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my-brothers-corrupted · 8 months ago

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My Brothers, Corrupted

Book Five: Section Twelve

Jackie rests following his injury. Marvin and JJ talk some things out. JJ finds a Deaf community group, and Chase gets into a situation he finds overwhelming. Masterlist

Tws for discussions of past abuse and a suggestive encounter involving dubious consent (stopped before it goes too far). Tws may not be completely exhaustive - keep in mind the heaviness of the fic and look out for yourself.

Thank you to @lehhoh7822 for taking the time to compile this book!

A knocking on the door interrupts their talk. Marvin calls “come in!” and JJ follows suit, walking in with Stacy’s bags on his arms.

“Presents, presents, presents,” he signs grandly, sitting down on the bed. “Stacy had some of our old stuff.”

“Wait, really?” asks Jackie, sitting up.

“She said Chase and Schneep and I left some stuff with the magicians for safe-keeping,” explains Marvin warmly. “I haven’t looked yet though.”

JJ plops down on the bed beside them and offers Jackie a little box of his old things for him to look through. For Marvin, there is a box of all sorts of occult-looking magical shit, a worn pink cat’s collar, and several books of poetry. JJ rummages down into the bag and gasps with delight as he extracts a fancy little Polaroid camera just for him.

“Oh, look!” cries Jackie. “This - this is stuff I had in my old room. My toys and comics and stuff!”

Marvin holds the collar and the books to his chest, and brushes his hands over a crystal ball and old Tarot cards, smiling as he feels some part of himself settling warmly in his chest.

“Was there stuff for Chase and Schneep?” he asks.

“Yes,” says JJ. “Schneep’s nice white coat and an old music player, I think.”

In their bedroom, Chase turns the old MP3 player on with cautious fingers, his hopes lifting when he finds it still has power. He opens the list of songs on it - hundreds of his old favorites - and finds himself drawn to familiar names.

“Do you remember when we had this?” he asks Schneep softly, looking up into his faraway eyes. “When Anti gave us one and we had just a couple of our favorite songs? We would sit in our nest and listen to it as we fell asleep, back when we were just newly twins, and we didn’t remember anything else in the world but each other and our music.”

Henrik gazes blankly at him. Chase reaches carefully up and places an earbud in his ear, and then one in his own, and he starts their music.

From the other room, his siblings will hear him singing Sleeping at Last quietly. He does not have a voice for singing, but it doesn’t matter. It’s a part of him.

Slowly, Chase watches the recognition return to Henrik’s eyes. It is followed by surprise, confusion, awareness, and then, yes - a smile.

Chase laughs and grips his hands, and Henrik laughs back, shaking his head in amazement as the old music comes back to him.

“I do remember - ”

“Dok! You keep scaring me like that!”

“I’m sorry, I think I just - haha, well what does it matter, here I am.”

“Here you are.”

“Here I am.”

“Mrow!” calls Noodle, shoving his head up against their chins, and they burst into laughter and shitty, passionate singing, laughing at each other and gripping hands there in the safety of their nest, their cat purring enthusiastically between them, their family close at hand, and safe, and warm, and whole.

What else is there in the world that matters?

ari-trash asked:

Oh the cat collar... is there a name on it?

“No,” says Marvin softly. “I guess we had a couple cats.”

“Soup and Feichin,” says JJ.

Marvin laughs. “Really?”

“Marv, um, Jackie and I found their bodies… we can bury them sometime if you want.”

Marvin looks down at his blankets, nodding. “Yeah, that, uh - that would be nice, I guess.”

“Stacy might have some pictures on her phone too?”

“That’s sweet,” smiles Marvin. “I’ll ask. Plant some flowers for the cats and… yeah. I haven’t seen the house again yet.”

“We can go whenever,” says Jackie.

“You mean we can go whenever. You are stuck in bed!”

Jackie pouts. “Well, the upstairs is pretty burned, but the downstairs is mostly okay. I think we can make the place livable again.”

“And I’ll start making mirrors,” chuckles Marvin. “We’ll be able to come here to see the Irish magicians, and go to Sweden to see the kids, and I’ll make a mirror to Brighton too.”

JJ looks up, bright-eyed. Marvin grins weakly back and clears his throat. “JJ, um. The two of us should probably talk too. Sometime.”

JJ plays with his camera. “Am I in trouble?” he asks, not looking up.

“That’s not how we do things anymore,” says Marvin. “And even if it was, I think I would be the one in trouble.”

JJ gets a little red in the face. “You can stay with Jackie for now,” he says. “I’m okay.”

“Okay, well… sometime. Are you sure there isn’t something we could do together or something like that?”

There’s a pause as Jameson’s eyes flash. After a second, he looks up at Marvin, something brightening in his face. “Actually, there is something I need some help with.”

“Oh? Yeah, honey, whatever.”

“I still get nervous in public,” says JJ. “So I want someone to take me to Mass!”

Marvin covers his face with his hands. “You’re kidding, right?”

JJ is laughing at him now. “Nope! I want to go to confession and then to Mass.”

“Jameson,” says Marvin. “Listen, don’t you have some delusions kind of tied up in religion? You sure you don’t just want to, like… be done with that? Also, you know I’m a pagan, right?”

“I want to go to confession and then to Mass,” repeats JJ steadfastly. “But it’s up to you! Don’t go if you will be uncomfortable, I can always find someone else.”

He gathers up his things and leaves the room. Marvin turns to Jackie, bewildered.

“You kind of owe it to the little man,” laughs Jackie.

“You read your comics and be quiet,” says Marvin, and tries to ignore Jackie giggling.

“Maybe we should get him a cat,” Marvin adds.

“What?”

“Something to take care of. He’s been dependent for so long. He’s still really passive sometimes. That’s the first time I’ve heard him tell me what he wants like, ever.”

“Whatever you think, dude. As far as I’m concerned we already got one and we have a whole forest area for them to roam. May as well have more.”

Marvin eyes the collar in his hands, rubbing his thumb over it.

Anonymous asked:

Maybe you could get him a mouse or hedgehog?? Jackie you don't remember but JJ and you had a mouse in a little shoebox during the early days with Anti. I think JJ likes mice and rats a lot!

“A mouse in a shoebox,” laughs Jackie. “Cute. Yeah, well, ask him, Marv. Could be nice to get him a rat or something once we have money for a cage and things like that. Could be nice to not get anything, I don’t know what he wants to have to worry about. Are you sure it isn’t you who wants a cat?”

Marvin looks up from the collar, blinking. “Um. I don’t know. Anti made me think I didn’t like them.”

“You like Noodle.”

“I do now. I didn’t for a while.”

“There’s no rush for anything,” says Jackie. “But you’re your own person and the house is for all of us, so no one will mind one way or another I expect.”

Anonymous asked:

Did Henrik and Chase ever go back to the Jewish community center they found?

“We are planning to,” says Henrik, chewing on a piece of pizza Stacy had delivered for them as he sits on one side of Jackie’s bed. “Now that I am a little more aware. Chase says he will go with me one of these days.”

“I don’t know much about your actual services,” says Chase, mopping up marinara sauce with a breadstick. “But you can teach me.”

Jackie lying back in his bed between them, observing them with a faint, tired grin on his face in between bites of his own pizza. “You two could do some things separately for once, you know.”

Chase and Henrik glance at him and then at each other before turning away again.

“I mean it,” says Jackie, and despite the bandages still wrapped around his chest, he looks relaxed and lazy. “It would be good for you. Schneep, I bet Marvin would go with you since he’s taking JJ to church.”

“Nuh-uh!” comes a call from the other room. “This is enough structured religion for the rest of my life. We’re heading out, should be a couple hours.”

“Come say goodbye to me,” whines Jackie, and Marvin shouts back a grumpy “no!” but Jameson hurries into the room and throws his arms around Jackie in a hug.

“If you need me you can come right home,” says Jackie, brushing at his hair and cupping his head. “We can always try again another time. And just tell Marvin if you’re overwhelmed. Okay?”

“Jackie,” calls Marvin. “He’ll be with me and he’s fine. Don’t worry so much.”

“Stay with Marv,” Jackie orders. “Be good. Bye.”

“Bye.”

JJ hugs Schneep and Chase too before heading out with Marvin. Jackie watches him go, frowning out into the hall.

“And we’re the co-dependent ones,” grumbles Chase.

“I’ll bite you,” warns Jackie, making Chase laugh. “I’m letting him go, isn’t that enough?”

“It’s a start,” says Henrik.

Jackie sinks warmly back into his bed. “I’d take you to synagogue, Dok. Now that we’re free and you’re feeling better, we can be friends like we used to.”

Schneep smiles at him, his head ducking down.

Jackie doesn’t know if his brother will ever be the same loud, over-confident, teasing, exuberant person he was before this all happened. But he thinks that, little by little, Henrik will be bolder with each day that comes, and even if he never is quite that crazy again, he’ll always be Schneep. Jackie’s glad he’s here.

Anonymous asked:

How's being fussed over to your liking Jackie? Pretty nice to let yourself be taken care of I bet, especially after so long of having to hide your emotions and be so closed off both to Anti and your brothers.

Jackie lets Chase offer him orange soda through a straw so he doesn’t have to sit up. His brothers sit with him and talk, warming the room with their chatter and closeness.

It’s not like before, when they were separated by rooms or their fear of him. He thought it would be scary to feel less like he is in charge of them - like he couldn’t stop them from leaving or doing something stupid if they wanted to - but the truth is, there’s a relief to be found in knowing that they’re all taking their independence back from him, bit by bit, even though it scares him. And he’d give up a lot of control to feel this closeness to them. It’s the difference between a commander and an older brother, and he begins to realize that when he insisted to himself I’ll this time “I’m their big brother,” the problem wasn’t that that was a lie, but rather that his concept of what an older brother should be was skewed so badly the weight of it threatened to crush him.

Now he’s just lying in his bed, completely stripped of any semblance of authority or physical strength, and there’s something very nice about it. Henrik pulls another piece of pizza free and hands it over to him.

“I like it,” says Jackie. “Very much. And I want chocolate! Go, serving boy!”

Chase whacks him gently on the head with the empty breadstick box and gets up to get him a piece of chocolate.

Anonymous asked:

JJ I'm so excited you get to go to Mass and freely practice now! But remember to be careful of your delusions and take care of yourself! Religion can get very tricky when you're psychotic, so make sure you have someone with you to ground you just in case.

“I’m here if you need a break. If you do need someone to ground you. I - ”

“Now you’re getting as bad as Jackie.”

“Babe, you’re shaking already.”

Jameson flinches and looks up at the little parish building, a shiver running up his back. “I want to do this,” he signs, straightening his back. “I need to.”

“I just don’t want you getting worked up over - you know. Just. Religion.”

“I know you don’t believe in this stuff,” says JJ. “But it’s important to me. Thank you for calling so I can have a priest who signs.”

Marvin sighs. “Jamie, you know this is going to freak you out. If you’re just doing this because you have a delusion about going to Hell - ”

“I’m not, okay? Please just let me go.”

“Look, I know we don’t have to have jobs the same way anymore, but I am still your older sibling and I want to look after you. Can’t we just go?”

