#maybe its because at some point that was her physical manifestation

[leoleolovesdc]

I’m very interested in rio as a “solo” character. Like, for everyone else in the coven i find their relationships and interactions with others the most interesting way to frame their personalities and possible development, but rio is just such a fascinating little guy. I wanna know what she got up to before she met agatha, i wanna see her struggling with her own role as a cosmic entity and slowly figuring more out about the humanity within herself, i wanna find out if she’s ever had other forms, if she was ever a human or just alive in some way, how did she become a witch, how did she feel while watching humanity build empires, go through wars, kill and love and hate and how did she as the literal incarnation of death feel about it

[bkgexe]

if all else fails, i was myself

bakugou x reader ✾ 4.6k

info! no smut sorry gang ✾ tw! trust issues that manifest as issues w physical intimacy/contact, dubcon in its vaguest definition (NOT bkg & reader) ✾ notes! ive been in perpetual writers block for months. is this trite idk. i miss my baby but anytime i write for him im like oops this is gonna be 60k words!!! so here is. a drabble lmao. also big lmao moment this is titled after count me out by kendrick lamar ldskfjdlkjf which was on repeat while writing so uh sorry mr. lamar abt the mha fanfic

katsuki has always known that part of him is wrong.

he’s never liked being touched. every kiss he’s experienced has made him tense as an elevator cable poised to snap. any attempt to go further than that has made him a little ill, made his gut feel like a stack of loose papers being torn to shreds, slow and loud.

it doesn’t help that he’s only ever had three kisses in his life: eijirou at a new year’s party (too many teeth), eijirou again at another new year’s party nearly a decade later (too much tongue), and then his fourth date with kyoka (when he tried to convince himself he just had to push through the discomfort to become normal).

things went further than that. it was a mistake. they both knew it right after it happened—kyoka first, and then katsuki after his head stopped pounding with what if i'm doing this wrong what if she's pitying me for fucking this up what if i don't know how to touch another person correctly what if i was supposed to learn at some point and i missed it how could i fucking miss it will it always be like this because i can't do this again i can't i don't—

“kat," she said after. she looked at him with something only a few degrees removed from pity, and poorly removed at that.

he attempted a halting non-apology. he attempted a real apology. failed at both.

"it's okay, you know," she said. "to not like it."

he scoffed even though he wasn’t entirely clear on what she meant by it, because there was so much he didn’t like. “i like it just fine.”

“if that was liking it, I’m honestly worried about your capacity for enjoying life in general.” it wasn’t a joke. her bluntness was something that'd made katsuki think he could push his boundaries with her. all of her thoughts were laid out plain for him to read, an open-source journal. “i'm just saying you don't have to like it. and you don’t have to force yourself to do things you don’t want to do. don't fuck yourself over for someone else's happiness.”

kyoka still texts him often, checks in, invites him to drinks with their friends. she’s kind. she’s normal. she doesn’t have this weird, shredded thing inside her that makes her balk at the idea of someone’s hand on her skin. that makes her think she's doing something wrong, even if she's not the one that initiated the touch.

when you started your job at the front desk of katsuki’s agency, he never thought that he'd be here, wishing above everything that he could just be normal. just for one fucking day, so he could laugh at your shitty jokes and maybe brush his knuckles across the back of your hand in passing and take you on a date where he could kiss you in his car after driving you home and the thought wouldn’t make his skin crawl, wouldn't tear up his insides to pulp.

because he fucked everything up. he's standing in his empty office where you'd been spending time with him and he fucked it up and hurt you and he's not sure how to unfuck it.

the thing is, he could grin and bear it. he could deal with the odd thing inside him that hates the contact and white-knuckle it through every kiss, every caress. but he’s never been a great actor. he wouldn’t be able to hide that from you.

(kyoka told him, years later, that it’s not that the sex itself wasn’t fine—what made it nearly unbearable for her was the fact that she could tell, only after it was too late, that being physically vulnerable with her pained him far more than he was willing to reveal.)

no one wants to feel like the person they’re with is grinning and bearing it. that they’re white-knuckling it through. katsuki knows this. he knows he’s basically a fucking virgin all but in title at thirty and that he’s got the personality of a dried-out fig you find in your fridge weeks after its last edible moments. he doesn't have much to offer.

but he walked into work one day and nodded at you, curt, a grimace on his face—and you smiled at him so kindly that his stomach twisted.

with you, it wasn't the feeling of something being torn apart. it was different, lighter. leaves wrenched into the sky by a strong breeze. still a kind of tearing, but different—less destructive.

he was wearing a deep carmine sweater his mom sent him in one of her bi-monthly care packages (as if he’s not an adult, and a pro-hero on top of that), and you said, “that’s such a nice color on you. is it new?”

there was that breeze inside his chest, strong, pulling at his bones. “yeah,” he grunted. then slowly, as if remembering how: “thanks.”

it was the attention, he thought at first, that piqued his interest. he wasn't used to it. people always watched him from afar, and he had fans online that were borderline obsessive, but people didn’t approach him. they didn’t say that’s such a nice color on you. they didn’t smile the way you smile.

he’s always had a shallow streak. it’s not like he doesn’t know this. it’s become a little muted over time, a little discouraged by the visible scarring on his face and body from his time in the field, but it’s never fully been eradicated. so it was simple, he thought. you paid him attention and stroked his ego, and he preened like a self-obsessed bird of paradise.

and then you started making these little origami whale sharks.

fucking stupid. it bothered him an annoying amount. you had a bunch at your desk, all different colors and sizes, some taped to your desktop monitor, some hung up with little pieces of string under the desk's storage overhang. you drew dots on the back of each one, a distinct spotted pattern that was unique for each shark. and you made them for everyone but him. eijirou bought you a pack of high quality origami paper and you made him his own fucking school, all with little faces, winking or surprised or angry, their wide paper mouths gaping and empty, the lines of their bodies pressed careful and sure.

he hated it. it was annoying and a waste of company time and he usually didn’t ever use dumb corporate slogans like “a waste of company time” but you were really pushing his fucking limits.

it was definitely just the attention he liked, he told himself, because surely someone doing something as dumb as this would annoy him to no fucking end if he spoke to them.

and then he spoke to you and he was wrong.

he asked why you made the damn things in the first place and you told him, “i like whale sharks. but to be totally honest, i just run out of things to do."

and he saw that as a challenge. you were running out of things to do? rest assured he could find more shit for you to take care of. so he did. tasks that he wouldn't wish on his worst enemy, they were so dull and time-consuming. and you were so achingly competent that it drove him up a fucking wall. you completed everything he asked of you in half the time it would take someone else, and you always reported back with a smile, and you always did good work, and he could see himself having a conversation with you about something other than work but he didn't want to try because he was worried he'd begin to like you as a person.

you're pretty. really fucking pretty. he can see that now, and he sure as fuck saw it then. you're hardworking. you're just likeable, and that's something katsuki had never been. it (reluctantly) impressed him. worse than that, it turned his feelings for you into a sort of interest.

but he knows he's not normal when it comes to things like this.

he tried to distance himself from you because of it, but it turns out that asking someone to do work for you means you do have to speak to them sometimes. and sometimes turned into a lot of times.

sometimes turned into bringing him coffee in the morning, not because he asked you to, but because you're sweet like that. sometimes turned into being the person he bounced ideas off of when he had a board meeting coming up or something otherwise boring and meticulous. sometimes turned into you laughing at his prickly comments rather than going quiet because of them. turned into you saying suck it up, dynamight, this is what it means to be the boss when he complained about doing paperwork.

sometimes turned into staying late with him at the office, getting take out for the two of you to share while you finished filing claims and damage reports and other stuff he hated taking care of by himself. sometimes turned into him asking you to stay late just because he wanted you there. because even when he was quiet, you'd tell him about your day, about things that happened in the office, about how much you like the book you'd both been reading. he loved listening to you talk. felt comfortable enough to tell you things about himself when he'd never felt comfortable doing that before.

sometimes turned into you holding out a piece of fried tofu from your take-out container for him to eat while he was approving time-off forms that he should have looked at much earlier that week, and you being so close that he could notice how good you smelled, and the warmth of your body basically radiated towards him, like all your energy was focused on him, and your smile was small but somehow even more lovely than usual, a secret for him to tuck away and keep, and when you finished feeding him and he had a little sauce on the corner of his mouth and you reached forward to wipe it off for him and your hand lingered there for a moment and your eyes fell to his lips and what if you try to kiss me and i'm wrong and you hate me for it and what if i can't give you what you want and what if i'm not actually what you want what if i've disappointed you already what if—

it was too much.

so he fucked it up. your thumb was so soft against his skin. he reeled backwards in his chair, rolling it whole feet clear of you, and he felt the tearing again, the bad kind, like paper unevenly shredded by clumsy hands, and he had to leave. he had to leave. he needed to leave so badly that it felt like pulling his skin off would be preferable to being in that office with you.

hiding in the bathroom was fucking pitiful. he remembered his breathing exercises. he remembered to ground himself. and when he came back to his office, you were gone.

if he was normal—and he wants to be normal, god fucking damn—he could have stomached your proximity. he could have eaten out of your fucking hand. he could have touched you back like a normal person probably would have and he wouldn't be here, alone, looking at a little purple sticky note you left him that says i finished organizing the pto forms. i hope you feel better!

he doesn't know whose pride you're trying to save with that. as if you didn't leave because he made things so fucking awkward by running away from you when you touched him. when you—maybe, if he was reading the room correctly—were about to kiss him.

and you don't speak to him for days. he doesn't want to push so he doesn't—just watches you out of the corner of his eye whenever you're both in the same room, which is arguably worse. he's not sure. he's just itching to fucking talk to you because he misses it.

he misses you. in a more-than-friends way.

it takes a while for him to realize this. when he does, it hits him like a metal rod up the side of the head. it's fucked up of him to miss you the way he does when he doesn't feel like he can provide you with the things a normal person could. and though he's worked on his patience over the years—worked on understanding that he can't have everything he wants—it doesn't stop him from being selfish and finally pulling you aside to talk.

and baffling as fucking ever, the first thing you say is sorry. "i know i should've talked to you about it earlier. i just—i shouldn't have done that. and i know it. i shouldn't have assumed that—i don't know. that you..."

you look helpless. it's one of the very few times that katsuki has ever felt the compulsion to touch someone. not because he wants the touch, per se, but because he wants to be able to provide comfort. he never figured out how to do that with words. he's so focused on his inability to comfort you that he barely has any idea of what you're actually talking about. instead of doing anything at all, he just stands there like a fuckwad.

