#maybe im projecting maybe its autism
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Autistic!Wednesday truthing from my lecture today
#maybe im projecting maybe its autism#or shes aro/ace#or both both is good#wednesday netflix#wednesday addams#wednesday#autistic wednesday addams
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just how can i protect your smile?
#you guys like yaoi? can i get you some yaoi#pjsk#prsk#project sekai#proseka#tsukasa tenma#rui kamishiro#ruikasa#AUUUUUGH.#this is what finally makes me actually draw riks. vocaloid autism#putting the link in the caption because NOBODY FUCKIGN TLAKS ABOUT SCISSORHANDS EVER WHERES THE HYPE I NEED HER. SONG OF THE DECADE(2009)#this song makes me incredibly normal. my bad. i saw the miume choreography when i was like 11 and my brain shifted#i wanted their outfits to look like mikus in the mv so bad. Fuck my life for that btw stupid fuckign frill trim. why did she have to slay#tried to think of smth other than butterflies for kasa but i have no brain and tbh i hope his life is miserable so its fine#me posting this only to tmblr and not twt because i fucking hate twt#im drawing more song covers that live in my mind palace so i'll pist them there all together. and maybe here all together. who give a shit.#emnn skeleton orchestra next and it will fix me#Good lord. sorry. Im so caught up posting this for no reason. Get me out of here#im supposed to have a lecture in 3 hours but post covid symptoms say otherwise. im so fucked#i have a cyberpunk dead boy wip with them but idk i dont like posting wips on here its like an archive. n i want to actually finish it#but dear lord rendering it with their stupid outfits. clutches my chest falls to the floor. AUUUUGH#wxs killing me killing me taking damage augh auugh aughg
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Kabru is so real tbh. when he said "I wanted you to develop an interest in people too" it gen makes me so oughhh because like!! he wants to make Laios share his interest too... he's curious abt Laios' genuine appreciation and special interest in monsters n what it means for humanity... he's been so patient just observing and trying to be by his side and watch the moment Laios becomes a leader/defeats the dungeon... he wants to talk abt his special interest he wants to be friends aaahgh
#(kabru voice) let ME infodump to you!!!!#idk where im goign with this i just love their dynamic t#the autsms. to me.#what ptsd & autism & maybe npd (this is the projection) does to a mf#dunmeshi#kabru of utaya#is this labru. idk. i just think its such a neat moment#when kabru said that#like his whole . admission of vulnerability to try and get laios to stay is everythign to me. the . waaaough#dungeon meshi manga spoilers
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.........so it has come down to this.
@autismswagsummit
#its a hard choice but#ugh. i cant. kris is more of an adhd unhinged kid for me. them and susie are causing chaos together. they have the two different categories#no. kris shant be#the one#donniesweep#donnie rottmnt#kris dreemurr#tryna spread my hyperactive kris agenda over here#and also if anything out of the three ralseis the autism. cause im projecting#cant believe he lost that easy#buh#anywayyyyy vote donnie. maybe he has a chance
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i know it will be better if i just give it time i know it will be better if i just give it time i know it will be better if i just give it time i know it will be better if i just give it time
#i just am gnawing at the bars of my enclosure i want to share >:)))#i want to commune with the spirit of artistic expression >:)))))#BUT HONESTLY ???? WHY RUSH#like its my biggest fucking downfall as an artist bcos i love makin lil projects and sharing them#but i also like feeling proud of my work#rarely do i feel creative AND patient#but when i do thats the work i feel most proud of and personally fulfilled by and is objectively better imo#SO IM LETTIN IT COOK#its done#but im not posting til late august/september#and tbh i think i will be 100x happier#but the immediate discomfort of unfinished business is so great lmao#maybe its the human nature maybe its the autism who can say
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Mental illness is insane I'm just having dinner w my father eating this a little too spicy pasta enjoying the Yeowch on my throat and the silence and suddenly I'm like yeah I'd kill myself.
