#idk maybe im just panicky like that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

steeltwigz · 2 months ago

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(this might b a little ooc idk what pepper is like and its 12 am so im not proofreading it sorryyyy)

Marshmallow stood at the stove, idly melting sugar. She was making treats for Bow, who had still been working up to testing new physical sensations again, and decided sugar-coated fruit was probably a good way to go, given her girlfriends’ shared sweet-tooth. Currently, they were outside using the combined strength of a possessed Bow-pple to race whoever in a wood-chopping contest. The lack of people in the house was calming, if Marsh was being honest. She had space to breathe again, but was still close enough to the action to not feel too left out. She could hear the group outside cheering and laughing, and the distant thunk of wood being chopped. And maybe she missed the presence of one of her girls by her side, but she had planned this as a surprise anyways and needed to take the opportunity while she had it, even if she was a bit disappointed in missing the way Apple’s arms would flex, body shining, glowing in the sun through her sheen of sweat and the ethereal glow of possession, and Bow’s determined and proud laugh, sharp teeth flashing dangerously at the taste of victory and- Marshmallow shook her head to stop herself getting distracted, turning to focus on her cooking instead. She could miss this once. It wouldn’t be hard to get another competition going anyway. She looked back to her pot.

The sugar smell was calming and she watched it bubble, stirring it just to admire the swirl, smiling absentmindedly. She hadn’t felt so content in a while, and hadn’t realized just how badly she had missed her normal, significantly quieter life. The cheering behind her grew louder suddenly and a small breeze blew into the kitchen, making Marsh shudder slightly. She turned over her shoulder, glaring against the sunlight, then smiled politely as the door closed and she could make out a form.

Pepper crossed the foyer and into the kitchen, smiling briefly at Marsh.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hi,” Marsh replied, “How’s it going out there? Sounds pretty intense.”

Pepper shrugged one shoulder, gazing down at the floor briefly before stepping in toe the kitchen properly, walking towards the fridge. “You know how it gets,” She said in lieu of a proper answer, and Marsh nodded anyways because she knew what Pepper meant. Bow and Apple were competitive enough on their own. Putting everyone in a house together was bound for trouble. She huffed a laugh and turned back to her sugar syrup, stirring it again.

“Yeah, I do,” she said, amused lilt in her voice. She smiled and felt her cheeks dimple slightly. There was a sudden crash of glass falling against glass and Marsh jumped and looked up. Pepper was fumbling glass bottles in the fridge, though her eyes had been on Marsh until they locked gazes and Pepper hurriedly looked away.

“Sorry,” she said, trying to balance them, voice slightly panicky and too apologetic, “sorry, sorry. Slipped.” She smiled up at Marsh awkwardly and nervously, and Marsh decided she didn’t like it, stepping forward to help. Her hand brushed Pepper’s arm, squeezing her amicably on her shoulder and taking some of the bottles out of her hands.

“It’s ok. Here, let me help you,” Marsh said, genuinely.

Pepper’s mouth opened, then shut, then opened again before she nodded. “Y- yeah! Okay. Th- thank you.”

Marsh took some of the bottles and placed them on the island in the middle fo the kitchen, bending down and searching for a bag to put the bottles in. She heard Pepper mutter something to herself, then follow Marsh’s lead, placing her bottles on the counter too. She heard Pepper shift her feet, then found a bag and tugged it out of the cupboards. With a huff, she stood back up, placing it on the countertop as well, then smiling at Pepper.

“Here you go! If you ever need help with something, you can let me know. While you’re in my house, you’re my guests. And I take care of my guests. Okay?”

Pepper took a sudden surprised inhale, then nodded, cheeks slightly flushing, out of embarrassment, Marsh figured. “Uh-” Pepper started, fidgeting with the bag, putting bottles inside. She was slow and cautious, awfully careful, not the Marsh minded. She appreciated her trying to take care not to mess up the kitchen. “What’s that you’re making?” She asked. Marsh slapped her hand to her cheek and turned back to the stovetop.

“Right! I almost forgot about that.” She stirred it again, reaching for the fridge handle while stirring. Her reach was a little short, and Pepper hopped up to get it for her. “Ah- thanks. That cup of water, please.”

Pepper grabbed the cup, silently handing it to Marsh, who stirred the sugar syrup then took to spoon and dropped a single bit of syrup into the water. She watched it harden, and smiled, placing the cup down. Pepper just watched, confused, tilting her head.

“It’s sugar syrup,” Marsh explained, reaching for a pre-prepped bowl of fruit. Tangerine slices and grapes and strawberries. She hummed when she realized they didn’t have any skewers and bit her lip. “Uhh- hang on, I can show you what it’s for I just- Could you get me that box there?”