"i just want you to know that i would never—like never—have touched you, or tried to... if i didn't think there was like, a vibe?" you shake your head, exasperated with yourself. "god, even that sounds so bad. i'm sorry, i just—"

"wait, what are—?" and then it clicks, because he's been slow on the uptake figuring out his shit when he should have been focusing way more on yours. "there was..." katsuki says, and he fucking hates that he can't find better words for what you were both feeling in his office, "a vibe."

the way your face changes when you're flustered is one of katsuki's favorite things, but it's not as enjoyable when he feels just as flustered as you look. "i—oh? so... so you—?"

his ears feel like they're being attacked by two heated straightening irons and he knows they're red as hell right now. he's gonna have to say this plainly even though he'd rather get his teeth pulled out one by one with a pair of pliers. "it's not you."

your expression loses any sort of hope it once held. you press your lips together and sigh, maybe a little exasperated. he's doing his best here but he knows his best is shit. "i can handle a non-cliché rejection," you tell him. "honestly, i'd prefer a non-cliché rejection—"

"i'm not trying to reject you," he says, and it's selfish of him. because he's really not. he isn't comfortable with the things you'd want from him, but he still wants you in some capacity. "i just don't—do shit like that."

"kissing?"

somehow knowing for sure that you did want to kiss him in his office makes him want you more. he likes that you're bold. he likes that you're not ashamed of that. he wants to be different than he is. "any... of it," he struggles to admit.

"at all?"

he nods.

"just—like touching, and stuff?"

it sounds so juvenile that he can't help but laugh through his nose, roll his eyes. "yeah. touching and stuff."

"oh."

you're disappointed. of course you are. it's not like he expected anything different, but—sometimes he fucking hates his life. hates that he can't be the thing people need him to be. hates that trying is so difficult, that it flings his stomach into space, like a throwing stone skipping across a still lake.

"so you don't go on dates, or anything."

"haven't tried."

"do you not want to?" you ask, and he can tell it's more of a genuine question than anything. you're curious about him, like you always are. it's more than he deserves, for all he can offer.

"doesn't make sense to."

"that's not what i asked."

it's not. and so katsuki listens as you ask your question again, and he really takes a moment to think.

considering the answer to your question leads him to his first date with you. and his second, and his third—his fourth, and he's keenly aware that his last fourth date ended with what he expects all dates are supposed to end with.

he takes you to the aquarium. because of all the fucking origami whale sharks. you still haven't given him one and it sticks in his craw like a bone. in front of the backlit tank that holds sharks of all types, shapes and sizes and teeth he's never pictured possible of a living creature before, he asks, "why sharks?"

you look at him, brow raised. "i don't know. they probably needed the biggest tank in the aquarium. and this looks like the biggest tank."

"no, dumbass—your sharks. the ones all over the fuckin' office."

"what, you don't like them?" you ask, but you're smiling, sly.

he shrugs. he thinks they're dumb as hell. he wants one to hang up at work, like the ones you've got hung up at your desk. "they're whatever. they clutter the fuck out of ei's office. and he's already got issues organizing." you've just made eijirou so many at his point, and it's getting ridiculous. "but what—are they easy to make, or something?"

you laugh a little. "no. not at all, actually." a whale shark swims by, its spotted hide shimmering in the tank's eerie blue lighting, and you watch it intently. "but it'd be boring if it was too easy."

this date ends with him walking you home from the aquarium a few blocks from your apartment and you smiling at him and telling him that you had a really great time, and he feels like a fucking freak because you don't even expect more. you don't wait for a kiss. don't look disappointed that he doesn't try to give you one. the way you look at him holds so much affection that he doesn't deserve and he has no idea how to reciprocate it to you, and somehow he lands on, "make me one."

"one what?" you ask, but he thinks you already know what he's asking. you like to play coy. he likes it when you play coy. when you're enjoying yourself.

"one of your little fuckin' paper things," he mutters, because admitting that he wants one of those dumbass sharks feels somehow demeaning. he doesn't want you to know how much he's wanted one. "ei's got a million of 'em."

your hand was on your door handle, but it falls to your side. he's keenly aware of its proximity to him. he doesn't feel that terrible ripping in his gut and its absence is almost frightening to him. your fingers tighten into a fist. it's cold out. "ah, and you're jealous?"

"no," he says, knee-jerk. "i just don't get why everyone gets one but me."

you smile when he says this and he could live in this image of you, delicate and small and made for him. he goes home and thinks about it until he falls asleep. thinks about it even beyond then, feels that strong breeze inside him tearing every leaf from its grounded perch.

here's the thing—nothing against jirou, but unlike his other fourth date, this one was enjoyable. more than. he loved watching you be amazed by the size of the whale sharks, and he loved watching you put a bunch of coins into the penny press and cranking the machine until one was squeezed out into the pattern you wanted, and he loved watching you lay your hand against the glass where the rubbery wings of a flood of stingrays battled for your attention, and—

he loved watching you. that's weird, right? he sounds like a fucking lunatic thinking that.

but he does. he hadn't realized until now how difficult it had been not only to touch people, but to look at them. maintaining eye contact, watching someone do a simple task out of interest instead of staring them down in an attempt to intimidate them. he's so much more fucked up than he thought but what makes it bearable is that he can do it with you. he can watch the way you enjoy things and feel like he's not intruding on something he shouldn't. without even trying, you make him feel welcome—wanted.

that's it. you make him feel wanted.

the realization affects him in a way he doesn't understand. at work the next day, when you smile at him over the top of the front desk, he feels something incredibly strong—something like instinct—that tells him to touch you. small. a thumb brushed across your cheek. his fingers grazing yours. he wants it in a way that can't be right because he's never wanted to touch someone like this.

he doesn't do it, but he thinks about it all day. your little smiles when you notice him watching you on your dates, the way your fingers graze your lips when you cover your laugh, the softness in the way you regard him. you're quiet, reserved, but when you laugh you laugh hard. he wants your soft, your quiet and your loud, he wants the feeling of your fingers on his lips, he wants your smallest smiles, all things he wishes he could fold up and keep and later display somewhere he can always see them. a school of paper fish, gaping mouths and drawn-on spots and such carefully pressed lines.

so on the eleventh date—(he knows it's ridiculous to count, but he's never spent this much time with one person before, not like this)—he reaches for your hand when you're walking alongside the bay, the air turning cold in the wake of the sunset that the two of you had just witnessed. that's romantic, you'd teased when he asked you to watch it with him. he'd rolled his eyes, shrugged you off.

but maybe he wanted it to be romantic. maybe he wanted to make this as normal as possible for you because nothing has been normal between the two of you so far.

you pull back when he reaches for you, as if on instinct. look up at him, confused, when he reaches out again. "katsuki..." you say, and it sounds as if he's done something wrong.

he tries not to let his brain spiral but thoughts drip inwards. water meeting a dented hull. what has he done this time? what else has he fucked up by being fundamentally wrong?

"you know..." you start, and you lose your words.

he thinks of kyoka, years ago. it's okay, you know. to not like it. he wonders if you'll still text him like she does.

your lips pull into a frown before you speak and katsuki can't breathe. "i was never gonna ask on my own because i know you don't like talking about things like this if you don't bring it up. but—um. katsuki—do you think i expect something from you?"

"huh?" he asks, dumb. breathing is still something he fails to do.

"i know that this is—different. i know you have some things going on that make the physical part hard for you." you look up at him so earnestly, and he loves looking at you. he loves looking at you and doesn't want to have to stop and he's worried that this is it. the moment he'll have to stop. you try to smile and it's small and he wants it all for himself. careful. delicate. secret, for him. "i'm not gonna lie to you. i don't know what a relationship without that kind of stuff looks like. but that doesn't mean i'm not willing to find out. it's—i don't need you to try to do something you think i want you to do."

"i'm not."

"it makes me feel a little sick, kat. honestly. it makes me feel like, i don't know—like i'm taking advantage of you, or something—"

"you're not."

"you don't have to do things like that to keep me around." you look flustered, eyes darting from his face to the skyline. "if you want me, i'm—you know."

it's okay, you know. "i don't know."

"i'm yours," you say, and cringe immediately at your words. "or like—i could be, you know, kind of whatever you wanted, if you—if that's what you want. would want."

katsuki can only remember a few times when his head was this quiet in the presence of someone else. when he trusted someone enough to let his mind go blank, to let himself act on instinct. "can i kiss you?"

you sigh. "this is what i was saying. i don't want you to—"

"no," he says, quiet, and he's closer to you than he's ever been. he likes the way you smell. he's not gonna apologize if that's weird. "i just want—god, i feel pathetic asking again. can i just—?"

just, just, just. just a touch, just a kiss, just a moment of your fucking time—it's all he wants. and he's never wanted like this. he's never trusted like this. his head has never quieted entirely because he's so sure that he's not going to disappoint you, or be something you don't actually want, or be wrong.

you've shown him that he can't be wrong with you, regardless of whether or not something within him is broken.

your lips are warm, a little chapped from the dry air, and he tries to remember what kissing chastely is but it's like something breaks in him further the second the two of you touch. his hands are cradling your face, his tongue is gliding against your tongue, his teeth are clacking against your teeth, and he knows the kiss is bad and wrong and messy but he suddenly needs it. he needs to feel you.

you make a noise against him and worry slices into his stomach before he realizes it's a quiet, breathy moan, and maybe you've been okay without the touch but that doesn't mean you don't enjoy it when you receive it. he can tell he hasn't made his boundaries clear enough—your hands circle his wrists, too cautious to go further, too hesitant to grip him like he thinks you want to. like he wants you to want to.

his teeth hit yours again and you laugh, and he pulls back, stomach tight. there's a hope in him that's ready to be torn.

you see it in his face—the fear. "i love kissing you," you blurt out, as if it's the only reassurance you can think of in the moment. "i mean—you're just." you laugh again, and he realizes it's nerves. you're just as nervous as he is. "can i—can we go somewhere warm? and maybe do this more? or—if this was enough—"

he's pulling you towards his apartment before you can get another word out.

kissing you is easy because you make him feel like it's relatively new for you as well. maybe that's how it feels for everyone every time, but he wouldn't know. he just feels comfortable with you. like you're not so much better than him, like you're not waiting to laugh at him when he fucks up, like you're touching him because you really want to.

so he takes you to his apartment and puts you on his couch and kisses you until your back is against the armrest and he's looming over you and you feel comfortable enough that your hands stray from his wrists to his shoulders to his hair and he didn't even know touching someone could feel like this.

put aside the fact that he's nearly finished in his fucking jeans three times just from your fingers running across his back, from the way you cup his cheek when he pulls back for air because he keeps forgetting to breathe—just having you close is intoxicating. he wants to bury his face in the curve of your shoulder, he wants to bite marks into your skin that'll stay vibrant for weeks, he wants to etch himself into you so deeply that he doesn't have to leave. these wants aren't even sexual—it's something about having you be his. i'm yours, you'd told him, and he hadn't even known that it would be exactly what he needed to hear.

he's in love with you, which isn't shocking to him, but he knows he shouldn't be in love with you yet because people that aren't fucked up in the head don't feel shit like this so quickly. he's not gonna tell you this for a very long time, but he knows—so completely and confidently—that he will reach a point when he can tell you.

