else enjoyed it too that i could start giving back to the community thats given me so much content ive adored#anyways this is a LONNNGGG post and so are these tags hahaha~#using this blog as a journal again i think! but its mine! so okay! im gonna let myself!#gonna add here too that i might be reblogging with shorter tags for a bit- i promise its not cause im not excited!!!#just trying to make it the least overwhelming situation so i can start really getting back into ENJOYING it~#thank you to anyone who read this far and a huge thank you to all my friends from here and anyone who stuck around <3#i appreciate and love you all so dearly <333#not snz
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