#maybe after I finish my 30 book challenge for the year

[merry-kuroo]

So the guy I like read my copy of The Silent Patient so we talked about it yesterday. He loved the book and he said he'd trust me on book recommendations from now on 🥺

So on Tuesday I'm giving him my copy of The Secret History, which is my favorite book of all time. Before I give it to him, I'm going to underline some of my favorite lines and put little flags at my favorite scenes 🥰 It'll be cute, like when Rory got her book back from Jess and when she opened it he had written his thoughts throughout the margins.

For the record, I was planning on marking up my copy of The Secret History anyway but now I'm more motivated to do so 😅

I already know he's going to have mixed feelings about the book so I'm looking forward to his reactions. He's supposed to be getting me a copy of his favorite fantasy series at some point too.

[beauty-and-passion]

TBOB PART 3: OF BILL'S SOLITUDE AND BILLFORD (1/3)

What can I say? I’ve always loved the canon ship in almost every fandom I was in.

Welcome, everyone. Welcome to the third part of my endless rambling about Bill Cipher, The Book of Bill and Gravity Falls in general. Now it’s time for the ship, so sit back and relax, because there is a lot to talk about here.

Yes, I was one of the people who shipped these two eight years ago. And I shipped them as soon as I finished watching the series, because… well, there was more than enough proof that something was going on between them.

Unfortunately, the mentality at the time was “Bill tries to kill Dipper as soon as he has the chance? True love. One trillion proofs that Ford and Bill have something going on? How dare you think that, you are a Bad Person™”.

And yes, I know I could’ve written one post years ago and tried to explain Billford back then but… it would’ve been so, so tiresome. Especially considering that pedophilia was a-okay, but Billford shippers were terrible people Because Yes.

But hey, times change, people change and TBOB gives us enough proofs even a blind person can see them. So. it’s finally time to extensively talk about this ship - this time, from Bill’s point of view.

(For the disclaimer and everything else, refer to the first post. And read the previous ones too, if you like! They will help you understand some things I take for granted here.)

<- Previoust post - Masterlist

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Billford has always been canon

The thing is: now as then, Billford has never been a ship about “and they ended up happily ever after”. There was never an intent to glorify abuse or to say that Bill and Ford had the healthiest relationship and everyone should have the same.

What was so captivating of this ship was the tragedy of it. The clearly evident infatuation. The obsession these two had for each other.

This is what pushed people (me included) to ship them: because it’s interesting. The dramatic possibilities, the angst, how deeply an obsession can go to the point you lose yourself to your partner… and yes, of course also the interesting images that can come up by imagining such different beings having something physical (if you’re not a coward and give Bill a human form). It’s not the typical fluff with a couple being lovey-dovey 24/7: it’s a lot more. There is a lot that can be explored. It’s wonderfully challenging, both on the writing plane and purely mentally.

… and yes, it's funny for crack and parodies. These two being cringe and pathetic or married and divorced at the same time is always funny.

Sure, at first we had just the show to support this ship. But oh boy, if there weren’t enough proofs already:

Ford’s house was filled to the brim with images, pictures and stuff of Bill. His goddamn windows are triangular-shaped. Not even the Vatican is filled with so many images of God - and I can assure you the windows are not Jesus-shaped.

Ford made a deal with Bill to be together “from now until the end of time”. Until the end of time. That’s basically a marriage, only even more extreme, because fuck death, we will be together until the last supernova evaporates. And before you ask: yes, it takes such a stupidly long amount of time, it’s bonkers. That’s real infatuation.

Ford consensually gave his body to Bill for possession. Just imagine the sheer trust you need to surrender your whole self to someone else. Not even a married couple can reach this level of trust. And definitely not “just friends”. Maybe BDSM couples can come a bit closer to what these two had.

As soon as Ford returned home after 30 years, Bill greeted him in a dream, called him “his old pal” and was all nice and friendly. No hard feelings, no reprimands, nothing but flattery and threats because, as we learned from TBOB, these two things go together in his head.

Bill asked Ford to join him 200 times more or less.

Bill gave Ford 200 nicknames more or less.

During Weirdmageddon, right after Ford tried to kill him with one of the things that could’ve destroyed him (the quantum destabilizer), Bill welcomed him with a smile, offered him a place among his freaks for the umpteenth time and, when Ford refused again, he turned him into his literal golden trophy wife and carried him around.

By comparison, when Preston Northwest offered his help, Bill shuffled the function of every hole in his face and ignored him completely right after.

Also: Ford tries to shoot me and fails by sheer luck? Please please please, be one of my freaks. Dipper tries to throw me a punch that will literally do nothing? Death. Bill doesn’t have double standards, nope nope.

To convince Ford to give him the equation, Bill’s first thought is to bring Ford into a private suite, serenade him and ask him to join him for… what? The 220th time?

When Ford refuses, Bill puts chains on him in the kinkiest possible way known to mankind, with an iconic image that screams of BDSM.

Somehow, all of this wasn’t enough. And so, we had Journal 3, in which:

Ford called Bill “his Muse”. Oh, my mistake: he called Bill “his blessed Muse”.

Literally lavishes Bill with compliments. So. Many. Compliments.

Says Bill will “seduce” you with never-ending flattery. Interesting verb choice here, Ford, are you sure there’s nothing else you want to tell us?

Ford named a constellation after his Muse.

Once he went through the portal, instead of hiding away forever and good luck finding him, Ford held a 30-years-old grudge and decided HE would’ve killed Bill, no one else. That’s not a simple obsession between friends.

But after all of this, something was still missing.

Until now, it was quite certain that Ford had a COLOSSAL obsession about Bill. The religious fervor, the sheer trust, the depth of his grudge all made it very clear that Bill carved a deeply rooted place in his heart and mind - a place he kept for most of Ford’s life.

But what about Bill? Did he even care about Ford?

We had no idea. Sure, he showed some kind of care: he gave Ford special treatment during Weirdmageddon and seemed to value him enough to offer him a place among his freaks multiple times.

But when did this care start? Was it just because he needed Ford? What about their pre-betrayal relationship? Did Bill even care before?

The most plausible explanation at the time was that pre-betrayal Bill was simply flattered by Ford’s lavish adoration. Maybe he liked the guy a bit (otherwise, why waste time with him?) and humored him in his fervor, but nothing more than that.

But then the betrayal happened and Ford switched from adoring him to opposing him. He actively ran away, found ways to keep Bill away from his mind and came back with the sole intention of killing him.

At the time, I thought this was the moment when Bill started to be truly interested in Ford. Before Ford was just an adoring pet. Now he was more. Now he was interesting. Now he was worthy.

And that opened the door to even more angst possibilities! If Billford was just a “one-sided relationship” before, now it could’ve been the story of two beings who loved/cared about each other, but at different moments in time: Ford in the past, when Bill didn’t love him yet. And Bill in the present, when Ford wasn’t in love with him anymore. The perfect tragedy, ton of angst, love that.

But now, with TBOB and thisisnotawebsitedotcom, the tragedy that is Billford gets a new, angst layer. A beautiful, angst layer.

Because it’s not that Bill never cared about Ford or cared at the wrong moment in time: Bill cared right from the start.

_______________________________

Deeply alone

One detail about TBOB that people aren’t talking too much about is the sense of solitude that permeates it. There are parts in which you can literally feel Bill’s loneliness.

One example? The Bill Tells All section. I know it’s supposed to be a funny parody, but it’s also a perfect image of how alone he is. He’s so alone, he has to be host, interviewee and audience at the same time, because no one else is willing to listen or talk to him.

And in light of the information we got about his past, I think this is an extremely important part of Bill’s character and personality.

Let’s come back to Euclydia: the anthem/poem on the website emphasizes how close people are (“LOVED ONES WILL BE EVER NEAR”), so it’s very possible Bill grew up surrounded by his loved ones.

And then, one single event and everyone disappeared. All the people who surrounded him one second ago, were gone the second after. “There was no one left but me, covered in blood, alone in the universe.”: if this line means solitude for us, just imagine how much, much stronger that same solitude would be for someone who, until that moment, has always been surrounded by others and knew no other reality than that.

That’s another level of solitude: it’s a black void of emptiness, something all-encompassing and all-consuming. It’s a hole carved inside you that nothing will fill ever again. And it was you, the one who carved it.

Of course Bill became insane. Of course he chose to find a justification for his action, by saying that he liberated his dimension and that his people were holding him back. I don’t know what he would’ve done, if he hadn’t. Probably, he wouldn’t have found a way to survive.

But he survived. He repressed his trauma, justified it and kept going towards the stars he was aiming for.

Still, that void was inside him - and we know he tried to fill it. He tried by dating a literal void, for god’s sake. And he tried by surrounding himself with people.

That’s probably why he became who he is: a flashy, flamboyant figure, someone who loves to be the center of attention, because that means having people around. It means people listening to him and being with him and surrounding him again. It means not being alone again.

I mean, just look at this book: every page has something new and interesting, every page is a different attempt to keep you involved, to keep you around and listen.

But an audience can always leave. An audience can stop being around. And that’s probably why Bill searched for someone closer, someone who wouldn’t leave him so soon.

He searched for new loved ones.

_______________________________

Love and hate

Bill’s love advice put a real smile on my face, because sure, they’re funny, but at their foundation, they all share the same goal: to show to your potential partner your qualities and how you would be able to carry/provide for them and your offspring.

Why is it so funny? Because that’s exactly what every single living being does to attract a potential mate: showing off your colorful feathers, singing louder than others, fighting other rivals, showing how clever you are, using pheromones and special smells. And, for humans, something like, idk, showing how wide your hips were as proof that you would carry healthy babies. Or showing off how wealthy you are, to prove you can take care of your partner and your offspring.

