#maybe its the human nature maybe its the autism who can say

[rubyklaasje]

i know it will be better if i just give it time i know it will be better if i just give it time i know it will be better if i just give it time i know it will be better if i just give it time

[mountain--bones]

On Being "Socially Nonhuman"

One thing I've been mulling over lately...

I love how acceptance of physical nonhumanity is increasing now. I think it's very positive, and especially for those who experience clinical zoanthropy - so much support to you creatures!

Personally, I don't feel physically nonhuman at all. Not even in a figurative sense. My physical humanity has been a big part of my life's narrative, for better or worse - I've had plenty of trouble with species dysphoria in the past, but my path to healing has always been to recognise the joys in being human-bodied even if it doesn't reflect what I really am.

But the consideration - "oh, well, am I physically nonhuman?" - led me to a different idea that is just... sticking with me now, and I wanted to share it in case any other nonhuman folks relate. And also just for the sake of sharing, I need to do that more!

I'm physically human, but my nonhumanity feels... externally impactful on a level where I feel like referring to it as an "identity" alone is maybe a bit minimising.

This is because, far as I can tell, I just don't... act or feel in the way humans do?

The best examples of this are all absences.

I'm asexual, in the specific sense where I don't feel sexual attraction or desire at all, and never have. I genuinely cannot comprehend those experiences. This is pretty impactful and isolating all on its own.

But even more jarring is that I don't feel love in any conventional way. And I don't mean "just" romantic love - I mean any love at all. I don't love my friends, I don't love my family, I don't love my pets. This probably sounds horrible, but it's not! I can feel affection.

What separates my affection from "love" is that it's non-selective - I don't bond with specific individuals. A more palatable way to put this might be to say that I love my cat, but I love the neighbour's cat I see out the window just as much. But that feels reductive, because selectivity is a key part of what defines "love"! Can it be "love" if you feel it for everyone, whether you know them personally or not? Not really! It's a different thing.

And the other thing I'd say I'm distinctly lacking is, uh... survival instinct? Whatever drive pushes people (and animals) to keep going even when times are hard, even when things are desperate, on the hope that they'll make it to the other side. I don't experience that and I don't understand it (though, genuinely, I do wish I did).

Other ways I'm behaviourally inhuman are a bit subtler and harder to define. The way I think kinda throws people for a loop a lot - there are things that seem naturally intuitive to me, that other people genuinely struggle with. It's not a brag cause there's other things that are absolutely the reverse, ahah!

I guess, I thought it could be explained by neurodivergence for a while, but it all seems to run so much deeper than autism and ADHD could account for.

I have to mask myself to appear human. I have to mask any time I'm around other people, no matter how much I trust them, because I know trust only goes so far and there's some things I experience and feel that - to most people - are so "out there" that they'd just sound unhealthy.

There are things that are a normal part of my life that would be radically weird for most folks. This means I have to hide parts of my candid experience of life just to avoid uncomfortable attention or concern.

I don't like attention! I'm eccentric even when masking. The best I can do is "acceptably weird".

Fact of the matter is, you just can't live a safe, reasonable life while being open about the fact that your normal experience of the world is as a quasi-deity who became trapped in a human body by accident, who remembers the beginnings of life on Earth, who can sense the spirits of plants and animals, who peers through the layers of reality, and sometimes reacts to things before they happen. These things are all normal for me - there's no way I can be genuinely honest about myself while also "being human".

What it adds up to is that I feel viscerally nonhuman in a way that has a profound impact on my external life - yet still, I'm physically human. I am keenly aware of how my human brain impacts my way of thinking, how my human hormones affect how I feel.

So I'm not physically nonhuman, but I'm... socially nonhuman?

If you take "social" to encompass things like emotions and viewpoints and such, as well as how you talk and act?

My nonhumanity is socially impactful, and that impacts the physical (insofar as it impacts how I act, how I feel, and how I engage with the world).

It's an identity, yes, but it's not... self-contained. I can't really pass as "a normal person who happens to be nonhuman".

I doubt I'm the only one who experiences something like this! And that's part of why I'm even putting this out there. I don't exactly expect (or need) "socially nonhuman" to catch on as a term, but I wanted to say that this is how I feel, and that others who feel this way are not alone.

It can seem like a very lonely existence, I suppose. I don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable to express my genuine self around other people. Even online, I mask and hide. I would be seen differently if I didn't do that. Connection and belonging are fulfilling to me, and I value them too much to lose them just for the sake of being honest about stuff that most people wouldn't understand anyway!

Still, I don't really regret being nonhuman in this way. This is just who I am! I wouldn't be me if I were different.

[witheringwidgetwrites]

an mc with echolalia repeating noises/words/phrases the demon bros say (especially things in demonic language) and some of them getting Annoyed thinking its you mocking them and challenging them (lucifer, satan) or that ur making fun of them in a demeaning way (levi, mammon) and the general confusion and possible angst from hurt feels bc they dont know this is just a Thing some humans do. i think solomon would get caught in a loop with mc tho especially during nightbringer era like sol makes a Noise, mc repeats it, they go back and forth bc sol thinks its cute n understands the stimming nature it can have and everyone else is just '???? did the humans break???'

sorry if this doesnt make much sense its 3 am for me but i saw the ask abt demons not rly understanding humans and was like. lets take it up a notch with autistic (and other neurodivergent) traits and behaviors. bewilder those bitches some more. also i love ur writing its so good thank you for all youve blessed us with <3

AutismCore me me me me me relatable i love this ask sm i am stimming rN

pls send in a req for the others! if i do all in 1 post itll be soo long (also if u want a longer one send in 1 character and we can get some real angst in here)

Lucifer is one who doesn't mind very much. He's used to the Anti-Lucifer-League mocking almost everything he says, so there's not surprises there. However one evening at the dinner table, he it comes along in passing.

"Yes, I've never quite understood if you enjoy my presence or not, as you seem to mock me so often, MC."

"Wait, what are you talking about?"

"I heard you the other evening, you were speaking of what I had said to you, repeatedly. If I recall, it was, 'Don't dally with the dragons, MC'," he smiles at you, but there seems to be a little aggression behind it.

"Oh no, that's not mocking, Luci, it's called echolalia! It's a symptom of my autism." You go on to explain, and it seems like a small wave of relief washes over his eyes.

"Very well. I'm glad we got that misunderstanding cleared up."

The one who avoids you is Mammon, he's only now been caught up to by you, as you sit into the chair next to him at dinner. It's mostly quiet, until everyone has left, besides you him, and Leviathan and Beel, who are having this own conversation. You speak quietly, "have you been avoiding me, Mammon?"

"Why'd ya think that? Maybe it's you avoiding me!"

"Well, I haven't seen you almost at all in 4 days. Everytime I see you, you turn the other way. You feel the sting of fresh tears start to burn in your eyes, and Mammon can't help but feel a little guilty.

"Why'd ya even want to be around me, I heard you mocking me. You were sayin' 'mammoney' over and over."

"No, Mammon, that's not it at all!" You furrow your brow, and more tears start to come forward. This is not the first time you have been misunderstood by someone about your symptoms. You go on to explain, practically pleading with him to believe you.

"So it's just somethin' some humans do? Really? I think Levi does that sometimes," he chuckles, a small blush gracing his features.

The one who is most hurt by the misunderstanding is Leviathan. For sure. He heard you saying "Ruri-chan" over and over to yourself and assumed you were making fun of him. He hid away from you for days until you caught up to him, and asked if he'd been avoiding you. You missed your best friend dearly. "Of course I have! I heard you mocking me! I thought we were friends." His frown was evident, and you had to pry to find out what he was talking about. "Leviathan, what in the world are you talking about?"

"I heard you! You said," in his best mimicking voice he could muster, "Ruri-chan, over and over."

