#infoposts

[now-imstruggling-tofreemyself]

#jacqueline jabbers - general talking

#took a risk on the satellite - rambles about sia pulp musicals

#matilda's mail - asks

#kal complains - vent posts

#before all this.. - things about my canons

#hershey hating - posting about john herschel

[skeren]

It baffles me to need to spell this out, but guys? Reblog stuff if you like it. This is tumblr. A lack of reblogs means a lack of interest. Likes have zero impact other than to say 'I saw it, that's nice' and inflate the note count. Nobody is out here posting public posts because they want everyone to ignore them (and if you are you confuse me).

Respond to posts as reblogged messages instead of as replies on any given post! Put those advanced tags into the post box and send it forward into the world so other people can see it too!

Or maybe you don't have anything to add at all! You don't have to be meaningful with your tags, you don't have to add anything. Just pass it on!

Please!

Tumblr only thrives while people share what they love, or what interests them. I know there is a toggle for this place with something like an algorithm, but anyone who has been here for five minutes probably turned that off the second that it crossed their dash. It isn't effective and most of us came here in the first place (if we weren't here already) to escape that sort of thing.

We rely on each other to build this community and make it bigger and brighter. We choose the people whose interests line up with ours to see their stuff, but that only works when they continue to share the stuff they see that they enjoy and pass it on.

So please. Especially you folks used to an algorithm doing all your work for you? Don't like. Reblog. Please.

And yes, that includes this post.

[cephalophobic]

The Yunnan University Murders

From the 13th to the 15th of February 2004, 23 year-old Jiajue Ma bludgeoned four classmates with a hammer in his dormitory at Yunnan University.

One of his victims, Ruijie Shao, was a roommate of his. His other victims (Kaihong Yang, Bo Gong and Xueli Tang) resided in neighbouring dormitories.

As Ma would later confess, the killings were sparked by an altercation over a game of cards. His friend, Ruijie Shao, had accused him of cheating which eventually escalated into an argument where Shao described Ma as a bad person and made remarks about his poor family. Ma came from an impoverished rural family in a remote village in the Guangxi Region. His family's poverty was something that he had worked hard to overcome by performing extremely well academically and subsequently attending Yunnan University to study Biochemistry.

Ma claimed that he had faced consistent harassment surrounding his background from not only his friends, but several other classmates during his time at the university. It is likely that this was a sensitive subject for him.

During the argument Shao also implied that Bo Gong had not invited Ma to his birthday party due to his abrasive character. Ma was enraged by this disrespect and made plans to kill both Gong and Shao. He researched other murders on the internet then bought a hammer, tape and plastic bags as apparatus for his own murders. He also obtained a fake ID so that he would be able to go into hiding afterwards.

Ma told police that the only reason he had killed Yang and Tang was because they got in the way of his plans to attack Shao and Gong.

(left to right) Xueli Tang, Ruijie Shao, Kaihong Yang, Bo Gong

On the 13th, Ma was alone in his dormitory as Ruijie Shao had gone to stay with a friend. At some point, Xueli Tang came to the apartment and intended to stay the night. Once he was asleep, Ma struck him in the head with a hammer and killed him. He then wrapped his body in a black bag and hid it in a closet.

When Shao returned on the 14th, Ma struck him across the back of the head with the hammer and killed him. Ma also wrapped his body in a bag and stored it in a separate closet.

On the 15th, Kaihong Yang heard that Ma had returned to the university and came to the dormitory to play cards with him. Scared that Yang would discover the bodies, Ma killed him in a similar fashion, putting his body in a bag and hiding it behind a cabinet. Later in the day Ma invited Bo Gong to the apartment to play cards, to which Gong received the same fate as Yang. Gong's body was hidden behind another cabinet.

Over all three days Ma attended class as usual.

After the fourth murder, Ma boarded a train at Kunming station where he used his fake ID to travel anonymously.

The dormitory where the murders occurred

Throughout his life, Ma had been isolated from his peers and struggled to make friends. One of his primary school teachers, Zangyuan Ma, stated that he 'had few friends to play with' as a child. At home he also exhibited problematic behaviour. While speaking about his parents' arguments in his diary he wrote

"I am so angry that I really want to kill him with a knife. My only hope is that my father will die soon"

He later wrote that killing his father would not be worthwhile as he was 15 and so would not get out of prison until he was at least 25.

In November of 1999, at age 18, he ran away from school because he was afraid he would fail the Gaokao exam due to his slipping grades. He was found more than 50 kilometres away from the school by police after a few days.

At University he had not participated in any group events over the four years he had attended and frequently quarrelled with classmates. One student said the following when asked about him.

"All of us felt his mental problems because he always picked fault with others while never thinking he may have done wrong"

Jiajue Ma as a child

The victims' bodies were discovered on the 23rd of February after another student had complained of the smell coming from the dormitory. After police inspection, Ma was considered a prime suspect and an estimated 1.7 million police officers were deployed on a nationwide manhunt. Additionally, a 200,000 yuan (US$24,000) reward was set for information leading to his capture. The case was closely documented by news outlets and quickly became known nationwide due to the brutality of what had happened to the students. The following is an extract from an article published on the 12th of March 2004, three days before Ma's arrest.