Bill himself follows this mentality, considering advices like “have two of everything to show your wealth” or “show how much calcium you have (aka how healthy you are)”. Heck, he even has a seduction hat which is basically one huge phallic shape!

And, again, this makes me smile, not just because it’s a clear parody of those men who keep showing off their huge, large vehicles. But also because he usually wears a tall top hat. And how funny it would be, if a tall top hat was indeed a way to win a partner in Euclydia? What if that’s how his father got his mother? Please, I want a fanfic or Mr. Cipher entering a place with a top hat big and wide enough to win Mrs. Cipher’s heart (while not accidentally piercing through another shape). I bet it would be hilarious.

Funny love advice aside, I would also point out these two things Bill says:

Love and fear are right next to each other in the brain and, like most humans, Bill also can’t tell the difference (he doesn’t even think there is a difference)

“love is the pupa stage for hate”

The fact Bill mixes love and fear explains why he is like that in general - and with Ford too. If love and fear are the same thing, then there is no difference between flattering someone and threatening them. There is no difference between partying with his friends and scaring the shit out of them. There’s no difference between helping Ford and hurting him. And there’s no difference between allowing him to see Fordtramarine and “joking” about someone coming to steal his eyes.

Also: if “love is the pupa stage for hate”, then Ford coming back after 30 years hating him was completely normal for Bill. It was just how things were supposed to go: first he loved him, now he hates him. Still, same thing. Still worth a place among his freaks. Still worth flirting. For Bill, nothing has changed - just evolved in a natural way.

And yes, this is uber duper fucked up and great material for toxic Billford. But it also makes me think: how did Bill get this mentality? How did he manage to mix love and fear so much? When did it happen?

Inevitably, I think about Euclydia. And inevitably, I think that “the incident” is when Bill mixed the two things.

When he still lived in Euclydia, Bill clearly experienced both love and hate: his mother at least seemed to love him, the other kids didn’t. Bill doesn’t like his optometrist either and we have no clue about his feelings towards his father. Later in his life, Bill recognizes his family and his world tried to blind him/”snuff out his potential” - so, again, something more similar to hate than love.

Then, Bill destroyed his place. He had to deal with a trauma so huge (i.e. experiencing solitude for the first time in his existence), it left a void inside him. A void he decided to suffocate with lies - lies that, in the end, are just half-truths. His place was bad and his family was holding him back! But that was also the place that showed him love for the first time. His people were flat minds in a flat world with flat dreams! But among them, there was also the one who loved him right from the start.

I believe this is when the two feelings got mixed in his brain. In his attempt to justify and cope with his mixed feelings regarding the universe he just destroyed, Bill ended up mixing love and fear together and believing that love is just one stage of hate. Unable to deal with the vastity of solitude, Bill put together justifications for his actions and messed up his own perception of feelings.

The result is someone who is deeply, deeply alone and who desperately keeps searching for love to fill that void… but is unable to do that, because he cannot distinguish between love and hate anymore.

That’s why he has a lot of exes. And that’s why they’re all exes.

But hey, at least there are friends, right? Right?

_______________________________

Bill’s friends are full of potential (especially one of them)

The perfect friend for Bill should be:

alone, outcasted, rejected by society, possibly an orphan looking for a purpose in life (so exactly like him)

completely devoted to him

Which you can see by yourself that this isn’t exactly how a friendship should work. The friend exactly like you can still work, but the friend completely devoted to you who should do everything you want… well, that’s not a friend. That’s not even a pet, because even pets do not follow you around with such lavish adoration.

But somehow, in the vastity of the Multiverse, Bill managed to find some friends. And oh boy, what friends:

Pyronica is a beauty queen AND she has a twin sister AND she dated Hectorgon. Cool, but not enough. I need details. But, like, a lot. Her entire story would suffice (maybe).

Amorphous Shape is invisible to most of the Henchmaniacs. How? Why? Who is she, really? Where is she from? Where is her backstory? Why isn’t it here? I need it here.

Hectorgon was a goddamn sheriff and Bill just throws it like that?! I want his backstory too! I want to know everything about him!

Keyhole hates Pyronica? Why? What happened? Where is all the juicy gossip, Bill? We need the gossip!

And most importantly: a certain someone was part of Bill’s gang. Someone with a photo that has been covered, but it’s still partially visible. And as soon as I saw it, I jumped up on my bed and asked: “Wait… is this Jheselbraum?!”

The answer is yes and thisisnotawebsite confirmed it: she was one of Bill’s Henchmaniacs. And now the right question is: how much do you want The Book of Jheselbraum, from 1 to 10?

I mean:

In the partially crossed-out part about her in TBOB, Bill says she figured something related to dimensions

In the shaman page (TBOB) there is a code: WHICH HENCHMANIAC RATTED ME OUT

In Journal 3, Ford has been saved by her, who sucked him out of the 2D world of Exwhylia

Jheselbraum told Ford that Bill’s “thirst for power caused him to destroy his home dimension - including his parents and everyone else he’d ever known” (Journal 3)

Still in Journal 3, Ford says she spoke of Bill “without anger, but with a calm, steely, clinical resolve to see his reign of terror end”.

In addition to that, let me add this part from thisisnotawebsitedotcom under the code TANTRUM:

I KNOW YOUR CRIMES, CIPHER. TAKING A NEW HOME WILL NOT MAKE UP FOR THE ONE YOU’VE LOST. WHAT YOU DID TO THE COUNTLESS SOULS OF EUCLYDIA- Cipher stopped in his tracks. YOU CHOOSE YOUR WORDS VERY. CAREFULLY. Ciphers henchmen murmured amongst each other, confused. They seemed to have heard conflicting stories about Bill’s past. “You said you liberated the people of your dimension-” LIBERATED THEM FROM THEIR BODIES! DONT LISTEN TO HIM! HE’S A BABY!

Can you see how HUGE the potential is?

What I believe for now is that:

Jheselbraum figured out what Bill really did to his home dimension (i.e. destroying everything and not “liberating” it, as he said to his Henchmaniacs)

She started to actively find ways to stop him from doing the same thing again

She “ratted him out” with Bill’s new potential puppets on Earth

Bill found out she didn’t just rat him out, but found out the truth about Euclydia too and that’s what led to her escaping

She settled closer to a 2D world - maybe to learn more about Bill, maybe because she knew Ford would’ve appeared there

And speaking of that, we have the message on thisisnotawebsitedotcom under the code SEVENEYES:

This is something someone else wrote to her. Someone who told her to escape to a crossed-out Dimension (who guesses that the crossed-out thing was the number 52?). Someone who told her it was against the rules, but it was also the only way to escape him (aka Bill).

And from her code, you can find out the other criminals found new homes as well.

In other words, we have a hidden spy story, in which someone helped Jheselbraum escape from Bill and, in turn, she helped all others escape Bill.

If you don’t want a book about her, about her story as Bill’s henchmaniac and about this whole thing, you are a huge. Fucking. Liar.

_______________________________

And with that, let’s close part 1 of this umpteenth endless analysis. The next one will come soon and it will be all about Billford.

Yes, I know I already talked about Billford here, but we still haven’t talked about the details in TBOB and Bill’s perspective on it. Also, it’s always nice to talk about Billford.

See you soon~

-> Next post

(How about a coffee? ☕)

_______________________________

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[writeblrgarden]

PLANT GROWERS - MEET THE WINNERS - RAE

Meet Rae, who got third place in our grow a plant event in november! Rae goes by she/her, has a second degree black belt in kendo, and you can find her at @koala2all. She has been writing for about 30 years, primarily YA fantasy.

Tell us about the WIP you'd like to talk about today.

I'll be talking about The Pirate Knight. Being a pirate is all Nonie has ever wanted. Freedom, camaraderie, and a beautiful girl in port to welcome her back. But returning from a lucrative voyage, she finds her home in shambles and her bonny lass missing. Desperate to find her, Nonie makes a deal with the god of the sea. In return for helping return her lost love Nonie vows to become his holy knight, saving the weak and defending the helpless. Together with a cynical sorcerer, a naive orc, and an ex-girlfriend from a rival ship who promises not to rest until their mission is a success, Nonie sets out to prove that she can be a hero in time to save the love of her life. But when a world changing secret is revealed, Nonie will need the help of her friends to navigate the tempest.

Describe your writing process. Do you like to plan everything or are you more spontaneous?

I'm more spontaneous. I usually start a bit backwards actually. I know how I want a story to end, then where it begins, and the rest is a matter of figuring out how to get from point A to point B. Music plays a huge part in my process, as well. I often get inspired by a song for a set of characters or a situation, then I try to figure out where it can fit.

What have you found to be the most challenging and/or rewarding about writing?

The most challenging part of writing for me is that I often feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just kind of winging it, writing stories that make me happy about characters that I enjoy writing about… but up to a year ago I didn't know what a beta reader was. My background is in theater, so I know how to frame a story in three acts… but without the background in creative writing, the imposter syndrome is real!

Below the read more is more of our conversation with Rae

What inspires you to write?

Books were such an escape for me when I was little. All those amazing worlds and vivid characters really helped me through some tough times. And that's what I want to share with others. The world is a hard place right now. I want to give readers a place that they can escape to, with characters they can empathize with as they face trials and overcome them. And maybe take a little hope with them when they're done.

Share some advice for other writers.

The best advice I ever got was from a Terry Pratchett quote. He said, "The first draft is just you telling yourself the story." I am definitely the type of person who dreams of the first draft coming out absolutely perfect. When it doesn't come out that way, I can tend to get a little frustrated. But after I heard this quote, I realized that the first draft is going to be rubbish. That's okay, and that's what editing is for. First, I just need to tell myself the story.