Jameson shakes his head. “No. I need to do this.”

“James… you don’t, okay? If God exists, he’s not going to send you to Hell.”

“It’s not about that.”

“Well, what is it about, because - ”

“How is it possible that Anti could have stripped me of myself so thoroughly that he even took my faith from me?” Jameson demands.

Marvin blinks at him, stopped in his tracks.

He knows JJ can’t literally yell, but sometimes, when he strikes his hands together like that and signs that fast, he gets the same impression as if he would have screamed. The look on his face tells the same story. Marvin looks down at the ground, ashamed to have tried to talk him out of it.

“It’s pathetic,” JJ continues weakly. “You read all these stories in the Bible about men who keep their faith through torture and death threats… I have to live the rest of my life knowing I’m not one of those men. I’m not strong enough.”

“Jameson,” murmurs Marvin. “That you’re here at all… it’s enough.”

Jameson snorts, turning away from him for a moment to breathe. Marvin wants to reach out to pull him back and hug him - to comfort him and make things right - but he supposes this is something Jameson has to figure out for his own.

“I’m glad you have found a piece of yourself among the magicians and your home,” signs JJ, breathing out slowly. “I truly am. It’s wonderful to see you happy again. And Chase gets to have his kids back - Jackie and Henrik are finding themselves again - it’s all marvelous. But Marvin, my whole life - my whole fucking life - has been Anti.”

Marvin doesn’t know what to say.

“I never had a chance to really be Jameson before this,” his brother continues. “I was always more Dapper than anyone else. Do you know how badly I’m scrambling to find myself? How when Anti was taken from me the floor was pulled out from underneath my feet and the only thing that I have to cling to now is my siblings, who sometimes can’t even see me as a man? Who already feel the need to take care of me without me being completely lost in a world I have never experienced without Anti hanging over me? Don’t get me wrong, the world he offered me was a terrible one - but it was the one I have always lived in.”

“I’m sorry,” mumbles Marvin.

“Don’t be,” replies JJ quickly, touching his cheek. “It’s not anybody’s fault. I just… need some help. Some support. Okay?”

“Yes. I’m sorry.”

“Must have been nice to find your people again,” adds JJ morosely. “I’d love that - a place where I feel like I belong. I’m trying to find it, Marvin. And I need to go to Confession before I can go to Mass. So please… just wait here for me, okay? And if I do break down, be there afterwards.”

“Yeah,” whispers Marvin. “Love you.”

“I love you,” replies JJ firmly. “I’ll be back in a few.”

Jameson pads up the steps to the parish building to meet with the priest and Marvin sits down heavily, rubbing at his head. He’d wanted to have some grand gesture to give Jameson in apology for the way he treated him, but he just feels lost.

Jameson cries on the bench in the Marian grotto outside the parish office, Marvin’s arms wrapped around him.

“Was he mean?” asks Marvin, stroking JJ’s hair out of his reddened face. “I don’t know what happens in confession.”

JJ shakes his head, his hands over his face.

“Just overwhelmed?”

A nod. Marvin sets their heads together and rocks him on the bench, closing his eyes.

“There’s no rush. You take your time.”

Jamie’s right hand falls to grip at Marvin’s shirt, pulling him close. They sit together for a long time. And Marvin’s wish for some grand gesture to give him falls apart. It’s been too long already. He needs to apologize.

“I love you, Jameson,” he says. “I’m sorry I said otherwise. I just - ”

“I know you do, Marv,” JJ cuts him off. “You don’t have to get into it.”

Marvin’s gut twists uncomfortably. “James, you’re allowed to be angry with me. You’re allowed to be angry period.”

Jameson glances up at the statue in the grotto, wiping tears from his face. “Think I forgot how somewhere along the way,” he says.

“Can I ask you something, sugar? Are you not… are you not angry at Anti?”

Jameson pauses again, a small sigh escaping his mouth as he breathes. “No. Not really. I suppose in a logical way I am - as in, I know he treated me poorly, I know he was cruel. But I don’t feel it.”

“Do you still miss him?”

“Terribly,” Jameson says. “How humiliating. I find it difficult to sleep without him. Even when Jackie comes to keep me company, it’s still difficult. I hear his voice in my head - not so much in the hallucinating way now, but just… the comments he would make. How he might laugh at something someone did. Or tease me or tell me to come lie down with him a while. Tell me about how I belonged to him, how I was special. How he’d be all alone if I ever gave him up. I think about him often. Then I feel wretched for dwelling on him when he was so awful to all of us, and I think to myself that I should hate him more, and that I really still am just his pet.”

Marvin bites his lip and wraps an arm around his brother, rubbing his shoulder. He doesn’t know what to say to that. It’s not something he relates to at all.

“How do you feel, Marvin, thinking back about him now?”

Marvin chuckles. “Well, um. Just - I don’t know.”

“Angry?”

“No. No, that much is gone from me. The anger is with myself for falling for him or for letting you all down this time or that time, and so on. But I got my anger for him out. Buried the knife of it in his stomach and let Jackie burn it down on the forest floor.”

JJ stares out at the trees. “I wish I hadn’t cried while he was dying. I wish I did not cry for him now. I wish I had been able to be angry. To be violent. To show him, just once, that I was not his little doll. But he was screaming for me and for Jack… my brother, screaming for me to save him.”

Jameson turns suddenly to Marvin, eyes creased with grief.

“Will I just always be a victim, Marvin? Is this always going to be all that defines me? Being his and being sick? Will I always be a burden to everyone?”

“Jamie,” Marvin protests. “No, absolutely not.”

“I know you and Jackie see it in me,” says JJ, pressing on. “I know because Jackie tells me it directly, that he has trouble seeing me as an adult and an independent person and a capable person and all that. And I know you do it too, Marvin, you - ”

“James, I - ”

“No, don’t lie to me,” signs JJ emphatically. “Don’t, because there was a reason you told me you didn’t love me and I know it must be this, that I’m broken, that you still see me as his sweet pet, that I disgust you. I know you’re just pressuring me to be better and that’s alright, I’m not angry - ”

“JJ!”

Marvin signs the letters hard, cutting Jameson off. He stares back down at the pavement, silent again. Marvin reaches tenderly out and cups his face, trying to draw his gaze up, but JJ just shies away.

“Jameson,” says Marvin. “Listen to me, okay? That’s not why I said that to you.”

Jameson purses his mouth. Marvin knows he doesn’t believe him.

“Jamie, here’s the truth, adult to adult: when I look back at Anti now, I feel afraid.”

Jameson meets his eyes, blinking.

“That was the part I was hoping would go away on its own, but it didn’t. The fear of him… it haunts me. All of us have to live the rest of our lives with the knowledge that we were his victims, that we were stripped of our identities and our freedom, and that is so scary, Jameson. Because what if it happens again? And I know that Anti was a supernatural whatever-the-hell, and that he had mind control powers and so on, whatever. But… giving my love to someone and having them use that to manipulate me? That’s real, JJ. Someone could do that with my heart. Even any of you could do that with my heart. That terrifies me.”

“And you think I would do that with your heart,” signs JJ morosely.

“No, no,” replies Marvin, quick to correct. “That’s not it. But Jameson, over the last year, I pretty much only ever got to see you or interact with you when he was there. So… it’s not your fault, but you remind me of him. You remind me of when we were victims together. And that fear comes back. Lately, I’ve been letting that fear control me. I lashed out at you because I was scared. I was trying to drive you away. It’s why I’ve been so harsh with you. That fear.”

“I won’t go away,” Jameson tells him immediately, pausing between words to brush a strand of hair from Marvin’s eyes. “Even if you are harsh, that’s alright.”

“No, sugar, it’s not alright,” Marvin chuckles weakly. “It’s not. That’s what I want you to know. That’s why I’m saying I’m sorry.”

“It’s forgiven, Marvin,” says JJ. “I won’t go.”

Marvin hugs him for a moment, pulling him away again to look him in the eye. “You’re too gentle with me,” he says. “And if I ever do anything like that to you again, I want you to kick my ass. Okay?”

JJ giggles. “I’ll try?”

“Good. But if you really mean it about forgiving me, then… thanks. Honestly, I’ve been scared I’d ruined things between us forever.”

“But if I remind you of Anti, how will we be friends?” asks Jameson, frowning. “You should stick with the others. I’m okay.”

“Don’t say stuff like that. You are important, JJ, and you’re not a burden - you’re a part of us. You’re a part of me. So that’s why I want to spend more time with you, time like this, where things are pretty calm and we just know that we’re safe. If I start getting worked up, I can take a break, like Jackie does. I want to have a chance to see you in a context outside of victimhood. I want to see you as yourself. My bad-ass brother.”

JJ’s eyes water. “I’ve missed that. Jackie’s my only friend, and even he sometimes sees me as a kid.”

“Chase and Schneep aren’t your friends?”

Jameson pauses. “Chase and Henrik love me,” he says slowly. “They’re my brothers.”

“But not… friends.”

He shrugs, glancing down at his shoes, clearly embarrassed to have said anything.

“We’re going to start doing things as a family,” says Marvin, reaching out to hug him again. “And we will all get to know each other again. As friends. As equals.”

“The way we used to,” Jameson signs faintly. “I - I have missed that. So much. Marvin. I missed you.”

Marvin rests his head against Jameson’s, sitting with his arm wrapped around him.

He doesn’t remember who Jameson was before this all happened. He doesn’t remember who he himself was before this all happened. He definitely doesn’t remember what things were like between them, when Jameson and Marvin would talk about magic and take walks and drink wine on the porch late into the night together.

Still, as he is holding him there in the warmth of the sun, he feels a piece of himself settle back into place again, and he realizes that he has missed him too.

Anonymous asked:

Have you checked out a deaf support group in the area yet JJ? One of your brothers can go with you, if you need that, but I think making some friends and meeting new people would be good for you!

“Okay, so - come here, look, I’m not going to decide for you! Right. So there’s clubs here in town and they meet weekly. This one is right by the bus stop in the center of town. There’s service programs too so if you need help finding a job or signing up for things or whatever, that’s what they’re here for. You can go anytime.”

JJ squirms on the bed beside Jackie, glancing at the computer uncertainly. “Nobody else will have schizophrenia, though.”

“Jay, you don’t know that, and even if there was nobody else with a psychotic disorder, everyone is there to help and understand. That’s the whole point of this. Besides, you’re not having symptoms lately, right?”

“Sometimes I don’t emote right. That’s not good when everybody is Deaf.”

Jackie grins at him. “Well, when you do emote, you are crazy emotive. Even I get what you’re feeling when you make faces. And if you can’t emote for a while, you still sign perfectly well. You can work around whatever concerns you have, JJ, I know it.”

JJ smiles weakly back at him, glancing at the screen.

“It’s your choice,” says Jackie. “But I think it would be a good idea for you to go.”

“Okay,” says JJ. “Would be nice if some of them were British, though.”

“Some of them might be.”

“I don’t know this town at all.”

“We’ll figure it all out, bud. We will.”

JJ lies down beside him and puts his head against his shoulder, resting with him.

