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autism loss! i asked somebody if they wanted to watch a movie with me and they said that i can never just watch a movie and get on with my life and instead get fixated on it and said it's annoying
#man </3 feelings: hurt#they know i'm autistic idk what they want me to say. like yeah. that's me#i barely even talk about my interests with people irl anyway ???#man. whateverrrr#vent#i guess ?
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💀: Fewer wounds, more kisses from me.
🐦⬛: Contract's accepted, mi amor.
Music inspiration: A Little Death by The Neighbourhood
#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#dragon age the veilguard#datv#lucanis dellamorte#emmrich volkarin#lucanis x emmrich#emmrich x lucanis#old man yaoi#i kinda dont want to link the part 1 so you can see it on my blog#i know ive done this neck kissing artwork many times lo#what can i say neck is very delish#if you have any fic to share based on my artwork do dm me#im happy to read and definitely share the link on my ao3 also#aight i feel good after 3 days working on this art#neck kisses#hurt/comfort#Whether they end up in dining table 🫣 or they just snuggled up in Emmrich’s cozy room 🥺💕.Choose your own story ☺️
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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The best part about the bingqiu epic-misunderstandings-era during the jin lan city arc is that it works so well BECAUSE luo binghe is genuinely scary and unnerving at times. I think he should have been SCARIER actually. The dreadful feeling of inevitability that justice will be enacted upon you by the protagonist and his presumably world warping powers and persuasion should be utilized MORE!
#“b-but he's too scary! having a moment of doubt the love interest would actually hurt the main character is toxic!”#BUT THATS WHAT MAKES IT SO GOODDDDD#hes returned from hell 3 years earlier. manipulates and charms his way into gongyi xiao's position in about a YEAR!#keeps such a tight ship of the whole huan hua sect that it isnt leaked to other sects that hes been alive this whole time for a whole YEAR!!#and now hes BACK and hes CHARMING and everyone LOVES HIM and it makes no SENSE.#it doesnt make sense to be this influential in a short amount of time but it absolutely does because hes the PROTAGONIST!!!!#the world's logic is his!! he is fate and fate loves him!!! the inevibility of the protagonist!!! fate!! aaaaaaaahhhhh!!!#and hes so gentle and smiling the whole time. what a wonderful and upstanding young man. what beauty and grace💖💖💖#sorry i just have a lot of feelings#throwaway post#svsss#scum villains self saving system#luo binghe
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the depth of self-awareness homelander showed in the new episode (s4e5) is mind boggling. and the fact that he did not get defensive over his manipulation of ryan, trying to excuse his previous actions, but instead he recognised the manipulation for what it was and corrected his behaviour while also acknowledging his wrongdoings out loud?
when ryan said that he wants to help people, you can see that john was not happy with that decision, because he doesn’t believe people deserve saving. and, from john’s perspective, when humans only showed him violence and manipulation and anguish since the little age, he is right. but if that’s what ryan wants, then he will support him, even if this suggestion makes him deeply uncomfortable and challenges his views and evokes the trauma. john will try because he no longer wants to be the same tormentor to ryan as his own “family” was to him.
absolutely incredible improvement, it makes his character so much more likable. the self-reflection was a very unexpected touch.
homelander really wants to be a better parent to ryan than the lab team was to him. and maybe he can even be that parent. we can only wait and see if he can really keep his promise and not fall in another vicious cycle.
#someone give this man a therapist#john is not a lost cause#ryan is the only genuine connection homelander ever had in his life and i believe the thought of losing ryan hurts more than the trauma#john has already changed for ryan he made so many different choices and decisions because of ryan#the boys season 4#author is becoming a homelander apologist#i despised him with all my guts for 3 seasons but now i just cant bring myself to feel that way anymore#how can homelander be sympathetic to the struggles of others when he was tortured for 15 years and nobody ever cared?#the boys spoilers#the boys analysis#homelander#john homelander#ryan butcher#the boys meta#homelander meta#the boys tv
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family visit 🏝️
(ghosts can be haunted too)
[Scala script translation in alt text]
#my art#khdr#xehanort#ephemer#khux player#the small eph and xeha art piece that somehow turned into a comic#I hope I’ve pulled on your heartstrings in at least 3 different ways :)#I have so many thoughts about eph being stuck in some kind of limbo#whether it was intentional or not he watches over everybody#all his descendants can sense him to some degree but they can only /see/ him when they’re very young#xehanort is like this. but since he’s more sensitive maybe he’d feel eph’s presence even if he can’t see him#like even as a teen and adult#and the way he wished to meet eph (and the others) even as an old man; endlessly chasing those dreams he had as a kid 😭#why’d they give us that mirror scene man. hurtful.#and on the other hand eph has been ‘alive’ for so long he loses track of time; it’s all one big circle to him#yearghh. that’s my tag ramble for the day#my posts#timeless familia#aeon oc#khx player
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House's tendency to rationalize feelings away and being frustrated at himself for still feeling them. It's hurting me 😢
At the end of 05x04 Birthmarks he did a paternity test... And even after it turned out that John wasnt his father, he was still drinking his whiskey, because it didn't mean anything that John wasn't his biological father, because things are still the same.