Pepper nodded, walking past Marsh and grabbing a skewer from beside her, from a box that Marsh had left just out of her reach. The countertops had been a bit less organized than Marsh usually had them, and she was too used to working with Bow or Apple, and now Paper and Paintbrush on occasion, that she had set everything just slightly too far. She grabbed the stick from Pepper and mumbled a soft ‘thank you’ that had Pepper do that small gasp thing again. Marsh didn’t pay it much mind, skewering a strawberry and dipping it into the bubbling syrup. She swirled it, holding the pot at an angle to show Pepper and make sure the whole berry was covered.

“Basically, you melt the sugar like this, to dip fruit into it. The cup thing was just to make sure the sugar was at the right temperature, that it would harden right. And when you’re done,” she said, pausing to tap the skewer on the edge of the pot softly to shake off any extra syrup, “you put them somewhere to cool so the sugar hardens. I just have this other cup.” She flipped the skewer so that the strawberry stuck up in the air, dropping the stick into a cup to the side so the sugar would harden. Pepper watched intently, nodding along. Marsh looked to the side and couldn’t help but smile at Pepper’s genuine interest in what she had to say. It reminded her of Apple and she looked away shyly.

“Wow,” Pepper said, voice filled with genuine awe, “that’s really cool! How long does it take to cool?”

Marsh shrugged, holding out her hand for another skewer which Pepper placed into her palm quickly. She grabbed a few fruits, putting them on the same skewer to save time. “Not too long. By the time the last fruit is done, it should only be a few minutes. Five or so. Stick around and I’ll let you have one, if you want.” She said, turning to wink at Pepper.

Pepper blushed again and nodded, turning away. “R- right.” She said. She smiled softly. “I will. Thank you.”

They worked in silence for a while, finding a rhythm. Marsh was comfortable, even though she didn’t know Pepper very well. They had both forgotten about the sodas warming on the counter. Marshmallow skewered more fruit, the last few left, and swirled them in the syrup. Pepper watched intently as she tapped it against the side of the pot just as she had all the others and placed it in the cup. Marsh flicked one of the older skewers, nail clicking against the hard shell of the candy. She smiled and grabbed it, a combination of one of each fruit. She turned and held it out to Pepper.

“Here,” she said, raising it to Pepper’s mouth, “this one’s good.” Pepper looked down at the fruit apprehensively, then back to Marsh, who smiled reassuringly, “try it, you’ve earned it.” Pepper’s face flushed again, but she leaned down to take a bite of fruit anyway. Marsh had intended for her to take the whole skewer, but didn’t mind, watching as Pepper delicately took one of the fruits in her teeth and pulled it off easily. Soft crunches sounded as she chewed, lips stretching into a smile as she hummed. Marsh smiled, taking the other fruit Pepper left behind, humming in pleasure herself.

“It’s sweet,” Pepper said when she swallowed, licking sugar off her lips. Marsh chuckled, and nodded.

“Yeah,” she agreed, “Bow likes sweet foods. Apple too.”

Pepper leaned against the kitchen counter, sized Marshmallow up and down, and nodded. “Yeah, that checks out.”

Marsh choked on her candy, swallowing hard and laughing. She reached out, grabbing Pepper’s shoulder to steady herself as Pepper blushed again and laughed with her, nervously. After a moment to compose herself, Marsh stood upright, wiping her eyes. She snorted, giggling off the last of her laughing fit. She smiled at Pepper.

“Where did that come from? Have you been this funny the whole time, or am I just lucky?”

Pepper smiled and Marshmallow, now slightly closer, admired the asymmetry of how it rose higher at one end.

“You are lucky,” Pepper said, sincerely in a way that confused Marsh, like there was some deeper meaning to it. She tilted her head, a habit picked up from Apple. “I mean-” Pepper said, biting her cheek. She stepped away, leaning against the island tabletop instead of the counter next to the oven. She shrugged. “Look at this place. Your home is beautiful. You have this great place, you live with amazing people. You make them cute little snacks.” She shrugged again, shuffling her feet and looking down shyly. “So, y’know. You are lucky.”

Marsh smiled, creasing her brows slightly. The dramatic shift in tone confused her, and she rubbed her arm, embarrassed at having been put on the spot like that. “I- Thank you.” She inhaled, studying the way Pepper’s brows knit together, suddenly noticing a deeper, tired expression on her face. She placed her hand on Pepper’s arm again. “Hey,” she said, softly, leaning in slightly, “You okay?”

Pepper gave her a glance, then blushed at Marsh’s genuine concern and turned away. She smiled uncomfortably. “It’s- it’s nothing. Forget it.”