What do consider your writing strength?

Dialogue and worldbuilding are my strengths, for sure. I have such a strong sense of the world my characters find themselves in. My favorite technique is to not explain too much to the reader, but let them come across the world naturally as the characters navigate through it. It's my favorite way of experiencing the world of a story! Dialogue writing is so much fun. I love bantering with my friends, and imagining the banter between two characters is just as entertaining. I myself am a bit snarky (in a delightful way, of course) and that tends to make its way into at least one of the characters speech patterns.

What has been the nicest compliment you've received or what has been the toughest criticism you've received?

When I finished my first novel, I sent it to a knitting acquaintance of mine who happened to be a book reviewer as well. It was nerve wracking, since I had only let friends and family look at any of my writing before, but I had dreams of publishing and wanted to make the story as good as I could before I started sending it out. Her review came back glowing. Four out of five stars, and compliments about the worldbuilding, the characters, the plot, the dialogue. It was such a good feeling!

What do you love the most about writing?

My characters, and sharing them. I love making characters… ever since I was little. I get such a kick out of giving a character a backstory, and then seeing how they grow through the course of the story. Sometimes they really surprise me! And seeing them become important to the readers is really exciting, too!

[btsbabe7]

November Prompt Day 1: Theater

Words: 681 | Pairing : Cedric Diggory x reader, sixth year

You hadn’t given it much thought at first when the sandy haired Hufflepuff, Cedric Diggory asked you to join him for a movie over break just before boarding the train home. It seemed like any other friendly gesture and students often hung out during breaks. Even Hermione had asked you to join her in taking up visiting an art museum over the break, in which you happily agreed.

“Yeah, of course,” was all you had managed over the pages of your crisp book pages and he waltzed away with a smile before settling into the compartment diagonal from yours.

Solora Hazelridge, a blue-eyed, black haired Ravenclaw, who whispers say, should have been sorted into Slytherin with her cunning cleverness, but managed Ravenclaw because of her wits and wish to the Sorting Hat in her first year, slips into your half-loaded compartment.

“Did I just witness Cedric Diggory ask you out on a date?” she chimes.

“A date? Of course not.”

“Cedric never asks girls out unless he’s interested, or so I’ve heard.”

“Solora, I really just want to finish this book,” you sigh, not wanting to give much thought into what’s happened until you’re alone.

“Just think about what I said. Hufflepuff or not, Cedric doesn’t seem to be one that chooses lightly.”

And in the turn of a page, she’s gone.

That was a week ago and now you stand in the slight unfamiliarity of your own room back home in London, staring at yourself in the mirror with Solora’s words echoing in your mind.

A saffron colored dress clings to your curves and a dangly, beaded purse hangs from your shoulder. Your usually pinned curls have been let down and cut bluntly against your mid-back. You hardly recognize yourself in this setting, but you don’t have time to dwell on your looks or the neat makeup plastered across your lids, nor the glimmer smeared against the plumpness of your lips. You’re supposed to meet Cedric in less than ten minutes and transfiguring into a crowd of people isn’t ideal.

You’d settled on a nearby alley to spare yourself the trouble of being caught by any muggles. You don’t want to be caught in a scene where the police deem the witness insane because magic isn’t real to those who don’t believe.

When you reach the theater, slightly out of breath from your detour, Cedric stands just outside, preoccupied by the list of movies on the dingy white placard above the ticket window.

“You’d think the best movies would be played when students come back home for breaks, but they always save the bad ones for us.”

“I’d say they do it on purpose, but Merlin, that’d just be bad for business,” Cedric chortles and finally allows his gaze to roll towards you.

His curly hair is pushed back off his forehead and he’s sporting his usually charming smile; the same one you found yourself becoming all too familiar with even in the crowded hallways at school and even in the Great Hall. It was the very reason you were so reluctant in your response. After all, a smile could lead to anything.

You and Cedric decide on something they labeled as horror and settle in the back row with a large bin of popcorn and two drinks.

“Do you think it’ll be gory?” He chuckles while settling into the leather seat.

“Maybe,” you taunt. “Do you have a weak stomach, Cedric?”

The previews glisten in his irises when he turns to you, smiling mockingly because he’s too manly to admit it directly.

“Do you?”

“Of course not,” you whisper, trying not to focus too much on his steady gaze, but end up failing miserably.

He gently strokes your chin, allowing his fingertips to crawl across your jawline before leaning in closer.

“May I?”

You nod, too stunned to talk and too surprised that a heartthrob like Cedric would pick you for something like this.

And as his soft lips press into yours in the dark back row of the empty theater, you find yourself wondering: why me?

Please be sure to check out my other latest fics:

⚡︎ November Prompt Challenge (days 1-30)

⚡︎ For You Always - reader x Snape

~ Navi: masterlist (all fandoms) & (bts fanfics/drabbles)

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction, but please don’t copy! Written purely for fun :) Please only repost to other socials w/my permission and credit! Reblogging w/credit is fine. Thank you! ♡

[studentbyday]

☕ december study challenge

i didn't do much schoolwork on friday, so i need to catch up! 🥺

📈 study stats (30 min):

S: 🍅🍅🍅 Su: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅

🎒 school/cs50:

finish reviewing biochem module 4 ✅ (i have a little more than 1 section left)

finish reviewing 4 pages of mol bio module 3 ✅ (😬 let's hope i remember it. out of all the courses i've taken this semester, i have the least solid background knowledge for this one...i haven't repeated the info enough times over a long-enough time period to be sure it'll stick yet 😅 at least for biochem, i have some "pegs" of solid background knowledge from physiology to hang the new content on...)

finish remainder of flask lecture (~50 mins) ✅

🩺 self-care:

physio exercises ✅✅

full body floor workout ✅

journal ✅

meditate ✅

🎶 winterstella - stella jang / appassionata, 3rd movt (piano sonata op. 57 no. 23) - beethoven / my day in music, sunday edition

💌 uuuuugggggghhhhhhhh lately not been feeling too good bc the dictionary of lost words is depressing ("poignant" as @zzzzzestforlife described it) and it makes me feel lonely along with school and whenever this happens (or i otherwise feel like a mess) i get in a philosophical mood. i have been in this mood for at least a month now (before i started the book but after midterm season). it used to only last about a week or 2 (every month, mind you 😂). i can't wait to take philosophy so i can hopefully fix my brain by practicing being more rational and critical about *waves hands* whatever things my mind drifts to, to try to piece myself back together (which sometimes pulls me back apart with an existential crisis) 😅 (i also think the fact that some of the same thoughts i'm thinking have also been thought many times by others would be some comfort 🙂) but i think i'll only be able to take it the year after next bc of other (technically higher priority) subjects (for my field 🧬🦠) which...in better days i would be really excited about. i comfort myself by thinking the christmas break will restore me.

💌💌 also i'm not going to officially finish the dictionary of lost words anymore. i've slowly been reading the ending out of order so i basically know what happens and i saved the final major happy event for last. my final thoughts are that i want a relationship like esme's and gareth's but i want it to last longer than theirs did 😭 that's it. i can't deal with this depressing stuff anymore. maybe someday i'll come back to it, but right now i cannot. sometimes i ask myself why i feel so fragile these days...i'm not sure i know why... sometimes i get a feeling that smth is missing, but it will eventually pass as i fill my cup in other ways.

💌💌💌 recently discovered this channel and loving their hyperspecific titles that tell me exactly what vibes i should expect from the music. i especially like the chemistry playlist for studying (hot take but i'm not a huuggee fan of ludovico einaudi, but for studying, it's okay) and the playlist for "making your brain shut up"

[duhragonball]

Unaffiliated Autumnal Writing Challenge 2024

I need to start writing on Friday, and I feel really unprepared. Last year I did amazingly well, but I had a lot of things going in my favor. That Goku vs. Luffa fight was the whole reason I started my fic in the first place, and last November I got to write the entire thing without any diversions.

This year, I'm trying to continue where that leaves off, which is kind of an uphill climb. Also the whole bullshit with Nanowrimo left a bitter taste in my mouth that I'm still trying to wash out.

I had to scrap my art plans, which wasn't much of a surprise to me. The original idea was to spend the year improving and then do some art in October to show off my gains, but by October it was pretty clear it wasn't going to work out. I feel bad about putting it off another year, but I need to keep in mind that I got a lot of other stuff done this year that I've been putting off, so it's a net gain for me. But I have this lingering concern that I'll whiff November too. I haven't worked on Luffa all year, and that was by design. I wanted to take a break from the fic, but the break's over, so getting a jump on it in November is important to me.

I also need to finish that damn annual. I was supposed to get a jump on it way back in January, but I couldn't get any traction. It's probably fitting that my final Nano project ended up being me hateblogging every episode of Star Trek: Picard. But I had a plan and I called a few audibles, and now I'm feeling the walls closing in.

I think I'm gonna aim low this year, and just focus on getting to 50k. If I can get a higher word count, great, but this feels like some bad years I've had in the past, where I struggled to get over the finish line. I'm better off playing it safe.

Actually, maybe I should have some fun while I'm at it. I'd like to write some stuff about Daima, and we ought to be on Episode 7 by November 30, right? Maybe I should just make that part of the writing challenge. In the past, I avoided that sort of thing, but fuck it. Nanowrimo is dead to me, and I need to punch the keys for goodness sake. If I'm feeling blocked, waiting until December to discuss Daima sure isn't going to help.