Anonymous asked:

Emotional check in time! You've all been through a lot the past couple days. How is everyone doing? - 🎒

“Yes, that’s a good question,” says Marvin, and you find him moving through the old house in the mirror, striding towards the rooms at the back of the hall. Chase and Henrik look up at him from exploring the less-burned room. “How are you guys doing?”

“I think we’re pretty good,” says Henrik, glancing at his twin.

“Yes,” says Chase. “This is good. Noodle can have the forest to run around with without anything to hurt him or a way to get lost. And you, Marv?”

“I’m right as rain, amata,” he replies. “I’ll let you two explore. We can all have our own rooms here. Nice, huh?”

He’s gone again before waiting for an answer. Chase and Henrik look at each other again, blinking. Their own rooms. Yeah. An unusual uncomfortable silence settles between them.

Back in the apartment, JJ gets up to look at Jackie for a reply. His big brother chuckles, messing up his hair. “I’m okay, my man. How are you?”

JJ shrugs. “A little down, I guess. Fine.”

“You’re allowed to be sad sometimes,” says Jackie, brushing his hair back into place again. “Why don’t you go check out the house with the others, yeah?”

“I don’t want to leave you alone.”

“I think I’ll have a nap, actually.”

“I’ll nap with you.”

“No,” laughs Jackie. “I don’t want you guys to feel like you have to babysit. Go on. Pest.”

“You are.”

“You are!”

Jackie shoves his shoulder as he gets out of bed, making JJ laugh, and they sign “kiss kiss kiss” at each other before his little brother is slipping away to join the others.

Jackie doesn’t nap, though. A sigh slides out of him. He stares at their one phone, the smile fading off his face.

Anonymous asked:

Jackie, did you memorize Max's number? Maybe you should call it! I think having him with you would help you get back a piece of yourself.

“Yeah,” says Jackie.

He stares at the phone, drawing himself up to sitting with a groan. His hand covers his injured shoulder. He pulls his red jacket closer around him and lets his thumb rest on the phone screen, pulling open the call app.

He stills, eyes crinkling. Noodle mewls at him from the doorway, padding over to hop up onto the bed.

“Fuck, I’m a coward,” Jackie mumbles, burying his face in his hands. “Fuck. I wish he was just… dammit. Wish he was just here.”

scunneredzombie asked:

Marvin, are you doing okay? You're rushing around and being a little distant.

“No, no, I’m okay,” says Marvin quickly. “No worries.”

He heads back up to his burned room, pushing into the closet. Although they are all broken from the heat, even melted in some places, the mirrors to places all over the world are still back there. He can touch the shattered glass and still feel tired power beneath the surface.

“Just want to find something I can do for JJ,” he says. “At least make him a mirrorway to the UK so he can feel a little more at home. Although - fuck. I guess those magicians who tried to kidnap him are still there.”

He shakes his head bitterly. “It’s not fair to him that they would treat him like that. He deserves to be able to go home.”

Anonymous asked:

You can do it Jackieboy man!! Call that boy and fix both your broken hearts. You deserve the chance to apologize and see him again.

Jackie presses the numbers into the phone with a slight shake in his hands, biting his lip as he leans down over it and hits the green call button.

He won’t answer, right? Nobody answers unknown numbers.

It rings once. Twice.

“This is Deshmukh.”

Jackie tongue cleaves to the top of his mouth. He said it so suddenly and so directly. Business-like. Max.

“Hello?”

Jackie draws a single breath in, trying to hold himself together.

“Max.”

The silence on the other end of the phone seems to change. He thinks he hears Max breathe too.

Neither of them speak for a long moment.

“It’s Jackie,” he adds softly. “I… it’s me.”

He hears shuffling and a door closes.

“It isn’t,” says Max.

Jackie closes his eyes, rubbing at his head.

“I know we didn’t leave things well last time.”

“I can’t do this again,” says Max, very quiet. His voice is solid as rock and flat as week-old beer. “I can’t.”

Tears bite Jackie’s eyes. He nods to himself, then shakes his head.

“Max,” he repeats, helpless. “Max.”

Anonymous asked:

Tell Max you're free. Tell him what happened to Anti and how far you've come since then. He'll listen, I know he loves you, you just need to explain some shit.

Jackie nods to himself - to you - and lies back on his bed, holding his injured shoulder.

“I’m at work,” says Max. “I can’t play right now.”

“It’s not a game.”

“It’s always a game,” he says. “You’re playing with me.”

“It’s Jackie,” he whispers. “Not… not him.”

“Then it’s a trap.”

“I know you have good reason to think that. I - I don’t know how to tell you - he’s dead, Max. We all fought free of him. Marvin killed him. I burned him til there was nothing left. We’re in Ireland. He’s gone.”

Max doesn’t answer.

“I think about you every day,” says Jackie. “All the time. I - ”

“Please don’t,” cries Max, the strength in his voice wavering. “Please.”

Jackie covers his mouth with his hand, trying to breathe.

“Is there anything I can do to prove it to you?”

“It’s a game,” replies Max softly. “It’s always a game.”

“I miss you so much.”

“Please don’t toy with me. Haven’t you put me through enough? I can’t save him so I have to stop trying. I can’t do this anymore. You must leave me alone.”

Jackie’s eyes burn. His chest hurts.

“Just one thing then, tiger, because you know I’d give you anything you asked me for,” he sobs. “I just want to tell you I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything that happened. I would say I regret it but I’m too selfish. I’m just glad you’re safe. If it kept you safe I don’t regret it. And thank you - for the… for the hotel room and the clothes and the food and for - for you. For music while we laid down together and for your hand on my arm. Cause you made me feel like there was something worth living for again.”

“Stop it,” cries Max. “You can’t just - ”

An alarm goes off somewhere on Max’s end of the call, loud enough Jackie pulls the phone away from his ear. Max swears violently.

“I have to go,” he says.

“Okay,” chokes Jackie.

But Max doesn’t go. There’s a long moment of the ringing of the alarm.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, Juice Box,” Max croaks. “You are my ghost now: you haunt me. I love you and I always will.”

“Max,” says Jackie, and then the call ends.

Jackie lets the phone thump down on the bed.

The two halves of his heart are clutched in his fists.

He slides down onto the bed and cries so hard it hurts.

Anonymous asked:

You can always call him again at another time? If you're persistent he might believe you. Like he said, he'll always love you. Don't give up Jackie!

“Okay, yeah,” he says, drawing heaving breaths. “Yeah, okay, okay. I wish he was here.”

He cries into his pillow. It’s only moments later that the door is bursting open and both Henrik and Chase are looking at him in concern. They come to his bedside and Chase puts a hand on his back, leaning down to be close to him.

“Jackie, what’s wrong?”

“Do you need more pain medication?”

“No, I’m okay,” he hiccups. “Just stay with me?”

They take their places on his bed, their hands resting on his shoulders and back, mumbling reassurances to him.

Anonymous asked:

Jackie is having some relationship issues, guys, be gentle with him and stay close to him for a while. I feel really bad for you Jackie, but I know he'll believe you eventually. He loves you after all and I'm sure he misses you as much as you miss him.

Twin hums of sympathy come from his brothers, similar enough it actually makes Jackie snort out a snotty laugh. He rolls over and gazes up at the both of them, placing a hand on the side of both their heads.

“Relationship problems?” asks Chase. “Did you meet somebody at work?”

“No,” coughs Jackie, tucking a strand of hair behind his ears. “No, somebody from the past.”

“That Max guy,” offers Henrik. “The one you thought about so much.”

Jackie sighs and flushes at the same time. “I still think about him.”

They nod at him. “You should have told us,” says Chase, patting his shoulder. “Anti said you guys were boyfriends. Was he trying to mock you or was that true?”

“No, that was true,” mumbles Jackie.

“Maybe we can find him again,” offers Chase.

“I just tried to call him,” Jackie says. “It didn’t go well. He doesn’t believe me, I don’t think. That Anti’s gone.”

“We’ll convince him then,” says Chase firmly.

Jackie smiles at him. He’s glad they’re on the same team again.

Henrik and Chase bring him water and some chocolate, and he lets them give him a little more pain medication too, just to calm him down. He lays back on his pillows, exhausted, and lets them sit down on either side of him.

“Wanna watch a movie?” asks Chase.

“Honestly, some distraction would be great right now,” he admits.

“I’ll get the laptop.”

Anonymous asked:

Maybe Stacey can call? Sometimes just having someone different tell the true makes it easier to believe.

“Do you think she’d help?” asks Jackie.

“I’m going over to her place in just a few,” says Chase, arranging the laptop between the three of them. “I’ll ask her, okay?”

“I don’t know how else to convince him,” says Jackie sadly. “Maybe I just hurt him too bad. And now we can’t be together.”

“Jackie,” says Henrik, squeezing his arm warmly. “Was not you who hurt him. Anti took you away from him - not once, but twice. He must be cautious now. To protect his heart, yes? But when he is sure, I bet he comes back.”

“Yeah, man. I mean, he chased halfway across the world just for the chance of getting you back. If he realized he has a real chance this time, I bet he’d leap. He’s probably just scared.”

Anonymous asked:

How do you plan to make a mirror for Jj if you don't really remember what to do for it? Genuine query, I'm sure you can do it though!!

Marvin laughs. “No, you’re right. But the other magicians said they’ll teach me again! They’re going to help me get back some of those old skills. Apparently there’s a whole enchantment. It’ll be good. I think maybe I do want to lead again… I’ll need more help than I did before, maybe, but if they let me learn for a while I could maybe take charge again. Everyone was so kind and even happy to see me. That’s what I want for JJ, you know? Someone in the UK just needs to take charge and - ”

Marvin cuts himself off, blinking.

“That’s what we’ll do,” he mumbles.

He’s off in a moment, hurrying down the stairs and towards JJ’s room, pushing in the door to find his little brother sorting through some books preserved on the left side. Jameson looks up at him.

“Jamie,” he says triumphantly. “We’ll overthrow the corrupt magicians.”

Jameson cocks an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

“In Brighton.” Marvin moves over to kneel down beside him. “The ones who tried to take you and anyone else who runs with them. I am the head of the Irish magicians and you are a powerful British magician. We’ll throw the rotten ones the hell out. The other magicians told me even most of the British magicians want the leaders gone! If we can organize a change - ”

“Why are you talking about this?”

“Because I want you to feel like you belong there,” he says. “Because - because everyone should have the chance to feel like I did when I found my friends again.”

A shy smile blooms across JJ’s face, though he pulls his gaze away.

“That’s not a small thing, Marvin. It will take a lot of time.”

“We have time.”

“It will be dangerous.”

“We’ve been through worse. JJ, haven’t you been looking for more of a purpose lately? And couldn’t this be part of it?”

“Hi,” says Chase, scrolling on the phone when Henrik wakes from a deep nap, his glasses askew on his face and his hair mussed towards the ceiling. Henrik mumbles and pushes himself back into place, rolling over on Jackie’s bed, where their older brother is asleep between them.

A few days have gone past, and Jackie’s doing a little better all around. He’s able to get out of bed without dizziness now and the wound has stayed clean. He’s talking more, to all of them, and what seems to be a small difference has wrapped a veritable blanket of calm after him. He seems relaxed to Chase for the first time since… well, ever.