The expression left a sour taste in Marsh’s mouth and she squeezed Pepper’s arm slightly. She hadn’t gotten to know Pepper that much on the show or at the hotel, and she was kind of regretting it now. What had she missed?

“Pepper, please. You can talk to me.”

Pepper turned to Marsh with genuine surprise, then hurriedly wiped her eyes and scratched her arm nervously. She bit her lip, then turned back. “Promise you won’t laugh?” She whispered. Marsh squinted slightly, confused, but nodded. Pepper turned away again and sighed. Suddenly, she hardened her gaze and turned to face Marsh fully.

“I need to ask you something.” She said, voice brave, braver than it had to be. Marsh nodded again.

“Sure. Anything.”

Pepper glanced away nervously, and a blush rose to her cheeks. She inhaled deeply, gathering her courage, then turned back to Marshmallow. “How- how did you know you liked girls?” She asked, voice low and hushed. Marsh’s eyes widened and she smiled, almost laughing before she remembered herself.

“That’s it? Pepper, that’s- I mean, I didn’t expect-” Pepper’s face turned scared and pleading, and Marsh shut up, clearing her throat. “Right, sorry. Well, uh… Gee. Jeez, I’m not sure. I just, y’know. I guess before Bow and Apple came around, I never really thought about it. No one on the show was really that appealing. And then they showed up and, I don’t know. I couldn’t ever stop thinking about them after a while. At first I thought I hated them, and I did a little, but, I don’t know. They grew on me, I guess. Honestly, I can’t imagine a life without them. I’m happy with them, happier than I’ve ever been. God, I mean I can barely go a few hours alone without missing them. I-" Marsh realized she was rambling and paused, clearing her throat, "uh… Does that answer the question?”

Pepper gulped, and glanced down at her feet again. “I’m… not sure…” She said, turning back to the wall. Marshmallow huffed a self-conscious laugh and turned away too, rubbing her neck.

“Yeah, I guess not…” She said, and they both stared at the wall in silence for a moment. “You know…” Marsh started slowly, scratching her cheek. Pepper looked down at her curiously. “You could always try the old-fashioned way…”

Pepper tilted her head. Marsh stood up straighter slightly, rubbing her hands together nervously. She bit her lip, then turned to look at Pepper.

“Have you ever kissed a girl before?”

Pepper blushed deeply but shook her head. Marsh nodded.

“I, um-” Marsh tapped her thumbs together, “Do you- want to?”

Pepper’s blush deepened and she turned to look nervously back at the front door, before turning back to Marsh. She nodded, shyly at first but her confidence quickly grew and the nodding became determined.

“Okay,” Marsh said. She hummed. “Uh… Just, y’know. Relax.” She reached out to hold Pepper’s cheek. Pepper jumped slightly, but still obliged, leaning down slowly as Marshmallow moved forward. Pepper suddenly paused, biting her lip and moving back slightly.

“What about your girlfriends?” She whispered. Marsh could feel Pepper’s breath on her face and huffed a laugh, rolling her eyes. She smiled.

“Pepper, this is hardly an affair. Besides, Bow'll think it’s for a good cause.”

"Is it?" Pepper asked. Marsh shrugged.

"You tell me," she said.

Pepper glanced away, thinking, then turned back and nodded slightly. “Okay,” she whispered, letting Marsh pull her down again.

“Okay,” Marsh whispered back. “Keep your lips parted slightly,” She guided, “and don’t get too tense.”

Pepper nodded again. “Alright-” She started to say, before Marsh softly pressed their mouths together. Pepper squeaked, and Marsh pressed in further, admiring the way Pepper’s lips were smooth, glossy and cool, and how they tasted like sugar syrup and grape lip balm. She rubbed her thumb along Pepper’s cheek and Pepper nervously reached out, caressing Marsh’s face too with shaky hands. Marsh hummed contently, holding the kiss for a moment, before pulling away from Pepper, breaking apart with a soft pop. Pepper stared, awestruck, slowly reaching a hand to her mouth and touching her lip. Marsh chuckled, lowering her hand and rubbing the back of her neck.

“Aww, c’mon, I’m not that good," she said, voice amused. Pepper, dazed, just nodded.

“Uh-huh…” She mumbled.

Marsh sat beside patiently while Pepper’s eyes shifted, glancing around quickly as her thoughts raced. At a loss of what to do, Marsh decided to let Pepper have her moment, reaching across the counter to grab another sugary fruit candy and crunching it. Suddenly, the front door opened again, someone storming inside.

“Happy to help,” she said, just as earnest. Pepper smiled, Salt suddenly crossing the foyer to grab her by the wrist and drag her off. Marsh hummed, turning around. The taste of sugar and lipgloss lingered on her lips, and she indulged in it as she began to clean the kitchen, listening as Pepper and Salt’s voices faded into the crowd once again.