I don't know. Everything changes. The old rules I stuck to from 2017 to 2023 don't necessarily apply. I'm still getting used to living in a post Goku vs. Luffa world, dumb as that sounds. I still haven't poured out the bottle of Orange Fanta and the can of Mello Yellow I bought in 2023 to motivate me to write whenever I opened the refrigerator. Tonight I realized that I can just write a Trunks story in the fic whenever I want because he's a major supporting character. I can just book any DBZ character I want so why worry?

Yeah, maybe it'll be all right after all.

[myf00djournal]

Out on my morning walk looking like a well matched queen 👸🏻

Thinking about my peers on here doing some reflecting and setting of goals and pondering if I set concrete goals for myself this year. Retrospectively, yes I suppose I did! Things just kind of happened and I guess seeing them through was the persistence.

My brain dump looking back -

👩🏻‍🏫 Work - Hmm. Well I started in a role that will not exist next year which is a shame. I will still be in a similar role, albeit temporarily until the end of the year. Then, I am not sure what’s happening. My HSC class ranked 1st in our system so that’s pretty exciting. I made a lot of connections with my students and supported them through some pretty heavy shit…

📚 Study - …This then prompted me to start my Masters which I am 3 units into. I have been toying with the idea of pursuing this for ten years so that is a long term goal achieved for sure!

💵 Other work - I wrote freelance exam papers and did HSC marking for some side money 💰 I have said no to the exam papers for next year which I am so proud of myself for.

🏋🏽‍♀️ Training - I went to the gym 170 times which seems to average 3-4 times per week. Sounds right. Jan-Sept is hard because of netball, I was lucky to get to the gym 3 times per week during the season. My gym doesn’t open on Sundays either. Sept-Dec was a solid hit out during the challenge. I managed to lose 10kg, making my total loss since September 2022 16kg without any gains back. I didn’t suffer any major injuries in the gym and this contributed to my consistency and ability to push myself more.

🏃🏽‍♀️ Parkrun - I ran 33 parkruns this year. In April last year I set a goal to get back under 30 mins. I did it this year not once but nine times 🥹 all in the second half of the year. This was my biggest running year since 2019 due to lockdowns etc.

🏐 Netball - My rep and club team both finished 3rd 🥲 I had great seasons, particularly for club my shooting accuracy was the highest and most consistent it’s been for years sitting around 85-90% every game. That was my goal ✅ No injuries that sidelined me - except for my dislocated finger 🤣 briefly. Another goal ✅

💵 Monies - Without putting amounts out there it’s pleasing and also a privilege to get through the year comfortably. I got to travel with my bestie at the start of the year, book a holiday with Josh (Wednesday eee) and still save a good amount for my emergency fund, general savings and pay for my units upfront for uni (although 75% is subsidized thanks government). When I cleaned out my wardrobe I was pleased not too part with too much which means I haven’t overconsumed and wasted.

🏥 Health - I had my endo surgery which had been on my mind for about 3-4 years. ✅ I already feel so many benefits from it and regret not having it again sooner (last one was 2009!). Had another iron infusion. Generally, I do look after my health and try to do regular dental, chiro, GP visits etc. I only saw my psych once this year. I could probably have done with a top up because things got very dicey for me around April, but we made it through.

🥂 Alcohol - I stopped drinking between August-November and since have only had alcohol on 5 occasions (I use a dry days tracker). I’m sorting out when feels safe for me to drink and how much control I have. The reset has really helped me understand why I used to drink, sometimes alone, and that I put myself in unsafe situations when this happens. I still have some soul searching to go but I am on the right track.

My brain dump for 2024 -

👩🏻‍🏫 Work - Enjoy the year. Relax a little. Set boundaries. Know where you stand.

📚 Study - Complete 5 units

💵 Other work - HSC marking and that’s it

🏋🏽‍♀️ Training - Keep up with gym, average 4-5 times per week. Bench 60! Be nicer to people at 5am 🤣

🏃🏽‍♀️ Running - Attend as many parkruns as I can. Go under 28 (home PB). Volunteer more. Maybe do a half again in November? Depends on other factors.

🏐 Netball - Have already said no to rep (can you tell I am being so firm with my resources next year?). Will always play club. Goal - Win grand final again. Shoot at 90-95% accuracy.

💵 Monies - We connected with a financial advisor just before Christmas so plan to see that through and have a look at what we can do! Clearer goals will then form. I also want to stop shouting people things. I am overly generous with this and it needs to stop because a lot of the time it’s colleagues who never do a shout so it never comes back to me 🥲

🏥 Health - Find out what I am anaphylactic to on 28/2 😀 and hopefully don’t die during that test! Continue managing my endo and other factors that connect to all of that. Maintain my weight loss in healthy and sensible means (which I am confident in myself I can).

🥂 Alcohol - I want to continue to be mindful in my motives for drinking, how society has normalized alcohol consumption, etc. I want to be safe, feel healthy and not ruin next days for myself.

📷 - My bestie and I need to take more photos together

📱- I really need to reduce my screen time (cruise will help with this!)

📖- I really need to read more (2 books planned for our cruise!)

🧽 - I keep editing and adding to this lol. I want to maintain a really minimal space inside our home. We have done a lot of decluttering the last few weeks and I am really keen to keep it up. We have a council clean up booked for 2/1 and what better way to start the NY! Can’t wait to drag some of our old stuff out and say see ya 👋🏾

[ourmotherthemountainfic]

2. Visitors

RE8 | Wintersberg | Romance | Action, Sci-Fi

This is the third book in the series. Book One | Book Two

Full Chapter List

Ethan’s Journal

September 30

Donna’s doing better today.  She had trouble seeing and walking after whatever the hell Karl and Moreau did to her.  I wish they would have just let me handle it.  Still, she’s recovering, and Evie’s been doting on her so it’s okay I guess.  After the surgery Karl came up to smoke and his hands were shaking.  Never seen that before.  I’m not going to let them do that to Salvatore, there’s no point.  I’ll just sneak up from behind him and take it out…I’m just biding my time until I show them that I can actually do it.  I also plan to check on Donna myself soon, just to make sure there's no lasting damage.  (I don't know how to do that, but the thing in my head tells me not to worry about it-it can be done.)

Karl is still mad at me and hasn’t talked much this week since I brought up the fact that his brother gave his one chance at preserving his own life to MIRANDA.  I’m still mad about it, so he can stay quiet for all I care.  He’s been in his own room every night, probably obsessing over that stupid key, or some other mechanical thing.  I think he likes them because they don’t talk back.  So he has nobody to challenge his thoughts.  

We buried Colm’s crystallized body last night….well, our group minus Donna, because she wasn’t able to walk that day.  Godric said ‘somewhere beautiful’, and I figured he’d want to be far away from the castle, since he was imprisoned there.  We chose a spot by the waterfall.  Close to where we had Eva’s ceremony.  Water is supposed to make the Mold’s powers stronger. Plus….can’t see the castle from there.  It probably doesn’t matter since he’s hundreds of years dead, but you never know around here.  I thought maybe he would get absorbed and appear  or something “magic” would happen, but nothing did.  I really hope there’s some way for him to be reunited with the King.  

Guess what?  No fucking purifying crystal in his tomb.  Because OF COURSE nothing is ever that easy around here.  I was so mad.  The Black God was madder.  Now we have no other leads on where it might be.  I’m not sure it’s necessary to defeat Miranda, but things would be really bad if she found it before us.  And she’s really trying.  

Eva was really intrigued by the crystal on the tomb crest though.  It’s one of the original crystals in the ancient root (she was shocked I knew that) So we have that one now, but none of us can touch it.  Karl had to pry it out and it made his nose drip with black fluid. He put it in a magnetized box and carried that, but it still hurt him somehow. He said energy was moving through the magnetic field.   That thing is more dangerous than the explosives Chris brought.  It’s in a locked safe in our basement.   

Alcina came with us to the castle when we unearthed the underground chamber, but she didn’t stay after.  She more or less locked herself in the castle.  I told the others about her plan and they were really upset.  Well, Karl wasn’t upset…he was quiet.  I think Donna and Moreau have been brainwashed by Miranda into thinking their lives are only worthwhile if the Lords are all together.  

I don’t know if they think she’ll go through with it.  They weren’t there when she talked to Godric…I can feel it….she wants this.  I honestly don’t think Alcina cares about saving the mold or any of us, and that might not happen anyway–she just seems lonely.  I told her I would stop by tonight after the girls are in bed and see how she’s feeling.  I’ll invite Eva with me, she’s always better at talking than I am.  

Moreau moved back to his cabin, which is now finished.  There are several other buildings getting built down there too.  They even have electricity.  He and Karl have been working like crazy…he says it’s because government workers are supposed to start the sluice in a few weeks.  I just feel like everybody is still avoiding me, because they are.  I don’t care. 

If I squint when looking into the valley it almost looks like a shadow of a village.  Roofs, and smoke, and a road, and some fencing.  It should make me feel better-Chris said to blend in, after all- but it doesn’t….I hate looking at it.  I feel like Miranda is lurking just under the ground like some kind of Billy Goats gruff troll, waiting to pop up and ruin everything.  

—--------

Ethan’s pencil hovered over the sketch; his phone buzzed, and he turned it over.  A text from Chris.  

Convoy headed your way.  

The blond frowned, and he responded, Who ? 

Donno.  The picture I got just looked like wagons.  From the east mountains. 

Oh, that’s where the Roma village is.  Wait, you have eyes on me? 

Not on you, on anything suspicious with the mold.  

They’re not suspicious.  You’re suspicious. 

Fine, next time I’ll just let you be surprised.  