"you sure you want this?" he asks, breathy, between kisses.

you stop kissing him, brows raised in surprise. "katsuki, we don't... this is a lot for one night. we can take it slow, still."

"that's—i'm not talking about that." he gives in, then—lets himself bury his face in the crook of your neck, lets himself breathe in deep, lets himself find your hands and intertwine your fingers, and you can probably feel that he's hard as fucking metal for you but that's not what's important right now. it sure as hell makes it awkward to try to have a serious conversation, though. "you sure you wanna deal with all... you know. my stuff."

"are you sure you wanna deal with all of my stuff?" you counter, and he pulls back to look at you. kissed rotten and smiling. "of course i want to deal with it. i like you."

and he likes you too. god, he likes you so fucking much.

the next morning, long after you've left for home, he finds a little orange whale shark hidden behind the alarm clock on his bedside table, stars in the place of eyes, and the trace of you is enough to make him feel warm. to hope that over time his apartment becomes full of the little paper creatures until his home is its own aquarium, until everywhere he looks is a memory of all you've brought him—pieces of you, perfectly arranged and delicately folded by your careful hands, much too gentle to tear.

[hauntingrabbits]

More Batman/My Little Pony au art because these are ridiculously fun to draw. Part 3 here! Part 1 here!

More info under the cut!

1. Sweet Talk/The Harlequin (Harleen Quinzel)

Originally contracted to work as a psychiatrist for the Tartarus villain redemption program, Sweet Talk had a unique relationship with the Joker. This relationship was proven to be even stranger than her coworkers had originally assumed when she broke him out and joined him in his life of crime.

Devoting herself entirely to her new life and relationship with the joker, she covers her original cutie mark at all times. Snce her horn was snapped she can no longer cast precise spells, leaving her magic mostly emotion-based and intensely volatile, (typically manifesting in the form of sparks, zaps, and explosions).

Other Notes:

-Using Tartarus as a substitute for Arkham Asylum for this au because why not.

-The villain redemption program did NOT go well. Sorry Twilight.

-Mostly based on BTAS Harley because I adore the original costume.

-Her horn was cracked by the Joker

2. Pudding Pie/The Joker (The Joker)

Batpony’s most notorious foe. Said to have been just a regular pony until he fell into a vat at an Ace Potions factory during a conflict with Batpony.

He doesn’t have a Cutie Mark, but it’s unclear whether this was always the case or instead a result of his accident. The effects of permanent Cutie Mark loss—the only known cases of which occurred via long-banned magic and/or traumatic injury—are largely unstudied, and it’s ramifications are unknown. Some ponies theorize this may be the reason for the Joker’s mental state and general disposition.  

Sundown has a different opinion on the matter.

Other notes:

-Based mostly on BTAS joker and the ‘89 Nicholson joker.

-His name is just based on Harley’s “pudding” nickname for in in a lot of versions, but I think it would also be hilarious if he was a distant relative of Pinkie Pie.

-I could leave it ambiguous but. Yeah the potion vat didn’t actually do anything beyond slightly altering his physical appearance. He’s just like that and he never got a cutie mark in the first place.

3. Gadiel/Scarecrow (Jonathan Crane)

Raised among ponies, Gadiel was relentlessly bullied for being gangly and birdish, earning him the nickname “Scarecrow” in his youth. Though he later successfully became a professor and psychologist in Gotham, Gadiel was eventually fired when he was found to be testing his fear-inducing potions on his students and purposefully putting them through terrifying and dangerous situations. Deciding to take his experiments to the masses, Gadiel donned the mantle of Scarecrow and weaponized fear to become a career criminal.

As the Scarecrow, he’s known for his skill in manipulation, psychological torture, and crafting dangerous potions and gas. The effects of fear on magical creatures are unique and intense, much to Gadiel’s delight and interest.

Other Notes:

-I wanted to make his front half a crane but I couldn’t get the long neck to work right with the mask, so he’s more crow-like instead.

-according to the wiki 1/3 of Griffin names start with a G so naturally I was extremely tempted to name him Gonathon and you should all be very grateful I did not. The name Gadiel has origins in the bible as the name of an archangel which I thought was fitting given the insane religious trauma some versions of the scarecrow went through. I thought about trying to do something similar for this version but given that the mlp universe uses Princess Celestia as a replacement for God in expressions like “Celestia knows where” and “Oh my Celestia” I wasn’t really sure how to go about it. There’s probably some kind of sun-worshipping thing in equestria idk.

-I spent a long time on the mlp wiki but from what I could find the only “fear” magic in the show is just used by one guy and its just called “dark magic”. I thought for sure there would’ve been some random plant or magical creature they dealt with at some point that maybe did something similar I could use for his blurb but unfortunately there was not.

4. Mandible/Falseface (Basil Karlo/Matt Hagen)

Hungry and deeply resentful of the changeling queen for forcing her underlings to share what little stolen love they had with her, Mandible went rogue early on and split off from the hive to pursue his own ventures. Finding success under the name Claypose as a pony actor in Gotham, he was sustained primarily by the one-sided love of his fans for years, despite the false identity having no real prior personal relationships to leech from. 

After a magical special effects accident on set revealed his true nature, he went into hiding and immediately started crafting a new persona, but soon found in his distress and rage over losing his identity as Claypose that he could no longer sustain any disguise long enough to keep up a long-term facade. Blaming the accident, he targeted the unicorn responsible by posing as his wife to leech his love, but ended up killing the pony in a panic when his disguise failed much faster than he’d anticipated it would. Unable to keep up a new identity or return to the hive, Mandible turned to a life of crime instead, doing dirty work for the bigger criminal names in Gotham and leeching love from his employer’s targets to survive.

Other notes:

-Clayface being a changeling was an obvious pick given his power set but I really wasn’t sure how to tackle the main issue of him being unable to keep a solid form for long. I went with his distress and frustration being the main thing keeping his disguise flimsy (so he gets put in kind of an ourobouros cycle where his disguise being bad makes him upset but him being upset makes it harder to fix his disguise), but the magic accident probably also contributed somehow.

-Why are all the changelings straight up just named after body parts in this show whats that about. The “Clay” in Claypose is obviously a reference to his title/schtick in the comics while the “pose” comes from both his job as an actor and the fact that he’s posing as a pony. Mandible is the name for the jaw part of an insect.

-there's actually an entirely different batman villain called falseface in the '66 series (…and another in the comics apparently, whoops) but I couldn't come up with anything better. Changeface just does not roll off the tongue.

3. Winglon/Killer Drake (Waylon Jones)

Originally intended to be used in an entrance exam, his egg was stolen from a Canterlot delivery cart on its way to Celestia’s school of magic and sold on the black market to a Pony Island circus. Raised to be part of the freak show, Winglon was pitted against circus performers and overconfident challengers in ring fights for money and entertainment. Enduring abuse and injury throughout his life from ponies that he was always fundamentally stronger than, it was only a matter of time until he snapped. Garnering the name Killer Drake for his actions, Winglon escaped into the Gotham sewer system.

Not knowing how to return to the dragonlands or whether he’d even fit into dragon society at all, he continues to lurk in the dark away from any life, deeply resenting ponies and all other manner of magical creatures that make friends with them.

Other notes:

-I like silly names ok. Winglon Jones. -I like the theory that the dragon egg used for Twilight’s entrance exam was actually fake/meant to be a no-win scenario, but I also don’t think it would be that hard for enterprising ponies to get their hands on dragon eggs. The practice probably stopped in the later seasons when they made friends with the dragonlands or whatever though.

-Given that dragons threaten to eat or kill ponies at multiple points in the show, the cannibalism is actually kind of understandable. And also not even cannibalism anymore. Still murder though.

[honeytonedhottie]

HONEYS RESOURCE BUNDLE⋆.ೃ࿔*:･💶

a gift from me to you for the new year, to help give tips that can help u succeed 🫶🏽 a post filled with resources, and advice to help u guys improve in every aspect 💗 i love and appreciate u all and i hope u find it helpful.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ physical movement and activity

find something that u like and thats fitted for ur needs. for me, all of the workouts that i do come from youtube. a girlblogger that always has a lot of workouts to try is @4theitgirls-workouts. to motivate urself to move ur body i recommend buying something cute to workout in because it always makes me feel good. i rly like to do pilates, so since i enjoy pilates -> i'll wanna do it more.

so dont be afraid to try different things and see what u enjoy the most and stick with that bcuz u dont wanna be forcing urself to do something that u won't enjoy/that won't give u the results that u want. if working out in general isn't rly ur cup of tea at all, thats totally okay! try going for walks or start running. maybe try out for a sport or start a style of dance. the whole point of this category is to get urself moving bcuz its rly rly good for ur physical and ur mental health, and it'll serve u in the long run. another youtuber i rly recommend for pilates workouts is madeline abeid.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ self improvement youtubers that i love and watch regularly

the wizard liz

simonesquared

sammy ingram

simmonesimmo

hailey gamba

the freezia

persephonesmind

₊˚⊹ ᰔ law of assumption

of course if u wanna learn about and practice the law of assumption then u can learn and apply thru my advice, experiences, ideas and more. neville goddard is like, the guru of manifesting and hes written a bunch of books, here are neville goddard's books online for FREE so that that then u can learn and see it HIS way bcuz the thing with manifesting is u gotta figure out how it works for you cuz its your reality.

if u like subliminals this is my favorite subliminal maker on youtube. their subliminals r amazing and i enjoy them bcuz they dont have music layered onto it (i like subliminals that have soothing sounds like rain or water or anything asmr). last but not least my absolute favorite manifesting coach/teacher on the whole internet, sammy ingram - literally the best manifesting guide. she rly simplifies things and her channel is full of helpful advice, success stories, challenges and her perspective on manifesting is brilliant so i rly recommend her.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ mental health

journalling is honestly the best thing that i have ever done for my mental health, the ROI that i get from it is actually incredible so i highly highly recommend it. if ur someone who doesn't rly like to write a lot, use ur notes app or whatever just get the thoughts out of ur mind and onto a piece of paper/notes. i understand that sometimes when ur mental health isn't doing too well and u dont feel motivated rly to do anything (like u feel lethargic and stuff) forcing urself to do things ISNT always the answer. i rly recommend having alternate routines cuz we ask a lot from ourselves sometimes so some days, ask a little less.