“Pepper, what’s, like, taking so long? It’s been for-everrr!” The voice, Salt, said. The atmosphere broke instantly, like a bubble popping, and it made Marsh's eye twitch slightly, unexpectedly adn suddenly annoyed. Pepper shot up, back straight, hand covering her mouth, and eyes blown wide.

“Shoot! I forgot the sodas, uh-!” She started hurriedly stuffing them in the bag, darting around the counter, stumbling over herself. “Coming, Salty Salt!” She shouted, racing to the kitchen doorway. She paused, hemming, then turned back to Marsh quickly. Their eyes met, and Pepper blushed slightly again. “I, uh- Thank you.” She said earnestly. Marsh smiled back at her.

#inanimate insanity #marshmallow ii #pepper ii #this is obviously pretty shippy I Know but would you believe me if i told you this was meant to be totally platonic. if not like a one-side #crush on pepper's part #for the worlds no 1 marshplebow-er i sure do make marshmallow kiss lots of other girls #just the power of yuri #writing tag #i always forget that one augghhhh

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absolutehush · 13 days ago

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ok so my beef with n o s f e r a t u is as follows

(and caveat before i get into it that i really enjoyed the film! i flinched, i hid behind my fingers, i cackled - esp during the willem dafoe scenes. at its best, it reminded me of some of the pure aesthetic enjoyment i have with some of Tim Burton's stuff, like the Corpse Bride. it was really beautifully done, & the costumes were delightful.)

also uh, spoilers

pacing/stakes management: the scenes when jonathan thomas goes to the castle, are really well done - creeping dread, and then real panicky desperate fear, the feverishness of the cuts really making things feel spun out of control, contrasted with the normalcy of wisborg and mina ellen as the audience standin, sure something has gone wrong. and the boat plays this pretty well too. but when we get to the Plague section, the action becomes frenetic and aimless, and it feels less intentional and more like they just couldn't figure out what to do with them. i think keeping the stakes much lower - the friendly family slowly getting sick, succumbing to the hand of nosferatu - would work better to mirror the Castle scenes than the Grand Drama of the Plague!!!(tm) striking. plus, keeping the disaster localised to their family would i think allow more emotional tension, as not only Wife Guy (Frederick?) but also maybe Wife Guy's Wife Adoring Friend, come to blame ellen more and more. lends itself to the idea that she's the one poisoning their lives.

speaking of Wife Guy's Wife Adoring Friend, not even a shred of eroticism between her and Ellen? you couldn't give us that Mr Eggers??? >:(

and where was my 3some with orlok Mr Eggers >:((

and where were my brides of dracula Mr Eggers >:((( you could've had them be wolf-girls or smthing. i am not picky. cmon.

this feels like a mean and petty addition, so im sorry, but i also think lily rose depp simply didn't do much nuance. skill issue or effort issue, idk. i think this limitation was also reinforced by the fact that the script doesn't give her a huge amount of dimensionality - she's weepy, and haunted, and that's kind of it for 85% of the time. hoult is too but she's the Main Event so i would've liked a bit more. i think Adoring Friend was my favourite here (excepting Willem Dafoe, but since his roll was to do sick tricks and chew bubblegum and he's all out of bubblegum, i think more credit goes to the Adoring Friend).

i also think the movie kept feeling like it was going for subtle #hashtag feminism moments and idk. i do not think it felt like it was doing anything Incredible from that perspective and i wish it had simply concentrated on being sexy and dreadful.

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rigginsstreet · 2 years ago

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What do you think about a deaf billy AU?

where Neil moved his family to the middle of nowhere Indiana because he knows 80s bumfuck nowhere doesn’t have a lot of support for disabled ppl and hates his son (as we all know)

At first billy tries to hide it, he had gotten used to learning how to read lips and make inferences on what people were saying, if he happened to miss something? He’d just brush it off, saying he wasn’t paying attention.

Billy might have a slight deaf voice, Neil probably came along with his “no son of mine” spiel so Billy had to learn how to speak as Neil thought was “normal”.

Steve begins to notice something different about Billy; slowed reaction time, really focusing on people’s faces, etc, and brings it up to Joyce.

Joyce, concerned, waits until the next time Billy is in her store to ask if everything is okay. Billy panics, he thought he was doing perfect, if he doesn’t his dads gonna kill him, so he very quickly excuses himself out of the store.