#luly talks#i mean it came from out of nowhere grieving but it's so bizarre#like i just got hit by this very heavy rock in my skull this overwhelming and genuine urge for a second that yeah that'd be ok#that's the correct path to take and there's no physical changes i just kept on chewing on my all too spicy bc he used the wrong condiments#pasta. like sure i was a little zoned out maybe if you paid close attention you'd have seen my eye getting lazy or something but like. thats#it. and i always in zoning out#like this wasn't even an intrusive thought those come out of nowhere and just are echoing chambers of fear and shame#this was a calm resolution like yeah. that's the way to go alright.#y'know kind of unrelated but i always wish i had someone to talk about some mental health things i cant w my therapist#more on the speculative diagnosis thing. if you dont know what i mean shame on you for not keeping up with the Luly lore /silly#it's really hard being neurodivergent and im not talking about autism rn that i can manage but gestures vaguely its hard when it's#a group project. it's hard when everything is so fuzzy#because sometimes i tell myself i only think of this bc im all day alone and thinking but like#what. am i supposed to be getting non stop stimuli 24/7 least i realize i hsve something in my skull going on?#i blame my mother for that one she always made me ashamed of being sick or whatever acting like it was my fault#like me noticing symptoms was equivalent to me making them real#as if that wasn't just absurd like. the symptoms are here you twat. I'm not placebo effecting myself w shit#even the ppl who do like. the symptoms are real.#aaahhh siiiiigh yet another common L#brain stuff
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I like that I figured out having too many interests at the same time is overstimulating to me but my brain is also like "no. be interested in all these things at the same time"
#having autism is just like this i guess lol#actually autistic#shitpost#i havent worked on the sonic fanfiction thats basically a passion project#maybe catching up on the comics will rocket me headfirst back into it idk#also some people might think id be freaking out about espio being dressed as a mummy for halloween because sonic rivals 2#no im overjoyed about vampire charmy#i need more of charmy dressed as a vampire because its fuckin adorable
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I'm still not over h2woah they're so funny to me. Especially the octoling, they rly managed to make the whitest ass character in the entire splatoon universe, I hope they explode <3
#rat rambles#splat posting#also points to the sight. stop agressively gendering characters before we know. thanks.#also I will not lie to you despite my teasing with their reveal I actually do rly like aquasonic it alas is catchy as hell#anyways Im excited to learn more abt them I wanna know what their dymanic is like#also how old they are cause they definitely seem young but I wanna know if I have to bully them extra hard cause theyre like 14 or smth#they definitely both have collector flavor autism to me tho I feel like they collect knockoff furbys or smth#the coral is always making sure theyre all nice and clean and the octoling does most of the skin bathing#since the coral feels too bad skinning them unless its for mechanical maintenance#the octoling makes them all ugly lil tshirts with horrible lil logos on them for their hypothetical future projects#oh and the coral in my minds eye also collects a few other types of old toys#mostly like small figure like ones that they clean up for fun#the octoling is mostly just in the offbrand furby game but loves any toys that use mechanical parts#any toy with a shitty voicebox and a skin of fur over hard parts will win their heart fast#well maybe not fur but yknow what I mean#idk maybe theyd still use fur for toys? at least in squid japan where they have the judds#actually maybe thats what the offbrand furbys they collect are like fluffies or smth that have a fluffy thing going on#anyways I should stop pulling hcs out of nowhere for an eternity and go shower lol
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cant believe that the delusions i had at 16-18 y/o were just autism again.
