#making myself as hard to ignore as possible

[beeseverywhen]

@staff @changes @wip

I have sent feedback today expressing my concerns around recent changes to posts. Removing icons will have a serious impact on my ability to remember who is reblogging what and frankly, is the kind of change that would make me reconsider using this site. As it stands I still have icons on my app and so I will be staying for now, but my desktop site has been made functionally useless thanks to this change.

In the feedback I submitted, I mentioned my concerns that tumblr is not considering the impact of changes like these to disabled users. Accessibility is not an optional extra. There are regulations in place in many of the countries that tumblr operates in protecting the rights of disabled people when changes are being made to services. Changes should not be being made without consideration of the impact they may have on disabled users of this site. As tumblr should know from recent dealings with New York city's commission on human rights, when civil protections are not taken in to consideration, and efforts are not made to counter bias within companies, there can well be a monetary cost.

I should think that after the recent settlement, eyes will be on tumbr, looking for any similar mistakes going forward. It would appear to me, that tumblr is standing on dangerous ground when it comes to any form of discrimination, and now is not the time for any kind of pattern to emerge.

I'm going to crosspost my concerns both in this post, the feedback, and in asks to official blogs. I hope to receive a reply addressing these concerns and it is my hope that any reply is not nearly as dismissive as those I have seen myself and others receive in relation to accessibility concerns in the past. I don't think it is at all amiss for me to remind staff that when it comes to legal protections against discrimination, willful negligence is not considered to be any kind of defence.

[carpetbug]

more Duvet brain rot! Gotta have a lie at the ready when you time travel to take care of your literal inner child 🐇

and a bonus

[silverislander]

already did a coming out post abt it so this wont really be a huge revelation or anything, but bc i feel significantly more sure of it by now: i'm demisexual

[tamagotchikgs]

my mom said my cats cant live with us in the trailer which . i just can’t do that man i cant live w/o them they are my only reason for getting up everyday,..... they’re the only thing i have irl that makes me smile or feel any amount of joy or anything whatsoever. i wonder if i could get my own used trailer too,,,,, i was looking & there r RVs for 12k,, if only i could get hired somewhere maybe i could afford it by summer :(

[arolesbianism]

I may be failing my plan to not make any isat aus. So there's this guy her name is Euphrasie right. What if I took her and combined what could be 3 separate au concepts into one. And in the process forced myself to go back and reread a bunch of shit to make sure I know how to maximally fuck over this sad wet puppy of a woman

[retiredcultistredux]

Zan, Are you doing alright? Was that some of Ester's Magic?

Zan: "His ability to get into people's minds can cause quite a headache...and the more you start to believe the lies he tries to show and tell you, the further you deteriorate...though...I know it's not real. ...But focusing so hard on trying to resist...trying to ignore it when it's so loud...it isn't doing much to stop the pain..."

[genekies]

screaming in the club

time for another vent in tags

[woolydemon]

I am cursed with the burden of liking so many things but not having energy to make art for all the things I like 😭

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[izzy-b-hands]

Cancelled the in person interview for today after discussing phone interview with Mum and Housemate last night (and the numerous red flags and cost of the lyft there and back for a job that ultimately the place wouldn't be able to convince me to take if offered, bc the general consensus was 'this is literally likely to be as bad as the current job BUT with the added cost of lyfts back and forth that they wouldn't be paying enough to offset, why on earth would you (me) take this job lmaooooo')

Which works out good bc the ongoing Mum trauma stuff is hitting hard as soon as I've woken and maybe I can get the Big Cry out today. Or write down any of the memories that have been playing on repeat in my mind

(with all this said, yes, I still asked and do legitimately care abt my mum's opinion and experience with jobs despite this; yes it feels weird; no I don't know how healthy that is or not lmao but I'm gonna lean towards Not Healthy bc im discovering that the work my previous doc did certainly uncovered this codependency and trauma which absolutely was a great help but like...we didn't actually really untangle any of it so I could try and untangle myself from my mum, even from 1600+ miles from one another. So. probably not healthy.)

[doctor-who-war-doctor]

Finding out your closest friends that live near you don't respect your needs and probably yourself is always really fun to learn! Like definitely not a gut punch at all guys!!

Update its actually most of my one and only friend group! Wow! Fuck me I guess!

[bassciven]

like it’s not about all the little things that i keep saying are pissing me off. it’s the fact that i continuously feel like an afterthought in my own relationship because she’s too wrapped up in her own thoughts in her own head to notice the world around her and act like she isn’t the only one in it.