give urself the break that u deserve. when u feel like crying, CRY. even if its for no reason, the body holds onto pent up emotions so when u cry u gotta CRY. with time you'll find the things that help u feel better. for everyone its different. for me, when my mental health is in a slump what helps me is : 1. doing one thing differently (i'll go for a walk maybe) 2. get ready (take a quick shower, or if i dont even have the motivation to do that i'll do a sink shower) 3. drink a cold cup of water and make myself a meal. dont ever have zero days. always give at least 1% or do at least one thing.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ hygiene

hygiene is so instrumental in mental health cuz like i've said before looking good -> feeling good. i make sure to get ready everyday even if im going nowhere. just bcuz the process of getting ready gives me so much momentum. smelling good gives me so much confidence bcuz im the type of person thats rly rly scared of smelling bad. im a hygiene JUNKY so im always buying soaps and fragrances. when u make self care a daily thing it'll feel so natural. dont neglect ur oral health, invest in quality products that are suited for your needs. be meticulous when it comes to ur hygiene cuz a solid routine is lowkey comforting. i rly recommend korean skincare, indian haircare, african body care, and arabic perfumes and fragrances. some of my favorite hygiene based youtube channels are : SARA BEQELE and anna renns world

₊˚⊹ ᰔ school

TAKE. SCHOOL. SERIOUSLY. the feeling that u get when u get a good score on an assignment or test is unmatched. at the end of the day ur responsible for ur education. it's not hot to be a loser. if ur someone who struggles to stay on top of assignments, write down the assignment as soon as its assigned and at the next possible chance do it. as soon as u get home from school. reward urself for good grades and for ur accomplishments cuz ur AMAZING. study effectively instead of excessively.

pursue excellence always. find ways to motivate urself throughout the school day (for me, i always try and incorporate girliness into school cuz that motivates me) all my pens and pencils and folders are pink and i get myself ready everyday before school. cuz when i FEEL good -> i perform well. if u ever dont wanna study remind urself that studying>failing. advocate for urself, dont be afraid to ask questions cuz ur responsible for ur grade if u need accommodations or longer time to take a test (even if u dont) always set urself up to have the most time possible and the most resources. the resources that u have USE THEM. the goal of studying isn't to "mostly" know the material its to know for SURE. when u can explain something thoroughly, thats when you can know if you've studied enough.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ organization + planning

of course for the new year and for life in general, organization is rly helpful. manage urself mindfully and intentionally. even if ur a messy person, organizing isn't difficult if u do it in a way thats right for you. for me, notion - is literally the best organizational tool. i have an agenda, calendars, school pages, and so much more.

with notion i rly organized my life on a whole other level. aside from notion, the notes app on ur phone is rly useful, when it comes to organizing ur day to day life, i think its important bcuz it helps u to maximize ur time. for planning out ur year, if u find it difficult to stay "on task" or achieve the goals that u set for urself, try this : dont see the year as 365 days, instead separate the year into 4 quarters (90 days each) and in each of those quarters choose one aspect to focus on and pour into. make sure to log and track ur progress on those goals. the idea to this is breaking things down. break down big goals -> to more digestible goals so that then its more believable for u. remember, your limitless.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ nutrition

if ur someone who has bad nutrition, or unhealthy eating habits in general and u wanna change that my biggest advice would be to NOT BE EXTREME. bcuz i feel like if u go fully extreme so quickly then the change isn't sustainable. take it slow. start off by introducing a fruit into breakfast and having a vegetable at dinner, then eating fruit with ur breakfast and having fruit as a snack, and eating veggies with lunch and dinner. ik it sounds repetitive and overdone but u need to be consuming ur fruits and veggies. if ur not eating it with ur meals then maybe have it in a smoothie if that works for u. take supplements for things that u dont rly incorporate into ur diet, and the key to a good diet is BALANCE. dont deny urself food that u love. life is WAY to short to be scared to eat the burger that u so desperately want. its okay to eat what ppl might consider "junk food" but everything in BALANCE and moderation. keep the 80/20 principal in ur mind. 80% of what u eat should be good for u and 20% of what u eat should be whatever u crave. DRINK WATER, dont go on extreme diets if ur not an adult and haven't consulted a doctor it does u more harm than good.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ informative

learn every single day. even if ur not in school anymore. a way to help learn and sharpen ur mind every single day is picking up a hobby that can help u do so. for me, the hobby i have is reading, reading keeps my brain sharp, it keeps me entertained, and when i read nonfiction it keeps me informed. so the hobby of reading has a high ROI. whenever u get an idea of any sort, ACT on it. u dont have to wait a billion years before acting on an idea. when u get ideas, its for a reason, ur mind is brilliant and imagine how many ideas that u wasted. thats why i recommend having a creative outlet of some sort. for me, my creative outlet is my blog where i can come and talk with you guys 🫶🏽 but ur creative outlet can be ur notes app or ur journal or ur sketchbook. just a way to get the ideas in ur brain -> onto paper.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ stuff i wish i knew

ur never ever tied down to one version of urself, u can always change ur mind/opinion, u can create a new version of urself whenever the heck u want. remember that u have free will and that ur always in control. bcuz it is your life it revolves around you and it is your responsibility. its not something to mess around with. take responsibility for urself, ur actions, ur reactions etc.

1% of progress is better than 0%, a little is always better than nothing. ur social anxiety or ur fear of being perceived is HOLDING U BACK. forgive urself for ur mistakes, everything that ur embarrassed of in ur past let it go and LET YOURSELF LIVE. become ur own project, ur own muse and if all else fails (which it won't, you'll be fine and everything will work itself out for u even better than u could've ever imagined) love yourself unconditionally.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Please can you do slashers x chubby! fem! reader who's very insecure with this and mayb got bullied because of her weight in past ? thank youuu

Bubba, Michael Myers, and Thomas x chubby!fem!reader whos insecure

need to find a new website for my wheel spinning thing because my current one keeps erasing the stuff i have set on it grrgrr notes: reader is fem cws: mentions of bullying but it isnt dived too deep into, murder mentions

BUBBA

hes chunky himself, he'd even go as far as to describe himself as fat- not in a bad way but in a factual way... but that doesnt mean hes not going to understand why you dont like your own body

does his best to reassure you that he thinks youre beautiful regardless of what size or shape you are, mostly showing it through actions and spending extra time with you!

on the chance one of his brothers try to poke fun at you hes going to try to pipe up and stand up for you- though it has the chance to make things nastier due to his efforts really.. being taken seriously by his family who just water it down

if you want to try to change yourself, he wont stop you but hes going to make it clear that he doesnt think you need to change

THOMAS

also plus sized himself and doesnt see anything wrong with it, probably doesnt think its viewed as a bad thing until you open up to him about your insecurities

he relates, though for different reasons- your body, his face, you both have parts of your physical appearance that youre not all that satisfied with, will listen to your vents... his heart breaks for you, how could anyone be so cruel to you?

very physical in his reassurances, he traces and trails his hands along your body to emphasize that he finds you beautiful, he doesnt do it in a sexual way; touching is just how he shows his care

will spend hours snuggled into you doing it until he gets the point across that he thinks youre perfect the way you are

MICHEAL

out of these three hes the least reactionary to your insecurities and vents... not too much of a shock... but hes listening, even if you dont think he is

seemingly manifests out of no where as you stand in your misery, wraps his arms around you- tightly but not suffocating

does not care how youre built, what matters is that at the end of the day he chose you instead of anyone else on this earth- youre special, even if the reason isnt very clear to either of you

you will quickly put two and two together when some of the people being nasty to you are either found dead or go missing, and micheal isnt going to try to hide it if you try to bring it up to him

[thefoxtherapist]

I just discovered your page because of your jiyan content... You write him so soft and honestly i love it.

If I may and it's not out of your comfort zone may I request jiyan with a reader who's partly mute? (For example: they are capable of speaking for short periods of times but it's painful and straining for their voice so they don't really speak)

I think it would be a silly idea if jiyan thought reader wasn't comfortable with him or disliked him but one day they randomly walk up to him and talk. (Maybe wishing him happy birthday? Unsure)

I'm glad you love it! That makes me happy to hear :)

And this isn't out of my comfort zone at all! I actually think its a bit funny, a lot of the recent requests I've gotten have some of my traits. I also find it straining and physically painful to speak. high five!

You'd been like this for long enough you couldn't remember a time you weren't. Speaking came with pains you didn't care for, and when you didn't have to speak, you figured you wouldn't bother. Maybe that was part of why you took up the undesirable position in the borderlands.

It was dangerous, but you enjoyed it nonetheless. Commands were clear, there was no room for miscommunication or back and forth. It was straight to the point and each mission was carried out with precision. That was why you enjoyed it so much. There was no need for a voice when the General spoke for you.

You looked up when the man in question approached you, his lance in hand, but held somewhat awkwardly behind him. Jiyan stopped in front of you and you looked up from your rations, raising an eyebrow at him. He paused. You tilted your head as if to urge him to say something. Literally anything at this point.

“You'll go out with squad three today to clear the clearing to the East.”

You straightened your head out and nodded, turning your attention back to the pitiful things you called food. But he didn't walk away. You sighed, lifting your head to look at him again. This time you tilted your head to the other side, waiting for Jiyan to continue.

“That's all.” He walked away.

Xiá laughed at you from nearby as she saw the manifestation of a question mark on your face, your confusion at the General clear as day. “I think he thinks you hate him.” But your fellow ranger’s comment only served to confuse you further. You didn't talk to anybody!

You groaned as you laid your head on the table. You didn't hate him! Honestly you quite admired him. But war wasn't the place for romance or crushes. Xiá stood up, stretching as she took the few steps towards you. She then patted the top of your head.

“Don't worry. Just tell him his lance is nice or something.” 

You lifted your head to look at her, thoroughly unamused. But she just winked, giggling as she skipped off. You'd think about it on your mission. It took a lot out of you to talk, but a few words shouldn't put you down for too long. And you usually got a break after missions.. 

Jiyan looked out at the barren land, arms crossed over his chest as he thought of the past, the present. The future of Jinzhou. The resonator sighed, golden eyes closing as the thoughts of possibilities overwhelmed him. He had too much to think about and yet he didn't want to think at all.

The man did his best to clear his mind, focusing on his breathing. 

Inhale.

Exhale.

“General Jiyan.”

A quiet voice broke his train of breathing and his eyes opened in alarm, he didn't recognize the voice. But when he turned quickly, preparing to summon his weapon. He paused. His eyes blinked wide in surprise. You? That was what you sounded like? Jiyan stood straight. Oh no. they sound just as cute. He mentally shook the thought away. 

“Yes?”

You rubbed the back of your neck, your throat already hurt. You looked at him, stepping closer so you were beside him instead. You followed his previous gaze, staring out at the barrens as well. It was always some level of dreary, but you'd gotten used to it. Anything to protect your home.

“I like what your lance turns into, it's a nice sword.” That was entirely so lame but you got really distracted by the tacet discords you ended up facing. Jiyan's expression softened as he looked at you. You came to him to say that? But your eyes remained in front of you.

“Thank you.”