The only stressor still clinging to him is Max. Chase has been over to see Stacy and the kids every night - they’re waiting for Marvin to remake some mirrors before heading home to Sweden - and apparently she and Max have had a couple terse conversations over the phone, with slow progress.

“We should let him sleep,” sighs Henrik, getting out of bed.

Chase rises with him. This movement between them - the way they ebb and flow together, like birds sharing the same draft - it never seems to change.

“What are you doing on the phone?” asks Henrik, plopping down on their nest and pulling Noodle into his lap. On their windowsill, his caterpillar has rolled itself up into a lumpy green cocoon. “Playing your silly cat game?”

Chase lets out a low breath, sitting down beside him. “Ha. Um, no. Actually, I wanted to tell you something.”

Henrik looks up, the change in atmosphere not lost to him. “Oh?”

Chase nods. “You’re doing better, you know? You had a slip back into that, uh, quiet mode again the other day, but you came out of it quick. I don’t need to be taking caretaker checks and looking after you anymore, really. You’re up to looking after yourself again.”

Henrik blinks. “Okay.”

“And I - well, I’m a dad now. Or, like, I always have been, but - you know what I mean. And I want to help with all of our finances, and to have a life outside of the five of us, and - and - Dok, I got a job offer.”

“Oh!” Henrik’s hand stills on top of Noodle’s head. “Oh, yes, that’s… good. That’s very good! It is.”

“But it means…”

Chase’s eyes meet his and neither of them needs to finish the sentence. It means they’ll be apart for hours at a time. The last time that happened, Anti was taking Dok away to torture him in the spare bedroom or hypnotizing Chase into submission on repeat.

Their lives are so deeply intertwined.

“I just wanted to run it by you,” says Chase, shifting in their blankets.

“It’s good,” repeats Henrik, like a skipping track. “It’s good.”

The words are slightly ashy on his tongue.

A rhythmic rap on the door interrupts them and they turn to see JJ peeking his head in. He taps his wrist politely.

“Shit, is it six already?” asks Chase. “I’ll be right out, JJ.”

“You’re taking him to his meeting? I’ll go with you, Chase.”

“Well, Deutsch, uh.” Chase plays with his hands, tangling their blankets around his fingers. “He was talking about wanting to do stuff individually with the rest of us - kind of making friends with all of us after being alone so long - and I think he was wanting just me to go with him this time. And maybe just you next time. And then Blue, and so on. So I thought that might be good, just me and him.”

Henrik laughs. “But this is silly. He will be in his support group for an hour and he wants to go alone.”

“Yeah, we’ll get coffee or something afterwards, though.”

“But you’ll be alone for an hour,” Henrik stresses. “You will be bored and lonely. Might as well come along, yes?”

“Schneep, I’m going to take the laptop and start on some of the training for work while I’m there,” says Chase, getting red in the face.

Schneep sits back. “Well… well, Chase, maybe we can both have the same job? If you are set on this one, then wonderful.”

Chase won’t look up at him.

“It’s a job as an ER receptionist,” he mumbles. “And it also counts as an internship for, uh. For nursing school.”

“But that’s perfect,” says Henrik, sitting up. “Because then we can be - ”

We can be a doctor and a nurse together.

Except…

Blood on Jackie’s shoulder.

Blood down Henrik’s hands.

“Look,” says Chase, reaching out to snag his twin’s hands. “It’s not set in stone yet. Shit, Dok, you know all you have to do is say the word and I’d turn it down in a second. We can go back to the way things were if you wanted. But I… ever since meeting the kids, I feel actual motivation for myself again. I mean, not just motivation to make things good for you, to give you nice things, to make sure you’re safe… but motivation to grow as an adult and be able to provide for them and set them an example. To make them proud of me. And I just thought… I just thought maybe this would be something I could be proud of.”

Henrik looks at him, trying to find the words hovering somewhere around his mouth.

Chase glances at his clock. “Shit, I’m going to make James late for his first meeting. But just think about it, okay? I’ll be home in a couple hours.”

Chase gets up and hugs Henrik before darting away, joining JJ in the living room and getting ready to go. It seems like they’re gone by the time Henrik blinks.

He walks out onto their balcony, still holding Noodle in his arms, and watches his younger brothers walk away.

Anonymous asked:

You'll be okay Henrik. Moving through and past the co dependence you have with Chase is really important. Just because he's gone for a moment doesn't mean he's leaving forever. You have to slowly teach yourselves to be apart again. You could also try finding a job, Schneep! Just not the exact same one as Chase. Let loose the rope and learn to be individuals!

“Try finding a job. What am I going to do?” mumbles Henrik, pushing back from the balcony and wandering inside again. Marvin is out and Jackie is asleep. “A surgeon scared of blood, ha. What a joke. Chase has kids now, maybe Stacy… me, I’m an asexual immigrant with co-dependency issues and PTSD. Not really a huge market for that. There isn’t much in the world for me other than my brothers.”

He squeezes Noodle against him, bumping their heads together, and closes his eyes.

“But I swear I will make sure Chase gets this!” he says, his voice ferocious. “I will support him, I don’t care if he has to spend more time away. For him to stop himself from pursuing something he wants on my behalf would be terrible! I will be good brother. He will still have time for me… is all okay.”

Anonymous asked:

Chase moving into being an independent adult is very important for his healing. Henrik I know it hurts, but you two's codependence isn't healthy. You two regaining independence and learning to be apart again is so, so important, and Chase is doing well taking it in small steps. Maybe you should get a job too, or volunteer somewhere? Once you're feeling well enough of course.

“Ugh, I know,” groans Henrik, rubbing at his head. “What a mess. But we’ve been together so much, for so long. There were so many times I wouldn’t have survived without him there, even just to talk with me, and I know and love him so much. It will be like a separating of conjoined twins. I must cut a part of myself away. But if he will be happier in the end, I will do it. Do not tell him I am being such a baby, okay? I just get nervous, that’s all. I can’t watch someone tear him away from me again. Almost taking him from me forever was the worst thing Anti ever did to me.”

crystalninjaphoenix asked:

You're not being a baby, Henrik. Your feelings are valid, even if they go against what your brain knows. Emotions are complicated in any situation, but you've gone through so much, which tangles everything up. It's okay to be scared and unsure and worried about losing Chase again. I think a lot of people would feel the same in your situation.

“Yeah?” He pets Noodle’s back, gazing at the floor. “Yes, maybe. Thank you. I suppose I’ve really only been out of my head for the last week or two, in the end. Is a lot.”

He chuckles darkly. “Strange thing about survival, I suppose. You’re guaranteed to need each other. I guess I will just feel… a little useless, a little bit like a burden, if Chase learns to be independent and I am still here needing him, with nothing else going for me. Perhaps you are all right - I must find something else to do with myself. Just hard to imagine what that would be.”

patthatsmilesback asked:

What meeting are you going to JJ? Did you decide yes on the deaf groups? And I'm so glad you're taking a moment to just be with Chase! Learning to be friends with everyone again must be lovely despite its difficulties.

“Yes,” he signs, his hands a little shaky, but not bad. “Jackie helped me find one. For now, it’s just a group dinner. Low pressure. Not like an AA meeting or counseling, just… people hanging out. The restaurant knows we’re coming. Everyone should be nice.”

“Everyone will be nice,” says Chase firmly, turning to him as they reach their destination. “But if they’re not, or something starts to happen, I am right here across the street. Okay? I’ll be right here at this table in the window.”

Chase gestures to the little coffee shop beside them, quiet in the evening hour. JJ nods, trying to be just as firm, and straightens up.

“You ready?” asks Chase, glancing at the restaurant across the street.

“Think so,” JJ replies.

“Go on, my man. When you’re done I’ll be right here and we’ll get a coffee, okay? I love you.”

JJ signs it back to him as he turns to cross the street, Chase watching him go. Jameson is wearing worn black slacks and a white button-up. His own choice, now. To dress up a little for himself, and no one else.

Chase smiles down at the ground for a moment, closing his eyes as he smells the crisp cool of the oncoming fall and the sweet petrichor of a rain approaching from a couple miles away, turning the sky into a glow of grey clouds. For a moment, he wonders what Anti would think if he could see him now. Would he admit he was wrong about Chase’s uselessness and brokenness? Would he insist that Chase is just grasping at a happiness he’ll never find? Would he maybe, just maybe, find a little pride in him, to see him surviving despite all the bullshit he put him through?

“Doesn’t matter now, does it?” Chase murmurs, looking up to the sky. “You could have been here to see me, Anti, if you even once tried to love me right.”

This is the reward of freedom: watching his little brother cross the street in a white button-up to go get dinner with some people who will become his friends, and sitting down in the window of a coffee shop to start training for a new job so he can buy Christmas presents for his children. It is more than enough for him, he thinks.

He orders a small coffee with a little bit of spending money, sitting down at the window table and opening up the laptop. After a couple minutes, he becomes aware of something else, too: a blond girl a couple tables away, sending him glances every minute or two. He flushes and raises his cup to his mouth, trying not to look back too much.

There might be a couple extra bonuses to freedom, too. He gives her a small smile as their eyes meet and she grins and looks away.

Anonymous asked:

Oooooh a cute girl? Feeling like a flirt, Chase, wink wink?

“I cannot hit on girls,” mutters Chase, hiding his face from her. “She’s out of my league anyway. Don’t tease me! Oh my gosh.”

He takes another drink of his coffee and then nearly spits it out again, scrambling to look busy behind the laptop. “Holy shit, she’s coming over to me, holy shit, holy shit.”

He shuts his mouth as she gets closer, trying to look casual as she comes up to him.

“Studying?” she asks.

Chase’s mouth feels dry. He does actually wish Henrik was here, but then it seems like that would have made it unlikely for her to approach. He clears his throat.

“Just working on some training for my new job,” he says. “So yeah, kind of.”

“What a coincidence,” she says, her body swaying slightly where she stands, almost playful, or maybe shy. “I was just working on some homework. Was wondering if you needed a study buddy.”

Oh, shit, she wants to sit down. She’s so pretty, wildly pretty. With all this curly white-blond hair tied up on her head and clear, light-catching blue eyes. The textbook against her hip is for Advanced Statistics, a big old college book pressed against her notebooks and zip-up pencil case.

“You a college student?” he asks.

“Getting my Master’s,” she says, and then adds, to the unspoken question. “I’m twenty-four.”

He grins weakly. “Um, yeah, feel free to sit down. I’m Chase, by the way.”

“Jenna.”

Jenna, wow. She sits down across from him, setting her things down on the table with a tall black coffee. He bites his lip and then sends you a scathing, red-faced look, like he can already hear you teasing him from the other side of the camera, but his eyes are alight. He doesn’t think he’s ever told a girl his real name before. He even had the barista put CJ on his cup. Oh, fuck. Does he talk to her? Does he ignore her? Does he ask for her number? What does he do when JJ comes? He takes another drink of his coffee, smiling shyly at her from behind the cup.

unpredictably-ghostly asked:

Oooh Chase she seems nice! if you want to try talking, maybe ask about what she's studying? don't stress, but if you can for sure try and get her number! could turn out to be something good :D

He stares at the lip gloss gleam she leaves on her coffee cup, trying to think straight. Okay, what’s she studying? That’s good. Just start. Just try.