Ethan smirked and tucked the phone in his pocket.  He stared out at the stormy afternoon sky; even cloud-covered days were difficult for his eyes.  He wondered how Miranda dealt with this, if she’d gone through similar.  Or even Godric.  He left the journal sitting open on his desk as he left the office, and headed downstairs.  

The girls were in the parlor, with Donna laying on the couch.  The children were on the floor playing with toys–was that a dollhouse? Ethan shuddered imperceptibly as he moved past it, hearing the familiar rumble of Karl’s voice in the front yard.  When he exited, he saw the engineer and his ‘sibling’ loading some of the recently shipped parts into Karl’s truck.  Ever since the bank moved funds for the construction effort, more and more supplies arrived, delivered to the property’s address.  

Karl’s eyes only flickered toward Ethan for a moment before he resumed his conversation with Moreau, and the tall blond put his hands in his jean pockets as he approached the pair.  Salvatore may have been a doofus, but even he recognized the strain between the two men, and his watery eyes jumped cautiously between them before he backed away.  He stuttered about forgetting something in one of the work sheds that sloped away from the tall home.  

Karl made an annoyed noise as if he were disappointed that the other gave up so easily.  But then he turned right back to his work, inspecting a large stack of PVC pipe.  Ethan was undaunted by Heisenberg’s clear lack of desire to talk.  

“Why are the Roma coming?”

“What?”  This was not the banter Karl expected.  His suddenly piercing stare was something Ethan didn’t even realize he missed; his heart picked up, and then he saw the hardness in Karl’s eyes soften.  Karl’s gaze changed from confrontational to something else….adoration?  Right, the bastard could sense heartbeats.  Ethan was utterly flustered and he turned bright pink, winning a lopsided smile from the engineer.  

Ethan tried to recover after the fumble.  “There’s a convoy of carriages, apparently, from the East.” 

“How d’you know?”

After a tense moment, in which Ethan kicked at the gravel, he mumbled, “Chris told me,” before he dared to look at Heisenberg again.  He saw the other’s fixated gaze, almost a hungry look, aimed at Ethan’s lips.  When Ethan caught this, Heisenberg squinted as if angry, and then turned toward the lumber pile instead.  “Uh huh.” 

“I didn’t ask him to spy,” Ethan hissed, instantly defensive, as Karl picked up an armful of lumber and began to move it into the bed of the truck.  “But if you didn’t know about it….has Eva said anything?”

“No,” Karl said in a clipped tone, returning to the pile, dusting his gloves as he moved.  “It’ll be fine, Ethan.” 

“I…” Ethan was bewildered.  “I know it’ll be fine.  I’m not worried about it.  I just wondered why they were coming.” 

At Karl’s aimless shrug, the blond’s temper threatened to break.  He pursed his lips.  “You’re being an asshole.” 

“Probably.” 

“Care to enlighten me as to why?”

“Just tryin’ to avoid a fuckin’ interrogation, that’s all,” Karl responded in twice as bitchy of a tone as the original question.  He moved back toward the truck, arms full of more two by fours.  “Apparently I’m not succeeding.” 

“Forgive me for having your best interests in mind, for wanting to make sure I understand a situation I know nothing about, since the guy supposed to be telling me about his life has fifty year gaps between stories, speaks two words every twelve hours, and would rather be alone and hang out with ghosts than….” 

There were a few problems with Ethan’s rant.  The first was that he realized, more or less, any of them could be considered ghosts, himself included.  The second was that Ethan had been referring to Karl’s brother, but he remembered the figure in the garden, and instantly felt regret at his words.  

The third problem was Karl’s expression; instead of the usual headstrong, stubborn anger, the engineer’s scarred face was painted with hurt-a new look, and not one Ethan had ever wanted to see.  He swore the yellow irises lost their luster for a moment as Karl panned his gaze away from Ethan, turning on a heel toward the same work shed that Salvatore was probably huddled in.  

Ethan let him go without further protest, and shook his head at his own temper after several moments.  

Way to keep it together, Ethan .  That was his own voice.  

As he re-entered the home, he heard the different, softer voice, whispering at the edges of the back of his mind.  It sounded confused, and perhaps affronted at the deep sorrow that Ethan transmitted to it unintentionally. 

Should we….eat him? 

Ethan responded aloud, drawing a strange look from Donna.  “Nah…too gamey.” 

—---

Eva hadn’t heard anything about a visit, but she was delighted.  Ethan felt so out of place after his outburst that he stood in the kitchen, doing whatever she asked him to.  Eva was undaunted at the idea of preparing food for an unplanned group.  He felt like more of a menace than a help, despite her patience, and was relieved when he heard a horse whinny from the road that wrapped around the east side of the manor, away from the village overlook and the factory remains. 

“Come on, girls,” Ethan said thankfully, “Let’s go say hello to our guests.”  

“Why are there guests?” Evie said, puzzled, and Ethan answered honestly, “I have no idea.” 

Rose hopped up, and immediately pulled Ethan’s hand in her own tiny one.  She was talking excitedly, though he couldn’t catch most of the words.  Together the trio exited the home and stood in the large front area, awaiting the caravan.  It wasn’t long before several carriages lined up in the wide stretch of dirt and gravel, and Ethan stared past them in confusion at –

“Horsies!”  Rose exclaimed.  “Dada, tell Papa.” 

“What?”  Ethan picked the toddler up, in case she decided on a kamikaze sprint toward the row of approaching wagons.  She bounced on his hip, babbling about horses again.  Evie tilted her dark head, her waves cascading across her oval face.  “Why are there extra horses? Nobody’s riding the ones in the back.” 

“No clue,” Ethan repeated, and he stepped aside as Karl sauntered out toward the convoy, waving amiably at the drivers, some of whom Ethan recognized from the night of Eva’s ceremony.  His heart sank a little when he remembered how well he and Karl were getting along then compared to now, but he was soon distracted by Rose again. 

“Papa!”

Not only was she reaching out toward Heisenberg, but the engineer turned abruptly at the word, looking slightly stunned at it.  Ethan’s eyes widened and Karl turned fully toward him, holding his hands out uncertainly toward Rose.  Ethan had no reason not to hand the girl to him, and as he did so, she informed Karl, “Papa, horses!” 

Both men were rendered speechless, but Eveline was not, as she said rather matter-of-factly, “Ohhhh, I get it!   You’re Dad and you’re Papa, that makes knowing which is which waaaay easier.”  She stared past Ethan at the engineer.  “Should I call you Papa too?  But you can’t be our Papa, you two are not married.  Are you going to get married?  Do you have rings?  Are you not going to get married since you’re mad at each other right now?” 

“Okaaaay, Evie, let’s maybe-talk-aboutall-thislater,” Ethan sputtered, his cheeks flaming, and put his hands on the girl’s shoulders.  She stared in confusion while Rose continued to excitedly shout about horses.  The wagons were parked along the end of the driveway, and some people were beginning to exit them.  Karl held Rose on his hip, engrossed in what she was telling him.  

Luckily Ethan didn’t have to wrestle with all of his emotions for long, as Maricara was approaching, a wide smile on her face.  She walked with assistance from one of her sons, and a cane.  When she got to Ethan, she embraced him in the warm way she’d formerly reserved for Karl.  After the greeting, she chuckled, “I suppose this is very unexpected–”

“More or less–”

A man approached.  Ethan recognized him-he’d been at the village mass funeral, as well as led the carriages for Eva’s ceremony.  Manfri.  His English was very broken, but he was friendly enough, and heartily shook Ethan’s hand–so hard the blond’s teeth chattered in his skull.  

“Mister Winters,” he said formally, and even more formally, “My Lord Heisenberg.”  

“Manfri has a surgery scheduled in a month,” Maricara explained.  “It’s his hip.  His son is out of the country for work, and he worries about these–”

“Horses better to overwinter here,” he said proudly, as if he’d rehearsed every word.  Eva approached the group from behind as Manfri continued to explain, “You have stables!  They come home.”

“O-over winter–here?” Karl’s eyes were wide.  “I…didn’t, I haven’t…”

Maricara was having none of it.  “Did you not spend the entire month of July repairing the main stables?  What were you planning to store there, more trucks?  Tanks?  Keeping your goat company with metal structures?”

Probably , Ethan thought with a satisfied smirk as he met Karl’s eyes.  Karl looked troubled, overwhelmed.  “But–I–there’s no hay–”

Donna had been walking slowly behind Eva, also utilizing a cane, and Maricara stepped forward to hug both women, tutting at Donna’s delicate state, before she withdrew and chuffed at Heisenberg’s hesitance. 

“Nonsense, it’s harvest time, and we have many strong young ones.”  Her careless arm waving made Ethan wonder if she was somehow related to Karl after all. “These youth have been begging to come, truly.”  She poked a finger at Ethan with a wink.  “Your talk of helping them with computers, for one.  For other, they wish to make a settlement down there.  By the river.  You know, they are not afraid, they have no regard for tradition.  Only want to be here.” 

“They do?”

She waved a hand as if this was the most obvious thing  in the world.  “They think it is strange and different, your world.  Ceremony made quite the impression.  All I hear about is fairytale this, magic that, they wish to stay…so I told them for permission, first they must help set up the horses.  Help with stabling and overwintering, what you need.” 

Manfri was nodding, and he gestured toward the row of horses behind them.  “They miss their Papa, you know?” 

Ethan was unsure how to accept the news of being given ownership of horses apparently descended from Heisenberg stock.  But when he turned his gaze from the horses to Heisenberg, who was quickly running out of excuses to say no, the expression on the engineer’s face said it all.  Ethan’s hardened heart melted as he saw the way that Heisenberg gazed toward the animals.  Without a word Heisenberg broke away from the group, still carrying Rose, and strode toward the horses, heading first toward the black draught horse that he’d ridden several times.  