You nodded, your hand moved from behind your neck to the side, massaging the tension quickly forming. “Does it hurt you to speak?” It seemed to dawn on him, a sort of surprise but quick understanding in his voice. You turned your attention back to him, a smile on your face as you nodded again.

“Oh.”

You reached up, patting his back despite the rank difference between you two. Jiyan cleared his throat, quickly looking away from you. You definitely had to take a mental snapshot. “Bye, Jiyan.” You let your hand drop from his back as he quietly said his goodbyes, watching you walk away from him.

Xiá was so going to make fun of you for this.

[boywithpinkcarnation]

tbh kinda wanting some jealous!jb like if someone is filtering w her gf OR ESPECIALLY IF IT WAS A ANOTHER GIRL AHH THE DRAMA 🕳️🕳️

alrighty... i am in no way a writer, so this is. going to be bullet point, blurb, word vomit, unedited chaos. additionally, this is gonna be so incredibly self indulgent and catered to me so i hope it suffices for u bug 💝

frankly posting this is very scary for a little tumblr baby like myself, but i feel a need to serve my community 🫡

they style of writing and tbh most headcannons/lore is coming straight from @gingerjolover their blog is lowkey bible and they are the sweetest pookie pie ever. luv u g fr <3 like seriously i recommend you go just read through their masterlist bc this will not compare (not trying to fish here, just being very real as someone who is a like fein for fics as a source of comfort, i fear this will not fully suffice)

rpf content under the cut (no hate if that's not ur jam, just ignore me!), minors dni!!!

refering to jb's parter in this as "gf" and sense i am a selfish selfish girl in this scenerio she is roughly jb's height/a little shorter bc i am and theres no shorter than julien rep ANYWHERE

personally, i see julien as lowkey so possessive in a cutie non toxic way... and sometimes that manifests in some cutie jeleousy that gf can not get enough of. i think it obviously would come out in like flirty enviornments like bars and parties where people are loosey goosey... but sometimes it's just like and about on a normal date. here's a little thought i cooked up for like a more domestic environment jealousy:

aquairum date

the date starts out very normal, classic boyfriend!julien activities are happening

she's making sure y'all are touching at all times. like she'll die if you guys are not physically connected

i'm talking arm around your shoulder, iron grip within intertwined hands, hand in ur jean pocket 16 candles style, hand on the small of your back,,,, but i think eventually (and her favorite, albeit a little awkward) she's hugging you from behind as you walk, almost hanging on you, head perfectly slotted on your shoulder kissing your head and neck at every stop to look at the pretty fish

"jay! look at this one" "real pretty princess" *kisses your head* (its over i can'tttt)

then maybe she leaves you to go get you like a bottle of water or a jacket from the car (idk something to make you more comfortable, very "can't have my baby thirsty/cold" vibes)

then of course, you are looking so cute and so gay, a girl approaches you

you are very focused on the fish bc they are truly just so pretty (can you tell i love fish?) and only look up when mystery girl nudges you

"omg i'm so sorry" "oh uh, you're good" "sorry, i have a bit of a habit for running into pretty girls"

and your're kinda caught off guard bc like... this is an aquarium??

"haha um thank you" "so what are you doing here all alone"

mystery girl is sooo fuck boy coded just go with it

"well um my girlfr-"

julien is back behind you, re koala latching twisting open the water bottle for you and handing it to you, GLARING at this girl

"sorry it took me a second princess, who's this?"

then her grip tightens pulling you even closer to her chest

mystery girl, bless her heart, replies "we just bumped into each other. i was just letting her know how beautiful she was"

oh jb did not like that

she reaches over grabs your jaw tilting your head to the side and back to look at her

"she is beautiful. my sweet girl" and kisses you DEEPLY

and ur blushing because you know jealous/protective/possesive!julien is in the room with us now and kind of giggle out of the kiss

"well then... i should be going, sorry again for running into you"

instead of letting you respond or responding herself jb keeps your face turned and starts kissing all over ur face as you giggle letting mystery girl to just shuffle away.

for the rest of the date she is SO overly affectionate

squeezing ur hips

keeping you so close

kissing your cheek and neck as you tell her about all the fish and animals

"really baby? that's so cool" "my little biologist" "ooo princess what about these?"

it's times like these julien wishes she wore lipstick to leave a mark on your face so everyone knows

she's probably taking you to the gift shop and buying you some random thing for fun because when she's jealous she doesn't take it out on you, she's secure with you and knows you aren't doing anything but being your pretty self

in fact it just makes her softer and more affectionate

when you finally let her drag you out she had you against the car kissing you lovingly and deeply and sets her forehead against yours

"i just love you so much. my sweet girl. my priincess"

"all yours j."

note from c: i hope this is at least semi ok? literally no editing or even proof reading, just love sick delusion.

[silveraquamarine]

Ardra Nakshatra moodboard

I created a collection of images that I think convey the core essence of Ardra Nakshatra.

Being an Ardra rising, I feel like the themes associated with this nakshatra have been recurrent in my life often playing out in ways that make it impossible to avoid or escape the destruction and chaos that comes with it.

Knowingly and unknowingly, I manifest chaos and disorder in my life through my own actions. All these disasters happen not just because of outside forces, but also because of me, from within.

Ardra nakshatra is associated with transformation, intensity and emotional depth. I believe the effects of this nakshatra are largely psychological rather than physical. The conscious mind and the feeling heart are continuously challenged by its influence.

The teardrop symbolism represents grief, letting go of pain and cleansing. Through emotional release, healing occurs. The release of pent-up emotions along with surrender and acceptance brings compassion, empathy and understanding. These qualities are inherently pure, and I believe the diamond associated with Ardra signifies the process of cleansing pain to embody qualities that are refined and purposeful.

Ardra brings about deep emotional experiences and my life has not been short of them. Something could happen, seemingly insignificant, but in turn, it creates disorder and subsequently fuels great transformation that is oftentimes painful and emotionally taxing. A lot of tears, crying so heavily that I can't breathe anymore, wishing things were different, trying to find a way out, feeling so lost and lonely and believing that life can't get better again-these are all familiar happenings that I believe are manifestations of Ardra Nakshatra.

Since emotions are involved, there is a sense of restlessness that you feel, along with dynamism and transformative energy in your life. Change is inevitable, and you will find yourself breaking free of old patterns and as a result, reinventing yourself with every step you take. It isn't necessarily easy, but it happens, and you grow through it.

The intense feeling of loss is a significant experience yet so is regeneration. What is created afterwards may not be as beautiful as what was, but the strength and spiritual growth gained after overcoming emotional storms is incredibly comforting. Healing always follows chaos, and you can be sure of it. No matter how much time passes, there comes a point when you are not just numb to the pain, but you've risen above it. After feeling shattered, crying it out, being desperate to be saved and finally feeling peaceful and secure once again, that journey isn't miraculous; it is real, tangible and undeniable.

Tears are my friend; at least they were. Crying is an immensely purifying act. It cleans away all the pent-up emotions that are a burden and brings a lightness that feels tranquil. There is no movement where all the chaos has settled, the conscious mind is no longer racing and everything that prevails is the voice of silence.

One major lesson I learnt through my experience, and one I would attribute to Ardra Nakshatra is resilience. Problems and disruptions are a natural part of life, and I became more adaptable in the face of challenges. Happiness and pain coexist, and I do not fear either. I've overcome pain and surrendered to it. Somewhere along the line, all the painful emotional experiences and the transformation that came with them has led me to a peaceful place, one that I didn't want to find but I had to reach, maybe as fate had it.

The only way out is through.

Here are some beautiful quotes I found online that I think represent Ardra Nakshatra in all its glory.

Our real discoveries come from chaos.

And she embraced the chaos, as it painted her life with purpose.

She conquered her demons and wore her scars like wings.

There wasn't a predictable thing about her, and it was that chaos that made her interesting.

She was chaos and beauty intertwined. A tornado of roses from divine.

Chaos, leave me never.

Keep me wild

and keep me free

so that my brokenness will be,

the only beauty

the world will see.

I wanted to share my personal experience through this post and I tried my best to write it in a way that represents Ardra Nakshatra in an accurate light.

I might have made errors, but I still hope you enjoyed reading this.

🩷

P.S. I don't think I have written such an elaborate essay since high school 🤪 I obviously spent a lot of time overthinking, in pure Ardra fashion. So please know if something in this post is overcomplicated, it's because my overthinking ruined the simplicity and the charm of it. 😭🥲🙈

Also I have my 8th lord Saturn in the 1st house. It is equally transformative and overall a difficult placement in my chart. I believe my personal experience that I talked about here (although I didn't say the details) might have resulted from the combination of these two astrological forces.

P.S. again lol : I spontaneously added the song recommendation because that is how I felt whilst writing this. I always knew that song resonated closely to my personal experience at the time. The song talks about mental health struggles and depression. Since I think the intense emotional upheaval (aka chaos and depression lol) was a direct manifestation of Ardra, the song too fits the themes of the nakshatra to some extent. So I watched the music video of lovely since I haven't watched or listened to it in what feels like a very long time. I'm pleasantly surprised by what I found. There's a storm cloud in the music video and rain flows down which then freezes and disappears. Ardra's ruling deity is the storm god Rudra, his tears are said to have fallen as rain. 🥹⛈️💧⚡️

[dragonsdomain]

Monster in the Woods

"The more people tell Danny he is a monster the more monsterous he becomes. Things that seem innocuous turn into physical manifestations as he starts to believe what people say about him."

A Phic Phight prompt by @burning-clutch

...

Jazz walked through the forest, decaying leaves crunching under her feet. Her phone rang hollowly. "You've reached... please leave a message." Jazz dialed Danny's number again, the action mechanical at this point.

She almost didn't notice when someone started calling her. "Hello? Oh, Mom? No... Yeah, I'll call you. I will, I promise."

Then the call was over. There were bugs or other creatures making sounds in the forest. She still wasn't sure if she should be grateful for how they disguised her footsteps or if she should be cursing their noise, calling out for her brother. He could be lost, repentant from his earlier rashness, more than ready to go home. With his phone out of power, and that's why he wasn't answering her calls. Or... he could still be hiding from her. And that uncertainty was what was keeping Jazz from calling out into the forest.

A Fenton Thermos was at her belt. It had already been there since before Danny had run off, but it haunted Jazz with how its purpose might have changed. Would it be wrong to use it on Danny if she had to, if he tried to run away? Was it more important that she give him the freedom to choose what he wanted, or to get him home safe? She wanted to get him home, to dismiss everything as him being not in his right mind, but that wasn't fair, she should have been better at this point at valuing his feelings.

But if the conclusion was that she shouldn't use the thermos, should she even be looking for Danny at all?

Jazz drew to a stop, then wondered if that'd been a mistake. Starting to walk again would be difficult. Her body was calling her to drop to the ground and curl up in the dirt. Maybe she'd wake up and it'd all be a bad dream.