#i used to have full on delusions that every single thing around me was fake. 100% simulation style.#very bad.#but i now think a root cause of that is the lack of theory of mind autistics often have#which means i cant really understand that other think the way i do. its hard to believe that.#that looking back can be very much a huge factor in starting my delusions.#ofc there were other reasons that i got delusionol but.#ive connected the dots#man i really like cognitive science this shit is awesome.#sillyposting#i was gonna make a post saying 'why am i in a class about autism im already a pro at this' but WHOMPWHOMP apparently not lol#the autism was not really the main topic but it is a little part of it. bc were so special and cool.#were talking about the mary-ann game or whatever its called.#and the narrator just goes 'xxxx should have said so-and-so' which.#just plainly came across as: look at this dumb tizzy ass child. getting it WRONG. because he's STUPID an WEIRD#but maybe thats just me projecting lol#anyway in other good autisn news: the 15 y/o coworker who is an absolute sweetheart is autistic!! YIPPEE#its so nice to see...... i feel like i have a lil sibling under my wing bc im the one that trained her <33#ok! =w=b
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that post i made on my writeblr about how there's this one story i have out with a mag that i want rejected because i have a story i think suits the mag better.....live cam footage of me receiving the rejection email on my rainy evening walk
#IT WAS A HIGH TIER REJECTION TOO LOL LIKE YEAH IVE GOT MORE TO SEND YOUR WAY!#like yes release me from these chains!#also another thing is this story was first drafted in june and i kinda want to...not shelve but put the stories from pre like#september on the top shelf...not putting them away entirely but putting them high up#not because i think they're bad i actually love that story in particular and think it has some rly good lines#its just that was a rly fragile era in my life LOL. i want to revisit them in like a year minimum#i didnt draft any flash in july and one i think ? in august that kinda felt like#the last story of that era IDK IF THAT MAKES SENSE those stories just have#a distinct vibe to my approach that i dont see in 1970s leather daddy and between us girls#which are september and october#anyway this has actually presented a conundrum bc the story i want to submit needs more work#but i'm very intentionally doing nano as a break from 'professional' writing so no flash in nov#so anything i submit will prob be in december not the end of this month but thinking about flash in general has me like#i have a lot more story ideas than i thought so maybe it'd be beneficial to just fast draft/edit all of them#let them simmer throughout november in a word doc rather than just let the ideas rot in my brain#but that'll probably mean not finishing the lb chapter/update but also tbh...maybe ill just do that on the side in nov#i think if i do a rough draft of the lb chapter i can tinker with it/write up abt it during nov when i need a nano break#i did say just no professional stuff in nov so if the lover boy autism calls i will answer LOL#im doing the nano 50k goal for WS but not as high stakes as last year. honestly just 50k over any projects will be cool#also i got hit by an opening line on my walk too so now i have another flash idea i have to investigate
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having anxiety is like. im freaking out over the most minimal thing and i know it therefore if I tould you i would gain no sympathy from you
#or maybe its the autism who knows#this is about me freaking out bc im supposed to present a little project my friend did for me bc i was too stressed to do it#and now im stressed bc its not mineeee i feel so guilty#its dumb i know
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pillow tpot headcanons (long ramble expanding on the ocd part under the cut)
ok so first warning: i am not a psychiatrist. this isnt a super educated essay on ocd, just me projecting my lived experience onto an object show character. this is just an observation. if i get something wrong feel free to correct me, ill add it here. (its also worth noting i am self diagnosed. not "quick google search" self dx though, ive gone over it with a therapist and everything)
and that leads into the second warning: this ramble will get a tad bit personal sorryyyy
and finally the third warning: i put she/it on the ref but im just using she/her for simplicity (+ i forgot LOL(
anyway so yeah i think that pillow has ocd and is basically the embodiment of "letting intrusive thoughts win" except like. actually. this headcanon didnt stem from the killing or the strange impulses though, i think she has it because of her fixation on good and bad luck in tpot 10.
for me it manifests in a few different ways. my main one is counting—i have good luck numbers and bad luck numbers. i need to take a specific number of snacks every time i have a bowl of them. i have to shake medicine bottles a certain amount of times before taking them. i am always counting the "syllables" of whatever im doing, and it always has to land on a multiple/factor of my lucky number. and if i break any of this, i (generally, if i cant convince myself its fine or if i dont notice) have to count to my lucky number otherwise something bad will happen. hell, i added more flags to this ref because the number of them was my unlucky number.
i have a few other things that affect it that are completely unrelated to counting, though. like a particularly bad one is that i straight up cant wear certain articles or clothing anymore because theyre bad luck. or my ungodly long night routine (which is probably more of an autism thing tbh. but certain parts of it are absolutely influenced by the ocd, like having to say goodnight to my dog).
that ^^ is what i saw in pillow. she was distraught that her team lost in 9, because not only did she think she was doing the challenge right, but killing people (bringing death) was good luck for her.
i think her killing people was a compulsion, and her whole thing in 10 was her scrambling to find a new one after that stopped working.