Maybe some further concerned Steve and Joyce? Teaming up to help out Billy? 🥹

i am into all of this. i wanna say way back in the early days of the fandom there was a deaf!billy fic i read.... or it was steve. or it was neither of them and im thinking of another fandom entirely lmfao anyway!

this would put their little staredown at tinas in a whole new context...honestly it puts a lot of billy scenes in new context that boy loves to look and watch and observe.

i would also like to bring in cali bros argilly and say that argyle and billy learned to sign together back home bc neil surely wasnt going to put billy in classes and surely not learn himself, maybe billy had teachers at school who helped? but argyle wanted to learn too since they were besties and he was really the only person billy could talk to after that. so when the hargroves move to indiana billys on his own again and since he doesnt want to out himself as being deaf and ask if anyone knows how to sign, he just pretends to be aloof and like he doesnt give a shit about what anyone says to him (which isnt like... untrue lol)

if he and max still have a bad relationship in this au maybe she hasnt bothered to learn how to sign either cuz like... why is she gonna need it to talk to billy? they dont talk period

steve calling billys name when hes not looking trying to get his attention and it never working so a lightbulb goes off in his head and he starts writing notes to see if that works and sure enough...

joyce picking up books from the library and learning very basic signs for the next time billy comes into the store. she's just trying to be polite but it still makes billy panicky that someone knows. ooooh if neil and billy come into the store one day and she overhears neil giving billy shit about not listening to him and how he needs to get his shit together etc etc and she immediately decides this man needs to be put down like she is not having it but she also knows theres not a whole lot she can do right now besides make her presence known and get him to back down.

steve helping billy out in the classes they share together and even in the classes they dont he finds a way to get notes from other people without letting them know its for billy, and billys constantly wondering how steve keeps pulling this off but steve wont reveal his secrets. them developing this silent language on the basketball court that makes them unbeatable... many thoughts many thoughts

idk how joyce and steve end up joining forces in all of this but i know they do!

#harringrove #billy hargrove #briana answers things

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diorkyeom · 7 months ago

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idk if ur reqs are open or not so think of this as just me sharing a random idea with u for ur thoughts okay? 😭

but anyway i was (re)reading this rly rly good series on ao3 yesterday and this tiny mention of a thing gave me a rly good idea— imagine shua coming to korea just for college and he meets the guys and now has a family and then he graduates and suddenly almost everyone (specially seok) keep being all jumpy and nervous around him and he notices and panics bc did he do smth wrong but then smth dramatic happens (replying on a certain yoon jeonghan for this) and seok breaks down w smth like "u came for college but youve graduated now and we thought u were going back to america 😭😭😭" and then shua is just very exasperatedly fond bc ofc he is and then he goes "im not????? ur my family?????? im not gonna leave???? unless im visiting family ofc!!"

...i make no sense im sorry

(also this is seoksoo purely bc im talking to the biggest seoksoo fan out there lol this would make more sense if it involved hao or junnie maybe?)

OH MY GODDDDDD SORRY FOR IGNORING THIS PLS I DIDN'T EVEN REALISE I HAD ANY ASKS ON THIS BLOG 😭😭😭

also stop. i literally love this idea SO MUCH?? i ended up rambling a bit too much whilst talking out this plot so uhhh it's all under the read more:

seok getting all panicky about the idea of joshua leaving so during the summer after their graduation, he hatches a plan to get joshua to not leave, and recruits the rest of their group to try and subtly provide him with reasons to stay.

and they're all a bunch of well meaning idiots joshua obviously realises they're all acting weird (esp seokmin who clings to him like a limpet on some days and practically bolts away from him on others) so he draws the wrong conclusion that the kids want him to leave :(( ofc being besties with jeonghan, he tells him all of these fears and the entire time jeonghan is just internally going lee seokmin you fucking messed up SO BAD

but being the little shit he is, he doesn't clear up Anything for joshua and just goes "i getchu my guy 😔😔" leaving josh feeling even more confused than before. then he hatches his own plan to retaliate (bc not only will he not clean up drama, he'll do his best to create MORE) and tells seokmin that the plan wasn't working and joshua is still thinking of leaving 💔 which is obviously a lie but seokmin is beside himself with fear, and jeonghan tells him very seriously that he thinks seokmin has to pull out the big guns and finally confess

seokmin doesn't even stop to consider how that makes any sense. he just nods seriously and finds joshua and tells him that he doesn't want him 2 leave bc he likes joshua A Lot and he promises that he'll be able to make him happy so long as joshua gives him a chance :<

it's all very sweet and joshua is so touched but he's also really confused bc?? he never said he was going to leave???? and so seokmin's misunderstanding and jeonghan's meddling comes to light but it's all okay bc joshua likes seokmin a lot too and he's gonna stay in korea for a vv long time :3