He's still sad, he's still depressed. The dipshit of a man passing still made him sad. And the thought that he can't even rationalize it away as hatred upsets him. And so he drinks.
And to that Wilson said no one can choose their parents... Because House rejects John as his paternal figure and yet deep inside, House still called him his dad.
#i think everything he said at John's eulogy was real. he meant every word#of course if his mother wasnt there he would be a lot meaner#but he meant it.#house pushes people away because hes scared of being hurt#hes an asshole because nobody connects with an asshole and thus everyone is at arms length at best#and yet when people leave him he still mourns#his ducklings from season 3#wilson in season 5#and even that dipshit of a man john house#and idk its. it makes me sad#it just doesnt have to be this way#i want him to chase happiness and i want him to be happy#instead he just refuses it because happiness is associated with pain#because everyone leaves him in the end#im so sad#house md#gregory house#greg house#doctor house#not to say that people cant reject their parents and feel no remorse for their death#its just that house... that sensitive man#that depressed fearful man#he cant do that. because deep down he craves that connection#he wishes his father were better. he wishes he was the man his father wanted him to be#which makes it even more painful to observe
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kids when they hear that their dad is back in town VS. kids when theyre hanging out with a conman that accidentally stole their wallet once
im not even joking btw
bonus heres me being crazy about them in dms ^^^
#mob psycho 100#mp100#shou suzuki#sho suzuki#reigen arataka#i know sho doesnt actually BELIEVE his dad is back but even just that split second reaction is a weird one to have over your dad coming bac#he was like 'say sike rn... wait that aint right.'#shou watching them on the bottom floor while being isolated up in the corner at the end of the third stage play. and saying#'it's nice that they're so easygoing.' all wistfully???? im killing somebody#reigen calling him a poor thing and worrying about him DESPITE knowing his mischievous ways. ugh#gonna quote my reaction to clip rq#'bro [shou] heard him [reigen] talking about guardianship over children and making sure theyre safe over anything else and was like-#'this is getting too real for me i gotta make fun of him immediately.''#idc WHAT yall think to ME that was such a thick layer of defense mechanism that even though reigen's guardianship speech wasnt directed#at Sho he still felt the intrinsic urge to shoot back because of what hes experienced with people who are SUPPOSED to be protecting him.#would yall believe me if i told you i am totally insane#there are SO MANY THINGS. woven into their interactions that really enhance it#its totally silly! yes! but also! it is a legitimate ARC of GROWTH within their relationship! we watch as Sho starts off#with no trust in the man at all (although for a pretty good reason)#and over time he realizes hes NOT total shitbag#of course this doesnt mean hes completely vulnerable with him. its easy to infer that his distrust in certain people is formed from#a lifetime of being let down and incapability of dependency on certain trusted adults. his defense must be so heavily built up#even after gaining some sort of trust from Shou Reigen will NOT be exempt from his impish defense mechanisms.#sho will not make himself emotionally available as he would then be open to being hurt by someone else he thought could trust#his 'carefree and prankish' behavior is the wall between himself and such an intense feeling of disappointment and hurt and loneliness#but i like to think hes also just silly. hehe#man that stage play huh. shoots every fatal drug directly into my bloodstream#shou's trust and father issues VS stupid conman who has the common sense to not let children be beat up by grown ass adults. who will win.#i mightve forgotten something but. i think this is pretty packed full already so i am pleased. thank you for reading <3#meowmeow art
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thank you WH update for confirming that Wally breathes. i really thought he didnt <3