In the dimming light, Ethan watched as Karl ran his palm down the animal’s neck, and actually put his forehead on its mane, a gesture that it returned by turning its head, pushing forward with its nose as if to embrace him.  Rose laid her curly head onto the wide, smooth neck as well, patting it with her hand in an imitation of Karl’s motion.  The other horses were restless, stomping and chuffing as if they too wanted recognition.  Ethan counted seven in total–SEVEN horses.  He’d been overwhelmed with just one goat.  

Then again, he’d also been overwhelmed with one daughter.  And he’d gained an entire family since then.  When Heisenberg turned back toward them, his questioning expression was clear.  He wanted them.  But he was deferring to Ethan.  

Ethan only had one question–the sight of bloody, decapitated, sometimes half-eaten horses was only one bad night’s sleep away, after all.  

“Will they be safe here?”

Donna’s voice was more steady than he’d heard in awhile.  “The stable is wonderfully sturdy, it was rebuilt well.” 

Manfri chipped in, “All our boys have guns.  Ready to shoot wolves….” his grin turned into a grimace, “...or ….other….  They will protect.” 

“The stables are on this property, where there doesn’t seem to be as much of a reach…,” Eva offered, her blond eyebrows raising.  “She cannot cause things to manifest closely to the edge of that border….you now know why.”  She was referring to the garden.  

Evie was bouncing on the balls of her feet, each word more loud than the last.  Maricara chuckled as she witnessed this.  “Can we can we can we oh please can we? HORSES, are you kidding me?  I would be just like a fairytale princess PLEASE CAN WE.” 

Rose agreed with this.  “HORSIES! PAPA, DADA–LOOK! LOOK! HORSIES!” 

The commotion quickly wore Ethan down; Eva was bouncing on her toes as well, Donna’s large brown eyes stared at him, full of hopefulness.  Karl was still stroking the neck of the draught horse.  

After laughing, Ethan shrugged.  “All right! How can I say no?”

Manfri beamed, and began to walk in his odd, stooped way past the group and toward the stable.  He called to the young handlers in Romany, motioning them all forward. He happily moved across the front area and toward the trail to the stables, as though he’d lived at the manor his entire life.  

Ethan watched him go with a continued smile; everyone else was happy, and Evie bolted to walk next to Manfri, pelting him with questions he didn’t know enough English to answer.  Ethan was pulled away by Maricara as she explained the dinner she’d brought, and as Eva began counter-explaining that they were also cooking, the tall blond caught one last look over his shoulder at Karl.  

This time, the new expression on his face was infatuation, a heady, overwhelmed look of gratitude and wonder.  It made him look decades younger.  

[you-remind-me-of-the-babe]

3, 28, 30 for ao3 asks!

Thank you for the asks from this list

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

I already answered this question here but I will think of another work I am proud of. I think Trapped is another piece I like, especially since it’s not Snowbaz. I liked the premise and thought the magic in it was fun. Also, I am not the best at dialogue and recently said I’d probably never write a texting fic for that reason but this is basically texting, just magically corresponding through a book, so hooray! I did it after all. I adore Penny and Shep in AWTWB, their chapters together are so funny, so I enjoyed playing with them. Also proud that I stuck with a story I knew from the get go wouldn’t be widely read because it’s not Snowbaz. 😜

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

Probably Depth of Reason (which isn’t finished so maybe I am jumping the gun to say that) or Prickly Disposition. I love the premise of Depth of Reason and the added depths (ha!) brought in from analyzing this canon divergent magickal government/judicial system and the exploration of how you might still come to a different moral code even if the system you are operating in is broken.

I really like Prickly Disposition as well, just because I was pleasantly surprised that o could write a get together story in under 2k. Brevity is not my strong suit!

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

Probably that I am capable of collaborating on a fic, even though I had some easy collabs and some challenging ones. I wrote Plus One with @fatalfangirl and it was incredibly easy! Our ideas flowed really well, and I think the transitions between different POVs works nicely (they wrote the Simon ones and I wrote the Baz ones.) It’s a very tender and sweet fic and just makes you want to smash them together.

I also did a collab with @whatevertheweather writing Archery 101 and that fic was a struggle for me. (Which had nothing to do with working with Elly.) Elly wrote the first Baz POV and sent it to me to add a Simon POV and I had SUCH a hard time figuring out what his angle/voice would be. Elly started with thirsting Baz operating at an 11 and I just could not figure out how to bring Simon into the fold. I made like 3 attempts and kept having to message poor Elly like, “nope, ignore that addition, I can already see it doesn’t fit.” We eventually worked it out, but it humbled me after having such an easy go of collaborating earlier.

[avalencias]

For the 30 year olds ask meme:

3, 5, 8, 10, 12, 17, 25, 30, 33, 37, 39, 40, 42, 43, 46, 50, 54, 67, & 69

Hello insert fireelmo.gif!!!!!! Thank u!!!! Whew these were a lot so in deference to your dashes I will do a cut 🫡 they were fun tho 🥹

3. Foaming hand soap or normal hand soap?

Normal! When I lived with my cousin she liked foaming hand soap which is fine obv but I don’t go out and buy it so normal hand soap it is. I like Mrs. Meyer’s…

5. Least favorite chore?

Answered!

8. What cleaning product do you swear by?

Well I did say Mrs. Meyer’s, which I use for hand soap/dish soap…I also wanted to keep up with the fabuloso for mopping but I was introduced to the little pacs that you just drop into the mop so now I use that. But if we’re talking what cleaning product do I talk up all the time it’s bar keepers friend lol

10. Youtube, cable TV, or streaming?

I use a mix of YouTube and streaming! My fam/friends share a list of logins so we’re pretty evenly covered I feel

12. How many cups can you see from where you're sitting?

Shockingly just the one…oh no wait I can see into my office. I have one iced coffee I made myself approx. 20 minutes ago next to me and I can see my water bottle (which needs to be refilled) and an empty bottle of vitamin water…on my desk is an empty plastic cup I should’ve thrown out…and I can’t see it rn but I know it’s there so I’ll count my glass of iced coffee that I already finished

17. What's a movie you saw recently that you liked?

Oh goodness a movie?? I’ve seen others after it but I saw challengers in theaters and it was soooo great

25. Favorite old person activity?

Goodness…sitting on my couch after work with a drink in hand to veg out and watch my shows until it’s time for bed I guess

30. How many pairs of scissors do you own?

LMAO what a question. Ok I have 1 pair of kitchen shears that I try to keep solely for cooking related actions and one pair that’s kinda all purpose and lives in my toolbox (or it should). I think I have a pair of kid’s scissors I found when I was moving but I have no idea where I put that afterwards so I both do and don’t own it now

33. What's something you collect?

God. I used to collect coins from other countries but my brother threw it out (accidentally??) so… otherwise I’m always looking out for cute pins

37. Do you still listen to the same music you listened to in high school?

Ironically I made up a playlist composed of my fav middle/high school bangers that I listen to a lot now, so…yes

39. What little treat do you always get when you run errands?

Ok it’s not every time but there’s an ice cream shop that’s a cute couple minute’s walk from me that I’ll stop at after my more annoying errands

40. Grocery list or no grocery list?

I try to grocery list but inevitably forget while I’m there so…it’s all vibes. I now live across the street from my grocery store though so it’s not as bad.

42. What's an unjustifiably expensive appliance that you really want?

A kitchen aid stand mixer 😭 I’m sorry, I’m a sucker for the cute colors…that or one of those vitamix food processors. I didn’t have the space at my old place for appliances so now that I have the space it is a struggle not to just go ham. My sister also won an air fryer during bingo last year and tbh now I’m like………idk. Maybe……

43. Favorite book you've read recently?

Is it bad to say I haven’t finished a book in a while 😭 lemme look at my kindle…I have so many books partially started 🥲 I’m enjoying Silky Shah’s Unbuild Walls bc that’s who I am but I’ve also started the skin and it’s girl and an intrigued.

46. What kind of stuff do you keep on the door of your refrigerator?

I inherited a nice fridge (waaaay bigger than my old one AND it dispenses water/ice) which I love but the door isn’t magnetic. The side however is and I keep my knives on a block there along with miscellaneous magnets (including photos 🥲)

50. Pro or anti throw pillows?

Ok here’s the thing. I used to be anti throw pillows bc I’d be like they’re so annoying and tbh useless??? But now!!!! I got some comfy ass throw pillows and I’m into it. I am pro throw pillows now.

54. Do you decorate your house for holidays? Which ones?

I don’t!! My first year at my old place I didn’t bother to have a Christmas tree or anything and lemme tell you that was Controversial. I’ll have to get a new tree now, assuming I actually decorate…I might get a cute wreath for the door though and make it usable for the year? I don’t usually decorate special tho.

67. Do you keep any stuffed animals on your bed?

Aaron, my little wolf I’ve had for decades, lives on my couch owing to the face that I have something like five pillows on my bed now

69. What are you looking forward to next week?

USWNT send-off (or one od them anyway) next Saturday! I’m also looking forward to getting my coworker’s trial over with (I’m taking over for him and am trying not to be too nervous about it).

[astridofraftel]

reading challenge #11 (wrap-up)

Just finished: The Mark of Athena by Rick Riordan

Currently reading: The House of Hades by Rick Riordan

Next on schedule: The Blood of Olympus by Rick Riordan

I just wanted to add for myself a little conclusion to the reading challenge I did last year! I went back to university, so I had a lot less time and motivation to read for the past six months. Because of that, I didn't achieve my goals in the end, but that's alright, I'm still very proud of all the dusting-off I did! My TBR pile is much more manageable now, so I will not be keeping up with this challenge in 2024 (I barely read anything not Percy Jackson-related since January, anyway).