A childish thought. She kept walking.

As it got darker, Jazz had to turn on the flashlight of her phone, sacrificing any attempt at stealth. She started calling out Danny's name. The trees, taller here and thicker, felt like they were eating up her voice, preventing it from travelling more than a few feet.

Her phone was running out of battery. She'd need to go home now or risk becoming lost in the woods herself.

She turned on the navigator app on her phone to guide her back to town, wondering if it counted as giving up if you hardly felt like you had a choice, or if it even mattered if you kept going.

The leaves kept crunching on her feet. Her flashlight made a column of reality in the deepening darkness.

A sound. Something about it caught her attention, and Jazz looked out to the left towards it, not sure exactly what it was she'd heard, hoping to hear it again. There it was, a shifting in leaves, a whistling breath with some hollow quality.

On a hunch, Jazz clicked off her flashlight. She waited a minute for her eyes to adjust, then peered into that darkness again and saw a slight glow. Strange, why was it so dim? It would be sharper if it was just a matter of distance.

Jazz crept carefully towards the hollow glow, holding her hands out in front of her in the dark. The leaf rot didn't help her stealth; Danny, if that's who she was drawing close to, would know she was there. That was probably a good thing. She didn't hear the sound retreating.

More and more of something grew visible as she passed each tree, vague shapes in the shadows. An arm? A wing? She rounded the last one and saw him, limbs stretched tall and long and donned with sharp claws and chimeric feathers and scales. She couldn't tell if Danny's face was unchanged atop his neck; he was curled up as low as he could get. His aura was dim, possibly on purpose, possibly because he was feeling unwell.

Jazz walked up to him, letting the leaves shuffle underfoot, and put a hand on his back. "Danny. Hey. I'm here."

A sorrowful, crooning noise came from him and he tried to curl farther in on himself.

Jazz leaned into him and started stroking a hand down his back. "It'll be okay. You'll be okay."

Danny let out a shaky breath, his muscles loosening a little under Jazz's arms. He started drooping. It was getting late, and she knew he hadn't been getting good sleep lately; after such a rough day, he was probably tired.

Jazz stayed hugging him. It was slow at first, such that she hardly noticed it, but Danny's body started to shrink down to something closer to its natural size. After some dozen minutes, he turned around to hug her back. Hugging her brother didn't usually feel like this, lukewarm as a corpse, slick feathers fluffed with emotion tickling her cheeks, but Jazz couldn't say it was uncomfortable. She liked how his chest was still rising and falling, how she could hear his heart beating sluggishly within it if she listened closely enough.

"Can you talk?" Jazz asked at length, not yet looking at Danny's face.

He breathed a little sigh, which Jazz was about to assume meant no, before he managed, "Gnnuh-a li'l."

Danny's neck was now within reach, and Jazz curled her arms around it to run her hands through his hair--or feathers in this case, interspersed with a few reptilian ridges. "I know you had a hard day. Do you want to talk about any of it?"

Danny gave a pained whine, then winced at how loud it was. "N-no."

"Okay."

The sounds of the forest were friendlier now, keeping the silence from becoming pervasive. Jazz sat quietly with her oversized brother, glad to no longer have to worry about where he was.

Jazz's phone buzzed with a phone call, and she and Danny both jumped. Jazz fumbled for the phone. "H-hi, Mom. I'm still looking.... Yeah, I'm going to stay out longer, my phone still has battery. ...Uh-huh. ...Yeah, I hope so too. ...He's probably okay, Mom, he'll be back. ...I will. You too. Love you."

Jazz hung up the phone. Danny was hanging his head like he was ashamed of something. Jazz looked at his face without thinking, and he flinched nervously even though he looked pretty normal at that point. Maybe it was the uncanny valley he was worried about. He did look a little strange at this point, but Jazz had seen worse.

"You really don't look that bad, you know. I'm not just saying that."

"Ugh..." A clawed hand buried Danny's face. "I'm making her worry... I made you all worry."

"Come on, no shaming, we've talking about this. That's not constructive." Jazz ruffled the feathers atop Danny's head. They felt thinner now, closer to hair.

"Ssorry," Danny muttered.

Jazz rolled her eyes, pulling Danny to her side for a hug again and some pats on the back. "It's okay. I know you're doing your best.

Danny was getting better. He was pretty close to normal size. Jazz glanced over him and was pleased to see much of his skin now visible, ghostly simulacrum of his hazmat suit returning in place of feathers and scales. "You feel almost ready to change back you think?"

"Yeah..." Danny's shoulders drooped. "What am I gonna tell Mom?"

"What are we gonna tell Mom, you mean." Jazz gave Danny's shoulder a squeeze. "I've got your back. You're not alone in this, okay?"

Danny took a deep breath, the last of his feathers disappearing. "Okay."

Jazz stood up, then offered Danny a hand. "Let's start walking. We can figure out a story as we go, then I'll call Mom when we're ready."

Danny took her hand and followed as Jazz started walking. "Is there maybe some normal-ish explanation for all this? I'd rather not stick with the story that I ran away. Maybe me and Sam were on a walk or something and my phone died and I lost track of her?"

"That's a good start. I could message Sam about the excuse. Is youre phone actually dead?"

"Well, yeah."

"That makes me feel better about you ignoring my calls."

"Sorry."

"Y'know, Danny?"

"Yeah?"

Jazz pulled him in for another quick hug as they walked. "I'm really glad you're coming home."

"Aww man, don't make it weirder than it has to be."

"Emotions aren't weird, little brother."

"You're weird."

"My sincerest apologies for being the weirdest member of the family. I hope you'll all still be able to love me."

"Aww man, Jazz."

[martialartslover7]

Weird Wednesday Headcanon: Inner Sakura is a STAND!

Let's be honest, guys, the only reason why the female characters in Naruto got held back so much in their overall potential and fighting prowess, was because of Kishimoto's, very likely, and I mean, VERY LIKELY (we don't even really know, all I am saying is, everything that happened so far in his material, and some of the things he said in interviews about the female characters, doesn't do him any favors), underlying misogyny, since...

Off-topic, but c'mon. Demon Slayer would like to have a word with him. The entire IP was written by a female mangaka, and yet she managed to make both males AND females in her story, equally as interesting and compelling. Sure, it was more on the simplistic and straightforward side, it's Shonen after all, but it was really well done, regardless. And even the "housewife" archetype was done in an appealing fashion, with Tengen's three wives, who were more than stay-at-home housewives, they were his bodyguards too, they kept active to not lose sight of their, now sadly, physically handicapped husband. Sometimes, you don't need to make every single aspect of your IP so deep and philosophical to be good. The point, "more is less", exists for a reason. And once again, because this is a mentality I kept seeing on Reddit and Twitter, just to remind you all, who will try to get all smart on me:

THIS. IS. FICTION. YOU CAN WRITE, ANYTHING YOU WANT! NOTHING LIMITS YOU! ESPECIALLY NOT WHO ARE YOU!

Like, this is fucking ridiculous, you really mean to tell me, that, just because you have a penis, all of a sudden, you can't relate to the problems of women, as though, they are an entirely different species from you? WHAT NONSENSE IS THIS? If you write, you write, nothing should be limiting you, unless maybe, you tackle serious, real-life problems, then it's best advised to do a little research first, before tackling them in a tactful way, but aside from that, NOTHING should hold you back.

Anyway, venting over, back to the topic at hand.

You know what'd be a serious buff to Sakura, overall? Outside of gaining access to the 8 Gates, thanks to Rock Lee and Guy?

...taming Inner Sakura, and turning that joke character into a dangerous weapon. And the way it works, at least if you were to go off of what the 2000s PS2 era was showing off with her, Inner Sakura is an inner, astral projection, manifesting in the real world, and making you eat her dust. Not convinced? Check it out:

C'mon, people! There is no doubt about it. Sakura. Is a STAND USER. And that stand of hers, is like if you were to fuse the lady that King Kong kidnaps, with himself. It just makes you ask: Why wasn't regularly used by Sakura? It could just be a unique extension to her Genjutsu toolkit, in that, her Genjutsu, is so painful, it has real-life effects on you. Basically, her anxiety and delusions are so strong, along with her wild, livid imagination, her mind ends up creating this astral projection of her inner turmoil. And with that, Genin Sakura, buffed to hell. And before becoming a healer, she is mostly a wrecking ball.

All she needs to do, is catch you in her Genjutsu raidus, and you're toast. She will toss and punch you around, like a little kid, venting its frustrations on its plushie.

Just imagine how devastating that technique might look for reals, and the reason I am saying this...

...mentally replace Jotaro with Sakura, and just picture Inner Sakura bombarding, her opposition, who might be, hypothetically, Kabuto, who is tormenting Naruto from afar, so Sakura decides:

Kate Higgins. Chie Nakamura. I will pay you, real-life money, just to replicate this, while replacing the ORA with CHA.

PEACE.

[samuraionyourmom]

Been thinking about my Android Dazai AU lately. I've been asking myself a couple of questions about it since no one else seems to 😒 /lh (if you have any questions, please send them in, I beg. I yearn to yap). I've been mostly asking myself these questions to help me flesh out this AU better, and I thought I'd share my process.

If you haven't heard about it, you can check out my other posts about it here as well as the fic I made for it!

So, anyway, onto my ramblings. Prepare for an info dump and a half.

I'm sticking with the main question I've been asking myself for this post, and that is:

Why did Mori create Dazai? Why not just stick with Elise? What are his motivations?

This has been one of the toughest questions I've been faced with when I imagine this AU. It stumped me for a long while, so I just ignored it for the time being. But after a deep analysis of Mori's character, I've come to a conclusion.

Right off the bat, I'd like to make it clear that Mori has no creepy or pedophilic reasons for creating Dazai in this AU, so throw that thought away. I don't want to hear about it.

For starters, I'd like to lay out who Mori is as a person. Or how I view him, anyway. Deep down, Mori longs to take care of someone. We see this in Beast when he's free from his duties as Boss and is able to open up an orphanage. He states that he wishes he could have saved Dazai instead of manipulating him like he did.

But as it currently stands in the main timeline, Mori is unable to indulge in this desire. He is a slave to the organization, as he puts it, and he has a duty to go with the most logical solution as its leader. Facts over feelings and all that. Whether that means pushing Yosano to her limit despite his own hatred for using fear as a way to control people or sacrificing Oda, someone who he knows is very dear to Dazai, for the sake of obtaining the permit.

All this to say that Mori is very repressed. Personally, I say that these secret desires manifest themselves in Elise. She has some of Yosano and Dazai’s characteristics, both people Mori wish he could've cared for properly, and he spoils her openly, almost as if he's trying to make up for lost time.

Now, back to the AU. Elise's existence allows Mori to indulge in his fantasies, yes, but he wants something tangible. Elise is a manifestation of his own wants, but she's not real. So Mori decides to make an android. Maybe it's in a moment of weakness, so desperate for something, anything, to care for to make up for the pain he's caused.