“What’s your Master’s in?” he manages.

She starts talking to him about journalism and the different countries she wants to travel to, and he listens intently. It’s hard to make conversation about current events when he’s been completely secluded from the world for the last year and a half or so, but he picks up on pieces. He tells her he’s lived in Peru, which excites her, but when she asks him more about it he realizes most of those memories are kind of upsetting, and stammers into silence again soon.

They sit quietly, both half-pretending to study.

“I’m back in the country now to see my kids,” he says, and then flushes hot red as he realizes that’s probably not something a woman wants to hear when she might be hitting on him.

“Oh, wow, how many?”

“Two.”

“They must be pretty young.”

“Kind of. Er, well - our first, I was only like 18.”

Wow, Chase. Great. Why don’t you tell her you still kind of might be in love with your ex while you’re at it? Throw in your depression and alcohol issues and you’ll be good to go! She goes quiet and he knows it’s over. She’s out. He flunked this interaction.

“This is probably, like, way too much information,” Jenna says, scooting forward. “But I gave up a baby for adoption when I was about that age. So, like, I get it.”

And just like that, they’re talking for real. About kids, about exes, about family, about everything. Somehow it evolves into video game talk, and they’re laughing over games Chase only just now remembered he ever played. They’ve scooted closer together, chattering in the window of the coffee shop as the evening light falls. The rainy sunset paints the loose strands of her hair in cool gold against the sunshower.

Anonymous asked:

Get her number Chase!! You're smooth as hell, I know you can do it. Maybe offer to buy food for the two of you? No one can turn down a number in exchange for coffee house pastry!

Smooth as hell. Yeah. He - for a second, yeah, he feels it. Feels like maybe he really was this person at some point, someone who was comfortable around girls. Comfortable around people, hell. Around everyone. An extrovert, maybe. He’s smooth. Yeah.

He’d like to buy her something, though he’s only got enough cash on hand for him and JJ to get a snack, and he wouldn’t give that up even for her. But if he gets a job, maybe he can really make this work. Maybe he could try out an actual relationship. Take her to movies and get her dinner… hang out at her place and cook together… dang, his mind jumped ahead fast. So maybe he’s an extrovert - and a bit of a romantic, too.

“So can I get your number?” he asks, finally feeling up to it when the coffee’s gone. She smiles at him. It makes a strand of hair fall into her face, and she pushes it back, a little color in her cheeks.

“Course,” she says. “But I could do you one better. I’m almost done with my homework, and I’ve got the new Link game on my Switch back home. Do you want to come over?”

Woah. He feels like an achievement just unlocked at the bottom of his screen. She likes him. She wants to hang out with him. To be friends, maybe more. He hasn’t made a friend in… he doesn’t remember. There was Xin Yi, of course. But the memory of her is blurred in his mind. Distantly, he remembers laughing with her in the library and her teaching him to cook his own dinner at her stall, teasing him and encouraging him to try Singlish phrases.

He’d love to hang out like that again. With a pretty girl. With a friend.

“Oh, shit,” he says. “I’d like to, for sure, but I have to meet my brother later.”

“Ah, come on,” she says, giggling at him. Oh, he thinks he’s already wrapped around her finger. “He won’t mind you blowing him off.”

Maybe that’s true for some families a little more well-adjusted than theirs, but even if he were just scheduled to go home and play card games with Jameson, he still wouldn’t ditch him, even for a pretty girl.

“I really can’t,” he chuckles. “Trust me, I’m bummed.”

“If you’re bummed then why not?”

He doesn’t think she’s being pushy, or at least not trying to be, just teasing him. He smiles as she scoots a little closer to him, no longer trying to hide the flirting, and he wiggles his eyebrows at her, which makes her laugh. She’s close to him. He can smell her. Vanilla. Wow.

“Come on,” she purrs, flashing her eyes at him.

Wow. Their gazes meet. Big blue eyes. Wow, eyes you could drown in.

He feels slightly sick to his stomach, his smile flickering. He looks across the street, wondering if JJ’s meeting is done by now.

She wraps her hand around his wrist. His gaze flashes right back to her. Damn. Blue. His mouth tastes dry. She tilts her head at him. He can’t move.

All that coffee, and now he just feels sleepy.

“Come back to my place,” she says, smiling at him.

“Okay,” says Chase, tongue thick in his mouth. “Yes, of course.”

Whatever you say.

Anonymous asked:

How is the meeting going JJ? Are you having fun meeting new people?

It’s really good, the meeting.

He doesn’t talk too much, and maybe he looks down at his dinner for most of it, but it’s still… yeah. Really good.

Everybody speaks in sign. There are a couple non-Deaf and non-mute people there, some parents of young Deaf children still trying to find their way through the changes it brings, and some partners there to be supportive and just have fun with their spouse and friends. Some of them have hearing aids and some don’t. Some of them have always been Deaf and some haven’t. One man has a communication board. One woman, like JJ, can hear but not vocalize.

He feels okay. And everyone is nice.

By the time dinner’s gone and they’re all just talking, he’s more engaged in the conversation. He’s chatting with the guy beside him, Theo, a true crime buff signing about some disappearance in Australia. JJ wonders if he’ll be upset by the discussion, but after a few minutes he still feels fine, grinning as he watches Theo sign so fast and so casually that your translation software can barely keep up. Theo’s naive about the shit that JJ’s been through, and even though he’s watching all these shows and podcasts about bad things in the world, he doesn’t really get it. But there’s something really nice about that - about his eagerness to help and the way it feels like something faraway to Theo, something that could never happen to him. JJ thinks that most people should be this naive. It’s good. It feels safe.

After about an hour and half, they’re dispersing, signing goodbyes and arguing over where they’ll go next time, and everybody seems to be taking the individual time to tell JJ: “see you next time, thanks for coming, so nice to meet you!” The organizer, Lisa, makes sure she has his number. Then she tries to go in for a hug.

JJ jolts back, alarmed. He doesn’t want to freak out on her. Humiliation and fear of offending her wash over him as she draws back, frowning, but she quickly smiles again, and instead of making it awkward, she just sets her outstretched hands warmly on his arms for a moment.

He breathes shakily as he feels her palms settle against the white fabric of his shirt. He wills himself not to move. Her hands are gentle. She only leaves them there for a second.

Then she’s drawing away, and everything is okay.

He’s still okay.

“See you next time, JJ,” she signs.

A little sign name, just for him. Just a quick pair of Js, not even particularly personal. But it means a great deal to him in that moment.

He’s red with triumph as he moves across the street, his back held high.

And you told me I would never! he thinks to his brother’s ghost, and for a second it makes him want to cry, because he let Anti tell him for so long that no one else would ever care about him or bother to make accommodations, and he’s just met a whole group of people who aren’t just willing to make space, but who already seemed to have a place carved out and waiting for someone just like him. You were such a coward, Anti. You just lied because you didn’t want me to go. I was never the problem. I am not a problem. I’m a person.

I’m my own person.

The rain is coming gently down on him, cool in his hair and on his face. He feels at peace.

And then Chase isn’t in the window of the coffee shop.

JJ stops short on the pavement, blinking. Well… maybe he just couldn’t get that seat?

He presses inside, looking around, but his brother isn’t there. He glances at the baristas and the people around him. The world feels loud again. Full of talking.

He steps back outside, shivering and glancing around. Maybe he’s in the bathroom? Maybe he went to a shop? Maybe he’ll come home soon?

Why isn’t he here? He promised.

crystalninjaphoenix asked:

Uh... guys? Don’t be alarmed, but I think something happened to Chase. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but remember how he got all relaxed when looking at Marvin’s eyes a couple times? There was this other person with big blue eyes, and like I said I don’t want to draw conclusions but... he acted a bit weird.

JJ’s face flashes in alarm. He draws himself back against the window, hiding under the awning, and stares out at the street with wide round eyes.

Is he… is he gone? Is he in trouble? His eyes prickle. He doesn’t know what to do.

“Hi,” a sign flashes in front of him, and he looks up to see Theo jogging towards him, a big grin on his face. “I’m just waiting for a Lyft! Can I wait with you?”

“Yes,” knocks JJ, wiping at his face.

“Hey, you okay?”

“My brother was supposed to be here to walk home with me, that’s all.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know.”

“He’s just not here? Maybe he’s just late.”

“He walked here with me and said he would wait,” stresses JJ. “Because I have psychotic episodes, so I don’t always like to be alone.”

“Oh. And he’s just not here?”

“I think something might have happened.”

“Do the people inside know anything?”

“I don’t know how to ask.”

Theo blinks and then shakes his head at him in determination, beckoning JJ back inside the cafe and heading for the counter. He pulls his phone out and types rapidly into it before holding it boldly out towards the barista.

“Oh, okay,” she says, looking up at them. “No problem. What can I get you?”

Theo hands the phone to JJ, who carefully types out a message.

“Have you seen my brother Chase? He was in here waiting for me but I can’t find him. He looks a lot like me.”

“I think I actually do know who you mean,” says the girl, reading the message. “He was sitting in the window. You do look really alike!”

“Yes!” nods JJ.

“I think he left, sir. He was talking to a lady. I’m pretty sure they left together.”

He did go with someone. He could be in trouble! He could have been hypnotized on accident again. What if she makes him do something he doesn’t want to? Where is he? JJ’s heart burns against his chest and his stomach cramps. He translates for Theo numbly.

Theo’s signing back to him, looking angry now, and he hands the phone over to the barista one more time before sitting down with JJ at a table.

“I’m sorry, JJ,” he signs. “That was rude. We can walk to your place together, man.”

“No, Chase wouldn’t leave me behind,” insists JJ. “Something’s wrong.”

The barista brings something over to them, signing a warm ‘thank you!’ and Theo pushes a hot chocolate into JJ’s hands.

unpredictably-ghostly asked:

FUCK HANG ON hey JJ??? Or Marv? Someone with magical knowledge might be good rn, considering I think Chase is being hypnotised, or maybe drugged? He's at the cafe across from JJ's meetup, there's a blonde woman with him, gave the name Jenna, I think she's dangerous.

JJ’s scared now, and worse, Theo is there to see it. He tries desperately not to cry, clinging to that warm cup of hot chocolate, blinking away tears and breathing in slow, deliberate breaths.

Theo taps for attention. “Do you need to text someone?”

“Please.”

JJ pulls Stacy’s number from his memory, and when she answers right away, he thinks he could forgive her for everything she’s ever done.

“Stacy it’s JJ”

“Hi is everything okay?”

“Is Marvin with you?”

“Yeah making mirrors with his friends lol”

“Can he come meet me? I’m alone, I think something might be wrong”

“Are you home??”

“No. This cafe, Green House it’s called”

“He says he can come right over. Are you safe? Should I call police? Tell Jackie?”

“Not yet. Thank you.”

“Okay he’ll be right there.”

JJ wipes at his face, breathing out a shaky breath. Theo expresses a look of worry at him.

“My brother just has some problems with running off,” signs JJ, not knowing how to explain it. “Our big brother is coming to help me look.”

“I’ll wait here with you.”