"Producing Ma Jiajue posters has become something like a folk art, as new variations appear every day. The stock of images is limited, but this has not stopped people from rearranging and resizing them, posting multiple photocopies on lampposts, storefronts, and residential entry gates. The repetition looks like an Andy Warhol exhibition. Right now, Ma Jiajue is the best known man in Yunnan. If the Rolling Stones and the reunited Beatles were coming to town, complete with a revived John Lennon and George Harrison, the publicity could not be greater. I don't think the Second Coming would get this much attention."

A reward posting in a newspaper

After 21 days at large, on the 15th of March, Ma was apprehended in Sanya, Hainan Province. He confessed to all four of the murders immediately. In custody he showed little remorse. The following is an extract from a letter he sent to family during this time.

"I am sure that this matter has caused some very bad consequences for the whole family.  But I can no longer say that I am sorry. When you receive this letter, please forward my wishes to my parents --- you should ask my parents not to mind my business anymore.  I don't want to see them again.  I am no longer the person that I used to be.  As far as my parents are concerned, I know that no matter how tall or how big I've grown, they will always think of me as little number '12'.  But I have changed a lot, and when a person goes bad, there is no hope."

Ma was sentenced to death by the provincial high court of Kunming city and his date of execution set for the 24th of April 2004. He did not appeal his sentence. Prior to the verdict, Ma's sister requested the media that he undergo a second psychological assessment but this was dismissed as earlier examinations had shown he was not mentally ill. He was executed by shooting on the 17th of June 2004.

For the sake of consistency all names mentioned have been placed in the western format (forename first, surname last).

[techramonic]

What is Pain? : How Austin Eubanks Dealt with Addiction and the Aftermath of Columbine.

Austin and Corey

Stephen Austin Eubanks was a junior and a star student in Columbine High School. Corey Tyler DePooter, his best friend, was also a particularly gifted student who prioritized his studies over anything else. Despite having a wide range of interests, the two kids particularly bonded over their shared passion for fishing.

At the age of 17, Corey had gotten a job doing maintenance at a golf club in order to earn money for a fishing boat that he planned to buy with a friend — likely Austin. The two often used to go fishing together and would talk about the struggles they had as teenagers.

Day of the Tragedy

On April 20th of 1999, the two were inside the library getting ready to get lunch with their friends, Jennifer Doyle and Peter Ball. That was until they had heard shots fired from the outside, not recognizing the sounds and believing that it was only the sounds of construction. Then they heard a bomb go off, a teacher rushing in to scream for the students to hide underneath the table because two students were armed with guns.

In a state of shock and fear, the four duck under the same table near the windows. With 10 minutes passing, the shooters had already entered the library and methodically fired under each table as recalled by him. His best friend, Corey, was one of those who were shot after being aimed with a semi-automatic rifle and shot at the neck, chest, and left arm by Dylan Klebold.

The bullet that hit Austin's hand first passed through his best friend, killing him instantly. With his best friend lying lifelessly beside him and being wounded on his hand and knee, Austin had no other choice than to try to play dead while laying in a pool of blood. When the shooting had stopped, Austin ran through the smoke and out of the backdoor of the library. He was only 17 when the shooting occured.

In Austin's TedTalk “What Columbine Shooting taught me about pain and addiction”, he recalls:

"I remember how I felt: I was confused, I was afraid, I felt sick and I was vulnerable. And just minutes later, I was playing dead underneath a table next to a pool of blood. I had just been shot and I witnessed my best friend murdered right in front of me as we were huddled together waiting for help to come."

Pain, Grief, and Narcotics

During the time he fled from the crime scene, Austin marked that as one of the most impacting and damaging experiences he has ever experienced in regards to the feeling of pain. His definition of pain was nothing similar to what he describes in his present days.

Pain, in a medical sense, is the variably unpleasant sensation of physiological systems mediated by specific nerve fibers of the brain that are conscious of receiving signals of awareness. According to Austin's TedTalk, the American Pain Society introduced the term "pain is the fifth vital sign" in 1996. This means that when you enter the room, your status is assessed using five different data points: blood pressure, pulse rate, temperature, respiration rate, and pain.

Due to a movement that was certain that we were undertreating pain, patient satisfaction surveys were implemented in order to monitor the campaign's success. To him, in order to uphold this new momentum and cause the patient's pain levels to cease completely, the ethical dilemma instantly arose:

“Do I issue this person with narcotics to make them happy or deny them and potentially hurt my compensation, the revenue of the hospital? Or at worse, open myself up for a grievance for undertreating pain that could potentially result in the loss of my job?”

Austin says that the healthcare system predominantly treats physiological systems and would rather not assess emotional pain into the equation. He akins the emotional pain of dealing with trauma being identical or if not more than when dealing with physical pain. With that, within months after the incident, Austin was prescribed opiate medication for his injuries.

In an exclusive interview with The Fix, he said that his injuries were not to the point of needing an opiate pain medication but was immediately given a 30-day supply and became addicted within three months. From then on, he said, “I used substances every day, day in and day out.”