Why not just adopt a child? Well, as much as he would like to, having a child in the Port Mafia isn't a wise decision, morally or logically. So he settles for an artificial one. It's different enough from Elise because it's something that can just vanish into thin air like she does. Something physical.

He works tirelessly to design, engineer, and produce an android that can give him as close to what he wants as possible. Not a baby, though. He couldn't bear that. He settles on a young teen for the design (again, not for creepy reasons, you weirdos). Something that he could care for, but isn't entirely helpless.

I imagine the first thing Mori did was create the AI for this thing before working on the body, and suddenly, this AI just starts yapping at him from his computer. The android takes on a life of their own. Starts calling themselves "Osamu Dazai." Orginally, Mori was set on creating a feminine-leaning android (his failures with Yosano are still haunting him at this point), but Dazai's like: uh, hell no. I am Osamu Dazai. I am a boy. Fix my body, u stupid doctor. (I love transzai)

Anyway, Dazai helps Mori design the body he wants. It's more androgynous than before, which Dazai enjoys. He's implemented into it shortly after it's finished, and voila, our favorite little bandage boy, is born.

Sure, Dazai isn't exactly what Mori had envisioned when he first started the project. He had imagined something more docile, easier to project his desires onto. But Dazai is what he is, and he won't be changed now. He's here now, and he's here to stay. Very human, despite how he came into this world or how much he denies it.

I may or may not have been influenced by the recent release of the Stormbringer Manga with that last bit. Anyway, Dad Mori is real. He's just not very good at it.

[inksandpensblog]

Someone in my ao3 comments expressed frustration over Victim's backstory being similar enough to King's to make the episode predictable.

The thing is, I agree, I don't think I was surprised about anywhere this episode went...but it doesn't bother me at all, and now I'm curious as to why.

Maybe it's because, despite predicting where the episode would go, how it got there was still a surprise to me. Maybe it's because having an underlying understanding of what kind of story I was watching play out meant I was able to catch more details, since I wasn't thinking so much about what might happen next; I could think more about the why since I already had a pretty good idea of the what. Maybe it's because the story was doing multiple things at once and wasn't being carried solely by this one predictable plotline.

I think my reaction to the party-disappearance scene is my best example of this. Plot-wise, I knew what was about to happen as soon as the split-second flashes of fire and chaos began cutting into the dance scene: we were about to watch Mitsi die in Chosen's and Dark's attack. But then Mitsi disappeared from the dance floor in a shower of green sparks, and that got my attention, because it meant worldbuilding was happening. And if there's one thing I've learned about writing from Arcane, it's that if you have to give straightforward exposition then having it pull double-duty as worldbuilding is the best way to integrate it into the story.

I already knew Mitsi was about to die, and I already knew it was about to be because of Chosen and Dark. That didn't surprise me.

What surprised me was that sticks who were physically nowhere near the location where the attack was taking place were still affected by it.

What surprised me was the reveal that sticks in this stick-world could be affected by something happening to the website on which their source-files were hosted, and that their existence wasn't entirely separate.

What surprised me was learning that the statements "Chosen and Dark never attacked stick-cities, only websites" and "residents of stick-cities were victims in the attacks, and fear Chosen and Dark" could both be true.

What surprised me was green sparks.

The main plot thread may have been predictable, but a lot of other things in this episode were either new or were finally connected for the first time, and that might've been enough to keep the story from feeling like just a rehash of King's, at least to me.

There's also Mitsi herself to consider. Unlike the previous two backstory-deaths in this series, Mitsi's character is also pulling double-duty by serving a second purpose as Vicitm's foil. She's functionally more than just someone who dies to make Victim sad and evil; she sees the world in a fundamentally different way than Victim does, and this contrast is demonstrated by how her responses to the world differ from Victim's. We see who Victim was before her, we see who he becomes with her in his life, and we see who he becomes in her absence.

I think someone somewhere suggested that Mitsi is who Victim could've been if he wasn't tormented his entire life, and I see their point, but in that light I also find it meaningful that Mitsi isn't just "Victim but without the trauma" personality-wise; she has her own charming disposition and mannerisms that seem to be an innate part of her character rather than just another sign of innocence. Sure, some of her behaviors are ones I could see Victim having in a story where things went differently (and in fact some of them I had imagined Victim having, in the years between when The Showdown aired and when Wanted was uploaded), but not all of them, and I appreciate that.

I think there's also something to be said about how differently King's and Victim's grief manifests despite all its similarities, a la "grief drives King to act while Victim is held back by it," but I'm running out of words.

My point is, yes it's a plotline we've already seen in this series, yes it's being reused, yes it makes the story predictable in some ways...but I think the way it's being applied and explored and executed is different enough from the last time that it doesn't feel like "the same story" is being told again.

[goldenhallas]

I unlocked all the memories in the Lighthouse and I'm vibrating with excitement rn! so many things me and my brothers discussed over the years have turned out to be true, or almost correct. We thought the Evanuris were also the Old Gods of Tevinter, which was close since the Old Gods were actually the Evanuris' bound dragons. We also thought Solas/other ancient elves were spirits (the way I shrieked when that was confirmed lmao). Now looking back at Inquisition it gives a whole new layer to the Cole situation... Cole chose to manifest in a physical body and he could become more physical, more human, but Solas didn't want him to and greatly disapproves if you do that, not just because it 'goes against his nature' as he said, but because it reminded Solas of when he chose to become physical and his regrets surrounding that. Damn. I wonder if it's possible for Solas to somehow reverse what he did and become fully spirit again, and if he would choose that if he could? What about Ghilana/Solavellan, would she change his mind on that? Anyway I digress. You know what really has me shook about all this... I was literally 100% certain, not a doubt in my mind, that Ghilan'nain created the Blight. I never for one second suspected it was Solas!? Like. Holy shit, he really, really fucked up on a whole other level with that one. He separated the dwarves from the titans / took away their ability to dream, and not only that, but he knew the damage it would cause and what he was doing was awful, but he did it anyway. All because he loved Mythal so much he would've followed her anywhere, even into doom. It's so tragic and romantic and terrible all at the same time, so very Solas, and I love it. I have to wonder though... how does he feel about what he did to the dwarves now? Obviously he regrets what he did, that's clear, but why didn't he give their dreams back at some point between then and now? All it took was Harding touching the lyrium dagger to get reconnected to the titan, so surely Solas could've done that? So why didn't he? I know he was preoccupied with other stuff but that's a pretty damn big deal. Maybe he didn't realise a simple touch of the lyrium dagger was all it would take to reconnect them? Or maybe - and I think this is more likely - the titan is too dangerous right now because of its anger at what was done to it (understandable) and he thought reconnecting them before he healed/calmed the titan (if that's possible?) would be a bad idea for the dwarves? My brother thinks he just didn't care but I think that's ridiculous and doesn't seem like Solas at all.

I mean Solas could burn down the entire world and I'd still love him, so whatever the case I'm his ride or die, but I do want to give him a bit of a clip around the ears and make him look the dwarves in the eye and apologise to every single one of them and FIX what he did to them. I'm also wondering if this whole thing with Rook IS part of his plan to fix what he did? He was known as the trickster god and he was known for getting out of traps, so you never know

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Messy/Jumbled Thoughts On Azula in the Spirit Temple

Obviously my initial reaction to it was not particularly glowing and excited to say the least. But after some discord chatting and discussion with my IRL friend I have come to conclude very solidly that I have no idea how to feel about this one. And I'm genuinely not sure if Hicks was trying to make Azula sympathetic or trying to make her completely irredeemable.

So one of the things that makes it confusing to me is how Azula declares that she does not want redemption because it is for the weak. And how she chooses to end by saying that she'd just find new followers to control. Off the bat to me that just felt like a nail in the coffin. A solid she's not getting redeemed.

But then my IRL friend pointed out that she started the comic by declaring that she was going to take revenge on her ex-companions. But ended up finding them and choosing to leave them alone instead.

To me this kind of felt like a massive cope on Azula's end like the equivelent of "fine, I didn't need you guys anyways! I'll find new *~better~* friends!" Like a way of masking how upset it made her to see them having fun without her. Or that she's in denial about how much it hurts.

But my IRL friend thinks that her choosing to just let them be is a sign that there was some progress made despite her declaring that she didn't want redemption.

Which leads to some of the discord discussion that I found insightful. Someone (let me know if you want me to name you) pointed out that pretty much all of the comic was the spirit showing Azula her own inner thoughts; in other words Azula was calling herself a monster and a bad person and what not.

Which, honestly, could be why the comic felt so confusing and disjointed??? Azula is confused and conflicted and we're seeing this through her eyes so it's conflicting and disjointed.

Azula has enough awareness to know that she's not a good person and that some stuff is her fault but she also acknowledges that she's not entirely to blame. I'm talking about 'Ursa' asking Azula what she is and Azula responding "alone, betrayed over and over..." and declaring that it's basically not her fault vs 'Mai' saying "maybe you're a terrible person who gets what she deserves."

Baring in mind that this is a manifestation of Azula's thoughts; she simultaneously sees herself as a victim and as a bad person.

And honestly I can actually see that making sense; people tend to be their own harshest critics. All abuse cases are different but many abuse victims blame themselves while also acknowledging that the abuser is to blame at the same time.

I feel like it's actually not entirely off base for someone in Azula's situations to have conflicting thoughts. Facing yourself for who you are, including (and especially) the worst parts of yourself is not easy. It is embarrassing even in ones own mind to admit wrongdoing. Almost everyone has that one embarrassing memory that still makes them blush when they remember it while lying alone at 2AM. It's sort of like that but worse. It is hard to put aside pride and ego even in privet. Now try doing that with a spirit watching and judging you.

Azula is facing down the worst parts of herself in an almost physical sense. And I think that she doesn't know who to blame or how to portion out the blame. Like she has difficulty telling how much of it is her fault vs how she was raised. Out of her mouth is all of the stuff about how its everyone else's fault. But then the manifestations of her thoughts say the exact opposite. She is literally at war with herself.

And she's scared and she lashes out when she's scared. She covers fear and insecurity with either anger or nonchalance. So when 'Zuko' asks her to repent so to speak, of course she says no. She's effectively being backed into a corner. She's on the defensive. And also 'Zuko' has taken on a monstrous and terrifying form. I wouldn't not shoot lightning at that.

Not to mention that, the entire time Azula is talking about how the spirit is manipulating her and that none of it is real. I imagine that, that makes it that much harder to face herself because she's effectively being gaslit in a sense. Like it doesn't feel real to her, she doesn't trust it--rightfully so tbh. She says that she thinks she is being lied to. Of course she isn't being open minded to what she is being shown. It isn't being done in good faith.