“Don’t you need to get home?”

“No, I’ll stay. Don’t try to talk me out of it.”

JJ chuckles despite himself, taking a shaky sip of his chocolate. “Thank you.”

Theo gives an exaggerated “you’re welcome!” like a little bow, and he’s glad he’s there with him.

unpredictably-ghostly asked:

Thanks Theo, and it's great that you guys are onto this so quickly JJ! I'm sure you guys will be able to sort out whatever's happening.

“You have a camera with you but not a phone?”

“It’s a long story,” signs Jameson, grimacing at Theo. “I’m a little weird.”

Theo laughs. His laugh is not typical and he draws attention from others as the air wheezes out of him. But Jameson likes it. He likes to just… to just see Theo be Deaf in public. He doesn’t even glance around at the people looking.

“I like weird,” says Theo. “Don’t worry so much, JJ. Everyone’s weird.”

“Easier said than done,” admits JJ shyly.

“It’s just practice,” Theo tells him. “It really is. Day by day.”

Marvin comes pushing into the coffee shop in that moment and JJ lets out a shaky gasp of relief, rising just in time for Marvin to crash into him, gripping at his shoulders and his face.

“Are you okay? Oh, my darling. Where’s Chase, what’s going on?”

“The cameras saw a girl take Chase away,” Jameson manages, eyes getting hot again.

“Taking him?”

“They think he had a hypnosis trigger and he went with her instead of staying for me.” JJ pauses to grip at Marvin’s shirt, squeezing his eyes shut. “I don’t know if he’s okay. She could make him do things he doesn’t want to do.”

Marvin whirls on you. “Where did he go?”

“They would have told me if they knew.”

“Who’s this?”

“From my meeting. This is Theo. Theo, this is my sibling Marvin.”

Theo glances at Marvin, sipping his own drink coolly. “You always speak aloud to your brother?” he asks Marvin. “Don’t you speak sign?”

Marvin blinks. “Um. I guess we usually speak aloud. He can hear.”

“Yeah, I don’t lip-read,” replies Theo. “Try it again?”

Marvin looks at JJ in astonishment. “Your new friend is giving me sass,” he says, signing this time, and Theo grins.

“Well, you could sign with me sometimes,” says JJ, but he changes the subject just as quickly. “But Chase is in trouble!”

“How do we find him?”

“I don’t know!”

Marvin looks around the coffee shop like he’s expecting Chase to appear from behind a table. “He could be anywhere,” he mumbles. “She could - she could make him do anything.”

Anonymous asked:

Chase please be careful! Her blue eyes are triggering your old hypnosis! I don't think she's doing it intentionally, but you need to get out of there for now.

Blue eyes.

Hypnosis?

He blinks drowsily, his head swimming as he tries to focus on what you’re saying. He’s alone for a moment, a voice chattering at him from the other room. Glasses clink and he turns his head towards the buzz of the television, looking down to see a Nintendo controller on his lap and an empty glass of wine on the table in front of him. Did he drink? Wasn’t he… wasn’t he not going to do that anymore?

Where is he?

“And I was like terrified and laughing my ass off at the same time,” Jenna giggles, returning to the room with the bottle of wine. She fills her own glass and sits down beside him, close to his body. “Like, that has to be the worst way to ask a girl out - in a fucking silent study hall, with everyone looking at me! And then the next week he came back and ‘thanked me for my honesty,’ haha!”

He looks up at her and the world seems to steady around him again, at least a little, like he’s found his balance on a shaky ship. She smiles at him with those huge, vivid eyes. He can’t quite look away. She pushes some of her hair sweetly from her face at the attention, smiling at him with gleaming white teeth.

Bite. Blue eyes. You’re going to be a good boy for me, aren’t you, Trick?

“Want some more?” she asks, holding the bottle towards his glass.

“Um,” he manages, his stammer making his mouth feel sticky and frozen. “Um.”

No, he’s - he’s not supposed to, he said, he… blue eyes…

She giggles at him. That giggle, that little laugh. A little teasing now. Maybe a little too teasing. “Of course you do,” she says, filling his glass. She presses it into his hand. He takes it, staring at her. She clinks their glasses together and he drinks, his eyes fixed on her. When she settles down on the couch, her hand comes to rest on his thigh.

A wave of nerves rushes over him.

Trapped in bed. Hands roam over him, locking him in place. He wants to get up but he can’t. He can’t even ask to get up. No one is listening. Anti plays with Dapper while he’s unconscious, moving his body like a toy.

“Go on, then,” Jenna murmurs, her head resting on his shoulder. “Try the game out, yeah?”

Yeah. Of course. He’s… hypnosis? He’s…

Her hand rubs at his thigh. He picks up the Switch controller and moves his character, gnawing on his lip.

Something isn’t right.

Anonymous asked:

Chase no, you have to go back to Jameson! Remember that blue eyes are a trigger for your hypnosis, don't look her in the eye. Jameson needs you to walk him home so he feels safe, tell this girl that you need to head back for now and you can meet up at a later time.

Jameson!

“Shit!” gasps Chase, dropping the remote. “I’m - I was supposed to meet my brother!”

“Damn, you two must be close,” says Jenna. “I thought we decided it was okay to skip out on him? Just this once.”

Chase blinks. Did he decide that? Wait, but - “Jamie has a psychotic disorder and he’s only recently out of hospital. He’s still adjusting. Someone needs to be there with him.”

“Wasn’t he meeting friends or something? It didn’t sound like he was alone. You agreed before. Just settle down again, love.”

Love, she called him. He’s flushed all the way down to his neck. Her hand is warm on his thigh. A girl hasn’t been this close to him other than a hug from Stacy in a year. And she seems so nice. Her eyes are… so nice.

Her hand reaches up to brush across his cheek. He flinches just a little, staring at her. Then she’s kissing his mouth.

She curls her hands around his head and pulls him closer in. The strength seems to slide out of him. They kiss on the couch. His mouth knows where to go. She breathes against him. Her hands push at his chest.

Jameson?

But he did decide he was okay. He must have. She says it’s okay. Aren’t you going to be a good boy, Trick? It’s not your job to look after Jameson.

His head hurts. Her hands are soothing at the pain. Stroking at his scalp. She tastes nice.

“We - we - we need to - later,” he stammers. “My brother - ”

“Chase,” she says softly, smiling at him. “Look, I get that you’re nervous. But you don’t have to make excuses. I haven’t been exactly subtle today… I don’t usually bring guys home like this. But you looked so handsome sitting in the light, and then we just clicked… I feel like it’s meant to be, you know?”

Meant to be. He was handsome? They did click. They did. She’s so pretty.

“You’re shy, I get it,” she murmurs. “But just follow my lead. I can tell you want this.”

Does he?

Her hand slips under his shirt. He jumps.

Hands grabbing at him. He’s yanked back into bed. He cries for Dok. Shut the fuck up, Trick. Shut the fuck up.

He shakes beneath her hands.

“Calm down,” she says, kissing him again.

“Wait,” he stutters.

“You’re okay,” she murmurs. Her mouth silences him. “You’re fine. I know you like this. You do. Don’t you?”

“Yeah,” he chokes. But - but no, too. But he’s not supposed to say that. He’s not allowed to. Shut the fuck up, Trick.

No. No. I don’t want to shut the fuck up. Anti, you can’t do this to me.

You lie down and remember where you belong.

No. You’re dead. I don’t want… I’m… I’m free. I fought.

Blue eyes. Anti is laughing at him. Jenna giggles. Yeah, right.

Anonymous asked:

Marvin, JJ, he's at Jenna's house. She doesn't seem to understand he's hypnotized and thinks he wants to be intimate with her. Things are looking really scary. Is there any way to find him? JJ you could always go back in time and run across the street to him to separate them!

“Maybe we should do that,” says Marvin. “We can’t let Chase go through that. I need to get to him. JJ, are you up for that?”

“I was able to take Jackie back in time a few weeks ago,” says JJ. “I think maybe I could.”

“And tell this woman to back the fuck off my brother in the meantime,” snarls Marvin.

“What is going on?” asks Theo, glancing between them.

JJ flushes. He’s going to have to leave his meeting and no one from the group will remember him. But he can go again next week and try again. If that’s what it takes to save Chase, it’s well worth it, even if he has to go another week without Theo or Lisa or any of the friends he just made. That’s JJ’s job. To fix mistakes. To fix problems. He can do it.

crystalninjaphoenix asked:

JJ, you don't have to fix all mistakes. I mean, yes, time travel is helpful. But it's not good for you to try and fix everything for everyone else while not giving anything to yourself. We can't stop you if you want to rewind to fix this. It is a good idea, but not the only one. Just... whatever you decide, don't think of it as your job to fix everything. You're not there just for everyone else, but yourself too, okay?

Marvin stops, turning to look at JJ. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like that’s your job.”

“No, I know,” says JJ. “But it is and that’s okay.”

“No - no. Jay. Goddammit. I’m just scared for him.”

“Me too.”

“Is this something where we should call the Garda?” asks Theo.

“Do you think they could help?” asks JJ.

“They’ll just think Chase went home with some girl, won’t they? Maybe some of the other magicians can help. I’ll make a call, okay?”

scunneredzombie asked:

Is there any other way? Fixing mistakes isn't your job anymore Jay, you can try other options first. But if you or Marvin can't get to him any other way it might be the best plan.

“If no one else can help, I’ll do it proudly,” says JJ. “Okay?”

Marvin pats his cheek, pulling his phone to his ear. “We’ll find him, sugar, I promise. And Chase isn’t as fragile as he sometimes thinks he is. If you and him were able to fight off Anti even while trapped in that room just the two of you, you can do anything.”

Anonymous asked:

Don't lay and take it like you would've under Anti's control, Chase. You are free, you fought and he's dead. You can fight this off, you can break free. Marvin and JJ are panicking without you there. Tell her no! If she has any respect she'll listen if you revoke consent. You are allowed to say no, you are allowed to make your own choices and give or remove consent.

Yeah. Yeah. He did fight, didn’t he? You were there. You remember. What is he, some pet to be played with? He’s Trick. He’s Chase. He’s Jack’s motherfucking protagonist. He took care of Dapper when he was sick and saved Dok from the porch. He threw things at Anti to distract him from Red and Blue. He was strong. He fought through every ounce of power and manipulation Anti threw at him.

He can feel it in his head, the need to obey. He used to think it came from love for his brother. But now, with this girl he barely knows starting to lay him down on the couch, he can recognize the impulses that always drove him back to Anti’s side: fear of being abandoned and unwanted.

But he isn’t. He isn’t unwanted. And he doesn’t need some girl to make him feel loved with warm hands and a mouth on his own any more than he ever needed Anti to validate him.

Blue eyes.

Henrik has blue eyes too, meeting his own whenever he was scared. Jackie and Marvin have blue eyes, always looking out for him even when he messed up. And JJ, looking up at him with those huge blue eyes when Chase protected him from invaders and defended him from Anti. Because he might be the second youngest, but he is still JJ’s big brother. And he was supposed to be there for him. He said NO, and that he wanted to wait for his brother, and this girl dragged him home anyway.

“I don’t want to do this,” chokes Chase.