After the shooting, his parents took him to a therapist who said Austin was too shut down to process his horrific trauma. But the reason no one could reach him was because he was overmedicated. He was addicted to painkillers, and used medication because of his unwillingness to engage in the stages of grief that he dreaded to face. He was haunted by the past. Struggling with survivor's guilt and the death of his best friend, he would rather ignore the intense burdening feelings he bore. According to him,

“Acute Physical Pain ends relatively quickly, complex emotional pain does not.”

The morphine Eubanks received at the hospital that day proved to be the opening dose of a costly addiction to prescription painkillers - one that revolved around commonly prescribed drug Oxycontin, he said.

“I learned to manipulate doctors … I could literally get whatever I wanted. Telling them I’d been shot at Columbine and lost my best friend was like [getting] an open prescription book from any doctor.”

He could not process the grief, moreso, he didn't want to. He didn't want to be haunted by the memories that scarred him. In his own words, he would describe the physical ailments he felt to be a 4 or 5, but the emotional turmoil was a 10.

Austin never set foot back to Columbine. His parents hired a tutor and he then went on to graduate in 2000. He attended the Columbine ceremonies but never went back inside the school. He then went into advertising and married in his early 20s. Around this time his substance abuse escalated, and his first attempt to get sober was in 2006. He went into a 30-day inpatient program but failed within hours of leaving, for  relapsing using pain pills and Adderall. 

Addiction and Sobriety 

He failed both outpatient and rehab twice and it wasn't until 10 years later, in 2009 that he was able to overcome this addiction. Right before Columbine, young Austin had been misdiagnosed with ADD. 

“I didn’t have ADD,” said Eubanks. “I just liked being outdoors and playing golf better than being in school. At that time, if anybody was truant at school they said, ‘Oh, they must be ADD. Let’s put them on a stimulant.’ That was why I got Adderall. I liked it because I could abuse opiate pain medication to the level that most people would be nodding out. With Adderall, I could function. Basically, I was doing oral speedballs. It was like using methamphetamine and heroin.”

His second try at being sober was in 2008. Gaining the motivation to change after recently separating from his wife, he went to treatment, stayed 90 days, and achieved eight months of sobriety. Then, he akinned addiction to a causal sequence, a domino effect. According to him, he achieved abstinence for a period of time, built up enough false confidence to where he thought he could drink, because alcohol was never a problem. From alcohol, he went to weed, then Xanax, then Oxycontin, and then back into the same routine.

In 2011, approaching the age of 30 and estranged from his wife and kids, he hit rock bottom: "My sobriety date is April 2, 2011. I woke up in a jail cell and had no clue how I got there." His downward spiral began with Oxycontin and alcohol abuse, leading to arrests for various offenses like car theft and fraud. Realizing that he needed a drastic change, he recounted that his lowest moment was waking up in withdrawal, hungover, and facing the ruins of his marriage and being estranged from his children. He knew he had to stop or he would die. After unsuccessful attempts at sobriety, he finally sought help, surrendered to treatment, and was now willing to follow any guidance to rebuild his life.

His journey to lasting sobriety didn't hinge on traditional 12-step programs, but rather on understanding behavioral triggers and brain function through a therapeutic community approach. He was five years sober and started working at The Foundry in Colorado, becoming the COO and handling approaches that combined neuroscience with 12-step principles, recognizing that each person's path to recovery is unique. Using comprehensive approaches aiming to rebuild the lives of those in recovery.

During this time, he would also indulge in old activities in remembrance of his bestfriend.

“It’s something I do to connect with Corey. It's always nice whenever I catch a fish that's above the normal or something special about it. I always tend to look up and give a nod to him. And I know he’s still looking out for me."

Sadly, despite his long battle against drug addiction, in 2019, Austin had passed away in his home in Colorado after an accidental heroin overdose. Just a month after the 20th anniversary of Columbine, Austin was 37 at the time.

What is Pain?

Pain, to Austin, encompassed many things: the confusion and vulnerability of not knowing what to do in such a time of terror, the physical wounds that the doctors tried to medicate to bring the pain meter to zero, and most importantly, the emotional hurt of knowing your best friend was gone, taken right in front of you. Knowing that very moment can never be undone.

His advice for survivors dealing with the same guilt is to feel it. Don't run away from it. Survivors often find other things that allow them to detach from the pain, but to him, that's the wrong choice.

“You can heal physical pain while you’re medicating it. You cannot heal emotional pain while you are medicating it, In order to heal emotional pain, you have to feel it ... You want to feel better immediately, [but] you have to have the courage to sit in and feel it, and if you can do that long enough, you will come out on the other side.”

Along with post-traumatic stress, there is also the potential for post-traumatic growth.

“That doesn’t imply you will ever be the same person again. After a trauma, you will be changed forever.”