and before anyone tries to be all like "oh thats fucked up why would they portray ocd like that," one: i dont think this was on purpose this was just an observation, two: i mean..... fuck dude if i lived in a world where revival was incredibly accessible and one of my compulsions were to kill people, id do the same thing. death is fairly normal in bfdi, to the point everyone literally has a kill count on the fandom wiki (hers is 13 as of tpot 11 btw, a commonly unlucky number ironically enough. if she gets eliminated in 12 with an unlucky kill count thatd be so funny). once they get past the pain, its. really just an inconvenience to them.
when it comes to ocd, you. HAVE to do these things. its not a choice until you can get some outside help with it, and oftentimes its an inconvenience to those around you. i dont think its right for her to be going around killing her team, but when i get past the fact that is literally what made her my favorite, i get where shes coming from. shes trying to help in a way she "knows" will work.
or maybe shes just silly idk
#art#artists on tumblr#bfdi#bfb#tpot#battle for dream island#battle for bfdi#the power of two#pillow tpot#tpot pillow#bfdi pillow#pillow bfdi#bfb pillow#pillow bfb#bfdi tpot#object shows#object show community#soooo scared to post this
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the tv series characterization of annabeth is so good to me because there is something about a preteen girl who seems to be overcorrecting her nonchalance in unfamiliar social situations.. i would always act really cold and unfamiliar to new people because it made for the least possible socialization and also still let me feel like i wasnt “losing” the interaction. it isnt completely the same with annabeth because her actions obviously stem from her trauma with letting people close to her, but its refreshing to see this specific personality type i saw all the time in middle school reflected in a character. sometimes preteen girls are mean and cold because its hard to learn how to socialize. maybe im projecting autism a little bit. so what.
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Haii it's @yourreality-mp3 's main blog‼️ do u have any Yuri hcs?:3😈
USHOUKD NTO HAVE ASKED ME THIS NOW I HAVE AN EXCUSE TO YAP /silly
this is jus a doodle + a few hcs to have something next 2 the doodel.........ihave many more under the cut :3c ..........
- first off . autistic. hits her withmy fucked up autism beam (shes actually so autistic coded its absurd i cluld go on all day about it but we're not heree for that🤔🤔🤔🤔maybe ill save that for another post if u guys r interested) undiagnosed specifically liek she has no idea
- was definitely a weird kid when she was younger (probably creepypasta style weird kid specifically)
- as a kid was also the type to read/watch horror stuff without a care in the world during the day and then as soon as it turns midnight shes shitting herself playing fnaf 4 irl (she probably developed more horror tolerance as she got older tho)
- constantly stays up WAY past the night and into the morning, both accidentally and not accidentally (she has insomnia liek i put in the pic so a lot of the time she cant fall asleep at a reasonable time even if she tries. shes just given up atp)
- sometimes has difficulty wording stuff in a more casual way when she speaks, which makes her sound liek way too formal when she doesnt need to be. in social situations she has to like actively run what she wants to say over in her head to figure out a more "normal" way to say it
- not TERRIBLE at drawing but its not like her number 1 hobby or anything; drew a lot in middle school but doesnt as much anymore (i think natsuki would be pretty good at drawing but we'll savee that for a natsuki hcs post)
- witch perchance guyss do we fw witch yuri
- DEF was a """"gifted kid"""" (specifically in reading) back in elementary school and then got slapped in the face with gifted kid burnout in middle-highschool .noo im not projecting haha what are u talking about what a preposterous suggestion guards take him away
- the type to have an online persona thats like a millionbillion times different than how she acts irl
- dislikes april fools day
- favorite season is fall with winter in close second, then spring, and lastly summer (she cant stand the heat)
- owns Many candles. perhaps Too Many (im not sure if this is canon or not but i think it IS canon she enjoys aromatherapy so i think itd be pretty par for the course)
- and finally........ her fav color is maroon ^.^
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Hey!! I absolutely ADORE your writing, it makes me so happy!!! I happen to be a sucker for our favorite nerd, and you write super good for him! May i ask for general datting headcanons? Like what its like to date him???? Thank you!!!<3
A/N: ohhh, i was WAITING for this one!! i loveee dating hcs. i'm assuming you mean dr. flug, in which i am always happy to write for him! thank you so much for the request! im so happy you enjoy my works!! c: (also flug may be just a teensy bit autism-coded...)