#leiz answers ;#THIS IS LITERALLY SOOOO CUYE IM GOIBG FJCKIBG INSANE #also i was thinkibg ab how to make it a junshua/ jihao idea and i think the only way is if it's like #they BOTH think the other is gonna leave i think????? and so cue misunderstandings on both sides #not gonna lie tho. even if i wasnt a seoksooist ghru and thru then id prefer their plot purely bc the amount of #misunderstandings the other plot would i volve would give me a headache jshfjshd #sky 🌱#if i ever find the tine then i really would live to write this fr #currently my laptip is Still being helf hostage away from me and ideas just Arent Ideasing these days so 🫡 we'll see in the future

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greydiminishing · 4 months ago

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9/24/24

Hi. I don't know what's wrong with me right now but i feel really bad and im shaking and I feel like I'm going to start crying if I don't, idk ground myself or smth.

I don't know what happened. I finished all my work last night and went to bed at an ok time. I was really happy. I felt "back on track" in my classes. I felt better last night than I have the past few weeks.

Then this morning I woke up and took a shower, and took way too long figuring out what to wear. And maybe i shouldn't have taken the time to cook and eat breakfast. And then i remembered that I had to pick up a package from the office this morning because I wouldn't get home until after they close. And before I knew it, I skipped my first class today :((. The stress and guilt and confusion triggered a small lapse in Bad Eating Habit, which made me feel even more stress and guilt.

But I pulled it together, I got my package (the office gave me a cute tote bag too!) and I got to my second class of the day (~4 minutes late though).

In class, Prof had us set up some rpa testing for our department site project, and i immediately ran into errors and couldn't get it working at all. And i basically froze in fear and embarassment for 75 minutes because with each second that passed, I was getting more and more behind. Two weeks ago, a similar thing happened and I asked for help and the professor was really kind when helping me but solution was so simple and my lack of knowledge was made so obvious that I physically can't do that to myself again. That's why I didn't ask for help.

I basically just sat there fiddling around with my code and switching my windows to make it look like I was doing something, but I really didn't to anything this entire class. I felt like crying the whole time. Then class ended and I left and started feeling shakey and panicky and now im here.

But I'm calmer now. Grounding success? Also thanks to Healing Water on mynoise.net lol

All I need to do is write out a plan. I need to figure out what the heck I'm missing that I couldn't even get started on when we were doing in class. And do that while keeping up with the rest of my work. +resume/career fair stuff. I can do that.

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spade-club · 3 years ago

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Post privately option. You own my heart. You understand. Anyway I think ive private posted two vents today if thats an indicator for how im doing. I need to get better at recognizing when im struggling because even now I dont feel like I am even though everything is crushing me. Today has been so incredibly foggy I wish I knew how to see through it all. My vision feels foggy like its all a dream and like. Idk its dangerous territory for me to feel like this, but I'm glad its me and no one else I guess. Brain created me for a reason and today I am understanding exactly what that reason is. Dealing with mid level crises and assorted related symptoms. Anyone more well adjusted would be freaking out, anyone less adjusted would also be freaking out. Call me baby bear because im just right I guess (except dont call me that haha)

#-mj #idk going to continue in tags bc im getting panicky??#idk. im worried this is all because I missed my meds once two days ago so now I'm all weird even still #idk if thats a thing. I know theres also real reasons like mortality & overdrained social battery & switching a lot just piling up on me #its probably the social battery thing but its so hard because we all WANT to talk to people. its so hard to stop.#but doing too much of it and now I feel like im exploding. it sucks to complain about because I want to talk to friends & family & all that #but maybe I take a break from it all?? I should schedule some fun stuff tomorrow that any of us can do completely alone & make a day of it

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leomus · 3 years ago

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#vent #tumblr is a little lawless land where im not on speaking terms witg most of my mutuals so maybe i can be a bitscreamy on here #again u can just not read this lol ill delete this late sorry no one signed up for this #im so fucking panicky and angry along with my feverf i feel like im gonna die and that everyone including my favourite personns hate me #itddds so obvious they say they dont but jv don't know what to do i know they want me gone no one is telling me the truth everyone is lying #to me and i feel so disconnected no one understands when i say everyone's lying and i dont get it iys so obvious #anyways im gonna go do something about this i haye hate hate hate this i wish people would stop lying to me #deleting rhis later i just need to share this on a readable platform bc idk the vibes!!!!!!!!!!!#no positive emotions 4 so long fuck me #deleting this later if ur reading until here go watch ur YouTube videos please

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pepprs · 4 years ago

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finished my essay YEAHHHHH BABEYYYYYYY