So, if anyone is interested in random lists of books, in 2023 I checked off my program:

(FR) Le Prieuré de l'Oranger (The Priory of the Orange Tree) by Samantha Shannon

(FR) La voleuse de livres (The Book Thief) by Markus Zusak

(FR) L'École des femmes + Le Misanthrope by Molière

(EN) Babel, or the Necessity of Violence by R. F. Kuang

(EN) Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

(EN) Daughter of Smoke and Bone + Days of Blood and Starlight + Dreams of Gods and Monsters by Laini Taylor

(FR) Le Chien des Baskerville (The Hound of the Baskervilles) by Arthur Conan Doyle

(FR) Thérèse Raquin by Émile Zola

(FR) Le symbole perdu (The Lost Symbol) by Dan Brown

(FR) Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse

(FR) Il était une fois dans le Nord (Once Upon A Time In The North) by Philip Pullman

(FR) Le Roi Lear (King Lear) by William Shakespeare

(EN) The Conqueror’s Saga (And I Darken + Now I Rise + Bright We Burn) by Kiersten White

(FR) Le Flambeau + Témoin à charge by Agatha Christie

(FR) Boudicca by Jean-Laurent Del Socorro

(FR) Fantômes et kimonos by Kidō Okamoto

(FR) Dans l'ombre de Paris by Morgan of Glencoe

For a total of 23 books out of my goal of 30 that I had owned for years and never read!

Which means that my TBR pile now amounts to these 12 books (I acquired the last 4 last year so they were not included in my program):

(FR) L'Ultime Expérience by Bruce Benamran

(FR) Cinna by Corneille

(FR) Othello by Shakespeare

(EN) Three Dark Crowns (re-read) + One Dark Throne by Kendare Blake

(EN) Iskari, the Last Namsara by Kristen Ciccarelli

(EN) The Merciful Crow by Margaret Owen

(FR) Le complot des corbeaux by Ariel Holzl

(FR) La mythologie viking (North Mythology) by Neil Gaiman

(FR) La métamorphose by Franz Kafka

(EN) A Day of Fallen Night by Samantha Shannon

(EN) The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

In addition to all that, although disregarding anything fanfictitious, last year...

(and because I barely have any self-control when it comes to books)

...I also read these, which were not initially included in my program:

(EN) And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie

(EN) Pachinko by Min Jin Lee

(FR) Le château de Hurle (Howl’s moving castle) by Diana Wynne Jones

(EN) The Princess Diaries vol. 1 by Meg Cabot

(EN) Strange the dreamer + Muse of Nightmares by Laini Taylor

(EN) Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

(EN) Divergent vol. 1 by Veronica Roth

(EN) Legendborn + Bloodmarked by Tracy Deonn

(FR) Comme un vol d'étourneaux by Giorgio Parisi

(FR) Le meilleur des mondes (Brave New World) by Aldous Huxley

(EN) I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy

(EN) Crooked House by Agatha Christie

(EN) Untethered Sky by Fonda Lee

(FR) La guerre des clans (Warriors) - cycle I vol. 1-6 by Erin Hunter

(EN) Tallstar’s Revenge by Erin Hunter

(FR) Le mystère de Listerdale by Agatha Christie

After all these gruesome lists, I can finally put to rest my 2023 reading challenge. Maybe one day I'll renew it, but I probably won't have the time nor the energy to schedule my readings so seriously for the next two years. It's been very fun though, also it had been the first year in quite some time that I read that much in French, and I think it did me good.

(prev)

[chrisryanspeaks]

Interview with Personal Trainer

We had the chance to interview the incredibly talented Willem Smit about his band and the upcoming music. Check out our full interview below: 1. Can you share the story behind the formation of your band? What challenges (if any) do you face with rotating band mates? Before Personal Trainer started, I was in another band called Canshaker Pi. When a band was going for a while and more people got involved, I think I started to take the songwriting and music-making process a little more seriously. Things started to take longer to be a finalized product, which meant there was a lot more thinking involved. Personal Trainer started as a name on bandcamp where I would throw stuff I recorded online, without being too picky. I "released" a bunch of EPs and I had a little project where I made three records in three days. This was very freeing and fast-paced. Then I decided I wanted something similar live. I would ask a handful of people to play some simple songs with me without rehearsing too much. This slowly changed in a line-up with rotating band members, as in bars and at shows I would ask lots of people if they wanted to join my band. Casper van der Lans, who played bass in the band, convinced me to start recording and putting out the music too. The big challenge of the rotating members for me was that, in the end, most people wouldn't rehearse too much, but I would rehearse with a lot of different people. I was looking for spontaneity, and found out that I was getting a little busy going through songs with different people, on top of writing, recording and putting out the music, doing all the planning, and booking all the shows. The production of the songs changed too: they weren't two or three chord songs anymore, they got more and more layered, so it was great to have a slightly more set version of the live band, where everyone was a little more involved with how we'd approach things live. I think the songs basically asked for a set group. 2. Could you walk us through your songwriting process on “Intangible”? What inspired this track? For intangible I had come up with a chorus before anything else, which rarely happens. I bounce a lot of material I make on to a soundcloud link and sometimes listen to it while cycling through Amsterdam, to hopefully get some ideas for the songs. I had a fragment of about 15 seconds of the chorus to intangible, with gibberish lyrics on my phone for about a year, together with a revolving cast of about 30 song ideas, and at some point I heard it and thought: I should finish this. I worked a while on how the bass and tempo should be. I remember I wanted to go for a slightly slower version, with thinner, drier drums and I wanted the bass to sound a bit more like what I'd heard from Thundercat. Really into "untitled 03" and hits like "King Kunta" by Kendrick Lamar at the time. There was some Dutch pop bands and stuff like Justin Timberlake too that inspired me a little. After trying out a lot of things I decided to ask band mates Kick Kluiving and Ruben van Weehberg to record the bass and drums to some songs with me and co-producer Casper van der Lans. Production wise we kind of restarted a bit from there and it turned into the finished product 3. Who are your biggest musical influences, and how do they shape your sound? When I was 16 I listened to a lot of Pavement, early Beck, The Breeders, Ought, Gilla band and Scram C Baby, and I think that stuff will always be floating around somewhere. I think over time I've become a little less judgemental about music on first listen. I hope I've become a little more patient listener with "open ears" or whatever, and I try and see the good things about songs or artists that I would maybe write off quite quickly before. It feels like I can draw inspiration from a lot of different sounds, which feels good. I decided I'm not scared to lose the cohesion by making different sounding songs, because I believe it will probably make sense as a whole, coming from the same brain. 4. What message or impact do you hope to convey with your music? I think I have no clear message, I like to make music. My main concern is that I'm happy with what I make, which is really hard. Maybe it's getting even increasingly hard! That occupies most space in my head. It feels like there's no room for what I'd want other people to hear when they listen to it. While making music I do try and think about what I would personally think I'd hear when I hear a song for the first time, as well as on my twentieth listen. I would like for as many people as possible to hear the records and watch the shows. The dream would be that enough people will buy tickets to shows and buy the records so I can keep making records and playing shows. Visit Personal Trainer Check out “Intangible” below:   Read the full article

[audiofuzz]

Interview with Personal Trainer

We had the chance to interview the incredibly talented Willem Smit about his band and the upcoming music. Check out our full interview below: 1. Can you share the story behind the formation of your band? What challenges (if any) do you face with rotating band mates? Before Personal Trainer started, I was in another band called Canshaker Pi. When a band was going for a while and more people got involved, I think I started to take the songwriting and music-making process a little more seriously. Things started to take longer to be a finalized product, which meant there was a lot more thinking involved. Personal Trainer started as a name on bandcamp where I would throw stuff I recorded online, without being too picky. I "released" a bunch of EPs and I had a little project where I made three records in three days. This was very freeing and fast-paced. Then I decided I wanted something similar live. I would ask a handful of people to play some simple songs with me without rehearsing too much. This slowly changed in a line-up with rotating band members, as in bars and at shows I would ask lots of people if they wanted to join my band. Casper van der Lans, who played bass in the band, convinced me to start recording and putting out the music too. The big challenge of the rotating members for me was that, in the end, most people wouldn't rehearse too much, but I would rehearse with a lot of different people. I was looking for spontaneity, and found out that I was getting a little busy going through songs with different people, on top of writing, recording and putting out the music, doing all the planning, and booking all the shows. The production of the songs changed too: they weren't two or three chord songs anymore, they got more and more layered, so it was great to have a slightly more set version of the live band, where everyone was a little more involved with how we'd approach things live. I think the songs basically asked for a set group. 2. Could you walk us through your songwriting process on “Intangible”? What inspired this track? For intangible I had come up with a chorus before anything else, which rarely happens. I bounce a lot of material I make on to a soundcloud link and sometimes listen to it while cycling through Amsterdam, to hopefully get some ideas for the songs. I had a fragment of about 15 seconds of the chorus to intangible, with gibberish lyrics on my phone for about a year, together with a revolving cast of about 30 song ideas, and at some point I heard it and thought: I should finish this. I worked a while on how the bass and tempo should be. I remember I wanted to go for a slightly slower version, with thinner, drier drums and I wanted the bass to sound a bit more like what I'd heard from Thundercat. Really into "untitled 03" and hits like "King Kunta" by Kendrick Lamar at the time. There was some Dutch pop bands and stuff like Justin Timberlake too that inspired me a little. After trying out a lot of things I decided to ask band mates Kick Kluiving and Ruben van Weehberg to record the bass and drums to some songs with me and co-producer Casper van der Lans. Production wise we kind of restarted a bit from there and it turned into the finished product 3. Who are your biggest musical influences, and how do they shape your sound? When I was 16 I listened to a lot of Pavement, early Beck, The Breeders, Ought, Gilla band and Scram C Baby, and I think that stuff will always be floating around somewhere. I think over time I've become a little less judgemental about music on first listen. I hope I've become a little more patient listener with "open ears" or whatever, and I try and see the good things about songs or artists that I would maybe write off quite quickly before. It feels like I can draw inspiration from a lot of different sounds, which feels good. I decided I'm not scared to lose the cohesion by making different sounding songs, because I believe it will probably make sense as a whole, coming from the same brain. 4. What message or impact do you hope to convey with your music? I think I have no clear message, I like to make music. My main concern is that I'm happy with what I make, which is really hard. Maybe it's getting even increasingly hard! That occupies most space in my head. It feels like there's no room for what I'd want other people to hear when they listen to it. While making music I do try and think about what I would personally think I'd hear when I hear a song for the first time, as well as on my twentieth listen. I would like for as many people as possible to hear the records and watch the shows. The dream would be that enough people will buy tickets to shows and buy the records so I can keep making records and playing shows. Visit Personal Trainer Check out “Intangible” below:   Read the full article

[sleepymarmot]

I have finally beaten the first boss of Scrivener's Hall solo! And finished the dungeon with the help of others.