You were quick to stop him, trying your best to explain. He was still hurt, but he did feel a little silly.

"Oh, I guess that makes sense. I do that too sometimes, repeat things when they're f-fun to say, I mean," he seems to trail off, averting his gaze. His anger had not dissipated, and he felt silly for ever being mad.

"I-I'm, I'm sorry for misunderstanding you, MC."

[swamplatibule]

GREETINGS it is 9:25 PM on a Sunday as i write this. My hands are shaking rn but that’s probably a result of the energy drink that gave me heart palpitations earlier </3 anyway it’s time for

Lantern Eclipse!

Lantern Eclipse takes place in a world that ended a while ago! Roughly 100-odd years ago, a combination of weird mold creatures, magic nature spirits, and good old-fashioned nuclear radiation completely took over, resulting in the destruction of the vast majority of manmade areas! Most major cities have been completely overgrown with mold and megaflora, save for a few “havens” scattered few and far in between.

Don’t @ me i’ve lost track of how many apocalypse paracosms i have and that probably says something about my psyche that I’m not ready to hear

ANYWAY. Our story takes place in one of those havens, called Guardian City, which is mostly known for its massive size, wild amount of neon lights, and also the really intense military organization called the Shepherd Division that runs the place like the navy! Or like. Half of it. There’s also the violet district that takes up maybe a fifth of the city, which is mostly controlled by various mob kingpins, drug lords, etc. technicallyyyyy the Shepherd Divison is supposed to control the area, but they generally let the violet district remain as is in exchange for all their bullshit not spilling over into the “respectable” areas.

Also I feel like i should mention that Guardian City is huge. Like the size of Montana. There’s a massive wall surrounding its border to keep the plants out, but you cannot see that wall from the center of the city

ANYWAY. This is all basic background info. Now it’s meat time baybee

This is one of those stories where there are several separate plots with entirely different casts of characters going on at once, so I’m just going to go over one of them for now because it’s getting late and as previously mentioned my hands are shaking so bad rn

The first person we need to meet is Fairywren Merlo! She was a skater boy <3 Fairywren is my darling dearest who can do no wrong. She’s also a mercenary for hire and has most definitely killed before. She has a sniper rifle, roller skates, autism and a dream!!

^ that would be her in Normal WorldTM i still have yet to decide on her canon outfit

The next person you should know about is Eddie Duncan, who i described in my notesapp as “like if colonel sanders murdered people. Charming in a gross way, like a marginally more evil televangelist with a gun.” Eddie is an INCREDIBLY influential figure within the violet district - he’s rich, he has the Shepherd Division in his pocket, and he’s also incredibly dangerous, so everyone wants to stay on his good side. Do people like him? Depends who you ask. Everyone, however, is scared of him. To be more precise, they’re scared of his “hunting dog,” the silent, nameless masked man who follows his every command. we’ll get back to these two later.

now, fairywren is Good At Her Job. a bit too good at it. she gets a job to kill some random ass guyTM who she’s never heard of, so she does it! very well! EXCEPT turns out that was the son of a very important member of the shepherd guard, and the guy who hired her to kill him has now vanished, leaving her a) unpaid and b) being searched for by the shepherds. uh oh!!

the best solution she can think of is to get out of the city, but she doesn’t have any means of surviving outside the city until she meets Eddie, who brings her and a few other mercenaries along on some Top Secret Project that he’s working on which requires them all to venture outside the city wall and search for some lost artifact he needs. fairywren and the others are mostly just there to kill mold monsters and be human shields for him.

they go the first few days without seeing any trouble aside from the usual freaky wasteland monsters, and then uh oh! they get ambushed by a group looking for that same artifact! and this is where the “hunting dog” i mentioned earlier becomes Very Important!

he is what’s known in Neon Eclipse as a “terror” - an ageless, human-appearing creature that feeds only on human flesh and is nearly impossible to kill! they’re like vampires but. worse <3 I can go into SO much detail about them but i will restrain myself for now because it’s story time. but. anyway. everyone in their party watches him absolutely rip through all of their attackers!

obviously Eddie’s hired guns aren’t too pleased about traveling out in the middle of nowhere with a guy who would 100% eat them if given the chance, but Eddie assures them that he’s entirely under control. see, each terror has a “heart,” usually in the form of some small weird looking stone. If someone else gets their hands on it, then they can use it to force the Terror to do whatever they want! and Eddie keeps the heart of his nameless follower on a cord around his neck!

turns out Eddie and his older brother used to be in the business of researching terrors about 40 years ago! they stumbled upon the one that now follows him everywhere while he was asleep, and Eddie’s brother got a bit too close and. well. oopsie!

but hey he might be down a brother but at least he has Some Fuckin Guy on his side

some shit happens, and one by one, everyone else in the party dies in various terrible ways until it’s only Eddie, Fairywren, and the terror left. Then Eddie finds his artifact! yay! buuuuut he doesn’t want any witnesses so Fairywren has to die </3 alas! She manages to escape - barely - but it’s hard to outrun a terror for a few minutes, let alone forever. Eddie catches up to her within a few days, and things are looking Very Bad for our dear fairywren, who is now face to face with death.

BUT. instead of attempting to fight the terror! fairywren shoots Eddie! she fully expects the terror to kill her after, but seeing as the guy commanding him is now dead, he takes his heart from Eddie’s body and leaves! and also starts laughing, which is the first noise Fairywren has ever heard him make. spooky

Fairywren is now completely lost in the cursed wilderness with no way back! BUT she eventually catches up with our terror friend (who can talk now thanks to not having Eddie forcing him to be quiet anymore) and they get to be friends <3 yippie <3 she also gives him the name Ford (she suggested harrison ford because he’s her favorite actor but our terror friend thought harrison was a dumb name) they’re still lost but at least they don’t have to worry if they’re attacked and she is mostly confident that he probably won’t murder her

n e way! that’s one major story thread written, who even knows how many left to go 😭 yay

taglist: @burningivy @shrimpnymph @diphtheria420 @parasdreams @dremieblur @acircusfullofdemons @daydreaming-memories (lmk if you want to be taken off the taglist pretty please!!)

[lilysaus]

okay. this fucking picture made me so mad i went on a 15 minute rant to my sister while she was trying to read her book.

so ive been looking at a lot of pictures of posts on pinterest because thats just where i spend most of my time. most of these posts are on the topic of adhd. ive never been properly diagnosed, but reading through these posts has made me feel so welcomed and understood (more than my parents have made me feel, pretending that this is "all just a phase that ill get over soon because pretending to have adhd is just the thing right now") that i realized ON MY OWN that "hey maybe i do have adhd." well.

i found this post while scrolling through pinterest, and it really sparked my anger.

i have a friend who was diagnosed with add before it was considered an "outdated" term and scrapped because apparently ALL FUCKING FORMS OF NEURODIVERGENCY THAT ARENT AUTISM ARE JUST "ADHD".

i read this post and it was what sparked my anger and my 15 minute rant to my sister. people who get degrees in this stuff, or counselors at schools, never really know what youre going through. all they know is that youre having some problems and they need to be solved.

which brings me back to this picture. if you look up "is add still a thing" on google, this is the first picture to pop up. and just seeing the visual aids they put with it makes me furious enough to throw something or someone out a fifth story window. the little girl is fucking SMILING while thinking about the most common shit people think us neurodivergent folks think when distracted. first off, no. false. we dont just think of video games and candy. we think of the randomest shit possible, like how long can i sit here without blinking or what kind of funny shit can i draw on this one sheet of paper.

and ALSO.

you cant just categorize adhd as TWO SEPARATE THINGS and call it good. we dont fit under two umbrellas. theres too many of us. we each have our own figurative umbrellas that only we ourselves can fit under, no one else. thats the problem with neurotypicals. they fit the typical stereotype for humans: we try to understand everything by putting it in a box. those lists of "symptoms"? i match every single one. on both sides. so ha. take that SCIENTISTS. what am i? some kind of freak of nature because i dont fit under just ONE of your precious categories?