[mushroomnoodles]

I think your content is wonderful! It's so wholesome, funny and angsty all at once in the best ways possible. Just wanted to spread some nice love in my ask! ^_^

Does Morrigan talk to any of their little siblings when they're in the womb? For example telling them about some butterflies they saw or just reminding them that they have the most radical big sibs (them and Marcy) ever. I'm not sure how you interpret this, but I like to imagine Morrigan as a very loving big-brother in the universes where he has little siblings. :D

thank you nonnie <3 this is a longer post about morri being a big sibling in multiple aus.

tw/cw for sfw and non kink mpreg

morri talks a LOT to their siblings in the womb, especially golbaby morris, who remember how painfully boring it was sometimes to hear everyone talking around them and not being able to join in. (wizardbetty's morri has... no concept of normal babies not having their level of consciousness.) different morris have different flavors of big-sibling energy.

golbaby morris that get a sibling early on (wizardbetty) are initially concerned and a bit jealous, especially when simon can't carry them anymore and his belly gets in the way of them sitting on his lap. (they threw a little fit when simon first told them he couldn't carry them anymore until after the baby came) with ophelia especially (simon was always talking about how she would never stop moving) lil' morri would put their hands on his tummy and be like "not so hard, baby" because they remember simon telling them that when they would kick him. (side note, simon loves his golbspawn so much even if they bite him)

they're enamored by their tiny baby siblings, think they're stupid (wdym they don't have object permanence) and tries hard to "teach" literal 6 month olds how to read. gets cranky and wants attention when they feel their sibling is getting too much, but also gets fiercely protective of their "dummy" siblings, trying to prevent them from doing dumb things from experience "don't eat that stick, becca, it tastes like butt". as a teen they tend to be a little bit of a menace to their little siblings (who isn't?) but would still kill and die for them.

golbaby morris that get a sibling later on (plainvanilla) are absolutely STOKED to have a sibling, morrigan has always wanted one. much like early sibling morris, they make a point to talk to their unborn siblings often because of their own experience, but with a lot of added enthusiasm. entity pregnancies take longer than human ones, so they'd also be impatient ("girl, you are taking fivever. come out already") they also give me the vibe to poke their siblings back when they kick, partially to bug them but also to interact with them.

older morri's much more of a protective sibling than their younger variants, but with fellow golbspawn siblings morri at least is able to better relate to their baby sisters and brother. they are still the type to teach a 6 month old to read.

normal morris that get a sibling early on (vamparents, candyworld) are just 4 years old when they get their first sibling, and are very confused by their dad's bump (and extremely curious). these morris probably talk the least to their unborn siblings, but still do in part because of their parent's encouragement, mostly just "hi baby" or telling them about what they had for dinner. (vamp morri in particular was sooo excited to see ophelia, simon shared the enthusiasm to meet her but mostly because she was treating him like a punching bag)

(it took sour taffy five months, but they finally figured out what baby meant and where it was!)

vamp morri, when they're older, is much more laidback and totally does their siblings' homework for them, while sour taffy is more likely to just talk their ears off and braid their hair.

[burningreactor]

"Blue Whale" - russian suicide game

(also known by "Quiet House", "Wake Me up at 4:20", "Sea of Whales", "Milky Way", "U19", "F57" and others)

A phenomenon from the Russian internet in 2015-2017. Nowadays it is considered an urban legend about groups in Vkontakte (Russian equivalent of Facebook) where you could take a challenge that end with your death.

-poem that teenagers posted on their pages

The blue whale will save me

He will lead me to #quiethouse

#f57 gives us all no peace

#f58 we know that help is coming

#I'll cut one, two, three

#bluewhale save me

In order to start the "game", users post the hashtags (bluewhale, imingame, blue, quiethouse, etc.) on their pages, after which they are contacted by a "curator". The curator first explains the rules: "don't tell anyone about this game", "always complete tasks, whatever they may be", "if you failed, you are excluded from the game forever and bad consequences await you", then the curator begins to issue tasks. There are usually about 50 tasks: one per day. This may be an allusion to Stace Kramer's novel 50 Days Before My Suicide. The curators demanded a photo report from the victims. The pictures had to be sent at 4:20 a.m. In the final, the player was allegedly forced to commit suicide.

The tasks themselves often teetered on the verge of idiocy - the curators asked to draw a whale on a piece of paper, cut the symbols #f40 and #f57 with a blade on arm, go out to greet the dawn on the roof, prick with a needle in their body all day or listen to scary audios. In one of the variations of the "Blue Whale", the teenager was informed on the 22nd task of the date of their death, after which they had to humble and swear allegiance to the game, and then wake up at 4:20 for 20 days, watch psychedelic videos and leave cuts on the arm.

To intimidate the players, the curators threw the player a link with a sniffer, a program that allows you to find out the IP address and approximate area of residence of the user. Teens was horrified by sniffers, especially when trying to leave the game. Curators sent them their home address and promise to kill their relatives. Because of this, some children did not dare to stop playing, although there is no evidence that any of them eventually reached the 50th task and committed suicide.

VK blocked access to the groups the pages of their administrators and thematic hashtags. Many who decided to join the game complained about the lack of messages from the curators. But numerous opponents of the "Blue Whale", calling themselves "dolphins", knocked on them. Their communities and general behavior model are essentially copied from the public "Sea of Whales", the administrator of which Philip Chelov in May 2016 tried to confront Philip Fox and his death groups.