“We can slow down,” murmurs Jenna, stroking his hair. She leans in to kiss him. He pulls his head away, shaken.

“Why won’t you listen to me? Thank you, but no.”

“You’re shaking so much,” she says, scratching gently at his beard. “You’re just nervous. You were so loud at the coffee shop and then so quiet once we got here… I think you probably like it, huh? A girl bossing you around a little?”

She sits up on his lap, grinning at him. “That’s so cute. You’re all responsive.”

“You can’t assume that,” he says bitterly, tears rising in his eyes. “You just - what, I got nervous and you decided that was hot to you, huh? Decided I just needed you to push me? I’m a guy so I must want sex, right?”

“Calm down,” she protests, frowning now. “I was just - ”

“I want my little brother,” he says, and his voice breaks. His eyes rise with tears. “Holy shit. I don’t want your hands on me, I - I didn’t want alcohol - why weren’t you paying attention? Did I ever say yes to any of this other than letting you talk me into going home with you? Did you think that entitled you to anything else you wanted?”

“Chase - ”

“You don’t know how bad you just scared me,” he sobs, and she’s getting off him now, standing up and drawing away from him in alarm. “You have no idea the shit that I’ve been through.”

“Sweetheart, please don’t cry, I didn’t mean to - ”

“Like I’ve never been pinned down and forced to use my body in ways I didn’t want? Like I never woke up in bed with someone who was hurting me? Like he never crawled into bed beside me and I was sometimes scared that he might - that maybe he would - ”

“You don’t have to be so dramatic!” Jenna snaps, her face red with heat. “You were into me, don’t lie! I could feel you, you know.”

“And that means I wanted you to pressure me into sex?”

“Just get out of my apartment!” she yells, shoving his shoulder when he gets up. “What a freak! Maybe you shouldn’t be talking to girls if you’re damaged goods!”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be talking to guys if you don’t even care about whether they want to be with you or not!” he screams. “All you had to do was ask me yes or no, but you didn’t even bother once!”

She slaps him hard and he shouts, grabbing his jacket blindly and rushing out of the door, his heart pumping so hard it makes his ribs shudder in his chest. He can’t breathe through how angry he is. The sudden fear that she will follow him down the stairs and force him to do something he doesn’t want to consumes him like flame and he takes off at a sprint, racing down the street in a panic.

He just wants to go home. He just wants to go home and never, ever leave the house again. There are people around him, staring at the scene he’s creating, and he’s scared. His skin crawls.

“Jameson!” he screams, not knowing which way he’s come from or where he’s going now. “Jamie, where are you?”

Anonymous asked:

You fought Chase. You did and you've done it again, you are no ones pet or plaything. You are strong and you can find your way home now. JJ and Marvin are looking for you, you're not alone! Find a phone and give you guy's phone a call maybe? You've got this dude, you'll be okay.

He looks at you and reads the message and looks away again for a moment before seeming to break, grabbing at his chest and biting down hard on his quivering lip. He sinks onto a nearby bench, panting hard, and puts his head in his hands, crying.

“What’s wrong with me that it’s so hard for me to say no?” he sobs. “If I had told her right out she would have left me be, wouldn’t she? But that was wrong of her, what she just did. And it was wrong of Anti too, the way he treated me.”

He has a few minutes just to cry and try to breathe there on the bench, his jacket pulled tight around him. Most people are avoiding him with odd looks, but eventually a pair of girls in scrubs come over to him and greet him gently. He shies away from them, shaking, but their voices are gentle.

“Hi, sir, we just wanted to check if you’re okay?”

“We work at St. Vincent’s just down the street. Do you need to see a doctor?”

He wipes at his eyes, avoiding their gazes. “Um. Um. Is there any way - could I m-maybe - just borrow a phone?”

The girls exchange looks but comply, the taller one pulling out her phone and handing it to him. He manages to shakily dial Stacy’s number.

“Hello?”

“Stace?” he croaks out.

“Chase! Oh, thank God, thank God. Where are you? Are you safe? Chase, I can call the police?”

She’s panicked, but her voice is so warm and concerned he feels a little better just hearing from her. He sniffs and wipes at his snotty nose.

“No, m'okay. I just want to go home.”

“Where are you?”

“Close to a hospital, I guess. I don’t know. I don’t remember.” He looks up at the nurses. “Do you know if I’m close to a coffee shop called, um, Green House?”

They do know of the shop. They give him directions while he listens to Stacy just breathing on the other side of the line.

“I’m closer to home,” he croaks.

“I can call Marvin and JJ and tell them where you’re headed,” she tells him quickly. “But are you safe walking home?”

“I think so,” he mumbles, exhausted now. “I just want to be home. That’s all. That’s it.”

“Okay.” Her voice is deflated and scared for him. “Okay, I’ll tell JJ and Marv right away, yes?”

“Yeah… thank you.”

There’s a pause. He closes his eyes.

“Stacy?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think I’m pathetic?”

She’s quiet for a moment. He hears her shift.

“Chase,” she says. “There were times when I got angry at you, and times when you let me down. You’ve had to deal with your addiction again and again and sometimes I took it personally. You and I have both done stupid things, and mean things, and kind of pathetic things too, yeah. But I have never thought you were pathetic.”

He wipes at tears on his face, nodding.

“And Chase, the moment I saw you alive again, standing there with Henrik and trying to remember me… I knew that despite everything, I will always be proud that you are the father of my children.”

A sob leaves him. He nods, closing his eyes. The nurses are quiet beside him, waiting patiently.

“Anti caught you,” says Stacy. “But you never, ever let him catch us. And when you found your strength again, you came home to us.”

“Yes,” he whispers.

“I’m going to come check on you soon,” she says.

“Thank you.”

“Go home, love,” she says, and something catches in his throat. “I’ll tell your brothers. Everything’s going to be okay.”

scunneredzombie asked:

Stacy is right Chase, you're not pathetic. You are a fighter, a lover, a guard, a good brother. You make up for your mistakes and you care for your family in any way you can no matter the danger. You're so fucking strong and wonderful. Get home as soon as you can, and get rest, hug Henrik, and let yourself come down from this gently. Marvin and JJ are going to be there for you. You'll be okay, it'll all be okay.

Chase feels like he’s coming home in a haze, his face flushed and his nose running as he staggers back towards their apartment. He pulls his hoodie up over his head, understanding now why Jackie seems to find it so comforting, and just walks until his feet hurt.

By the time he’s at the door, Henrik has already yanked it open, reaching out his hands, and they fall together like opposite sides of a magnet, their hands meeting each other’s arms and holding on. Henrik doesn’t say anything. He looks at him. Big blue eyes.

Those eyes can’t hurt me, Chase thinks, even as a slight wave of dizziness hits him. Those eyes have never hurt me.

Henrik doesn’t say anything. He pulls Chase quietly into the apartment. There’s no noise. Chase knows that Jackie does not know what happened, or he would be out here no matter his injuries, frantic and angry. Henrik must have taken Stacy’s call on their cell phone.

Henrik opens his mouth to speak. Chase pushes past him and heads into their bedroom, getting into their nest and crawling under the blankets and clothes, hiding. His brother comes to settle down beside him, his sharp, soft breaths filling the silence.

He touches Chase’s cheek. Chase closes his eyes and leans into his warmth. They wrap around each other just a little. Not too tight. Hands on each other’s shoulders.

Henrik begins to rub the muscles of his neck and back. He’ll stay with him as long as he needs to. As he always has.

“Do you want to talk about it?” whispers Henrik.

Chase doesn’t answer. His eyes are closed.

“You were strong, mein zwilling,” says Henrik, touching his cheek. “You’re here.”

“I’m not going to take the job,” Chase says, voice tight. “We can stay right here. I don’t want to go out again.”

“Chase…”

Chase curls into him and falls silent, gripping the fabric of his tired old t-shirt.

Anonymous asked:

Chase, you should still take the job! Don't be scared of people or afraid to be free because of this incident, you're still free and allowed to be your own person. You were so excited about working, didn't you want to buy presents for your kids and be a provider in the household? You can still do those things. You're not pathetic or weak or anything of the sort. You deserve to do the things you want to do without fear or pain.

“Yes,” murmurs Henrik. “They’re right. You still have to take the job. You wanted to make money and - ”

“No! I can get a caretaker check for helping with JJ and that’s fine, that’s plenty! Jackie and Marvin will look after us and we can stay here!”

“Chase,” says Henrik. “You know that’s not what you want. You cannot live in fear. I won’t let that happen to you. You will take the job like you wanted. You have just had a scare.”

Chase cries against him, shaking under the sheets of their nest.

“You will get up tomorrow,” says Henrik firmly. “You and JJ will try going for coffee again.”

“No! I’m not leaving the house.”

“You’ll take the job and you’ll do wonderfully there, you will see. And you must visit the children tomorrow. They will want to see you.”

“Why are you talking like this?” demands Chase, face streaked in tears. “You never talk with this. Can’t you just - just hold on to me like you usually do?”

Henrik closes his eyes, taking a slow breath through his nose.

“In the old days, Chase,” he says, voice measured and quiet. “There was nothing we could do but hold on to each other. But we are no longer trapped. We do not have to wallow in our misery. We do not have to stay stuck.”

“But we could,” hiccups Chase, shaking his head. “We can stay right here. It doesn’t matter. The others would let us, they would. You can stop talking all determined because I fucking saw how you reacted earlier, Schneep. You don’t want me to take the job. You want to stay here too. We can just stay like this, you and me!”

“No,” says Henrik, shaking his head back at him. “No. It’s not just you and me anymore, Chase. We can have real relationships with our siblings. And what’s more, you have children! You must allow yourself to become a real father to them again. As for me… maybe it scared me at first, the thought of you going away. But I have sat here these last couple hours and thought of you.”

“Thought of me?” croaks Chase, caught off guard. “What do you mean?”

A small smile plays across Henrik’s face. He looks down at their blankets.

“I have thought of… I have thought of you in scrubs and white sneakers. Working with that determination you get in your face when someone is in trouble. Playing with kids in hospital, making even the miserable ones laugh again. I have thought of you holding my nephew and my niece and bringing them home for the week, for you to care for and love. I have thought of the pride in your face when you will get your nursing degree… of how good you have always been whenever any of us needed help… of how maybe one day you will fall in love and bring a sister home to me, to be a part of my family. How I would be your best man if you ever got married. How you could have a home of your own, and things of your own, and everything you ever wanted. How you will keep your sobriety chips in your pocket and learn to trust yourself again.”

Chase’s eyes drip. He bites his lip, staring at Henrik.

“Chase, I have thought about your future,” says Henrik, looking up at him with earnest, watering eyes. “And I have realized that while this little nest of blankets and dependency we have created for ourselves feels very safe, it is also very stagnant. What I want, Chase, is for you to have a chance to grow: to prove to yourself that you are the strong, talented, and loving man I have always known you to be.”

Chase chokes on a sob, shaking his head at his twin.

“Dok,” he whispers.

“I see the doubt in you,” Henrik answers quietly. “The doubt in yourself. But does anyone know you better than me, my brother?”

“No,” Chase swallows.