I think that my biggest hang up is how she was 'offered redemption'. Putting that in air quotes because was that really a chance at redemption? The spirit didn't put her in a situation conducive to meaningful change. To me it was almost just one more added trauma on top of what she was already dealing with. It's basically similar to Azula going to see a therapist but the therapist is terrible at their job and digs up trauma while offering no coping skills nor advice.

Instead of giving her advice or support this spirit tries to terrify/shock Azula into changing. This spirit put Azula massively on the defense and wondered why she was getting defensive. Literally all of her traumas, fears, and triggers were being thrown in her face and she was supposed to make something of it?

I'm no therapist but I'm pretty sure that that's not how change works.

Azula was getting yelled at and shamed for not wanting to change or acknowledge that she needs to. But the spirit who was trying to 'help' didn't give her ANYTHING to work with. No words of encouragement or coping tools. Nothing but showing her things that terrified and upset her.

It's like trying to teach someone who is afraid of water to swim by throwing them into the ocean and getting mad when (after being pulled out of the water) they come out more terrified than they were prior.

And this is what confuses me about how AitST is supposed to be interpreted. Are we supposed to see the spirit as the asshole or Azula as stubborn? I know how I see it, but how did Hicks intend it to be portrayed?

This was supposed to be the 'see if Azula is going to start her redemption path once and for all' comic. But was she TRUELY even offered a redemption? Because I don't think so. To me that was just Azula getting another layer of trauma to work through. And nothing about that situation she was in could even be remotely conducive to meaningful/long term change.

Speaking on my own experience alone; change and habit breaking, becoming one's best self while facing down their worst requires a few things; comfort, encouragement, support, enthusiasm, and stability.

Azula was terrified, alone, uncomforted, antagonized, and cornered. She was in a setting exactly the opposite of what is needed when someone is trying to make a change or do some hard introspection.

And now I'm left wondering if Hicks meant for the spirit to be seen as the asshole or if the comic was trying to say, 'look she chose not to walk the path to redemption.'

Right now it feels like they're gonna take the easy way out and leave her as the villain and point to the comic and say, 'see, she had her chance.' To which I say, "Did she? Did she actually?" But who knows maybe we are supposed to see that spirit as an unhelpful and evil. Maybe her walking away and not taking the vengeance she vowed is a good sign.

TL;DR: How the hell is this even supposed to be interpreted. What is the tone??? Is this Azula sympathetic or anti-Azula. Because I genuinely can't tell.

Never have I been so confused about a thing I have read.

[jadeshifting]

hi jade!! my drself name is megara (meg for short) and shes half egyptian, but theres some VERY mystical but ancient blood running through her veins. and her moms half a vampire. but idk if its too op or not 😭 anywho, i was wondering if you could give me tips on how to make it realistic?? your drself self seems wayy detailed and i can tell alot of thought was put into it.

(can i be known as the 💿 anon?? also deepest apologies if this was a long read. theres not alot of spn shifters)

hi there !! thank you sm for the msg, i love asks like this because the entire reason i post about my drs that i didn’t think many other people had, is so the few who DO shift there have content they can read about it. like i couldn’t find it so i wanted to make it LOL

for starters, your drself sounds so fucking cool 😭 every day i wake up and somebody else has some awesome shit scripted. so far all the spn shifters i’ve talked to have been soooo so creative and out of the box and i’m SO obsessed with it

i really appreciate that, i truly do spend obnoxious amounts of time thinking about it and i’m glad it shows a LITTLE, anyways i kind of got carried away and rambled off some ideas under the cut !! i totally understand trying to tamp down cool ideas to be reasonable within the canon—like yes we can script anything we want but i’m also guilty of wanting it to make perfect sense anyway 💔

obviously i don’t have all the cool details about your drself, but here we go with what i know :

　　.   　　˚　　 　　*　　 　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚ 　　　　 ˚　.˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　 　　 　　　　

the fact that your drself possesses a unique blend of mystical and ancient blood alongside your partial-vampire lineage offers a really cool opportunity to maintain your power level without veering into the realm of being “too overpowered.” a multi-faceted approach involving limitations, unique weaknesses, and narrative-driven challenges are all really cool tools to, at the end of the day, ground you in your drself, make you feel more “human,” and avoid spoiling any huge plot points by being able to fix things and defeat anyone with the snap of your fingers

HERITAGE/MYSTICISM

— MYSTICAL BLOODLINE. the mystical, ancient blood you’ve got could tie you to a specific and powerful lineage, perhaps connected to Egyptian mythology in some way. the gods are such prominent figures in the later seasons, so having associations with or abilities tied to themes of death, protection, or resurrection, akin to Anubis or Osiris, would be really understandable. these things could always come with strict rules or costs, though—instead of being all-powerful, using your powers drains her life force, or they require rare and ancient rituals to activate or recharge ( like a zappy mystical battery mhm mhm )

— PARTIAL VAMPIRIC NATURE. your vampiric side could provide enhanced physical abilities like strength, speed, and heightened senses. but, of course, depending on how integral your vampire genetics are, this could still come with traditional vampire weaknesses—probably not sunlight, but fire and stakes, and a pervasive need for blood, though maybe only occasionally since you aren’t a full vampire. integrating some of the classic vampire traits could help to ensure you aren’t canonically invincible, you know?

FLAWED POWERS: IMPERFECTIONS/COSTS

— CONFLICT OF DUAL NATURE. a stark contrast between your mystical heritage and vampiric blood could lead to internal conflicts—like literally internal. inside your body. perhaps your ancient blood rejects the vampiric curse, which causes physical or psychological strife. this could impact you biologically, the type of thing that could manifest as a unique weakness or challenge you have to address the same way someone would address a sickness or an injury

— UNSTABLE ABILITIES. your powers might not be fully under your control control all the time, such as in moments of emotional turmoil. for instance, your mystical abilities could manifest unpredictably, leading to unintended consequences. this instability is absurdly common when it comes to extreme power like that, and creates situations where your power could be seen as just as much a liability as it is a strength

LIMITATION/GROWTH

— LEARNING CURVE. you could experience a gradual mastery of your abilities—or the more intense ones, at least. initially, you could struggle with controlling or even understanding your own powers and their nature. as you grow, you learn to harness them, perhaps through lots and lots of practice or a little bit of guidance from others who may be familiar with ancient magic or vampires (Bobby, Ellen, someone smarter than the Winchesters LMAO.) this kind of progression leaves a journey for you to go on, so that you can even be eased into the enormity of your own powers. no doubt they can be a lot to deal with, right?

— MORAL DILEMMAS/COST. your powers could certainly come with moral quandaries. if you have the ability to resurrect the dead (just an example, this would work for any really powerful ability) it could come at a terrible cost—perhaps it requires sacrificing something precious, or it disrupts the natural order, leading to unforeseen consequences. these moral challenges would keep you grounded, at least

WEAKNESSES: VULNERABILITY/FEAR

— ANCIENT CURSES. your abilities could be tied to ancient Egyptian curses a lá Cleo de Nile. perhaps using your powers is tied to an ancient curse that slowly consumes the soul or vitality of yourself or others, or draws the attention of vengeful spirits or deities. this adds a layer of conflict or trouble within your power bracket that even your immense power can’t easily counter (trying to create problems that can’t be fixed in the snap of a finger, y’know?)

— BLOODLINE BOUNDARIES. your genetic nature, split between two or more species, could mean that you find yourself rejected by both your vampire kin and mystical ancestors, due to the stark contrast between them. this ostracization could lead to isolation and a lack of allies, forcing your to rely on yourself and the alliances you’ve formed with the Winchesters or other hunters and people in their circle

EMOTIONAL & PSYCHOLOGICAL DEPTH

— INNER TURMOIL. narratively speaking, you could struggle with your identity—caught between two worlds and all that, you know? your vampiric genetics could tempt you towards darkness or coven activities, while your mystical heritage could pull you towards a higher purpose. this type of inner conflict can definitely manifest in your relationships, choices, and how you view yourself and your purpose

— FEAR OF YOUR OWN POWER. despite your abilities, you may find yourself frightened by the idea of what you can become, or what you’re capable of. perhaps you’ve witnessed or heard stories of what happens when someone as powerful as you loses control or falls to the darkness. this fear could lead to moments of hesitation or self-doubt

INTERACTIONS WITHIN THE UNIVERSE

— ALLIES/MENTORS. you could make sure you have mentors or allies who guide you—a rogue angel or a reclusive witch with knowledge of ancient Egyptian magic could provide you with the necessary tools and knowledge to control your powers and understand your lore while keeping you grounded in the show’s established universe and rules

— ENEMIES/CHALLENGES. preventing you from being too all-powerful, you could script adversaries specifically tailored to your weaknesses—ancient hunters, gods, or creatures who have a history with your bloodline. the existence of these enemies would force you to rely on help from others and finding more complex solutions, rather than just relying on sheer power

scripting challenges that test your abilities, morality, and identity (if you want to, of course), and by grounding your extraordinary nature in personal struggle, ancient lore, and narrative consequences, you’re a compelling and balanced addition to the already existing storyline !!

sorry if this is kinda long, but i hope this helped a little, ofc you can be 💿 anon and my inbox is always open :^) happy shifting !!

[monosanimegenericzone]

Hunter x Hunter: Pain Packer pt 2

so there's the idea that's been on my mind that pain packer can also feed off of feitan's emotional pain which is arguably much more potent than physical pain for him.

this point is great because i have thought about it before but now its manifested in something im going to call Pain Packer: Mortem Vindicta. aka Revenge of the Dead.

so hear me out okay. feitan is a very emotionally constipated little man and the most we've seen him show is anger and frustration. i believe this has to do with his past, specifically with his fascination in torture- which is a very different story.

emotional pain will probably only ever come if someone he cares about gets hurt or killed, and he's able to shut that pain off if the needs of the spider come first. see, feitan's willingness to sacrifice chrollo so that the troupe wouldn't suffer any more losses.

i dont doubt he mourned paku. he has her memories and her reasonings and he'll give her the respect even if he doesn't agree with her.

shalnark on the other hand or if something happened to phinks, i think he'd lose all of that rationale. i also think the more brutal the death the more he cares. since he values pain, he'd know how much it hurts to die in certain ways.

tldr: he feels very differently about shalnark's death than he does paku's or kortopi's. they both died quickly.

so mortem vindicta is him taking inventory of how the ones he cared about died. maybe even just the members of the troupe that died- since we know there were six total members that have died since its foundation. maybe even seven if we want to include sarasa. and this is a one time move that he will pull out based on all of that collective suffering.

maybe something like imitating the wounds on himself and then letting those perfectly built walls come down. the one time ever that feitan will let himself show sympathy for the fallen and it's to take the ultimate revenge on anyone of his choosing, but i feel like if he DID have this power he would choose his target wisely.

HOW it would manifest is something i did not think about but id love to hear some ideas.

grrr feitan....