-------------------------------------

Trolls quickly found the suicidal game, including the inhabitants of the anonymous image board "Dvach" (Russian equivalent of 4chan). Trolls have been massively entering the game from fake pages and sending curators absurd questions or catching them on contradictions. For example, they claimed that the whale scratched on the arm with a blade would not be blue, but red, they offered to use drugs together at 4:20 or presented as officers. Some threw sniffer links to the curators, found out their home address and scared the FSB special forces who had already left for them.

Thanks to the trolls, internet community and teens themselves have finally realized the truth: there is no cult in Russia that purposefully drives teenagers to suicide. Moreover, all anonymous curators of death games are often the same teenagers as their potential victims.

-------------------------------------

Novaya Gazeta journalists claimed that between 2015 and early 2016, about 130 children died while participating in the game, but the sources of this information are unknown. Both the journalists of Novaya Gazeta, who spread information about the phenomenon the most, and the journalists of other publications in their articles never provided any objective data on the number of victims of the game. This number of victims is not confirmed by goverment either. The game's popularity peaked in February 2017, when more than 800 users posted the hashtag #bluewhale, waiting for instructions.

The popularity of the Blue Whale is also linked to the death of Renata Palenkova, better known as Rina Palenkova, a schoolgirl who took a selfie before throwing herself under a train in November 23, 2015.

The news of the death groups sent the parents into a panic. They massively disseminated information about the blue whale and asked other parents to be more attentive with their children.

The popularity of the blue whale has spread to other countries. Among them were the countries of Europe and Asia closest to Russia, as well as countries abroad.

-------------------------------------

Roskomnadzor promised to check all the materials set out in the Novaya Gazeta article. On May 20, the Main Directorate of the Investigative Committee decided to initiate a criminal case on the grounds of a crime provided for incitement to suicide.

On November 15, 2016, one of the defendants in the case, the administrator of a number of communities, Philip "Fox" Budeikin, was detained. He and a number of his accomplices are charged with driving at least 15 teenagers to suicide. On the eve of his arrest, Philip Budeikin gave an interview where he stated that he suffers from bipolar disorder. However, a forensic psychiatric examination found him sane. His goal was to purge society of bio trash. On July 17, 2017, court sentenced Philip for driving minors to suicide using social networks to imprisonment for a period of 3 years and 4 months in a penal colony.

-------------------------------------

Since June 7, 2017, Russia has had a law on criminal liability for the creation of death groups, providing for up to 6 years in prison. It is still not clear whether the blue whale had victims, because it is difficult to establish due to the panic that arose at the time, where any suicide was attributed to death groups. Even the famous Rina is not a victim of the instigation of the curator.

[fantompebbles]

That time of year is coming, and since I haven't seen the annual post yet: Taxes

If you're in the same income bracket as me (and let's be honest, we've been pretty good about chasing away the billionaires), you should NEVER use Turbotax

Turbotax pays a loot of money in lobbying to ensure that your taxes stay complicated, so that you have to use them to file your taxes. The thing is! The IRS has a webpage that helps you find a service to do your taxes for free! They aren't allowed to advertise it (Thanks Intuit), but it is the cheat code to make your April 15th so much easier.

Here is the IRS service

I have personally used FreeTaxUSA off of the IRS's recommendation and I highly recommend it.

Remember: Lobbying is Bribery under any other name, and the actions of Turbotax and other corporate lobbyists are contemptible. but at least taxes don't have to suck as much as they want it to

[vdvstuff-yes]

HI! I'm Vand/Vandrian!!!

STRAWPAGE

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!

will draw everything that I'll like! ask here or on strawpage

use he/they/it pronouns pls!

WARNING: selfharm, drugs, problematic things maybe

neutarlshiper, pro/comship friendly I think

AUs:

mental health hospital au (menth AT AU) imagine if fern was a psycho and finn was his mentally ill doctor!

grass demon's cult au

what if grass demon was different? what if his form was stable out of faith?

yc find my characters by "vnd characters" hashtag, I HAVE SONA!!

I ask you to NOT associate my stuff with finn and fern as brothers headcanon.

That's all!

[21october1986]

update on the recent assassination of brian thompson: unfortunately, it looks as though police are coming closer to catching the shooter. at around 12 pm est, photos of the shooter unmasked were released by investigators, and reportedly there have been fingerprints found on a water bottle the shooter dropped while fleeing the scene (although they are smudged).

[desireesart]

SPOILERS„InsideOut 2”

Personal opinion, experiences *

* The author is not an expert in criticism and presentation of thoughts.

I watched the „Inside Out 2”, And I cried at the end.

The way anxiety takes control, overriding other emotions for Riley's benefit... Creating new beliefs and memories that lead to nothing good.

It's all done so realistically, when Riley had a panic attack I started crying, I feel like the same thing is happening to me. Only that very moment when all the emotions come together, when joy saves Riley, never came...

I don't want to do anything, I don't want to know anything, I can't do anything... If only a happy ending would come for me when this condition lets me go.