The Doctor Is Out (Dr. Flug x Reader) [Headcanons]
Rules For Requesting
Characters I Will Write For
Masterlist
Summary: General Dr. Flug dating headcanons/What is dating Dr. Flug like?
You thought he was a nervous wreck before? You've never seen him on a date. Before a date, for that matter.
After asking you out to a museum that recently opened outside the Hat Island, he dragged himself to his room and.. screamed into his pillow. Leaving 5.0.5. decently concerned.
He paced around his lab, wracked with anxiety. Oh god, oh god--what is he going to do?! Did he still look alright?? He paused his anxious strides to look at himself in his full-body mirror that he practically pulled out of nowhere. I guess he looked alright-? Or did he need to change his shirt again? Oh--crap he should probably take off his gloves.. or should he? He's always had normally sweaty hands, not including his nerves getting the best of him.. Yeah, the gloves are staying on.
Not to mention how Demencia is teasing him every minute she gets while Flug is writing out a plan. Yeah, you heard me right, this faceless man has an entire 24-step written plan for this date. He can't go without a plan, right? He doesn't want to mess up in front of you, either..
Some ridiculous, unreasonable, irrational part of him thinks maybe you won't show up. Obviously, he doesn't know any better to know how much you love him. Then again, if he knew, I don't think he'd last.
The museum went way better than he expected! There just happened to be a jet plane exhibit, and suddenly his 24-step plan has made its way to a nearby trash can. Don't get me wrong, his nerves were definitely still there, and not going anywhere anytime soon. He was just glad that he didn't draw you away with his possibly unending rambling about different types of aircraft.
The two of you stayed in the museum until it closed at 4 p.m. The time seemed to fly by, and at some point during the date you had held his hand. Poor Flug was too distracted, that he only noticed your interlocked hands when the both of you were leaving the building. He's blushing like a maniac now. As if the red tint on his face couldn't get any worse, before you left, you kissed him on his cheek. You kissed him on his cheek. His bones turned to ice, frozen in place. Later that night, he couldn't get his mind off of you. He's not washing his bag for a while. Not like he washed it in the first place.
So, you two are dating! In a relationship! Dr. Flug refuses to believe it, but every morning kinda forces him to. Though, sometimes he gets a bit overwhelmed with the attention, so when this happens, you give him the day to compose himself again.
He's happy with the attention, though! More than happy, he's honestly never received such affection before and.. he enjoys it.
Some days, you'll just have hang-out dates! For example, Dr. Flug is undergoing a heavy project and asks you to come over for comfort. He'll even ask you for help with his experiments from time to time! Don't worry, he wouldn't involve you in anything too dangerous, he's not cruel. Well, not to you..
If we're talking about Dr. Flug here, at least one date has to go wrong. Thankfully, it's almost never his fault. He's, unfortunately, slightly popular with heroes. Not that he, himself, as a villain is popular, but rather him being known under the Blackhat name has drawn in some unwanted attention from heroes.
What does this mean for the two of you? Well, worst case scenario, a hero has such a huge grudge against Flug that they are determined to ruin your date. According to Dr. Flug, there's only a 1.117% chance of this happening, so you shouldn't have to worry too much.
Afterwards, he feels horrible that your date went to crap. He apologizes profusely, even if you forgive him in the first place, he'll continue to feel bad. All he wants is for you to be happy, and it feels like he's failed you. But the fact that you're still here with him is more than enough proof that you're far from giving up on him, if ever.
On days where you would stay inside with him, whether it be a stormy night or just a long day for you, sometimes he'd turn around from whatever he was working on when you don't respond to him, and he'll find you resting peacefully next to 5.0.5. The sight warms his heart, as he moves to grab a blanket for you, and dims the lights in his lab slightly.
With you asleep, and now with him and nothing to work on, he now has time to think. And for some reason, no thoughts come to him. Surprising to his usually busy brain.
One thought came to him, eventually. Watching you rest soundly in the now dim-lighted room, your chest lifting up and down with your soft breaths, made him realize how lucky he truly is.