#purrs #it’s actually ummmm really good i think. also i feel like i cheated cuz i included like 5 of my poems and they took up 2 whole pages total #HDHSJSHDKSH but in my defense a) they add to the essay they’re not just like. there and b) it’s 4-6 pages and it ended up being 6 pages so #theres like 4 pages of like. my essay writing content yk. yeah. im a liiiittle panicky abt it bc i kiiiinda dropped my old deviantart url #where i used to post poems and now like. they can all go ummm.... look @ that and that is a little bit. well. special. but hopefully they #wont and everything will be FINE and i am vulnerable and brave and very s*xy for finishing my hw actually 😘 now i am going to go write more #poems i think or maybe reblog some thing’s or actually i should probably like sketch out what the last few days have been so i can write abt #them. yeah. either way i am not going to bed yet but i will and i will be well rested and i conquered all the hw for now and i am PROUD!#o also idk if i talked abt it on here or like. to anyone but i got nominated for a scholarship i wasn’t expecting to be nominated for and #got confirmation today that i didn’t get it and im a little sad abt it but also very honored to have even been nominated and this makes me f #feel a little bit better abt it :~) WAIT yeah i did talk abt it i just vagued abt the nomination letter that was written for me JDHDKSHDKDHD #oh wait by they i mean my workshop group LOL and also my prof but im less worried abt that

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probablydinosaurs · 4 years ago

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mmmm i really need to watch more wlw / all girl cast shows. watchin wonder egg priority and it made me realize how i shove myself into a box for comfort, only watching mlm/ mainly male cast shows to feel validated but it makes me miss out on a bunch of stuff.

#mini tag vent #even tho im loving wonder egg...im not too fond of how they generalized why different genders would commit suicide.....way to GENDER suicide #like i get different genders have diffrent struggles but the fact #that girls go one place and boys go another (or dont? they then said dont worry about gender?) idk #this isnt me semi wanting a boy character in a all girl magical girl anime or anything.....kinda im just being dumb #being trans and due to dysphoria box yourself in to feel comfy sucks bc it makes me feel sexist #llike i adored my binge watch of the first 4 eps but now i have this strange panicky feeling and feel weird #and not just bc the show had a lot of dark topics. maybe it was bc they brought up body image a lot? idk #they kept bringing up that the main girl has chubby legs and im sitting here at 402 pounds like what??#new blog more vents!#thats a promise

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eurydizzy · 4 years ago

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☁️.

#hi im venting in the tags for a quick second #personal #the messages people sent that made me shut off my inbox makes me feel so gross and i just feel so out of it now because of it #i figured out you can block an anon and it blocks the url that sent it which comforts me a little but i still feel bad #and i feel kind of stupid for feeling bad about it because it was some anon messages and i shut off the inbox so i should be fine but idk #and my dumb self wants to turn asks on again bc those dumb ask games help distract me but i cant do that without feeling worse #maybe its just not my day and thats why i feel so bad but im frusturated i got so panicky and gross feeling after reading messages #to be fair to myself they were really creepy and threatening and honestly just triggering for me #some people just suck like who goes online to threaten a kid?#thats the end of me being eitherly totally oversensitive and annoying or justifiably upset i cant pick

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sick-as-a-dog · 4 years ago

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#Gues who just had a nightmare and now might not go back to sleep :'3 #Only 3 in the morning and im getting panicky over nothing and tbh #As stupid as it sounds im scared to leave the only thing keeping me #Connected to someone even if im the only one on the line rn #Just feels slightly safer and i know itll end soon and im weirdly terrified and i dont like feeling like a call is my only comfort rn #I hate remembering i hate the nightmares i hate this #Cant wait to leave this hellhole one day and wake up to her being there..maybe then i wont be nearly #As panicky over such a stupid reason idk #I just want want somone who cares about me to hold me and to wake up to them being there #One day itll happen........someday i know it will..#But for tonight im just clinging to a onesided call for comfort i guess #Oh and turns out not only did i claw at myself in my sleep i also broke a claw doing so oops

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deeisace · 4 years ago

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#like like okay #all them posts of how it's not true that an ace person is like just like repressed or whatever #obviously obviously that is true that it's not true y'know but i think it might be for me??#like maybe I'm bi and just super y'know like uh #the whole idea of all sides of that kinda thing like spooks me i don't want relationships or none a that #and the other side might be like;;; fine in the abstract but im pretty sure im not cool with it in actual fact y'know #im deffo aro but im getting more and more of the thought that im deffo not ace #but i also like;; don't want things to happen anyway y'know #i don't know i could without some sorta panicky type thing without drinking #and i do not drink at all i don't even like liquor-y sweets or making sauce with wine in what'll do nothin #or none a that #idk it's 2am of course im thinkin about pointless stressy things #i have to go to work in 4 hours this is not a clever track to be on #all that 'dont think just feel' stuff morgan said to reid a couple episodes ago that i watched y'know #like i can't i cannot the thought makes my brain go offline and also kick into hyperdrive at once y'know i don't hhhh #okay im thinking about something;;; that is not this now