As a person who experiences similar things, I can say with certainty that everything is shown PERFECTLY!

How joy takes “unnecessary” memories and sends them into the abyss...(Only in my case I forget both the bad and the good).

How anxiety plans future possible outcomes and you can't sleep.

The end is ideal, as anxiety would “freeze” at the control panel and cannot be removed... as even if you move it away, the state after it simply does not go away.

I like it Inside Out2 Just like the first part, I was afraid that the continuation might ruin everything, Yes, it seems to me that even more moments could have been added and the storage space was not enough for such a large idea..

I can’t imagine what will happen in part 3 if there is one, but I think it will turn out just as great as in the first and second cartoon!

I do not express my opinion as an expert 😅😅

But I think those who have already watched the cartoon will understand what I mean.

[ivvmell]

ayo! i think i need an info post, bc theres some questions im tired to answer

im ivvmell, but everyone can call me iva. any pronounces

comms closed

open to all kind projects/collabs(non-profit) and requests

ru/eng 🇦🇲, 18+, no dni

repost, using, etc only with credits

telegram//bluesky

nsfw only posts on telegram

[winged-eggers]

Introducing: Irunova and Kuitikkantra, Ancient lovers or besties or colleagues or whatever the fuck you know

Irunova is bold, brash, and tbh kind of a nosy ass sometimes. Despite the deliberate, elegant air it tends to put on, Irunova is pretty impulsive and is often quick to dive into new projects for the hell of it. If it gets in over its head uh no it didn’t, it meant to do that. 

Kuitikkantra (aka Tikka) might say it belongs in the trash, but that’s its anxiety talking. It’s kind of shy and doesn’t like face-to-face interaction so it genuinely has no fucking idea how it ended up with Irunova. Tikka likes to stay organized and prefers to carefully gather as much information as it can before getting into a situation, which… does not always happen when it is with Irunova! Whoops! But that’s ok

I drew these two so much during June and didn’t know how to introduce them so just take this for now lol

[everysabaku]

s2 EVERYSABAKU #freepalestine // not posting because im very very very sick

i gave up on the rant tag you have to deal with me

i rant a LOT more on @sabakushusband if you even care //j

check out my strawpage btw (guess when i got lazy)

donate and help @aliaish, @nevenfam

tba

[techramonic]

The Pinnacle of Self-Hatred: A Close-Reading on Elliot Rodger's Manifesto

“I named it the Day of Retribution. It would be a day in which I exact my ultimate retribution and revenge on all of the hedonistic scum who enjoyed lives of pleasure that they don’t deserve. If I can’t have it, I will destroy it. I will destroy all women because I can never have them. I will make them all suffer for rejecting me… And I will slaughter them like the animals they are.” (Rodger, 2014, p. 101)

On the Friday evening of May. 23, 2014, Elliot Rodger had perpetrated the Isla Vista Killings. A series of stabbings and shootings that claimed the lives of six people, injured fourteen, and concluded with his own death from a fatal self-inflicted gunshot wound on the head. Before this, Elliot was like any other normal teenager growing up.

As he mentioned in his own manifesto, he had a seemingly good childhood up until his parent’s divorce. Even until the separation, he still spent time with both sides of his family, maintaining the privilege to have access to many luxurious items such as a collection of designer clothes and even a BMW 328i. He traveled a lot, and at just the age of one, he had already traveled to France, Sussex, Malaysia (where his mother grew up), Spain, Greece, and California.

People on platforms such as Reddit often questioned why no one considered dating him at all. Elliot had also asked himself this question time and time again. In one of his youtube videos, entitled, “Why do girls hate me so much” he says:

“I’ve been attending college in Santa Barbara for two and a half years now, in those two and a half years I have experienced nothing but loneliness and misery, and my problem  is girls. There are so many beautiful girls here, but none of them give me a chance and I don’t know why. I don’t know why you girls are so repulsed by me.”

While it is easy to dismiss that Elliot solely acted upon his crime because he thought that girls were the problem, upon the surface where misogyny lies, there are layers upon layers of complexities that shaped his views. Elliot did not simply hate women and men who got with women he dreamed of, it was that ultimately, he hated himself—a hatred that manifested toward outward factors.

Elliot has exhibited a long string of stunted self-worth ever since he was a child, and while it is easy to throw around names like: monster and pure-evil; the fact remains: he is still considered a human amongst all those. One who is consumed by insecurity.

In understanding a crime, we must first examine the criminal and approach their case with empathy. Understanding the human aspect of these criminals does not however mean that one should excuse, dismiss, or condone their actions. Only understand the reasons behind their motivations. Here are some aspects I have noticed in his personality and life that may be able to better explain why.

MATERIALISM AND INSECURITY

In his manifesto entitled: “My Twisted World”, Elliot had confessed to having lived a good childhood. He was a nice kid who lived a nice life, up until his parent’s rocky divorce. While reading his manifesto, I have garnered his tendency to place his worth on materialistic things, moreso, his wealth. There were two instances of this on pages thirty to thirty-one of his manifesto. The first was when he was hesitant to invite his new friend from school over to his house because he was ashamed of his wealth:

“I was a bit hesitant to invite anyone from Pinecrest to my mother’s house, because it was located in Canoga Park, a bad area, and most of the kids at Pinecrest were upper-middle class who would look down on me for living there.”