i also looked up what "inattentive" means and it made me angrier. according to oxford languages, "inattentive" means "not paying attention to something", which doesnt seem too bad, right? it fits some people perfectly with their symptoms, right? but its not the definition that bugs me. its the example sentence thats used. "a particularly dull and inattentive student". basically saying that if you dont pay attention well to something, youre dull and boring.

im sorry, what? sometimes i have trouble paying attention, sure, but you ask any of my friends and they can agree i am NOT boring in any way, shape, or form. non of them would describe me as "dull". inattentive? sure, but not dull. so to call it "inattentive" adhd, instead of just add, is stupid! my friend with ADD (not fucking adhd, stupid scientists) is one of the funniest, most entertaining people ive ever met. shes an incredible artist, super smart, and knows how to make anyone laugh. does that sound dull to you? does she have problems focusing sometimes? yes. does she struggle with doing something sometimes? yes. but dont the rest of us?

my point is, when i see things like this, it pisses me off. like, unless all of the scientists who agreed "add" is an outdated term have it themselves, i refuse to believe its outdated and i will continue to say that my friend has it. she was literally diagnosed by the doctor telling her "you have attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder without the hyperactivity." THATS JUST FUCKING ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER YOU DUMBASS!!!

anyway, i hope im not the only one who feels this way. i just felt it necessary to get this out there. maybe someday, people wont be so dumb and single minded. in my opinion, neurodivergent people are superior in intellect and creativity, but i guess until someone like that takes over the world and dropkicks neurotypicals into the stratosphere, we'll never know.

[enter-the-performapals]

@arcvmonth Day 18 D/D/D- Different Dimension Day!

Even though its a little late (because I wanted to color these lol) I wanted to talk about my Mermaid AU- concepted while I drew my big piece for Mermay this year! I was originally going to turn it into a series basing them on the En cards, but I didnt have time (maybe next year?)

This is a high fantasy AU, of course, and each of the stories happen around the same time-which Ill get into later. All of the Bracelet Girls, Dragon Boys and Zarc + Ray are in their 20's here, with romantic interactions between the expected couples (Fruit, Apple, FallenAngel, Predator, Genesis). All of the stories are unrelated but take place around the same time, with the the exception of the Genesis which takes several decades before.

Just slapping the word 'Mermaid' on a character and not basing them on a sea creature has never been an option for my autism brain, so I based the girls off of sea creatures I thought suited them!

Yuzu is based on a Betta fish- the only freshwater mermaid out of the five- mainly because I think theyre gorgeous with their lovely flowing tails, but also because theyre highly territorial, which I will get into later.

Rin-Rin is based off of one of my favorite sea creatures, the Lionfish. Bright and beautiful, but venomous and a ruthless predator. She's also Siren.

Ruri is based on a Parrotfish. Beautiful, iridescent scales and placid nature who live in coral reefs. Also, bird pun becuase I couldnt resist.

Serena is a Human-Mer hybrid whose based off an Angler fish. Scary creatures who use beautiful light not to illuminate their surroundings, but to draw in prey. She requires more oxygen than a normal mermaid, so like a mudfish, she can chill out near the surface of the sea and take in oxygen when she needs to.

Ray is based off of a Sea Angel, which is apparently a sea slug. It's pretty and I dont know much about it, which is the exact same thing I can say about my girl Ray.

Under the cut ill get into my thoughts for each of the AUs! Including a minific which kind of adds a little context to my piece from Mermay!

Ill go over all my ideas for the different storylines - marked by their ship- and at the end is minific! Sorry for any punctuation/spelling mistakes!

Genesisshipping:

Zarc is an apprentice boatsman on his first voyage on a big ship. After smashing into rocky bluffs, the boat he's on capsizes and falls into the ocean. Almost drowning, he is rescued at the brink of death by Ray, who takes him to an uninhabited island to bring him back to life. Over a year or so, the two fall in love and while Zarc does want to escape the island he beleives its futile and doesnt even try. Eventually a ship does come to rescue him, and he promises Ray that he'll make it back to the island one day to be with her.

After hes back on land, people ask him what happened, howd he survive, ect; he eventually lets slip that a mermaid saved him. This makes it around, and eventually wealthy prospectors hear. Entranced by money and power wished to him, he leads hunters to the island to capture Ray.

Thinking that hes back to start a life with her, Ray's shocked when other people come from the boat and try to capture her. Realising Zarc had sold her out, she escapes to the sea, never to be seen again. Realising the error of his ways, Zarc decides to stay on the island after the disgruntled hunters leave in an attempt to attone for his greed and to hopefully see Ray one more time.

Appleshipping:

Hugo had always heard tales about sirens in books and wanted to if they were real or not. After attempt of humours faliures to become part of an actual reputable ship crew, he falls in with some pirates who decide to take him out to the seas. On his maiden voyage, he is so nervous that he cant fall asleep on his first night. Thats when he hears it. A siren's song in the distance.

The rest of the crew asleep, he steals a rowboat to find the source of the singing. He finds it- the most beautiful girl hed ever seen, singing the most beautiful song hed ever heard. He falls head over heels for her at first sight.

While Rin just wanted a meal, she now has to put up with idiot pirate trying to woo her. She is severly displeased about it, and makes it known. Then she realises- this dude is a grade A idiot with the luck of god on his side and now has to live with a human taking up her favorite rock. Ridiculousness insues

FallenAngelShipping:

Ute grew up in a port town that had a great relationship with the fellow merfolk. He and Ruri grew up together, and eventually became a couple. One day, the village was raided by hunters, who both killed and captured the humans and merfolk, burning the town to the ground.

While hed somehow escaped from the raiders, he knows he has to break in to the enemy camp as they transport prisoners and set everyone free.

After weeks of planning and watching them from afar, he finds the perfect moment and storms the encampment, setting everyone free, including his best friend Shun and his lovely Ruri.

While they are displaced, remaining survivors help rebuild the city, and they try to rebuild their lives. Now with round the clock border security :)

Predatorshipping:

Joeri is a wealthy buisness man who found success selling various snake oils in his teens. Feeling bored of scamming people out of their cash, he goes to a beah town in an effort to refresh, regroup his thoughts, and figure out his next buisness move.

While walking a beach in the dead of night, he notices a glow coming from a little cave in the distance. Sneaking a peek, he notices Serena stting, resting, and his mind races. Mermaids are uncommon, but not unheard of but most people havent seen one, so what if he could show her off?

Practically smelling the money from the buisness opportunity, he approaches her. She startles, and draws a weapon on him. That night he tries to talk her down and using all of his sales knowledge and charisma, tries to get her to warm up to him.

While it ends up in faliure, the next night she is in the cave again. And he makes up his mind to convince her to join him, whether that be by convincing her with his words, or bribing her with anything he can get his hands on. He has a goal and wont stop until it's realised.

Fruitshipping:

Feeling wanderlust in his early teens, Yuya decides to dedicate his life to becoming an adventurer to see all the beautiful sights hes read about in his beloved father's old travel diaries. After about a decade of seeing what the continent has to offer, he takes a wrong turn (not the first time) and accidentally stumbles into a serene clearing blanketed in cherry tree blossoms nestled in between foothills. In awe, he explores the adorable little field, picking wild dasies as he goes, and spots a lake fed by mountains. As he investigates, he is jumpscared by a mermaid who warns him to leave immediately or face the consequences.

After a breif moment of shock, he starts to laugh. Yuzu is flabbergasted, as most humans would have fled at that point. He tells her that meeting a mermaid was always on his bucket list and that hes pleased to make her acquaintance, which leaves her even more shocked.