“So today you must trust me as you always have,” says Henrik softly. “And let me tell you that this future I am looking at - it is something that you are not only capable of reaching, but deeply deserving of.”

Chase’s eyes fill again and overflow. Henrik reaches out and they cling to each other, Chase shaking against his body, shaking his head.

“Chase?”

Chase and Henrik look up at the sound of the front door bursting open and Marvin and JJ hurrying towards them. Their own door opens a moment later and Marvin stares at Henrik, panting, while Chase hides under their blankets.

“Is he down there?” asks Marvin.

“Yes,” says Henrik. “He’ll be alright.”

“Oh, my amata,” pants Marvin.

“I don’t want to see him,” whimpers Chase.

“He just wants some alone time,” murmurs Henrik.

There’s a pause.

“JJ says he will reverse this for you,” says Henrik, touching Chase’s back. “That he can make it like it never happened.”

“No,” rasps Chase, suddenly angry again. “I want to remember it. I fought her off. I’m never letting anyone control me again.”

Henrik’s hand smooths down his back. “You’re okay,” he tells him softly. “You’re okay.”

Chase listens to Marvin and Henrik murmuring to each other, a part of him wishing everyone would just go away and leave him with Dok again. He hates that everyone knows. “Don’t tell Jackie,” he groans, and Henrik rubs his back reassuringly.

“Hey,” he says. “JJ says he’s not mad at you.”

Chase shifts under the covers. “He’s not?”

“No.”

Chase peeks out from the blankets to look at his brother. JJ tilts his head at him and gives him a smile.

And he’s fine. He not hurt. Plans changed and he adapted, found Marvin, tried to help Chase. He got home just fine.

“We can go get coffee another time,” says JJ, and he steps over and gives Chase a careful hug, knocking their heads together. Chase wipes at his face and hugs him back, lying down again as he pulls away.

“We’ll give you some space,” says Marvin, and when he reaches tentatively out for a hug, he gets one too. “Love you.”

“Love you.”

They back out of the room, closing the door behind them. Henrik smiles at Chase.

“See?” he says, patting his hand. “Everything will be okay.”

Chase wipes at his runny nose, sighing as he begins to come down from his panic. He stares at the ceiling and lets Henrik rub at his back.

“Maybe it’s time for me to acknowledge that the way Anti treated me and JJ was a little sexual,” mumbles Chase.

Henrik looks up at him carefully. His hand rests on his back.

“Chase,” he says. “Did Anti ever have sex with you?”

Chase shook his head. “Not unless he erased it from my brain. I don’t think so, though. It was just a power play for him. To have control over every part of me.”

Henrik shudders.

“He could have though, that’s the thing,” Chase continues. “Or with JJ. I don’t know. The way he would kind of… cling. Manipulate. Touch. For fuck’s sake, he put a collar on me once or twice. Forced us into his bed and would keep us there. I tried to see it as affection. I think he really warped that part of me. My view of affection and sex, of what’s brotherly, of what’s appropriate. He shouldn’t have ever treated us like that. Even if he hadn’t taught JJ that people touching him is dangerous, it’s no surprise that he gets freaked out like that when Anti never gave him any autonomy over his body. So that girl started feeling me up and I just… froze. I wanted it to be affection. She was beautiful and it felt nice. But it’s not affection if you can’t say no.”

“You can say no now,” says Henrik, patting his arm. “No one will touch you like that again if you don’t want.”

Chase smiles weakly at him. “We are a little warped, though, huh? All of us?”

“Yes,” says Henrik, brushing his fingers across his own scars. “Yes. But we are all trying to recover. You were very brave today, my brother. And you will be again tomorrow.”

“You really think that? That I can get back to functioning… almost normally? That I can be a good dad and a good worker and be proud of myself again?”

“Yes,” says Henrik. “And you are already a good dad. We just can’t let the scary parts stop us.”

Chase nods, staring up at the ceiling. They lie together for a long time.

“Henrik?”

“Yes?”

“I think we need to stop sharing a bed.”

His twin pauses beside him.

“Yes,” says Henrik heavily. “Yes, I think you’re right.”

Anonymous asked:

I strongly believe Anti's behaviour towards you could be called grooming. All about control, gaining victim's trust, fulfilling a need, using familiar things and feeling to draw them in, isolating the victim, forced criminality, giving gifts like clothes and food, all with the end goal of abuse.

Chase’s eyes water up again. He nods and then slides forward, hiding against Henrik’s chest.

“I remember when you all had to talk me out of his control,” Henrik chuckles humorlessly, his eyes faraway. “With the magicians in Peru. He really did just about everything fucked up to us he could, didn’t he? Separating us from each other and from society. Taking control of whether we got things like food or warmth, but making it Red’s fault if we didn’t. Making us all scared to go to jail, telling JJ he’d be sent to a psych ward for the rest of his life, or homeless. That we wouldn’t be able to survive without him. Or just straight-up beating the hell out of us. The fact that we couldn’t see it…”

“No,” Chase interrupts him roughly. “The fact that we fought him off and escaped is what’s surprising.”

Henrik closes his eyes and hugs him tight.

“We can still share a room for a while, right, Chase?”

“Yeah. Yes. We’ll go slow.”

“And we can sometimes… kind of… kind of cuddle?”

Chase laughs breathlessly. “Yes. Of course.”

They share a look, faces tired and warm. Henrik touches his cheek.

“We need to start fixing our boundaries a little,” says Chase. “But you’re always going to be my best friend. Especially since nobody really understands the shit he put us through like each other.”

Anonymous asked:

Not sharing a bed is a good first step guys! You can still share the bedroom if you want, just to take this in small steps. Co dependent behaviour is really really hard to unlearn, but I believe you guys can do it. To recover you need to learn self-compassion, get to know yourself as your own person. Learn to set boundaries with each other, not in the sense that they'd hurt you, but in the sense that you're your own person with needs and wants of your own.

“Yeah, we have some options about the bedroom, don’t we?”

“Could maybe stay here in the apartment room together most of the time. But when the kids come, you can stay with them in a room in the mirror house.”

“Yeah.”

“Actually have a place for them to stay, and even a little space from the rest of us, sometimes.”

“Right. But they can see their uncles as well. Won’t bother me.”

Henrik leans back, grinning at him. “It’s strange, isn’t it? A few months ago I could not imagine even being friends with anyone but you. Then I got to meet the magicians in Peru, and then had a chance to get closer to the others. And now, we’re safe enough we don’t have to spend all night hiding together.”

Chase smiles back.

“Marvin said, too, that you could get in touch with the magicians in Peru sometime.”

“Oh. Did he?”

“I think it’d be good for you.”

Henrik looks up at the ceiling, thinking. “Shit. I could actually tell them that… that I’m free. That they helped save me.”

Chase looks at his twin, and he understands what Henrik means about thinking about his future. About seeing him happier. He might get a little nervous not being close to him at night, but… yes. It’s a good first step.

Anonymous asked:

You, all of you, are still just as worthy of love, joy, and care as you were before your trauma. Don't forget that.

“Right,” they say, meeting each other’s gazes, because when you’re looking at your twin, those words are always true.

“Everything’s going to be wonderful,” says Henrik, reaching out to touch Chase’s cheek. “I know today was hard, and that things will take time. But in the end, it will all be worth it. Even now, I’m proud of you. I’m glad you will take that job. An ER receptionist - everyone will know how tough you are then. How fearless.”

Chase snorts, looking away with a little red in his face. “You’re my biggest fan, man. Too good for me.”

“No,” says Henrik, frowning. “Like I said, I just know you well.”

Chase smiles. “Well, what about you, Deutsch?”

“What about me?”

“You deserve good things too,” says Chase. “What are you planning to do next?”

Henrik’s smile flickers. “Oh. I think just seeing you do well - I think that would be enough for me.”

“Ah, but Dok, that’s not the point, right?” Chase grabs his hand. “Hey, look at me. Aren’t we working on not being co-dependent?”

“So, what, I can’t be happy for you?”

“You can. You just also need to be doing shit to make yourself happy.”

Henrik won’t look at him. “I don’t know, Chase. I don’t think there’s much for me now.”

Chase’s eyes flicker. “What? What’s that mean?”

Henrik rubs at his head. “What am I going to do, Chase? I can’t be a surgeon anymore. I’m scared of blood. My hands shake. I have break-downs.”

“Schneep, you don’t have to be a surgeon. Do you even remember that?”

Henrik shakes his head, his eyes sliding shut. “Only being Anti’s surgeon.”

Chase bites back a shiver. They both remember some of the shit Dok used to have to do all too well. Anti called it surgery. The rest of them knew it was torture. That was when Henrik first started having his shut-downs, where he would stop being present, and would drift away in his head, silent. After that, Anti got bored of him again.

“You shouldn’t do that anymore, then,” says Chase strongly. “I know it was your old job, but I think it would be bad for you. You don’t have to do that. You can do anything you want!”

Schneep sighs. “I want to be a normal doctor again.”

“Well, I want to be a normal dad again, but that’s not going to happen without some trying, is it?”

“Oh, now I am the one getting lectured.”

Chase rolls over, leaning over him.

“Henrik,” he says. “I know you’re going to do fucking amazing things with your life. You’re literally a genius.”

“Oh, don’t be silly.”

“Yeah, you are, man, and you can do whatever you want. Just… think about it, okay? If you really want to go back to doctoring, we can work on it, you’ll just need a lot of help to heal, you know? But you can do anything. You could be musician, you could get involved with medicine without being an actual doctor, you could fucking move back to Peru and find ways to help out those people on the mountain. Whatever you want! Just don’t give up on yourself.”

Noodle is pushing his way through the door, heading over to them with a mewl. Chase picks him up and holds him over Henrik, pushing their faces together. “Look into his eyes! Look, he says you’re perfect.”

Henrik is laughing, pushing at Noodle. “Shut the fuck up. You’re such a dork.”

“You’re as worthy of anything as you always were,” says Chase, settling Noodle on Henrik’s chest and smiling at him. “Don’t let your dumb genius brain tell you otherwise. That’s my brother you’re talking about.”

Henrik smiles shyly. “I could really do whatever?”

“You could really, yeah.”

“What if I can’t?” asks Henrik quietly. “What if I have too many breakdowns to work? What if I’m just stuck here forever?”

“Schneep,” says Chase, touching his hand. “Even if you had never woken up from that haze you were in, I would have loved you all the same. And it would never change the fact that you are both deserving and capable of happiness.”

Henrik hums, closing his eyes. Chase settles against his side, and, in the middle of them, Noodle is purring like wild, his eyes closed, vibrating.

It’s late now and the light outside is low. The apartment is warm and safe and quiet.

They’re okay.

They will be okay.

Better even, Chase thinks, setting his head down against Henrik’s arm. We’re going to be better than okay. We’re going to be happy.

Right there, in that moment, despite everything, he realizes he already is.

“We’re going to stop sharing a bed, though,” mumbles Henrik, when they’re both starting to drift off.

“Mmmh,” hums Chase, hugging Noodle against him. “We’ll start tomorrow.”

He hears Henrik laughing. It’s a good sound. On the windowsill above them, the caterpillar from the bus station is crawling out of its cocoon.

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