[vamptastic]

I always thought of diabetes as a thing you either Have or Don't but I looked into it a bit and man I was like extremely close to being diabetic before medication and literally follow the same treatment as type 2 diabetics (metformin and blood sugar monitoring). Hell if I had another blood test before starting the meds I may have been considered diabetic medically. Anyway I had the worst blood sugar crash of my Fucking Life tonight and had do the test it, drink orange juice, test again to be able to go to bed safely and it all just sucks. I don't want to deal with this happening for the rest of my life.

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

*rattling the bars of my cage and screaming*

I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF MY HEALTH I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO ASK FOR HELP IN A WAY THAT WILL LET ME BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY

[hemi-demi]

I've seen it said in places that Jon and Martin's relationship (specifically Jon realizing he has feelings for Martin) feels rushed and out of nowhere, and there's a perspective here that I want to share.

I think some people see them as explicitly a gay couple and expect them both to react a certain way to each other, but I have some thoughts as to why Jon is different and their relationship might not look like a traditional MLM story.

I feel that Jon's affections for Martin are absolutely there and growing over time, but with him being acespec, possibly autistic (the "I feel...sad" moment screams alexithymia to me. He doesn't fully understand his internal feelings until they're too big to ignore), and trying very hard to not get murdered for several seasons, I think it's perfectly reasonable his feelings for Martin would take time to develop.

We do see him softening to Martin over time. We see him thinking about Martin unprompted when he's alone. We see him going from "this man is going to ruin this delicate facade I've put up to seem professional, and I want him gone immediately." to "Oh, you're actually capable. So capable you might be trying to kill me." To "I don't want him to get involved or he might get hurt. I need to keep my distance so he's safe." To "I'm going to make myself tea out of nowhere because the guy who usually made it for me all the time isn't here and now it's part of my routine and I want to keep that part of him around while I'm hiding out for murder."

But once he identifies his own feelings, he overcorrects right into hopeless romantic. He's pining hard all S4, because he finally realized himself that he's in love and it's at the worst possible time. It is abrupt. Dude only just figured it out and he's throwing his whole ass into this.

I think even without the autistic headcanon, the acespec nature of how he views relationships and his whole "I feel...sad" moment indicates clearly that he was just oblivious to his own feelings for a very long time.

I know it feels sudden, but some of us are oblivious, okay? I was friends with a girl for 2 years before my brain flipped the switch and Jon's reaction felt so familiar, and I love it. I just hardly ever get to see "me" in media, and it's a bummer when people say it feels unrealistic. It's not, it's just not the norm.

[headspace-hotel]

having a lot of thoughts about "Things being Hard" and what that means

Being told that I need to do hard things in life, with no further elaboration of what that meant, has always been very distressing for me. Even when I was a tiny kid, I felt everything was so hard, and the future felt exhausting and terrifying

I have had this intense dread of what i might be made to endure, and worse, what I might be capable of surviving—because not being externally damaged by my suffering would mean it was normal and I had to feel it forever

Recently I did something HARD, but it was not the kind of HARD i always imagined people's advice to mean.

The kind of hard I always understood: going to a doctor's appointment, ignoring my own feelings to force myself to do a procedure that seemed horrible and unacceptable to me. The task of experiencing incredible suffering. (I always felt incredible guilt and shame when I could not force myself to do something.)

The new and unfamiliar kind of hard: making the doctor's appointment, carefully exploring my own feelings to determine what I want from it and what procedures I would and would not be comfortable with, writing down my feelings and boundaries and preparing to communicate and defend them. The task of opening the box where the trauma is locked up, feeling those feelings physically, accepting that the negative experiences and feelings of aloneness in that were traumatic, and setting out with determination to make a positive experience where I feel safe.

The first kind of hard is where enduring it feels like a deep erosion of my right to be a person, a torture where I have to feel ashamed and guilty forever that I want everything to not hurt as much

the second kind of hard feels like working on a skill with intense effort and frustration, feeling a crude beginning of mastery form—and experiencing it in relation to mental health is NEW.

I went to the appointment, when for so long I couldn't go to the doctor cause I was too scared! It was possible because I went to extensive lengths to make sure I was comfortable and felt safe.

In the past, it would have seemed that was AVOIDING the hard thing, and shameful, but it was still a hard thing—but it was a completely different hard. It was the hard of self-compassion, not the hard of self-cruelty.

I thought...When they said doing hard stuff is good for you, is this the kind of hard they meant all along?