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ryxiez · 2 years ago

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HI!! I dont know how I found you literally as you just posted your masterlist, but its nice to run into another new obey me acc! :]

could I request some headcanons/drabbles for the demon brothers (or whichever characters u would like, Im not picky) with a super like. Fragile MC? IDK HOW TO PUT WHAT I MEAN—Ig an mc that's prone to getting hurt, bruises easily, is on the weaker side, etc etc. Maybe the demons are kinda like?? Anxious that if they're not gentle enough they'll accidentally break them or smth.

Thank you for requesting! I hope this is what you meant cause I kinda took different styles with a few of them. Also sorry for any spelling mistakes, I’m writing this half asleep >_<

Obey Me! Brothers with fragile!MC (Headcanons)

Fluffy Comforting Headcannons

Mentions the reader/MC getting hurt in some way, no blood mentioned at all

this is kinda how the brothers would react/treat you after you got hurt or they realized you were hurt

≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪

Ever since you were little you were always called clumsy. Often tripping over your own two feet, bruises and scraps covering spots on your skin.

Lucifer

- Often took notice of the discoloration in your skin, yet never brought it up with you.

- Basically knew what was happening and what was wrong right away

- During your time down there, he always seemed to be coincidently there whenever you would fall, or bump into something, even at school.

- However sometimes he didn't make it in time to catch you, or redirect you, but would always help you up.

- You reasure you that you are okay and only IF no one was around, he would plant a small kiss on where it hurts.

Mammon

- Wouldn't notice until he touched you (like a hug) and you pulled back with a hiss.

- Was very startled and thought he somehow hurt you with his "demon strength".

- He became all panicky with tears in his eyes when you told him you were fine when he knew you weren't.

- Finally he convinced you to show him what you were hiding and he was basically speechless. He couldn't believe he was letting you get hurt when he was supposed to look after you.

- Mammon then pulled you into a hug, avoiding the certain bruise, and told you to call for him whenever you were hurt again.

Leviathan

- You would honestly trip over stuff in his room a lot. Boxes and items on his floor that he didn't want to put away yet because he was gaming.

- He would pause his game right away if he could as soon as he heard a loud thump from behind him.

- Rushing over, he saw tears in your eyes as you held onto your ankle for dear life, rocking back and forth slightly.

- He apologized a million times, stuttering, as he held you close to him, and tried to take a look at your foot after your breathing slowed down again.

- Promises to clean his room for you, which he did, but only a little bit.

Satan

- Same as Levi, has a very messy room but with him he has scattered books and papers everywhere you can't even walk right.

- However, when he first heard you fall, anger struck him more than concern as he turned around with sharp eyes

- That was until he saw you in your weakened state on the floor and he immediately softened up.

- He rushed to your side and asked you were it hurt and how he could help.

- Definitely put a numbing or healing spell on your wound because he couldn't help but feel like it was his fault.

Amsodeus

- He found the discoloration in your skin on one of your many spa days.

- You then had to explain to him how you just seemed to bump into things or just fall a lot and couldn't help it.

- He would almost cry as he caressed your skin with lotions and creams, trying his best to sooth the pain, and it worked.

- Promises to try his best to stay by your side to help, and he even starts carrying bandaids and bruise cream in his purse for you.

- Let's just say you would be having spa days way more often so he can take care of you as much as possible.

Beelzebub

- Both of you made your late night trips to the kitchen as your stomachs rumble. (More so his)

- While stumbling around in the dark, you managed to walk right into the edge of the counter.

- You let out a yelp before holding down on the now pulsating spot, probably scrapped and bruised.

- Beel immediately had a candle lit in your direction as his big hands worked to slowly pry yours off yourself so he could see the wound.

- Would act like he wasn't panicking but he really was on the inside.

- Gave it a kiss before placing a bandaid on it after carrying you to the bathroom.

- Cuddles for the rest of the night while he protected you.

Belphegor

- Tried to cuddle closer to you while he was in your bed one night

- You we’re almost fully asleep until your felt his fingers press too hard on one of the fresh bruises you got this morning.

- You squirmed out of his grasp you you could sit up, trying to get away from the pain

- Belphie was confused and tried until you brought up the bruise he touched

- He apologized with caring eyes before laying you back down to cuddle, this time offering you to share his cow print pillow.

- From now on he was more careful and gentle with his touch

≫ ──── ≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫ ──── ≪

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