#but also fuck it for confirming that bc it sounds like hes in pain and it hurts my shriveled heart#(keep it up the pain is top tier <3 hurt him more. but also dont. but Do. i want the emotional agony attached)#but uhhhhh seriously tho i did Not expect breathing to be in his library of skills#absolutely unprompted#welcome home#'why is that' i hear one person passively wonder#well considering that he doesnt sleep. and he doesnt eat normally - one could argue that he Doesnt eat either.#and how he Knows hes a puppet.#i really thought he wouldnt feel an innate need to keep up a charade of 'breathing' like the others who are Unaware!#BUT IT TURNS OUT ITS NOT A CHARADE AHAHA#THEY KINDA NEED TO APPARENTLY! at least i can assume so#but i was Genuinely surprised to hear wally's labored breathing in his hidden record audios#i almost paused the first one i heard to go 'what??? he can breathe??'#i had convinced myself of it so Thoroughly that i need to edit some stuff in my brain#bc oh boy i had Thoughts completely centered on that#oh well! into the fire they go!!#im happy for him. puppet man gets to enjoy the annoyance that is breathing
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cant stop thinking about this silly dog i saw on twitter the other day, reminded me of him for some reason. The Animal 🐖
#i would link a source but it was a repost account so. idk whose ouppy this is im so sorry#also FIRST TABLET DRAWING RAAAAAAAUGH 💥💥💥 MY HAND HURTS SO FUCKING BAD FKJDHG#i gotta get used to holding a pen like that...#my arm keeps doing muscle memory Dont Touch The Screen thing but. it's ok relax man this isnt even a touchscreen#you can rest ur arm it's fine#it's so funny that desktop medibang was so hard to get used to bc i genuinely just didnt understand the software#was anyone gonna tell me you can move the red square to move your view... i've been using the scroll bars this whole time#WAS ANYONE GONNA TELL ME I FORGOT MY FUCKING PEN CORRECTION-#NO WONDER MY LINES FOR THIS SKETCH WERE SO SHAKY KGJFHG#also i forgot to fix the anti-aliasing so umm just pretend this is pixels like usual ok.. i couldnt tell#i dont have my glasses on and the screen is juuuuust a bit blurry anyways. didnt notice till i zoomed in to do his eye </3#yay doodle <3 i love coloring on this thing it's so fun#awa#umm im gonna leave this nonrebloggable for now bc i feel nervous for some reason#might change it later bc this was really fun
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daniel larusso & terry silver / the smallest man who ever lived
#daniel larusso#cobra kai#terry silver#the karate kid 3#tkk3#the karate kid#giddy up girls it's hurt/no comfort o'clock#i don't even like the first half of this song but goddamn... the second half just grabbed me and wouldn't let go#and said 'this is about terry and daniel'#everything about daniel's reaction to silver in ck season 4&5 is just so heartbreaking to me. the anger. the grief. the guilt.#the absolute terror in his face. the unspoken implications. it's all so heavy to me. the sauna scene alone... jesus christ#i have so many feelings about tkk3#terry silver i will rip out your blood vessels with my bare hands#the smallest man who ever lived#pinkgrapefloyd#pinkgrapefloydedit#also i'm sorry the ck screencaps are so much worse than the tkk ones. these were the best ones i could find#web weaving
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If feels strange me when Tim and Jason's throat slits get compared and called similar
#like. theyre both neck injures by a fellow member of the family and thats um. thats it?#tim never knew jason or even liked him. for one. for two. tim could still move after it#because it was more a press of a blade against the skin than it was. a flying cut through that may have sliced an artery (so much blood)#idk man. it just feels. mmm. weird#i dont like when they get compared because theres not much too compare. and MOST of the time its done for more#'jason hurting poor small child time drake who is so traumatized by it and it was exactly like the batarang incident for jason </3'#yknow??#its rude to both their characters#the batarang incident was MAJOR for jason it was like his first death all over again#and tim... augh... why does he keep being made so weak and small and the number 1 jason fan#for him that throat slit was probably just another tuesday#then again. people who compare the injuries also say it happened in the tower. and have him call tim “replacement”. so.