On page thirty one of his manifesto, Elliot said that he was eager to receive an Xbox solely because many kids from his school wanted it:

“My mother bought me a brand new video game console, the Xbox. I heard a lot of kids talking about how great the Xbox was at school, so I was really eager to have one.”

This trait had continued on to his older years. In the same video where he questioned why girls disliked him so much, he stated:

“I do everything I can to appear attractive to you. I dress nice. I am sophisticated and magnificent. I have a nice car, a BMW.”

From this, it’s observable that Elliot tends to desire things just because other kids desire it too. This is rooted in his craving of validation and acceptance. This materialistic need for validation also transcended from mere objects to even his own appearance. Whenever he did not have what others had or wanted, he would be very ashamed of himself.

At the age of six, Elliot had moved to Topanga Elementary Charter School, a school based in California. The school has a thirty two per-cent minority rate, making seventy eight per-cent of the ethnicity population white. With the population being predominantly white, Elliot  had developed a view on the world that separates people by their differences: the “cool kids” and the “losers”. Mostly, Elliot described these cool kids as the higher-class, privileged, centered on attention, and white. 

“I realized, with some horror, that I wasn’t “cool” at all. I had a dorky hairstyle, I wore plain and uncool clothing, and I was shy and unpopular. I was always described as the shy boy in the past, but I never really thought my shyness would affect me in a negative way, until this point. This revelation about the world, and about myself, really decreased my self-esteem. On top of this was the feeling that I was different because I am of mixed race. I am half White, half Asian, and this made me different from the normal fully-white kids that I was trying to fit in with.”

He even dyed his hair blonde and tried to pick up on skateboarding because he thought it would make him appear more cool. On his manifesto he wrote:

“My first act was to ask my parents to allow me to bleach my hair blonde. I always envied and admired blonde-haired people, they always seemed so much more beautiful.” (Rodger, 2014, p. 17)

“I then started to notice that all of the cool kids were interested in skateboarding. I had never even ridden on a skateboard before, but if I wanted to be cool, I had to become a skateboarder.” (Rodger, 2014, p. 18)

This materialism had soon influenced his fixation on racial hierarchy. Elliot in his older years constantly demeaned and berated others of asian descent even if he was half-malaysian himself. To him, he considered whiteness as a prestige. On platforms such as reddit and facebook, he had made several negative comments regarding the appearance of some Asian men. 

A comment he had left on a reddit thread stated:

“Full Asian men are disgustingly ugly and white girls would never go for you. You’re just butthurt that you were born an asian piece of shit, so you lash out by linking these fake pictures. You even admit that you wish you were half white. You’ll never be half-white and you’ll never fulfill your dream of marrying a white woman. I suggest you jump off a bridge.” 

The paragraph entails Elliot calling out a man for linking fake pictures of himself. Elliot speculates that the man had done this because he wished he was white, then he tells him how he was not considered as attractive because he was simply born Asian. Elliot was also very fixated on his looks, specifically his height. He had repeatedly mentioned his envy of other boys and even girls who were taller than him.

On page fifteen of his manifesto, he wrote:

“As Fourth Grade started, it fully dawned on me that I was the shortest kid in my class – even the girls were taller than me. In the past, I rarely gave a thought to it, but at this stage I became extremely annoyed at how everyone was taller than me, and how the tallest boys were automatically respected more. It instilled the first feelings of inferiority in me, and such feelings would only grow more volatile with time.”

In other instances, he also noted that he was bullied for being physically weak and short, and often he would blame this solely on his descent. He saw being mixed as a form of inferiority because this made him “undesirable”.  His image of attractiveness is measured by euro-centric features: fair-skinned, blonde, blue eyes, and tall. In many instances, he changed parts of himself to better fit the narrative of being “cool”.

To him, it’s all a part of growing up and fitting in, but what he failed to see is that the more he takes and changes parts of himself for people to like him, the more it just makes him hollow. Elliot’s childhood and teen years, best summed up, is a fixation on trying to keep up with those who are higher on the social status ladder and this continued to his later years. 

EARLY EXPOSURE TO PORNOGRAPHY AND SEXIST MEDIA 

Elliot was lonelier during his teen years, at 13 years old, he stopped having contact with his only friends because they started having their own separate lives together, making him spend more time alone by himself (Rodger, 2014, p. 38). This was when Elliot recounted his first-time exposure to pornography by catching a teenager watch it in an arcade called Planet Cyber.  He re-called it as a traumatizing experience, confused on why such an explicit thing would be considered as “love”. Despite this, his innocence was damaged by this accidental exposure. Though he did feel aroused, he was more guilty and confused.