While she is standoffish at first, Yuya sets up camp near the water's edge to really drink in the scenery, subbornly telling an annoyed Yuzu that it was the best vantage point in the clearing.

While he'd oly planned to stay for a couple of days, as he talked to Yuzu- her sharing enchanting stories about the depths of the lake and the merfolk who lived there and in turn, her avidly listening to Yuya's travel stories- he decided to stay through the end of spring... and then summer... until eventually autumn's chill prompts him to eventually- begrudgingly- forces him to start packing up his temporary home.

Over the months the two talked and talked and became best friends. Through the wilting daisy chains they made, to the silly splash fights they shared on hot days, to almost sombre monitoring of deciduous leaves starting to fall as the lake theyd made memories in starts to slowly develop its winter shell, baring the aquatic from the terrestrial.

As they say their goodbyes, Yuya noticing Yuzu shivering slightly as she sits above the water, he promises her to come back in the spring with even more travel stories, handing her one of his earrings in a jesture of his vow. And she is overjoyed.

As they part ways, he catches her tightly gripping the blue crystal of his earring before she slips below the water, and he wishes that winter would just leave and never come back.

Over the winter, Yuya can't stop thinking of his time in the clearing. The curiosity that Yuzu would have for the camp meals he'd cook. The sparkle in her eye as he'd describe one of his adventures. Her concern over even the most miniscule of old wounds hed accrued over the years. Her witty remarks that never failed to get a laugh out of him. That no matter where he went, he'd always wonder what Yuzu would think if she'd been there with him.

As the weather started to turn from hail and snow to bright skies and sunshowers, he practically made a mad dash to the little clearing tucked away on the forgotten road near the foothills, hoping that the ice had melted in the area- if not for the whole pond, at least around the crude dock he'd put together to sit with Yuzu on, so close to where he'd set up camp.

As he approaced the sea of sakura, the blooming daisies, the grass rejuvenated after it winter hibernation, he noticed a figure waiting where she always was early in the mornings before he awoke, brushing her beautiful magenta tinged hair, facing toward the mountains in the distance.

He grinned and picked the prettiest of the wild daisies he could see on the bushes around him.

He was back home and couldn't be happier.

[p0th]

ik im probably rlly late to the party but what is objectum, like is it a role play thing, is it a coping thing? I need someone to explain it to me like im 5 bc i genuinely just don't understand what it is lol

So the literal definition of being objectum is someone who's attracted to inanimate objects, whether that be platonic, romantic, sexual, or somethin else. However, looking at it with only its literal definition doesn't really account for the intricacies that such a label brings.

I just want to point out that while some people see objects as alive (the label for that being POSIC), others dont. Animism is also a similar term for where people percieve inanimate things as having souls. Personally, I dont see my object as alive, but do sometimes use gendered terms to describe them and feel comforted by their presence. People can also be objectum and be attracted to actual people too.

Being objectum is also more common in autistic people. Object personafication is a common trait seen in autism and other disorders and i can see how that can lead people to being objectum. Though I have never been formally diagnosed with anything, i am probably neurodivergent & maybe that has a part in me identifying as objectum idk!! Theres a study on autism in objectum ppl here if u want to glance over it: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-56449-0

For me, I started using the objectum label coincidentally around the time I started finally figuring out that i was aroace and not attracted to real people. I realized that the love I feel for my friends is equivalent to the love I feel for my hobbies and interests which was also the same love i felt towards certain objects. I drew this out cuz i think its a lil confusing how im saying it LOL. Theres also a thing called "conceptum" which is the attraction to concepts which I think i actually fall more into, but I just go by objectum because it is more general.

You know how people will swear they have this great relationship with nature? How they feel so so connected to plants and how they love watching the ocean and how they wish they could live outside forever because the forest is a part of their flesh and blood? How they feel more alive feeling the earths fresh air and how nature teaches them things they never even knew about themselves? okay, so, why is this normal to say but once u turn it around into something that’s an object it is insane talk!! I feel like there's this interesting dynamic where its okay to be super attached to nature but kinda weird to be super attached to inanimate things but i think i am rambling & getting off topic!!!

Personally, I dont really have objects that im attracted to in the same way I would be attracted to a human. It is very broad for me. Others though, have certain objects that they really like and thats fine. For me, going by that label just makes me comfortable even if i dont fit into the literal definition. I like computers in general, not just my own personal computer. Objectum for me is just another way to say that my love for inanimate things can be just as great as my love for animate things. Theres just so much complexity and nuance in it that it is hard to describe unless you've experienced it yourself.

As for it being a coping thing, I've heard some people say its a result of not being able to trust people due to past trauma, but i dont believe that's necessarily true for the majority of people and not too good to generalize. Ive grown up surronded by friends and in a loving environment and am able to maintain relationships with living people, but also use the label of objectum because it makes me comfortable.

I can very much see how someone can look at someone saying theyre attracted to objects and just cringe a little bit and thats okay LOL. At this point, I have been exposed to so many concepts -being online so much and surrounded by so many diverse people- that i just dont even pay it mind. But, I know a lot of people have literally never heard of this label before and are just weirded out by it. I think honestly people need to think about the limitless potential a relationship can be when in the hands of such a complex being as a human. At the end of the day though, it doesn't hurt anyone but its also okay to be a lil unsure of it as an outsider. Just be kind to others!!

Im sorry if this is a bit of word vomit, if u cant tell i got a lil too into it & my thoughts tend to be rlly scattered LOL. thank u 4 the ask & plz let me know if u need any clarity on anythin cuz i know i am very hard to follow at times !!!

[pielove123clan]

Failure, for the OC thing!

Thanks for asking because I got that vampire autism and don't talk much about my ocs. The thing with my ocs though is I purposly leave them open-ended, im never done developing and changing them. I did all my ocs if you don't mind. The thing is, I need to give my ocs more trauma. I'm too nice with them. None of these are fandom related, their just general ocs in my head.

Question: What's your OC's greatest failure? Have they been able to move past it? Does anyone else know about it?

Aparna: She is an undead zombie housewife who can turn into a giant rabbit kaiju. I think her greatest failure is going to be going to sleep when moments before her huband was trying to reson out why she should let him kill her. She was opposed but her husband was able to talk Aparna down like, "Ok honey, this idea was kind of silly, Your right, I don't know why I thought this would be a good idea. Let's go to bed." And then when she fell asleep, her husband killed her. No one else knows this and she's been trying to move past it, look on the bright side because the killing was done to make her 'immortal', it was just greatly delayed. I still need to do more research on how The Great Depression effected families.

Milicent: She is a woman made up of a bunch of centipedes but looks like a normal ass woman, just glossy. I need to give her a failure because killing people in a time when you were more controled by animal instincts and not fulling a conscious self doesn't feel like much of a failure to her. She just moves on like nothing every happened but she accepts that yeah, she did eat people. That was how she was before. She's not doing it anymore because she prefers engadging with not dead people, but she wouldn't care to do it. She'll tell her adopted child Fleshy when she's older.

Fleshy: Body horror child escaped experiment who is a living virus. Weird stuff I still need to write down fully. Her biggest failure is her existence because she was a mistake from the lab that made her. I think she's moved on fine so far but she's still young, still learning. Milicent is trying to teach her how to live in this human world while being true to her nature, im still trying to work out their dynamic. Milicent is doing her best but some of the stuff she's teaching is maybe questionable.

Fleshy has minor anger and violence issues actually. For example, if someone were to tease her, if they don't noticibly look bigger or stronger or if she knows she could get away with it, her immediate thought is "punishment" as in, she will punish the other person, just like the people at the lab did to her. That means hitting or trying to absorb them or their limbs, and she's ruthless. She's very shy and cowardly to juxtapose that and Milicent is trying to direct her to not solving situations like that with violence.