A day or two ago he killed me many times. After improving my build a bit, I returned. My many attempts at killing him with a two bar Pale Order build were unsuccessful. At first I tried to do the mechanics, but it was too hard to keep track of where the books were shooting their lights, so I was overwhelmed. Then I tried to burn him down, but got swarmed by the mechanics. But I was improving: last time I kept dying around 70-80%, maybe 50-60%, and now my best attempts were around 30-40%. A big help was that early in the fight today I finally figured out I should swap Azandar from tank to healer, and he went from dying within the first thirty seconds to staying alive throughout the entire fight.

Then I realized that 1) in the middle of the fight I was neglecting the back bar because I had no time to swap; 2) I could really use a bonus to stamina and magicka recovery. So I changed to my solo Oakensoul build, edited it a bit... And managed to defeat the boss on first try!

Here's what we were using:

(Me: Chakram of Destiny; Pragmatic Fatecarver; Cephaliarch's Flail; Inspired Scholarship; Spiteward of the Lucid Mind; Sanctum of the Abyssal Sea. Azandar: Abor's Augmented Ward; Triptych Physic; Ritual of Salvation; Shields of Erudition; Crimson Font)

Unfortunately, that was not nearly enough for the second boss. I could survive the poison vomit once or twice in a row, but that only got me to around 80%. I tried several times, but it was obviously hopeless with the gear and skills I currently have. So I had to call for help in the group finder, and I had a full team in approximately 5-10 minutes and cleared the rest of the dungeon in the blink of an eye.

This was actually my second completion of the dungeon; earlier the same day I asked in group finder to run it in "story mode", but the team who assembled ran through the dungeon pretty fast and also didn't hunt the scamps, and I didn't feel comfortable stopping to admire the scenery or ask them how the scamps work. So I was unsatisfied with that as Jarcanist's one canonical chance at this quest, and returned to try again solo — and that's how I ended up spending approximately two more hours on a single clear.

I have to say: going through the dungeon alone and discovering it for yourself is significantly more fun than blindly running after strangers from the queue who already know everything. It feels like a real adventure! I wish this way of doing dungeons were more accessible — I'm not even talking about the kind of story mode in which every enemy dies from a light tap on the shoulder, but something that might pose a challenge, but still a challenge that is solvable without having extremely specific gear and skills at hand. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful to the people who come to my rescue, and playing with other humans is its own kind of fun, but I wish it were an option instead of a necessity.

And now, I'm going to run it a bunch of times again. Need that Velothi lead asap! So far I've killed only one scamp (during that solo run), and of course wasn't lucky enough to get the lead in the very first chest. Oh, and give me those sweet, super expensive Glass Eyes of Mora too.

Btw: shout out to this video of the dungeon's full content that I used as one of the guides.

After this, doing the Runemaster Xiomara boss in Apocrypha even one competent partner, let alone with a group, is pleasantly familiar! I visited him on a whim, just to check how the boss feels after beating his dungeon equivalent, and ended up in a group in which we quickly did a Bastion Nymic and two other bosses I needed for the Defender of Necrom achievement. Did the Runemaster three times, and still no lead...

As you can see from the long post, this was all pretty exciting! I'd been looking forward to this dungeon for the entire year, it's relevant to the character I'm playing, has cool design, and rewards I'm interested in — so I'm happy to finally get around to doing it.

[dogstarblues]

accomplishments list for an entire week from friday 7/21/23-sunday, today, 7/30/23

made it through residency - which felt like HELL this year

started writing poetry consistently again

successfully started beginning to pull together my outline for my critical thesis

started a poetry manuscript

painted a painting

did neurographic art

did the dishes

did laundry twice

got groceries

for the most part, made all my meals from scratch. i refuse to make pasta by hand tho

made tea consistently and drank it and felt soothed

self-soothed in other ways

paid rent

applied for a paid writing opportunity

did a paid writing opportunity

maintained my hair for like five days which is good, for me, when i havent twisted it

fixed my internet billpay and account issues which was the final step in being free from my father's surveillance

got some books for my thesis. i'll get more when the need arises, not now.

researched presses that could take future books

made progress on my Goodreads reading challenge

made progress on my r/fantasy book bingo, not that i've ever been on reddit other than, accountless, perusing r/verizon or r/samsung for solutions when i searched niche questions. i simply like challenging myself even tho my bingo card might never be posted LOL

took care of myself by prioritizing space and quiet when not in the residency

rested a ton

bitched to friends about residency including friends in the residency who also bitched abt the residency

kept my work station in the kitchen clean

cleaned my room

cleaned my desk (which im doing after posting this)

goals for the coming week

read for fun

get started on note-taking and thesis readings

read book club book section for the week

get started on buddy-read of The Black Shoals

finish residency stuff

apply for IDR loan repayment

do my fucking hair for christ's sake. maybe tonight's goal.

finish The Undertaking of Hart and Mercy (i can listen to more of it as i do my hair!)

finish Dreadgod

walk my dog

Do Not Pack For Your Trip Yet. I Know It's Tempting But Do Not Do It, Wait for Your Body's Fluctuations To Settle Down. Your Trip Is On The 19th Not Tomorrow So Cool It.

[a-c-x-g]

Oh fun! I havent done one of these in ages- lets go! Tagged by @blueherin

Song I last listened to: Evil Friends by Portugal the Man

Books I'm reading: I have to have five on deck at all times or else I go insane! I've decided on labeling them "fast" vs "slow" books instead of "easy" vs "challenging". Fast books are read in days to weeks, slow books in weeks to months.

Slow Nonfiction: Death by Landscape, by Elvia Wilk

Very funny story with this one: I texted my BIL absolutely raving about Jeff Vandermeer's Annihilation. He texts me back raving about a book of essays that discusses Annihilation- so we traded! I recently moved from the desert to a swamp, and it's true. The land really wants to eat you, and in different ways

Slow Memoir: Yoga by Emmanuel Carrère

Deeply important book to me now. I've never wanted to punch someone in the face more. The author is very aware of this! He manages to write a book that neither aggrandizes nor apologizes for his unlikeableness. It's a great, intentional example about what the meditative practice of observing without judgment can offer the memoirist. Separately, I would have become this man of 6 fewer things had gone wrong with me growing up. It's a pretty valuable dark mirror for that.

Fast Nonfiction: Yoga for Emotional Trauma by Mary and Rick NurrieStearns

Self-help and romance novels are my two comfort genres. You usually know in the first 30 pages if they're worth finishing, and ypu dont have to pay that much attention. If there's something worth seeing in there, it jumps out at you. This book is actually part memoir, which I liked quite a lot, and is very well-cited. It's been interesting to see a licensed clinician navigate the space of writing about spiritual methods without cribbing to claims of healing or authority. I WAS hoping for more about stretching, though, but I'm only halfway through.

Reference: Yoga Anatomy by Leslie Kaminoff

You may notice a theme at this point. I started singing opera two years ago, after my voice settled from testosterone. I have some diaphragm control issues related to spinal malformations and significant chronic illness. I also solve all my problems by researching. Did you know that your diaphragm is attached to your heart??? Wild stuff. An extremely thorough reference so far. It manages to talk about yoga health concepts as "methods for improving soft tissue functions and thinking about the body as a series of cavities" alongside more western medicine as "methods for improving organ functions and thinking about the body as a series of oozes." It's nice to have both!

Fast Fiction: The Dragon's Bride by Katee Robert

I've read a lot of erotica in my time- see "Fast Nonfiction." This is the first book I've read that's shifted away from "all non-humans are weird werewolves" and straight into "this is a published scaley monsterfucking book." 8/10. Uniquely excellent pacing. A little too much world building, but they get it out of the way quickly. The sex is hot and well-written- There's too much interest in pregnancy for my tastes, but maybe that's the market.

Currently watching: TV pacing usually stresses me out, so I do more movies than series. That said, my wife and I have just started Season 2 of Mushi-Shi! It's nice to see visual media really commit to a short story anthology format

Movie Watch List: Last two films were "Todo Sobre Mi Madre", directed by Pedro Almodóvar and "Fantastic Mr. Fox", directed by Wes Anderson. Up next is "The Death of Stalin"- my husband thinks it will help cheer me up about my workplace drama

Tagging: @auxphonos and @nyxkaikaos if either of you want!