“One time while I was alone at Planet Cyber, I saw an older teenager watching pornography. I saw in detail a video of a man having sex with a hot girl …  I didn’t know anything about sex at the time. I barely even knew what sex was. I was slowly starting to develop sexual feelings for hot girls, but I didn’t know what to do with them. To see this video really traumatized me. I had no idea what I was seeing… I couldn’t imagine human beings doing such things with each other. The sight was shocking, traumatizing, and arousing. All of these feelings mixed together took a great toll on me. I walked home and cried by myself  for a bit.” (Rodger, 2014, p. 38-39)

This was the pinnacle of Elliot’s misery. A kid who searched for validation with his looks, now searched for it in sexual gratification as well. He only found himself loved if people flocked over to him. Furthermore, he had this distorted mindset that his worth is only measured by how many girls he could get and how fast he'd lose his virginity. This can be akin to the stereotypical portrayals of boys in media that often influenced teens and their concept of self-worth: the "cool" guys having lots of girls, while nerds and "losers" have none.

With this type of thinking, he tried his best to gain things that he thought women would like, yet he did little to no effort to actually get to know them and socialize. He believed that just because he had what others wanted or did not, people would love him. According to his friends, they thought he was almost always one-sided, expecting women to just swoon over him because he has things that are desirable.

ENTITLEMENT

Furthermore, despite his initial pleasant middle school years at Pinecrest High, such as dancing with a girl during a school dance (Rodger, 2014, p. 29), socializing eventually became difficult for Elliot. Often, this is because of  his appearance, where he experienced bullying because of his height. According to his friends, he barely talked to women but still complained no woman wanted to talk to him. 

Elliot was easily persuaded and subjected to peer-pressure because he had no clear identity. He always followed what was the trend because it made him feel less insecure about himself, since it was what he thought the people accepted and desired.

Despite his insecurities, Elliot had a fine record for being privileged, which he used to his advantage to "fix" certain qualities in himself that he deemed undesirable. Ever since he was younger, he often used his wealth to modify certain aspects of himself, even the smallest things: dyeing his hair blonde, purchasing designer clothes to appear more attractive and rich, purchasing mass amounts of body-building pills, and only picking up hobbies such as skateboarding and basketball solely because he found them useful in climbing up the social ladder.

Elliot also had a strong dislike for people who did not support his motivations. He expressed a strong resentment toward is step-mother, Soumaya, because of her assertive nature. He considered his dad to be “weak” for following her orders around, when in truth, she was only trying to teach Elliot a lesson about independence. 

“Not only did she kick me out of father’s house, but she forbade me to go there even for a short visit. And still, father didn’t do anything about it. Father kept saying that the house is her house as much as his, and that she has the right to kick me out. No! I am the eldest son! The house should be MY house before hers! This caused any respect I still had for my father to fade away completely. It was such a betrayal, to put his second wife before his eldest son. What kind of father would do that? The bitch must be really good to him in bed, I figured. What a weak man.” (Rodger, 2014, p. 62)

At his step-mother’s insistence, Elliot began looking for a job and eventually found work from a family friend who offered him a job for a house construction project. He felt more comfortable with it, seeing the job as helping rather than typical employment. After getting his driver’s license, Elliot enrolled in summer classes at Moorpark College but struggled with attendance, again, due to his jealousy of campus couples.

He dropped out midway through, briefly worked as a janitor at an airport office, and quit after one day. Knowing his mother would be upset, he re-enrolled at Moorpark but eventually dropped out again (Rodger, 2014, p. 70). Upon learning of Elliot’s decision to drop out again, his parents decided he would move to Santa Barbara, where he would live alone in an apartment paid for by his mother, receive a $500 monthly allowance from his father, and enroll in classes at Santa Barbara Community College (Rodger, 2014, p. 77). 

CONCLUSION

Elliot is very persistent on the idea that to be accepted, he needed to be loved, when in truth, he couldn't bear to accept himself. No one has absolutely any obligation to love someone because the other sees it as a form of validation. Self-worth comes from yourself, not from others. Due to Elliot’s constant fixation on trying to be accepted, he lost the identity that made him authentic and genuine. He lost what other people could not give him: self-worth.

Concluding, Elliot Rodger is a complex individual that cannot be summed up to one set character. He is not solely “pure evil”, he is a person with a background that influenced his decisions. He is not less deserving of humanity or empathy because just like others, he had also felt humane emotions. With criminals, it is always important to remember that to understand a certain event or phenomena of crime, we also have to understand not just the perpetrator that the media portrays, which is often easily pushed into a oversimplified narrative of “pure evil”; we must also consider the genuine person behind the crime. 

While it is important to recognize that these are profoundly disturbed individuals who must be held accountable for their actions, it is also crucial to understand that despite their crimes, they still remain human. Although, this does not mean that his background excuses or condones his actions. It only provides a framework to comprehensively understand both the case and the criminal behind it. 

[mushroomnoodles]

babyposting. size comparison of the kiddos both as golbspawn and as humans, newborns.

bonus: names, AGAB, and extra/hypo genes (like if they were wizardbettys kids):

X means there's no AGAB, born like a ken doll

[burningreactor]

Alex/Sasha, 27, M, Rus/Eng

Im toxic, stinky, weird, old and dont give a fuck. Feel free to follow, unfollow, be my hater or friend. Just have fun on the grave of my successful life.

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