Marigold: She's an ecology student with a shovel that can dig holes to other dimensions. Letting her father vanish before she could completly say all she wanted to say to him. Before he had suddenly vanished, they had a verbal argument. What I'm working with now is that for some reason, the father is insisting on moving out just as Marigold got accepted to a local university. The day after while Marigold was gone from the house, the home was ransacked, her mother was beaten, and her father was no where to be seen. Im still working on lore for her. Long story short, she find the shovel and she's trying to find her father, the problem is she doesn't know what shes doing. No one knows about it. She used to be very social until her father went missing and her mother got transported to the hospital.

Zovasa: They are a vampire jumping spider person. I guess being easily bribed for their apperance? Because its a scay spider who seems to be around misfortune or bad events, people misinterpret them as the bad omen. It's in Zovasa's instincts and nature though to see misfortune sprits or demons and then suck their blood or ichor, or whatever magic demon juices are in there. But, if you thow Zovasa a bone or give Zovasa any sort of kindness that isn't hatred, that demon is free to do whatever in Zovasa's eyes. They get let off the hook. Zovasa doesn't see it as a failure, just that they'll go a little hungrier but its ok. Zovasa is alone so I guesss only the ones that bribe them know.

Cranberry: Gremlin bog otter cryptid. This thing has no thoughts in its head other than violence. The world is lucky that the Cranberry does not have highest intellect. We are all better off that way. I think the biggest failure is the creators of Cranberry have yet to find a way to control the Cranberry and weild them as force of destruction. A handful have tried only to die out of bloodloss from their fearsomely treacherous claws and mighty sharpened maws. Only few know of the Cranberry breeding lab under the bog.

Milly: Medical student in medical school studying to be a surgeon. How did she pay for medical school without the support of her parents? She signed a shady loan connected to a shady underground organ trafficing ring! That's her biggest failure so far and she can't move past it yet because she needs to work off that debt. She is pretty introverted so no one knows, im still playing around with the idea of Milicent, Milly, and Fleshy being a sort of found family and if that still sticks, Milicent would know and be there for her. Otherwise, I need to make Milly some friends.

Verdell: Haven't written much for him because hes relativly new but he will be a superhero oc, possibly influnced off tokusatsu stuff. He is Milly's brother and the much more favorited child in the family. It would be an easy cop out answer to say in his eyes, his greatest failure is not being able to help everyone while remaining in the spotlight and get that recogition. He does legitimately want to do good and help people but he's also a people pleaser and badly trying to over-compensate. He wants his good deeds to be seen, high praises sung in his honor, to be liked and widly revered worldwide. I don't think he's that subtile so if people wanted to really pay attention, he prioritizes what will give him more eyes, more fame in his heroic endevors. He feels the need to go higher and higher since birth because those high praises are what his family gave, he feels like he needs to live up to that severely. Experimenting on making him Marigold's housemate after the vanishing of her father.

Bake: My tanuki oc! She doesn't see herself as having any major failure in her life but for the most part all she thinks about is eatting and survival as a wild animal, and whatever would get her interest at any given moment. She's a younger character with no role model figure or adult figure in her life. She's really alone. Given her attitude as an animal, has little empathy for others experiences or feelings about death other than a dead thing should stay dead. I think her biggest failure is that she doesn't have any real goals or ambition, no actual reason to strive for continued exsistance other than for survival sake. She just exist, wandering around. She might be depressed but she doesn't know it, because she naps quite a bit. She also really doesn't have any morals unless its just, "This thing will get me killed so don't do that." or "There's food there, food is important for survival. I will take it." Id like to write her more but I get self conscious.

Malinda: This giant red and black spikey dragon. In her eyes, her biggest failure is not getting out of her cave and murdering the king yet because they keep sending these knights to her cave in order to steal from her horde of items. She has a personal vendetta against this one specific king but she can't be bothered yet to take care of it, she's procrastinating. I think her biggest failure is sort of being a hermit and shutting herself off from things. She's a very neutral dragon, almost passive with how much she doesn't care unless something really rouses her. She's just as likely to join a hero's party as much as she is to join the demon lord, its whoever gets to her first and impresses her the most. It's depending on her company how she'll develop.

Lily: My self-insert oc. The easiest way I can describe her species is wolf tulpa person. She specifically has an identity crisis. I made her to try and get through my own trauma and digest it without attacking myself. Wolves are known for their packs and undying loyalty so betraying or deserting them is treason no matter what. She is activly running away from her problems by going around by herself in an RV. She is not able to move past them and that's a major part of her character. She's trying but activly, when she tries to go with other people, to have fun and move past it, feelings kind of consume her. Even one slip up and she gets all scared and withdrawn. She has SAD or Social Anxiety Disorder when she never had that before. She internalizes her greatest failure a lot, the failure to stay and protect the ones she loves and cares about, then seeing them seemingly get corrupted by a miasma right before her eyes, or that dillusion in her part? I purposly make it vauge. I think about Knight Of Despair when thinking about her sometimes. I need to write her but its like staring at a mirror. I can't do it for too long but I'd like to.

[bandtrees]

🛒 tell me about ur themes ollie

I WOULD LOVE TO DO NOTHING MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fanfic writer emoji ask!

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc. - im going to speak these words and you're going to think "HIGURASHI FAN", and you will be correct. generally speaking, a theme i am obsessed with, is perception vs reality. being neurodivergent, in my experience, is like being your own unreliable narrator, not even knowing you're unreliable - so it's a topic that's very near and dear to my heart.

in particular, i love getting into the nitty gritty of it: in particular, outside forces shaping how a person thinks, but they're not aware of it. tttaac mob and crowfic ritsu are biggest examples of this, so is tmtrainer eden, you feel protected isaac, and reanimation technician itadori - the feeling of when you're angry and don't know it's because you're hungry, or depressed but don't know it's because of stress you've been carrying for a long time? that there is my bread and butter.

(^it's also the reason i'm so into um... brain damage? just conceptually? i find it fascinating as someone who, albeit in a neurodivergent sense, has a lot of their perception of the world changed by physical nonsense in their noggin (like autism, adhd, anxiety). it's a specific thing to keep returning to, from my transformers fics to tttaac and beyond, but what can i say. i love the intrigue that comes with someone's entire being being shaped by a physical organ and what happens if you poke at that.)

i also, PREDICTABLY, love gory imagery, i think gore is a constant in my writing, whether it's actually happening or is just used as extended metaphor - cuz, and i tell this story often, i got my start with fanfiction (and writing in general) through grimfics and creepypastas, and one of my biggest fandoms ever, the one i have to thank for a lot both creatively and for the reason i even know my qpp and why i'm on this site at all, was warrior cats - where, to a kid, feeling cool and mature reading about death scenes and gore is awesome. so i'll always gravitate towards some manner of blood and guts, its my favorite

speaking of warriors, in my oc fic, spottedfur's pride... i need to learn to use nature imagery other than going off of what season it is, lol, but for characters living in a forest, it checks out. there's so much season imagery in spottedfur's pride. i put maybe a bit too much emphasis in the first arc on half-melted snow and muddy slush at the tail end of winter, but in my defense, i think it makes for cool visuals, and i'm still kind of struggling to write for characters i cant fall back on human traits, concepts, etc, to describe. so for now, have sooo much season imagery lol.

also i've been told my writing style is very "psychological/out of body introspection -> physical sensation -> psychological/out of body introspection -> so on and so forth" - not as a criticism, just something my friend cyn pointed out to me once, and.. i always notice that lol. it's because i think i'm very good at writing overarching thoughts and broad-strokes feelings and how they change over time (i'm a huge character study guy) but i struggle with scene-by-scene action-by-action Plot Progression(tm), so i cheat my way out of it by using paragraphs of internal monologuing as free timeskips. and granted i think i'm good enough at it lol

tysm!!! i love getting to ramble about my process... if you couldnt tell lolol.