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it can’t be real it can’t be real it can’t be real it can’t be real it can’t be real it can’t be real it ca
#HE’S NOT A DOG PERSON.#HE’S NOT#man i can’t believe gege akutami would just lie like that :///////#LISTEN#I KNOW HE’S A CAT PERSON.#just trust me#wow i will actually block this information out entirely that’s crazy#he’s a cat person 🙏🙏🙏 idc idc#the way i feel more devastated than i did when he [ REDACTED ]#gojo satoru is not a dog person . my brain rejects the very concept#this was the worst news to wake up to why does my heart hurt so much </3#ari noises ✩
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There are only two episodes left in The Boys S4, but having seen the leaks and with what we got, I have some opinions.
My conspiracy theory is that they got too many cooks in the kitchen (writers in the writer’s room)—plus the writer’s strike and pandemic happening during this time—and it’s starting to make sense how they dropped the ball with this season.
#the boys#the boys tv#the boys amazon#the boys season 4#the boys season four#S1-3 is like a sharp honed blade (with occasional misses) whereas S4 swings a lot but misses their target#I like a handful of things (Antony Starr and Karl Urban are CARRYING the season for me)#God; Antony’s back must hurt from carrying the show so hard (give the man an Emmy)#but there are so many more moments in the show that falls flat for me#my interest in the secondary cast is virtually nonexistent (and this is coming from a person who likes them all)#I do not care about Joe; I do not care about the Frenchie & Colin B-plot; I do not care about Annie’s randomly thrown in abortion (???)#there’s a lotta wasted character moments and unnecessary fluff they should’ve cut out to laser focus in on the main plot#the character moments do not hit as hard as the writers hoped they did (it feels like they just threw random darts & hoped they hit)#this season feels like a waste of time :/ which is unfortunate#I like edgy dark humor & satire as the next guy—but it’s gotta advance the plot or be used for a purpose other than shock value#it doesn’t help that you get the sense a couple script decisions is a result of Kripke wanting to work with ppl he wants to work with again#which—fair enough; it’s his show—he can do whatever he wants#but I get a weird feeling when he throws in celebrity cameos & their B-plots instead laserfocusing on the main characters#I hope they tighten the story in the final season 5#they focused too much on the wrong things and not on the right things (seriously?? not showing Butcher taking the V??? making it offscreen?)#and the tentacles instead of making Butcher’s powers ironically parallel the very man he hates :/#the obvious Venom symbiote parody is not as funny or cool as you think it is (when you had a VERY cool premise before)
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the ouija board has arrived
#gravity falls#bill cipher#IM FREAKIN OUT MAN#i cannot believe i own this thing. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god.#i was freaking out all day waiting for it to arrive. when the doorbell rang i finally understood how my dog feels when someones at the door#it does not have any blacklight messages tragically#this is now officially the coolest thing i own and if my apartment ever catches on fire i will lose an arm before i let this thing get hurt#ive made an official gravity falls section on my shelves#keeping it and journal 3 close together so that i can grab them both and then dive out the window in case of emergency#gus fring is there too bc i love him#headless ford is still headless. thatll be remedied at some point.#ough look at how beautiful it is 🥹🥹🥹🥹#thank you alex hirsch thank you thank you thank you thank you#he still hasnt dmed me back with my grunkle stan recording though ���🙄🙄 smh alex hirsch ghosting me#life is crazy rn yall
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its a really big bummer to see the mass success of bg3, to see how many artists and players alike have enjoyed this game and yet, somehow, almost every time, wyll is magically not mentioned or drawn, featured in a video, hes not adored or hated
so far the fandom just generally acts like hes not even there. and it makes me sad to see the single black companion get this level of people ignoring him, his arc, his personality, even just people disliking or hating him
instead the only thing that caught any wind was how quickly a mod came out to make wyll white. how fucking sad.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#look i know there are others who also like wyll i know#but its the sheer level where he is fully ignored as a character that absolutely sends me#ive seen ppl rage at hating gale and shadowheart- ive seen the adoration for karlach and astarion#but theres no sense of emotion for wyll#its like people just ... i dunno i doubt its purposeful but it just /feels/ like racism#theres only one black man - the rest of your companions are white - and hes the ONLY ONE out of the ENTIRE PARTY thats just ignored?#hes such a goofball - yet he takes himself so seriously - his romance scenes were so touching - theres so much to wyll ...#karlach and wyll are such a good pair to have running together bc they are both good people who want to do good#i just ... i dunno. makes my heart hurt to see the only black character get shoved into oblivion
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