Then, he came up with an idea. He didn't want your dreaming to be disturbed, did he? He grabbed a piece of notepaper, tape, and a marker. Opening his door slightly, he taped up the scratch-made sign titled:
"The Doctor is Out"
#headcanons#villainous#x reader#dr flug#dr. flug#x reader headcanons#x reader hcs#villainous x reader#villainous headcanons#dr flug x reader#dr flug x reader headcanons#dr. flug x reader#romantic headcanons#dating headcanons#fluff#tooth rotting fluff#autism#autism coded#requests open#request please
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i have seen people talk about how hard it is to draw anything if you have aphantasia (which is good to talk about and true and valid and also intersting to read and this post isnt to devalue that, two things can coexist etc etc)
i personally struggle with the opposite; i have incredible imagination, i'd say it's my best and only "inate talent", (this is not a brag ..) all stories i think about are movies, i can stop them, change camera angle and poses, rotate ever object however i want, place lighting sound and voices, even styles, i switch from ghibli to botw to fortiches style, even into the style of a comic i recently read which wasnt even animated, the only thing that only works half the time is music-
and that all might sound fantastic, but its a mess, it goes too fast and too quickly, things never play out one way, theres interruption, involuntarily sudden changes to other subjects, i feel like struggling to keep an angry horse on one path, it makes me waste HOURS each day just reversing and redoing a scene like im a movie director wizard in my head, theres no ONE finished version, it changes everytime yet i go back over and over again to make it better, i forget most of it within a few hours anyway; even IRL when someone tells me about a memory and they are not sure if i was with them during it once they start to explain trying to make me remember it instead i will imagine it, in the end i wont be sure if i actually remembered or if i just imagined it too real, it scares me how much i forget and cant remember only for my mind to make shit up, makign me doubt my own memory (its weird how it works, i have horrible geographical memory, when i drive somwhere i have known my entire life i need to remember the path to it by imagining driving it, i remember significant things but not the path to them or how they connect or in what order, i have to go through it in my head every single time)
by far the worst part though is that extreme disconnect between whats in my mind and what i can do, just because i can imagine things like that doesnt mean i can draw it (god i WISH), nothing i have ever drawn is how it was in my head, the few things you get to see are the ones i won the fight against myself with to keep going and say 'good enough' at some point the speed is a problem too, the things playing in my head, sometimes even multiple at the same time, play like, again, a movie, whatever im trying to draw is rarely ONE thing, its a whole scene that plays over and over, i want to draw it all but it wont work bc my mind is too fast and i am too slow, it makes me try to skip ahead and get things done as fast as possible, it NEVER works (also too much, theres so many things in my head, i have almost the entirety of the totk rewrite in my head already, novels worth of lore and story for my other projects, its overwhelming how much is in there that i cannot get out and on paper)
its why comics take me so long to make, why detailed paintings are so rare, its the rare times i can force myself to try and tune out my mind and just work on what is in front of me, usually works for a few hours .. if i can manage to reach that sort of focus at all, its why basic sketches of characters are so much easier to do bc i dont have to fight as hard to just draw a character doing nothing- as soon as i want to make it a sketch page of things and scenes the movies are back and are there to haunt me until i cry and give up after hours of trying to keep up with my mind that i will never be able to catch up to (and this is only about drawing .. )
i know skill and speed increase over time, but i wont ever get to where my mind is, its always ahead and trying to skip and jump towards it only makes me stumble and fall flat on my face- maybe its ADHD, maybe its the autism, maybe its the depression, maybe its just me, maybe its just all of that
what im trying to say is, head full, too much thought, too fast, never able to translate it into viewable things in the way and speed as my head works, i explode
#ganondoodles talks#personal#and then i play video game bc its easier than fighting my mind#and feel guilty like the worlds gonna crush me for wasting hundreds of hours on that#bc what could i have done in all that time instead (if my focus was there .. if i was able to keep up with my mind)#its probably either just whining#or ............... incredibly common among non neurotypicals#and here i am complaining#i just want to do so many things but CANT I CANT AND CANT BUT I WANT AND CANT ARGH
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