[illarian-rambling]

Thanks for the tag @cain-e-brookman!

Proud-of Tag

Rules: Post something you're proud of

Here's a little slice of Astra’s definitely fully platonic feelings from MG3 :)

Astra barked a laugh. “Yeah, I can fix ya up with somethin’. Maybe you can teach me to swim someday, though I’m feelin’ pretty pleased with my performance today. I bet I’ll be a natural, once I really learn.”

“I guess we’ll find out.” Mashal’s mouth curved into a barebones smile, only for his eyes to flicker nervously. “If that’s the case, then… then are we going to stick together once I’m human again?”

The witch’s eyebrows shot up. She hadn’t considered that before.

“Of course we are!” she replied. “I— I mean, if ya want to, that is. You’re my friend, Mashal. The first friend I’ve had…. The first friend I’ve had in a damn long time. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed bein’ around someone the way I enjoy bein’ near you.”

The more she thought, the more she found the words were true. There was something about this man that brought out the best in her, and made her want to bring out the best in him. To find the deepest well of his heart and learn its depths as thoroughly as she might study the mysteries of magic itself.

She’d never had a friend like Mashal before. And now that she had him, she didn’t want to ever let him go.

At her side, Mashal’s smile blossomed gently back into place. He squeezed her hand and Astra felt a smile slide onto her own face. She knew how nervous he sometimes got with delicate motions like that.

“I enjoy being near you too,” he finally said. “I’d like to keep it that way, even once everything is put to rights.”

For a second, it seemed like he was about to say something more, only to shake his head and gesture back towards the way they’d came. “We should get out of here. Who knows what else is lurking?”

“Hopefully no more spiders.” Astra chuckled as she elbowed him in the ribs. “You know they’re more afraid a’ you than you are a’ them, right?”

Mashal made a gagging noise. “I don’t care. They can be afraid, just so long as they stay off me. Gods, I can still feel all those little legs….”

“I’ll find ya some bug spray later,” she offered, still grinning. “I reckon it’s a good thing I didn’t mention Abomination while I still had the vardo, I guess.”

“Who now?”

Astra grimaced apologetically. “The big ole’ huntsman spider that lived in the Extraordinaire. He was my pest control. I reckon he’s dead by now—I don’t know how long the critters live, but he’d been with me a while by the time you showed up.”

“A— A spider. You had a spider living in your wagon. A spider you named Abomination.” Mashal let out a shaky sigh. “Well, why not?”

“If he and my vardo are still there by the time we get back, I’ll relocate ’im to some cozy shed for his retirement.” Astra gave her friend’s hand a squeeze. “Since we’re gonna be stickin’ together.”

“That’s, uh, probably for the best,” Mashal answered laughingly.

She's the demisexual rep I'm making for myself. Tagging @bunnymermaidwrites @sarahlizziewrites @sageswriting @autism-purgatory @katenewmanwrites and anyone else who wants to play :)

[cangrellesteponme]

I've thought about it so much I came to the conclusion BOTH Sebastian and Claude are two different types of autistic demons, and maybe it's rare in demons so BOTH these guys are weirdos among their own kind. IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

my autistic ass agrees. so I must elaborate.

(for the sake of this, we're putting aside the fact that this hc is completely incompatible with any and all things canon.)

first, reasons they're autistic:

they're very bad at pretending to be human. you'd think millennia spent observing humans would help them suck a little bit less, but they really don't understand human behaviour at all. (just like me fr)

weird humans special interest.

repeating the same phrases a lot. this one gets two autism points because it's both scripting and a vocal stim. like, I know damn well these hoes just love saying their "yes my lord" "yes your highness" bs and their butler mottos.

butler cosplay.

low empathy. (I know that's a controversial one because it's not as common as allistics think it is, but I'm not about to go on a tangent about undesirable autistic traits and ableism) this one is not enough on its own because... why would a demon feel empathy for a human when that's a whole different species, but some people feel bad for bugs so I'm taking this as these demon butlers presenting yet another autistic trait!

picky eaters. like... seb would rather starve than eat bad food. that is autistic behaviour.

being very specific about phrasing. people never focus on what is said, but rather on what it means... unless they're autistic. (we see hannah be normal about words all the time so we can assume it's really just claude and sebastian who love being way too precise.) also seb did pretend to misinterpret o!ciel's words during the contract negotiation just to force the kid to always be direct and literal with his orders - that is peak autistic behaviour. as for claude... there are so many different instances of this in kuro 2, but him not having a clear contract with alois is another example of "you better be precise or shit will happen to you".

weirdos. pathetic loners. probably got bullied by other demons smh.

I can only think of claude examples for this one but I'm sure there are a few for seb: unmasking and being really fucking weird. think of the knitting, the disney princess shit, the tap dancing, being a weird ass spider, licking blood...

both preferring a much smaller amount of servants than what is socially acceptable.

being naturally fucking terrifying. they are autism creatures in the most horrific sense. we have the spider guy with the long tongue and the dude who's mostly black goop with teeth.

there are plenty of other reasons, but these are the most obvious ones they have in common.

them being autistic in two different ways:

flat affect vs way too dramatic. claude won't be caught dead emoting like a normal person, sebastian constantly looks deeply offended or amused by everything he sees... two very different behaviours. both autistics.

attachment to objects and animals. so, about the empathy thing, plenty of autistic people who would be categorised as low-empathy are the type to love animals and apologise to furniture - that's seb. the rest don't give a single fuck about anyone or anything - that's claude.

visual stimulation is superior vs no thoughts only tactile stim. this is me projecting and saying every autistic bitch with glasses likes wearing them a little too much but I'd say claude clearly cares a lot about colours (constantly changing everything at the trancy manor... I see how it is) while we have sebastian who likes petting cats, cares about the fine fabric of his coat enough to talk about it in the middle of a fight, is horrified when tea is poured on his hands... very stimmy demons.

ANYWAY

they're autistic, your honour.

[lesbiansheosmith]

serial experiments Iain first impression+ review[?]

mild spoilers warning

show has: suicide, drugs-like substance mention, shooting, very light and brief sexual themes, not light and brief stalking[?] during masturbation, blood and possible misophonia triggers

[this isnt a professional overview of the thing at all, i watchd it oncr and just wanna have some record of my thoughts on it el o el]

i loved lain. it was certainly a very odd and reminiscent experience, bare bones plot and very unclear direction of the episodes was something i didnt expect at ALL from something i was holding off for a long while. simplest way to say this is that sel is an exploration and very active pov of experiencing stuff like did, schizophrenia, autism, social anxiety, hallucinations, short/long-term amnesia, suicide, derealization and dissociation as a whole, mixed with oversight of nihilistic, omnicidal technological influx on society.

i dont think lain tries to represent something clearly. its natural and off-putting in blood, giving an unusual perspective of a person who is actually going through all the shit forementioned. it doesnt have an outer opinion or commentary, nor self-awareness enough to lay it out flat for the viewer, which is sick ! it might be borderline uncomfortable to watch sometimes, but i really resonate with what lain and people surrounding her say and do, how they act and go forward from point a to point b. i understand and relate to their experiences, and its not very often that it feels so first hand, not just through dialogue and noise but the whole picture. its not easy to analyze lain because its themes are blurry and undefined, but highlighted and somewhat brought into focus.

i mentally compared sel to yume 2kki/nikki in my head since the first episode cuz i prefer interpreting overhead noise and buzzing on the streets as sensory regularity for lain, who isnt exacrly human i think ?? she is said to be software near the end of the show, but i dont know how i perosnally feel about it. lain can be both a metaphor and a very direct showcase of mechanical abomination, which is — lain.

