#make whizzer weirder 2025

[mintgreen-homewrecker]

Because theres some people reblogging my post, begging people to make content that allows Whizzer to embrace the little freak we all, deep inside, know he is and i actually started making a list after posting that

A list of headcanons of Weird Shit Whizzer Does:

Whizzer will drink tea in phases 

he will get a new tea and only drink that one for an indeterminate period of time 

could be a few days, could be nine months 

When they were first dating whizzer was on a streak with a specific tea

Marvin was convinced it was his all time favorite and bought like 5 boxes 

Then Whizzer just stopped drinking it and started drinking another one, that one lasted about a month 

After the 5th tea Marvin gave up stocking up on Whizzer’s “favorite” tea bc he already had about 8 unopened boxes of teabags of different kinds of tea he literally never drank again  

Meanwhile the opened ones just sit collecting dust 

When Whizzer watches baseball he gets so absorbed he forgets other shit he was doing 

This led to a new house rule in the form of a note on the wall above the stove:

No food on the stove or in the oven during a baseball game. I WILL turn it off and leave it there. I love you - Marvin 

Whizzer wanted to prove him wrong so he started making something before the next baseball game

the following morning he discovered whatever it was that he was making, moved off the stove top with the stove turned off - he did forget

occasionally he will still try to prove that "Marv, this time I won't. Seriously. Stop looking at me like that."

Whizzer is constantly buying exotic new condoms to try out 

At least one landed each of them in the ER bc of an allergy they didn’t know they had 

Every time they ended up there Whizzer, without fail, says “Well, now we know.” 

Meanwhile Marvin - usually the one to try them first because Whizzer is very convincing (in this regard to literally only Marvin) - will sit there with a rash and cursing himself for going along with it

Whizzer is athletic but NOT flexible

They found out the hard way 

Whizzer will try and fail to prove his mediocre flexibility 

Marvin continuously has to try and stop him from discolating something

When doing a foldover stretch he just kind of gets stuck mid-way and blames it on his legs being too long; but that doesn't mean he won't try; sometimes Marvin would randomly catch him trying to get all the way down and will tease him about it until they have sex - after that he started doing it on purpose

When he’s mad he will put any and everything out of Marvin’s reach

Everything and i mean EVERYTHING

If Marvin really fucks up that includes their stash of toilet paper

in the healthy iteration he will still do it but he got Marvin a step stool

Whizzer will say he loves French music but he could not name even one song

If someone asks him what his favorite song is, he either changes the subject or makes up something that sounds vaguely French and hopes the person he is talking to will buy it

Marvin actually believed him until Charlotte had a friend from France visit for a week

Marvin refuses to let him live it down - mostly because Whizzer will resort to sex to distract him; Whizzer is fully aware that Marvin is doing it for precisely that reason and just goes along with it

Whizzer will rearrange Marvin’s socks to mess with him

Because (of course) Marvin has a system for his socks and Whizzer knows how said Sock System works, Whizzer will find the most obtuse and convoluted way to mess with the sock system in ways that aren't immediately obvious

feel free to add your own headcanons