everything, all art in lain is weird as fuck. it is what makes me think of 2kki and what drives close to home, but still staying so weird and unwanted. non-metaphorically at the end of sel, she erased herself from all memory, yet she still keeps popping back in, as a vague figure and hologram in text boxes, and at the very finish, she seems to just ,, appear in a timeline as herself, with time has passed but her just the same. curiously, arisu recognizes lain still, and it really seems like lain is not real, with how she cant be forgotten.

really loved the ending itself because it reminded me strongly of ddlc, plus the evil lain is there i guess. i actually have barely to no thoughts on that character[?] because i have no idea what theyre supposed to represent. literal malicious lain like a virus who fucks shit up in the wired?? alter ???? artificial puppet that god created to fuck lain up ? bug ???? maybe all at once and maybe none. i stick to my headcanon of lain having did and schizophrenia [and more] so it just makes a bit more sense if they were a split of lain consciousness, but i dont have a specific reasoning as to why they would be so mean-spirited

the omnipresent ruler of wired and all he is in the show. i think his character was meant to be a manic god complex engineer who wrote himself into his work of wired to live forever and be a god. i guess ? show doesnt explain it any better ok

he created lain, told her shes software and essentially broke her just because she asked for that stupid fucking navi which is dumb lain has cardboard standees of parents and much fleshed out but still neglectful sister who has some backstory which is always nice. she lives in a weird world with very odd activities and excessive wires and a cute girl arisu. i think lain is lesbian so they two should totally kiiitthhh

gorefest overview: 0/10. there is no viscera or excessive blood in lain, and i mean . like at all. there is some sweet body horror in two or three final episodes, but thats as close as it comes

blood meter: 0.5/10. faint blood splatters and drops. in sel i think it focuses more on death itself than flesh, which i can sliiightly tip my hat to

will be updated l8r cuz i got sore throat and a fever rn(⁠个⁠_⁠个⁠) live love lain

[istherewifiinhell]

1, 12, 18 for rottnmt? 🥺

THANK U BESTIE. giving so many fun things to think about while im at work ahahah.

1. the character everyone gets wrong

I will say i blame no one its basically a non issue but i do find evil au draxums very funny. Like! he little is a villian he DID want to destory humanity he does have a villain music number. all true. also his turning sides is s2 so. BUT ANYWAY. very funny to have him be like. evil maybe abusive dad type in aus. im sorry the guy who using 2 tiny incompetent gargoyles as henchmen/paldrons... he lets em sleep in the little dog bed..... 🥺. Hes a cartoon villian but hes got offers dental typa guy... imho.

Also personal i think these a tendacy to lean donnies personality too far in any direction. why nerf his autism swag like that... he drinks flavourless juice AND invented the messiest nasty looking sandwich ever. sometimes he does not like touch sometimes he throws his dad into the air to hug him. he has LAYERS.

LAST THING. my bro said to mention gay coded leo cause "im homophobic". jhgfdb. I just didnt read him as particularly more queer coded than his brothers.... theyre ALL a little flamboyant okaayyyyyyy. turtles are lgbtq (what all at once? yes.)

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

are there unpopular characters in rise kinda feel... not really. ILL SAY. Casey senior just cause she kinda takes the back seat after movie with casey jr..... do yall understand how many fake outs she was.... you could think shes karai due to being in the foot clan or maybe think shed get mutated into mona lisa (her voice actress played the one in 12!).

BUT NAW! angry bruser, sporty, vigilanty CASEY JONES. I love her..... also that she joins the squad cause SPLINTER. was like. oh a troubled youth... they need guidance. extremely cute. 90s movie splinter moment. based. thing we were robbed of #587. Rise casey and raph BREAKING SHIT together. as fweinds....

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

i really like thinking about the arcs we didnt get to see in unfinshed rest of season 2 and 3.... there was gonna be more mystic stuff, the family actually getting along with draxum more naturally.... GIRL TURTLES (<- dissolves into goo).

i wanna think about it. i wanna think about the raph leo becoming co leaders thing.... the showwww so so so primed for them working together and not having a direct hiercharly system fits cause this is the iteration they designed to be more like a typical family. that why splinter had a career that is not. ninja master. lol, thats why they are different ages (sorry to any quadruplets out there). and after the ages where the childhood developmental stages that are gonna favour the eldest sibling. Most siblings do not have one leader they have to listen to abt shit. [That aint a diss on how other iterations are its just a different essay lol...]

as for something that actually ended up IN the show... fav fav moment makes me cry when every i rewatch or even THINK ABOUT IT. The moment that lets Splinter reconcile the pain that the Hamato clan brought him, with the legacy, intention, and love, it was created with.

Under cut cause its some of the very last stuff that happened in the show.

The moment when Splinter's mom, (had to check ->), Atsuko shows up with the rest of the Hamato ancestors. she puts her hands next to splinter and she looks at him so so fondly and she repeats HIS action movie catch phrase. and THATS the moment Splinter, Hamato Yoshi can like. come to peace about the clans legacy.... Perfect culmination of his arc....

like it PROVES. his whole life the legacy of this clan was what was taking his family AWAY. his mom, probably his grandpa? he was suppose to let his sons GET MARTYRED. he left his family, as they had left him. but as they say anata wa hitori janai.... his mom still saw!!! HIS LIFE. his movies. Sees him as he grew, as a mutant, and the love between family is literally magic that keeps them together. THATS what Karai wanted it to be..... I jsut think we should talk about and the sad rat man healing from generation trauma. MAYBE. Cause he loves his mommy. [finally. A splinter with MOMMY ISSUES/BRICKED]

[theorahsart]

hi im really sorry if this comes off the wrong way, but I saw your comic and I wanted to ask a question. thing is the 'gradient' version of the autism spectrum made a lot of sense to me. cause I literally do feel "a little autistic" (again I'm so sorry if this comes off wrong! I don't want to be one of those people who's like everyones a little autistic) I have a little bit of a lot the symptoms but not enough/causes enough issue to actually be autistic/asd. e.g. I struggle with eye contact occasionally - sometimes people look over their shoulder and I realise I've been staring over their shoulder instead of making eye contact - but again only occasionally. I occasionally struggle with sarcasm (I used to struggle A LOT but I've gotten better) but again only really a little more than average - not nearly as much as my family for example (I'm fairly certain my mum has ASD but I don't want to armchair diagnose). I used to be overly sensitive and prone to tantrums but not really any more. I am definitely INCREDIBLY PRONE to stimming. routines - I am very prone to routines, the only way I get things done each day is by having a specific order I do them in and I get uncomfortable when someone breaks that routine - but also my own inability to do things and manage my time causes me to REGULARLY break my own routines. I get overstimulated by lights/noises/smells, more than average but not really that much that its debilitating, and not any more often than my friends or family. the one that finally prompted me to send this ask - I just recently learned that autism affects motor control and I recalled mum saying both her and I have poor spatial awareness which I think relates to motor control.

HOWEVER again even though I kinda have a little bit of everything im definitely not autistic. I speak with a normal tone and I only have very slightly poorer social skills than average. I didn't have any delays in development - started speaking at the right time and all. also all my symptoms are slight and none interfere with daily living.

anyway my point is the "little bit autistic" made a lot of sense to me and I was wondering if you could consolidate what I experience with the points you've made? or maybe what I'm experiencing is just normal, maybe everyone struggles with eye contact, understanding expressions etc. from time to time, in which case im very sorry for wasting your time and downplaying autistic struggles

Hello anon! Thank you for the question- I'm sure lots of people maybe wonder the same thing, so I will answer as best I can (I'm sorry for the long answer, I like giving lots of context)~

So first of all, yes, everyone struggles with all the same things autistic ppl struggle with from time to time. As you say yourself, the only point to really have an autism label is that we need to separate the 'from time to time' from the 'has a significant impact on my life and needs exploring'.

Its messy and complicated and, since by its nature is a social difference, will probably be defined in a different way in the future and was defined in a different way in the past. But yes, ultimately, if it isnt impacting your life enough that you feel the need to explore the label, then maybe you aren't autistic.

HOWEVER

People are as complicated as labels for social differences lol I'm not you and dont know you. People who've had to grow up suppressing themselves in order to fit in, often learn to put up with a base level of discomfort that becomes the norm for them, and they think they're doing just fine and then realise at some point that they're really not fine. Or they think theyve had anxiety their whole lives when in fact they were surpressing sensory issues. Or they've never learned emotional vocabulary and had no compass to guide them in looking at their own feelings, therefore ignoring negative feelings. The human mind is very good at ignoring things and maladapting.

Basically, just because someone says something doesnt impact them, doesnt mean that's neccasarily true. So I dont want to answer your ask with a simple 'if you arent suffering then you're not autistic' cos thats not how human perception and self knowing works.

I'm afraid my very unhelpful official answer is: 'A little autistic' doesnt exist (it really doesnt, autism is too complicated for such a nice simple label as that!) but if you feel that label previously worked for you, then you may want to do some self reflection and think about why you felt you wanted or needed that label. Maybe you should reflect on the reasons behind the autism traits you feel you relate to.

ie. is your occasional lack of eye contact

- due to you fixating on the moments when you dont make eye contact

-due to you feeling naturally inclined to not make eye contact but forcing yourself to do it out of politeness

-due to anxiety/shyness

These answers could all mean you have autism or not autism for different reasons, but when you start to think about the why behind any of these reasons and talk to people about these reasons, it can help you to understand yourself better, which could lead to you deciding you're autistic, or maybe looking into other things such as ADHD, or realising you have some emotional trauma to deal with, or just making pecae with who you are.

But right now, the fact youve sent me a very long message listing various traits suggests you're not entirely at peace with who you are and are looking for answers! I would take that to mean that you *do* struggle in some way, or are at least feeling your experience is not a normal experience. This seems like a good time to start exploring how different you are or are not to others and what that means to you. I know thats a very therapist kinda answer, but I hope its some kind of helpful for you!

[straycatboogie]

2023/05/01 English

BGM: Denki Groove - 虹

Today I worked late. This morning I read a collection of Mieko Kanai's short stories. I always listen to some music during reading books. Today I chose Oasis's "Champagne Supernova". As you know, this song has a part of the sound of crushing waves. Listening to that sound (and maybe because I had enjoyed a certain sweet nostalgies from Mieko Kanai's masterpieces), I thought I wanted to go to the sea. But I live in mountains so can never go to any sea. The sea... I remembered Shu Fujisawa's essays. Fujisawa once spent his days with going to see the sea without any purpose when he was young. No purpose, not for swimming, but just going to the sea and being impressed by its dynamic scenery. Then, I will go to see the mountains. Indeed, my life is surrounded by really great mountains. I want to be impressed or beaten by the nature, the greenery of mountains like Shu Fujisawa... Now I am reading books too much, and being possessed by tiny thoughts. I want to dive into the forests.

Listening to Oasis, I am getting into the "straight" and "great" sound they product. I am a person of Nirvana, Blur, Oasis, and Radiohead. I once thought it was miserable (but I can't see why I thought so... I might think myself too much). But now I won't hide it. Older generation said to me "where are they good?" and "they must be crap". But it is a clear fact for me that I have learned various things from Damon Albern and Noel Gallagher. Yes, they are wise and courageous... and that makes me think that I won't see new things as crap simply. Even they seem just some "reproductions" or "reprica" for me, I want to accept the fact that new generation see them as serious arts. I want to treat that serious attitude preciously. I want to make freedom in my mind like that.

After graduating from my university, I came back to this town... and I once felt that my life became totally crap. "I can never enjoy any funny things, and just wait for death in this as-hole town". I felt it was a duty to live in this town, so I drank a lot of alcohol. But, I thought "I would die soon if I keep on drinking in such a heavy style", so I googled and found the "danshu" meeting. After that, I started attending the meeting about autism, and joining Shiso International Association... and I could quit alcohol. I also start enjoying the English conversation class and meeting new people every day. I heard that various people come back to this town from urban cities (we say this as "U-Turn"). They try to make this town wonderful again. We say "If there is a will, there will be a way". The attitude of doing interesting things would gather other people or make miracle. I... I met a lot of people through this diary. And life still goes on. As Motoharu Sano, a Japanese rockstar says, "Beat goes on".

After having lunch, I enjoyed Fishmans again. I was deeply impressed by their technical playing. I have learned from Mieko Kanai and Fishmans that how important to improve the skill or technique. Not improving my character, but just the skill. Then, that skill would show my character straightly. Don't worry... and I read books and write my memo in English every day. I think about various ideas. On MeWe, I met a person who asked us that "I want to improve my English". I have no certain or proper answer to this. But all I can say is just doing practice and believing certain progress of ourselves are important. Speaking English is seeing the fact of delivering every phrase and every sentence in our conversations. That is a series of tiny achievement. Seeing those achievements can be a series of getting self-esteem. And that leads to improvement. English improvement, human improvement... this is just my opinion, but I believe like this.

[naiokiara]

I don’t know enough about the phenomena of people faking autism to cite any of its effects, I’ll admit that straight out.  But here’s how I see it, I guess.

Allistics who subject themselves to manufactured experiences that can mimic or approximate those from which some people with autism suffer might just start to finally really understand how exhausting it is to be autistic.  Think of someone who just doesn’t understand the whole “irritating fabrics” thing. If they wear burlap for a week and it rubs them raw, they just might not scoff anymore when someone says polyester itches.

Allistics who publicly mimic autistic traits convincingly might then be treated like they’re autistic. It’s really hard for some people to comprehend what hasn’t ever happened to them. They’ll gain that experience and can later treat people with ASD with more affective or cognitive empathy or at least better-informed comprehension. If you ‘walk a mile in someone’s shoes’, you usually have more understanding of them, and empathy for them, than less.

Maybe they’ll share their observations from that unique point of view.  Sometimes people listen better to those who they consider their social, cognitive, or ideological peers.  An allistic person might be able to better explain to certain other allistic people how to treat autistic people with more respect, patience and understanding. 

It’s not cut and dry, though.  People from all points of various spectrums have differing skills when it comes to experience, learning and communication.  But the more voices to share their perception, the better chances someone who can’t seem to understand gets to hear a version that they CAN begin to comprehend.  Experiences aren’t universal and hearing one person’s perspective doesn’t adequately prepare someone to treat everyone with respect and care.  But every exposure can help inform people a little bit. And the more that collection of information contains messages with sympathetic intent or effect, the better. 

Sometimes role play is the best way to gain a real understanding when actually being the subject you’re imitating isn’t possible.  It’s literally the way most human children learn empathy - affective, cognitive, or both - when it’s not possible or feasible to have those children actually experience something themselves.  I consider role play that isn’t intended to mock or deride morally ambiguous at worst and morally good at best. 

It’s also possible that people who are masking or hiding their autism, either consciously or not, to their great personal distress or exhaustion, will feel more willing to examine themselves if they believe it’s socially acceptable to “pretend” to be autistic.  Perhaps that “permission” is what they personally need to act in a way that is actually more natural and comfortable for them.  Perhaps it helps them recognize their needs, seek out resources and community and stop depriving themselves in order to feel safe.

People who role play and experiment don’t tend to keep doing it forever.  They either get comfortable, realize they’re actually finally at home and settle in or they try something else next. Either way, it’s the good kind of curious, because it’s done to the self. Yes, it involves and affects others, but it’s not projection. 

"But what if people fake being autistic?"

The vast majority of neurotypical people have no idea what autism is other than a few meaningless slogans. Or maybe they know one autistic person and assume every autistic person is just like them. Their perception of autism is so far off that it's laughable.

If a neurotypical person is able to fake being autistic and actually do it accurately, I say we let them.